BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 88 - Four Seasons Total BudPodding

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

The boys finally ACTUALLY discuss that key thing... the Sky Nazi woodworking show! Also the US election and the vaccine announcement! Wahoo! It's a good time to be a coupla centrist dads Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's 88. Is 88 anything to you, Phil, apart from Neo-Nazi code? It's Neo-Nazi code, which actually brings up the Nazi lumberjack that we never spoke about. Yes, that's true. I think with this week's news, for me, 88 is greaty great. Lately great. It's late in the year, but it's great. It has been pretty great I mean It's kind of been like an avalanche of excellent news Literally the second

After we recorded the last episode We had nothing to talk about Last episode And now there's too much to talk about Yeah and like I was saying to A friend of mine that So so donald trump like loses the election and then uh all this other stuff comes out and like rudy giuliani does a speech between

a dildo shop and a crematorium and then uh his loads of his natural home his spiritual home really rudy rudy giuliani it's a new way of saying from cradle to the grave From the dildo shop to the creme de mora We're going to take care of you Yeah And then like the vaccine comes out And I was saying like it's like defeating Donald Trump In an election or maybe right before the election

Happened like someone knocked a ruby Out of a cursed statue Some kind of cursed ruby was blocking all the good things and then now someone finally chipped it out of there and it's all flooding through well it's kind of like when when someone destroys the little jewel on the forehead of the main bad guy and like loads of light bursts out of it. And he goes. And then he turns into dust. And then all the minions look at him. And they go.

And then they turn into dust. Because he's gone. Yeah all the skeletons crumble. Yes we finally found a vaccine. Against skeletons. We finally defeated the skeletons. Against Skellington 19 um yeah i mean fucking hell so i suppose okay uh do you do you want to just jump straight into the big news or shall we finally just maybe is it too is it is it cruel at this point to mock sky for their neo-nazi woodsman

yeah no no i don't think it's too too late um it feels like old news now which is just that's just the the nature of our times yes yes it is still also also the nature of our times are Nazis in prominent public positions so and on the tube of course my own interaction with

encounter with the Nazis on the tube but yeah in case anyone missed it Sky was trying to start a new reality competition show about woodworking which should have really been nipped in the bud before it even got as far as it did.

But they featured a man who was tattooed all over his body as a sort of quirky choice. Seemingly not noticing that he had at least two Nazi related tattoos on his head. Yeah, and when we say all over his body, listeners,

if you haven't kept up to date with a Sky woodchopping Nazi scandal, we don't just mean like a, ooh, like a fun, like a rock and roll guy. We're like on his fucking eyelids, like on his lips, all over his face. He had 88, which is a code for heil hitler yeah um because there is the eighth letter of the alphabet uh what else did he have he had he had he had the white power one was that 1621 or 2016 or like whatever the numbers are that are the letters for wp white power that was on his cheeks right right right man you end up with a lot of numbers on your body when you have to hide in numerical code also like this like a numerical code that you would find in a in a

famous five book yeah like the most simple possible yeah Yeah, A is one. B is two. This guy's head looks like a fucking Sudoku puzzle because he believes... For someone so enamoured with white skin, he sure isn't intent on covering it up. Scribbling on it.

Yeah, isn't he vandalizing the purest skin on earth I like I like how the actual Nazis had the Enigma machine which took all of Bletchley Park to crack and now they're just stuck with A1, B2, C3

yeah yeah back to basics. Yeah, just essentially covering your body in a racist crossword for children. I'd love to watch a movie about Benedict Cumberbatch trying to decode the number 8-8 on a

Nazi carpenter's head. 8-8? What could it possibly mean? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Loads and loads of machines in the background just humming, spinning. What? His mustache area, whatever it's called, the area between your nose and your upper lip. Plenum. Plenum? Yeah, I think so. lip. Plenum. Plenum? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Plenum. I think it's plenum. Plenum Pallus. His plenum, if that's what it is, just had the word homegrown tattooed onto it as well. Really? I mean, that is about as cutesy

an expression of xenophobia as you can find, homegrown. It's Nazi tat. It really is. It's so good to see tat in mainstream media, you know. It's all good to see tat at the front of the news agenda. Actually, I've only just realized this.

Filtrum. Filtrum, not plenum. Filtrum. Filtrum is the little bit between your nose and your upper lip. I've only just remembered this, but I remember from school learning about uh the nazis that one of their like policies or like one of hitler's obsessions was um uh kinder kirche kirche which is like children kitchen church and it was about like like nazi like family values or whatever like that's what you should have if you're like a good Nazi woman or something

yeah but that's Tat isn't it it is kids home church in Köln I think it's also KKK spookily enough oh interesting yeah yeah yeah Tat just emblazoned

on one of those eagles like a Nazi eagle. I don't know how you describe them. Those are the square wings. Here's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kinderküche Kirche. Oh, it's from the German Empire as well. Alright, so it's what

women are supposed to do. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then the Nazis were super into that. So yeah, that's tat, man. Is there an equivalent of for king and country? For kids? Church? And the kitchen?

