BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - Episode 93 - Jellyfish Salad

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

You are listening to the only anti-murder podcast. The boys discuss being so horny that you ride a jet ski for 4.5 hours, No Deal Brexit, Sega games, Cluedo, the obsession with comedy being mostly left wing, JC's pointless new venture, retiring as Queen, jellyfish salad, the Beatles a little and more Cumbrian poo anecdotes from Alex Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's BudPod 93! Does that sound like anything to you? I've got something in mind. Uh, 93... Um... That's around how old the Queen is. Ah. I think she might be 94 now, actually. Ugh, gotta save that for next week now!

She has two ages. She's got her official age, and then she has the age she agreed on with the devil she has her official age and her stage age what's your stage 94 i was right she's 94 94 there you go i think that um what do you what do you think it's like to to be born into a job that you know you can't retire from? I... Yeah.

I mean, it's sort of the same as being born on a farm that people expect you to take over. I think someone who's born on a farm is as trapped as the queen was when she was born. Yeah, I think that's probably right. And they wear basically the same clothes. The queen's always in a fucking shooting jacket and wellies. Yeah, there's lots of riding horses and... trying to heat buildings that are too large for modern heating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. The life of the poor aristocracy. Yes. Yes, that's the... I read this interesting thing, this fun fact that the only woman who's ever driven the king of Saudi Arabia

is the queen. Yes, in a land rover around her estate. That's right, yeah. Yeah. I will let a woman drive me but it can't just be any woman it must be the womaniest woman I guess she isn't the womaniest woman

or whatever that would mean she is it's not even the most powerful woman what would you say the queen is she's not the most she's not the most famous woman I think she might be the most famous woman because she's on everybody's money do you think she's more famous than say beyonce yes really yeah yeah i think you're right

i think because all people know the queen as well yeah exactly you have to remember as well that also if it's about recognizability beyonce's head isn't on the coins of like a third of the world. Yeah, gosh. You know what? Living in London, you take for granted that the most famous woman in the world lives down the road. Grandma. Grandma.

Grandma England. Old Grandma England lives down there. Old Nanny UK. old grandma england's now lives down there old nanny uk um i i it's funny isn't it maybe like she's a bit like us in the sense that we we possibly don't ever think about what we'll do after we're done with stand-up like we you can't retire it's kind of always there isn't it looming she can't retire. It's kind of always there, isn't it? Looming. She can't think like... That's right. She's not like, well, you know, after I'm done being queen,

I guess I'll just get really into watercolor. Like, that never comes up. No, I think she and we understand that we will die doing this. We will die doing what we do. Not by choice yeah exactly because it's too important to stop

yes it's too inspiring I was going to say I think Budpod 93 sounds like an early Sega game yeah that's good yeah when you start the podcast Like an early Sega game. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, when you start the podcast, there's this brrring noise.

It's sort of like old MIDI style. I see a guy chasing a football. Like the loading screen, you know, the homepage, the main menu is just a guy with a football. Swing! Yeah. And then you click. Trees. Trees sliding behind him. What was that?

When you press on new episode, the screen flashes and it's like. And then it goes on to the next menu. I was saying when he's running, there there's pixelated trees flying behind him, and birds and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that really aggressive... When I was a kid, I found that the voice going, going, Sega!

I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Because it was such a stupid fucking Muppet voice to suddenly pop up. I don't recall that sound. When did you get that sound? Sega! It was... I had a Sega Saturn.

I never heard that Sega sound. Some of us had the Mega Drive, Phil. No, I never had Mega Drive. Am I misremembering? I can't have made that up. I swear I've talked to other people about this. I swear. Sega!

So you had Kermit the Frog. Well, i wouldn't become it that sounds that's more like the cookie monster yeah saying sega yeah yelling sega at you through your little machine it's funny like how pixel art forces your imagination into like filling in the gaps and stuff and sometimes can seem even even better looking than bad 3D. That's right. I was just thinking how strange it was that, you know, my cousin would start Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and be all pixelated-y.

But it didn't matter. I was like, wow! It's the Ninja Turtles. And I never went, oof, these graphics could do with some spit shine it was you never even can it never even occurred to me that it should look better until it did look better and then you look back and go that looked like fucking shit i feel like an idiot for wasting my time with all that yeah that you're just squinting at three

blocks it's like with an iPhone, you know. I have an iPhone X now, and now I'm looking around at everyone's iPhone 12s, and my iPhone X looks like something from the 70s. I'm like, ugh. The hell is this? Where did I get this? 2001 Space Odyssey? Your iPhone screen is all just like black with green text on like alien yeah yeah yeah it just makes typewriter i have to understand like

c++ to be able to use google maps yeah google maps is all in green text yeah every time you send a text that starts with that little arrow sign flashing like you're MS-DOS hello world now Phil there's a new story I want to talk to you about oh this is a Bud Pod first yeah I think it's rare that we just go for new

stories one of the few times that that's happened of course was uncle fatty uncle fatty yeah from time to time a story emerges that you can't we just can't ignore uncle fatty was one yeah and there haven't been any others until today yes yes and god and god god rest your soul Uncle Fatty wherever you are out there um so uh as you know Phil

I grew up partially on the Isle of Man mhm and I would say mhm many people have sent me this

this news story on on WhatsApp or or what have you I think they've all thought Pierre needs to see this because it's to do with the Isle of Man you. I think they've all thought Pierre needs to see this because it's to do with the Isle of Man. And they're right.

