BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E34 | Pot of Egg

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

Full video episodes of BudPod are available on our YouTube channel here! This week the buds discuss AI's Epstein problem, offensive meal deal selections, secondary school awards and the way to say Michael Bublé.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/ Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is going on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, my tour starts soon. I go all around the UK, Ireland and the Netherlands. So come check it out. Also, if you're in London and you just missed my sold-out Soho Theatre run, I'm back at Leicester Square Theatre on the 28th of May. All of the links, dates, times, etc. are found on my website, Piannavelli.com. Scroll down to live and you will see it all there. And I'll see you there. It's Budpod 34. And you can call me Flutty Moore. Oh, yeah. That'd be awful. A nickname. but would follow you around like that is not a good one.

What do you think? I once did a corporate gig where one of the big jokes of this office and I'd been warned by the people in advance that we're a bit rowdy, we're a bit mad, and you know how normally at a corporate gig

when they go, we love humour here at Crimpton and Sons? What they mean is, oh, now that you mention it for the love of God, don't swear, don't mention alcoholism, the CEO's brothers in jail, they don't ever mean it. This company did. Oh, okay, because usually the gig may as well be on 7am breakfast television.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For the way they want you to handle it, yeah, absolutely. These lunatics actually mentored. Right. It's the only time they've ever mentored. And they're like making, like, middle-aged women are coming up to collect awards and making, like, fuck jokes about me while they're up there. Oh.

Like, it's really, like, it was such a, like, a horny, horny panto office. Yeah. But these people worked out. It was really strange. And one of their big, funny jokes was that one of the guys in their office was called The Octopus. Jesus, Chris. Because he would, I don't know, touch people's bums or something. Could be a touchy-feely guy.

There's no other way. No, that was what was heavily implied, yeah. And his big prize was a big mug. That was like an octopus mark. Unless you look over and there's this huge pagan god with eight arms. And you go, oh, it's the eight arms thick. It's Casulu. Yeah, yeah.

These guys work with Casulu. Once you get past the incomprehensible horror, he's really not such a bad guy. Yeah, you don't have to be Lovecraftian to work here, but it helps. But instead, you don't have to be Lovecraftian to work here, but it, and then, like, helps, turns into that kind of otherworldly alphabet that you can't read. Aramaic. But it, oh. No, his prize was like a big mug shape, like an octopus. And the award for most arms goes to, wait, sorry, his award was in the shape of an octopus.

But it was like the joke prize. It was a mixture of real prizes for best emailing or whatever. And then like kind of fun end of year silly billy prizes. Did your school have end of year or like end of school awards? Yeah. What was, did you, did you make the cut? I did. Yeah, I did.

End of the year. Or end of your entire time there. Well, Hannah, we only had one end of the entire school written by and for the students there. So this wasn't the teacher being like most diligent. What do you mean end of the school? Oh, you mean like silly, oh, like... The very final, like, week of term. It's the end of the year?

Yes, but ever. So, opposite. Oh, you're leaving... Okay, a graduation set of... Graduates, yes, when you're valedictorian. Yes. And you're going to be homecoming the next year. Yes.

You're going to be homecoming king. And it's for the teachers? Like, funny? Yeah, well, this was written by other students and it was nominate people were put forward and then no rewards, yeah. No. No, okay. No, no.

We had real tedious end-of-year prizes. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah. And did you make the cut there? Yeah. For what? Art.

Nice. That's good. Art and history always. Yeah. If it was for art, they'd been disappointed that you were going into, like, essentially a history degree. I think they were fine with it.

I did look into going to a graphic design or, like, art college. And your designs were work graphic. And my designs were most graphic. They sent me a letter saying, never, ever, ever send us anything. like this again. Stop doing them on the walls of R.A. Even then, in the late Nauties,

it was clear to me that I would starve to death in an attic if I tried to make a living out of cartoons. Like Lovecraft. Yeah, yeah. Like, you'd be the only person. Like, the any person in the 21st century described as dying as destitute. A destitute malingular.

Yeah, I could just, even back then, I remember getting a book on animation as like a prize well like I got it with my book voucher the prize was a fucking book voucher yeah and even in this book on animation that was I'm reading this in like 2007 the book came out in like 2001

in that book it's saying no one really learns how to fucking draw or animate anymore it's a damn shame that was like the theme of half the book right okay so bitter but like I'm decades into it being fucked yeah yeah this book isn't going perhaps someday we will see a decline in the pen

it's going yeah it's a been fire and don't do it. And they all just do it in Korea. Like The Simpsons animated in Korea and like a warehouse with like 200 depressed people in it. Yeah, don't do it. I myself have been rejected from art college. I'm going to go into politics and start talking in beer haws and work my way up. I'm becoming an author.

Yes. Yeah. Finish my book. Finish my magnum opus. Bill by Beckins. Karen back again. My struggle. My Bill by Beckins.

Frodo, have you read your uncle's book? With one copy. And Frodo goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we don't know. Your uncle might like to hear they have invented this thing called a printing press. I'll tell him, I'll tell him. Don't talk to him about it.

