BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e22 Superpiss

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week the buds discuss the cruelty of 90's television, toilet tat, continental confections and the towering presence of Mr. Blobby.Watch full episodes on YouTube here!Email or Dm us your cryptic crossturds, altered lyrics, worm stories and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram.Tickets to Pierre's Radio 4 recording here! Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 2. And I come from Humpty Do. What is Humpty Do? It's a place in Australia. Is it? Humpty Do? No, it's not. Yeah.

I mean, it's a minis... It might be a minuscule town. Is it? I remember we were... My mum was brought up in Australia. We were planning a trip to Australia. And my dad was looking at various ways to get around as cheaply as possible. Yeah.

So, Melbourne to Sydney, we had like a 15-hour train. And then Sydney to Brisbane was like a 17-hour train. Fuck. Yeah, really, really bad. Fuck. Yeah, I felt so unwell. That's a pre-war journey. Yeah.

I felt so unwell from the lengthy train journey. And also, going through, like, the outback, there's nothing to look at. There's nothing to look at. I think that's a dead kangaroo at one point. But you, you know, and you feel so disgusting that it puts you off the life any other thing you experience. I haven't had chicken terriarchy since I was like 13 years old. Because that was the in-train meal. Really?

Yeah. It was like 14 hours in, and I had everyone have your chicken terriarchy for you. And it's like, I can't have this. I can't have anything. Did you have to have chicken terriaki like three times? No, it was just one meal, of course of the whole journey. But we were looking at various ways to sort of get around. And I went into the kitchen, my dad was like crying, laughing.

And he'd found this like holy trinity of locations in short proximity to each other of waggle wager, Jim, Crim, Crossing and Humpty Do. And so it's around Wagga Wagga, I've heard of. That I've heard of. Yeah. And Jim Jim Crossing and Humpty Do was next to it, but Humpty Do. Humpty Do is very like nursery rhyme. Yeah, it's like how like a character in naughty would greet someone.

Humpty-do. Or a scornful, well, Humpty-doo. Like that's like Whoopi-Doo. Yeah, like Christian Bell getting annoyed on the set of Bermann. Oh, humdy-doo. You're fucking a professional. Yeah, the Humpty-D-D-D-D-Rand. Yeah.

I saw some wretched tat on the way to yours today. Pretty much opposite your nearest tube station is a cafe. It's a very nice cafe. It's very... I don't know how they operate as a bit of... It's like eight possible places to sit. Yes, it's one of those cafes... Cushes.

Yeah. It's one of those cafes that you do get in London. where they've gone... Tasles. Yeah. Our vision is a cafe the size of a living room, but with none of a living room's furniture.

So it's a living room made of edges. Yeah. A shelf, a bench, a cube, a stool. Everywhere you could sit would ruin the nearest person to use day when they go, oh, for fuck's it.

It's like someone joining you in a toilet cubicle. It's so intimate. But it was specifically the bathroom where I saw the tat. It was on the back of the bar. door and I was just grabbing a coffee, but the back of the bathroom door is two different elements. One, WC, I'm an image of a toilet, whatever. Yeah.

And then a speech bubble that says, pleasure doing business with you. I hate the idea of a, it's a transaction. And the toilet's getting something out of this as well. Yeah, that's, I was about to say, that's the toilet saying, don't worry, from my point of view, I've gained. Oh, I've gained from this. No, no. Thank you. Any time.

No, don't flush. Don't flush it. Don't flush it away. Like, I can't. The country for old men. Don't put it in your pocket. Don't flush it. Don't flush it.

Or it'll just become a turd like any other. Which it is. Well, my rule is not to ever. My rule is not to poop in front of somebody, sir. What use is the rule if it led you here? Pooping in front of me. I hate pleasure doing business with you. It's horrible.

Yeah, come back any time. But also in the image... You'd be more than welcome. It's a drawn image of a toilet brush. And you go, that's the bit we all try to forget. That's the most secret bit. The worst... Not the worst.

Toilet brushes are such a first draft. For a problem. We're leaving it there, are we? Yeah, we'll just get a big brush and we'll put it in this cup. So, do we all live in a student flat? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. It is... Like, there should be a really intense hose in every bathroom.

Yeah, we have the tech for that. Yeah. It's something. The other bit that it's got is on the back of the bathroom door. So, the cafe side, it's... On the back of a door, it's a basketball hoop. And a ball. If you just want to shoot some hoops...

But the idea of someone, I got to get a more nerve-breaking. A woman being sat in the toilet and the door just thumping every three seconds. Like, it's an FBI drugs raid. It's just so desperately flushing. Or like something from a zombie film. Yeah. Stephen? Yeah.

It's just every few seconds, just a really, a door shuddering thump. Shooting hoops are doing poops. Shooting hoops does sound. Shooter Jason. Hoop shooting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant the basketball hoop was for the person on the toilet.

Like Steve McQueen in the greatest game. But cooler is just a bathroom. Really long dump while he sort of throws a tennis wall or ball. Yeah, we shit into our trouser pockets and we let it out into the yard. That way, they can't have any of it. I see. I think you've gone mad. Oh, you've been in a prisoner of war camp, haven't you?

Yes, you've gone mad. Yeah, yeah. The way, from your tone and the way that you were whispering, I thought you were talking about an escape plan. You've got a turn in your pocket. You've developed some sort of turd-based delusion. Well, you've got to swing your step and a turd in your pocket. Well, humpty, feather in your cup.

