BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 8 - International Foot Flaps

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

Welcome to the Church of Dirty Boys and Girls! Pierre Novellie and Phil Wang discuss letters and technology, foot flaps, pedicures, sleeping formally, self-discipline, original sin and we do some AWESOME listener emails with even more OKAY THANK YOU. Also featuring hymns, a sermon and a song about omelettes. Get in touch! Email us [e-mail] or @thebudpod on Twitter! And don't forget to give us an Uber five stars on iTunes! Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I am now recording the second international episode of Budpod. How are you, Philip? I am good. I am well. Do we have to do like a clap to sync this up? No, that won't work at all. An international clap. A clap across the world. The clap heard by the world what was it what was the the the clap heard across the world it would be the clap heard across the world like in Lexington yeah

yeah I'm okay it is now 11 quarter past 11 at night what time is it were you up here it's quarter past two in the goddamn afternoon. That's incredible. That's extraordinary. It's sort of something that, like, you always know the time difference,

but it is genuinely mind-blowing, and it doesn't seem like it should be allowed. Well, we're not supposed to know about it, are we, really? We're not supposed to know about it. are we really? We're not supposed to know about it. We were never meant to know about, about time zones.

We were never meant to know. We were never supposed to know. And we were never supposed to be able to travel so quickly that our, our bodies got sick. It just won't stop. Yeah. Yeah. Even like birds don't really get it right because they just they still have to travel in real time yeah they have to adjust like if you had to sail from london to australia by the time you got to australia you'd be like yeah i get it yeah and you still have no way of computing time differences because you wouldn't be able to, like, call home

and ask your friend how sunny it is. Imagine the sort of 1800s version of that, like writing in a letter. My dear sir, what time is it where you are currently? Dear sir, what time is it where you are currently? As I write to you now, it is currently 3pm after luncheon. No way, sir. Here, it is 3 o'clock in the morning. Your letter woke me. Sorry to write to you so late. I hope this hasn't woken you up.

And then they write back, No, no, I was up. Ha ha ha. In a letter, are you awake? W-U-U-2. Stop. Stop. Yeah, it's mad. And it's mad that we can do this now just with,

like, I have every piece of equipment I need to conduct this trans-global production on my bed, and there's still so much space on my bed. It's insane. Yeah, I mean, 40 years ago, we would both have had to have been in the CIA to do this. Yeah, and even then we'd have to go to a building, and there'd be a janitor there who would have to let us in.

Did that tell you about when I was interviewed on the World Service? No. Yeah, so when you're interviewed on the World Service, you're basically, you don't like go to a place and meet an interviewer. They're just like these hubs in every major city where the BBC World

Service has a little studio. So I was just like given an address. It was like I was this cold war spy i was told an address to be at at a certain time and i got there and there was just like a security guard i sat on his own inside and i just knocked on the door and he looked at me oh yeah and let me in and i waddled in and i was like yeah i'm phil wang i'm here for an interview and he's like yes yes and he just led me to a booth where I sat on my own. And he closed the curtain.

And he said, put on those earphones. And I picked up these, like, 1980s earphones, put them over my head. And he said, and just wait for him to say your name. And so I put on the earphones. And I'm just listening to the World Service. And I realize I'm just tapped into the world service and I just have to wait for the world service to say my name and then I talk back and then that's just me on the world service that's ridiculous that's like something from

Winston Churchill's bunker it really is I just I felt like I was tapping in just tapping in spying in on the world Service and eventually getting caught. Like, Phil, are you listening? Oh, yeah. Oh, hello. And then we just conducted an interview. And then he said, thank you, Phil Wang. And now clam fishers in China, here in China, they're fishing a lot of clams.

And I just sat there for like 10 minutes listening about clams in China until I realized, oh, I just have to put these down and leave. And I just left. It's now my job to stop listening to the World Service. Yeah. That's amazing. on Twitter complaining to us about the quality of our last podcast episode because the miracle that was trans global recording and communication wasn't quite clear enough for some people. They were like, hey you know how we as human beings are the conquerors of all nature, time, and space?

Well, not enough! Not enough for me! For free! Our overwhelming victory over particle physics and the notion of space and time is drab and dull! Oh, I had my first pedicure! Whoa! I'm just looking at my feet. and the notion of space and time is drab and dull. Oh, I had my first pedicure. I'm just looking at my feet. Yeah, because I'm a modern man, pure. I'm a modern man.

You're a modern man and you've got a gut of foot to look at. What? How? Where did you go for this? They have... Well, women go to these places called nail saloons. And they sit around a bar and the bar men...

