BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E35 | Iron Dick

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

Full video episodes of BudPod are available on our YouTube channel here!This week the buds discuss the true meaning of 'Boss Baby', Glenn's new annoying thing, mansion shopping and listener trick-a-loos!Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTV.Pierre is going on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, my tour starts soon. I go all around the UK, Ireland and the Netherlands. So come check it out. Also, if you're in London and you just missed my sold-out Soho Theatre run, I'm back at Leicester Square Theatre on the 28th of May. All of the links, dates, times, etc. are found on my website, Piannavelli.com. Scroll down to live and you will see it all there. And I'll see you there. It's Budpod 35. This is your live. This is your live. Yeah, but Timitia.

How soon do you think people would get annoyed or pick up on it if you kept referring to Katie as your wife? Yeah, non-pluralized plurals are really unpleasant, yeah. My rube. My wife is on the roof. Calling the police and saying that your wife is on the roof. Yeah, I remember thinking years ago is the plural of milf mills. She's risking her live. Milves, yeah, yeah.

Mothers, I'd love very extremely sex. Yeah. Milves is the name of like the doddery old man running the library in the prison. Milves? Yeah, yeah. Like a butler.

Oh, it's really fun coming up with specific, like, cartoonishly specific names for people in certain types of novel or film. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it would, like, if it came in a film,

you'd roll your eyes, but you'd go, but it makes sense for Charles Dickens to call someone that. Yeah. I've, every time the, uh, Le Bufant throws up, um, I've been, I've been calling him, um, Lucian Possett. The Miller's sickly boy. So do you mean...

Mr. Possett, I do. He has off such delicate constitution. Yes. So it's like... A mealy-mouthed boy. Burping up milk or throwing up. Oh, a burp-y, yeah. We don't have to...

As opposed to just... Yeah. Yeah. We don't have to pull back his few tendrils of hair as he's over the base, as he's over his potty. Muttering, fucking out. Yeah. Don't worry, you're a fucking princess. You're a fucking princess.

We're going to fix your makeup, get right back out there. That's such a specific character. Babies night out. The sequel to Baby's Big Day Out, whatever it is. What was it? It was Baby's Day Out. I just remember crawling through a construction site. I feel like the entire film was,

What If a Baby? We might die. Yeah. Wasn't that just everything? A baby might get crushed by a van for an hour and a half. Andvils and the like falling behind him. Yeah. He had the luck of Archduke Frans Ferdinand.

Where it was just like he came so close to not, like to die on so many occasions. It was a real, I remember even reading about like the history of Franz Ferdinand and you sort of go, it's so unfortunate that World War I happened. But it was going to happen inevitably because it was a real case of, it was like Mr. Magoo. Yeah. Like someone throws a grenade at him. He looks at it curiously and throws it back and it blows up the people who threw it. Yeah, and just like a bullet ricocheting off his medals and fuck it.

Yeah. Yeah, accidentally eating the antidote to the poison. Just constant, yeah, silly, silly shit. Really silly shit. I think babies day out only, I mean, whatever limited impact it made on the world, was because they had to film it fairly realistically, as in with a baby. Now you'd be like, well, yeah, they're just. Or AI.

They're just CGI. Yeah, AI, CGIing. It's boss baby, isn't it? It's just boss baby. It's just boss baby. Yeah. Everything's just boss baby these days, isn't it? I think you could get a essay published for that title.

Everything is Boss Baby now. Yeah, it would be the sort of thing you see quote retweeted of like, oh, yet another string to the everything is boss baby bow. It'd be some article about Alec Baldwin shooting a cinematographer. You go, what, how is that? How hard it is to get film funding in Central America. or something. No, everything's boss baby, saying it. It'd be used in the same thing as like,

death of the author sort of thing. Everything's boss baby. Well, everything's boss baby. And people would nod on other podcasts and go, yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to work out what that means. Everything is boss baby. Yeah, everything is boss baby. Because everything is boss baby.

You couldn't have made boss baby back in the day. You wouldn't be allowed to get away with it. You could. They would never... A real uncle, like, tossing over Christmas. Oh, you could never get away from making Boss Baby now. Yeah, like they'd let you make Boss Baby now. Think about that.

Just think about it. Think about going to one of these people in pitching Boss Baby. Yeah, yeah. You'd be arrested. Yeah. God, you look back at it and you just like, it was so innocent. It was such an innocent time. None of us knew.

None of us knew. None of us knew how bad bosses as babies as bosses would be. Well, actually, it was voiced by Alec Baldwin, the killer. Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, you couldn't really make boss, but it would have a weird bent to it now. Yeah, of a man who has killed someone

voices a CEO. A child CEO. A child CEO. But you know, you say to be like president of, or to be the leader of any country. Yeah. You can't be a nice person. Even if you seem nice,

it's like you have to have been horrible along the way to reach that stage. Yeah. Where it was, I mean, it was being said a hell of a lot in 2016 with like Hillary Clinton. Where people are, I don't think she's very nice. and you go, of course she can't be nice. Yeah.

