BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E54 | Papa's Flesh

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

This week the buds discuss Pierre's honeymoon, Japanese toilets, Toy Story and correspondence!This week's sketch: 'Posh Boy Blues'Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back! In Bath! Tickets available here - https://komediabath.co.uk/events/128649554-budpod-live-2026-11-03-19-00-00/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVPierre is on tour across the UK, Ireland and Netherlands! Tickets available at pierrenovellie.comVote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Budpard 54. Crode Pierre, idly toying with his belly button. Oh. I could do whatever. If anyone's just listening to this and not watching the video, I just narrate what you're doing. That was like literature. Good literature.

Yeah. Croode. Crode is horrible. Crode is... He rasped. He roused. I associate those kind of... I'm looking forward to our first date, she rasped.

You're making your brain have to go back and... Yeah. Hang on. Wait, hang on. I'll say that again in my own head. You're doing retakes in your own mind. Yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, man. We're beating the heat here in London. It's boiling. It is boiling. It's fucking insane. I guess it was kind of unintentionally handy that this morning we didn't have any hot water. And it was like, well, that's fine.

Of all the days to not have hot water, that's fine. But we've got a little thing below our boiler. little panel, and it's got like an advanced water boost. If you suddenly need a boost of hot water, you just press it, and it will come. And next to it is an advanced heating boost. So in the middle of winter, if you're like, I need the heating on immediately, you press it. And so I just like, okay, I'll press the advanced water option. And half an hour later, I thought I was going to die because I'd put on heating.

I've put on the heating in this weather. I was in the kitchen and I was like, I'm going to die. That's a suicide attempt. Comedian Glenn Moore is suspected of having cooked his family. and herself. Beaked comedian. Before turning the heating on himself. Speaking of violence,

yes. Our last episode, you initially accused me of making something up. A terrifying incident that happened in my childhood when I was maybe about 11 years old. Let me take you back through it again. When my parents let me watch the Blair Witch Project, I watched it on my own,

they'd recorded it on the VHS. It was on Channel 4. As soon as the film finished, the VHS went fuzzy, and it cut to some show, where a man was living in a very bare apartment and he lived with three or four large companions who were like Teletubbies-esque

were wearing like hairy outfits but they all had large dicks and they were saying kissy-kissie and man handling him and they threw into the floor and then they started pissing on him and I felt so embarrassed to raise it on the podcast because I thought have I dreamt this? Have I made this up

and this is just a humiliating thing? It's the boy who cried Teletubby with huge dicks isn't it? It's the boy who cried Teletubbies of huge dicks I'm delighted to say. I thought it was a trick-a-loo. Now, Pierre, narrate what you're seeing, and if you're watching on YouTube, we will play this,

and also we'll play the audio. Okay. But just press play and see what you think of this. Picture, for the scene, you're 11 years old, you just wants to blow itch project on your own. Okay. The take goes fuzzy, and this starts to play. What do you see?

So there's a man with glasses and a woman sitting on a couch. That's what I can see before I press play. Yeah. And it's like an ordinary, living room. Yeah, very bare. Yeah, very bare. Okay, so he's being set upon by like,

they're more like tweenies, aren't they? Yeah, they're saying, Milo, Jake, Bella, Phiz. They're saying kissy, kissy, yeah. Yeah, they're really rough with him. Yeah, and they do have kind of, okay, so the, oh God, they've thrown him to the floor,

and they do have big, like, foam dicks and balls. Yeah. And they've thrown them to the floor, and now they are peeing out of their big, big horrible dick somehow, into his face. And he's like struggling. Yeah. And that's what you saw.

And that's exactly where it cut off. And that's the most scared I've ever been. The dicks are sort of horribly it's like an extension of the material their bodies are made of as opposed to like the dick of a horse or dog. Yes, it looks

prehensile. Yes. It's like antenna-esque or like in Star Wars, I can't remember which one it is, but these weird, sort of slimy nodes rise up from the ground and I've got eyes on them. I think it happens where Yoda lives. But it's that sort of thing. It's really, really unpleasant. I'm glad it cut off when it did, because I carried on watching what the rest of his TV show was. Yeah.

And I'm glad it cut off when it did, because they go on to rape him. Oh, my God. Yes. This is a comedy show. What? Yes. From what year? Early 2000s.

Okay. This is a... It turns out. Well, it was a Charlie Brooker TV show called TV Go Home. And it's based on his column, I believe, where it was like fictional accounts of it was like a satire on British television. But that was a particular sketch they had. They have like Daily Mail Island and the like,

which I think it's quite familiar to people. But yeah, there's a recurring kids TV show called The Flaylars. And it's this poor man who lives with these large beasts where other people don't appear to be able to see them. And they come along and they basically beat him up and they tear up all his stuff. and it usually ends of him kicking him or then putting their dicks in his bum. I think, thinking about it now, only the early Nauties can have that.

