BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E38 | Bovril Lavigne

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

This week the buds discuss Pierre's film idea, colour blindness, the invite cloud of orgy and correspondence!Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI! Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTV Pierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod 38. Hello, mate. Hello, mate. Oh. How are you? How's your daddy? Daddy. Do you know what?

If you're not watching, Glenn was rubbing my leg when he said, from the word how onwards, Glenn's hand was really on my thigh. At the end, it was less horrible than hello mate at the start. Isn't that? That's strange, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it shouldn't be? But it's, yeah. I used to know someone who would be very,

Hi, May. Yeah, I don't trust you. You're like, you're going to betray me. Yeah. You're talking to me like Judas in a play. Yeah, that's how Judas used to me. You've never kissed me before. What are you doing?

Why are you kissing me? In a garden at night. Fucking weirdo. Yeah, why are you kissing me before my friends? You made me look stupid. Fuck off Judas. Yeah. Mary's going to think we're to get laugh for fuck sake.

People, I, yeah. the maid Hello old friend Are you sneaking up on me? Yeah, this isn't nice You're talking to me like you want me to put my gun down Why are you talking to me like that? Yeah, calming someone down in the same way

The only comedic trope you saw In every comedy film in the 90s was Nice Doggy To an animal that wasn't a dog Yes. I was snarling God Nice doggy

That's a cursed observation. Yeah, well, I only reference the 90s because we are recording fresh off the back of. Cutthroat Island. The two hour three minute pirate epic. Yeah, if you like Budpod and you want to sign up to the Patreon, you can sign up to the regular tier, which gives you the extra episode every week. And George and George Pod.

And a George Pod every month. And if you sign up to the elite tier, you get all that, plus access to a back cutterlog like you do have a regular tier, but also a monthly watchalong. of a movie. Yeah. And they're not... The movies are chosen

completely at random. It's not like, oh, we only do bad films or whatever. We've done Silence of a Lambs. Yeah. Christmas we did the holiday. We did Madame Webb

and that was bad. We just watched Cutthrow Island, 1995, Gina Davis, Matthew Modeen, one of the biggest box office bombs of all time. It's definitely in the bottom five ever. Of a time, it was the biggest bomb of all time.

Which is crackers, because... And it's fine. It's good. It's good, it was... Good fun. But it was so 90s. I wonder if it's just the bomb purely because of how much they spent on

making it, because every shot, look, I get stressed just imagining the insurance forms for all those helicopter shots and abseiling. Yeah, and also the insurance, actual underwriters in the first place, were like, what a lovely galleon, I hope you're going to preserve the galleon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they're just going to go, yeah, no, it's a lovely galleon. We will preserve it, but we're also going to build a perfect replica of the galleon that we can fuck cannonball into. Yeah. Then blow up a set up. separate one and hope that the cameraman aren't full of splinters.

By the end, what does that never happen? It must have happened. What was it like making... Like the Crush of Crush. There's... The One? The Crash of Crush. This is brilliant. This is really good stuff.

This is real fucking US snake oil salesman, mad stuff in the Wild West. Basically, a really rich guy in that sort of... The trains? Yep. But two fucking like proper trains. in the middle of a desert,

just crash into each other to see what it would look like. And hundreds of people gathered to just watch two trains collide and apparently it was... At high speed. Defening. And I think it was a cameraman

got like instantly killed. But other than that, everyone was fine. Everyone just got to see a wonderful... Someone got like sliced in half by shrapnel or something. Yeah, it was like, all the possible injuries happened to one guy. And everyone else was fine.

Like a real scapegoat. They consolidated. Absolute scapegoat, yeah. Marking hell, man. Yeah. I get... I get the urge, though. I understand why you'd want to see it.

To see what it looks like to see two trains crash into each other. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. There's, I can't remember what it's called. It's not Waterloo, but it's called sort of Osterlitz. In the 70s, the Soviet Union would make a lot of historical films, or made a few really big ones. And because as the Soviet Union, they, A, had access to, you know, 10,000 men and horses.

Yeah. But also just so much less of a health and safety. capitalist. And filming in the snow, you've got big open areas you can just film in. But it's like the scale is the same as

CGI Lord of the Rings matters. Right, okay. But they're real guys. They're real horses that are falling down and breaking their legs. Is it a bit like, you know,

the Americans spent millions of dollars working out how to write in space and a Russian to use a pencil. Like when the Russians saw CGI, they went, oh, for fuck, say.

That's so good. The man is not real? Yeah, yeah. Why would they care? I thought they had real Kiev to talk. If the knee is not on backwards I don't...

Yeah, they're just like, fuck it, let's do it. And the footage, these films are sometimes on YouTube in their entirety, so I check them out because they are... They are incredible. Sokolov? Yes. Yes, maybe that is...

I've never heard of it. Is there stuff you gravitate towards on YouTube where you just like every now and then I'll just watch that? The algorithm shows me. So like, do you have a re-do you ever have a, like, do you ever just, yeah? Do you ever just re-watch 9-11 sometimes? For clues?

For clues? Felipe, do you? Yeah, here we go. Yeah. Well, you think, what if I dreamt it? No, but you just go, that was odd, wasn't it? It's so, this is so bringing me back to the Patreon comment. It's like, Glenn is sponsored by 9-11.

