BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 82 - Mecha Teen

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

Phil is from Mountainville, serial killer chat chat, trickle-up size reclamation theory (ass and eyebrows), men have removed women’s facial expressions, men’s shampoo union, jacking it to power towns and cities, hippies protest jacking it, American podcast vibes, recycling, featuring MECHA TEEN and Tat Attack Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 82. Oh, 82. Haiti Zoo. So, a zoo. A Haitian zoo. A zoo in Haiti. A zoo in Haiti. Do you think they have zoos in Haiti?

All I ever hear about Haiti is that it's had an earthquake. Right. It seems to be constantly attacked by the planet. Earthquake, hurricane, alternating. It would be a precarious place to have lots of dangerous predators in cages I guess because

those cages could be quaked open. There's some... I only realized the other day that Haiti is like half of the island. So it's not an island on its own. The other half I think is the Dominican Republic. Is that true? It's just got a line down the island. So it's not an island on its own. The other half, I think, is the Dominican Republic.

Is that true? It's just got a line down the middle. Like a pill. You know what? I think I remember in Grand Theft Auto Vice City one of the bosses is a lady and she's Haitian

and the Haitians are always fighting against, are they fighting against the Dominicans? I think so. There was a civil war. There was a border war, I think. I feel like, I mean, yeah. It's pretty like a fringe conflict for GTA to draw from,

but they did. It's because the, do you watch Dexter? No serial killer thing no because it's in miami and all that in florida oh the detective the the the guy who suspects that dexter is the naughty man is um either part haitian or he served in haiti like there is a legacy of american involvement in Haiti. Yeah. And in The Boys, which I recommended last week, they briefly hide in the basement of a sort of Haitian drugs gang.

Wow. So it is a thing. Wow. So it's very much a big part of your world, Hazy. And it's quite serendipitous. Of late. Of late. Hispaniola of latey. That's the island is called Hispaniola.

There you go. And it's the Dominican Republic. Oh, interesting. Hispaniola is also the name of the ship in Treasure Island. Is it? Yes. It sounds piratey. Yeah. Hispaniola. I'm already in Hispaniola.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very piratey. What does Hispaniola. I'm going to Hispaniola. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very piratey. What does Hispaniola mean? Spanish-y place. It must, yeah. It's Hispain. Hispaniola? Yeah, it's like a bit Hispanish.

What does it mean? Yeah, and there's Hispanic. It must be related to Hispanic. Yeah, definitely. And Hispania is the name of, like, Spain and Portugal, like, all of it, isn't it? Oh, is it? I think so. Interesting.

Interesting. Interesting. Hispinteresting. Let's see. Ah, okay. So it's, um, yeah, it sort of means the Spanish island. But it's a

corruption. It's one of those things where it had like three names in a row and then it gets all warped. But we know about that because we're from colonies. That's right. My hometown used to be called Jesselton after an English guy. Did it? Yeah. Jesselton. Jesselton. My hometown was originally called Jesselton after an English guy. Did it? Yeah. Jesselton. Jesselton. My hometown was

originally called Jesselton. You'd confuse people in the UK now if you said you're from Jesselton. Yeah. If I said I'm from Natal Colony. I'm from Prussia. Yeah. That's funny. It's a cool name

though, Jesselton. It's pretty good. Yeah. And it's Cota Kinabalu now Yes, well done, it is now Cota Kinabalu Kinabalu is a mountain And Cota, I think originally means fort But I think now It just means city Mountain village place

So you're from Mountainville Mountainville, USA Speaking of Serial killers there I've not been able to watch The Boys As you recommended As you recommended last week But I have watched

In one sitting ITV's three-parter Des with Doctor Who The Doctor The Doctor was a serial killer The whole time Yeah, it's part of the Doctor Who

Universe It's Canon now It's Canon Is that how you pronounce Canon? You can say Canon, but It's fun to say Canon I like saying it to myself as Canon It sounds more legendary

But yeah, there's Nielsen guy who killed a bunch of people in the late 70s to early 80s yes but 78 to 80 quite 80s yeah 78 when they got him yeah yeah they got him right at the end towards the 80s when they got him and he yeah glenn moore friend of the podcast, guest of the podcast, and his partner Katie, my producer and a very good writer, live near the murder street. Right, yeah. They don't live far from there.

In Muswell Hill. Where's Muswell Hill? But it's like far north. It's like North Muswell Hill. It's not like main Muswell Hill. He lived in the Muswell Hill. And that's where he brought a lot of his people back. Some of them were in his first flat, and then the other were in his...

Something gardens. Oh, Pierre, I didn't realize we were two young women, because we're talking about a serial killer on a podcast. Wait a minute. This is how it happens. Are we two white ladies? How did this happen? He sneaks up on you, doesn't he?

Or three. Or three white ladies, to be fair. Is there a four white ladies murder podcast? There's lots of twos and threes I don't I don't think there's a solo one Maybe it's too spooky to chat about on your own I think the probability of finding

Four women Who know each other Who are flippant about murder Is just one In just the right way it's just one stretch of probability too far i think three is about as as as many as it gets yeah i mean there seem it is funny that there is like uh gender stereotypes push their we're so powerful right that they push their way into everything don't they so even a new medium like podcasting yeah must reflect and and even when podcasting was new it seems like it doesn't have any stereotypes but that's just not enough people are doing it

yes right right with more involvement an average will emerge yes and the average podcast is you know i mean bud bud pod our podcast yeah guns guns and poo guns and poo farts and bums that's pretty you know two guys talking about that that's pretty good yeah yeah but i think if you're listening i think at a better level what us yeah a better level of so right right of discussion Right so for the What's the word Phenotype The oeuvre

Of the two guys chatting We are at least Attempt to or come close to Epitomising that Yes or even exemplifying It in the best way Right so we're the platonic ideal of two guys chatting about shit on a podcast i think so yeah right so you're saying hope so

and you're saying um there is a place in the cultural oeuvre for a murder-based ladies podcast yeah but only those that exemplify yeah there's a best one genre yeah yeah so then as more and more people do it it'll be like in the same way that there's a stereotype where you can see all those memes about like uh oh i'm not like other guys i have a podcast yeah okay oh you're not a millennial man unless you have a podcast sure that's a stereotype right yeah now enough women have done podcasting that their own stereotype has emerged right and it turns out that's murder yeah it is murder, yeah. Yeah, whereas you might not have guessed that in 2006?

No. When podcasting sort of came out? No, yeah. You wouldn't have gone, well, you know what all these girls at school with me are going to be doing when they're older? A show about bloody murder. In 2006, my guess, if you pressed me and said,

what would most women's girls' podcasts be about? From the limited knowledge I had of girls, they would be about Hilary Duff and Not Talking to Me. So it's funny how life can surprise you. I would have said Thin Eyebrows and My Chemical Romance.