Yes, because people were like, oh, that sounds like, the kissy-kissy thing sounds like, Reeves and Mortimer, and I was like, I don't think they're mean-spirited enough. This doesn't sound... Also, normally Reves and Mortimer are in what they do. Yes. This was just unrecognizable man who I haven't seen anything else. This show, though. And it's got some really disturbing stuff in. It's got Catherine Tate, the guy plays Barry from Watford.

Yeah. I think it has to be in the Nordic. Because it needs to be modern enough that propriety doesn't stop them from doing such a horrible thing. It's horrible. But not so recent that the new version of propriety stops them from doing such a horrible thing. Yes, yeah. It has to be the naughty's. Yeah, kissy-kissie.

This gap in morality that we all have. Kissy-kissie. But with like horrible deep voices as well. You can tell it's Charlie Brooker's voice. You can tell it's him. Yeah. It's him playing a thick person. It's a kissy, kissy.

You can just tell. I explained it to a friend and messaged it, messaged the video to him, and he was like, well, now he know where your entire sense of humor comes from. I disagree. I disagree. That's not well-intentioned horror. That's just horror.

I don't know. I don't think that's the entire source of it. Yeah. But I think it's the germ-covered meteorite that, you know, landed on your planet. Yeah. And sparked off an evolution. Yeah.

You've been to Japan. I've been to Japan. Yeah. I've been to Japan. baby. It was great. It's very strange. I was interested that even in like central Tokyo, people really don't speak English, even like in a hotel. It's not like some country that you go to and the guy at the hotel's like, hi, I did a few years abroad in America. America. Yeah, when you say, what's your name? And they go, I don't understand you. There's nothing more. You can't pronounce it.

Call me Damon. It's really alarming. about someone in like a perfect, like Californian accent. Unable to understand a word you say. You felt like him in the twilight zone. Forgive me. We'll need you to repeat your comment. Oh, okay.

Yeah, the closest to have been recently geographically would be Singapore and, which is English as a first language. Yes. And South Korea where everyone spoke perfect English. Really? Yeah. But I say that my experiences were airport and hotel. So that's going to happen.

Look, the English, like, in a hotel that obviously, was like pretty good. But they were still, you know, searching for words here and there. And it was not like, it was so not like the Netherlands where not only does everyone speak English, they won't let you speak Dutch to them. Yes.

And they'll correct your English. Yes. Yeah. You're using the infinitive. Yeah. I don't know. That's unacceptable. Are you even familiar with the pluperfect tension?

Yeah. I found this in Montreal. where I really thought it was going to be as Canadian, as French, as Wales is Welsh, which is, yes, you know, the signs are in both English and Welsh. Yeah. And it's a combination of the two. Whereas in Montreal, I was like, oh, I'm in like a Disneyland version of France. Yes.

Where everyone's, like, everyone greets you in French. And if you try speaking English, they'll, like, roll her eyes and, fine, here we go. And I was trying to order an English and a McDonald's, and the guy got so angry at me, I had to leave. In a McDonald's. He's getting so frustrated. A macduf? Yeah, in which I was like, Berger.

Yeah, yeah, too. A piece de beef. A hashet. Real cheese. Entre two piests de piests de pan. Yeah, like to reconstruct from nothing, a description of a burger. Yeah, le a beef baguette.

Boul. Bull? Yeah. Embelgall. You know, come on. Sandwich. It's over, guys. It's over.

This is an admirable rearguard action, but... So does it feel a bit... Name one thing in this photo stroke test sort of thing where you get every single bit of literature, every sign you're seeing? Is in symbols and language that you cannot access? It feels more magical. Yeah.

And there was a funny thing where... Well, okay, first of all, I thought in my head... Oh, it's going to be like Blade Runner. Yeah. Skisgraper's everywhere, and it is. And we'll have to go somewhere quite specific to find, you know, the old wooden temple with all monks in and stuff. That's probably like on the edge of town.

Like they, I don't know, they put a skyscraper on all the ones in the center, you know? Yeah, yeah. Nope. There's a temple every two fucking meters. Really? It's like churches in York? Crazy, yes. It's like being in Rome.

And they're all like tradition, like they've been there for ages and they look for, Well, here's the secret. Everything you go and see has burnt down. Okay. In Tokyo, it's burnt down because of World War II. In everywhere else it's burnt down because they built everything out of wood and had constant earthquakes. Yeah.

And so you'll go and see something and you'll be like, look at this, it's castle, it's so well-preserved. You read the information sign. We finished it last week. Basically, after burning down in 8-9-7, it was rebuilt before burning down in 1112. And then burnt down again. And what you're looking at is basically the shard.

Yeah. You go, right, this is the medieval, huh. And they restore it, and it looks good. But you realize that it's burnt down so much, that really what you're... It's the foundations. Yeah. It's difficult to...

