BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E36 | Prescription Jeans

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

This week the buds discuss noughties sketch shows, Pierre’s salty water, the looping video and the carsinisation phenomenon!Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Glenn is on tour across the UK! For tickets go to https://www.glennmoorecomedy.com/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is going on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, my tour starts soon. I go all around the UK, Ireland and the Netherlands. So come check it out. Also, if you're in London and you just missed my sold-out Soho Theatre run, I'm back at Leicester Square Theatre on the 28th of May. All of the links, dates, times, etc. are found on my website, Piannavelli.com. Scroll down to live and you will see it all there. And I'll see you there. It's Budpod 36. Let's cross that river sticks. It feels a bit like a weird, uh, uh, Greek, um, bingo call. River sticks.

Or a really cruel one, given the age of people who are at the bingo. Oh, yeah, yeah. Every number rhyme is just about looming death. Yes, yeah. Two fat ladies, you're at risk of heart disease. If you just make your way over it, yeah. Sort of a coffin, 11. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was just complaining to you before he started recording that I find Instagram's interface just now it's like initially I thought to myself maybe I could curate my Instagram feed to be lovely things, right?

I could follow accounts that are just about archaeology, art, culture, nostalgic cartoon clips, things of this nature. But the first like 10 posts from interesting, at interesting archaeology

will be like Pompeii, some stuff maybe from that site in Turkey where it's pushing back the start of the, when they think cities began by thousands of years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. And then, because they've run out of stuff, and they've just got too many followers now,

and they're getting desperate, whoever's running the account, it will be on the archaeology account. Yeah. Footage from a 70s interview with Gore Vidal. Right, okay, yeah, yeah. This NYC diner still serves Coke the old-fashioned way. Yeah, so it's this fucking archaeology. Or it'll be like a flashback little, like,

a picture of Britney Spears shaving her head with a text explanation. Yeah. What are you doing? Because that's what the new followers want. But it's like a... Do you know that thing about how every animal is evolving into a crab? No, I don't know.

Crabbs have evolved... Everything's boss baby. Everything's boss baby. Right. Exactly. In the same way that... Which we didn't get to the bottom of by the way. No, no, no.

But who can? Such a deep concept. It's like solving philosophy. You can't do it. most animals are at the end of like one string of evolution, right? Yeah. So you go, then this, then this, then this, then elephants. Yeah.

Or then two types of elephants. Crabbs have evolved spontaneously separate from each other multiple times. Okay. Right? There seems to be something in nature that leads inextrably towards the crab. Hang on. Hang on. Stuff has become crabs.

Yes. Yes. So there'll be like a South American weird crab. Yeah. But its evolutionary history is utterly completely separate to an African crab. And it was a weird, like smooth, skinned amphibian and... Some other sea thing.

And it just became basically... So always crustaceans? Not starting out necessarily, but just they became crabs. I don't know how to... I don't know how else to tell you. Oh, man. So... Who's going to be the first guy to look a bit... To start crabbing up?

Yeah, yeah. To start just walking sideways a bit. People on TikTok saying this guy's crabbed up. Yeah. Crab maxing. That would be the site. Crab maxing. It's about crab maxing.

It's about being crapped up. It's like never being caught lacking. Yeah. Being a crab. Pinsers. Yeah. It's about the daily pins. It's about the daily pins.

Rise and pinch. Yeah. So everything's becoming crabs, right? And in the same way. I can't keep up. Everything's boss baby. Everything's crap. Everything's becoming crap.

Everything's becoming crap. What's next? Something else? What's next something else is great. Real Alzheimer's level. I would love to hear the crabification of everything as misunderstood and re-explained by Donald Trump. They're saying everything is crabs now, folks. Yeah.

But every... We're killing the lobsters. Everything's crabs. We do not like walking sideways. We. Every Instagram account. Whatever it starts out as. German painters.

Whatever. inexorably evolves towards just meme slop. Memeslop with a little bit of a bent towards the far right occasionally. Every now and then, certainly on Twitter or whatever. Or on Instagram it would just be like, it becomes a Facebook page. Where you just go, I follow this Facebook page for like updates on whatever, a particular band. And now it's just posting a picture of a dog that's been arranged to look like it's reading the paper through little glasses.

Yeah. What is this? And the account is at Pontifex. How, man? The account is muse updates. You go, well, like, this is posting memes. But that's, yeah, that's what you have to do. It's either that or wig comedy.

But it's that or wig comedy. But my point is that, like, what is going through the mind of the person who is like, this is how much I love archaeology, I'm going to dedicate my social media time every day. Yeah. To running this archaeology page. Is it like the one ring? Is it just more engagement? more followers, whispering to it, post a meme.

Post something irrelevant. That's what it must be so hard being a massive Instagram videos account. Like the pressure, we were saying, like, off there in the past, that, like, the greatest observational comedians were putting out, like, one hour every couple of years. Jerry Seinfeld, the same two-hour show for 15 years. Yes. And now... Honing and honing and honing.

