BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E33 | Naked Yetis

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Video Version Here!This week the buds discuss potential aliases, Glenn's hall pass and look to solve the source of Glenn's 'Pheromone'.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre's Soho Theatre run is on right now! Tickets available at https://sohotheatre.com/events/pierre-novellie-you-sit-there-ill-stand-here/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, guys. My Soho Theatre show is on in London at Soho Theatre. It's going to be from the 19th of January to the 31st of January. It's the London part of my 2026 tour. It's the new show. It's the one from the fringe. It's the one called You Sit There. I'll Stand here. And it has a story in it about beef. Come and check it out. Come and check it out.

And also, I know when reviewers are coming. And it's the first time the Guardian are coming. The Guardian are coming. Hey, have you got Brian? I do. Sorry, that's Glenn. If you say Brian Logan three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn's got a Siri. Siri can hear whenever Glenn mentions a reviewer and then rings them. Well, they ring him. Yeah, so come see my Soho Theater Show 19th to the 31st of January. There's a ticket link in the Description. It's BudPod episode 33. Well, we'll be making you go, Tee-he-he-he-he-he. Yeah.

I'd hate it if anyone laugh like that. I don't like it when people write. H-E-H-E-H-E-H-E-H-E Because I don't know about you I think they're saying he-he-he-he because that's how it's spelled but I'm reading it as H-E-H so

Yeah Oh, I prefer that If someone sent me H-E-H space H-E-H I'd go, yeah, okay If someone said T-H

T-H or like if you were awful you're doing your tour show And you know, that was just the teachers And all these go, t-he-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. And you can't complain because it's laughter, it's laughter. You're turning the roof off. Then you're like one of those comedians that's having a sort of slight breakdown

and having a go at the audience for laughing wrong. Yeah, kicked out for laughing weird, kicked out for laughing brackets weirdly. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. But, but, like, yeah, how did a chuckle sound? I did a gig went really badly quite some time ago where in the second row

louder than any of the laughs was a man whose sound was after each joke like a hissing symbol like it was a real pat who's so deflating you got a scoffer scoffing comedy

that was exactly what it was you got scoffed I got absolutely scoffed I hated it I hated it because he can't go you stop scoffing You know what's bad about scoffing is that you can't hear it. You can't hear a sneer.

No. You had to sneer it in the front row. I always wanted to do the reaction of, I saw a show being advertised years ago, the naked magicians. Oh, your God, come on. Because, yeah, I think I've got the same thought phrases as you do on this. Because you go, right, two men, naked magicians. Is every reveal it comes out there, bum? Is that the whole thing?

It's already a bit unfair when magicians have. gloves, big cuffs, cloaks. Cupboards, wardroves. On their body, I mean. Places to hide the coin or the card. They've got a spivs overcoat lined with pockets. Yeah, whereas you might think that it makes it more challenging if they're naked, but it's not because you're trying not to look at the back of their nuts.

Yeah. So that's the perfect place to put the card. Yes, yeah. They're ball bag. They're disguising everywhere, like they're prisoners of war. Yeah, they're drug mules. Yeah. It's drug mule magic.

But I was just like, is every single reveal, it comes out their bum. And over the course of an hour and a half, the room gradually starts to smell of ass. Prison magic. Prison magic. It's just, yeah, rabbit inside a condom. Suffocating, like you're trying to execute it in a hitman mission. The rabbit's going, and each time we pull it out, the audience go, oh, and that's the sound in the room.

Oh, okay. The idea of someone sneaking up behind me. a rabbit and putting a condom over its head. And it's going, let it happen, let it happen. You're going up a bum. I love the idea of, yeah, like a bunch of ex-convicts and it's like, like, it's exactly the kind of thing

that would be on a radio show for like PR. And everyone in the cast was in prison. Yeah, like crimson. Yeah, yeah. Prison magic. Da-da-da-da-da. Like Job from the rest of the moment. But they're all prisoners.

They're either in jumpsuits or like naked. Yeah. And it's all, it's, it's, it's all based around the sleight of hand of smuggling drugs and weapons in and out of prison. Yes. And they go, look, it's about getting the skills that these guys had already. Yeah. And turning into something artistic and lovely for everyone.

And sugar. Yeah. Toil at wine. Yes. For thousands of years, man has made to alcohol. This sock is now full of snookables. And it can make your enemy. Yeah.

I call this one The Disappearing Nantes Yeah I had this awful vision years ago of the Joker He fledges the Joker saying When he walks into that first meeting

Do you want to know how I got this ass? I'm going to make this Dildo Disappear So I'll tell you When everyone slowly watches He just lowers himself Like a pensioner getting into a bath Just felt to his done

And everyone's looking away Going This guy's a cloud This guy's a psycho And every time someone looks away, he opens his jacket full of grenades. I thought you were going to say he went, boom! Like slammed someone else's ass down on it. And they all went, oh no.

