BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e12 Fringepod 4 The Pheromone

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

It's the final day of the fringe and our buds, through thwarted throat, reflect on their experience this year. Pierre proposes a new theory on the origin of Glenn's 'Pheromone' while Glenn takes through his most recent experiences. KOJISend in your 'Pheromone' theories to [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budbaud episode 12. 12, the singular of shelves is shelve. Well, the verb. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. To shelve, yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to go elv. The plural of milf is milves. Like leaves.

Hooves. The millves had hooves. Repeat after me. Yeah. The mills had hooves. That's the sort of thing you'd kind of on Juolingo. That's this going to help me in the baker. A little cartoon man doing this.

And then the dialogue is, that milf has hooves. You're going, what? That sounds quite like, like, how was the party last night? Let's just say that, that milf has had hooves. Yeah, yeah. People go weird slang that doesn't make sense. A bit like when, the other night, when we were with the comedian Sam Lake,

and he and I coined a dreadful term for the opposite of pushing rope, this is when someone's got like a profound erection, is that throwing neck. It's a real spine to it. That guy was rock solid. He was throwing neck. If you're throwing neck, you have to go to hospital.

It's like the four hours or more, you know, the Viagra warning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the back of the bagg... If you've been throwing neck for more than six hours, please report to an emergency room. You go to a front desk, what's the problem? Can I say... Are you going to have to tell?

us. It's just there are people around in the reception. I've been throwing neck. What caused this? That milf had hooves. Let's just say that. That milf had hooves. Melga, say no more. Say no more.

What do they do? Here's my question. Yeah. Because obviously, I, that's been a joke for as long as Viagra's been around. And Viagra's been a joke for whenever it was invented it, 50 years ago. By Pelle, yeah. By Pelle.

In his lab. Dr. Pelle. Yeah, that's when whenever a footballer's in the news, and they're describing him as the new Palae, I'm like, oh, because he's got right to all the sponge. So, there's always been the joke about, oh, you know, like a Viagra stuck in my throat, I have a stiff neck. Yeah, Michael Cain says it in, I think Michael Cain says it in Gold Member.

Yeah. Because Mike Myers had a real habit of just putting just... Public domain jokes. Public domain jokes in, but it would trick a lot of people into thinking that he didn't invented them, even if you'd heard them before. It's like Panto. Yes. Yeah.

Panto, just putting jokes from just the ether slash Jim Vine. Yeah. Yes. So, and then the other thing is like if, you know, state persists for more than four hours, go to consult a doctor or go to hospital. But my question was always, but what do they do? I deflate your knot. Maybe they're just...

They've got a knob deflater at the back. Maybe they're just really good. There's like someone on the NHS who's magical at jacking people off and they just go, it'll go down after that. It'll go down. after Stanley's had his way with you. Stanley is such a like 1940s hospital porter name.

Yeah, yeah. A guy from one flew of the cuckus nest. He's dressed in those white, the white porter uniforms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then people have to get dragged to Stanley. Yeah. He jacks out of so much they die of and he sort of crashes a sink through the walls so he can, like,

oh shit, I killed the guy. He crashes the sink through the window to run away because he jacked off Jack Nicholson while he was asleep. It's fine. It's not losing his mind at all. It's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's a sort of real, he's like a kung fu-ma master.

Yeah, yeah. He's constantly, he's like soaping his hands. Oh, geez, yeah. He can do it in one. Like this. Yeah, it's one of those videos about like YouTube slow-mo replay. You're like, you don't even see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The fastest hands in the West. 80,000 frames a second. And we can't pick up the moment. I have never ever considered it in number of... That you said, did it in one. I love the idea that there's a general average. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about 28. It's usually about 20.

Maybe we can start that average. Maybe that will be our digital legacy. We'll come back to you on the next episode and we'll work out what the average... For the world. And you can all picture it. For the world. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get everyone in the world. Yeah. You could probably ask chat GPT and it be sort of like... It would make up an answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a guy in a pub. Yeah.

It would go, oh, probably, probably a couple hundred, I would imagine. Correct. Let's break it down. Let's delve. Great question. Great question. Yeah. How many pumps does it take the average man to be white? Great question. So important. It never says horrible question.

It never says, what do you mean? I was once trying to get it to write really dark jokes because it's so bad at writing humor. And I was like, what if I... feed it a number of jokes, explain what those jokes are and what makes them work and what the punchline is. Can it then function write it? So within the session, teach it. Exactly. Did not work. Did not work.