You're ready to be the president. Yeah. You cannot have reached the situation she did. And then being like Secretary of State or whatever, with being nice. You're also not... She's fucked because she's promised the idea of niceness. Yes. Whereas...

She's saying fun things like Pokemon go to the polls. Oh, my God. Whereas... So with Boss Baby, you go, he's had to have been a cunt. Already? Yeah. Within weeks. You don't just get to be the boss baby.

Do you know what I mean? But we need a definition for this phrase before we start publishing it on unheard or something. Yes. Everything is boss baby now. Everything is boss baby now. Everything has 3D animation in. Maybe it's 3D animation. Everything is infected with like office politics. Do you know what makes this theory

trickier for us right now? One? To my knowledge, neither of us have seen bossy. Correct. So this makes it a lot harder. This is a new sort of Beckett play. Two men speculate on the context. of Bus Baby. Yes, yeah, yeah. Do you want me to read out

the synopsis? Sure. Yeah, I think so. Maybe everything is Bus Baby now where everything is a kind of like ham-fisted attempt at satirizing what people call late capitalism. Yes.

That's a lot of buzzwords. That would get me published. A new baby's arrival impacts a family. Told from the point of, sorry, why can I read today? A new baby... I read, I had the intonation wrong on every single word there. like when you see like a COVID conspiracy theorist on Twitter and they're really out government stats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like up to 22,000 people have died in the... And you go, why have you emphasized the have? You're not taking any of this in. You're sniping every word as it comes. Yes, yeah. Yeah. To try and make me not take medicine.

They might be diagnosed with a illness. With a illness. A new baby's arrival impacts a family. told from the point of view of a delightfully unreliable narrator, a wildly imaginative seven-year-old named Tim. The most unusual boss baby arrives at Tim's home in a taxi, wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. The instant sibling rivalry must soon be put aside.

Does this have been translated? When Tim discovers that boss baby is actually a spy on a secret mission, and only he can help thwart a dastardly plot that involves an epic battle between puppies and babies. Thwart and dastardly only really come up in synopsies, don't they? What a load of fucking diarrhea. What a load of shit. Well, someone gets a new brother, and it turns out he's a secret agent.

But they've gone for an interesting idea, which is, oh, this kid sees his new brother as a boss baby because he gets all the attention. Yes. So allegorically, that's what it's... Sure, and then they had to throw in some secret agent thing of... Oh, my God. Yeah, you just want the plot to be that.

I just want the plot to be there with sibling rivalry, and he... Why can't it be as similar as that? We're watching at the moment. All her fault on Apple TV. It's got Shiv from Succession Inn. I've seen that. Yeah.

I've seen it. You've watched the whole thing. Yeah. Right. And then her kid gets kidnapped. So Katie and I are watching it as like a sort of fantasy something. Yes. Bar.

A vomiting boy. It's kidnapped. Lucian Posit has been... Lucian Posit has been tumbled into a laundry car. and rapidly pushed out of the sanatorium. Yes. And he, yeah, there's photos of him holding up a copy of today's Spot the Dog. But yeah, the first episode, absolutely gripping.

Yeah. I don't know if you find this, when you then see where she lives, this enormous mansion. Yes, yes, yes. But I go, you'll be fine. That would cure a lot of my problems in life. Having a pool. Yeah, you've got a pull. Sorry, you'll be okay.

I like Americans complete, I mean, to be fair, there is a kind of, oh, is it kidnapping for ransom angle? Yes. Because they're so rich. Yeah. So it's plot-wise, it makes sense to add in that they're rich. But I admire Americans' dedication to, ideally, all of our shows are about the richest possible people. Yes, it's very strange. It's because they don't like, who's the guy who, oh, I have opinions on the subway, and I have, have,

glasses on? Subway takes guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Subway takes guy. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. So the Subway Takes guy was talking to Al Nash, and they're talking about how Al Nash is saying, like, there's too many, like, perfect people on shows.

I saw this, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the Subway Takes Guy's like disagree. I like seeing good-looking people. That's what America thinks. Interesting. They like seeing big houses, handsome people, sexy people, rich people. I do as well. I mean, you know that Katie and I... Cheese and prestige.

Cheese and prestige on Sunday night. We go to any... We get a variety of cheeses that we'd never try. tried before, and we'd watch whatever HBO prestige drama was on. But I would argue that Sopranos or Downton Abbey or I mean, even Breaking Bad

or they've got weird looking people in. Yeah. Yeah, but they're counter to that argument because they're casting character actors. But also if you think that prestige television in America now is so movie star driven, but chances are their hot, because

they're movie stars. Some of them, but my point is that some of them are also lumpy. But I think next to a movie star, they're going to look profoundly strange. But to them... You need to surround the movie star with other movie stars. But to them, it's like an interesting choice. Yes. To be like, gosh, look, someone without glow in the dark teeth.