So yeah, if you type in the code Jet Fuel onto our website, you get 50% off. I must have done. I must have done. Oh, what? You watched it live in 2001, and never again? I don't know if I sort it out. It's just the algorithm just, obviously, you can guarantee my algorithm, of course, serves it up every day. Yeah, you're...

The usual, sire. Your Discover page. Which angle would you like? Your Discover page is just 9-11 and really, really zoomed-in screenshots of the, when the, you know, you've been framed? Yeah. Often it would be like a grandma falling over. It's the parts of the grandma zoomed in. Parts of the grandma.

Yeah, buddy parts, mid-fall. That's what you like, isn't it, Glenn? Tumbling nannas. Tom, if you saw tumbling as a category on like, four, what have you? be like, I dend, because it's probably, that probably means something else. Oh, like slang. Slang for something. What would that be? I told a friend years ago that a massive, a massively popular and very niche porn category

was false vase. I remember this. Yeah, and false vars was the idea that, like, false vars was just a couple, like, fucking on a sofa or whatever. But the idea is in the background is a vase that does not belong to either of them. It's just someone else. It's apparently that's like a real thing in America, that people are really into false vars. That falls fast.

How long did you keep that going for? Ages, because I think you then tried to seek it out. Most of what I did to friends 10 years ago was waste their time. When Roy Hodgson was the England manager, I said to a friend of mine who now works as a football journalist, I said, listen to any Roy Hodgson press conference. You can guarantee the amount of times he says before he's had his eggs in the morning. Lul Rooney was up in training and he'd done at least an hour of training and stuff before he's had his eggs in the morning. And my friend Rob was like, I watched a whole press conference He didn't say it once and I went

Oh well, you know, worth a try I was trying to play like It's like compilation worthy Oh yeah, yeah There's tons of stuff of him saying Before he had his eggs in the morning I think tumbling would be Tumbling would be

Two people really locking into a 69 And then going down a hill In a wheel So like holding on to ankles Yeah, yeah, and they become a ball Like Geo Dude If Geo dude was also getting sucked off And sucking someone else off

Yeah, that's... Geo dude, no! It'd be a horrible bit in Pokemon Who taught you that? Just the trainer you've caught him from. What have you been... Bulbuss or... Oh, God.

Yeah, that's absolutely vile. Maybe as some other Power Rangers you know, when they sort of all link together to form into a giant meck, but maybe they were just, it was just one big horrible orgy. Inside the meck? Yeah, I always think an orgy would look like

when there's a fight in the Looney Tunes cartoon, like a big cloud of dust with hands and feet occasionally. Okay, dicks. The main character, like leaves for a few minutes, something goes back into it. Someone tries to crawl out going, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they get dragged back in.

Because everyone's crying words like, fuck and some of that, it's all just like, hashtag's an exclamation marks coming out. Hashtag question marks and a skull and crossbones. And he's got a horrible, like, when they leave, we've got a horrible, like, bump, throbbing bump on their head. Where's that from? A dick and some balls and all flying out the cloud with, like, fist and leg. Yeah, Scrappy do say, let me out of.

Being held back from an orgy. Like, you're being held back for a fight. That is horrible. You like, Scoop, we've got to get into this. Being chased through loads of doors by an orgy cloud. Horrible. Dreadful version of it follows.

Infinite cloud of orgy. Yeah. Oh, God. That's quite a good horror film, my dear. A kind of... At the center of this mass is like a kind of hypnotic orb or some presence that people are just...

It's drawn to and it gets bigger, like the blob, I guess. Yeah, what's that film where... This kind of horrible ghosts or something and they make, they make you kill yourself. Smile. Is it? Yeah. Well, smile is, the idea is it's like some weird demonic presence.

If you haven't seen the film, this is kind of spoiling it. But there's demonic presence that when you see the first person it possessed, they killed themselves. Whoever saw that, they then, like a week later, feel compelled to kill themselves. Just before they do, they have a huge, silly smile. Oh, God. It's not great. Yeah.

The monster itself, when you see the monster at the end of a film, is absolutely vile. In a way that made it worth watching just for that. Really? That's disgusting. I like that. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Do you want to see it? Yeah, yes, please. Okay, here's my pitch. What are you imagining? Here's my pitch. A film called Boner. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you get compelled to join the infinite orgy. And a week later, after you see someone else's bono, a week later, you get a big silly boner, and you have to join the orgy. What we're calling it swallows? Very nice. Nah. This is a disgusting episode. Yeah, it's because we've been watching PG-rated pirate.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I've also... Philippa, you don't have a tissue, do you? I'm getting hay fevered to fuck here. Oh, man. It's starting. There's no in the comments if the hay fever is starting for you in the UK. It's starting for me. My God.

Oh, my God. One second. It's really wrecking me. So humiliating condition. I can't see because grass is fucking. Ugh. That is a horrible month. It's because the eyes are too wide, aren't they?

Yeah. And it's really not what I was expecting. You only see it for like a second and it was absolutely worth it. Where does it live? Like, the smiling people are killing themselves without him popping up. Yes, when she... Because she has seen someone kill herself, she knows she's next. And she sees it in the corner of the room.

Oh. And it basically just crows. into her mouth and it makes her smile. Ooh. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. So it lives kind of near its prey?