He's very sensitive about it. That would be funny, yeah. Bilbo becoming like a complete fucking reactionary lunatic. Yeah. Because of his experiences. Yes, yeah, yeah. You don't know what it's like out there. Talking shit about the proud foots.

I mean, the Proudfitts does sound like a Nazi military small subsection of like, yes, yeah. You're right, yeah. Yeah, they had them. There was the March of the Proudfuts, and that was a big one in 1937. Or even earlier, they were absorbed into the Nazi party, by the day. Very few people still said they were members. They had organizations like that.

That's a real thing. Yeah. Your instincts are bang on. Have you, how? Here's a question. What's the most worrying knowledge you have? Because my military history slash rise of the Nazis knowledge is probably the most worrying knowledge.

Yeah, it's the most four-chan thing you have. Or just the most, the guy from peep show is dressed in Nazi memorabilia kind of thing. Where you just go, that's the evil version of the nice thing I like. Yeah. Al Murray gets away with it because he's actually doing it for real. Yeah. And he's got a history, he's got a master's in history from Oxford on World War II history.

Yeah. That gets you a certain amount of cover. I don't think I have anything that's really problematic Unless, name a country, any country. Argentina. 15. So age of consent laws, I know every single... But other than that.

Yeah. It's really hard to cast it in a bad light, I guess. Fucking hell, man. I know. Let's look it up, actually. What is it? I don't mean, like, I don't mean the knowledge is problematic. Like, it's not problematic,

whatever that means, that I know that there was a veterans organization called the style helms, the steel helmets. There's a precursor to the brown shirts, the essay, which is a precursor to the, you know. They don't even have like a blue hyperlink on the Wikipedia page for war. Well, but it's not like, I know

secretly, I know what it's like to take a life or something. That's problematic. That's problematic. Age of Consent Memorization of the whole world would be worrying. It would be worrying, yeah. And if you can, if you can recite it in a big animaniac song. Wacko. Yeah. Yeah.

Bolivia's 14. Peru reduced by two. With us singing Jeffrey Epstein. Peruvretting around. Is there a theory? I mean, by the time you're listening to this, This might be quite dated. Yeah, we're recording a bit in advance.

A bit in advance. If something fucking... And maybe the first to wish you were very happy 2017. Yeah. If something fucking mad has happened, then forgive us. Yes. We'll get around to it. Apparently, on like AI, you know, like you can sort of teach AI and seed certain ideas in it

so that someone else, somewhere else in the world, might end up getting a bit of misinformation via you. You, like, infect the database or something. Yes. Right. Well, apparently so many AI videos, and I've got no, I can't name my source here, maybe I'm completely wrong on this. But apparently there are so many AI videos

use Jeffrey Epstein as a punchline that actually when you get it to be like, let's do the Avengers with the Stranger Things cast and, you know, Chris Hemsworth is Vecner or whatever, that sort of thing. Right. Jeffrey Epstein will be in there. Because he's just like, he's just John Doe. He's just, oh, that's...

But he's like FIFA player character creator, like, just the default setting is Jeffrey Epstein. So they're just like, it's one of the faces they have nearest to hand. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've got so many spare Epstein heads. You have to reuse assets. I'll pop them on the doll. Exactly that. Fuck, yeah.

That's so funny and horrible. Because I saw some weird, like, so almost like, it took Studio Ghibli, like, years to make her spirited away. And yet, whatever AI managed to make it within five minutes. And the witch on the broom with the big hair with just Jeffrey Epstein. But they posted it with like no sense of humor about that. People have been posting AI Photoshop's of them. There's some picture of Jeffrey Epstein on his creepy jet,

like laughing and like toasting someone. Or like talking to someone else in one of the other private jet chairs. Yeah. Yeah. And people are putting themselves in the chair talking like, like they are one of the. sort of guests to the island. Yes. And I was looking at that going,

if you did that in like the 90s with an equivalent level scandal, with the technology of Photoshop they had in the 90s or 80s, and you did it that effectively. Yeah. It would be like art. It would be like incredibly like controversial and interesting art with, wow.

Or just believed. Well, well, just believe it. If you did it as a statement of like, look, we are all corrupt and evil. You know, you made some point. Yeah. But this level of visual representation and this quality is just, people can just burp it out at any point. It's so weird how the AI obsessives, especially on Twitter, who are sort of like, and they call it AI slob, before showing you like a Coca-Cola lorry slamming into a wall and glitching through it.

Oh, that's low level. Yeah, yeah. That's low level. But they'll put themselves like meeting Jeffrey Epstein. Like, why was your dream with AI to be, imagine I was friends of a big old nods? Wouldn't that be cool? The dream with AI is, I have so many funny images I would want to send the group chat, but I'm too lazy to Photoshop them, and now I can teleport them.

Well, I thought I'd take it. Infinite memes, Mr. Bond. Customizable memes. To your very own face. You'll never get away with this. Owen, do try not to Photoshop Jeffrey Epstein to this one. Glenn's still got a Shenyan cough. The Shenyan cough.

That feels like a very problematic way that people would have named COVID back in the day. The Shen Yun cough. He's got the Shen Yun cough. It would be the way that they named it in the 20s. Yeah, like the French disease. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the Shen Yun cough.

