BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e18 My Son Bj

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week the buds discuss Pierre’s tales of Tallin, Poseidon, God of the Sea and a bizarre version of Yellow Submarine. KOJI !Glenn is on tour across the UK, This week in Newcastle, Liverpool, Glasgow and Edinburgh - For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Email or Dm us your cryptic crossturds, altered lyrics, worm stories and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram.Join the BudPod Patreon for access to the BonusPod episode every week, the GeorgePods every month, discounted and early access to live shows and more to come! Join here from £4 a month.BudPod Live with Phil! This Sunday, October 12th, 2025 - Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival, London. Tickets on sale now! - HERE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 18. 89, the year of Hitler's birth. 1889? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Do you know a few years ago? Have you heard of the...

Do you know who hitler? Have you heard the good news? Hitler's dead. We won't stop until everyone is definitely... Yeah. He died finally. Yeah, in Argentina two years ago. We've just found out.

Through our context. A few years ago, I think it was when England reached the semi-finals of the World Cup in 2018 that people were sort of going, oh, a lot of babies are going to be born, you know, exactly nine months from now. Yeah. And it became a very brief Twitter trend of people going, have you ever looked up to see what happened exactly nine months before your day of birth?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I looked it up. The only thing was Hitler's birthday. It's like the only thing that out on my day. 420? 420. Isn't it 420? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because of Hitler's birthday.

Everyone smokes weed to celebrate the Hitler's birthday. The chillest man. Vegetarian, loved animals. I'm Balkan, Rikhan, Dubi. Peace. That's a treat. Da left an see. I hate the word doobie so much.

I think it's such a yadar. Yeah, it's like, yeah. It's a very yodah thing. to say. There's some words... So limp and uncool. Yeah, a doobie. It's...

It's not tweenus. Yeah, Yada is kind of the best way of saying it or... It's a bit of grossness to it. And I don't know why. It's a bit of Yadar bluntness. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit babyish. And it's the presumption of knowing the secret words.

You fucking hate that. Of like, don't worry. I know the secret words, actually, guys. Yeah. That's what we call it. Yeah. When we buy some. But it's like, in cartoons, I remember, if they wanted to make like a dad character or an older character seem out of touch and uncool, he would always say hippie words, he would say groovy and psychedelic and stuff.

Yeah, radical. Yeah, well, then radical, but that radical did work in the 90s. So maybe radical. You meant like they're saying the things that are currently being said and how do you do fellow kids at a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my point is that they were always because of the age of the writers of the TV shows from the 60s. I see. Whereas now if you said groovy or psychedelic, it would be at worst, odd.

Yeah. And at best a kind of like fact... It's come back round. What sort of affectation? You go, I guess it is groovy. Like, I feel no way about the word groovy. Yeah. Whereas the word has to be in your head enough that you have an opinion on it.

Yeah. For it to be old-fashioned. So it has to be shagodetic. Yeah. If someone just said splendid, you'd be like, I mean, weird, but I guess it is splendid. Whereas if someone says, you know, uh, uh, uh, yeah, radical, like rad. Oh, really. You'd be like, oh.

I do like to use over-enthusiastic adjectives to perturbed people sometimes. How's your coffee? Is it brilliant? Brilliant, though, is such an overused word, particularly in this country. Katie and I stayed at a hotel a few years ago where it had a little sign on our service says, How's your stay? Is it excellent? Excellent was in like block capsule letters. Like when you get like an off-stead, this is a good school. Yeah.

The school is good. Yeah. I hate that. Yeah, in quotes, good. Yeah, yeah, right, so it isn't. So it's good. What do you mean? No, it's good.

Yeah. So you didn't like it then? I liked it, I didn't love it. What did you think of my souffle? Yeah, it's good. Oh, come on. Yeah, yeah. It's not nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Fuck. Mm. You can't have a good school. No. I went past one the other day, and it was like,

I know, it's kind of how I feel like they're very, very, in the school ranking system, that is really great. I feel this way about Roger Ebert, the film reviewer, whenever I go on his website, because he had the thumbs up system, his website has a four star, maximum of four stars, which means...

Because he has four thumbs. Famously. He's like a sort of semi-spider. He counted the big toe as a thumb. Yeah, yeah. I give it two thumbs and one toe. He had primate feet. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the thumb time. Yeah. And then he'd sort of like, curl himself up into a horrible ball naked. I hated it so much. But what it means is some of the best films of the year in that website's opinion get three stars. And you go, well, that's useless to everyone.

You can't. It's useless. What are you doing? I remember having a university seminar tutor who she firmly believed that, like, well, no one's ever going to get a fuss. So the best you can hope for is a two-one. So for essays she'd love, she'd be like,

yeah, it got you a decent. and you know, if you keep pressing, you might eventually get a 2-1, you're like, you were ruining our lives. Oh, so that's not... I'm trying to get an English degree. You know, already that's useless. That's not how grading works. Yeah.

That's not how grading works. Yes, yeah. Okay, I'm... It's the opposite of Amps got up to 11. Yeah. Yeah. Can't go up to 10. Yeah.

