BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e19 Protein Spill

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week, the buds get into Pierre's bizarre run-in with a peckish delivery driver, getting creative in high school art and D.T, the fantasy presidential band and your altered lyrics! KOJIFull length video episodes of BudPod are now available on YouTube! Watch and subscribe here Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Email or Dm us your cryptic crossturds, altered lyrics, worm stories and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram.Join the BudPod Patreon for access to the BonusPod episode every week, the GeorgePods every month, discounted and early access to live shows and more to come! Join here from £4 a month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud part episode 19. Unlucky for some. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know for who. It has to be unlucky for someone. Yeah, someone's been killed at 7 o'clock in the evening before. Definitely. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Imagine if they worked out, no one's ever been killed at that time. It's like the opposite of the purge. That is the safest time you can ever be, is 7 p.m. It would be one of the bits that is sort of a bit annoying where you think, is that real and QI? Yeah. What's the safest time? No one's ever died during the opening. minute of the archers.

What? You've won. They go, yeah, statistically. It's a big thing. It's just, yeah, you can't. It's just, like, the whole thing of, like, old people, you know, you can ever be declared dead at Disney. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No one can ever have died at Disney World. Yeah. Which means there's probably someone out there who is technically the longest surviving person without a head because they got to capitate an old space. And the paramedics couldn't turn off like an hour. Or they got stuck up there. Yeah.

So it was just like a headless body. Still alive. And they just go, hold on. And you're having to like send Mickey up there with some bottled water. Just like pour it in the neck hole. We'll get you down as soon as we can, sir. Like her, do you ever hear about Mike?

Yes, it is funny. Like trying to make it seem like he's still talking. Like, it's fine. Did you ever hear about Mike the headless chicken? People, like he took him around talent shows. Yeah, there's a decapitated chicken. He lived for about, it was like years with no head. And they fed him through a little.

with a little pipette. Like an eyedropper. Yeah, and then he choked one day. And that's how he died. It's always disappointed in the course of death. He was not by a jealous man. A chicken who really had a head. A chicken who had read Catcher in the Rye.

Yeah. Roasted him and ate him. A friend of mine worked at Disney World. Did we ever discuss the codes they have for when people have accidents on the rides? I don't think we have. This is so gross, just because the terminology used, because you imagine it's like, Code Brown.

Yeah, or it's just sort of like someone, someone's out of goofy. You know what he'd use that language. Someone's goofed. They've goofed their pants. They've goofed their pants and now they're trailing goof all over the floor. It stinks of shit. If someone throws up. Someone left a goof in the toilet.

Right, okay, I can work out with it. Yeah. Start saying goof as if it's like a movie mistake. Surely, surely, surely, surely on the IMDB goof section of the goofy movie. It should just list the characters again. Come on. It's right there for the taking. It's a free joke.

Goofy appears in it constantly. He's not real. When someone's sick on a ride, the code is protein spill. Which is so dreadful, isn't it? That's worse than swearing. Yeah, so out of nowhere, obviously, you know, like the chipmunks or whatever are into a tannoy going, we got ourselves a protein spill. But that's so dystopian and horrifying.

That's how like an android would describe it. Shitting's worse. Shitting's fibre spill. No, it's not. Yeah. Someone, if someone... I'm throwing up protein. I understand fibre spill, yes.

Yeah, yeah. But someone's, if someone's had, you know, taking a dump on Thunder Mountain or whatever, then it's... Which I mean, they haven't accidentally shook themselves. of like drop trowl fully. Just, they've squatted above the... They've squatted on a mouse mat. Mid like flying upwards, poo.

Like jackass. Yeah, on the Tower of Terror. Because it's the elevator that goes up and down. So it's just thumps into the ceiling. We used to get wet loa roll at skull and just throw it up into the ceiling. And it would just, thum. Like a lansom tube sound. Yeah, yeah.

That noise. Yeah. The grenade launch a sound from Call of Duty. Fibre spill, yeah, yeah. Fibre spill. Spill. Yeah. And then there was also cum spill, which they didn't really change.

I don't know. Someone's ejaculated on Thunder Mountain. From like risk. It's a small world after all boat ride. Someone squatted on over one of the singing gnomes and shat all over it. Yeah, that presidential animatronics thing where they had Donald Trump and it was clearly Hillary Clinton head. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, God. The hubris of making the doll in advance. Yeah, I think they admitted it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hmm. The new Donald Trump's worst because it's clearly Camal Harris. Painted orange and just given a kind of weird body. Yeah. Donald Trump's body is so strange. It's just what he does with it. I think he's got a very normal body. Really? Yeah, it's just the way he stands. Because when he turns sideways, he looks like a big letter. A big B or a D or something. Am I really sure? Yeah, like he's in an alphabet book

where it's like the hairy hat man is H. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's because of how he stands like you have to sit when you're on a National Express coach and the seats are just, we've spoken to quite his point and a seat's slightly far forward. There's a lean forward that makes me always think he's in a stress position.

I think he's in a lot of pain all times. He must have like the strongest quads in the world because they're the only thing holding his whole body up is his thighs. He's leaning forward. He's like that my head. Michael Jackson move where they just leave, yeah. But just he's decided, I like it here.

Yeah. He's leaned forward and he's gone, I like it here, I like this. He's windy guy in a musical. It looks like he's in singing in the rain. It's like a good mime mimming the wind. Yeah. He's always struggling against a tremendous hurricane. Yeah.

We should say as well, last night, thank you very much. Last night was the Bud Pod Live, Phil's final one. Thank you very much to all the Pudbads who came out. It was a really, really nice crowd and a fitting send-off. And afterwards, we took Phil to the car park, we kicked him to death. Yes, he was shot in the head, wasn't he? Eventually. Eventually, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But before that, it was like the end of death-proof. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got some cheerleaders to beat him to death. Yeah, yeah. It's the way he would have wanted to go. Yeah, absolutely. We should all be so lucky. Yeah, if you aren't just hearing now that Phil passed away in the early hours of this morning,

obviously it would be a few days on now when you hear about this. This is me just finding out now. I was in a different country. I wasn't allowed to be in the same country. I was in Scotland. Yeah, for alibi reasons. For alibi reasons. Yeah.

Get his head kicked off by a cheerleader. Kicked off. Kicked off. One really big kick. That's better than loads of little kicks. It's like nearly headless Nick. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. That's disgusting.