Well, the girls you knew into my chemical romance the ones that i spoke to right okay the ones that were willing to speak to me were and the ones that weren't had thin eyebrows thin eyebrows thin thin brows now it's a we live in a thick eyebrow generation this is true Billie Eilish A couple of absolute beatlers on her brow It is about the gradual Thickening It's about the reclaiming of size

Reclaimed the brow The female reclaiming of size Has happened over the last decade It started with J-Lo's ass Remember that? You see pictures of like 1990s hot babes. There's no ass there at all. No ass to speak of.

No ass to speak of. As we approach the latest wave of feminism, this idea of reclaiming space and allowing oneself to take space in the male-dominated world. And it started, you know, J-Lo zasser was a part of it i'm not saying it was the most important part or the hardest fought part but it was an important um aesthetic part nonetheless and i think as the years have gone on that reclamation of reclaiming

that reclaiming of size has moved across the body and we're now at the eyebrows moved upwards yeah it's good it's trickle up it's it's trickle up politics trickle up size reclamation yeah that's on see that's the thing that's what i'm saying about our nonsense chat we just invented a pseudo-scientific pseudo-academic feminism concept that's pretty good i think it's pretty good concept you know so i think it's pretty good concept you know so i think it's pretty good trickle trickle upsize reclamation sounds like something you'd see in a citation yeah in a book that you buy in an airport right yeah where you're not buying a book about the concept but you're buying a book written by someone famous who's read about it and they're referencing it yes yes yes they're giving it

they're lending it their own authority for you to exactly yeah yeah yeah and now it's now it's do you think do you think do you think women's eyebrows are bigger now because they need to be more powerfully skeptical about what's going on in society and about men like they can't furrow their brows at us if they're too thin they don't seem serious enough thin eyebrows actually a patriarchal conspiracy to keep women from expressing themselves to keep women from being able to fully frown and get annoyed at what we're doing with botox we really had the ladies not being able to tell anyone what they felt. She didn't react. What do you mean she wanted a raise?

She didn't look like it. I said she wasn't getting a bonus, and she was, Poe face. No reaction at all. You tricked her into shaving off her eyebrows and paralyzing her face. The ultimate con. her face the ultimate con i was i was talking about this there was someone the other day about the old question of like why do why does like women's shampoo cost like 30 quid and men's is

like a pound right like it comes out of a big industrial hopper yeah and um initially they were saying no no no there's loads of men's stuff that's expensive you know you can get men's this and men's that and men's beer shampoo and and that's all true and like oh you can even get like men's foundation and makeup oh yeah and that's also true but i was saying like but it's just not you don't and I said yeah but you don't know anyone who buys that she was like yeah no that's true I don't know anyone who buys it and I was saying it's like men have some kind of like a really strong union as in like an official body yeah like a purchasing power union so whenever someone comes out and goes your hair's not really men's hair unless you use this and then the union of men goes is it more than eight pounds and they go it's 14 pounds and they're like no and either they have reduced the price or they take it off the shelf it just

doesn't go anywhere it's brutal yeah the cheap shampoo lobby it's very powerful in the men's union shampoo is one of their central shampoo is one of their founding issues, one of their constitutional issues. They just go, we're not going to do it. This haircut costs over £35. That's our ceiling. Yeah, I mean, it's just classic supply and demand. But why can't we be bullied?

Why is it that when all the prestige marketing goes into that, it just doesn't seem to work women bless them absolutely refuse to judge men primarily on their looks and it has been the downfall since the starting of since the start of civilization they will not do it and so there's no value for yeah you know there's no value that's true and not only is's no value for it. There's no value. That's true. And not only is there no value in the sense of women don't judge us by our looks to that extent, other men will think that you're weird. It's a double whammy. It's a double nag. But do other men only find it weird because women don't value it enough?

Like, say, in Korea, where there's a huge male cosmetic market, those guys aren't'm gonna think it weird of each other presumably because they all understand there is something to be gained from it if if other men understood ah this guy is this guy's bought moose so he can get lucky then we go that's a smart guy we don't go what a what a weird guy i like the idea of like a proper like sopranos looking dude this guy's buying moose so he can get lucky i get it hey no problem like like he was about to bully him it's like all right yeah that's true but what's the proportion needed right so even let's say that uh something happens in the uk

and like 20 one in five women will only get off with a guy with lipstick on okay i'd say that's still not high enough because if even if even if you buy the lipstick and a guy's like why fuck you buying that and you're like didn't you hear i don't know one in five women will only get for the guy lipstick i think that means that those odds are low enough one in five i don't think i because i think i think 20 is still higher than the number of women who care for guys really hench and the bodybuilding you know bodybuilding is very i mean of course there are other aspects of bodybuilding that are classically masculine yeah but from a cosmetic point of view tiny speedos yes tiny speedos and blue striped tops

but yeah i don't know i don't know it's um but like i was thinking the other day you know like how quickly cars stopped meaning a shit like our generation couldn't give a shit about cars yeah this idea of like ladies love a guy with a fancy like yeah it just not is not true anymore and it was i mean maybe it always was a bit of a fabrication but i think feel like in the 90s it kind of like it was a little more it comes up a lot in old media yeah why does he drive right yeah yeah what what does he drive he's on the bus we, yeah. What? Why does he drive? He's on the bus. We're all on the bus now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes more sense in the countryside where you genuinely can't fucking get anywhere without one. But then it's like... And then it's... It's just like... Just having one. Yeah, yeah. Then they still don't care what it is. Yeah.

Yeah, if you have like a Ford Fiesta, you were the most popular guy at school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. But you were mobile. Yeah. You were mechanized. You were a modern man. You were a mechanized teen.

Mechateen. Mechateen. Who will drive us to the barn to get drunk? Mechateen. Like a proper Heavy on the the synth 90s kids cartoon tune like a transformer that has some illegal beer in the boot sort of car mode yeah yeah mechateen his yeah his main attack is just like the extraordinarily high pressure jizz that comes out of his dick five times a day

jizz that comes out of his dick five times a day. It's like Ultraman destroying buildings. It's got that blue flame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Dragon Ball Z kind of fireball thing. Yeah, around the sides. Yeah, yeah. Looks like a comet when it goes.

That's right. Yeah, yeah. Mechateen. Looks like a comet when it goes That's right Mechateen With the power of a thousand wanks I am Mechateen With the power of a thousand wanks

I am Mecha-Teen! Mecha-Teen, saving the world, jacking it off while thinking of girls. He's got a robot eye, He's got a robot beam. He's gonna save the world. It's Mecha Teen. The Adventures of Mecha Teen. And me, Spaffy. They could definitely create some kind of renewable energy source

from how much teens have to jack it yeah because it is a it's like at a certain point it's like a medical necessity i mean like at 30 i could i could power a hamlet at 30 i could power hamlet like a stage production of hamlet all the lights and the sounds. I think if you're a teen, you could power a small town. I think so. Maybe a cathedral city. A cathedral city, yes. Wells. You could power wells.

