BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E2 - Picky Tea

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

This week the boys discuss Glenn's formative time at Thames Water, Pierre's fear of horses and you, the listener's, horrible correspondence.Email or Dm us your correspondence![e-mail] or DM @budpodofficial on Instagram.BUDPOD LIVE with Phil!July 5th, 2025 - Crossed Wires Festival, Sheffield.Tickets on sale now!Ticket Link - HereOctober 12th, 2025 - Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival, London.Tickets on sale now!Ticket Link - HereKOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don't forget to get tickets for Bud Pod live with me Pienaveli and Phil Wang as part of the crossed wise festival in Sheffield The 5th of July at the Playhouse doors open at 1030 in the morning get tickets In the link below in the description or the crossed wise festival website. It's Bud Pod episode 2 Episode 2 to a big thank you a A new Glenn. A new Glenn. Difficult second episode. Episode 27 will kill us all. Imagine if every second episode of most TV shows was traditionally just absolute dogshit. Yeah, yeah, you really got into the characters you were like, right, it's the West Wing, I see, like, okay, they're kind of rivals, that's who the president is, right, and then the second episode is

just the president has diarrhea and can't leave his room. Highly about Allison Janney, but not even about her character It's about the actor Allison Janney and the president's having sort of bottle episode on the top on the toilet a bottom episode Bottle episode episode two. I think is one of the boldest things you can get. Remember everyone from the pilot? They're not in this. They're not there. It's just the main guy on his own, just thinking. Just thinking. Horrible. Yeah, not good stuff. I was saying to you, I feel weird right now because I, at the moment in general, I can't stop eating. And because of the quite random array of things that we have in the house. I've been eating like things with no

pattern to them. And that makes me always feel worse. So like a chocolate biscuit, then some salami, then a yogurt, then a, you know, you've been having, um, whose life is this? You're having TV show green room dinner. Why am I having M&S meeting room sandwiches? I found it. One of those big trays were coming like 20. I find it so funny when I pop up on Deliveroo. Oh yeah. Check everyone around.

It's England's Senegal. Let's get everyone over. It's like, show sandwiches tonight. Warm your hands on these roaring sandwiches. I always found it so funny when like, Domino's for, and I know the reason behind this, whenever Domino's or any fast food place like that has like a little adverse sting, like they're sponsoring a sitcom or something like that. And they'll show like a group of like 20 friends and the doorbell's just gone, they've got

a Domino's and they're all sharing one medium pizza. Just under a slice for all of us, H, for my entire dinner. One medium pizza and then like the worst side. Yeah, yeah. Don't want to do carrot sticks as a side? And they're like tucking into them without actually eating them. It's the way they do the sort of like wiggling fingers. Oh, here we go. Yeah. But what a treat. The graduating class of, you know, Lambda 2020. Yeah

120 calories for dinner and you know, the guy behind the camera is just like the most bored like Danish director Okay, now we're hungry hungry for the pizza. Yes Okay, cut like just so dismal dismal dismal The reason why I've obviously because apparently you're not allowed to show because of advertising standards you're not allowed to show people eating Dominos out of a box because they're like that's not for one person. That's for loads of you. The serving size is the smell.

You're not supposed to eat it. You're supposed to smell it through that little dip. They have to show it on one plate and with a dip and that's all you're allowed to show and you go then if that's the case they shouldn't be allowed to smell it through that little dip. They have to show it on one plate, or you're allowed to show it and you go, Finn if that's the case they shouldn't be allowed to advertise it at all. They should be allowed to sell it. Yeah. If all I'm supposed to do is smell it through the little chimney hole where the dip goes, and that's my dinner.

Yeah, like the warnings on cigarette packaging and stuff like that. It should show someone on the toilet like, fuck, no, like absolutely fighting for their life. Someone having to have their turd surgically removed. Like open heart surgery. Open bum surgery. And then they drop it into like a little metal tray, like when they remove a bullet in a pill. Clunk.

Iron. Is that all of it? Yeah. It better be. There's Crapnel in there. like when they remove a bullet in a... Clunk! Iron! Is that all of it? It better be. There's Crapnel in there. Crapnel has to be like Viz's Profanosaurus or something. That's perfect. If that's not in there, you've done it. Good, good. You've coined Crapnel.

Do you know what I used to do? I used to do a temp job at Thames Water? It was my first job when I moved to London. In a bid to like, I'd quit the radio station I was working at in Sheffield, and moved down to like leave news reading and journalism behind and be like, let's go into comedy fully. But I didn't have any connections in comedy whatsoever. I was just doing every open mic night I possibly could.

And then, but during the day, obviously just needed to get any temp job. And I had a temp job at Thames Water. And everyone there was really, really lovely. And then I got moved to like a different office within Thames Water. And everyone there was like men in their sort of like 50s and 60s, who all seemed nice and normal and fine. But they'd all go to the toilet and come back like grey and sweating. And like just really like palette like real really like feverish I'd say. They'd come back like they'd been on a jungle adventure. Sort of malarial and shocked.