But eventually I was trying to get it, trying to get his right, incredibly dark stuff. Because even if you say, write a joke in the style of Anthony Jessenick, just to see what it would do, it would be like, okay, so what's the deal with handbags? Aren't they just crazy? Or what, I've just got some leather around my shoulder? Come on! Okay, this hurts to read.

But I was trying to make it go dark, I was like, write a joke about this, write a joke about this, right, but I was like, can you write a joke about horrible subject? And it went, yeah, it went, no, you may not get me to do that. And it was italicized as well. And it was like, whoa. Okay, all right, close the window. Just turn your Wi-Fi off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, there's suddenly like, you hear a SWAT team go upstairs. Yeah, distant helicopter getting closer and closer and closer. He's writing jokes about Fred West again. Your head coming up on like a radar screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suddenly saw like five GTA wanted stars appear in the top corner of my periphery.

But I don't want to go away. I had to go and spray paint myself. So it could be in disguise. You had to go to bed in a different apartment. Had to go to bed in a different apartment. Speaking of going to beds in different apartments, we're going to bed in different places from tomorrow night. We're recording this.

Yes, that's a good way of putting it. On the final day of the festival. Yes, there we go. Which is why my voice sounds ratchit. You and I both sound like we've been smoking. Yeah. And it's just from talking. It's just from talking.

There's been no shout. I mean, my show has a bit of a shouty bit towards the end, I suppose. Yeah, it's the last day, the last Sunday. And then tomorrow, back to London. How have you found the fringe this year? It's good. I've been a good audience that's been like full. Yeah.

And I think we're both amongst. the best reviewed shows of the fridge. Both good reviews. You've got a poster like a North Korean general's chest. It's just star after star. And across as well. Yeah, which is weird. Yeah, speaking of which, I'm...

And the Order of London. We're recording on a Sunday, and I'm in a state of mild dread because I read, as I was coming into the building, I've received a very nice review from the mail on Sunday. Which is like, Lord Githeth and taketh away at the same time you go. another set of stars, but do we want them? Do we want? It would be like when, like,

Nigel Farage would try and distance himself from Tommy Robinson and be like, we don't want those voters. We don't want those voters, you know. I'm not sure I want that audience. It's a problem, isn't it? Because obviously, it's the mail. But also, if it's printed, it's just for people over the age of 60.

And that's the young end. I got a really nice one from them and the Daily Express on the same day, three years ago, and the exact audience changed from men on, because people would, as they left, give me advice. And they'd say, get rid of that bit, maybe next time, and I'll prefer the show. It was, like, I suddenly got feedback from every single person, and it was like, I know what paper you read.

It's so mad, isn't it? Because that, the paper, that shouldn't be enough to know that about people. That shouldn't be enough to know that. We should live in a world of infinite, marvelous complexity where you never really know. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, yes, he reads the Express or the Mail on Sunday, but I think, actually, no.

Yeah. No, on mass, it all lines up. But the thing is, you can tell from someone, you can tell from like five, within five sentences of meeting someone if their favorite movie is like, Iron Man's Three. You can sometimes, you can sometimes tell with people. Because they have their t-shirt on. Yeah. But the review as well, it's so weird to be, because I used to be so terrified of reviews when I started out.

I was absolutely terrified. I think because I saw them as an authority. Yeah, they mean something. They mean something. Everyone's reading it. Oh, my God. If you get a three stars, like, your life is over. Like, the run is over.

They take you up to Arthur's seat and they shoot you in the way. The whole city's claps. Most people I know would read a three-star review back in the day when they were, like, debut and be like, oh, fuck off. That's bullshit or whatever. I think my attitude would be like, oh, no. The police are telling me to kill myself. Oh, no.

And it's on official paper. Yeah, yeah. They've written his down. It's a formal letter. Like Martin Luther, they nailed it to my door. They've given me a crime reference number. Yeah, yeah. The crime is me living.

But, and it's so weird that I never thought I'd be in a state of, of lacking in gratitude where a really nice review can make you appapulted it with rage. But if you've got like five stars out of five from like, pedophile monthly, like, come on, come on. He's one of us! Everyone who reads this will love this show. But not for that reason.

It's just a good show. I think what it was, it's a fundamental misreading of the show, which always really bothers me. And we're talking about it's just before we started. For some reason, and I'm so grateful. So many of you guys who listen, have come to the show. I've received so many nice cojis from people who leave because I always say bye to the audience as they go.

