BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E59 | Dark Magic Mike

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Youtube version available here!This week the buds discuss 'Conspiracy theory Bond', Dr. House, Dark Magic Mike and Laika.Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back!Edinburgh Fringe Festival - August 16th, 2026 - Tickets available hereCheerful Earful Podcast Festival - October 10, 2026 - Tickets available hereBath Komedia - November 3rd, 2026 - Tickets available hereStream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVVote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guys, if you're listening to this, I've either started my Edinburgh fringe run or I'm about to, and so is Glenn. Yes, Monday, the something of August, the first Monday in August. The third of August, thank you, Felipe. I'm just doing 16 dates of a work in progress at 11 a.m. It's not a finished show. This is just thoughts I've had over the last couple of months, all read out from a notepad, but I would love your help in working out what works and what doesn't. That's a monkey barrel one at 11 a.m.

Up until the 16th. And you're doing, oh, whooping two shows. I'm doing a month of my new show, okay, one more than bedtime. And two weeks, the latter half of the fringe, of my best of show, do the one about. So come and see either one of those. Do the one about, I believe, is at 1pm. And okay, one more than bedtime, the new show is at 7pm, and that's at Monkey Barrel. So do come just see me in general.

Go on the ad-fred Ripeside as well to look for Bob Live. We'll be doing one while we're there. If you can't get to feed them a fringe, we'll be doing Budpod Live in both London and Bath. Tickets available on the episode description. Yep. Thank you. It's Budpod 59. Let's put some pearls before this swine.

Nice. Very nice. Yeah. Cutting and, well, true. We don't respect them. Yeah. I think a swine would eat pearls. They'd crunch them down. But it wouldn't appreciate them.

That's the issue. Yeah. That's not why we'd be. put the poles in front of the swine. Let's see if he eats them. I always thought to myself, well, he'll appreciate them as much as he appreciates anything. Yeah, he's just overjoyed with the wonders of the world. Mindless chewing. Yes, like he was dead and then was allowed to have one last day.

The swine. Wow, wow. Look at all this muck. Wow, look at the, yeah, look at the tube, yeah, the London Underground-shaped tin shack I stay in. Like corrugated iron shack. Like an Anderson shelter, yeah. Why do they live in Anderson shelters?

I never square, are they? No. Pigs love a dome. Pigs love arches. I don't, so often when you see footage of pigs, they seem to be eating just mud. And you think, but they can't be eating mud. Mud and hay.

There must be food in there. Do you know my favorite pig fact? They're not allowed to look at the sky. Because if they do their climax for half an hour Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

And it is forbidden For pigs to look up Yeah Because once they look up They'll never look down They'll never look down again Yeah yeah You just have a lot

What looks like snooty pigs If pigs If pigs look at the sky They're ever come with a lust To reach for the stars Yes And they won't stop Until they get access to a space shuttle

It's this huge... It's like a big version of Lyca. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Porker. It's about like... P-O-I-R-K-A, yeah. Porkka. Poirka.

Yeah, a big pig, a squealing pig rotating the earth. I was so surprised as a kid that Lyca had died and that was part of it. But it's your first time when you're a kid and you hear about Lyca, it's very possibly if you're a kid from Western Europe or North America, kind of

like the West. Because I feel like in Eastern Europe they grew up with like fairy tales where it's like, and then they all got murdered and eaten. Go to bed. So they're used to that kind of story. Whereas we had like Disney happy endings kind of for everything. Yeah. And it was a heroic dog and it went up there and yeah, probably

still up there, a bunch of dog bones. Yeah, it just ends of, and Lyca got to see the earth from And when the book came that way, you go, right, we're going to need the rest of the story. What was the rest of a story? Well, like, he came back to Earth and the Russian shot her immediately. That's what happened. She knew too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She came back and she started to say the words, it's flat! Bang! It's flat. Let's unto me. It's flat. It's not a flat square. It's flat like a dish.

No, no, no, soot, suss, shud. Kill it, kill it. Shut up, shut up. First of the trainers, going like, you're going to get us both killed. Suqabriad. Pesdiads. I'm just swearing. I have to tell that, right?

No, you don't. More embarrassing if it was like Tarzan and any one person can understand the dog. To everyone else, it sounds like, ruff, brough. She's saying, or it's not. is flat. What? No, she isn't. I just shoot you as well.