They would have been like a kind of hop-skipper, kind of fucking song about it. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. What were we just talking about a second ago? It's this idea of infinite memes and you get this amazing technology and your dream is to, and this is a real example, make a video where a cat husband tries to murder a cat wife on a cruise. I had this yesterday where a friend of us, friendish not be named, we have a recurring joke that our respective dads, and we always accuse the other person of this, our respective dads are just absolute sexual deviants, absolute truck stop toilet, glory hole, just relentlessly.

Yeah, I would say, so I'm in a WhatsApp group with you guys, and every other day or so, you'll find some horrible thing in the wild or come up with some awful phrase and say to the other one, is it true that your dad? Yes. Or some variation on that. And it's always very British and mucky, and it's horrible. Yeah, it's very lay by. Well, so yesterday I found a picture of, lay by is exactly. Lay by. I found a picture of his dad on the internet, like genuinely, because his dad is in a respectable position.

And I used AI to make a... It was called The His Dad Tour. And... What did you do? The image was of him like... What's in the box? Was it of him like kneeling down in front of a guy, like, clutching his legs. And his head's like peering out from the side.

And it was called... The door was called... Only bloaking. And then I took a picture in my doorstep of me holding a different flyer and then put those images together and said, can you have it so that it looks like it's just come through my door. And then I thought, I can't send this to him because it's too, I've gone to, because at what point do you just go,

I'm making malicious content about your dad, but your dad is just fucking everybody? At what point is this a form of liable? Yes. Yes. His sexual urges have no clear demographic or age. or age range or it's, you know, he's completely

just anyone. He's like, you guys represent each other's fathers as like a kind of sexual like force. Primordial, shapeless without restraint or consciousness. Yes. Yeah. There's a sexual terminator if you will. Yes, exactly. It has

no mercy. Exactly. Exactly. You represent them as sort of, yeah, insatiable terminators, but always very, very, like, Sunday sport, Reader's Wives. Yes. Like, very, like, you know what, the phrase comes into my mind. It's laybys and, like, pickled onion monster munch.

Like, that kind of thing. Yes. Sort of an obsession with monster munch and laybys and... Yeah, when... Beans. Like, I read recently, and this cannot be true. Yeah. This cannot be true.

I think it is the Sainsbury's meal deal that the most popular option is eggpile. Yeah. Pot of egg. England. A little pot of farts. England, come on. But it's protein bros. That's what's driving it.

It's health weirdos and health ladies. Because it's seen as better than crisps. It was like shi-tories or Mrs. Brown's boys' viewers. I've just never seen one. You never seen an egg pot? No, no, I've never seen someone just put an egg in their mouth. Oh, I've seen it. Oh, I've seen it.

Stop on the bus? Is it like... I've seen it on the train and I've seen it like in a Pratt or whatever because Pratt also sell fucking pot of egg. Yeah.

I think it's just catering to that market of people who are like I'm so health-obsessive at the moment but the only thing near me is a Pratt. Yeah. And, you know,

there's some author, I can't remember who it was but some author used to boil two eggs and put them in his coat pockets and use them as hand warmers when he went to work. Oh, every time I read a fucking diary entry of anyone from 100 years ago.

2pm woke up, 2.30, gin. 3 p.m., bath in more gin. 4 p.m. killed everyone I knew. 5 p.m. I get rather drunk, and we don't like to talk about that. Like, it was all, like, it's a weird mix. Every diary entry from more than 100 years ago is either sassy alcoholic or gravely concerning Albert Fish-esque man. Like, eggs in the pockets, zero-kater.

Stitched another leather cape. Yes. Before dawn. I needed to fondle the chicken's berth within my pockets. Says it was George Orwell. George Orwell, there you go. Oh, man. George Orwell.

But, I mean, I just can't imagine that it could be quite nice in a country where everything is cold. And you're always cold. Yeah, yeah. That's why you have to wear seven coats made of wool. Posh or working class, you've got to wear. seven coats made of wool. Maybe he's two legs are better than one because that's what chickens have. That's the secret message.

And he respects the chicken. Of animal farm. Yeah, yeah. If they were clever, they'd have put the chickens in charge. You go to my page in the acknowledgements and thank you's bit. Thank you, chickens. Thank you. Thank you, comma, chickens, exclamation mark.

Capital F, for the eggs, exclamation mark. Written like that. Like a little clarification. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you look in the author's photo, and just in the background, you go, that's a coop. Yes. That's a henhouse. He loves it.

The party's penultimate command was that you were to deny the information before your very eyes and years, but the party's final command was just have good fun with the chickens. Whenever I read that stuff about everyone just being drunk all the time, sometimes I think, Vice did a thing ages ago where they tried to eat, they tried to live a day as like Huntress Thompson. Yeah, that diary can't be true because it must have been his final lever diary entry. Well, so if you read the jokes over by Ralph Stedman, who is the cartoonist,

and it's about like, what is it like to have to work with this fucking lunatic? Ralph Stedman's like from Wales and just, and does all the drawings. He says, like, one of the things that annoyed him most

about Hunterist Thompson was that he picked at his food and never finished it. He was a guy... He orders a big lime pie. Yeah, a big key lime pie. It's all there, but he just picks at it throughout the day.