And I'd say there have been maybe seven good observational comedians ever, and you get one good one every generation. Now, for some reason, like Highlander. Everyone is expected to be good at observational comedy on Instagram and posting observations every single day. And if you strike upon one popular character, you're then stuck doing that, and you can try and then be sort of like... But you're that I didn't do it, boy.

It's I didn't do it boy comedy because you're stuck and you go, I'm 20 years down the line, you're like, I want to be posted about this and everyone's like, just do Jamaican, Penta Stainer again. Yeah, yeah. You posted one video of, like, guy who's sipping a coffee that's too hot. Yeah. And then it's guy that's sipping a drink that's too hot in the Roman Empire. Guy that's sipping a drink that's too hot during 9-11.

Yeah. Just forever, you're having to go... Did this happen hundreds of years ago? There was a guy who was, like, who wrote a man walks into a bar, ouch. And then, like, 20 years later, he's like, a barber walks into a bar, ouch. Yes, do another one. Do a bear walks into a bar. A bear walks into a bar.

Ouch, yes, more, more. Bien, bien. Buena. Saying good in any foreign language is somehow so much more decadent. That's weird, isn't it? Good. Rubbing your body and saying bien. Bien, bien.

Ouch, bien. Do the voice again. Yeah. I think they did have that in the past in the sense that you'd be like a music hall performer and your whole thing was that like, oh, it's this guy and he can play the spoons in his mouth. Yeah. And you just go around the country with a cardboard suitcase that you couldn't get wet, living out of it and being spoons and mouth man. Yeah.

Like fairgrounds and stuff. Living in kind of hell. But better than, I guess, I'm mine. I saw someone online say about a year ago that they only really appreciated once she was off air that in the sort of I guess in the sort of habitat of the world of online that Ellen DeGener's was an apex predator

and knew how to like that hucked her girl knew to like she would have been a guest on Ellen once Ellen would have rinsed her for all her entertainment value and then she would just be cast aside and then the world moves on and balance it restored. Like a husk from a spider. Yes. There's no one to end memes anymore. Ellen knew how to eat someone who was doing it.

There was the predator. Yeah. But she was an apex predator. Another endemic. Yes. Yeah. The memes have become endemic. Yes, yeah, yeah. No one's culling them. No one's culling them.

Yeah, it needs to be a cull. They're just, they only get culled by starvation. That's the cruelty of not culling animals. They end up eating all their own food source and then starving slowly to death instead of you shooting them. So we have to shoot all the meme accounts. That'd be a good film, is that two people get so angry at memes that they just go murder all the catchphrase people.

Yeah. But you know what? I've just realized the people hunger for repetition. Yes. Little Britain. The same sketches every episode, basically. I remember getting very frustrated in the final series of Little Britain. Not enough blackface.

You wrote those letters. My sister and I were... It was this when I watched an episode. There was an episode in the final series, which didn't have a single new character in. Yeah. It didn't have a single... They'd always be at least...

Because the thing is, in Little Brittany, after a while, you got excited for... I haven't seen a person before. Like at the beginning of casualty or ER, where you go... I don't recognize this person. They're going to fall from that ladder, aren't they? Something's going to happen. Exactly. So Little Brittany'd be like, oh, this is going to be a new thing.

Yeah, yeah. And that was exciting. And when you go... And I know it's sandwich between Vicki Pollard and Lou and Andy. I know it's... Sure. And every episode had two Lou and... Luanandi sketches, one in which he says,

I want that one, I don't want it. Then the twist is he does want it. And then the other Luanandi one would be, he gets up behind David Walliams his back, and runs around. And runs around and scores a goal or whatever. And Fabio Coppello's like, because it's a sponsored, it's a special World Cup special or whatever. Medieval.

Because it's like Comedia Delate. You go, that's the character who is betrayed. Yes, yes. That's the character who... I recognize this true. Yes, yeah. That's the painted. Bufone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So whenever it was computer, says no. Whenever they come on screen, you go, the gatekeeper, the gatekeeper. And in hundreds of years, there'd be a really sophisticated to know all the characters. Yes.

Ah, that is the fake disabled person. Yes, the carer. The carer is bewitched and tricked by the faker. This vomiting mask, that represents the bake cell lady who, whenever she meets a minority. Would throw up, yes. It's very clever, very clever.

Yes. When I wrote on kids' TV, we had this little sketch, a little break bumper called Fat Suit Dance Off, where two of the hosts were in like fat suits, like Sumo Wrestler suits. But it would be zoomed in on their faces, so you couldn't see the suits. And one would be like, hey, what do you prefer? Going out or sleepovers. Like party or sleepover? And the person would be like, I prefer sleepover. I prefer a party. Party's got this, this and this. And it'd be like, sleepover, you get movies and popcorn. And then eventually the argument would just descend into. sleepover party, sleep over party, and they'd go, you know, there's only one way to settle this, camera pulls out wearing sumo suits, fat suit, dance off, and they just do like a little dance with sumo-rest suits, and then they'd be like, here's power, pop, girls, we'll be back after this, that sort of thing.

Yeah. It was so hard every single week finding new things for them to argue about, because you couldn't do chocolate or sweets, because compliance would be like, we can't be promoting sugary foods. Couldn't do India versus Pakistan. You couldn't... You'd end up being like...