I guess so, yeah. You're not really a horror film guy, are you? Or you're right? You're not interested. I dabble. You dabble. I dabble. Too many of them.

We watched Terrifier, I think, in that flat of the fringe. Yeah, it must be strange for you because Terrifier has since become like quite a big Hollywood franchise and two and three were quite big and had big cinematic releases and had the sort of trailers where they show American audience. is reacting in the screen. Yeah. In like, Call of Duty mission style,

sort of black and white night vision. But the first one is like, feels like a fucking YouTube movie. It doesn't feel like real. It's just, if the whole idea is this is as gross as you can get. But that's what I mean. Watching it,

it was, I mean, I've said this before on a few platforms, I think, on this one as well. Watching it was like, oh, this is just porn for someone else.

Yeah. It's false vars. I'm not into false vows. They're sowing a lady in heart. and I'm supposed to be horrified, but also I think the person who made this is wanking to it. Yeah, because it's not well-made, and you don't...

I never really got on board of, like, Saw and Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy. Yeah, the disgusting... The chuckling scene in Ten was so disgusting. I just don't... I have no interest in when people go, what if horrible? Well, that's it.

Because I go, well, I don't know. With Story and Final Destination, there's no tension of, oh, my God, are they going to get out? All you're watching is, how are they going to die and when? Yeah. That's it. And that, there's no...

excitement there and actually I find it quite empty when like the main person in the horror film dies because as I've said before you've shown me the wrong person they weren't the protagonist you showed me the wrong guy but it's not just that it's like empty it's like for me I just watch it going like but I already knew this when someone says like you what what if yeah the kid got his head pulled off and the mum was there screaming you go what'd you feel then you go I already know I wouldn't like that I'm not discovering anything yeah you haven't made me you go, oh man, I guess I looked inward.

Turns out I have actually terrifying sensibilities. Yeah. Yeah, I feel this way sometimes. I learned nothing about the human condition or about art from these. Abnormally sad or horrible films. Like, at the end of Funny Games, and my main reaction to the end of watching Funny Games was, why did you just tell me that?

But at least... Why did you show me that? But at least with Funny Games, it was experimenting with the form in a way no one else had done. That's its value. And since then, we have had a lot of YouTube pranksters. So it did start up a whole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Inspired generation of Mozart.

Because the pranks they do in funny games are as funny as YouTube pranks, which is just, I will drop an egg on the floor. Tehe. Thank you, Mr. Beast. Thanks for that. Also, thanks for paying for all those surgeries. Yeah, Mr. Beatt's laser stunt is pushing Naomi Watson into a river. But they've been in funny games when they rewind.

That's one of the best bits. That is one of the most terrifying. Like, not I was scared when I watched it, but you go, what's a horrifying concept. Yeah, but that's what I mean. So that film, that's how it's earned its place. Great, well done. But when they go, we've got a bag of high glucose fake blood.

We've got a lady who we're going to show you sort of as naked as we can get away with, and she's going to be murdered horribly. And you go, yeah, okay. Yeah. What's the villain in this one? A mask that's on upside down. Yeah, and the mask guy gets away with it. Okay, all right.

Cool, man. I like it. You love horror. No, I do, yeah, no. You love it because it doesn't work on you. I enjoy the search, the search for something. Oh. I wish it was like horror you could find on the dark wet.

No, no, no, I immediately attract that sentence. Hunting down. I need real stuff. In a way, the ultimate thrill. Yes. There is a film called 8mm. Have you seen that? And it's about like someone investigating if snuff films are real.

No, I haven't seen this. Who's in it? Good. Someone famous. My brain is saying someone like Brad Pitt, but it can't be. I'm going to guess like Nicholas Cage. Oh, fuck. Wow. It's a good film. 1999 and Joaquin Phoenix and James Gandalfini.

Yeah. Peter Stormer. It's a good film. Norman Reidus! Like a good 12 years before Norman Reidus got famous for Walking Dead and Death Stranding. Wow. I think he's a creep in this, but I haven't seen it for over 15 years. Yeah.

Richard E. Grant is not in it. We're going to be here all day. Yeah, sorry, yeah, I keep going through. Ken Livingston is not in it. I would lose my mind of us at the cinema and like, and, and, and introducing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you get an and introducing? It's odd, isn't it?

Because you go. Sometimes it's not their first film. Yeah, I think Superbad introduces Christopher Mintzplatz. I think that's what they do. I think they go introducing. Really? Yeah. But also, they should have been like.

I wonder how much it costs. And outreduced. as well, because aside from Kick-Hand 2, that was kind of it for him. Yeah, we're out-reducing him. What's his life like? No idea. But with films, who gets the and who gets the whiz?

That's a big part of it, isn't it? Sean Bean, Ian Holm. In Lord of the Rings credits, they're and with. And I'm like, why you? Because you're massive in this film. I can't imagine the tens of thousands of dollars that get to argue over. Because Kate Blanchett and Liv Tyler were bigger names, but they don't get an and or a whiz.

And they're in the film less than them. So what's the logic? I think it's better to be an and on a width because you're being separated from the cast. Yeah. Because they go, yeah, all these cunts. And short bean. I remember watching a film where it said

and special guest appearance from Oprah Winfrey. But it was like, they're all special guests. The film's one. It's a film. There's only one film. We're all special guests. Special guest appearance from Sir Ian McKellon. Every movie, Wuthering Heights should start with.

