BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2e27 Laying Cable

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

This week Glenn and Pierre talk aphantasia, Grinch home videos, Glenn's reporting career and your correspondence. Email or Dm us your Christmas correspondence and more at [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJISubscribe to our YouTube channel here, for access to full video versions of BudPod -Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/Pierre is on tour in 2026! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 27. People have died in Missouri after a shooting in a nightclub in St. Louis. No arrests have been made. I thought news at 11. Yeah. I thought that it was going to be the rhyme. No, it's just a haunting. Yeah.

It's just the story. If you haven't heard that happened in the nightclub. Because you're an actual news reader by training. We used to be. We used to. But still by training. You still are by training. Yeah, yeah.

You're like an old guy who's still got his legal license. But you just haven't done a legal... You haven't done a case in a while. Yeah. You're still a lawyer. I couldn't be a reporter anymore. I couldn't do that. Why?

Because I was bad at it in the first place. Okay. Because I didn't have the... I didn't have that... You didn't have that gumshoe attitude. Well, yeah, I just didn't have the... I was quite... Doorstepping.

Yeah. I was quite bad. I wasn't aggressive enough. And I was especially bad of, like, politicians. Yeah. Where... That's true. You're an insanely non-confrontational man.

Yeah. So, you'd actually be the worst, like, son reporter. Yeah, because I'd be so surprised whenever, like, Sheffield City Council would announce, like, a raft of cuts. And the guy, like, the BBC reporter would go in and be like, well, how do you think people are meant to survive in Rosamom over the course of the next six months? And as soon as he left, I'd be like, sorry about him, how are you doing?

Like, is that, are you okay? Yeah. God, the cuts, that must have been so hard for you. Why don't you give me your son? Yeah. I was just, I just couldn't confront people about it. I really, really couldn't. You'd be a great journalist in, like, North Korea.

Well, also, I was like, but if I'm being aggressive. Follow the line. I was like, if I'm being aggressive, I'm not being impartial, am I? Because I'm, like, annoyed. I mean, in character, annoyed. That's true, actually. Why is, why is aggressive and contrary

seen as productively honest? I couldn't understand why Michael Quit was allowed to be like, well, it's not very good, though, is it? Like, you go, oh, there's opinion. You can't, you can't do that. It feels like you're just throwing out negative opinions to see if you spook them. Yeah.

And they're like, David Cameron's superpower that he just went, no, it is good. And they went, fuck. Yeah. No, he's, he's fucked me. I cannot, as a result, I really struggle with, It's more in video games and movies. Movies are a bit more sophisticated with this,

but news reports in TV shows and movies are always just so full of opinions. Which is illegal? And police caught the horrible killer earlier. You've committed contempt of court already. Hasn't even gone to court yet. Yeah, what have you done? I like how angry it makes you when you get... You particularly, because of your training,

those replies underneath news stories. But they just go, why is murdering, in quotes? Does stabbing someone not count as murder? Yeah. Because we don't know it was exactly... Sorry, Will Smith appeared to slap Chris Rock. I was there.

I should be the reporter. I saw him in my own bloody eyes. He did slap him. No, we can't legally say that. It's worse when there's like, if there's like a huge explosion. Massive explosion across a whole city in like Eastern Europe. And they go, at least one person has died. Yeah, I fucking reckon so.

I know if we can't say. They've found one body. So that's all you can say. It's enraging. But yeah, or just, um, uh, you'd get it under, let's say, like, back 10 years ago or so. Lena Dunham would say something controversial. Yeah. And all the, you'd get these sort of very BuzzFeed-esque comments or

that like rewriting the headline being like, Lena Dunham Slays is amazing. There, fixed it for you. And you get, need of not, you have done irreparable damage. I think if you use whatever, Twitter, Blue Sky, threads, and you reply to tweets done by a bot on behalf of BBC News, you should be hospitalized. Yes, absolutely.

It's just a BBC News tweet bot has said It's just linked to the headline and copy paste to the headline into the tweet And you're replying going Huh, well, what about this then? You go, you ask you, you're talking to the fridge You're talking to the fucking toaster The toast pops up

Well, you may well say that, sir You're a fucking idiot Don't get up a tea with me You go back Toast again, is it? Yeah Last I checked, I put bread in there Where's the bread gone?

Are you fucking stink by the way? You've been in there for ages. I once posted a fake, like, I Photoshopped like a fake job listing for Sky. And it was like, I said like, oh, I just posted on Twitter saying, like, a job opportunity has just come up for all your dads. And it was a job opportunity. And it was like, we're looking for someone who can join our team to reply to all our tweets about celebrities with never bloody heard of them. And the amount of replies I got saying stuff like, yeah, but when they do, I usually haven't really heard of them.

And it was like, so it's about you. And you know that, don't you? Yeah. You can't go... I'm making fun of you. Yeah. People who shit their pants are idiots. Oh, well.

I'm shit my pants. We usually want to do shit my pants. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's something wrong with people's... Like, what are they doing when they say that? Because there's almost all celebrities I haven't heard of. I'm an old man.