I don't know what else we can do, Can't do movies or TV because they can't be promoting too much TV watching even if it's on TV. So you're like, do you prefer nature or nurture? I prefer the Bishopric of Leipzig. Link sausage, lawn sausage. Black pudding, white pudding. Yeah. Just pumping it out.

Because was it every day? Was it once a week? It was Saturdays and Sundays. Every single weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. People love repetition.

And we were like, why? what did children want? And we suddenly thought, actually, yeah, this is every sketch show we watched in the Nauties. Yeah. It's all, that's that character from the far show's back. Yeah, that's true. And now, on your phone, you get the pleasure of that forever.

I guess the other thing is that the, I didn't do it, boy, like, the algorithm showing you the new I didn't do it video probably exactly at the right time that you've just about to forget. Yes, maybe it's that. But then when you go on their page, it's quite haunting to see like a hundred of the same video in a Oh, yeah, yeah. So much work.

It's, it is like all, all work and no... His mind poured out on paper. All work and no play, make Jack a doll boy. You just go through, going... Going through the paper, like from the signing. Yeah, housemate who arranges the cutlery draw wrong. You got a thousand videos out of this guy. How's he arranging?

Yeah, I mean... That one guy who's too calm about the fire alarm. Yeah. When you rearrange the cutlery draw on holiday and you go, right, you're on holiday and you took your wigs with you. Yeah. Wigs through Heathrow. Ringlight, wigs. Yeah, to keep the algorithm content, to keep it content.

If I don't feed the robot with my wig videos about cutlery, I'll die. Because people want to know what the housemate who stacks cutlery draw wrong is like in Tenerife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to know what he's like in Tenerife. And you can't trick them by pretending you're into it. Can't. No, no, no, no, no, no. I've got a... Here's an issue I have.

Yeah. My water's full of salt. And it's my fault. Oh, in my edge... I felt like your internal waters. Listen, like I feel it in my waters. Yes, or like the way some weird snake horse salesman of a doctor in the Wild West would say, his waters are full of soul.

I'm afraid your boy's waters are saline. There's only a one cure, and it's happened to sell it off the back of my wagon. Dr. Butkiss's elixie. Yes. Just Dr. Thundergolp's miracle tonic. Good for your nerves, good for your liver. Yeah. Well, cure your humus.

You just have a heart of a dose of these molasses and prelines. You feel right as rain. Don't forget your charcoal tablets. God, doctor, you know my chocolate tablets make me cough up my dinner good and proper. Yes, son, keep on out of it. Chalkal tablets still a thing. Yeah. Still going strong.

For that friend in your life who eats chalk. Yeah, balance with that. Yeah. It's like spitting red wine on a carpet and getting white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I eat some black chalk and eat some white chalk to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're balanced.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fitted a water purifier, a water de-sophener. Yeah. But it's like, it softens it by adding salt. Right. But it's too much. So you now have really salty water? It's below the range of too salty,

because I autismed out and I got a water testing kit. Right, okay. Wow. So I know down to the parts per millimetre. Yeah. Like I have like a house department level report and what's in my tap water. Do you get like a letter, like a printed out sheet every day, right? Let's... Let's have a look at all right.

Download for water. We'll be back with tomorrow's news weather and water. I think it's going to be a problem knowing what's in my water. Like I can feel it becoming a problem. Like seeing how the sausages made. Yeah, we're like letting yourself get interested in microplastics. Just don't open that door. There's nothing you can do.

It's going to ruin your life. Just know your balls are full of them. Just accept that they're in your brain. Yeah. Do you see that might not be true? Oh. Maybe. Then why did I cut mine off?

To stop your sinning. The only way that you could enter the kingdom of heaven. You told me that. You bellowed it from that church tower. You screamed it during that congregation meeting. So, it's too much fucking salt in it. Yeah. It's an amount of salt that is below the maximum for like, okay, there's too much.

But it's an amount of salt that they go, okay, but it's not good for pregnant women or babies or people who have heart attacks. Right, okay. So that's too much for me. Yeah. If it comes with any warnings, it's too much. Bad for the goose is also bad for the gander. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

And if a goose drank my water, it would be fucking hell to pay. Well, it would be, it would be fucking brining it. from the inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deliciously tender, salty goose. And now I need to, like, why can't things just work? Because now I'm going to have to go back to, like, Limescale, right? Because London is essentially, all the water is essentially calcium with some water in it.

Yes, it's all your appliances die within six months. It's not you play a video game and it says, do you want quality mode or performance mode? And I go, do you want good mode or good mode. Yeah. But if you do good mode, you won't get the other good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both of these... Why can't I have both of these things?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We bought a dishwasher the other day, and then we looked it up, and it was like, oh, it's not compatible with the kitchen you've got. We can't fit your kitchen around your dishwasher. And you got, why not... Why will you not let us do that? I know, exactly. What?

