BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e17 Mustard Comedy

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week the buds discuss the Riyadh comedy festival, the most devastating parodies, and your altered lyrics. Glenn is on tour across the UK now! Dates and tickets here!Email or Dm us your cryptic crossturds, altered lyrics, worm stories and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram.Join the BudPod Patreon for access to the BonusPod episode every week, the GeorgePods every month, discounted and early access to live shows and more to come! Join here from £4 a month.BudPod Live! October 12th, 2025 - Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival, London. Tickets on sale now! - HERE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpard 17. 17 is the age where I did my AS levels. Yeah. And in my English exam, I think I was writing, I think it was hard times Charles Dickens, I was writing an essay about, and I used the word seminal. And then when I got home,

I suddenly panicked that I was like, have I used seminal correctly? Yeah. And I got really nervous about it. And I looked up in the dictionary, and the first definition was full of semen, and I burst out tears. And you'd say Charles Dickens was full of semen?

Yeah. I was just sat in my living room at my parents' house, just like, what have I done? What have I done? I couldn't believe it, but I just basically written cum in an AQA exam. Do you remember the, so funny to specify the exam board. Do you remember the sentence? It was like seminal classic.

So it was just sort of like absolute classic cum shot. Absolutely. His comiest book. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yuck. You, though. Boy, what? spray is it?

Go and fetch me the largest juice in the window. Yeah, that was a sorry time. The ghost of Christmas yet to come. Yes, there we go, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But surely, that's, yeah, I mean, definition two, really good, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Of course.

It was just that initial panic of, Oh my God, oh my God. What happens if they take it as the bad reason? And they go, even though it's in that context, they go, he's got coming intentions there, I'm sure he had. This is a disgusting. This wicked boy. Wicked boy.

Yeah, absolutely wicked boy. It's that funny thing that you do when you're a student where you think, well, I'll compliment what we had to study. And then that will get. Yeah, that will get me mug. The most delicious book I've ever read. Yeah, yeah. The gorgeous Abraham Lincoln.

Flanting his shapely pins. Yeah, yeah. Pored. into his top hat. Out on the town. Post breakup. With his crazy wife, Mary. An onlooker said, he seemed to be having a great time.

He always said an onlooker set. Who? Who did you interview? Onlookers. Yeah. Do you see him in the club? Yeah. Does he have a nice time? Yeah.

Yeah, it was always just sort of like, you had to interview a stranger because Jerry Halliwell was sunbathing. They seemed to be enjoying the sunbathing. Sun, like lying prone with her eyes shut. Seen to be, yeah. He has claimed she was enjoying herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Supposed to lying on the Sunlanger with your eyes closed, thinking,

fuck. Yeah, yeah. I hate this. Fuck. I ate somewhere that was disgustingly named this morning. Oh, no. I'm on tour at the moment. Friday night I was in Chorley.

Yeah. And last night I was in Stafford. Yeah. And this morning, Izzy, my tour manager and I, we went out for breakfast. and we went to a place on the high street called Munch and Slurp. It's fucking awful. In London. In Stapford.

Yeah. In Stafford. And neither of these places were... Neither of those verbs are positive. No. If someone said to you on a date, God, you really slurp that down. You'd be like, they hate me. Is this after dinner?

Yeah. Oh, God. That's horrible. That's really dreadful. Munch. Munch. Yeah. Shall we munch some dinner?

Should we munch some dinner together? I wouldn't be surprised if someone... No, I never talk to me again. It's some gross, you know, lad has used that in a sexual capacity. Definitely. It's like gobbling and stuff like that, goshing, all those sort of words where you go, how are you using this sexually and you're still happy with your life? Yeah, I mean, we've discussed it on the podcast generally, like be no words and stuff, but some words are very. words. Yes. And it's amazing to me that so many sincere sexual acts have been described

by people who didn't want to try and be gross. They meant it. They were being sincere. Using words that only Viz would use now. And you sort of want to go back and go, but surely you knew you were being revolting back then. Was this appealing to you? It's Roald Darlest. It's gross. It's, it's, it's, it's gorgeous marvelous medicine. All the characters involved are the really spikey drawings like Quentin Blake or the big round ones

Yeah, it's awful it's like referring to ejaculars like dick bogies or something like that would be your nightmare at a number friend show

which would be a combination of those twee shows for kids where it's like like rotten grandma's bogey fest Yeah yeah horrid little songs for yeah

gruesome goblin magic show for the but like that is already something you hate and rightly so combined with the tweeness of of like a

rude panto yeah yeah people will be bonking and having it off yeah then that those two things together create the phrase dick burgies

that's awful I mean I did I tell you I found it really entertaining at the Edinburgh Fringe where in the Pleasence courtyard they've got a huge sort of sign but you can walk around

which has every single show on at the Pleasant Yes. But in chronological order. Yeah. And it's so funny because at the Edinburgh Festival shows, comedy is usually reserved for the late afternoon through to evening. Yeah. And theatre tends to be on quite early on in the day as our kids shows.