Yeah, it's like something from Golden Eye. That was the whole flood of Golden Eye. It was a fair secret, the first satellite to see that the earth was flat. Yeah. Goldeney, the government is lying. Golden Eye, the edges are made of ice. All the lyrics rejected for the Bond themes. A water.

fall down each side. Yeah. Where does it go? I'm scared. Onto the turtles back. Every time I get on a ferry. To Disneyland parents, I worry. They'll choose the wrong direction.

And I'll sail off the disc, golden eye. And you'll have it again. On the screen this is like, produced by Barbara Brockley. And he's like sexy silhouettes dancing. Is anyone else think the lyrics are really weird? The sexy silhouettes are like swan diving off the edge of the earth. You know, like their hands up, like Olympic... Like a synchronised swimming.

How was the film? It's really good. I think Tina Turner's a flatter. I think Tina Turner and Barbara Berkeley might be flat-outers together. Because they had to sign off on this. And like Bond flicks a poker chip and it becomes the flat circular. Yeah. conspiracy theory bond is a really compelling character

I hope you've had your jabs bond your next mission is to central America you know I don't have any jab the only jabs the only jabs I take are from villains who punch me Invermectin shake a notch dirt Bond's like in the casino or else scene with Daniel Craig is been poisoned

but it's because he's because he's just taken some neurofen Yeah yeah yeah Someone's given him a limpsip. Sprints to his car, makes himself throw up and immediately start eating like lion's main mushrooms. Q-Lab is just Holland and Barrett. It's two Q's the first one's up two Q's, both Holland and Barrett.

He's just opening like an enormous jar of vitamin D pills or something. It's a sioux bond. Try not to eat it all at all at all. Once, what else with, yeah, what else they sell? Like all those like powders and supplements and things. Oh yeah, it'd be like, um. It's elderberry. It's elderflower root.

I should. Is he slightly more disheveled as well? Yes. Or suspiciously handsome conspiracy theorist. He's like when you get those very, very, very hippy aristocrats. Bond. A conspiracy theory bond. So he's still in like a fantastic upper-class dinner jacket.

Yeah. But he's still got so many festival respans on both. Yeah. He's got loads. And he's got like, um... Someone who's both handsome and hasn't showered. There's that great fights in the house of Sean Bean at the top of a 5G mast at the end. It's not right.

To control people's minds with these. You've gone soft, James. Do you want fast internet and to control people's minds? What's his name? 106? Alex Trevalin. Travelin? Yeah.

Alex. You can't do it. There's too many... What's it? What's the 5G thing? It's just waves, isn't it? They say it's mind control or it gives you COVID? I'm certain it's mind control.

I don't think it's that COVID. It was COVID-adjacent but not related to... It's just at the same time. It's so hard to keep track. They're so difficult. That's why you've got to watch all the Bond films from the start. Yeah. The first film, of course, is no doctor.

Very good. From Russia with information. From Russia with news. The real news. Yeah, yeah. Incredibly difficult. No wonder Bond's always going rogue. He works for the government.

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't trust his employees. They don't trust you guys. Watch next. You're going to make me vaccinate my son. No, Bond. We just want you to find this on this information.

Yeah, M, it stands for Mike Sernovich, who wrote Gorilla Minds. Bond, we need you to stop getting up at 3am to have three days in one day. Yeah, this is a... Looks maxing Bond. Looks maxing Bond. He's going through documents on like a secret laptop while hitting his face with a hammer. Yeah. I think if you went onto Twitter and typed in Andrew Tate next Bond, you would...

That's even most depressing. tweets. I think if you went on Twitter and typed in Andrew Tate next bond, the NHS should take your phone away. Yeah, yeah. It should lock your phone immediately and just go take this to a store. Yeah. And you take it to the Apple store and go, this happened.

And they look at your phone and they go, do you mind if I just take this out of the back quickly? And then you see them like making a phone call, making eye contact with you for the window. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, I only saw them dial three numbers on the phone. I might go. One, one. Yeah. As you type in,

Andrew Tate next bond, a hand just comes down and snatches it and you look up and it's a guy on a rope from a helicopter. Yes. Like one of those search and rescue ones that Prince William was in. Yeah. Just...