My wife was kind of like, oh, it's not the original. And I thought, yeah, but they don't have that cultural... It's like, yeah, but it's like Thesias a ship. Yes. How many pieces do we remove or add before it's not the original anymore? Yeah. Yeah, on the blade runner thing, a friend of mine, Adi, went to Japan, Japandi, went to, and lived out there for like a month.

Yeah. But he said it was the way he described how futuristic it was. He was like, it's futuristic, but like an 80s futuristic. Absolutely. Whereas American futuristic is all chrome and metal. Japan futuristic is white plastic. White plastic and concrete. Yeah, exactly right.

And there's vending machines everywhere, but no bins. You have to carry your rubbish around with you. And there's no litter and everyone's really quiet. even the traffic is quiet. Wow. It's crazy. Like, that sounds great. It is great.

And everyone's so polite. And if you do even the most mild attempt at Japanese, they're just delighted and baffled and amazed. Really? They react like you've done a card trick. Yeah. It's the opposite of almost every European country. Yeah.

When you try and speak their language. Did you stick out like a sore thumb being an absolutely towering man? A lot of giant white guys around in Tokyo. Right, okay. They've got a tourism boom. Yeah. And I felt bad for the Japanese, putting up with all the tourists, because I approached visiting Japan, like I was visiting incredibly stern but nice relatives.

Yes. I was like, all my best behavior. Yeah, I'm talking to a vicar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I find I talk in a hushed whisper. Thank you. Is everything you all right? Thank you.

Yeah. For having me. It's during the service. Go to go to the toilet. Thank you. I have to go to the toilet. You're doing very well. That's how I was with the Japanese.

Japanese, yeah. I didn't want to, I wanted, I thought, I'm representing the West here, and I want to give a good account of us. Yes. You know, I don't want to let the whole school down. Yeah. Or myself. So I was really annoying. My wife, by being like, don't get, don't do that. You're showing us up. Bow. You're wearing our uniform. That's the temple. The St. George's T-shirt. The, yeah, Crusaders. Chasters like Crusaders. Chain mail. Yeah. Did you want like a, like a stag d'ur on England match?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's talk toilets. Oh, man. You're going to have the cleanest bumhole of your life. Every toilet has a robot bum washer. Well, I was... Every single one. I did a gig in a hotel last week.

Yeah. And I'm going to get Felipe, actually. I'm going to get you to guess because I sent this to Pierre already. This is crazy. This is crazy. I was doing a gig at a hotel. I've done a gig at a hotel. this very hotel as well.

I should have. The same gig. I should have known. The same gig for the same people. Yeah. Yeah. Because you hosted this particular event last year. They said, before the event starts, you can stay, we're going to give you a hotel room

that you can stay in. But what they mean by that is like, when the event is over, fuck off. Give us the key card. But someone else is going to stay in that overnight. So you have the hotel room for like a couple of hours. It's like a dressing room. It's more addressing room. For the afternoon.

So they said, you know, but order anything you want from room service. And I didn't want to take the piss. So I just rang up and said, like, can I get a. like a burger and a Diet Coke. So a burger came with fries, and I'll give you that. So burger and fries and a diet Coke, it was like a 200 millitit bottle, so smaller than like a can of Coke. An aeroplane Coke.

Yeah, yeah. Airplane Diet Coke and a burger. What do you think it came to? Well, you have to pay for this? No, no, no, no, but they gave me the bill to sign. I really hope I don't have to pay for this. Burger fries and Diet Coke. Burger fries were free with a burger.

I mean, as they should be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is saying five guys. 22 pounds 64 pounds What? The burger for burger was 42 pounds

Isn't that fucking bonkers You think there should be a fucking wedding ring in this I just like It was just a burger Like it was baffling The people in that hotel

Were the most well-to-do people It was a hotel in Belgravia So next to Knight's Bridge It was it was unbelievable Like It's a hitman level It was a hitman level People arriving in sports cars

throwing their keys to a valet or a bellboy who's wearing that flat round cap that they wear and in the toilets there was one of the most well-to-do men I've ever seen in my life washing his hands and I stood at the sink next to him and the tap didn't work so I thought it'd be funny to go

of his fucking hotel man just to make him, because I was wearing just like shorts the t-shirt I wanted him to be so confused for the rest of the way I go like, is that a billionaire's son? Is that a fail son? He's a Bitcoin man. Yeah, yeah.

I remember that... I couldn't have looked more shit. The entire lobby smelled like nice cologne. I wanted to shazam the smell. Yeah. And every sports car that pulls up, the people who get out are either dressed like

Muhammad bin Salman or Andrew Tate. Yes. Those are the only two flavors of guys. Oh gosh. Man, the joint was jumping clear past midnight and every cat in the room was trying to shake off the hard times for a spell. Big Joe rolled in looking sharp as a Sunday race.

flashing a little cabbage in his pocket and grinning at every frail in sight. The piano man was moaning the blues, so low and dirty, it could have made a preacher take to sin, while the crowd jived and jittered, shoulder to shoulder, in the smoke. A couple of reefers got passed around near the back table. Somebody started beefing over a crooked card game, and before long the whole place was hotter than a $2 pistol. Still, nobody aimed to leave early. When times were lean, a Saturday night of stomping, swinging and talking jive

was worth more than gold. Sorry, is this the right audition? The bathroom was one of those like, greetings, Glenn, like seat lifts up. And I'd always think, like, a public toilet would actually be a nightmare in those situations if it was like a talking one. Initiating plop.