Fry eggs for the empire. But yeah, it's really extraordinary with the Sky show that they didn't... A man covered in tattoos. They didn't think, maybe we should check some of the tattoos. This is how mainstream tattoos have become. Oh, we have discussed it. Yeah. I think I said it last time we discussed it, but it is just proof that no one involved, in my opinion, I'd be so surprised if anyone involved was not white

because only a bunch of white people would just trust a white guy with a beard and face tattoos who lives in the woods and looks like that, unquestionably Anyway enough of that bald fascist let's talk about a fascist with hair.

Finally. A bit of diversity. In some ways, very close. But in some ways, in terms of the popular vote, a big old Biden landslide, popular vote-wise. In terms of the defeat of an incumbent president a really large win because it depends how you look at it right? that's true because I mean it's rare for

an incumbent's first sitting president to be voted out of office in any case three times in the last century yeah it's incredibly rare it's incredibly rare and like you say with those numbers too it's incredibly rare. And like you say, with those numbers too, it's going to end up being something like 7 million popular votes.

I didn't even realize this. Obviously, they called New York super early for the Democrats, but there's still huge numbers of mail-in votes from New York, which are going to be even more Democrat than Democrats. So Joe Biden's popular vote share is only going to increase i mean he's on he's on track to win georgia georgia for god's sake that's insane yeah i mean that's that's just fucking nuts isn't it i think the last person to win georgia the last two democrats to win georgia were all southerners you know it's like clinton car, maybe Johnson, but probably not.

What with the Civil Rights Act? Right, okay. It seems like the only time you ever see loads of blue states in the South is when the Democrat genuinely talks like the lucky Kentucky guy. Yeah. Democracy. Yeah, exactly. Well, all I want is a high minimum wage And then they go

Now that you put it like that Yeehaw Medicare for all That's kind of something that makes a lot of sense actually Yeah Workers rights I really like Cowboy Socialist As a new character

That's a bit like An Andy Daly character The foremost cowboy socialist Of the west This town ain't big enough for the both of us Which is why social housing Is so important build more houses

that's fucking great cowboy socialist cowboy socialist what else would cowboy socialists do? Well I mean His diet of Beans over a fire Would be largely unchanged

Yes This is a one horse town And I'm going to nationalise the horse I guess like the town should own the horse and have a monopoly on it. That's right. Everyone gets a turn on the horse. What other... I guess eventually you replace the sheriff with a commissar. What other...

I guess eventually you replace the sheriff with like a commissar. Yeah. Yeah, a sort of town committee. No more gambling in the saloon. Did the socialists not like gambling? I guess it does sort of, it literally is about winners and losers. It's a trick.

It's an evil trick. Of course. Of course. No more shootouts at the old chapel. No more reverends. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. The church is just going to be turned into some kind of, I don't know, debating chamber or presidium. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but overall, people will still be sort of living in filthy destitution, so there won't be that much difference. Well, as we all know, Biden is...

Biden's in that funny position where everyone who is against him calls him a socialist and everyone else who's against him says he's not a socialist. Welcome to centrism, where you can never win, except on the occasion that you do. Yeah, where you can never win socially, but you will seemingly win almost every election. You win votes, but never hearts or minds. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the nation's stepdad. You win votes but never hearts or minds. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're the nation's stepdad. Maybe you win minds, actually. You win minds but you never win hearts. It's like you're offering to be someone's accountant, isn't it? They're not going to love you. It really is. It's been great watching the British far-left squirm with this result not knowing how to not knowing how to compute it the kind of the same people the same people responsible for labor's worth's defeat in a century are saying that biden won by too close a margin it's really

yeah it's really incredible stuff people people who are responsible for Labour losing seats in all of the areas in which Labour was invented as a party and as a movement, including Wrexham in North Wales, and the only seat they gained across the entire country was in Putney. Putney! That bastion of socialist hard-working miners and lumberjacks.