We've got a great show for you tonight. Margot Robbie's here. A lot of licking, a lot of fucking. Yeah. I saw it at a cinema. Yeah? Wuthering Heights. I saw it.

Very, very 90s. Do they keep licking each other? There's a fair bit of licking, actually. Now, I don't know if you're implanting a false memory in my head, but I do remember now a fair bit of a fair bit of looking there is. All the reviews I've read go on about how much licking there is. And often it's like wallpaper or like someone's ear. There is licking of wallpaper, yeah. There is licking of wallpaper.

Mad. No, but in the context, it makes sense in context. Yeah? Yes. It does. It does. Does the wallpaper look like some genitals? You're kind of pretty close

Wow Margot Robbie's wallpaper in her home is made to look like her skin What? Yes, I know It's not meant to be like It's not meant to be hot

You're not meant to go Oh, that's so sweet You meant to go, oh fuck What? Yeah, it's like veins and everything From the vainy Margo Robbie And introducing the vein

Yeah Margo Robbie That is And it's only her whoever gets introduced in films like that. Wolf of Wall Street introducing the very vainy Margot, and she's wondering why, why is everyone doing this to me?

Why did you say in the Barbie movie, the very vainy Margot Robert? No one else got this. Michael Sierra didn't get this. Yeah, why on the pressed junker did I keep getting asked if it was important that Barbie be vainy? Vainy is one of the most repulsive.

Like, it's such a devastating neg. Yeah, because he goes, what am I meant to do about this? No, but I think if you sincerely said to another person, especially another lady, if Margot O'Robie came up, you go, yeah, she's so vainy. I think that would... You probably think this song is about you.

If you just casually started referring to Margot O'Ruby really sincerely as a bit vainy, or so vainy, the panic that would spread. Because, like, I... You know how, like, if I want to learn a... devastating new term for a part of my body I didn't know I was supposed to dislike. Right. Just look in any woman's magazine. There'll be like a whole article called, do you have shoulder cutlets?

Yeah. And you're like, oh, yeah. Do I have what? Yeah. And you read it and you go, oh, it's like a thing on your shoulder. I've got beef elbows. Yeah, yeah. Work those beef elbows off.

And you go, what bit of my, what workout is that? What's wrong now? Work on those beef elbows. My reaction is always, what's wrong now? Yeah What's wrong now? Oh no! That,

saying Margot Robbie's vainy Yeah That would spread like wildfire Through that kind of Awful, getting heckled on the street Off to give blood are you? Not even for her, I'm saying I'm saying not for her

Among other people Other people would start worrying Going Margot Robbie's beautiful And she's still being criticized For being too vainy So how vainy must I be? Should I have more water or less water?

Am I vainy? Yeah. You've just It's measles to the Aztecs this stuff. It's devastating. Yeah. Vaney. Wow. Heat magazine in Cosmo must never hear about this.

Yeah. Or they'll start going on about vainy. Yeah. Because Vaney is a very man's forearm slash dick adjective. It's always vainy hand forearm penis. Those are the three vanies. Yeah. Neck sometimes. Yeah, it would be awful if just... But the neck is the penis of the head.

Yeah, yeah. The jugular is the dick vein of the neck. Yeah. Wow. I hadn't thought about that. I didn't have a damage of potentially caused. You've just done the equivalent of leaving a suitcase, a briefcase, filled with how to split the atom, just on the bus, like a... Yeah.

But Javier Bardem is going to now track you down everywhere you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that back. Why did you say vainy? How is she vainy? No, I'm serious. How is she vain? Explain it to me.

Don't put your dick in your pocket. Then she becomes just another dick. What you do? What you do is. I always think that about, like, the terms I've learned from, like, I remember learning the term muffin top. Hmm. Like, it's poetry.

Yeah. It's poetry designed to make people want to harm themselves. Yeah, awful term. Hmm. But I think I heard it the first time maybe 2005, 2006, yeah. Oh, in your muffin years. I remember those well. Yeah, yeah.

If you don't know listeners, it's a bit of backstory. There was a phrase that Glenn went through where he was. only eat muffins or things that looked enough like muffins. And specifically the top of a muffin. Yeah, the best bit. The best bit. But I remember you made meat muffins. You made leek and celery muffins.

Like meat loaf, but in a muffin tray. Why can't we? That's not been none, has it? Meat muffin. Savory muffins. I've had cheese and chive. Yeah, but same with scones. You wouldn't have a beef scone.

Wouldn't I. You wouldn't download it. Wouldn't tie. Wouldn't I? After all, why not? Why shouldn't I eat a beef scorn? Why shouldn't I have a beef scorn? Bilbo.

The beef is still in your pocket. Uncle's horny for beef scones. Oh yes. Silly for me, really? I should have given you the beef. The nice thing about this podcast is you wake up and you think in no world that I've ever anticipated I'd say, Uncle's horny for beef scones. Uncle's horny for beef scones.

Oh, Frodo. Right, so it's in middle of us now. Why can't you have a beef muffin in the same way you have a meat loaf? Yeah, because sometimes like the central filling will be like chocolate or blueberry or something like that. Imagine if it was just like Bovril in the middle. It would be brilliant. God, Bovril. Have you had Bovril? Never properly.