What were the people with the worst shits I've ever encountered in my life? I used to really struggle. What department was? The department of just drinking the Thames department. The taste testers. And they get like a big stick like the lint guy or brown water like Charles. And the little kid at the windows going don't fucking sip it. I remember I was telling you the other day where I used to walk and talk with like my

bathroom media. I'd go I'm just gonna go to the loo and he'd go, oh, we'll walk and talk. And he'd walk alongside me and I'd be like, I hate this because I don't want to go into the bathroom with someone. Yeah. And they're following me. The second we went over the threshold, it was like inviting a farting vampire. Because the second we set foot within, as soon as you could go legally, we're inside

the bathroom, he would just let loose fart wise Loudest fuck but he would carry on talking about being sort of like so I think that barrier is probably gonna be it's probably about three Centimeters lower than it needs to be at the moment like any but you would like just relentless unleashing drumming farts do real like low rumbling like a thousand drummers The Chinese Olympics. Yeah, yeah. All those guys.

Like really muffled drums, just that. And it was just so surreal. Drums in the deep. Drums in the deep. You're awoken something. And then he would just go into the cubicle and just be fighting for his life. And it was just, it was like, It sounded like a, a world war one assault, just machine gunning and splashing. It was like someone accidentally tipping gravel into a canal. It was just, it was just, I

know this is disgusting, but it was relentless. And there was a guy who looked like the KFC Colonel, just like a bee. He looked like he could potentially be a Christmas department store Santa. And I remember him going into the toilet like just before me and hearing from, and he was just such a kind old man, but hearing from the cubicle ones, oh, fucking hell. I've had this before. It was like my shoulders are shaking like my my piss was choppy Where's the shame And they'd all come back to the desk like patting their brow with a nap like oh

Man, okay, right. We're gonna go for lunch now It was entire department with permanent food poisoning. You want to say like, even if you washed your hands, do it like seven more times, man. Just based on the sound. Yeah, it's in me now. Wash your hair, I think. This is terrible. If they came back with like a shower cap, or they come back just like scrubbing their

head with a towel like, God, that was a bad one, Derek. That was a bad one. So you're dinner? Yeah. Yeah. I just, I feel more sick, I think, because the variety is not right. But it's just not meals. You're eating smithereens I'm having a book

Having a backstage buffet. Yeah backstage buffet. We just go I'll have an unripe banana You're having leaving do dinner. Yeah, you're just happy. It's just you're having 3 p.m. Leaving do the latest trend Yeah, it's really hottest people on Instagram are having leaving do dinner. Yeah. You're having, um, petrol station, it's petrol station dinner. It's something you got when the only thing like, it's the most unglamorous part of comedy is when you find yourself on a Friday night and you know your friends are out at dinner and having nice stuff. You have dinner at WH Smith's and you go, I didn't even have a soul. I didn't even have a soul. You have to get food from the stationery shop. And you look on Instagram and one of your friends is in a DJ booth.

And one of your friends is in like, Napoli. Yeah, and you know, good guy getting, good guy meeting strawberry pencils for tea from the calculator store. This was the dream. Handfuls of non-brand jelly babies for me. Yeah, when I told my parents I was going to pack in being a newsreader, this is what they hoped would be the eventual job. You hurriedly eating strawberry pencils next to an enormous wire-frame box of beach balls and toys stuffed monkeys. Yeah and then they always advertise, they sort of go Costa and you go, oh is it Costa

and the Pet Sash Great? And you go, it's a vending machine. You go, no you should have said, would you like to work at Costa? Like that's what you mean. Would you like to briefly work at Costa? Now hiring, robot Costa. You look on Instagram and one of your your friends from uni is having a dinner that looks like that old American painting of Thanksgiving. Yes, huge turkey, everyone's got rosy cheeks, all the family are there. Everyone's on a night out like the final shot of The Shining with Jack Nicholson in front of the boat.

That's a great party. Why do all my friends own multiple tuxedos? I think the dinner you're having though is quite, you must have had this at the very least in the Alif Man, certainly in somewhere really hot like in South Africa, just crap Saturday night tea that your parents couldn't be bothered to sort of make. So I'd have like cheese and crackers and grapes and like a pepperami on a Saturday. So I remember, I've heard this is called picky tea. Picky tea, picky bits and dips. my mum used to just say it's its bits

