BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E44 | Flake Torpedo

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

This week the buds discuss plane films, Ice Cream ships, Mathilda and celebrity endorsements.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands!Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Vote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Important announcement, guys, we want you to go and vote for Budpot for a listener's Loeb in the Golden Loeb Awards. It's a public vote. The rest of the awards are judged by judges, but this is Democratic. It's up to you, the listener. There's a link in the description, and we'd love it if you clicked through and voted for Budpod for the listener's lobe. It's Budpod 44. Peak of boo. Peak of boo.

Peak of boo. Like the whole time, it's peak-o-boo. Like 10 o'clock. Yes. Phileo fish. Filo fish, yes. Yeah. Pico Boot.

Yeah. Yeah. Anything with an A or an O is of. Yeah. Sorry to let you know. Is off. Bugaflu. All of it.

It's, yeah. I don't know if it's an age, I don't know if it's an age thing. I don't think I could be tricked by Pekaboo now. Are you sure? Yeah. I just think I could give it the benefit of a, I could sort of suspend my disbelief in the past.

And I, yeah, well, give it a try. Give it a try. Cover your eyes and on my go. Felipe's gone. Do you think you can't be tricked by peekaboo or not delighted by it? Yeah. These are different things. A terrifying thing for someone to suggest on a date.

Should we have a couple of drinks? Should we do Piccaboo or something? Or just while you're having a lot of things. the drinks. Let's play Bigaboo. Let's do a few trust exercises. Let's do a few trust exercises. Oh, no, that is serial. Let's do, let's do some drama warm-ups. Bella signori. Your turn. I don't know that one. Oh, there's so many. I only know Zipsack and Boing.

Oh, Zipzak Boing. Big, big booty. To be honest, none of these are much weird than E-E-E-N-E. you remember that one? No. But that struck you in my heart. Energy. Oh, that does sound familiar. That sounds very church group adjacent.

I, it's not that much weirder than just a normal concept of like a dinner date, is it? I'd like to sit opposite you while you try to put pastor in your head. Like, is Pete who much stranger than that? I'd like to watch you chew. Yeah, I'd like to watch you do the thing you do to not die. That'd be really heavy. Chew in front of me. Let's do some survival techniques.

Why don't you try eating this pasta? Perhaps with an egg? That sounds like game tutorial. Yeah, yeah. Survival techniques tonight, Queen? Survival techniques? Survival techniques to Night Queen. That's so horrible.

Yeah. It's so horrible to say. Let's just play peekaboo. Here's an idea. It's a terrifying manic-pixie dream man behavior. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bind a tree.

Are there some good manic-pixie dream men examples from fiction? There must be a fucking load, surely. I mean, I say a lot. Yeah, the fucking Pied Piper, just horrible, awful people. Pennywise, the clown. No, no. That doesn't count. People accuse Pennywise.

Oh, I'm in the sewer. I'm so quirky. Well, that's it. That's the most similar behavior I can sort of imagine. So whenever I was watching New Girl, I was like, oh, it's about these guys who basically live with the female Pennywise. A shape-shifting clown who on this occasion looks like Zoe Dash and I with big glasses. New Girl is a sitcom about some guys who live with a Pennywise.

Yes. Who's that girl? It's clown. And then that's just the opening credits. It's just four guys and a clown. Three guys and a clown. As a kid, I do remember finding the DVD cover for Amalie, very unsettling. So they're like big weird eyes.

It's very like zoomed in and it looks like it's a painting but also a photo at the same time. It's kind of horrible. She, she, she's got the facial expression of Mr. Bean. It's French. It's French Mr. Bean. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Mademoiselle Bean. Mademoiselle Bean.

Emily. Mademoiselle Aricoe. She doesn't like a crumbruel so she tries to put it in someone's handbag. And that's why she doesn't have any fucking dialogue. Because she's a shy, she's a shy chocolatier. He lives with a teddy bag. Whatever the fuck, the plot is.

Are you suggesting that something happened on Mr. Bean's holiday in France? and he had an illegitimate daughter. Yeah, and when he found out about her, it was like when Forrest Gump reunites with Ginny. And he's like, is she like me? Is she smart? But you can tell of her, the signs of that in the film,

she rides a bicycle, but with an armchair on top. Yeah. And she has a paté goose stuck on her head at some point. Yes. Yeah, the far grassy. So funny, yeah. Mademoiselle Arrico. Every time you find it, every time you go through like Paris,

there's loads of caricature artists and all their example pictures are of Amelie. Yeah, yeah. Just once it would be nice to not have to see another one of those, yeah. Yeah. It's always Brad Pitt, Mr. Bean. and they're never updated. They're never updated.

