BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e20 Budpod Live W Phil Wang Part 1

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

BudPod Live! from the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival 2025. In this live show, Phil joins Pierre as co-Bud for the last time!This event was not filmed, however, if you want to follow along with the visuals created for the Lucky Kentucky sketch, you can do so here This is part 1 of 2. Part 2 with special guest Stuart Laws will be out next week! KOJI Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Email or Dm us your cryptic crossturds, altered lyrics, worm stories and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram.Join the BudPod Patreon for access to the BonusPod episode every week, the GeorgePods every month, discounted and early access to live shows and more to come! Join here from £4 a month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 20 and it's a recording of the Budpod Live. Yes. That you were on tour. I was on tour. I was in Edinburgh. And you're still on tour. I'm still on tour. So if you want to see Glenn where he's flying around the country like a crazed mothman, where will you be?

I'm in Bristol on Sunday, but the last time I checked there were like eight tickets left, but they were all like individual ones. So if you want to go to a comedy show on your own, then feel free to be. If not, Nottingham Canal House. next Sunday at 2 p.m. Oh my God. You're done a tour show at 2pm. 2pm on a Sunday.

It's because of Nottingham Comedy Festival. They're going to be having lunch. For Sunday roast time. Also, to be fair, if they go as 8, you're not supposed to be talking during the show anyway. Yeah, so it just splits up guys, and it would look like your spies who aren't allowed to be in the same room as each other. It would look like you all know the secret Coca-Cola formula.

Delicious. Please do that. Thank you. It was Phil's final Bud-Pod appearance, this Budpod live. And we've decided to make both harbbs available to you guys as full episodes. And then the bonus part will be me and Glenn as per normal because we thought you should have your chance to weep gently holding a single rose in the rain maybe the first one's the funeral the second one's the wake so it'd be quite

a sombre of fairness one but then uh this one's more lively and deadly serious and then next week's it's going to be like the the lower bit of the titanic yeah yeah a lot of waistcoats and jumping so please enjoy and we'll see you guys in the bonus part Gentlemen, Koji, welcome to Bud Pod Live. Please put your hands together and welcome to the stage. Piano Valley and Phil Wang. Wahoo! You're trying out a new catchphrase of your last ever episode.

Wahoo, yippee! Yeah, I think the best moment to try it a new catchphrase is the last appearance you ever make on the show. Wahoo, yippie! And then people are going to go, remember Phil? What, the Wahoo yippee guy? Only real ones will remember. Phil's Wahoo Yippee moment.

How's everyone doing? Good cheerful earful festival. Wahoo! Yes, how it starts. It's spreading. This is like memes. It's gone viral already in the crowd. Wahoo Yipi.

It's very optimistic and fun and forward thinking feeling. Yeah, I'm just trying to hack my brain into being happier. Oh, like when people say like, oh, if you smile, it sends the signal back to your brain, that you're happy so you actually start to feel better. That's right.

But that just means that during some of the worst periods of your life, you're just going, just this horrible grimace as you're trying to, like, hack your mind to ignore reality. It doesn't feel like a cheerful thing to do. Fake happiness is still happiness. Is it? Well, I mean, if it feels that way in your brain...

Yeah. If it's just serotonin, you know what I've started doing? Is this a brain hack that actually has been working? Well, you never trust my techniques. At a certain point, I often feel like I'm talking to the guy who really likes the steak in The Matrix. I would totally, I would totally be that guy. At a certain point, you're just that guy going, A taste the shame to me.

Yeah, every time I watch a movie, I'm like, yeah, I'd stay in the Matrix, usually. As opposed to living in a cave and eating porridge. Horrible! It does look like fucking shit out there. It's disgusting. And then, yeah, you have to have these big dirty raves all the time. Yeah, and a crowd. of people who all look like they smell

so bad. Awful. Smelly porridge cave versus fillet mignon. I'd say, put me back in the gloop. I'd be putting the tubes back in my nose and trying to get it back in my skull. Where is it? Where's the hole? Try it back in the hole, please.

Do I need someone else there? And you're like beckoning over one of those flying bug robots. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, plug me here. Like you're doing like the zip me up thing that women do sometimes. Oh, yeah. Could you just plug me? You're trying not to say it too loud.