Whereas what this guy was doing was thinking, Bruce Paul Trotter. Exactly, finish every crumb. That's not what he was doing. So he pours himself a drink. Yeah. You know, he boils a certain amount of spoons.

Sure. Yeah. It's the wastage, you know. That was the issue. It was just the waste. It was for the Welsh guy. Yeah. Huntress Thompson would say, you know, poverty-minded Brit or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Point of being an American was to have too much. Yeah. And choice. Yeah. Choice and excess. So, I mean, maybe they were... I don't know.

Whenever you read those things, you think, well, but this probably isn't the day that Hemingway did all the editing. Yes. This is probably the... Like, imagine if someone thought, we lived, like, on a permanent stag do because they read a stagdue diary.

You'd go, well, no, no, no. That wasn't every day. Yes, that's not... That's not fair. This diary entry has been preserved because it's noteworthy, unusual at the time. Yeah. I wasn't fucking waking up and...

Life is not an airport. Port Wetherspoons. I never trust those a day in the life of, you know, newspaper column sort of things. Because you go, well, what's your, yeah, what's your best day and you choose that one? Have you were the Tom Hollander one? Yes, that's the one I'm thinking of. That's good, though. It's good, because you go, that's the only one where you go.

You've deliberately brought this down to, yeah, what would you typically do? It's got a crap day. Yes, exactly that. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking recently, my life at the moment is just unpacking boxes. Yes, of course, yeah. It's your house. I'm living Christmas every day.

It's your house's birthday. It's my house's birthday. And it's an infinite party. And every day we open a new mirror. Wow. But the guys who, we hired a company who just like came into your house and they just pack everything up. Yes. They just wrap every single thing up and they label it based on just what room it was found in.

And they do not ask questions. I was at the house when that happened. Good, good. They just do not ask questions. They go, put everything you want to keep and have with you in the room. bathtub, like a tornado. Yeah. Everything else, they will not ask questions.

I've heard rumour that, apparently, the only thing they will say, the only thing they'll announce they're about to do is your bedside table. Right. That's the only thing they'll go, we're about to go through your bedside table, and you go, it's fine. All the dildas are in the bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the medications are in the bar.

Yeah, they're suction to the wall, it's okay. But when, both, on the day that he, the guys packed everything up, and the main guy who was sort of running it, and the day he unwrapped, he was telling me lots and lots of stories about various, like, big-name people he'd sort of wrapped, you know, done things for. Exotic spices from the Orient. Well, he was telling me about... Many a tall tale.

He was telling me about Harry Enfield, and that he'd done, he'd helped do Harry Enfield's house years ago. Big box labeled collars. Yeah. Silly props. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit, not Harry Hill. Harry Enfield. Cut that, Felipe.

That was humiliating. No, no, no. Big box labeled Whigs, I guess. Wigs, I suppose, yeah. Big box labeled Paul White House. But he was telling me stories in a way that may be incredibly stressed because he'd go and this guy's accent's going to be all over the place and I do apologize.

But he was like, we do Harry Enfield's house and we go in and he, oh, we're packing up all the boxes that Harry Enfield. He'd come out, oh, he make us laugh. Well, all right. I'm packing some shoes in a box and he comes out. He just tells this joke. I had to go, oh, I can imagine. I'm imagining such a funny joke.

On the flip side, when he was unwrapping our boxes, was telling us about times that, like, he'd been the funny person and an anecdote, and I came out and I made this joke and everybody's laughing. He did it upwards of five times. And it was so stressful because at one point I really wanted to be like, say a noun, say anything. You're saying to him, like, I tell you what, you give me the topic of the joke. Yes.

Narrow it down for me. What about the shoes? Was it not about the shoes? Yes. I was getting nothing from him. I think. The punchline was, there was laughter in the room, and that should be enough. Like a kind of fragmented historical record, and there was much merriment.

You go, well, I wonder what they were talking about. Yes, or I guess, like, the flip would be a sad story where you go, and I just saw this car care careening towards them and um yeah there were a lot of tears shed that yeah yeah i can actually visualize that yeah a lot of laughs yeah i've met this kind of person before i think and if you asked him well what was the joke about you go oh i don't know yeah you had to be you you go well what to fuck you why are you telling me this yes it's the that an emotion you had it's the testimony of someone who wants to be believed that there is merriment in their past, but doesn't want to be drawn on what?

But he was such a jolly guy. I was like, I trust that you're happy all the time. He was just really upbeat. Just a chuckling man. Just a chuckling man. He lived all over the world. I can't remember he was from originally. Maybe it was like Georgia, somewhere maybe in Eastern Europe.

He lived in America, and he was talking about celebrities he'd helped unpack there. And Rob, Donnie, Johnny, he tells his jock. He makes me laugh. Robin Williams, he come. Oh, he made. make me sad. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it'd make me cry.

He's so affecting. Yeah, affecting. All of our movers were Brazilian. I remember you saying. Yeah, they were Brazilian. Very strange. I mean, you know, fine, but... Did you get cross?