Because then they'd be over. Volume will be over. Yeah. No one's the loudest, so we can't have 10 anymore. Yeah. I hate that shit so much. It was infuriated. Because you want to say to them, okay, make up a new grade called a mega-first.

And then don't give that. Don't give whatever grade you want. Well, that's the A-star system at A-levels that they suddenly introduced. I panicked when they introduced the A-star in A-levels because I was like, well, I've got A-s. Does that mean if I'm up against an A-star person, I look? Oh. If they don't know what the limit was. Yeah, because they're not looking it up.

And now it's numbers? Or is that GCSE? I have no idea. Something is numbers now. I can't remember, I mean, I can't remember the last time I wrote a CV. I also don't know where I'd, if I had to go, if I had to go into like an office job suddenly and discount my entire career so far. I don't know where I'd start on the CV.

Would you put A-level? Would you still put A-Levels? Would you start with a degree? I have no idea. Would you start with good telephone manner? I would start with clean. Clean. 1950s fucking Larry King's CV.

Clean and punctual. Yeah, I'm clean. Well, I bathe every Sunday, sir, and I go to church, and I'm currently helping my wife paint our offense. I have a pleasant manner. Yeah. I would lead with that, pleasant manner. That sounds so serial killer, clear and present manner.

A clear and present manner. Yeah, I haven't got a clue, and I do often worry about and ponder the fact that in our line of work, the closest thing to it is medieval times. He said, I'm John, I'm a blacksmith. How do I know you're a blacksmith? Ask anyone in the village. Yeah.

And that's it. That's the end of it. check my Instagram followers. I think you'll find there's a blue tick on there as well. I haven't paid for the but not bots. Would 37,000 people

follow not a blacksmith? So what do you post? Hammers, he posts Hammers. Blacksmithing videos. Yeah, yeah. But I have to post them alongside my face because Instagram recognises as an algorithm.

I didn't need your face in it. I have to film myself selfie style smithing or the views, the engagement It's a whole thing. It's not what I got into it for. I got into it for the smithing.

We're joking. It's probably a blacksmithing account on Instagram. It's like a million followers. Because it's visually amazing. Yeah, they do incredible. Like the people who clean carpets on Instagram. It is really therapeutic to watch. Yeah.

And it's probably really therapeutic for them to, A, clean them, and B, fuck them up. Yeah. They get to fuck them up first. I'm surprised there's no, like, really popular surgery Instagram for insane people of, like, we love to see fingers being amputated. That's a really satisfying one. Pimple pop is pretty close to that kind of stuff. Pimpopper is an ingrown hair.

I've seen ingrown hair videos where the video ends before the hair had fully come out. And you go, that is, it should be illegal. You didn't show me at all, did I? Come on. Come on. We need the climatic moment. I say something like rubbing my knees. Yeah, yeah.

I need to see the hair come out. Some of us can't relax. Yeah, yeah. It's like a porn hub tagging thing towards the end of a video. There's a little highlights of it says hair comes out. I'll just skip to that. Do you know they invented that technology? No.

The thing about seeing moments in a video. video that YouTube has. That was on Porn Hub first. They invented that. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Porn invents everything. But, but, but, but, but.

The locomotive. Why, if you've ever watched a videogram? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've, if you've ever... Running a train on someone came from a steam train. If you've ever worn those socks that where you can't quite see the sock that, you're wearing socks, but you can't see... That's poor.

That's one of them. That's born as well. Just everything. thing. Yeah. Spectacles. So you can see the porn. It even invented the humble blowjob.

Yeah. Yeah. I knew that. Yeah. And then there's like a kind of marionette, like an animatronic thing in like a diorama of Ebenezer porn. Inventing. Yeah, yeah. Clunk.

One day everyone will jack it to these. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, wow. It came about by accident when he accidentally burnt his corn and it caused him to jack off. What? What? Why did it come back reaction on it? Perfect recreation of his workshop, later his studio.

But I mean it though, like you and I are only sort of evidence or hiring power comes from the fact that we are known. We are known to be doers of what we do. So if you and I get a writing job, it's because someone has heard from someone else. in the tavern that we're a good smithy. Do you see what I mean? But certain towns you go to where you perform in like the art center and people in that town would just go to see whatever's on. They'll be like, last week was a pantomime and then a week before that was a cinema. This week is a comedian. We're just going to go and see a comedian. I find the idea of someone going to, I might just see a singer tomorrow.

Insane. Unnamed. Can me anyway. It can be a restaurant pianist. What's on tomorrow? I'm going to turn my chair around in a restaurant to stare at this again until they say, you're not really meant to watch. Yeah. It's to go along with your steak. Yeah. You're not supposed to watch and nod and leave your food visibly losing steam.

Like, it's steaming and it's just cold and colder. Yeah. So that's the counter-argument, I guess. Well, no, because they're also just doing it because they've heard. Because you've got booked to go to that art center where someone else told them that they're a good... Oh, so they wouldn't just let anyone play. Exactly.