Hey, those young mommies got bullied by the teenage kids. But yeah, you're right, Phil. These people are very upset that Joe Biden has won. Um, and they, yeah, it's, it's, I was saying, um, to Phil before listeners that I, I checked in on a, on a, a hard left podcast Twitch stream, uh, during, uh, well, not even on election night in hindsight. Anyway, uh, the point is that I was making to Phil is that I was scrolling through it and genuinely like, according to the chat on that Twitch stream, it could have been a Trump supporters live stream like they're so anti-democrats anti-biden so pleased when um ohio came in for

for trump like jubilation in the in the comment stream is amazing there's nothing the far there's nothing the the far left hates more than victory because suddenly they have to put their batshit unicorn fantasy into practice. And they were not expecting it to have to be that. It's daunting. It's daunting. So it's been a pretty great, I mean, Pierre, the hat trick of Jeremy Corbyn suspended, Trump losing, COVID vaccine.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know what competition I entered and forgot about, but man, I've hit the cherries, you know? Three cherries. Someone smashed a cursed amulet with a hammer. Someone smashed a cursed amulet with a hammer. Another thing I've been really enjoying is people going, British people going, well, British leftists going,

before anyone gets too cocky about Trump winning over in America, you might want to have a look at who's prime minister here. As if they're even comparable. Yeah, and also as if for a moment we forgot. As if we're going to go, well, I'll just Google that. Oh no, it's him. Oh, no. Well, that's put a real damper on my mood.

Or the idea that this is sort of, this is the doomsday clock starting down on Boris Johnson's premiership, as if British people are going and looking at, Donald Trump lost? Well, I guess I've suddenly changed my entire politics about voting Tory. Yes. The guy I also hate, the guy I also hate

is gone from the White House. I guess that spells the end of the days for my preferred party. It's just constant like um projection and trying to find trying to find uh emotional resonance and stuff as opposed to maybe statistical resonance but even then like i think it's even as someone like it's literally people going, Boris Johnson, you've got silly hair too. This probably spells defeat for you. People obviously had enough of silly haired men. You must be quaking in your boots. Yeah, I mean, it's uncomfortable

because it's like you want to draw stuff from the Biden victory and be like, well, people clearly enjoy people who come across a bit you know centrist and sound reasonable and sort of go hey how about we all just have some good ideas and things like that and don't sound too dramatic but then

also you're like yeah I don't know how many Puerto Ricans live in London don't know if Puerto Ricans lean labor because of the conservative party's historical attitude to London. Don't know if Puerto Ricans lean Labour because of the Conservative Party's historical attitude to the Truman Doctrine or whatever it is. What was it called?

Is that it? Which one? No. What am I thinking of? Let's also not forget that Donald Trump got the second most votes of anyone in history. The Monroe Doctrine, of course. Sorry. Trump's second most votes. Yes. Terrifying. Yeah. So it's not some overwhelming repudiation of that kind of ideology. But what is interesting, though, is whether or not Trumpism just goes away, how much of a cult of personality it is and for me

corbinism is the clearest parallel here that once corbin was gone corbinism is basically it just dissolved into into thin air because there was nothing behind it except this this uh sort of benevolent old man cartoon everyone had come up with to lay their own beliefs on top of and once that old man cartoon went there's nothing to for people to to hook their personalities onto and so with no trump you know i don't know if trumpism survives it can take on i think the conspiracism that developed under Trump will survive. But Trumpism itself, I don't know. I don't know what you think.

Yeah, I mean, I think you're right. But then the difference is that Trump managed to get into office and do stuff. So they have achievements they can remember or pretend achievements, really. Yeah, that's true. So they can be like, well, there was finally a guy talking about a wall. So it can happen. They can say things was finally a guy talking about a wall. So it can happen. They can say things like that. But still talk, innit?

Which is all that Corbyn managed as well. Just all talk. Talk about nationalization. Talk about a wall. So people can still stick by talk. Yeah, they can stick by talk. But even with Donald Trump, with all the presidential decrees, like the Muslim travel ban and stuff, obviously that was struck down by courts eventually.

But it did happen for a bit that's right and you know they've completely front-loaded all the judiciary across the whole country with right-wing nutters you know who have a degree in law from the jesus academy of bombing abortion clinics or whatever the fuck so you know they're in trouble there uh whereas and the other thing is that trump could come back whereas once you kind of lose that many elections that badly and you're no longer the leader of your party and then you get kicked out of your party for uh minimizing if not enabling racism then you kind of have to stick to making jam on the allotment, etc. You can't really come back from that. There's no comeback from that. And he's fucking old.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Is he older than Trump? Ooh. He's over 70. He's definitely over 70. Trump is over 74.

That's a good question. He's 71 71 so he's slightly younger than Donald Trump that's a bit mad don't you think in my mind he's older than Donald Trump yeah I mean he fucking looks

older than Donald Trump and then he doesn't have that kind of insane Hollywood mindset that's true that's true 74 Donald Donald Trump would look like without all the shit he's done to himself

without any money yeah this is how he looks with money this is how he looks with a billion dollars yeah I mean he'd look like an evil frog

he'd look like an evil frog. He'd look like Pepe the Frog. He'd literally look like Pepe. Yeah, he would look like Pepe. To be fair to Donald Trump, if he had no money, his diet would be largely the same. Yeah. Just hamburgers. This is a man whose wealth has not siphoned into the food column of expenses. Maybe in terms of volume, but not in terms of quantity.