Really cross. Yeah. I'm serious. No, just that it's such a strange... I don't think I ever thought I'd meet a particularly high number of people from Brazil outside of Brazil ever. No, that's a good point. Number one, especially not in London.

Yeah, I've met maybe two people from Brazil ever. Bearing your mind as well, when I was a kid, my cousins would visit us from South Africa, and it would be like 17 degrees. And they would be dressed like they were about to perish trying to find the northwest past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would be like, what's that film with Brad? They came with like a Sherba. What's that film with Brad Pitt where he's wandering around the Himalayas?

Seven years in Tibet? Yeah. They were like seven years in Tibetan. a 17 degree summer day on the Iron of Man like teeth chattering cartoon ass shit yeah so the idea and they're from I mean like where my cousins are from like it gets cold at night because it's high altitude

it's not like they're from the fucking tropics so the idea that someone from Brazil is happy to live in London yes and it doesn't immediately die and the weather doesn't make them kill themselves or shrivel up like a spider just go oh it's cold fuck and they just die in a ball I can't believe who would choose that When I was a child and I saw that movie title, Seven Years in Tibet,

I don't know why I assumed Tibet would be baking hot. And so in my head, even subconsciously, I still see it as a very basic bitch, fridge magnet, I'll tell you what, I need seven years in Tibet. Do you have memories like this? I only remember the movie Seven Years in Tibet because when I visited my step-cousons house when I was little, my much, much older step-cousons were like in the middle of the day. It was just on in a room.

They were just watching it. And I just remember watching Brad Pitt with a beard, eat rice from an altar sacrifice. So you leave food in front of the Buddha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ate that rice and it was spoiled, so it made him throw up. Right.

That's the memory of that. But thereby solidifying everyone else's faith when they come back in the rice isn't that? I guess so, yeah. There was lots of 90s, almost dialogue-free, adventure films, and this went into the 2000s. So I think, dancers with wolves, Kevin Costner. Yeah.

Cast Away with Tom Hanks. Yeah. Lots of those sort of films, I see them as, the 90s was full of trekking and adventures, I thought. But in terms of film memories, I mean, have we spoken about the first DVD we ever watch? Because mine was What Women Want.

Yeah, which is such a bit odd. I don't know what mine would have been. What Women Want is the anti-Semitic, furiously racist, Mel Gibson. Make a new version of What Women Want where it's Mel Gibson beaming his thoughts into the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's saying that?

What Mel Gibson wants. What Mel Gibson wants. A horrible film. Yeah, I, We were just obsessed with a DVD player. We just never seen one. We were staying on my aunt and uncle and they were living in St. Louis at the time.

And it just blew my mind that you didn't have to rewind it. And we were like, the menu has music that repeats every six seconds. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, my God. The lengths... DVDs weren't around long enough for people to fully address how brief.

How brief DVD menu music was. Fuck, man. Yeah, that was shit. My sister then watched Final Destination the next day. and the night before we then flew from St. Louis to Chicago. And the final destination is the planes one. Wow. And then she told me all about it.

Good. I remember that vividly. I remember the first time we got a DVD player, the first DVD we got was Goodfellers, which inexplicably came in two discs. You had to switch Goodfellers out halfway through. Too long? It's like two and a half hours.

Lord of the Rings you didn't have to deal with that shit. What? Really weird, yeah. It was only with Goodfellas. There were certain DVDs you immediately didn't trust because they either came plastic, like a PS2 game fully plastic

or he had other ones which were card and it slotted into a plastic spine and I hated those because they didn't look the same as the rest of the ones

in your DVD covered market ones I had a very thin there'll be blood like gossamer thin and I really didn't like it fuck I mean they must have just been

repurposing old CDs or something yeah we had the we had the wire and never ever watched it and now the moment's on because it looks too 90s. Yeah, it's very funny to me that they're like, I'm one of the most dangerous drug dealers in the neighborhood.

And I'm going to have to use the pay phone, of course. Yes, yeah. Because there's no other way to ring people. Mad. I was thinking about Dominic West the other day. Yeah. Because he is, I saw him in an interview, popped up on my Instagram,

and he sits like the poshest person you've ever seen in terms of big pajamory shirt. So every space is just his own to lounge in. Yeah. elbow up on the back of his chair and just with his hand on his hair just absolutely just lounging lounge like in a wave

I've never seen anyone do but I saw Dominic West in something years ago and when I was working as a reporter in Sheffield what I would do is because I was just starting to do stand-up and it was very very new in it every time like a press release came through and it would be like Bill Bailey or Al Murray is helping us celebrate National Pie on a Pint Day or something.

It'd be some PR company you're doing that. And I'm like, if you want to interview Al Murray, let us know and we'll get a time slot fixed in. What I would do is I wouldn't tell my boss. I'd book in a time slot with Al Murray. And I'd interview him, but I'd ask him more questions that I needed the answers to. So I'd be like, so how did you start? What advice would you give to someone? Is this gig worth doing?

Do you know this promoter? Are they weird? And I did this for loads of people. Bill Bailey, Al Murray. Michael Palin. No. But then I... You got Maxi, kid.