So the difference is that if you're a doctor, there's a paper trail. Yeah. There's so much paper. There's all of your university studies. there's the British Medical Association, there's the board of whatever, there's the people who employ you, there's the hospital,

there's so much to prove, I am a doctor, whereas what we do is just, you pretend you can do it, you practice doing it by doing it, until you get good enough that people agree that now suddenly you are doing it.

Like if you could only become a nightclub singer, even singing is a bit easier because it's like we, you become a stand-up by doing it, And it's like saying, well, I'm going to become a kind of nightclub singer. So I'm just going to go and go, ah, like sing horribly until I learn how to sing, I hope. Maybe I won't. A lot of people never do. This is the worst possible way to do anything.

I guess the punishment for being able to do it that way is you are when people, like, friends of yours, talk about you to someone who doesn't know you. The question is always met with, they always met the question, well, are they any good? But that's why it's like medieval times. Oh, little man from my village, his smithia, he can shoo. He could shoe a crab. And the other person in the tavern is going, oh. Yeah. Maybe.

I propose a joke off between these two gestures. Yeah. It's just vibes and reputation. Yeah. It's so vague. That's what frightens me about the CV question, where you just go, what do I put in this gap? Be it for a bunny, bean bunny.

For like a decade of just a big gap. Yeah. Jokes. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't held a pen. For years. It hurts when I hold a biro now. If I have to, like, write a birthday card, it hurts.

When I look at Excel, I go, oh! Yeah, it's like, it's like my feet not being used to shoes anymore. I've evolved against it. It doesn't work. You're like, um, the earrings, sloth is healed. It's gone. You've been in jail for so long that you've forgotten how to do up a tie. Yeah, well, like, when you, did you ever have to, like, try and pick your shirt back on after

cross-country at school and your hands were just so cold? They just lost all. you were feeling the buttons but they weren't going anywhere oven mitts yeah yeah yeah dressed wearing oven mitts

yeah yeah like that Christmas party game if you have a scarf and you're trying to just slice a chocolate bar of a knife and fork fuck I'd forgotten about that

yeah coming in from like football term was always the worst at my school because my school's playing fields were with no trees or walls in the way

apart from like a sort of a wall that I would put at maybe a meter high, right. We're next to the ocean.

Next to the ocean. They were next to the sea. So it was like a playing field, a one meter high wall, a coastal road, rocks and seaweed, and the sea. So if anyone booted the ball,

it would be like, it is in the water now. We've given it to Poseidon. That could happen. A ball! You have a woke in me! I'm in gold! How?

How does the news address that? A schoolboy Awoke Poseidon today The God of the Sea No but you'd have to leave with Poseidon And then on BBC homepage It would be live Poseidon awaken

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Keep up later to the Guardian Doing like a tweet by tweet But then underneath it would be like Explainer Who is Poseidon? Yeah yeah yeah Okay here's what we know

You're like right okay Well that's very everyone Who's not heard of Poseid Yeah and because they can't officially say It's like video footage That appeared to show Poseidon The Meridian is so fucking precise It's obviously Poseidon.

Yeah, and they're trying to go get quotes from like the Archbishop of Canterbury. Yeah, like a fisherman and you go, oh, what, he's been in the water? You fuck it, a scuba diver. But also, the Archbishop of Canterbury is going like, well, you know, just because he's glowing. It doesn't mean he's a god. And nor is it proof that the Judea Christian god is therefore a lie. It can coexist. We will have to talk to this man and find out more about him.

Clearly, you know, wait and see is our point of view. Pierce Morgan talking to him on like a split screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You really got to the sea. Oh, do you. Yeah, it's like the baby reindeer woman. It's like, we've got the exclusive interview. He's on the show 10pm tonight on my YouTube channel.

Pete Morgan's got Poseidon. Yeah. And no one of us, no. Hermes, Aphrodite, none of the other ones. Graham, none of the other ones. No, no, no. And when you ask him about them, he says, who? Yeah, really who?

Yeah, who? So they're made up. No, just got over sea. No, just, it's me. Is there anyone on land? I don't know. I don't really understand the question. The land is under the sea.

I guess he's right. Fuck. Fuck. So do you own the, do you own P&O Cruises? Is this your jurisdiction? No banana boats unless I say so. They're dangerous. The majority of the earth is the sea.

Why would you even care about the land? I suppose so. Majority shareholder of the world. Yeah. Fuck, man. You would say, but most humans who worship you, they would live not on, they would live in the land. Well, when I before, it wasn't that big, there weren't as many of you. So yes, I will have to.

Yeah. But there's rivers. It rains. Is that the sea? That's wet. God of moisture. It's like, if he's got of moisture, that's everything. Yeah, it also brings in the questions of, of, of, of, the questions of democracy, of, you know, how do we get rid of you and stuff of that.

We've all voted for you to go back to sleep. I don't care. Fuck. It's like trying to get a toddler to go back to bed. Nuke the sea? Yeah, we've voted for you to go to bed. That's what North Korea's been doing for years. North Korea have been preparing for the advent of Poseidon

by firing nuclear weapons directly into the sea for 100 bats for the new spin. They knew. They're trying to kill Poseidon. They knew. They knew. Guys, bad news. Poseidon's moved to Japan. Hang on, man, man.

