BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E51 | Mormon World Cup

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

Youtube version available here!This week the buds discuss the upcoming World Cup, WhatsApp nostalgia, Pierre's annual tweet, British food and another 'Pheromone' moment!This week's sketch: 'Peppa Pig The Movie'Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back! In Bath! Tickets available here - https://komediabath.co.uk/events/128649554-budpod-live-2026-11-03-19-00-00/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands!Tickets available now at https://www.pierrenovellie.com/Vote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Bud Pod episode 51. Ombudsman, Ombudsman, won't you bait me an Ombuds flan? Welcome to Budpud. We've gone straight into the studio and I've done that thing. Like you get if you go for a run, I've just stopped and I've melted. Felipe, if you put any visual evidence of this podcast online, I'll put all my fingers in your mouth. I can't look. I'm going to be so wet by the end of this episode. It's going to be absolutely revolting. What is the... It's so...

I'm dabbing at my... I've got a... Some kitchen towel. I like to gravitate straight towards the kitchen towel to test the absorbency. Can I beat the towel? You are doing a sort of corrupt colonial administrator level forehead and neck dabbing. I do declare. Yeah. Exhausted.

Exhausted Alabama lawyer. Nervous university lecturer. I'm surprised that every time I lean into his microphone, it's not going, whew. Yeah. I'm about to give a bad speech. it's too hot. It is too hot.

And also, we're going to... If you're listening... So, our most recent episode, which I listened to this morning, because it was the day it had come out, we were talking about how, on this day, we're going to the 40-Towers dining experience. Well, on this fucking episode, we're about to go to the 40-towers dining. We're going straight there.

And then go. Yeah. And I've made sure I've not spot my appetite. I've watched no British comedy today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm... Turn off, are you being served? You'll spoil your dinner.

I'm all laughed out, unfortunately. Oh, it was a wonderful comedic experience. My stomach hurt from eating. Well, we will see. We will see. I'm so fascinated to know. I don't envy the cast... In this weather.

In this weather. Having to wear 70s clothing, which always looks like... All the fabric looks to be about an inch thick. And they all seem to have... have to legally wear four or five layers. Regardless. All their clothes look like they made it from loft insulation.

Like it itchy fiberglass. It had to itch. They wear electric blankets. You'll see pictures on the news of like, the last time it was this hut in May, 1994, and they'll be like a bunch of kids dressed like the young version of the celebrity male

in any biopic, e.g., little shorts, white shorts-sleeve shirt, vest or... Woolen vest. Woolen vest. Railway children. Long socks. Absolutely railway children.

Smart black shoes with buckles. But it'll be as hot as today and they're wearing like an inch of wool vest. Let the kid fucking breathe. You see a picture of like the British High Street outside like an old warwoods. And you'll have women like cosplaying as the queen when she's out in public as long mustard mac.

They have like a bustle. And then that wrap around cloth. Like when someone's got ten. toothache in a cartoon. But like, to secure the queen's head. It's like a bandana? Yeah, an upside down, a perpendicular bandana. When did that stop?

Because I've seen that in Voxpops from the 80s. Yeah, it's so bizarre. I don't know what it covers, what it stops. Does it stop your hair from going upwards? Maybe people were worried about that. Saves you from carrying an umbrella? No, but your hair bunches out the front. No, but is there some kind of fucking 1940s-style heated steel curler

type hairstyle, where they're like, oh, you've got to keep it all. Until it's time to go to the pub for your dinner egg, you've got to keep that bundled up. Sometimes I think, your perception of British food is unfair, and then I'll walk past like a cafe that's also open late at night, and I see

what's on, like, the dinner menu, and I'm like, no, you've absolutely nailed it. I think British food is excellent. It's just that. But it would be, like, boiled chicken and soup. it. Why are you boiling the chicken? Yeah. To make it white. To make it white. But you look at, I have a theory and I...

It's mad that we're not the country that does frogs, legs and snails. Isn't that the most English public thing you've ever heard? But that's why the French call us Ross beef and everyone goes on about British beef, beef, beef, beef, even in the 1700s it was like, that country is obsessed with just eating the main meat. Yeah. And they won't eat any of the other. weird shit that we're all up to here. Yeah. Oh, they're obsessed with their beef, you know, they won't have anything else.

And, like, I saw a photo of, like, a sandwich shop in, like, Piccadilly Circus from the 70s. Oh, is it the picture? With the... The stack of just bare sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your fingers on whichever ones you want. It is... I can hear the flies.

Every sandwich is hauntingly thin. Every sandwich looks like post. Yeah. And they're all on identical white bread, and it's all just like... The majority of them have one thing in. That is a subtle but depressing element of that picture, where you see the handwritten labels and stuff with that kind of very neat shopkeeper writing.

Yes. And it just says, loads of them just say, there are so many more hams and cheeses than ham and cheeses. Yeah, people aren't doubling up. No, that... Oh, Your Highness. It's W.H. Smith's chicken, T.

But it's Tid your own sandwiches. It's that. It's bare minimum ingredients. The sandwiches have the depth of, did you ever put your sandwiches for school, like in your rucksack just by accident? And they come out and you go, I didn't also pack a steamroller. How have they ended up so flat? My textbooks aren't that heavy. I would quite like what would happen to the texture of incredibly plain white bread once it got steamrolled.