Humpty-do for you. Yeah. Yeah, I hate pleasure doing business with you. That's horrible. Pleasure. The assembly rooms in Edinburgh, the venue in Edinburgh, like I said before, certainly back in the day. a pre-monkey barrel in Edinburgh

at the Edinburgh Festival, the big four Pleasence Assembly, Gilda Blune Underbelly. Yeah. An assembly, a friend of ours, Alex Hall, worked at assembly, and once sent me a picture of one of the toilets which had like a semi-out-of-order sign, which was basically like, this...

This toilet can't take anything substantial, is what it was trying to say. What the sign said was, I'm thirsty, but I'm not hungry. No, I'm gonna be good. You know what they say? Just have a glass of water, actually. You're not actually hungry.

You're just thirsty. Yeah. That is... Don't fill up on tards. But the idea of the ever is that there is a stomach. It's a... It's a beast that needs feeding. Yes, and it...

Your toilet can become triveled and malnourished. Yeah. Oh, please. There's only one way to save me. It can't be this. I don't... I've been stung by a jellyfish, please. If you get stung by jellyfish, you have to wee on someone. If they get bitten by an octopus, you have to shit on them.

Yeah, that's how it works. I don't like the idea that you can only go for a shit when the toilet's hungry, as opposed to when you need one. Yeah, yeah. I don't like that reversal of time setting. Yeah. The responsibility of making the appointment now lies with the device. It's horrible.

To book yourself in. We can do three and we can do half three. For an eye test. Yeah, yeah. Like an eye test, yeah. Have I said on the podcast for about the weird daydream I had about the toilet matre d? I must have mentioned the toilet matre d. But I do have been greeted at a public bathroom with, um...

How many of you are there tonight? And you go, it's just me. And you go, okay, is that for wheeze or is it for poos as well? And you go, uh, it's for wheeze at the moment, might be a poo later and it's like, I'm gonna stand your eye on just for now. Like it's been bar. Have you chat with us before? Yeah. We do things a bit differently here, in those Japanese toilets.

We face the water. Yeah, yeah. We take our trousers fully off so we can face the wall. It's very quirky. Our toilets are sideways, like, yeah, in a cool angle. I really don't like the idea of, yeah, pleasure doing business with you is really... Pleasure. It was pleasure, not just, it was business.

The only human who would say that after something like that is someone who's like, hired you to come wee on them. Yes. Then as you're leaving, they go, Pleasure doing business with you. And they shut the door and you go, I wonder who that was. I've got a hundred pounds, though.

A favourable transaction. Someone's in a briefcase of turds across the table. Real benefit, yeah. Yeah. And it's got that golden light like in... Pulpiction. Yeah, yeah, you never know what it was. And they go, oh, fuck.

Yeah, it was Ouma Thurman's Piers. That's one of those... Wow. Why has she done this in a suitcase? Why is it close? Oh, she's really into heroin. suitcase of piss I hate the idea of an old leather

suitcase full of piss Yeah, I think it would then be the most distressing thing in Hulk fiction What's that from? What, suitcase of piss? I swear I've heard that before. Is that weird? A suitcase of piss?

I can't control when deja vu appears in my head. I can't control it. It just, my brain literally just went, you've said this, this has happened before. The only piss in a container flashback I've had based on this is some friends of mine are used to email themselves. They used to email each other at university.

If ever had email correspondence, would just put dreadful imagery in the subject line. And I think one accident even forwarded said essay onto his professor. Right. But the subject line was Hitler's piss and a bottle shape like Jack the Ripper's Dick. It was just his essay. Written. Yeah. typed down the subject line. Forward, forward reply. Hitler's piss and a bottle shape like Jack the Ripper's dick. As if that makes the piss worse. That makes that piss.

Or the piss is particularly bad in any way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. I have a song. So do I. Okay. I'd love to hear yours. I'll do mine and you can save yours for the bonus pod.

Okay. We'll do, we want to spread the joy. Yeah. So, um, Kiss from a Rose. Yeah. By seal. Yeah. So, uh, let me make sure I get the scanning right.

Sure, sure. Because it's quite, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a quite a ballad. Because this is, is this, is this, are you doing the verses as well? No, no, no, just, just, uh. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-ya-ya-ya. It's just the two key lines. It's so funny about songs from Batman for us. What an insane film

Why would that be the soundtrack to that? In the same way it was like, I mean, even when you take away all his crimes The idea of Arkellys I Believe I Can Fly being a suitable song for Space Jam Insananas. To be like, I Believe I Can Fly is the theme tune for Michael Jordan remembering how to do basketball thanks to cartoons. Because it's a silly comedy, there's no, there's no correlation in the 90s between tone of song and actual, Jumeriqui doing the Godzilla soundtrack.

It was all mental. That's true. There was a real disconnect where it was like your grand was choosing it. Your grand just went, oh, bloody hell. He needs a song. Top 10? What's in the top 10? Yeah, I've bought, yeah, I've bought, no, that's what I call music, 93. They've just panicked and they've gone, what's in the top 10? The young people like this? It's in. It's in.

Seal. It's cleaning out my closet is Toy Story 2's. Toy Story 2's big, big song. I watched Batman forever recently. Did you? With the wretch, I was like, I think he's of an age where it's okay. It's actually a very intense film. Cartoony, though.