So I found it's so funny that the Pleasant's courtyard, they'd have all the shows chronologically, but it would be like gritty theatre with all the... So it would be like 10.15 a.m. would be like, Mr. Sleepy Bum's Happy Adventure. And then 1030 would be a play called like, God has a cunt. I think I'd take the kids to see that one. Yeah. The remains of hope. Yeah, yeah. And you get, oh, yeah.

Well, it's like, those sort of plays that you see on, like, the West End occasionally where, like, Tom Hardy will be making, like, a West End return. And it'd be, like, him and Rupert Grynt, and everyone's wearing, like, vests on the poster, and it's called piss. I was like, you know, it's gritty. Yeah, when they try and do a rebrand.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe we should do that. reckon I'm always haunted by this conversation that I, a guy who I went to uni with was talking to, but a few of us, and he was saying like, a guy who wrote comedy. Right. And he was saying, oh, you know how we find it like very easy to parody things? We're like, yeah. And he's like, you know, any genre, you can say like, okay, yeah, like a, you know,

a gritty play at the fringe and you immediately know what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a big musical that's about, you know, Evita. You go, yeah, yeah, immediately I know how to make fun of that. Yes. I know all the things that will be in it. Yes. And I can use that knowledge to make jokes.

But he was like, well, why don't we use that instinctive knowledge of what's in these incredibly successful things to just do the original. That's the producers. Why can't we just do that? Yeah, that should work because, like, I can do a really mean impression of musical theater comedy. Yes. And when I say mean, I don't mean like, I do a mean impression. And it's like, no, no, I do a mean. Yeah, cruel.

Because my impression of musical theatre comedy, there's two kinds, basically. Yeah. And it's, kid comes running onto the stage, and he's like, oh, my God, I can't wait to explore this town. And he runs off, and then the mum walks on and she turns to the audience, he goes, hmm, if I can drag him away from his comic books and video games. And then walks off in the audience, go, mm-hmm. And the other kind. Disgusting.

This is the sneering I was accused of, actually. This is sneering. This is the sneering. It does exist. I can do it. And then the other kind... This is the story. I would never have occurred.

This is parody to me. But I mean, the other kind is someone's like... The musical number, the big opening musical number sort of dissipates slightly. And it's sort of bum, bum, bum, and in the background. And the main character walks on

and he's like, I'm so excited to get married. And then like his dad sort of like, and you've got the rings. And he goes, and he's patting himself down. He goes, of course I've got the... I'll be right back. And then he runs off and then the music starts up again. that's a sort of musical theatre comedy

where you're like, this is disgusting. Yeah, that really... You know sometimes when you get like a bit of mint, like from a very strong mint, like in your nose. Yeah, it's mustard. Where you sort of go... I've given you must. Yeah, sometimes you get mustard comedy where you get...

I felt that. My nasal hairs are tingling, yeah. I've sniffed it somehow. That was really horrible. Sometimes with parodies, it makes... Sometimes a parody so effective, you find it remarkable that people carry on doing this in Sear version. in the same way, like, walk hard.

Like, how did any musical biopic end up being made after that? Because it's so succinctly hit every single beat of what you get in a biopic. It's such a devastating parody. Devastating is what it is, where you go, you've ruined the form. And I, like, to the extent where... You've salted the earth. I don't understand how after, when the whistle blows in extras, happened, how Mrs. Brown's boys then continued.

Do you go, how... If you got Mrs. Brown's boys, fan to watch when the whistleblers, would they enjoy it? Would they go, I don't know Ricky Jervais doesn't. I like him now. To them, it's like this lost treasure. Yes. But where's the rest of it?

Yeah. Here's my theory on both of those examples. I think the kind of people who intermittently go, and they wake up and they go to the cinema to watch a music star biopic, they have not seen Walk Hard. You have a lot of talk about. I don't think Walkhart got a cinematic release in the UK. It is the best parody of a genre, maybe ever.

Yeah. And a lot of people I talk to who love music biopics haven't even heard of it. Yeah, and you kind of don't want to show you. Don't, don't, like... Yeah. Van Hurtzog. Never listen to this. Never ever watch Walk Hard.

Never watch The Dewee Cox story. If you love Elton John, you won't ever watch this. It has a bit about... cannabis addiction that is devastating to your form. It's true, though, it will ruin it. But I think we're very vulnerable to parody as comedians. Some people will watch the parody, and then it won't change their, it'll ricochet off their enjoyment. Well, that's good because they go, ah, yeah, I can laugh at myself, but this is also the thing I enjoy.

But also, so when you get a devastating observational comedy about your own character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the thing I was talking about, I having a discussion about last night with, like, the first time I ever saw like Michael McIntyre's man-draw routine. Yeah. I think my family and I, we watched it in like silence of like,

he's been in our house. Do you know, because it was so accurate. It was like, when did he come in? So it was like he was just on stage. And then suddenly he turned right down the camera and went, isn't that right, Glenn? Like under your bed. Yeah, and then immediately, and you go to the shops.

