BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E31 | Augustus Gains

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

This week the boys discuss Glenn's favourite meal, student plays, Steve Martin and Gen Z Willy Wonka. Enjoy!Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJISubscribe to our YouTube channel here, for access to full video versions of BudPod.Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and Now TV.Pierre is on tour this year! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Listen to Pierre’s Radio 4 stand up special below!https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002pfbr Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod Part 31. And you, I noticed, have just put your Christmas tree up. Never too early. Don't be deceived by all these Easter eggs. Yeah. I said to Joe, my partner, it's 12th night on the 5th. I said it's 12th night. Yeah.

This has to come down. Yeah. And she said, no. but we weren't here for, like, we both went away. No, that's irrelevant. I agree. Because then it could be, you could cash that in in June. I remember a friend of mine, tell me.

It's Easter in my heart. A friend of mine, the radio presenter Toby Tarrant, told me that his sister once did dry January and occasionally broke it, but went, I'll add a day on. So if I break it on the 15th, I'll go one day into February, and she finished in June. I would love to say to it. judge, can I serve my prison sentence nine to five Monday to Friday? Yes, exactly. Yeah.

So I get lunch. Actually, you know what? Six till 10 Monday to Friday, because then I get all three meals. Yeah. And then I go home together. Yeah, Ruth and Borden. Great, yeah. I live in a B and me.

I have a fully subsidised lifestyle. And my weekends are my own. Yeah. And I get to do as I please and commit whichever heinous crimes I want. I remember when I was... For which, you know what? Put it on my time. Put it on my tab.

Add it on. You have the opposite of a suspended sentence. That would be a cool thing for a prisoner to say in a film after he'd killed another prisoner. Yeah. Put it on my tab. Be like, oh, this guy, that's a cool. Either that or a slight fucking Del Boy. What Del Boy thing to say?

Weirdly they've done this. Prison Del Boy. Porridge. Porage. Porage. Yeah. That's like such a fucking 2013 tweet. I forgot the name for porridge, so I called it Prison Del Boy.

Yeah. Only screws and horses. Yeah. I, yeah. Prison Del Boy sounds like a very English dessert from the 80s. Yes, yes, yes. But you're going through an old D.D.S. Smith cookbook, which is the darkest, blackest backgrounds.

Intensely dark. It looks like all the food is in a, a dream in Twin Peaks. It's like a complaint. Everything's so jellied, but in a pork pie way. It's like fruit in amber. Yeah. This banana has been perfectly preserved in this jelly for millions of years.

And now they're using it to make banana park. Yeah. Or a prison del boy. They do grow in bunches. Prison delboys delicious. Or it'll be into reminiscences. There'd be a documentary about... about VE Day.

And they say, oh, even though there was rationing, people had saved up. And we all had, and there's always a weird way of saying beer. A mug of beer.

A mug of beer. Yeah, yeah. A side of beer. Yeah, yeah. A slab. A slab of ale. A slice of ale. A slice of ale.

Pork pie. And Prisendale boy for afters. Hey, Katie's aunt, who he stayed with for like a week up in Newcastle, makes this incredible dinner called Chicken Myers.

And I was like, I tried to Google it and there's like nothing. And it's like a secret recipe. It's like one of my favorite meals. Chicken Myers. Chicken Myers. Like Mike Myers. Yes. And chicken, common Myers.

You know, like sometimes you'd buy a ticket to the cinema in the early 2000s and it would be like, you've bought a ticket to Powers comma Austin. Why are you saying it like that? But it's from an 80s cookbook. And this is the most 80s-ass name for a cookbook, cooking with cream. Which is. so vile, isn't it? I would prefer it, even though

this is equally gross, if the person's name was like, Susan Cream. And that's why it was called there. Like cooking with poo? Yeah. Cooking with cream. Sorry, that was a horrible sip. That was... That was not intentional.

That was really The Archers, wasn't it? I was just going to say, we're in a fucking radio play. Sorry, let me respond in an equally radio play way. God the archers has never had like a wanking The foley artists punching macaroni in a big bowl

throwing butter against a wall But two of them So it's in a second Playing squash Are you wanking in there, Roger? That's at a moment Oh Give me a moment please

The fucking door sounds It would You could express a lot of wide range of British TV with, like this prison delboy, this del boy, this crime del boy. Crime del boy. Touch of frost. I see, I see. All the different del boys. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So anything he's been in, you have to rephrase it as something del boy. Yeah. So there's del boy, prison del boy, crime del boy. Yeah. Which is just David Jason. Yeah. What's the name of the... Because it's not fucking David Jason and porridge, is it?

He is in it. It's Ronnie Barker, but David Jason is in it. Is he the guard? No, no, he's like his bunk mate. Fuck, of course. Yeah. Fuck, of course. Yeah.

To me, there's nothing more beige, nothing that can colour your day more beige than watching a sort of eight episodes of porridge in a row on UK TV gold. Yes, I think there's something very sinister. Just lying there rotting. for people trying to make you laugh a dead. Bage television, yeah. Chuckling at the dead.