There's been no, like you go, Ryan Gosling still hasn't made the car. It's very stuck in the 80s. Fuck, that's a good point. Yeah, and it's also like, it would be so weird if you walk past and you saw like, 90s Mr. Bean, 90s Tom Cruise, 90s Jennifer Aniston,

maybe a Samuel L Jackson is in there, sure. But then you look and you go, hang on, that's Brad Pitt from Fury. Yeah, or like, yeah, F1, Brad Pitt. recent Brad Pitt. Yeah. Or their only most recent person is like

Marion Le Pen. And you go, what's she doing in Leicester Square? Has she been to Leicester Square? And it's like, it's like kicking a football. Driving a little go-cart. Yeah.

But like a waving a French flag. You think she's been. She's been. She has to have been here. Yeah. What if it was Brad Pitt, but in his costume from Burn After Reading.

So you're like, that's quite a neat film. I mean, it was a big film, but to choose it for the drawing is, yeah, really. some really niche brand pit titles there yeah well done well done them here's a fun idea um a big like kind of um the drawing room of a of a manor house like a french aristocrats house so it's all ornate and there's like chairs and shes long everywhere and a roaring fire and there's a load of um naked people with

like glittery masks about to do a kind of eyes wide shut orgy yeah and they're all doing zipzab boying before the orgy in a big circle just to get loosened up. I guess you'd have to warm up. Why wouldn't you? That's sort of a group four play sort of thing. Big booty, big booty, big booty, big booty, big booty, big booty, big booty, number one. Big booty number six.

Yeah, that sort of thing. But you don't know if it's referring to a person with a large ass or just the game in play. So people keep looking. Is it? Oh. Yeah. Oh, regular ass.

Okay. Okay, fine Yeah And yeah Just people going Brrrr And you're like Is that a

Is that like a Is that like a kind of lingus Are you doing the Is that like a vibrations thing What someone Someone going Me me me me Me me me me me me me me

Me Me off Practicing making requests Trying to build up confidence This is such a terrible blend of sounds that I've got, of you riffing on the concept of a sex party, and any potential sound bleed I've got in the next door where the Varech is watching Matilda again. Oh no. I, every day, every evening just before bedtime, he's allowed to watch a bit of TV, and it's every time it's Tim Minchin's Matilda.

It's every... Nice. No, but just chanting British. children. We discussed this last week, but it's just, and so all I've got in my head all day is just all their songs of just, children are disgusting, bogeys and come. Children are so wicked, newts and slugs and frogs and semen, children are so vile, piss and semen, shits and fow, like, it's just chanting kids. That's what, every song in Matilda is that, how gross kids are.

I love the idea of someone being like who's got the room in the condo next door? It's a British comedian. He's coming over for the festival. Yeah, he's just blasting all hours. Just spooky

British kids chanting. He just loves Matilda. He loves Matilda. So he's watching the Tim Mentioned musical not the movie classic. Not the, he's seen the movie classic. He's seen the 90s one with Danny Devito.

And do you know what? I couldn't tell you a single other cast member in that film. Danny DeVito's the mum in that. So who's married to Danny DeVito is his now ex-wife in real life, but was married to him, the waitress from Cheers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were a power couple for a long, long time. then Miss Honey

looks like looks like her movie stuff looks like you've seen her in dozens and dozens of things and you just have it was just Matilda Oh man the curse Yeah I find this with a lot of Disney stuff Whenever you look up like the

The cast especially of the animated films You go Oh where do I know that voice from And with the exception of toy story It's like they're not usually famous people Like ever It's always really strange You'll get some guys

who lives in like this amazing house in L.A. And the guy's house looks like Troy McClure's house in The Simpsons, you know, like all sweeping modern architecture and like a jacuzis and a water feature. And it'll just be from like golden age of animation voiceover jobs. Yeah. Just tons of voice servers. Well, Flick, who is the main character in a Bugs life,

he's played by Dave Foley, who's one of the guys from kids in the hall, but you go, that was so 80s. Like, I think they expected his career to maybe be as big and worldwide in the 90s, but that's a very strange choice. I think Nimo's, finally Nemo's got a really strange cast to you look back because it's like Albert Brooks and Ellen. Yeah, they did seem to go through a phase of being like,

oh, there's people who proportionately to how famous they are, they don't cost that much. Yeah. Because it's a day. And we won't make them do a single fucking retake unless they want to. Like, we've got no hold over them. Not for this amount of money for one day. But if we stick their names on billboards, people will go,

I'm sorry, who's in a film together? Yeah. And then we'll come see Finding Nemo. Maybe that's why Ellen's character, Dory, keeps, like, forgetting what she's, forgetting everything. It was just Ellen just not learning her lines. That was just it. And they were not even going to retake this.