Yeah. But I don't think that they're fake. What is the accusation there? You've made up, Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah. She's not real. Oh, sorry. Okay.

hey, I shouldn't have told you about that. I'm sorry, that was mean of me. Well, do they think, is it like a kind of general extension of the, no bloody good music these days? Is that what it is? But it's like no bloody good celebrities. Yeah, there's no good celebrities these days. Why haven't you got anything in news about Tommy Cooper?

Yeah. Yeah. He's still. And Tommy Cooper has still died at the age of six. Yeah, would you say the age he died after, So the 80 would be now. Yeah. Yeah.

Report suggests he passed away in the early hours of 56 years ago. Is the subtext of all of those tweets, I don't want to die? Don't spit the tea. You're so close. I nearly even... That was close. That was really cool.

That's the subtext, though, isn't it? There's a new celebrity you haven't heard of. I don't want to die. She's replying, going, I don't want to die. I miss being young. Sidney Sweeney trying to guess. Laboobo is doing six, seven outside of McDonald's drive-thru in front of Jimmy Fallon. I don't want to die.

This is new. Does he say about Norman wisdom? Where's David Bowie? Where's David? Yeah. It's literally, it's Anthony Hopkins at the end of the father. You should have all these replies of people in hospital going, I want my mommy.

I want someone. want to come and fetch me. He saw a picture of a Labubo. A little kid, a kid said 6-7 and then dab. Yeah, for him that's the rabbit and Doddy Darko. I'm losing all of my leaves. It'd be the most haunting, like, preset GIF reply. That scene on Twitter.

When it's sort of auto-filled. Well, I've never heard of them, and you type in Losing leaves, stock, GIF. Send. Send to middle-aged man. Send to middle-aged man whose profile picture is the most pixelated image of a football strike of mid-kick I've ever seen in my life. Do you know what I can't stop thinking about?

An observation you made, I think on this podcast, or Button Boys, about the Grinch videos. Oh, right. Where people hire a Grinch. And they go, he put washing up liquid all over my sofa. All over my corner sofa. So. So if you haven't seen these videos, I highly recommend looking them up.

Because a man dressed as Jim Carrey is The Grinch. Barely. Barely. Okay, but as close as you can get with a cloth outfit. Yes, yeah. Loose cloth. Oh, no, no, no. This is charity shops. This is like... It's basically a bank robber's mask, right?

Like a green clan hood. Yeah, yeah. One of those fancy dress costumes, which, like, it's, like, again, like we spoke about it before, when you see, like, someone in a Sergeant Pepper's outfit, you'd see them at, like, uni or whatever. And you'd go about that. That's the fabric of it. of a dust sheet.

You know, like Dexter would put, like, would kill someone on that fabric? It'd be really funny if in one episode of Dexter, the guy was just dressed as a Sergeant Peppers. Yeah. And he's like, why did you? And he goes... Bloodyed Austin Bowen-Bow. Yeah. Dexter's like, I need to make it fun for me.

Yeah, yeah. So samey for me. Um, but watch the videos because the Grinch bursts in, and I think the parents pre-warned their kids enough. Like, if you keep being little assholes, the Grinch is going to come. Yeah. So the second the Grinch comes in, the kids are like fleeing. They don't, it's not like they pause and go, well, who's there? They've obviously been prepped to fear the Grinch.

Yeah. And he kind of runs around and sprays fairy liquid on things and, like, kicks. Sometimes they'll do fake, I've seen one where they get fake presents, hollow. They throw them on a fire. Fucking hell. Yeah, like, it's an empty cardboard box, but it really goes up. And the kids are like, in front of a fire, like, ah! Trying to get it out.

And, like, scolding their hand, like the hat guy in Raiders, of the lost art. And they've got, it's like, Clinton's on there. But, like, spreading flaming ash around the house. So, very funny videos, very strange. Not a thing I thought would exist. Yeah. And your observation was, they're always in a new build. Yeah.

And that's so perfect. It makes more sense than when they're American videos, because all American... A mansion sort of thing. We're always like a big house. Yeah, corner surf is exactly right. Yeah, in terms of Christmas paraphernalia and mascots, I was in Nero this morning about just before like 6am, because it's at Houston Station. It's near absolute. And it's lovely because it's very empty at that time of the morning. And they always play classical music to stop me and my mates from hanging around there. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's all very tranquil. But they had an elf on the shelf there. I wasn't expecting to see an elf on the shelf there.

In a cafe Nero? Yeah, I was looking at the elf on the shelf, and I thought how awful it must be if you had years ago hit and run killed someone who looked like an elf from elf on the shelf and how difficult this time of year would be for you, because you'd always see them. You'd be living in the advert of Hit Me at 30, and there's a 20% chance I'll live. Yeah, that dead girl following you. Yeah, I thought that was a separate video.

Those were separate adverts. Oh, yeah, there's one where a guy kept seeing like a crumpled lad around his house. Yeah, and like under his desk and things. Yeah. It really haunted me. Get out from under there. Yeah. And then there was the, uh, for Wash Me at 30.

Um, yeah. But, like, Vat had kind of a happy ending because she starts off crumpled. And then it rewinds. And then to when she's been hit by 30 and she's like, ow! That, the fucking one where there's like a dead boy around the place, like the grudge. That scared me much more than like the drunk at 3pm guy, a guy who's going to drive the car and kill people with it. Yeah. I was in the advert, I'm the most afraid of that advert, I'm the victim.