Weren't they foolish? Just watching a TV channel that might as well be called fucking Yorick Vision. Yeah, yeah. All these dead gestures. Oh, he was funny when he was alive. Yes, and they sort of go, well, just to make it more apt for the period of time, we have a, we've implemented a sort of decaying filter, which lets you see what they would look like.

now. And it's just this stole Norman Stanley Fletcher. Would there be like a Victorian Memento Mori, like prisoner and prison guard? All are the same in death. I'm looking up cooking with cream. I think you'd struggle together. When I got the book, I had to treat it like some hieroglyphic tone.

There you go. It's in a case and you need to have special gloves and it will just turn into powder of it. Cooking with cream, 1973. And isn't that exactly the front cover you expected? God. The darkest, the darkest forest gatoes. Old photos.

The most cherry of jams. Old photos like this make me feel sick. Yeah, there's something really uncanny about it. It's very same, very Tim and Eric. It looks like early AI generations where they say, what's in this picture? Yeah, name one thing in this picture. Yeah, we're going to put it on the Budpot Instagram, guys.

So please do go check it out. But if you get hold of a Chicken Myers recipe, my God. You are in for one of the best dinners of your life. Chicken Myers. It's unbelievable. Can you describe it? Yeah, it's basically... I want to buy a copy of this.

I say it's cut. Every dish I make contains cream. Bite of cream. It is the most unhealthy chicken casserole you'll ever have. It's basically how I'd describe it. There's a slight curry element to it, but it's most... Very 70s. Yes.

With no spice. There is zero spice. No, no, no. It's a terrified, trembling hand. has put a teaspoon of curry powder into a vat of cream. With as much trepidation as when you piss in a swimming pool. Is this the day that the ink?

That it's real. Yeah, yeah. Every time I've been to the pool, they've forgotten to add it. Yeah. Now, I'm finally trapped. What, I'm trying to think of other sort of, what's the most 70s like meat? Meat loaf is very American.

Hams, I'd say. Very ham. I think pork was like. the, maybe the cheaper thing he'd get. You like the terrifying advert of... British Portland's got the lot. John's got plenty. My wife's got what it takes.

His Pam's got plenty. It's like he's trying to... It's like a tremble to him, an angry tremble. Real rage. It's like someone has implied that they, a stranger, don't want... Don't think that his wife could cope

with having sex with them. It's one of the most... My wife's got what it takes. It's one of the most defiant adverts I've ever seen. It only... makes sense in the context of a 10-year campaign to disparage the good name of Richard War.

Absolutely. Absolutely. He's out of prison now, and he's back with a bang. It's got the same level of defiance as like, you know, like, Trump's sons. Yeah. Where, especially in 2016, they'd be like interviewed and they'd be just so... Back with a bang has really tickled me. Angry. With Trump's sons, would be so angry with their, like, very wet, gel-haired hair. And like a trembling hand would be pushing a tendril of hair behind their ear and they go, my father. as a great man

and they're like puffer, there's a real fury to it my father there's going to be some changes they're like, they're like the yellow guy

from fucking since it's in city yeah daddy never wanted me but this is the thing I find fascinating about people like that you want to say to them

this is the curse of most comedians is the same level of crippling self-awareness that makes a lot of stand-up comedians quite bad actors. Interesting.

Because you're so aware of how parodyable what you're doing is. Yeah. Sincerity is so mockable. Yeah. Whereas some of the best actors and the reason that they come across

so like wet in interviews is because they're painfully, deeply fucking sincere, which is why they have a really meaningful bracelet on. You know? Because it really is for them. I remember talking to... Their hearts are like raw,

whereas ours are shielded with humor layers. Yes, yeah. Interesting. there's actually, there's no thoughts going on. They're able to empty their head of thoughts and embody the thoughts of another person. Because they're so sensitive, you can say, well, in this scene, your dogs has died.

And they go, oh, my God, already they're crying. Yes, of the very concept of this. Whereas you and I would be like, oh, it's a dead dog film, is it? Yeah. Immediately it's ruined. Yeah, I can try and bring in upset man into my head, but he's going to have to get through me first. Yeah, and the first three times I try this,

it's going to be upset man brackets sketch show. Yeah. Oh, no. It's going to be comedy style. It's not going to be good acting. Yes, yeah. That's why whenever someone like Jim Carrey or Robin Williams can really, really do it, it's like, oh, man, fuck, that's great.

Good for you. You've been doing comedy this whole time with, like, an actor's heart. Yeah. That's crazy. I was thinking about Robin Williams yesterday evening, actually. Yeah. Because my parents really didn't like him. Yeah.

And actually, I think, our generation loves Robin Williams because, Jimi and Mrs. Doubtfire. Yes. And actually, in his comedic roles, Peter Pan. You won't find many that you'd enjoy if you'd come into the 90s

as an adult. Good morning, Vietnam? That's a very fair point. That's the one though, maybe. But that's not like... That's not really funny, Robin Williams, I... Well, I...

Morkimindi's a... I remember... Morkimindi comes across to me like gibberish. Well, I... I can't figure it out. Well, Nanu, Nannu's not a real word. Oh.

I broke my collarbone when I was like six years old. Laughing at Nanny Nanny. No, because I was at like Cub Scouts and a very large boy fell on me. A very large boy. Like, and when I say like, I mean like fully spherical.