That would be horrible. You were on the Caledonian sleeper. Yeah. It sounds like the least restful experience possible. I came off stage at the Edinburgh stand. Thank you, everyone who came to that tour show. And you're on tour right now? I'm on tour right now. I had to sprint

from, yeah, actually, let's just get the admin out of the way. Tonight, when this episode goes out, tomorrow night, I'm in South End, but that's sold out, but don't worry because we've added an extra show in January. On Saturday, I'm in Tumbridge Wells, and I think at the time of recording, there were exactly three tickets left. And on Sunday, I'm at, in Warwick in an art centre there,

but the evening show is sold out, so we've put on an afternoon show. So there's still space there if you want to see me at like 4pm on a Sunday. But I round. But I I had to sprint from the Edinburgh stand to the train station to get on the Caledonian sleeper, like, as the doors were basically closing. And I went into my tiny little bunk room. I had a bunk bed, but I was, rumors to myself. So it's, okay, so it's a bunk bed.

Is that like a little sink? Yeah, you walk in, yeah. There's a sink, and it says not drinking water. Good. But also, what we don't say is, you know, it's also not a pissing basin. And yet, here we are. It's only not drinking water because of how much piss has been in it. That's the only thing they're worried about.

There's actually nothing wrong with the water. You walk in. It is the, it's the width of a chair. It's insane. And then your, it's, it's, the bed itself is so narrow. It's like it's been designed to stop homeless people from sleeping. Yeah, yeah, you've got, it's, it's, it's, um, aggressive architecture. Yeah, and there's kind of like an armchair-esque protrusion coming from the wall to push you even,

further off. There's a miniature ladder to get you onto the top bunk. I didn't sleep on the top bunk. I don't know if this is this cuck behavior from me, but I slept on the bottom bunk. Yeah.

And actually, I thought it was quite nice because when the train then departed from the station, I pulled the shutter up and sort of looked outside. And it was all you can see as the occasional lights going by.

And I was just there lying in bed, playing on my switch, be like, I'll go to sleep in a second. And then unexpectedly, the train pulled into like a busy station. There were just loads of elderly people just peering through the window and had to, like, leap up

and pull the shutter down. I felt so exposed. I'd also never been in this situation before. A zombie film. It was just like a zombie film. And I don't know if you've been in a situation before where, or if you've ever taken a sleeper train. I don't know what direction I expected to be in. But you're lying and the train is obviously going against the grain to where you're lying.

So whenever you sleep on public transport, you're still facing forward. I was lying to the side and moving along to the side. It was also my exact height. So it's like a six foot three bed. so my feet and my head perfectly wedged in, which meant I was completely solid, and then my midriff was occasionally waving from side to side of the minute.

It just felt really strangely vice-like. It was like when someone holds a slinky. Yeah, and just kind of ribbles it up and up and my head was so stuck in. It was like I was about to receive like electroshot therapy. And I had to cure your criminality. My urges. Yeah. And then I just, it was like trying to sleep on a flight, basically.

I remember waking up an absolute ton and then I got woken up by a Tannoy announcement of like, please disembark the train now and it was like I mean I just had to like stumble out into Houston like 6am at which point I then had to sprint to absolute radio which is round the corner to do the breakfast show and then I came here for Button Boys immediately afterwards

and now we're doing Budpot. It's astonishing to me in such good shape. This is going to be my worst ever Budpod episode and I'm just I hope you know that now. I'm amazed that if I could see like in your vision, it should look like this Vaseline on your eyes.

Yeah, Felipe, we were saying beforehand that I work like I'm trying to get into heaven. It will help me out. It's such a good description. Because obviously, if you're listening to this,

you might not see behind the curtain or whatever, but anyone who knows you would love that description because you're just constantly like peddling a bike that powers a thing that does a thing. On tour, a radio show podcast, just so much. You can't not do any of those things.

They're all such an integral part of my life. Yeah. I'm Mrs. Doubtfireing my way. Yeah, just tits on fire screaming. Yeah, but there's four separate families in the restaurant. You're trying to sneak back into four different families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every sequel, there should have been loads of Mrs. Doubtfires

and every sequel was he'd got divorced in a strange from another whole family. He'd had a full over, family. Yeah. And he's a different kind of nanny. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. An Australian nanny. Yeah. German nanny. Russian nanny. Nonna. Yeah. And they're just...

Like a French au pair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It'd be good. Mm. AI will do it. Yeah. Yeah.

The robot will... Please. Yeah. Dance. Dance for me. Robot. Yeah. I mean, that sounds like a living hell.

It doesn't sound like you would sleep at all, even a tiny bit. It's okay, I'll get to go to bed in a few days. You sent me a voice note the other day as a reminder for you to say something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a delivery arrived. My fiancé, what she likes to do is to order so many packages on a sort of consistent basis. It's not like, oh, there's just this one day where like 10 arrive. It's like there will always be one a day.

Yeah. I can never figure out what's in them. It's like just building a rocket ship. Like mail order, you know, like... Like one of those magazines, but over the course of the months, you build a ship. Yeah, you build HMS Victory. Yeah, the first edition is like $3.99,

but then it's like, from now on, it's $1999. You go, what? You go, for the bit that actually powers the sales. The wheel, yeah. Yeah, maybe she's doing that. Sorry if you get any noise bleed as well. There's a bunch of, like, bellowing construction workers. They do sound like prisoners.

They're kind of guard over. They're screaming, please help, please help. But basically, a prison van overturned. They're doing a bunch of... Some of them managed to escape, but some of them are trapped under the van. Yeah, and you know what? It's more whining, actually. Because, you know, they...

Some of us trying to work. Some of us try to podcast here. They're trapped under a van that I've paid for with my taxes, and they get a free PlayStation at prison, and supermodels come in and nush them off. That's what I've read. Yeah. It's too nice.

Slap on the wrist and then you're allowed back out. Slap on the wrist, and... directions to the nearest children's home for all the noncers. I got to say, in that Caledonian sleeper trail, I was like, this is smaller than a prison cell. I would prefer a prison cell over this. Yeah, yeah. There would be a law against putting a prisoner in there,

but there's no law against putting a paying customer in there. Yeah. The same way that every year there's a heat wave and all the aircon doesn't work or that doesn't exist on our trains. It gets hotter than it's legally allowed to be for cattle. Really? There's all sorts of restrictions on how hot cattle cars can be. The cattle's being treated better than us.

They get a PlayStation, even though they're all paedophiles. Even though they're all paedophiles. All the cows are paedophiles. What's that cow laughing at? Yeah. She's a nonce. Me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The bloody cussia. Oh, Muggins here. Muggins here. There you go. Some more laugh. Some just general daughter shouting. Anyway, one of these deliveries arrived. And so I've got an air friar now, not to boast.

Yeah. I finally joined the Air Friar Revolution two years after everyone got really excited by it. That's what I do with trends. I fold my arms and I frown and I say, no, I'm not joining Instagram. I mean, just when it's out of fashion, you message me the other day to say you've been neck nominated. Oh, God. I was trying to remember the verb for that the other day. Could not for the life of me remember.

Yeah. Neck nominated. You were so late to that one. Dismal. We're doing the ice bucket challenge after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not even for the ALS Foundation, just for recreationally.