I don't want that to happen to me. Do you want to know how I got this prolapse? You want to know how I got this arse? That's what he'd say. My dad, Rennie, sex shop Slamming someone down on a dildo bum first in a bar fight Incredible skills I saw a boy playing with the delto the size of attention

The bandit Prison magic then would be a huge Because it's like those bakeries Where everyone in the bakery was a prison it was a criminal. I only know this with Timpsons. It's the only place I know it with. No, there's like, there's bakeries and there's a restaurant.

Jamie Oliver did it with chefs. Right, okay. Oh, it's a thing. Everyone in this restaurant used to be a chef. Yeah. Before the poisonings. Yeah, yeah. And they went to jail and now they back out again.

Yeah. No, yeah, no, it's a thing. I mean, I've seen so many incarnations of it. Like a reform, reform the prisoner. Does it ever go badly? If I go, I don't know what we do thinking. I think the trick is, everyone there was an ex-con, but you are just clever about how you filter it.

Yes. Because it's not like there's no people who've been to prison who aren't able to do things afterwards. There are loads. But you do filter out the fucking brought more. Yes, I suppose. Like, it's not like you let them come in automatically with no trial period or referencing.

Yeah. Presumably, if anyone is there as a nonce, all the other ex-prisoners would just out of instinct, just kill them. I suppose. How would you get on in prison? Do you really believe? We discussed this on George Pod. And we are both saying,

how do you get to be the guy with little glasses who pushes the troll? Library, yeah, you want to be librarian. Yeah, yeah. What do you think you'd do? Yeah, we were saying, like, the dream is you get left alone because you help people with their letters. Yeah. You help them write letters?

No one knows how to read. Yeah. Yeah, it's real like 1930s America. They call you prof. Yeah. And you help them write letters and you help them talk to their lawyers and people leave your and eventually you earn suds on the roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we have to tarmac the roof. Yeah. I think I'd do really badly. Do you think? Yeah. Well, the pheromone could go wild in there. Oh, no. Absolutely not, yeah.

Shived day one for nothing. Yeah, my God. Or do you think that in prison, there are other people there with the pheromone, and they haven't reacted to having the pheromone with the grace and self-restraint that you have? And imagine a version of you with the pheromone, with no self-control and, like, more aggression.

You'd be in fights all the time. If you'd be in fights all the time. Because people speak. you like they want you to fight them. Imagine if you took them up on the offer every time. You'd be in jail. Yeah. I don't, I've never met anyone else with the pheromone.

I don't believe. I haven't passed it on to anyone. I've known people with tremendous bad luck. I've known people with bad luck. I've known people who create themselves into being social victims of things, almost like compulsively. They'll go into an interaction going, oh, God, I really hope so-and-so likes me.

And then one of the first things they'll say is something that you could interpret as like really rude. Yeah. But they're not being aggressive, they're being like afraid. So it's weird, they're like a combination of like rude and frightened. Yes. But that's not what the pheromone is. The pheromone is unique.

A girl I went out with when I was at school, which had tremendous bad luck. I was thinking about this the other day. We ended up playing, this is such a fucking 2007 ass thing you could do on the internet. Where you put in a picture of yourself, which is quite hard to upload selfies back in the day. Oh yeah. We're talking like, iPhones existed in 2007, I think, but not everyone had them. You're trying to whack it. Yeah, yeah, having to go to boots to print off pictures of me.

I, there was this website where you could upload a picture of yourself, and it would tell you which celebrities you look like. I remember this. Yeah. Yeah. And it was obviously wildly in a bit of it. Very much a bored lunchtime. Really bored.

But a bunch of us played it once around a friend's house. And it was a bit of fun because you'd get like 40% Tom Cruise, 30% Robert Downey, like, good ones, and then you'd get like 10% of fucking Richard Harris now. Do you know what I mean? Or like, or someone who looks really, really odd. John Malkovich. Yeah, you get like a Steve Bischemi or something like that. And it was always funny. And we were having fun with it because it was a mixture of like feeling good about yourself and self-deprecating. Yeah. And my girlfriend was so shy and I was so keen to like introduce into the group and be like, it's just, it's just a bit of fun to be fun. It's a fun game. And she uploaded this picture. I cannot stress enough how she did

not look like this person. But it just deloded and it went 100% Eric Idol. No. No. And she was like, oh, and we were like, you do not look like Eric, like, let's do it again. Eric Idol.

What specific, but, because also, it was all like really current celebs. It was all like current celebs. And American. It was all like, it would be like, Cameron Diaz. And then it was 100% Eric Idol. The only way it could have been more unsettling is if they'd been like 100% like Ben Cranston. And you go, Ben Cranston, you're like a US senator.

Yeah. Well, like, you go on IMDB and it's like, he was in three episodes of EastEnders 10 years ago. Yeah. And like the computer really thinks you look like. The computer's flashing it up and it's like background shots that it's got. Yeah. How does it? It really must think of this. So we were like, Eric Idol. We were like, don't take her to heart because it's not a...

And I felt so bad for her. Yeah. Because he was just really, really shy. You told us to always look on the brow side of life. And I was like, well, that's just an anomaly. Let's do it again. Because every time we did it, and it would be like... But a friend of mine would do it, and it would be like 80% Jack Black.