Yeah, I guess. I was 10. Yeah. It was horrified. Yeah, whereas I wasn't of like a drinking age when they had that sort of like, like, you were over the limit. I'm afraid we're going to take your license. We're going to have to let you go, oh, that's just great, Matt. No, car no job. Now what?

Now what. It's a soundtrack of my childhood. Now what? Yeah, just another neck oil, please. Thank you. So is the Guinness? New barrel, yeah? You still serve it?

Yeah. It's a... Last order, I'd two then. I'll get two. The dumbest order I've ever, like, legitimately, I thought, logically placed. Yeah. Was me and Matt Ewens and Kate Palmer, who does all the tech for Matt Owens's great comedy shows. And Chris Quayl is agent.

Yeah. We'd just been at a festival, a short at J-R-G. And we were at a bar afterwards, and it was very, very late. And there were the four of us. I went up to get them around. And the bartender was like, we're just about to close. So, like, can I, do you mind if we just do like half pints? And I went, yeah, great, can I have eight half-pints, please?

But in my head, I was like, I'm being clever. And he was just like, no, what do you like? I can't believe how many anti-drinking and driving adverts I saw when I was nine. They're on kids' TV. But you watched terrestrial TV back then. So, like, you're unlikely to see them now. Yeah. Yeah, there was the boy who's like, like, like, saying, like, home life's really difficult

at the moment my parents keep arguing. Yeah, fuck. And then a car goes through and he was a ghost all along. Yeah, and so you think, were they were arguing because you were a ghost, or they argued and they ran you over. Yeah. Sometimes they were just like 11 social ills in one advert.

Yes. It would be like a ghost child going, my mom and dad are arguing too much. I think because of all the gambling debt, and now they're drinking. And also, I won't recycle this at all. Yeah. You go, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Let me retrieve this frisbee from this pylon. So I can recycle it. Wait, wait, wait, way, way, way. Which is it? I'm gonna get NSPCC. Oh, yeah, yeah. Interesting. Oh, that's like an M-night Shamala.

Okay, it was, it was the NSPCC all along. Yes, he climbs the pylon. It's fine, but he like shoes a bird away and it's RSPV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they shoot him for shoeing the bird. He gets to the top of the pylon and his dad just wax him around the head. And it says, NSPC, oh, okay. Get down.

Don't climb pylon. Yeah. But it's confusing, though. Yeah, because he shouldn't, he was right to do that. The child was in the wrong, but the, okay. Boy must learn. Yeah. That's what happens if you have your societal safety adverts

directed by like French directors. Yeah. Like, he's ambiguous. Oh, that car going through the boy and he sort of goes, oh, whatever, you know. Like, if at the end it was just on, ghosts. And then just when I'm doing. Ghosts.

If you see one, keep driving. See it, say it. Spooky. Ghosts. Drive through them. Don't stop to pick them up. Yeah. Ghosts.

You can just go through them. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Then the next advert's up Bananas, just take one. Just have them. It's all right, just have it, it's okay. Bananas, just have them. I always wondered if

advertising would do better if the adverts were a bit more alarming. Yeah, definitely. But not like, if it was just like Frosties was just a guy in like a black and white room, light bulb flickering above his head, just shoveling Frosties into his mouth dry. And then at the end it goes, like,

then at the end, it sort of, says like, he's coming. And then at the end it goes, Frosties. I wonder if that would have sold more units than, They're gonna taste great. Well, that is as horrifying they're gonna taste great because of the slight flatness of the voice and the fact that he sang like he was impersonating shouting

but couldn't shout. That was the singing style. You're gonna taste great. You're like, oh, in the original, they're really shouting it, but you can't, you're indoors, you're inside. Yeah, you're doing an impression of someone yelling to, but you live in a flat. Hey, hey.

And this guy's like, it's like that sort of thing, yeah. This guy's like, I'm like, oh, you're like, they're kind of weird, yeah. Hollow, yeah. Hollow shouting. Yeah. Disgusting.

I do think that, though. Like, whenever there was like a thing of like the best adverts of the, whatever decade, they were always funny. Yeah. Always. Yeah. So why aren't they all funny?

The PG-Tips monkeys. Yeah. The gamble-aware monkeys as well. It was all quite monkey-based, wasn't it? Monkeys. Remember to put your batteries in your smoke alarm, you chimp. Is he a chimpanzee just trying to unscrew it? Here's what I would see as a kid. I'm just trying to watch Dexter's Lab.

Yeah. And instead of watching Dexter's Lab, I'm seeing the Chelsea Building Society advert that I spoke about on the Live Pod. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. Raid my savings. And your wife and kids, too.

That one. I'm seeing the Chelsea Building Society advert. I'm seeing don't drink and drive. I'm seeing don't hit your kids. I'm saying don't come home pissed and make a chip pan fire happen in your house. Yeah. Fire safety was relentless.

And that was terrifying. I'd show you a house burning down. But advert I was most scared of as a kid. And eight mortgage providers. It was roundabout Christmas. It was for Operation Bumblebee, which was like a Christmas burglary sort of thing. And there'd be, yeah.

And there was his advert, radio advert as a kid. And it was like, because, you know, if you don't lock your house properly, then miss Christmas, you could be hearing this. And it's just these children screaming and sobbing. And it was like, I would like cover my ears in the car.