That's clever. But I saw, this was selfishly, Dominic West, was going to be in Sheffield, where he's from, in a church for one night doing a one man, like, monologue about the life and times of the composer. Fingernails so long he'd Claude de Bussey. And he was... Hang on. He was going to be playing Claude de Boisie for, like, the evening. It was like an evening with Dominic West. And he was going to be doing.

doing monologues about Claudibisi's life while a pianist behind him, Ben just played, you know, Clare de Loon and all the big hitters. And so I just like went along and got to interview him. It's amazing that like you can get almost any Hollywood actor you want if what you're offering them is the chance to do a baffling fucking side project with no appeal. Yes, I swear like every now and then you'll get like Hugh Lurries doing a jazz tour or something. And you go, come on. Oh, yeah.

Was that the dream? So I got to interview. The rules were very clear. the rules were very, very clear about Dominic West. We were given by his agency. You were allowed to talk about The Wire. You weren't allowed to talk about John Carter, a huge Disney sci-fi film that had just released,

that he'd been in about two months previously, that is one of the biggest movie flops of all time. John Carter? John Carter is like some old Disney IP, some like, I don't know, planet hopping guy called John Carter, and Dominic West was in it, not as John Carter himself, I don't think, but you weren't allowed to ask him about the film.

It was really strange. What? Yeah. But I went along and I interviewed, Dominic Westing was really nice. And I was making him laugh and we got him really well. And I was talking to him about how I was wanting to go into comedy. It came up naturally.

But he was just really nice about it. And then, this is so much about a negative performers mentality. I then got to watch the DeBosie show. And it was just obviously like 200 people who were just, you know, his biggest ever fans. Yeah. And as soon as the show was over, he came straight over to me and he was like, was that all right? Like, in the way you would after a gig.

It was really strange. And I said, no, it wasn't. You said, no, no, no, no. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah, that was... It was John Carter all over again. And you'd see as... It wasn't as good as my favorite film, John Carter.

What a confusing bit of... The shame of the memory of John Carter combined with the praise, combined with the criticism. Yes. Oh, what a cock-shed up. Yeah, but he must have forgotten he was in that film. He must have forgotten he was in that film. He hasn't forgotten if he's telling people to shut the fuck up about it.

must not mention it. It's such a performance thing, though. Like, it's quite haunting when you realize that you could be at that level and still be like, was that any fucking good? Please, please, please, please, please, give me feedback, please. Because the 10,000 people, that's not enough. Never enough. I feel like Taylor Swift comes off stage and goes, I was amazing.

I was amazing. I think that has to be the validation. Ah, yes. Brilliant. Yes. Maybe. I think maybe it's one or the other. And I don't mean that as a criticism.

I think she genuinely does that. It goes, I was brilliant. So what's the scale? Kanye West, all the way through till Dominic West. That's the West scale. Yeah, the West Scale. The West Scale. The West scale.

Where are you on the West scale? Yeah, what are you for? Towards the... Oh, man, towards Kanye in terms of political views. I'd say maybe you're even... If only your surname was West, because I'd say you've got more, even more kind of gig, dysmorphia. Well, we haven't really spoken about it. the comedy dysmorphia a great deal, but yeah, it manifests itself in,

the gig can go as nicely as it could possibly go, and our conversation would be like, that was awful, and people have to be like, I don't think you're in the same room. Yeah, yeah. But it also works the other way, in which there have been times of, like, almost triumphantly come off stage. And, like, if Katie's been in, she's been like, hey, don't worry about it. So you just, it's the needle is all over the place. It's all over the place. It's all over the place. I must be the most delusional person.

But it must average out. It must average out. To be the right. Yes, yeah, yeah. You go, well, look, if everything's between this number and this number, the average score. Yes, yeah, maybe it's that. Speaking of Unsaverlyloons, let's do some correspondence. Yes.

Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. Correspondence. Correspondence from John Joe. Hi, John Joe. I think we've had John Joe before. I believe so. Or there are multiple John's Joe who listened to the podcast. I'd like both of those options.

Either of them, I mean. Hey, Glen and Pierre, I went for a stroll this morning in my local park. This was by the entrance. It gave me a stomachache. Enjoy! Now, how to describe this? Spray painted onto the tarmac. Yeah.

Is a sort of white square area. Like a parking space, but person size. Yes, okay, okay. And it says hug here. So it's like a hug cube. Oh. Yeah, look at that. Oh, I don't know.

That's like telephone box in area size. Yeah. And then like hug here is kind of going around the outside, the border of the invisible box. But there's no one in it. So if you just stand there and is someone going to leap out of the fountain or the bushes and fucking... I hate that. Really suddenly hug you. Because it's been spray. painted on as well.

There were people on my uni concourse who would have hoodies that said free hugs. Free hug, and it would yeah, I think there was maybe one time ever I was like, yeah, okay, fine, yeah, all right. I'd like a

call. All right, fine, just shut up, don't tell me about it. Who hugged you? Who hugged you? Show me under the arms where they hugged you. Yeah, it was just someone gave me a nice cuddle, just on the Uniconcourse. And I was like, I still didn't know what the cause was. But that in a park, in the middle of a park, not a safe space.