It's so cartoony, I thought that's good for him. Yeah. But actually, it's so intense and insane because it's got all that 90s, flashes of lightning. Every house looks like it's Casper or Jamung. It's all twisted in Tim Burtony. And it's all lit by like three very colorful spotlights. Yes, and not to spoil it too much,

the Silence of a Lambs watch-through we've done for our new Patreon tier. But there was a bit where, was it like the pre-exam. prison bell or something. And the camera zoomed up towards it and there was cobwebs and flashes of lightning and you're like, oh, it's Disney's haunted house, isn't it? This is ridiculous. It was the guy's doorbell. Oh, Buffalo Bell. Yeah, Buffalo Bill's Doorbell and it's like an old, like a bell that would ring in a school from the 1930s. From the 1930s. Yeah, it's the Basht Street Kids' Bell. Basque Kids' School Bell and blue lightning and cobwebs and did a crash zoom. Batman Forever is all that. Yeah, the whole film is that. And it's so bizarre because Tommy Lee Jones acts like he's a character in a, in a, in a, in a, it's a weird.

weird advert for a sweep. Do you know what I mean? He's got this insane, obviously, very camp suit considering he's dealing with nursing, a horrific wound. Yeah. Jim Kerry's obviously crazy. Yeah. And his name is locked.

His name is something like Dr. K. Razy or something like that. It's something insane. It's the Ridler's original name. I can't remember what it is. Enigma. Enigma. That was it. Yeah.

Pathetic. Just crap. So your surname is... Your surname is Nigma. And no one, it goes, oh, like... Like, enigma. You probably get this all the time. In the same way, Tom Hanks has probably had thanks a lot, you know.

If you said, oh, like enigma to the riddler, do you think he'd go, oh, fuck. I'm so on the nose. I'm so predictable. Do you think he does? What if he doesn't know? Yeah. He's like, is that why I like riddles?

Oh, no. Why do I call it as a riddler? That's why I like riddles? Hang on. You see, I'm going to ring my mum. Yeah. So is it really enigma? Yeah, yeah.

What country is that from? Sorry, is my name Jeremy. football and I'm a footballer. Alan Goal or something. Yeah. It's, it's, it's rubbish and it's made all more entertaining now when you know that Tommy Lee Jones

hated Jim Carrey. That makes the film very funny indeed. What did he say? I cannot condone your foolishness. It was, I cannot sanction your buffoonery. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because it was a real, it's such a quotable sentence. Dave Barry, we were just off air on absolute, like between an ad break once.

And he just said it about somebody. He said, I cannot sanction in their buffoonery and I went, Tommy Lee Jones. And it was like, we'd quite, it was like, he'd never encountered anyone who knew that story as well. And it was a real like, yes, thank you. You're the only person who's ever identified. Where's that from? Yeah. And that's the relief of that moment with anyone.

Yeah. Oh my God, yeah. So what did the wretch think? I, he'll accept fucking anything. But was he like, yeah, this is very like, it's quite wrestlery, right? Like costumes and personas and fighting. Yeah, it is. It's quite, but it's, um,

Tomolee Jones is quite sinister and really gets up in people's faces. I had to pretend he was like, oh, the To-Face wears makeup. I wasn't like, so acid is a corrosive substance. So, under the sink, your mum and I keep a series of bottles that can do fucking that to you. It was none of that, but it's like, he kind of semi-tautures people. It was like, I realized after all I was like, I don't think this is good stuff for him. Yeah. Yeah. And the 90s was a very cruel decade, I think, in cinema.

Yes. And sitcoms as well. If I never watched 90s sitcoms, I'm like, the big punchline is like, Yes, the wife chokes to death in front of our husband and you never see them again. What? No, yeah, it's the big joke. Oh, my God. The big joke was Lee Evans killed someone by mistake.

Yeah. What? Yeah. It's funny. I'm telling you. It's like every now and then, recently, I sent you a screenshot of an episode summary from a particular naughty sitcom. I found another one actually that I need to send you summaries of where you read it and you

go, I kind of believe that this was considered. As in any period pre-dating them. 1980s. No, from the naughties. Oh, right. The stuff that even while we were in high school or at uni, that people thought were like, this is a jolly jabe.

You go, I don't. But like, it's fine if it's dark if they say, from the start. This is a dark humor thing. Yeah, this is a monkey dust or something like that. Yeah, yeah. But when they say like, no, no, it's just like a family sitcom. And then like you say, someone chokes the death. It's horrible.

Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. There's a few, like, Robin Williams films were like intensely cruel. And you're like, why? Yeah. We're meant to be making people, what have they? You're fun, aren't you, Robin? Yeah. It's ha ha time. Yeah? Yeah. So, so, Seal, Kiss from a Rose. Yes. So, something I've been singing as I wander around the house. Uh-huh.

Hey there, I can offer you some piss from a hose on your face. Ooh, the morning I get on you the stranger it feels, yeah. Right, hang on. Is the hose a euphemism or they just have a garden hose? It's the euphemism, I think it's a euphemism. No, I like the idea of it's attached to the mains. And they go, we've got a piss tap. You know, like, how the Alton Towers Hotel had like a lemonade room or something in a chocolate

room and they were like, even the shower spews out chocolate and you're like, that stops being practical instantly. I will never not smell if you do this. I'd rather the chocolate room at the Orton Towers Hotel is, I get a full bar of dairy milk on my pillow. That's it. That's it. That's all I want. I want to be able to turn this treat off. Yeah, I don't want to accidentally turn on when I'm trying to brush my teeth and I'm really tired. Thunter and branch out. Or just like a tap that's just like...