I just need you to come and plug me in. I don't like porridge. I didn't like it when it was simulated. I mean, I don't like it now. Just scooping, goop into your mouth as if that's going to... In your nose. So this is my hack. I've started telling myself...

Now, when I dread something, when I don't want to be somewhere, when I don't do a job or a gig or go to a party, I just say in my head, you're looking forward to this. I will just say in my head, you're looking forward to this. Is that why you were saying that upstairs in the bathroom?

And it worked. I came down and said, Wahoo, you pee, straight away. Honestly, man, it works. You're looking forward to this. I just say in my head, oh, you're really looking forward to this. I try to do that voice, maybe.

Oh, you're really looking forward to this. It really works, man. Maybe I'm mentally simple, but it really works. I find it really works. I'll try it. I'll feel stupid while I'm doing it. It doesn't feel, it feels embarrassing. But you're only embarrassed in front of yourself, which I do get about it.

I always get embarrassed in front myself. Yeah? Yeah, I feel like I should be able to do things that are embarrassing in private and it not affect me. But I go, oh, I saw that. God, I'll probably bring that up. Yeah, exactly. That's how much I know my own brain and how self- defeating I'm like, oh, I'm going to remind myself of that

at some point. Oh, boy. I'm never going to let that go. To be fair, your brain is doing that at 3am. Yeah. Without you wanting it to. You're being bullied by your own mind. Exactly. So that's, I think that's a reasonable fear to have. You will bring it up again. I will. Absolutely.

At 3 a.m. when you're staring at sea. I forget every good thing that ever happens to me, and I remember every embarrassing moment with crystal clear definition. When you remember something horrible, it's like in a like daredevil like that kind of 3D sound hearing

oh yeah like you can see the embarrassing thing happening to you from full circular angle you can see it from like a drones view like bullet time just like yeah yeah just me getting someone's name wrong in like 360 degrees like that yeah

crash zooming on like I meant your surname Crash zooming on like individual hair follicles like so detailed. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I'm looking forward to... Oh no, you're looking forward to this.

You're looking forward to this. You're looking forward to this. It's more than... It's kind of like saying, it's going to be fun, but that's never convincing. I never say, oh, no, this will be fun. I go, you're looking forward to this. Yeah, you're not asking.

No. And you're not predicting. You're looking forward to this. But what it is, I think, what I realize, is so much of my... I've such a loud and persistent internal monologue that my thoughts and feelings are dictated by

my internal monologue anyway. So why not just literally change my internal monologue so that the emotional effect is changed? And it does actually work. You're just for me. Editing your own narrator's lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

This is just genuinely... How would we all feel if like a few months from now you've got like your own fucking Oprah or whatever, it's best-selling book. I'm like Tony Robbins. I've got a tour.

I tell people how to live their life. You've got a big Madonna mic. You're on stage in a megachurch in Utah. Massive teeth. Huge teeth. Your teeth are that kind of that whiteness that you only should see in the UV light of a laser quest.

But they're that white all the time in daylight. Like almost blue glowing. Horrible. This is me. before I discovered my secret and there's a picture of me, I'm fine. I'm fine. This is me after, I'm just slightly smiling.

The first is a picture of you looking at a big full sink of washing up. And the second is the same, but yeah, you're just... Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Clearly AI-generated smile. Paced it onto your face. Yeah. I think you could make a lot of money from people who would not find this helpful,

but would pay you to try. To give it a go. Yeah. Have you ever considered becoming a self-help guru? But I mean a deeply immoral one. Oh, deeply moral, yeah. We're talking supplements. We're talking types of mushroom that are commonly eaten in other countries but are presented as exotic here.

I'm looking at you, Lions Main. I have had Lions Main. I have had Lion's Main tablets. It does take... You're so close to being a... It takes something... It does take something out of the sheen of it that it, that it is also just an edible mushroom we have often.

Yeah. It's in pill form. It's like having chestnut mushrooms and pill form. That's what I mean. Just eat chestnut mushrooms. It's like having a little powdered fry-up and a little pill. I have been drinking... It's a bit of powdered egg, a bit of powder bacon, a bit of powdered mushroom.