Yeah. And everyone will go, wow, this is like an art house film. So to them, everything we make is a parade of fucking monsters. Oh, man, if you showed an American... A parade of monsters who live in sheds. If you showed an American... It's always grey. An episode of Coronation Street from 1992.

They'd assume it was... Soviet. Or like that bit of event horizon where they see footage of hell. I think they'd think it was footage from Budapest, in 1967. Are they talking in tongues? Are you talking Latin? No, no, genuinely, that's just... Yeah, that's just... that's Britain. I think they'd see all of those shows as during the Blitz.

Coronation Street looks like the Blitz. Now it looks like the Blitz. Yeah, yeah. It still looks like the Blitz. But that's a thing. there's plenty of places that look like the Blitz in America, but they don't fucking put them on TV because it makes everyone depressed.

Yes. They want that under the rug. No thank you. Look at how long it took them to figure out how to do shameless over there. I was about to say shameless as an example, yeah. Shameless was a huge hit here. Yeah. And it took them like 11 years and like four attempts

to make it work over there. Yeah. And the only way they made it work in the end is by making them bust an Irish. Yeah. And turning it into a kind of, we're Irish thing. As opposed to just, we're ordinary Americans with no money.

and the system is crushing us and we're doing our best. Would you watch White Lotus if it was set in a premiere in? No. Well, actually, to be... Everyone's there for like one, maybe two nights. To be fair. In a way, actually. We're here on our honeymoon.

The breakfast is like a freezing cold cross-on. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a vending machine Pepsi. Yeah. A big, like, a big glass canister of orange juice, but it's definitely squash. It's 100% squash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It tastes almost like pineapples. It's not right at all. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would watch that, but I wouldn't make me feel good. No. But my point is more like, that's across the board for them. Yes.

So they just go, whatever chance we get, we're injecting money in good times. It's like how they used to make footage. Films in like the Great Depression. Like all the most popular films after the market crash in the late 20s were like all about huge lavish parties and the roaring 20s still. And you see these people in like dusty suits sitting and watching Fred Astaire dancing around with champagne and just going, I remember when things were nice.

Yeah, in real life, in real life, a load of men in top hats have never, in full synchronization, fallen into a pool from a large staircase. That's never actually happened. No. Like, men didn't use to just carry wands. Yeah, what is that?

Yeah, what's that about? You can't walk. We can't use that to walk. You're not coming in a club with that, mate. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Trying to get access to Tiger Tiger with a

brass-topped cane. Yeah, no ones, no dogs, no Irish. Someone in a top hat is like, let's leave it, let's get out of here. That's the discriminatory universe where muggles do realize. Yes, yeah. So, yeah, I feel this way. Whenever you see, like, someone on Twitter with a marble statue profile picture, and you go, oh, far, right?

And they will always post a picture of, like, a lavish train carriage from, like, the 1920s. and be like, this is what they took from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go, two people traveled like that ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you really think that was the subway back in the day? When, like, it's someone like cutting up an entire roast dinner in front of you on a plane. Yeah.

And you go, yeah, adjusted for, like, inflation and income levels, each of those tickets was six or seven thousand pounds. It was like Concord. A handful of people ever flew it, and then a bunch of Germans died and ruined it for the rest of us. So what happened? One crash. Really? Concord had one crash ever.

And that basically ended it. Is that what I thought, oh. I was, I think as a family, we were like, wouldn't it be so cool to fly on a conco? It was so fucking quick. Two hours, wasn't it? To New York. Yeah. And also, but we lived under the Concord flight path.

And it was a nightmare. Just constantly booming. My life was a living. Yeah, it was like living next to like a military facility. Where there was just sonic booms, window panes would rattle. If you're in the garden, you'd just get this low hum all the time. Oh, woof. Yeah, really, really strange.

Profoundly loud. Also annoying when you're doing something like pulling hair out of a shower drain. And you hear a big boom and you think, there's people on holiday. They're not pulling hair out of a shower drain? Well, it would be more annoying. The kings of the sky. I'd be putting my final perils. of cards at the top of my big house of cards

that I'd met and then it would fly and then the rest would van it. It was rubbish. You'd be sneaking up on that jailer and then the boom would come. Yeah. So with Shiv, all her fault Yeah. I was, we were very very gripped. Very very gripped. What's happened

to her kid? And again, the show being called all her fault but I'm like, I'm fully on her side. Yeah, yeah. Because of a parent offers to take your kid for a play date. Like, why didn't you check a phone number and stuff like that? Fully on her side still. Yeah. But at the And, spoiler alert for episode one, it flashes forward a few weeks, and it was one of these people who did it, and it's a big conspiracy.

And I'm like, no, why can't it just be insane paedophile has taken... Like, not that. But, like, why could it be insane persons to kid? Why is it got to be a higher level? Because they're sitting there going, how do we fill eight hours of the shit? Just watching her deal with the fucking anguish. Kate McCann. Like, that's what it is.

That's a reality. That's too French. It's too French? Yeah. Right. To just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the interesting criminal is being pursued gradually over a series of clues. Yeah. And we'll show you that.

