BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E50 | Moron Safari

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Youtube version available here!This week the buds discuss the 'worst non-violent thing', Cormac McCarthy, 'Hell People' and social media.This week's sketch: 'Dirty Billy Pizza.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back! In Bath! Tickets available here - https://komediabath.co.uk/events/128649554-budpod-live-2026-11-03-19-00-00/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands!Including a headline show at the Leicester Square Theatre on May 28th!Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Vote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Part 50. That auntie looks shifty. Auntie? That auntie looks shifty. Yeah. Oh, what's she up to? Is it, are you saying Auntie as in, that is one of my parents' sisters? Or are you saying Auntie in the kind of, the way that a lot of countries in the world, including South Africa, would say it.

Yeah, just to say. Yeah, referring to just a... Any other middle-aged woman. Yeah, someone older than me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What's going on with that Auntie? Yeah, when did Angela Merkel-Mercl Auntie?

step down from German Chancellor, like that sort of thing. We were just discussing the fact that we are going, for the sake of the Patreon, we are going to the Fulti Tower's Durning Experience. For the good of the Patreon. For the good of the Patreon. Yes. And how fun it would be to refuse to talk while we're there, as if we don't know the names of the characters. Yeah. So then the manager came out.

Yeah. And the manager's wife was also, it also works there. The waiter was Yeah, just who worked There was that old man in the corner Yeah, I'm going to keep that up Have you seen the menu? Yes.

Yes, so for anyone who doesn't know we're going to the Faulty Towers Dining Experience At the time of... Well, when you listen to this, tonight we're going to the Faulty Towers dining experience tonight. And they've given us the menu and what I liked is the starter

is like, oh, it's tomato and basil soup. And then you can't do that with any of the other No. No, no, Crem Manuel. Yeah. Doesn't work. Yeah.

They've started strong and they've gone... Cibble. Yeah, there's no... We can't do it. They've gone, oh, shit, okay. Yeah, why wasn't there anyone called casserole in that show? Do you think they'll have the major character in the corner saying... Like, really... Yeah.

...say slurs that have to be edited out of rebroadcast. Yeah, do they have to come out at the beginning and say... Like when you go to an Everyman cinema, but they have to... In the same way, like, Disney Plus would have a warning. Oh, yeah. Some of the stuff they say tonight isn't reflective of the... You just change the script. Some of the abuse directed at Catalan waiters...

...is not acceptable anymore, but it was true to its... Some of the food you eat will not be acceptable by today's terms. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, chicken casseroot. You couldn't make that these days. Everything boiled. You couldn't make that these days.

Canned carrots. Tinned carrots. You couldn't get away with that. Boiled to hell. No, you wouldn't be allowed to get away with that these days. We're recording... The morning that the last episode has come out. So... Yes, an episode has just come out.

And the episode has just come out. And it's the episode featuring adult shit-shit. Oh, yes. My advert. It's real. And even though it comes out, I think, the episode at 6am, 7 a.m. Already messages are flooding. Oh, no, really?

It's like being in the situation room. In a bad way. Which is the ones we've put in the chat. You've seen them. Oh, yeah. Someone just said it's the worst thing of it. Hainess. heinous as opposed to bad brackets quality.

Unless that's what they mean. I think no one can dispute the quality. But I particularly listening to it with noise-canceling headphones on. It was a real assault on the sensors. It was a real Guantanamo Bay. Yes. Like in a sort of, there's a room they go into in Lost where there's just someone in basically a not even sensory deprivation.

It's whatever the opposite of that is. It's just an absolute assault of just... It's like clockwork orange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just noises and their head is just flicking around as they look at it all. That's what it must have been. Is that a thing in Lost? It happened.

As with many things in Lost, they threw lots of ideas onto the screen and whichever one stuck they kept with. But they'd be like, okay, so let's introduce a horse in this one. Let's introduce... So the person in the sensory chamber... Yeah. Was that someone that was a pre-known? Like, oh, I remember that character from Season 1?

Or was it just a new human? This was a new human, and I didn't... I didn't finish lost, so I don't know. Well, apparently, all I hear is that they didn't land the plane. Yeah. Yeah. That's the episode one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's all I've heard of it. I just said it was a terrible plane. They did land it, but really badly. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's all up there. And the rest is history. All planes land. Yeah.

I, one of my sister's colleagues at the time, because everyone had conspiracy theories. Yes, I remember people talking about it to a degree. that seems crazy now. Yeah, and the most intelligent people I knew were looking into like symbols that were projected onto a wall and going, those are Latin and I've looked up what they meant. And then also you had the dumbest people you knew. There's a bit where Locke, was it, the bald guy? Yeah. Has a, like Marlon Brando and the Godfather, put a slice of orange in his mouth and smiled

at someone. Right. I can't remember why. I can't remember the context. But my sister's colleague was like, did you watch Lost last night? And my sister I was like, no. And she was like, this guy, he's named Locke, and he's been sort of suspicious, I think. And one of the characters catches him, he has an orange smile. And she thought that that was like her, like his inside is secretly orange. What? But he hadn't put an orange in his mouth. The reveal is that he's been an orange this whole time.

But she was like, I don't know what it is, but he's got like an orange smile. And then my sister was like, what the fuck, what? And then she then watched the episode and was like, put the fucking size of orange in his mouth. What could it mean? So in the Nauties, one of the most popular ways to kind of induce a sort of artificial temporary schizophrenia would be to watch Lost. Yes, Lost was a good way of outing her as a stupid person, whereas now she has to go on a March, on a Saturday. She has to reply to tweets from the news.