And he just goes back to it and he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, go. What did he just, did you see that? And you sort of go, yeah, and my mum's like, he just called me Lynn. You've got sweat. You've got sweat rings down your collar and your armpits and, yeah, because it had all been like, you know when you go to a wedding and all that sort of stuff. And then it was just like this one bit in your house specifically,

but it was like, that's scary. It was like, it was like you've read out my pin number. That was like, it was like really terrifying. It's the first of ever been scared by a comedian. Imagine, I would, that's like sort of Darren Brown observational comedy, isn't it? He's psychically predicting things about it. But observation only for one person in the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Doing a really incredible, just bang-on routine about how unsettled you feel by the particular plates you are onto users. Yeah, because I never do second person stand up. No. Like, Sean Mouche does this as an observation or stuff. He goes, you go to the show. And he's telling you you do this and you agree.

Yeah. But like I think second person stand up bit in which every time you say you're pointing at the same person in the crowd. The same guy. And you just think it's awful, isn't it? Don't you? And sometimes you're addressing the crowd over here, but your fingers still.

And then you're still going. And then you say, and it's occasionally booping him on the nose and it's like pushing his head away. It was like tapping at the lens of his glasses. And he's, ah. And when he tries to get up, the people are the side of him, pull him back down. Listen, listen. Listen to what. Listen to what.

I'm going to do it. Listen to what you're like. Listen to what you're like. Going to a Michael McIntyre show, it turns out it's an intervention about your odd behaviour. And we all have heroin, don't we? Yeah.

You burn the spoon and the spoon the spoon is over the right size. You always come to... It's the intervention for like the heroin addicted son of like a billionaire. And they're like, the only way we can get through to you

is to pay Michael McIntyre a custom set to... Yeah. Just to do... observational comedy about your specific drug addiction. And you relate to your Auntie Jean's funeral and you have to... And he's like, he hides out the main room in the Lowry? So do you McIntyre is like fucking Morgan Freeman in a Bruce Almighty?

There's some stranger who knows all these things about you. I've known you since before you were born. I would pay so much money for the footage of the panic attack from the one person in the crowd. McIntyre does a prank show now. He's got. It turns out Michael McIntyre is God. When there was only one set of footprints in the sand, it was me skipping. Don't need the apple.

Doing a whole thing about Garden of Eden. McIntyre does a prank show now, though. Well, it's something close to a prank show. It bursts to your room. It bursts into your... Within his Saturday night shot. Yes. Yeah.

But then that means this could happen. Yeah. This is a conceivable prank. Yeah. That would be really effective. Because what he does is he goes into his celebrities. If he does it, we know he's a Budpod listener. Yeah.

We have confirmation at last. Yeah, he's probably like taking of his headphones on going, fuck, they're on, fuck. Like lives of others. Yeah. Yeah. He's a big over the head headphones. But the prank is he bursts into a celebrity's home and he fires a gun into the ceiling. doesn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he ties up their spouse. Yes. And then he reads everything out from their phone. And Bradley Walsh is usually just like, I'll do whatever, do whatever you want. It's what that big, that book Truman Capote wrote is about. In Cold Blood. Yeah, Macinty broke into that remote farmhouse. Yeah, after the first series of doing this, he stopped wearing the balaclava.

And he started doing it openly as Michael McIntyre. But before then it was a really strange bit of the show. Before then, it seemed like people had hacked the feet. and they were just playing it was Max Headroom and they were playing a clip from like Michael Hanukas funny games or something

it was horrible yeah there was one time there was one time where Dermot O'Leary managed to shoot Michael McIntyre in the chest but he just rewound it and he ends up fine again at the end of every episode

it looks like you've killed McIntyre but then he just gets he sits up and then the credits roll and you know he's alive for the next one yeah yeah Michael McIntyre will be back like Jay's Bond

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a notcho when you think about it. But that's the thing is that once you have mainstream appeal, you do get the freedom. You do get the freedom. You're allowed to do that, yeah. You're allowed to say, what if the series ended with them chaining me underwater to the bottom of a lake? Yeah. And I'm just floating there, still doing observational comedy in this lake in the woods.

Live and underwater, and that's the big, like, DVD, like 2016. DVD. Live and underwater. I remember in ASDA when I was a kid. They'd sell VHS copies of, like, it was always Harry Hill. Yeah. And Roy Chubby Brown. Yeah, yeah. You just get them in Asthma.

Roy Chubby Brown. It seems... The most racist and, like... It seems insane, but I remember, like, posters for Roy Chubby Brown being put up in, like, the windows of shops. and like in a cafe. Where is he? Wanted dead or alive. Yeah.

When it's like those bounty posters you get in the Wild West that was like it's almost like when you had to make a pirate map at school and you go you dip it in tea and you burn the edges. Yeah, yeah. But a thousand pound bounty on Royston Vasey's head. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Royston Vazey known locally as Chubby Brown. Yeah, yeah.

Also known as Roy Chubby Brown. The bandit Chubby Brown. You found. six shots chubby I heard him you ain't think of me alive just come out

Royston just come out you have a wife and that's not an invitation to start one of your jokes come out please come on you got a mother-in-law I

and a non-white neighbor or whoever the fucking victim but I always amazed me once I figured Once I figured out the kind of thing Roy Chubby Brown did

because for ages I just thought I was a guy dressed as a pilot like a silly costume It looked like a kid show He looks like the elephant The Patchwork Elephant Yeah

Yeah I got remember the name of it It's Elma Elma Yeah Once I then I figured out Oh no It's like very fucking adult And racist

Well yeah It was always rated 18 Whereas Parry Hill Was always rated you Yeah But then I figured out It was like Pub jokes

What did you expect it to be? I thought at least original Well, it really scary. Deeply prejudiced material. Three vampires were really scary jokes. No, I thought what I meant was I thought he would write his own. My mummy-in-law. That's a fringe show for kids.