I just bought it from a shop about 10 years ago because I just need to know. Yeah? It's just Marmite drink. Marmite? It's like drinking Marmite. So it's supposed to be beef? Yeah, but it just tastes very marmitey. Yeah, so just imagine you're drinking marmot.

I thought it was going to be like gravy. It's more like drinking marmo. Really? Yeah. That's very strange. Maybe my taste buds were out of whack. If you're listening from the US, we have a sort of beef, hot beef tea. Yeah, Bavro Levine.

Bavreleuze. Bavreleaveen, the beefiest gal in Hollywood. A horribly flagellant name. Bavril Levine. Yeah, that's what a bully would call someone at school, like, as someone like, I don't like it. Yeah, nice one,

Bavril Levine. What? A really hench sort of skater girl. Yeah. Bavra Levine. All right, Bobra Levine. For the right, in the right,

circumstances, that's a life-changing comment. Oh, yeah, there was a guy at uni who used to just, as insults, would just name any celebrity. And, like,

if you accidentally interrupt with somebody, but, all right, fucking Wesley Snipes. And you go, oh, that hurts. And I don't know why. That's funny

Like in Wesley Snipes over here That's good Because people will just presume, weren't they? Yeah you go Is that about what's he done? What did he do? Sorry. Does he interrupt people?

Oh, all right, fucking Oh, Greg Kinnear over here wants to go to the cinema, does he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I do. Sorry, what do you mean? Why's that bad? Yeah.

Again, it's about creating doubt, fear. Dought, oh, man. Forcing you to question. Yeah. Orcing you to be the one going, I'm, I don't know what's happening. Yeah. That's what undermines people.

A friend of mine at school is his sister used to win every argument because she just loudly say and in front of other people, well, at least I fucking flush the toilet. And he'd be like, I do, I do. No. I do.

But you were then so weak for saying, but I do. Suddenly on your chair, your legs aren't touching the floor anymore and they're just kicking. I flushed the toilet. I flushed the toilet. Yeah, suddenly you're the height of write the theme tune, sing the theme show.

How's it happened? Why am I wearing a dunce's cap? You're a Stuart Little Size. You're wearing a duncer's cap and nothing else. You're trying to cover yourself, going, I flush to join it. That is devastating. That is devastating.

Well, speaking of toilets, a decent correspondence. I've never, I've never introduced the correspondence before. How does it feel? It feels wrong. It feels naughty. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. I was recording Mott the Week the other night, and I...

Watch it this Sunday. This is for a different episode, but... Glenn kissed Dara. I did a joke, I did a joke about replacing Dara, and I leaned over and I pressed his buzzer for the... Yeah, and it genuinely, I felt, I was instantly like, I don't think I was meant to do it. I've gone too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole studio is silent. I felt like I touched his dick.

Dara going, eh. But never saying a word, just, eh. Yeah, yeah. The studio lights all shut down, and everyone powers down. It's like in John Wick where you realize everyone in the park is also in on it. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone just leaves and it's just you and dark. The floor manager's just got, everyone just flop silently to the floor.

Um. Uh, uh. Eh, why'd you do that? Some lovely AI slop from Courtney from Texas. Yes, hello, Courtney from Texas. Howdy, as you say. Sorry, yeah, howdy. Howdy.

Sorry. I guarantee you there is an incredibly tedious Trump supporter out there who has my pronouns are cow slash boy on like a bumper sticker. Oh, I'd never considered that. It has to be. That's got to be out there. Yeah.

We are too moral to make money from that idea. Yeah. Oh, well. It's not worth it. No, absolutely disgusting. Yeah, we don't want to feed it, despite how much money... In the same way of it, like,

I told you about Wuthering Fucking Heights, didn't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit made into a film now, as you were... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They literally just, we're not changing anything, we're just making a lot of licking happen. Have I mentioned this on the podcast before?

I had an idea, a dreadful idea for a book with Wuthering fucking Heights, it was just to say... It's like Pride and Prejudice of Zombies. You just change every other word to a swear word. Yeah. Oh, my God. The most boring people you know would love it.

But it's not. it's a film. Now it's a film. I can't do it now. Texas is strange though because it is like Maga Cowboy Country but then all the cities are like full of just artists same as any part of America though. It's it's it's all the cities are always yeah the cities have fallen to the left they call them blueberries and tomato soup interesting on the electoral map this blue solid blue and surrounded by sea of red anyway Courtney says dear messes nevelian more I like that because we are messes. Yeah, we are messes.

Yeah. I like that, Courtney, thank you. You're messed. Oh. I don't like that. Yeah. I receive this advertisement in the daily email

I get from my local major newspaper. I'm no expert, but I don't think the pills are actually that big. Also, Walgreens is a major U.S. pharmacy. So, it's three delighted looking older gentlemen.

Right. Gray beards, gray hair. Yeah. All in baseball caps. They're standing in a parking lot. Three of them, like, laughing triumphantly. Yeah.

They're holding up zip-lock bags of giant blue pills. Okay. Up to the camera. Right. Close. Like, look. Yeah. Brilliant.

Yeah. And the caption is, Walgreens hides this $1 generic Viagra. Here's the aisle. It's really in. What do you mean? Here's the is the is really in. The idea of it's being like sandwich between soup.