Your phone's gone. It's gone. Gone. I think... With 1-1-1. Yeah. Obviously, like, that's for non-emergencies. 99 is for emergencies.

1-1-1-Strange, isn't it? Because it's for non-emergency emergencies. So you think, well, what's... I do need you to come out. But do they increase an... So, like, it's for 666. Like, I feel, I... The devil!

You're like, can I run this one by you? What do you think? Does this... All that sounds... Yeah, it sounds like you're... The fire might spread. So maybe try 777. 777 is...

The casinos on fire. And I Tate 8. 777 is like, I was just on fire. Yes. So I'm in a lot of pain. I'm in pain, and it's a problem. But I'm not on fire now. So what do I do?

Yeah, I mean, maybe it says a lot about... 888, the burglar's on his way in. Well, do you reckon the emergency services judge people ringing 1-1-1? They go, oh, okay, so you'd have no self-belief. You have no self-belief? Here's my cynical theory. They should be like Samaritans. They should give you a pep talk.

They should go, come on man. That is an emergency. That sounds pretty bad. Yeah. That light bulb in your ass, that is dangerous. That could shatter. I know you fell on it. That's why it makes even more fragile.

I think I have a depressing suspicion that loads of people who should ring 999, ring 1-1-1, and loads of people who should ring 1-1-1-ring 9-9. Oh, 100%. My brother-in-law is a paramedic, and it tells me the most frustrating stories because they can't turn down a call. So he'll be like, oh, no, there's, when he was, because he does it now for like, he's kind of like the on-the-site paramedic for like movies now. It's great. It's really exciting.

So it'd just be like at Pinewood. and he's just on call, but then he gets to see all the movie sets and stuff. He only has to get called in to resuscitate someone's career. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There you go. So. Yep. When he was actually like, like, oh, paramedic on a particular area, he was like, oh, no,

we have the people we get called out to every day. And it's just like, her cup of tea is cold. Oh, it's because he can't find the remote. He's like, we get cold out every single day. And he said, you have to go to them. You have to go to them. If this was an episode of Scrubs,

here's what would happen. We'd learn about this. It's like wacky for a start. Yeah. But not actually that way. My uncle visited us once over Christmas from South Africa, and he watched Scrubs, and he was like, I've never seen this as a good because I love House.

Yeah. And we were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like house. You know, whatever. People are being, at each other at the hospital. He watched Scrubs and he was like, this is way too depressing. Scrubs was more depressing than House. House just always won.

I tell you, I can work out why it's more depressing. Because Scrubs had, now I never watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air growing up. Yeah. And I've seen a couple of episodes where like Will Smith gets really told off. And it feels like you, the viewer, getting told off. And you're like, I didn't know those drugs were real and the ones that you gave to car. I didn't know that. And then, like, the episode will end with just Will Smith, like, alone in a room just looking, like, devastating.

Well, that's the one very famous. A really famous one, yeah. But Scrubs was like, having fun out here. Well, that patient died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but it was zany up until that, like, it was like, it was like family guy cutaway sort of thing. It was absurdity. It was completely nonsense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then sometimes at the end, they'd be like. But seriously, people do die here. Yeah, and you go, no, I think you need to keep the whole thing. so frivolous and like no one ever dies in this hospital. And that's the nice thing about Scrubs because it's escapism. I'm not watching this for a reflection. In the same way that like Brooklyn Nine-Nine, for good reason,

weren't like Andy Sandberg accused of police brutality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's, I used to hate, I used to hate this serious bits in Scrobs. They were so much more serious than any TV show ever. But in Brooklyn Nine-N-N-N-9, every character is a silly billy. And in Scrubs, not every character is a silly billy. Well, who isn't silly billion scrubs? Dr. Cox.

He's like wisecracks, but he doesn't have flights of fancy. The flights of fancy are in JD's or sometimes Turks' head. Yes, they are, I wonder if the original scrubs would be a difficult watch now because it's very, I'm just a millennial, you know, sort of, like I think, too cutesy, too Zoui-de-Shanel. Maybe if we're far enough away, it'll be like watching something that's really 70s. Possibly, yeah. Hopefully. God willing.

Dr. Cox, you wanted to talk like Dr. Cox. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so fluently quick and then Kelso was horrible, was the old man he was horrible. But that's what I mean. Kelso and Cox were horrible and serious in a way that... But they weren't real, and I see that as zany. They weren't real.