No, it's just in like... I think they were Thai. A Thai nail saloon place. I went with a couple of comedians who were women. And I was the only man in the entire place including the staff uh and i i just i just had the feet of someone who has never had a pedicure before so i just got them to give me the works and they just scraped the skin off my feet they clipped my

toenails i felt like a byzantine king and king! And they just got literally little scoops out, just like scooping the sides of my toenails. I think it's called cuticles, but as far as I could tell they're just scooping flesh out of my toes. I just had to hope I didn't need. I guess I don't need that flesh. All these years I've been walking around with this flesh between my toenails and my feet that I thought was necessary, but it turns out, no. You were there just thinking,

well, I hope that's not anything to do with my balance. I think that you were lucky, Phil, to not go to one of those nail saloons that's full of cowboys playing cards with perfectly manicured hands. Yeah. Yeah, draw, and you have to draw a little pattern on your nails. When you walked in, did the entire nail saloon of female cowboys fall silent because you were a guy and the lady

playing the piano cut out suddenly who are you we don't like your kind around here but the piano music keeps going because it's just one of those electric things that just plays songs she wasn't really playing

to save her nails yeah of those electric things that just plays songs. She wasn't really playing. To save her nails. Yeah. We don't like your can around here. So how do your feet feel? Pretty much the same as before. Just a little fresher, tidier

and less itchy actually because I got rid of all that dead skin there. At one embarrassing point towards the end I noticed that they didn't scrape off some dead skin and so I said to one of my lady friends

who came with me I've still got some dead skin there so they got the ladies back to ask them if they could scrub off the rest of my dead skin and the entire lady said we shouldn't really his skin and feet are so

soft that this could damage him he could just lose skin so in front of these women who are I presume working 48 hours a day my feet were so soft loose skin. So in front of these women who are I presume working 48 hours a day, my feet were so soft

they could not in good consciousness keep scrubbing. My skin was so untouched by labor that it would have they would have torn they would have drawn blood by pumicing it any further I'm afraid sir that

your feet are so much the feet of a tiny baby prince that we will hurt you by cleaning you laughter laughter laughter oh man

that's amazing your feet must be physically smaller though well I guess Oh, man. That's amazing. Your feet must be physically smaller, though. Well, I guess on a molecular level, they have lost a certain film. But to the naked eye, they're very much the same feet, I'd say. I always wonder about that, because when I was a boy, I never wore shoes except for like four months of the year.

What? Oh, you mean wearing sandals? No, no, no, like bare feet. What? You wore bare feet for eight months of the year? Yeah, so like in South Africa,rica shoes if you're a little kid are like a winter only thing or even sandals yeah you might wear sandals but mostly you just run around in bare feet and you get like these these like impenetrable hobbit feet wait wait this is but this is just in your house uh house outside in the garden playing at school. Even at school, you can kind of not wear shoes. That's sort of fine.

What? What about getting in the car? Yeah, yeah. Well, fine. So would you ever go to school, get in the car, go to school, come home, never having put on a pair of shoes? Yeah. The whole day? What?

Yeah, that can happen. That can happen. Like you're a survivalist.ist yeah one of those weird like tribal runners from mexico um uh you could wear sandals and stuff but but basically the the upshot was you ended up with these like feet that could never be you could walk on like uh some thorns accidentally and it would be way less of an issue like you had like hobbit feet and i always wonder with like pedicures and things where you go like,

maybe your feet are supposed to be like that because they're still your feet, right? Like if you walked on your fucking hands, you'd want your hands to be pretty calloused. If you walked on your feet. Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, presumably that's how we used to be because human feet are fucking useless

for walking around in... The idea that we had to invent so much just so we didn't bleed by literally moving. I don't know. I feel like we're not meant to be on this planet. I have a thing. So like,

if you don't ever wear shoes, the skin on your feet gets so thick. There is a harrowing video I've seen and initially it looks like oh I think I've seen it yeah it's that guy somewhere I think in South Asia it looks like Indonesia

or like India and it looks initially it looks initially like he's peeling a potato yeah it's like he's hacking out some bark with a machete and it's his foot yeah it's a layer of hardened skin on his foot i it looks great it's the soul of his foot yeah yeah and and he's doing it to camera smiling like hey like he's just cutting his hair like oh once a month i

come out and i just shave my foot i trim and he's and it's like he's peeling cutting his hair. Like, oh, once a month I come out and I just shave my foot. I trim, and it's like he's peeling a potato. Like this is a layer that he's cutting off his own foot there. Do you think if he sees like the bottom of my feet, he'd be like, oh my God, that man's been skinned. He's... I can see his muscles, his flesh. Omelettes. So many different combinations to have in your omelettes.