It would become almost like a kind of bow bun. The British bowel bun is corned beef and hovis. Yeah, and it's got the meat filling. Rolled. Yeah, and it's fully rolled. Yeah. Enough of mustard and it's the same as wasabi. Yeah, my gosh.

We were doing it by accident. We were really expanding our horizon. It's got such an old dough. You'd end up with horrible ball. You go, how's it dough again? It's been baked. Yeah. If you're smushed, I think it's been baked.

The damage wouldn't have pores anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would be perfectly smooth. Yeah. You run your hand against the grain. It would look like... Literally, it's perfect. Pokemon food.

It would be like... Oh, yeah. It would have the smoothness of an iPod. It would be like a high pot. Yeah, hard plastic sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good. I like that.

I think, yeah, and so many of those sandwiches... We'll put a link to the picture, or put a picture in the description or something, but it's quite something. I mean, so many of them are just liver and tongue as well. And like the salad sandwich, I mean, fucking hell. it reared its head again because Jeremy Corbyn was famous

for eating his salad sandwiches I mean like... And you just think we won the war Why you eating like this? A Mediterranean roast vegetable sandwich I would take over a meat one That's amazing!

Perfect. Peppers and all the stuff like... Olive oil Yeah. Salts and pepper. But just a lettuce and tomato I've... Sometimes not even tomato.

So I've never understood really. I think Plowman's is the most misleadingly titled sandwich. Yeah. Because I picture the meatiest thing in the world. When in reality, it's like, tis vinegar and tomato. Do you know it was a fake meal? Like, it's not a traditional meal. It's after the Second World War. Oh, really? To encourage cheese consumption.

Right, okay. So, yeah, it's fake. It's just a cheese sandwich with tomatoes in. Well, Plowman's lunch is supposed to be like a lump of cheese and slices of bread. You put it together like fajitas at a restaurant. Yeah, or just you eat it in. chunks like an MM-R-P-G character. Like you're powering up after a boss battle.

But that's how I eat. That's how I eat dinner. We've spoken about this. I will eat each individual ingredient. Yes. You eat dinner more autistically than I do. Or as autistically as I used to. When I was a kid, I would eat dinner like that in zones. Yes, zones. It's the hunger game. Are you enjoying your sector H? I am mother. Is that why you dislike sandwiches? Because these zones are impossible.

Did you put it all together? Yeah, give it to me separate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whole lettuce. Oh, yeah, baby. Plain bread. Yeah. Then the filling.

Yeah. We were together last night as well because we watched six-day, seven nights, our latest movie pod. Yes, the latest. Harrison Ford, Anne Hesch, 1998 film. David Shimmer as well. David Shimmer is that. And a proper adventure film. Yeah.

And a very, like, I think I have such Netflix brain for story pacing that whenever I watch a classic film, hour and a half film, I'm always like, wow, this is zipping along. Yeah. We haven't flashed back at all. Yeah, it's only marginally longer than an episode of something on HBO. Yeah, where they'd have covered them meeting. Barely in episode one, an hour. We need to work out what we're going to do.

I was trying to have a think what our next movie would or should be. Is it, what's the GTA NPC one? Is it, free man or free guy? Oh, God, what is it? Is Ryan Reynolds? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's the video game character. Yeah.

It's full of like, lol, epic bacon, meme jokes. No, I disagree. Free guy. I think it's brilliant. I haven't seen it. Not because of Ryan Reynolds, I think, because of Taika Waititi. It feels like it's full of Reddit jokes. No, genuinely, Tyco Waititi takes an already funny script,

and he is riffing on a level that is fricking sublime. Fuckin. What? Freakin sublime. and sublime. God, that is yucky. That's, um... I may as I'll be honest, that's a quote from the director

on one of those like, behind the scenes things. And it's overlaid with the most annoying footage of Tocu-a-D you could possibly imagine. But it's... It's in my head as much as... I'm just looking forward to cracking out. I haven't had the chance to crack up in a while. I hope it cracks me up.

Yeah, it's been really stuck in my head. It's stuck in the internet's had as well. What's he doing in the footage? He's moving in the... in a way that doesn't seem human, and then it's just lots of, you're right, Reddit. It's that, he's fluent in Reddit. It's so annoying because before we all got sick of it, that type of humor was pretty good stuff 10 years ago, 15 years ago.

But everything was, I don't know if I'd struggle to watch Monty Python now. I never watched the Monty Python reunion. But it's a shame we're only getting all the Reddit's humor stuff now, now that we're sick of it. We could have had it 15 years ago. There's nothing stopping these people apart from their dreams. Yeah. Whereas like, it's like if Monty Python was like being forced into cinemas in 1989,

you'd be like, there was a time and a place to this guys. Yeah, yeah. You missed it. You missed the boat. Or how Dad's Army is still on. Yeah, I mean, yeah. But the UK media is like run by time travelers. I really don't know.

It's like watching surveillance footage of Henry VIII. It's so obvious. It's just from a different year. Everyone's dead. Everyone is so dead. It's actually like, it's as eerie as like, um, that Peter Jackson World War documentary. Yeah, it's like that.