It's really funny. It's really funny to me because it's not like, oh, he started out as like a blue-collar hamburger McDonald's guy, and then now wealth hasn't changed him. It's like, no, he was born rich. Yeah. And he's just like right in there with Ronald McDonald and everything it's like his his culinary heroes man the M the four seasons landscaping detail is so...

At first I was like, no, don't be ridiculous. Come on, guys, let's not get ahead of ourselves and just start making shit up. Yeah. But it's real. They held their press conference at a landscaping firm. You know they're already selling merch, Four Seasons landscaping.

They're already selling T-shirts that say Make America Rake Again They're already capitalizing What a The American dream, what a country I think I love that not only is it a Landscaping firm but it's like so clearly

Visibly A garage door. Yeah. It's just like a sort of storage unit that you might have in storage wars or where you might find a serial killer's victims. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks exactly like where Hannibal Lectibal lecter like keeps all his shit

yes yes it does with the mannequins and all that i don't know if that was his storage unit it was it was it was the one clarice had to sneak into yeah yeah yeah the one with the head in the jar it looked like it looked like that exact garage rudy giuliani's head in a jar. Oh my god. And then I love how they showed up and they clearly just went, well obviously we'll kind of double-sided sticky tape all the Trump stuff to the garage door, I suppose.

The insane thing to me is when they turned up they didn't just go, oh well, obviously not and just drive somewhere else. Or just cancel it or just can't why stick to those guns it's so funny and did you see that donald trump had to correct his own tweet yeah and he'd have to be like the press conference will be at the four seasons and then like a few minutes that's interesting is that the first time he's ever

corrected a tweet god damn maybe the force of the era was that powerful just for i just love the idea of him being like it's gonna be at the four seasons by which i mean four seasons landscaping of course i really liked your arrested development graphic you posted did you make that i didn't i didn't unfortunately oh okay um i had the thought and then i just saw someone uh posted on an image sharing website so i just went yeah just it's too good not to just share that people need to see this and nature needs to heal again i got the i got the brief high that all meme thieves must feel yeah yeah that dirty dirty high The dirty high of the... What's the fancy word for stealing?

Le. It starts with an L. Fancy word for stealing. Emulating? Emulating is just sort of copying. Look, it's not important. And I'll look it up myself. Purloining?

You know what? There's more important stuff to talk about than synonyms of stealing. I'm pretty worried about these. People keep going, Trump's gone, forgetting that he still has two months. And I don't know if he's just going to go full self-detonation now.

I mean, he has nothing to lose. What's he going to do? He's going to go full crazy. He has 70 days left to fuck everything up. What? Yeah, gosh. Is he going? Yeah, what is he going to do? what is he going to do what is he going to launch

what missiles is he going to launch and where to yeah i mean it's it's i seem to remember learning at school that the reason for this huge gap is like was originally to give them time to just like post all the results together and stuff because it was all being done by fucking horse um so that often the result would only really be fully known genuinely you know much much later whereas now it's like there's no reason for this gap right and it would be so much better if there was a way to convince donald trump he was still president or like in with a chance until right when he had to be evicted well exactly i mean i'm starting, if anything, let's hope he doesn't accept this until January. Let's hope this keeps him fucking busy

trying to sue Pennsylvania. To sue the concept of maths. Yeah, let him think he still has a chance right until January the 20th. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be terrifying. Do you know what happens do you know what what um what allegiances the secret service have like if if it becomes january 20th and donald trump won't leave because he he has a secret service detail for the rest of his life now as well

doesn't he do this do the different secret service details have to fight each other like a turf war that'd be? That would be cool. That would be cool. They've definitely switched to Biden. I mean, the second that Fox News called – I don't know. Whoever called it first, like the second that happened, they shut down the airspace above Joe Biden's house.

Yeah. So, I mean, they're in there. They're on him. Yeah, maybe they just have to do a big like – just on the White House lawn Like a kind of Mortal Kombat tournament That would be good A little bit of detail about the What was it?

Four seasons total landscaping debacle Phil, that you might not have known That is an extra cherry on top of all the cherries Do you know who the first person was who Rudy Giuliani got up to talk about how they'd definitely seen some people scribbling things on paper? Is it a famous person?

Infamous, but not famous. There's no reason you should know who they are by name. Did you see this? Did you see what they were about? It was someone who has... who's on a sex offenders register. It was an infamous pedophile, yes. It was an infamous pedophile

who is not from Pennsylvania. Wow. It's so funny to me. And also his evidence, this pedophile who Rudy Giuliani brought on stage with great triumph in between a dildo shop and a crematorium. Here's a pedophile.