Yes, yeah. Which I just... You've never bloody heard of him. Fix it. Do it then. Oh, so Kirstarmer's allowed in number 10, but my grandmother isn't. One rule for them. And another for my grandmother.

I have a problem. Yeah. I can't get into number 10. I can't get into number 10. God knows, I've tried. I have a problem, which is, when I am on any social media platform, even the nominally nice one, Blue Sky, which isn't that nice? Yes, or the nicer one, Truth's Social.

Been on there. Everyone's light-minded. They're all light-minded You can't deny that On blues guy They're all like-minded And they all fucking hate each other It's like rats in a bin

Yeah Threads is the most Telling off one Threads I get suggestions on Instagram Of like Hey someone you've never heard I've posted a thread

That you might like Yeah People really complaining What is So when I go on threads It is Snarky captions From images that aren't on there

Yes So what is that It's like Yeah you know how You never go on Instagram to look at pictures of people you don't know. Yeah. Well, why don't you never do that to look at captions of those pictures?

It's so unpleasant. I tell you, do you know what's nice? It's like a broken app. Do you know what's nice of than threads? Threads, the film. That's more pleasant than threads. Yes. Yeah.

Oh, my God, they've done it. They've actually done it. Every time I go on threads, the app. Every time I watch threads. On St. George's Day. On St. George's Day. Fully nude. Big Shepherds pie.

Fully nude. Shepard's pie. I'm an national anthem and I watch threads. Shepherds pie across my lap to keep it warm. Not a tray. No. No, no, no, just slop. You scoop it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Baby without a bib. Oh, God. Really an image from hell. An image from her. Colin, what are you doing? Watching threads. Ironinous Bosch. Fucking painting character in the corner,

a man with shepherd's pie on his lap. Eating it new. Yeah, Cold War Steve. Yeah, yeah. Ass image. This is a cold... Yeah, pure Cold War Steve. Flip down bed.

Yeah. Everything's flipped down. Flip down sink. Flip down curtains. Flip, flip down, toilet. Flip down door, flip down... The whole flat is flat pack. The whole flatest flats.

It all flips up. It's this origami bald man upstairs. Yeah, yeah. It's very aggressive. Every time I go on through it... It's a craft. There's a post, which is from an American comedian who's like an open mic level comedian,

being snarky towards other American open micers. Yeah. That's what Threads thinks I want to see. It's such a strange in joke. We're in comedy and we're not interested in that. But they say things like, if you show up to a stand-up night and you put the microphone in your asshole,

maybe this isn't the business for you. And it's like, what's happening? Yeah. Thanks for telling me, I hadn't thought about it like that. Why? Thank you. Loads of people are replying, Like, that face when you know exactly who this is about.

Yeah. You guys need to just stop doing this then, this gig, if that's what's happening at it. Yes. My disease, my problem. Yes, yeah, yeah. Not with threads just because it's gibberish. It's like fragments of a lost civilization of Snark. If I'm on like Blue Sky or if I go on X for my ration of obsessive Ukraine war information.

Yes. Or any Instagram post sometimes, the reply, I look at the replies. to see who's stupid. And I can't stop doing it. As if two filter them out. Are you keeping a list? Checking it twice. Santa's list of nice and stupid.

I've got Santa list of nice and fails key stage one reading comprehension. Yes, yeah, yeah. You might get coal in your stocking because you'd probably like that, wouldn't you? You'd probably like that, wouldn't you? You'd enjoy that as much as a tamagotchi, you cock. Santa hating you is horrible.

I saw on Blue Sky, someone saying someone making a good post about, which was read, so I still follow people from my degree early medieval historians, some of whom taught me, hello, if you're listening. I apologize to the quality of my work.

And they retweeted something, one of them, which was like, I can't believe, you know, people don't check AI sources. If you don't check sources in early medieval history, you're just citing a completely made up load of shit about King Eye. Arthur by a guy from the 1800s who's just a board aristocrat.

It's just true. Yes. And that happens a lot if you're not careful. And I clicked on that and the reply, someone was like, this is exactly right. You know, even in science, I'm an epidemiologist and I tried to get some AI assistance with the paper and GROC or whoever, H.I.GBT, made up like six citations of studies that didn't exist. Yeah.

So I told it off. Right. Just saying like that happened to me and I checked and it wasn't real. So I told off the agent. Yeah. And someone replied going, wow, okay, yeah. So I'm sure once you've told it off,

it'll completely change how it behaves. And you just go, that's not what they were fucking saying. But I'm having all those feelings. Yeah. On my own in my living room. When I could be thinking about things that are worthwhile or good. This is your Coronation Street.

You're watching the lives of people who don't matter. But in Coronation Street, some of them are likable. Whereas I'm on a kind of moron safari of snarky pricks. It's the same. It's the same. Every time you buy a TV guide,

the front cover should just be like John reply guys to this car. I block every time I see a shitty little comment, I just block it. Is that in the hope that one day you will have a curated and clean? Here's the horrifying thing. It works.