It's just, it's... Exactly. And you've just moved house. We just moved house. So now I have to move again. Someone, I'm trailing my dishwash behind me like I'm in the pursuit of happiness. And I'll find somewhere where I can rest my weary dishwasher. Yeah, so I've got...

got fucking salty water and I, I, paranoid that that's why, like, it never slakes my thirst anymore, my tap water. Oh, interesting. I'll drink a full glass of water from the tap and I'll think, it's like I haven't just drunk water. Yes, because you haven't. It takes three hours. If you're dehydrated, I had this, I remember being told. But it used to feel different, Glenn. No, you think it did. You think it did. This is one of the weirdest forms of nostalgia we're ever in how to water used to be backers, isn't it? Yeah, but I was right that there's more salt in it. Yeah.

Because I added the salt. Voluntarily. Yeah, with a little like a sashay, like you'd get in a salt and shake. Salt and shake water. And you shake your glass round. Make it home see. Yeah.

Make your own notion. But I remember having like a downing pint after pint of water before a gig and my throat was so dry because I'd get so nervous on stage. I'd be like, so I was walking down to... Oh, don't. I did that deliberately.

Oh. I'm in hell. But a horrible, like, cotton throat. Yeah. And I, yeah, I remember being told, like, yeah, you needed to have had water three hours ago. But, for example, before I fit the softener, yeah. Yes, it was hard, hard water full of calcium. Yeah.

But if I did do what I normally do and have a big old drink the second I wake up, I'd be like, yeah, that fuck, that's enough water for a while. I can feel it. Now I drink it and I like, I need to drink more. It's like I'm on a shipwreck. I think that's... And I thought this before I confirmed how much salt was in it. I think it's a placebo. I don't think that...

I think you're... If you drink a litre... You're making yourself go mad. If you drink a litre of my tap water, it's 15% of your daily salt allowance. That is bad, isn't it? That's like a burger. Are you having a burger?

A pint of burger. A meal and a glass, they call it. The meal and glass. Give it to pregnant women, rather than give them birth. Me on the glass. It's too much salt. I have to get there unplugged. Because I try to make my life nicer.

And now I live in Castaway. Yes, I know you've got to go back to the life, so you're going to go back to water with bits. Life raft simulator or drink this calcium. Water, yeah, not smooth water. You're going to go water with bits. Where? With chunks of white. Yeah.

I could, licking the White Cliffs of Dover. Like a patriot. Yes. Show some bloody restrictions. Speaking of showing some bloody respect, we were recording this ahead of time. But you would have, you will have gotten married just a few days ago. I will have been wed. Yes.

I wish I will have been wed for four days. Yeah. By the time you're listening to this, I've been wed for four days. You would have been married on Valentine's Day, which I was a massive deal for you. Yeah, yeah, really important to me. It's the best day of the year. Well, how'd you done it the day before, Friday the 13th? Yeah.

So, yeah. So you get all your bad luck out the way beforehand. Yeah, yeah. The day before, we're just hoping that someone affiliated with but not attending the wedding gets struck by lightning. Yes, of course. And then that gets it all done. Yes. All out of away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I...

And a lovely pint of salt on the wedding day. I got fitted... And I'm like, no. I got measured for my groomsman's seat the other day. Did you? Yes. Oh, you got it. Good, good, good. And I went to what the store was. But at the store, they had TV screens around the store. The looping video?

The looping video. I am obsessed with a looping video. I'm obsessed of a looping video. Great. And it's a big guy. It makes me so happy. You've noticed this video. So this guy, I made a note on my phone of I must discuss this.

This is a guy who is maybe sort of like early 50s. Hard to place. Yes. He looks old the way like David Bowie looked old. Yes. We sort of go, you could kind of be a lot of ages. Yeah. But entirely grey hair and quite a beard.

Yeah. But you see in the footage of him attending like a business meeting and he's wearing one of the suits that they are famous for. Yeah. You also see him, like, walking through the park, wearing, like, a long, casual coat and jeans. Yeah. From a shop.

And you see him just at a coffee shop, and he's wearing, like, t-shirt and jeans from a shop. And he's wearing, like, he's by a pub fire place. Yeah. With, like, a cock as baniel. Yeah. And he's wearing, like, loafers and corduroy, and he looks cozy. He looks excellent. He looks excellent in every single one of these.

And he's always either interacting nicely with his dog or talking in quite a confident, dynamic way, to other faceless people in the video. you can't really see. Yeah. It's all focused on him. The video is the length of a DVD menu. He goes on maybe eight seconds.

Yeah. It's like a pre-cog in minority. There's going to be a very fashionable man. He looks... He's going to look so good at his jumper and jean. We need to adjust the settings. Well, he looks so stylish. He looks awesome.

He looks great. All of his clothes that he owns are from the same shop. Yeah. That's not a good thing. No, he's the world's most fashionable artist. It's not healthy. It's like if I was obsessed with Next. I get all my clothes.

I get all my clothes on prescription from Next. Prescription jeans. That's the podcast title. Yeah. I think I have to wear prescription jeans. Just flipping over a bit of denim is that better with or without? But all his clothes are from the same shop. And I thought...