I reckon you could power wells. And then maybe you could incentivize it. Maybe that would remove the shame. That's right. I'm doing it for the community, for society. They're doing it for us. Yeah. You know, thank God that nature, you know, has provided.

Yeah. People would be almost sort of ruefully affectionate the way that people are about autumn and poems. A necessary part of the renewal of the contract of life. Or do you think that... Or the jacking teens. But would the jacking teens, as with almost every power source, get picketed and get protested by the fucking hippies?

I reckon... The hippies will find a way. Yeah, given enough time, outside young jamie's house will be like 15 dirty hippies protesting something they don't even understand hey man hey man just let let him let him jerk off for jerking off's sake, man. Don't enslave his self-love. That's what they say. They demand an inquiry into what he's jacking off to. Yep, yep, yep.

And what he's consuming to replace all this jizz. Yep. Like, jizz doesn't come from anywhere, man. Do you know how many Big Macs he's eating? You know how much rainforest that boy's jizz has cut down yeah all that loo paper man do you know how many trees that is you better not be flushing that kleenex man it blocks the pipes dude yeah they'd find that people would find a way to be upset about this marvelous new invention absolutely i still have i still my question always with like people's

problems with nuclear power because it is have you ever seen that graph of like how much energy there is per like usable kilogram of a fuel uh-huh and it's like coal petrol you know wood whatever yeah and there isn't room on the graph for nuclear. Nuclear goes up like a million graphs worth. And you just think, obviously we don't want Chernobyl or Fukushima to happen. That's right. But okay, don't build it on an earthquake line in the UK. Fine. Yeah, and maybe don't let communists build any.

Don't let communists build any or run it. Yeah, definitely not. Don't have a system where if you report a flaw, you get killed. uh communists build any don't don't don't a communist build any or run it yeah yeah definitely not don't have a system where if you report a flaw you get killed your family get kidnapped you get shot in the woods that is a bad plan for nuclear power that's true um but other than that my idea has always been like you know there's all the deep mine shafts that get shut down whoever gets angry about mar Thatcher. Yeah. Put it down a mine. Right, yeah.

So, oh no, it's leaking. And you go, oh, is it going to leak through granite? Way beneath the earth? No. Because with Chernobyl, okay, it sucks that the town of Chernobyl was irradiated. It does kind of suck. That does suck. But the real issue for years was all the drift, right?

All the particles in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting in everyone's sheep. And the groundwater. Getting in the sheep, getting in the water. But that could happen. happen i mean aquifers can go pretty low can't they if you put it in a mine but what if it's like eight or nine miles deep where it's like it's actually hot because it's so close to like the boiling crust i don't know i don't my geology is not up to this they're not a geology podcast. We're a women's murder podcast and a boys poo podcast. And a gender fluid person's science podcast.

And a non-binary person's arts podcast. I'm trying to think of all the different combos. Oh, they're out there. I don't know, yeah. What would the other stereotypes be? There aren't enough. We don't know yet. I guess it would be the kind of informative American podcast. Oh my God. Yeah. What would the other stereotypes be? There aren't enough. We don't know yet. Podcast stereotypes.

I guess it would be the kind of informative American podcast. Oh, my God. That is, like, constantly amazed by the thing they already knew. I can't stand it. And they always have to pitch things as, like, a big story. Yeah. Because then it's like, apparently no one's going to listen to the end of your mystery if you don't go. And I discovered something that would change my mind forever. No, you didn't.

You discovered the answer to the question you posed in the title of the podcast. Where's Billy Mumpkins? You found him or you didn't. My favorite part is when they remind you of the voice you're listening to. So if you say something. Yeah. This is Pierre again. This is Pierre speaking again.

This is my favorite part of American Podcast. This is Pierre. I like when they do something that completely removes me from its target audience. So, they say something that... I me from its target audience um so they say something that i mean we all love baked beans yeah yeah but they do it on like a mass cultural level so they'll say something like but what's the deal with germany really okay you'd be like what it's something that only sort of makes tangential sense if you're actually just from america and you've never you hear that question and you go, yeah. What is the deal with Germany? Does Europe have supermarkets?

And you're like, what? I'm not going to learn anything from this. Exactly, exactly. And it destroys your faith in the podcast completely as a project because they say something like, but all I knew was that while I was visiting France, I would need to get my hands on a lot of clean socks, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to. What? And it makes you feel weird,

because you found it through the internet. It's available to anyone, not just Americans. I'm not surprised when i'm physically in america watching an american show on an american terrestrial television channel yeah that's aimed at americans because only americans can watch it yeah i got it through the internet they put it on the internet knowing that anyone could get it and they haven't internationalized its term but i mean american cultural output has been international for decades now and they've never but they haven't internationalized it that's what it and it's we're talking about like a new york times and stuff like washington post right i understand i see they're still so

inward looking yeah whereas i bet if you even if you downloaded a mongolian podcast they'd be like and for anyone listening in germany that's a type of sheep's milk we drink like they would think about it yeah but it's i always go oh they really don't even think about it but then they i'm putting this on the american internet all right but i mean you they still then then it's on you not to listen to it oh i know that i'm saying how i feel about it okay i'm not saying that there needs to be a root and branch reform of the american mind although i would like that i'm just saying i always needs to be a root and branch reform of the American mind, although I would like that. I'm just saying I always find it like it's a sobering moment to realize that they really does not cross their mind that it could be saying something that is gibberish.

You get it in the UK sometimes, but it's more among the older generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean. But why would anyone have a problem with the empire? They say things like that on documentaries. Right. Okay, okay, yeah, but I mean... But why would anyone have a problem with the Empire? They say things like that on documentaries. Right, okay, okay, okay. They don't say, why would anyone say there's nothing good about it? They say, why would anyone have a problem?

Okay. Or like during the Brexit debate when people were like, why wouldn't Kenya give us as generous a trade deal as when we owned Kenya? Right, yeah. I can think of a few reasons, a few camps. America is so massive. It, yeah. I can think of a few reasons, a few camps. America is so massive. It's huge. If all of Europe spoke the same language, I think we'd be in a similar position.