And he'd be like, fuck that. And he'd be like, 100%. Nicole Kibbun, you know, that sort of thing. But it was always like a big pie chart with six different things. So you uploaded a different picture. 100% Eric Heidel. No. He's got long hair as well.

She looked... I cannot stress enough. The more you say that, the more I think... Did she? She looked like fucking Eric Idol. The thing is, people used to tell her all the time, at that time. You look like Eric Eichael. No, she looked like Eva Green, because at the time, Casino Real had just come out.

So we were expecting like Eva Green to come out. And also, as the person who's going out with her, you want that confirmation of, yeah, my girlfriend totally looks like, I've agreed. Yeah, yeah. I asked a robot. Yes, yeah, yeah. And the robot said,

Hey, you know Eva Green. The robot said I'm in kissing her, right? Twice. It went, the only thing we did it for. The robot said I'm in the life of Brian. I think we even uploaded a picture of a celebrity and it didn't say the celebrity was 100% that celebrity. Did you upload a picture of Eric Ida.

It's like, you're a bit Eric Idol, but not as much as hard. Or just 100% your girlfriend. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, no, we've found it at the information. But it was like, you have created that teenager's worst ever nightmare. That was the worst ever social moment of I got introduced to my boyfriend's friends

and a computer. And a robot said I looked like Eric Idle. Twice. Oh great, I'm traumatizing someone for the rest of our life. Twice. I was so apologetic. I was like, it was just a thing. We were all having fun with it because it was silly.

But I mean, she's fine now, right? Because Spamylart's been a big success. Yeah. And eventually, like, we, I think we'd, you know, eventually it was just me and hell and we got up to a bit of nudge, nudge, right? I can't believe you dated Eric Idol.

It's incredible. That's my whole pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck, man. That kind of thing, she's lucky that you guys were nice enough that it didn't become a thing. Yeah, well, I think it's almost worse. Never got mentioned again. And I think that's worse because it made it look as if, like, let's preserve her feelings.

I don't want to, you know. Yeah, it's unfortunate that that computer pointed out how much she looks like Eric Gidal. If something humiliating happens to you, the worst thing that can happen is you get a nickname for it and it pursues you for the rest of your life. I think the second most thing is everyone goes out of their way to never mention it again. And I think that's so much to protect you. Yeah, and even then the best nickname is like being called Little John

when you're like Big John from the forest. Yes, yeah. You know, Robin Hood. Yeah. You want the opposite nicknames. Yes. Yeah. Well, I say you want the opposite nicknames.

You don't want to be called a professor because everyone thinks you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. That would be bad. But it's the Nimrod thing. Yeah, yeah. It was really intelligent. Yeah.

It was at Looney Tunes you made it seem like you're a stupid if. He was a great hunter. That was it. So Bugs Bunny says Nimrod to El the Fudd, making fun of him specifically as a hunter. Yeah. And everyone just went, yeah, Nimrod. That sounds stupid.

It's such a big fear. Is it a fear of yours that there'll one day be, you know, a serial killer called Piano Fanny? I mean, the statistical odds of that. That's what I mean? How unfortunate. Oh, I see. Well, no, because then, like, I should... Once it's that statistically unlikely, I'm still, you know, thumbs down.

But it's, like, hit by an asteroid territory. Yes. Whereas what I... What annoys me is... No, well, what... We're like a future reputational infringement. Yeah, yeah. Whereas now too late for you to change your name.

I know people have got different stage names to their actual names, and it's because they might share it with someone else. That's true. There are a few unfortunate people in comedy with, like, the same names as like big celebrities. They're just ungoogulable. Yeah. Like our friend God Jones.

or Adolf I love to Haverland, yeah All of those All of those guys Alright please get up for your headline at God Joe Oh fuck it's God Jones I think it's more of a problem

psychologically for you I think you've thought of this Because your name is Glenmore And there are Glenn Moore Well there are things that aren't humans That are called Glenmore Yeah There is a board game called Glenmore

So funny There's a board game called Glenmore too If there was a board game called Piano Valley It wouldn't fucking stand up in court Do you know what I mean? I could sue immediately. I'd be like, come on.

I used to live around the corner from a Glenmore Road. There are so many Glenmore roads. I get so many Instagram DMs from people who have sent Glenmore's. There is a school in Southampton called the Glenmore Academy. That's so funny. It's so mad. That must be, feel mad. It's because Glenmore is a place in Scotland.

Bear in mind, this is Glen with 1N, more of 1-0. In Sydney, I was with my family in Sydney. We went past the Glenmore Hotel. It was like 13. Lots of my fucking mind. Yeah. It was so weird. It's such a Scottish name.

Yeah. But my alternative is I dropped. the Glenn and I'm Glenn Roger Moore so what was the alternative if I changed my name to Roger Moore? Yeah. Can't be doing that. Yeah, it only gets worse. Or at least more famous rather than worse.

Quite an uncommon name, it's strange how often my name comes up. Very geographical. Yeah. Would you have considered a stage name? Did you? I think my mum suggested years ago why didn't you go of like Glenn Rogers. That's a jazz musician, isn't it? Is it? I'm for fuck saying.