They just said, we're building it in in post. Don't worry about it. Yeah. It's like my, obviously, it's worth remembering. I'm in Sydney at the moment for anyone who is unaware of why we're doing this remotely. But my favourite Australian-A story. Glenn's hiding out so his kid can watch Matilda more often on the run. Yeah, upstairs is a Nazi commandant going,

you're harboring comedians. Oh, you're not? And there's like a French guy, like a tear rolling down his cheek, just pointing at the floorboards of where you can, You can audibly hear kids Netflix. My favorite Australia story I've heard recently is Marlon Brando

when he was filming Island of Dr. Moreau. I think this was during a particularly hazy phase of his life with regards to either drink or drugs, I'm not sure. But he was so like unreliable on set that he literally had like an earpiece where they fed him his lines.

This is like the 1960s and 1970s, but an earpiece was just feeding him his lines and he was just saying them verbatim. But verbatim. Why should I say verbatim? Verbitim. It's a new drug that you can try. It helps you speak, verbatim.

That was so weird. It's like I read the word in my head. Do you know what I mean? It's like a humiliating moment at school where I accidentally said, having to read aloud from a book and I said, misled and everyone laughed. But it was like, what would you fuckers have done? What would you fuckers have done?

Misled. I said subtile once. Subtile. Oh, yeah, a kid in fucking, like, it was like genuinely like year 10 said the river Thames. And it was like, we're in London, you fuck. We're in London, you fuck. That's bad. That's really bad.

That's not good. So, anyway, he's just repeating what is in his earpiece. But the, uh, the radio kept picking up, like, um, police chatter from police radios. So apparently, in between, like, lines of dialogue and the island of Dormor, he was just suddenly going, I was been a robbery at Woolies. It's like saying from The Simpsons. Do you know the thing of in The Godfather where they just had people's lines taped on their faces? No, what is this true?

So there's that tracking shot where Marlon Brando is walking through the party and the camera is on him and you just see the backs of everyone else who he's saying, thank you for coming. So good to see you. They've got their lines like taped to their chests or like on post-it notes on their face. Like they're playing heads up on boxing down. Yeah. And the thing just says hello or whatever. Yeah.

Maria, how nice of you to come. That's so funny that, like, to be that bad at improv. Yeah, exactly. Just say hello, you fucking lunatic. Yeah. Be you. Be you.

What would you currently do? But maybe he was so away from society that you go, when was the last time he'd actually greeted someone? Do you know what I mean? Like, if you, if you've at level of, if he's only ever lived in like a Beverly Hills mansion for, for years, you go, how, yeah, how often are you talking? to people.

Yeah, that's true, actually. And everything is, like, handed to him by an assistant who's sort of supposed to be invisible. Yes, who he's not going to think. I felt this way in, um, in the nearest, like, fancy part of London to me in lockdown was Hampstead, where it's just massive, massive houses. And I remember in lockdown going for like a daily walk and going through some of those down some of those suburban roads. And it just looked so lonely because you're like, you're so away from everywhere.

everyone else. Then when every time you saw like a delivery guy knock on someone's door, the door was then opened by like obviously an assistant as opposed to someone from Led Zeppelin. So you go, what do you do? Like genuinely, what are you doing with your day? I find it so strange. It's true. I always imagine like if you were in a band, I can't ever quite bring myself to picture them just watching TV and scratching their nuts. I just, I can only ever really imagine them like constantly, like, noodling on a guitar in a kind of home studio.

Yeah, they're like laying down some tracks. There's someone just in a separate studio on the other side of a glass, just pushing some dials up and down. But just lying on, like, yeah, yeah. Or just lying on a lazy boy, just kind of going,

yeah, where does he go of reality is apparently Jimmy Hendrix really liked Coronation Street. He was going out with a British guy, and he really liked Croatian Street. You're kidding. Yeah,

So he was fully aware of like Ken Balo. That's no, that's no good. I know, it takes away the magic because you go, sorry, you, you only lived for 27 years. Life's too short for Coronation Street. Some stuff shouldn't pierce the veil like that. It's like those weird facts where you find out that like Winston Churchill played a Nintendo DS once or something. And you go, that can't be right.