They're all correct to do that. So, here's the story. A Scottish man has reportedly been jailed for breaching coronavirus rules after he rode a jet ski from Scotland to the Isle of Man to see his girlfriend.

Scotland to the Isle of Man to see his girlfriend. Did he make it? He made it. Wow. Dale McLachlan, 28, from North Ayrshire, met his girlfriend in September while working as a roofer on the island. On Friday, determined to see her despite

coronavirus rules banning non-residents from entering the island without special permission, he made the four and a half hour journey by jet ski. Whoa. Four and a half hours on a jet ski. Despite never having driven a personal watercraft before. That's just impressive, I think. This is the problem.

Man, how cute is this girl? I gotta see this Yeah Who's that girl? Yeah The Helen of Troy out there On the Isle of Man The face that launched one Scottish Jetski

Yeah, yeah She's a couple of leagues down from old Helen But she's still launching Seacraft More than I've done Do you think her face is beautiful enough to launch a thousand ships? Maybe a Scottish jet ski Yeah, you know what? You know what?

Ranking women's appearance on a scale of 1 to 10 as archaic. Let's go actual archaic and do it with Seacraft. How many waterborne vessels could yo gal launch? Is she a 6 or is she a ten battleships? You know, something like this. How many U-boats could she stealthily launch into North Sea shipping lanes? That's the thing about this story. If someone just went, oh, someone jet-ski Scotland to the Isle of Man,

people think the Isle of Man is the Isle of white and they think it's like a 10 minute ferry journey it's not it's halfway to ireland it's a long way see my mind that isn't far in my mind ireland is about as far off the english coast as the isle of man is no as the isle of Man is. No, as the Isle of Wight is. Oh, really? It's like a hop and a skip? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, even like the normal ferry you have to... What's it like compared to the channel to France?

Is it more or less? The distance? Yeah. Depends if you're measuring from the shortest point of the channel to Calais or the longest point. Hmm, I guess I would make all the difference. But it's comparable.

It's definitely comparable, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, four and a half hours on a jet ski. In this weather. In this economy. In this economy. A jet ski.

In this economy. He said he thought it would take 40 minutes. That's really funny. I'm amazed he had enough petrol. They're not exactly known for their range jet skis. Yeah, I don't... This is like something that a smuggler would do to try and flee Cuba.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or, I mean, it has drug run written all over it Yes, it does, it really does, doesn't it Do you think that the girlfriend knew Or did she just show up soaking wet And shivering from jet ski travel Being like, I'm here

If she knew And she didn't say For God's sake, don't try To ride a jet ski From Scotland to the Isle of Man. She's not got his best interests at heart. To be perfectly frank. Yes, you know what this is, Phil? It's toxic. It's toxic femininity.

Why don't we talk about toxic femininity more? Enough's enough. Oh, yeah, yeah. Toxic masculinity is making spaces unsafe for... This guy rode a jet ski for four hours! Why isn't this... You won't see this on the BBC,

Pierre. You know what, Phil? You won't see this on the MSM. The man-shitting media. You won't see this on the man-shaming media, the MSM. With its pro-jet ski agenda. Oh, man, I wonder where he landed Did he find like a little beach? Are there beaches on the Isle of Man?

Or would he have had to scale some rocks? It depends where he landed There are many beaches and many rocks Apparently he arrived in Ramsey at 1pm And then walked 15 miles to the capital, Douglas To see his girlfriend At that point, in for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose What?

Ramsey is the capital, so the point, in for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose. What? Ramsey's the capital of the city, is it? No, Douglas is the main city. Ramsey's a kind of northern fishing town. I love that your towns are just named after a guy. Ramsey and Douglas. Ramsey, Douglas, Steve, Alan, you know. I'm going into Alan tonight. Whoa, TMI.

Phil, this man rode a jet ski across the Irish Sea in winter for four and a half hours, landed, presumably soaking wet, walked 15 miles into a town, and breached quarantine laws in two different legal districts. My question is, what does this... Have the Proclaimers written a song about it yet? They're going to have to. And I want to get on a jet ski over... My question is, Phil, what did this girl do to this man to inspire this level of dedication?

Do you have the answer to this, or is this conjecture time? It's conjecture time. Check your watch. Check your watch, Phil. It might be conjecture time. It's conjecture o'clock. I would argue it's conjecture o'clock. Well, he's a roofer.

She must have expressed a genuine interest in tiles, maybe. That's when he knew she was the woman for him. So you think that he was like, you're the first girl who's ever understood what it's like to be a roofer. I've never met a girl like you before. I'll drive a jet ski for you. And she'd go, oh, you do go on. And she didn't believe him.

She thought it was a charming Scottish phrase. I would be thrilled if it doesn't work out. I'd be thrilled if it doesn't work out I'd be so happy imagine if he turned up at her door after riding a jet ski for 4 hours and walking 15 miles and she just went I'm not really looking for anything serious right now or just they both sort of went

without the roofing talk you know you kind of find each other annoying. Do you have any information about the lady? The woman? No, no, we don't. We don't. We only know about the sins. The sins of, I think, Dylan it was.

And has he been fined? He is in court. Find the boy. That's me, sat on the throne in Douglas. Find the boy. He's been jailed. Wow! Yeah, the other men don't take no shit when it comes to quarantine.