Like a famous cowboy? Oh, really? Someone, Felipe, see if you can find it, Glenn Rogers. Rogers, I feel like, is a very, it's like a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a 1960's celebrity, Buck Rogers. Like, Buck Rogers. Like, Buck Rogers was the future, like, Buck Rogers in the year 2000 or... I found, Glenn Rogers was an American convicted serial killer.

Fuck you. You're kidding. Absolutely fucking fucking. Glenn Rogers was a serial killer. I was with the one end. Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious? I thought you were doing a bit.

Are you actually fucking. serious, Glenn Rogers. Let's have a look. Your only other option, and it was the serial killer, and that was the exact example you gave me. He's not wrong. The pheromone. Guess when he got killed? In the last year.

What? He died in the last year, sorry. I don't know if he was executed by lethal injection. In Florida. Real name Glenn Moore. Changed his name to Glenn Rogers. Wow. That is, and he has a connection with O.J. Simpson.

Oh, yeah? buddies? It is alleged that he was the one who killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Oh. That he was the actual killer. Fuck. Yeah. Thank God I didn't change my name to that.

That's funny, man. Fucking hell. Because my mom would have suggested that, like, after the trial and everything. Yeah, yeah. I'd have been a prop comic with gloves that didn't fit properly. I guess gloves that fit perfectly. Yeah, yeah. Glenn Moore, and his perfectly fitting gloves.

Prison magic. If the gloves don't fit, you must do skit. Awful stuff. Wow, okay. I considered a stage name because of how unspellable my name is. The BBC spelled my name wrong. Really? How'd they spell it? Because I get Glenn with One N all the time.

Well, I get Nouvelle. Oh. Which is a different name. Glenn with one N is annoying. Yeah. I think you have to concede. It is pronounced the same. Okay.

I get N-O-U-V-E-E-D-L-E. Okay. Nouvelle. Yeah. Which is a different name. A novella, almost. No, that would be closer. Yeah, a short book.

Yeah, book between 30 and 50,000 words. Yeah, they spelled my name wrong on promotional materials. They just, no one, no one spells it right. I've gone to festivals to do a gig, and I go up to the thing and I give them my ID, the artist's registration point. They give you your special wristband. And they've just gone, oh, we don't have you. And I go, okay. let's play

Poor Noval yeah yeah let's play how have they fucked up my name so I go okay

add a you yeah take away the eye and often they'll be like oh here you are and I'll go

yeah oh my god that's infuriating yeah constant the vice principal of my school knew me

obviously for eight years seven or eight years yeah never pronounced it right I was I was Pierre Nouvelle for eight years

from fucking 10 to 8 years You address a lot in your shows that Pierre is French, Novelli is Italian, and you are neither. Yeah. Where do they come from? Because I've never asked this of you. Oh. Oh, yeah. Because your middle name's French as well. You don't have to... It is French.

It is French. Paris. It's not that. Paris. Paris Novelli. Paris Novelli. Like a dance player. Like Paris of Troy. You're portrayed by Orlando Blue.

Yeah. Or like a dance player. Paris Novelli is so funny. Miami Rick. Yay. The Italian thing, my great grandfather was the last Italian. In like 1880s, they were Italian. And they moved to South Africa.

And they were very poor. They worked as carpenters. And that's where their surname comes from. And the French is like Afrikaans. Oh, I see. culture, it's a mixture. The French names are very common. Fine. And I'm named after a different great-grandfather who had the same two first names,

kind of. That's good. I'm named after a fucking horse. What? Yeah. A horse? A horse. A serial killing horse. That's what OJ said. It was the horse. It was living in Melbourne. Put the glove on the roof. When my mom was living in Melbourne as a kid, one of her friends lived on a farm. And I had a horse called Glenn. And my mom was like, What a good name for a human boy.

And I think she didn't tell my dad that until after I was named Glenn and my dad's like, what the fuck? Where did you do that? And that's why my sister's called Janelle, because Janelle's a really Australian name. It is. Growing up, my sister, no one had ever met a Janelle. Yeah. And my sister got sacked from one of her first jobs as a, like a receptionist at an Australian company.

Because after her first day, they were like, you're not who we thought you'd be. We kind of wanted an Australian secretary. You know, somebody picks up the phones and says, hello, I welcome to, you know, Qoni or whatever, Quantus. And she was like, yeah, I'm not Australian, no,

we just, they literally assumed from her name on the CV. Really? She was a media, yeah. So it wasn't until, like, Janelle Monet came along that it was like, oh, that's people started to hear the name or unspell. Because no one's ever spelled a name right.

So, ever. So your sister was a result of Australian discrimination against Brits. Yes, yeah. Incredible. Right. Isn't that rare? Wow. How exciting to put in a new, yeah.

New slur just dropped sort of thing. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, a new prejudice. We've never had that one before. That's a fascinating new one. Yeah. I, uh... You palm prick, fuck off.

I can't hear the sunshine and your bloody voice. Well, I hear as drizzle. Yeah. I've even been taking vitamin D, but the D stands for diarrhea, because that's what you sound like. I, uh, I did a gig in Luxembourg where the guy was like, yeah, yeah, it's always expats. And then the 50 people in the crowd, out of 50, I should say, is a, basement of a pub.