Yes, yes. And I wonder how long the French can stop that from happening. Stubborn French. It's basically just them at this point trying to stop it. The Germans don't care they there's there's problems in small countries in europe because of how much english everyone speaks oh really yeah netherlands and iceland have got like little movements popping up saying a lot of young people have like bad dutch or like bad icelandic it's um i remember when i was growing up in malaysia there was a bit of that yeah, like kids are told to read things in Malay and speak Malay. And that we were speaking

too much English. Yeah. I was I was even encouraged in South Africa, my parents were like, try not like I would use slang words. And I always thought that there were these words that were rude. Because my parents would be like, well, don't say that. Don't use that were rude because my parents would be like well don't say that don't use that and they're like orange yeah but it was because they were worried i would end up speaking this kind of mad patois what what slang african slang words yeah well africans or even like bits of zulu or whatever was drifting in that's fun because i really really slang heavy south african english is unintelligible at points to anyone outside of the country so you sort of go like okay so in south africa everyone's like that guy speaks english and outside of south africa it's like we don't know what that is yeah yeah yeah okay that's the what

you worry about yeah and then the same thing has happened in south africa to zulu my uncle was telling me that he gets compliments i mean michael's fucking old but he gets compliments from all the old Zulu guys he talks to because they're like, wow, you Zulu's like pure Zulu. Grammatically pure. And like, you don't use any foreign vocabulary. Whereas if you hear like... It's Trulu. He speaks Trulu.

He speaks Isi Trulu. It's not Folu. Oh, it's Trulu. It's not FOLU Oh it's TRULU Yeah because he won't say like You know he won't just drop in An English word when A slightly fustier Zulu word

Would work Like technically the Afrikaans Word for lorry driver is like a trillion syllables Long I don't even remember it It's like motorized heavy wagon conductor Like, technically, Afrikaans' word for lorry driver is like a trillion syllables long. I don't even remember it. It's like motorized heavy wagon conductor. Yeah, it's got a Germanic structure.

Yeah, whereas you could just say lorry driver. Yeah. Like, I once downloaded an app because I thought I should get some better Afrikaans to talk to my auntie in. Uh-huh. Like, that would be a nice thing to do. And it said the word for taxi is here motor like hireable motor right okay there's a motor that is hireable i was like what it's not it's taxi but they were using this like ethnographically pure right you just say varsti taxi where's the taxi and if he goes over there i could understand that yeah you said varsti taxi? Where's the taxi? And if he were going over there. I could understand that. Yeah, or you said Varsti hyrmutter.

Where's the time machine that you just came out with? Did you just go backwards for a bit? Did you just tenet for a bit? Have you seen Tenet? No, not yet. Still haven't seen it. People have been reading the book, though. Oh, yes, that's right.

We got a tweet from a bud pod. Yeah, I should read that book. A pod bud. You need to read it as part of this book off we're gonna have that's true i've already got so many bloody books though i've got a big old i'm crushing i'm crushing a diet coke bottle everyone for the recycling very good are you happy now i thought you don't have to do recycling here we do do recycling it's just that you haven't washed it out. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you have to wash it out. Yeah, the little dribble of... Yes. That's going to stop it. Yeah. That's going to stop it from being... Yes, I don't know. They're very picky. You don't know, do you?

I don't know, but... I don't think they're going to scrub it out for you. I don't know. Like, how much washing do you... If anyone works in a recycling centre, a plant... Yeah. Can they please get in touch? Because I need to know how clean to make my jars for you.

Well, as we've discussed, probably since we knew each other, probably this is something I think we talked about 10 years ago. But it's still as true today. The truth is the enemy of comedy. If you do too much research into something your jokes don't work anymore i i'll i will amend that statement and say unfamiliar truth is the yeah okay i think a lot of comedy is actually a pin shared truth. Shared truth?

Well, here's the thing. But new truths are not very funny. They're just interesting. Well, here's the thing. I have some good jokes about trying to clean peanut butter out of a jar. Okay. And how shit that is. Yeah.

Then I looked it up. You don't have to do that anymore. To recycle? Apparently not. What? It depends on your authority as well. This is it, yeah. It depends who's doing it. But there are recycling techniques where it doesn't fucking matter.

Oh. Because it's like you're breaking the glass down in a foundry. You think that whatever thousands of degrees to melt glass can't burn off a bit of nut butter. But it doesn't just... It comes off as slag. Which is delicious on toast.

Toasted slag. It's still an impurity. Sure, but that happens when they make glass. Oh, they don't come off the top, you mean? Yeah, it's in a foundry. Fuck's sake, of course. There's impurities when they make it. I'm assuming. Again, not a glass podcast.

That stereotype belongs to people from the Isle of Boot. What's that? It's an island in Scotland. Do they make glass? I don't know. I made that up. Okay. I'm imagining that if they all did a podcast, it would be weirdly about glass. I see. I see. I see. But yes, if you have

any recycle industry pod buds, please let me know. Actually, this... I'm spending hours cleaning my rubbish. Hours. Well, that's my joke. I've got to make sure the rubbish is clean for the bin it's like a punishment from hell it's plastics which which i'm concerned about because there's so many like different types of plastic and i don't think things separate like with glass you know i don't think the slag with plastic but also they don't even ask you to

separate it so you go well they must be sorting at some point right right right because even in the plastic section of your nine bins if you live in one of those places that has nine bins there are plastics that you cannot mix type five type seven type three anyway we must stop talking about recycling i can feel you you say that people dropping off well so here's off Here's my story that I wanted to raise Because there's nothing more exhausting Spiritually, draining for me Phil Than when there's a story about How that good thing that everyone thought was good Is actually even worse

You like that? No, there's nothing more draining I don't mean draining as in Like a massive A massive wank I mean draining bad, spiritual. Okay. Just makes me tired.

It makes me want to lie down forever. Unless you were never doing it, then you feel vindicated. That feels quite good. Yes, but I'm generous enough of heart that I feel bad anyway. For the people, Phil. That's nice. For those people out there. There's a story on the BBC about the flushing, the toilet flushing.

This is also relevant because this is a toilet podcast. Well, this is why I've never flushed my toilet. Well, that's it. They call him Build Up Phil. The bricklayer. I just let the natural pressure of everything I put in there take over itself. To be fair to you, each piss is like a little bit more of a flush. It is true. Physically.

It's true. It's true. What is the flushing thing? So you know there's like little flush for a wee, big flush for a poo. Yeah. And you pick which one. Yeah. Those leak. What do you mean those leak? They leak. They're supposed to save water but the mechanism leaks.

Oh I think I saw this in the news today. Yeah, that's what I'm bringing it up. Four billion litres a year or something. Mad. What is the number? So the little flush leaks water where? Into the cistern? Yeah.

So it's like the toilet is constantly mini-flushing itself a little bit all day forever. Huh. So it's actually wasting more water than an old school toilet cistern which just has a handle. And the entire point people have been putting those fucking things in their restaurant bathrooms is so

that patrons could go, just a piss for me thanks. Keep the change. And feel like they're helping not use all the river water to flush their massive logs away instead of using it to give fish something to breathe and it turns out phil it was all for naught and it wasn't even for naught it was all for negative a billion or whatever it is where is it now you see water wastage Is one of the wastages I find hard 400 million litres a day

Is lost from the little flush Yes I don't believe that for a second Yes In the world, worldwide Yeah, no, in the UK What? No Yeah, 400 million litres

That's not true Look, I will say this Part of that number sounding big Is because people don't know how much water there is. There's loads. Like when people go, did you know it takes 200 litres to grow an avocado? I say, it's not very much.