My mummy-in-law. I mean, it's like an Egyptian. Yeah. And then jokes about like rah and things like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be more original than that. Oh, as opposed to three bloke, like Jethro, three blokes walk into a barrow.

You just never hear that on stage. It's so weird. It's astounding to me whenever anyone manages to make a decent career in comedy, which is a very hard thing to do out of jokebook jokes that they've just nicked. Or public domain humor. Yeah, very, very strange. Or like, because it'll be like Roy Chubby Brown or who's the other... Who's the other...

Burn of Manning? Yeah. Jethro. Jethro was probably the other one. But there'll be jokes where in order to just, like, the most damning thing is when there's a joke that's actually about, like, I remember Stuart Lee did this example where it was a joke about, oh, a Welsh Methodist.

I went up to some Welsh Methodists on the rugby pitch and asked if they could convert me so they kick me over the handlebars. Right. Right. So it's just a joke about Methodism and Welsh people loving rugby. Yeah. But then, like, I think it was Roy Chubby Brown just changed that joke so that the person being kicked over the rugby bars

was like a person of South Asian descent the P word, right? But then the joke doesn't make... No, it doesn't make anything. So it's just like, well, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense because I've changed it, as long as I've changed it to add racism. It's like, John Cleese went a bit mental and was sort of like, but I make fun of everyone.

I make fun of everyone. I make fun of every single ethnicity. And so, I'll give you an example. A man walks into a bar, ouch, and the man is white. So we've got that. And then I've got another joke. I've got another joker. The filthy, stinky, horrid.

Nasty, Serbian. That's definitely he goes, yeah. I make fun of all countries. Make fun of all countries equally. And you give us different. Sometimes we're too handsome and clever. Yes. And that's silly of us.

Yeah. Well, you've seen all the Riyadh stuff. The comedians going out to play... Yeah. What's the crowd-like in Riyadh? I don't know. Is it just like members of the royal family and dishdashers? No, I imagine it's loads of expats.

I've got friends who live out there. But are there enough expats? Yeah, I mean... I guess there must be at least a few thousand, right? Yeah, but I don't think... I think the amount they're being paid is not reflective of what the audience size is going to be. They're not going to be playing stadiums.

It's going to end up being like a fringe theatre. But this is what I mean. It's going to be so... I couldn't make it. I couldn't make the dates work. I've got Birmingham Glee. It's such a shame, but you're a man of your... word. I'm a man at my word. You will turn down the 250,000 pounds if you have a prior engagement.

Yes. And that's why people like booking you, because they know, I'll be there. You will be there, regardless of personal financial loss. Yeah. But yeah, I just, it's such a weird thing to do for, like, your country's guests. Do you know what I mean? Yes. You sort of, like, it's not a nice country to, like, you can only go, you can't go around Saudi Arabia if you're not from there. Right. You can't travel freely within the country. I had no idea. It's not just like Dubai. Well, a friend of mine lived out there for a while.

Even Dubai is not that... But he lived in like a sort of like compound, basically, where you go to a canteen every evening. Yeah. With loads of other expats, and it's basically like halls. Yeah, it's always like you live on a space stage. And then he was like, you'd drive to the nearest, like, alcohol selling country. Yeah.

You'd, like, cross the border overnight. And you would just drive back hammered overnight because the roads are so open. Yeah. That you just drive back. But if he wanted to... drive to other cities outside of Riyadh, they won't let you. Right, okay. You can't come here.

It's like if you couldn't leave the M25. But I want to visit Birmingham. You can't. You're not allowed. You're not British. Like, it's not a chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why the compounds exist is to keep you away from the people who are actually from there.

Yeah. So that you don't, you know, make them dirty or tempt them with your wicked ways. So it's like it's so much more strict and weird than even Dubai. it's an odd one of the people who agreed to do it but also at the same time you go everyone's got a price and I guess the only ones that are weird to me are like Bill Burr where I'm like, well you have lessons in your stand-up

don't you? Whereas someone like Jimmy Carr, it's like you knew I was a scorpion at no point did he say he'd never do that sort of thing what did you think Jimmy Carr was going to do? Of course, like why, what does Jimmy Carr owe you? Although it does, yeah, no one's sane is emotionally or philosophically disappointed. Although it does undermine his whole I'm Mr. Truth Teller thing that he's tried to do since going to America.

Right, okay. He's like, we're on the, when he told the audience that they're in the last chance saloon, we've seen that clip. I don't think you've ever seen this. He says to the crowd, we're in the last chance saloon, and what I'm about to say is barely acceptable even now. Never mind it a few years, kind of thing. A wolfman walks into a bar. And Dracula, so. I don't like my mother-in-law's cooking.