Oh. Yeah. What? Right? And the screaming and sobbing is... They're upset because they've woken up on Christmas Day and there's, you know, there's a shit on their carpet. And... I thought they'd be screaming and sobbing them to pieces. Oh, no, no, no, no. They weren't being murdered. Sorry. That would be insane. I forget. These are British burglars.

Yes, yeah. Right, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, burglary means murder. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or at the very least, like, It's bad, bad stuff happening to you. John the hamburger ever does a shit on the floor of the restaurant. Oh, he's been again.

You've got to shut this branch. You don't understand. McDonald's has a protocol. He's doing it for drugs. We have to steam clean the entire... It's going to be a week. It's going to be... We've lost a week of business.

And he knows this because he used to work here. Because he's a traitor. That's how he knows how to get in. He took a shit on the floor. That's the sort of thing a traitor would do. Yeah. And for that reason of those things... Averted for yourself, Stephen Fry.

No, sort of. Well, if you're laying cable on the floor, an incorrect thing to do, then... Laying cable is so vile. It's so vile. There's something so dehydrated about it. Because it's something black about it, isn't it? Like black and sleek.

Like an undersea electronics cable. Yeah. But also the idea that someone's walking backwards Like the opposite of hauling rope Pushing it as they walk backwards Like a crab? Yes, yeah, yeah. They're walking backwards while pulling it out from under them And so it's in a line on the floor.

I always forget, yeah, the burglars here are like, they're like mere cats or something. They're like a furtive creature. They want to get into your house when you're not there. Yeah. They don't want to spook anyone. They want to do a shit somewhere weird, like a wild animal. They want to run away and sell the PlayStation and just get some money for it.

We've spoken about this when I covered for a couple of episodes, like a year ago. But we had a TV show here in the early noughties, where as a presenter who was like a formula burglar, he'd basically test the idea. It was like a couple would sort of put their home up for the TV show. Like, burgled me this or something. Yeah. And they'd see, let's see how secure your home is. And they'd watch on cameras, on hidden cameras from a show.

studio as he broke into their home and he would absolutely fucking ransack the place. And then he'd come back a week later once he'd invested in security and then he wouldn't be able to get in. They'd be like, that's how you'd do it. And it'd be like, there's got to be an easier way. Because also, we'd like still have her stuff and he'd be like, can I have my stuff back? No. You're already. Yeah. He's the cleverest burglar in the country. Yeah. If he's own TV show to do it. If we just film it, then it's no longer burglary. Yeah. And idiots will send in their house to be burgled by me.

Crazy as an idea. That's like in some states in the US where it was legal to make pornography, but not legal to sleep with a sex worker. They'd just set up a camera and then hire a sex worker. Interesting. Because they go, yeah, I was making a film. Yeah. He's done that with burglary?

There are two TV shows which I think I must have made up. And I don't, they can't have existed. One was called, I think it was called like Alter ego and I think it was John Colshaw. And the idea was he interviewed a guest while dressed up as them impersonating them. I vaguely remember this. So it'd be like him and Chris Tarrant, and he'd be dressed as Chris Tarrant,

interviewing Chris Tarrant in character as Chris Taryn. Who? Yeah. Who? And that was the show. I remember running for one episode. The most insulting and passive aggressive show possible. Yes.

Yeah. This is what you're like. Ooh. Yeah, really. Incredibly rude. A really mean impressionist. The rudest show. Yeah, yeah.

What was he going to do if it was like John Prescott? or something. It's a big fat suit. I guess so, because it was the 90s, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And then the other one, I'm certain. I only saw it in the TV guide, and I never watched it. It was called It's Your Funeral. And you very sincerely, guests came on and spoke about what their dream funeral is, but it was presented by Simon Weston.

Who's that? He's the Falkland survivor. He's got a very burnt face. He's got a big mustache. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And he's a presenter. But it felt a bit odd that they'd made him the presenter as if to be like, like, you're close-ish. You nearly died? Yes, exactly. Really strange, morbid idea for a shot.

I guess we don't have a celebrity Undertaker yet. The Undertaker. He's done so little work. To him, it's the same as reporting for you. Yeah. If we said to The Undertaker, so would you ever like just, you know, just to keep your hand and do it if you know,

I could never do it now. I feel like I'm being really boxed. So out of practice. I'm so out of practice. I'd screw it all up. by, you've got to drain the fluid from the lymph nodes and replace it with formaldehyde and, oh. Yeah, his moves weren't ever really that undertaker-based way.

He never, like, pinned someone down and gave him quite a neat haircut. Yeah, well, he never... Dressed him in sight, nice. He never fully drained the blood from their body. He never held someone down and put makeup on them, so they looked more alive. Instead of pinning them, he just does that on their eyes. Pushing two coins and it's... Yeah.

Like that. So, also, if I went to a funeral... But the river sticks. If I went to a funeral home and a guy who looked like that opened the door, I wouldn't do my funeral there. I wouldn't do anyone's funeral. Oh, it's a biker funeral. You're doing some kind of biker funeral, aren't you?

There's funeral where, like, the only catering you do is black... It's like Jack Daniels and cigarettes. Yeah. And you're wearing, like, Slashes hat. Yeah, yeah. Guns and roses on the organ. Yeah. Like a slow church organ.