And it makes... Lumpy, blasting dairy tap. Hot dairy. It's never... Because if it's watery, that's also bad chocolate. Yeah, it has to. The only sound... The only way you describe it sound as it has to be dollopy. Yeah, or like...

Yeah, those shower heads where you find you're just having to brush it to sort of get rid of any lime scale so that like you've unlocked a few more heads. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and after like every stay in the chocolate room, they'd be like, well, obviously we need to flush the entire building's plumbing

before the chocolate solidifies. Yeah, one of those... Which is going to cost another 30,000 pounds to fix this. Yeah, one of those public toilets where like, if you leave the room and it locks and then it... The entire thing was washed. Wanna be in one.

Wanna be in one. You'd never be cleaner. Never be cleaner. That's how... I'd never wash myself again. That would be how... The new version of Two-Face. Or the Joker.

It's a toxic Avenger. They lock me in the toilet. Do you want to know how I smell like these farts? Because I got trapped in a net in New York... You don't know how I smell like piss. So, yeah. Hey there, I can offer you some piss from my hose on your face. Oh, man.

I can offer you. Again, I shouldn't really. I shouldn't really. Also, hey there. Hey there, I can offer you some piss from my hose on your face. It's a nice charity people with a clipboard on the high street. Yeah. Hello, I know you're busy.

Oh, yep, end of conversation in, isn't it? I like your jeans. That sounds sarcastic. I don't want to give you any money. Fuck off. I know you're in a rush. Yes. Good.

Yeah. So you've fully understood the problem. I know you're not. Goodbye. I keep. You keep seeing fake charity muggers. Oh yeah. Well, they sell magazines, but the magazines are just like a private, it's like buying the new statesman or something.

It's not charity. Oh, right, okay. You can build this train in just seven issues. They'd be more honest if it was that, but they give the impression that by buying the magazine you're contributing to a charity that stops knife crime. Oh, yes, no, I've heard about this. Yeah. There's also another one with like dodgy one where it's like a fake one for war veterans. And they've set up a store to look as much like the Poppy Appeal.

like the poppy appeal as possible. But it's always just like on the street instead of in a train station where it would need a license. Yeah, but... And it's very vague. A friend of mine recently was like, oh, yeah, there's one now where it's like, it is for a magazine,

and you suddenly realize when you've been talking to them, you're like, hang on a second, there's a magazine. I was like, well, how did you let it get that far? Yeah. Sorry, you let them engage you in conversations. How... Who's struggling to not get into conversations? It's because there's like eight of them

and they're like cool, fun-seeming kids in like their 20s. Right, okay. And they're like, hey, and you're like, oh, hello. I see everyone gets tricked once. I got tricked in Gerdinor a few years ago. Did you? Yeah, yeah.

It was just, I was like, I just immediately got, and then she hit me in the chest because I didn't have any money on me. I didn't have any money on me. But it was, like, signing up to this, and it was going to be, like, a direct debit or something. I needed money now. And I went, no, and she just dumped me in the chest. Oh, my God. Yeah, like, closed fist, but like, as if she was clothes lining me, but from a standing still position.

I went, ow, ow, I just walked away. How? What's her game plan there? I'd be frightened into giving him more. I'll smack money out of him. It'll be like the... Yeah, yeah, like hitting a tree in Zelda or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it might work. I'm telling you this because I know that you dislike it. Yeah. I've had a very Pratt heavy week. I have... I've been to Pratt this week. I have been to Pratt. You are a man who... You're the first one who really crystallized for me.

the kind of, the banality of evil of sandwiches. Your anti-sandwich position, or at least not pro. I just don't find them excited. And there's a time and a place and I had one last night. Like dinner time, 7pm. Oh, no. 7 p.m. I realized I was absolutely starving and I'd arrived at a gig. Sundown sandwich.

It was a sundown sandwich. And it was, because the gig was in the city. It was in like the city and you go. have a sandwich after the sun goes down. That's our rule. Yeah. When you enter that financial district of London, it is just pre- do you see people on a date having a dinner for candle at dinner for two in Pretta-Marche?

Would you like to see a dessert menu and it's just the yoghurt? It's all those, it's those weird bars. Yeah, yeah. You go right. Or a ball, a protein ball. I'm not eating a bowl. I'm not eating something that looks like it's been thumbed into

shape by the kind of... By dung beetle? Yeah, or like by the padded hands of an ape. Bad ass. It's like that savory Willy Wonka gobb stopper bullshit. I don't want it. But not even that, because at least with Willy Wonka, there was a bit where it was like, this is so, like, marvellously presented.