You go, oh, look, everyone's smiling and waving. And they've all been lip-red. Yeah, listen to all these hundreds of dead audience members laughing. Listen to the laughter of the damned. Is he? Yeah, it's a weird sort of Greek chorus. Yeah, with sort of like laughing masks on. Yes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Like that. we should rename BBC TV Center to the Necropolis. You're watching BBC Necropolis. Lightning crackle. It's just the number two. The number two made of coffins. They can only show it after the watershed because people find it so scary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Sun-Dives BBC Necropolis. Do you want to see a dead body? Well, here's Dad's Army. Yeah, just every show is introduced with and another show where if you look carefully, you'll realize everyone involved is dead. You know how when they remastered Star Wars,

when Luke Skywalker looks up at the sky, they switched it out with Aiden Christensen, I think. Yes, it was... For Darth Vader. Yeah, it was a kind of... Yeah, it was imperfect because it was a Darth Vader kind of vision, but not as Darth Vader as we know him. So you'd have to squint and go, I guess that's the actor from inside the helmet.

Yes. So, yeah, they switched out for Anakin. Which, and it makes sense, and also it was like, because that's what he looks like now. Yeah. In our world, in our present day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think in Dad's Army, they should occasionally, in episodes have a mild flash of lightning. And it just, there's like a skeleton, like, you could just sort of see, like, they look skeletal...

When someone gets electrocuted in a cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just a slight shadow and they suddenly, like, you can just see an empty eye socket. In Pirates of the Caribbean when they're in moonlight. A hundred percent. That, Jeffrey Rush walking through, yes, yes. You best don't believe in in beloved sitcoms, boy. You're in one.

Yeah, and are you being served? Like, ooh, Mrs. Sloke, it was just clattering bones and limbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be a Transylvanian, like Transylvanian Pet Shop. It should be that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The commissioner of every TV channel, the titles don't work, right? Because commissioner doesn't fully account for the fact that all the shows

are of by and for the dead. Yes, it's a necromancer. Necromancer, yes. So you've got executive necromancer, necromancer, assistant necromancer, and unfortunately, a lot of people, you know, their uncle's a necromancer, and they get a job as a runner.

Yes. Bringing potions. Or just graveyard attendant, you know, grave digger. Grave digger, yeah. Undertaker. If you sort of preserve the corpses, give them makeup. Yeah, bringing big cups of hot blood or whatever to the vampire. on graveyards, with a shovel, but it's not for digging.

No, no, no, no. It's to look menacing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all very... It's about who you know. Yes. Yeah, I... Behind the big leather beak of spices and the lantern,

I know that's just that... That's the necromancer's daughter. I can just tell. No one's saying it. Yeah. It's for some reason rude to point out, but we all know how this game is played. Yeah, she had a gap here on the river sticks.

She's obviously... Yeah, she's come back here. She, she, she, and if you ever quibble, if you ever query it, they'll say, look, she, she's learned all the same eldritch magics that I have. If anything, you know, she grew up around the ruins. So in a way, she's the best, the most qualified. Yeah, yeah. But it's still, it sticks in your teeth a little bit if you dream of being involved in necromancy at that level. Or, you know, a litch king or a litch themselves, which is a sort of undead, uh, mage.

Yeah, that didn't really come up in Dad's Army No, but it's behind the scenes Yes You watch the DVD commentary And they have all the litch And the Netsch Yeah, when you put on the DVD It's sort of like, would you like to turn on

Director's Commentary? Yes, it's Oshinyan, Saba Skrivara Govil Galavandis Munchala There's that portal above ITV studios as well

There's that big black portal In the sky Do you know what the worst bit about rewatching Are You Being Served is now? You're chuckling along at these jokes about Oh my Puss

and all that sort of stuff, Molly Sugden, is as soon as you see Molly Sugden on screen, is when your phone rings, and then you get that call saying you'll die in seven days because you watched, are you being served? You're going to see my pussy through the letterbox in seven days? Yes. Helicopter footage, if you're just joining us,

of that protest outside the embassy this afternoon, the police say more than 300 officers are there right now to prevent crowd trouble. Sky News, it's coming up to... 1030. Quick recap of today's headlines. New laws will see children in the UK have their identities completely protected on TV and radio. Follows a decades-long campaign to allow only over 18s to consent to having their face or voice broadcast. That's coming into effect immediately. Votes are still being counted in the sitting-born by-election. Results are expected in the early hours of tomorrow morning.

And Pepper Pig fever is sweeping the nation. Cinemas have been packed up and down the country for today's release of the new movie. It's already the highest grossing cartoon film in the UK of the last five years. Earlier today, I spoke to some of the excited cinema goers to get their reaction. Best movie ever! It was really funny. It made me laugh. It was the best movie I've seen. It was so funny. They've always loved Pepper Peg and it was just so good to hear it on the big screen with Mommy and Daddy, it was just, oh, yeah, it was just the best. Even my daddy loved it. We couldn't stop laughing.