Three different types of pepper, maybe mushrooms. Omelettes. Sometimes hand-baking, but never beef or chicken. Omelettes. How much more can I say about this food? Omelettes! It's the only type of food that is permitted. Omelettes!

Please do not tell your family about all these omelettes. They're a secret only we may share in. Omelettes! Let's dance around and show our dedication. Everybody wants a taste of this mysterious food But what they don't realize is the reason that it's so good It's full of souls from people long gone And the spirits of prairie dogs that I put in my bun Omelettes remain a staple round the world today unless you happen to live in that one

place in Paraguay where they've made omelettes illegal oh no some email Oh, no. Some email noise? Well, what was that? Email noise? I've closed my email, no. Okay, okay.

I hate... I'm a big downer against any kind of computer notifications. What do you mean? Just in terms of the sound? Yeah, I don't have any sounds for mine. If I want to check my email, I'll check it, you know. Yeah, I should just change it already. Well, on the subject of pedicures,

are you quite a... Was it metropolitan? Metropolitan man, is that the word? Cosmopolitan. No. Metrosexual. Metrosexual. Metrosexual, yes. Yeah, do you... What's the most...

Because I want to get more and more stuff done like this. I want to get some hair taken off my groin and gooch. Can I say this on a podcast? Yeah. I'm completely hairless everywhere else so it seems a waste of an otherwise clean sheet to have it where it is least pleasant and nowhere else yes i think that's true whereas my problem is that i have a very hairy back, upper shoulders. Yeah, you're more of a project. But if I got rid of that, it would be like, when do you stop repainting the house?

Yeah, you're the body hair equivalent of painting the Brooklyn Bridge. By the time you've taken off the last hair, a whole new coat of fur has begun growing elsewhere in your body. It's a year-round job. Well, this is it. So I sort of think, like, maybe I should just embrace it and really lean in. But I agree with you on the gooch. No one needs a little gooch goatee. Yeah. but I agree with you on the gooch no one needs a little gooch goatee I once went to a pedicure place

but it was because I had I'd been doing a lot of running and walking and I'd got calluses that were in a really annoying place so I had to have that dealt with but it wasn't like aesthetic, it was like I need this so I can keep moving around the town I am here for practical

reasons, for I am a man do not think for a second do not think for a second that I care how I look oh, on the subject of bottoms of feet, at my a second that I care how I look. On the subject of bottoms of feet, at my boarding school when I was in Brunei, there was a guy there, a guy called Andrew,

who was quite a sweet man, but very earnest. He was one of these 15-year-olds who spoke like an adult. Oh, yeah. And he was very earnest. He was a good guy but very disciplined and he did sports day we had a sports day and he ran like the thousand meters well he did a long distance run and he decided not to go with shoes he decided to run barefoot

and so he started running barefoot and i was like oh god look he's running and decided to run barefoot. And so he started running barefoot and everyone was like, oh god, look at him. Andrew's running barefoot. And then, sort of about a third of the way before the end, people start going, oh god, what is wrong with Andrew's foot? And he

is torn the lay of skin on the bottom of his right foot so that it is flapping under his foot like a broken flip-flop. So this full lay of skin under his foot is flapping up and down. flapping up and down. Just... But he is such a disciplined nutter

that he continues the race. He keeps doing it and he finishes the race with this flap of separated skin under his foot. And he calmly sits down and wraps his foot up. And people are just like, this guy's a fucking killer. I caught up with some old

friends here in Melbourne. He's in the navy now sure and that makes sense but people people like which countries which country's navy um well he was australian so i guess australia yeah that makes yeah i mean that that's the kind of thing of they were they were guys like that in my school as well who had that kind of terrifying discipline of like, they were like Yakuza, where if they had to cut off their pinky, they just would do it, you know?

They were just crazy. It's like, I envy that belief in one's own body. Like, the second something starts to go wrong with my body, like a tear or a bit of damage, I've so little trust in my healing capabilities that I go you know, the trauma must stop now and treatment must be applied

instantly but he's one of these guys like, yeah a layer of skin can come off the foot and I can finish this race and eventually I'll heal and I'll be fine you know what I mean? yeah, but it's like thing of i think i think you and me though it depends on your experiences growing up because i think if you grow up um and i think every child initially is like that reckless and then all the children who you know they they do something like that and

then it actually it goes really badly and then their parents are like yeah you know how they do something like that and then it actually it goes really badly and then their parents are like yeah you know how you can't go outside for a full year it's because you didn't stop fucking running on their flappy foot yeah and then you learn right then you go oh shit i should be careful whereas he like i know people who are really really reckless purely because they've never broken a bone or had to go to hospital. So they just feel like they're invincible. But I haven't either. Do I just have a very good imagination for what could go wrong?