There were no British people there. It was like three. Because of my fucking name. Oh, no. Even if it says English language comedy, my name, it's like the name of someone who's going to do Comedia del Arta. Yes. Like, tartuffe for the crowd.

So like, you know. Puddles Novelli. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. He's a silent stand-up. Yeah. But he has an unhappy face. Yeah.

He falls in love with the moon. He can't go on without his red below. Loon. Yeah. So, you know, all the kind of people who, British people in Luxembourg, Colin and from accounts, like from the finance, they weren't coming. So I got a kind of motley crew of furious, disappointed people. Well, no, because they didn't come. It was like, obsessed of the UK.

It was perfectly happy to be talked to by an international weirdo, Portuguese, Brazilians and Spanish and Luxembourgans and Germans and Dutch and Irish. Yeah. But I think it does affect marketing to a degree. I also... Do you get people disappointed that you're not a clown? I get people disappointed... A question I've never asked someone before. I get disappointed, people disappointed that I'm not French.

That still happens. An American comedian once saw my name on a lineup, and I was late, and it was like, when I turned up, they were just, like, they couldn't believe who I was. Yeah. Because especially from their point of view as someone from New York or whatever, they were expecting, yeah, a little... A little Gallic clown man.

Yeah, it's like if my stage name was like Bone T. Have you seen Bone? Is Bone here yet? But like if your name, if your actual real name was, yeah, Amadeus von Stubelish. Gishmer, Gishmertz Traminer. And then you just showed up, you were like, All right. All right.

You can't. Yeah, yeah. So, are you Amadeus? Gosh me. What should tell you? What the fuck? What we're describing is Angelo's epithel? Isn't it?

True, but he does sound like he's going for a very special type of English Greek. Yeah. But when I showed up this, Glenn still got his Shen Yun cough. Sorry. We should say as well, we did go to Shen Yun. It was fucking mad. If you want to hear about it, sign up to the Patreon. Yes, do a whole episode on us.

experience of Shenyon and business attire. It was... Yeah. Yeah. Yes, and she was just like... I just thought that a guy called Pierre Novelli wouldn't be built like a linebacker. Linebacker.

Yeah. Wow. And I was like, yeah, fair enough. I used to have a joke, which was... Only worked on crowds that could think a little bit oddly. Yeah. If they were drunk, like Stagdo crowds, it wouldn't work. I'd say, my name's Pianoveli.

But I don't look like that. I look like my name. name is Andrew Jameson. Yeah. And people would go, yeah, that is better. Yeah, yeah. That is better. We should say as well, we were in business attire for Shen Yun, and we did not fit our trousers.

No, I hadn't all my suit for quite some time. And it was, it was, every, the trousers were absolutely fine. Nothing makes me regret. I'm on the calf. I was like, have I, what's been in my calves recently? Why is that bit? Am I, Jack Greeley? What's happened?

You've been standing on your tiptoes a lot more? Yes. Yeah. To reach things. To kiss people. Yeah. Kiss people taller than me. I get the yellow pages and I stand on it.

You get the yellow pages and stand at the athlete's exit of basketball matches. Hey kid. Hey kid. Catch. Oh. Gee, thanks. Gee, thanks, mister. Yeah.

Are you affiliated with the team at any point? Yeah, 90s kid coming home, like really, really confused. Dennis Rodman just kissed me. Yeah, he followed me down a tunnel. It was in a tunnel. And then he threw his like stinking bum towel The throwing the towel thing

I've always thought it was revolting Absolutely vile Absolutely vile Can fucking throw that at me Yeah it's maybe that's an early point in your life When you realize You'll never be like a A Premier League full on professional athlete

When you wince and grimace When you saw football as like swap shirts And stuff like I'm not other people's sweat No no thank you When it's starting to get cold You're stinky and wet and cold Your own cold sweat is horrible

Yeah. But I'm feeling if you've gotten a bus back from like a gym or something or a run. Yeah. I used to have that. If I'd like run too far in the wrong direction, you have to get the bus or tube back, and you accidentally sit back. A very antisocial thing to do because you're giving everyone else wet chair. But just feeling your own coldness on you.

Yeah. I'm haunted by me. Nothing. When I wear suit trousers like last night that don't, like that only just fit. Yeah. I sit down so fucking carefully. Yeah, it makes you really appreciate just not wearing that. It makes you be able to flop down on a sofa.

It makes me feel about every mouthful of, you know, fucking cheese and Christmas meat I've had. Yeah. Like I'm thinking about all my killings. Like I'm a killer at the end of his life and I'm regretting. Oh, it's only, oh, the sin of the past. You're at the end of Schinders' list. Well, I could have eaten more.

Yeah, yeah. Could have eaten more. No. I, I, fuck, yeah. I just, it's awful. It's awful. And speaking of terrible regrets, let's do some correspondence. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randomness.

We respect the right to reply on this program. We like the BBC. Immediately you fill me with fear by saying that, because I go, who have we upset? Go on and just say, I have a faireromone, who have we upset? Who have we upset by being really polite? I'm sure there are plenty of people I've seen over the last few weeks. It's so funny that...