Speaking of the sea. I watched at the weekend. Have you ever seen Yellow Submarine? The cartoon, from the past. The film, the Beatles film. Yeah, and the Blumenies. Yes. Have you watched it?

Years ago, I think, yeah. It's obviously crazy. Yeah. I watched it. They did that thing I hate in musical, or like jukebox musicals, where they do a shortened or different version of the song. The horrible.

And you go, just do the full version. Yeah. The Yellow Submarine is even fucking crazier than the normal yellow submarine. Yeah? I'm going to play it to you. Okay. Because from what I remember is, it's all very psychedelic. There's an aspect to it of early Scooby-Doo animation.

Yeah. There's a lot of gloopy, crazy visuals. The blue meanies are like the villains. They go into the submarine to escape the blue meanies? The storyline was insane. Yeah, it's gibberish. Okay, so, in fact, I've got the lyric. Wait, I'll sing over the...

In the town where I was born. This is my Ringo. lived a man who sailed to sea. All the same so far. And he told us of his life in the land of submarines. It's still normal. So we sail onto the sun till we found a sea of green. And we lived beneath four waves in our yellow.

So, my ball stink. My dick's not very clean. My bull stink. My dick's not very clean. Dicks not very clean. So I stink. That's what I've learned. And my family is quite concerned.

And I have been washed for days Since my lovely wife She passed away My ball stink My dick's not very clean I can't believe we're going to get sued for that I can't believe I can't believe you and I will have to be caught

And they go My ball stink and my dick's not very clean Dicks not very clean Did you think that was funny? Yes Yes. Peace and love. I will be suing you for everything you've got.

Bowls, lyrics were meant to remain under wraps. Every parody will be tossed. We'll not have anything about dicks or balls, clean or otherwise. It's still playing. So I stink. So I stink, that's what I've learned. Incredible work. Well done.

Well done. Of course I've watched a yellow submarine. I've never seen them alive. I thought it could be some weird thing where, like, you showed it to the wretch, maybe, you know? No. No. My ball stink. And my dick's not very clean.

Not very clean. There you go. If the ball stink, the implication's already there that the dick's not the best to shave. If you've been polishing your dick, it's so clean. Declecting one of the crucial parts. And they're just going, why, I see no reason to delve any further, any deeper. Yeah. I have been singing your Claire's accessory song to myself.

Yeah. Oh, excellent. Horribly catchy. I always have been jingling my head all the time. Really? You're so big, they give you medicine. It's the upbeat, it's the friendly nature. It's the good-natured element of it.

It's a good thing. Yeah, like, look, what a lovely thing that's happened to you. You've become so big that you get a special medicine. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Oh, man. Really well done. Really well done.

I was hoping to get through that. It was genuinely, you were almost like silent. You were already laughing so much as you went into it. Such a long buildup as well. Yeah. Had you bargained for such a long buildup, had you thought, oh, shit. No, I was like, no, it's more believable of it for buildup is ages. You were right, this lyrics are crazy.

That was crazy. I can't believe they put that. Yeah, it's in the film. Yeah. But not in the single. No, I can see why Charles Manson was so inspired to start his cult. Yeah. There's a message that's in every.

Ringo Star, I've received your messages loud. Everyone, stop washing. We're like, my balls and they're cut very clean. Thank you. Yeah. But if you play it backwards, it's saying that they're pristine bolts. Yeah. Like, if you really, if you really,

round some bits of Abbey Road. It's like, Paul's got a lovely dig. John's whoop stinks. John's whoop stinks. George's got in the redirection. Sometimes when they talk, it does sound backwards. If you rewind, Ringo, it's actually really, it's positively satanic. It will be tossed.

And then you rewind it to sort of like, the devil do Satan. If you rewind Ringo, it sounds like a guy going, Hello, I'm really like a normal, just a normal... Hello, I'm Ringo Star. And I've got perfect diction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's better. He should sing backwards. Did you ever mess around with that?

Microsoft... A lot of people complimenting your Microsoft's arm impression. Oh, right, yeah, great. Which you could have, thank you. That's very kind of people. People are very impressed by it. Of just, it's basically taken, it's that voice from pendulums. All right, fuck it.

I lied. It's drum and bass. What you're going to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. unsustainable conversational tone for someone to have. So monotonous. But same with Microsoft Sam. Exactly, yeah.

In the same place in Windows that you could make Microsoft Sam say things, you could also reverse, you could record yourself and then reverse it. Ah. And you can learn how to say swear words and things backwards. You can teach yourself how to do it. And then you play it the other way and it's like, fuck you are not. Obviously, when you're like 12, you're just weeping with laughter.

at the fact that you've learned how to say because it sounds like a Ouija boarder's say. Yeah, yeah. It sounds like you've got the rudest demon ever. I have a specific gripe for this time of year. Okay. We do gripes about video games on our button boys podcast.