Right, right, right, yeah. That's not much. Well, this is the thing. The idea of wasting water, it's like, where's it going? It's not flying off the planet Earth. It's all staying here. What are you talking about about it's going in the sea and getting dirty well wasting treated water but as long as your infrastructure is up to it that's not a problem is it no one has desalination plants eh no one can get the water from the sea apart from like dubai

oh yeah yeah once it's in the sea and you don't have a desalination plant he's gone. Yeah, but we still get it though, don't we? Yeah, but we're using it too quickly, Phil. Oh, I see, I see. The rate is wrong. Right, okay. And also if the land isn't moist and juicy, it actually rains less. Because there's nothing evaporating.

It's a big problem. The UK's going to get all dry and crusty like a big scab. Well, England will. Scotland will still be wet as hell. Right. So all that rain we complain about is actually a good thing. It's good. The rain is good.

But this is what annoys me is that it's the kind of thing where everyone will go, we really should change to the toilet where you have to admit to the toilet whether it's a poo. Make a sort of toilet confessional. I was never aware of this large-scale cultural movement to the wee flush. Which is odd to me because you had a joke about it when we were at university doing stand-up, and that was when it kind of arrived.

What was the joke? It was something about you resented having to assess your own dump i was good i was good back then i had my finger on the pulse young phil um like young sheldon like young sheldon that's your spin-off a spin-off podcast called young young phil he's zany um yeah man i remember that's when it sort of happened sort of 2008 2009 interesting interesting but that meant that story made me go oh can't good things be good yeah why is it always oh it turns out that the the environmentally friendly paint was made of children. There were some harrowing consequences. It's always cursed monkey poor shit.

One has just come to mind, actually, which really bothered me a few months ago, which was at the start of lockdown, lockdown was at its most strict worldwide and all these planes were grounded and no one was traveling in cars. Fossil fuel use was at an all-time low. I was listening to a radio show about it and they had an traveling in cars. Fossil fuel use was at an all-time low. I was listening to a radio show about it and they had an environmental expert on. And the host was like, well, at least this will be an opportunity for nature to recover and for carbon dioxide levels to reduce.

And the guy was like nah not really it's hardly going to make any difference I mean maybe if this stays like this for 20 years but it's still going to make and you just go oh for god's sake what is the point of anything then

sometimes it feels like the scale of it is if you were like the mayor of a town, like a big town, and someone just went, I think it's bad the pipes are all made of lead. I think it's making people go insane. And you went, well, perhaps the people drank less water. No, it's still in the water Well perhaps And you're just trying to think of things that don't involve ripping up the entire town

And starting again And that's why people don't like engaging with the issue Because they can sense That the mountain is so high That they'll die in the attempt Like it's not possible It feels impossible Like you say for like a global plague

to just be like, no, no. People are still making sandals from old tires and things. So no. You go, oh, fuck. People are still making a billion bright yellow plastic blow-molded rubber ducks and then seemingly dumping them straight into porpoises' mouths. So I'm afraid not i know it's psychotic and then you see a new article where it's like microplastics found in the belly of a crab and you go oh that can't be good i don't know enough

about microplastics or crabs or what they eat or whether it's significant. But it feels like an omen, doesn't it? From medieval times. Yeah. We did cut open the belly of a crab, and yay, it was full of microplastic. A bad omen for the harvest. Like if you cut open a beehive and there was a priest's head in there, you think, fuck me.

We've been cursed by the devil oh is that such a horrible and funny image that would be a good scene from like a kind of Midsommar style horror film wouldn't it yeah someone going what's in the beehive and there's this face covered in honey well first like

there's a character collecting honey and honey's dripping, but then the honey gets gradually redder. Yes, and he's like... And he tastes it and goes... And he runs to the village. Yeah, and they cut it open and it's just a... Just a head there looking upward slightly. And it's the priest who went missing in the first scene.

That's right. Hey, this is a good movie. We've done another movie. We've done another good movie. Speaking of heads and things and bringing us back to our original... right, that's right. Hey, this is a good movie. We've done another movie. We've done another good movie. Speaking of heads and things and bringing us back to our original well, my original topic the serial killer Dez boiled heads overnight. Of course, sorry

yes. He boiled heads overnight while he slept. He boiled them overnight? Well, he just like left them like he cut off the guy's head and just put him in a pot and just let it simmer overnight like he was making a stock. He'd simmer a head? Yeah. He'd simmer a head? Yeah. He'd simmer a head?

Why? Was he eating it? No. I think it was just a bit odd. You know what? I think if you spoke to any of the lead detectives in that case, they'd agree. It was a bit odd. He had great glasses.

He has basically my specs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have like 80 serial serial killer specs yeah but i mean you um you flambe the heads yes so you're different it's such an 80s thing isn't it to boil a head and lose all the flavor yeah yeah yeah it's kind of the way your your grandmother would make a boiled um make a head but now this isn't your grandma's boiled head. No, no, no. I sous-vide. You sous-vide a head with garlic butter in there. A few sprigs of rosemary. It sounds delicious, actually.

It sounds pretty good. Sweetmeats. Sweetmeats. That's the head of an animal. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The cheek and all that. And the brains, I think. Yeah.

So he just boiled these goddamn heads well I think I don't know how many times he did it like he was quite according to the show he seemed quite inconsistent with what he'd do

to the bodies like some of them he just like put on the chair next to him and watched TV with them yeah ugh that's the worst part

that's worse than boiling your head it's it's worse because it feels like he was getting something quite nice from it. You can imagine him boiling the head angrily. And it's easier to go, you're a bad man. Yeah.

Because you're like, not only did you kill this poor guy, but you're boiling his head now. So you're like, that's even worse now. You're defiling it. Yeah. Whereas they're watching TV with it. It's like, so you like them, but not alive. Yeah.

God, it's horrible. Yeah. Pretty wanky. I mean, I'm interested in all this stuff, but I think the reason, like,

I think the reason I'd be uncomfortable doing a podcast about it is that I can't quite shut my brain off to the inherent tragedy and horror of it. When I read about it or I look into it, it's always in the same way that you push your tongue against an ulcer. Yeah, yeah. It's very addictive. Yeah. But it's to make you feel bad in an addictive way.