The pedophile's evidence was that he had been a count watcher in the ballot counting rooms. He'd been a watcher. And he hadn't been allowed to get closer than six feet to the tables while people were doing the counting that was it really that was it during a during a pandemic and and to not bother people that was very suspicious apparently according to this pedophile anyway so hands face space essentially was why he why he thinks it's not a legitimate election. Yeah, exactly. And who would ignore advice about hands-face space more than a nonce? Just imagine being the former mayor of New York and this incredibly famous, powerful man who's now reduced to being the personal lawyer for an insane idiot and holding a press conference outside a garage door between a dildo shop and a crematorium and triumphantly bringing a pedophile onto the stage and in front of the world's press.

And while this is happening the media just call the election for Biden and loads of them start leaving and apparently there's just another some random guy also like with an air shot screaming about George Soros yes screaming conspiracy theories

while he's trying to give a speech to bring in on a pedophile between an adult bookshop and a crematorium. And the guy screaming about George Soros was wearing like underpants and a vest and a Joe Biden mask on top of his head. But yeah, it was just already there. That's where he usually is.

He's, it's his natural environment. He's just part of the furniture there. Yeah. So it's too is. He's, it's his natural environment. He's just part of the furniture there, yeah. So, it's too perfect. If you put it in a scripted comedy, it would be like, alright, alright. Yeah, it's all a bit much. It's all just a bit much.

It all feels too written, like Donald Trump playing golf as the election was called. It just feels too written. It's too perfect. it really is too perfect and then now there's all the there's white house rumors that melania is like telling him he has to concede and also that she wants a divorce really yeah yeah i saw that on the independent yeah gosh and and if that happens you'll only have eight melania's left he's like a cat like that.

That's what people say. They look at Donald Trump and shake their heads and go, God, I swear to God, that guy's got nine Melanias. Isn't it strange that the Trump presidency now feels weird again? Do you know what I mean? It's like I've just been snapped out of hypnosis. Whoa, I've looked down and I'm completely naked and covered in feathers. And I'm like, what happened?

I was seeing journalists tweeting saying it's really weird to get like a press release from a presidential office. They're talking about the Joe Biden Coronavirus Task Force press release. And they're saying this is the first time in four years that we get an official press release and we don't have to heavily fact check it and we don't have to go. This could mean nothing. This could be nothing. Do you remember how early on in the Trump trump presidency like four months in there were all those articles saying there are over like 900 high-level government positions that donald trump has still not filled oh is that true yeah he went like there's loads of countries that that he didn't

like three months in still didn't have ambassadors still didn't have like heads of the civil service still didn't have managers for this and that um he he never did it so up until now those positions aren't felt yeah for the whole four years he never ever did it like this whole country's out there who haven't had an ambassador this whole time they've had like you know whatever the local equivalent is that was already there, you know, a charge de faire or whatever. But anyone appointed by Obama who left, like the majority of them has not been replaced. They've just had a lone TV in a room playing Fox News 24-7. That's their ambassador. Yeah, and like a projector live Twitter feed of his tweets just going, this is the same. This is the same.

Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Four years. In one sense, Biden has a really hard job ahead of him. And in another sense, he has, in terms of expectation, the easiest presidency anyone has ever, ever had. Can you imagine the look on biden's ancient face when it was like you're going to take over probably when we start giving people the vaccine what a honeymoon period wow

yeah and also like because donald trump has done all these insane things like leaving the world health organization or leaving the paris climate accords and a lot of a lot of um joe biden's first hundred days will just be like re-signing up to stuff so it'll be like even though he didn't as a president create these amazing organizations he gets to join them as if it's like his achievement that's great all those photos of handshakings he's got so many photos of handshakings in his first three months to post oh my god yeah and with everyone it's just going to be fucking he's gonna it's gonna be like being the queen just constantly meeting and handshaking people and opening things oh man so strange i so hope they win the two Senate runoffs in Georgia,

because then they'll have control of the Senate and actually be able to pass stuff. Otherwise, Mitch McConnell is disgusting. Is there really a chance? I thought there was no chance that the Democrats can win the Senate. Oh, so the Georgia Senate race still isn't over. Oh. For some reason, the way they do it in Georgia, apparently, the way they've decided to be weird in georgia um is that on november the

third it's uh a big election with lots of candidates and basically you only win if you get over 50 percent uh-huh if everyone has under 50 percent then the top two candidates go to a runoff. And people vote again? Or they count again? And the runoff's in January. People vote again, yeah. Ah, nice. And there's two Senate seats up for grabs, which would, if the Democrats win them, bring it over to the Democrats.

And one of them was, I think, two new candidates, and that was quite easily under 50%. And one of them is, like like a really old incumbent Republican. And he only just got something like mad, like 49.8%. Like it was so close. Gosh. So those two Senate races in January could be the most expensive Senate races in history because they control everything for the next four years. Everything.