And every time it's a punchline, there's a crackle of fun. And the lights all flicker like you're queuing up for a haunted house ride at Disney. London Dungeons. Sporkiest comedy yet. Every time I'm running late for an event now, I always text people, and my excuse is always that I'm a major London attraction that I really should have been to by now. So I'll be like, I'm so sorry, I'm 10 minutes behind London eyes, absolute gridlock. I'm just like, I'm just at a London dungeon, but I'll be with you in like 20 minutes. Have you seen the list of like stuff you can't say if you do re-ad?

No. You can't make fun of any religion or religious practice in any way. Okay. You can't say anything bad or even funny about or like mention. the royal family or any relatives of the royal family or the country or nothing. You basically can't do any of that kind of stuff that you do when you go to a place. Yeah, I guess. But also it's just like doing a corporate basically, isn't it?

And they sort of go, can you not make any material specifically about the CEO of Sports Direct? And you're like, yeah. Although my experience of doing corporates is either they say don't do that. And like, oh, please don't mention any local murders or like a bunch of shit you would never do in your life. It's so bananas to do a corporate. Or they ask you to do something crazy. We love humor here. And they don't mean it.

It's when they mention a really specific event. And you're like, I don't know what. Like, I was never going to say that. But now all I can picture is that. And I go, and please don't mention the brief disappearance of Shannon Matthews. And you go, um, okay. Okay. And on the stage the whole time, you're just like, don't say it.

Don't say it. And then leaves. I was walking to a Shannon, Matt. I was Shannon, Matt. I was Shannon the Matt. Shannon Matthew, Shannon Matthew, Shannon Matthew. Shannon Matthew. Shannon Matthew.

Yeah. Yeah. Please don't think about purple trousers. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Ah, just don't say that then. Absolutely maddening.

Yeah, if you put lessons in your stand-up, you don't get to do that maybe. Or at least I don't have to listen to your lessons very much anymore. Although, well, because you did abide by the teachings of the babies comedians. Yes, all of these comedians are my prophets, yes, like Elijah and, you know. Of course, of course, very seriously, yeah. When would you say you had that moment as a stand-up fan? Because as a teenager, a lot of stand-ups, especially the posturing American ones, do seem very wise.

Or the really is very worldly. Yes. And you think, oh, this guy's lived our life. He knows a thing. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember if there was a particular point where you're like, you're just a fucking... You're like my friend's cousin who smokes weed and lives in a basement. Oh, interesting.

But now you're just on TV. No. I think it's the first time you learn how to construct a joke and you realize that the structure... It's just a trick. A different joke and you go, that's not structurally sound. That's not how anything works. It's when they sort of like,

when suddenly you go, the logic behind your joke's insane and you see like, this is not a real example from anyone. But if someone was doing like, God, have you seen those selfies I've got these days, where you take a camera instead of taking a photo, you just turn it the other way around.

Oh, what? So next time I have dinner, a big, but once we get to, all those, I'm just going to tip upside down, am I? What? But why would, no, it's different, isn't it? To what end? They turn the camera around

so they can have a photo of them. Why would you tip your dinner all over the... Yeah, internal logic. It's that logic people employ when there's a sexist document. They go, well, I've amended, that would be uproar. And you go, correct, because it's different, isn't it? But it's those jokes where it's about speaking quickly enough that the audience just go, ha, uh... Yeah, you go, Jabba!

And they go, no, my mother-in-law, and they go, ah. Yeah, back, okay. New topic now. Yeah, like a sleeping jailer in a cartoon. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes it's a joke, but they go, uh-huh, you go, do, do, do, shh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. You twang the harvah la la la yeah It's all a dream

Yeah No one's ever waved their arms at me in an actual dream Haven't they? No You haven't had that dream yet No no no no But always happened to like Kenan and Kel They just wave around and they're sleeping

Yeah and people would find that reassurance It's supposed to an obvious lie Yeah I haven't had a dream yet where no one is do Is not doing that Right Everyone's always wacky waving And they're all going

You're having a dream Yeah All my dreams are about It would be more realistic If someone tried to pull out of hand on me If they just started jacking me off And you're just dreaming Yeah, this does feel like not reality.

Or if they were your friend, but also someone from primary school and also Obama. And you just accepted it. It was all three. Do you remember? It made sense. They were all three at once. Speaking of Obama and children. Do you remember when that boy brought a clock to his school?

I mean, the Republicans were like, it's a bomb. And then Obama stepped in and was like, cool, clock, Ahmed, want to bring it to the White House? and when you look at the, when you actually look at that, if you really remove yourself distantly from that, an adult man invited a 12-year-old boy's house. Because he liked his invention. Yeah, there you go, he was the only adult who could have invited a 12-year-old boy over.

No one else was allowed to do that. It's one of the privileges of being the president. Michelle, having a sleepover. We're having a boy over. With a pre-team. I found a boy online. I like the messaging. It's not grooming.

Beautiful clock. Claw. It's one of the privileges. It's like being able to pardon people. Yeah, when you're famous, they let you do it. There's Donald Trump. Well, speaking of famous criminals, we should do some correspondence. Letter, post, message,

email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and brand news. Correspondence. Before we go into it, I've got a song. Oh, yeah? That's been stuck in my head. Oh, yes. And I think it's going to be stuck in other people's heads now. Good, good, good, good, good.

