BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E40 | Ol' Captain Flesh Eyes

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Video Version Here! - This week the buds discuss turning 40, poisonous clowns, Pierre's Norwich nightmare and cartoon eyes.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpod 40. Hampton Courtie. Hampton Courtie. 40 is quite significant. Wow, this is 40, isn't it? But it's blunt. Yeah, Bud Pod pod begins at 40. 39. 41.

40 is very like, fuck, fuck. Yeah. That'll be a moment for us, won't it? Like actually turning. Turning 40? Multiple years to go, but still. Still. How do you feel like that?

about it in advance now, but don't try and predict how you will feel. It's too abstract a concept, because it's years away. But still, it's, it's like, it's still going to come. I like turning 30. I was a big fan. I had to, I didn't like it in lockdown. That was depressing. I had to come to terms with it in the, I had to try to have a bit of a mindset going into it, which was, would I rather hang out with someone in their 30s or someone in their, like, would I rather hang out with someone who was, like, 39 or 21? This is when I turned 30. And I was like, I think 39. Yeah. So I was like, okay, that's good. But I'm going into this right mindset. That is good. Yeah. But it was still like, oh, fuck. But it's still one of the, but 30 still one of the younger decades.

It's the last one of the younger decades, you know? And so you go, right, we're entering the last of the, For final young decade. The final young one. Yes. That's true. Yeah. Whereas 40 you go. Nope.

Here we go. Grown up a decade. Like, not debatable. Yes, I remember like my dad turning 40 and him being the oldest person I'd ever seen. Older than my granddad even. You remember your dad turning 40? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, because, well, I would have been like 10. Ah, you had, your parents had you much younger than mine. Yes. I think 29 and 30 respectively. Oh man. Yeah. So I do, I remember that quite vividly. Wow, yeah.

And like an adult's birthday is such a haunting concept as a child. It is your birthday. Yeah, you don't get these. What are you having a party? What do you want? Fucking pedo. What are you doing? What are you having a bouncy castle?

Look at a state of you. Get up! Get up. What are they doing? They've been like ginked to the floor. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I thought they were crawling onto the middle.

Nancy Castle. No, no, no. Like the grudge. You don't get to have a birthday. You had your chance. You had loads as a kid. Enough. Yuck.

Oh, that's disgusting. You got your little cone hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, pr-uh, party tongue. Party tongue? Yeah, party tongue. What are those blowers, horns, party horns? Party tongue.

Party tongue. Yeah. Delicious. Clown's tongue. Clown's tongue. Yes. Yes, they have lizard-like tongues, don't it? Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Yes, and two eyelids on each eye. Yes. Clowns. They've got the sideways blink. And if you go, no, they don't. Think about whether you've seen a clown blink. And you haven't.

And they've got, the reason they have those markings around those eyes is to make their eyes seem larger or closed to predators. Yes. Like butterflies. Clowns are often brightly coloured so people don't eat them. Yep. A bit like poison dart, poison dark clown. But if you lick clowns back,

you hallucinate So that's quite good If you get access to a raw clown back And you lick it You'll hallucinate Why did you lit my back I'm trying to hallucinate I'm trying to get high

Oh man me and my friends did clown last night Fuck My cousin Jimmy did clown And he never came back down from it He's in a home now Doing clown Doing clown or honk

licking the big shoe Hot boxing now is when 20 of you are in a very small car doing clown Licking each other's backs Yeah It can be quite a good sketch Is like a lot of clowns in a nightclub

snorting glitter off the back of a toilet or something Like the confetti that they throw from buckets and stuff Yeah what's that doing for them They're already like off their fucking faces Yeah I guess pale and white, tear ducks absolutely shot to bits.

But it's also laughing. And laughing. Horrible. Yeah, so if it's like a bipolar. Yeah, clowns are always on a come down, I guess. Yeah. MDMA. They come down.

They're a come down on whatever's coming out of their own back. Yeah. Clowns make more sense to me from like the 1700s when they were sort of invented, white-faced clowns. Also, just when there were fewer things to be entertained by. Everyone's threshold was better.

Anything to detract. Anything to distract me from the bubonic plague. Oh, yeah, I guess there's a guy. That guy looks pretty ridiculous. Yeah. That's what he needed to do. No one was ever silly. Shifting your weight from foot to foot.

No one had ever seen a man do that. It's so surreal when you watch something like Patch Adams. And a red nose is enough for these dying kids. Oh, yeah, I guess that's pretty funny. That's the worst of it, the fact that it's enough. I think it's true. I think back then it was like your life was so shit. Also, you watched everything communally and you laugh more.

