BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E49 | Late Night Sinister

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

Youtube Version available to watch here!This week the buds discuss our Golden Globes triumph! Google maps, Hungry Jack's and sketches are back! This week's sketch: 'Adult Shit Shit'. Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back! In Bath! Tickets available here - https://komediabath.co.uk/events/128649554-budpod-live-2026-11-03-19-00-00/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands!Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th! Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Vote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Important announcement, guys, we want you to go and vote for Budpot for a listener's lobe in the Golden Lobe Awards. It's a public vote. The rest of the awards are judged by judges, but this is Democratic. It's up to you, the listener. There's a link in the description, and we'd love it if you clicked through and voted for Budpod for the listener's lobe. It's Budpot 49. The podcast where we believe pineapple does not belong on pizza, and Die Hard is a Christmas movie. What time is it?

really yucky really yucky that it's amazing to think that if if I'd heard you record that sentence what would you say 15 years ago yeah what 2000 that's a very 2000

yeah 2011 sort of sentence yeah yeah so about 15 years ago people would have been like wow wow well this guy's funny must love parks and rack yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this guy's this guy posts gifts from the office that he's made because there's no automated gift posting system yet.

There's a line that Jonah Hill's character says, I think, in either 21 or 22 Jump Street, where he's at like some college party and someone makes some reference to a movie and he's like, oh man, everyone always says, you just have the best references. I think it's damning compliments. It's such a funny, damning compliment to give.

You just have to immediately Granitano Bay yourself into the punch bowl. just waterboard slash drown yourself in the punch and then leave this realm. Have we spoken about waterboarding much before as a pair? No, no, I don't think so. I still think it's one of my dumbest opinions is that I'd be fine.

I know, I know I wouldn't be. Because you look at it and you go, come on. What could be the, yeah, exactly. I guess like if you had no legs and you saw someone having like extreme leg torture and you're like, I can't quantify what that would be. Come on. Yeah. Well, that's the tough attitude of a winner, Glenn.

And we are winners. Yeah, we are winners. We're a multi-award winning podcast, thanks to you, the listener. Yes. Thanks to you, listener. So we have one quarter of an egot. Yes.

Because we have a golden lobe, not one but two. That's true. Let's take us, let's take, we went into the award ceremony. Egot. EDF Energy Contract. Golden Loeb. Yeah. An Oscar. Yeah. Teen Choice Award.

Teen Choice Award. Fingers crossed. Yes. The best we can hope for with Teen Choice Award now is Lifetime Achievement. These former teens. Yeah, obviously, it would be funny if they get, like, Teen Choice Awards, they did Lifetime Achievement for a 20-year-old. That's funny.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's the last thing. And they come on in wheelchair crutches. Like a school play. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. to look really old.

And they really, really struggle up to the mic. It's weird to think, very fair, it had been two real periods of my life where I used talcum powder once as a baby and then once in plays when I played older people. And that was it. That was it. Illegal now.

Yes. To be old in a play. Yeah. You have to, it's now accurate casting. Yeah. They used to, school plays used to do what they'd refer to as age-blind casting, which meant that a 10-year-olds could play,

you know, Mr. Tom in Good Night Mr. Tom. Yes. But now it's, they have to bring in an old person from the old people's home. Willingly or otherwise? Yes. It's happening. I, uh, so.

Lots of 10-year-olds like Viking raiders just carrying old people away for their plays. You will perform. Yeah. Swinging through the windows. We need a fagin! Swinging through the windows on ropes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her getting chased away by those kids in weapons that you saw her.

in the trailer was they were just trying to get her. Yeah. But yeah, they were trying to get her to be in Pygmalion. So, the Golden Lobes, the Clapham Grand last week, and we went in with, but one nomination, and we walked away with two awards. How? Nominated for, I stole one. How?

Yes. There were, best tangent was we were up for suggesting that Mr. Blobby was in the IRA. Yes. And we won that. And I was so delighted, absolutely delighted. Did they play it or reference it at all? They didn't, so I had to explain. Oh, no.

I had to. So I didn't have to explain, but I thought, well, it's, you can't tell the audience that someone's won best tangent and then not explain what that could have been. You can't accept an award in your speech, say, I, you had to, just go back and listen. You had to be there. You had to be there. Maybe it would have been good to say, it's this episode, listen now, because then we would have got everyone in the room to listen.

Best artwork, for instance, which we won for Button Boys. Yes. They showed all the artwork on the stage. It would have been shit if they hadn't. Yes, yes, yes. Don't just imagine it. Yes. So...

You got up there and said, What if in the 1990s, Mr. Blubby's voice was changed by the government, the way that Jerry Adams' voice was changed? How did you tackle explaining it? I think. It's never easy to explain a riff. Yeah. No, I basically, I went up and explained and dedicated it to the absent members of the Budpod team.

So yourself, Felipe, Hey, so sorry, producer Sam, you didn't on this occasion get a mention. George Four Acres, former host Phil Wang, and then said it gives me no pride to say that we've won this award for suggesting that Mr. Blobby was in the IRA. And then I just said, listen to the podcast. I mean, that was that. And then you get taken backstage. That's very effective. Like, you get taken backstage when you get interviewed on camera about something else.

And then I sort of took my seat being like, okay, that's all, that's all the awards done for the evening. basically. I mean, the penultimate award was the listeners low, which we were plugging on the podcast, asking you to vote for, and we won. And it was honestly a wonderful, wonderful feeling to know that this is the only award not judged for by a judging panel, was judged entirely by the listeners, and we beat the likes of Ramesh. Yeah. It was just... Take that Ramesh. I know you're listening. We win in every aspect of life over yours. Yeah. And probably Tom Davis, I guess it was that one. That was it was the album. Take that Tom.