Yeah, I mean, you realize you go, oh, Nintendo existed since like the 1870s. of it was a version of, yeah, he sort of, he was aware of Zelda. He was fully aware of Zelda. Yes, yeah. Yeah, like, you know, when they get a celebrity advertising. Canon is the Hitler of the Zelda universe. We will fight Ganendorf. The idea as well, that, like, it was a very early noughties thing of celebs being brought in to advertise new bits of tech.

So there's that, like, meme video of, like, Beyonce with, like, like, it's like a Blackberry or something, and she's, like, really enthusiastically pressing it. There's, um, there's a video I saw the other day of, like, Leona Lewis, the X Factor winner, playing, she's playing, like, Final Fantasy 12 or something like that, and it's just showing such generic footage of, like, the party running around the world map, and it keeps cutting back to her going like, yes! Like, it's so not in, it's so not in sync. And so, like, I think, actually, if, if consoles had existed in, like, the 1940s, a hundred, of

course you'd try and get Churchill. Of course you would. You try and get him playing on like a mega drive or something like that. Cigar simulator or something. You try and get him with something a bit aimed at him. Yes. I've been playing Shinobi. And he just can't get back.

Get good. Fucking nobs. Yeah, playing on like a very flimsy land connection with like a German teenager and calling him a noob. Mommy, the leader of the UK just called me a noob. Herr Churchill has been trolling me. Who would be the only... Is there a celebrity that could be used to advertise video games that would be in any way effective?

Because so often you just think, no, you don't. You don't fucking play games. I can fully agree. This is it. Like, even if it's someone who I know does play video games. I'm like, I just, don't believe it. Robin Williams.

Yeah. So there was an advert where like, I remember William's playing with his daughter, but his daughter's called Zelda. So everyone just thought he was getting it wrong because you play his link and he's like, great job Zelda. And I was like, no, you fucking idiot.

Even R. Williams couldn't escape the wrath of the online gamer comment. People were getting so angry at him that it was like even Bicentennial Man couldn't save him. Even the greats. Even the greats. I watched Bicentennial Man on a flight when I was like nine. That's such a fucking plane film, isn't it? It is.

There's certain films where you go, I'll save it for an airplane. Like, I, when I flew to Australia a few weeks ago, it was like, they had one battle after another, which I still haven't seen. It was like, I'm not watching that on a fucking, I'm not watching it on a, I cannot wait to see it. yeah, I'm also not watching it on a plane. You're never going to watch it. There's certain films, and I think there's loads of Robin Williams ones

where you're like Flubber, I'll watch it on a plane. Jamunji, yeah, I'll watch. I saw on the way to fucking Disney when I was like nine years old. Jamunji was on. We watched Jamangie. There is certain films. Plane films is a good category. Yeah, because a friend of mine pointed out send us in your plane films.

Do you remember before streaming services, there was that awkward, that awful gap between if you missed a film in the cinema and you couldn't wait for it coming out on VHS or DVD, the only way you could see the films on a plane. Yes. Films would be only on, they'd be like exclusively on planes. They'd have a three months.

Like a six month exclusivity deal before you could get it on home video. So like if you were like, shit, I've just missed Minority Report. Then you could, you had to go to Jamaica as the only way you could watch it. It always blew my mind why it would be like, oh, that's not in the cinema anymore. It'll be on video in a year. And you just think, why in a year? Leave it in the cinema until it's ready to... Considering we live in a world now

where you can see a film at the cinema and on Netflix, that same day. Like, the Hafermong concurrent. You love doing that, don't you, Glenn? You'd call that the... The cinephile double. To catch all the bits I missed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the first one in the cinema, you only eat very, very salty popcorn with no drinks, and then at home you watch it again with just drinks. And just sweet popcorn. And on the way home, I have the salt and sweet mix to allow myself to adjust a bit like the tunnel between the Jubilee and Piccadilly line in Green Park, where the blue tiles slowly turn into the Jubilee colors tiles. That's what I use. It's like a transitional, it's like light speed in Star Wars. I'm the autistic one.

I should be coming out with facts like that. That's great. Oh, I went on a very autistic tour today. Did you? Yeah. I went on the HMAS vampire at the Sydney Maritime Museum. The tour itself wasn't autistic, but the tour guide was... Oh, yeah.

It was like when the Onion had the autistic reporter who, when there was a train crash, would only talk about the damage to the train. It was like all... I was so interested in, like, this gunship and what it was used for. No idea even what conflict it could have been. And just this entire tour was just... The ship contains around 120,000 tonnes of metal. In each room you could find up to two fire extinguishes.