No, we're just like ice. And this guy, so I tested it out for the first time. Some chicken gibbs. Oh, yeah. Why not? Yeah. And it all worked, you know, fine. And I ate those.

And an hour later, the doorbell goes, and it's a delivery man. Now, you know, when you're in a house that smells of food, you don't know. Yeah. Like, I didn't think the corridor smelled like food particularly at all. So I opened the door. I go, oh, yeah, thanks. And I take the package. But he's already, like, standing, like, his toe, the toes of his,

shoes are like on the threshold bar. Oh. Like he's so close to the door. Yeah. So I was like, go. And I took the package from him and he was like, oh, I just have to take the picture. And I was like, yeah, fine. And I was holding it quite close because I was not expecting him to be there.

So he was like close enough. He wasn't, his face is so close to mine. It's not like he's going to kiss me, but he's going to threaten me. Right. Okay. So he's it. Forehead to forehead. No.

No. No. No. Like his face is close enough that it. qualifies as intimidating, and then any closer becomes romantic. So, like, the distance you went to be from a microphone, so thumb and little finger. Genuinely, yeah. Yeah.

So what's, yeah, exactly. Thumb and little finger extended like that. That's how close this guy's fucking face is to mine. And he's like, I should have to take a picture to share I've delivered it. And I was like, oh, yeah, fine. And he just like takes the picture in that gap between us. So he doesn't step back. No, he doesn't stay back.

I thought he would step back to take the picture and go, okay, thanks. And he's like, God, it's so tricky at this angle, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I hate this bit. if only there was a different way so he gets the camera out and he's like taking it from like above in between us like that and then as he's taking ages to take it

he's speaking to me in like a hushed voice as well which is odd I just have to take the picture for this show I've delivered it I was like uh huh yeah fine and he goes and then he goes

oh this smells nice oh it smells good because he's close enough to your body exactly I'm talking about my mouth and I went Oh yeah And he went And then he went

Oh Yummy yummy That's close to my face Oh it smells good That smells nice Oh the food Oh yes Yummy yummy yummy

Sound very nice And I was like I immediately I don't really know Obviously there's nothing to say to this He's the Gimme death Gimmy death

I'm joking But genuinely, I was sitting there, like, standing there thinking, my first panic was, oh, no, I've eaten it. Because you're like, I've been rude. I should offer him. Please come in and have a Kiev with me. Please, break Kievs with me. Let's get oil all over the floor.

You there. Boy, break Kievs with me. Speak to me of your homeland. He's scalding hot. Burn your fingers on this butter with me. So I immediately felt guilty. for no reason, because he was like, he was talking like a cartoon character about it.

Like, oh, yummy, like, oh, yummy. Oh, it's so cold out here. A Kiev would really warm me up, you know. Yeah, we had a handyman in my halls of residence at uni who would come over and within five minutes would always go, thirsty work, this. And you always just go, just say I'd like a cup of tea. Like I did, I offered it to you at the door and you said, no.

So what's this now? Yeah. So what's this now? Do you want a pint? Yeah. Do you want me to pour you a fresh, fresh ice-cold pint? I mean, I have. Yummy, yummy.

I did have a beer once with a guy who delivered a desk to me in lockdown. Really? Yeah, it was kind of like, it was awkward because he like pointed out. He said, oh, that looks great. And I was like, do you want one? He's like, yeah, why not? But then afterwards, I was like, you haven't walked this desk here. So you're driving back.

You're a big van. Yeah. You've had a pipe. We've had a plane together because we helped assemble the deaths together. Fucking hell. It was so strange. Kill four people that night. Yummy, yummy is so scary for an adult to say.

So close to your face, yummy, yummy. But I, it's so weird. Why did I feel guilt immediately for not offering him a food? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. But it took me, there was just genuinely a full 10 seconds of terror as I tried to figure out what's he smelling. Yeah, if you just come out of the bathroom. Yeah, exactly.

Oh. But, Jenny, I didn't remember that... Someone's had sugar puffs reason. Oh, God. I just genuinely couldn't remember that. And I was like, oh, fuck, of course. Oh, yes, the smell isn't in your... No, I couldn't smell it.

So, to me, there's no smell. And he's going, oh, a smell is good. Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy. And I'm just going, you're like, oh, the chicken... I'm a big fan of a chicken cave. I'm a big, big fan of it. I don't normally.

have one. I don't know what came over me. But also I'm like they're not, it's not the said, like, it's not like a, it's not like a chicken boonet. Do you know what I mean? It's not like they're a nicer smelling thing. I think it's because it just smelled the garlic. It's garlic. Onions and garlic. That's all it is. It's nice. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As if that's something that you offer people as well when someone's coming over it. It's sort of like, can I get anyone on a pizza? Please, hold out of your hands for a scalding gear. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to put the oven on. Does anyone want Yeah. Yeah. I've, oh, steak and our pie, please, you've been making one. Yeah. Nope.

No. In 40 minutes. In 40 minutes from frozen. Yeah, yeah, I'll hang around for that. Yeah. I haven't got a lot of deliveries today. How do you tell you, that steak and kidney? It's just state, please.

Yeah. Yeah, seven sugars. Smashed through the crust. Thank you. Someone got in contact, I think it was early. Apologies, if I'm getting this wrong. There was altered lyric brainworm from years ago, season one of Bud Park. Oh, yeah.

Which was, um, what's the? Taylor Swift thing, I'm the problem. It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. What's the tune? At T, it goes, it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. That's it. Yeah. So mine was, it's me. Hi, I'm Obama, it's me.

And it's just about Obama. But that's how we introduce themselves. I'm Obama, it's me. It's me. It's me. Hi. I'm a problem. I'm Obama. It's me. Let me be clear. Yeah, that's in all the tailors.

So you should know about me. Obama, he's dead. Look what you made me do. Make it off. Yeah. Obama releasing an entire album about Travis Kelsey's dick. What? What are you doing?

I guess he's not. demeaning the office of the president because he's not the president anymore. He's retired. He's to do whatever he wants. Bill Clinton plays a saxophone. Yeah. They all do a bit of music. And when he's playing the saxophone, he's actually just breathing the words about Travis Kelsey's dick into the saxophone. It makes wonderful music when he does it. Clinton's saxophone, Obama does all the Taylor Swift covers. Nixon plays the xylophone. JFK, flute? Flute, yeah. Because remember he played the flute so hard once, the back of his head explode.

He was playing the flute on the, see that motorcade. And Jackie Kennedy always used to say, and one of those, like, you forget your head of it and not screwing it. Like, it was one of those old, like, one of those... Your flute your head off of your head. One of those old tails, yeah, if you're not careful, you'd blow the back of your head off. If you're not careful where you're playing that flute, the wind will change. Yeah.