Jailed? That's a bit much, isn't it? No, no, no. You do not... Thou shalt not jet ski to the island and spit in the face of its ancient kings. Jail the boy. That's me. That's the king of the out of man. You would ride a jet ski roughshod over the graves of our very ancestors.

That's funny. Yeah. That's funny. It's impressive. Very impressed. Also, how horny is this man? That's what it comes down to, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if he sort of lost the horn two hours into the jet ski ride but like well i'm now closer to the isle of man that i am close to home i might as well

two hours into his four and a half hour jet ski ride he just went he just remembered wanking he just went where did he get the jet ski from is there like a jet ski sort of outdoor sports company currently missing a unit or does he just have one for

just such an occasion his fuck jet ski that's his His fuck jetski. He has to really get his money's worth. So every nightclub, you know, do you like jetskis? Just every chat-up line. He calls it his fuck boy, but boy spelt B-U-O-Y.

He tries to shorten it even more by calling it as jay ski jay ski yeah hey hey man where are you you're late to the party you're not you're not coming on your jet ski are you we told you to take a cab no oh no i'll get i'll get there when i get there a cab. Oh, no, I'll get there when I get there. Which part of Scotland is this? Who's he from? It says he's from North Ayrshire. Where's Ayrshire?

It's pretty north. It's near the Hebrides. I think it might contain some of the inner Hebrides. Let's have a look. So, he is also of a seafaring folk. Yes, to be fair. To be fair, he absolutely is. Oh no,

don't. God, I accidentally clicked the Google homepage and now it's trying to explain what Christmas is to me. Oh, yeah. Is the homepage today, Happy Anniversary to Christmas? Oh, that's right. North Ayrshire is like a little bit

of land to the left of Glasgow, and then the Isle of Arran, I think. I don't think you're supposed to say left. Well, if you look at a map, it is on the left. To the west! Where's Ayrshire from here? Left. This also includes the Isle of Arran, which I'm pretty sure your friend and mine, Zoe Tomlin, is from.

Oh, interesting. Wow, what an isle to be from. They have a very... No, I'm thinking of Harris. Arryn. I feel like I've had a djinn from Arryn. Maybe it was Harris. Look, this is not important.

a gin from Aaron. Maybe it was Harris. Look, this is not important. It's a remote old place to be from. It's a remote old place to be from. It's, I mean, I have to, like, obviously it's a very stupid and irresponsible thing to do,

but I have to admire it. I have to admire the gumption. Yes. thing to do but i have to admire it i have to admire the gumption yes i'm i'm more in admiration of it than i am in condemnation for it yes i mean he's done little more harm than someone going over for a cheeky dinner party without Without the four-hour jet ski ride. Ah, well. The bit of the article I didn't read out is that him and this girl then immediately went and partied at two very crowded nightclubs.

Does this guy not need to sleep? What on earth? It's just honest jet ski thumbing MDMA into his shivering mouth. Wait, where do they go to party? At nightclubs. So the nightclubs are open? It's the Isle of Man.

The Isle of Man's been COVID-free since, like, fucking April. Oh, shit. That's why they're so strict. That's why they're so touchy. Yeah, the Isle of Man's nailing it. The Isle of Man, because it's a small system, and we're not run by a big haystack full of jizz um managed to figure out the whole you have to stop letting new people arrive and you have to figure out who's already got coronavirus thing pretty early on so yeah no the island man's it's

self-governing it's a different system that's why they can jail you for your jet ski antics. Interesting. Well, that's the downside, I guess, to a COVID-free society. Jet ski totalitarianism. Jet ski Nazis. Jet ski Nazis sound like a great movie. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a terrifying gang to have to fight

off um are you looking forward phil are you looking forward to no deal it's coming no deal is coming no i don't think it is. I don't think it is. They'll keep extending and pushing and eventually they'll make a concession and they'll be fine. Is this optimism from Wang? I think it's a gentleman's bet.

A good old-fashioned Victorian gentleman's bet. Yes, a wager. Finally, our own wager. I mean, it... A good old-fashioned Victorian gentleman's bet. Yes, a wager. Finally, our own wager. I mean, I guess it's more likely than ever. But seeing as it will always be within the power of both parties to postpone this and not suffer an economic and geopolitical catastrophe, that they

will. You know what I mean? Do you think it's just going to happen forever? Yeah. Pretty much. It would be funny. It would be funny if it genuinely took so long that it just, everyone forgot that they'd done it. Yeah, I mean, that's the dream. My dream was always

that it just dragged on so long people forgot that they voted for Brexit. It's so profoundly stupid. What a tremendous waste of time, money, pain, emotional hurt, distress, ink, paper, bandwidth, just the most profound waste.

It's pretty astonishing. And it's quite funny. I mean, the people who are pro-Brexit on Twitter, I think, are more sensitive about it than ever as a result because it's coming down to crunch time. There's been an uptick, I noticed, in sensitivity. And then there's a few very funny surveys that, not intentionally funny, but they were just like, God, we've surveyed the British population, and it's amazing.

Of the people who have an opinion on Brexit, almost none of them have changed their mind since the referendum. And I was like, well, yeah, nothing's happened. No one's been proven right one way or the other. Uh, yes. Well, I think Remainers have been proved right since day one. Well, yeah. I mean, of course we think that.