Plot received. And it gets loud. It starts echoing. Plot received, two, two. But it's like, it talks like the docking in like interstellar, like spacecraft. Yeah, yeah. Okay, initiate. Bumhole's widening now.

Here it comes. Three, two, one, plop. And you have to turn a key, two keys. Evacuating Plub Initiating No one else's toilet has that We can play you It's like would you like sounds

To mask Plop Yes They either do They even play incredibly loud diary Yeah Just even insane No no no no Off off off

It's like TGI Fridays When it's someone's birthday We sing the ploppy song We sing it every day And you're like Shut up shut up It's all shitting in that No, no, no, no.

It plays a really breathy cover of like an Everybody Poop-style song. Do you want to flush? Press button to request concierge to come in and press flush. I don't want someone coming in. Press button to request inspection. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, there were buttons to cover the noise in a lot of them. Well, the buttons? So, I've only... They would either play an infinite flush sound effect. Oh, okay, which implies you've let go a heavy one. Or just... Why won't take...

It has a point over the top going, come on. I didn't say that. You can do this. Come on. Just fuck. Matthew McConaughey. Come on, come on. Like, where he's crying and, like, trying to talk through time.

That just plays a huge volume. Joe's aged 40 years. I was only got 12 minutes. I give it 40 years. years of our year. Yeah, I mean, the only bathroom is experienced like that, and again, absolutely wasted on me,

a man who doesn't function in that capacity. Yes. Was again in South Korea and this hotel last week. And what I find really undignified about this because there's like a wall panel. Yes. You can try it up a television and stuff from there.

It's, yeah. Do they have to have a picture of a sprayed bum on them? Yeah. They've tried to... It's a splayed bum and a jet going into it. It's such an awful cartoon. They've tried to do a sort of bum emoji, like road crossing sign, but was the ones in Japan were like a W with dots. So it could easily have been a symbol for a bum

pissing. Yes, exactly. Yes, it's this diarrhea. But I find some of those symbols are so funny. I find mixed gender toilets really funny because it's like half the male symbol, half the female symbol. But it just looks like someone in profile getting a boner and a skirt. That's who it's for. I, uh, was the water heated on the bum washer? I didn't use it. I didn't use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I was just like, would the tyke hood? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was time now. Um, often it's like warm. Okay, but that's crazy. Yeah, but like just the level of technology. Yeah. Crazy level.

So what did you just spray until it runs clear? You can't. You can't. I can't see. Like cooking... Like cooking chicken. Right. If it's running pink, you're gonna get...

You're ill. Yeah. That's so... But, um... So, and did all the settings make sense to you? Were there somewhere you were like, VATS advanced? That's advanced wiping. I'm not an icon.

I'm not at that stage yet. There was one where it was like... It's not when you die in Resident Evil. You press it as if we'd like to switch too easy. And it's just a normal flush. Yeah, I would. There was one that was like spray your entire bum, I think, but I never had the courage to press it.

It should just have a sound of laughter and someone going, shame. H-B-U. Water just going, blam! Like just blasting your whole double bum cheeks. The symbol was... So does it have a dryer as well? Does it dry your bum?

Some of them had a dryer. Oh man, this is just so invasive. It's too decadent. Yeah. I mean, it's great, but obviously it's... It's very surreal, but you get used to it quite quickly. Yeah. What I found strange is just constant temples, right?

Yes. Well, temples and shrines. So temple would be, you know, the sort of Buddhist monks and stuff, and those do shut, like, at night. But a shrine is 24 hours. Right, okay. It's just always open. You can go in and throw some money in and do a prayer to whatever. And that's a building or?

Yeah, so it's got the thing with those big red gates and wooden, kind of. of temple shrine thing with like an offering place and like you ring a bell or but um all these are beautiful lanterns yeah these shrines sort of white lanterns with with beautiful like black calligraphy japanese letters on maybe with like a red top on the lantern uh it said to a guide what is on the lanterns is it like prayers or is the names of the various many many shinto gods or yeah he's like oh it's um adverts i said what charmin you know it's it you know shrine. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You turn it around and it's like Ray Winston's head

because it's like a betting lantern. So it is companies. So if you can read Japanese, it's just like, Jim's Burgers and like L'Oreal. I think that's great because first you're getting the advertising out, the tourists, they're going, oh, is this important in your culture? Yes. Yes.