This looks like a lump of shit. Yeah. You go, don't worry, we've made... Because it's got bits in. Yeah. It's got lumps in. It's a lump of shit full of lumps. And it's such, like, an eating disorder treat. Like, I'm kind of... Since they came out, treats, I've been amazed that they're kind of tolerated because they, and I say this as someone with highly disordered eating myself. Yeah. It's so the kind of thing I would invent

when all I really wanted was a fucking bar of chocolate. Right. It was the way of kidding yourself. Kidding yourself, but also kind of like you, like compulsively spending, you know, what, like 14 quid on ingredients to make this thing that's not as good. We go, I've got raw cacao and pistachios and I'll gloop it into a ball. And I'll, and I'll loop it into a ball. And I'll, I'll just eat that and then I'll stop thinking about it. Yeah. I feel like the company is almost, it's like the producers. They don't want you to have this.

No. If it's like a Nordic company and it's called like turd. And it's like, T-R-D-E. Yeah. T-O with a line through it. Yeah. Hey, have you had a turd bowl? Torrid. What?

You got some tarts? Yeah. Big bag of tarts? Yeah, it comes from Sweden. They hate it over there. They hate it. They hate it. Yeah. That's why it's only here. Yeah.

Because they try to make meatballs. and other chocolate because they're Swedish. Nothing used to make me laugh more as a kid than seeing like any list online of like international chocolate bars and their names. Yeah. Because like occasionally you'd get one that was like called like plop and it's like with a like a boy who writes

ye old shop, you know, double P-E. Yeah, Blop. But sometimes you get a really intense one. Like it would be like, oh yeah, this is from, um, yeah, this is basically from Madagascar and it's a chocolate bar and it's called P. It's like, the writing gets larger.

And you're like, it's called shit fuck. Yeah, but it's a word over there. It's like, yeah. It looks like the bar is screaming it at me. And it would start really small writing and get really big. Yeah. Like a rah, kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Plop is Swedish, I think. Yeah, yeah. Plop definitely exists. I remember Bill Bryson pointing out that there was a Finnish anti-ice thing called super piss. So you can buy super piss in Finland or you could. Yeah. But, you know, in the same way that like, probably somewhere in like Hungary, it's like, oh, no, no, the word for, the word for diarrhea in Hungary is Tony's chocoloni. It's like, that's actually the full word. It's chocoloni.

Yeah. That's when you're at your most chocololoni. Yeah. They're asymmetrical. I've got no time for it. I love, the chocolate is delicious. But I'm like, every square. We need to be working at the same size squares.

It's, yeah. It's fucked up. I don't understand what basis they've chosen that. No, because you can't share it with someone because one of you is going to get disappointed. Yeah, would you like a shattered mirror piece of this fucking... Yeah. But no, whenever I see those kind of foods where it's like,

it's a treat, but it's okay for you, even though like brackets, it's almost always not if you read the ingredients. I get the anxiety from the creator. I feel like a psychic who's touching a murder weapon. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Oh!

Like I could get the bad vibes. right from it where it's like, I've made a nice treat. It's replacement bread with imitation butter and artificial sweetener crumbled on top and you go, ah, ah, and you can feel the kind of Oh no. Sorry to anyone who's driving.

Sorry to anyone who just plowed into a roundabout. I've been waiting for the chance to do that on the bar. The two things I've wanted to do, talk through a butt. Yep. I still hasn't happened yet. Sneeze like a witch. and sneeze as if it causes you tremendous pain. No!

Like you're sneezing after a nose surgery. Yeah. That was really visceral. Sorry, where were you? No, just... Yeah, just I can't... I'm of the camper. It's like, if it's gonna happen, just do it, food-wise.

Oh, yeah. I just... I just got my idea for a food company of like, do you want to be healthy? or not. And it was going to be the most tasteless insipid stuff, but it was like three calories, but it is just spinach and kale. No sugar. We're not trying to make this taste delicious. This is exactly what you want and need. Yeah. This is all it is. Yeah. I was crying, laughing the other day. I always feel a bit embarrassed when I cry laughing at just like

some internet slop. It depends on what it is. Yeah, but I always feel like, oh yeah, this can work on me. I'm not immune to the big slop machine that just sprays slop in my face. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll eat it too, you know. Was it a sign saying, now serving sarcasm seven days a week? What for that? I don't like that one, but. I saw a horrible one on Blue Sky. In other than, I followed accidentally on Blue Sky, when I joined Blue Sky,

a, like, comedy starter pack. You know how to start a back's on Blue Sky? You blanket follow a bunch of people. Yeah. And it turns out I followed a comedy starter pack from just the wrong source. And I was give it, it was like some sort of Iraq dossier of just this information, this has been a sexed up starter pack. This is not.

accurate stuff. You're gonna have to hut an inquiry with whoever said it up. And it was just full of fridge magnet posters. It was just full of, it was people who just spoke, they were fluent in fridge magnet. And it was hundreds of them and I was having to weed them out. And it was just by this point, like, there's the infection of spread. It was like trying to play that contagion board game. Yeah. Yeah. And one, I saw someone post, oh, this made me laugh far too much. And it was a picture of like a Rubik's cube unsolved looking like tired. And it said, before, coffee and then after coffee was the Rubik's Cube fully solved with a smiling face. And it said, this made me laugh far too much. Far too much. And it was like, come on, really? We can't

be doing this. Like, someone is looking at that and they're laughing like the Joker. I imagine they're laughing like the, hey banana breath. Why did you eat a banana? And I think you should leave. And she really endearingly just can't stop laughing after that. I find it so endearing. but it's like, it's made more endearing by the fact she's made the most crap joke you've ever heard. That's kind of what I pictured. I'm picturing the horrible, force, forceful. Feel good ink. No, I mean, huacin' phoenix, like,

on a bus. Yeah. And he hands in the card, but it's just the picture of the Rubik's cube on it. Yeah, fair play, that is actually pretty funny. On the other side, it says, this made me laugh. Yeah, you might like this as well. And like the bus driver's like, fucking freak, fucking freak! That's what I'm picturing.