It's all in the pill. Just how you'll feel so optimized from my powdered fry-up pills. I've been drinking creatine. Have you? Yeah. Just in general? Or for four things? For getting hench...

as I'm, as my natural state is always meant to be. And, but... Kumail Nanjani sort of level, like, so shredded, it just ruins your life. Yeah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna get a fucking handsome Squidward jaw. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And every acting role, like, when he was in Only Murders in the Building,

they're like, well, he has to be a personal trainer, because otherwise, it's baffling. He looks like this. Every role you get, they have to go, Yeah, I guess he's just like, you know, he's like an unemployed fisherman and he's, he's been using his time doing crunches, I guess. We'll have to work that in. He brings the boat in by hand every day from the sea. He swims the boat and onto the shore. He catches the fish by like flashing a six-pack and they just jump out onto the boat. They're so aroused. My, my sort of jimbrowiness is cut with my nerdiness. Like, for example, the only reason I drink creatine is because I read an article about in the financials.

Times. This is what I mean. I feel like I'm talking to Albert Einstein just before he started filing those papers that led to E equals MC squared. You're so close to becoming a kind of, yeah, we're nearly there. We've got Lyons, Maine, and Creatine and the Financial Times and just a cut, just one Madonna Mike and one good idea, and you're there. You've got an incredibly sinister best-selling book.

This article said of all these. supplements, creatine is the one that does seem to have the most scientific backing. And it might actually be good for your mental health as well. Creatine seems to be pretty mainstream. I've seen that for sale. Also, mine's passion fruit flavored. It really is really nice. It's really nice. It's refreshing, actually. I'll just have it as a drink. Why is so much protein? To me, protein is meat, but obviously whenever you get protein or creatine supplements, it's always like pudding flavored.

Yeah. I don't like the idea of a strawberry that's full of protein. A horrible little musly berry. A fleshberry. Have we said on this, why aren't there savory hules? Like, hules should be savory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pouded fry-up hule. There's potential here for a crossover.

Oh, that would be horrible. Fucking eggy hule. It's like a fart milkshake at the end of... It saves me so much time, because people don't want to be around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I have a big milkshake full of farts, exactly right, yeah. Do you have any...

Oh, it's love to be back, whether I haven't said... And having said love to Glenn, who's your new dad? Yes, the new dad. Glenn's on tour. Dad's gone out for cigarettes on his comedy tour. He'll be back.

It'll be back. I've come to show everyone a really good time. We're going to Disneyland. Don't tell... Don't tell you other... I bet Glenn doesn't take it to Disneyland. Phil's going to buy all the listeners PlayStation's that... Glenn specifically said we weren't allowed

because we didn't... Creatine for everyone. Don't tell your mother. Those kids better not be hench when I come back. Or it'll be literally impossible to put them to bed. Because they'll overpower me. They'll snap my head clean off. Bedtimes when I see her in his mother.

Do you have any spicy opinions Spicy takes for this episode? I'm not sure if I have any spicy ones I should say actually for clarity You did need to become Hinch because you were in the wrestling I was in the wrestling Did anyone here see the wrestling? Oh, nice one

For those you don't know There was a big comedians wrestling show At the Apollo on Wednesday But like a full-on like WWE You trained from months and weeks And injuries were had I was Phil Kilwang Nice.

And Ed was Ed the gambler gamble, and he was dressed as a gambling man. Okay. He was the heel, and I was the face. And Ed stole my belt. He stole your belt? Yeah, a few months ago. I progressed wrestling,

which is a real wrestling promotion. And I, the Apollo had to come and get it back. Okay. I lost, but because of naughtiness. Wrestling-style naughtiness. Okay, that was like cheating. Yeah.

It's going to be on Dave at some point. Is it? Is it? Yeah. Dave got hold of it last minute. And so it's going to be on Dave in two months. Okay. Yeah, so you can watch it there.

I like the idea of an actual guy called Dave to represent the channel. He's like the Vince McMahon figure, the kind of sinister businessman. Well, now it's called you and Dave. Ew and what? Yeah, do you not know? All those channels, the UK TV channels have been changed to you and yesterday. You and Dave. No, yuck.

How do you just pass you by? This genius of marketing. You and Dave. You and, let's a you and Dave. Ooh and Dave. U and Dave. Ooh and Dave. Don't talk to me like that, television channel.