Oh, we won't touch. This is one of the gods. We won't touch it. Yes, Barry Scott is one of the ones. Yeah, exactly. Mr. Sheen. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I said to the guy, Oh, okay. A company can sponsor a lantern, and it's like good donation to the temple or shrine, rather,

and it's good advertising, fine. I get it. And I was like, but there must be a taboo against, you know, like you say, gambling companies or boo? Or not booze? Is there like some types of company where the monks and the shrine, they'll be like, no, no, no. And he was like, no.

Wow. I'd love to see the Pope wearing basically a Formula One driver's kit. It's like Emirates on the front. The Pope's just got Ethereum, like, written across his fucking hat. Yeah. That would be great, yeah. Have you seen that old, that's one of those, like, boomer bumper stickers about a, you know, people in Congress should have to wear stickers of his paying them, like, formula. Right, yeah, yeah.

Then we'd know his, huh, ha, la, la. Yeah, I'm quoting indirectly. Yes, yeah. I'm quoting the vibe more than the word. Yeah, you're quoting a, yeah, you're quoting. You're quoting someone on Facebook's keyboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so loads of just weird stuff like that

where you think, oh, this is so far from my conception of a holy building. Yeah. Because if you went into, like, a Church of England church. Well, church we just go, we know it's corrupt and we don't really question it. Yeah, yeah, fine. If you walked in and just saw five guys banner

hanging from the beam above the altar... Vicar turns around and he's got like a Nike swoosh in his hair. Though every sermon is about the smooth taste of Marlboroughs. Someone should do that, even just like a reading at a wedding. But it just keeps slipping in, it becomes apparent that it's about Frosties. I thought it was going to be about the couple, but you kept talking about, like... I guess he tried to use the Frosties to be a metaphor. Yeah.

Oh, she's the milk. Or a great couple. Yeah. She is the milk, and he is the crunchy cornflakes. I would do my best for you. Let me serve. suggestion you. Yeah, it just

it was just great. Big, big recommend. Food, drinks, bars, restaurants. All the food is good. It's like Melbourne. Everyone takes the attitude seemingly of, well, there's no reason for it to be bad. Yeah.

Whatever you do, do your best. So you could get like a three quid ramen in a train station and it'll be great. Oh, brilliant. I mean, it won't blow your mind, but it'll be as good as, like, the 16-quid ramen. In Singapore, because obviously, like,

you have to get here. Babies don't understand jet lag when I was having to take the sod out for walks at 2 in the morning. But just like any street food store would still be open. Like a vampire. Yeah. And you'd get, like, an amazing, like,

there was like some meat on a stick called, it's got like a Goblins Mace or something like that. It's just amazing. It's great. But that's it. Like, everyone's taking so much pride in everything they do. Yeah. And that's, I guess, also part of why this.

just no litter everywhere and everyone's polite. Yeah. It was just great. I made some... I saw... One thing that was interesting is there's not really like there's like pubs. They call them pubs, but they're so food-focused. Right. So if you went in for a pint, they'd go, are you going to have something or not?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, they'd let you, but it would be like, why aren't you eating with it? So like a brasserie, basically. I live near a Browns and they claim it's a pub, but you go, no, that's a restaurant. And I reckon if I went in for a drink with a friend and they'd be like, you have to order a steak in five minutes. I think it's like an inn. A tavern or an inn. God. Because they're sort of like, oh no, you really

should have food or just culturally drinking just booze. They don't really... Like a place in Spain where by ordering a drink, they just give you tapas. Yeah, yeah. But then there's like hipster craft beer bars. And you go in and they've got like beer from England, like rural England beer.

And you're like, how did you find? Like black sheep. They literally had black sheep in one. how did you find this? And they were very like, oh, surprised to see us. And then you could get pints. They're claiming like Boddington's is a Tokyo thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Loads of like Japanese schoolgirls really into Boddington's. They've all got like Boddington's badges. Collect them all. What are those sorts of Japanese people who are just incredibly into Sam Smith's pubs? Yes, yeah, yeah. Because if you heard online, it's sort of like a TikTok video with an, AI voice going, this new Japanese pub does not allow phones. You'd be like, oh, yeah, that sounds like real Gen Z thing. Yeah.

It's all run by one wise old man. Yeah. Who loves saving money. You're like, okay, yeah. But then you find out it's just a Yorkshire bastard. Yes. So, I've realized as well, so one thing I saw that made me feel quite patriotic was a salary man. Oh, yeah.

You know, Japanese salary, I didn't have suit and tie and everything. Yeah. having a pint of, like, bitter and eating chips at a bar in a pub, but with chopsticks. Oh, yeah. And I thought, oh, yeah, nice. Great.

He's having such a Western time, but still, he's not getting... But he's at home. He's not getting his hands dirty. Yeah. I also realized, we entered Kyoto, and we saw some geishas walking around. Really?