That's one thread. Yeah. And the other 50 minutes of the 60-minute show is just a weeping lady contemplating the ocean, contemplating God. Yeah. Yeah. This is incredibly French. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No dialogue.

Yeah, exactly. Just her moving around a kind of glass and steel but empty home. just thinking. The runtime is described in cigarettes. It's 11 cigarettes. Yeah. All the French movie warnings are like doesn't contain sex, doesn't contain, smoking.

We cannot choose children's use. They will not learn a thing. I was thinking about this with regards to, opposite of content warnings with regards to at like sperm donation clinics and IVF places and stuff like that. Like, does their Wi-Fi flag stuff is inappropriately safe for work.

So why are you on the foot? You need to be wanking. Yeah. Get wanking. You learn in your own time. This is wanking time. You're on the company clock. Right.

I tap my wrist there, but it sounded like... You're on the company clock. Hammering on a cubicle door. You'd better be wanking in there. Yeah. A boss impatiently tapping his own dick. Come on. Your own sperm you're wasting.

Yeah, yeah. Ruling the office with an iron fist. Oh, God. An iron dick. He's ruling it of an iron dick. It rules over us with an iron dick. Yeah. It's amazing porn film.

Already tugged on the dick strings. Yeah, that would be a good... Tugged. Oh, the dick string. Yeah, but heartstrings isn't nicer. Tugged on your heartstrings. It feels... Like sickle cell disease?

Yeah. Tugging. Yeah, kind of... Oh, the film made you ill. A surgeon's got their finger in there and it's just going like, blah la la la like that. Fuck, did I tell. One of my own housemates at uni...

Yeah. Was a dentist, so he shouldn't have been able to do this because it's not relevant. But he... If you were playing FIFA or whatever with a friend, he would sneak up behind you and he would prod his fingers in such a way into...

you sort of clavoc into your shoulder. Yeah. And he'd go touched your lung. Because I think there is a way you can. There is an angle at which you are making contact with lung there. Your lungs go up a lot higher than you'd expect. No. Yeah, right?

Touched your lung. No. And he'd say it in a got your nose sort of way. I don't like that one bit. That's revolting. I touched your lung. I really. It's perfect that a dent.

would do that. Such an unsettling. That's not your jurisdiction. You've gone too low. Yeah, you've been so emboldened by finger in mouth that you've done so much. I don't think a fucking detective

would say in seven. So emboldened was he by finger and mouth he thought he could. Looking through the pages, so emboldened by finger in mouth that he decided to take a human life. Yeah, so caught up with whether or not they could. They didn't stop to think,

question or not he should. Jeff Goldblum saying that to his dentist. Yeah. As he fingers his lung. That's horrible. Thoracic Park. Very good.

Thank you. Very nice. Thank you very much. I've been Glenn Moore. You guys have been great. See you very soon. Good night. Here's a problem I have at the moment.

Oh, yeah. I will say, I recommend all her fault. It's, um, it is fun. We're gonna, we, I can't wait till episode two. The Sarah Snook. Yeah, that's her name. absolute fucking Dr. Seuss' name and Johnny crept

Snook along the corridor Sarah Snook and Claire Daines are the queens of scranshy red face cry acting Instant bright red scrunchy face grief horror Both of them Do you know what it's weird because I

When you see her Sarah snuck at the beginning of all her fault Playing with her kid In my head I've only ever seen her play Shiv So it looked sarcastic and mean. Because she was really loving to her kid and it was like, I'm waiting for you to, I was waiting for her to pull Shiv face, which is, if you're watching this on YouTube, I can do Shiv face

of, um, uh, uh, shev when she's dismissive of something. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's that. It's just that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was none, there's none of that. There's just instant, it's just broken, broken person. Being nice to a kid and then sad. Yeah. Um, yeah, Claire Daines or Claredenies, um, if we're going on the ancient, uh, ancient Greek. Yeah.

Yeah, Cladnees. I haven't seen her in anything since Remy and Julia. Oh. So actually, I haven't seen her in all those prestige TV shows she's in. Come on. Right? Scrunch face screaming angry paranoia homeland. Yeah.

Incredible. I've never seen it. It's great, I think. It was a long time ago. Well, like in the Twilight Zone, there's time now. There's time. I've got time to have so much television. Of course, yeah.

Cannot wait. And she's in a thing with Reese, the Welsh actor who was in The Americans. If I'm. Risi fans, is that him? She's in that thing where she's on a reclusive author and she thinks he's murdered his wife. I saw. She's very good in that, lots of, again,

very scrunched up, angry, anguish face. I saw, I saw Risi fans in a part of London where I would walk a lot during lockdown. And it was like the biggest houses you can find in London. Yeah. And in my head, I think, subconsciously tried to pretend I lived there. Yeah. It was just lovely.