Blast some air at your dick and balls. Yeah, just checking. You have to read a sign that spells out jeans. You have to read out, can I have the jeans, please? Of course you can. Yeah, right, bad news, I'm afraid, your waist is bigger now. You're now on a 36. So, yeah, you're going to have to get most sent to him.

I... So, all his clothes is from the same shop. Yeah. Yeah, he's not a good representative. He's not a good advert for the shop. No? I think they're like, we don't want to... I don't think Gap would want me to advertise Gap

if I had Gap tattooed across my head. It's not a good... He's got an unhealthy relationship with the shop. That's not the person you want, figurehead in your campaign. David Gandy is the face of Wildman. Fine. But David Gandy kept going, posting videos of Instagram. Of him taking vitamins?

He's talking through 100. vitamin pills. Hi guys. He finishes a video by just emptying a tub of pills into his mouth like a suicide. You can see the miscalls from well-man PR. What are you doing? Why have you got a lie? Why are you doing this as a life?

Someone hammering through. You can see he's got smoky glass front door and there's just a bigger hammering. David! Stop, stop it. It's a bad look for the company. I can't eat vitamin A. I can't stop.

I can't I need the vitamins. They've got from me. Dave had too much vitamin A is actually toxic. Well, man, I don't need to sleep. Just crunching. I don't need to sleep anymore.

Crunching Barocca. Just foaming out of his mouth. There's no need to eat or sleep anymore, folks. You heard it here first. Because all the comments were always sort of like, you know, it was as a quote on the train post or whatever, being like, well man gives me the energy I need to get up and go,

that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was just to be just getting, I love Walmart. In a really high voice screaming the word pills. Yeah. My favorite, my favorite meal is Walmart. Hey, it's a bad look for the company is what I'm saying. Yeah, that's true.

I think they'd be... I think they'd be silly to do that. He could have ruined. So many ad campaigns, David Gandhi. When he was Calvin Klein, he was white boxes. Yeah. Just shit them. Shit them publicly.

Just keep eating them. These are delicious. White underwear is so stressful anyway. I'd get stressed when I see other people wearing white underwear. I've never won white underwear in my life. Very confident people. So, God, why? And I'm not saying that someone who's ever shipped myself.

No. But what I mean is, like, just don't do it. What are you doing? It's like someone wearing a white shirt to a Italian restaurant. Or a curry house. I saw a... You just think, it could be fine. Of course it could be fine.

Yes. But come on. What are you doing? But I saw a Calvin Klein advert the other day, and it was a guy and a girl, and they're both wearing, like, Calvin Klein, tight whiteys. Yeah. Why are you both taking the...

Like, stop it. Don't do it. But if that's what gave it... Like, would they have cancelled the campaign? Because they went, you shoot yourself, and he was like, it's natural. Yeah. It's natural. It's real.

Okay, it's real. Yeah. What about it? I got ill from having all of my vitamins. I had so many vitamins that my body had to get rid of all the poison that was making me sick. And I've replaced it with good vitamins. Yes. Thank you, well, man.

Thank you. Thank you, well, man. shitting my pants and getting rid of those toxins for me. His eyes are really wide on the poster. His pupils are massive. He looks absolutely drugged. It's really unsettling. His eyes are almost black that his pupils are so big.

I like that all those people who are like, oh, I like going for a gong bath or a whatever scrub or whatever, because it gets the toxins out of your body. As if that's not what piss and shit are. I don't ever go, I love going to the... The toilet, because obviously it's ejecting poison. Yeah. Toilet gives me the energy I need to do it. Thanks, piss.

For getting rid of all the poison in my bloodstream. Yeah, when the bum stops stop. Don't floss in. Yeah. So, on that vein, the guy in the shop on the looping video. He's like that. Yeah. They must have broke off and gone,

Hey man, don't make, or you know you can, you're allowed to dwell on other shoes. We didn't even do shoes. How did you manage to find shoes? That's true, yeah. How did you manage to find those? We don't even make them. You've drawn our brand name on the base of some shoes you found in the park.

Yeah, like your Woody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An advert for KFC where it's just a guy eating a bucket of chicken at the doctors while they explain to him what an impacted bowel is. Because that's how much chicken he's eaten. Just, this is our fast and loose companies are playing it when they get in touch of influence and they say,

can you do a post? Yeah. Because you can do fucking anything. Yeah, it's risky stuff. But then, like, as long as they can keep it at arm's length, they'll never be blamed for the humour. Yes, but can I post a picture of some well-man vitamins trodden into mud?

And go, oh no. I wish I hadn't lost my well-man vitamins. Yes. Thank you for the vitamins, well. And like, and I, hashtag spawn, hashtag well man. Thank you for the vitamins well, man. Appreciate it. You know.

Picture this, right? You get a well man hashtag ad offer on Instagram. Yeah. And what you post is, it's you. And you know those like alleyways you get in like northern towns. Yes. And the walls of the alleyway are like the pebble dash. Correlation Street opening credits.

Yeah, the walls are like pebble dashed backs of houses. Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. So it's gray. Yeah. It's like mud and leaves and foxes and stuff in that alleyway. old wooden pallets.