When I used Twitter more regularly back when it was Twitter, I would do that. and I would see people quote tweeting someone going, what a fucking cunt or look at this idiot completely misunderstanding. And it would say, post not available, because I'd already block them. But that happened hundreds of times. That's how good the system is. Because you click through to these morons,

and they have 800K tweets and 80 followers. Yes. They're bedridden or in an asylum next to the Joker and the lizard man from the sewers. Yeah. And this is all they do. Because they're unwell. Yeah, you should be one of those people who gets really angry

about what you think prison is like in the UK. They get given a PlayStation, they get given a blue sky account. They get sucked off immediately. They all get given a blue sky and threads account to complain about open mics in America. But it's the Pareto principle. Yeah. 80% of the dog shit is...

It's even worse than that. I've seen the stats for social media. Something like... Okay, social media doesn't exist anymore, right? No one is on Instagram to see their relatives. Not us. No, no one is. Like, it's not a thing anymore.

Right, okay. TikTok. People aren't know TikTok watching TikTok being done by Nana. Yeah. They're following eight different meme pages, 14 different sports pages, three news pages.

I do miss Facebook from like 15 years ago. Yeah. Where you could see insane statuses from people you went to primary school with being like, everyone who's friends with Emma Duncan, please block her because she's just dumped me over text. Oh my God, man, you've got kids. Yeah.

Or a status saying, some people think they're too good for recycled cans. Yeah. What is this about? That was more fun. Yeah. But I've seen the stats and it's something like 90% of social media content is made by 1% of accounts. Because most people are just lurkers.

Right. So when you do see a cunty reply, that person is being that thousands of times a day. Like a hell person. Yeah. Like I hear a theory of hell people from that article. Yes, it must hurt if you get one of those replies and it's their first ever. Like they've been there for years, but it's their first ever comment. The first thing they've been...

I'm sorry, I had to step up. The first thing they've been moved to do Yes, yes, yes is to nine-year-old child-level reading comprehension in your post. Yeah. Speaking of insane al-Bus... I need to stop doing it.

Don't do, it's such a waste of your time. Oh. Are you tired of the same old pizza? Well, shut the hell up and listen because dirty billy's got some fuck of news for you. Our pizzas turn your shit around. That's right. They're upside down.

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with plenty of angel hair past apuse. Download the Dirty Billy's Pizza app today and use it to earn Billy points and find your nearest location. If you dare. Speaking of insane outbursts, the wretch has started to swear. No. It's got nothing to do with me or Katie. Yeah?

Definitely not. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm so... In the same way... You didn't let one slip in the car one day? People used to ask me all the time, do you ever worry about swearing on live radio or anything like that? Yeah.

And you go, it's like talking to your grandparents. It just doesn't... Your brain can just block it. Yeah. Exactly the same situation. I see it's exactly the same thing. It's just not part of my vocabulary in that situation. Yeah.

But, and when I tell you what the swear word is and in what context, you'll know it hasn't come from us because it's as part of a sentence. Okay. He has started to say, fuck it out, baby. Okay, hang on. Yeah.

Fuck it out. Fuck it out, baby. Fuck it out, baby. Fuck it out, baby. And when we're like, what did you just say? He'll be like, that man just said it in the shop. And I'm like, I can guarantee you. No one has ever said that.

apart from you. Fuck it out, baby. Horrible. I can't... I'm afraid your son is a kind of... has Austin Powers syndrome. Is it kind of a... I see it as someone being sick

and someone's holding the hair back and just fuck it out. Fuck it out. Fuck it all out. Just fuck it out. Fuck it out. Where's he got that from? I don't know. Here's something I do know.

My nephews and the other young kids of people I know, They can pick stuff up from school from kids whose parents just let them go on raw TikTok. So this is, like, the issue is we hear other friends of his swear. Yeah. From, you know, and their sibling is an ex-old bully. It's that, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's nothing you can do.

Yeah, you just have to say... Fuck it out, baby. Fuck it out, baby. Just fuck it out, baby. That's what they say to the ex-all bully. Because everything is boss fuck it out baby these days. Awful. Fuck it out.

Out. What is that mean? That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Like saying you're in a bad mood, so just fuck it out. But the idea of fucking as a verb, fine, but to fuck something out, like an exorcism.

Yeah. Is awful. Yeah, to use shagging as a way to extract something. Get the poison out. Awful. To get the poison out of the fuck-e. Or the fuck-ee. Yes, the fucky.

It could be that the fuck-ee has something lodged. Yes. And it's loosened by... Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fucky sounds horrible as a term. Fucky. Because it sounds like...

It sounds like... It sounds like a porn parody of the horror film Child's play. And there's a haunted fucky doll. Well, holding a vibrator instead of a knife appearing. Fucky. It does sound like horribly twee Hugh Grant. Fucky. A bit of fucky.

Oh, geez. Disgusting. It's disgusting enough from Richard Curtis-Ols when they say, bonging. Because I picture a policeman getting hit over there,

the mallet. I'm like, that's not sexy. But that's how you have sex. Hey, you get back here! And he blows a whistle. Bambi-de-bid-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, one of those. Yeah.

Yeah, for play. What are you, like a policeman. Bonking is such rivals kind of style. Yes, yes. So they've made rivals raunchy enough that it doesn't seem silly. No, I haven't.

They're kind of softcore sex from British TV in the 70s. Like carry-on sort of thing. Yeah, where it's like they're almost wearing four layers. And sort of going, woo. Yeah. And you think, what, is this how it happened? Yes, that's, it's probably a nicer way of explaining to a kid what sexism, where babies come from.