As in terms of the amount spent on the campaigning? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is the most expensive presidential election 14 billion wow oh man yeah 14 billion dollars that could almost pay for um a test and trace system in the uk uh one as long as it's one that doesn't work yeah That could almost pay for a test and trace system in the UK. As long as it's one that doesn't work, yeah. Will you be getting a vaccine, Pierre, or do you not want to be controlled by Bill Gates? To be honest, at this point,

I think Bill Gates taking over my life would be an incredible opportunity because he's a big success. Yeah, exactly. I'd love to see what he does for the place. I'd love for him to take over my body. If Bill Gates took over my life and controlled my mind, I can only imagine how much more successful I'll become. You'll keep crashing, though. That's the downside. As long as I just...

Yeah, I'll have to ignore a lot of update notifications. That's actually really funny. When Microsoft first bought the graphic user interface off, I think off Xerox. No, the mouse they got off Xerox. No, the Mac got off Xerox. I don't know when they both sold from xerox yeah right when microsoft first bought its desktop basically it's um its operating system it wasn't finished and the guy who had made it was like this isn't finished this is like a stopgap it it doesn't work very well

they're like ah whatever and they just bought it and just sold it as windows i mean that is that is a truncation of the story but um it seems to carry a lot of water for me yeah and i mean then you're just the update guys after then exactly the history of like modern commercial computing is you know quite interesting especially if you only know a few disparate facts i would love it if bill it's really funny actually that people who believe in conspiracies their lives tend to be a fucking mess and they're worried about bill gates taking over their brain yeah as if that would make things worse you'd you'd you'd be

lucky you'd be lucky for bill gates to take over your brain you know i get you to put some trousers on for once he the first thing bill gates would do if he took over your brain is take all the tinfoil down off the ceiling i i did you watch um boris johnson's uh statement uh press conference after the announcement of the new uh the trials the vaccine trials 90 effectiveness um i just saw the clip where he was like hold your horses everyone let's still be sad it's very it very much had the air of um yes a vaccine does look very realistic but keep in mind i'm in charge yes we have a vaccine but keep in mind i am in charge so that this doesn't mean anything that was that was genuinely this that was the feeling of the conference, the press conference.

Keep in mind, we're in charge. It's a lot of self-awareness where, yeah, like someone being told, well, we've given you all the highly advanced tools necessary for this surgery, and so there you go. And someone just going, well well I failed med school so yeah maybe we know it's good that we've got these scalpels and these the pumps for

the lung yeah but let's just you know maybe not maybe just expectations moderate moderate you know the vaccine has to be kept at minus 80 degrees Celsius. Oh, yes, yes, very cold.

So it has to be done in hospitals and stuff, right? So the UK finally has to invent air conditioning at last. The UK finally has to put more ice in people's drinks. It's got me thinking, like, so will it be like freezing? Do they let it warm up a little before they inject you with it?

Or does it go in freezing? Do you become like sub-zero for five minutes? Yeah, I think you do turn into a sort of ice man. Like you crackle. It starts as a block of ice that forms around your wrist and that travels up your body and then you're entirely encased on ice and people think you're dead and then you go and you smash out of it and then you're immune like a ice phoenix from the ice ashes

yeah i think they must uh they must just keep it like... It must just be that they have to keep it that cold because it only survives for, what, like 10 minutes or something when it warms up. So they have to go, okay, it's like a baby's bottle testing on their wrist. Like, okay, it's warm enough. Go, go, go, go, go.

And they pop it in you. Right, right, right, right, right. Maybe that's it. Yeah, gosh. It'd be interesting to see um see how it all pans out i i'm still very you know cautiously optimistic i you know don't put it past don't put anything past his government to not fuck up i did um see a very funny tweet from ben partridge where he said uh he he looks forward to like the news that the government's delivered every all 10 20 million doses of the vaccine into a scarecrow

did you see um did you see the story about boris johnson's congratulations joe biden image on his twitter account the the text yeah the text image no that's just come out this go on the story has just come out this morning um if you look at that image you can see where they've gone on photoshop and they've scrubbed out donald trump and put in joe biden no come on really yeah look look look look on twitter it's. They didn't use a new image fill. They went in with like the smudgy tool and coloured it in and then wrote new text over the top and you could still see bits of the old text.

It's incredible. Wait, so they presumed Donald Trump was going to win? They had a Donald Trump's going to win JPEG and they went Joe Biden won. They didn't have a different Joe Biden JPEG. They just opened the Donald Trump one and went scrub, scrub, scrub, like with a little pen. Oh, here it is.

Jeez. But it's... Wait, but the... Okay. God, that makes no... Oh, man, that's just crazy to me. Isn't that amazing? That is...