You're not my friend. You're a television channel. Leave me alone. It's awful. Don't text to me like you're asking if I'm up. I hate that so much. Thumbs down from me. Really bad.

I had a spicy take come to me in the middle of the night two nights ago. And I have no idea if this is too niche or nonsensical. But I was thinking about Malaysia and Southeast Asia. And presumably people have, a lot of people travel to Southeast Asia at this point, so hopefully people understand this. And I realize in bed, all Southeast Asian people are just a version of Malaysian people. Okay.

Malaysian people are the base Southeast Asian, and then every other Southeast Asian country is Malaysia filtered through another country. Okay. So Singaporeans are just German-Malays. Oh, right? Swiss? Oswe. Yeah, there are a lot of banks and, yeah, but also just very efficient, a bit cold.

Okay, I see. I see. I like this. Thailand, that's Mexican Malaysians. Right? They like the dance, they got dancing, they like to dance and they're a lot of Chile. The Mexican Malaysians. Yeah.

Vietnamese, French Malaysians. French Malaysians. Yes. Baguettes, they eat pickles in a baguette. That is French Malaysians. Yes, yeah. Well, that's a bit easier to understand because colonialism.

Colonialism. Yeah, that was a bit more. I think things get a little trickier. Myanmar, that's Russian Malaysian. Like, military hunter. Yeah. Kind of scary. Generals with medals that go down to like their trousers.

They're Russian. So many medals. Yeah. And then Cambodia with the pyramids and civil wars, that's Egyptian Malaysia. This is the kind of routine that like... This would be killing in Malaysia, by the way. Genuinely, you could sell this.

You could sell this to Russell Peters for a million dollars. He would go out there and people would name their kids after him with this kind of stuff. Also, it's very fun to have you back on and saying stuff that it would be absolutely hilarious if Glenn tried to say. This is the kind of thing that really cannot happen Yeah, without me, yeah, yeah. If Glenn came out and went,

I was thinking about the Asians, I know. I have noticed a podcast has had far fewer Asian-related observations, you know. Yeah, I cannot imagine the dread with which Glenn would approach having to venture forth an opinion on Asia in general. Just for the sake of riffing,

it would be so high stakes for him, I think. It would be horrible. And Indonesia is Iranian Malaysia. Ooh, what's going on there? Large Muslim population, morality police. Yeah. They tried to pass a law in Indonesia

where you couldn't like pre-marital sex was literally illegal. Even for tourists. Can you imagine not banging in Bali? What's even the point? Anyway, that's my spicy take. That's pretty good.

Yeah. And I think it's definitely spicy in the context of how unsayable it is I've won for Brunei, but it's so offensive. I'll get citizens arrested by at least three people in his audience. And also you need to know Brunei. Which I'm imagining people don't know Brunei. It's hard.

This is a difficult thing about doing observational comedy when you're a sort of third culture person. Because some stuff just, there's just no feasible way of doing it. I encourage any of you to look up Trevor Noah's stand up before he left South Africa. where he was like, Our Macintyre, and 50% of it,

I was like, I don't know it. I don't remember enough about the stereotypes of what vendor people are like to know if this is an accurate riff or not. But like, in the audience, people are laughing so much

that they're having to like stand up. He's got like this seven-minute routine, which is an impression of a Zulu police sergeant. And you're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Can't do that on, like, go to New York and open with ends. Oh, what? It's just not going to work.

But yeah, absolutely, it's like watching it in a different language. It's so difficult. There was a Singaporean comedian lady who went viral for a set she performed at the comedy cellar in New York about how Malaysia was really shitty compared to Singapore. And it went viral in Malaysia. And the Malaysian government tried to get interpol to arrest her for being mean about Malaysia. And I was like, this is just making, this is more embarrassing for Malaysia, man. But I was like, why is she doing

like pretty niche material about Singapore versus Malaysia in New York? I was like, that's weird. And it wasn't like a special gig where it was like tonight. I think it was like a normal lineup at the comedy seller. It was very weird.