Oliver Hardy. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Just like roll onto me like the Indiana Jones Boulder and absolutely shattered my collarbone. Some people are born. I want to be in comedy, I think. Yeah. So, I just got, it wasn't like ambulance worthy.

So I got, like, picked up by my parents. Yeah. And they just, I just sat on the sofa just in agony while we waited for my dad to get back home so he could take me to the hospital. Yes. And Mork and Mindy was on. And I laughed so hard. I've never done this in my life.

I fell off the sofa and onto the already injured collarbone. What? Yeah. Couldn't believe it. But I think it was a giddiness of, like, I'm in so much pain and this is entertaining. And that weird. Really? Blending was, yeah, yeah, it was just too much for me.

I've never, I've never ruffled before. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yes, yeah. Have I ever ruffled in my life? Maybe as a kid. When something really gets you when you're sort of like 12. The most proud I've ever been of getting a laugh was our friend who should not be named.

I once made him laugh in a pub at uni so much that he just fell onto the floor. Really? Yeah, and that was really, that felt really good. Do you remember how? Yeah, but it's just, we have to, it's so much. It's through a tropical jungle of context. Tropical jungle, and 2011 was a different time. Oh, yes, yes.

I remember your phase. It's the year I met you. Well, I loved Little Britain now, so I'd just been coming off the back of a binge-watching session. Yes, and the makeup shop was next door. Yes, fair enough, that's all fine. That's true. What I think is, maybe you... It's difficult, though, because had your parents ever watched or been aware of Robin's

Williams through any of his stand-up. No. Because... I don't think I made its way to the UK. No, American stand-up never did. If you could watch American stand-up, it was like you had access to a band radio station or something

before YouTube. Yeah, the disappointment we all collectively felt as a family when we all, as a family, watched Steve Martin's stand-up for the first time. It's like a prank. It's like a prank on the future audience. It's impossible to explain, out of context. And it's only from the early 70s.

A friend of mine I hung out of yesterday. yesterday said he'd just bought a trivial pursuit over Christmas because the only copy him and his girlfriend had was one they'd basically nicked from a pub, which was an American edition from the 80s. And it was just like questions about Senate, like, absolutely impenetrable. He's like, we didn't even understand the nature of the question, let alone what the answer could possibly be. What was Senator Lundy's regret? Yeah. I don't have to fucking, I don't know. It was where Steve Martin, just out of nowhere, dancing across the state.

and going, oh, I've got happy feet. Yeah. I don't understand. Him having the arrow through his head. Yes. Is that meant to be, this is shit? Yes. Okay.

But, yeah, correct. Yeah. It's like the kind of paleolithic ancestor of naughty's irony comedy. Yeah. This would be stupid, wouldn't it? Yes, but you're still doing it. And I guess he's in a suit as well. I think also because it's America in like 1970 and 68 when he's,

started or something. Yeah, in his autobiography, he was booked at like a restaurant and they'd be like, just go up and say, do you stand up? And he was like, there's no one here. And they went, yeah, so do you stand up until people come in? Yeah. That's agony. Horrifying. Yeah. Horrifying. But this is an era where people were asking the Beatles, like, angry questions about their hair. Yeah. So the idea of a man in a suit being silly must have just been like blown your eyebrows. Yeah, it's Elvis's hips, isn't it? It's the silly billy version of Elvis's hit. Yeah. Whereas instead of loads of women going, ooh, it's just loads of men going, eh, he. It's completely unsexy.

Yeah, yeah. Imagine a man in a, not just a suit, a white preacher's suit. A white preacher's suit. With gray hair, so he looks significantly older. Oh, yeah. And he's making references to smoking weed and getting small. Yeah. And going to cocktail parties.

And fucking a cat. And fucking a cat. Yeah. You know what, it is funny. It must have brought down Nixon. Yeah. This is the man who brought down Nixon. Yeah.

Yeah, the context is so spidery and hard to get out. Because it's so weird the idea of a friend of yours, like in the internet age, a friend of yours in hushed tone saying, do you want to come to Wembley Stadium tonight? There's a silly billy. I got the last two tickets. I've never heard of this guy, I know. Look, it's because he's at the stadium.

He's been bad. He's playing Wembley through word of mouth. To be fair. YouTube. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Now it's like, do you want to go see the internet man do his internet show at Wembley Stadium? Yeah.

Do you want to see him pull off his pranks? Behind a desk? Do you want to see him do sudden smash cut edits on his live on stage? I think that's it. And I mean, it is mad to think he was the first stadium comedian. Yeah. Ever. And he got a Vegas residency.

Yeah. For months, years maybe. Vegas residency doesn't appeal. No. You got to live in Las Vegas. What did you do during the day? It's one of the maddest facts about Jim Carrey. He had a Vegas residency before all those films.

Really? Yes, because he was such an incredible impressionist. And he did stand-up and impressions, and he got so big and was on so many TV shows. Because he could do an amazing Mr. Popper. Mr. Popper was uncanny. And he was Brousel Mighty. Yeah. He was in a Vegas residency where the apartment had a...

You got into your luxury apartment through an elevator, and the elevator would go from your luxury apartment down, to the backstage. That's insane. How insane is that? How insane is that? That's all the end of the Elvis movie. That's all the same thing.