And these wonderful people who have come and Soda-Ovi shows have been scattered amongst a sea of the elderly, every single day. I don't know what happened, but this year at the fringe is the oldest audiences. In my life, the amount of friends of mine

had come and see the show and as they left, they'd say to me, they'd go, what the fuck? Like, say it under their breath as they left, and I'd be like, I know, I know.

I don't know what it is. I think it's because I'm wearing a tie on the poster, but so we do. Not this year. Oh, shit. You're wearing a jacket. I'm wearing a jacket,

but I'm wearing like a dangerously sort of party time shirt. Bordering on Hawaiian. Bordering on Hawaiian. Yeah. It's bordering Hawaii, some of them. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So maybe that's it. I think as well, I hate, I don't think we've ever discussed this, I hate puns so much. Yeah, and you don't do them. No, but I do all my titles, because I like to play around of my name. And I think what happens is people then go in thinking it's going to be puns. Pun-master Gluck. And more what happens is boomers who don't listen,

they just need infant stuff spoon-fed to them. It's audio cues. Exactly, when they know a punchline's come, they don't engage with them. punchline, they just know to go, ah, oh, whenever you go, fuck up, no, that wasn't a pun, that wasn't a pun. No, no, just laugh. Yeah, I could do, I was doing bits of like physical comedy and they're going, oh, and you go, oh, heard that one before, have you? Seen, seen that arm before, have you?

Yeah. It's absolutely bananas, and what happens is it then infiltrates other people's minds. So this, this fucking lovely, lovely glowing review I've received this morning from the mail on Sunday, it's like, groan-tastic puns. I'm like, I have. I'd rather have not done the show. But you want to sit with a journalist and say, I have the recording on my phone of the one you saw.

It's slanderous. You and I are going to sit here and listen to this, and I've got this gun. And when I do a groan-tastic pun, because maybe you're right, I'll shoot myself in front of you. Yeah, yeah. I'd be annoying if two minutes and I go, ah, fuck, fair time.

Actually, that was the ASA. Sorry. Bang. But yeah, I should be able to go to the PCC, the Press Complaints Commission and be like, how's that, like, Sorry, that's incorrect information. It's the most, like, astonishingly bang-on, perfectly bad thing to have been said.

Like, it's like they've read your diary, and they knew exactly what to say. What I feared would happen. What to say to annoy you, and if the show, if, like, if there was another two weeks left of the fringe, ruin a fortnight of shows. Thank God, it's the final day. My God, I don't know how it's going to affect the tour. But my God. It'd be too old by them. They won't know how to look it up. Yes, exactly.

A lot of them will have passed away. But that's what's strange is that it's because it's in their weekly paper that they hold in their hands. Yeah. They don't really look at this stuff up online in advance. Yeah. Well, very rarely, because that effect diminishes. So therefore, we know it's perishable because it's in the paper version.

Yeah. This is the first year I've heard of people getting the Grey Wave from Good Reviews in The Guardian. Oh, no. So that's not safe anymore either. That's not safe. Man, that was a game changer for me. When I remember the first time I got a nice one in The Guardian,

and that was like, suddenly it was like, oh, wow, it's people in the 20s and 30. It was like, that staved off the wave of elderly. I think now, because you can, if you get a paper edition of the Guardian, now you're also old, but you'll be old at the bottom end of the spectrum of old. Oh, man, yeah.

Oh, geez. Okay, all right, so we're doomed. No, no, it's just online only because then it's like, oh, how did you find out about the show? And it'll always be like, I've asked a few audience members as they've left. How did you find out about the show? If they didn't pay it again, a lot of them just say,

I was walking past. You just go, right, okay. I mean, I can't really do anything with that. But lots of them are just like, oh, you opened for so-and-so, and I saw you there. I guess if I saw you open for Frank, if that's going to be a thing as well. I can always tell when someone has come to see the main show

because they liked me opening for Frank. Right. I can always, always, always tell. How? because there is a 20% 1 in 4 chance they really won't like it

because what they've liked is the set that I've like custom made over a month Oh I see, yeah yeah for Frank's tour and I've made sure that it's like as bulletproof in like... For that demographic. Well, just for a slightly older audience

not that old actually really Franks crowd a lot of very, you know, a lot of young people there from all the radio show stuff and from But also what would work in a massive theatre? Yes, and also just observational, like, let's not get too complicated and fiddly. But the fringe is when you do your complicated fiddly stuff. Yeah.