Yeah, and you go the fact that your parents can't even look a child in the eye to say the word dinner because they know it's Not true. Yeah, there'll be a protest words. I we loved it though. Did you I kind of loved it, but we were a very meaty house At any given point the amount of meat available in the house was at incredibly high levels. This wasn't good. This was Billy Bearham. Sorry, Billy Bearham. It was a place in Billy Bearham. But the worst thing was Saturday night for my parents was their big dinner night where my dad would make just a really elaborate dinner for him and my mom. And so the worst thing was you'd be eating like a dry cracker with this like waft of

him trying buff buggenyol for the first time and having a bottle of wine. And because that's what they were preparing for afterwards. And you'd go to bed starved but with the nicest smell you've ever had going into your nostrils. So Saturday night was lemony snicket night in your house. Yeah it was the quiet children. Yeah it was the Dursleys night. And you all had to sleep in one grey bed. Yeah you go me and Janelle my sister we've got other rooms but no same bed tonight. Yeah yeah and we've hidden your duvets instead we've got these grey rags. But this was be the summer so we wouldn't have a duvet we'd be sleeping just under

the sheet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I find this something really unfulfilling about, this thing really unfulfilling about sleeping in the sheet. When there's no weight. Yeah. Well, can you feel like you're sleeping under a dead ghost? Yeah, a really half-hearted ghost.

A ghost costume that you sleep in. Yeah, a ghost who's had sex with me has fallen asleep halfway through. The worst type of ghost. Yeah, put some back into it. Yeah, so I just, yeah, that's why I feel weird. The other thing I wanted to say to you is I went to a cafe to get a sandwich. And I think I waited for the sandwich

to be finished in the compressy, toasty thing. I think I waited for it in an extremely disruptive way. But I couldn't wait in a way that was normal. I found I waited for it in an extremely disruptive way. But I couldn't wait in a way that was normal. I found myself hovering in a way that I think was making the people doing it more stressed. How, right. How are you meant to, I think, because I think I wait for, sandwich for instance, unless I'm in a real rush in which I'm watching the oven tick down really slowly. I think I'm John Travolta in Pulp Fiction GIF waiting

for Uma Thurman where he's got his coat and he's just not like how Elon Musk just stands, you know, where he's just a constant bobbing head. Doing a little dance. Yeah, we just go so uncomfortable in your own skin. But were you rigid? Were you rooted to the spot? Well, so initially I was sort of watching it being made. Yeah. But it's like an independent cafe.

Never watch how the panini is made. That's what they always say growing up. Kind of funny is if they go, what factory was offering that tour? Yeah, the sausage tour. Yeah. Oh, we've been on it. I wouldn't recommend. No, yeah. The tour guide wasn't very good. We took the kids. They're vegan now.

They're vegan now because they watched the high air pressure hose blasting flesh off the spine of a, what was a pig. This is, I mean, in terms of just real sort of- That's the next 10 years of nightmares, sort of, for the kids? Get together out of the way. In terms of being forced to witness real animal violence, a friend of mine was brought up in New York, and when he was a kid, his dad, they had a horse that was being taken to, I don't know if it's still called the Knackers yard, but his like favorite

horse that was going. And I think his dad did a real sort of Gordon Ramsay thing of like, it's important for you to be the one to take the horse to the place, to say goodbye to the horse. And he did. And then at the end, because horse collars are like really expensive apparently, he had to go back and be like, sorry, I need the horse collar back. And they just gave him this like giblet carpet. As they handed it to him, they heard the biggest bang and they looked over to watch 9-11 happen. I can't think of any more formative child memory. You can't be serious.

He was on Staten Island or something like that. That is insane. And then just, oh my god. That's really blown my fucking mind. As you're looking at the blood soaked bridle of your favourite pet, just hearing a bang and seeing history change on the horizon. And also I think you'd be sort of like, I don't think we should have killed that horse. That's like a time travel thing where they go, I think the past doesn't want to be changed.

I think we've done the wrong thing. That was something's favourite horse. Yeah. We don't know what. When you move into a new flat and in the kitchen is like one switch, but it doesn't have a light on it. You're not sure what the switch does. And you're really worried that if you just flicked it, you'd look outside and the moon's

just getting closer. The more you flick it, you're not sure what the switch does, and you're really worried that if you just flicked it, you'd look outside and the moon's just getting closer. Like, ah, no, no, no, no, what the hell? The more you flick it, the faster the moon's getting... It's like shooting the moon in Vice City. Sometimes it's smaller and sometimes it's bigger. That's incredible. Otherwise, were they just going to mince the fucking reins into the sausages or the horse glue or whatever?

I have no idea what happens to horses. I'm not a horse enthusiast, not that I'm an anti-horse. No, me neither. I'm allergic. You're allergic to, like, riding, being near horses. Their hair. Like, being anywhere near them. I'm just not that far.

I know people who call them magnificent. I'm like, don't get it. I'm afraid of them. Really? Like, phobia? No, well, just because people say, like, oh, but they're as smart as a three-year-old. And I go, I've met I'm afraid of them. Really? Like phobia? No, well, just because people say like, oh, but they're as smart as a three-year-old. And I go, I've met three-year-olds.