They weren't grounded at all. They couldn't exist in ER or the pit. No, but they still said things about budget cuts and stuff. Like it was still, they were grounded in the reality of running a hospital or a surgical wing or whatever it was. Whereas even, Andrei Brawger's brawger? I never knew how to pronounce his name.

The chief in Brooklyn, I mean, yeah. Even he was like a ludicrous character inherently. Yes. And was being ludicrous all the time. Well, he was basically Ron Swanson, again, kind of wasn't it? He played the, if it was like Comedia Del Arta, it's like, oh, the Ron Swanson. The boss artist. Yes, yeah, yeah, yes.

Yeah, boss artist. Yeah, yeah. Same about Alec Baldwin and 30 Rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, boss artist, okay. Yeah, he was boss artist. Yeah. But everyone in Brooklyn 9-9 had a catchphrase and had a zane equality and it was a silly billy.

And was like imagining a silly thing. Whereas in Scrubs it was like, oh, these young interns are silly. And everyone else is teaching them, no people die here and they're learning hard lessons. Whereas in House, they all pretend to be serious, but no one ever really loses or it doesn't hit as hard. And I just thought, I was one of the,

I mean, when my uncle said it, I was like 15. You know, just all I seem to do is watch Scrubs. Welcome back to another edition of Relaxation with Philip. I hope you're enjoying your Wednesday afternoon. I've got the curtains drawn. A mug of peppermint tea on the go. And I've just lit some incense. And I hope your afternoon is as tranquil as mine.

We're here to help you relax and go smoothly into the evening. Hummer! Oh, that's just my neighbour. Hello, is anybody there? Philip. Hello, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hello.

Philip, can you hear me? What's up, what's up? Just wanted to say, sorry you couldn't come to the birthday party upstairs. Oh, no, it's no problem at all. We've got some cake for you. No, I don't need any cake. That's kind. I insist.

How do you want it? Okay, just leave it outside the door. Can I post it through the letter, books? No, no, don't post it through the letter. Okay. The kindness of our neighbours there now. Where were we? Allow me just a quick sip and might we go to our relaxation.

So just breathe in for three. Philip, I meant to say thank you for letting us borrow those plates. Oh, no, it was no problem at all. Well, as you can probably hear, the kindness of neighbours. Would you let them back? No, no, no, I don't need the plates back yet. I'm just doing a live stream. I shall post them three.

No, please don't post the plates through the letter box. So we just want to, we just want to hold that breath in for as long as we can. That's it. Feel your heart rate slow. Yes, yes, what? Philip, can you keep it down in there and trying to read my Bibles? Jesus Christ.

Also, I went to the Army Surplus Store for the stuff you want. I don't need anything for the Army Surplus Store. Of all of your troubles and letting them wash over you. I bought too much Pepsi Max earlier. I don't need any Pepsi Macs. No, it's given me too many burps. I wanted to know if you wanted to have some of my burps. I've got too many.

I don't want your bubs. I don't want your bubs. I don't want to fit my lips around your lover, I don't want to... No, please, don't do that, please. Jesus. Jesus. Between gods.

Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! What have I done? That's the thing with Lika, I think, is like, it's so rare as a kid to be exposed to anything that ends badly like that. Yes, or if you've got like a book about animals, and it would be like,

the rare red dolphin has been taken off the endangered species list. And you go, great, I mean, if you read the subtitles, it's like, because they all got wiped out. Like, it's not the list anymore because there aren't any. Dodos aren't on the list anymore. Yeah, but I really think that, like, there's that divide between, like, what you might think of as Disney-style endings

or American-style endings, where it's like, everyone's happy and fine. Yeah. And more continental style cinema where it's like, and of course everyone died, but it was interesting while they were alive. Yes, I'm trying to think the first time I encountered like a sad ending in a film. And I think actually it would have been,

I must have been a teenager. I can't think of anything, apart from E.T. is sad at the end because, I mean, this is a spoiler. He goes all dry. He goes all dry. Like his white dog poo E.T. What? You don't.

get ill E.T. anymore, do you? You don't get, you never see ill E.T. in the park anymore, do you? In those red bins. You're so on, someone trying to cram E.T. into a dog shit bin because they think he's a big poo. No, no.