I mean, yeah. I'm still not completely believing that. It's true. If you go look at the original image posted by Boris Johnson's Twitter, it's still up, and you can see the ghost of the word Trump, and then if you enhance it, you can see it even more. God, man, the conspiracists are going to eat that up but isn't that isn't that an amazing piece of completely voluntary incompetence fantastic

yeah it's really amazing when people give off the impression of actively trying to be shit just they're trying they're putting energy into being bad it's so funny with all these headlines about how difficult it's going to be for boris johnson and joe biden to get along and how he doesn't like joe biden hates brexit and thinks boris is a cunt and blah blah blah it's so funny that in the context of that they've done like they've done the diplomatic equivalent of accidentally buying a 50th birthday just scribbling it out with a biro. Oh boy. It's amazing.

That's number 10. Number 10! Imagine having access to Photoshop and then using it to not do a new image, just to do a bad one of the old one and create this whole story. Amazing. Amazing choice to make. Surely it's just easier to just write out new text, to type out new text.

It's not a complicated image. It's a fucking brown background with white text on it. No, man. Amazing. Absolutely astonishing. I just... What a week it's been for people tripping over their own shoelaces and then shitting themselves when they hit the floor really amazing stuff it's just been like the corbin suspension and then trump losing is just like it's so amazing to see

what consequences look like we i'd forgotten what consequences looked like it's been so long since we saw anyone like pay for their failures yeah and and and for for anyone to to not be able to get around something by saying yeah but that's not what they meant like just arguments about what might hypothetically exist inside someone's brain being used as if they're sort of incredible legal evidence either way

yeah part of reality is all snapped back into place yeah I swear Part of reality has snapped back into place. Yeah, I swear. Genuinely, my best guess is Cursed Amulet got smashed. That is your best scientific guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't imagine. I don't know what it was four years ago. Someone opened a haunted tomb. Someone stumbled across a necklace that looked like it should have a jewel in it and realized it looked just like the necklace that their grandma wore in that photo and they put the jewel back in that was about four years ago yeah it feels like

things are back to starting to make sense like a rebuilding phase I thought about this for a while is there going to be like a 20s style boom is there going to be like a post war like boom

now for western democracies? I mean, yeah, I mean, maybe. I mean, let's hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hope so. It does feel a bit like, yeah, the entire kind of world has sort of just managed to get clean of some kind of awful drug did you see that the stock price of zoom plummeted after after the vaccine was announced

have you seen that um because the election didn't result in sort of widespread revolution that the sales and stocks of like various gun manufacturers have also gone down yeah it's not amazing i've forgotten about that about the threat of that's good yeah i mean that could still kick off it could it could i don't know if it's better or worse that the election is dragging out, giving people time to get used to something. Like if it had all been announced all in one evening, you know, the shock might have been greater. I think the elation would have been greater as well.

I mean, I didn't feel, at no point did I go, fucking yes, because it just kept teasing us and teasing us and teasing us until eventually someone said, yeah, he's done it. But we kind of expanded our energy by then. It's also because there's no formal way to declare a winner. They generally do go by the news network's projections. Yeah, that's so weird. That is so strange. Which is nuts.

pretty much by the next day it was like when by the time that we recorded the last podcast it was mathematically like incredibly certain that biden would win like mail-in ballots would have to suddenly be 80 republican in like four states for no reason which wasn't going to happen um and so annoying the annoying thing about dragging it out is that it's giving the impression that at any point it was it was particularly doubted that's right sure and i mean after a certain point it wasn't and now everyone's sort of going oh it's still close though isn't it you go well no it's not look at it yeah yeah so that's the danger and i do kind of wish that i don't know it would have looked dodgy as well if if biden had declared too early because then it would have been both of these crazy old men are crazy and think they've won as opposed to one crazy old man and one adult just patiently waiting to be definitely the winner. You don't want to make it look like an argument between two pensioners.

Yeah, I guess civil unrest could still happen. mean there's well there's already there's still armed protests outside state houses and stuff right now there's a video of that on twitter today yeah gosh but what a time for tweets such a great time for tweets i had um i had a little uh viral guy had a you had a big boy i had a big boy we're on like 15 000 retweets um for those haven't seen it i um i tweeted uh it is finally of fefe which i mean i say it out loud and i feel embarrassed but written down and in the moment most importantly it it it it was funny i think and it worked and how did you think of it literally i was looking up someone else who i like who i follow's tweets and they'd retweeted someone who just mentioned the old cafe thing and i went oh yeah i forgot about cafe and then i just

sort of saw the ov in it and i went i wonder if i can i'll just shut this out and then it just like just read too easy read too easy and then and people started going oh you've had this you've had this in your draft for a long time huh and i and i just and i just want to say i literally shut this out in the second i spent more i spent more time wiping my ass today than i did thinking about that tweet and i love it's now been like yeah all the most viral tweets are like are never like respected by their deliverers in advance yeah yeah and but but because of its success i now have become protective of argent even though it's nothing to me but from time to time someone will go fucking bullshit i was just some some idiot somewhere else again this is piece of shit what a stupid fucking tweet and i have to stop and my instinct

is to go how dare you how i work so hard then i have to remind myself no i didn't i just it came to me in the fucking second it was nothing it was nothing to me do you still have notifications where you can see people being uh annoyed at you i i i saw one and then i turned off the conversation and then i then i was like why aren't isn't my tweet getting any more retweets i realized i'd muted the whole conversation of anything to do with that tweet so i wasn't seeing retweets either so then i unmuted it um i if something gets that big i can i still i'm so pathetic i still look at a lot of it but I don't reply to people and