They're fucking crazy. So you're saying- They're vicious. Yeah, they're vicious and they're incredibly impulsive and easily startled and easily distracted. So you're going, don't worry. It's the craziest stage of human development in the body of a kind of tank, essentially.

In the body of a creature that has the strength to kick you to death once suddenly. If you get kicked to death because a three year old kicked you in the head. Yeah, yeah. Just going don't worry. It's as fickle and insane as a three year old, but it has the strength to kick you to death immediately. I'm not being reassured by that. I'm not being charmed by that.

Funny that it's got to be intelligent with a three year old-old as if a really stroppy horse would be like, want to watch Batman? Ha ha ha ha. Horses love the Incredible Hulk. Yeah. They are always soothed by him and his presence. How were you standing? So initially I was watching this thing being made.

And then I thought, oh, I'm kind of looming here. But the counter was too close to the chairs of the cafe for me to stand in the middle. I was in the way. So I was like, I'm in the way here. I'll move to the corner. And the corner was in front of the little drinks fridge. And then people are coming to get drunk. I'm in the way there again. Next to that was the door. Now I'm in the way of the door. If I wait outside, it looks like, oh, that assassin wants a sandwich. I guess he's outside seeing if he's been followed before he has his sandwich.

There was no place for me to go, so I just sort of kept moving. And then that made me seem like I was so on edge. You look like you're an unprogrammed NPC. And you go, well, this one doesn't have a daily routine. That guy in Vice City just stands there. Yeah, or just circles this bench. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was like I was pacing.

I was like, Christ, I've got to get this sandwich, then I've got to get out of town. Just look, everything I did made me look more and more crazy. And because they, yeah, I just got completely in my own head about it. Which is worse. Which is the thing where you go, time to stand normally. Yeah, and you look like, I feel like a posing mime. Yeah, or like a life drawing class. I've never walked weirder than university graduation ceremony. That I think was the

weirdest one of like, I think I genuinely went right leg, right arm forward. Like when people were learning to march and they go, is it, which one is it? That was like really degrading and I think I went for the, I think I shook the guy's hands through the piece of paper he was handing me. So it was almost like when someone serendipitously like gives you like puts like a fiver in your hat. It was like that. But with an entire degree, the entire degree, like don't tell anyone. Yeah.

Don't worry. It's under my degree hat. Qualify yourself something nice. Get yourself a nice job, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I got in my own head about it. So that's basically been my day is like doing admin and some work, but then also just freaking

people out in a cafe or not. And eating backstage buffet. This is a Sunday. This is we're recording on a Sunday. Very hot day. Very hot day. Very sunny day. Sticky.

Your son likes getting spat on. Sorry. Really unpleasant. I was into my only like my only day off, like relaxed day. And I spent it with my, so I've got this concept where from a few years ago when I was quite new me and Adam Hess, the comedian, the comedy writer, back when he was doing like stand up loads and stuff like that, we were doing like a mini tour together because we were just very, very new and you just sort of go, well, you double your audience by having both of you on and you only have to do half the material that you normally do on a tour. And so we drive all around the country doing these tour shows.

It's like back in like 2017. So we're still pretty new. And he had, I think just had like laser eye surgery. So like couldn't drive, I think, or something like that. And so I had to drive us everywhere and I'd be driving driving us to Leeds from London, and he'd be in a passenger seat. It's a good four hour drive. Yeah. And he'd be getting admin done. He'd be writing jokes, be preparing for the show.

He'd be just posting loads on Twitter. And it was big at the time and sort of really building his profile. Talking to me, just getting his entire life done. Yeah. With no distractions. Yeah. And I was just driving. My job was just steering wheel for four hours, in which I'm like, I can't think of anything else. I can't do anything else.

And so it then became just the term became car prison, of like where you're being hurtled towards something you cannot do anything. People around you are getting stuff done, but you're just in prison for the day. It's similar to having to stay in and wait for a package, but even worse. It's exactly that. Because at least you can maybe get stuff done within your own home.

But all I could get done was steering wheel. That's all I could do. Was don't hurtle to your own doom. Ken's job is beach. This was just, my job is steering wheel. And I have to do it for hours and hours. And so I was in a situation today where I was running late for today's podcast. Because at, because at least car prison is sometimes useful because you go by the end of it, you go, well, I'm in Manchester and I can do the show I'm going to do.

I was on a family day out to a place called Bluebell Railway. So we were on a steam train that just takes you to one place and takes you straight back again. And the train broke down. So I was stuck in the countryside in a nowhere train on a train that I didn't need to be on a non transit train where I was going to be dropped off at the location we just departed at. And so what started off as like a leisurely sort of thing, because I was on the way here, I was like, well, this is a Sunday. This is the first time I've done this on a Sunday. Normally, if I'm doing like a podcast, it's on a weekday in which I've

been up since very early because I'm on the day for breakfast on absolute radio each day. So that means getting up very early for a breakfast show. So I was like, my God, I got up at like eight this morning. That's like, that was a lion for me. This is the most awake and relaxed you're ever going to see me. And I literally, when we got back from the railway, I dropped Katie in the red chair for our flat, drove straight to you. And what I thought was going to be a relaxed day was the entire drive. I was like, Jesse at the end of breaking that, Just when he's screaming he's gone the whole way. The whole way I was drenched in sweat. Just like a fucking steam train.