Like something from a hitman mission. Yeah, because also at least have seen that during the day. Spray paint the free hug sign on the floor. At night. That's awful. It's like seeing free sweets spray paints on the side of a cave. Like into a train tunnel. Scrawled around a train tunnel. Yeah, yeah. I really don't like that.

Was the Free Hugs thing, a Christian Union thing? the Christian union at uni for me was always offering people toasties. Oh, that's how you get them. They'd bring toasties to your door. And then I guess chat about Christ. That's really effective and they should do that in Oxford Circus, as opposed to having a headset. A man with a broken megaphone.

Master of chaos, the best. If you took that off, I'd be able to hear you better. The kingdom of Christ is coming. We're all going. You're all going to hell. I would be like, yeah, okay. With a toasty, though. With a toasty, I'm going to have it, yeah.

You're all going to hell. Here's a toasty. How has worked today, honey? You just took my tasties, and that's inevitable. Oh, fucking hell. Those guys are not winning over anyone. No. I've never seen anyone stop and go,

I will join your breakaway evangelical church. No, my theory is everyone gets stopped by like a charity market. And that's the first time you hear about them. I've gotten midway through a form before where I've gone, this isn't page one of one. This is page one of eight.

Yeah. I'm not doing this. They want my passport number. Yeah. And they always go like, hey, I'm a fucking guy in a coat. Can I have your bank details? Yeah. And you go, no.

Can I give you this fiver for the charity? And they go, no. Yeah. We can't accept cash. Oh, so you're like, oh, you're like the NHS with Captain Tom's donations. I can buy you a coffee machine for your staff room I mean speaking of filling out forms

I had to fill up one the other day I got caught speeding Yeah 80 and a 70 And I realized it's been Enough years of past now Where I'm allowed to do the speed awareness course again And we actively celebrated it When it came through a post

Because I was like I don't want three points Because three points stick with you for three years Yeah And the three points that were on my licence had just expired And there was time now And you celebrated by speeding.

And I celebrated by speeding. And I've got this, fuck. I get to do a speed awareness course. And it's the best. Because it's just, you just have three hours with the most insane people. Where the only thing that connects you is your crime. Your love of speed. Yeah, your love of speed.

And no one there's a speed demon. Your passion for the road. Yeah, no one's dressed like Scars Guard in Pillion. No one's like in leathers. Please go on to your speed awareness course Zoom with dressed like you're from Mad Max. I, what I did the last time I did this was it was in lockdown and it was over Zoom was what you do, ask so many questions

in the first five minutes that eventually they go, we don't, for everything now they go, would anyone apart from Glenn like to, and you then bought yourself out for the rest of the session? And you can have the television on. Yeah, you can. And watch speed. Watch speed.

Blaring in the rest of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if this Zoom call goes below 50 megabytes per second, then the call will cut out. Yeah. I think, yeah, full Mad Max, Mahican... Spray painting the silver on my mouth every time I get bored. Sorry, just needed that boost. Sorry, here's crumb now, here's chrome.

What a lovely thing! In terms of earworms that got stuck in my head from movie trailers. Obviously, if you remember from the old season one, the sweetest thing. I've always had one in my head, which was a, what the hell is going on? Like that. I think I figured out what it's from. Oh, you didn't even know? No, I couldn't remember what movie trailer, like, if you cut audio into something jarringly enough, it sticks in my head more.

I don't know why. I think it's, that Kevin Spacey kidnapping movie, they cut him out of. And they replaced him with old guy with mustache. Christopher Watts's face. Yeah. Um, a, yeah.

Ah. Yeah, it's called like the unthinkable thing or the highest price or something. No, it's, um... The lowest low.

All the money in the world. All the money in the world. It's called all the money in the world. And who did it replace him, Felipe? Christopher Plummer. Christopher Plummer. I think that,

what the hell is going on? Is Christopher Plummer shouting that in the trailer? Right, and they'd obviously cut it in. They'd cut it in to him like swirling around a room going, what the hell's going on? A trailer I vividly remember. A trailer I vividly remember, and it's not

from a film. This is from watching GMTV, the precursor to Good Morning Britain, in the mornings before school. And for some reason, I guess it was since the prime audience. It was advertising Michael Boubley's debut album, which was, for some reason, Michael Bublae came out at the same time as a load of other, like Frank Sinatra

cover artists. It was really strange. The explosion of crooners. Just a bunch of crooner men, just doing covers. No original songs. And Michael Bubele had, you know, this sort of a two-disc collection. But it had like, instead of it just being his songs, it was like a voiceover artist explaining Michael Bublae. This CD comes with 14 tracks.

Over here, it's Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra. But the trailer ended with, and I remember this so vividly. And don't forget the way to say, Bublai. I think of that every time I see Michael Bubler. Don't forget the way to say. Don't forget the way to say Bubla, as if it's like a government awareness campaign. See it, say it sorted. And don't forget the way to say Bouglay.