It's being hidden. Yeah. Someone's having a bowl of Minestronian accidentally sporting an enormous bono. I thought it was. I think it was hundreds and thousands. I guess I like soup. Yeah. I like the idea that Walgreens as an incredibly powerful pharmaceutical distributor.

Yeah. Is being forced to sell one dollar Viagra against their own will. To the point where they're instructing their employees to hide it in store rather than simply... Don't let people, yeah. Don't stock it. I was in Walgreens in Times Square in 2019. And I was buying just something. I think I'd lost my voice maybe.

Yeah. I'm going to buy a new one. I saw a family come in of just clearly Trump supporters. And by that, I don't mean that in a, I think you're immediately assuming a snobbish. Yeah. Attire. No, no, they were like incredibly well dressed. But in like ill-fitting sports jackets and big shoulder pads and big bouffin hair.

80s? They look like from the 80s. And I immediately go, why do I think you're a Trump supporter then? Yeah. Because they're from the past. Oh, because they're dressed like they're in a... From Trump's hayday. A music video from The Cure.

Yeah. But this guy was talking about because this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this was directly below the New Year's Eve ball. And he was saying, how do we get up to, to touch the ball? And the staff member was like, I don't. So you can't touch the ball. I don't, we don't have access to that. They don't even let me touch the ball. Yeah. We don't, we don't have access to the roof. How do I get up on the roof of this major thing and touch the ball? And he, he kept me. I've come all the way from the 1980s to touch the ball. He was like, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've traveled across state. to get here and you're telling me we can't touch the ball. And he was getting really, really angry. And he kept saying, what are we meant to do? It's such a surreal memory I have. Like, any memory I've got in Times Square is utterly bizarre. I'm picturing the guy looking like a kind of overweight in his mid-50s adamant.

Still with a face pain, Todd. Driving from upstate New York. Don't worry, kids. Four more hours and we can touch the ball. Yeah, like National Lampoons vacation. Yeah, yeah. The kids go, yay! Yeah, and they're driving a day.

His real long station wagon. Touch the ball. But he was just like, well, what am I meant to tell my family here? I've lied to them for months that we're doing this. Look into my son's eyes. Touch the ball. And tell him that he can't touch the ball. Yeah.

I dare you. We had a long, weird station wagon car as our family car in Johannesburg. Nice. And it was white. Yeah. Which was a... Of course. It had to be.

There was a white car which you never used to get in the UK. It was service vehicles only. Also, because I think the weather is so phenomenally bad here that it isn't a white car for long. No. It is so... Grega. Yeah, and it's just muddied and soil. But when we moved here, because like, South Africa is a hot country, so you want the car to not absorb heat.

So white car is very common. Here, it was like... Oh, is it like a medical vehicle? Like, people were really confused by the long white car. Yeah. So this is a huss, but there's a chance they might be okay. A hendoo in a hearse. If I get them to the hospital in time, they might be all right.

A whole hendu died. And now they're in a white limo hearse. I feel like it was well of hurses. It shouldn't be the only time you just have a flower arrangement that says, Dad or whatever. Why can't I just get a nice one for my dad for just on the dashboard? For when he drives to work, why can't he have that? I think it'd be quite nice.

The back window. Yeah, and you just get him replaced. I got you some flowers for your birthday. And look, it spells out Dad. I would love to see her. What was that show? Hosted by X going to give it to you? Oh, Pimp My Ride.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pimp My Ride, but with a hearse. Yeah. And it's like a coffin and you open it up and it's filled with like beers and ice. And like neon lights and stuff. Yeah. The coffin's got like TV screens inside it,

loads and loads of channels. Yeah. And then the guy he's showing all this too, like, check it out. The guy he's showing it to is like... On a trip. He's a hearse driver, but he looks like the food critic.

from Rattitoui. Yes, yeah, he's really thoughtful, yeah, and he's just there going, where is the body supposed to go? Mr. X. You don't need a body no more. You've got the thing,

you've got the beer, but what about the deceased? Yeah. He's just not happy with it at all. We got scales, weighing the heart for Nubis. He's like really obsessed of like Egyptian.

We recorded a George Pud last night, George and I. And you referenced in Nubis wearing hearts on scales. Really? Must be in there. There's something about a shed. Yeah, it's residual.

There's residual anubis. Yeah. It must be that big statue of... You can hear words. It's that big statue of a Nubis I have in the hallway. Yes. I'm Darren Browning, you guys. Yeah.

With my Nubis statue. We have been sent a trick-a-lou from Jack. Hey, I was thinking about trick-a-lose the other day because I thought we haven't... We just... They haven't come up for quite some time. We've got a few to go through, I think, in the correspondence. Oh, great, okay.

I guess... I mean, before he's had his ex, that's a trick-a-lou, wasting people's time. Yeah, that is. You're right. I just didn't give it the word. You've got to give it the word. Good evening, pierogi and glenoki.

Okay. So pierogi's and nocky. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. I don't mind it one bit. I'm hungry now. Hope all is well. That's nice.

I don't like... I've been put off Nyoki because the wretch, when he learnt the word for nappy, like when it was very, very little, would pronounce it like it had a G at the front and would say like niapi. And I was like, you're making me think of pasta. I don't like this.

I filled my nappy. Yeah, yeah. Filled nappy? Yes, because your nappy is full of a dreadful mascaponi of your own creation. And it's meant I can't have anything Italian for quite some time. If someone said to me, is some ricotta and the mince the prone in the field of the nappy. Oh, that sounds like, I'll have that.