Like a slow church organ. Nna, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Neas. In my head, all the bikers are there crying, but they're still on their bikes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're always revving. You can go. You can go. Stop revving, you can go.

Do you take the handbrake off? That's what you need to do. You're stuck. I was walking down my high street, and it was late at night, and there was a guy with a And it was one of those bikes that's like had every limiting thing on the noise removed. So it was like just gunshots. Bah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. And him and his mate were like dicking around with it. Like, he was showing his mate something about it.

Look how loud it is. And like two 11-year-olds were like so enchanted by it and asking him to like red it and make it a loud. Which immediately makes it uncool. The moment you find an 11-year-old kid is like, wow, that's so at my street, you go, fuck. Wow, a broom broom! But he was like, yeah, it is loud. Like they were having some nice time together. Yeah.

them, of course, because why would you be so loud? Yes. And I genuinely, I walked past and I thought, don't even look over there because when you get like the intrusive thought. Yeah. I was so close to going, wow, cool! Like, so loud! How did you make it so, like, really sarcastic?

I do that every time, like, a really egregiously loud sports car, like, thunders its way through, like, say, Lester Square. Yeah. brightly coloured. And whenever it goes by, whoever I'm walking off, I go, do you see that guy's dick?

Did you see that guy's the biggest dick of ever? Did you see that guy's dick? Come back. There should be some kind of thing that we all do. Like, we all just stop and applaud. Yeah. Whoa! Wow, loud.

Oh, I wish you'll do that again. But one of my favorite limp things to do. One of my favorite limp things to do is wish in the present and in the future. I do this to Katie. I wish I have it. Yeah, yeah, sort of like, oh, I wish we'll go to the cinema later. Oh, I wish we will. Yeah, that's horrible.

Yeah, why is that so horrible. It's a really horrible, like, Edmund Line and the Witch and the Wardrobe bullshit, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, that's a real... I wish we'll have Turkish delight. There's a whole thing online of Americans finding and trying Turkish delight to being like, this is the fucking treat? It's... It's unimaginably vile.

I like it. It's just soap jelly, isn't it? There was an intense wrongness when you first time you tasted. I've always wanted to eat soap. I've always wanted to eat soap. The clear kind. Yeah, yeah. And the gems that come in a fish tank.

I've talked about this, many, many episodes ago. Oh, mine are, in my head, I think Jupiter looks delicious. Yeah. The planet Jupiter, I'm like... What kind of delicious? Salter caramel. It's a big ball of ice cream, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

It's all swirly. Yeah, I see that. Or maybe like a really hazel nutty coffee. Yes, yes, yes, yes. We should also say, you and I are about to spend, A lot of time together. Last night we're doing Budd Boys. We're getting married. To our jobs. More Budpod coming your way.

Yeah. Which is true, because last night we were doing Button Boys, this morning we're doing this. And I'm ferrying you straight to your stag do. Correct. And then I'm going back home immediately after. I'm not invited. But I'm dropping you off. And dropping you off. We're spending the weekend together. And then literally, the day after your stag do, we're watching the holiday as part of a new Patreon tier. A film which is phenomenally strange. You've seen it. You've seen it before, right?

It's got seven endings. When I first watched it, I kept, like, I was at home, and it was like, I think, I've watched it, oh, what? And then more, more Jack Black. Yes, and it has, I think, probably the record, and I guess we'll go into this when we watch it, that got to be the record for most unfired Chekhov's guns. Yes, fucking hell. At the beginning, she's got like heart palpitations, that never comes up again.

No. And then for a little while, she's haunted by, she's haunted by Cameron Diaz, as mid-noughties, comedy, movie trailer voice. Yeah. You know if it's like specific types of movie trailer, so there's like, they're gonna have to learn how to get along. It's like, it's more like, it feels a mixture of the one man and like 70s horror trailer, and it's 2009 and smartphones have just been invented.

You know, that kind of, but Gerard can't seem to make his way up in the corporate world. Yes. It's that. She's haunted by that voice briefly. Because she's a movie trailer editor. How does that get you a fucking massive mansion in LA? How? Yeah.

She's hiring John Krasinski for God's sake. Yeah. Yeah. And what's her face from the Marvel series and the fucking... This is going to bother me now. Yeah. It's really going to bother me. But, Catherine Hahn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. None of it's resolved. None of it is ever explained. They don't care that it doesn't make sense. Yeah. The fact is, that little cottage in the Cotswolds, where Waterface lives

probably cost more than that fucking house in L.A. Has to have done. Because that's how perverse British versus American property prices are. Yeah, it's like Cotswolds, but easily commutable into London. So I'm guessing that's like Hazelmeir,

Gilford sort of area. That cottage is like her neighbours are the cheese guy from Blur, David Cameron, like Jeremy Clarkson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She lives in Chiving Norton. Like when she tries to kill herself

with like the Arga, I'm like, oh, Arga. Oh, someone's doing well at the Telegraph. Yeah, in print journalism and the other one is doing video editing. Yeah. Is the holiday the most vulnerable to social change? Film.