Steam train. Screaming about the concept of steam and reliability. It's very funny to take a train to nowhere back again. And it's the second time in a week I've been late for somewhere because I was on a novelty train. I was on another family day out last Sunday. To be late once due to novelty trains. And we were on like a single file little mini train where you just look like a bear riding train to go to the circus. Everyone over the age of 10 is too big for this train.

They've got like bum cheek hanging over the side of the train. Yeah, and it was fine and it was twee, but the driver overheard me make a joke to Katie about sort of like, apparently the drivers had two suicides already, so if he gets a 34 times, and the driver was like, no, no, I mean, that was... Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, yeah, it was a... That's such a good joke. You'd be like, oh, that's funny. Imagine the slowness of the day. Come on.

No, but I think people have a habit of like, I mean, they've already been like... Look, if your job is to drive the nowhere tiny train, I'd say you don't have a sense of humor about it. I think I'd find that one of the most unfulfilling jobs I could possibly have. It's Sisyphus. It's... You'd have to say to them, your job is, in ancient Greek culture, is a punishment.

Yeah, it's the punishment. Your job is a punishment. Yeah, when he goes for his tea break, he has tea up to his chin, and every time he tries to lower his chin, and he's got such a thirst, but only a tea can go down, he just keeps getting lower. And the biscuits are hanging somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like if your job was to have an eagle eat your liver every day.

I think, I feel like you'd get used to Sisyphean punishments. I feel like you would get used to them. The idea whenever you see them portrayed in a film or video and they're screaming loads, you go, you know what happened to yesterday? Why are you scared when you see the ravens coming? Oh, not them. The agony should be boredom. Yeah.

I've always found with like, found people with a really horrific lifestyle hundreds of years ago. And it would be sort of like, they got up at this hour and they worked for 19 hours and it was impossible. And that was just their life every single day. My attitude has always been like, I couldn't do that for a day, but I could do it for a year. I think that's right, isn't it?

You just get forced into it. Over 10 years, you just go, well, I'm like a kind of robot guy. Yeah. And this is just what I do. Whereas for a well I'm like a kind of robot guy. Yeah. And this is just what I do. Whereas for a day or even three it would be hell. Yeah.

And because you've tasted freedom and you can read and things. Exactly. So like, yeah, so being stuck on just in the countryside and also being on one of those trains, that's a very Facebook boomer. I wish life could go back to this. It's better. And it's like, you know, like, well, it turns out the trains didn't work back then. Like and share if you remember Preface.

It was just also, it's like the train felt fine, but I just noticed it was like East Midlands railway, but just all the chairs are brown. That was it. The chairs are cloth and brown. You face each other. Yeah. That was literally it. There was no difference apart from there's nothing to plug in. There's no wifi. No toilet. It never been. was literally it. There was no difference apart from there's nothing to plug in. There's no Wi-Fi. No. Toilet had never been. That was it. It's also that thing of like, it's

that thing where everyone goes, do you remember this? And it's like the first class flight equivalent. Yeah. Like a buffer car with fresh cream cakes. And you go, yeah, that would have cost your year's income. Yeah. That one train journey. It was never for us.

It was never for you. Exactly. It was for 11 men. It was never for you, exactly. It was for 11 men and that was it. It was for the Minister of India. But we were in a little cabin and one of those, you know, there's like three of you facing another three of you and you know, it's sort of what like you see James Bond getting on or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the ticket inspector guy came over and was sort of like, you know, this is first

class so you shouldn't really be here and you need to move down to the other bit. And everyone wants to go. You're kidding. But this is shit. Like, I know we shouldn't be here, but also know that we're not having a good time. So isn't that? What are we getting? Yeah, that's the trade off, surely.