I actually saw some real, trainee, a Michael. This is very naive of me. But what is geisha as an occupation? I saw memoirs of the... Geisha at the cinema. Well, so. Okay, first of all, I forgot this. Another one of my movie trailer earworms

is memoirs of a geisha. That's not the trailer. Is it? Yeah. They got the action movie guy. When one girl must fight. Deceive the world. It was so inappropriate. And I was like, it seems to be a very, like, sort of

human drama. Yeah. Memoirs of a geisha. It was like, chill out. Don't, yeah, don't trick me. I kept going around in my head along. You have to... Angus, thongs. Yeah, exactly.

What's a good, like, incredibly, like, just, like, emotional, human... The notebook? The notebook. Yeah, exactly. You have to start your gauges. You're training at 15. Okay.

And you graduate when you're 20. Okay. And it's like all... You have to learn all the classics of... Japanese and Chinese literature and be able to talk about them, like, plays. And it's like doing a literature degree and maybe probably a sort of business degree. You're supposed to also be able to talk to people about the like finances, like current affairs. And then when you're then qualified as a geisha, what happens?

You run a tea house. So these places called tea houses exist. And you can't just go in. Right. They're like the most exclusive possible private members clubs. Okay. If you apply, it has to be on the recommendation of a member. or your father has to have been a member or grandfather.

Okay. And as part of your application, they will do genealogy on you. They will go back like three generations in your family tree. Okay. It's very exclusive. So it's got raw, it's bloodline stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I presumably...

Unless you're like a trillionaire. But presumably then, it's an ever-decreasing pool of potential gachers. Yes, there's not loads now. So, and to run the tea house, so basically they have to be like... If it involves running a tea house and being knowledgeable in all subjects, so you can talk to salary men and private members and the like. Yeah. You're basically the barmaid in a top film.

Yeah, yeah. Imagine a kind of much more aiming to be sophisticated version of that. Right, okay. Because if you're a geisha, you pour the tea and have the conversation. If you're a trainee, you do the sort of the dancing or the singing or the reciting. Yeah. I think probably before the Second World War or before the 1800s, it was much more of a, oh, there's a kind of thin line between geisha and sex worker.

Yeah. But then I think after the war did become very much like, no, this is like a kind of almost traditional thing. And if you want a brothel, there's some horrible Blade Runner thing going on in Tokyo that you can go to if you want that. Training at 15 now. It sounds like, yeah. Yeah, she's got trials at PSG. Yeah, hopefully she should have. She did her cruciate, so she can't be a geisha anymore.

I could have been a geisha. I just did my name. You should have seen me in that incredibly. white face paint all over my head. I did geisha trials at Derby County

and it didn't work out. You think you're the best at reciting the tale of Genji. Then you go see what the talent all around the world is like.

These young lads coming from all over, Brazil, you name it. It's just at a grassroots lover. You get so many young geishers coming through it. I, Gary Neville,

I trained as a geisha for a long time. I'm sorry of my brother. Under Sir Alex, we did really well. Look, the thing is, these kids in these slums in South America, they're dancing with fans in a charming and yet slightly erotic way, you know, all day, every day, up against a wall. Yeah?

It's a level of training that, you know, we can't emulate here without more funding. Yeah. Yeah, she does well at club level, but can she do it on a wet wednesday in Fukushima? She's just got such amazing awareness of space. Gaps in the salary men, have to move through, you know. Her off the T movement is just, yeah, it's sublime, sublime. We're going to try out zonal marking in the tea house.

Gaseas just deal with whoever's nearby. They don't move. Wow. Yeah, and there's all these ways you can tell if someone is a trainee or a real one, the way that their kimono is tied and the patterns and the lipstick. Right, okay. So if you know what to look for, you go, oh, that's a qualified one and that's a micro. That's an unlicensed geisha.

Yeah, don't, yeah, don't ever hire an unlicensed geisha. The signs are everywhere at the airport. Please don't go into an unlicensed ch-hirts. They've still got their G-plates on. Yeah, I forgot that earware. Memoirs of a Geisha. That's just in my head for fucking my whole life. Really gross, horrible. Why would you use that?

Why would you use that for that film? I got a Koji at the baggage carousel on Heathrow. Hey! When we landed, shout out to whoever that was. God, that always feels like a spy thriller, doesn't it? Yeah. At the airport, an exchange. Yeah, that Koji.

Exactly. And especially after not sleeping for. of 24 hours. Yeah. That was just like, huh? It was very, I wasn't at my best.

What did you do on the flight? I stayed awake. Yeah, okay. 14 and a half hours. Okay, but what did you do with that time? I did reading research for a project I'm working on. Oh, you were about to work? Back to work on the flight.

Wow. But I did watch Borgonia. Oh, yeah. And I did watch Daniel Day Lewis's son's film with Daniel DeLewis in it. Yes, the one way's back for one last job. Just when they thought I, got out the Greg me right back. It's not even that.