Walking around with your wand. Very. fucking Peter Pan houses where the house The home's got like a turret Or like a big circular window Where you go I bet that's like the playroom

And there's a child there Having the best possible upbringing You could ever Ever hope to have Yeah Where the kids don't have games consoles They just have loads of wooden blocks still Yeah yeah

And they're not even... They're not even painted Yeah They're varnished And I was walking by these houses And I saw recent events On the step of one Just having a cup of tea or whatever

Whoa And I thought good I'm glad someone very famous lives there. I get so unreasonably annoyed. If I'm walking through someone like Hampstead, me and my friend Tom, we walked through Beverly Hills once we were in L.A., like a decade ago on holiday.

Yeah. We'd get so annoyed if I saw someone leave their enormous home and I didn't recognize them. Hell are you. Yeah. How did you get that then? You are just... You're not the Prime Minister.

You wanted to be for something from the TV. Yeah, exactly. It's so childish from me, but I'm like... I'm sorry, but if you're not one of the... the animaniacs, then get out of here. I need to recognise. You're not Neil Buchanan. If your hedge fund isn't on the TV,

you should have to live in a skyscraper. Exactly. Or you should be financially famous, like Jeffrey Epstein, or Martin Trelli, someone like that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, your wrongdoing should have got you on the news.

You're wrongdoing from your boring job should have got you on the news. Yeah, you were so insane at boring job that I've heard of you. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we, me and my friend Tom were walking through Beverly Hills and we saw,

we were really bored in L.A., really bored. We were only there for a few days, and we really couldn't find anything to do. So we went on a house viewing. Such a funny sentence. We were so bored in L.A. We couldn't find anything to do. It's so damn it.

Yeah. And so, yeah, we went on a house viewing, like in Beverly Hills. Just a real fucking selling sunset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My God, it was great. We lied through our teeth, pretend we were a couple. He's an actuary,

so you go, that could legitimately get you a house like that. Especially in the States. Exactly. All the wages are like triple, what ours are. At the time, so 10 years ago,

I was not full-time in comedy, but I was working, I was writing kids TV. So I was like, and I was able to, like, give them the kids TV company I was writing for. Yeah.

So, and they were just like, yeah, they seem to, yeah, we just, we just, yeah, he's working for a nickel. We must have just thought this is great. This is such an LA couple.

We walked around this absolute McMansion. And I was wondering just like, yeah, I think you'd get you. Not in a, I could get used to this, but a fuck, yeah, I could get used to this. I think that's a bad thing. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I could, this would not fulfill me. No, no, yeah, yeah. You'd say, why's the fountain got molding it?

Exactly that. Within two weeks, you'd be going, I have to get fountain cleaner for the fucking water. But we really got on with a huge problem. We really got on with this estate agent, and for like months after which she was giving me, like, really bespoke properties and stuff like that. I think this would be good for your, like, and referencing stuff we'd said, so it was like really intense. You'll have really good ideas for kid shows here by the... Yeah, and I didn't have a heart to be like, I've been back in England for weeks, 10. I'm trying not to eat at Pratt because I...

For me, it's expensive. For me For me at the moment It's too expensive to eat at Pratt And you're showing me houses That have got like a fucking helipad on I can't afford to load the web page That's how pricey your things are

My eyes won't focus on the images It's like they're behind a paywall in my own brain I can't even comprehend this That feels like a dystopian thing That the government would implement In the Justin Timberlake film in time but I watch. What a piece of shit.

From what I remember. People are gambling in poker games with time itself. The whole lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which always is a funny concept to me. I mean, people in poker games gambling with anything outside of money is always funny. Yes, it's such a fucking, I guess literally raising of the stakes from like taking off your watch and putting it on the table. Yeah.

To like, my own life. All the days I have left. We should say for anyone lucky enough to have not seen it, in time, is a Justin Timberlake vehicle. It's a Justin Timberlake vehicle, yeah. Where everyone's got like an arm band. And Killian Murphy. Yeah, mad. Not armband.

It's literally their skin. Oh, and it's like they've got a digital alarm clock through their skin, right? It's a glowing letter. It's like when they beam the bat signal into the sky. It's like someone is projecting it onto their arm. Yeah, it's glowing. And it's got your time on it. And for some reason that stops people from aging because Olivia Wilde is Justin Timberlake's mom.

And when she first appeared on screen, I was like, that is so 2009, they've gone, well, Justin Timberlake is 35, so we should get a 36-year-old to play as well. But I realize it's like, oh, it's somehow a de-aging thing as well. But you go, what government implemented this? I think so about the purge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone ran with that on an election promise and beat a candidate whose election thing was not that. Incredibly conceivable, though. A libertarian, do you reckon? I think a cynical authoritarian who just said to everyone, look, you will never have to worry about litter or crime or anything ever again because we're just going to fucking laser people

the second they do anything. And in exchange for you letting this happen, like Singapore times 10. Yeah. Right? What times 100? In exchange for letting us run everywhere, basically like an authoritarian regime,

will give you one day a year where you can fucking flip out. Yeah, well, you can watch loads of, like, um, you can watch a reality stuff? You can watch a DVD. There's a guy who just, that's how he spends the Purge Day. Yeah.