Because he's gotten so angry over the years of people saying, yeah, we've got tickets for Michael Bubble. Michael Bubble from Big Brother, yeah. Bubble from Big Brother. Well, speaking of singing, we've got some altered lyrics from Sarah. Hello Protodad and Neo Dad. Oh, I like that. I'm currently pregnant.

Congratulations. Congratulations. And have been diagnosed with Hyperimisus Gravidarmum. Hyperimisus Gravidharum. It's Gravidar rum, Ron. Why are you giving women that condition? You're not allowed to cast spells outside of school. I'm anti-child.

Which is interfering with my ability. No, Mr. Bond. I expecto-patronum. Just needed to get that out of my head. What? What was that? There's nothing. No, shade again. Which is interfering with my ability to listen to Bud Pod because every time you re-enter your era of recolonization,

I have to duck to the bathroom for a power chunder. So we're literally making a pregnant woman sick. Oh, no. We really did cause the hyperamesis gravidarmidorum. The first time someone got in touch and said that they had thrown up while listening to this podcast, which is not, you know, we're not crazy. It was when I was doing a load of, like, fake real burps. I can make myself burbs.

Yeah. And I was doing them for something. And they were walking home from the pub having, you know, when the walk home doesn't sober you up, it makes you feel worse. Yes, like my feeling of bursting out of a restaurant in Newcastle. Yeah, yeah. The number of messages I received from people going, oh, Francesca's in Jesmond. And I was like, didn't say either the location or the restaurant name.

And yet, and yet, everyone was correct. Everyone was like, yeah, bang on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, when you leave the pub and, like, as the cold hits you, instead of feeling better, it makes you go, I've had so much more to drink than I thought, and I feel so sick. Someone was in that... Someone was in that position and then heard me doing all the burps, so I walk home and just threw up.

Yeah, we should probably explain as well. Pierre is very weary today, and I'm very ill. Yeah. Just in case we've sounded ill, or low energy or anything. Yeah, but I think it suits the Jan Feb. Oh, this is, yeah. Everyone's there going, oh. You know what we're trying to find a January film for film pot, and it was like, actually,

we found a January health condition for a regular episode. Yeah, and I guess a February film would either be something to do with Valentine's Day or something to do coughing. Yes. So, on the plus side, Sarah says, this has inspired me to rewrite the lyrics to Bob Marley's classic tune, Get Up, Stand Up. Okay. Do you remember how that goes? Yep. Get up.

Stand up. Stand up for your right. Yep. So the new lyrics that fit my life every time I go to bed are get up, throw up, throw up with all your might. get up throw up you won't get through the night I like that

it reminds me of Katie had a similar condition and it was bizarre because I think I've known people who I think this version's worse had for the first few months of their pregnancy

a relentless feeling of nausea and no throwing up whereas what Katie had was Katie was absolutely fine and then would just she had like she'd have five seconds notice to get off the bus

Little Britain syndrome. It was Little Britain syndrome. Sudden comedy vomiting. Katie, I'm not saying this to embarrass you. Like, this is because so many, millions of people have been in this situation before. But it would be literally like drive-by out of the wind. Like, if you don't stop the car, it would just have to be out the window. Yeah, throwing up sideways.

Yeah. Like a drive-by. I do think, Katie and I debated this quite a lot of the time. I think her version was better because she never felt sick. But just every now and then, you were suddenly in a humiliating situation where you look like you're wasted during the day. It depends on the level of warning, but I think that's right. Because that early on, you don't look pregnant, so no one knows.

No. I just think you're a party animal. Nausea is such a debilitating feeling. So our thoughts go out to you, Sarah. That's terrible. Yeah. Thank you for the lyrics, though. Thank you for the lyrics.

Yeah. Go it up. Throw up. That's all the time we have, guys. Keep sending in your correspondence. There's a lot of good stuff you're sending in, and we do see it, and we appreciate it. We're just always too busy. riffing on things to try and make Sarah throw up.

Yes. But we do appreciate it and we will get to it. Okay. Come and see us on tour. Go to our website, sign up to our mailing lists. Find us on Instagram. We are on tour always. We are always available to be seen, to be looked at and to be laughed at.

Yes. And also, we're going over to the Patreon episode right now for a very special ill-Patrian episode. Yes. In which the first topic is going to be something we discussed off air, which was you asking me advice on wedding. seating plan. Yes, yes, yes. Oh boy, I've got some tips.

Okay. Glenn's going to get his tips out on the Patreon. By now, you're hearing this. On the Patreon is also Shen Yun part where Glenn and I investigated the tube advert phenomenon slash stall in a shopping

mall slash protest outside embassy phenomenon known as Shen Yun. And we investigated it and went to go see it and it was fucking bizarre. So do do please listen. to that. There's also a George pot out now. You get a George pot

a month as well with lovely George Four Acres and there's obviously an extra episode a week all for the price of a goddamn beer, not a London beer, cheaper than a London beer. The price of a beer in, say, Swindon. Yeah, I... Oh man, I had a pint at a pub the other night

and it came to £8.50 And I looked back at the barman as if I'd been like, well, you got me. You got me. Well done. Well done. You conned me good and proper. That's unbelievable, man. Fuck.

Well, Koji, everyone, thank you for listening and see you next week. Bye-bye.