I'm not, this isn't nice. Is it just coal? Yeah. Just have to sit on some coal. What are you talking about? That's fucking mental. Yeah. Something about working on a train

turns people into that, clearly. Every time I see a Facebook boomer slop, it's always sort of like, this is what's been taken from us. And it will be a car that you would expect to find abandoned by the side of a road, and two of the oldest, most miserable people you've ever seen, who are obviously like 30 in the photo, but look to us, 92. And the man's obviously called Stanley. And they're having a picnic by the

hard shoulder of the A1. And you go, you can do that today. You'll get to meet the roadside assistants. You'll meet several branches of the authorities. Yeah. But you can have a crap sandwich here. You can have Bovril in the rain anywhere you want. No one's stopping this. Really gross. Send us your Facebook slop actually. It's always fun to look at. But all the adverts on these little train stations that we were going through, these old like recreated ones, it was always sort of like, what would make the wife smile? Bit

of bovril on the cheek, gravy on the other, and a kiss up on the neck, and a slap if there's insulin. Or whatever. And you go, what the fuck is this? Why have you still got this up? And it's already crap. Or they'll just have like the look on a boy's face when he finds out he's eating tannies. And you go, boy, it's tannies. And you look it up and it's like charcoal. You look it up and it's like charcoal. You look it up and it's boiled syrup and pigtail. Oh What and there'll be an advert which is like dirty as a Welshman Try crumplet and soap And it'll be like a filthy Welsh minor with like a really white clean face. Yeah, it's just oh

Yeah, there's so much advertising for even soap Yeah, it's just oh, yeah, there's so much advertising for even soap or sweets that come in horrible tins The amount of money must have fucking spent on tin back then. We can only sell sweets in metal. Yeah They must have cost so much. It must have been like the hyperinflation crisis where like tin just wasn't worth anything I gave them a tin of sweets. We took the sweets. They left the tin. Yeah, it'd be the Seinfeld 1903. 1903 Seinfeld. That's good. Yeah. Well, yes, please send us your slop.

We'd like to see it. And speaking of slop and filthy Welsh people, our correspondents have messaged in. So we heard about this on Instagram. Someone commented on Instagram. I can't remember who. Couldn't believe it. But this is from Pete. Hi Pierre and Glenn. Really enjoyed the start of season two. Still makes me laugh. I had to message to mention that Hov actually predates love actually by

a billion years. Which is insane to me. It's insane. That's like the Armand Hammer man. Armie Hammer's uncle was called Armand Hammer, but the company wasn't named after him. He just got employed by Armand Hammer. Insane. Yeah, you got that wrong. It's like the invention of fridges did wonders for the fridge magnet industry and you go no that's not no no. Just the job interview when you're like you work for Bill Gates and there's a guy who's coming in to be interviewed called Microsoft XP or something. Microsoft Excel.

Your name is Microsoft Excel. They go yeah it's it's it's. Mike for short. It's it's it's it's. Yeah it's not short for's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's Yeah, and hove was the posh bit. Yeah, so if someone said, oh you live in Brighton people would say hove actually Yeah, okay So I don't know what that means for the title of the film Did he choose the title of the film because it was like kind of posh thing ha ha, but it's not set It's in London

It's set in London and Richard Curtis is got a lot of us like all this stuff is set in Suffolk All this stuff is set in Suffolk because I think that's where yeah So there'd be no reason for him to even necessarily have heard about that. Because whatever that, I mean, my parents live near Brighton. I've never been made aware of this weird town rivalry of like, Hove actually. But at the same time, why is it in the keep calm and carry on format? Yeah, that is- That we'll never be able to square. That's still wrong.

I was at my parents' house today and I was eating breakfast and I caught my eye in the corner And the croissant turned to ash in my mouth Keep calm and carry on format is is is still mad. Yeah And we've got a message from Matt Hi, bud pod poo point zero. Nice. That's good. Yeah, I'll take that Welcome Glen insert joke based on Glen or more that you've never heard before Bud Pod poo point zero. Nice. That's good. Yeah. I'll take that. Welcome Glenn. Insert joke based on Glenn or more that you've never heard before. Yeah. I guess just imagine what we haven't really covered the Glenn Roger Moore element

either because that adds a whole wealth of I hate my name. Yeah. Being called Roger Moore. There's still plenty. There's still plenty out there. Feel free to. Yeah. I'm imagining he said a really funny. Yeah Yeah, that was good. Well done. Oh. Yeah, I hadn't, yeah. Here is a door in an alleyway in Hastings, Old Town. OK. It is covered in signs. So I'm just going to flash you the image

so you can just see the, oh. Yeah. How would you describe that? I'd say the font is all blue plaque of Charles Darwin lived here Yeah, it's that that's the font and letter. I don't even know what color that is I don't know what the font is about lettering and a good 17 signs Nailed to the store. So they're also not in the blue plaque shape. They're just no although one text one is and

It just says I won't say that because I think that's the guy's name. It's like an award for having like a nice alleyway or something. Oh, is it like one of those sort of small town things where you go lovely Ginnell or one of those words and you go Ginnell. Best kept flower bed. And you never like words for alleys, I can never know if they're, is it a slang for alley or is it slang for like the taint? And then you sort of like, you just go through the gooch to the shops and you're like,

I don't think we call it that. Well, there's a lot of buskers these days in the perineum. Yeah. They set up there and they play a music. Yeah, we go through the Biffins Bridge and yeah. So the main sign just says, no prostitutes here. This is not a brothel. I have seen those around London sometimes.