Yeah, yeah. It was, and he was there. I, yeah, thank you so, so much for voting, because a hell of a lot of you must have voted. Yes. It means an incredible amount that you did. I couldn't believe it. I mean, we plugged it. You were on tour at the time.

You were doing a tour show. I was doing a tour show. I think I was in Andover, and I was just getting text updates, and I couldn't believe it. Coming off stage to all that was great. And it's the first time in my life, and there's been a few times where it could have happened,

where I've appealed for, or we've appealed or whatever, for an audience vote, and we've won. When you were nominated for a Chortle Award, it goes to a vote at a certain point from people in the voting form. Oh, does it?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or there was a point where you had it. Oh, no, I've never. I've had one normal, one Chortle nomination. It was a couple of years ago. And I didn't post about it online. And looking back, I regret that

because I thought it was decided by a judging panel. Yes. And not by me plugging it. Who's the best at plugging? Yeah. I was just amazed. And it made me so grateful for our listeners who voted in general,

but especially the ones who voted because it's a pain in the ass and it's an extra bit of effort. Yeah. And every, it's so significant every single one person who could be bothered to do that. It's such a great sign for the podcast.

Not only that. We are an indie podcast. We got no backing. Not only that, but also I thought because we're both part of the gaming podcast Button Boys, that was going to split it.

Oh, yes, of course. Yeah, the split loyalties. Yes, yeah, yeah, Greens and Lib Dems. So I was, yeah, very, very grateful and flattered. So insane that suggesting that Mr. Bobby was in the IRA can get you an award. Appealing to listeners can get you an award. It also turns out talking about the Faulty Towers dining experience gets you an invite to the Faulty Towers dining experience. Next week, Pierre and I have been cordly invited to dine at the Faulty Tower's D.

A house faulty. At house faulty. Yeah. And we're going to go. And that's going to be our next experiences pod. Yes. We did Shenyon. We were just about to do cafe concerto, and that has been kicked down the road.

By Basil Fulte. In favor of Basil Fulte. Spelt differently. Yes. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's going to be fascinating. I can't wait.

I'm sort of trying to figure out exactly the extent to which you can do any sort of guns or recording. I think we want to record the show. I want to have my phone pointing upwards at my chin, like when the fake shake would do a sting on like a football manager. The Spanish waiter kept on spilling gravy on my shoulder. Faulty Tower speed run. People keep breaking into Scientology and sprinting through the phones. Yes.

We do that with the Fulti Tower standing experience. Running through as quickly as he can. Balaclav. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sybil trying to rugby tackle you as you're going through. That's the furthest. No one's managed to get to the kitchen yet. where they prepare the chicken.

It's full of goblins. That's the secret. They're trying to hide. Well, speaking of fans and call-outs and plugging and so on, Budpod Live will be on in Bath. Yes. Because whenever you do a live event and you're based in London and you put it on in London,

you will inevitably and fairly get people going sort of like, well, why is it always? fucking London. Yeah. I always think maybe we should do, if we're doing a London date, should we'll do a Manchester date. We decided to go completely left field.

We're doing Bath. Yes. We're doing Bath. Jane Eyre and Jane Austen. Phil Wang. Phil Wang. We're shitting on his doorstep. We're coming right to his...

We're coming right to him to shit on his parents' doorstep. It's like a WWE... Yeah, yeah. Grudge match thing. Bath Podcast Festival, 3rd of November, 26, 6pm. Unlucky for some. Be there.

Yeah. Unlucky. Remember, remember, the 3rd of November. Glenn Pierre chatting and plop Nice That's really good Thank you man Wow

A lovely term that I think you coined Came up the other day Friend who should not be named I was also asked by a Someone in the comedy industry last night They went can I have a guess Who Friend Who Must Not be named is And they asked a comedian

And I was like oh no no no They're not a comedian They just work in the civil service And they'd like to not have their disgusting Opinions and thoughts Broca, like, it's a regular, it's a regular person. It's an average Joe. But said, I believe that you, or perhaps it was one of your former housemates who coined the term,

I don't know if you've discussed this on the podcast before, when you have a dinner of, say, just chicken and tomatoes. Oh, no, it's, so the full credit to this goes to the academic John Galaher. Right, okay. Shout out to Dr. John Galaher, maybe even Professor John Galaher, who, if you eat any dish that involves, if he cooks any recipe or any dish that involves chicken and tomato, he refers to it as chicken denethor.

Which is, Denethor is the guy who eats the horrible tomato and chicken messily and Lord of the Rings. It's one of the funniest meal scenes in a film. It's like, again, it's like a kid eating in a play. Cannot sit through it. It's the clunkiest metaphor. It must be a nightmare for you. It's hell. But it's so funny

that you would eat, you'd burst a tomato like that. He eats tomatoes the way someone eats an Echlear in the where the cream shoots out the other end. He eats tomatoes like they're the size of a football. Yeah. How does he make them big with his mouth? It's...

He's like, diareering them out of his mouth. And like tearing chicken together. And you go, that, are you... Like, also, he's the fucking king. He's having, like, halls of residence dinner. Well, he's the steward. The steward. But still.