It must have been, fucking baffling. Yeah, she's still on the run. Yeah. From the Malaysia police. On the run slash on tour. It's really... Yeah. It's difficult to tour and be on the run

because you do have to have a list of where you'll be and when. You can't just have a website and there's a lot of question marks and pictures of you shrugging or I don't know maybe I'll be in Ohio this weekend maybe I won't

that's not easy we've also talked about we've talked about hell people before and we were at a friend's birthday last night George from George Bod was his birthday yeah he's 87 years old

He looks great. On the way to the pub to meet you guys, I saw two ladies screaming at each other about. Couldn't figure out what the problem was. It was something involving one of them, like, don't you touch me? It was one of those kind of like street bellowing arguments. Yeah, right.

And the lady, but like one lady seemed to have the moral high ground. Like it wasn't both of them yelling. It was one of them yelling, and the other one was kind of like, like, like not countering like new shoes in the wrong

yeah yeah well seem to definitely be like oh I don't know I guess I shouldn't have done that yeah yeah yeah and then her solution was to

say nothing silently cross the road and stand outside a different pub and just sort of look up and to the right while the first lady still screaming

yeah still screaming you fucking she just thought I'll walk over there and I'll do a sort of mannequin in a window pose like she thought in the distance she saw a crow that she'd met before oh is that

and just like frozen while someone screened over across two lanes of traffic as if nothing was happening and it worked wow so the first lady is like a raptor the moment she stopped moving she was like where did you go well the first lady kept shouting but like it was just at one point at a point you just have to give up right because you go well they're over there and they don't seem to

He seemed to have frozen in time. You also, it's very hard to maintain the moral high ground. Also trying to navigate cars as you cross the road of Tracer's like, and don't you fuck? Sorry, no, you go, you go. And to maintain your rage at someone while they do something that is making you really baffled. How dare you? You shouldn't.

So it just diffused the whole thing in a way that I was kind of astonished by. So maybe that's another hack. Like, if you really upset. at someone, cross a road and just stand and sort of look up and away like, hmm, what was that song

I heard? And don't address the fact of being screamed at at all. And the screaming will just have to stop because it's so much matter for it to continue now, because you've developed the situation into a kind of insane Yeah, you've taken control of the situation. Yeah, wordlessly.

That's very impressive. I'm going to try to employ that. Yeah. I should have Thubton said, have you considered releasing some sort of supplement? I noticed you're carrying a tin of super strength lager, perhaps there could be some sort of tie-in deal, you know. Yeah, I think I've not seen too many hell people recently. I've been quite lucky. She's been staying in.

I've been out and about. I went to Northampton on Friday. Did you? Yeah. I've shown you. I went to Northampton, which I think is Nottingham until... the day before every time I gig, you know that time. No help people.

No help people. I do have a slight pathetic annoyance at the moment, which is whenever people are overly suspicious about digital IDs. I'm very for digital IDs. I'm like, do it, great. You already know everything about me. Fine. Make it convenient in my life.

Yeah. And I want pass upports to be on my phone. I think it's crazy that in the age of AI and QR codes, to travel, you have to carry a little book. You have to carry a little book of all your stamps. You have to carry a special little book, and in the front of the book is a picture. Does it look like you? Not really.

It looks like you on the worst day of your life. It looks like you, the moment you were being released by a gang. that's holding you hostage for six months is the version of you that looks like in the picture. And if you go on holiday and you lose your little stamp collection, you aren't allowed back. You cannot come home without the stamps. You live there now.

You live in Malaga now. You mustn't lose your travel stamp book. It just is crazy. This is the last thing, it seems. to be physical. I want a digital passport. Yeah, it is mad that it's like, oh yeah, it can't be digital, it's just got to be a piece of

paper that's got a microchip embedded in it that has my face scan inside it. You go, right, so digital then. Yeah. The digital face scan. Oh, they found a way of sewing it into your medieval paper booklet. I think you'll find the keyboard on my laptop is made of wood.

Try hacking that. FBI at Feeble. FBI? Do you think it just feels too insecure to people who are like maybe already a bit unhappy about migration and immigration?

But the idea that's be on your phone makes the process of migration feel too casual? I don't know. It's so weird because the same people who are worried about undocumented migration are the people who seem to be most against a way of documenting migration. So it's like talking to a kid where you go,

are you fucking hungry or not? What do you want? You just said you want past now. I've just given it to you and you threw it on the floor. What do you want? I don't know what they want. Just everyone has to have like a big flag above the head, like the Sims diamond, so you just see where they're from. Pick a team.