Have you seen those? That's like a serious thing. Because often it's because it used to be full of prostitutes and it was a brothel. So someone new is in there now and they're just like- For God's sake, please stop coming back. Please stop ringing the doorbell at 3 a.m. with like a boner.

Yeah. Because you've half remembered visiting this place. Is it like a Gregg's van where it's like, no sex workers kept here overnight? And I wonder if any startup brothels want to put up a sign going, Sex workers here! Please! Come on in! Please!

Yeah! Yeah. Do you live near one? No. I think this area's too nice. I don't know. I think the one, the where places I've seen the sign have always been in like Zone 1. Yeah.

Central London. Yeah. So you, one was in So Soho near the Honest Burger. There's one in M&M's world. You can't fuck her. Ha ha ha. She's in M&M. There's no hole.

Yeah. At most she can- You crack the shell. Ha ha ha. That kills them. It's canonically true that that kills them. That to them is getting like bitten by a zombie. Yeah, yeah.

Did you get cracked? No, no, no, I didn't. It is weird where like they'll, there's some M&M adverts where they have like a bite out of their head and they're like, no, and you just think you should be screaming. Yeah. And then all the M&M's should be screaming. Yeah, they're really fine with trauma. There's a bite out of your head. Yeah. And they do seduce humans. I think life is cheap as an M&M. You're in a packet of hundreds of, life is really cheap. They go riding motorcycles without helmets.

Like Soviet infantry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just know, they just know. So there's a bunch of mottos on this door. It's a real nightmare. One of them is, art is not for everyone, which is an unusual sentiment to see expressed publicly. Yeah, because you go, why do you feel we need to,

like, why are you getting the word out? Apathy is a really strange thing to get the word out about. Yeah. Having a face tattoo that says, I don't care. Yeah, really. You got a face tattoo about it. Yeah. Strange to get passionate about something that ultimately isn't. Um, like I've always imagined getting heckled at the street by someone going, monster raving loony party scum! Monster raving Linfadige would always just put one really far right policy in there as a, stop the boats! Free custod! Yeah!

Unless you're an immigrant! And they'd just think, really? They really snuck this through. My name's Lord Pimpletron! Unless you're an immigrant, and they just think, really? They really snuck this through. My name's Lord Pimpletron. I'm not one to make fun of other comedy because you know technically they're peers, they're colleagues.

They're colleagues of ours. They're colleagues of ours. Monster Ava New Party is the absolutely the least funny thing that's ever happened, I think. Yeah. In terms of intentionally funny stuff. It's hard work to read the manifesto. There would have been a time, but that time has passed.

I think it's for Monty Python quotas. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's that. The UK is like one of those countries that it shouldn't bother still producing like copper, but it has some kind of obligation to economically. So the UK, there is no real international or domestic demand for Monty Python whimsy, but under various treaties and sort of unions and things that we have to the monster raving Lily party.

It's a listed building. There's always a place for it. This is a great to listed Michael Palin. We'd love to knock it down. Everyone is sick of it, the council is going bankrupt trying to maintain it, but we're legally obliged to pump out. They are the Battersea power station of... One day they'll be made into something else and you'll be turned into shops. A really nice set of boutique Monster Raving Lini Party shops.

Actually, the clothes are really normal. It's got a really nice shirt, but it's from... There'll be a River Island in one of their big hats. And you'd feel so fucking stupid going into the Monster Rave in any party shop because you'd be like, I just really like the jeans. They just do jeans in my size. And they're perfect. The cut is perfect. It's straight. It's not like too slim. It's not like it's not... It's the only place that does a yellow belt. I don't know what to tell you. I just want a yellow belt. I've always thought it was like what a nightmare it would be if you just fucking loved the

food at the Faulty Towers dining experience. If it was just you. And you go, the chicken is amazing. You go in there and there's just like J Rainer, Michael Gove. Yeah. And each time you go in the cast are like, Manuel's like, oh yeah. You just go, you didn't have to do it, I'm just genuinely here. Thank you so much. That is so delicious. Do you mind if I just.

And you're there going, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could I just, last week there was this sauce that, I don't know quite what it was made of. This is typical. You don't have to do the bit. I just want to have the jus on the chicken was wonderful. If I could just have that. Shoo, shoo.

No, no, no, no, no, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. No, no, no, no. If I could just have that. Shoo shoo. No, no, no... no, no. You go, no, just bring the... And then the Manuel guy leans in really close and just goes, hey, I'll give you a hug. And as he hugs you, he goes, listen, mate, we have to fucking do it for everyone or we do it for no one. If we don't do it for you, the other tables get weird, okay? Just fucking play along.