Oh, for sure. I find it so strange. I don't know why I used to consume comedy on my own. I knew it wouldn't make me laugh out loud, but I'd go, I guess I'd just have to imagine I did. And I'd mess with people and go, oh, this bit was so funny. I found it so funny, but I didn't. I didn't react necessarily. In fact, I've lived with people in the past who will laugh on their own as loudly as they would among other people.

And I find that sinister. And I shouldn't. I think it should be a really warm, lovely thing. That is them being like, yeah, better, more open souls. But it does come across a bit. Yeah. My housemate Helen. Frankenstein.

Genuinely, just from her room, you just hear. More. Yeah. And. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's watching Friends again. Oh, she's plotting.

It's difficult to tell. She had those really high collars. Yeah. Hmm. I think in those days it was funny if you were like starving or hungry all the time and cold all the time. Yeah, I guess that was pretty funny. Yeah, it's funny. That's why I do it to people in my shed.

And I, no, I mean, like, the joke would be the clown has eaten a lot of sausages. And we're laughing now. Yeah. And you'd be like, imagine. Imagine. Yeah. He's got so much food poisoning. But it would be also...

He's going to be fighting for his life on the latrine later. Yeah. It didn't like... No one of his trousers and baggy. It's to pull them down quickly as possible. To fill them. Yeah. Oh, God.

But it's a thing of like, oh, that's really funny. Also, I wish I could eat 12 sausages. Yeah, aspirational clown. It's the old American cartoon hobo thing. Yeah. A very same, weirdly aspirational about this. Pure freedom! Finally, a whole...

bottle of whiskey to myself or something. Yeah. I was a kid I'd love for clowns did that. With the hobo clowns? Yes, yeah, yeah. Two many sausages and a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. Or like Lefrake. They've actually got like a decent taste in. It's a smoky flavor to this.

I should say thank you to all the pod buds who came to my tour show last night in Norwich. It was a fucking nightmare getting there. Do you want to hear the story? Yeah, wait. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Do you mean at the time of recording? Time of recording.

So you... I was in Norwich last night. You were actually in Norwich last night? Yes. Because the first thing you spoke about when I got to your house today, when I got to your bungalow... Yeah. Was the...

To the shed. No. It's just a shed on waste ground. No, no, no, no. The shed is separate to the bungalow. You live in a bungalow by the sea. It's sort of like Bournemouth area. The shed's on a cliff edge.

It will be eroded away at some point, mid-podcast. Yeah. Oh, it is falling away like that... of Dream World and Inception, where Nariang Cotia lives. It's porous chalk. So you said you had a Zoom call at 1130pm. Oh, not last night. Oh, that had been...

That was like a week ago. That was a different day. Sorry, yeah, no, no, no. Okay, so last night you went to Norwich. I went to Norwich. You were playing at the playhouse, lovely venue. Very nice venue, very nice crowds. I left my house yesterday at sort of 2.15, 2.30.

Yeah, okay, so I just left yours. Yeah. So I was going to be really early to my show. My show was starting at 7.30. Okay. Love a 7.30 p.m. show. Oh, my gosh. We've all got places to be.

What a pleasure. I'm fighting for the next tour to do 7 p.m. Hell, even 6.30 p.m. You finish work at 6 and you're already in town. Come to the show. And then you're done. And you can even go for dinner after you. You can go for dinner on a week night.

You can go to the pub on a week night. When sometimes I'd arrive at a venue and I'd gotten it wrong and they'd go. The start time is 8.30 p.m. I'd feel like that. Philip Schofield interviewer, he's vaping, going, do you want me to die? I feel like in platoon. Just on my knees.

What am I meant to do? Because, yes, I could go for dinner now. I could do those things, but you go, no, no, no, those are for after. Because we live in a reward system-based simulation. Also, if you do them before, the audience arrived sluggish and burpee. Crappelant. They're crappier-lant. Yes, and so are we.

No, it's not ideal. I've heard Jervais, there's some work in progresses that start at like 5pm. And that's just the dream. Oh, when I did my, I did my final... Shout out to the stand in Glasgow. My tour show on a Saturday is going to be on at 4.30, maybe. I got exactly the same thing. Perfect.

The only problem is, if you are sitting friends afterwards, you will, by 9pm, be the most drunk you've ever been. Okay. But I... Good thing I don't have any friends. My final UK tour date was in the... was in London, Lester Square Theatre. Yes. And that show was 7pm.