I hate that so much. I thought it would be a good bit to do in public. To a friend. Yeah. Yeah. The bit that, the slop that got me was a bit better than that. And it was someone posting a picture of all their meal prep, you know, like in Tupperware for the week. And it was all just like poached chicken breast and broccoli and brown rice, like clay.

in all these tubs. And the caption, they'd posted it with a caption, Life is Good or something like that. And someone who quoted it saying, okay, Mr. Fart. It's funny. It's good. You've got a day shift at the Fart Gallery.

You've got your tubbo-tuffer full of farts ready for the week. Yeah, this should draw them all out of me. Like an exorcist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This medicine will help. We really get the farts out of here. I just thought, yeah, that's enough to get me. Fine, fine, fine.

Well done, you got me. But not the Rubik's Cube and the coffee. No. Coffee humor is a stain on the good reputation of coffee. I forgot about a bit I used to do that never really worked. It's a character. It's a very specific guy. He's only really got one sentence.

But if you please save a sentence, for instance, like, this car park just stank of piss. Oh, this car park just stank of piss? Piss is in the drink. The guy. Fuck's sake. It's horrible. Really is gross.

Also the... I was in the drink, yeah. Yeah, the kind of the team player attitude that comes with that as well, it's really... I really don't like. Yeah. A routine that worked in a show, but like, can... Just like, a few... Do you ever have this?

You have a routine that will work in a show, but in a comedy club, the public will be like, ugh. Yes, I've only just now, kind of, as of last night, I had two gigs last night, and it was second gig, I thought, let's try and finally work out what the 20-minute club set is of my current hour and a half to two-hour tour show. Yeah. And I only worked it out last night. So for the listener, what will happen is we'll write an hour of comedy for the fringe. And of that 60 minutes, you want to extract 20 for use in clubs for when you do a 20-minute set.

Yeah. And it would be the most easily digestible, accessible stuff you've got. Yeah. It's like cutting the most chewable meat out of a big cow, like a hanging meat in a in a butcher's thing. You've got like, right, well, fill it, you know, steak, take, steak. We'll sell this. We'll sell this. Everything else is a bit much for people. There's certain jokes, though, no matter what the level of quality is,

poor or good, that only seem to work in front of an audience who know there's no one else coming tonight. There's not going to be another act. This is who it is. Yes, and there's a level of investment there, but I think pushes certain bits along. And we've come to trust this man as well as part of it. Yeah, there was a joke that I only could get to.

to work by putting it in my show about 50 minutes in, and it was a bit where I was lying face down on the floor because of a previous bit. The joke has got nothing to do with being lying down, face down on the floor. It's the only way I could get that joke to work. If I ever delivered it, standing up or moving around earlier or later, it never ever worked. And it was so weird to be like, as if it was like a Geigomer counter that I'd walked around the stage with this joke. And it was not getting many clicks, but if I put it down really low on the stage, it suddenly clicked loads. And it was like, oh, if I lie down and deliver it, then it suddenly works. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was insane. This joke only works in a cupboard. This joke only works at sea. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it's like. Mine is the one of, do you remember the one I said about my Halloween costume being a realistic cat? With the anus.

Yeah. Yeah. So I've got everything in a, everything sorted except for a way to permanently expose my bum hole. I'm thinking some sort of clamp device maybe. The idea that you'd rig up a sort of belt. Yeah, a horrible like automatic goat say. Yeah. And then I'd say, because cats don't have bum cheeks.

They don't. No. Yeah, but I would just say, don't anyone tell you that is. That kind of thing. Yeah, in public, people just go, oh, why? I'd hate it if animals have bum cheeks. I would hate it. It would be worse.

I hate whenever I see an animal's anus, I hate it. Yeah. I really get angry. I really don't like it. I really avert my eyes. Is that why you always are so furious and I walk through any part? Yeah. So, Hampstead Heath just screaming.

But it's when you see like a fluffy, like, West Highland Terrier, like snow. white and it's gaping anus. Sew a bumhole. It's just awful. It's so bad to look at. Or when they've been like, they've been groomed so they have this like portal, this like hairless bumhole portal. Yeah.

Horrid. Yeah. It's really horrid. You could leap in there like Mighty Max and go to a different dimension. Prison, a prison dimension. If you left in there, you'd go immediately to a prison dimension. But I think it would, uh, if they actually had like actual bums. like actually packing like huge, huge butts, I think it would be, it would ruin whenever you saw a human butt.

Yeah. I think, because you go, that, sorry, that does look very, very similar. I saw a dog looks just like a dog's ass, I thought, yesterday. Someone with so little buttock muscle that they functionally have a dog's bum. Yeah. Yeah, really, really unpleasant stuff. We should say we're recording on Halloween. send us in any fun trick-a-lose from your Halloween time.

Yeah, or treat-a-lose. Or treat-lews? What would a treat-a-lew be? Someone offering you some broccoli and then actually has chocolate and they say treat-a-lou. But that's a trick-a-lou. But it ends with a treat, though. No, I think... Oh, right, sorry. You've done the complete polar opposite.