But what I mean is, like, because it hasn't happened yet, if you think, like, no, I have a funny feeling, it's all going to be okay, then you can just still think that. Right, I see, I see. Because it hasn't happened yet. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And now coronavirus is the perfect cover for the economic damage it'll cause, because it'll do all this economic damage, and everyone will go, God, if only we could tell what was the plague and what was Brexit. Oh, well. Let's just assume it was all the plague.

we could tell what was the plague and what was Brexit. Oh well. Let's just assume it was all the plague. Oh well, back to my toast supper. Yes. Or is that the Daily Mail's little thing? Yeah. Don't worry about Brexit. You can have egg on

toast. Three courses straight. Chips. Egg on toast for three courses straight chips egg on toast toast beer i mean the thing is brexit voters will notice no difference in their diet that's the that's the that's the cruel irony of it all well we've we've just signed um a wonderful open trade deal with Vietnam. Maybe just everyone will just be eating pho. Wow, imagine. Imagine. That's what I

that's that's what I find funny about the Brexiteers is like, well, after this we'll be able to trade with whoever we want across the globe, not just Europe. I'm just really looking forward to these red-nosed Brexiteers eating, like, Chinese water snails.

And... Really weird. And, like, Vietnamese offal. Yeah. It's like, well, enjoy. I guess this is the food that you were gagging after. Weird little whole crabs.

At last I can have hundreds of tiny whole crabs in this soup. At last the ground tiger claw medication that Brussels so cruelly kept out of my grasp for decades. My boners

have never been stronger. And I'm going to point my first post-Brexit boner straight at Brussels. Yes, I yes I oh that was the other thing in the Daily Mail that went round all the WhatsApp groups you and me are in Phil all the comedians are a bunch

of lefty lovies I mean this is a story that just comes back every month? four months? yeah just the same thing again did you know that comedy is quite just comes back every month. Four months? Yeah, every few months. The same thing again. Did you know that comedy is quite left wing? It's like, yes! Yes, I did.

And the newspaper's like, why don't the three right wing comedians have their own 24 hour channel? I don't know what you want out of this. Rolling news from them, yeah. What I don't get is they sort of go,

oh, it's terribly biased and we want our own quota system or whatever. And then it's sort of as weird as... I mean, investment banking is skewed the other way, and that's more powerful. My question is, why do they want comedy? Is it just because the left wing has got a shiny toy and they don't want them to have it? Because the right wing has all the power and all the money

and makes all the decisions and has won everything all the time. Yeah. But comedy and humour is something that is so envied. I was thinking about this the other day. Like, as a funny person, you have this inalienable dominance,

in a way, over people. It's not like, it's not a particularly potent dominance. It doesn't have all that many real-world consequences. But I've done corporate gigs. I've met rich and very powerful people, far richer and more powerful than I am,

but who can't tell a joke to save their life. And they try. They try again and again in front of me to be funny, and they cannot do it. And when they watch me be funny, you can see this envy in their eyes, this hunger for something they can never... It's like I'm a beautiful young woman

and they're just like an old, disgusting, rich man. They can't have what I have and all their power and all their money cannot buy what I have, which is funny. And it's this envy. Comedy is uniquely enviable. A good sense of humour is uniquely enviable.

There's no pleasure, like the pleasure of making someone laugh. And I think that is what is envied by the right. Because it's not a tit for tat. You can't go, well, they have comedy, we have legislative power. Because there's no replacement for the sense of power that making someone laugh gives you.

Yeah, and they know that having a lack of humour means that they're not the fun ones. Mmm, mmm, mmm, that's right. Yeah, I mean, that's definitely a part of it because I think it's a British thing as well where like, someone would rather be accused of being some kind of awful sex criminal than have no sense of humour people socially

would be more easily able to recover from someone going, I think he might be some sort of freaky sex criminal than someone going like, oh he might be some sort of freaky sex criminal than someone going like, oh, he's got no sense of humour. He's got no sense of humour. That's right. That's a good point. And also because, like, especially in Britain,

a good sense of humour and comedy, the British comedic tradition is so intrinsically tied into Britishness itself. And if you're on the right, you're probably quite patriotic, you're quite proud about British values, and you're quite proud about the things that Britain's good at. One of those you have to concede is comedy. And if you don't have a claim to that, then you don't have a claim to a big part,

a big and popular element of British identity identity right yeah that's true and and they're just constantly having to discover that all their old comedy heroes or all the new comedy people think that they are mad or stupid or at the very least fundamentally disagree with all of their values which must sting but also you know an inherent flaw in the argument that british comedy or like mainstream comedy is left wing is a conflation of things that are not right wing with being right wing or you know a conflation of things that are not left wing being left wing like you know one of their complaints is that comedians are too often anti-brexit but like brexit is not really a left right thing there are some correlations but there are plenty of tories who hate brexit and there are some fucking mad left-wingers who think brexit's going to be

good for the socialist utopia. So there's inherent in their complaints is a misunderstanding of what left and right are. Yeah, and they also seem to have decided that unless someone starts their comedy set by going, I am right-wing, then they're left-wing. That's right. I mean, they've included people like, you know, Romesh Ranganathan among the left-wing comedy cabal. Romesh is, if anything, politically neutral. He doesn't really make any political statements.