Your head will explode. There were rumors of a second floor test. Yeah, and the guy on the third flautist of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, every president has an instrument. Yeah. Nixon's xylophon is in their museum. George Bush? Yeah?

I'm just trying to think what he would be. George Bush, you know what it would be? It would be like embarrassing acoustic guitar country because he was obsessed with being Texan. Yes, of course. Doesn't he like living a ranch now do paintings? Like Jim Carrey. He's constantly doing paintings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is about being a big celebrity where you go mad and just start doing portraits constantly with people. Yeah, they have the lifestyle of a chimpanzee. It's relaxed. He's got his own patch of land in Florida. in Florida.

He's like a sort of sanctuary, a president sanctuary. He's got loads of like servants, like keepers bringing him stuff. Yeah. Medicine. Oh, yeah. Oh, he loves guava.

He loves that fruit. He loves that. He really, really likes it. Yeah, yeah. We try to... Listen to him snacking on that pineapple. Listen to George Bush's happy grunts. We try to enrich his environment by putting the food in different places hiding.

Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, they will slowly go insane. bored and that is a problem and then the paintings become much darker over time they become like Francis Bacon portraits just like screaming mouths and like bloody hunks of meat it's not good

so it's best to hide the pineapple we've learned that we've learned that over years although the big sellers really are the dark paintings from his period where we forgot to hide the pineapple in a log or up a tree oh dear

yeah I was also going to Yeah, this is order of business time Yes, yes, yes We were lots to get through Here's a fun story That I became aware of Because I live quite near some family

And my nephew's schools And this was a national news story It wasn't just my nephew's school But I became aware of it through Talking to my sister And then I saw it was on the Times website Telegraph So there's a popular series of kids books

And there was like a fun website At the back of the book like for more fun from, you know, Dingley the Dog or whatever the fuck, go to Dingley, whatever it was. It was like a website set up for the purpose. Like 20 years ago. And within the last couple of years,

what happened was the guy lost ownership of it, like forgot to renew his ownership of the URL. Yeah. And it just got auto purchased by like some porn spam company. Right. And then like the website in the back of these like hundreds and thousands and thousands of kids books is now like a porn website. So if any of the kids follow these 20-year-old instructions,

they're being sent to a horrible porn website. So all the schools had to be like, don't fucking, even if it's unlikely, just don't let your kid type. Like, we're getting all the books back and we're going to scribble it out or delete it. What was the nature of the book? Was it just generic educational kids books?

No, no, no, it's like a fun. It wasn't a school textbook. Yeah. It was like Cartoon Dog, like Dilly the Dog solves crimes or whatever the fuck. That's so funny. Captain Underpants or anything like that. Yeah.

It's like the idea that there's, like a book, there's a porn website that's called Tracy Beaker does chemistry.com. Well, that's the terrible irony is that, you know, a kid can't in good consciousness go to huge spurtingcocks.com

without seeing porn by accident. It was spy dog. It was spy dog, yeah, yeah. No, I didn't want to say. I didn't want to ruin the huge spurting cocks you, man. It was, but it was, the website was something weird like spy like S dog325.net

It was like a really not the right name Yeah, ex hamster And it was a bat hanser Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've one altered lyrics that's been stuck in my head Yeah This is to Bruce Springsteen's

Are you familiar with Hungry Heart? Give me a little bit of it Wait, that's it Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Homer Lisa Maggie Margin Bar Omar Lisa Maggie Margin, but then the rest of the song is exactly the same

and everyone's like, why is he singing about them now? That's horrible. Yeah, he's talking about his wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack. Sorry, is he saying he's Homer Simpson in the song. Bruce Springsteen. It's written from the perspective of Homer Simpson. Yeah, Homer Simpson is a classic blue-collar working stiff. Who goes out for a pack of cigarettes one day

and just abandons them. Fuck them, yeah. If it comes back, goes out for a pack of donuts one day. That would be how they made it relevant to The Simpsons. There's a reggae song this morning that I was listening to where I'm trying to... I really, really don't like how I can't search my own liked Spotify songs by genre. Right. I have to know the title or it won't find it for me.

Spotify's got such a weird function that if you listen to a song like Diamonds Are Forever, kind of why I've chosen that as an example. Sure. But after that, Spotify's right. recommending stuff is like, well, apparently you love songs about diamonds, don't you? You big diamond-loving bastard. No, no, that's not relevant to, yeah. It's got the same algorithm as fucking Amazon.

It's so shit, and I can't... Or ASOS. Here's a fun thing while I search for this. I like to listen. I recommend this to listeners. Try this and see what you think, if you think it's a fun thing, because it makes my life better. I go around doing boring things, listening to soundtracks from SpyFes. films. Oh, interesting. So gathering papers and the like is disposing of evidence.

We're just taking a train into London, looking at skyscrapers from the window and stuff. It feels like I'm... Throttling a chef. Throttling a chef. Taking his clothes. Dressing in them, they fit somehow. Walking through doors as they're closing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just making a train and then getting off it. Yeah. Right as the doors close. crying and sliding down the wall of your shower. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Exactly.

I really, really recommend it, but the trouble is it has to be that kind of like, do-do-do-do, like sort of like, hmm, I'm thinking and investigating music. Yeah, the cheeky, like, hitman, where it's like, it's almost xylophone-esque. No, no, no. Not that.

Oh, what's that kind of like? It's really hard to find. Right. Tasteful thriller detective is thinking music. Okay, right. So it's like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy soundtrack. Okay. The Good Shepherd.

Okay. Matt Damon. Matt Damon film, yeah? Yeah, based on the 1960s CIA recruitment. Constant Gardner or are we? The Constant Gardner is a lot of like, we are in Africa, we are in a film in Africa, which doesn't really fit. Someone's lost in the desert music. There might even be a couple of, no.

Yeah. But I think it's also just a lot of like drum-based, imagine that you're in Africa motion. And that's not what I want. I want man in a suit frowning as he waits on a train platform pondering the evidence and the case. Okay, yeah. But the trouble, here's the problem. If you go on Spotify and you look up like thriller, investigate music,

detective movie music theme, please. It just goes, oh, I know what you want. You want a, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wah, one, wah, wah, but it's like, mission impossible, possible, possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it saying the name of the mission impossible, possible possible possible? It gives you the cheesiest fucking wank you've ever heard in your life. Or it does exactly where you go.

I want slightly creepy investigating a mystery music. Yeah, but then it goes like, Doodoo do, do the dance of the skeletons, dance of the skeletons. And you go like, I'm not fucking, don't, I'm not a cun. I'm not a cunt. Spotify's going, this is where you like. Spooky, spooky skeleton, having a little, like, playing his ribs with his iPhone key.