No. It looks like that. And that's what I thought it was, because he's chopping wood in a forest. Yeah, yeah. And you think, here we go. Ex-special Forces guy. Yeah, yeah. I've seen this film.

It's like about fatherhood. It's very odd. Oh. It's like a kind of magical, realist fatherhood film. Were you like, were it not for his son, he wouldn't choose this project. Daniel Day, one film every five years, Lewis? he might, just because he does enjoy being like, you know, phantom thread or... Yeah, yeah.

Maybe if it was weirder. But yeah, he said in interviews, he's like, yeah, it was great, but I made a film with my son. And you go, yeah, fair enough. Fine, fine, fine, no. Fine. Yes. They wrote it together, I think. Oh, okay.

And his son directed it. Yeah. But it was still like, yeah, it was very odd. A lot of it's just Daniel DeLewis and Sean Bean sort of staring at each other. I'll take that. It's good. It's engaging. when you're in a dark tube

of snoring, farting people. Yeah. As I was. The only film I've seen in the last month since we watched six days, seven nights is a Toy Story 5. I took The Wretch two. Oh, is it any good?

I can see from the posters it's about not giving your kids' iPads. Yes. It feels like it has been made by the government. It's an odd one. It's pretty soulless. I mean, you can tell from the fact it's Toy Story 5,

it got, I think, Toy Story 3, like, I kind of, semi had the Quentin Tarantino attitude, but I wanted to see more

of their feet. But he, no, his attitude is that he refuses to watch Toy Story 4 because he says, Toy Story 3 is like the perfect film. And it wraps up so perfectly.

Why on Earth would you go back? And with 4, it was like, oh, why are we doing this? And I watched it. And then the ending was like, okay, that's a decent ending,

then fine, but that has to, that is so definitive. And five, it's all just, it's a, It's a... What's the...

It's a bottle-ups... You know, it's a fucking... It's just a self-contained film. What? That doesn't really need to exist. And they could easily make a Toy Story 6 that doesn't refer to anything that happened previously. Here's the issue with Toy Story now.

Every film I'd introduce about four new characters. And they'd be such a big part of it. Yeah. Now there are too many characters. Ham and Rex, like, don't get a line. The dog, slinky. Just doesn't say a word. Forky, maybe has one sentence.

Because they're just going, What about you, fidget toy? Yeah, and it's just, it's very, I don't know, like, Jordan North are capital presenters in it. What? What are we doing? What? Yeah, I was just a bit, I don't know.

But it's weird because this is so Jesse focused. The last film felt like Buzz wasn't in it because of Tim Allen's views. And then in this one, he's not really in it, and Woody's in it even less. It's like Jesse's film. And obviously, it's now all about the girl, Bonnie, because... And he killed himself. So... What are you talking?

Andy gave all his toys to Bonnie, and then he went off to college, and then he, like, killed himself in his second year. There was like some allegation against him, and he just killed himself. So it's all Bonnie focused. The detail of it's being in his second year. Yeah.

It's horrible. Yeah. It was like with his tie or something. Yeah, I don't know. Jesus Christ. It's covered in, like, those little Pixar shorts. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, he gets stumped by a lamp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Did the wretch immediately be like, no more screen time? I want to be like Woody or something. No, no, it was like, I was on the drive home, it was just me and him and I was like,

well, we really learned a lesson, didn't we? But it's difficult because he doesn't actually have a tablet, nor are we ever going to let him have one. So I think in his head he was like, I'm fine without having a tablet. I've got my good old TV. I mean, it was not fun, okay. No lessons learned.

The biggest tablet of them all. Yeah, it's his logic in the way that whenever he's not allowed to watch wrestling or whatever, he'll be like, do you like wrestling? And I'll be like, yeah, and he'd be like, why don't you watch the wrestling then? If I'm not allowed to watch the wrestling on TV,

but you are, I'll just sit in the room with you while you watch wrestling. And I'm like, do you think I'm fucking stupid? Do you think I say that to him, get down really close, do you think I'm fucking stupid? Santa's going to hit you. I could eat you. Santa's going to kill me in front of you to teach you a lesson.

I could legally eat you. Legally. Legally. I have a right to it. Because it's my birthday. Papa's flesh. Yes? Papa's flesh.

That's what it's called, the law. Section 39 of Papa's flesh. Please, just abbreviated. Yeah, a P.F. It's disgusting. We should need to think of a new film to watch for film. Yes. I was thinking, on the way here, I thought, La Petermain, because it's on YouTube.

Oh, fucking hell. I also looked it up, and it's 32 minutes. So I think people might feel a bit short-changed. I was thinking as well, on the way here, the idea of a film called Leketamine, and it's a French guy who goes to so many world audiences. He just gets off his face, and everyone finds it really funny in, like, eye society. But he's just rolling around on the stage. Or he's just sitting in a chair staring.

Yeah, yeah. Just freaking out. Really wide eyes. Oh. And everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. It's very droll. Oh.