Still, the headest honcho of Gondor, the nicest city you ever see aside from Rivendale. He's having a... He's having a kind of, like, uh... I can't be on it's Sunday picky bits Frittata is that If Denethor's opened up the fridge And been like I got some chickens and tomatoes That purple stuff

That frittata advert Is also in there in my brain Yes yeah yeah That's yeah I hate adverts where Someone opens the fridge and the cameras in the fridge And they're like rubbing their hands Doing like a yum yum yum face

I hate any yum yum type behaviour Yeah rubbing the hands Oh. Oh, you're a goblin? Yeah, I still like the Domino's one. It was like a sort of I didn't they did just before. Domino's was sponsoring a TV show. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like eight uni friends all sitting down for their one medium pizza. Oh, yeah, yeah. Each having one half-crust slice. They wiggle their fingers like that picture of George Osborne doing the budget. And he had like a Byron burger in a styrofoam bucket. And his fingers are up like that. Like he's like a sort of count. How many things am I holding up sort of way?

Or a little prince. Yes. A treat. Ooh, delicious. Ooh. I mean, obviously it was just slid into a bin immediately afterwards. A beef burguered. When I was in Melbourne, I was opposite.

I think it wasn't because Byron Burger was started by an Oldertonian. Okay. So maybe like a GBK. Burger conspiracy. Opposite where I was staying in Melbourne. Yeah. Was a burger place that when pronounced is called burgetry. Nice.

Okay. But it was spelled burgatory. So every time I saw that, I went, George Osborne. That's all I could think was, so every morning in Melbourne, I had to think of George Osborne for former Chancellor of the Exchangement. Because of one picture in a budget that was in like 30 years ago. These are the... Oh, the Burgatory.

Yes. The budget is decided by the Burgator. The Burgotory. Yeah. The Hamburgler in America. Yes. Different constitution. These are the useless synaptory.

paths that are formed from decades of writing jokes and making references and really going through the news for mock the week. Yes, that your mind immediately has to go the wrong way before it goes the right way. Well, that's it. Your first instinct is to drop everything you're handed rather than hold. Yes, yeah, yeah. Like a clown. A silly billy.

Yes, or like you're in one of those like Tupperware ads of sort of like, don't you hate when this happens to you? Yeah. But Burger King isn't called Bugger. Burger King in Australia. It's called Hungry Jack's. Yeah, of chicken sauce. I enjoyed the implication that he's been stripped of his titles, like, Jack Mountain Batten, Windsor.

Yeah, yeah, Citizen Jack. Yeah. Because I typed in, I was trying to, it was like really late night, and I think it was like the night we arrived, and we were like, just go for the nearest fast food, and I was like, I think I saw a Burger King logo around the corner from us. And I was like, just want to make sure I've got the direction right. I typed in Burger King.

And Google Maps, obviously knows what I'm talking about. But it's like New Zealand. Yeah, it was sort of like, yeah, you can just, just catch the nearest flight back to London, you fuck. You stupid fuck. You came over the way here without getting your bugking, you fuck. That's how Google Maps talks to me. Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I think it's so annoying where it can't work out what you mean. I've typed in in a town on tour, supermarket. And it's gone, so there's a nespressopod shop nearby. There's a B&Q, is that what you mean? And then I've... Oh, you meant the supermarkets? Macard.

But I'll walk down the road thinking, okay, I guess it's like, you know, some towns in the UK, the supermarkets are all in those kind of retail parks at the edge, and there's none in the middle. It's quite a London thing to have really a constant supermarket's very urban bits. Oh, we'll pass to M&S, Sainsbury's. Google

Maps didn't think I meant those. It's a fucking supermarket, Google. It's rude. It's Google. It's the Finding Things Company. Yeah. I... So you went to...

Do you like the chicken salt? I love the chicken salt. Chicken salt? That's what they put on the chips and hungry jacks. I never ate there. Fool! Yeah. It's like chicken stock flavored salt.

Right, okay. It's nice. I, um, yeah. I mean, do I like Google Maps? No. It's fine. Sinister, yeah? Well, I was going to say, Google Maps, when it tells you something is like 20 minutes walk away, I'm like, oh, that's 10 minutes.

Yeah. That's fine. But Google Maps, I've ever. very short distances is very accurate. Google Maps over very long distances is very accurate. Not just in a car, but a friend of mine at night, we were very, very bored at uni once,

and we walked from Sheffield to Manchester. That's how bored we were. We planned it a day in advance, and... Did you talk about this on the pod? I don't know if it was a 12-hour walk. But Google was like, yeah, it'll be 12 hours, 15 minutes, and that is like, to the minute. How long...

Yeah, yeah. So it was just nailed it? Absolutely nailed. It knew that you'd get fatigued. It nailed the stoppage time for us having to deal with batches of nettles. Oh my God. It managed to factor in us having to go to Tesco's to get any sort of barn

because we'd absolutely chafed our balls to oblivion. Yeah, they had it all. Your balls would have looked like they were playing the devil in a film. Just that relevant of red. Yeah, like you never devil on the show. shoulder, it's just one horrible ball. But then one really nice ball on the other shoulder. Yeah, sort of floating ball with wings

and a halo on. Yuck, and that's always in like the Jetsons when they want to do something naughty. Well, my one ball is... Yeah. Sinister tour update. Actually, this has reminded me of... So my train... Yes, you're still on Sinister tour. I'm still on my Sinister tour. You're telling your spookiest jokes.

My most gruesome and ghoulish observations. Come and see me. In Bristol, that is the big extra date in the last Bristol date, so please come see me in Bristol at a strange place called, I think, 1532. Yes. So, very spooky jokes. You're on at midnight.

On the stroke of midnight. And you say things like, I would say boo to a goose. Don't give it away. Sorry. Don't give it away. It's not your open. I was like your second joke. That's one's every eased in.