Penthouse Suite with a thing connected to the stage. We caught the end. You know how over Christmas, your attitude to watching films just changes completely. Yeah. In which you go, oh my God, great, this film's only got 20 minutes left. Let's start now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's start watching this film now. I'd love to have a tap-ass approach to... Yeah, it's so... Three-hour films. Yeah. A film that I would have been like, I think this is destined for the... I think I need to see it on the big screen.

You know, that sort of film. But it was the end of the Elvis movie, and I'd only seen the beginning of the Elvis movie, so this was a perfect matchup. How did you only see in the beginning? Because I was watching... Last Christmas. I was watching in, like, a hotel room.

Oh, yeah. Every Christmas after a little bit more. I was watching a hotel room, and what happens is, you know, sometimes you get about, like, post-gig giddiness, where you're like, fucking watch a film, you know, like, end of a house party sort of thing,

and you get 10 minutes in before you realize you made a big mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I only saw the... He's what? Um, that... Tom Hanks' character is so preposterous that even if they were like,

this is what the guy looked and sounded like, they'd gone, well, can we just pretend he didn't? Hello, Elvis. Oh, that's where... They're going to sing a lovely song for the civil. It's like a Harry Enfield character. It's just utterly bizarre. And it really takes you out of the film

because they go, yeah, sorry, so Elvis's manager did have four arms like he was in mortal combat. And he goes, If people don't know that, can we just leave that bit out? Yeah, yeah. At the end of every sentence, Elvis's manager would do a lot of armpit farts. Yeah.

And then he'd say, Excelsior, and then he'd leave the room. And that's canon. And everyone who loves Elvis knows this. Yeah. And only you don't know this. You say, still, we can't fucking put it in the film. Well, the end of the film, which shows Elvis's, like, final performance. I said to my parents, I was like, that's just, like, it looks,

the prosthetics and stuff just look stupid. It looks stupid. Because they've done it so much lost in my mom had to be like, no, they've cut to Elvis. That's real Elvis. I was like what? It looked like a sitcom suit. It was just absurd. You can do so many opiates and eat so many peanut butter and bacon deep fried sandwiches

that you look like you've had prosthetics on. That's what that teaches you. Yeah. That's how ill he was. It's such a strange type of size in crazy hands. I think it's the size increase of someone who was really physically fit. Yeah. So it looks like padding on top of a guy from before.

Or maybe, yeah. So it looks like, well, hang on. Elvis, he's so recognizable, you go, that's Elvis under there. With a cop's flashlight. Yeah. Are you in there? Elvis? Just a second.

As he tries to, well, he did die on the toilet, so it does fit. It's so funny. An exploding pedophile. Come see, the famous exploding pedophile. He can sing. It's just that's a bonus. I can't believe he can sing.

That's his other thing. Yeah, no, it's just watch a man with a 14-year-old wife eat a little peanut butter. Yeah, they didn't address that quite thoroughly in the film. They never do, so you go, why does Mozart get it in the air? And like, why does everyone else get that treatment? Did Mozart get it?

Well, just did, like, Amadeus. Oh, yeah. He wasn't a non-s, but I mean, he was just a child. Yeah, and a weird pervert. Yeah. Have you seen his fart letters? Yes. Constantly writing about farts to his own cousin or something.

Yeah. You just think, this is like... Yeah, but think of your WhatsApps. Do you know what I mean? That was the only way. I've messaged friends about dreadful things. No, yeah, but not incestuous fart sex. You'd be surprised.

Which is the name of a German Latin chronicler. Yeah, yeah. Incessuous Fartics. He's the reason we know so much about Amadeus. Yeah. I have, we got shown Amadeus, or at least bits of it. You're like music class. As if that would make us like the piano.

It was my, the first school play I saw when I was in Year 7 was the upper sick. The upper sick did Amadeus. And my dad and I went to watch it, and it's the most fucking bored of everything. ever been in my life. It is the most bored of ever been. School plays, unless you're going to one of those schools, like the Brit school or one that's got a real reputation,

you know what? They should have a big dial in the staff room called the talentometer. Yeah. And depending on how talented that year is, the length of time the play can be goes up. Yes. Each individual talented acting student adds 15 minutes.

Yeah. Up until then it was like a vine. It's like seven seconds. Someone going, blah, like that. Someone jumping. Have you seen the school vignette? Yeah, I remember when I worked at a restaurant. The school tableau. It's frozen.

You just go look at it like a painting. Have you seen the freeze? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's on top of like some Greek building. All the students painted gray. Yeah. Doing that. Doing little poses like statues.

That would be sick, to be fair. I would go see that. I'd be like, yeah, cool. I saw the picture, yeah. I saw the big picture. It's 3D. you. I, um, when I was, uh, I graduated from uni and I was doing, I was doing my master's and I was working at a restaurant at the time and I hate to the Nick Clegg food exam

restaurant. And, um, a couple I was once serving food to, who may be like mid-30s, um, were like, hey, you're, you're, you're, you were in uni plays, weren't you? And I was like, yeah, I was. And now we're like, oh, we, we, we still live in Sheffield and we go along to watch all the student plays. Yeah. And I was like, fucking why? Why? Why? You go to a cinema? You know why? You know, you know, you go to a cinema. You go to a cinema. You go to a You probably have a television. We had that at uni with like people from the town.