But this being October, beginning of October. Yeah. My gripe is, it's not cold yet, right? I wish it was, but it's not. Okay? It's not cold. And every train, and hotel, what they do is they go, well, it's too much work to decide when it's cold, right?

I don't want to do this. So what about, regardless of the weather from the 1st of October, every room is heated like we're trying to survive the depths of space. Like the foggiest, thickest, most like a Dickensian quilts fever dream, 35 degrees centigrade. you've ever felt in your life. And on the train as well, like, let's heat everything just for pensioners who are cold anyway, no matter what.

I'll accidentally touch that metal bit next to the seat and be like, oh, fuck. It's like a stove level. I hear my hand hiss. You could cook a burger in a hotel bathroom on the fucking towel rack.

They wouldn't like it if you did. But you could. Yeah. If you, you know, when you buy, when you're a kid and you get like a doll, a toy, an action man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they would have those plastic twizzlies that would like hold it in the package. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have to untwizzle them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get three of those. Get a bratwurst. Yeah.

Twizzle the brat worst to the towel wreck. Yeah. It'll cook. It'll melt the plastic twizzles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sausage will be cooked. Yeah, and in the morning, when you're ready to check out, you can leave the sausages behind. You live behind?

The maid's scared. As a thank you. A meaty Blair Witch project. As a Dunker Shurn. Yeah, yeah. That's a horrible slang term. I left a Dankashir in the hotel bar. What do you mean?

He left a string of sausages in the bar. Oh, I say no more. Oh, I see. In the top. Yes, yes. I'm guessing. Bratworth or vice versa? Yeah.

Oh, well, that's... He was very pleased. Yeah. He really liked you. Do not make eye contact with him. He really liked you. I have a habit around this time of year of dressing for how the weather looks. Yeah.

So at the moment, I'm doing at a moment is wearing a lot of cardigans and I'm baking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hate it. And I hate it. I look outside as big clear skies and autumn leaves falling. Yeah. And I think, well, I'll put this. thing on and like a waterproof because you never know if it's going to rain as well because

it's the UK. And yeah, it'll be like I'm trying to lose weight before a boxing way. I'm sweating so much. Yeah. It's like wearing Klingfilm or a big Chris Packet. Yeah. You're sweating so much. And by the end, you end up finding the lyrics of Yellow Submarine pretty relatable.

So it is a relevant song. I found... Oh, I should shout out as well. Shout out to Andrus and all the other guys. guys at the gig in Tallinn in Estonia. I went to Tallinn in Estonia. Yes, you did. Right.

And I did a gig there. Let's talk about this. So where in Estonia was it? Because I get offered gigs in Estonia sometimes. Tallin. Talon. But as in, I guess what I mean is the audience-wise

because I get offered a lot of military gigs and I never take them up on it. I did loads of Zoom military gigs because they do every military gig scares me. Yeah. Because there are certain like comedians that are good rabble rouses,

people like a good friend, Garrett Millarick. He's done them. Excellent at a military gig. Knows what he's doing. Won't take any bullshit. Yeah. I did military gigs in lockdown over Zoom

because they were all in their own individual bedrooms and you knew you weren't going to get any shit from a really bored 18-year-old squadie or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now I occasionally get off of them and be like, oh, it's a weekend in Greece. But unfortunately, on the final night, it's going to be the most terrifying experience of your life,

so you cannot enjoy the weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get to lie on the beach filled with dread. Yes, in the same way that I don't know about you, even if I have a flight at 9 p.m. on holiday, I cannot go swimming in the morning. No. Because even if it's night a night.

But flights in 12 hours. I can see the airport over there. The airport has a swimming pool. But I'll still be like... I think my attitude is in the water and I'm going, I can't get on a plane like this. Soaking wet and nearly naked. It's that thing of like, I'll get out

and obviously it'll take seven hours to dry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't load. Yeah, I'll be so attractive. I'll emerge slowly from the sea, like a Bond film. And that's what slows you down. Or you just go, this will be the first day where it does take seven hours to dry.

Yeah. Because I have to get a flight. Yeah. Those people who can have like a nice final morning of the holiday over the... I cannot believe it. Early flights. Always early flights. Why would you spend the day? I cannot.

Yeah, it's insane. But the flights thing, before we go on to Estonia, the flights may... I thought about flights when you mentioned trains and their attitude towards heating. Yeah. I was going to say the attitude towards lighting on like a night flight. I've done the 24-hour Australia to England flight. Yeah. And because some of that is over the course of the night, but people are going to be on different time zones,

It was like the stewardesses and just stewards just went, we'll just make it night time the whole time. So the second the plane took off, I went, night everyone, and then they wouldn't talk to anyone. There was nothing. Like parrots? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then they just sort of like tried to trick you into being asleep.

They put a cloth over your head. Everyone looks like having, yeah, you've got a clothe of your head and you're trying to eat your airport meal. Looks like having Orterland bunting. As you have like the most insipid orange juice, the wateryest orange juice you've ever had, and a dry bit of cake. and you're like with a tea towel over your head.

You're eating, I guess, the most popular biscuit in Singapore? Yeah. Like the fucking, from the conjuring. Yeah. Under a big cloth. Yeah. So who was in the audience? Estonians.