I love, I love Pepper. I love Pepper. Well, it's clear the movie's already going down a storm. I mean, I'm outside the Odeon in Leicester Square, hundreds of people behind me queuing up. Kids, are you all looking forward to it? BBC 2 is terrifying. It's really, really scary.

Yeah, because we'll know that's the rule. We'll know that is the rule. Yeah. when the first major cast member of Gavin... Let's say James Gordon is beheaded in a freak accident. Okay. Like a wind sailing accident. He gets beheaded.

Okay. That's very specific. So I'll keep an eye up for that. Right. Well, we can start rerunning Gavin and Stacey on BBC too then. Great. That's the criteria. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They must be dead. There's a death quota. Yes. If enough... It's not... Doesn't it all have to be dead, but it does need to be 60, 70% of cast. It's a large... Yeah, it's...

Yeah, it's tokenism. Hopefully. Oh, the tokenism. dead guy. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, very respectful. Yeah. I think what's going to happen is it's going to be like the media of the dead till so many of the people obsessed with dead things are gone that it just suddenly becomes entirely shows by and for people who are born in 2040.

And it will skip our entire generation. Yes. There'll be nothing, nothing from what we enjoyed. We will know in between us. I mean, it would be so weird. the In-Betweeners was being still, like, broadcast long after they're all dead. And in that really kind of... Jay was the last to go.

The last of the gang to die. It's all being broadcast in that really affectionate way old British comedies are. And for any bus wankers watching... There's plenty coming up on UK TV goals. And if you've ever yelled at a Down syndrome person on a roller coaster, then you might enjoy The In Betweeners. I hope that was a plot point. Happy memories.

I hope that was a plot point and not one I've just made up. Filippe? He remembers it. Okay, few. Okay, yeah. I always want a strange criticism to level up between us. I've imagined. Yes.

I really do think it'll be... Like, our generation will never have dominated. In the same way that, like, the boomers... Because the boomers were the majority of... of the country when they were alive. Yes. Even when they weren't old. They were the biggest group.

Yes. So everything was buying for boomers. And then briefly, everything was buying for Gen X. And we're in the sham. of both of those. I don't mind. I mind. I won't my go.

No, I quite... Sorry, on a deosotosis, you don't want the shade. I'd love being in the shadow of others. That's the best. They're getting sunburned. Well, they're dead. They're all just dead. Yeah.

So they don't mind anymore. But yeah, I think it will be just like, another marathon of, are you being served? Or like, wasn't the young ones brilliant? And then just immediately, it'll be like, hologram porn sitcom 2045. That'll be like, no, there'll be no gap. It'll just be like, bow.

There'll have been like two or three shows from our generation. And then it'll just be, bough, dystopia. Yeah. That's when I stopped enjoying Alex Turner's music. When the Art Dip Monkeys release, it started to be, you know, hologram porn sitcom 2045. It's a hologram porn... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I, um, do you know, I was scrolling, back through some old messages with a buddy last night. And I encountered... As in you and a buddy were sitting scrolling? No, I sometimes... Do you ever just put it like a keyword into WhatsApp and you just reminisce of conversations with people you find funny?

Yes, yeah, yeah. And you go, oh, I completely forgot that thing happened five years ago. I just type in ha-ha-ha-ha. Or just looking at straight... That's a great way to do it. That's a great way to do it. Do you know a great way to guarantee a laugh in a WhatsApp group?

Yeah? Is to write something you're hoping will make people laugh and have no one reply to it until a couple of days later when they want to post in the group because then they feel obliged to go firstly, ha ha ha ha,

and then they can put their thing. Firstly, thank you all for coming. It's the supermarket checkout divider of humour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we've drawn a line under that joke. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Now we can move on to my thing. It's like saying amen. It's our men.

I'm going to start doing that and once it's going to go this isn't rude. Amen. Sorry, amen. Amen. Obviously. Oh, man. Here's what I've noticed.

Yes, yeah. In our observational comedy WhatsApp group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I was talking to a friend about, and this was a few years ago, it's before we'd ever considered the idea of the pheromone. Oh, yes. Dark days. A wonderful example of this.

Five or six years ago, I was on a plane and I was... Prime, because in close pace, the pheromone is more powerful. And this is, one of those cases, not mistaken identity, but mistaken understanding of what someone thinks I've done. I was sat at the front of like economy so you've then got the emergency exit next to you So you've got a big leg room

Yes The benefit is a big leg room But the gamble is If something goes wrong You're up And so the stewardess came over And she said to me Just before we take off

Can you just make sure This sort of floor area is cleared Because I had like my bag there Because she was like Because if there is an emergency People need to come through And I went sure And she said

I've been doing this job for 20 years So yeah I think I am sure Incredible Bang! That is incredible. Isn't that like, you can't go, no, no, no, I meant, I meant yes. Also, when does anyone ever responded to that by going, sure? Are you, are you positive?

Or is there you going like... Because I think I've been on a couple of these vessels before. Did she think? Because there's two intonations that she could have heard that would lead to that. One is, sure? Yes. And the other one is, sure.

Sure, Jan. And... Right. Yeah. I wonder which one she thought you did. Like, DERBrain, like, are you sure? Because when I'm trying to please a stranger, I talk in the same way I write emails. Exclamation marks after everything.