That must be it. That must be it. I just have a very active imagination. Yeah. So maybe if you took him aside and said, you know, your foot could have become infected because of the flap and you could have chopped off.

He'd be like... The flap. He'd be... The flap. He could have been like, oh Jesus! And then you would have chopped off he'd be like the flap he'd be the flap he could have been like oh jesus and then you would have ruined his bravery forever i really don't think so man he was that kind of guy where he would he was just like he was just like i remember so this is another fun entry story because we would always talk about how like an adult he was and how weirdly formal he was about everything. And my friend Nick, Nick van Zanten, who's this cool, fun Dutch guy, we were doing the Duke of Edinburgh, like a training camping exercise,

and we were out camping on a beach in Brunei, and Nick was sharing the tent with Andrew. And the next day, Nick came up to us and was like, guys, guys, guys, okay, this is insane, but Andrew sleeps with his arms folded. Apparently, Andrew laid down flat on his back and just crossed his arms crossed his arms

like he's waiting for someone outside the hair salon or whatever just like crossed his arms and just fell asleep fell asleep

flat on his back with crossed arms and then woke up and just went ahhh and just went ah and just couldn't start the day nick was so nick was so freaked out he just crossed his arms and went to sleep so wait a minute he he he sleeps like a man who's waiting to be awake.

Yeah, basically like Dracula. But more flexible. He's like Dracula if you told Dracula you'd be out by 2 o'clock in the morning and now it's 3 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, pretty much. Jesus Christ. That's astonishing. That's definitely a personality type.

I generally don't think I've ever... Yeah, it is. I don't think I've slept on my back once my entire life, you know. I have this abstract sense that if I sleep on my back, I'll just die. Yeah, it feels like the blood would go to the wrong place and flood. And you sort of go like, well, how do you sleep on your back and have a pillow? Surely that means your neck is like, you wouldn't rest your neck on your chest. Right.

You wouldn't rest your neck on your chest. Right. Well, in yoga, at the end of a yoga session, you lie on your left side to rest your heart. So if you're not lying on your side, it doesn't mean your heart is working extra hard and you can't rest. Well, I'm always skeptical of that

because I sometimes do hot yoga because I like suffering. And sometimes in the thing, like, they'll say things like, oh, and if you bend over like this, it really opens up your hamstrings. And I'm like, yeah, I can feel that. That's true. But then sometimes they'll be like, and if you push your chin onto your chest and look up at the ceiling like that, your thyroid is being stimulated. And it's like, oh, fuck off. No, it's not.

That's not true. Because like my dad has thyroid problems and you have to take very complicated medicine for it. It's not something that you can fix by bending. But the yoga teacher just gives you a look like go on prove me wrong take time out of your life to prove me wrong and you go yeah i'm not gonna do that yeah they go go on google thyroid with your sweaty hands and the other the other one they say is um oh and if you if you're like cross-legged and then like you put one leg over the other and you like bend like you twist your spine um oh that's uh helps your kidneys or whatever or something it helps detoxify you it gets all the toxins out

or whatever and i always think like like all this stuff about toxins you go well if it if if all you had to do was get sweaty and bendy to get toxins out then there'd be no need for kidney transplants or dialysis like we could save a lot of money also the idea that we have these natural toxins in us why why would we be full of poisons i mean you can ingest it you can ingest poison but it probably doesn't just make poison to punish you for not going to Pilates it's like

yeah and also like the only people who have poison like secretly residing in their bones or whatever it's like people who live

in fucking Chernobyl you know what it is it's original sin it's the idea of original sin people just just love the idea that we are inherently broken.

Inherently broken and inherently dirty. Yeah. We love it! It's like we're all these little perverts, you know? It's like we've all got like a scatological kink.

Oh, we're dirty. Oh, we were born dirty. And daddy up in heaven's angry that we're dirty. Daddy better clean us. I'll clean myself for you, daddy. In a special bath while I wear a dress. I was dirty even before I was born. Mmm.

Oh, I was so... We're all so dirty that someone had to be murdered on some wood. I feel so bad. Yeah, I feel bad about that. I feel bad about that bit now. Now I feel dirty about that bit. I think that this would be a very popular church. Dirty Boys and Girls Church.