Really? So this guy, Andrus, shout out to you guys who run the gig. There's a whole bunch of them. They're like the Estonian comedy scene. It's not a big country. 1.5 million. Oh, wow. The entire country.

And Tallon, really, really nice. City, really beautiful. They just have a gig there. And there was about 100 people, 98 of whom were Estonian. Right. One was French, one was Brazilian. Mm-hmm.

That's it. And it's in English. It's a fucking worst gig in the other one. So, I'm so sure I could pick up some on the way there. Fuck. Yeah. The same thing is that you know when you want to go to the library, but you do not know the directions to the library.

You can't find, you can't find just on Google Transatlaking, I don't have any fucking. signal. I'm going to have to go on roaming. Oh, fuck. Do you, how do I pronounce that? I've translated it, but I don't know the, I don't know what the, there's three E's with Imlats above them in a row. Yeah. What's that?

I like your, I can't find his name. I like your, the Estonian Prime Minister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the deal with if you have a parliament or perhaps it's more like a Senate? Those clowns. Yeah. Trying to do satire indirectly. Yeah.

No, no, no, because like English is like their fucking third language. It's the classic thing where, like, languages to them is just like nothing. And they really got it. Like, there was only one or two. So I did my friend show. Wow, you were doing an hour? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So some Estonian comedians did like the first section.

And that was great and also interesting to watch because they're doing it in their third language. And then interval. And then, yeah, I did the fringe show. And on the way there, I said to Andros in the taxi, I was like, oh, and I'll change this and this. Because, you know, it's a reference. And he went, no, no, they will figure it out. Wow. And he was right.

That's nice of a Lester Square audience. Apart from Fagan. Okay. It was really funny backstage having to go, I have a joke where one of the key aspects of it is the idea that I might look like Fagan at some point, like be like a homeless head of a pickpocketing gang. How popular is Oliver Twist in Estonia? Yeah, yeah.

I know, like, I said, like, do people know? No, I think Fagan's like a weird like a Santa Claus or sort of like a strange anti-Santa, a Schwarzener? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he steals your hand. It's also the most Bavarian Christmas tradition. He stills the hanketches and lots of little boys go to work for him. So he steals the children, like the Piper. Yeah.

No. No. He sort of recruits them? Yeah. Does he steal money? No. Only hankies. Only hankies.

Really weird guy. Sorry, he's a groomer with a fetish. It's easy if we explain it. Yeah. Yeah. So I said to one of the comedians backstage, I said, did it would be, Fagan work as a reference here? Do you know Fagan?

He said, I know who it is, but they would not. I was like, okay Yeah, I did with those fucking idiot Well, he studied in the UK Oh, I see He was the guy, that's why I went for him Yeah I was like, you're a perfect bridge here

Yeah I have a joke that involves the word Nevertheless Yeah Which I now know is Selegepolis Okay That's a great That sounds nice

That sounds like a ship In the alien franchise Yeah yeah Yeah Here aboard the Selege Paulus Yeah Futuristic Yeah

It is a futuristic country. I cannot visualize Estonia at all. It looks like, well, it looks like what it is, which is a mixture between, I guess, Russia and Sweden and Germany and also itself. Right, okay. It's sort of all of them at once.

Have you been to Gothenburg or Stockholm? No, I've, I mean, the closest Nordic countries have been to have been Denmark and Norway. It's got that Baltic town look with like kind of like colorful painted buildings and like old stone fort and a castle, thing and it's hard to explain. It's great though.

What sort of food? What sort of food? Yeah. Well, like, it's a city, so, you know, a Thai restaurant or whatever. But you mean like the local, actual, like the traditional. Yeah, I can't, what would a thing be? It's, it is, it's a mixture of all that where it's like the, you can look at it and go, to me, that seems quite Swedish because it's like rye bread with a pickled fish and

some egg on, like a smorgasbord kind of thing. And then you go, oh, there's a guy, there's like a sausage bratworth thing. And you go, oh, there's like a kind of a borsht or Eastern European, like stuff with pickles. It's a mixture. My, so my last... But what I had was a Mick... McDonald's.

Did they have anything on the menu at McDonald's that they don't have here? Oh, I just did it through an app. Oh, okay, yeah. You didn't browse. You didn't browse. I know what I like. I should have gotten the McDonald's Pickle-Haring Roll. Yeah, yeah. There's always some shit like that.

Ronald's Roll. My sister, Janelle and I would get so fucked off when we go to European countries on holiday and they had types of cabbries that we didn't have in England. And we go, That's from here. It's something to go, like, Australia get a day for the Queen's birthday, whatever. He go, we fucking don't. What do you mean?

What do you mean? I think Americans must, I've heard from Americans that the KFC here tastes better. Right. Or at least less cheap and like horrible. Yeah. Like the chicken, like just legally you can't use slime chicken or whatever it is. Like, it's just better. It has a difference.

It was at one point a chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Many generations ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before, before it was frozen in an evil. cave. My last international gig was in, is it Christmas or Christmas before last, in the Netherlands?