A policeman gets hit on the head of the helmet. Yes. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. A policeman chases someone. and then that's how you came about. And then a baby falls out from the person running. I always thought that like... If you said someone like, what's the worst, like, non-violent thing you can imagine?

Your parents are having sex? Right? See? You've got what you just reacted. The worst non-violent thing I can imagine. Yeah. That's one of the worst. How are we defining non-violent?

As in, the worst thing you can imagine is obviously a dreadful thing happening like people have been blown up. No, of course, but what about a dog just running into a lake and not coming out? So that's violent. Is it? Yeah, it's death. Okay, so we're defining all death as violent.

Yes. Even if peaceful. Even if peaceful. It's still violent. Yeah, I'm afraid he was killed of old age. I'm afraid he violently died of old age. Ah! I'm so old.

Just... Ha! That is the forfeit. That is the forfeit of games. Getting to live to old age and dying of old age is you. It is the last second is agonizing back. So that's... You're 100, come, come, come.

It's been quite an adventure. Yes, I'm right. Like Lord of the Rings. I can see the gates of heaven now. And it's... And it's... Is he gone? He's gone.

I'm afraid he's gone. And it's something that doctors don't like to talk about. But everyone who works in the NHS knows. But no, they never... Before they bring it up in mixed company, they'll just say, so you, do you work at the hospital? And they'll go, oh, no, I'm an accountant. They'll go, oh, never mind then.

And they won't talk about it because they don't want the public to know. Because they think it'll just raise so many questions about what is happening. Because they don't know why. Yeah, because you go, sorry, was that them experiencing one second of what the after the life is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Was that a second of hell?

That's just heaven. No, that's heaven. That's heaven. So, just imagine. It says in the Bible over and over again that it's too painful to look directly at God. So what do you think? He's too many arms. He's got too many arms. It's like a mortal combat.

But yeah. And he just slipped away. He just violently slipped away. Sorry, I need to admit. This is really got to me. I'm still trying to think of the most horrible, non-violent thing. Oh, man. I think...

Because you've defined all deaths as violent, which is how we got here, it's really difficult to think of a horrible, non-violent thing that isn't someone having sex with something else. What I mean, but like, as in, one of those, the problem is you're thinking about it. Off the top of your head, you're like, I don't know, parents having sex. Do you know what I mean? So what I'm gonna say is?

I think, I think. So what I'm trying to say is, you get told such twee things as a kid of the stalk brought you. Yeah. Your parents shared a special kiss. And then you get taught the actual reality, which is the worst. Some H.R. Geiger. Yeah. Kind of visceral body horror reality.

It is, yes. Yes. So I always thought you should tell kids something much worse. Yeah. So you're like, well, you were fired from your grandfather's bum like a canon. And then... Right. And then just disgusted. And then they have sex education at school and they go, oh, yeah, your mom and dad banged.

They go, oh, thank God. It was actually something nice. Oh, thank God. I thought I came from my grandfather's bum the same way. A dog sneezed and there you were. Every time he excused himself to go to the bathroom, I'm like, oh, am I going to have a sister? Great. Another math to feed.

Hold it in, granddad. We've only got a three-seater car. Yeah, wait. It's in. Hold it in. I mean, yeah. Also, that's given me a horrible idea of, like, getting a new bathroom, buying a new toilet, and describing that as another mouth to feed.

Yeah, like you see the toilets in your house as, like, baby birds. Yes, feeling it like style. Like, like in... In sequence. Depositing... Depositing 10% in each one. Like when in the Godfather, part two, where Robert De Niro, like, dismantles a pistol and puts each bit down different chimneys. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And just the level of bum control required to kind of cowboy your way up the stairs. Everybody gets an equal share. Like the father and son in the road. Yes, yes, yes. Which I've just read. For the first time. What did you think?

That might be the most horrible, non-violent thing, which is just like the environment just withering. Yeah. Because it's like the... I really enjoyed it. I mean, it's very good, obviously, said everyone. Yeah. I highly recommend it.

It's not that long. If anyone listening is like, oh, I don't like long books. It's horrible, but it's not long. Yeah. Took him six weeks to write. I mean... How crazy is that?

Yeah, some of the passages are so... When people quote, Cormont McCarthy, the road is... There's a line about fish. There's a sentence about fish, which is quoted so much. And that was just part of a six-week stint is crazy. Yeah. Unless he just had, like, poetic sentences in his phone.

I need one. I mean, just... Maybe. But all he does is... Did you see, I need to send... He's dead, isn't he? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But they went through his house. His son, one of his sons, and some other academics who were interested in him, because he never did interviews. Right. He got offered, like, thousands of dollars to go to, like, University of San Diego and give a talk. Right. And he just said, it's all in the book and hung up. Right, okay. And then his wife was like, they were living in a barn.

Really? Like, washing themselves in a lake near the barn. And the wife, like, was here there. Let's see to the phone call. she was like, more tins of beans in the barn, I guess. He won't do it. They went to his house and all the books. He's like the old guy in the holiday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want me to give some. But a version where he's like, they want me to explain how I came up with a necrophiliac serial killer. I don't know. He liked fucking dead Broads. What can I say? He had gumption. He's got skin.