People, a few people message me about, that they liked the EZempic jingle. So I think maybe... Exemptic jingle is so good. I think advert jingles maybe are a good thing for us. Advert jingles are a good one. This is... This could be an advert jingle. Yeah.

They call it Claire's accessories. I've gone to Claire's accessories. I got a birthday voucher from my wife. refused at Claire's accessories. They will not pierce my dick for me. I'm having thoughts of taking my own. I think that's going to really get stuck to people's head. I'm having thoughts of taking my own life.

I love to hear that with like a a full New Orleans jazz band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can all picture them as big cartoon bears. Yeah. When ultimately it's about a guy who's become suicidal because they won't give him a Prince Albert. A Claire's accessories. And his wife gave him a voucher.

It's a horrible saga. I don't like anyone in the story. Apart from maybe the Claire's accessory. I was driving to my toilet in Chorley. And it just, that wasn't me like, oh, how would the next Ryan go? It was like someone whispered it in my. ear in real time and I was like, I have to pull over and write this down. It was like yesterday with Paul McCartney, who to rush home and write this music.

Well, all the best songs and most beautiful art is like that, isn't it? Of course, yeah, yeah. It's like God has given it to you. Yeah, we'll try and release it. The other one is literally simply only two words changed. Okay. But it's Katie Perry and California girls were unforgettable days. David Duke bikinis hard-tub.

On the radio, I was like, did you just mention the KK? Is that the KKK? Is that the guy who runs the KKK? The guy, yeah. The guy who endorsed, did he endorse Trump? He did, yeah, yeah. He was like, I like this guy.

I like the cut of his jib. It'd be so hard to prove they were saying David Duke as well. Yeah. The Dazzy, yeah, the Dukes of Hazard thing. Yeah, one of them, it's one of them. Either way. Either way, the lady in those shorts was happy with that Confederate flag on the car.

Exactly, yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in very similar territory, actually. Yeah, you go, the Duke of York, the Grandin of Duke of York could be referring to either the nonce Prince Andrew or David Duke. Either take your pick.

Look, either way. I have a little jingle, but I'll save it for the Patreon. Oh, cracking tease, grommet. That's yucky. I hate that. I'm going to save it for the Patreon because it involves invoking a broadly accurate

but nevertheless quite tired stereotype. Okay. So that's your tease. Actually, well, speaking of songs, we got a message from Lee. Do you know, Ahoy Chaps is from Lee. My good friend, Gareth Jones,

a dirty Welshman. I went to school with a Gareth, Gareth Jones. There must be a lot of Gareth Jones. Yeah, I don't know why I said that as if that's interesting. Oh, I knew a John Smith. Yeah, right.

Well, to be fair, when do you meet a John Smith? I think because it's... I met two John's Smith ever. I've met three Will's Smith. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I went to uni with a Will Smith. I met Slow Horses, showrunner guy, Will Smith from the thick of it. Yes.

He was at Marcus Brickstock and Rachel Paris's wedding. Oh, he's great. He's great. Well, so this is some alternative lyrics that got Lee recommended this podcast. He sent them to his friend, Gareth, and Gareth said, well, there's one place you need to send these. Great. Invisible Touch by Phil Collins? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's that? Do you want me to sing it to you? Yeah, yes. Yes, okay. So read that paragraph and see if you can match it up. Because I think I know the song, but I'm not sure. Glenn is really enjoying the alternate lyrics there. So the chorus goes, she seems to have an invincible.

visible touch, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's replaced it with. Sorry. Lick on my tip and my shitty old balls, yeah. I was laughing so much, I almost slipped right out of the bath. He's got one of those pensioners baths at the door in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you get a magazine through the door for. Speaking of correspondence, obviously, the amount of people who have been in touch about the insane, insane wedding painting story. Yes, we should address this. We should address this because... Very good point. The person who got in touch, they are remaining anonymous.

Yeah. They are, it turns out, a serial podcast listener. And I think Blanket sent this message out to a number of their favorite podcasts. All within the last two weeks or so. Yes, I guess in the hope of it, hopefully it will get broadcast on one of them. But the story's so good and insane, it's obviously been broadcast. It's been broadcast on all of them. Every single one.

And she thought we wouldn't find out. Yeah. She thought that she could send it to Pappies and not realize that you and I played Warzone with Ben Clark and Hell Divers 2 for so long that we were never, that my wife, Katie, works with Matthew Crosby all the time, but we'd never find out it was on Pappies. You thought when I was a freelance newsreader at LBC and Olly Mann was a freelance presenter that we wouldn't talk about the fact it was on his podcast as well? Do you think we're idiots? Do you think we don't all live in a big hall full of... bunk beds? Yeah.

You think we don't live in a podcasting cult building, like a Freemasons Hall that has been filled with ex-army bunk beds? You think that's not how this is done? We have demands. Our demand is that everyone's been sent the initial story. Yeah. But so far, no one has the solution of what's actually happened. Yeah.