The Church of Dirty Boys and Girls. popular church dirty boys and girls church the church of dirty boys and girls can that be can that be uh the official religion of bud pod the church of dirty boys and girls yeah yeah yeah absolutely where most of the church is the um holy communion but most of the church is the baptism bath. It's baptism every Sunday. Yes, every Sunday. Everyone gets a big sexy bath. We have to sing the hymns. Dirty, dirty. And yeah, it's essentially a sort of weird horrible kinky church full of weirdos

oh are you talking about the church there Pierre ooooh ahhh satire blub blub blub blub blub We are dirty little boys and little girls

Dirty are we Oh Lord Clean clean us. We're covered in poo and wee. We so dirty, we so dirty for daddy. Amen. And we're dirty. We are gathered here today at the church of dirty boys and dirty girls to ask, Daddy Daddy clean us, Daddy. We are so dirty.

We're such dirty little boys and little girls going out there every day playing in the mud of life and getting dirty. Yes, yes, Daddy, clean us. Daddy, wash our bums. Daddy, cover us in soap and clean us.

We are dirty, dirty little boys and little girls. If anyone would like to come up and receive holy dirtying, please make a disorderly queue as you approach my messy, messy altar. Oh, we're such dirty little boys dirty little girls clean us daddy clean us Okay, Pierre. Oh.

I've got... I've got an uncool cool thing and a coolest uncool thing. Oh, shit. Hit me. Okay, so my most uncool cool thing is singing Bohemian Rhapsody. So that's the least cool thing that's still cool. Yeah, I feel it is still cool. Everyone loves to sing Bohemian Rhapsody together

when it comes on. Everyone gives it a good old shout. But it's lame! It's lame. The song is too long. It's got too many bits. It's about nothing. It's about too many bits. It's about nothing.

It's about nothing at all. It's the Seinfeld of songs. Inexplicably popular. The Seinfeld of songs. And it is weird, like, where they sort of go, oh, there's a guitar solo, but it's also sort of operatic and people singing in a fake high voice. Yeah, it's very drama nerd-y, right?

It's like a drama kid's song. Yeah. Yeah. It's also, the different elements are so strange. It's appeal. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to explain the song's appeal to someone from like the former Soviet Union. Like it's such a cultural thing of like, no, it's good. It's just like this. We've all, yeah, we're not sure why we all agree it's good and must be done. It's like

a national anthem we've imposed ourselves i'd say more people probably know bohemian rhapsody off by heart than the actual national anthem oh certainly there's only no more verses i mean they they know all the verses that be in your actually better than the one verse of the national anthem where we have to promise to kill any scottish people we see we see. It's amazing how few people know that there's literally a verse in the British National Anthem that's like, Rebellious Scots to crush!

Crush! Yeah. Yeah, you'd think they'd have taken that out by now. Although you and I have sung Human Rhapsody together, and this is what makes it annoying is that we've done it together at the end of a big fun

Edinburgh Fringe party in 2017 and I remember it clearly because it was fun it was good I felt silly at the time for enjoying it because I knew it was uncool it was fun but you It was fun, but

you were still dirty. Dirty. Dirty boy. I'm a dirty boy. Yeah, we're all dirty boys and girls. Amen. So that's my most uncool thing. And my coolest uncool thing and my coolest uncool thing

and I don't know if I'm off here it's a bit related I guess is musicals my coolest uncool thing is musicals are now classically very very lame but now it's quite cool to have seen Hamilton you know

or to be open about enjoying Wicked I think also like you know it's a good choice as well because you sort of go oh are they sort of cool in the sense that um loads of people like them and it's sort of celebrities are in them sometimes and uh they're sort of fashionable and there'll be lots of like cultural capital of like guess what i've seen but at the same time it's a load of people in tights who were at university quite difficult to socialize with in a bar yeah because they wouldn't stop suddenly they wouldn't stop suddenly just singing something from les mis and sometimes that was fun but a lot of the time it was like well I mean can we not do this now you you you have to enjoy musicals whilst suppressing the knowledge that part of your ticket price is going to financing the life of someone who probably probably uses the word huzzah in conversation.

You've got to be happy with the fact that there's a certain type of person who you are funding now who wears a waistcoat but without a jacket and smokes a pipe sincerely. wears a waistcoat but without a jacket, and smokes a pipe sincerely. Yeah, but people like to take photos of their tickets. They know the songs now.