Oh, lo, lo, lo, lo, look. I'm not fucking not that They're not playing that Well, Hannibal Lecter's Licking his lips Terrible So it's really just It's genuinely difficult to find

Yeah, God I'd hate to have your taste I love skeleton ribs So I found it Yeah So I was listening to this It's a reggae classic Here we go

By the Paragans The Mighty Paragans That lives next door In my neighborhood In my neighborhood He gets me down So I've been walking around the house this morning singing There's a bloke that lives next door

He's a pedo In my neighborhood He makes me frown He's a pedophiles Yeah Yeah So he's had to knock on your door to inform you Yeah, that's made me proud.

Fat, I can't imagine how you begin broaching that conversation. That must be the worst thing about being a convicted paed far. It's just that British, all goodness, and not going on a lot. Hello. I brought you seeing cupcakes. I'm new to the neighbourhood. I work, just down at the local garage. And it's just so nice to meet you all.

I don't understand how they don't just get shot in America where they have to do that. Yeah, I think a lot of them probably do. But it's not in the news if they do. Yeah, but maybe it happened so frequently It's a bit like, remember you once showed me like a A video of like a bank's van Being hijacked in South Africa And you're like, this wouldn't have made the news

Yeah, yeah, yeah Because you go, it's just something that happened There's like a couple of those a week or whatever Yeah, you just go out to a bowl of cereal was eaten Yeah It's crazy Having to go around it's, but like I almost feel like

I guess you want to know there's a peter nearby But like you should be peter prepping your kids Pido-proofing them as best you can anyway. Yeah, it should be like Uber, where you can see them on a sort of map at all times, and sometimes, you know, they'll be walking down your road and going another road. And when it's like a World Cup, they have a little England flag.

The P-Dos at random points seem to sort of suddenly start spinning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that about it? Sometimes it's surges. If it's high demand for peter files in the area, it's more expensive somehow, I don't know. You're having a clear out? Yeah, I was having a clear out the other day.

And getting rid of just books, I thought, I'm never going to read The Fire and the Fury. Yeah. I don't now need to read about Donald Trump's first term in office. Yeah. That's not going to happen. Yeah. I've missed out.

I missed the boat. And I found a couple of, and I bought these in lockdown, just as I wonder what they're like. Goosebumps, choose your own scares. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Choose your own adventure ones. Yeah. Which, I don't know if used to read those as a kid. I was obsessed of R. L. Stein.

And I really love the Goosebuntz books. what I used to do. I had these awful gnarled hands because I was... You used them to read with. I was cowardly and I'd basically save scum, choose your own adventures where I'd keep my fingers in all the pages I'd previously done. I see what you mean.

So when it says you died, I'm like, ah, not really because I've gone back. I should have just written down the page of the previous one I'd been at. But I remember them having such rich stories and oh my God, this happens. And there's one way you're in a museum and you realize I shouldn't have dropped that amulet. You go one direction, you go into space and the whole thing's about. Space Station, a bit of your town left, that you're suddenly in this medieval kingdom. I read them again.

My God, they obviously take about two minutes to read. It's like... And they're fucking shit. It literally starts with, you're going to carnival tonight. Your grandparents are taking you, but you get to the carnival and it's haunted. And you go, there's always in three sentences.

It's like the beginning of Hamlet. So much is stuffed into those, you know, that Holt, who goes there? And you go, right, it's already clear. It's night and it's guards, and it's addressing someone, and it's a tense combat-based situation. That's what that's...

It's just... It just throws it at you. It's so absurd. There's this... I must have had a good imagination as a child to fill in all those gaps. Because the book gives you a fucking nothing. It's like...

And then a scary thing happens. And I think as a kid I was like... You mean like... Ghosts? My sister-in-law used to love Goosebun's books, but we always misread something that characters would always say when at the beginning of each Goosebunts book,

it's always about like a school trip, going to camp, a something we just couldn't relate to as kids in England. But it's always up on a coach trip. And then when suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt a corpse licking the back of my neck. And obviously it turns out it's their dufous brother with an ice cube down your back.

You go, yeah, why would it be a corpse licking your neck on the coach trip, you fucking weird. Well, you go, it was my dog licking my foot or anything. But they'd always whisper, no, under my breath. But it was no with like 10 o's. That's always ever done, no. But me and my sister always used to read it as no. And it made us laugh so much.

every time. That it would be like, because the characters were like loony tunes. There was one that was called like monster in my closet or something and someone was walking through a haunted house and suddenly I realized

for the last ten steps I'd been walking in thin air. For the floor had collapsed. I threw my hands up in the air. Noo! I screamed where I'd love in the sound. No. Seeing like a

withdrawing your hand from a mysterious chest to see that like a skull is biting it. Yeah. Because none of the books were, no goose wants books were ever scared.

There was real Scooby-Doo elements of like, it was just a person with the mask sort of thing. Like, Say Cheese and Die was never as scary as the front cover which had skeletons on. Yeah. Because the worst photos they ever got in Say Cheese and Die was, oh, my foot's got like a nail through it because I trod on a nail.

Yeah. But there was some cheap knock-off goosebumps books back in the day called Shivers. Oh, yeah. Which my parents used to get us. And they were fucking scary as hell because that writer didn't give a shit. He was obviously so jealous of Aralstein's like thing.

And it would be sort of like, the level of stuff stuff that happened to, like, kids in those books. Like, and then... It was like reading, like, the Myra Hindley court case. Bit out his fucking tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Instead of he told his parents what happened, he'd kill him.

He'd go, what? It's like, no supernatural element whatsoever. It'd be funny if you'd publish a series of books called, like, yeah, called Spookies or something. And they're like, it's really bad stuff, but none of it's supernatural. Yeah, it's just about Fred West. Yeah, or it's literally just like... And his parents were, uh, arguers. all the time so they had to move to a different town and it was just so difficult to

make friends and just like real just way too real sometimes it's stay of his auntie who drank so much of this brown liquid every evening and she just get fucking wasted oh okay and she threw up all over herself and he had to help her yeah oh what this was just awful did you ever eat like red wall and stuff like that when you were a kid they were violent as hell but because it was mice it didn't matter yeah you go like a fucking ice stabbed and stuff like that And you go, yeah, but it's okay, because it's a stoat. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, and the goody took the stoat's head and tore it off his body and pulled his spine out with it as well.

And then using the big floppy spine killed another seven. You go, good, good, few. The only thing I remember is it taught me a real racism towards rats and vermin and stuff like that. You know, they weren't to be trusted. They teach us, it gives you real farmer's morality. Heirs are really posh for some reason and say, what, what? Yeah. And the moles were like, br, and they always tugged their noses affectionate.

which I felt horrible. It felt like someone rearranging his balls when he sits down, you know what I mean? But it was like, bioki, sir, and stuff. They were like Somerset Moles. Yeah, they were like Somerset like, respectful workmen tugging their forelocks. Yeah.