Get in there. Smelly. Smelly alien. I bet he fucking stank of, like, metal. I bet he's a smote of, like, metal. I bet he's smote a smell of blood. But I'm so not convinced When like the mum comes into the bedroom

And she just sees like this wall of toys And then when the camera zooms in you see his face in the middle of them She'd have gone Jesus Christ Have you? The cow had exploded here earlier Dug shit in here It's mom

She comes in it It stinks of blood Oh no But it's a very It's a very melancholic ending to the film because ETS has to go home. And he's never, ever going to see them ever again. And they're so sad.

And I just remember feeling gutted, like really empty. Because you go, what was all that for? Yeah. What lessons did they learn? I think it's good to make kids, like, I think that's why, even when, you know, those accounts that initially started, like, interesting clips from history. And then they quickly run out of them. Yeah, then they go, like, how did they do this card scene from now you see me too?

Yeah. They run out of history clips within two weeks. Yeah, yeah. But in that time, they amass 100,000 followers. Yeah. You can feel them. Shit, yeah. Shit, shit, shit.

Why isn't any more history happening? Always sunny bloopers. Yeah. Always sunny in Philadelphia bloopers. That's in the past. They said historically Danny DeVito had never done that in his long life in history. But I think it's good for kids to be like that. I saw one of these clips from history where it was like interviews with like young people in Poland,

but like during the Soviet times. So it was like Poland, but like in the 60s. And they're interviewing like 10-year-olds. And they're speaking like, I just want to crack up. I really want to crack up. The wall. Yeah.

The Berlin Wall. No, they're like 10-year-olds in Poland. And they're speaking like 60, 70-year-old university lecturers who've had a few wives or husbands and they were in the Navy for a bit and, you know, they've fucking seen a few things. Stopping out of a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, exactly, probably they were.

But they're like 10 and just be, there's a continual boy being like, I'm very cynical and narcissistic person, but often quite unlikable, but still sometimes perhaps I have my appeal to say, and you go, you're 10! Yeah, but isn't that how, like, when you learn languages at school

and the first things you learn it's sort of like, he is very unpunctual, And also... No, no, no, they're speaking in Polish. Yeah, yeah. To be clear. Yeah, yeah. And it's being subtitled, and you just think, I think that's because they got raised on a diet of stories that end with...

Of adverts. And of course, it didn't work. Yeah, maybe it's that. Grim, Eastern European, heavy on philosophy and maths. Just like... And of course, he got the calculations right. And that's the only reason the bridge survived. He, of course, was murdered.

I have a memory of... That's a good story. Sleep well, children. Me and my sister trying to rent. Babiaga. Like when the wind blows from like Blockbuster or something because we're like a cartoon

Oh no We were like We didn't watch it Oh no If you haven't seen it It's like it's like a Raymond Briggs cartoon Like you know

Like the snowman But about a couple In sort of a very sort of sheltered countryside village And there's a nuclear apocalypse And they follow all the guidelines As post-goal You know

They did everything right And then they just get more And their hair starts falling out And they just get really, really ill, and they've got those sort of lines under their eyes are getting, you know. Because I thought it would be funny of how, like, because it was obviously a very successful film. It was very, very bleak. But you know when, like, Shrek was, like, nominated at the Golden Globes and so they cut to the audience,

and there's, like, Shrek and Donkey there in their, like, black tuxes and stuff, going, oh, yeah, yeah, you know, sort of thing. They've been, like, the other nominees for Best Animation Film, When the Wind Blows. It was just two skeletons. Tattered like cardigan Looking really ill And she's like Coffee and dranky

Next To Kate Winslet And everyone's like Oh wow It's so clever how did they do that? It's like they're real Yeah Yeah

I need to go to the hospital A Geiger counter. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like tap dancing. And then being interviewed on the red carpet by a TV host who's like playing along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you haven't had a much like with bombs recently. Ryan Seacrest.

Yeah. So you still have some of your hair? Yes, we had a rather large explosion and we thought nothing of it. We thought maybe my old, we thought maybe. We thought maybe my old fort had banged up. The government had told us. We did everything they said. And we kept calm as they said.

We rolled ourselves up in a blanket. We'd be running hands of corned beef, fruit. What was this event called? There was a golden glass. I feel ever so tired. They've put us up in our hotel. The water just tastes different. It's what wrong with the water, isn't there, Philip?