Very bien. Bonjour. Hey, maybe 32 minutes of just farts is, uh. Yeah, I don't think that's fair on people. No. So, what were you thinking, genre wise? Last one was six days, seven nights. Could do Pacific Heights that came up a few times.

The Michael Keaton one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we'd have to check the length of that. It's one hour 42. Okay. I think that could be a potential one. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Hmm. We just have time to quickly do some correspondence. Mail, letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS, and randoms. We have a trick-a-lou from Brian. Hey, Brian. Hey, Dan. Hey, Brian. When I'm dehydrated, I pee air until I've glenched my thirst.

For a second. Yeah. This was the beginning of their message in terms of like, hello, so I've got this weird quirk where, if I'll need to pee but there's nothing there and there'll be the audible sound of a balloon

going down. Just... That is absolutely vile. Male or female, that is a terrible, terrible sound and image. And men, the first jet start. awful awful

glenched my first like a radiator that needs bleeding yes knocking yeah anyway hi bud pod I'm only just blitzing my way through series two and loving it my name is Brian Barry

my Brian Barry and because both of my names are spelt suspiciously incorrectly that is Brian with a Y and Barry with an IE at the end double double weird

my mother and father should have tried harder I like to perform a tricklew on any unsuspecting barista. After they asked for my name for the order, I proudly announced my name is Brian, spelled with a K, a silent Z, two Q's

or a Y and a I. Nobody wins, but it is enjoyable to watch the barista pause for a brief moment and consider their life choices. One even had the confidence to label my cup, Brian with a K, all one word. That's good, which I admire this for. I think if that was me and you're the bristee, you just

go, okay, this guy's fucking with me. QQK and then just Barry. Or whatever, you just put it like... Put the digits separately. Just like a charcoal drawing of a cock and balls. Yeah. Incredible. Just put it badly.

I've done it as an anagram. I hope you find that fun. Yeah, just write piss on it. Piss, coffee for piss? The amount of times I have to walk over after the barista has got nearly exhausted of having to shout Claire at the top of their lungs. I guess I'm Claire now.

Sure. I'm Claire and I want my piss. Yeah. Yeah. Ferrimone friend from Anthony. Hey, Anthony. I fucking hate you. There you go.

Oh, it works. Yeah. He's, yeah. Hello, Bud Pod. Short time listener here. Thanks for the laughs. And making me realize I'm not alone in there being others who have the pheromone. Nice.

This is a big claim. This is a big claim. I'm always reticence because I'm always worried they're going to be like, recently I hit a nana. And everyone got really cross at me. You go, no, no, no, that's not. Ferrimo. I have had pheromone encounters more times than I can.

count, but the most recent, was just outside London Bridge station, when someone fairly normal looking approached me and said, excuse me, do you know where London Bridge is? And I paused before saying, do you mean the train station, which is the gigantic structure with hundreds of people a second walking out the doors and the giant signs, I say, London Bridge right behind me? Or do you mean the actual bridge itself? And his face contorted into a snarl and he subsequently screamed, What are you fucking bloody think? Making nearby bystanders jump

and then proceeded to stamp off directly into London Bridge Station. It's nice to know I'm not alone, Anthony. This might be... I fucking love insane people asking for directions. This is like a sci-fi film, though. Is this the two o'clock to Waterloo? I think so, yeah.

You think or you know! Oh, sorry for doing the favour wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry I didn't fix the problem of you being too fucking stupid to get on the right train. Oh, love it. Hate, hateful behavior.

But this is like you and Anthony in a sci-fi film, you're like, are you like me? Is he like me? Is he like me? Is it? Wow. I want you to experience Ferrimand. I want to start being really unreasonable to you. Just like you giving you innocuous.

Would you ever run the marathon? Which one? London? No. No, of course you wouldn't. The only thing you've ever run is a mock. Goodness me. Cut the tape Felipe.

I don't think it weren't. Just shush, all right? Give me a headache. Needs to be a stranger, I think. I think it needs to be a stranger. Yeah, whatever. You put some shoes on, please. This is just like having a wife and a sitcom.

A horrible 90s sitcom. Yeah. Jeff's wife in Curb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just kind of portraying relationships as a kind of unrelenting horror. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So depressing. Even as a child, I've found a depressing. Welcome to the new normal. So I'm going to talk to you from now on. Okay. I've got a really horrible lyric swap that I'm going to say for the Patreon. That's all the time we have. Thank you for writing in, guys.

And fascinate, let us know if you think you have the pheromone, because if we can get enough subjects together and figure out the commonalities, the testing. If we can get a little travel gavel, then we can, because I hear by deem that pheromone. Yeah. That's pheromone. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Officially, Anthony, you're in the gang.

Okay? You have the pheromone. Be safe out there. And that goes for the rest of you, too. We will see you on the Patreon on Friday. Thank you very much for subscribing. Koji. Keep on jacking off.

Keep on, yes.