Brilliant. But then, but it just shows how a human mind works. I should have been so grateful. But my show was on at 7 p.m. Until I found out that same venue that day, Mickey Flanagan had been on at 4. And I would that we could switch places. The sleepy cockney.

Yeah. The sleepy cockney, they call him. Yeah. What, at 4 p.m.? I guess maybe he had a gig in the evening. Time for whole meal bread or bed For the sleepy cottonie Brown bread is dead

But sleep is like being dead So it makes sense the slang is close I like using cockley rhyming slang to be a bit more literal Apples and pears Fruit Plates of meat, meal Mixed grill Yeah

We got ourselves into a bit of Barney Rubble I've been recently cast in the Flintstones Viva Rock, Vegas. So you're going to say you've been fucking Barney Rubble. In a spot of Barney. In a spot of. Yeah, yeah. The spot being his anus.

Fucking hell. Real. Walk past your... Was it always like this with Phil? This podcast is disgusting. It was like this for a while with Phil. It's disgusting. You've got to put your foot down like when we decolonized, maybe.

No, but I want to put my foot. done. I really go into it. A spot of Barney. Yeah. Come past your room at night and I just hear, oh, Glenn.

Why doesn't, in cartoons, who gets to decide who has eyes and who doesn't have eyes? Because Barley Rubble doesn't have eyes. They have an eye guy. Nobody doesn't have eyes. Sometimes in Scooby-Doo, they'd have characters who don't have eyes.

And Shaggy kind of doesn't have eyes, by the way. He's got little thoughts as well. Yeah, I don't know what the logic is, because you go, they're so profoundly different to the eyes. He's got the cool black eyes. He's just got fully black circles. You ever seen the eyes of a bony rubber, white?

When you hear that terrible, Helen. When you hear that terrible, hoo-ho-ho-hoo. Yeah, and then Fred Flintstones got entire, he's actually got like the white bits. I think he's earned them. For worst example. By being the main character. For worst example.

The scooby-Doo has eyes. the mystery machine gang have little dots. I've got to say Captain Haddakin Tin Tin, who had just little circles for eyes and they weren't filled in. They were flesh-colored. He had all flesh eyes. Spend as long looking into the wind as I am, boy. Sirens took me pupils.

Still, where are you, tin? My eyes have healed over. They've fully sealed again, the eyes. I didn't blink enough as a boy. boy, you see. Just horrible. You wouldn't be friends of a sea captain like that. Oh, Captain Fleshai.

My face is trying to seal up at all times. It is a living hell. That's why I have to constantly sneeze and go here. Oh, my nostrils and mouth would meet the very same face, boy. Caught it in the malacus. He fetch my pre-dumban handkerchief. I do keep having to dab at them. dab, dab, dab,

stretching the skin. Open up the old flesh out. It's a curse. It is a curse. I wonder what it is. Is it like a legacy of them just going, we're not fucking colouring that in? Yeah, I'm not talking touching him.

It's the 1950s, so it's like, this will save the wrists of 17 men to not have to dot these eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As it were. So Norwich. So Norwich. I left my house at quarter past three, half past three.

Yeah. That's cutting it fine. No. On stage four hours later, are you joking? No. I don't think I'm being crazy here to say you're in London, you're in West London. I don't think it's doxing you to say you're in West. I don't think it's doxing to say 27, yeah.

I don't think it's doxing to say 27. All these things. I was going to arrive at the venue, all things working out, at 20 to 6. That's crazy. For a half seven show? No, no, no. To get from your house to there by 20 to 6. Easy.

That's the crazy bit. Yeah. Under two hours. Yeah. That's mad to me. No, it's not under two hours. Half past two. Two hours would be half a four.

Oh, half past two, sorry. I'm leaving half past two. Sorry, in my head I thought he said leaving at half past three. No. I don't know where I made that up. Because you're lying, deceitful boy. Sorry, five hours is too much time to go to Norwich. I've gone the other way.

But that's what I mean. I thought to myself, what are you doing, Novelli? You're going to be sitting around. You're going to be backstage, kicking your heels in the, almost always, as you and I know from touring. Bright white Matrix Room. Yes, a bright white room, doctor's waiting room. Filled with mirrors. Thin carpet.

Thin. Tough, hard wearing. Electrified floor. And then a kettle with a range of tea bags and no milk. And no mugs sometimes. Yes, yeah. And a shower. Well, the train's supposed to be at four.

And there's always a towel, and I always catch chlamydia from it. That's your story, isn't it? It's every, like, that's my observational bit. You know who use the dressing room, you know who use the communal towel? And who's put the chlamydia on in the first place? Wicked a bloody meet them. So, my train's supposed to leave London Liverpool Street at four. Okay.