Hello! Hope you will! That's incredible, Feremon. Astonishing. The way she would have just walked away and been like, what a fucking dick with his leg room. It's also just like, so rare. I've seen so much insane shit never be called out by an air steward. Fucking bare feet up on things.

Oh, yeah. Phone just still being used during like an emergency landing. A drunk, like, rugby team? Just insane shit. At least with the drunk rugby team, you can see that what they're doing is like, well, they outnumber us and they're going to take over the plane. Yeah. But even other stuff, like a single drug team.

Or the idea that you would save up your anger for you. Oh, yeah. But I do get it because you go, okay, this person was being polite. So you go, I guess I can. I guess I can get away with that. Yes, that's a crucial part of the fair moment. That's certainly my attitude to bullying. That's why I take it all out on children.

Were they weaker and smaller? Yeah, and by the time they, they probably, if they even remember, I'll be dead. You'll be dead. You've killed me. And then your sitcom will get made. You'll finally be on TV with your own sitcom. Yeah.

Now that Mott the Week isn't on BBC 2, it can be back on BBC 2. Enough cast members have died. Only the episodes... It's not just Linda Smith. Only the ones with Glenn. Yes. We're showing Glenn only, in memoriam. Here it's the BBC.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. I think that's a key part of the pheromone is the idea that it's... On some level, they're realizing that they can just... get out anger or frustration from some other zone onto you. Well, I see that that's the importance of, it's the importance of sport. It's the importance of letting your frustrations build up throughout the week, and on Saturday, just taking it out on a millionaire teenager.

Just taking it out on them. Yeah, we need more rituals scapegoats. I can't wait for the World Cup. I can't wait to yell at Declan Ruff. I cannot wait to be furious at him. It's such an odd, because as someone who doesn't like sport in any serious way. Yes.

Watching... Will you watch the World Cup? It starts in a couple of weeks. I always... If it's an international game that matters... Yeah. I will watch it. Sometimes I'll watch it if it's just international.

Club level, I've just... I cannot comprehend the point. Because it's... I mean, the gap is so small between seasons. It's also just a money fight. If it was... Yes. But if it were...

If seasons... If it was a biennial... So it was once every... A season was once every two years. That would be more interesting. Right. But yeah, because it's infinite, and I've seen people get annoyed that there is two weeks per year with no football. You just think you're a junkie. You're a mad junkie.

Yes, it must be especially depressing if you're a team that is perpetually, for instance, no offense to any Crystal Palace supporters, but Crystal Palace perpetually like 13th in the table. So you go, you're not competing for those like European club competitions in the top end and you're rarely fighting relegation. Oh, okay. Sorry? What's to know? Well, fuck, it's a conference league final. I couldn't have chosen a worse example.

Of the timing as well. So they might get relegated. And they did with the FA Cup. But aside from that, Crystal Palace, Premier League-wise, are perpetually like 13th. Okay, so people who are in the middle, not under threat, not succeeding. Then, yeah, I think that's where I'd sort of struggle,

whereas, like, my team, Sheffield Wednesday, suffered an enormous points deduction because of a scandal. And as a result, ended the season on like minus points. But it was excited because they'd only just gone up one league and then they go straight back down again and they're, you know. What was the scandal?

Oh, it was it being unable to pay players on time, I think, yeah. What a boring scandal? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're really like, well, one of the players went on a shooting spree. So as a result, we've had to do that point. For the problem of the scandal, to that point, it has to be relevant. Do you know what I see? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We can't be like, well, this player was caught drink driving, so... Very rude. Yeah. Very rude. So basically what we've got here is the Hogwarts house system. Ten points. Eleven points from Brentford. What?

Are you fucking kidding? What? Because I've got thrown out of a nightclub. Are you joking? Declan Rice caught cheating on his wife. Yes, two points from Arsenal. Yeah. We're going to have to fucking run on gold difference. Norwich has killed a cave troll there through.

Yes. Like Hogwarts. And if you're particularly nice, then, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we know how corrupt FIFA is in the first place. So you know that you just have to suck up to. Yeah, just competing for the lovely cup. For the loveliest team.

My mum used to do this all the time, when, again, had the most passing of interest in football. Like, World Cup, Euro's great. But other than that, no interest whatsoever. And it was so funny if, like, England were playing Argentina, and England would come so close and then they'd potentially lose. And my mom would be like, but they tried to be hard. Can the referee not just, like, give them a goal?

Because I've tried. And I was like, imagine if that happened to us. The hilarious injustice We'd fill of every way They really put the effort in Whereas you Lovely lads When you scored

It may as well have not gone in So Yeah you can't You can't stop doing justice awards I always watch when it's a World Cup Just because yeah The limitations are what make it interesting Yes there are only a few matches

The maximum you'll be playing I mean especially in this World Cup It's like eight or nine And the limitation in selection of like who can play. Yes. Because it's like a cooking show. Every cooking show has limitations.

That's what makes the cooking interesting. This week, it's vegetarian week on MasterChef, whatever the hell. Can you make a dessert even though you're like a barbecue chef? They don't just go, yeah, make whatever you want, buy whatever ingredients you want. We'll just bring it to you in whatever time. So you like the American Psycho Business Card sort of thing of like very, very good. Like, after, England and one against Uruguay. Very, very good.