But Cambridge has hope. True. Do you know what I mean? True. Talent scouts, agents would go and watch like every, every Eddie Redmayne and Tom Hiddleston got signed at uni. While I was there, like the Atomburs were there acting and stuff

so you could go see like the new generation of Atombrose. Yeah. But I think the reason, if you're a theatre freak, the reason you would go see student plays is from memory, what student directors do to try and be different, and if they want a CV, trying to make their CV look interesting,

they'll do something that never gets put on. Oh, I see, okay. So, like, it's so rare to see a production of whatever Timon of Athens, Timone of Athens, that Shakespeare play, that inevitably whoever's putting it on is a student trying to be edge

and fuck around with the props department to make an eye you can tear out. Yeah, yeah. So if you're like a Shakespeare-obsessed 59-year-old, you just like... This is the only time I can see this life. Let's see how the kids can do this.

I've read it, I've never seen it. Yeah. So I think that's why. Otherwise, they're just odd balls. Man, I was in some shit plays. Alan Akeborn. Really? All that.

Oh, fuck. Maybe you could be like a Robin Williams, Jim Carrey-level sincere actor. Do you think? If we could crack your comedy shell. I wanted to be. That was like, when I was like up until the age of like 15, absolutely wanted to be. Serious actor. I was better at that than anything else I've ever done.

in my life was absolutely like was my biggest skill. Yeah. But having a family and friends who had no idea, no one, didn't even know anyone who's ever been in that industry whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was quite difficult to work. And I really thought, and I was talking to a TV director about this years ago, he had exact same thing as me.

We thought what happened was you bought a copy of a stage every week and you flicked through and you'd circle, oh, James Bond, they're looking for James Bond in the movies. And you queue up and Daniel Craig's. just in front of you and you go, I hope he doesn't get it. But I thought it was like every audition is an open audition. But you weren't,

like, you were more right in the 80s and 90s. Yeah, I guess. But like, I really thought that's how it worked. If you have to go and, this guy,

this friend of mine I was talking to said that, yeah, once his dad took a day off work, he was in like, he lived in Millsborough or whatever, like took a day off work to go down to London,

like Billy Elliott, and queue up around the block and they queued up for maybe six hours and it was just about to get to them and they went, right, not having any more auditions today. And they just went home and he went, I guess that's just how acting works.

Yeah. And that's just how it works forever. And he never, ever did an audition ever again because he was like, well, that's what happens. So that was my understanding of it, because I thought it was as much of a lottery as that. I mean, it is. It is. Yeah. You have the correct understanding.

Yeah, yeah. Given the context. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's why I was so jealous of, in my head, that's one of the powers of kids who come from London is that I would read in the news about people queuing up to audition for Harry Potter. Yeah. But you had to be in London.

That's true. I was in London, had an audition for Harry Potter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. But I had it booked in, it got postponed, post, bone, postponed. We went on a holiday. My family, and we were in Spain.

And I remember my mum going, oh, Glenn. And she pointed at, like, outside of news agents. The front cover of every newspaper was Daniel Radcliffe. And it was like, but I've not my audition yet. I haven't even seen me yet. Yeah. Who's done by me? But they'd already gone, that's the guy.

No further, no further people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think... Because when I was like nine, I couldn't have looked more like Harry Potter. Yeah. Yeah. I can picture that.

Yeah. Yeah, the scar and everything. Yeah, which throbbed every time my nemesis was named. Not Edmonds. Yeah. I re-watched over Christmas, catch me if you can. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Very Christmassy. It is quite Christmassy by sort of by... accident at the end there. It's Christmas at the end of the film. And there's Christmas throughout the film as they're both alone on Christmas, Tom Hanks and Leonardo and Frank Abagnale. Frank Abagnale. It's so 90s as a thriller. Because it's early 2000s. Yes. Yes. But there's all these camera angles that are like... Fishbowlens? Fishbowlens. Like MTV? Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's camera angles of like Tom Hanks approaching a closed door that he thinks Leonardo de Capri is behind.

and the camera's filming him from like the tip of his knob. And there's loads of extra shadows added to make it like, no, no, no. And you go, okay, hang on. Like Batman Forever. Yeah, hang on. First of all, why is this like Batman Forever? It's an 18-year-old who we know is not violent. Yeah. So Tom Hanks isn't going to be killed.

What's the threat here? Yeah, he's just, he seems to be quite competent to everything he cons his way into. There's a man behind that door who does medium-level check fraud. Yeah, it's like, so? If it was a case of he keeps pretending to be a pilot, he crashes every fucking plane. He is responsible for thousands of deaths.

And also, yeah, exactly. And that thing of, I thought it would be funny to do, because they exaggerated the real story for the film, obviously, but quite a lot. Yeah. In what, I mean, like... The scale of it. And also, like, the fact is, in some of the cases,

this man is a professional, compulsive liar. And he just says things like, they even let me be a surgeon. And you go, but you're a liar though, so did they really? Sorry to interrupt you. I've just had an email from ASOS that says we'd love to hear your opinion on your recent order. Yeah. Take the survey.