I love it, yeah, yeah. And it's often an actual nappy. But it's no more weird than when you order, like, a seafood like pasta in an Italian restaurant, and it comes in tin foil. And you get, come on. Yeah. You remove that.

This is from the kitchen. Yeah. Excuse me. There's metal in my food. There's been a mistake. Help. Pointing at a big prawn. Help all as well.

Enjoying seeing Glenn and Sarah on mock the week, although the lack of Pierre is frightening. Yes. We must do something about that. Yes. I think the people who run mock the week are the least frightened by my lack of you.

Nobody needs to start threatening them. Oh, I see what you mean. Yes. Put my severed head on their desk. Yes. You need to be like Samson. In what way? In bone temple.

Oh, not the biblical Samuel? No, no, no. I mean the new Samson. I have to walk in fully nude. So I don't have a ticket. And say, moon. Yeah, yeah. Are you free on Tuesday?

Well, pointing at Daria. Pointing at Dara. Yeah. Oh, okay. Maybe I will. If you're watching or listening to this, Dan or Ewan, I'm going to kill Glenn. Leave his body in your home. Easy.

Moon. Easy. Moons. Is it charity? Do go see the Bone Temple. It's good fun. Following my previous trick-a-loo, I thought I'd share a second with a bit of a story. Oh, wonder what the first one was?

Jack's trick-a-lou was... I can't remember now. Anyway... We've clearly read it out. Teeth over into people's toilet cubicles. I remember you talking about that. Loose teeth. I tricked you.

He-he-he-he-ha. Teeth. Teeth. For Westfield menace. In the shopping, in the public terms of the shopping symptoms. He just keeps throwing teeth and we shake off here. Stop it. We've checked and they are humor. Yeah.

He's such a scam. It's like Jack the Ripper. We're looking for a dentist or someone with a surgical experience. So I thought I shared my second with a bit of a story. To catch this mad bastard. Touch this fucking cunt. That on a live BBC News broadcast from the cop. Chief of Police, to catch this fucking cunt.

Everyone would go, oh, my God. Fetch me that fucking cunt. Everyone would go, I was so sorry to any viewers at home. There's a 9 a.m. press conference. I don't think any of us thought the chief of the Met would use that language. But he's clearly very passionate about the story. Coming up next. Fetch me that fucking cuntz.

I'm throwing teeth in toilets. He seems more annoyed about this than a lot of much worse crimes. Trickaloo, yeah. I moved in with my current flatmate not too long ago, and while getting to know each other, I mentioned that I was autistic. At this point, he joked, asking if I could tell him the day of the week

if he gave me a date. Okay, yeah. Fair enough, that's a classic autistic ability and media. Yeah. I cannot. However, something came over me, and I thought I'd slip in a little trickaloo. I said, yeah.

Right. Yes, I can. Unsustainable lie? He provided me with a date in the 1700s, and I completely blindly guessed Tuesday. He proceeded to Google it, and I was in fact correct. Oh, one in seven chance. He says, what are the chances, brackets? One in seven.

Yeah, slightly, yeah, nearly Russian roulette figures, we're talking there. That's true. S safer than Russian roulette. Oh, no. Harder. No. Safer, but harder. Well, it depends on what you're trying to, if you're trying to survive or you're trying to win.

If you're trying to kill yourself, it's safer. Yes. If you end up in a sort of Viet Cong situation with Christopher Walken and they give you a gun, you go, why don't you give me a day of the week instead? Yeah, yeah, let's play a different game. We'll play your game after my game. Cancel mao!

Wednesday. Wednesday. He was taken aback. I quickly dropped the acting, told him that I wasn't that flavor of autism, although I don't think he totally believes me. I'm sure how to prove this now. This is the tricky thing. I know it's not the same.

but being colourblind and at primary school people would test you all the time well what colour's this then and if you get it right they go then you're not colourblind and if you get it wrong they go well you just made it up and you go well how can I be? You are surrounded by colourblindness truthers yeah absolute truthers

really yeah because no one believe it feels made up because it's it's silly though because it doesn't really affect your life it doesn't really affect my life and it's outlandish what doth it profit a man because you get to pretend you get to say you're different

yeah or you get to go I'm zany. I see everything as Blueberries. I'm special. Yeah, exactly that. Okay, so they resented. What was all it meant was I couldn't be in bomb disposal or a pilot. That was kind of it. Yeah, and some board games. Can't play Settlers of Catan, and I

still to this day maintain, tea is lime green. That is mad, isn't it? It is lime green. That is mad. It's just not brown. It isn't. It just isn't. It just isn't. Like, open your fucking eyes. Brown jam, I remember, was the thing. With the peanut butter, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Your wretch asked for a brown jam. But that's the problem now. Of course they're going to... So freaked out was his housemate that they got Tuesday correct. Yeah. That it probably looked like he was like, oh no, I freaked them out. I'll just pretend that I don't know these things.

It was all a trick. I cannot raise the dead. Yeah. Yeah. I think your assertion that peanut butter makes more sense as being imagined as green is true. Okay, why? Because it is a plant, you know,

and there's a kind of rich... earthiness to earth is brown though, I'm talking myself down here. I like the idea of a kind of light green, because pistachio cream. Bistachio is green. There we go. So, you know, that just looks the same to me.