Nice, nice, nice. Now let's see you do it against Panama. Yeah, but also you can't just buy the right number of Brazilians and Spaniards to just come and make the team better. But yeah, it's more hungry. May I ask if you've ever known South Africa to be in a tournament outside of the African clinicians? Only when they hosted the World Cup.

Oh my God, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Vuvuzella one. The Vuvuzela one. I've never watched the World Cup on mute. Bafana Bafana got in automatically because they were hosting. Yes, and you get to play the first game. Didn't do very well.

No, which is really rare. Even South Korea, who aren't particularly good, got to, like, the semifinals. But they've never been a particularly good team. Yeah. Which is bizarre, because why not? Yeah, you're great at rugby. Cricket, swimming. But at the same time, I get annoyed when, for instance, like, the American footballers in soccer team do pretty well.

Like, we'll always be, like, ran a 16 quarter finalist. We'll give England a tough game every time. And I'm like, but you don't even interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, it bothers me to such an... That is rude. I'm not really a national pride to the person, but that annoys me so much. It would be very funny if just, like, the World Series of baseball was won by Germany.

You should like, come on. I'm like, right, okay, you should have to play the sport in whatever sport you care about more. To be fair, though, you know, the United... So Canada should have to play it in fucking ice... Like, ice gates. The southern half of the United States is, you know, more and more Hispanic demographically. So they... Yeah.

Soon they'll care as much as Europe. It's changing. It's becoming bigger. Well, I don't like it. It's ours, okay? I think countries have that thing where it's about selection pool size, right? There's all sorts of weird stuff. Like, the Indian cricket team is like horrifyingly good.

And they've got that 15-year-old now. Right. I think. Is that the Indian cricket team, Philippa? Can you change that now? Anyway, the point is it's India and it's cricket. And there's like a billion. people to choose from, you know.

But they never get any Olympic medals, like, ever. Yeah, same with, like, China hasn't got a good football team. Crazy. Yeah. Fucking insane. You could sort that out in 10 years. Yeah, we only have a seventh of the earth to choose from. Just for our country.

And you're amazing at all the Olympic sports. So what's going on there? And you have a communist government, so you should be able to just be like, we're doing football now. You should just win every time. It makes no sense to me. It's really strange. And you get it in New Zealand, apparently, because the all blacks are just like the thing.

Yeah. So someone who's like really good at sports, brackets general. Yeah. Even if they slightly prefer tennis or soccer. You get put into... Well, they'll choose. The thing with the most prestigious and highest money,

highest disciple, respect. You're also making that decision when you're 14. Yeah. Really. Yeah. Yeah, the South African football has just never been amazing. Although the Kaiser Chiefs gave the band the name. Oh, really?

That's a team in South Africa, Kaiser Chiefs. Oh, I thought it was something to do with what? It's exactly to do of Germany. I have no idea why Kaiser Chiefs is a thing in South Africa, but that's where the band got the name from is from the football team. That's a risky dick-swinging move. Yeah. To name your, like...

Kaiser Chiefs. Yeah, if I started a band called PSV Eindhoven. You go, it's about how Googlerable you want to be. If you want your band to succeed, you want them to be Googlable. It's like calling your band God. This is pre-U-U-U-Tube. They're making that choice, though. Yeah, I know.

But still, you want to, like, you want people to... to think about your name above all the others, in the same way that there's a clear generational gap on the comedy circuit, comedians of a certain age will almost certainly always, if they're emceeing, will introduce me to the stage as Glenn Wool. Because of a Canadian comedian, Glenn Wall, who's a few generations above. I get texted, I got a text from a comedian the other day saying, do you want to live tomorrow for our gig? And obviously, I'm panicking, because there's no gig in my diary. I'm losing my mind. Pierre Hollins? Pierre Hollins. I've been introduced to To say just Pierre Hollins a few times.

Yeah, it's so weird. I don't think Pierre is his real first name, though. Right, okay. So I want to claim that. But nevertheless. I don't, I also don't want it to go the other way. The Fury I'll feel, if I'm being introduced because there's his new young buck on the scene.

A 17-year-old stand-up who's taking the circuit by storm. And everyone's like, oh, you mean that, Glenn? No. Yeah, yeah. No. And they're called, like, Glenn Munn or something. Yeah, Glenn better. Oh.

Oh. I ain't Glenn better Hey, just Glenn better, okay Don't Glenn... Look, don't Glenn more. Don't boo. Glenn better. Yeah?

Yeah. Work smart, not hard. I'm going to watch the football, but I just, I can't... Oh, that's what I was going to say. Was, like, watching the nation gear up to be angry is such an odd... Like, when I'm...

For the punch. People getting ready for the punch. Yeah. And just watching, like, previously very... reasonable people, kind of going like, ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha, like, this kind of like zombie virus, just, just little like, no, no, hold on. Yeah, the first few seconds of 28 days later, yeah, yeah. People just see, like, a poster saying who the team is, and their eyes just, their eyes just filled

blood. Yeah, they see one of those, they see one of those adverts on the side of the bus for, that's, the person presenting the advert is one of the England players who didn't make the squad. but like Helman's mayonnaise took their chance. And they've gone fully on Jack Greeley. That always makes me feel so sad. The adverts that feature a player in an England kit and they're not in the squad.