They listen to soundtracks and shit. Musicals are supposed to be lame. Lame! Yeah, yeah. And you know what's so revealing is Lin-Manuel Miranda, who wrote Hamilton and is, I guess, one of the richest people now, his Twitter

betrays the uncool person that he is and has always been. He tweets the lamest, grossest stuff. Like, hey, hey bad days that's my friend over there let me wrap you up buddy in my love strings back off bad day yeah you should be okay now love lynn and he tweets that shit and okay i, I will say, for listeners who don't know, Lin-Manuel Miranda's Twitter

is one of the most revolting... Like, Phil is, if anything, underplaying it. I've actually made him sound quite charismatic. I'm trying to... I'm on his Twitter right now and I'm going to see if I can quickly find something. Oh my god. Okay, yep, I found one.

It's only from two hours ago yep okay so so here's the first line of this tweet phil the first line of the tweet is good morning from your passion not good morning g morning one word good morning from your passion oh no okay so this is the first line good morning from your passion next Okay, so this is the first line. Good morning from your passion. Next line. The one you hide. Next line. The one you wear on your

sleeve and the one out in the world. Next line. Who waits for you? I'm waiting for you, Lin. I'm waiting for you to grab your phone out of your hand and throw it in the river. You sort of go like, there's a part of you whenever you see something like, good morning from your passion,

the one that you hide, the one you wear on your sleeve, and the one out in the world who waits for you. You sort of go, I kind of hope you get mugged today, so you become emotional. Yeah, I don't need to get killed, but I do want something valuable taken from you. You said ago, I kind of hope you get mugged today so you become more physical. Yeah, I don't need to get killed, but I do want something valuable taken from

you. Yeah, I want you to meet me later in the bar and shake your head and go, God, it really isn't sunshine and rainbows out there, is it? But he's so rich, and I presume busy. Why is he

doing this? He's taking time out of his day to tell people nonsense. I reckon it's actually to keep potential competitors down by giving them shitty, shitty advice. Shitty, vague advice that tries to imply that they have something special to them and that if only they listen to this passion that they've left out there, which is probably a bad idea. Most of the passions we've ignored are bad ideas.

But Lin-Manuel Miranda wants you to pursue your bad ideas so that you embarrass yourself. And he keeps his musical throne. I think that's good. I'm going to substitute, Phil. I'm going to substitute my own most cool, uncool things, etc.

for one from one of our listeners. Okay. So we've got an email here from Gary. And he says Sup P double Which is good Okay good morning Good morning Gary

Gary My passion So he says My passion Dirty dirty He says His most cool uncool thing my passion dirty dirty he says his most cool uncool thing so the coolest uncool thing

is responding to questions written on google maps for various businesses this is his coolest coolest uncool thing is responding to questions on Google Maps for various businesses.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he says... So these are users who are helping out other users by answering questions. Yes, exactly. He says, I kid you not, go to Google Maps, search for a place, Poundland is often a good chuckle, and locate ridiculous questions to answer. Or even

just normal questions that you can answer in a sarcastic way i'm gonna i'm gonna quickly check out google maps poundland and see if this is the the treasure trove that gary has promised okay so i can't wait to hear i'm i'm gonna guess one of the most common questions about Poundland is, is everything really a pound? That's what I'd ask. Is everything really a pound? Okay, I found one. So this is Poundland and Camden High Street.

And someone has asked, do you deliver? And the response is no. Do you deliver? And the response is no. Do you deliver? I don't know how much you reckon postage and packaging would be for Poundland. Would it have to be a pound no matter what is being delivered? Also, what are you going to be like?

I'm too busy to go to Poundland myself so I really need you to deliver loads of non-name brand out-of-date suites i uh i once bought um i once bought headphones from poundland just to see and they weren't a pound they were like one pound 80 or something so that was already made me angry and i are you tucked into their premier range Yes and I have to say that using Poundland headphones

or whatever equivalent of Poundland it was I plugged them into my iPhone and I listened to some music and it was like listening to music through the devil's digestive system It was like it was all bass and treble somehow and nothing in the middle so it was like it was all bass and treble somehow and nothing in the middle

so it was just like it was horrific and the wires that led to the headphones if you just tugged them slightly pulled on them slightly they would stretch and snap like bubble gum it was depressing Like bubblegum.