No, it's just a warm up. You start with a jump scare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm somehow under every seat. Yeah. Adults shit, shit, adult shit shit. He needs a shit. Adults shit shit shit, adult shit shit.

He's gonna fucking shit. From the makers of baby wee, it's adult shit shit. 58-year-old Terry's had a night on the tiles and is feeling pretty worse for wear this morning. So get this 6'4-3, 18 stone doll to the nearest toilet and get those jeans off. Oh, Jesus. He's got three realistic sound effects. as if you interrupt him mid-spray. Get out! I'm trying to have a fucking shit!

Don't disturb him. He gets really angry. By today for just $3.190. And get your... Oh, fuck, now. Oh, fuck, my now. By today. Anyway, last night on the train, back from... Fucking hell, where even was I?

Blanking. Caution. Oh, Caution. Pound Art Center. Pound Arts, yeah. I was on the train back, and it was delayed by like half an hour, one of the swap trains. It was like half an hour delayed due to a passenger incident. And you always think, what's that?

Yeah. What is that? Someone not looking at the scenery. Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. That's the biggest incident I can think of. At one point, a guy, I saw a guy get on the train, and I genuinely did a double take, because it looked like he had been made up to play the devil in like a music video, like a tenacious deed. That's how red his head was.

And I'm not kidding A guy, like, was a guy I know And it was dark red It wasn't like Oh, he's like Had been sunburned A guy I went to uni with And again this is kind of a friend

Who should not be named situation Is a political correspondent For one of the big TV channels Yeah And he was a White House correspondent For quite some time And he said to me Whatever colour you think Donald Trump is

In person It's not that He said he looks even stranger in real life it's such a profoundly like no one has ever been that colour. Maybe like Ray Winston in Sexy Beast. Because there's almost a kind of... It's so...

Because it is a circle, it's a mask around his face. Yeah. And in either side of it, there's nothing. It's just plain white. No one's taught him blending. No one's taught him blending at all. He's just got, like, dead on... Because his eyes point fully forwards,

he's not turned his head whatsoever. Because he turns his whole body when he moves. So he never actually turns his head. But he said also, he said he stinks. What? He smell... of like overwhelmingly sweet, like after shave. He smells like sweets.

I just like, the more I think about it, I think he's like Oogie Boogie from Nightmare Before Christmas, because that's who, that's what he must smell like. Come on the drum his Oogie Boogie. He's full of what, if he cut him open, just loads of worms would come out. That would have been so funny during that assassination attempt if it shot his ear and just loads of worms. And everyone's going, don't look at it, don't look at it.

Turn away. Turn away. It's nothing. It's a trick of the mind. Start talking like Oogie Boogie Boogie. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they've shot me. They've shot me. They've shot me in the hand.

Doing that kind of swirling around. We'll put a ban on Muslims. Enter in our place. We won't let them into America, depending on their race. Yeah, yeah. No one comes in from Mexico town. It's not one of the trees at Easter Christmas. Mexico.

Mexico. You know, from Mexico. No, what were it? Sinko de Mayo Town. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That would be where he's worried about. I can't. I cannot imagine,

because sometimes in some particularly well-lit photos of him, you do see that his makeup around his face, his weird mask, is so, it's not like a kind of tan where, if you're painting human flesh tones in a painting, you try and layer up the colors. Okay. Because if you start with like just white

And add the colours on You have worked professionally as an artist as well To a very much I know nothing about this So it's so if you're especially using like watercolours and stuff Yeah The layers you're adding are somewhat see-through So light is still getting through

So if you, in the same way that if you put yellow paint On a black background or a black wall You have to do more coats right Because some of the darkness of the background It's still kind of getting through the paint Okay. The point is that if you layer up human flesh tones, you don't use the colors that seem to appear in his face.

You use, like, maybe pinks and oranges or reds, a kind of fiery, warm. His face mask tan color, the base notes of it are like flint and yellow. Flint! It's like sulfurous. They're really strange, like gray and dark yellow, poopy, Do you know what it looks like? It looks like. Horrible.

An ill poo. It looks like. It faces the color of an ill poo. He stole a safe from a tanning salon and it had one of those security measures. It goes, pah! And he had goggles on. Yeah. From drilling the lock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the beginning of a dark night with the clown nose. Everyone's getting shot in the back of the head. It's just such an odd choice of color because he is the most powerful man on earth. He could choose. He could have different colors. But I guess you go, no one's going to question it. Maybe it's like a power play.

Like, you say to yourself, I'm so powerful where I work. Like my company that I run. I'm just going to show up with my blazer on backwards. And no one will say anything. Yeah, I would have really long blazer sleeves that hung over at the end. Like I'm a zombie.

Like you were constantly pulling them up or that you were like an emo. Yeah, it shows that you mean business because there's always more sleeve to pull up. So you're always just putting up. Eventually, it's so bunched up around your forearms, you look like a flamenco dancer. But it's all suit. It's all suit material.

It's all suit. Really thick. And like your arms are going numb and white because no blood's getting through. Yeah. You can't really grab coffee anymore. You go, well, it's a tough day. Yeah, like trying to put your school shirt back on off to cross country. And you go, why aren't my fingers?

I felt like that a bit of Wolf of Wall Street where he's had the quail. Yeah, yeah. It was. Apart from seeing the devil get on my train. Yes. Which made me feel like I was in a kind of southern... Yeah, so how was this guy dressed? It's kind of normal.

Just sort of like... Just fully red suit. Fully red suit. Trident. A big plastic trident. Little goatee. Yeah. Top hat.