There are 16 light fittings in each room. There are 14 pipes leading from room to room. And you go, why? It was like if someone went, what's the most boring thing about it? But like, I dare you to find something boring about the ship, and that's exactly what he led with. It's what he's like being led with.

Going on about the crown jewels Like purely from a biochemical Like atomic metals level Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. The jewels are kept exactly six inches apart That, just like the spacings between them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a certain type of tour guide like that

Who's, I'm guessing this is a fucking old dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he'd served. He'd served in the 70s. Oh, shit. Okay. So they'd, and on that ship, or had they brought him back just in general? No, he'd been on, they've got a huge ship and next to it, I've got a submarine, and he'd served on the submarine. One thing I learned today. Submarines. You and I, we're too tall for submarines. That's what I learned today. Correct.

It was too tall. Incredible uncomfortable. Oh, man. Nine months. Imagine nine months in there. Imagine that. Congratulations. You've just pictured a baby. that's what every baby has to go through. What going on a nuclear submarine and saying, if a baby could do this? Yeah, yeah.

I was looking around the submarine. I know it's such a stereotype about sailors, but I was looking around the submarine and I was like, if I was underwater, I reckon I'd give it two hours before I tried to fuck one of my colleagues. I know I would just go insane. And that would be one of the first.

things I did in an act of insanity. No daylight for nine months. Yeah. No daylight. Sleeping in shifts. You're never really fully standing up. Triple bunk beds. Like, awful. Awful.

Normal toilets and shower. That looked completely normal. What happens if every... Look, I accept that the submarine is probably well designed enough to cope with a few people. you know, farting, say. Yeah, yeah.

What if it's everyone, Glenn? What if the chef on the board, the cook, they make some incredibly unwise, bold decisions and in terms of what they're serving everyone? What if it's everyone? Does that have an effect on operational? Because it's recycled air. Is there a filter?

Yeah, do you reckon? Is that how like a Mary Celeste situation happens? It was just tons of farts and everyone just evaporated. Yeah, what they don't say, what they say about the Mary Celeste is that all the plates of food were like still half eaten, perfectly preserved, and touched. All beans. Yeah, beans and eggs. Beans and eggs and figs on the side. And just loads of glasses of milk.

And black coffee and unpasturized cider. Yeah, we just don't know. It's remarkable. Every seat's got a hole burned in it. It looks like one of those, like one of the pictures of spontaneous human combustion as a cigarette and a pair of stilettos. Yeah, and they go, I don't, it can't have, the ship, they kind of all farted and then, and that propelled the ship to land, and that's how they discovered it.

So the cause of the storm. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's entire, like, doors in the ship that they haven't opened, and when you open them, you just get hit by a wall of, it's just, that's like how all of, all of, like, Howard Carter's team died. The mummy's curse. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As they put the mummy in the coffin, it's just one last enormous fart, and they just quickly sealed it in. Yeah, someone doing what is described as an elephant's foot of a fart. You died from poisoning. Like, weeks later. My colleague's fart was so bad.

Within days, I'd gone bald. I died even though I went bald even though I was only on the floor above him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what might have happened. His fart was so bad it was covered up by the Soviet Union. It's like In Raiders of the Lost Ark when they seal, they seal the Ark and then just it just burns,

it just burns through the box. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, yeah, I, how long would I, a submarine for nine months but if you could have an Nintendo Switch and they do have gaming on there someone posted a photo I related to it so much

it was a photo of their laptop their gaming laptop running Crusader Kings and then in the background you could clearly see that they were on a classified submarine oh I mean just like and I thought what a life yeah I'm like

it's one of those jobs that I couldn't do for a day but I could do for a year like if you just get into the rhythm of this is my life now Yeah, I'm a old person. But just looking at their route, I think I would get,

what I would go insane from is just the inability to fully stand up. I think I would often find myself probably kneeling down as upright as possible, just so I know what it feels like to have my back straight. But I would go crazy from not being able to stand up straight. Yeah, I mean, I get that on trains and flights as it is. Yeah. But you know what it is?

You know what we're thinking of here? The submarine is, there was a tweet ages ago when I'm in an exercise mode which I haven't been for like a year I totally understood this tweet where it was like oh I just want to go to prison just so I can really work on my to get fit yeah

yeah or just really nail my my fitness in prison I finally have the chance you know yeah and I thought yeah I understand that need for separation but the submarine well it's giving us Glenn is a legitimate job that also gives you prison levels access to nothing to do but gym and game. Yes, I still think you'd find the opportunity to lie in bed going, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

I just think nothing would happen. And I think that's where the fucking of colleagues would come in. Because you'd go, I can't play, I can't play whist again. I can't. I'm going to fuck Jim. Because I can't play whist again. Yeah, but then you, you, It's going to be just like getting bored of a game.