Yeah, I mean, would you particularly say that, like, Michael McIntyre is left-wing? Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Because he doesn't have a sort of fun observational bit about, ooh, taxes! Like, he's just suddenly going on about tariff rates and stuff it says a lot about their inherent insecurity that if a comedian doesn't express a right-wing affiliation they presume they are left-wing and also it's what it's it's basically their demand for a quota or whatever is is is the end result of of having quotas for anything or at least they'd want it to be right that's the stick they're using

to beat the bbc with whether they want a quota for right wing well they're saying presentation they're saying if there's going to be a system with any quotas where's ours where's our slice of the quota pie? Right, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is the risk you run if you introduce quotas, because then everyone expects a slice of the quota pie. So that's the Daily Mail going like, well, you know, statistically, one in every three comedians should just be a sort of shyer Tory.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. And that's the difference between... Yeah, that's the difficulty with's right. That's the difference between that's the difficulty with quotas. That's the danger. But, you know, I mean, it's good news. But, you know, I've been thinking about this and it's, you know, it comes back to that argument about

representation, right? And what representation actually is. Or what representation should be. And you have to understand, I think, that there are two types of representation. You have proportional representation and corrective or adjustive representation.

So proportional representation is where, you know, 40% of, well, maybe more than that, 60% of the UK are conservative voting, so 60% of comedians are conservative. But corrective representation is to say, well, the conservatives have too much of a

power hold over the UK, so to address that balance, comedy should be weighed in the opposite direction that would be corrective representation but because we can't decide if we want corrective representation or proportional representation we end up in these perennial battles

about something whose definitions we haven't even defined yet yeah and I mean the other thing is that a lot of comedy is about satire, and if you have all the power, then you're going to get satirized. Yes. You know, regardless. I mean, I did a tweet about it that did well, and Phil, can I just say, the greatest decision I ever made

is ticking that thing on Twitter that says, if you don't follow me, I don't see your fucking notification. i just say the greatest decision i ever made is ticking that thing on twitter that says if i if you don't follow me i don't see your fucking notification that is good i've been tempted to do that but it's great seeing the fucking nutters but you you're yeah your tweet is good though and um what was it again oh it was um it's terrible how much satire is aimed at the conservative government and none is aimed at any of our other governments. Yeah, it's good. I mean, they seem to have forgotten that... Tories have been in power so long,

they've forgotten that Tony Blair was a subject of a lot of pretty eviscerating satire. I mean, have they already forgotten 2003 onwards? Yeah, I mean, have they forgotten forgotten 2003 onwards yeah i mean have they forgotten that like satirical shows openly called for him to be trialed for war crimes and executed i mean it's pretty it's pretty extreme stuff it's pretty serious but like they've won so much that they've forgotten they've won they've just won everything they get everything they want they have brexit they have the government they have the education system change they have this they have that they have the economy every this win after win after win and they're still just obsessed with a mock

the week one-liner they're that girl in charlie and the chocolate factory the spoiled girl veruca salt that's it yeah but i want mark the week two daddy something like that it's funny it's like if the like I've made this comparison before, but them reacting to just mock the weak one-liners is like if the Queen replied to tweets that criticised her. That's the power

differential, I mean. Yeah, yeah, what does it matter? But, you know, cultural dominance is a tantalising thing but you know cultural dominance is a tantalizing thing you know I think

I think but I think the left has some self-awareness to work on here as well and the left should understand where the right's coming from

to an extent and understand that there are different types of power yes because I think too often the left should understand where the right's coming from to an extent and understand that there are different types of power. Yes. Because I think too often the left go, well, why should you have common? We're the ones with no power. You have all the power.

But, you know, there's different types of power, isn't there? There's the power that the government has, and then there's the social, cultural power that a musician has or a filmmaker has. So I think the left can sometimes be a little dishonest about the power that deep down they know they hold over an element of modern life, an aspect of modern life. Yeah, I think that's...

Well, that is definitely true, but then I'm i'm only ever receptive to the complaints of of these people if they say if they say that it was about you know like laziness or the type of the type of satire then then we can get into a discussion on what's worth you know subsidizing and what's not worth subsidizing but then they also want the bbc to just be destroyed and become private at which point they'll have no right to fucking complain ever again and their favorite hobby will be gone

i mean they always talk about it as if it's what they want but then what would just happen i think is that the bbc would become like the wealthiest and like most incredibly powerful private I think, is that the BBC would become the wealthiest and most incredibly powerful private largely progressive media company on earth. I mean, the amount of intellectual property it holds. Do you really think that? Yeah, the amount of intellectual property it holds that it could just immediately monetize.

The amount of money it would make from advertising. It would just be astonishing. It might not stay left-wing and progressive, but it would immediately become this enormous media titan. Right, right. I just don't know if it has the inbuilt business acumen to capitalize. Oh, no, no.

You'd bring in new people and there'd be a huge purge of crusties. Yeah. There'd be a crusty purge. It would be a terrible... Oh, God, I think I've be a crusty purge. That would be a terrible scene. Oh god, I think I've got a crusty purge. I knew I should have worn a condom! Oh god. I think I saw a crusty purge

at the Athenium. In 38. In 38? Yeah, and 38. This is when Podbuds find out that Pierre is ageless. Yes, I'm more like a sort of sentient guest than a man. Yeah, or like a jellyfish. Yes, yes.

The theory is that my brain is in my tentacles, but no one's quite sure yet. Technically, he never dies. He will never die, yeah. Yeah. Is that right about jellyfish? Their brain is just kind of a nervous system? That's right.

They're sort of just not alive enough that they never technically die. They're about as close to a rock as an animal can get. Have you ever eaten jellyfish? Sure. What's it like? I'm from Asia, aren't I?