Yes. Yes, my darling, yes. Everyone just really laughing. Having a really lovely time. Joan Rivers roasted them. I've seen better looking faces in the front of a butcher's. Has he like kills over to one side. The couple from when the wind blows are here.

Honey is supposed to get radiation treatment after the cancer. You did it in the wrong order. And it's like, oh, it's harsh you, but it's what General of us is known for. What are you wearing tonight? Just from CNA. Just some... Anything we could find, really? Cardigan was a hand me down from my brother.

Is the sun always this bright? I can't. I just live it's apart. It's so hard to figure out how we got to places. I've only just remembered Conspiracy Bond. Completely forgot we talked about that. Conspiracy Bond

sounds like sounds like one of those names that when they pop up you go, no one was called Capability Brown. What do you mean? Yeah, Conspirity Bond was a little railway

connect, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's really impressive stuff, entrepreneur. When the wind blows at the golden place, it's so horrible, it's so inappropriate. In the same category of Shrek. Well, like in the,

that really harrowing Hiroshima Nagasaki anime one, the graveyard of the firefly. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're there as well, yeah, yeah. The kid there with his, like, dead brother. Yes, yeah, yeah. And in live action, the cast of threads.

Like, the policeman with the pad around his eyes. Just in the front. And then he's got celebrities on the side, but they're really, like, looking at him, like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. Like side eye, really creeped out by it. And we hear you're due next week without a mutant paper.

All the way from Sheffield, it's the cast of threads. Just loads of coughing. Oh, fuck. So we both have this issue with writing down notes for comedy. Yes. I wrote down something that I thought would be good for the, to talk about on the podcast. Oh, yeah. And all I can

It's incomprehensible, this note Okay It's complete, I have no idea what I meant by it Oh, was it like that joke I dreamt of here comes the ice cream, The Witch, which I nearly tweeted at two in the morning. The witch. The witch, as if she'd say ever say that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's basically the premise of the joke is just that, you know, Magic Mike, the show. Yeah. The idea that everyone in the castes referred to as the Michaels. Like the Rockettes. Yeah, yeah. I'm one of the Michaels. Yeah.

Magic Mike. It's the idea that they're all Mike. It's a rotating car, so they're all a magical Michael. Yes. Which gets shortened to, Magic Mike. Magical. Magical. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would imply that Mike is spelled like M-I-C-H-E. Or like, A. Magic Mike. Magic. Magic. Magic. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. The Michaels. like the guy, the director. Bring out the Michaels. It should have constant, like, very strict Christian protests outside like they did with Harry Potter. No, magic is against the teachings.

Dark magic, Mike. Giorville, Bill and John John Herald. And he's like, they just raised loads of skeletons to Darton State. Chatton. Johnny Tatum's eyes rolling back. We took Nan to the Hippodrome, which we knew she'd absolutely love magic, Mike.

Beel. All those. It's like the sound of thunder and a whirlwind of papers around. It's like ghostly green lights. Yeah. Like in Disney films. Like resputed.

It's a green tornado in the center of stage. It's coming. Channing Totum. He emerges how the hypodrome is built on an ancient Native American bear. Channing Totum is not. Chef. to kiss. Fucking hell.

All the adverts on the tube are of, like, a really sexy guy with his eyes rolled back. Yeah, yeah. Really, really vainy face, like when Gerald chugs a potion. Like that. And really horribly, yeah, veins sticking out. Yeah. But, like, the veins are in black. Yeah.

It's really horrible. And it's like a hend dude just screaming in terror. Oh, yeah. And it's like, magic mic. Yeah. Dark magic mic. Baskaran Scripa Buna lo la lo.

Do not read from his board. It's just loads like all the waiters around the venue are just in sort of like like Nasgol hoods and they just keep beckoning people in. All the drinks have got all smoke. Yeah, yeah.

Like potions. Yeah, it just sounds like a really good time. Have you seen Dark Magic Mike? Oh. A venue's called Hippodromy. It's not the hippodrome. It's that hippodrome is ancient Greek. You bother me.