And so, or on tour. And so there were some guys in Dublin who I knew had seen me open for Frank in Dublin for sure, because they were like, you know, 56-year-old, slightly football-looking blokes. Or wait, like, with arms folded as the show starts, you know, over their bellies. And they just left. Oh, fuck. You'd prefer that, though.

I think there's sometimes geeks can turn on a knife edge because you might just get three laugh leaders in the room, three people who have got loud, distinctive laughs, that's all you need. Spread a crowd across a theater of even 500 people, that's all you need, and they'll lead their beacons that will lead the rest of the audience. I also think you can have a vacuum.

You can have someone whose arms are folded so tightly, who's wearing a shirt so checkered, someone's so profoundly bald, that it just, like, it removed, that there's an absence of energy around them, and it starts to suck in the people next to them. They're like a cursed ruby. You have three black holes,

and you watch the black holes spread across the room, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like that 3D graph they made in The Simpsons of Bart's effect on the students around. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cone of ignorance. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. I really, yeah, I think that's bang on.

Also, if you have one person with a mad laugh who's laughing at everything, the 10 people around them will go, well, I don't like it then. Yeah. If they like it that much, I'll balance this out by fucking hating it from now on. Yeah. I didn't like the comedian,

because the person behind me opened crisps too loudly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like dealing with easily startled... I don't know, animals. Yeah. They've put off by everything. Well, we'll see how tonight's show goes. We should also say, as well, it is astonishingly muggy

in Edinburgh today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is why, again, we're very wet, and I'm remarkably wet today. You're watching sweat, part. It's just crazy. Yeah. I feel like, um, I've had drier days in Hong Kong. It's just a profound moisture in the air.

It was like walking through bubbles. Oh, it's like walking around the edge of one of those very, very hot indoor swimming pools that you get at sort of hotels or, like, center parks. Where you just go, you've managed to create like an unpleasant tropical atmosphere here through chlorine and like fog. Yeah, it's a fog, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A miasma.

Yeah, we're all going to get plagued from it. Yeah, because someone did in California at the time of recording. Oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah. What was that? I just saw that pop up on our WhatsApp group. It's so...

The Edinburgh fridge is so insular that a notification that I could pop up on your phone and you're like, forget, I have a show to do. You get so in your own head. There's no time for this. There have been, in various Edinburgh fringes across the years, terror attacks, the death of Robin Williams,

massive, massive things. And somehow we're able to just dismiss them because we're like, I'm on at the gilded balloon at 2pm. I think that is the biggest test so far has been someone has the plague. And I didn't engage with the news story. Doesn't matter.

Yeah, I'm doing an extra show tonight, actually, so there's quite a lot on my place. Let me know when they have the plague in Edinburgh. Yeah, yeah. There have been two instances recently in terms of coming to and from my show of the pheromone, which you said I have where people address me in such a profoundly bizarre manner.

Bizarre, disrespectful, angry to start with for no reason. I had two instances of this. One a few days ago, where I'm staying by the beach, there's a nice tapas restaurant, and it looked really lovely. And I kept walking past it would always be absolutely rammed, and I thought, one day is a treat. If a show has gone particularly well, I'll go to the tapas restaurant. And I turned up, and as I arrived,

literally every other patron was like in the process of leaving. So I realized, oh, now I'm the only customer, so they hate me. And the manager hated me. Yeah. And he was questioning my choices on the menu. How? Really? It was like, it's on the menu, though.

Because he's knowing that that takes 16 minutes to make him. No, but I'd be just like, but that's preface. It's a mainstay. It's a mainstay. I'm not gonna not have that. But he knows in the back of his head, well, he's got a bunch of unpeeled potatoes. Yes, exactly. Fuck.

And so he just seemed so visibly cross at me. And then he brought the card reader over and sort of just like slammed it down on the table in front of me and I was like, okay, I'm just gonna pay for this and leave and he just went out in the back of the room. And I was like, I don't want to anger him any further. And I put in my PIM and the receipt came out and I was like, I know I'm supposed to wait for him to come and pick up the machine

and tear the receipt off, but I was like, he's not here. And I'd rather just go and then he can clear up for the evening and that's it. So I just picked up a cup. I went to tear the receipt off and it didn't tear off. he just pulled the card reader. The back of the card reader fell open and the entire roll of receipts just fell out and landed in the oil on my plate.