The judge wants to wear someone's skin. It's called him me cute. They think the meat is cute. Yeah. So they strip it off the corpses and have sex with it. Kate Winslet, kind of like, I just read Blood Meridian. I threw up four times. The part where they kill all those children,

brilliant. Oh, you're too kind. Instead of like swimming with him all nicely. Yeah. He takes her on a kind of really like hard. called deer hunt. Yes. They have a nice dinner in a bunker of beans.

Exactly. Beans and wine. Ever since I got old, I haven't been able to kill and skin an entire road deer anymore. Well, we'll go do it together. Jack Black going, I've written something called Arf's theme, and it's just gorg.

It's called chanting in the hills at night. Yeah. Just like satanic. It screams. Like, you know when they have a scream on a keyboard? DJ, not wrong one. No, no DJs. There are no DJs in the road.

They went to his house, and it's just like a hordeur a level of books of research. Right, okay. So, like, he read, for Blood Meridian one particular thing that is directly based on where there is a judge in it, like a real life account of an actual group of kind of banditos. And he read like a load of other books from that period to get the language right and all this niche words he uses. Horrible to know that it's based on reality. Yes.

I was hoping that was, like, at the end of the goes. The most fictional one. Yeah, yeah. I would have heard it if Blood Meridian ended with them looking up at the sky and going, Earth looks like a nice place to go to. That's just how it ends. It was all on a leaf. It was all on a leaf. God.

It was boss baby. The judge's bus baby. Hairless. Yeah, hairless. Constantly dancing. with just a very young girl in his room. Yeah. Awful, awful.

Not nice. So he did all this research. So I think that's part of how he just had access to these words and things. He'd immersed himself so much in this stuff. And also, he didn't have a phone. He didn't have a smartphone. He did an interview. Because he canonically, he revealed about five years before he died what had happened.

What, like, canonically, what is, what the road, what the event is? Oh, Ed Miller Band won. Yeah. It was that mill band. Garnerdale. Garsnerdale. No Wolverhamill band. Let's go, I think Corrin McCart-

I want more conservative rule. I think Corny McCarthy's lost his mind. Who left his TV tuned to BBC Parliament? Yeah, why has he got that? He's been immersed in BBC Parliament. It's just really front of mind for him. It's all he's thinking about. I don't know that Cameron guy.

Man, the next book's about a... John Burkow type figure. What? A good word I learned, which it was a word I gave it, I outworded, or at least I don't, an outword, but I gave a word to Susie Dent. Hey. I did unspeakable. Unspeakable. Unspeakable.

Isn't it such a fun show. It's such a fun. Unspeakable on Radio 4, show all about words and etymology. Phil hosts it, and Susie Dent is the word, the national word genius. Yes. She knows all the words. Are the best words. And one of the words was from the road, which I'd just finished.

Oh. And this is not on air. This is a Bud Pot Exclusive. Okay. Crozzled. Crozzled. C-R-O-Z-L-D. What do you think that means?

It sounds so frivolous. I know I'll be wrong. Because it can't be frivolous if it's called McCarthy. It's not used in a frivolous way. Okay. But you could use it in a frivolous way. It's North Yorkshire dialect, bizarrely. Oh.

And he was using it. Okay. he uses it in the context of a long highway full of cars with like burnt corpses in the cars. Like that highway of death from the Iraq War, I think it was. Yes. And whatever has happened in this apocalypse, there's all these like mummified burnt corpses in these cars.

And something about something hidden in their crossled hearts. Right. Of these corpses. Yeah. And I was like, crossled hearts. Oh. Even before you look it up, you're like, oh, no, crazzled hearts. Yeah, first up, hearts.

First up, corn, acoch, check, check, check. And it's inside me now. Road. Yeah, yeah. What is a road? It is a word for, like, burnt at the edges, but otherwise cooked. So not burnt all the way through. So, like, bacon, that's just a bit crispy at the edges, burnt at the edges.

Ah, so, like, that's what you should use for, like, a black and blue steak. If you go to like, yeah, if you get like, go to flat iron or something. Yeah. They should say, crossald should be on the menu. We offer crossled. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

I didn't know that. But there was the hearts of corpses, so you're like, blah. Did you? How many, how long have you owned the book for? I bought it and read it in 36 hours. Okay, because... On my phone. On your phone?

I read on my phone. Do you? In my life, I was a book boy. Yeah. Paper book boy. Yeah. And I would fill my little bag with books. And it would make my bag heavy and annoying.

And then I wouldn't read them. Yeah. Because I want to read something else. Yeah. And I would just essentially take books on little trips around the country, unopened. And you would never been tempted by a Kindle? Sure, but I mean, I've kind of got a Kindle on my phone. But the backlighting.

I know. It's changed Katie's life having a Kind of. Oh, I know it's better. But I also, yeah, I need to, I should. But again, that's just like on the list of, you know. I should have nicer shoes. It must be such an injustice. when you're on a train, and people must see you and go,

youngsters on their phones these days. I'm reading The House of the Dead. Crosshold. Yeah. Cross-up! Oh, is that the new slang? Oh, does that mean you mad from all phone? Yeah, yeah.

Loads of phone. I'm mad from all phone on you. All phone all over your face, is it? 90 smartphone advert. Are you mad for more phone? Are you mad for phone? Oh, take a break from live in kicking. and lick it down to the shop.

Yeah. The Austin Twins are mad for phone. Yes, I get angry when I see my own screen time. Yes, because you go, that's not. Your phones like, tighten it down. Yeah, your phone's like, you were on this phone for six hours. Look up. This is it.