What's the Trident for? Poking. Like, that's not his job, though. He's got minions. Yeah. Learn to delegate Satan. Have we discussed this that what is... How a punishment's decided in hell?

It seems to be iron. But are you rewarded for bad behaviour? Or are you... Well, this is a confusing thing. Because am I having to suck Hitler's dick? Mm-hmm. Or does he have to suck my dick? Getting to, Glenn.

It's very hard to tell. And surely, because when you hear about, like, oh, there's, there are the lords of hell. Yeah. Like Bealzab and things. So are they in lots of pain. But they seem to be in charge. And they are also fallen angels. but then sometimes, like, could you be so evil, they're like, does it somehow flip like a magnetic pole reversal?

Where they go, you're actually so evil, we want you to also be in charge of a bit of this. Yeah, thank you. In which case, you really need to, if you're going to be evil, you need to be as evil as possible. It's like going into prison on your first day and punching the biggest person there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're in prison for a petty crime, you won't get any respect.

And hell is the ultimate prison. Yeah. So if you go in there going like, I'm Genghis Khan, you know, I killed millions. I'm evil. I'm crazy. I would torture people. I'm Nero. They'd be like, well, you actually get a corner office.

Yeah. But then it must also be suffering because you're still being punished. So is that they don't want to be in charge or they just go, look, it's a bad plug covered in nails. Just put it in. And you can be in charge. In terms of like how evil people are, there's people who got to be evil. So like a Genghis Khan sort of thing, you had the power, like Stalin, you had the power to be really evil. Yeah.

There's also pretty people who were more evil-minded than that, but just never had the... So I wonder if you get rewarded that, like, oh, you had the potential. So actually, the boss of your bit of hell, you go to hell, they go, like, your captor is eight-year-old Billy. Yeah. Who's just this awful bully with a catapult. Yeah. Who could have been? Could have been.

The worst human ever. Is Dennis the menace? Or like a really shy old lady from, you know, rural Russia. Yeah. She just never had the opportunity. She'd never had the opportunity. I imagine it was. would be a Dennis the Menace, and not British Dennis and Menace.

I'm talking American Dennis the Menace, who was much more of like a hillbilly. Because he wore like Dungarees, like, Toplas, and he was like Huck Finn. Charming 50s nonsense, isn't it? Well, it was, it was created like the same day as Dennis the Menace or something like that. It's really strange. But in the movies of American Dennis the Menace, he lives in like Home Alone kind of luxury. I was so scared of that film as a kid. Home Alone?

No. Oh, no, I was scared of the guy who wasn't Joe Peshire. Yeah. McCauley Corkin. No, the other burglar, I didn't like people with frizzy hair when I was a kid that used to really frighten me. Really? Especially, yeah, I thought they were gonna just rub their hair on my, on me.

What? When I was like three. Not like... 28. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't check. Yeah. Yeah.

So, Frizzy, I was frightened of people with frizzy hair. But clowns, I mean... No, not really, because at least they had the decent. to have such a big reciting hairline, but actually it minimized the amount of hair. So I think as a kid, I wouldn't have been scared of Andy Zaltzman. I would have been frightened of, like, that aerobics guy from the 90s who were like the... Yes, yes, yes.

Come on, come on, come on, come on. Yeah. Because that was a fully fledged, like, curly hair situation. Frizzy, fire sort of thing. I would have been frightened of Moira Stewart. I wouldn't have been frightened of... Crusted the clown. Yes, exactly. Interesting. Yeah.

Interesting. So in Dennis the Menace in the movie, there were two elements because he's got his dad, his grandfather. Yeah. I can't remember who the actor is, but it was like one of his last roles and he was very, very, he was like a classic sort of actor from like the 60s and 70s and 50s, but this was like one of his final roles was playing the granddad in Dennis the Menace. There was a trailer that I remember seeing in the cinema where

Dennis is like lining up a catapult as per. Yeah. And the ball is firing all, and it just keeps ricocheting off stuff in the living room. It's smashing glasses and knocking into windows. And then the granddad is sat there reading his paper. And the ball fires through his newspaper. And he, right, right?

And he lowers the newspaper. And he's got a pen in his pocket. And it's now just now leaking ink all over his chest. And as a kid, I didn't know that was a pen. I thought he'd genuinely been like hit in the heart. And that was like his blood. Like, he was, like, black blood. The trailer was, oh, this kid kills his granddad.

So be careful about that. He's a menace. He's, yeah, yeah. But I was like... This kid's fired a fucking steel ball bearing straight through his granddad's chest. I think it was one of the first things I was... Like, it's from a rail gun. Yeah.

Just... Because the trailer ended with him just looking, like, shocked. So I was like, he's killed him. He's killed him. And then it just moved on to the next trailer. I think I must have been like three or four years old. It's such a vivid memory I have. That's so good.

I only just found the trailer again a couple of months ago on YouTube. And I was like, very fucking is. I couldn't find it anywhere. And then the way, sorry about the spoilers here for Dennis the Menace, the movie. Yeah. The way the movie ends is he's... I'm not the Menace they deserve, but I'm the Menace they do right now. I'm not locked in here with you.

I... You're locked in here with me, Ness. Menace. Then at the bottom, it says, menis. Dennis the meanus. Dinas the meanus. Yeah. And everyone's like, this is the beginning of a limerick, isn't it?

Oh, I wonder what body part it's going to be about next. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What could it be? Yeah. They once was a man called nestacles. Yeah, yeah. Please go on. And what of it?