It doesn't leave. There has been a tragedy on the line. Okay. All the trains are cancelled. Oh, man. Down that line. The announcer says, I actually asked. I thought you were going to do a bit and say there was a tragedy on the line.

A signal failure. No. No. It was a tragedy on the line. It was a real tragedy. Apologies. So a big tragedy. And the announcer is like, literally says, go to a restaurant.

Like, over the town noise. Like this, I've no idea how long this is going to, like, this. And he says, now here's the thing you can do. Go London Liverpool Street to Cambridge, Cambridge to Ely, Ely to Norwich. They always try and parma if I'm going to Cambridge. I go, when you take a little trip to Kings Cross. Treat yourself. Treat yourself to Kings Cross and see if you can get a train to Cambridge.

Cue for Plut from 9 and 3 quarters while you're at it. You can. You can get to Cambridge from London, Liverpool Street. Yeah, but if that's a set, okay. So that's what I do. Right. I go. I wait on the frozen train. for 40 minutes.

And I go, okay, that's my... How your heart levels at this point? How you do? Not good. Yeah. Not good. I'm all of a quiver.

I go to the Cambridge train. After 40 minutes, I think this is... I asked ChatchipT. I said, what's the average delay for a train when the line gets shut down due to a tragedy? One to three hours.

Oh. And I thought, that sounds right. Because all sorts of things have to be done. Yeah. Fine. I get on the train to Cambridge. I need... I've got like a seven-minute cross-

over time at Cambridge itself. Okay. And you're very familiar with that station. And I'm very familiar with that station. And how to dart between the tracks? I know it all. Yeah. Like the back of my hand.

Which tracks go both ways? Which platform only goes the one way? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The location of the West Cornwall Pasty Company stand. It's all in the dome. So... Have you been at the...

Have you done your show at the Cambridge Junction yet? Not yet. Okay. So this was a nice little preview. No, a nice little... Dry run for that. Test run. Yeah, like I'm a terrorist.

Yeah, yeah. Just visit the station. So, that train is then also delayed. That train is delayed. It's held at a red signal for no reason. Your one to Cambridge. Yeah. The new one is delayed.

So that is delayed to the point where I missed that transfer. To be on. I would have been on time. The show would have started not at 7.30, but at 10 to 8. Fine. That's not on the table now. That's fucked. The next train will get me into.

to Norwich at quarter past eight. So the show's going to have to start an hour late for the audience. Oh my God. You're like fucking people going to see like Pete Docketty at like the height of his headness. Guns and Roses. So that train is delayed, but I can just about make this next one. Then the train slows down to that one mile an hour thing it does.

I like it when it does that. No, because there's been reports of some dickhead running around on the tracks. so they have to go through like seven junctions really slowly. Whenever they say trespasses on the line, I picture the worst people I've ever pictured in my life. They're people who are eating the little stones. That's what I'm picturing. I picture.

Like I'm picturing the fucking twits. I was about to say the twins. And I'm like, I hate them so much. I hate them so much. We've got reports of bogus, bans, and bean on the line. I picture either. the twits or the kids

from a very 80s, 90s looking safety advert about not going on the line and they're wearing massive puffy jackets. Oh, we've got like Charlie and Charlie and the chocolate factory hair. Yeah. They all have bowl haircuts and big pastel jackets. And they're always leaping going,

come on, my mom says they're having ambrosia for tea tonight. They've all got British child at a voice. No, mummy, I don't want to do my homework. for your mom for deep, deep voices of British child actors. Because they've been smoking since they were three. No, I don't want to.

What is so much? What is that? They're just not American child actors, are they? You're like, American stars now who were child actors back then. Someone like said Dakota Fanning. You know, and you go, was a child actor back in the day and was like a brilliant actor. Like Drew Barrymore and like E.T.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You compare the, oh, well, Mommy, I'm so sad. I hate that you've pointed this out to me now the deeper voice Yeah, but you never When are you going to be watching a British show with British shows For British children British shows

There's got to be British shows We need to develop our own talent Yeah We're bringing back Wizardora We're bringing The Evil headmaster They're all coming back

Yeah I mentioned Prime Minister Farage Presiding over explosion and child acting talent. No more foreign import. No more round the twist. We're going to depreciate the value of the pound so we can export these children to Hollywood. Like a tribute of talented children

that you send to America. Like slaves to the Ottomans. It's Juliet Jekyll and Harriet Hyde and the worst witch every day. It's Grot bags. Right. How the fuck do you know Grot bags? This is a running joke we had on Absolute Radio about the oldest member

of the team who was approaching 50 was was talking about crop bags and we were like what the fuck

are you talking about how do you know crop bags it must be the same way I know about Biggles well I'm doing

crop bags was a book I remember reading the book I'm doing truck festival this year the Oxford music festival and I did it a few years ago

and I saw they had like a bag shop people to get their bun bags and it was called got bags and I was like Is that an insane pun?