I did a gig in Amsterdam and I can't remember if I told you about the compere at this gig but the guy running the gig, he said to me backstage. I remember this. I haven't said this on the part. But basically, Felipe, I was doing this gig and I assumed I was like, I guess all references will sort of work

here and it's the Netherlands, it's going to be, you know, I'll do a fairly international sort of set but I'm sure it'll be fine. And the guy running the gig was like, a real like, Elon must style edge lord and was like the thing you got to know about dutch audiences is they want their buttons pushed you got to go fucking hard you got to go dark it's just the darkest possible shit you can think of no holds barred be as offensive as possible and i'm thinking you're sick in the head stuff yeah and i'm thinking and i'm thinking this is so not me but i was like in which i might

run something by him then because i've been walking around town all that day and i said can i run a joke by you earlier because i came up with a joke earlier about the anne frank museum and he went well obviously not that yeah it's like okay yeah okay So what I've learned from this is that you are not to be trusted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are you? You are not to be trusted. Park?

Who are you? I've had that in Dutch gigs before. I always make the mistake of asking the most anglophone, anglophile guy about a reference. So you'd be like, oh, do you know this? And they go, of course. Yeah. You go, no, what, you do? They just happen to be a fan.

No, you're like a guy from England who knows loads about Japan. Yeah. He's got a tattoo of Shinsoaabe. On his face. It's just Shinsohabby's face. Yeah, it looks like Shinsow Abbey. Yeah. To the point of someone tried to kill it.

Yeah. With a doohickey. Yeah. With a contraption. Yeah. But it's like saying to someone who knows loads about Japan, but also doesn't know how much they know. You go, like, in my set, I'm planning on referencing some of the Southern Trade Confederacies from before the show. Yeah.

Do you think people want to think, oh, cook? Why would you even ask that? I wrote them. Yeah. You think my audience are idiots? Yeah. You think the people who come to my gig are fucking. idiots and then you go on and it dies

and you see them going but that's what annoys me that's all you get you think okay I trusted you with this but all I get in exchange for this dying on stage and having to build the audience's momentum and trust back up is you going weird

yeah well I guess that's the way of cooking problems that's the biggest price they have to pay yeah that's like whenever you can't give them your audience you can't give them that experience that's like why if I'm in a cafe writing stuff on my laptop I'd take it to the toilet because even if you say to the staff, could you watch this?

They go, yeah, sure. And I go, whatever. Yeah, but if I come out and it's been stolen, what I get from you is, oh, sorry, man. Yeah. I should be allowed to kill you. That would be fair. Yeah, we should have to buy you a laptop.

Yeah, you promised. Yeah. So my choice is, trust a stranger and potentially just get a, oh, sorry, man, that sucks. Or just definitely keep my laptop. Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah, that whole thing of this would definitely work.

I used to like to do this with people where I'd be like like a friend needed cheering up or whatever. Yeah. I'd be like this would cheer up. Go and Google. Look up, um, Carol Vorderman dressed as a banana. And they'd look it up and be like, there's nothing

and I'd be like, well, worth it try. I mean, she'll probably do it one day. I think you're... But when she does... I've been imagining it and it's really been working for me. When she does, I think it'll be very funny. Imagine it with me now. Hold my hands.

Eyes closed. Hold my hands. Crest. Dearest father. Crossed. Crossed. Just imagine it. Lord Poseidon.

Lord Poseidon. Please make Carol Vordeman dresses a banana. Why? Poseidon, please. Just let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish.

I appreciate the speed of replies. Please you have to so much silence. But I do, I need to finish what I'm saying. Well, speaking of incantation summoning monsters. Yeah. We should do some correspondence. Letter post. Message, emails, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms, correspondence.

Let's see what the people have been telling us. We've got some altered lyrics from James. As you know, I love altered lyrics. Yeah. Hi, gents. Instead of Pink Pony Club, I like to sing, Pink Boney Stump, I'm wanking with my pink bony stump. Oh, the best James.

I think you should say I have been wanking, James, so I can scan. I have been wanking with my pink bony stump. The stump element is awful because it implies a severance. It implies a severance and pink and bony implies that it's not over. It's recent and it's not bleeding. Fisputting bone. Yeah, yeah. It's got a bone.

He's maybe severed it with a knife, which I guess then brings the lyrics of, God, what have you done? You've got a pink bony stump. You've got a pink bony stump? Yeah. And you've ruined the club. You've ruined this. Pink bony stump is so horrible.

Again, it's that, it's that vis-esque, like that horrible language. I can imagine someone in porn referring to it as a stump. And you get so gross. And it's such visceral language, just like sexual. Oh, my balls got drained, that sort of thing. Drain. Like a gutter. Like a well.

Yeah. Traignage. Like a fucked up. Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drain dry. I'm so sorry. I sucked your dick. I sucked it up.

Let's say, Eli, Eli. You've got a dick. Let's say, you have a fleshlight. And I have a flashlight. And I have a cock. There's my cock. There it is. And my cock reaches across the room.