That's true. You are from Asia. I've had jellyfish salad, I think, which is like a cold, you know, like cold cuts of jellyfish. What? What? What? What?

It's perfectly fine. It's more of a textural thing. As with all the weird critters, it's more of a texture. It's like a kind of rubbery bouncy. It's kind of like a slightly less chewy squid. Yeah, it looks like it would be a bit softer to eat than squid because it's jelly. It's jelly. It's jelly.

It's a fish made of jelly. What does it taste like? Not very much. Just nothing? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. What? As far as I can remember. I mean, it tastes of whatever fucking sauce you put on it, which is how most of these

things are. Like, I ate crocodile once, and it just tastes of nothing. There's usually a reason why these animals aren't eaten worldwide, and it's it's a taste of nothing there's usually a reason why these animals aren't eaten worldwide and it's not really because they're gross it's just because they don't really taste of anything yeah that's true I'm still reeling at the idea

of a jellyfish salad a jellyfish salad sounds like a massive fuck-up. Brexit turning into a real jellyfish salad. Yes. Yes, can Boris pull this back from turning into a jellyfish salad? A jellyfish salad sounds like either A massive fuck up or like One of the few Beatle songs

Written by Ringo Starr Yes yes Exactly Would you have A jellyfish salad with me Would you have A jellyfish salad with me? Yeah, exactly.

Would you have it and you skip it in the album? Yeah. Would you have it? Next. Yeah, so the track before is so mind-bending, multi-harmonic, like so many key changes. It makes you rethink the very idea of of structure and harmony in music and then that ends and then this ring of fucking go it's got tomatoes it's got some

lettuce a bottle here comes the tricky part it's a jellyfish salad jellyfish salad someone's playing the fucking spoons keep your tentacles off my jellyfish salad yeah it's funny yeah it's released on its own, like, clown-coloured fucking seven-inch LP. I mean, he was the Boris of the Beatles.

Ringo Starr was the Boris Johnson of the Beatles. I still, every now and then, I like to go back and watch his Peace and Love video. Oh, is that when he's telling people to please stop sending him fan mail yeah because he had a thing where he said whatever you send me i will sign it for years and that turned into a real jellyfish salad and he had to tell everyone to stop that's where he got the idea for the song, yeah.

My hand hurts from signing all these... Yeah, just... It's what a pile of unopened white envelopes looks like, a big jellyfish salad. I just love that video. Peace and love. I am warning you for the last time. It's like the Joker telling Gotham City's poison the reservoir.

I'm warning you by midnight tonight to stop sending me letters. I do like the idea of someone saying... The Beatles accent is a weird one. It's sort of a made-up accent. It's not Liverpudlian.

It's old Liverpool. That really strong Scouse accent didn't used to be the whole city, apparently. It used to just be, like, bang in the centre. Now that's, like, grown. Like, that's dominated now. Right. Right, right, right.

I don't know if they would have been as charming if they had a super-aggressive Scouse accent. Their Liverpool accent is sort of... It's like a... charming if they had the super aggressive Scouse accent. Their Liverpool accent is sort of the... It's basically like an Northern person with a cold. Yeah. It's just

someone from Yorkshire with a cold. Lancashire, hey, watch out. Well, no, because I'm saying the accent's like well I can't differentiate between the two enough but it's broad northern with a cold

yeah I am warning you with peace and love I love the idea of warning someone with peace and love it's such a funny phrase yeah it's the idea of warning someone with peace and love it's such a funny phrase yeah it's the kind of thing a Corbynite would say that's good, that's a fun bit of news

oh which is Jeremy Corbyn started a new movement I mean in classic vague style he started a project called Peace and justice and said that it's it's an organization that's going to try to build solidarity across the just words just an octa it's just an octopus a jellyfish salad of words it's just meaningless stuff and also in

classic uh useless jeremy corbin style he didn't buy the domain name so someone else bought it and changed everything yeah into into jokes really funny really funny very good stuff not even not even quick enough off the mark to to do something that is instantaneous yes purchasing a domain for the big organization but i know what you mean like if you if you ever read the the mission statement of some organization like this they just go we are a multi-armed uh multi-faith inclusive cultural mission aiming to propagate solidarity and the greater notion of and it's just like someone's put a hand grenade in a dictionary. Yeah, yeah.

Their mission statement is like just letting predictive text fill out... You know, you just say, and then just keep hitting predictive text and see what the phone comes up with. That's what these websites read like. They read like a scam for grand grandmas oh absolutely like a fraudulent gofundme they read like a fraudulent gofundme that's just like yeah we're aiming to really

minimize the violence in the world and you're like right and you want 20 pounds they go yeah for the goals yeah i mean he's not even trying to hide the cult element of it. On this video, this launch video, he looks like fucking L. Ron Hubbard in his eerie steel blue suit and bad video transition. I just... I mean, he's fucking old, right?

At what point do you just go, I don't need to do any more of this stuff. I don't need to sit in a little room and film myself talking about peace and love anymore. Well, because he's got a taste of it now. He's got a taste of that celebrity. That sweet, sweet taste. Yeah, and

he doesn't have the wherewithal to really do anything with it, as he's proved. But he still doesn't want to let it go entirely. He's an egotist, fundamentally. He's a total egomaniac. Yeah, I do. A lot of bad things have been said about Jeremy Corbyn, and a lot of them are true.