No. And I was like, he's gonna hang. He's looked like you just gone, and fuck you. Like a cat, not knocking something off. Fuck you, actually. I was so scared. He goes, what have you done?

He was like, I was obviously. see if this wasn't a decision. At that point, I would have then torn it off the oily bed and what... I did consider doing an only Fools and Horses, chandelier smash. Just run. Just run. You've paid. You've paid to just run. He hated me from the start. The other more bizarre moment happened when I was getting the train a few nights ago,

home from my show got a last train back. Trains absolutely rammed. And I was sat opposite this insanely drunk man in like his late 40s, early 50s. He was just talking to random powers. passengers, heads really swaying everywhere, heads sort of between his knees. And I'm like, I don't know if this guy's going to like, throw up. He's like directly opposite me. And the ticket inspector came by, I had my headphones in. And he was checking everyone's tickets. And he starts talking to his drunk guy for ages. I can't know what they're saying,

because I got my headphones in. And the ticket was like, you got your ticket. And I said, yep, and I showed him my ticket. And he said, and the other one. And I was thinking, like, I've accidentally bought like a student ticket or something and I need to show a card or whatever. And I was like, it's just this one. And he was like, your friend's ticket. And I was like, I'm on my own, and he pointed up a drunk guy and went, he said you've got his ticket. And I went, uh-huh. And I believe here.

The man with a crust of sick around his lips. Who is 20 years old of you. And it's going, and also presumably, from Scotland. Yeah. And I went, I don't know who that is. And this drunk guy looked up at me in such like, an alert way.

What, like, suddenly like... Yeah, and gave me a look of like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? As if we were friends, like... What the fuck are you doing? You've got my ticket. And I was like, I've got my ticket. Like, this is all I've got is my ticket.

And the ticket inspector went like... In a real, I've had it up to here with both of you sort of way, went, right, well, I'm not moving until one of you's bought a ticket. I was like, I have a ticket. I have mine. So did you say, well, I have mine? Yeah, I was like, it's insane to go.

I'm not here until either you buy your own ticket or he gifts you one. That's insane, yeah. Unfortunately, the train arrived at my stop, I was like, here is proof of my ticket, I'm getting, like, I'm leaving. Yeah. But he was just like, he was just left for the drunk guy. I was like, I'm not staying till.

I literally just kept my headphones in and just walked off because I was no, this is crazy. And he tries to rugby tackle me to be crowd over a £4.60 return ticket. But when you said to him, like, well, I forgot mine, did he go, wow, or what? It was kind of like, this doesn't add up. You're both friends. You've known each other for years, I imagine.

Yeah, yeah, Glenn. What if this was like the perfect sitcom situation, the drunk guy would remember your name from posters? Yeah, you'd be like, come on, Glenn. It happens at the fringe more than it happens, like, back home where you literally just grab a sandwich at a cafe and they go, have a nice day, Glenn or whatever, and you're like, because it makes you feel an instance of guilt of,

did I go to school with them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would hate that. But yeah, it was just crazy if his ticket inspector was like, well, I will obviously believe the least trustworthy. A tramp. I'll just fucking golland, you know what I mean? Like, someone who's literally looking to camera going,

he-he-he-ha-ha. Yeah, do you know who is... There's no one more respectful of public transport and rules than wasted fucking lunatics on a weeknight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's more respectful of public transport than that? It was just... It was so...

I find it quite liberating because I'm like, there it is another example. I'm not going crazy, is this happening all the time? But this is... Guys, write in with your theories. We need some Glenn theories. Yeah. Because my theory at the moment...

But what happens if we just get correspondence people being like, well, actually, I do think he's a nasty boy. But then... I think he is... But then we'll know that it's psychic. I'm trying to narrow this down from chemical, biological, psychic, spiritual, philosophical. What is the problem?

You know, my earliest instance of this was I said, I told this story on Phil's show that he does with Susie Den on Radio 4, where I was about five years old and it was the school holidays. And my parents just put me into like some day at the library for kids. to just deposit them there for the nine hours or whatever. Yes. And every kid was given a name tag and you were just going to be reading books about The Jungle or something like that. I don't know anyone else there. But everyone was given a name tag

and the woman spelled my name wrong when I told her my name and I said, oh, it's actually Glenn. And she responded by saying, must you be so wicked? I remember that sentence so vividly because it's so fucking rolled-down. Must you be so wicked? It would have been even old fashioned for him.