Over the Christmas break and New Year, I was extremely mental to Glenn and it made me angry. And I'm sure we're going to get in touch now. I was so offended by how Glenn immediately agreed with my mad point of view. Yeah. So, you described an incident on my stag do

where you tried to talk... Your friend in mine, Johnny Leonard, said something to the hoggerest people. I thought the question to me. I answered the question and realized the question wasn't being addressed in my direction at all. Yeah. Horrible social phopal. And your bum fell out. Yeah.

Yeah. So Johnny gets, it's got in touch. Hello, Johnny. Oh, fuck. Dear Logzilla and King Pong. Really horrible. Really awful. Which one of those do you want to be?

Neither. Neither. One's the turd and one's a smell. No, neither. To his putty killed the beast. Tird and smell were a double act. In the 80s, weren't they? Yeah, I'm a shittling large.

I was doing some catching up on pods in the January lull, and further to season two, episode 28, diagnosed Christmassy. And in the modern, responsible climate of presenting both sides of every issue, I felt it necessary to write to you regarding the incident Glenn described at the stag-do-hog roast. Yeah. It was so nice to see Glenn again after so many years. He's easily in my all-time, top three favorite permanent hosts of Budpast.

I must confess to feeling a certain sense of trepidation and intimidation before the stag. Nervousness of being around loads of great comics I admire who've made great careers in a world I only ever fafed at the fringes of many years ago. So many really funny people, big personalities, famous faces and you guys as well. Fuck off. This is good stuff. I was like, I had no sense of humor about it. You were like, hang on. Just leave us alone.

Or if you were just like, hang on, I've actually done quite well. Really sincerely saying your CV. They don't just give you a House of Games trophy. You technically earn it. Yeah. And pretty much straightaway, I made a fool of myself. Confidently accusing Glenn of drinking with the wrong hand, according to the rules, only to realize...

We should establish as well at your stag. We were all dressed like monks you were dressed as an abbot. to address each other by brother, brother Wang, brother Moore, etc., brother Leonard. And we all had to drink with our right hand? Non-dominant hand. Non-dominant hand. Only to realize I was too stupid to tell left from right correctly across a room. A task surgely damaged chimps can reliably accomplish.

I felt like a prize plum in my polyester monk outfit. Fast forward to the fateful encounter with Glenn in the pork queue. I like that. Pork queue. That's when we all lined up to fuck beer. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was not the stag. Yeah, it's the hog roast, right?

That's what we called it. Jesus Christ. When you came home and your fiancé, and you went, I don't want to talk about it. We don't have to talk it. It was weird. Isn't it worse if I come out and go, I want to talk all about it?

Yeah. Which one's worse? You know how my whole pass is all of my friends? But as long as we're dressed in religious attire? In the most flammable party shops, it's available. If anyone had, had, oh, we could have gone. If it had brushed up against each other. Yeah, the static.

Would have got up like a box of matches. No, I think it would have been like the emperor from Star Wars. A little lightning. Could have been quite cool. By the time I'm in the queue, my confidence is rocking. By this stage of the evening we've been drinking steadily for several hours, and the Christmas dinner ambush at the shooting range was weighing heavily on all our guts. Oh, yes.

We went to a clay pigeon shooting range, and they just produced the most incredible Christmas dinner out of their bums. Yeah, when you go, the clay pigeon was great, but this is your true skill set in life, guys. I don't know. I think you've just tossed out. It's great, roast potatoes. At a gun range. Really odd. It reminded me of, um, in the other guys when, uh...

Mark Wahlberg, like, ironically learns ballet. Ironically learns to do ballet really well. So, it was the first chance I'd had to chat with Glenn properly one-on-one, and he was charming and funny as ever. Graciously not bringing up my inability to tell left from right. It was by no means a deep and meaningful chat, but it felt relaxed and easy, and I was relieved to not have... I've made a boob of myself again.

Anyway, I reached the front of the queue feeling back on an even keel and turned to face the swine peddlers. The hogservor looked miserable. Her greasy tongs glinting in the moonlight, hair straggly and wet from standing out in December rain for two hours. Must be a busy time of year for you guys, I said, under the weight of the awkward silence. It's so horrible this Rashamon.

Seeing it from someone else's perspective. It's like when there's a new... camera angle of 9-11? Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it from that. I haven't seen it from inside the plane before. This is like at the end of a kind of thriller

streaming series where it turns out that you're actually guilty. You are guilty. Must be a busy time of year for you guys, I said under the weight of the awkward silence. She said nothing, but the pig butcher by the carcass and the gloom behind her started to mumble something about office Christmas parties. The wind was whipping the thin canvas of their gazebo.

The rain drummed on the rockers. roof and the scrape of steel on pig flesh made it hard to hear anything. But before I could decipher a word, I heard Glenn audibly groan behind me and say loudly, I'm going to kill myself. So I didn't have to say that.