That's a business that's been in business for a while. That's an old... Or is it like Got bags? Got bags? So you're on the train. Yeah. So I've already fucked it. Everything's already on fire.

Now I need to get the second on fire option, which is still an hour late start. Then there's trespassers on the line. Come on. Mommy said not to it, but I think it would be fun. I just think these bubbles are delicious. Let's go touch the wires. Like they always say in safety advert.

There's always one kid determined to do the most dangerous possible activity. Yes, yeah. In a way, that's just not true to life. No. Anyway, that's happening. Here's the thing. The connecting train, going to Cambridge from Stansford Airport now. Yeah.

That's also late. Where in the world are you? So, I am in places called like crumbling Hesselbrough. Lower plim. Oh, man. Grunton. Nothing worse when you're running late and you go through a place, called, and this is a true one,

Besses of the Barn. And you go, I'm fucking, I'm in, I'm in fucking bugger truck. Bat and ball. That is a real place. Pathetic names. Vick are in the wheat. Brown Willie. Brown Willie North.

Come on. One station's enough for Brown Willie. You fucking can't. There's Brown Willie Junction. Brown Willie Common. Brown Willie North. Brown Willie South. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait. This is enormous. What kind of conurbation? Fuck's sake. Brown-Willie St. Pancras? What? What? How much money did this town give Beecham to not have their train station taken away in the reforms?

Brown St. Willey. So we're going through Brown St. Willie, right? This train, from Liverpool Street to Cambridge, is genuinely, it's like 25 stops. It's unbelievable. Also, it's rammo-jammo. Yeah. It's standing room only. It's full panic.

tank territory for people. I've never sat down on the way to Cambridge to the extent I may as well have walked every time I've ever been. It's fucking crazy. And also, everyone is doing this trick that I'm doing who wants to go to Norwich. And we're delayed. I'm going to miss the one that makes it start at 830. Then that one gets delayed.

Dreamy. I'm having to run. I know I're going to run from the furthest part of Cambridge Station down three, like two crowded platforms. Up the stairs, across the bridge, down the south. this. At least you know you're never the only person making this. No, but there's nothing worse than being stuck behind as someone who's sprinting slower than you. Oh, I've always maintained, but I know that escalators have that sort of unspoken rule of you have two-lane system.

Those of you who are happy to stand, those of you who are in a rush, I've always believed there should be a third lane, those of you who are in a rush and are quick. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being in a rush is not objectively the same. No. Yeah. Exactly. So, I know, and also it's like it's always a crowded platform. It's always full of pensioners and people who don't have any peripheral vision. Yeah.

Because they've got their hoods up. So there's a lot of clattering through humans. It's going to be like a rugby training simulation. Yeah. So I know that at least two minutes is needed to make this. So the train I need to get gets delayed. I've got two minutes. Then we get delayed again.

Oh. then that train gets delayed again. And it goes like this. Fucking sudden death penalty shootout. Genuinely, sudden death penalty shootout for 40 minutes. And shout out to Izzy from Avalon, who runs the tour. She was in the Avalon office saying, everyone's crowded around my desk looking at the two train delays.

For war room. Jack Butler said, it's like the Bin Laden Ray. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. My God, is he going to make it? Yeah. Is he going to make it? And this whole time this is happening, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. and I'm texting saying to the venue

like can you organise like a taxi just waiting at Norwich Station so and I said like have the music playing have the audience in and eventually we just make it but then when like I just make it I get to the right platform at Cambridge

and have the audience been informed yeah yeah they know I mean I fucking hope so otherwise they're just like who's this piece of shit backstage smoking an entire like mega Norwich commuter thing from like the longest, longest trains in Liverpool Street.

And everyone who just wants to go from Cambridge to Norwich are crammed into four carriages. Nice. It's like the war. It's like some sort of crisis, people fleeing across a border. There's always someone who's brought like four of the biggest suitcases you've got. Oh. Are you a holiday? You're a Norfolk holiday.

And there's 11 lovely hunched over old ladies with fucking walkers and brooches on. They've had a lovely day out. I don't have a captain tongue pilgrimage. A hundred laps of exactly where you need to be. But everyone's trying to be nice and give them space. And he, oh, fuck. I get there. I sprint to the cab.