But one that people don't talk about enough is how he's fucking full of himself. Yeah, I mean, I think that's behind how badly he reacts when someone just asks him a question about an enormous inconsistency in his position. And he looks at them like they're absolute scum, and he's like... He reacts like he has been kept awake by

death metal in gran talamo bay and it's the 47th time they've asked him that he reacts like they've just pissed in his jellyfish salad which is what you're supposed to do yeah it really brings out the flavors if there's any stingers in there you know if there's any stingers in there you know yes that's funny oh you know that you know what they say if you end up with a jellyfish salad you're supposed to piss in it you have to piss in it to yeah to neutralize all the stings maybe we should start a kind of incredibly vague well-meaning cult oh we have haven't we that's what this is this is

that's what this has always been for me. I'd say we're somewhat well-meaning, but I mean, we could start the Bud Pod... The Bud Pod Anti-Murder Club. Yes. We're against murder here. That's right. This is a proudly anti-murder podcast. You are listening.

And what other podcasts can you say have claimed that? Not many. I can't think of one. You're listening. You're listening to the only anti-murder podcast. We are the only anti-murder podcast. Isn't that terrifying? Isn't that a damning indictment on the world that we live in?

That we are the only anti-murder podcast. Yeah. Listener, if you're listening to this, you should boycott every other podcast until they also come out as anti-murder podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listener, if you're listening to this, you should boycott every other podcast until they also come out as anti-murder. I think that's a great bit of merch. T-shirts that say, I am anti-murder. Don't be a chump.

Don't murder. Like anti-drug stuff, like for kids, that kind of level of rhetoric. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of thing would they say? Like, weed is for... What are they saying? Like, weed is for fools, weed is for dummies,

weed is for... Grass is for dumbass. It would be a picture of a policeman with a wagging finger, like a clip-art policeman. Yeah. It would be like, if someone offers you a murder, say,

no thanks. Tell your nearest grown-up. Not even once. That's what I would say about murder. Not even once. Don't even try it. This is your brain, and this is your brain on murder. your brain on murder.

Murder, not even once. That's good. That's a t-shirt, I think. That's really funny, yeah, I like that a lot. The thing is, kids, you have to watch out for falling in for one of these gateway murders. Get you into it. What would gateway murder be like an like attempted murder yeah yeah grievous bodily harm conspiracy to murder yeah yeah conspiracy to murder yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and you know what phil we're anti-murder and we're anti-things that seem to make murder a game like cludo that's right disgusting

murder's no laughing matter cludo it's disgusting what cludo cludo has done to our kids with regards to murder oh oh who who turned our kids into murderers it was cludo in the living room with a board game That's funny Well, shall we not murder some correspondents? Yes Let's find ourselves an email. Let's find ourselves an email. Oh, I get slightly stressed When I scroll through The acres of emails

We have The jellyfish salad We should put out A Ringo-esque message With peace and love Stop sending us correspondence I'm warning you for the last time. With wee and poo, stop sending us your emails.

Wee and poo, wee and poo. Oh, my God. Oh my god I'm still laughing at the Cluedo thing I just love the idea of us standing with the grieving family of Colonel Mustard Oh my lord Right, so we've got an email from Alexandra Alexandra! Oh my lord. Right, so we've got an email from Alexandra. Alexandra!

We wept because there were no more correspondences for us. Is that where Alexandra said that? Oh, well this is Alexandra, but yes. Alexandra? Okay, I'm thinking of Alexandria. I think he said it on the coast of... He's supposed think he said it on the coast of He's supposed to have said it on the coast of India

Oh okay You got far that boy Yeah The original gap year So She says greetings from up north Oh We were just talking about you we were just talking about you.

We were just talking about the North. I previously shared some of my most favourite short Poe stories with you. This is good. We haven't done our PodBuzz accents before. That's true. A selection of papatises, if you will. Yes. I think we should do it.

Yeah, I think I'm going to do it. It's a test of our listener's faith to put up with this. So she says, I previously shared some of my most favorite short poo stories with you. A selection of papatizers, if you will. And I will. Thanks very much. Small recap.

I pooed in the bath, my sister shat me nana's joggers, and shat her entire bedroom. See, this makes a lot more sense to me now. This story, with the accent. I do remember those stories as well. Your sister shitting her bedroom made me laugh a lot.

Side note, before I take you on a trip into my shit story, your sharp eyes picked up on my use of mam and guessed I was possibly Irish or from the northeast. Very close, but I'm actually from Cumbria. Oh, yes. Cumbria. I can't do a Cumbrian accent, but it's a very nice accent. This is a lovely part

of the country, Cumbria. Don't mind it at all. Best service station in the country. Which one's that? Oh, it's in Cumbria. What's it called? It's amazing. It's like a good restaurant. Oh, yes, I think I know the one.

Is it the one that looks out into beautiful meadows? Yes, yes, yes, yes. T-Bay. T-Bay. Yes, yes, yes. It's I know the one. T-Bay. T-Bay. Yes, yes, yes. It was all like organic. Freshly baked. Freshly baked petrol.