It's not nice. Yeah. Whereas some people just have the mental equivalent of a mouthful of ulcers and don't seem to mind yeah you're just squeezing them all day maybe they've just compartmentalized better than i have i don't know but something like that god it's horrible was he was it like he was gay but he didn't want to admit it kind of thing as well that's yeah it seemed to be that always seems to come up uh yeah a lot of serial killers where it's like They'd hire male prostitutes and then freak out

And kill them I don't think it's like that Anyway we're turning into a different podcast Maybe that should be how you sell But it is a good show is all I'm saying Apparently his performance is amazing Did you see they had more complaints about the smoking Than any of the violence

Oh really Yeah the Daily Mail did an article where it's like Offcom like 36 complaints Do they have to smoke and everything Apparently his performance is amazing. You see they had more complaints about the smoking than any of the violence. Oh, really? Yeah, the Daily Mail did an article where it's like, Ofcom with like 36 complaints. Do they have to smoke and everything? Really? Sorry, have you forgotten what the past was like? When every building had a yellow ceiling? Yeah, there's a lot of smoking in pubs

and even now, having not smoked for years, I go, ooh, that must be brilliant. Smoking in a pub i don't even like the smell and when it's on screen it looks great yeah yeah yeah yeah it makes you why it makes you want a cigarette it's one of the it's one of the things that on screen looks brilliant is and what is the most disproportionate example of that where the reality is that is so far from the screen loveliness? I mean, smoking is pretty high up there.

Yeah, because... Like Mad Men. I mean, I wonder how many... Someone should do a study, how many cancer deaths Mad Men is directly responsible for. But like watching Mad Men, it's like having a whiskey at 11 in the morning. Looks great.

But if you ever try that that fuck up your whole day and you get all tired and you have a headache at about half four yeah appalling well so like that's quite a big gap but i'd say the smoking gap is even bigger because on screen it looks like plus 100 yeah and in real life it's like minus 100. It's so gross and not fun. And yeah, also like, again, it's like the car thing. For our generation it's just not cool anymore. Yeah. Like smoking's at an all-time low, really.

It briefly became rollies were a bit cool. That's right. And now those are the normal type of smoking. Because straights are so expensive. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. So now it's like, well, no, your fucking nan's on rollies now. Right. Because an actual pack of cigarettes is like 30 trillion pounds, whatever it're fucking Nans on rollies now. Right. Because an actual pack of cigarettes is like 30 trillion pounds, whatever it is now.

It must be like 25 quid. I was amazed when you and me were in Amsterdam and it was like three quid. Oh, Europe's ridiculous. Europe is insane. But Amsterdam, the Dutch, I was like, but you fucking cycle everywhere. Yeah. You're always on like healthy lists, you know, the healthiest countries. Maybe they're so healthy, they do it to show everywhere. Yeah. You're always on healthy lists. The healthiest countries. Maybe they're so healthy, they do it to show off.

Cigarettes are actually only like 50 cents here, but we're just so healthy, we don't buy any. Yeah, our life expectancy isn't even going down. Look, I can do this all day. The stats still get better. Yeah, they're so tall and rangy and fit Yeah it's to mock It's to mock the UK Where we don't smoke at all but everyone's fat

Yeah But our lungs are good Yeah Although better to breathe than to get some more pudding It's wine o'clock somewhere Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt Bless this mess I like two things more pudding. It's wine o'clock somewhere. Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt. Bless this mess.

I like two things. Pals and Prosecco. And I'm all out of pals. One Prosecco, two Prosecco, three Prosecco, floor. If the wife asks, I'm working. Keep calm and keep drinking tea. Cat attack! Should we read some emails? We should read some emails? We should read some emails

We should do a correspondence special Yeah, we should We were going to do one this week We forgot I forgot I'm going to try, Phil, and dip in To some of the Correspondence requests I get

Correspondence requests? Well, like you'd send a message request on Instagram or Twitter So we get sent tat through those mediums Oh yeah yeah yeah But often I just fire up the Gmail That's true So this is sort of irony tat Yep great

Okay I have a little more time for irony tat Yeah Well so it's a t-shirt on a lady Oh hello And it says in pink comic sans, don't talk to me until I've had my. And then in curly

willy writing, morning shit. Yeah, yeah, I mean playing on a theme, but this is it. Eventually that becomes hack two. But this is it, isn't it? It comes out the other side, doesn't it? The shit? Yes, eventually. The morning shit, yeah it where it comes out the other side doesn't it the shit yeah it's eventually the morning shit yeah eventually it comes out the other side um yeah and then you go but this is the same as it's like ironic racism

yes there's a point where you go but now you're just saying it again i miss the golden days of ironic racism when people would presume you didn't mean it. Now you can't be sure anymore. But that's the problem, isn't it? I remember us discussing that as the culture transitioned from from ha-ha to, wait, did that guy mean that? He seemed genuinely annoyed.

He seemed upset at us for being here. Yeah. I was on um a sean dave as a uh john richardson's ultimate warrior and one of my concerns was that i miss the golden age of racist jokes which made everyone uncomfortable but they had no right to doubt me because i'm right there yeah there was a time where public and political life wasn't so fraught that you couldn't be sure whether or not someone meant something racist.

It was actually an indicator of stability. That's right. Like the Dutch with the smoking. We can afford to do this because how great everything else is. That's right. It doesn't matter. That's right. Maybe one day we'll have a non-white prime minister,

UG Rishi Sunak, and his first speech would be a long racist joke yeah he'll he'll walk up there and go an englishman and irishman and a pakistani walk into a pop like immediately yeah he'll immediately that accent comes with the joke immediately do a fucking bernard manning. And the nation will come together at last. Yeah. Under its ultimate symbol. A diverse but right-wing man.

That is it. That is it. That is Britain. That is Britain. That's Britain. Yes, yes, yes, yes. A right-wing diverse man eating chicken tikka masala and saluting a picture of the queen. And cutting taxes. You're right. That's what it is. That saluting a picture of the queen on cutting taxes that's what it is

that's the soul now of the nation it is it fucking is, deliveroo conservatism I'm a Thai food Tory I'm a Thai food Tory that's right he's a Tory but he does a Thai food Tory I'm a Thai food Tory That's right He's a Tory but he does like Thai food He's only going to be so anti-immigration

And foreign things We can at least know That he's pro-Thai immigration To an extent Specifically chefs Maybe delivery guys We'll have to see Yeah exactly

Yes god maybe we'll reach that That pinnacle one day Lewis Darley who drew us that picture last week Of us looking at sheep Oh yeah I like that he's very good He's very good it's a very unique style as well Yeah it's a very unique style I was thinking that It's very beautiful

Yeah yeah yeah It's like the style you'd find in very arty sort of graphic novel or i think he's doing one right now okay i've been i follow him on instagram and he's doing posts about it and things and it looks like it's it takes forever you imagine very interesting like shading and stuff yeah um so if you follow him on twitter daliali Makes Art. Dali is not as in Salvador. It's as in D-A-R-L-E-Y. Dali Makes Art. He sent us a good thing about tat. But he says, does this count as tat?