I miss heard. Yeah, yeah, treat-a-l-lou. So actually it ends up being a positive. Being a treat-a-lou, that's quite nice. So when someone on like the X-Factor would be like, I've got bad news. Yeah. cancel your plans. You're going through

to the next round. You go, oh, treat a loo. Oh, treat a loo. Yeah, may not. And there you go, oh, treata loo. And Simon Cald off the back and goes, treat a loo. Expressionlessly. True to loo. Not moving any of his face or eyes. True to loo. Yeah.

It would be quite sweet. What are you? Because we've got, we both have tonight and tomorrow. Halloween events. Halloween party. events, one in which fancy dress is not compulsory and one in which I'm like, it probably is. Yeah.

I've got a tree costume. Tree? Yeah. Okay. Just like a very simple, cheap tree costume. Okay. And I have a beard. So I'm tree beard.

Nice. Very simple. Okay. So not spooky. Not spooky unless you fear the ants. Unless you're Saro Man. Yes. Or if you're a Kai.

Yeah. They'd hate the sight from coming. Whom do you serve? Because also you can get annoyed at them if someone goes, he comes as a tree and you go, tree, I am not tree. I am piano. Where anyone that says anything to me, I can say,

that doesn't make any sense. I don't understand, but then you are very small. Yeah. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, that's good. And Big Bad Wolf dressed as a grandma. Is that for tomorrow or tonight? Tomorrow, yeah.

Okay. It's essentially like an old lady dress that I think is going to be far too tight, revolting. And like an old lady. hat with wolf ears and a nose, you know. I, because I'm traveling to both on my own,

I'm like doing minimise. So tomorrow is I'm getting a t-shirt printed tomorrow. A very specific thing involving you and me and the host of said party. Yes. So it's, yeah, but at the same time, I, because tonight would

primarily be like, oh, I'll stay, because it would usually be Halloween, you know, more often than not, will fall on a weeknight, five out of seven years. Yeah. I, I, I would usually just stay on watch a horror film. Yeah, but a Friday Halloween. Friday Halloween, you've got to capitalize on it. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, it is very funny to have to be, to have to sit on a train on your own in costume. It's sort of nodding, nodding wordlessly at other Halloween. It feels embarrassing. We're all commuting to Transylvania. I think there's something worse in sitting in a car dressed up on it. I don't know why.

Like, dressed as a wolf in a grandma-up costume. Stuck in traffic. Just like tapping the wheel. In the dark of a tunnel, yeah. Going, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. That's the only song you're listening to. Yeah. You're listening to Halloween FM.

You'd be surprised. I'm certain it exists. Yeah, but usually one of those temporary things, you know, like, Magic FM does Christmas. They have like an entire Christmas channel. Yeah. A changed song lyric, not the one I'm saving for the Patreon. Yeah. And it was, the jingle for magic was always more of the songs you love. Yeah.

More of the song. Magic. And during our Warzone days in lockdown, I remember just having stuck in my head for no reason, more of the dongs you love, Dad's Dick. Horrible. No, I'm not saying that's the dong you love, but it's just been separate to that. It's an example. It's an example.

It's just an example. Here is an instance of a dog. You're saying it to a big, angry, crap. at a town hall. It's just an example. It's just an example. It could be any of them. Yeah. The one I sang on Warzone, which, I don't know if I've said on this. Maybe Felipe can say, but is the, um, uh, uh,

oh, who sometimes I look at my penis. Yeah. But I never, never, never, never, never, never see my balls. Really irritating. What's the most effort you've put into us? Halloween costume? Or what's the best one you've done? Ooh. Or actually any outfit, any fancy dress outfit ever? Captain Hook

was pretty elaborate, I guess. Like an actual hired costume? No, to be fair. But like, like, piece together from more than one source, I guess, is the good amount of effort. Who owned the sort of red tunings? Well, like, I'd buy, like, I'd buy it, but like, I would supplement, like, a shit, Captain Hook thing with, like, better, like, actual breaches.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like little shoes. With buckles on. I'd make a buckle. Oh, because you have to go to fancy dress, but I'm not allowed to say, you know, it's sort of like one-armed, like one-armed criminal. Yeah, yeah. Buccaneer.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. It would be like hand fisherman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it would always be like, also like most of the time if I buy a costume, it doesn't fit. So I have to kind of figure out something around there.

Take it to a tailor's. Yeah, yeah. I needed to expand this wolfman dress. Of course, that. Taking, like, an extremely flammable plastic, Sergeant Pepper's thing to like Eden Ravens' crap. Yeah. And it's just like, it's fully Velcro down the back, one piece. Even though it looks like a tunic in trousers.

Yeah. And you say, I'd just like this, yeah, just let out. Yeah, if you've ever seen someone dressed as Mr. Blobby in real life, they've no Mr. Blobby outfit has ever nailed it. No, they all look like Mr. Blubby. Blubby's skin on a man. Yes, it's the baddie of men in black. They look like a prehistoric man

has hunted and killed Mr. Blubby and is now wearing his skin for all the glory. Yeah, it's a bit empty. It's a bit one person in a pantomime horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen one once at like a school fair when I was like nine and it was terrifying because he was thundering after some children. And the head

was just flapping backwards. Katie's met real blobby. Yeah. Because you're backstage at the last leg. Yeah. And And she said that her main takeaway from the situation was that everyone was giddy because it was Mr. Blobby, obviously, he's just pure chaos. But Josh Whitacom said, like, really sincerely, he was like, when Blobby enters the room, the energy just changes.