It was depressing. Okay, so that's a good one, Gary. That's very delicious. We like that. And now, Gary says the most uncool, cool thing, and I think this links to something we've said before, Monopoly. Most uncool, cool thing, and I think this links to something we've said before. Monopoly. Most uncool cool thing, Monopoly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, most uncool cool thing is Monopoly. As in the board game or holding an unfair advantage in an industry. I'm pretty sure he means the board game. Oh, I see, I see because yeah the other one is also not cool man that's not cool yeah it's not cool we're looking at you rockefeller

so he says i should probably say that this is most likely due to the people i've played it with it's a massive waste of time uh i always end up in a situation where I go around the board owing four pound to someone every couple of rolls because no one wants to trade or sell their properties in an attempt to gain a set. It's infuriating. I think that's fair. We mentioned board games, I think,

is the most uncool, cool thing. No, I think board games are the most uncool thing. Ooh. They're normally uncool, they're traditionally uncool, but now they're quite cool now. Yeah. To get together and play board games.

I think Gary has put Monopoly slightly too high above the Louis line there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think Monopoly would have been considered cool. Oh, no. Yeah, cool. he's saying it's uncool cool thing yeah you know what is cool telling everyone uh the fact that you know actually the guy who designed monopoly actually intended it to be a satire on uh capitalism oh really oh do you not know this i mean to be fair given that the mascot is like the most visibly

evil man yeah and he has a waistcoat and he's literally called what moneybags rich uncle pennybags yeah yeah it's obviously not sympathetic towards

the land owning set oh Gary says side note Yeah, it's obviously not sympathetic towards the landowning said. Yeah. Oh, Gary says, side note, you know those vehicles, usually lorries or bin trucks, that have voice indicators? In other words, warning, this vehicle is turning left. Well, I got to thinking how brilliant it would be if the voices were a stereotypical representation of the driver not the driver themselves but the most hideously

offensive stereotype of that person something to work on I guess so like if the driver was if the driver was from like Yorkshire he'd be like warning this vehicle is turning left you daft bastard you stupid fucking like just really grouchy yeah it's all they're all sean bain

yeah yes he's done the o2 adverts and also all of the um all of the bin lorries imagine how racist the uh taxi reversing noises would be oh my god yeah that would be like that's like something from the new UKIP manifesto all taxi drivers have to speak in a racist accent even if they're not from the place where we would stereotypically assume they're from

this taxi is reversing because there's too many brand people in front of it oh my god um oh uh we we have some more we have a some more stuff about uh okay thank you oh great okay thank you has really opened um a floodgate i didn't realize so many people had so many okay thank you moments it's it's amazing because like like i said in the last one it is it is like sort of it's so accepting and polite and like and like just just just passive okay thank you it's quite powerful in that respect um so so this is um another so this is from sarah thank you sarah and she says in response to the

other breakup story on the last episode one time i broke up with a boy in uni who had done me wrong i yelled for about 20 minutes about communication and honesty and what it means to love someone and take them into your life and be partners and And after I had yelled for 20 minutes, she's saying, he says, is that all? Me. Yeah, I think so. Him. Okay, thank you.

He gets up and walks out the door. Me from the other side of the closed door. You're welcome. Best wishes, Sarah. door you're welcome best wishes Sarah it's our first okay thank you you're welcome pairing yes yes yes that's great Sarah that's very funny

a whole long thing okay thank you just the idea of her you're welcome muffled through a door. You're welcome. Maybe he heard it and nodded as he walked away. That's great.

We have a message because of course, Phil, last time you and I discussed someone we know who does long plops yep who refuses to push his plops out and expects gravity to do all the work

no matter how long it takes just to be clear for the listeners Phil and I literally know someone who shits exclusively through gravity yeah erosion like a glacier uh well so they've sent us an email and uh it's it's all in capitals and it's written in a very interesting way so i'm going to try and do it justice uh the subject line is Anonymous Threat from Anonymous Friend.

And friend is spelt without an I. I'm impressed you opened that email at all. Yeah, that's true. I'm a brave boy. Dear Pierre and Phil, call me a bum-bum life for my long plops, would you? Think

you can mention me in your plodcast and not hear about it? Well, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You all regret it for your own information. You don't push or squeeze plop out. You heed your bod relax, and it let the river

run, all right? Not my rules, it nature's. Call me a bum-bum, you're a bum-bum, you two. Have a care. You'll catch it, you'll catch it. When I'm done with you, that's the end. You'll order a sugar eagle and go

look, it's sugar eagle. And instead of dropping sugar, it'll drop to your eyes and pluck them out and go, that was better than waiting five years to get in the car because that was your other choice to have no eyes. And it wasn't a sugar eagle. It was me on a hand glider. Call me a bum bum. You're the bum bums. Stop looking at my stop looking at my goggle searches.