It's quarter past eight. Fucking hell. The venue's like, go backstage and relax where I was like, absolutely not. No. And I say to them, if I do everything straight through, it's the same amount of show, but no interval. Yeah. You can't argue they haven't had time to buy drinks. Yes.

And the venue's like, absolutely. Yeah. Nice. I sprint to the cab, cab to the venue. I walk from the cab, drop my suit bag, no time to get changed, and my bag with my laptop in, thought I'd get some work done. Whoa, ho, ho. Oh, idiot. I just hand that to a nice lady who offers to hold it.

And I just walk on stage and take my coach off and start the show. Like the beginning of a Netflix special? Yeah. Where it shows them, like, arriving at the venue and walking all the way in and he go, have you not sound chat? They're walking. You haven't been brought in Andos? They're arriving at this, like, huge Madison Square Gardens,

walking in through the stage door, making away through the corridors like spinal tap, walking away onto the stage, all in one's full of motion, getting to the mic and going, Good evening, all right. I understand. Fuck, sake, fuck sake.

Exactly. Just walked straight on, literally, like, coat off on the floor on the stage. Start the show. Great. All the way through. Cathartic. Is. Taxi booked, because the last train.

is that 10.02. Oh, man, so you couldn't do an interval and... No, no, no, no. But they got the whole show. They got the whole show. But otherwise, I'd have to have overnighted. And that would have fucked today up. Yeah.

Big time. And we made it. Offstage, coat on, pick up the bags, into a cab back to the station, done. What a strange... It must... Like, alibi... It looked.

Watertight alibi situation you were in. It looked. Mental. Yes, a weird drop-off. You came in and deposited some comedy and left. And I down. I downed a pint of water as well. I got handed very kindly by the venue staff a pint of water, which I downed on stage.

Man. Were the audience aware of your situation then? Did you address it? They thought, apparently there's a petrol shortage in East Anglia, and they thought I'd run out of petrol. Oh, I see. But I explained to them that it was a train. Petrol's very, very, very expensive at the moment.

Yeah, I just look, I think he's just like fucking mad. I've had some very nice messages from the crowd, but the whole time you're just worrying, like, because you're annoyed about the state of British infrastructure. But you can't take the energy onto the stage with you. You can't. You can't because it's not fair on the audience and they don't care because their journey has been so much shorter than yours. Oh yeah, and also they're the ones that are the main victims of this thing. And I thought to myself, well, I can't really properly explain why all this happened without mentioning a series of tragedies at the start of my joke show. Yes. Which I don't want to do. But equally, you always feel like there's a couple of people in the crowd who hold on to the resentment of like, well, why is it then?

Yeah. And that's probably just me imagining it because I've got a lot of nice messages and the show went well. But Koji for bearing with me, guys. Thank you so much. Fucking hell. The only times

I remember doing an Edinburgh tour show, my last tour, the Edinburgh tour show arriving so late that the audience had been seated and it was at the Edinburgh stand where the entrance and exit are the same door and just had to walk in, like, through the audience to the dressing room. Yeah.

And you just look like you don't care. Like you've come in, building like a fresh coffee and food and... Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm running late for something, even if it's like, oh my God, if ever I was like doing an office job,

yeah, early, early, early days, and was running late because my connecting train, that last final connecting train was running really, really late, I would not get a coffee at that station, even if it was like, I'm stuck here for half an hour. And I'm perfectly entitled to. Yes, because I'd be like, it's a bad look. Yeah.

If I'm running late, I don't put my headphones in. because I think it's disrespectful. Yeah. I'm like, it feels disrespectful. I've been jiving. Exactly. I'm late. And you go, no, no, I should be concentrating in complete silence.

I'm late because I've been grooving. Yeah. Too much. There's something about it that means you don't care and I don't know why. I will say, I have an extra show at Norwich because it sold so well. So for the love of God, if you saw the Norwich show and you liked it, please tell your friends. That's going to be on sale in about a week from time of release or maybe by the time you hear this on sale. I don't know, but please come.

And I swear to God, I'll leave. leave at fucking 9 a.m. this time. I left with the speed that you left Norwich because I was driving. And I had to get back because it was a weeknight. At the time, I was still doing absolute radio. And no, that's what it was. I was flying to Scotland the next day

to do breaking the news, you know, the panel show. And I think I had, I think my flight was at 6 a.m. in London. And so I just, I like, race off stage. And it's a venue where, yes, there is a separate exit and a separate stage door and the like. But

that takes you back around to the entrance. So the first people to leave that room would have seen me fleeing the venue. I mean, that's where the venue were like, you can go backstage and have your bags backstage. And I was like, but I've been here before and I know that the backstage is like a long tunnel that leads back to the foyer anyway.