Do you mind? Please. Thanks. What did you order? Jeans. Jeans? Yeah. From ASOS?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. So get used to it. Because New Year and you may. My jeans are falling apart like a truce. and I cannot be asked to get new jeans. Yeah, I'd say eight out of ten I'm likely to recommend ASOS to a friend.

All right, and we're done. Thank you so much for your patience. It was pressing. It was a pressing matter. Yeah, was that weird that I got jeans from ASOS? But I didn't, like, he didn't try them on. No, I can't try any on because they don't have my size in shops because I'm an elephant man. Yeah, you need to have like, if they could categorize, I find it strange that it goes,

waist length, that's it. And you sort of go, I feel like. My ass needs to be taken into consideration. I used to be able to get them sight unseen from M&S, but MNS realized that when their customers, largely middle-aged men, had like a massive waist, it's because they had a big fat belly and horrible little skinny Weatherspoon's legs.

So they went, right, we need to make something that looks like a funnel. Yes, like chode jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, with a long thin bit for your... Yes, yeah, for a mermaid. But for your non-existent calves. Yeah. Whereas I built like someone who cycles for a living.

Yeah. And so I would try, my former sanctuary is now like drain pipe jeans up to your waist. And then suddenly they balloon out to accommodate a non-existent Homer Simpson sphere. Yeah, that's really strange. It's a nightmare. Yeah. It's a nightmare. And if you get a big shoulder chest size on the blazers, the blazer buttons go out really far for your big fucking belly.

Because you're going to wear it to the golf club. Right. for your big dinner. Yeah. So, yeah, I can't go there anymore. I was in a play at uni, school for scandal. Fucking driest play ever. We really made a good go of it.

But I was playing Joseph's surface, which was a big meaty role. But the guy directing the play, a friend of mine, Dave, he was like, there is a higher place that does, like, because he wanted to do it as like a 1920s, like flappers sort of setting. Yeah. Because remember in uni theatre, it's illegal to set a show in its original. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, intended time and day.

So what I mean? People try and pan out their CV. So he was like, there's this place in Sheffel called Molly Limbitts, and they deal in those sort of clothes. So he was like, I want you to be in like a sort of white dinner jacket, black trousers sort of thing. It's like, this sounds really cool. And he got everything delivered.

And every item of clothing is, I've never seen a hall full of people just like, again, nearly falling over from laughing so hard, because the measurements were from some fucking circus. I, my, my suit jacket was absolutely, like, baggy, but came up to, like, just under my ribcage. Danny DeVito? Yes. But, yeah, with, like, long, long gorilla arms. And the trousers, the trousers.

It says Dr. Robotnik. Dr. Robotnik's anniversary dinner. The dress. Dr. Ravats. a lot of being invited to a gala. One of our wealthy benefactors has provided so many animals for tonight's feast. Enjoy your blue soup, everybody.

Or it would be like sharks. They'd cut the spikes off Sonic's head because the rest of him's full of piss. Yes, yeah. It's poisonous. We're fucking Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom dinner. Just having knuckles for dessert. They have to soar the top of Sonic's head off.

And then you see footage from Greenpeace going, and the rest is just thrown back into the sea. Yeah. It's a big dead sonic with no spikes. Yeah. Delicious. And they had to edit it because the trailer was making people upset. What were the trousers? The trousers were so normal.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, finally. No. Finally. Finally. Okay. Here we go. Until I like pulled them up.

And it was like, if. It was The crotch of the trousers Was built for someone Who wanted to smuggle a colander It was just this dome Yeah Yeah yeah

It's for the bottom of the sphere Yes Yeah It was just like this awful like gut pouch That was there for someone Whose belly is part of their trousers It was just Utterly surreal

Someone who's... No one is built like I've never to this day, seen anyone built like that? Someone who is putting their belt and their top waistline across their belly button, because their belly button's down there. Yeah. Yeah, shifted down through belly hang.

At uni, I was like this, like, rake, thin. So it was like, they operated like skinny jeans. I was like, this is perfect. Yeah. But then this huge thing, and it was like, am I a cyclist? Like, what is it like? It's for, you... It's someone who built like a cyclist.

Or it's for, like, a cricket fucking... Yeah, a huge box. A cricket box. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. in case I get shot in the dick at the supper. Yeah, yeah.

Bond, we've been told someone's going to try and kick you in the balls during the dinner. Wear this. My friend, Dave, he had to return hundreds of pounds worth of clothes to visit the shop to go, I'm sorry, no one, no one is in this shame. No one looks like this. And then the guy behind the desk walks out from behind him. He's nothing wrong with this. He looks exactly.

He's like a grasshopper. He's like a diffel again. Nobody likes my trousers. He looks like the perfectly circular friend from Jimmy Neutron. Yeah. Just a ball with little sticks. Yeah, everyone was like, Hey Arnold's size and shape. That's what it was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got... Move it football, dick. I hated it in Hay Arnold when they'd have a character with Marge Simpson hair and the baseball hat would be on top of the hair. I hated that. Is that like one of your biggest irrational hatred? It never went all the way down.