I'll tell you, I'll tell you, what time it. If you'll allow me. in good time but please let me first eat my suet pudding in this situation the man's eating like a roast dinner on stage and then he'll carry him with a joke but what's off it just a moment but people would really laugh

my glass of milk people would really laugh because the way he'd eat the roast dinner was so something that we can't watch the king eat yeah yeah yeah so Dennis is mucking about with a marshmallow a roasted, like toasted marshmallow on a stick by a campfire. Classic.

He flings it. And the flaming marshmallow, the end of the film, the flaming marshmallow hits his granddad square in the forehead, and there is like a flame, like a fucking blow-torch-esque flame. Also it's like burning sugars like napalm.

Like, that's really... It's like a prison punishment. And the granddad's eyes are so wide. There's no movement in his face. And then it just... And the film ends. And I was like, he killed him again. And I was so scared

because I'd watched someone die on screen. We got third degree burns. It is a fucking bonkers. And I was so glad when I looked it up because all the comments on YouTube were like, as a kid, I thought it had gone right through his head. Like, I thought he'd killed his granddad.

So everyone else was being true. Everyone else is exactly the same way. It was, because it's not funny. A flaming marshmallow on your head. It's not hilarious. But also, like, it is like napalm. Like, it's like burning caramel. Yeah.

Even if he swatted it away, it's still. He's got that on his head forever. It'll be like the Raiders of the Lost Dark guys got the imprint on his hand. It's still sticking and burning forever. Yeah. Honestly, I reacted less than when the Nazis exploded. That's horrible.

I reacted less when the Nazis exploded in Raiders of Velost Dark that I did as a kid. It really scared me. You can't do menace though now. That's something that's changed, this childish menace. Have you read the Beano recently? Are you aware of how they've changed it?

No. So they've swapped people. personalities. Right. Dennis the Menace now has something much closer to Walter the Softi's personality. And Walter the Softie is now like a mean bully. Because... He's like...

I see. So actually, Dennis the Menace is like the... He's punching up. Yeah, he's punching up and he's well-meaning. Right. Whereas, like, Walter the Softie will be like... Jacob Rees-Mogg. I'll saw through the leg holding up the table of puddings or whatever the fuck.

Also, he's the prankster. But it's always like negatively... intentioned, like, then no one will have any pudding or whatever. Whereas Dennis and Menace will be like, oh, I'll prank that horrible person. I see. So he's Dexter. Dennis and Menace is now Dexter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone will wake up, strapped to a table with big plastic sheets around him, and he's there with a pea-shooter, like inches from their chest. Yeah, and they're surrounded by photos of all the dinner ladies they've pranked. The last thing they see as they die is that all the dinner ladies they've made go, Yaru As they get hit by peas from a pea shooter And yeah

Dennis Menace has got a classmate Who's basically like Dexter's colleague Who's like I heard on the CCTV footage Someone say Ptoe As the P hit them I know it was you

Dexter the Mexter Would be a really good Dexter the Mexter Dexter I don't know what that means Yeah We'll make it up Like Tex-Mex Tex Mexican Mexican

Yeah Sour cream Yes Yeah a lot of sour cream Yeah The other sinister thing about this train Oh my God, sorry I'm not letting you

No, I'm just not letting you do this He had a devil dressed normally So the devil came on Yeah, but he was not working Yeah, you're in the master of margarita He was off work Yeah, yeah So I didn't want to bother him

He's dressed down Friday I didn't want to ask him for his selfie or anything Yeah, yeah, yeah He's folded up his trident like people do with their bikes Collasible horns Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah So the devil came on

But he was busy, he was on, he was not on work business So I thought, I'll leave him alone, fine. But still, this train has been delayed by half an hour before I get on by a passenger incident. Yes. So I always want to know what that means. Yeah. Heart attack. Fight.

Who knows? Yeah. And then right as we were pulling into Paddington, I thought, I'm no fool. I'm going to go to the loo. Yeah, you're no fool. Some night journey. I've made that mistake too many times in my life. What do you mean?

Coming back from gigs. Yeah. You just think, I just want to go home. And if I sprint from this, like, that's getting in just as the tube is kind of closing for the night. Oh, I see. Then, oh, you know, and then, because the night buses or taxi is expensive or it's the choice between, if you fuck it up by one minute, it's the difference between getting home at 1am or 3 a.m.

Yes, yes, yes. But I wouldn't have had a piss. Yes. And then you get stuck on the three-hour version, two-hour version, and you're just like, it's late and I'm tired and I missed my train and I'm full of piss. In that situation, like my friend at uni, just got to close your eyes and go to sleep. just horrifying. You're just got to sit back and relax.

I think about it so much. So I thought, I'll go for a pee. I'm no fool. Yeah. And the nearest loo was through the vestibule, you know, the weird kind of rubber tunnel between train carriages. Yeah.

And it was all shut. Like, it was like unopenedable, locked. Oh, so it was like a train that had like separated. No, it was like still visible. I could see it. The actual doors that normally open automatically were like locked by a physical lock. Oh.

I was like, what? Like you're in a lab in Godzilla. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I realized... Open the door! I've got to put! Is it inside you? Yes.

Yes, unfortunately. Yes. So I realized that the whole carriage had no one sitting in it. And I thought, oh, this is the... The incident carriage. And I looked and there was maybe a huge pull of blood on the floor in the aisle. And they let the train continue? They had to.

But they locked it. So clearly the conductor was like... I don't know if it was blood, but it was like reddish-brown, like puddle with extra little puddles next to. to it, right in the middle of the carriage in the corridor, aisle floor. Oh man, you've got to hope it's a nosebleed. A massive...