No one comes for the food. We made the food as shit as possible. It's the driest chicken in the world. No, but the sauce, the sauce was incredible. The guy who made the sauce isn't coming back. None of us even knew his real name, okay? If you tell us what he's had his dirty experience, there's like a bunch of guys at a motorcycle home

that's waiting to pick up. Deliveroo. We didn't get served because you're a motherfucking Uber Eats guy and it really sparked Valentine's Day. There's 10 Uber Eats drivers. The Uber Eats guy flicks up his motorcycle visor and it's still John Cleese. Come on! Fucking hell, they really dedicated. The Faulty Towers Deliveroo experience. Manuel ringing your doorbell in like a fucking massive rush. They really dedicated the faulted house deliverer experience

Manuel ringing your doorbell in like a fucking massive rush. Yeah Oh, I remember I don't fucking come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah, you put in your address now Oh 38 40 sit no, that's my fucking a just a normal fucking address. I just want the food Can I come inside maybe hit my head on something? No, fuck off. Fuck off. Can I slip over maybe on it? No, no, no, no, no, just bring the food. Going into the faulty town's dining experience and seeing like a one on the cleanliness, the green sign. One out of five, you go, oh God. Would you stop banking at like NatWest if you sort of had the one staff hygiene rate. You'd be like, is there shit on the money? Like they always say, oh, there's a little bit of this, there's like X many notes in the London cash machines still have a trace

of cocaine on this. It's the urban legend you hear. You just go, oh, but in NatWest, they all have shit on. They all have shit on. Yeah. This is one star. We have a hygiene inspector came in and he, it was like the beginning of boiling point. It was like you're one month to turn this around. He found mouse droppings in the safe. Yeah. Incredible. No mice. Yeah. How did they get in? Yeah. Um, the rest of the door signs by the way are just like mental. I mean, I hope there's no other word for it. Self-defense is only given to barbarians. Karl Marx, unclear. Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Or in your house. Right, do you know what this is? This isn't the front of someone's house, this is the back of someone's car. Those are insane bumper stickers, I think. I get the impression it is the back of a car. But yeah, just... You don't want the front of your house to be the back of a car. You don't want the front of your house to be the back of a car. You don't want the front of your house to be the back of a car.

I think that's really... I think that's fair enough, yeah. Stop treating the front of your house like the back of your car. It would be insane if you went to someone's house and the windows had a baby on board sticker on their house. Oh no, so people don't crash their car into the house. Yeah, so they don't crash a house into the house. What?

Was that an op... It happens. Just so they know not to bump the house with their house. Yeah, yeah. They don't press the doorbell too hard. He's got a bruise on his head now. We put him at the other end of the doorbell like a home alone trap. We're raising our child as a Flintstones animal. So there's a sort of body job. You have a ring doorbell. I do. As do I. Yeah. The Bud Pod Patreon has really helped this out. But do you sing anything to the, does that, does it have a, do you have a, I have Mr. T. I've done, I've done someone's here. Which is quite poltergeist. Yeah. Yeah. Someone's here. I'm going to start doing that now though. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Tony

Wonder if I can modify it to say that I'm not we can have a sound of dogs barking So I don't think you can necessarily like custom it fully like a ringtone which is having its Arnold Schwarzenegger Alton John Just see everyone who comes here I was going is that healthy they're not sure enough of everyone who comes to ask going, Is that Elvia? They're not sure enough of what they heard to ask. And it's not a person talking about a guy that makes me look impatient. It makes me look insane.

Yeah. And they're just unsettled. Well, that's all the time we have for today, guys. It's time to go and press the ring doorbell on the VIP room. Yes, I'm whispering a Patreon episode. Yes, yeah, God. Thank you very much for sending stuff in. Send in Facebook Slop, you see. In the VIP zone, I've taken some screenshots a Patreon episode. Yes. Yeah. God. Thank you very much for sending stuff in.

Send in Facebook Slop, you see. In the VIP zone, I've taken some screenshots of some weird shit I've seen on Instagram that we're going to discuss. Any Jemember stuff? Any Jemember stuff. Boomer nostalgia. Always fun to dissect. Disgusting.

And I recommend looking up on Glenn's Twitter, Xfeets, about the poem about Brother John. I'll retweet it on podcast day. Okay. So on Wednesday, go to Glenn's social media and put it on Instagram as well, maybe in screenshots. Yep. There we go. That'd be good. And attempt to replicate a boomer poem. It's so good.

Oh, thank you. Because it only starts becoming a parody a few paragraphs in, so many people reply. The replies are a train wreck. The replies on Twitter, go look them up. I was crying laughing at people going, there was no post on Sundays. Just adding their own stuff. Bringing newspaper back to chippy free bagchettes. What? Just going, coal on Wednesdays.

People replied like they're listing stuff from the what three words Lost in the woods People replied like they'd read your tweet while they were asleep. Yeah It was mad right VIP time. Thank you very much for that listening guys and for enjoying Bud Pods season 2. Thank you Koji Koji, Koji! That's my first time saying Koji