But, like, he was like, there is such an energy shift with Mr. Blobby's in there. That's like saying from a Netflix documentary. Yeah, the idea is like, there's a... Josh Whitakam would be like, initial... Before he says that, he'd be like, are we recording? Is this one? Oh, thanks. And he'd be like, putting the mic on and taking some water.

Yeah. And then it would cut to him in black and white going, hey, it's the energy. But Katie was like, whenever he came in the room. He was absolutely spot on it is you can't be like. That's so funny. Because I think, I've heard so much the idea of like, you could be in a room with like V-most A-list celebrity around. And within about 10 minutes, you'd just get used to them. Yeah.

I had it a couple of years ago when I was doing it. I did a comedy gig with someone who's like, like Hollywood movie star. Yeah. but doing a life performance, and I was opening for them, and had to sign so many NDAs, and I still cannot say who it was. Yes. But it was like, yeah, within about 10 minutes,

the audience got used to it. They got used to them being on stage. Yeah, it's just another human being. They're just here now. Yeah. But not with blobby. But not with blobby. Not with bloby.

It's not having a wasp in the room. It's so funny that, like, I've seen that attitude happen to, like, kids with a party clown or... Highly recommend watching all the videos of people paying someone dressed as the Grinch to come and fuck up their entire house at Christmas. So funny. Because the level of terror and fear and like and animalistic violence coming from the children,

all of them. Yeah. Storm of terror. And they've hired a guy who likes to do that sort of thing. Just likes to fuck up a new build. Really enjoys it. It's always. Yeah.

What is that? Yeah, it's always a new built house. So that's. That's perfect. Perfect observational comedy about something. Always a new build. So we've got silver carpets. Yeah, I'd say a routine I used to have about Mr. Blobby.

Yeah. I would imagine the quickest an editor has ever removed it from someone's live at the Apollo set before broadcast. I've never, like that, I so. enjoyed doing live at the Apollo and it was such a fun gig to do and I was like I'm having the time of my life and I started this Mr. Blobby routine and it was I've never lost a crowd quick well you just felt the whole crowd hack just instant yeah and then I just like I think I like literally just skipped at the end of the bit with in and I'm like don't forget forget forget I said that move on to the next bit no no we won't pull over we won't pull over we'll keep driving

What was it? It now doesn't work in reverse. Yeah. Because the reveal was Mr. Blobby. It was about me talking about 90s comics. I think I remember this, yeah. Because you'd always get at least a few audience members who've never heard of like Brian Conley. Yeah.

I'd always express disbelief if they hadn't. And then I'd start talking about a comedian called Jaden, and everyone knew it to be so confused. Yes, I remember this, yeah. Yeah. But it was 10, I was talking about Jaden. Mr. Flopvy's first name was Jaden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just, like, so...

I remember that, man. Yeah, it was just, I cannot stress naturalistic. There's more to the bit. Yeah, it wasn't just... Glend didn't just... This was a crucial part of a previous live show. Glenn didn't finish a routine, stand for just a second, and then go, Mr. Blubby's first name is Jaden,

and then raise both arms. Expectantly. Yeah. No, I remember the routine. It was good. Okay, you just skipped. That's all our time. I should say to the listeners,

I'm recording my Radio 4 show, two episodes of it, on the 15th of November in London. The link is on my Instagram. I've put a link on the Patreon. We're going to put a link in the episode description. But yeah, if you guys want to come and make sure that there's a pod bud contingent

to watch my Radio 4 series and to enjoy it in such a way that you'll tell the listeners of Radio 4 that it's good. That'd be very much appreciated. Is that the tabernacle in London on the 15th of November? Hey, Tabernacle's nice. Yeah, well, it'd be even nice if it was filled with pod buds. Who'd get my vibe.

Because, you know, the concern is always, I don't necessarily want it to be full of pensioners. Cool, cool pensioners, yes. But every now and then, if you do do a live Radio 4 show, every now and then, you will find that it's people who sort of go, oh dear. Yeah, the people who need their raincoat, surgically removed. You were born wearing an anorak. Yeah, or it's sort of a barber jacket even though we're in Zone 1. Yes. I was very fortunate. Lots of Podbuds came to my second series of my Radio 4-1,

whereas I didn't have such a luxury in the first series. And so it made it a lot nicer of a broadcasting experience. So they'd definitely go down. That's my goal. That's my goal, Bebe! Anyway, yes, guys, I'd love to see you there. Now we're going to go to the VIP Radio 4 recording. That is the Patreon. where we're going to keep discussing we're going to say a few more things about the old Silence of the Lambs, watch along record. Yes, and obviously do sign up to the Patreon

because you get an extra episode every single week. And usually, I'd argue, I'd argue that when we've just had 45 minutes of warming up, I'd say you get the better episode on the Patreon. It gets even better. And also ad-free versions of the main one. And for our Patreon listeners, George Pod will be out this Monday.

George has been busy being a little theatrical boy and we've all been busy doing other stuff so it's going to be slightly delayed but it is going to be out this Monday so look out for your lovely, lovely George pod. Okay, Koji, thank you. Cogee.