If that's your nosebleed, you're done, man. So the size of the stain, I'm going to say, was bigger than the silhouette of a football. Right. Like, it was big enough for me to see from the other... Yeah, yeah.

It was a big... An entire Yazoo. He's lost 11 Yazoo's of blood. In English, Mr. The height of a double-decker bus. It could fill two Wembley stadiums. But yeah, I thought, God, that's sinister. Do you reckon the devil had something to do with it?

I reckon that's... You should have come back and gone, that's your fucking jurisdiction. You clean that up. That's your mate. Yeah. Done that. Maybe he got on to take whoever started this fight to hell. Yeah.

He's like, come on. I'm on night calls. And I'll take this gun to hell for bursting someone's head on the train. How weird is that? I don't like that. Late-night sinister. That's really late-night sinister.

We've got some correspondence we need to look in. Let's have a look at some correspondents. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, not non, and randomness. Correspondence. We've got some lovely messages. We've got some lovely messages. I took a screenshot of some slop adverts. Okay.

One on Instagram. Poop every single day. it says. Like, um... And the phrase in this advert for this thing that supplement... Hey, hey, hey.

Duke shirts every day. A piano riff. Um... The slogan of this supplement is, when did pooing become a luxury? That's the first thing it says. No. When did pooing become a luxury?

a luxury. This is an advert. Cost a living, mate. An advert? This is an advert for a supplement that makes you quote poo every day. Okay. When did pooing become a luxury? Dreading every meal. Dreading every meal.

Oh, this will only be poo later. Or it won't. Yeah. Can I take you out for dinner? But at what cost? If you must. Yes. Would you like to take a look at the pre-shitting menu?

We're going out for pre-shits later. Or dinner? Me and me and a friends are pre-shitting. Well, I'll say ever since pooing became a luxury. A luxury, yeah. I only eat soup. Yeah. I can't afford to poo in this economy.

I'm just going to go for a shit. In this economy? That's a fun thing to say. In this economy? I'm just going to go to the toilet. In this economy? Come on. Well, with Iran and everything.

Yeah. You know, there are kids starving right now. There's a war on. Yeah, and you're off to the toilet. I enjoy your toilet. Like a child. Again. Living on emodium.

living on a modium. That's a fun song. Bondi. Yeah. And then the most awful one. Feeling six months pregnant after lunch. Oh, Jesus Christ. I know, Lord Sparme.

It just ends with neither are we. You have a good day. That shouldn't be happening. You should go to the doctor. Yeah, yeah. This advert's been brought to you by doctors. They'll help you. I wish I could go back in time

and just tell, say, five-year-old me when they just started, like, primary school or whatever, junior school, the toilets don't get better. Public toilets don't get better. The toilets were in a wretched state at school that doesn't improve at nice restaurants. Yeah. People will still be like...

Unless you're in Germany. Oh, are they like... In Germany, the joke is that, like, if a German says... Is it like the Japan's football team, where it's like they clean up. They clean the whole room afterwards. In Germany, the jokers, if someone says, oh, it's a really nice restaurant, they just mean the lose.

I see, okay. Whereas in France, they mean the food. Yes, yeah. And not the lose. But people, I mean, if you ever have been to like a bar in Lester Square. Oh, man. Oh, my God. Having to smell the shits of dependent drug users.

Of, like, the bankers who are at the casino on a Friday night. The way the Coke has affected everyone's toilet experience now, but thanks to them. Yes. A toilet battered by the way. of cocaine and overpriced cider. Yeah, I've never seen a toilet given a black eye before. Someone's mugged this toilet.

It's got bruises. Yeah, it's knackered. Okay, so before you go on to Martin's thing, you should say, we hope you enjoyed the sketch earlier. Those are back now. And should we do alternating weeks? Let's do alternating weeks. That's like 26 a year. Yeah. So, yeah. We can ape something I loved growing up,

Adam and Joe's song wars. Right. And they didn't alternate weeks, but they would try, it was a competition element. It was Lenin McCartney. Of silliness, yes, exactly. Yes, and yours, we don't normally acknowledge them, but because this is them coming back. Yes.

I listened to yours via voice note in a Pratt. Yes. Through headphones. And it looked like I had been bereaved. It looked like I'd taken a... On the spot. On the spot, the level of laughing and weeping. Drive-by bereavement. Coffing and choking.

He's dead. I'm so glad. It really got me. Good, I'm glad. One of the most horrifying things you could listen to you on headphones, I would say. I had to ask Katie, what time of day is best to do this, considering we've got neighbours? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, one a.m.

Martin says, Dear Pierre Novell Jellicle and Flemm more. Say that again. Take these chains off and say it again. Dear Pierre, Novell, Jellical and Flem Moore. Novel Jellic... Jellical is all I can think. Are we doing that for J? So it's like cats?

No, it's spelled like it's... Like evangelical. Like evangelical. It's got to be... It's got to be phlegm-related, presumably. Yeah, but what is... We'll find out. Get in touch. Yeah.

There are throat experts yelling at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's obviously evangelical flam! Yeah. I'm a recent listener, and while I respect Philips, as the first dad of the pod. For me, at least, Glenn is the time crisis,

too, of Budpod fathers. Higher stakes, faster action, and the definitive pun-slinging experience. Fuck off. I say that to me again. I will wear you like a condom I hate.