I'm on tour. So if I want a five-hour train, and I read a book on my phone for all five hours, my phone is like, here at phone, we think you're mental. Yeah, perhaps you could try really. According to our stats, most people who have five hours of phone are this close to javelining a flag through the windows of number 10. You'd be like, well, I'm not one of them.

Yeah. I'm learning about Crosse. I do think it is weird to read it on your... Because it's such a concise, there's not much width. Or do you do it? No, no, no, I have it like, yeah, it's true. I think it's weird, but not as weird as the fact that you print out YouTube videos and scroll through them like a flick book.

Frame by frame. Yeah. Can you do that with these huge tomes? Charlie bit my finger. There's no sound. There's no sound. So what I do is I get a friend to play a piano, like an old silent film while I flick through the funny. No, about every hundred pages or so, it goes black like an old film.

And it says it's black background white text, Charlie bit my finger. I think you're going to say just says buffering. You're like, what? Oh, we were going through a tunnel. Also, I've printed it on A4. I couldn't read my book. Because we were going through a tunnel. I've printed it on A4 paper.

But that really, like, overly wet, full-color printing on A4 paper that you'd get as a kid at school. Where you'd be like, oh, it's kind of like, it's already, like, wrinkling as it dries. I feel like pasta. It's a sheet of lasagna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's what I'm flicking through. Yes. So, Crosald, that was a word you brought.

I guess the show hasn't been out yet. Which show? Oh, sorry, yeah. Unspeakable. No, no, no. And it wasn't on the show. It was backstage chat, baby. Oh, Katie was writing on it as well. I heard her in the credits.

It's all, what a, what a Budpod family. They get into everywhere. And the same way, she was a late writing hire for SNL. Yes. So that's been the, I've been dealing a lot with the sod. because obviously during the day she's been penning weekend-up day jokes. I forgot. You've renamed. Is the Bufon or the sod?

Yeah. Either or. Has it got to the point now where the older one is learning the word Bufon? So I can't say sod because he'll start saying sod it out. He'll try and fuck it out. Sot it out, baby. He'll fuck it out. Yuck.

So the road? The road, I think that's the worst non-violent thing. Okay. The ecosystem dying. Because you read it recently. Just take me through that. that brilliant when they find that bunker. Oh.

What does he have again? He has a beard, isn't he? It's a glass of wine. He tries some whiskey and it's too much. Whiskey. The first thing they eat is pears. Yes. Tinned pears.

Yeah. And there's all tinned fruit and there's like a tinned ham with crackers and stuff and like eggs. They try it. They have eggs and like, oh yeah. It's just, that of course, I hadn't even realized this, but that is your beard. Finding a bunker full of tinned meats and foods and hiding in it and in the rain. Yes.

And being safe and cozy. Yeah. It's one of the... Considering it's the road, that is one of the coziest... Coziness is unrivaled in its appeal to you. Yeah. That specific type of coziness. I think if I...

Shelter, more than anything else. Shelter, but also a kind of... Sort of... sort of... Food that is rich for its category. So I don't think you find it cozy when someone is having a... kind of elaborate souffle or something.

It needs to be like, F-E-R-E-R-E. Having never cooked anything over a fire, over a campfire, I've never done it in my life, I'm still like, oh, the appeal. Yeah, but I think it has to be earned kind of workman-like food because you like food for monks, monks, monks, plowmen,

people surviving the apocalypse, where you haven't eaten for days and you've been walking through the woods, and now you get like a tea, can of spam. And you can cook it on a little gas fire. And if someone gave me some spam now, I'd spit it into their mouth. Yeah.

That'd be disgusted. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I think if I designed a game purely for you around coziness, I think it would do well. Yes, because I see, I follow some Instagram accounts that are like cozy games accounts. They just recommend cozy games are found always on Steam. They're never on consoles.

They're just small little indie titles. Yeah, yeah. But they're always so wet. Yeah. This little raccoon has it, no. Yeah. Manage your lovely little t-shop, no. You want it to be a visible ribs-level starving, mendicant friar

in the mountains of Northern Italy. Yes. Stumbling across. It should be good, like the solitary confinement prisoner's big meal. I can see it now. It should. It should. It should.

It's such a crap title that in my head, the poster I imagined was AI. Like the font was AI, like really early AI, Wonka experience, AI. Unreadable. Yeah. Your ideal game, yeah, it would be... It would be a very Labour Camp Christmas. Yeah. That's your ideal game.

I'm in Japan, it's 1945, yeah. Or you wrote the wrong kind of poem in Russia in the 30s. Yes. And you're in Siberia, mainly just laying railway track. Yes. But sometimes you get to stop you. Sometimes Dostoevsky gets to have a bit of beans. You get to have some lot of beans.

He gets to have some lot of beans. Let's do some correspondence. Let's do some correspondence. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and RANDMS. Khammed. Nappy-whackaging from James. Sorry, Glenn. I was trying to drink some tea then.

Ow. That, it then went down in a horrible bubble. Yes. I'm riding going to die. That was a really unpleasant swallow of tea. I think, napi-whackaging just felt so. Napi-wackaging. Hi, bright glen, napier.

Napiering, Batman. Hi, bright-glen-bri-glen-napier. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That's good. That's nice. I recently received some premium nappies. Oh, yeah.