You podromy. You come, he go. Mike Totem. Channing Totem. Channing Tatum's doing an interview, and then his body snaps in half. He flips forwards, and then flips back up again immediately,

and he's got a really deep voice and black eyes. Like in hereditary? Yeah. Yeah, when the son's at school, and he suddenly looks like he's got... He suddenly looks like he's trying to hold in a sneeze. And it's sort of, They still have to talk to him about 22 Jump Street.

Yeah, yeah. Is there going to be a 20th? Is there going to be a 23 jump seat? There will be untold horrors on this earth. That sounds like a yes. I didn't hear and know. That's so exciting. Will Jonah Hill be back?

Jonah Hill will know nothing but torment. I'm here. Oh, say no more, Mr. Totem. He's lost a lot of weight recently. And he will continue to. He will continue to with her. Until he returns the amulet he took from my trailer. It's just a great night out in London.

You see advertised in timeout quite a lot. Things to do. What's it like working with Patrick Warburton? He was a real good laugh on set. Top things to do in London before you die tonight. Yeah, I think this is much more appealed. I think we should do an experiences pod there. We should do experiences pot of Magic Mike.

Oh, you know. I think it would be good fun. Magic Mike. Magical Michael. The idea is. Magical Michael is a kid show. Magical Michael. Yeah, yeah.

They strip it, there's no decks. Because it's a good show. It's got to be, you know, it's going to be family friend. Of course, yeah, yeah. I think our attitude to the experience pods is like Roger Ebert's attitude to films. He went into every film hoping it was going to be the greatest film of all time. Ah. And I think.

If you go into any event with just the right mindset, open to it and excited about it, we'll have a great time at Magic Mike. And we get to enjoy the delights of the Hippodrome afterwards, which you and I've been to before. Oh, my God, yeah. For the purposes of playing a game of poker once with some other comedians. And it was a sorry.

It was a sorry place to be. You think the poker floor is going to be full of conspiracy bond and Le Chifre and all these amazing people in suits. And it looks like an in-sells crypto convention. It's just guys in hoodies slouched, like drinking water. They all look like the boy from a Nora, the billionaire's son. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, at best. Yeah.

They all look like the boy from Enora, or they look like seven of them are going to ask me to buy them beer from a shop. Oh, man. at Chessington. Yeah. I saw someone like speed running dickhead. It was crazy. Chessington World of Adventures last week. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, when you say Chessington, I feel like you don't have to say the World of Adventures part. I should pour some, pour some, show respect on its name. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. World of Adventures, apologies. There was a, I saw someone just speed running being a dickhead. There were loads of schools there, loads of school trips.

And I saw one school kid who was just like, Yes, wearing the school trousers, but then beyond that, just like t-shirt and a hoodie. And I saw this guy just, I was waiting for the wretch and Katie to go on like a sort of spinning tubs ride where everyone had a water pistol. It was like a pirate thing. And you were spraying each other,

but also you could spray onlookers. And I was waiting for them to go on that. And then out of nowhere, I see this guy bat a drink out of someone's hand. Let us go out of his way to bathe drink out of someone's hand, a complete stranger. And he himself was drinking from like a plastic cup. Must have been like 16.

Bats to drink out of a stranger's hand. He keeps walking in my direction, just throws his empty cup behind me, just onto the floor. I'm stood in front of like an amusement arcade. There's loads of amusement arcades in cabinets in Chessington. And he goes straight to a machine that he couldn't have seen with me in the way. But he just walked straight to that,

and it had a little compartment around the back that wasn't meant to be open, but it was open. And it meant if you were to reach in, you could grab loads of little footballs. He just went straight to that, just grabbed a handful of his feet. footballs and started walking a different direction, just lobbing footballs over buildings, throwing them at rides, throwing them at people, just kept on walking the same direction.

No expression, no anger, just, well, I have to. I have to. A being of pure impulse. It was like the bullies in the Simpsons when, again, the pheromone sort of thing, but it was like he just knew how to be a school bully. The fact that out of nowhere, he just sort of sniffed that that arcade cabinet was behind that man around the back of it is a compartment that shouldn't be open. I'll be able to get some footballs in there.

He just knew everything. He's played the level before. He was speed running it. It was so bizarre. He's like Jason Bourne. It was such a compact... If I'm a normal guy, tell me why I know that if I go bully the staff guy, he'll cry about his haircut. He just did every possible thing he could.