It's all condoms. Yeah. I've now had the pleasure of seeing you both with Glenn in South End on Jan the 17th and Pierre and Colchester May the 10th. It was a lovely gig. In South End,

despite Glenn being under the weather, I asked him whose accent he preferred, Dara O'Brien's or Pierre's. Yes. Glenn's non-committal response included a spray of spittle that landed in my mate's pint. My friend probably drank the contaminated pint without breaking eye contact, and I've never seen Glenn look more unsettled. Do you have any memory of this?

January of this year. Yeah, and South. Saffin. Is the most ill I've ever been on stage. Yeah. And I told the audience that. We had Shen Yun cough. I was, it was pre-Shen-Yen-Yun.

Oh, you're probably. I got six times at the beginning of the year, and I couldn't put my finger on why. There was an episode of Mott the Week I nearly had to drop out of, like, the night before. I remember when we were writing for it. It was like, you and me, it was like I was writing your last will and testament. We did it over Zoom, and I was like having to lie. I was like, I'm sorry, can you mind? I just have for five minutes.

Because sitting down hurt. I'm just going to go sit. I needed to lie down because I was like sitting up was too much. So bad. But the South End gig, I was. I was lying on the dressing room floor when they knocked on the door to be like, shows about to begin,

and I'd laid out my shirt, tie, and cardigan, the usual show attire. And I was like, I haven't even ironed that yet. I just went on stage in what I was wearing. And I was so ill, and I felt so bad for the audience. I was like,

I'm going to do my absolute dynast to the best of my ability. But then I told the audience, accidentally, I mean, it is a wet show. I'm a frantic performer on a tour show. I'm soaking by the end. The fact that I do, already explained to the audience, I was ill, and it then

matter flew into someone's drink. And they drank it. I think I do remember that. That's frightening. And because it was like, you've given yourself an illness. You know you are. Why have you chosen this? Why have you chosen this? Yes.

That's very unsettling. In Colchester, I somehow cornered a Pierre post show to say a very personal Koji, while I was clutching what ended up to be a very lackluster tacco bell. Never had Taco Bell. There is a... The first Taco Bell I ever had was in Colchester. There's one right around the corner from the Art Center. Oh.

It is someone who is not a frequent bathroom attendee. Yes. Taco Bell is like... It's been spiked. If putting... You know, putting fingers down your throat makes you vomit. Yeah.

Taco Bell, eating Taco Bell is like if you could do that by putting fingers up your bum. Really? It's like instant illness. It's just like flu. It's... Your body uses it as a clear... It's like a bowl of all brand.

I think a tacon bag should be advertised. It's like 100% fiber. But actually you need, you should have some calves every day, protein fats. And the fiber should come in the form of... And then some Taco Bell. So it's like that kind of drain cleaner that you pour in to the drain. It's just like... It just says, do not get this on any living creature.

Yes, when you see those cleaning... ...scowers the pipes. Someone fires a hose through like a pipe and you just see what comes out of the pipe. It's that. It's... My God. Just you're... It's like...

everything else in your body moves out the way like cars on a motorway for an ambulance. Takabal has sirens in the food. It has priorities. It has sirens in the food. Right of way.

Yeah. It has right of clay, yeah. Martin has a question, as my show is called You Sit There, I'll stand here. Colchester Art Center is in a church. It is. Deconsecreted church from the 70s.

Did you consider adding a subtitle for Colchester? of they'll lie there for the people in the churchyard. Imagine how sinister that was a bit. You sit there, I'll stand here, and I point out through the stained glass window, and they'll lie there. But, as we've established, you have one of the spookiest tour shows around.

It's true. So that's perfect. Culture Starz Center has the best performers' bathroom around. It's like you feel like you are in... It's like a bathroom from the Acropolis. It's got like mosaic tiles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's weird what performers always... talk about, but whenever I mention culture strats and to every comedian just goes, lovely toilet. Lovely toilet. Chorley, best green room in the world. Best green room in the world. Um, some of crisps. Just unbelievable. Personalised mug

if you sell out. Yeah. They had only just got those mugs when I did my extra show in Chorley, so I have a plain mug. No. But, I'm still grateful. Yeah, it's a free mug. It's where I store my pens. Zero pens. I can't keep hold of pens.

What? I can buy like 20 byros from T.J. Jones And I'll take them to a new material night, like one, and I'll scribble on my hand. That pen won't be in my back. They're gone. They're just all gone. And I don't know where they go. Yeah.

It's like I've taken a rabbit to a gig. And left my bag. A fly. Yeah, yeah. Flies are just around like pens for you. They just sometimes there's a room of the fly. Yeah, if I have my window open in the summer, a Bick will come in. You can't own them.

Yeah. It's a ridiculous idea. Get the pen spray. It just sticks their lids together and they can't move. Lids, oh yeah, sorry, I thought you meant like the fly's eyes. Oh, geez. I have an observation to make about Cockney contractors, and I'm going to save it for the Patreon. Okay.

We're going to go to the Patreon. Come see us in Bath, Budpod Live, the 2nd of November, I believe it was. Third. Okay, there you go. early November, Bath, podcast festival. Yes.

If you sign up to the, the pay tier of the Patreon, you get monthly George Pod with George Four Acres of S&L, plus an extra bonus episode which we're about to record now. Every week. Plus access to the entire back catalogue

of all the bonus episodes we've done. Episodes add-free as well. I mean, if you sign up to the tier above that, you get the monthly movie pod. And also, you'll get access after we go next week to our Faulty Towers Dining Experience Pod. Yeah.

then and it's it's going to be crazy it's going to be crazy thank you so much again for voting for us in the listeners life honestly thank you that was an unbelievable experience winning that award it really genuinely was thank you thank you guys coji