Watching his weird porn. There's a per, he spends the Purge day watching DVDs on oil race. Yeah. Going on put locker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Streaming things, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jaywalking. Yeah, yeah.

Do you think, here's a question I would ask the government and the purge. If I illegally download a bunch of films on Purge day, Is it okay to watch them the rest of the year? I don't know how, but because you go... Because the downloading is the crime. Because the issue with the purge is that they haven't really taken into account grudges. Yeah.

My neighbour could come over and fuck me every purge day and I've just got to what, spend the rest of the year. Hello, Jeff. You've got to do that. You've got to spend the rest of the year training. Right. Training to stop him from doing it. I would get so nervous.

if the purge existed and my neighbour was getting increasingly jacked. Well, like, over the course of the year, every time I saw them. They were just doing like Cape Fear training. Yeah, yeah. And they'd... Like pull-ups looking at your house. Or you just saw them in the garden doing target practice or the rifle.

Yeah, yeah. And then tapping their watch. Almost purged day. Yeah. Do you think there must be like purge Black Friday, like for body armour and... Has to have been, yeah. It's coming up to days the day. Is that purging me?

a bit like you get Christmas songs. Yeah. I wish it could be the purge every day. Holidays are coming. Yeah. And it's loads of armored vans. Like Mad Max. All these little kids going,

seeing it drive fast. I don't want a lot for purgemas. Yeah. Yeah, except for body armor and a ski mask. I don't know what I'd do on Purge Day. You'd feel like, a bit like, it's like British Halloween. You go, I feel like I should watch a scary film or something. Yeah, but it's...

I feel like I should do something a bit of a little. But it's so not in the air. Yeah, but not tip or something like that. Fly tip, I'd fly tip on the birthday. Fly tipping, yeah, yeah. Spooky mattresses all over the side of the highway. Because, again, you could flight up all your shit onto your neighbor's lawn. What, and then they've just got a...

The next day, I've got to thank you. But they've got to not... They've got, if you do it in the last hour. Otherwise, they have 23 hours to put it back on your lawn. You're right. Yeah. And then you get this fucking Abbott and Costello thing happening where you're both pushing rubbish onto each other's lawn.

Yeah. And at one point, one of you's going to flip out and lawnmower the other one to death. Yeah. Fully legally. There's surely the cleverest thing you can do on Purge Day is like mass financial fraud and just keep the money. Wait, is that like you're allowed to try to kill the president? Obviously, the president is well underground on Purge Day. Oh, man, I mean...

The president's in the fucking sky. There's a question, actually. Could a member of the Secret Service just execute the president on Purge Day? And just be like, well... Yes. Surely. They're not free from consequence. They can be killed in turn.

Yeah, but again, last five minutes. Yeah. And then just you make sure you're sprinting away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No returns, no returns. Safe, safe, safe, safe. I'm safe. Touching a pole.

Yeah. And you go, fuck, I guess. Oh, damn it. I'll get you next year. Yeah, you can just... Well, you're definitely fired. Yeah. You can fire you.

Yeah, it's like freedom of speech You're not free from consequences Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're free from legally being prosecuted, but we can still think you're a dick Yeah, we can still be upset at you Yeah, for doing that Well, speaking of purges, let's conduct a purge On our inbox by doing some correspondence

Yeah, delete the stuff that's in there Yeah, delete and there And we'll start again Finally clean Finally clean Are you somebody who cares about unread email? No. Because I'm on mailing lists.

How many have you got? Thousands, millions. 973. Is that it? I used to have thousands and then I'd think, I don't know why that's gone down. I've got 7,290, but I'm nervous to just go delete everything because sometimes you'd like to go, look back and reminisce. And like Pizza Express Office from 2016. Yeah, is it still valid?

Yeah. Yeah, isn't it nice? I made the mistake of deleting loads and loads of emails. because I thought this is getting ridiculous. And then at various points throughout the years after that, I've needed some of those emails. But I've liked my fucking lesson. I also like to see how strange my...

Or how different my personality was, even 10 years ago in terms of writing emails and stuff. And I go, was that my tone? More exclamation marks. Begging. It was a begging tone, I'd say. And every bit of correspondence, you're desperate. But, like, do you...

I mean, can you scroll back and see the first... messages, you and your fiance exchange, different people. Yeah. Because the way you spoke to, because you didn't know each other. So you go, well, that's very weird and still did it. I can see the, when I, when I, um, slid into Katie's DMs and asked her out, I've got, I've got that. Doc Martens. Yeah.

Dad's mouth. What is, what is, slid into a dad's mouth? And asked her out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm asking for your daughters. Open your mouth. I'm asking for your daughter. Sentence from hell.

Sentences from hell. Yeah. But yeah, I can see the message of me asking her out and her saying yes, and it's, like, it's nice. But it's written in such a way in which we never communicate now. I'm so cautious about ever going back and looking at anything like that, because I think nostalgia is such a disease. It is, but it snaps you out of it because you go, I don't want to go back to that time because I've got proof of what my personality. he was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any time, like, I remember doing a gig. Oh, my God. This is such a Frank Grimes bowling alley thing. I got asked to give a talk, not give a talk, do set at my old uni, just before lockdown, I think. And it was like a series of like alumni from the uni giving performances.