Okay. This is a question of judgment for us. Okay. So it's a tweet about an exhibition that's coming up. And the tweet says, it's an exhibition for cats and dogs For cats and dogs to view? I think so, yeah Like interactive

Right, I mean, okay It's very adult ball pit I mean it isn't, is it? Because it's for cats and dogs Who have no idea what they're looking at Sure, but it's for the adults To watch their dog Look, he's making a friend in the exhibit i actually i actually felt a bit of reflux

like actually my stomach's like yes it is experiences for dogs and things yeah that's what it is okay and the tweet this tweet is um promoting promoting it an exhibition for woofers and floofers is coming to London. No. Woofers and floofers. What annoys me is that I would say woofer, like subwoofer, but then I would say floofer. Floofer, floofer, woofers and floofers. Yeah, it doesn't quite rhyme.

Woofers and floofers. Floofers. I mean, ideally, I'd never say any of those words. I've never heard floofer before. I think it's a cat I mean it isn't strictly tat But it has a spirit The person who wrote it

Is partial to a bit of tat in their house Is it digital tat? Is it the new wave of tat? No because it's just quite Informative isn't it? It's just like this is coming but the term I've used for Cats and dogs is a bit tatty.

Yes, I suppose... It's more whimsical than tat. It's generally whimsical, and whimsy is awful, of course, but it isn't strictly tat. Yes. Does tat have to be physically realised? This is the question we're debating now. No, because you can get it on Instagram.

You can get it like instatat. like insta tat yeah tat i think it's like tat exists to be owned in itself you know yeah and i think like promotions and ads can be tatty but i don't think they're strictly tat themselves unless you keep them yourself okay a wine tasting is coming up okay and the tweet about it says yeah it's wine o'clock somewhere here. I mean, they've definitely taken their inspiration from tat. They're using tat-ish. They're speaking tat-ish. They've appropriated tat.

They have appropriated it. For commercial means. In the digital space, is that tweet not like tat? I don't... Maybe I'm a bit of a tat traditionalist. You're an analogue tat. Yeah, I would not consider that tat. There are elements of tat in it,

but the piece itself is not tat. Because tat exists to be owned on its own. Yes. Well, it's interesting. This is a genuine debate that people... I remember someone telling me that they had like a... They were doing theology at university. Uh-huh.

And part of their... One of their theology seminars was about like is is a dead person's facebook page a grave interesting yeah so in the digital space is that what that is do you visit it to look at the picture and remember them and look at their name yeah that's a grave yeah so true yeah i think that's right well this well well but then if you write something on it it doesn't exist does it it's just made of electricity like this tat yes but i think like the the difference i'm drawing is between like a post on on instagram that says this queen is also a bitch or i don't know. I don't know. Whatever. That is good tat.

I'd wear that. That is not to promote anything. It exists for you to own in the digital space or to look at and to hold in the digital sense. So that is tat. It doesn't have to be physical. Yeah. In the same way that those Facebook pages are effectively gravestones.

Yes. Okay. That's my position. Okay, okay. Yeah, I'd accept that. But you know, the debate rages on. There's some more tat from Eleanor.

Eleanor! Eleanor! What a smell-an-er. What a smell-an-er. Dear Buds, large amounts of praise redacted What does this sign even mean? And bonus miracle from Letterboxd propaganda Sorry for formatting, I tried my best, Koji So

This is difficult Tat to describe It's a mailbox, as you say That's the second one So this first one is a piece of tat It fits your description, you'd purchase it, you'd hang it up You don't have to purchase it It can be given

Tat can be a gift So It is a little wooden sign That one might whimsically hang upon a nail In your rural kitchen Will I be able to guess it? Well, let's see. Okay.

Upon this sign is perched two sort of cartoon birds, like chickens. Okay. They've got little beaks and waffles, you know? Yeah. So there's two of them kind of as if they're on the sign. Yeah. They're in a kind of a cartoony style they don't look real okay and then there's a big heart stuck on the sign as well

because why not okay that's not relevant the chickens kind of are okay the little birds and the sign says in a silly font yeah kitchen closed uh-huh this chicks had it okay that's it that's it oh I thought I was trying to guess it I just as I was reading it I realized what can I leave out that makes that guessable kitchens closed this chicks had it but there's no apostrophe on chicks because grammatical correctness

is obviously the opposite of tat not interested kitchen closed this chicks had it yeah the chickens are sort of Not interested. Kitchen clothes. This chick's had it. Yeah, the chickens are sort of embroidered kind of chicks, and they don't actually appear as chickens. So it's quite confusing to me. Also, again, we've reached that point where it's sort of people buying tat.

That's like, yes, it's for me. I'm the woman buying the tat, and I'm in the kitchen. Yeah. That kind of almost self-categorizing. It's like, I'm the kitchen lady. Right, yes, it's for me. I'm the woman buying the tat and I'm in the kitchen. Yeah. That kind of almost self-categorizing. It's like, I'm the kitchen lady. Right, yes, that's very right. That happens a lot. Yeah, yeah.

In one action, both reinforcing gender stereotypes and fighting back against them. So it's like, I'm not in the kitchen because I've been in the kitchen already. If you want this woman to go into the kitchen and make food well bad luck i've already done that four times today and i'm very tired from doing it which is the thing i do okay this is the the tath also mixes its metaphors the kitchen's closed this chick's had it and chicken so what you're a chicken about to be cooked has had it yeah your chickens run away that's just, that's just low quality tat.

It's just not well thought out in any way. Well, this is it. And so this other thing is... Oh, I see what she means. Bonus miracle from letterbox propaganda. So she's got one of these free newspapers popped in her letterbox. Like from a religious group or political candidate.

Yes. Sometimes you get them because they're like a mad local newspaper that you wouldn't have ever imagined existed. Oh, okay. But this one is very much in the religious propaganda category. Look at a picture of it. It's called New Life. Oh, yeah. Sounds very religious.

New Life. And here are the headlines. Mm-hmm. If you're just tuning in, these are the headlines from New Life. We've got turn worry into prayer. What if your worry is that you're not praying very well? You're not going to compound the problem.

Aren't all prayers worries? Well, is this what they're saying? But I think they're saying you already have worry. Why not turn it into prayer? Prayers are worries, aren't they? I can't imagine someone going, dear God. It's all fine, actually. Well, exactly.

Nothing to report. But this is what they're saying. So instead of worrying about it, pray it away. You may as well pray. I mean, essentially, it's therapy to invisible therapists. That's all that is. Yes. It's meditative, isn't it?

It's just about articulating your worries, which can help. Another headline. Four viruses of the apocalypse. So is this like... Question mark. Right. So is this an article about maybe this is the end of the world? Yeah. But we still need three more viruses?