Yes, I think it is because, remember, Cameron Diaz is putting all her stuff on a movie that features the huge... Oh, the starlets with huge careers ahead of them. James Franco and Lindsay Lohan. You know them from Not Now? You know them from collapse of the mind? Also, when Jack Black's walking around a rental video shop, Oh, yeah.

It's such a day... I never... Yeah. Technology has really fucked the entire plot of... Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so we're gonna watch that. Yeah, and we're gonna enjoy it.

And we're gonna enjoy it. For the mid tier of the Patreon. On the starting tier of the Patreon, you still get an extra episode a week. Full episode, like regular, normal episode. Yeah. So a continuation of what you're hearing right now. That's right.

And a George Potter month. And there'll be... You know, we're scheming and plotting. Schemeing and plotting more stuff. Oh, yeah. So sign up to the Patreon and you'll get an extra episode every Friday and if you do, thank you very much and we'll see you on Friday. But for now, it's correspondence time. Cothorondence.

It's time for parochadon. No. It's time for Roscapondents. Letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. Correspondence. Did you ever have that as a kid where you? just couldn't make up a name. Yeah.

Yeah, so we'd be like, make up a name real quick, you'd be like, Benjonton. Jung, Regnard. Regnour. Regnor, Burttington. Regnor Burtignton. Salath Melchior. I'm really confidently just saying the name of a fucking,

like, vampire. So we just need a fake name. Salath Melchior. Okay, yeah? Yeah, sure, that was quick. Yes. There's a first one that came to mine. I got a lovely message from someone who listens about my book.

Hey! If you know an artist and you must... A friend of Pierre. A friend of Katie. As Katie calls us. Them, us. Consider buying them my book. A comedian's guide to autism.

It's also been, according to the messages people send me, particularly useful, as a kind of, sort of subtle way of inserting the idea. into the mind of someone who definitely is in the gang, but would never want to think so. So I've had a few people say, yeah, I just, you know, wow, what a funny book. And then, you know, their dad reads it in between calculating square numbers. And goes, I'm a bit like this.

And they go, yes, you are. When you get like a stocking filler, like a book that's called, like, are you wearing too little deodorant? I'm one of this might be good. 101 ass wiping tips. I don't know. It was just on the shelf next to Aunt Middleton's automobile. Just by that guy from the traitors, that's interesting.

There's always someone who's been in the TV recently, the Socky Phil. It's pre-written, they just put the name on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jackie Weaver. Jackie Weaver's 101 as wiping your bum. I use paper. Thanks, Jackie. So, this is from Sophie.

This is a song. Okay, great. New lyrics? Yeah. Hi, Pierre and Glenn. Traditional. Hi, Pierre and Glenn. Yeah, I think that's nice.

Yeah. Yeah, just keep it as our names. It's like vanilla ice cream. It's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand the... I've never understood the issue with vanilla in the same way that, like... It feels performative in the same way that, like, hating pineapple on pizza or insisting diehards of Christmas film.

Yes, it's very... The internet's told me this opinion. Yeah, because I'll have it from now on. So Sophie says, hi, Pierre and Glenn. Hello. I have a song for you. Thank you, Sophie. To the tune of fives, everybody get up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you, were you a fan of five? No, I wasn't. I used to watch, there was like some charts, like a music award show that me and my sister Janelle would always watch on like the Sunday where we put the Christmas tree up, for some reason it always coincided with that.

And they talk about the big pop music moments of a year. Yeah. And they always did like, funniest celebrity. And funniest celebrity was always aged from steps because he would just stick his tongue out during life performances. He was like, funniest celebrity. And then Best Haircut always went to one of the guys from five, because he basically, I think his name was like Spike.

Yeah. But he had like Hellraiser. Yeah. It was like Hellraiser. Individual squares. Yes. With like the white skin in between the grids. From the tight, like, um... Who am I thinking of who did the...

The Gangsters Paradise? Culeo. It was a coolio. Didn't he have... Maybe, yeah. They were like dreads or braids, but they was tight enough that you could see the squares. Yes, yeah, yeah. But it's so tight, like... Yeah, if you put one finger down, it would just,

penetrate your entire, the nail would come right off. Like, you'd kill yourself on that. But I remember hating, that's my main memory of five. I remember not enjoying whenever that song started, because it starts exactly the same as Joan Jets, I love rock and roll. In the same way, it's that fear you have of when you hear the same piano note and you go, right, is this John Lannons, is this John Lennon's imagine, or is this oasis?

Is this Sto'Libaldon's back in anger? And it's the same as, is this, is it going to be day? either Bowie and Queen, or is it gonna be vanilla ice? Is this Warren Zvon's Werewolves of London, or is it Kid Rocks? Lamentable. We would drinking

funny things and smoking funny things. Sweet home, Alabama, awful. Yeah, really disgusting. So, this is to the tune of... Everybody get up. Everybody get up. Yeah. By five.

Everybody get up, sing it. Five or me. make you get down now, except there's only four, because one of them is dead. So, so, so. I don't think that's true. So, what do you say? Here's the explanation. I dream that I was watching five before, but one of the members was dead.