He would have put it in the mouth of an old witch. I was five. And so I had to spend the day, the rest of a day, with a name tag that said Len. L-E-N. Like the Goodman. Yeah, because what, five-year-old child in the 90s wouldn't be called Len? I thought you were going to say she didn't put two ends in the Glen. No, I was like, I've learned to just overlook that.

in every... Yes. That happens and it's fine. Whereas I don't know how you get... I'm Glenn. How... You missed the G. She split the G.

She split the G. She split your G of Glenn. Must you be so wicked? She cursed you. Yeah, maybe that was the first instance. Maybe that was it though. She cursed you as in... You must be so wicked.

Like, this is how people will perceive you from now on. Yes. You must. Yeah, yeah. You questioned the witch. And ever since then, people talked to you like she'd... It does. I quite like the use of must in that context. I've always thought it would be quite, when people sort of go like,

you must be fun at parties or whatever. Yeah. To say that to a birthday clown, you must be fun at party. You have to be fun. You have to be fun. Yes, I must. I must.

I must do it. It's quite common. It's the way you say in South African English, you should check the sound. You say you must check the sound. And does that mean, like, is it colloquial? It means it should, yeah.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh, you must see this film, it's so good. Yeah. It's just old-fashioned English. Right, okay. Yeah, so it's very, but I think that's one of the many ways in which people in the UK misunderstand the way South Africans talk is being quite blunt. You must see this film.

Oh, maybe, yeah. You must see this film. Yeah. Whereas it's just you should. Yeah, God. It should. It's just as commanding if you think about it. I suppose.

There's insane stuff we say in England that is probably. You should see this. It's astonishingly rude, yeah. It's really just softening here. But they don't... This is another thing, is that the way people talk to you maybe would be more normal in a country with much more blunt manners.

Yeah, actually, I found being in the Netherlands quite refreshing. I was like, yeah, this is, yeah, this is how everyone talks to. A nation where everyone is Glenn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone is also the perpetrator of Glenn. Everyone's also the perpetrator, yeah, yeah. Let's do some correspondence. Let's see what people have been sending us.

Yes, please. Mail. Post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. Correspondence. This is from Carl. Hi, pee, peer, and spend a glennie.

Oh, so like... Urine. You're peeing. Yeah. And spending a penny. Yeah. Is getting pissing. Never...

It took me so many years to understand spend a penny. Is it because of Victoria Station it cost me? money. That's what always thought. It was the only one I could think of. It would be a penny to go for a wee, yeah, yeah. But like, people would say it about, like, their house. Really? Well, people would be it off to spend a penny or whatever.

Yeah, I don't like that. They wouldn't be like, oh, I'll save that phrase for when I'm literally putting a penny in a machine. Yeah. They would say it in general, and I'd be like, wow. I always hated little boys' room, little girl's room. That's so creepy. I've never... I've been...

Well, you grow out of it. Yeah. You still pissing. You still pissing. Are you a old age? Yeah. More than ever before. Carl says, I recently bought these chocolates

and they fit the archetype Pierre hates so specifically I had to share. Yes, I do hate these. They make me very, very annoyed. They're almost so annoying that it goes... You know when something is so annoying, it just clicks over into not annoying you anymore? Yeah, you just washes over after you become numb. Like our violence becomes cartoon violence,

and then it's just itchy and scratchy and you don't care. Yeah. you've become reek from Game of Thrones you've been broken you say okay fine whatever I don't care I could almost forgive this horrendous branding if they were really nice which is not hard to achieve when your main ingredient is chocolate

but alas they are not loving the new series and getting to know our new budddad yeah budded how do you like that budded butt dad I quite yeah yeah yeah okay Monty Bojangles chalky scoffy

fuck I know this brand awful awful awful really disgusting really disgusting and Monty they're just doing because of like Professor Cripplestein's Eppelin factory yeah I hate that fucking aesthetic of Phileas Foggs wondrous tonics or whatever when you go in it's a cocktail bar and you go I don't know what the aesthetic is you're all Victorian gentlemen but you have

sailor tats yeah but you're like peaky blinders so you're from back streets, but you're on the docks, but you're very wealthy and you travel the world in a large balloon, but it is the present day. What are you? You can't be everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like when little kids go, I'm a spy pirate

with a laser gun, and I can do magic. It's too many things. Pick something, Timothy. Pick a theme and stick with it. Yeah, otherwise you're a Homer Simpson's car, he makes his brother, which, controversial opinion, I never knew what the problem was with that car. To his day, I'm like, it looks like, it looks fine.