You don't balance a hat on hair. I like that as a really irrational hatred. I didn't like that at all. Mine and Katie's is we fucking hate it when we see a bus on the motorway. Ugh, yeah. You're not meant to be here. Go home, bus. This is for fast cars.

Who's getting a red bus from town to town? The only bus is allowed on here on National Express, and that's because they've been painted to blend in with the motorways. Yes, so you think it could be a football team. It could be a football team. Or old people going to visit a museum. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just an actual...

Imagine hearing the bus stop ding whilst on the M-25. It's big as belief. It's infathomable. Go off to the hard shoulder. This is me. Yeah. I wish you could do that on a flight. Just anywhere around here's great, thanks.

Thank you, driver. Yeah. It's horrible seeing a red bus on the motorway. Don't like it. Do not like it. Yeah, that is horrible. Yeah. If we get red bus on the motorway and hats on top of Hey Arnold hair.

Really don't like that. It's the start of a pretty good list. Yes. I would like to catch me if you, not catch me if you can. It is catch me if you can. Yeah, yeah. Catch me if you can. but for like very unambitious man.

Yes, I've worked in a cafe before. Wink. Yeah, somebody's just like moderately lying on their CV. Yeah. Because in reality, I don't have a good telephone manner. Would you want? Yeah. You can't keep getting away with this.

I've actually only used the previous version of this coffee maker. Yeah. There's a guy pretending to know how to make good coffee. And then Tom Hanks is pursuing this guy With the blinky, blunky, cheeky music. Yeah, do, do, too, too. Yeah. He only got a tutu.

You know, they never check, Handratty. Yeah, yeah. They never check if it was a two-two or a first. He got in via clearing? I, um, do you reckon John Williams spent ages on the soundtrack or if when Steven Spielberg gave him a brief, he was like, done, I've written it my fucking head. I know what this is.

I think he just, he never watched any of it. He just went. He looked at the script. and he said, this is coming across to me as very pink panther, mischievous. And there's a lot of clarinet in there. And I'm not a musical person,

but there's a lot of... But that's John Williams all over. Clarinet features so heavily. Usually in a mournful way. I think he invested in clarinets. Yeah, like Bitcoin. Yeah, yeah. He's like Will Smith in the pursuit of happiness.

His floor-to-ceiling garage of just clarinets that can't shift. And occasionally he sees a guy in the park It's like, it's a time machine. It's a time. No, it's my fucking, I need my clarinet back. Because the world moved on to guitars. Yeah, but then it moved back again.

I will say, if you want a taste of a fucking, or a soundtrack that has aged like milk, gangs of New York. What is it like? It's like synth and guitar and like popping music mixed with classical. It's horror. Modern music in, add this to the fucking hatred list. Yeah.

Modern music in old films. I hate. I, I, um, yeah. I don't even I don't even like fucking Annie Lennox and Lord of the Rings You go no no no no no

We're not having a singer Saying words I can comprehend Yeah yeah yeah It's all gonna be fucking elvish Yeah But yeah any film where there's like Well have you seen Monty Supreme No not yet

So it's It's incredibly 80s Synthi soundtrack Okay Both in terms of the incidental music Is just like uncut gems Good Very surreal and hazy

But the music is very like Lady and Red-esque stuff Very 80s pop tunes Or like everybody wants to roll wild Tears for Fears Yes, yes, yes But it's not set in the 80s And so it's very odd

Eh? Because it's like a 30 difference Multi Supreme is like 50s 60s Is it? Yeah Oh What? What the fuck are they done that?

I don't know I think I like it I guess my brain is still going Old Old than now It's all the cat's old I understand why With the Great Gatsby

They felt like Hated that They couldn't show people Taking meth pills and downing champagne and losing their minds to, yeah, it's preposterous. The point is that that's what it was like. Yeah.

Or like, I don't know. We just want the film Babylon, the follow-up to La La Land sort of film. It looked more convincing because you were like, yeah, everyone's on drugs, and the music as a result is shit. Yes. Because everyone's drunk and insane. You just need to find someone who's, like, amazing at trumpet solos, like crazy, like jazz trumpet solos.

And then up to the point where you first see it. Or bad at them. Yeah. It's the same. But it can't go, yeah, strategically bad at them. Yes. But up to that point, you need the film to be like colorless and dull, so you get a feeling of what life is like.

And why a big trumpet going crazy was like considered a moral danger. Yeah. Whereas like, that trumpet's going to make me fuck my wife. They were like terrified. A priest killing himself. No, you have to do it. It's just music. It's Satan's ass!

This isn't a. A spoiler for Marty Supreme. This is in the opening credits. Okay. It is straight into the top three most visceral depictions of Timothy Shalameh's come. Oh, okay.

And that's not a short list, is it? There's quite, there's... Well, I think it's straight at number one. Number two being called me by your name. Yeah. Number three, Wonka. Don't go behind that door. I'm making something very special.

Cumbedly, I'm sure. Why, every... Everything in this room is cummable. Yeah. Come with me. That's the song. It's just that with no lyric changes. Yeah.

Come with me. Come with me. Come with me. You can even soil the dishes. What? Don't stop saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the umpalumpers guarding the door.

Yeah. Don't room, yum. In that room is a special crank. The owner of the factories having a whamking. Someone interrupts him and they put him in a big dome or something. What would the punishment be? For catching. You won't quanking.