And starts to fuck your fleshlight. like, I fuck your flesh hide. Don't bully me, Daniel. I'm finished. Duh, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. I'm a jiz man. I go from town to town. Me and my son, BJ.

See the villagers go, you know, your son come with you on this? Yeah, was it? Boy has to learn. He's deaf and he cannot hear me. He can't hear me. He can't hear me. He's seeing this. That's a good point.

I haven't thought of that. I see the jizzin people. Your town, your fine town. God's sake. I drained your boss. I'd drain them out. I've abandoned my sperm. Fucking Alf.

The best drunk acting I've ever seen. when he's drunk in the restaurant? Yeah, the restaurant and with the napkin. Did he put napkin on his head? You're thinking of... You're thinking of a judele on the holiday. Mr. Nackenhead, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got like red-rimmed eyes and he's like... It's incredible. Usually they just stay awake for ages, don't they? That's what they do. Maybe that's what he did. I watched an interview of Paul Thomas Anderson when he was talking about Daniel Loweis staying in character for these things. But he's like, you are...

You still having a conversation about technology and like modern technology and stuff like that. On set, but he's just in character and saying the things that the character would say if they did exist in... Which I guess is better than if he's filming Lincoln and he keeps screaming because he doesn't understand genes. But also like...

Okay, but how far does he go with this? Where they're like, oh, and then we're going to get the dolly and we're going to do a digital zoom and so as Lincoln is he then going, I understand, the contraption will make my face appear ever larger on the projection. Oh, very good. Like, is that what he say?

Is he trying to get to grips with it? At the premiere, he actually jumped out of the way when Lincoln started coming towards. It's a top hat. Yeah. But you go, they cannot exist. Method-Apting and the reality and the form set, they cannot coexist. I don't like method-acting, because my point has always been, but you're not acting. Yeah.

You're not acting. When it's real. Like, oh, when Leonardo DiCaprio and the Revenant, he's crawling through that snow topless, like, he actually crawled through snow. And you go, oh, so he's not acting. He's in pain. That's horrible. He should have been in. He should have been doing it on fluffy marshmallows

while someone jacked him off under the ground. And he was still, I mean, try and act pain like that. That is good acting. Do you know he's getting jacked off in that scene? But it looks really in pain. The best special effects award goes to the film of them actually murdering someone.

Hang on. Hang on. But like three people got to capitated by a helicopter. And you go, yeah, like Vince Morro or whatever his name was. And you go, yeah, that should have won. You go, yeah, brilliant. It looks so real, it is. Well, good then. Good then. Good then. We like that.

Yeah. Otherwise, the best actor award should go to the person who's the lead in a documentary. Yeah. The dreams of sushi restaurant guy. It should have gone to him. This is Werner Herzog's point about the ecstatic truth versus the accountant's truth. He says if it was all about true things are the best, then the best book in the world would be the phone book. Yeah. Yeah, every page of it's true. Absolutely true. Amazing. So great. But obviously, he said it in a more fun way.

Yeah. More sort of devastating analogies. I love the big twist at the end with Zachariah. Who? Who is that? I'm still imagining Lincoln charging at me. I'm imagining he's using his head down. Yeah, he's holding onto his top hat

and he's running at me like a battering ram, but it's still on his head. Do you reckon, I mean, but if it's just for play acting, then it's like one of those collapsible blades, like the hat just like closes it on myself. Got you? Yeah. Riggle-l-l-l-o. If you do. If you dodge Lincoln's hat charge, it reveals the ruby in his bum that you have to hit.

Where he's the most vulnerable. Yeah, that's his weak. He's got a glowing weak spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very obvious once you know what to look for. Yeah, that's how John Wuxbooth just actually fucking just got him. A glowing weak spot. His head.

His entire head. What do we want, Felipe? 45. Right, yeah. There's more correspondence, but we can say. We'll do correspond on the Patreon. We'll do some more correspondence on the Patreon. on the Patreon.

Yes. Which we reckon. We reckon you should. This is our opinion. We reckon you should join. We do think you should join. Because it's a whole extra episode every single week. And then every month you get George Pod with the excellent George 4A.

Yes. There's a George Pod on there right now for you this month's dose. And also we are working on stuff for bigger tears. For example, Glenn and I are going to do a watch-along of Silence of the Lamb. Silence of the Lamb. Silence of the Lamb. The late great Hannibal Lecter. Late great, incredible.

Yeah, we're going to be... Late great, Hannibal Lecter, folks. I reckon we're going to try and do those monthly on a new Patreon tier, because also as part of that tier, in January, you and I, we're going to Shenyon. We're going to see Zen Yun. We're going to see what China was like before communism. You have to wear a business suit, and you may not whoop, only applaud.

These are the genuine rules of attending Shen Yun, which... I mean, we're discussed it, but yeah, their billboard ads on the London Underground are just enormous and belie the nicheness of the topic and the show. Yeah. So sign-ups for a Patreon. It costs about an eight of a Shen Yun ticket for an extra episode every single week and bonus episodes every month. It's the price. It's per month, it's less per month than a London pint.

A buy. Yeah, bye. See you there.