And that's how they'd address it in their singing. That's how they tell you. Yeah, well, no, they were just constantly back references. They've been told by their agent, lean in, guys. It's everyone's sad, but your choices are, mention it at the end, don't mention it, or mention it constantly. We're going for constantly. So, like, they're all doing all the dance moves and stuff,

and then one of them does a big, like, stanky leg, like, right in front of them. Yeah, yeah. One of them is dead, like that. Except there's only four, because one of them is dead. And everyone's... Cheers? I remember NSYNC. My sister having, like, an NSYNC,

and one of their... What a sentence. One of their stage performances, they were like marionettes and they were like suspended up in the air. They were seeing normally, and suddenly they were raised up in the air. Like, I don't know if you ever... Do you ever watch Peter Pan Amateur Productions Going Wrong videos on YouTube?

Wow, what an insight. There's two kind of compilation videos I find very, very funny. One is amateur stage productions of Peter Pan going wrong with either wires where suddenly Wendy's just flung into a wall. Peter Pan's being hung but only from one wire. It's like he's been lynched by the French resistance. Yeah. For being a collaborator.

My other kind is local fireworks display where they've accidentally set the fireworks off at once. And that was so funny. Because everyone's, it's like... It's like watching a ship explode. And you son.

And there's an immediate sense of, oh my God, this is how they're starting? Imagine what it would be like, you know, no, it's over. That was it. So I would die laughing every time my sister watched this thing. because it was a complete surprise to the audience that N-Sinku were just dancing around normally

suddenly just get raised up in the air. And I was like, imagine if it was like a public hanging and that's how they killed N-Sing. So they're dancing normally and they're in unison, they all just get raised up in the air. Yeah, but then a sort of 1700s town crier comes on. It says, Behold!

They dance the Tyburn jig. Piracy will not be tolerated. You go, wait, what do they do? Their final words, dirty pop. You're Encinge with Pirates? Aye. As far as I know. Okay.

So who, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang. I'm sure. Yeah, well. Yeah. They match the description. Okay. Lance Bass's famous catchphrase, I'm the captain now. So, Servi says, I dreamed I was watching Fire Perform, but one of the members was dead.

So weird. And I woke up singing this and laughing to myself. But the bat, when they perform, it still spelled the way it used to be, and it's the number five, but then oh, you are. Fahour. Vair. One of them is dead. I really like that.

Yeah, that's great. Except there's only four, because one of them is dead. Well, well done, Sophie. Sophie. Thank you. This is from Matthew. Hello, Matthew. Hi, P and G, and additionally, G.

I think he means George. Yeah, that makes sense. PGG. GPG. I was fascinated to hear George say he finds it impossible to imagine an A-Fantasic state. So this is on George Pod on the picture. Yes, yeah, yeah. Because of the A-Fentatian...

Being able to visualize an Apple, for instance. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Because as an A-Fantazic person, I find it equally impossible to imagine having mental images. Yeah, I get that that would be in case, yeah. He said it's not quite right to say that I can't picture things.

I've always felt that the question, when you imagine something, are you really picturing it in your mind's eyes, a bit of a category area? There's no visual representation, but I still know everything about what the thing looks like. It's like having the ability to see a real object with my eyes closed. Yes. I don't just metaphorically see the generalized platonic ideal of the thing. I blind see something very specific. You might not be affintasic then.

I don't really understand... I think I could... In a sense of a lot, I could tell you this from memory. But I'm not visualizing it, but they could just... The information stored internally. It's all there. But what I see isn't a generalized platonic ideal. I can see whatever type of apple I want in perfect.

I can imagine a green one with very slight spots and rotate that in my head. I can imagine one that's fading yellow to red across a particular hemisphere. Is that what you normally picture? I normally picture a sort of generic kind of gala apple. Okay. You know?

I picture Adam taking that one forbidden bite. That first forbidden, ever so naughty bite. But you see everything through the lens of the Old Testament. Oh, yeah, yeah. Picture a boat. It's a marvelous. Great wooden boat for all the good in the world. So I don't...

I don't know if... I just thought, like, you know, people are like, how alarmed, I guess, would you be? Would you listen if, you know, say, the cleverest person in your town started building, you saw them building a large arc in their garden. Yeah. But I wonder how I'd feel if, like, you know, the cleverest, most sound, most rational person and you started building just an enormous swan pedalo. And they're going to be like, is this just for you and one other person?

Yeah. You'd have to try and tease it out of them and say, what's... Like, one big saucer, like, they're on the waltzes at the theme park. You guess, what's happened? What's the event? Yeah, if they started submitting all these pattern designs for an anti-salt hat. And you go, what's going to happen? Salt hat?

Yeah. Not gloves or... No, no, no. Why would I need those? Yeah. You go, okay. I got my head of hair to worry about. Okay.

You sit there going, I don't, I don't want to... I can't ask directly. Yeah. Oh, he's worried about something very specific. Matthew, I'd say check up the... Check up the Aphantac scale, because there are some people who imagine, like, just a platonic ideal. So when they imagine an apple, they imagine like a cartoon of an apple. Yes.

Like an emoji of an apple. Yeah. Whereas there are people like myself who've got horrible, constant head vision. Which means that when I see a horror film, it's in there forever, pretty much. Interesting. If I see something horrible, it's in there forever. Interesting. My theory, my armchair theory, is that if you get traumatized by something you saw,

you might be on that end of the Aphantasek scale. Because my agent, Julian... Yes, he... I didn't realize until I listened to the pod that he's got this. Yes, and so he's like... I said to him, when you watch a horror film, do you like dream of... And he's like, well, no, because my dreams... I don't have images in them. So he's not remembering the scary thing he saw.