You lose. You get nothing. You sign the contract. Because the horrible name to Augustus Gloop. For the remake, he's called Mike U-Porn. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Mike TV can't stop watching porn.

On men and motors every night. I'd hate a Gen Z remake. Like everyone in the Willy Wonka thing is Gen Z. And Jacking off. Well, like, Mike TV would be like, fucking Goon or whatever. Mike Phone. Mike, phone. Augustus Gloop is still Augustus Gloop, but he is just like in hospital.

Yeah. You know, it's over for him. Or his name's like Malcolm Mancharo. It's like exceptionally scraughty boy. He's really thin. Yeah. Yeah. He falls into a river of protein.

Yeah. So what message are you sending here? What is this about? of protein shakes. Yeah. This whole river is protein. It's so gloopy. Oh!

And he's drinking it. And then he gets stuck in the pipe because he's too musly. Yeah, that's what it would be. It would be Augustus Gaines. An incredibly... Augustus grind. Yeah. It'd be an incredibly buff.

And he is like an Arnold Schwarzener wrestler. Bavarian weightlifter. Oh! Yeah, he gets in trouble for lifting something. You shouldn't. Yeah. That's it. Mike Phone.

Yeah. Augustus Gaines. Veruca's salt is just spoiled. Yeah, I mean, Violet. Violet Beauregard. She just like chewing gum was her crime, wasn't it? That was it, yeah. That's so mad. You go, right, so we've...

Hang on. You've killed them for greed. Yeah. Okay, fine. And the other... And being spoiled. To be honest, Mr. Wonka, it's a kind of greed. Yeah.

So greed is double bad. And other than that, it's just watching TV and chewing gum. Yeah, are they really rolled Dahl's prejudices at the time? Definitely, yeah. It's just fucking hated TV. I remember reading it, though, and thinking, yeah, my TV watches too much TV. Anyway, time to go watch TV for hours. Yeah, time to continue watching this.

What do you want me to do? It didn't get through to me at all. Yeah. And I love that book. Well, I felt we swear about, like, parents warning you of, like, you'll get square eyes and he'd be like, they would just make eye-shaped television. It's the case, wouldn't they? You say you get square eyes

It's so much less threatening Than your eyes will actually get fucked up Yeah You go square eyes isn't Yeah exactly I don't care about the shape of my eyes You'll go as blind as when you wank Yeah

Alright It's that thing of like If you masturbate you get hairy palms That was something An urban myth Oh really? Yeah But I've heard of it from Americans

Yeah Through like American media Like how would that work You just shave your hands. Yeah. I still hear people on podcast saying, oh, if you shave too much, the hair grows back thicker. Twice as thick, yeah.

It's not true. It's not true. Otherwise, every pre-pubescent boy would be like, I would just shave my face until I have, like, Gandalf beard, and I'm like 13. Yeah. It feels that way because the base of the hair is thicker than the top of the hair. Right.

So when it's young, it feels thicker because you're feeling the base of the hair. Okay. Are you listening, everyone? So stop fucking saying that. There's going to be another lesson next week. All right? And if you don't remember, you're going to hear it again.

We've run enough time for correspondence. Apologies. We'll get on... Second week in a row with them. Sorry. Yeah, we're just... But all the more reason to sign up to the Patreon where we will be doing that.

Yes, yes, quite right. If you sign up to the Patreon for less than a beer a month, brackets, not Weatherspoons prices. Less than a beer a month, you get a whole extra episode a week. You get access to the back catalogue of years of other episodes.

You get a George pod once a month. And if you sign up not just at the base tier, but at the medium tier, you also get a monthly watch along of a film where Glenn and I do a director's commentary over a beloved film. We've done The Shining, and we've done... We haven't.

Not the Shining. I'm reading the Shining. We've done Silence of the Lambs. You did it without me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just me muttering and going, it was fucking scary. And every now and then going,

that's fucking that's fucking away. What a fuck is that? What fuck is that? Let's discuss the book for shining on the Patreon as well Yes, yes, yes, yes. And the holiday is the other one we've done.

And the next one is incoming. We're also going to be going to see Shen Yun, brackets, China before communism. Yeah. Which you may recognize from baffling, baffling billboard advertisements around your urban centre. Or leaflets put through your letterbox

because people got in touch of us to say that we received him through the door, as did I. Really? I received a fucking A3 flyer like folded over many times through my door. like the day after we'd first discuss Shenyon, and I forgot to mention it to you.

It was so, and it was my favorite kind of flyer, printed on one side. Yeah. That's delay three. Incredible. Well, there's all that and more if you sign up to the Patreon, but otherwise we will talk to you next week. Thank you very much for listening.

Please rate the show. Recommend it to your friends. And remember to see us live on tour. Just Google our names and tour and listen to Pierre's brand new radio. Four series. Yeah, sure. That came out on Wednesday,

the eighth. Sevens. Fuck. Idiot. There'll be time for your punishments later. That came out on Wednesday.

It is on BBC IPlayer. Listen again. Blah, blah, blah. There are three more episodes, so you have three more weeks to make good on your commitments. Otherwise, than that, to Koji and see you next week.

Don't have a night mess.