Do you want this documentation or not? Or do you want everyone to just be like, hey, it doesn't matter where anyone's from, except when it does and it makes me furious. I hope you respect my position on these matters. Also, like, there's a lot of the people who are like, you see some posts on their profile about, oh, I don't like digital ID.

You scroll down and there's a bunch of fucking anti-vaccine stuff. Yeah, it all comes together, really. Yeah. Also. It's also very much this idea of the government are used as an idiot, but they're smart enough to control me through a vaccine and a digital idea. They'll just lose all of my personal information because they're too distracted controlling the weather.

What? What version of the government have you encountered in your life? They're much better at database management than Facebook. Growing up in Malaysia, we had ideas. Every other developed country has it apart from the ones that are anglophone. It's a weird anglophone thing. It's like compulsory personal IDs.

It's like the people who don't have it. It's like Canada, the UK, New Zealand, Australia. So you should go, oh. In South Africa, you have an ID book. You get it when you're 16. A book? A little booklet. Oh, like a home passport.

A little home passport. Yeah, exactly. I think, genuinely, I think the reason that we don't like the idea in this country is that it makes us feel like we're in the great escape. They say, there are your papers, you know. It feels too German. It's something a bit Nazi-ish about, yes, here I am.

What's... Please let me on the bowside, please. What's in the South African identity book? It is like just like the same kind of information you'd find on a driver's license, but like with like an address and maybe some stuff about like if you have any medical conditions. Okay.

Just sort of in there. That sounds great, man. It's fine. I'm always like about surveillance. Watch me all the. the time. I'm scared. Watch me. Make sure I don't hurt myself. I don't understand people who never want to be watched.

I don't trust myself. Make sure I don't walk onto a train track. Tell me if I'm about to walk on a train track. Tell me a text. I want a text from the government every time I'm about to step into traffic. I go, oh, thank you. Just a little alert and you get your phone out, go, oh, that's not a fart.

Okay, I won't do it then. That's not a fart. Yeah, that's how that's how much they know about you. Oh, yeah, that'd be great. You were about to trust it. Yeah, it's like,

ha, ha, it's a red. You're about to follow through. You're about to follow through. Thank you. Thank you. You look at it and you go, and you see other people in the train carriage also going, oh, thank God.

Few, thank you. Thank you, big government. I think if you Conversely with the whole thing about the anti-vaxxas, I think if you got the vaccine, you should be fine with digital ID because you queued up to let the government inject you and you go, yeah, but I don't trust their paper handling ability.

But trust them or don't. I really think pick a team. Also, if they leak your information, if you're on the voter registration, your address might even be publicly available now anyway. And what's going to happen? Do you owe money to a cartel? Did you make fun?

of Malaysia, you know. I mean, Instagram already advertises something to me the second I've imagined it. So, I think privacy is, I think that ship has sailed. You know? Yeah, now that they're in your imagination.

I can predict already things I'm going to think about, man. It's crazy. Dreams I've had. Conversations I've had, to myself in the shower. I'll get advertised. You're saying, I wish I had some kind of powdered mushroom. Yeah. You were just singing that in the shower, and then the next day, Lions Main.

Did you get your honky honk on the phone this time around, the second test? The big alert. It worked for me both times. First time I didn't get it. Really? Because I was with three, I think. You'd have died. I was cheap skating, and I'm with three.

So that means I have to die if there's a earthquake. I never get the alert. The whole building's rumbling, and I'm like, what's going on? And everyone's looking at the phone. They're running. I don't understand. My phone hasn't said anything in the building. I'm confused.

You just let the nuclear bomb fall directly into your mouth. Don't, I just run around. I save everyone because it's in my mouth. I got it this time, though. I got it this time. How did it feel to finally get it? It felt like I was part of something bigger than myself. But also annoying, actually.

I don't like it. It's very American. The first time I heard that I was in New York and I had these amber alerts. Which aren't after the color amber, they're named after a girl called Amber who was kidnapped once. And they sent out these alerts. Wait, wait, wait, wait, slow down. If this is a trick-a-lou, I'm so furious.

It's not, it's not. Amber. Amber. Amber alert is not after the color. It's after a girl called Amber. If she's the first person to get kidnapped, yeah. It's Amber. It's Amber alert after a girl called Amber.