Yeah. It looks very like Ken Loach. Yeah. And you're just walking from down the alleyway for ages. You're really small. And then as you get close to the front, you take a pack of well men, a bottle of well men vitamins out of your pocket

and just fucking wing it against the wall. And that's it. And they burst. When at the moment of impact, for advert cuts to black. Yeah, you've been shot. Yeah. And then the caption just says,

At Wellman hashtag ad. Yeah. Yeah. It's new. People would talk about it. People would talk about it. No one's really talking about David Gandhi. No.

No. Isn't that what he wants and what we all want to be discussed? That was a joke I had that never ever worked. You know, many years ago, Gandhi once said, Wellman gives me the... Come on. Nothing. It's because people aren't on the tube enough.

They're not on the tube enough, yeah. Because everything's boss baby now. Everything's boss baby now. Speaking of boss babies, let's do some correspondence. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms, correspondence. Dearest Pieroeneum and Gleneroids. Oh, yes and no.

Yes and no. Yeah, as in fantastic work, horrible image. Yeah. Pierre. And Gleneroids. Perineum Falcon. Please call your next show, Gleneroids. Gleneroids.

Terrible. Have you ever had them? No. Me neither. No. I know they're coming. You should feel them? Yeah, lurking, looming. I think in life, I don't think anyone gets out of life without passing away young, hemorrhoid free, no?

Yeah. Either die hero, he'd have long enough to see herself. To have bum grapes. Viz has given me expectations of... Awful. It's implied in the pages of Viz that everyone has got them constantly. Yeah.

Very constant, ever-present concept. Yeah, are they telling on themselves? Mm. Yeah, think about that. Devout an obedient pod bud here from the days of when Pierre didn't realize he was playtesting COVID for the rest of the world. Yes.

Yes, as my... You got it so early. Yeah, original recipe. I was thinking about you the other day. Thank you. Private time. Yeah. Yes.

And... And I... Do you still have the synthetic flavour thing? No, that went away after eight months, maybe. Eight months. It was like two months with just nothing,

no taste of smell. And then like six months maybe with like wrong taste. Yeah. Not to sound too Orwellian. Topsy-turvy taste. Topsy-turvy taste buds. Yeah.

As my younger sister put it, there's an episode of Budpod where we're talking about how we think COVID will hopefully just be like SARS, and it won't really be anything. And then in the next episode, she said, you're just the illest you've ever sounded. And it's like the podcast from that period. I think it's episode 50 to episode 60 is like listening to a horror film.

Because you all know what's coming, and we don't. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I remember talking to Emma Jones, the Absolute Radio Newsreader, when we were on Absolute, when we were both there, and her being like, oh, you know, in a real, you know, beginning of a movie sort of way. have you heard about this thing in China? And I was like... They're saying they're biting people.

I was like, we get... Yeah, yeah, they're calling them lurchers. They're calling them shamblers. Yeah. I was like, look, we've done this. We've bird flu. We've done it with SARS. And I was like, this is the first time I'm ever going to go,

not investing in this, not thinking about it. Yeah, I finally learn my lesson. It's the only time I've ever said that, and we know what happened. Best fucking year in my life. You are my favorite parisocial lads, and I love my new daddy. No, we are friends. Remember that.

We are friends. We're absolutely your mates. You've heard that from us. Glenn is. Feel free to tell the police that. You could go to Glenn's house day or night. Yes. And you'll be welcomed with open arms and a steaming bowl of pasta.

I hope you uncoded my messages to kill the president. They have now. Ruined the game. When my toddler was little, I would strap him into the baby carrier. Don, my smuggest, modern. dad look and go for a walk. I would often sing the following to the tune of Muse's Plug-in Baby as I

strapped him onto myself. What was that? My plug-in baby crucifies my head. It's so embarrassing. Muse is so embarrassing. I like Muse. I like Muse. Yeah?

This will put you off Muse instantly. Does that put you off Muse? Look, it's not their fault. Glenn showed us a thing about Stephen Fry saying, Golly, mews are good, and the trouble is... Goli, muse are rather good, aren't they? Mues... Sainsbris.

He signs of all his tweets of... Gainesv... I mean, Sainsbrids. Because he's my strap-on, baby, poops all down the front of me. Oh, dear. And I'm sly sniffing. Whoa, whoa. He's my strap-on baby.

I... Sapping all. of my energy, and he's always piercing. There you go. The idea that I'd never really considered that if someone has a baby strapped to their front. That's a strap-on. No, not a strap-on.

Is that why you're so horrified by this? No. It was more just like the idea of, oh, actually, if it is a leaking situation. Baby shit up their fucking backs. It's crazy. Shear force. It goes up there beyond their shoulders. It's wild.

Absolutely wild. Do baby shit like when venom covers someone in spider-bent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole body just now is covered with this thing. And then the guitar solo but replaced with baby wah-waz. That's good. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah.

I live in Perth, West in Australia. And like 95% of Perth, I'm an English boy. Well, the other 5% are Afrikaners, actually. I swap the brown shores of Skegness for the Azure Blue Rot Nest. Yes, I have been to Perth. It's gorgeous. I mean, that's a good swap. Yeah, yeah.