For a brief horrifying moment, I thought through some arcane magic of warm doom bar, shotgun shell smoke, Manhattan Project level farts and kilos of processed pork. I'd undergone a sort of Mel Gibson in what women want style gaining of powers. First DVD I ever. us all. Yeah. To hear the thoughts of

unflinchingly polite millennial men. I thought, my God, one of the nation's most beloved chuckle-mongers thought the conversation we just had in the queue for the hog-roast was so boring and unfunny, and lacking in anything remotely human and creative. He's going to kill himself. I've drained him of the will to live with my

below-par badinage. He has a young family. He's just bought a house, but my small talk was just not worth living through. Yes, please. Barbecue sauce, I said, as I felt the crushing weight of every atom in the universe above me. Anyway, that was my experience

of it looking forward to seeing you both at the wedding, Koji Johnny. Wow. He thought you were fucking slamming him from a great height. How about that? Jeez. Is this what the pherom is?

Maybe it's that. But also, I didn't... To know that my initial comment went unheard, I feel like the end of the movie The Mist where he kills everyone in the car. He mercy kills everyone. and gets out the car, and it turns out the world had been saved.

Yeah. And he didn't need to kill his whole family or whatever. And that's how the film fucking ends. That's what happened to me. I admitted to a crime no one knew about. I love... Jeez. I love the idea of you, such a polite man,

being in a queue behind Johnny and Johnny's just going, no, it must be a busy time of year for you guys. And you're just going, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Shot off. It was insanely rude. For too long, I've sat through this small talk. Bring me the pork. Jelay not the pork.

Idle chitter-chatter. How about that? Wow. What if the pheromone is people only ever seeing the second part of a thing you're saying? Yes. Genuinely. Interesting. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Maybe we've cracked it. You know, like, how... So people don't see you do the first mistake, but they do see you suddenly, and shockingly from their point of view, going, sorry, sorry, and they go, oh, why is he saying sorry? It's like, I know he's a colleague of yours,

but the way Michael Gove was... Uncle Mike? Yeah, when, in like 2015, 2016... Govy boy? When he said something along the lines of, the people have had enough of experts who keep on... But everyone just, like, as much as I think he's a dick,

that sentence was taken out of context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And on its own, But not like this. Exactly that. And I think that's what happens. Where I'm like... Fuck.

It's not the pheromone. People are just hearing clips of you. But I'm saying something needs to be done about the working class people and the way that they are trodden on by the... And what people hear is, we need to do something about the working club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that. Yeah. Fuck.

I think that's the pheromone. Yeah. People are seeing less of you or hearing less of you than you think. Because I'm so boring. And so, no, you're just quieter than you think. Because you responded to Johnny in a conversational volume. Yeah. And then all he heard was you just, out of nowhere, going, I'm going to kill myself.

Because you said that bit louder. So people, you think they're hearing everything, but they're just hearing the one weird self-reaction. Philippe, are you fucking with the levels on this podcast? It would be funny if it turned out, Felipe, I was like, oh, yeah, every week I have to turn you up. But like, yeah, yeah. An extra 30 decibels compared to Pierre. But only like the occasional sentence. So I'll be sort of like, I hate people from Guam.

And that sentence ends up in there. It's like crisp. Yeah. Fucking hell. Well, thank you, Johnny, for sending that man. We might have solved the pheromone. That's a real eye opener. And Johnny's a man of sign.

But I need to say everything at a uniform volume. Or just stop being so honest and polite and always start by presuming you've got away with whatever it is. Yeah, never apologize. We'll just wait and see. Yeah. You jump the gun. I jump the gun.

If you'd have just waited, you'd have thought, I think no one heard that. Yeah. If you'd done what most people do, most people, when they spill something, they don't immediately go tell the venue and say, sorry, I've made a big mess and I'd like you to hold me responsible. Yeah. You're doing it. You're telling on yourself. You're right. I'm telling on myself. Most people spill something and go, I'll just leave it.

Yeah. Take the cowards way more often. You're too honorable. Yeah, I'm doing the fucking... You're too like an honorable caballiero, a chevalier. a chevalier Chevalier Crusader night

The murder documentary where he confessed at the end Yeah That's you Shit That's the fair amount Well it was sold I'm gonna be

More horrible than ever before I'd like it No it'd be really unpleasant I'd be interested to see it then A brussel shite Bruce all shite It would be like Ned Flanders when he flips out One of my favorites bits of The Simpsons

I've never seen this What For the Simpsons This is... No, I've never seen this Ned one. Really? Never. It's so satisfying.

Maybe if you'd seen it as a kid, you'd have gone, there is a... Yeah. I may, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get some more correspondence we have heard from Eleanor. Hi, Eleanor. Dear Pierre and Glenn, last week you requested dentist stories. Yes, reluctantly.

Mm. I went for my annual trip a couple of years ago, and immediately the vibes were off. The normally chatty hygienist greeted me with... a serene nod and communicated only in gentle whispers. Okay. It's a bit odd. The dentist did the same, heeping reassurance and praise on me as she carefully poked through my mouth.