Premium. You open the nappies and you rub them on your gums? Oh, these are premium. I had to buy some nappies yesterday. Yeah? Because... For the kid? No.

Now, adult incontinence is not funny. No. But when I was a child... Yes. We stayed in a ramshackle chalet in Wales, in Mumbles, where Ian Hisslop is from. Yeah. Catherine Zita Jones and Michael Douglas have a house there. Yes.

It's a very quaint Welsh town. and they had these like shacks. It was very 90s. Yeah. And we stayed in one once. And my mom was rummaging through the stuff they had like an Airbnb almost back in the day. Yeah. They just gave you lots of supplies.

You'd arrive and there'd be sort of a mad cereal and loads of salt but no pepper. Yes. Yes. And we go out and we get those, do you remember those like, I mean, they still exist? Compilation packs of cereal were at six boxes. And I've never been at an age where that was enough. Like, at the age of two, that wouldn't have been enough. No, three spoons of a cereal from the former Yugoslavia.

Just insane. The box is already too small, let alone the packaging inside, let alone the cereal in that. Yeah. Anyway. There's one called Cronto, and it's a bee. You go, okay. But we've spoken before. We love foreign cereal.

Yep. A brown shell. A toenail-shaped chocolate shell. Yeah, yeah. Chocolate feet. I am in. I'm in. The big cartoon foot with a buried.

Why don't we do chocolate shells in the UK? In every, yeah, anyway, so, my, I must have been five or six, and my mum said, oh, this must be for a big baby. And she said this to make me laugh, and she unfurled this adult nappy. And obviously, at the age of five, right, the funniest thing I'd ever seen, because... Also, you were imagining the baby. Well, I was imagining the baby, because also I, and then when my mum had to be like, no, they're for adults. Even funnier. What do you mean?

I, so, you know, obviously not the attitude I'd hold now, but as a kid, that was, I'd seen an adult, and it was just the biggest thing I'd ever seen in my life. It was like the image, it was like Bridget Jones, but like twice the size. Like a flag? It was like a nappy flag of babies for justice. Loads of loads of babies climbing bucket and ballads. It was like a flag the size of, like, you'd, as you take it out of the cupboard, it's while you're saying something like, so we surrender the ship then?

Yes, or like, yes, the American soldiers, like, raising. the flag over there. Iwo Jima. Yes, because the wretch went to the War Museum yesterday. Yes, I'm very jealous. They have a soft play. They have a soft play in it. It's all like, obviously for kids. Badded trenches. But it's all, it's all military stuff. But in that sort of, because I suggested to Katie, they should have a... Big foam, som, som, trench you can assault. But they should have a list of all the, like, engravings of all the babies who are now too old to go. Because they're too old and they're too big. And I said it should be a list of the tolin.

But I... War Museum softplay. Yeah, it's insane. Big, big, colorful plastic grenades. The best soft plays in the world are UK museums. Yeah. They're crazily good for it. The Post Office Museum in Farringdon?

My God, you can just work as a postman. Yep. So I had to buy some nappies. Yeah. Buy some nappies. And I still felt as embarrassed as I would lugging a huge thing of Blue Roll Harle. Even though it was quite clear, it can't be for me.

Yeah. Still felt, because you're holding something turd-ad adjacent. It's like carrying a loo brush home. You're holding something that says poo exists in my life as well. Pooh comes out either from me or someone I know. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Pooh's coming out soon from somewhere. So look out.

And it's not even me. Someone I know. So, like, it's spreading. I'm buying these for someone else's poo. Yeah. Regardless of our affiliation. It's not for me. It's not for me.

It's not for me. I would never. So, James says, I recently were able to receive some premium nappies. As a gift for my two-month-old daughter, I wanted to pass on some of the text in the box. Okay. This is going to be vile. I know that nappy-whackaging is going to be vile.

My mind automatically read the first one in Pierre's voice, so I know I needed to send it in. Love the pod and enjoyed Glenn and Salford a few months back. Hey, thank you so much, at the Lowry. At the Lowry. Exhibit 1. So I'm going to just read this And then I'm going to read it as it's

punctuated Okay May the poop gods be forever In your favour So that's sort of turd Um Mockingjay Yeah, it's hunger games

It's hunger games But also the poop gods So like there's this whole pagan Situation going on Multiple gods Of poop Yes They're like benevolent or malevolent

What are they? Any British company that says poop instead of poo, I just think grow up. It bothers me when people say poop because I go just all in, it's not as fun. Pooh is so funnier. Pooh is so much funnier. Pooh is one level of rude above poop. Yeah.

Poop is the thing you say if poo is too crazy for you to get away with. And I think that's embarrassing. Yeah. That's some Ned Flanders shit. The poop gods, yeah. I don't like the idea of shitting being called The Hunger Games. What era of God are we talking? Is it, are they on Mount Olympus?

Oh, yeah. There's Poseidon, Dionysus, Zeus, all of them. Yeah. And there's like, there's like, Athena and Artemis. Tardis. Artemis. Adis. Pus.

Afrochite. Afrochiti. Yeah. So it's also written, May the poop gods be italics forever. End italics. in your underlined favour. What does in favour mean

in this context? Is it like a gun? Like you're handing nappies to a parent going, we pray you never have to use these. That your child never shits. Yes. Just put it on, close your eyes and then, yeah. Let it happen. Exhibit 2, I think, speaks for itself,

but the concept of a nappy concierge doesn't feel like it would be out of place at a BDSM event. Oh God, what is that? Oh, dear. Oh, dear. So this is next to a QR code. Parents first always, because did you know your bougie AF? Scan the QR code to chat with Lorenzo, our ridiculously handsome Italian nappy concierge.