Four viruses of the apocalypse. I bet you they're counting AIDS as one of them. Oh, okay. I bet you they are. It's a religious group, so an unhealthy obsession with AIDS is not far behind. Queen's message of unity. Okay. Pretty standard

stuff. That's fair enough. Special COVID-19 edition. Hope in the coronavirus crisis. So, it says thanks a 40 million that's the headline for this story thanks a 40 million thanks a 40 million

so this is the story a pastor as in a religious person not a piece of spaghetti exactly, that would be a miracle a piece of spaghetti Exactly That would be a miracle This piece of spaghetti spoke to us About God I believe

It's also fun to call a single spaghetti noodle a pasta Would you like another pasta? Would you like a pasta? Can I get some more pastas in here? Can I have a plate of pastas please? Ha ha ha ha I remember really laughing at school When I realised that in French You have to say les cheveux in here. Can I have a plate of pastas please? I remember really laughing at school when I realised that

in French you have to say les cheveux like my hairs. Oh nice. Un cheveux is a hair. My hairs is actually a very accurate way of describing my beard. Exactly. It implies like seven hairs

in British English. So it's really funny to me that in france you'd go i'm just gonna go cut my hairs what a disgusting thing to say it's funny i have to get some gel to rub it into my hairs horrid horrible a pastor whose video from his hospital bed about prawn cocktail crisps went viral believes he has reached 40 million people with the good news. Lee McClelland, who leads the Arch Church in Belfast alongside his wife, Joanne. Hi, Joanne. Shout out to Joanne.

Revealed in a video how a cleaner came to visit him and prayed for him when no one else could while he was in hospital battling coronavirus. In the video, the 40-year-old father of four said he asked God What? What? Yeah. The video went viral on social media. What video? Video of what?

Of him praying and then them arriving? Yeah, I think so. Or him saying it's happened. The video went viral on social media and has been viewed more than 40 million times. Lee told New Life, I can't believe it. I have invitations from all around the world to go and share my story. I have to watch this video.

But to be honest, I just want to get back to our church in Belfast. We were amazed when thousands viewed the video, but that's over 40 million. It's crazy how many have heard about the power of prayer and the name of Jesus Christ and the deliciousness of Walker's prawn cocktail he's raking it in

what the I mean if I was a man of God a pastor and I had coronavirus and I was as this man is I presume old as hell I would pray to not have coronavirus anymore if i had one coin to spend in the old prayer shop i would go for the not dying of the

reason i'm in hospital as opposed to i'd love these crisps and a can of coke i guess there's a tricky conflict there an internal conflict because if you pray to god yeah uh don't let me die of coronavirus yeah the the implication is that he was going to yeah which and where does that put you in in his books so it'd be kind of like an admission that you think he's going to let you die he's going to get me so why so instead go for something a little a little you know less important like crisps yeah thanks god i it would have been fair enough for you not to have gotten me these crisps yeah because why would you know i wanted the crisps so that's okay but but now you've given you know so god is like a mob boss who you can't offend i've always seen them that way yeah so if you say to the if you say to the head of the mafia and and you're gonna pay me right it'll be such

disrespect yeah exactly you think i'm gonna stiff you out of a measly thousand dollars or whatever and then they'd probably get you beaten up for that disrespect. Whereas if you say, you assume he's going to pay you and then you say, can I also have some crisps? Then my boss is like, by all means! Sure, I'll throw in some crisps. I see what you're saying, yeah. It just seems like an act of extra generosity.

That's right, that's right, that's right. And then God doesn't know that you saw that in your head because he's a weird, yeah, mafia version of God. It's just a kind of, maybe it's just like very... your head because he's a weird mafia version of God it's just a kind of don God it's a good way of getting reminding God of you

without presuming not to be a bother just checking in about those crisps oh yeah I am sick yeah yeah yeah but I guess you knew that and then God's like you can't eat the crisps? Oh yeah, I am sick. Yeah, but I guess you knew that. And then God's like,

you can't eat the crisps if you're dead. And you're like, you know I hadn't thought of that. Yeah, exactly. You're right. God, I guess I'll have to be alive then. Maybe this guy's the cleverest guy in the world. He deserves every one of those

40 million views, this pastor. God, yeah, maybe. Intercessionary prayer. A real slap in the face for all those people who wanted something more than crisps. Yeah, never asked for crisps. Should have lowballed it. Yeah. It's like Willy Wonka.

He was the humblest. And that's why he gets the factory. Everyone else, I want the chocolate river. It's like, well, you're going to die of a communicable disease. You're greedy. And I'm mean. We'll end on some Dutch tat. That's tat that you fart on.

It's tat that someone's farted on. Fart tat is like boob whiskey. Or boob vodka. Someone famous has done a fart on this live laugh love sign Yeah yeah yeah You can tell guests that Madonna farted on this sign May I? Please

Oh Wow This is from Tal Tal? T-A-L? Yeah You don't say Tak in there Danke Hi Phil and Pierre

Recently I found some very confusing tat On the Dutch equivalent of Craigslist Oh Karlslist Yeah Karlslist It's Craigslist but it's pronounced Craigslist Yeah yeah yeah I think they made it themselves

Because I can't imagine any other explanation Anyway enjoy So Oh my god yeah I think they definitely made it themselves Because I don't think they'd get away with this legally So this is a piece of tat on sale on Dutch Craigslist Yes And what is it

So it's a Sort of Mickey Mouse wall hanging Okay okay They've hung up So it's a sort of Mickey Mouse wall hanging. Okay, okay. They've hung up a silhouette of M. Mouse. So you've got the ears. You've got the round head. The simple silhouette. But where the head is, it's also a photo of Mickey Mouse.

In full body? No, kind of like not even his whole face like half his face oh yeah it's like it's so yeah so in the circle of the mickey mouse logo is a photograph of a mickey mouse in a costume at a disneyland yeah and it's taken with what appears to be a sort of fisheye lens it's very peculiar it's really odd and the caption underneath is you can do it full stop yeah if you can dream dream it dream it yeah the tat whisperer strikes again i did see it when you pointed at me and dream it is written in like cramped stenciled disney ripoff font that's quite dutch i like it you can do it if you can dream it but also because no exclamation marks but also that that disney d is at the beginning of dream it and it's such a i it took me ages to see that as a d and even now

it looks like a backward c so i first read you can do it if you cream it that's much sexier yeah you can do it dodge definitely if you can cream it that's horrid i'm just gonna go cut my hairs hey you can do it if you can cream it that's horrible yeah i don't like that at all in my hairs gotta cream my hairs gotta pay a guy to cream my hairs well I think that's all we have time for yeah thanks Tal for that keep creaming it everybody keep on creaming it everybody don't let that cream die keep creaming it

keep living the cream power our cities keep creaming it keep creaming it bye