Is death near? Yes, for you. If you talk about my plops again and your Nazi little Skype-a-chats. Watch out, mind out. That's all I can say. You'll catch it. Call me a bum-bum. Okay, thank you. See you at Phil's next wine and farts party,

which is my uncle cool. wine and farts party which is my uncle cool yeah that's the guy that's the guy officer so i think what he's saying is that these days we're going to use his full name on this podcast and he'll be sorry. So, yeah, I mean that he's saying his uncool cool thing is Phil's wine and farts party, so that's fair. I don't have wine and farts parties. I have wine and food parties. And if you fart at them, that's up to you.

We have another email from Lucila, I think. Lucila! Luc think. Lucila. Lucila. And she says, Heya, I was listening to episode five in which you ask about a word for palindromic numbers. Because we're very cool. And she says,

As a native Spanish speaker, it's one of the words I miss the most abroad because it doesn't exist in English and because it sounds really funny and I think I'm saying this correctly Capicua What? Capicua? Capicua Capicua So it's a Spanish word for palindromic number

Yeah And I need to forward this to you because she says it's pronounced palindromic number. Yeah. And I need to forward this to you because she says it's pronounced and then it's a load of Mandarin and then it says kapikua to help you. And she says there, I managed to include the words fart and pee

in explaining phonetics whilst using Mandarin to tell a sad story about sharting today is not going to get any better. That's why it's going to get any better. And that's why it's important to learn a language.

She says, we don't really have the word palindrome, at least in Argentina. The word capicua comes from the Catalan for head and tail. We have all sorts of lore, as in L-O-R-E, around them. As well, say, if your bus or trade ticket is Kapikua,

you're going to have a lucky day. And seeing lots of Kapikua numbers is a reason to play a specific number in the lottery. We get irrationally happy when anything is ever Kapikua, and I hope you do now as well. Phil, I hope you're having a good time in Australia. Do let us know at the Bill Murray if you want

another work in progress or anything. And Pierre, just let us know if you want to come to the Bill Murray at all. I'd love to have you. Ooh. At all. Yes, I would. Wow, that's pretty forward. It's a Capicua.

I'm now noticing Capicua's in the time code of my recording. And I've just passed one. And it was pretty satisfying actually it was pretty delicious and then she offers a room for us to podcast in so we should do that at the Bill Murray, the Bill Murray in London is a fantastic venue, you should go and watch

amazing comedy there love the podcast, thank you for making spreadsheets less boring let's see and oh and of course a big shout out to one of our correspondents who got in

touch with an incredible Do you remember? I sent you the link. He found a weapon that looked like the number four. What? Really? I don't remember this. No, remember I sent you the link to like, it was a screenshot of the message I got from an old buddy of mine from university,

and he knew, it was, oh, it was Matthew. That was right. Sorry, Matthew. So, Matthew, it was the Mambele knives. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll try and remember to post a picture of the Mambele knives, because they genuinely do look like the number four as a knife. And you sort of,

if you're imagining it and you think, surely that's too complicated to be a knife. Uh, yes, it is. It is why they are not widely used. Yeah. It looks,

it looks like a bad, uh, it looks like a bad knife. Um, and, uh, Lewis, we have your email,

but I think we're going to save it cause it's about authoritarian thoughts. Okay, great. We'll save it for next time. And so Lewis, we have your email, but I think we're going to save it because it's about authoritarian thoughts. Okay, great. We'll save it for next time. And so, Lewis, we're going to deal with your authoritarian thoughts next time because that's going to be more sort of thematically consistent. Yes. Wonderful. This is very good correspondence, guys. We have very good fans, Phil. We should be very grateful. We're grateful. Yeah, I'm just glad people are listening and writing in, and I'm really taken aback by how many

great OK Thank Yous there are. There are so many wonderful OK Thank Yous. I'll have to keep my ears pricked for my own. Yeah, that's right. Yes, now we're going to be hyper aware of OK Thank Yous and numbers that are palindromes kapakua kapakua kapakua wonderful alrighty then

hey it's pretty late out here I should probably sign off soon yeah you've got to be up early to go lick kangaroos or whatever yes or as they call it here breakfast kangaroos or whatever yes this or as they call it here breakfast okay phil uh i'll talk to you next week enjoy the southern hemisphere try not to fall off the bottom of the world okay guys that was episode eight thank you so much for listening yes thank you uh so much for listening there is now an octuplet an octuplet of bud pods and

remember to get in touch with all of your louis levels okay thank yous coolest uncool most authoritarian libertarian etc thebudpod at gmail.com or at thebudpod on twitter thank you very much for all your correspondence so far i'm now going to go to Australian sleep which is like normal sleep but your bed has got corks dangling off it and you spin the other

way alright podbards bye okay thank you bye bye