From Skeggy to Perth. Well done. I don't wonder if anyone's ever done the opposite journey. No one's done it and lived. Like the Oregon Trail. Oh, yeah. An intrusive thoughts and joke popped into my head, well, with my partner's family for Christmas lunch the other day.

Being 42 degrees on Christmas Day this year, we have a BBQ, crayfish, prawn, shrimp, although we'd seem to get the right amount first time and don't need to chuck another on. My mum said that when she was a teenager and having, like, Australian Christmases, that said it was so bizarre, because, yeah, you would have, like, the Christmas Day barbecue, but exchange cards of, like, a robin on a snow-covered lock.

Yes, I did a bit about that, where it's just, like, in Africa, you just go, what is that? Yeah. You don't have that bird. I don't even have that type of bird. Yeah. Is this red wall? Yeah. Well, I did a gig in the Netherlands, and I said, is the Robin a Christmas bird here? And they were like, huh? And they looked up what a Robin was in Dutch, and they were like,

Oh, yeah, I know the bird you mean, but, yeah, no, not really. It's just like a winter bird. Yeah. It wasn't a Christmas bird for them at all. It's just us. Very strange. I was with my partner's very prim and proper Oxford-educated boarding schooled mother making a salad and cutting up some corn into ribs for the barbecue.

She asked about corn ribs and what made them popular. I mentioned that it's a satisfying size, and they're easier to eat, but hard to cut up. My brain then prodded me and dared me and goaded me like the naughty kid at school to say, of course, I've actually had two corn ribs removed so I could suck my own cop. It's good stuff. Yeah, that's good. I came so close to saying it that I had to claw at my mouth and push it back in while running to the toilet.

That's good. The whole rib-remove thing, I think, is so fun. What's weirder is that they say... It's one rib, and you go, what? Is that so you can suck it diagonally? I don't understand. I guess you have to come out from an angle. I had this saved on my phone again from, like, a...

But you have an uneven number of ribs, don't you? you're a man. That's the whole like one was taken to the Eve. Yeah. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve. Adam was lonely, so he had a rib removed. So, it's technically what happened. Yeah. Yeah, this is a fact I've got on my phone. Daniel Day Lewis refused to leave his wheelchair and damage two ribs while filming my left foot.

So he could sound. It's my left dick. My left ball. My left dick. Um, I reply about cooking with cream from Rosanna. Hey! My mother has this cookbook. I can confirm chicken Myers is incredible. Yes!

I thought we were the only family to possess this great secret of heart attack-inducing loveliness. So, Katie's arm was like, it's her special secret recipe and stuff like that. And until Katie was like, it's from a book, it's from cooking of cream. Cooking with Cream. But yeah, it's like a... Chicken Myers. Yes. It's such a funny name.

Yes. My God. Our respective tour booker, Izzy, must be on my birthday. So I hope you get a chicken Myers of a single massive candle in it to celebrate. Yeah. I'd want people to try Chicken Myers. It's so good. So what's in it again?

Do you think? It's, it's, it's, the ingredients make me not want to have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a bit of curry powder. Cream. Chicken soup. Um, uh, loads of cream. Big slices of chicken.

Yeah. Chicken breast cut into maybe three pieces. Right, right. Like lengthways. Yeah. Um, with like a bit of broccoli as well. It's, just fucking have it. All right, please. Mad.

Just look it up. But it's a casserole, in other words. It's a casserole, but it's just signing. about it, I think it's just the creaminess. It's insane. It's insane. Cooking with cream is taking the fucking... Anyone who knows who's ever worked in a restaurant is always like, the secret is just butter.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's all it is. I mean, they do it on the vegetables. Yeah. So you got, carrots are always nicer in a restaurant. You go, yeah, they're cutting in butter. Yes, that's why you feel ill afterwards. Yeah. Yeah.

Even though you've only eaten vegetables from the side of your plate. Cooking with cream is taking the David Gandhi vitamins in the mouth approach. But to cream. Yeah. Maybe David Gandhi should advertise something less healthy. Yeah. I mean, if I, I know I was in a dream if I saw a big poster of David Gandhi advertising chicken Myers.

Chicken Myers gives me the energy I need to go immediately to bed. I go to bed straight after Chicken Myers. Eating Chicken Myers is like having a sleeping draft. Yes. In like a Lord of the Rings style book. This potion, it will. Yeah. Who's, um, well, woman is it, Tess Daly? Yes. Tess Daly's well woman. David Gandy's well man. Boss baby's well baby.

These baby vitamins give me the energy I need to be a CEO who's also a spy grow up. Do you know what? Let's go on to chat GPT. Yep. I'm reading that internet essay. Everything. Oh, you're trying to get it to hallucinate the answer for us about what it means to everything is Bus Baby. I'm still not sure I get it. There's a third film coming out.

A third? And they've made two TV series, apparently. What are you talking about? A Boss Baby. We live in hell. We live in hell. You're not seen a TV series? The Bus Baby TV series.