It was like being trapped in an ASMR video. Lots of shushing and tapping and soft hands. I don't like this at all. Oh, you've done so well. Good, good teeth. Good teeth. Bones would be perfect for, never mind. I'm sure the

ignore me It was but a trifle It was only when I got back to work And caught a glimpse of my reflection That I realized why I'd received The Small Child Terrified of the Dentist Treatment Please see the attached photo Of the jumper I was wearing

Oh no So Eleanor has attached a photo And she is wearing a grey crew neck jumper with the word anxious written on in massive red lettuce

like a service dog I do not touch this dog a therapy human when you see a little whippets with a little jumper on that says this dog is afraid of men yeah anxious

fuck I might try that yeah it's like that comedy club where you wear like, it's like traffic light party. You were like green sticker to say, I'm happy to be spoken to. Red to say you don't want to be spoken to. That's what they did. I'm going to go to the tent.

Immediately, I thought you go to the tent. Biter. It says hungry and they put little nuggets in. Yeah, yeah. Well, hungry means you and get a finger in your mouth ever. You're going to eat my fucking hand. Go to the cinema with a jumper that says horny on it. Yeah.

Let you watch a different film with more nude scenes in it. Yeah. Yes, I basically dress myself like a rescue dog with PTSD wearing a bandana saying, Keep away, I'm nervous. I guess it's a useful life hack for anyone who is actually anxious about dental checks. Best wishes and happy 2026. P.S. A similar thing happened last year at a scan of my then unborn baby.

Congratulations. The sonographer was halfway through the scan when she asked, So you're a cat person? Oh no Immediately I'm thinking There's a cat in there Yeah I'm like one of those medieval stories

Yes Oh I'm a painting On the tapestry I'm gonna give birth to a cat I'm a warning That's because I didn't cross myself When I went to church I'm gonna be a fable told to children

Throughout the years of a warning I gave birth to a cat Because I ran a slovenly home No The sonographer was halfway through the scan When she asked So you're a cat per which is a very worrying thing to hear while someone looks at your baby in utero.

Yeah. I couldn't hide my confusion when I replied, Uh, no, not really. I prefer dogs. I got a very strange look from her, and the rest of the scan was done in silence. Got home and realized I was wearing a shirt covered in cute illustrations of kittens. That makes you look fucking mad. Yeah.

It's really... I wear the shirt depicting my enemy. As a constant reminder. Keep them closer. You're the best. Your Michael be Jordan and Black Panther when he's cars. I'm going to wear... I have killed all of these cats.

I'm going to wear a jumper that says, I heart, N.Y. Yeah. People go, oh, New York. I go, no. No. No, never been. No, no. No, no.

No, don't know what you mean. I have... Naked Yeties. I love... Yeah. I was trying to think of other NYs. My brain came up with Nigerian youth. What does that mean?

What a gap for your teacher. I love nice. News UK. Spelled like that. Yeah. Well, thank you very much for that, Eleanor. Send in your dental stories. Send in anything that has happened to you that's made you feel like you have the pheromone.

Maybe you've caught it through the audio airwaves. I'm so sorry if that's happened. Oh, man. It would be like the ring. You'll be told off in seven days The girl crawls out and starts wagging your finger It just smacks you around the face Yeah

And goes, excuse me You're in my living room Oh, that was a bit I tried a few times It just never ever worked Yeah A friend of mine used to date the girl from the ring And it was like an absolute nightmare Of like a long distance relationship

Yeah Because like if ever they were like horny or whatever Then he'd have to like watch the tape and then have to wait a week and then she'd crawl out the TV and sike it. And the middle-aged people at the art centre didn't like that. You're kidding.

A movie they almost certainly haven't seen as well. He just said some gibberish about a woman crawling out of a TV and sucking him off. He said it like it was some sort of reference. How was there no porn version of the... I never saw people who watch like porn movies. Do you know what I mean? Like the version of Pirates of the Caribbean or whatever.

And it would be like a full, like, 90-minute film. Like the movies they make in Boogie Nights, where there's a storyline. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And cops and stuff like that. As if you'd feel too crude not having a story. Exactly that, yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll discuss that in the Patreon.

Lots to think about. Lots to think about. Much to think about. We'll discuss that in the Patreon. If you sign up to the Patreon, you can hear what it was like to actually go see Shen Yun, the China Before Communism dance show that is intermittently incredibly thoroughly advertised and then disappears again and then comes back. Unlike us, because we advertise ourselves all the time,

because you can also see us on tour in 2026. You're at the Soho Theatre. If you're listening to this, you have three days left to come see me at the Soho Theater. You fuckers? I am on tour at the moment. You can see me this weekend in Bridgewater. You can see me next week in York, in Sheffield, in Manchester. Check our websites.

Check our... Follow us on social media If you're just typing Glenmore or Piano Valley or Budpot Official You can find us And give us a follow Yeah

Listen to my radio show on BBC Radio 4 or IPlayer or BBC Sounds or whatever the fuck it's called And we'll see you in the Patreon for a bonus episode once a week Shen Yun dance pot A George Pod once a month

And if you're in the mid-level tier A Film Watch Along Oh yeah The January is Madam Webb Which is Fucking shit So we'll see you there

He laughed a lot But yeah Yeah, Koji.