Oh man, it's so interesting. There must be a colourblind friendly version of Catana. It's been out since the fucking 80s. Any time it comes up in a video game and I go, this colour-based puzzle when you go, can we move past this, please? We stop this. Or just make them the colours that are never affected. Is that

that hard? I don't think that's true. I don't think there are colours. No, I just don't,

I just don't, I don't think there are three main types of colourblind. Yeah, there's, there's, red green. Yeah,

so my one's called like, it's due to run and off, it's fucking impossible to me. They're so long as well. Just call from the

red green one. Yeah. So mine is, mine's not even like red green, mine's, green brown, yeah,

brown red, yellow orange, and blue purple. Those sound, You can see where I'm coming from in this. You go, blue and purple of the most similar, like, if someone said what's the most similar color to blue, you're going to say purple, of the main, like, six colors.

Absolutely. Same with yellow and orange. I'm like that. But sometimes you'll meet somebody's like, no, I'd say yellow is really similar to blue. And I'm like, then what, so the Ukrainian flag is just one thing to you. But that's what I mean. If they had, like, oh, tell the difference between these three objects based on their color, this riddle.

Well, as long as you, in theory, make one very yellow, one very blue and one very, very red or green. But what do you mean by very red? Do you know what I mean? No, no, sure. But I'm saying that those aren't, that's, none of those are crossing the confusion line. No, they're not.

They're not. Because I remember, I clicked, I can't remember what game it was, but I clicked colourblind friendly mode on and there was a lot of yellow and blue. Yes. Because you go, great, I can differentiate it. Colorblind the settings in games are so patronizing. I turned it on for Red Dead and suddenly everything was like purple and yellow. It was like, rainbow land.

And it was like, as if they were like, is that sort of fucking shit you want then? Is that what you want? It's like if you turned gore off on a game and suddenly everyone was a bunny. And you go, no, I did. No, I'm not weird about it. I'm not fucking weird about it. I guess if you see him black and white,

it's just, there's nothing. You're seeing him black and white. Yeah, I have my phone on black and white mode for the beginning of a year as a means of like, let's see if it brings down screen time. Yeah. And it kind of didn't. And also it just made me annoyed.

And it meant there was certain, like, images and stuff that you can't see or understand on your phone because they're now in black and white. But I was in Newcastle with Katie and with her aunt and uncle. And I got my phone out and her arm went, why is your phone in black and white? Oh, sorry, sorry, colourblind, completely. Yeah. And there was part of me of it was like, that sounds cool. Maybe I should just not correct her and let her think that, yeah, Glenn has to have his phone in black and white because it's the only way it could see.

And I just, no, it was just to stop me from, it was just to stop me from going on my phone over time. And as you can see, my phone is in my hand right now and on. And that's how you got to see it. Oh, I like the idea that your colourblindness is so strong that it's leaking into your phone. Yeah, but I have to go, I've had to just do away with them entirely. Or when the grey, the horrible, grey, evil villain of Rainbow Bright tries to suck all the colours from the world. Try to suck off it. What's this from?

Rainbow Bright. As in the show is called Rainbow Bright. It's a movie, I think, and then maybe it was a show. No one's ever heard of it outside of America. It's like a little girl who's like a rainbow-colour person in the land of colour. It's very insensitive, actually, to your condition. Yeah, I'd be watching it going, I don't see what the problem is. Like for me, there's, oh my God, yeah, 1984.

I don't like her. It's very 80s animation. That's really strange 80s animation. Check out Rainbow Bright, guys. Let me know what you think. My sisters and I were obsessed with it. Wow. We didn't have that many VHSs.

Not a lot of stuff went to South Africa. We just had VHSs of completely random, like American cultural fragments. Watching, seeing pictures of Rainbow Bright is such a fucking... You go on holiday, you turn on your TV, and you're somewhere like Spain or Italy. and for some reason the TV was always German TV. Yeah. And they'd always be some cartoon from like the 70s, a standalone cartoon that didn't have a Wikipedia page.

It was just a one-off. Well, like, Masup al-Ami. Yeah, yeah, Masupilami. Yeah, of course. Masuilarmi in Indie jungle Coconutti. Yeah, now I remember that. Completely unacceptable. Belgian racial.

But yeah, incredibly Belgian, incredibly German. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think maybe just all the holiday... Flutnopfen. And it's a man who walks around of like a sort of like Robin Hood style hat. And like a one-handed long like flute, but he holds horizontally. Yeah. And he solves all of his problems by going,

and it makes a sort of puff of sound. And the enemies are compelled to take their own lives. Yeah, it's clever, eh? It's for children. Yes. You never know how they're going to take. You always know they're going to take their own lives. It's a bad for children.

It's silly. It's silly. We shouldn't. But they like it. They like it. It's fun for them. Well, thank you for tuning in. And of Vida Seine.

Yeah. Thanks for listening. Jus. Thank you very much. We hope to see you on the Patreon. Otherwise, thank you for listening. Tell your friends. Come see me on tour.

By the time you hear this, I will have already done the first couple of tour dates. But come and check me out. Pianavily.com. Come and see it. I'm not. I'm not. My

my games wild My English is shuffling It's too me like this

I'm sorry All right All right All right