He's remembering the concept and how he felt. He's just hearing someone saying, blood. Blood. Blood. Transylvania. Coffin. Matthew says, in fact, I imagine things successfully enough to be a public... novelist. So www. Matthew Blackstad.com

if you want to check up Matthew's books, it's very cool. It's not so much that you can't imagine things, Matthews, that you can't see things. Whereas when you say to someone with A Fantasia, imagine an apple, they're imagining a kind of whatever it is that an apple means to them internally. Yeah. There is still something going on.

It's not like your brain goes and nothing happens. Yes. So he says, the worlds I dream up are very, when I'm writing a very real to me in the sense that I can picture them hear time, picture them, hear them, and sometimes even smell them. I think if you can picture them, you don't have Aphantasia. Because, like, the people I've spoken to who have Aphantia,

they can picture nothing, and they say, no, there's no images in there at all. Sometimes text. What happens if we check out his books, and it's like, the man walked into the room. I don't know what he looks like. I don't fucking know. The room was larger than the previous room. Like, it's all relative to something. The man...

We're not saying your books are like that, man. No. They're very good. I looked up on the website. They looked like they're a great success. They had, one had a quote from the Financial Times on. Hmm.

And they do have a genuinely really good literary reviews. I used to work at the Financial Times. Did you? Yeah, it was on my first jobs. What? Yeah. When? Oh, we'll talk about it on the Patreon.

Okay. I didn't even know. Oh, wow. Great. But on the other hand, I guess I'm not a filmmaker, and I don't think I'd be any good at that. I don't know, Matthew, because, I don't know if I said this on the Patreon,

but half of the, half of the graphic design team at Pixar, were Aphantasic. Really? And they're doing 3D imaging as a job, an animation. Wow. And the theory was that like, oh, maybe that actually makes them in some way better at their job from a different angle.

Yeah. Because they're like trying to realize something and they're more into the 3D imaging thing because they're just going, oh, I guess that is what it looks like. They're more flexible. Unless the thing they made was that first ever Pixar short with the baby. The horrible baby. Oh, I don't like that. But all this does make me want to ask you mental image boys.

When you imagine a sound, do you hear it in your mind's ear? Do you smell a smell in your... mind's nose. I guess I do. Can you imagine a smell? Can I imagine? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, smells the closest to memories, that makes sense. What about imagining a sound, specific sound? I can imagine sounds because I play songs in my head. Yeah. Like, I will happily just like, I can't on a whole playlist in my head. Play a song from start to finish in my head. Really? Yeah. Okay, I can't do that. Oh. No, I can't do that. So, why do you just, why do you

have an iPhone. Where do you, like, music? Like, do you hear? When they came out with like, Walkmans, we're like, why would I buy that? I have, I have, I've got Thought FM. I've got Glenn FM in here. I can hear the songs, it's just me seeing it. It's me seeing it.

Me, playing the instruments to my real life ability. So, like, if it's a bit involved in like a violin, I'm like, that bit's awful, because I've never... And you're just there, like, you're there, like, thingy in X-Men. Like, Magneto. Magneto. I hate this song now. Get out of my head, Charles.

Oh, I hate electric light orchestra. I hate them. You can't listen to classical music. Yeah, exactly. The best thing I can listen to is grime or anything like, because I'm like, yeah, I can operate a drill. I can operate a chainsaw in the background and some smashing glass. Whereas, like, if it's the Royal Philharmonic, would be nightmarish.

A thousand of me playing the violin. And me conducting as well, so it's completely off. 800 cellos all being screamed. about you. Yeah. Oh, fair enough. That's how I see music. How about you?

Get in touch. Get in touch with your internal radio station. Yeah, mine is more like an internal photo slideshow interspersed with. With like a... Like the sound of a slides clicking into place. Like you're being shown secret images ahead of a World War II era mission. Here is the beach. Medal of Honor brief.

Mission brief during the loading screen. Exactly. Exactly. I love that sound. Well, we'll see you on the Patreon guys. If you are a Patreon subscriber, and if you are a mid-tier Patreon subscriber, a real VIP, then we will see you when you listen to the holiday as part of your festival.

Yeah, remember to buy Pierre's book as well, because Christmas is coming out. For the artist in your life. Yeah, remember to see us on tour as well. Your tour kicks off next year. Yes, Soho Theatre run in January and then touring from late February. Great. And the second half of my tour resumes in January.

And also, if I may, my Radio 4 series, which I mentioned briefly at a time when I was recording it, but it's been nominated for BBC audio drama, and it's the best stand-up, and it suddenly made me go, I should plug that more. I should plug this more. It's out there.

So, please listen to Glenmore's Ormond out. You can get on BBC sounds, and probably elsewhere. I think you can buy it via like Penguin Books as well. No, should. Yeah, apparently so. And then, but something else is very, very cool, which I'm not allowed to mention until probably hopefully next week's episode, but it's regarding a previous show of mine.

Oh, yeah. Well, hold on to your hats until then. Otherwise, we'll see you in the Patreon in two days, but for us right now. Koji. Koji.