What? Because I was so sure it was like, because that's where they call it on the traffic line. Yeah, I mean, don't check that. Don't check that. Yeah, please don't check that. Don't check that, but it's after a girl from... It's named after a girl for Danma. Please don't check that.

Please don't check that. It's definitely about a girl for Tampa. Fair enough. Okay, yeah. And I was in New York, and I was just having lunch with a friend, and suddenly everyone's phone went, A! I went, oh, oh, and everyone is so relaxed.

They're just eating, and they're looking and go to it. It's just saying, like, there was a fire in Brooklyn. I was like, I don't, do we need to know that here? So I was worried that's going to happen, but it hasn't. I don't know. What is it for? Is it for floods? Is it for planes? Extreme weather warning. I got it on my phone once for an extreme weather while I was on a train going through the weather. Oh yeah. See, by the time you find out, I don't know if it's helpful. I knew that that would happen. The train was still running. So I was like, well, get on it then. Then as the train is like, you know, powering through a storm. Your phone just briefly goes, storm. Storm! There's a storm outside. And I know, I know. I'm going through it. It's fine. But it happened as we went past the specific, like, the masts that formed the kind of border of the storm zone, which is quite cool. The what?

Well, it's like the alert can be done only by phones that are specifically between certain phone masts. It's not the whole country, right? So the train went through the masts that were near where the storm was. It was a geographical alert. Oh, I see, and it triggered the... They can narrow it down like that. Oh, right. So it's basically just told you, you've entered Storm Country, boy.

Oh, congratulations. You win Woohoo, yippee! Oahu, yippee! You've won a free alert. You'll never... For the listener, a single conf... A confetto.

Yes. A single confetto. Just very gradually kissed the forehead of a man in the front of a man. in the front row. He did sort of, he was gently trying to wafted away. You're like, no, I'm shy.

Like it happens to him all the time. Like, here we go again. I'm always being celebrated. Would you like that? Would you like to have confetti just appearing from nowhere above you everywhere you went? Yeah, it would have certainly help with

I'm looking forward to this sort of mentality. Ah, I knew I was looking forward to this. Speaking of looking forward in the, um, In this, this is the first half, we're going to have a break, and then there'll be second half with wonderful guest. Wonderful guest. Stuart Laws. Yes.

A hilarious man, wonderful friend, and Bodbud. Yeah. But before that, I've got, I'm going to do a little something, something. Phil's going to sing a song about ID. We've got a one-time sponsorship from the government about... Yeah, it's my last ever ad. Phil's last ever ad read is from the... The Majesty's government.

And it's trying to convince people who listen to comedy podcasts that digital ideas for the best. I wish we got that endorsement. It'd be great, man. What a power move. Being sponsored by The King. This podcast is brought to you by Lisa Mattresses and The King. The King had a podcast, isn't he? He had a podcast about music, about his favorite music.

Fucking hell he did as well. Did. Did anyone listen to it? Did you? Yeah, what would you be? He's like, N-W-A. Was he sort of really... They're just a billion ice cube in there.

Nineties of Compton, what a scene it was. Was he talking about that? It was all classical. Madonna? Do you mean the room? As it was being recorded. The King had three bangers. WAP.

What do you have? Like... Do you have any Charlie? Any Charlie? No Charlie. Imagine if the king... Well, there ads? Yeah. This podcast has brought you about Emma mattresses.

Are you trying to... Squares. You're trying to do a small business. You do a website. A man who surely barely grasps what a website or a podcast is. I tried to do a routine once about how... for the king when he goes to see like, you know, they make them watch the Royal Variety show. Yeah, behind the curtain and the box is just gunned.

There's just holding guns in the back of the head. It's very good. Yes, wonderful. Dancing troupe of, poverty children, some kind of... And they've got a butler behind them for every joke to go, that was Hugh Messiah. Very good, yes. when they go watch the Royal Variety show there's always a comedian on

there's always a stand-upon and a lot of times it's been Ross Noble right who's like doing all crazy surreal stuff because he's a noble he's allowed to perform that's the only reason yeah Ross Ross Brackett's Noble yeah

yeah he's the Baron of Australia now and then they'll have like Ross Noble doing surreal stuff but then they'll also sometimes you know they had McIntyre doing really, really like everyday life for normal people, observational stuff. But for the king, they're both surrealist comedians. Yes. If you're the king, every comedian is just like Noel Fielding and Ross Noble just going on this crazy gibberish rant.