We demand politely, because we've got nothing at stake here and nothing to threaten you with. Yes. But you tell us what you did in the end. Did you ask the artist, please remove this? Please erase me from the painting. Yes, we would, yeah. I think that's a good demand. Make us the special one.

Yeah, we want the exclusive on this one. Yes, yes, yes. We want the exclusive sit-down interview. You've sold a story to three different national papers. Yes. And you can get away with that. But one of the papers has to get the follow-up exclusive article. We want the tearful Bosch guy on the front saying,

my affair shame before strictly. No, that wasn't the Bosch guy. that was the other Essex man. The Bosch guys, the Big Fat Chinese. They both say Bosch. Do they both say Bosch? They both say Bosch. I thought it was only Big John who orders Big Fat guy who do what is Chinese.

He said Bosch. And then Tom's Skinner is it? Yeah. He goes, uh, Bosch. Is he? Yeah, because in his videos, before they were all very sort of reform, sort of adjacent, he'd always be having like a big roast dinner, like every day of the week for breakfast. Sure, yeah.

And he'd always be, he's like younger than us. Huh? Yeah. Really? Yeah. He's like 32 or something. What? Yeah.

And he'd always at the end, he'd pour gravy while looking directly at the camera lens. And he'd go, and you know me, I never look when I pour. And I think about that every time I go to a service station toilet and the seat is covered in piss. And I go, I bet that was Tom Skinner. You know me, I never look when I piss. He's just windmilling. But moving it in such a way that it can't be the right direction for the week. Yeah, yeah.

I can guarantee that whenever your wee starts, once you move it in a circle, mistakes are being made. Mistakes have to be made. I've been in the same room as him. Because he was on the same episode of 8 out of 10 Kastas' countdown that I was on. A couple of years ago, because Rob Beckett was on the panel, and they were like, oh, your twins in the audience.

And everyone was sort of like, oh, excuse me a guy, looks a bit like him. And then it was just the fucking guy. He was in the audience, and he was there for about two minutes. He must have been paid an astronomical fee to have him there. Because also, Mr. Motivator turned up for like 30 seconds at the end. What? It was crazy. Also, are you aware of Mr. Motivator?

So, I have had to reverse engineer my awareness of him. Like I've done as a good immigrant. Yes. If you're watching Mr. Skinner, I'm one of the nice ones. You're one of a nice one. Please, please. I've learned who Mr. Motivator is. I'll watch a soap opera.

I'll do it. They're an an anemine. Yeah. But I'll do it. He liked the guy in saving part right. Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse. Betty Boop, how hot.

Gorsh. Yes, goofy, yes? That's me, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're just saying, Del Boy. Del Boy falling through the bar. Please don't deport me. I've had to figure out who Mr. Motivator was because of all the people. What happens is something in my actual life happens,

like lockdown and then what's his face doing, get fit in lockdown. Yeah. Whatever the guy's called. Joe Wicks. Yeah. Yeah. And then people will be like, oh, it's like, That's what he used to do.

He's still on GMPB. A bunch of middle-aged people in the media will be like, oh, he's got a bloody Mr. Motivator, and I'll have to go, well, here we go on to Wikipedia, hopefully. Yeah, some British stuff won't have a Wikipedia, and then I'll go, how do I learn? How do I learn about this then?

Fortunately, he has, like, not in any way aged, and still, in public appearances, dresses the same as he did, which was the colour scheme of Camilla Batman Jack. He's... His kid's company. Yeah, yeah, his kid's company. That's a good point

He is as ageless as say Lisa Simpson It's just the same costume Yes yes It's a cartoon I remember Sonic Yeah he needs to be a sims character Yeah guy who does aerobics on TV

Occasionally Is so Simpsons It's a person's a person's character Yeah So I got right right right He used to do aerobics on TV For reasons that escaped me Yeah yeah

A lot of old British TV I've said this a lot in my life It's so hard to reverse engineer As in to make sense of Yeah a lot of US TV is really easy to reverse engineer because in America, everything's driven by the market and by trends and stuff. So you can go, oh, I see they realized that plot-driven humor set around a family did well on like Colgate comedy or like radio. So then they put it on TV. And that's how you

get sitcoms and I understand that. Whereas here, because it's like publicly funded and people can come up with crazy ideas and they, or at least they used to just put crazy shit on TV all the time. There wasn't enough shows. They just go, yeah, we have an aerobics guy. Fuck it. But we used to then also, it's because we had the normal stuff from America. Yeah.

And actually some of our weirdest stuff was from like Australia. Yeah. So you wouldn't have been there for our, I don't know if you had in South Africa, the insane Australian shows that we, the kids' Australian shows that we had. No. So it was like round the twist.

Yeah, I've heard so, round a twist. I've heard so much about it. I've heard. Round the twist, Billy's Willie. Fucking, what was the other one? Billy's Willie. This cannot be real. Yes.

This is insane. And when I say Willie, genuinely, a dick-based show. And I'm not joking. No, no, no, no. So, all right, no, no. This is one of your trick to lose. No, it's not.