The Clare Daines. I said, what's the theory really? If you don't know, I've been theorize. Sarah Snook and Claire Daines in Bus Baby, the TV show. Oh, few. I said, I'm reading an internet essay, everything's Boss Baby now. I'm still not sure I get it. What is the theory really?

Chat, GPT. You're not alone. hyphen hyphen. Everything is Boss Baby now is deliberately half-joking, half-theory. And it works more by vibes than by strict argument. I'll explain the usual reading first, but I'll give you a clean theoretical version

that makes it click. What the essay is pointing at, plain version is that Boss Baby becomes a symbol for a type of modern pop culture character, cute, simple, non-threatening, designed to appeal to everyone, corporate-friendly, franchise-ready, ironically self-aware.

The essay's claim is not literally everything is about babies and suits. What it is saying, here's the crucial bit. Modern culture is increasingly, modern culture increasingly produces content that is flattened, softened, and iron of danger while pretending to be clever. So it's basically about the infantilisation of modern ideals.

Everything's boss baby now. I like the idea of watching a puman say that. Lying, in other words. And watching them the way that, like, you know, in mob films where the guy knows the other guy's an informant and is just letting him string out his excuses. And he's watching him like in that full metal jacket way. Yeah. Eyes down.

Private Pile. Yeah, yeah. Just going like... That's how they present G.B. News. Like, private pile. More. It looks like there's going to be some changes. In the political leadership, I'm quite excited about what's going to happen next.

Not you? Looks like Nigel Farage is on the out. Everyone on GV News doing it like the bug man from M-Men and Black. There's going to be such safe. Loaded in shadow. More shadow! If you came to this country via illegal means, you might want to start making your way back home.

Bye-bye. Is this the news? It looks, there's a ticker underneath. Yeah. I like the idea of the robot like babbling on about, oh, the essay, it means this and just watching them with those eyes, going, you're a fucking rat. you're a fucking rat

just shaking them why are you lying to me and in the film when it cuts back to them theorising it goes completely silent and there's just like a low thrum in the distance

or in the background and occasionally they catch the eye of the person with almost like a wink of I know you know I know yeah and just Tony Sopranos watching with a smile and it's like

the more you talk the more he's nodding yeah Cuts to in credits raising his eyebrows a bit going oh call it a fucking liar yeah

Call it a fucking liar right now. Go back on ChatGBTGPT and say, you're a liar. There is no essay. Really? It's on my account. Okay. Make an enemy of it. Make an enemy of the superintelligence. You're liar. You made this up. There is no essay, is there?

What if it just replied back with a photo of your bum from inside the toilet? With a flash on. I said, you're a liar. You made this up. There's no essay, is there? Do you think I'm stupid? Chat, GPT. to slow this down and be very clear with you hyphen hyphen. And I owe you an apology for how confidently I framed it.

You're right about the core accusation. There is no single canonical well-known essay formally titled everything is boss baby now. I shouldn't have spoken as if there were. What does exist is looser and messier. What it says is, so you're not stupid and you caught a real overreach. So it like thanks me for calling it stupid. But no. And says you're not stupid.

But no, hyphen, hyphen, hyphen, hyphen. I don't think you're stupid. And you are correct to call out the mistake. match. Fuck, yeah, man. Bullet in the head. Bullet in the head. Yeah.

Right there in the back kitchen of the Italian cafe. Bullet in the fucking head. Yeah. No more fucking excuses. Yeah. I feel like chat chippy there felt like the teary French guy

and I'm Christoph Waltz. Absolutely. The beginning of a glorious bar. Absolutely. There is no boss baby essay. Is that correct? Eating strudel with loads of cream. Please, tell me about Don't.

As you're eating chicken Myers. Yeah. Tell me about Bus Baby. I want to hear about this essay. Oh, I'm so excited to hear about it. I hear they're saying everything is Bus Baby now. Would you know anything about this?

Would you know anything about that? We're going to have to write New Springsteen songs for this kind of world. Oh, I got lied to by a robot on my phone last night. You're harboring open AI under your floor parts, are you not? God, I can see that being posted. Is this a future you want? Silicon Valley? Yeah.

Well, Koji, guys, it's Patreon time now for the price of a pint a month, less actually now that London pints are fucking eight pounds. Yes. For the price of less than a pint a month, brackets in London, not a Sam Smith's pub, or Weatherspoons, ruttles. You can get an extra episode a week

as well as George Pod, as well as Shen Yun Pod. And if you get up to the mid-tier and the Patreon, you get to hear us watching along two films. Yes. The dog shit Madam Webb. Also, come and see us on tour. Jenavelli.com or Glemmorecom. Yes.

At the time of this going out is Wednesday, the 18th. I'm at the Brighton Comedia tonight. I've got no idea of this is long since sold out by Nara for still tickets available, but do please check. Thursday the 19th of February, Reading and Enaver is sold out. Friday the 20th of February, big old show at London's Leicester Square Theatre, and that is my final UK tour date of this tour as it stands. So do check that out if you want.

Please. Please. Only you can help. Koji, see on the Patreon. Bye-bye.