Freshly baked petrol. Anyway, so she says, after sharing the episode in which you, I'm just going to abandon the accent at this point, now that I know I can't do a Cumbrian accent. Yeah. After sharing the episode in which you read out my email with my mam and sister, my mam said,

why don't you tell them about when your sister shit in the swimming baths? I like this mum. Oh, you should tell them about the time I'm not going to try the accent anyway. You should tell them about the time when your sister shat in the swimming baths. Go on. Tell the funny lads about the poo

in the baths. Swimming baths. Go on. Tell the phony lads about the poo in the baths. On a visit to the local swimming bath with my mam and nana, mama nana, with my mama nana, we were splashing merrily in the kiddie pool when my sister announced she needed the toilet. I was still a baby, and so my nana offered to take her

while my mam stayed with me. Unfortunately, the old slip and slide opened a bit too soon for my sister. Whoa, very good. Yeah. Upon discovering that she had in fact shat her swimming costume, my nana made an attempt to clean her up in the communal showers. Just as a perfect little log made a bid for freedom out of her swimming costume and into a nearby drain,

a gentleman walked in, assessed the situation, turned heel, and left. No, yuck! Was it the smell or the fact that my nana was attempting to collect the slimy deposit my sister had left like a prisoner

trying to pick up a loose bar of soap? This crouched old lady. Come here! All right. That is gross. Yes. Number two. Nothing worse than a floater

Yeah Why has no one done Has a study been done on the physics of floaters I think it's a higher fat content Ugh Horrible I always presumed that It was to do with an air pocket

Getting trapped Like a hollow poop Yeah exactly I would always presume that it was to do with an air pocket getting trapped. Like a hollow poop? Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. Like it's a geode. Right, yeah, like it's got a swim bladder. I'll let you crack it open and it's full of purple crystals. Why is that purple... Why is that more disgusting than the idea

of air that is full of crystals? Precious gems. That's how much pressure you put on it when you squeeze it out. Yeah, a geologist has to hold it up and go, and it's only in the most incredible pressure deep inside the bum. We can learn so much about how bums work

from just looking at these crystals. Giving us new insights into how the bum was formed. Millions of years ago. So, story number two. Alex says, I work for a very small company, and my boss is an elderly gentleman who is a lovely, if not slightly quirky, man. Ah, perfect.

He arrived to work one morning after a session at the gym, and immediately complained of not feeling too well and having stomach cramps. He put this down to eating a tuna steak the night before, which he had forgotten to put in the fridge after he cooked it. It sat on his kitchen worktop

for 24 hours in the middle of summer. For God's sake, man. Now, I am no doctor, but that sounds like a one-way ticket to Browntown. All aboard. We sat in silence for 30 minutes or so when my boss sat bolt upright and proclaimed, Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. This is always my favorite part of the story, the realization. Yeah, the bit where in the movie you'd zoom in on their eye and their pupil would go really small. Said, Oh, no, got up and ran out of the room. He was gone for 20 minutes or so before I heard him gently call my name from the men's loo. Alexandra.

Alexandra. Like a ghost. Like a ghost, yeah. The ghost of poos past. Yeah. Our office is on the same floor as the toilets, just on the other side of a large reception area. He then requested that I fetch his gym clothes to the toilet door, along with cleaning materials.

It was at this point I realized the phrase, and any other duties your employer deems necessary to your role had been stretched a bit thin. A little while later, he re-emerged, wearing the same trousers he went in with, but a different shirt. Oh, wow. That's a turn-up for the books.

So she says, my mind went through a lot of possibilities. As it would, you're sitting going, right, so the poo destroyed your shirt, but not your pants. But your pants is where your bum is. So what's going on there? So, she says,

My mind went through lots of possibilities, but I need not have guessed. He proceeded to tell me the whole sorry tale. He had made it to the toilet and dropped his pants just in time for him to bend over and spray the wall behind him and the tail of his shirt.

Oh my gosh. Like he was a concert pianist sitting down at a... Just flipping... Freehandedly flipping his tail up as he sat down to the piano. Yeah. Just shitting with such force That your own shirt tail billows behind you Like you're Doctor Strange All sort of orange portals flying all around you Um

So yes He'd made it just in time to the toilet to drop his pants and bend over and spray the wall behind him and the tail of his shirt He had spent the best part of an hour cleaning up the mural he had created Oh my gosh Wow

Revenge of the tuna The tuna's revenge! It's something I find so funny about the idea that something as innocent as eating a tuna steak could result in you absolutely exhausted trying to mop up a mural of your own shit

the consequences are so disproportionate and disgusting they really are there's no justice when it comes to eating a tuna steak you've left Disapportionate and disgusting. They really are. They really, really are. There's no justice when it comes to eating a tuna steak you've left in the sun for a day. Yeah. It's very much like the end of all the worlds when they're brought down by a tiny bug.

It's like, we're these powerful humans and we catch a tuna. But, like, we live in the sun and it makes us... Exactly. Exactly. It's embarrassing yes oh and praise redacted from Claire who is a historian a full became a full historian a few months ago thank you very much oh congratulations

you'll be getting a certificate soon PLB taking it to you on a jet ski. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Well, thank you very much for that, Alex, and good luck with your mural-creating boss.

Hopefully he stays away from seafood from now on. Thanks so much, Alex, and sorry we couldn't get through more. Correspondence, we were just a couple of chatty Cathy's today A couple of talking Terry's But we haven't even spoken about

Going into tier 3 At this point it's like I don't care whatever Yes it's like someone saying You're on double secret probation Well yeah Yeah but I hope everyone's doing okay yeah and have a good week and we'll see

you next time see you next time guys thanks very much for downloading and listening to it in it and thank you bye bye