And it comes out during the World Cup. It makes me so sad. And they... Hey, you've got the mayonnaise ad though, hey? And I know they've been paid millions. I know that's absolutely fine, but they... Oh, mad, I'd hate it. They can't do any kind of World Cup-specific things.

So what's happening is they are really, like, awkwardly, warmly recommending hot dogs to a couch full of family. Yes, yeah, yeah. All shaking fists like they're in a background of a Sega football game. But they can't say that they're watching football. We're watching Big Come Dime with me tonight. We're all geared up for the...

Yeah, we found a pub showing tonight's Gavin and Stacey. Sit down for the Big Gavin. Let's cover the coffee table in visually generic snacks. Yeah. And no alcohol. Nothing. We're having a... fucking Mormon World Cup here.

And one of the England squad is going to haltingly explain why these sausages are so nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's everyone's cucumber slices for the big game? For big game, TM? Are we all enjoying sliced pepper spiral?

On plate? Stephen Frye at England came. He wasn't even in the... What? Yeah. Where would you have... In goal?

Jolly bashing... He was never going to replace Jordan Pickford here. Cohn really. Silly really. Stephen Fry in an England kit, headbutting someone in a Uruguayan kit. Because he's fucking massive as well. Oh, yeah, when Boris Johnson nearly killed a German player on one of those charity matches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just full-on rugby tackled someone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I just thought of the time I thought, he's got my vote forever. Forever. Stephen Fry throwing a brick through a police.

Just shouting. No old scum! He was just shouting Carpe Diem and stuff on us. I, um, yeah, I don't, it's strange with the World Cup because I, I was saying, when we were doing Button Boys the other day, I was saying to Keyes that I was like, I, it's so strange that I, I'm looking forward to an event where I know I'm going to feel sick every single day. That's the bit I don't have. So when I'm watching the game,

I get very angry at the other team and I really want... But it's... And it's contained within those 90 minutes. Kind of, yeah. I remember when England just lost out to Spain. The Euros. That was the final, yeah.

Yeah, and the final. No, no, no. Sorry, the last tournament, England's Spain in the final, and it was 2-1, I remember. I was angry about that for like an hour and a half, two hours. Oh, would the tie with you? This, waking up sick on the morning of, it's like an exam.

Yeah, well, it depends. You're gonna go watch someone else do a life-ruining exam. Do you know what it is? It's like when England get further than ever before. I remember when England, I think, we're in like the semi-finals of the World Cup in 2018. It was the first time we've been in the semifinals, like, I think, in our life. Oh, no, since, like, Euro-96 or something like that.

I think it was Adam Hess. I remember him posting sort of like, what I described the atmosphere this morning is a morning of all. wedding. Because it was like, it was further than England had gotten in so long. I was like, I'm happy with whatever happens now. I don't mind. Whereas I get really sick in those early stages where I'm like, as long as we get to the same level as previously or further ahead, just care about progress. It's all I care about. Yeah. I, yeah, I just, I can't unlock it. The closest maybe is

the thing of like checking results on your phone. The closest I get to that is genuinely like in any elections. Politics is my... No, I'd say the same sickness, not with council elections, but general election, US election. Yeah, yeah. That's a bigger sickness. The US presidential election, particularly. Yes. And, I mean, like, any election that is seemingly significant, I'll be very interested in, and I'll read all the articles.

And so my equivalent would be like, uh... Jack Straw or someone trying to promote hot dogs. Yes. A couch covered in consultants or something. I don't know what it would be. Ready for the, yeah, for the big PM cues. Someone who they thought would be PM, but is at West Streeting. Yeah, yeah.

Good luck to everyone. For the midday kickoff. For the midday. For Wednesday, midday kickoff. Remember, the goals open till 10pm. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, they have like, um, Box Park Westminster, and people throwing coffees up in the air.

Screaming as it comes out. Yeah. No, the biggest sickness I ever felt was hubristically inviting so many people over to the house share I was in in 2016 for the US presidential election because the confidence we had that it was going to be a Clinton victory. And one by one, people started to leave and it got to like 300 and we'd ordered pizza. So I had the domino sickness. Oh, no.

Yeah, and then... You had more salt in your body than you've ever had in your life. Yeah, just... Like, the cheese of the stuff crust, pizza hut in particular, it was particularly egregious for this. The ring of cheese is what I imagine my arteries. He sliced an artery open. I'd have stuffed crust arteries.

And I went to bed. It was like the inside of a tire. Yeah, I went to bed and I woke up just like two hours later and saw that it was like the result. And it was like, is that feeling of waking up, hungover, stuffed and nervous, was like, I woke up the same level of like, oh, what? As if like, I'd slept with my granddad. what did I do?

What's happened? Like it was your fault. Yes. Granddad, what happened last night? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've excellently put Donald Trump in the White House. Yeah, weird version of Back to the Future

but Marty McPlynock's granddad. And that's why Trump... You were amazing last night. Mysterious young man. It's only... He's only gone two months back. It's just this granddad doesn't remember who he is. It's a horrible film.