Once you've had sex with everyone on the submarine, you'd have to do it again for a different achievement. Yeah, you're right. You've unlocked the cook. You can now try and have sex with the cook. Unlocked the cook is a horrible term. So Mariners apparently are nutters, though. How do you mean?

Just because they have like, if you can imagine the level of initiation or like weird culty friendships that happened from that kind of community. I'm told by people I know who are in the military that submariners are like an odd bunch. Which I can believe. On the museum bit

it said it had an ice cream machine. And I was like Yeah. That's better than the McDonald's I went to the other day. That's a very American thing. There's photos of the US Navy in the Pacific in World War II where there's like a really big unmilitary looking ship with a bunch of military

ship surrounded and it's an ice cream ship. What do you mean an ice cream ship? It's for making and delivering ice cream. That's how big the US military is. What a fun. Let's say you've been at sea for months and months and months. That would be the clearest indication to you, seeing that on the horizon, but that's a mirage and you've gone insane. And then on the deck loads of like, hear me out, there's an ice cream ship and everyone would go, you need. You need. You need. we need to have you killed. And it wants us to dock alongside it. Yeah, and you go,

this is the siren song. Have you not read The Odyssey? You're looking through the binoculars, and it's just like loads of cartoon ice cream cones. Like dancing on the deck and stuff. I always find it so funny. And there's a guy called like Admiral Pudding. It's a Chinese suit.

Midshipman Whippy. Sprinkles the cabin. They're all there. On the ice cream ship, they're coming this way. You have to believe me. He's been drank by both arms and getting crucified on deck. Then you cut to the ice cream ship and they're ramming huge 99 chocolate flakes into a torpedo tube and getting ready to sink the ship that he was on. I'm not saying they're on our side.

I'm just saying they're on their way. What a horrible weapon that would seem, but a flake torpedo. just this chocolate log, just mushing gently against the side of your submarine, maybe obscuring the windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all it's for, really. It fucks up the engine.

Yeah. Mirages are always, in cartoons, but always just one palm tree and a little puddle of water. You can have some fucking imagination. Like, if I'm going to get tricked into thinking I'm out the desert, then there should be like,

it should be one of those outlets where it's like a CinaWold, a TGI Fridays, a Frankie and Benis, and an IKEA. And I'd be like, whoa, I'm rubbing my eyes. They've got a non-chain ramen place. Yeah, please. A Chiquitos! I've never seen a Chiquitos on its own, like on a high street. Chiquitos is only ever like between a bowling alley and a Frankie and Benis in a cinema

out there. No, Chiquitos, yes, it's like one of those mushrooms that grows on a tree. It has to be on a tree. Yes, it's like... It doesn't just grow. It's like Dorf Romantic or something like that. You go, yeah, sorry, you can only put this tile here. Like, that weird,

that weird chess move where a pawn can replace another, can replace the opposition's porn, like several places away. On person. Yeah. Yeah, in certain circumstances. Yeah, Chiquitos has to be sort of

cellotaped onto the side. Or like there's lamprey fish that are on the side of sharks. It's a sort of scavenger species. Yeah, I was at the, I was at the zoo last week and seeing a rhino and the birds that are just, the rhino is reliant on the birds and the birds are reliant on the rhino and they all just live together. That's how Chiquitos operates with a McDonald's as the apex predator, I suppose. But it lives in the whole.

Yes, the most free roaming. Yes, exactly. But different species like a Cinawolder and IKEA. They can live in harmony. McDonald's can be found anywhere in the environment. It'd be like leaping out, the McDonald's will come and get you. Whereas, yeah, Chiquitos is like one of those frogs that has to be under a particular type of rock. Like, it's so limited.

That was the worst thing about those David Attenborough chain restaurant documentaries. It was an hour long and only half an hour would really be about it. I mean, the other half would be how the camera people got footage of the Chiquitos. It'd be like a making. of the Frankie and Bennies and you're like, obviously the best thing is it. And they had to say, wait, we had to dress our camera

crew like customers of a Frankie and Benis. And they're all wearing like insane clothing combinations and like walking like this. Yeah. Trying to pretend to be what they think the people who go to Frankie and Benis are. Exactly. When there's a fight outside

TGR Friday, so like we don't intervene. We don't intervene with that. That's, we always step. When someone is eating something that they know hasn't been cooked properly, that's going to give them food poisoning. It's nature. It's nature.