It's a really odd classes. Half the book was just a big feast where they're just constant eating. And taught me the word, Vittles. Vittles, yeah. Do you great girt, gorge? And be like, again, like, you remember it being more than it was. I just remember there being like a 17-page description

of various berry pies. So many, yeah, damsel pudding and stuff that you didn't exist. Yes, I'm sorry, this doesn't make me as ravenous as it should. Because they can't say. Because I don't know what a milk topsy-turvy is. They can't say a burger because that would have been involved from killing an animal that's a skyscraper to them. You brought down a whole fucking cow?

That's crazy. If we can find a way to... You're a mouse. If we can find a way to preserve it, I mean, we're fucking hell. Yeah, we're sorted. Yeah, yeah. The abbot will be writing about this in his end-of-year journal. It is in his tiny monastery, but the trees aren't as big.

Scaling issues were really. Scaling issues are all over the place. There are ships that were caught in a maelstrom, but it was like, is it just a case of, it's like when you open the plug and you let the bathwater out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone flapped their arm near you. What Redwood should have been is it was all on a leaf. It was all on a leaf.

Oh, it was all on a leaf. Oh, it was a leaf. Yeah. Great, fine. Yeah. I'm glad it was all. Thank God. Cracked.com, if you remember them.

Yeah, yeah. Who just sort of melted into nothingness, really. Didn't they just rank stuff? Yeah, and... Ten movies that feature... Some guy on there, as part of just intermittently, not just ranking things, wrote an incredible two or three parodies of goosebumps

and how shit they were. Right. And it's really funny. If they're still up, I remember... Which isn't fair, because you're like, it was for chill. I know, but it's parodying the... very precise way in which it was crap.

And like the kind of baffling character names that make sense. I envied them because they all had basements. They all had basements and they all lived in this big suburbia and then a TV show showed that as well. And they always had really good masks for Halloween. I envied the masks they had at Halloween. Yeah.

Because one of them was about a haunted mask that got stuck to your head. Loads of them are about masks. But the idea that a rubber mask would cover your entire head like in Halloween. Yeah. Like Michael Myers. And we never had because all we had was the fucking shit plastic ones that go over the front of your face and you have a rubbish,

plastic band that goes around the back of your head. And they're made of the same material that they use to make the kind of stiff coating around the top of a drinks bottle. Why have you made a mask out of the sharpest, but also most terrible. Yeah, really crap stuff. Rippable fabric plastic. That really, really shit. But yeah, I recommend looking that up if you did read a lot of goosebumps because, yeah, they're not good. it makes you sort of think maybe we should just write

horror for children non-horror oh right yeah yeah just non-horror so let's do some correspondence let's do some correspondence mail letter post message email notes

text dispatches SMS not non-rands this is from black country James hello black country James BCJ BCJ

Dear PG-13 Nice Pierre being early to the guerrillas album And not getting the credit for it Reminded me of my own equivalent situation With call of duty in about year nine 2006 for James Right

On Monday morning before registration The class twat asked everyone It is always one Designated, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah The class twat asked everyone What they've been up to on the weekend Playing cod two with my mate from home, I said

This drew a baffled silence from the room And a repost from the twat What the hell is playing Cod 2? You play with fish with you play with fish with your friends on the weekend You're weird out Infuriating From that point on Nothing I could say could convince the room

That this was actually a cool World War II shooter game And quite a high level clan match Against a lot of Belgian 12 year olds Using a team speak server That was decades ahead of its time Fuck, team speak What was that? TeamSpeak was like Discord

like it was like a special server just for VoIP. Oh. Yeah, you used to chat to guys in their 50s who really wanted to talk to you, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would teach me gymnastics. Yeah. Because a lot of games didn't have voice comps.

Right, so like so common all those ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So TeamSpeak was the big thing. I remember TeamSpeak. Fuck. Everyone took the piss mercilessly, so I let it go and hoped it didn't become a thing. Roll forward about nine months

and literally the entire male population of the school was playing Call of Duty for Modern Warfare on Xbox. Now shouting, let's play Cod later, or see you on Cod when you get home out the bus windows as a matter of course. I mentioned to the twat that he seemed to know what Cod was now, and he said everyone had always known what Cod was. Yeah, you'll never win.

That's made me really angry. Yeah. You can't win against that guy. It's probably someone who got really annoyed at like movie fans years ago because they were into the Zoha trope. You know, that crank candle one way you look through, and it was like a hot air balloon going up. I did that as part of my DT systems and controlled GCCC.

That was my project. I made a Zohotrope. What was the Zohotrop of? It was a hot air balloon going upwards. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And then I had a backup one just to make my friends laugh, which was just a guy fucking another guy.

I was, of course. Yeah, of course. So glad you said that. It's the most effort I've ever put into a drawing, and it was so funny. Because it was so clearly a kid's, like, DT project. But you looked through, and it was just dick going in. It was really funny.

It was really funny. It's good stuff. I've never double-chetted something more to make sure I didn't submit that for the GCN. Do you know what I mean? Even though I was like, I've watched myself tear it up and put it into a bin,

it cannot be. What happens if you've made to be zoom in on a hot air balloon? They go, let's two guys, blowing each other up there. In the basket, look. With a jewel in eye glass. I was once in the DT lab doing some math bullshit work. And I saw that there were, was a pile on the desk, the teacher's desk in the corner of work from like the year sevens.

And it was just like draw like a design your ideal car. Yeah. Right. And there were all like drawings of cars. And I thought, oh, this would be funny. And I went through the names. And I saw that there were like three kids in the class called Matt. Yeah.

So on my fake one, I wrote Matt. So there'd be like a deniability. Yeah. Because it'd be too cruel to pick one same name. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Or even if it was like, you know, whatever. Crunello or something. You go, no, no, no, Matt. So there's, like, no one's sure who, which, and, like, one of the mats might get this handed back. Yeah. Or so, what's this about? And I drew, like, you know when little kids draw a car?

And it's like... Closed fist crayon. Close fist crayon. And it's, like, box, top, like there, like, wheel, like... The wheels are suspended. The car is hovering above the wheels. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, boot.

And then it'll be, like, rocket. Like a rocket. And then there's always an old-fashioned aerial. Yeah. And like wheel jutting out and like stick man with big smile like in window. Like head, tiny little pea head. Yeah, yeah. A drawing for a fridge.

A drawing for a fridge. A drawing for a fridge, someone who's under four years old. I did that. And then on the bonnet of the car, using like a quality graphite sketching pencil, I did like an incredible, like carefully shaded in like hot woman in a bikini reclining on the on it. Fucking hell. Like what you'd find on like the side of a World

War II bomber or something like that. Exactly. Yeah. Like Memphis Bell. Like art from GTA. And so it was like this kid this kid is drawn this like dog shit car.