I'm glad they didn't make it. I'm glad they didn't make it. And they stuck with a cowboy one. Yeah, it's actually quite a good fun family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Film, when you think about it, the original draft, when they had to sack the guy, and then they got replaced with Michael, Michael J. Fox,

because it just didn't test well. They blamed the original actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just doesn't test well with audiences when that guy fucks his granddad. No. When young Tom Hanks does it. They hated it.

It's just different. It's just strange. That's why they focus group. And you can see if you re-watch those films that it's Michael J. Fox sort of pasted over frame by frame, young Tom Hanks. Like Christopher Blummer. Yeah.

What the hell what's going on? Always in my head. I'm pretty sure it's from the movie trailers for that film. Have you seen the film? No. Oh, it's good. It's good. All the money in the world? Yes. I watched a bootleg version with Kevin Spacey. I've got...

I wanted to watch that one. You're a real spacehead on you. I'm talking about. My parents had this DVD cabinet. It was just full of Kevin Spacey films. It was surreal. It was by accident. But when you think how many good films he was in. Does it have those are like clearly frequently lit and extinguished black candles in front of it? But I remember posting online and it was a real like, I know, what I'm letting myself in for, why am I doing this? Just got out from a DVD cabinet.

It was like, it was like seven Baby Driver, LA Confidential, K-Pax or whatever. Nine Kevin Spacey films. I laid it back on the floor and took a picture and said online, like, it's movie night with my parents, which one are we going for? Just every reply was like, oh, baby driver, definitely. And it was like, no, have you noticed that all of them are Kevin, it's like a week after them.

He's just done his red wine-stained lips, weird house of cards that you do on Christmas Eve every year. Like, it's a special Christmas message from that character. It's from that character. Except the character is speaking on behalf of the real man, Kevin Spacey. So confusing, the world building. Like, is it Ocean's 12 where they say to Julia Roberts?

It's like, don't you look just like that actress? Oh, man, it's so confusing. So confusing. And like, they'll have a celebrity in a thing referencing the Simpsons that they were a guest start. Yeah, when there's those layers of continuity. Yeah, we spoke about in love actually, where Leo, Liam Neeson, we need Kate, we need Leo, we need them now.

Yeah. So they watch Titanic with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, who is in Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson, who is like the best friend of Liam Neeson. Yeah. So you go, what is it? It just makes you want to throw up. Also, I would say, as of, I think last night or two nights ago,

very early, boring sign for climate change. I did my annual McDonald's apple pie tweet. Katie asked me about night. She said, as Pierre done his tweet. I did. I did it. I got messaged in advance of it by a comedian and friend of the pod and friend of ours, Ivo Graham, saying, Oh, good. Is it coming? Is it coming? Yeah, yeah. He's been. People do reply saying he's been, and also to you. Well, that's how we tell. You know, like, the way they work out whether or not it was a white Christmas,

it's like snow falling in particular area. We know it's the hottest day of year because Pierre has tweeted. I should explain to anyone who doesn't know, every year on the hottest night of the year, or what I think will be the hottest night of the year, I'd do the same joke. And for years, it was like, I'd get DMs from the equivalent of BuzzFeed, any listical provider. And they'd say, like, can we feature it

in our funniest reactions to the heat wave thing? And often it's the same publication. I just go, yeah, of course. Yeah. And it always does well, and it gets me new followers. And it makes me... It's so upsetting that what I'm trying to do as a satire and how banal

and repeatable all humor is online works. Yeah. And actually just... I've done the producers. It's my springtime for Hitler, the Apple Pie Tweet. And on Blue Sky, just loads of sincere replies saying, try spraying water on your blanket. Thank you. Thank you, Mum.

You shouldn't still be using McDonald's. They're an evil corporate. No, I didn't say that. I was trying to cool down my car, and I thought the best way to do it, apparently, was to open windows on one side of the car, and then you use the door on the opposite side of a car, and you just sort of keep opening and closing it like a fan. And it basically sort of like pumps.

it pumps. Like through? Yeah, yeah. Right. So I'll give that a go. But then it just looked like I was like an insane golfer on my driveway. Just like, in a second. Oh, I'm going to slam it in a minute.

Oh, I'm just a few more tries. I looked weird. You're going to have to get, like, we're going to have to start having a hot country shit, like loads of white cars and also loads of like foil on the windshields and things. Oh, man. Katie's sister moved into a place the other night. And she was like, yeah, we're getting air conditioning. And I was like, fuck, you're white.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Yes. Do you remember in lockdown when you couldn't even buy a fan? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bought one and it was such like when people get tricked by AI. I bought a fan, and when it arrived, it was like, what are you getting a Christmas crash? It was like humiliating. It was like, it called down my thumb. A doll's house, the doll's house fan. Fully functioning. You go, that's got to have been harder to make than making a fan.

The most valuable fans, of course, are our fans. Yes. Boop, boop. We will see you soon. Koji, thank you very much for listening. if you are on the patron, see you on Friday. Goji. Goji.