And there was like a band who were still going, that sort of thing. And I was the only stand-up. Yeah. Even though the uni has produced many stand-ups. Eddie Azard, Tim Key, most recently Sam Nicaresty of Edinburgh Comedy Award winning fame

but I was asked to do a set I was on straight after a talk about FGM fucking hell and after me was another talk about FGM Right So I was doing stand-up in between those things They thought to themselves

Two of these in a row It's a bit much Yes We'll break it up Exactly that With some yucks from punslinger Glenn Moore. Well-meaning and insane.

But I walked past like the old like halls of residence and stuff and it just looked so... You can't even walk our stage and go, what was that about? There'll be more of that in a bit, don't worry. I think I came on being like, sorry, thank you.

Yeah, a real shame. But I walked through like the old accommodation and stuff like that, the old uni bar and it just, it was like, God, life was so easy. and oh my god, it'd be amazing to be back here. And then I overheard conversations that 18-year-olds have. Yeah.

And I didn't miss a single bit because I was like, that's the cost of conversation. It's not me and my friends now live in that life. It's true. So when I look back at like stuff I'd put on people's wall on Facebook or even when wishing someone a happy birthday. Don't, don't. Just degrading.

Hello, mate. You're reading it in like a high-up You're reading it in like a higher voice as well. I love Lamp. Hope you have an awesome day. It's somewhat anchor man quote. Yark. Some reference to an in-joke.

Remember, milk is always a bad choice. Bring on the purge. Yes. Like bring on the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben Shepard hosting. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was miserable. I mean, speaking of which, on the subject of going people's walls and wishing them, happy birthday and stuff,

at a time of recording, it was my birthday a couple of days ago. Yes, happy birthday. And I got to do my annoying thing. My new annoying thing. It's my new bit. Oh, yeah? Which I think I might have mentioned this on the pod before. I didn't, on WhatsApp, deliberately didn't, like, open a lot of the birthday messages I received.

Ah. So they didn't get blue ticks. Then the next day, read them. Right. and then responded to people with, oh, it was actually yesterday. I did that to our friend Phil Wang. I did that to him.

I did it to a lot of people. It's so shit. Isn't that such a cunty thing to do? When were their reactions? It was either they knew what I was doing, or they'd be like, I did, I said it yesterday. No, no, no. Yeah, that's okay, man.

Next, next to it. Next year. Next year. We'll get a next year. Next year, you're going to wait a month and be like, it was a month ago? Yeah, what are you doing? Never mind. And there's nothing they can do. Like, it's a bit of a fairomone thing, the most annoying.

It's something that Katie jokingly says a lot around the house that I have no sense of humor about. Yeah. which is my old housemate's mum when they moved into my house and must have told you this about sleeping. No.

Save for the Patreon. Okay. Do some correspondence. Save this for the Patreon. This is the most annoying story you'll ever. It's the most annoying thing that's ever happened to me. Perfect.

And I have no sense of humor about it. Okay, well, this is... If you're listening, this is well worth a pint a month. Yeah. Because along with hearing whatever the fuck this is, You get to hear a George pod once a month, Shen Yun pod. Yes. A free extra episode a week.

And if you're on the mid-tier, the film watch alone. Shen Yun is not every week. I cannot stress it enough. We're not going again. We cannot afford to go every week. They don't even do a package deal. No. See it nine times and we'll ask you, what are you doing?

Subscribe and save to Shen Yun. Yeah. It's like beer 52 once. You're trying to leave Shen Yun. Email. Fucking beer 52, man. They found my new fucking house. They found you on your house.

How the fuck have you found me? They're, like, more competent than, like, border force than, like, tracking people within the UK. It's unbelievable. Like... Wow. So you're going to get a load of mental stouts in your new home. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to have banana oatmeal bitter.

Why couldn't they just be a delicious lager? Like... I want to... Lagers of cool-looking cans. All I want. They cap the number of lagers you can ask for. Which is ridiculous. I just want Lager 52.

I don't want a caramel flameters. David beer. Because also, if you do stumble upon one you really like, you look it up online and they go, oh, we did that once. That was like a silly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've killed everyone who made that. Yeah.

We drowned them in the vat. Yeah, that's how we made it. We drowned them in the vat and we sealed it like an Egyptian pyramid tomb. We made it out of caramel Terry. Fucking caramel beer, man. Someday they'll maybe they'll sponsor us again. They sponsored us at some point. Again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We have beer 52 for like a week or two or something. I don't know. I mean, like, I like the lagers. That's my, that's my, we'll advertise for you beer 52 if you make a lager only package. Call it like louts delight or something.

Yeah. Mail, letter, post, message, e-mail, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. We've got a trick-a-lou from Jack. Excellent. We haven't had a trick-loon in quite some time. Hello, currently working through catching up on the pot, absolutely loving it. Just about to finish the book too, Pierre. Fantastic stuff.