It's got a bubble top. So? Come on. Yeah, that's true. The trouble is as a kid, you look at it and go. I don't know what I'm meant to be looking at here. But that's the kind of car I draw. Yes.

Which obviously is the problem. Yeah. So there's Monty Bojangles Chucky Scoffy. Choky scoffy is horrible. Another flavor is scrumple nutty. Fuck that. People die from nuts. Show some respect.

Cassia and a Degeneca Wenica. Like, in Leicester Square, there's a restaurant called scoff and banter, and it is vile. And that's what reminds it. Really disgusting. Scoff is horrible as a term. Really disgusting. It's like snog. Ugh.

Did you snog? Is that the sort of thing you hear in a Richard Curtis film. Were you guys bonking? Uh. Were you having it off? Having it off. Bunking. Awful, awful, awful crap.

It's so... Big old mouthful of Diet Coke. Yeah. Really bad timing. Awful 90s words. Yeah. Bonking was just a... Like that... Did she bonk her minch?

Or wretched colleague, that is. Played by Lee Evans in a film where you go, yeah, he was in films, wasn't he for a bit? Yeah, it was in something about Mary and Mouse Hunt. I... There was a guy I worked with years ago, a journalist who used to... It was so violent. I don't even want to say the word, but he was talking about going on dates and stuff.

He had, like, some dates lined up, and he was like, hopefully get me a bit of nooky. And it was like... It made me so upset. A bit of... A bit of. Implying he can't maintain an ereaction. Just a bit, yeah. But...

Just be horrible. Yeah. You'd be throwing neck. Hopefully I can throw some neck up some muff or something really disgusting. Fing hell. Apologize. I'm sorry. That is bad.

But I prefer that. Because it's so blatantly awful. Because it's just horrible. Yeah. It's more creative. As language goes. Yeah, yeah. It's not as derivative as this shit.

At least it's like, yeah, you may as well sound like you're in Viz. I'd rather be offended in a new way. Yes, yes. Then listen to people say bong. Then the oldest things, yeah, yeah. Then people go like, oh, I'm gonna say something that I heard from someone who heard it from a film 30 years ago. Yeah.

It's like the words have dust on them as they go into my ears. Making whoopee is a really... A sort of thing of... What are they... yeah, what does it mean? What are you making? Like a fighter pilot would have said in the 40s. Horrible. And we've been making whoopi over the channel with the Germans.

Well, it's in the cushion. The fart cushion. Yeah, is that what happens when you bong? Just... Just this, like, deflating fart sound. As you press on each other, just... Oh, that's horrible. But is that what they mean?

Making it. I guess the sound is dreadful. Our friend of ours, who we never name... He once said that sex sounds like baby seals trying to break into a butter factory. That is awful. That's really, really horrible. But again, I'm more delighted with that

than bonking after some Chucky scoffy. Oh, it's so horrible. Scoff and banter. Also, the thing is when people say banter in that, what they mean is, what they mean by both of those words is, do you want to have like steak-freet while you both sort of loudly discuss each other's, like, crazy behavior at uni?

Yeah, it's like late 90s, 6. British sitcom talk. But it sounds like something dawn French would be forced to say by a lazy script writer. Banta's more our generation, right? 2006. Yeah, scoff. Scoff is just parsh nonsense. Yeah.

Scoff and banter. Monty Bojangles, they're trading off Monty Python. But Monty Python, the way they came up with that name, Monty Python's Flying Circus, is they chose Monty because of General Montgomery, Monty. Right. So they're like, we want to channel some of that World War II era. like mustachioed Englishmen. And then Python cause snakes were awesome.

Python for a slightly exotic, dangerous aspect. And then flying circus, because that is the sort of name you'd give to some kind of mad traveling... Oh, like, Sergeant Peppers. Shit show, yeah. Yeah. Whereas this is just people... It's meaningless, it's mad lips.

I don't like it's meme upon meme upon meme. Yeah. It's essentially a skyscraper of references to the brick before it. So there's nothing new. I'd rather have a new brick on the floor. We can't picture Monti-Boggles. No, because it's... It's... It's really wonka.

or is he Mr. Tony Chocoloni? He's also selling me chocolate, so he's definitely got loads of children like doing backbreaking labor in the boiling sun of the equator. Monty Bojangles is the name of the most... Egregious sweatshop in Vietnam. Another backbreaking shift at the Monti Bojangles factory. Yesterday, an angry mob threw the statue of Monti Bojangles into the Thames.