It's not obviously like a guy getting his dick out or anything like that. It was obviously an attempt to acknowledge, like, the existence of genitalia. Right. Without making it, like, forbidden and taboo and without making kids, give the batter too much, but also just acknowledging it's there. Yeah. So I kind of understand a mindset. Okay. Education.

Yes. But a semi-comedy, semi-drama, not cartoon, real life. Yeah. A bit like, you know the Queen's nose. Did you ever hear about that? I've heard about this. So a girl had like a 50-P coin that had the queen on it and she'd rub the queen's nose

and that was like a superpower. And it was Bernard's watch and he had stopped his watch and it was time. Bernard's watch I caught. So there's that. Just. So he had this, what he'd do is this magic tree basically,

he'd like rubbed the top of his jeans and it just felt amazing. Chigaloo. The whole time! The whole time that was like walking down a long dark corridor and knowing that you were going to jump out with a fucking Frankenstein mask on.

And it doesn't matter that I know. It's still going to get me. You fucking bust. And the Queens know stuff that was, well done. Because even that sounds like a horrible genital-based show. I was trying to, the whole time, was desperately,

I'd thrown out the title, and men had to be like, what the fucking, how could I make the show something like this? And I felt like grommet laying out the track of the wrong trousers. And it's a thing. You were at the Soviet border.

I know. No, she's not my wife. It's my wife's daughter. And they just slowly put their pistol away. It's like when you're a kid and something, you like you try and, like in a panic situation, make up a surname. Yeah. And he go, well, what's in him?

We go, Ben Pendelan, chun, dun, sund. Ding do, ding, ding, do. Dun, done. Smith. It was just impossible to make up a son. Yeah, because you just end up saying another first name. But Billy's Willie was rich. I'm sick.

Yeah. got me. But I'll believe anything about British TV from movies. I really, like, there's no, it's insane to me. It's like, what was the biggest kids TV show for years? And you got, like, a mad guy in a cupboard with finger puppets going, woo! And you go, right, okay, yeah, fine. A thing with aliens that live in the Microsoft XP desktop, and then the son's face is a baby's face that giggles and screams. You go, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, fine. That makes sense. Sure. Kids would love that. That's what you'd plan that for. Yeah, and there's a real-life boring bit halfway through

where they show some kids' painting, and then we repeat that immediately afterwards. It's immediately repeated, and also, obviously, the footage of the kids' painting is broadcast through the kind of cybernetic stomach televisions on the aliens. Sure, fine. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, I mean, feel free to tricklew me again with kids TV. There's such a high chance of a little work. It's always so insane here. I would need to watch around the twist at some point, because actually you've solved something for me because there were so many references to Round the Twist in Shout out to Brett Blake, my venue roommate in Australia, Melbourne.

Oh, really? I met him in the Edinburgh Fringe. He's so funny. So funny. It was such a good show. And there's a bunch of Round the Twist references. So then I started thinking, is it from Australia? Because I'd only ever heard British people reminiscing about it.

Yeah. Now I understand. Yes. An import. No, in South Africa, all the kids TV was just like either really weird local stuff or American imports long out of date.

Or Masupilami, which as it turns out, is Belgian. What? Masupilami! Okay, is you doing this to me? No, no, no, no. Phil saw it as well. Right. So clearly, it's some Belgian cartoon

where they just went, they'll fucking buy this abroad. No, but Belgian is like, that's like the fucking vast of smart, it's tint here, it's like, you know, so many... Is it tintin? Yeah, I think tintin, yeah, it's Belgian. Is that Danish? Okay. Masupilami is like a kind of

Lima thing with like a long tail. but like yellow with black spots. Okay. And it was just like his adventures in the jungle. I think his enemy was maybe a hunter or someone who chopped down there jungle. There was like a big dumb gorilla character and like a cartoon, whatever.

Sounds hot, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty hot. Have you seen you got anti? Oh, God, I hate to... He's got quite a Disney face, actually, the Lima. Perfect. Quite... I brought it up

whenever I did with Phil on this podcast for lyrics that sound, the theme tune, lyrics that sound racist but aren't. But you would never, there's just something about them that's so unacceptable. Right, okay, yeah. And the lyrics were, Masupilami indie jungle, cocoanutty.

Yeah, yeah, okay. No. No, I can see Jim Davidson's getting in the audience to sing along to that. Come on everyone, we're going to fuck it. Yeah, exactly. No, no, no, no. Roy Chubby Brown's going to end his show on that.

Absolutely not. Fuck. Well, time to go to the racially insensitive jungle of the Patreon. Indeed. And also, thank you so much for everyone who's come to see me on tour. At the time of this recording,

when this episode goes out, which will be on Wednesday, I'm at Lead City Varieties tonight, and I'm at Belfast Limelight on Saturday. So if you want to grab the last few tickets, it might be a bit high up in the gods, but it'd be lovely to see you there.

Yeah. So, and thank you all the all the Budpods who have come to the tour so far. I appreciate it. And also, yeah, do sign up to our Patreon as well for an extra episode right now. An extra episode every week,

George Pods once a month, and advance notice of sexy things like live events. So we'll see you there. But thank you very much for listening, and we will see you next week, unless you are on the Patreon, in which case we will see you on Friday. Koji.

Koji.