It's like, isn't it when your kids are like, like McIntyre going like, well, you have to take your kids for a haircut? And he's like, take my what to a where? The king will be there going like, what? There's this little room on the high street with just men with scissors They cut your hair He just blow his mind Everything must blow his mind

The world must just be this jamboree Of baffling gibberish He's just You go right And you want me to talk into this box About music I like You go Yes your majesty

It will be good for you Just go okay How often does he even really know what's going on? You've been invited to the cheerful airful podcast festival sir very good is he on this

festival he's on right his headlining tomorrow the king's having the king's having Rogan on they're going to talk about Joe Rogan trying to wrap his head around hereditary succession practices of

West European nobility you know I'm descended from kings of France Jamie bring that up bring that family Joe Rogan pouring through the records of the aristocracy trying to provoke him by asking him about Cromwell and things. Yeah, that'd be great. Do you remember what the bangers were?

I want to know what the royal bangers were. Zadok the priest. Were they just all the coronation bangers? A very important time in my life, that song. Every day I listen to it. You skip through a lot of it. That's your king. Yeah.

How dare you skip your king? This is why we need digital IDs. We can track people like you. Track people who skip the king's riffing. Is he on his own just kind of talking? Is he being interviewed? Right, they're editing out the prompts. Yeah.

Yeah, and interspersed with Mailchimp is one of the most efficient. Do you remember mailing list of your subjects? You like to... He actually has a literal male chimp. Yes, boo-boo, get this Christmas card down to William. So difficult to find a human willing to carry my armour. But this male chimp.

There's a gift from some emissary. Some kind of decadent sultan or emigestion. me a someone who I'm not allowed to tell you I met, give me this chimp. Trying to carry my armour. Oh, like a chain mail chain. Yeah, chain mail, that's what I'm picturing. A chimp kind of handing armor to a king in stained glass. I'd like to see that depicted in stained glass in Westminster Cathedral.

This commemorates the only chimp saint. Well, we're going to have to get Chachapy to mock that up. St. Bobo. Yeah. St. Bobo gave up his own armour. To save the king. To save his life. Yeah, yeah.

God save the king. Bobo saved the king. Yeah, yeah, yeah. St. Bobo did it. In one panel, he's giving his chain mail to king on horseback. In the next panel, they're both charging at some enemies together. And in the third panel, the chimp is riddled with arrows. And the king is holding him, like this.

Oh! Yeah. And the chimpers doing the Trinity hand gesture. And looks at peace. Who's a saint with all the arrows? Is it Stephen or Sebastian? Sebastian. This is why we love our listeners.

This is why. That was so quick. I've never heard Sebastian said so good. Good work. And the level of appreciation I got for St. Confetto. That's exactly the kind of linguistic nerd fucking crowd we want. Yes, yes, yes. I want, I, I, I, I, I, someone, it's like, did you ever have someone tell you that?

Technically, you should ask for a pinino. Oh, yeah, yeah. Revolting. I'm not doing that. No. I'd rather get it wrong than be that guy. I'd rather ask for a peninas. A panace.

A ham and cheese paninas, please. A what? A pininas? Oh, a pinini. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever I'm not Italian, I don't know Yeah, someone's fallen over At the rare

It's shock that I'm not actually Italian Like in a Trevanoa audience Yeah Yeah Now it's the time from a little bit Yeah, I think it's time now And it's my The last one of these I ever do, I think

Last one ever Yeah Last one ever It is sad It is sad But it's also Endings can be happy as this advert will make clear.

I'll go on the scribbly dible. Can people see the screen? Because Felipe, give it off a Felipe, a wonderful producer. Yeah. So Felipe makes a video, made a video to accompany this one, and I thought, okay, you make the video this time, and I'll try and write to it.

And as he always does with these videos, he just crammed it full of really random stuff. So I've tried my best to write to it. So this is the final ad for Lucky Kentucky. Endings. They say all good things must come to an end. That includes me, and includes you,

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