But when it came to a sexy lady, this talent just came out. And he drew this like incredibly hot lady in a bikini with enormous breasts and like really, really like tasteless trucker. Like you say, like something on a plane, maybe on the back of a truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the mud guard. Yeah.

And just, and then I slid it into the pile. Did you ever hear? I never found out. I thought for a while, is there a way I can ever find out what happened? And I just thought, you know what, let it, like a shit, like a message in a bottle. Yeah. Just let it go know out there somewhere. Felt was a guy at my school in my sane DT class.

His dad, like, worked at a company that made go-carts. He ran a company, but, like, made go-carts. Yeah. And so this guy's D-T project was a go-cart, and he just came in Monday with a go-cart, and it was like, what obvious? Come on. Like, if you came in with your dad's car, yeah, I made it. He let the teachers drive the go-car, and they had the fucking time of their lives,

and he got, like, the highest mark. It was like, oh, this is, this is absolutely bonkers. This is, like something from a Beano comic. Yeah, so Mr. Hemings, Mr. Burton, if you're hearing this, That was some fucking bullshit. You should have seen the two guys fucking each other on my Zohra. It was cinema.

To be fair, they would have been crying, laughing at that, but they would have had to pretend not to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so annoying that the teachers that they can't show their humanity. Yeah.

Whereas that was a bit of their humanity coming through where if you worked a job dealing with these fucking little scrots all the time and then you've got to drive a go-car, you'd be like, yeah, he's thought, okay. It's just so weird to see one of your D-T teachers wearing like a D-T apron. Just like you whizzing between these basketball hoops.

and stuff like that. It was like, what is happening? That's the kind of like insanely out of reach of most people thing that happens in Bino Comics. Yeah,

or like one of those videos that goes viral. Oh, make a robot that does the dinner for me. What? Or one of those videos that would go viral sometimes of like, look how this convict

escaped from the LAPD. Yeah. He took a go car and he managed to get, he took it onto the highway and he managed to actually get across. Nonsense, man. So annoying.

In comics where it's like, oh, grew, I don't want to make any more mash for the, the dinner lady or it's some stupid old-fashioned problem. They go, I'll make a robot to do it for me.

And you go, a robot. Yeah, sorry, how many resources this school got? You're failing your exam. Sorry, Bastardtry kids. Are you clever or not? You've programmed a hydraulic, an Android.

You've beaten Elon Musk to it. Yeah. And this is now going to, what, remove the, so all the dinner ladies is going to lose their jobs. You fucking, you cunt. The final prank automation. Bass Street School is closed.

Trickaloo. Tricholoo. I've automated your chobes away. Oh, ha ha. This is from Jenny. Hello, Jenny. With an eye. Oh, no, no.

Move on the next one. Next one, next one, please. Hey, buds. I just listened to season two, episode 16, where you brought up Epstein's birthday book again, and the fact that we might have all accidentally signed a paedophiles' birthday card. This seems to have resonated with people as an idea that we've all signed.

Like, but it's become some, like, philosophical, When you think about it, you've all signed a nonsense. Yeah. People will say something like, well, I guess, you know, statistically and someone will go, well, Peter Fals's birthday card. Yeah, it's a Shepathias-esque thing. You don't need to explain that it's so well known.

Like you just say you're a Shepathias, people go, yes, of course. Yeah, Peter's, birthday card. Peter's birthday card. Well, that's what I was thinking. They'll say stuff like that. This reminds me of something that happened to me two years ago. A co-worker, male, 32. At an office job I used to work at was caught smoking weed on the company premises.

Let it out. Let it out. It's so terrible. It's been a lot of Diet Coke today. If you aren't watching this on YouTube, I've spent the whole episode so far gently rubbing and patting Pierre's back trying to get that one out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've been circular motions working upwards towards the nape of the neck. It's generally sort of like right behind the lungs and just gently patting them. Occasionally you, it's met with a lovely buck and a milky dribble. Milky dribble, but not from my mouth. And I've got a muslin sort of wrapped it,

sort of around your neck to sort of catch it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I generally, all my clothes are made of muslin. All of them. That would be a horrible material to wear. It's just good eye on it. No, he's the most creased... He's like corrugated clothes.

The most creased man in the world. That's how a corduroy was invented. Yeah. A co-worker, male 32, was at an office job I used to work at... Called smoking weed. Called smoking weed on company premises. There was some talk about getting him maybe fired. During that time, he was my favorite co-worker.

We got along well at work. We also played Age of Empires 2, to get. almost every day after work. Oh, nice. Nice guy. The great office relationship. So I took it upon myself to write a long email to management, vouching for him and asking for him not to be terminated

because he was well-liked, a good worker, and needed the weed to manage pain and seizures from a brain tumor. Ah. Because you go, that's good. That's powerful. Yeah. He ended up not being fired. Good.

A few weeks later, he confided in me that he got his first girlfriend when he was 21 and She was 12. What? That's not funny. That's fucking, that's insane. But you've just saved this man's job. You've put your fucking life on the line to keep this man employed and at your job. Wow.

You're known in the office as champion of the nonce, right? Yeah. Well, who knew the real age of empires is 12. Fucking hell. That would be the moment where your ass fell out. When we say confide it, was he like, I need to confess something? Or is it just like, yeah, no, my first girlfriend was... It says confided, so maybe he said it as a thing of like, oh, isn't that crazy?

Obviously, I ended our friendship immediately. I changed desks at work and never spoke another word to him. Sadly, when I told the other co-workers, it didn't seem to care that much. What? I left that job shortly after. I still regret that email. Apart from that, honestly, kind of traumatic memory you brought up, I love the podcast. Thanks for all the laugh.

laughs. I feared the parental change, but Glenn is truly hilarious, Jenny. There you go. That's nice. That's a nice thing. Yeah, thanks. Now I feel great. Now I'm really happy I heard that story. That's all fine. That's fine. You've got to do something about that guy. That's not. Mairish. What was the weirdest age gap shit that you saw at school growing up? Because I always remember like, there would be people at my school who were like, on the Isle of Man generally. There'd be like 17 year olds with like 14 year old girlfriend. Wow, what? Yeah. No, no, nothing like that. It was like, because... The girls only ever went out with boys that were older.

It was a completely obsessive thing. Some reason in my area in Croydon, it was like, same age, no, not even year above, year below. I think you had a bigger pool to draw from. I think that might be why. Yeah, I was, there were, that part of Croydon, there are just so many schools. There are just so many schools. Because you're choosing from, like, the amount of people that you're choosing from potentially is probably the science. of the entire Alamaz population?

Well, I mean, I was at a school called Borsons, and there was probably about 120 in each year, and then the two main, that was an all-boys school, and then the two main girls' schools that we sort of, like, hung out with and sort of in girls dated, were either Wallington School for Girls, but also Arlington School for Boys,

and then a school called St. Philomena's. So a girl I went out for about a year, that was Tony, who I mentioned in a previous episode, she was from St. Philomena's. But generally, it was like, it was unheard of for someone to date even, like, a year above or a year below. That's so crazy.