That's very nice of you, Jack. Thank you. I've got a minor trick-a-lou, just a little aside. I managed to convince my sister that I had to pay extra for my haircuts because I had a larger head. You should. Like a bigger lawn? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bigger job.

It should be based more. length of hair. That's why I think women's haircuts in general. Yeah, the stakes are higher. The stakes are higher. There's more style in general. Yeah. At a hairdressers. I've been to, when I was like a student, I would get

five pound haircuts. Yeah. And they'd proudly advertise it's five pounds. And they were true to their word in that they would give you less hair than you started with. That's all they promised. They would, like, lift up your fringe, snip right across, by and you go away looking like fucking Lloyd

from Dumb and Dumb. Or like a mid-20 teens art student. There's just that brief moment where everyone had that really short fringe. Yeah, you're not like your Jude Laws character, an AI. I haven't had the heart to tell her the truth yet, all the best, Jack.

It's good, it's a good one, yeah. It's really good. And I've got a massive head, so that I would... Do you? Yeah. I've got a big old buntz. I don't think it looms large and verdigot. You can tell who you self-conscious about the head size because in photos they'll try and move backwards. Well they'll lean backwards. And we've got some altered lyrics quickly from Josh. Hey Josh.

Hi boys, Preyraed Acted. The first couple of lines of this bubbled up from my subconscious as I was waking a couple days ago. I couldn't get it out of my brain. I've tried to finish it and pass it on to you in an attempt to purge it from my soul. To the tune of Mamma Mia. Ratatooie, does it smell again? My, my. Hair is thick with rat. Pooh, rat toui

covered in shit again Why, why, I guess it's what I'm into Oh, how my nostrils smarted Oh, when the rodent charted My, my, I think I need Professional help A great one there from Bjorn Olveus

My hair is thick with rat poo Yeah, that guy, Remy or whatever's name It must fucking stink. Stinks of piss. Yeah. One of the ways you classify a rodent is that they're incontinent. Really? They're just always kind of weeing and shitting a bit.

Right, okay. And that's how owls track them. The urine is like a UV trail. Interesting. They just see the pee. You're a fucking rat. And you're the owl following his trail of urine. Following his trail of urine.

Yeah, with your incredible eyesight. Send us your trick of a little. Send us your altered lyrics. Send us your bad, uh, weird adverts. I saw some people, uh,

who's the, who's the money saving expert? Martin Lewis. I think it was Martin Lewis saying, pointing out how the Guardian has got those slop adverts where it's like, oh, look inside Silla Black's repulsive home. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, Bank of England sues Martin Lewis for something he said on radio. Oh, and it has like a really weird like, uh, uh, given like a real like downturned,

smile, so he looks really unhappy. I saw a very strange one recently of Fiona Bruce 61 flaunts her huge size in new bikini. Huge size. Yeah. I don't like size being used as a noun. Also in new bikini. New. What do you mean?

New bikini. How do you know? How do you know? How do you know? Yeah. Got the label on. I'm just going out I'm just going to go I'll just go flot my huge size

I'll just be back around 5 Look if you've got a huge size Why not flaunt it? A huge size Huge size I really hate that That's horrible It's specifically Fiona Bruce

Fiona Bruce Yeah I'd never seen that one before I'm getting a lot of Cilla black at the moment Remember when it used to only be Tom Selleck It was only Tom Selleck Love Tom Selleck Sillac, Silla Black Oprah Winfrey.

I've never had Oprah Winfrey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think I've seen Oprah Winfrey's revolting home. Loads of Holly Willoughby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a given. I'd be fascinated to see how they sit and go, who would a kind of slightly vulnerable pensioner

be most interested in? Yes. Or conspiracy-minded person. Yeah. What would they click on? Yeah, Bradley Wolf beheaded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always they don't want you to know.

this. Yes. And you think, it's on the internet, whatever it is. Yeah, but if you ask like a, no,

no, they'd be like, neighbours for neighbors. That's the day. Labor party. They'll just pick a political party they don't like. Yeah.

That's who will stop it. Yes, absolutely. Well, let's go on to the bonus. Yeah. Also, remember to see us on talk. Oh, yeah. We're both touring at the moment. You can find it on our respective websites.

I'm glenmorecom.com. You are. Piannavelli.com. It wasn't taken. We're all over the UK. I mean, I'm in Australia. March and April if you live in Melbourne or Sydney.

Go to Melbourne and see Glenn. Do you know your venue yet? Yes, and I cannot remember. I hope you're in the same one I was in. Hotel Conference Room Sheik. It's like doing a 99 Club. Nice. I'll tell you that. Yeah.

Well, come see us on tour. Subscribe to the Patreon. Bonus episode once a week, George Pod, Chenyan pod, and whatever Glenn's story is about Slabe. Yes. So see you there. Thank you very much for listening. Tell your friends. See you on tour.

Koji. Koji.