Here for you 24-7. Disgusting. I am miming, shooting myself in the neck with two guns. Handsome Italian nappy concierge. A nappy concierge. What could that be, like behind a desk? It's Peter Serafinovich and John Wick. There's loads of different types of nappy and cases behind him.

What sort of evening was Sir thinking of having? I think a particularly explosive one. You are soiling us. Ambassador, please, you're soiling us. Big tray of nappies at the banquet. No need to get up. Let the conversation flow without a break. That's what I say.

Could we get the ill, please? What do you like for your shatter? Lorenzo, what a humiliating job. He'd go, don't say my name. Don't tell anyone my name. I don't... a ridiculously handsome Italian nappy concierge. I was thinking this the other day when buying nappies.

I was in the wrong aisle, and I saw toilet duck, and I was like, other ducks look at toilet duck going, come on, man, you've given us a bad. Have some pride. To be fair, I mean, they're shit everywhere. Yeah. So they're probably just like, ooh. Yeah, look at you. Well, airs and graces.

Someone's quack is too good for them. Exhibit 3. This is what the postman was staring at when he handed the box to me. out of context, it must have appeared to him as if I'd received a generously sized box of challenging anal toys. Challenging. It's like on the top of the box.

Easy, medium, hard. Yeah. And then like a skull with an army helmet on, like Court of Duty. You will not survive. Biohazard symbol. You will not survive. Yeah.

Three chilies. Seeing three chilies on the dildo box. Like, oh, no. This is for people who are fucking crazy. On top of the box the postman saw for James, it just says, Bring it on, butts. Oh!

That's what I mean a Gimp would say. Yeah. Bitter, bitter. Bring it on, bum holes. Poop all over me. Althman carp. I don't like this character. I don't...

I really need people to stop personifying or anthropomorphizing nappies and toilet roll. I don't like the idea of wiping my ass on a dog or a bear, and those are two options available to me. It should... I shouldn't be able to wipe my ass on a dog or a bear. Toilet roll should be as serious as an NSPC advert.

Black and white. John needs to go to the toilet every day. But today, there isn't any paper for his ring. Yeah, with your help, you can buy yourself, Lou Role. So we don't have to smell what you've done on the train. Charming. You can buy it. A poo is like a bear attack for the ass. A stroke is like a fire in the brain.

Remember that? Think S. Have they started chatting? H. How bad is just, think shit. Is it coming out yet? Terts. Can you see turds?

Fiona Bruce in a suit. Think shit. You might just save your bum. And pants. You might just save your pants. Or the pants of a loved one. Yeah. I think people would sit up and notice.

God, I need to get some. I should get some Lurol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets people talking. Lurol, but it's just the guy from the Samaritans ad. It's just, everybody just says Lurol. It also happens to him. Why is he so grey?

Why is his skin grey? Every one of those adverts looks like a winter's morning up north. That's the lighting. Gray milky light. Yes, a TV show's at up north in the same way they do the filter in Mexico. Yes. Yeah, yeah, north of England filter. It's like very, very pale grey blue.

Yeah, and everyone in the north is like, it doesn't look like that. What are you talking about? It looks like that for 10 minutes at dawn in November. And it's someone with that milky, cold lights sat by a window. Yeah. Don't come around much in him. no really have many people to talk to. Shitting.

It can happen to anyone. Right, well, we're going to go to the milky grey light of the Patreon now. Yes, that's right. You can sign up to the lowest pay tier to get an entire extra episode every single week as well as S&L, George Four Acres, George Pod, once every month. If you sign up to the top tier, you get access to our film pot,

where every month we watch a film, you play the film when we say 3, 2, 1 start, and we'll be commentating over it. Also, if you sound enough at top tier, you can listen to the experience we're going along to today, our Fulty Towers Dining Experience Pod. If you want to hear our previous experience pod, of course, we went to Shen Yun.

That's on the lowest pay tier of the Patreon. Just type of the word of Shenyon, you'll be able to find it. Yep. And then at some point, Kavokincherta. Because who, what is that? Yes. And Edinburgh Fringe tickets are on sale. Yes, come see me at the fringe, please.

And Glenn. Yes, I'm doing a work in progress for two weeks at 11 a.m. Thank you, Barrel. I'm not posting about it online at all. Yeah. So I'm only telling you guys, I only want you. Yeah. I'm not going to post about it on social media in any form.

Yeah. Glenn doesn't want the public to know. He only wants you to know. Because it's a work in progress. Whereas I need all of you to come and also the public, I'm afraid. And I'm still on tour. I am in Bristol this coming Saturday night, which is my last show in Bristol. It's your last chance to catch this tour show.

I'm on at the 1532 theater, which is some kind of crazy modern theater in Bristol. And then for the rest of my tour, there are extra dates in London and in York and maybe in Edinburgh, but otherwise just come see me at the fringe and also Nottingham. Come see me in Nottingham and Cambridge.

And come see Budpod live, the 3rd of November in Boris. Yep, we're going to make it evening of it. We're going to stay overnight. Yep. We're going to go out for loads of pints afterwards and go mad, fight in the road, rolling and screaming. Koji, thank you so much for listening.