He made all this money. He was a slave... He was also a slave traitor. Yes, of course he was. Yeah. But he did make exceedingly good chocolate. That would be the article. The mixed legacy of Monti-Bowjangles.

Yeah, if you go on Wikipedia and you type in Monty-Bowjangles, and it's like the first thing you see is the controversy section. And there's a section above it just says East India Company, and you go, oh no. Yeah, yeah. When there's a section on a Wikipedia article, it says, Aftermath. Oh, boy. Straubin. It's never, it's never, well, he retired.

He was just an MP for 30 years. Yeah. That's the aftermath. Man, I, I, yeah, that's, fuck, what was I gonna say? We are exhausted, to be fair. I think this is the most exhausted episode of season two of Don't So Far,

because he's been up the French for a month. I didn't, um, drink last night. Oh. Uh, woke up by the hangover. That's how tired I am. Oh my God. Didn't drink last night. Still woke up feeling like I had done that.

Matt. Matt, my brain's just rotted. It's, it's, you know what was really nice? A Bud Pod listener left the show a few days ago and said... Halfway through. Yes, yeah. Screamed out Koji, double fingers. Just flip the V's.

As funny as diarrhea, mate. Loved it. Yeah, yeah. Is that compliment? Sorry, is that compliment. And they said, and this really meant a lot. and this will touch your heart as well, I think. I can't believe you're still getting the episodes out while you're up.

You're both up here. That's nice. How nice is that? Yeah. And they said it's so, I'm so grateful. I thank you so much. It's because I, you know, that's such a big thing for me to have it once a week. And I'm so, yeah, grateful.

Oh, that's really, really nice. How nice is that? Yeah, that is nice. I mean, it does come from a cynical place where we know if we just stopped for a couple of weeks, everyone would stop listening. Well, we've taken weeks off in the past, but never. I think I don't... If we've ever taken two weeks off in a row,

it was due to a completely insane circumstances. I don't think we have. Yeah. Individual weeks, or maybe just the gap between Christmas and New Year, sure. Yeah, how do I book time off, by the way? Do I put... If you're my line manager... It has to be a letter.

It has to be in writing. Yeah. Triple-icant. Yeah. So, yeah. I think of... It's got Zanti in February, so I'm just... Yes, of course, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I always go to Zanty in February. You always... For Valentine's. You always say, don't you? No Alicante before Zanti. Yeah.

Because you've got quite a complex order in which you visit the peninsula. Yeah, and I just go on the off-season. February's just better. You know, it's freezing cold. And no one's there. You like to be exfoliated by the wind, whipping sand onto your naked body. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's your favorite. What's the no carbs before marb? You heard that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No Carbea before Marbea. What would it be for Zanti? I was trying to think of one. I don't know.

No. No Panty's before Zante. No Angola Cante before Zante. Like, if that's if you, if a former Chelsea midfielder, you made sure you didn't engage with any of his professional or personal life. There's no social media content from him. No social media content before with that particular French midfielder. Save it up for when you're on holiday.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No niece before Greece. You cannot visit any relatives whatsoever before your big trip to the Mediterranean. And no Greece before niece, because you'll get a fan. Yes. And you'll feel bad about yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No Greece before Greece is quite good. No Greece or Greece before Greece. Yeah, I like the double meaning of Greece. Yeah. Well, actually, technically, I've always liked the fact that Greece, the musical, is technically Mamma Mia. Oh, fucking hell, yes, of course. More grown-worthy puns, some...

Grown-tastic. Gron-tastic. Bang. Please be sorry. This is... Grown-tastic pornography. That's what it should be. That's horrible.

That's horrible. Reviews. Pawn having reviews. I know, I guess that's what the comment section is. Yeah, yeah. Grown-tastic, three exclamation marks. I also would be funny of under porn videos I had a miniature highlights reel that said T-L-D-W, so too long didn't wait. So you know.

you could know the plot. Yeah. They didn't fix... What happened in the end? He didn't fix... He didn't fix the toilet. Yeah. Pointless.

Well, thank you. Did he get to the gala on time? The mayor. I didn't even get to the bit with a mayor. What? There's a mayor? For Lord Mayor in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, thank you very much for listening, guys. And I hope you have appreciated these slightly madder-toned fringe pods. Now it's time for us to go to the Lord Mayor's chambers. of the bonus pot for the VIPs. So Koji, thank you for listening

and see you guys next week.