I'm observing people commenting on it they're not commenting at me I'm just observing them commenting on something that is separate from me I don't get notifications from people who I don't who don't follow me okay sure

so if someone retweets something like enough times in a row that it hits someone like five separations away from me and they have a comment i don't care but how do you know how will you know if someone famous that you don't follow retweets you like in my case um i can still click on the tweet and look at who's retweeted it but i'm just not getting like pings from people going like oh yeah good good, dickhead or whatever. Or like replies from someone who follows someone who I don't follow, who follows someone who I don't follow, who follows someone who I don't follow with their like shitty extra versions of the same joke that I've made

or, you know, whatever little like riff they're trying to do on it the way people do. I was retweeted by Aisha Tyler, who is one of the voices on archer whoa and was um was ross's friend ross's girlfriend and friends for a bit uh but i was more excited because of the archer thing so that was my favorite also the the dark head girl from uh two broke girls That's it, Comp? Finally broke Two Broke Girls.

It's such a weird thing when something like that takes off. Maybe we'll get a spike in listens like we did with your chilling Tom Hiddleston video. Well, this is the fucking crazy thing, right? I looked at the numbers for that tweet. It'll show you analytics, right, if you want.

And the analytics for that tweet was, when I looked at it, you know, 14,000 retweets, like 55,000 likes. Impressions, so people who had seen it, was like 2 million, a bit over 2 million. And the number million and the number guess the number of followers I got directly off the tweet oh man yeah it's gonna be like 20

19 oh my god twitter's dead isn't it there's no movement it's fossilized 19 it's fossilized yeah it's gone it's totally gone bloody hell

it's not about content anymore it's about opinions people follow each other for opinions at the start if someone was funny you just get people following like yeah I want jokes in my feed now you see something funny happen your presumption is oh this this weird old nobody somewhere else in the world had a moment of inspiration and i'm

going to enjoy that but it's then it's never the assumption that this is what the person does as a living and yeah and well that's it and like often you'll you'll find these random accounts of if if if account if an account has loads of followers and they're not on tv or famous if you look at the number of tweets they've done and it's always something deeply disturbing like 800k 500k 300k tweets we like a chill run down runs down my spine because that's like so many novels sure that they could have written instead of just constantly tweeting at daytime tv programs with their opinions on the the colors of the pillars in the background or whatever the fuck mad content they're producing yeah yeah just just buying a an office a little office bin and Gosh

Well Shall we I was just thinking We should read one letter Just because I haven't read anything for a long time Yes that's true Shall we do Shall we do

For the rest of lockdown Just like big old banks of correspondence? Sure, sure. We'll let everyone get used to the fact that a certain amount of common sense has returned to the planet Earth and we'll do big old meaty slices of emails. Yeah, I like that idea.

Sure. All right. Do you still want to do one or should we just save it all for the for whole episodes we might as well do it all together later on yeah all right um all right sweet okay listeners uh enjoy uh all the good news presumably uh we're going to get invaded by incredibly smart, subservient sex robot scientists at some point. Something like that. But don't worry, some bad news is around the corner. If you're feeling uneasy about this recent raft of good news,

don't worry, some good old-fashioned bad news is surely around the corner. The vaccine, what would it be about? It would be something about the vaccine the vaccine the vaccine the vaccine that turns you into a kid rock fan the vaccine means that

every time you pee it does that thing where it splits into a V and you can't aim it. Like a snake's tongue, that's right. The vaccine makes you become one of those people who buys glass plates. You ever go to someone's house for dinner and they have glass plates?

And you're like... Why is that disgusting? It's like a food window. Yeah, why? It's just... I think it's... Yeah, because you can see the table through it. I hate it.

I hate it. From the start of my life, it's been a bane. Every time I went to a friend's house for dinner, their mum would bring out dinner and be on a glass plate and I went that is so funny and so why is that horrible that's interesting I'm very interested in that okay so yeah the vaccine makes you have glass plates and carpeted bathrooms

yes god this is getting too much now actually this is getting horrible fingers crossed they don't have those effects yeah but we have to wait to see to see until the studies are finished. But until then,

keep jacking it and jack it with a newfound sense of stability, maybe. That's right. Jack it with your eyes to the future and your hand on your genitals. Bye-bye. Bye.