This rack of TGI ribs will give this father of four diarrhea. And you just see them like hurriedly going to the toilet and there's loads of like rushed camera angles and you're like, I know if they film this over several days. This isn't, I'm not convinced. I'm not convinced. There's editing. Come on, I know there's one fucking cameraman.

This is bullshit. It's, um, yeah, a sped up footage of someone assembling a Big Mac to the sound of leather creaking. Like it's a plant growing. It's such a funny sound effect. Because why didn't Professor Robert Winston ever do that on footage of like an erection in like a biology? Yeah. Or even better just construction noises like Age of Empires.

Gong clang! Oh! Yeah, yeah. Wait, why is that happening while the dick is going up? Yeah, when a man finally becomes like fully impotent, it does that noise of when a farm goes barren in Age of Empires. of the... Chikik, chik, chik, chik. Oh, no.

Oh, I need to... I need to redo this. Bona, erection. That's all the village is. Viagra, please. Pharos. Vibrating ring, please. for fuck's sake

it's so funny you only see you only see who it's a service station vending machines like someone's desperate to get one on the M1 it's so funny yeah like you're on the M1 and you think well I've got a long drive ahead of me I need the cheapest possible genital ring

and a blue pill full of ginseng I need to raise my internal body temperature two degrees and to be cutting off the circulation to the tip of my... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrible. I'd rather get the ring from a jewelers where they put the little I-piece in. When they have the sizing chart that they have to kind of pop you through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's your measurement? And I've been trying to get his dick measurement subtly for weeks without giving away what I'm trying to buy him. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at this donut. Hold this donut without your hands, that kind of thing. Not easy. Not easy to do something. Hey, why don't you stick that in this mold here, this jelly mold?

Like Han Solo, yeah. That would be better. You may as well just go blatant with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. Speaking of rings, I saw it. I went to the cinema the other day. I love going to the cinema in a different country. It's wonderful.

I've only done it a few times. I've done it in, I did it in Canada, in Montreal, where I went to see the Aussie horror film talked to me, which I loved. And then the next day I went to see Oppenheimer, because this was 2023. It was the Barbenheimer summer. And I went to Oppenheimer, and it started, and it was in French. So I had to leave and say, I'm really sorry, can I get a refund? I don't understand Oppenheimer. And a lot of the themes are going on.

You're sweet desolate, poor atomic bomb. Very desolet. Regardé, the explosion. I, I, I, I'm a pale death, a destroyer of, um, my, I beat a nuclear facility in the desert.

Um, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm a lot of attacké the Japanese. Yes. Uh, how you say? until they build another explosion. And then the other time, again, it was a French,

I went to visit a friend of mine who lives in Bordeaux, and this is when the third Hobbit film was out. That trilogy we always re-watch. Yes, of course. Yes. Yes. The only trilogy I've ever known a director to come out afterwards and go,

sorry about that. Um, I, I, the third. Who knew you couldn't get a, a nine hour, a movie out of what would be a seven hour audio movie? I don't even know what happened there, guys.

Sorry. Um, sorry, sorry to waste, uh, more than a third of your day. Um, I, I saw the third Hobbit film and it was in English with French subtitles.

But then what happened was there's bits towards the end where the ork's talk in or orkish or whatever. So, that was just the subtitles. So they just changed the subtitles to French. So I couldn't understand anything that was happening. Oh, no. So my friend, who can speak French,

had to lean over and whispered to me in the cinema what they were saying. But obviously, because they're orcs, he was having to lean over and be like, I'm going to fucking kill you in your sleep, and I will skin your family. Obviously, the a hawks don't say, I'm going to fucking kill you.

But anyway, so those are my two previous international... It was like you were having a meeting at the UN with orcs. Yes. You're just there with you. What was that? We're still no closer to a negotiation settlement, guys. They're still whispering threats to me. Ork's promising riches beyond the hobbits of artists dreams

and like a Dutch envoy holding up a sign saying he's lying to you. I went to the cinema the other day in Sydney. I saw the drama. Which drama? Robert Pattinson and Zendaya. Bye. Sometimes it's fun also to put your arm under your arm As though that's what you do when you do a great joke

But doing anything under your arm Going Oh Yeah like that's what someone with the plague would react if they tried to do it Armament arm at Arnold. Yeah, it's really good. And it does that nice thing of just really vaguely explaining away as to why someone who works in just publishing and someone who just works in museums just have like an enormous New York apartment because they just go, he works in museums.