It was a mixed-gen-school. uni, it was like, I think a couple of occasions where I dated a girl was maybe like three years older than me, but nothing crazy. The, um, I think it's because my school, and I mean, the other man's very small, but I mean, my school was like 50 people a year mixed gender. Right, so actually, but you're just going to see them every day. Like, everyone's kind of like your sibling. It did happen a bit, but it was unusual. It always seemed like they would go like at least a year above, always. Man, no, I didn't, like, no, I remember dating a girl in like my third year at uni and she'd once dated someone who was like,

like 16 years older than her. He was like 36. But that's so different. It's so different, but even so, it's still like, that's a bit odd in the whole life of brain development thing. It's odd, but I think it's a different flavor of odd to... Very different flavor of when, like, a teenage age is involved. When it's like, I'm finishing GCSEs and that person is starting GCIS.

You know what I mean? There's like a three-year gap there. Yeah. I don't know, yeah. I knew people who slept with like university lecturers and professors and stuff like that. And I'm not sure if that was a grade thing or a true love thing. It's a fetish thing, isn't it? Oh no, the teacher wants to see me after school kind of thing.

Oh, God. That's a popular. Yeah. It's like in the same way I wouldn't think of it as romantic or grade-related if someone like had slept with their plumber because they'd seen it in porn. Yeah. It's a thing. Yeah.

There was someone I knew who was sleeping on the university lecturer. But then the university lecturer was like 27. Yeah. 26. And it's just that when I remember being 20 and seeing 26-year-olds as being the same as 35-year-olds. Yes, I think so. Well, you're a grown-up. It's over.

I don't know how other people feel It's going to be weird So Katie turns 20 next month And I think that's going to be really shit Yeah That's going to be really shit Yeah And so

That's good Weirdly last night Stu Laws Who's the guest That Budpod live Was saying a fun prankie likes the place When he talks about Chloe His girlfriend

Yeah And or whether there's something about him being 41 I said How old was Chloe? Is he 41? Yeah. Well So how's Chloe?

He'll go, 21, just to see what they do. Yeah. She's not. She's 34. Yeah. I don't know, something like that. But yeah, he'll just say 21, just to see their reaction, just to learn something about them. Just what kind of person are they?

How are they going to do this? How can how quickly does he then clarify? Or does he just let that happen? I think he clarifies within a few seconds, maybe. Right. But not until he's seen the reaction, baby. Man. It's not worth it.

Not worth the risk of saying that. It's so terrible to, like, step. Yeah, well, I mean, what lesson does can Jenny possibly take from this? Never vouch for anyone. Never vouch for anyone. Be careful he'd play Age of Empires 2 with. In general. Just an Age of Empires 2 fan.

Yeah, that's crazy. That's made me really uncomfortable that story. Just because forever you're the one who's like... The non-defendant. That's the best person I ever have. They're my hero. And if you fire them, this company will collapse. I guess if you think we need the paedophile that much.

The one? Yeah, we all know. Oh, the Vita. That's why we were firing him, not the weed thing. It's fine. Yeah, they hadn't heard of the weed thing. So when she was like, what he did wasn't even that bad. It's because he has a brain tumor.

And it makes him feel better. Yeah. And they go, what, he did it directly outside the company building, not on the premises. A lot of people, myself included, think it should be legalized. It helps him relax. It's legal all over the world. And it's just us that seem to have a problem with it. And the prison is full of people who don't need to be there.

All the. of pro-weeds stuff. You shouldn't have to fly all the way half around the world just as do it. Yeah. He gets him from someone who dills. He gets it delivered. He gets it delivered from the dark web. All right.

And you just see like the boss frowning throughout this whole speech. And then just going, you've convinced me. You've convinced me. God, so passionate and from someone who, and you're not into this yourself. Well, no, you know, when I was great. growing up maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, uni. Gosh, well.

Yeah, well, I was 16, certainly, yeah. Yeah, sure, okay, okay. Well, if you're willing to vouch for this paedophile, hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, noncing, noncing on company time. You weekends are your own, but don't be doing this on company time. He was supposed to be photocopying. Fucking hell, Jenny. Yeah, that is such a, I mean, genuinely.

when the person says that to you that's like something out of a horror film. Because it is. Yeah. That's a crime. But what a moment to have experienced in your life. I've never, that level of buyer's remorse almost and like horror.

Yeah. You've saved this evil man. Yeah. I've never known a convicted. Not. Not. But again, what we should probably say in effect,

I worked with a murderer. I had a co-worker who was a murderer. Yeah. Or became a murderer, I guess. Became a murderer about a month after I'd left the company. Yeah. But that's a story for another time. Funny that, isn't it, Glenn?

Funny that. Yeah, but my absence. Spurred to this terrible crime. Yeah. Well, we're anti-murder. You know what? We're anti-nancing. Yeah.

How about that? I think we should make it clear we're an anti-nancing podcast. Yes, I think that's implicit in almost all podcasts. Yeah. Still waiting for some of them to come out as even anti-murder. Nevermind any of the other crimes. Yeah. The rest of politics are really...

Silence is deafening. silence is deafening. Very interesting the people who aren't openly anti-murder, isn't it? Yeah, you look at them selling out like the Royal Albert Hall and you go, all these people cheering for death. Yeah, essentially. Essentially. Yeah. I should also say, I will be on tour in spring. It's on sale now. Go on my website and you'll see almost all of it's on sale. Only I think Norwich is taking ages for some reason. I will be coming to somewhere near you if you live in the UK or Ireland. So come and see me in spring. And remember, guys, if you sign up to the Patreon for the price of a pint of beer per month, you get an extra half hour episode a week, early access and

warnings and often discounts on tickets for Budpod Live and our tour shows and all kinds of other sweet, sexy little benefits. You also get a George Pot episode once a month. And for the tier, slightly above the pint tier, Glenn and I are going to be doing a watch-along of Silence of the Lambs. So Glenn and I are going to record ourselves watching and joking about Silence the Lambs while we watch it. And then you can play that while you watch the film and it's like you're watching it with us in my living room with little microphones. How about that? Yeah, we're doing that in a few days, I'm in about a week's time.

Yeah, we are. Yeah. And we're going to do it nude. Right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Glenn agreed. Didn't you, Glenn? Yes. I won't do it fully. I'll do it naked from the waist across. Hi, two-face. Yeah. Half your dick's evil. Half your dick's nice, right? You get some very lopsized. bonus as a result. But thank you very much for listening, guys. Now it's time to go to the Age of Empire's skirmish match of the Patreon.

So we'll see you there for all the subscribers. K'i. Kji.