Yes. So I'm just... So let's leave it here. I'll just get stuck behind the potentially angry crowd. Let's see how the show goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As they pelt me with shoes, like a statue.

of Saddam Hussein. Yeah. No. Oh man, what a shame. What a waste of a half-seven show that you ended up going up. To be fair, I made the last, the train home was the late train home no matter what. Did that feel lovely? Yeah, ish.

My phone at that point was on 6% and my phone's bumhole is too devastated by me trying to put unlicensed charging cables in it. Oh, okay, so now it's loose. It's got a loose bum. Yeah. And so for me to charge my phone, I have to push the charger into the phone with all my strength. Yeah, yeah. And hold it there. Hold it in.

You'll take your medicine. Yeah. And you cannot let it... Eat the electricity! You cannot let it falter. You cannot let your fingers slip even a millimeter. Yes, exactly. And it will stay on a train at 6% for the whole journey.

That's what it will do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is fully on life support. You're maintaining, you're not improving. There's no recovery process. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My phone is in a vegetative state. I've given my phone an injection of both morphine and adrenaline.

Yes, yeah, yeah. For this ambulance, right? Yes, this train is a phone ambulance. Exactly. And so they're frozen as though I was trying to like, yeah, force-feed my phone for most of the train, Jenny. What percentage of the way are you through your talk? Because you were saying you're not enjoying it, and it's the audience. You bastard.

For a second, I thought, oh, I'll answer this real question. I've been very lucky with the audience as I. That's such a, when did you stop beating your wife question as well? Because it forces me to go, actually I've really liked them. Yeah, if you did like a local radio interview.

Doesn't really enjoy the... Something I don't really enjoy the talk. But they're asking it like really cheerily. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks for joining us Kevo here on BBC Sussex. And you're having a shit time you said because the audience is you said you don't respect them.

Yeah. Or you said you've liked them well enough, no matter what anyone thinks. Oh, man. That kind of thing. Terrifying tour interview I had. I can't even remember which city it was for. But they said, and after that we've just been playing a quick game with you.

And they were like, this is a smash-up game. We're going to give you two news headlines. And they gave me, like, one headline. It was like vaguely, it was just really boring. It was like, oh, the local councillor has introduced like 10 new cabs. And then the other was like missing cat returned. Yeah. And they went, right, smash them together.

Glenn, you have a comedian, what's your punchline? I thought that's the most frightened I've ever been on air. What's your punchline? What's your punchline? We give you two headlines, and you make a joke out of those two headlines, like, together. You kidding. So 10 new cats have been introduced into the town,

and a missing cat has been found. What? Come on, you do comedy! On the spot, don't you? Come on. I hate that. I was just, I was like, um... I guess the cat was in a cat.

They're like, we do every, yeah, we get every guest to do this. Yeah, yeah. I guess the cat was in a cab. Cat to cab. Cat to cab. And the worst thing is, I was like, so utterly blindsided, I was like, well, the thing about cabs is. And then I did like an old joke I had about being in a cab. Yeah.

And I did that. And they were like, oh, great, what else? And it was like, no, no, no, I've done my door. Do you wish, do you wish to see me humiliated on your show? What have I done to you? Responding to someone else's funny, life-saving bit. material by going, what else? That's like a Norm MacDonald bit.

It would be so funny if before that they trod, like, you guys know that this is a feature, we're going to fuck with the guest. It was just, if that's the case, really funny bit to do to someone. What else? A horrible bit to do to someone. To say, it would be like going on all those US chat shows, and you know they do that really like soft soap intro to like pre-prepared material. Yeah.

Hey, they're having some trouble with their stoves lately. Yeah. But if they didn't have a material about stoves You go, what? No, I think I don't have a stove. But then even if you riff something amazing, then going, what else? Yeah, we just need a few more

when we can go to the break. We just need a few more. What else? But we need a few more is acknowledging that there's a, oh, there's a format and we're trying to do it. Just go, what else? What else then?

Jesus, man. Cat and a cab? Are you sure? He didn't say he's releasing 10 new cats. That's why they found one. That's great. That's good. What else?

Just a gunshot. A gunshot and then just the phone's off. Yeah. Not just you hear one gone. Okay, we're just going to keep killing a relative until there's one every 30 seconds until you do this. We've got the cat here. Yeah. And we're going to tighten the vice that we've put it in.