I wish to live a life that vague. museums, but maybe it's in like one of those New York museums where it's like it only exists thanks to the generosity of Mr. and Mrs. Vanderpump. Yes, well, there's a bit where he, um, as like part of a date, he says, do you want to check out the museum? And it's like midnight. But he's got like keys to the museum. So I'm like, oh, so he hasn't got a good job then. Oh, so he's like the chief and the janitor?

It's a janitor of a museum. I'm like, how did he get this apartment? That's crazy. Janitors must pay so well at the museums. It'd be fun to do a supercut where he goes in and then it just becomes the movie Night at the Museum. Yeah. Just it bleeds in perfectly.

Night at the Museum, if I're a kid, aeroplane film, I think. Oh, big time airplane film. What, the, there was a, it must have been 2014. Tower heist. Yes. It's supposed to be about Trump Tower originally. Really?

Apparently. With Night at Museum, I think it was 2014, because there was one, a sequel released posthumously, the year Robin Williams died, because every year the lights on Oxford Street in London always have a particular theme. And that year, it was like sponsored by Night at the Museum. And so whenever you went through down Oxford Street,

there were just these looming images of a very sad-faced Robin Williams, like looking down upon you. Like the end of Star Wars Where, like, Yoda's in the sky. It was so... It was so surreal. He's like comedians. Comedians, Yoda.

Yeah. Robin, I'm dying up here on stage. What do I do? And he appears above you. Hey, ooh. And that's a kind of one of improv that you can... Not your fault it is. I know, I know.

Not your fault it is. I know. Not your fault it is. Don't fuck with me, Yoda. Don't fuck with me, man. You can just say, not your fault. You don't need to say it is at the end. Okay, it is.

Not your fault. But they're hugging when Yoda's legs are like dangling. Of course, there's no. The hype mismatch there is terrible. It's very embarrassing for him. Is this good a scene where someone meets Yoda and they give him a hug? And he's saying, no no no no and as they hug him he just gets crashed like a moth like he's actually very light

yes yeah he must have hollow bones like a bird yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wasn't he enough human but he's just really old have i made that up i feel like his species is human no there's a baby yoda oh yeah there is a baby yoda sorry yeah you're absolutely right but yeah but maybe that baby odda's got the same condition as robin williams in jack uh hmm you never know Mm, crossover. Well, on that note. Profitable crossover.

Well, look, we're crossing over to the Patreon to discuss further. Airplane Films. I've got some AI slop I screen shotted that I want to talk to you about. Yes, yes, yes. And so we're going to go over there. But thank you very much for listening, guys. I'm still on tour. Please go to Pianoveli.com to see an updated list of tour dates last night at time of recording.

I was at the Solford Lowry. Koji to all the Budpods through a lovely venue. Really nice. really nice venue, lovely gig, lovely people. Some Button Boys fans in there as well. Nice. That's good. Yeah, all good. And the tour continues. I'm in Bath soon.

I'm in loads of places. And we've added London dates that keep selling. So Londoners, I'm going to keep saying it's your last chance because officially it is. But if enough of you take it as your last chance, then there'll be another chance. Don't let that create a sense of complacency. Yes. Go and see Pierre on tour. Put all the dates in the episode description.

Where you can find the link. So Pierre's on tour. I'm on Instagram. My tour is finished. So just follow me on Instagram. Follow Glenn on Instagram. Also, because I'm mentally unwell, I'll be doing the fringe. So do come see me in Edinburgh.

Has it been announced officially? Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to know my show title? I'd love to know it. So the show is called, okay, one more than bedtime. Oh, that's great. That's really good.

I like that. Which is mainly a reference to how unwise I am to do another, you're at the fringe. What number solo show is this for you? I think 12. That's fucking crazy. I think I've done five. No, six. You've done six.

Yeah, I've done six. No. Yeah. 2016, 17, 18, 19, 19, 22. Ed Gamble. 2025. He messaged me to say he was disgusted. That's incredible though

I'm going to be there for the first two weeks I'm doing a work in progress at like 11 a.m. I'm not doing a finish show It's incredible. Like to have half a day of stand-up That's crazy. It's unwell. A tight 12.

One-man Netflix, baby. Give me a call, Netflix. If you want some incredibly juvenile stand-up from 2013, I can bring it to you. Yes, yes. I'll say you that stuff. shit the bed let's go to the Patreon Koji everyone thank you for listening