Okay. Okay. I'll be hanging up now. Bye bye. Okay. Bye. Come see the show. If you're listening.

Come see the show, please. Why, it's online, glomocopathy.com, thank you so much. Sorry about the cat. I've been lucky with the crowds, actually. There's always... The fear of the Lord. Yeah. If too many nice things happen in a row, you think,

when shall the Lord smiteth me down? Yeah, I only had one really, really drunk audience member. Yeah. Across the whole tour. Wow. Somebody was very, very disruptive. I won't say what city it was in. But what I will say is I sent Katie the following message.

How was the show? It was lovely thanks, and a meanness in the nicest way. I genuinely hope the rest of the audience kicked that man to death in the street afterwards. Yeah, I do as well. And I wasn't even there. Community, clubbing together. Coming together and saying, we can't be having this.

With the very least, like... Kicked to death is so embarrassing. Or like a medieval community saying, you're going to live in the woods now. Yeah. You can't be in the village. Yeah. We've agreed.

You'll be in the woods now. Letter, post, message, email, notes, dispatches, SMS, not randoms, correspondence. So we've heard from Charlie. Hello, Charlie. Hello, Charlie. Dear Pierre J. and Dunk, Glenn. Hey, that's good. I like that.

Yeah, it's really good. Very, very 90s. See the PJ and Duncan. It's Anton Deck. Is it? Yeah, that was there. Let's get ready to rumble. Oh.

Yeah, that was their, um, Baito Grove. Oh, Biker Grove is this like... My name Blind! All I hear about Biker Grove is Antendek and someone went blind. And that was Adam of Partland. Oh, right. Yeah, because he went paintballing and took his mask off. Oh, my God.

Biker Grove is this mysterious thing that's just so heavily referenced. That and Grange Hill, which is crap English school-based shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's going to be more. The talented children will rise. Charlie says, I've been a listener since the summer, but this is my first time writing in. I love the pot and Button Boys.

Thank you. I have a few bits of business for you. All right. The first being a new term that I coined for farts slash farting. I find that very funny fart slash farting. Thank you for your thoroughness. It's a pathetic, pathetic thoroughness from here meant for us to enjoy. Farts slash farting.

It's quite partridge. The term is porting. candle. Don't like that. It can either be said by the... I don't like that. Is it blowing out? So,

that's quite good. You've thrown out a pork candle. So he says, you can either say, heads up, gang, I've just lit a pork candle. Or the smeller, you can say,

Jesus Christ, it smells like someone's litter pork candle in here. Oh, that's terrible. That's not nice. Blowing out one, this is very funny, though. I think that's the... Release of smell.

Because it's a release, yeah. Pork candle is wretched. It's a very penisey term, though, so they will be confusion. Yeah, pork anything. Pork, followed by noun, is going to be... Penice. It's going to be... is going to be penice.

Very often, yeah. Terrible meat. Terrible meat. It has brought much merriment and mirth to my friendship group since I introduced it some months ago. I hope it will please you also. It dawned on me recently, it may have been inspired by Glenn's pork candle pub lock-in story, as I was consuming an...

ungodly amount of Budpod around the time of its inception. Perfect. Well, I'm glad to have been the inspiration for that. Yeah. In the terrible Bordeaux pub incident. Yes.

People are lighting pork candles for Glenn all across the land. It's a very wretched, flatulent vigil. Everyone's going to gather in the town square. Yeah. Just all light one. Thank you very much to subscribing, guys. Genuinely, thank you so much.

I mean, do tell your friends about Budpot if you enjoyed the show. Sign up to the Patreon. You got a free extra episode a week. A free George Pot every month. And if you're on the elite tier, a watch-along. And also you can listen to Shen Yun pod,

which is where Glenn got his cough. Yes, we're going to be probably back from Australia. When I get back from Australia, we're going to be introducing more of these life experience pods, like the Shen Yun one. We're going to go to Cafe Concerto and figure out what the fuck it is. Yeah, and so suggest these experiences.

Shen Yun and Cafe Conchartier are very similar things. I don't know what they are as experiences, but if you can get into that mindset. They're like things, Tourists, like, they're not for tourists, but... Kind of touristy experiences. It's like a tourist experience for a tourist who is also from London. Yeah, so it's something you would like to see us go to.

Things that most people do kind of by mistake. Yeah. Shen Yunnan and Kafer concerto. Would you like us to go by mistake? What mistakes would you like us to make? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? See you on the Patreon.

Koji. Koji.