It was like the human version of Untitled Goose game. It'd just be a horrible boy. Those kids, there were at least two or three of them at my school, or that I knew growing up and there's such an advert for just I don't know Ritalin given out through like a dart like every teacher gets a blow dart

with some Ritalin in and every lesson starts with just and of course Toby is here it's everyone's responsibility to just Ritalin DART this kid at the start of every lesson there's just enough to last for 40 minutes Yes

we had a guy in my school Then you unleash him on the general public at 4.30 A guy at my school, just absolute pure chaos. Like, down to the smallest level, obviously like a bully to other people would beat people up all the time. But just even when it came to assembly sat facing perpendicular to the stage. Like you just, every little thing, every, what could you think to do wrong? It's all those things. And I found myself Googling him a couple of years ago.

And the only thing I could find was arrested for streaking at a football match. Yeah. And given a lifetime ban from like Crystal Palace or whatever. It was like that, yeah. Yeah, of course, of course. It's, for teachers, it must never be a surprise. Yeah, because every single aspect of his existence was just off the rails. But all these kids, from 11.

His kids are older than him. Do you know what I mean? It's like that sort of. Kids are young, they're older than him. The teachers must just be like, yeah, I had to like, it's like, I had to watch a car crash in slow motion over seven years. Yeah, if he knew it was going to happen. Everyone knew. Yeah.

But when you're a kid, you're just constantly told, life could go anyway. Who's to say? You're constantly told, who knows? And you're like, I don't know, man. But it makes you feel like you going insane as a kid because you're like, sorry, why isn't this person in jail? Can no one else see? It's like the guy.

It's the ghosting ghost who lives on the subway train who throws Patrick Swayze off and is just batting newspapers out of people's hands. It was that. And you go, why can't anyone else see this guy? These are kids who have an elite sportsman's instinct for being a cunt. So, like, in the same way that, like, the best football player is just always looking, where's space, where can I pass, where can, like, just constant, they're never not in that mode. Or the elite Olympians who are just like, oh, I realize that while I'm chewing, I could still be doing push-ups. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They've got that mindset, that incredible, like, top 0.0.0.0.0% on earth mindset, but for being the worst. It makes you so terrified of their home life. You go, thank God, I don't know what that looks like. because, like, plenty of people I went to school with, like, you know, sort of like, you don't know your dad. With him, it was like, you really don't know your dad. Or you so don't know. Or you really know him. You know him a lot.

Through the back of his hand, you know your dad. Because he's the version, he's as angry at you as all the teachers, but he gets to smack you. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Sometimes when you meet those kids' parents, they'd be, like, also. hostages? As in...

Well, they'd be like, we don't know why. This is just what the kid is like. Yeah, we've tried. We're nice. So you'd be like... I'm wearing a flowery smock. So I don't explain him then. They'd be like, let us know if you figure it out. Please help us.

But supernanny parents. It doesn't sleep. Yeah, supernanny parents, exactly. Sometimes on supernanny, you'd be like, oh, okay. Like, mini me. Yes, absolutely. But sometimes it would be like Damien. Yeah.

I don't know why the American. ambassador's son has killed, isn't that he? Well, it's got... His father is the devil somehow. It's got to be one insane, isolated incident that the parents didn't realize. In the same way, Katie and I was so worried. Like a secret root origin story?

Yes. In the same way that once Katie was like, the wretch was inconsolable. It was absolutely inconsolable. And it's because during bath time, he used to really love having, like, a wet flannel on the top of his head. Yeah.

And just made him for nice. And also, if you then port. Like if it starts to get dry and you pour more water on it, then he'd love it even more. Yeah, that's nice. And we did it once. And as we were pouring the water, the flannel slipped down his face,

and we just followed the trail of the water. And we went, and so we water, we water ported him by accident. He was lying back with a flannel over his face and had water poured on his face, which is waterboarding. And we were so worried,

but we'd ruined his life. You're so worried that he'd give up all that information? All your secrets The crayons I'm trying to tell you where the crayons are You've failed the test No more crayons for you

You'll never be trusted With the family secrets Yeah yeah It was really felt bad You just thought okay so But then like But that's not going to be That's not going to be

Oh he's he's the kid He's not horribly He just can't go outside And it rains Yeah Yeah He'll be like A kid where his beanie

He gets wet in the rain And he doesn't know why But he just has a full Yeah Yeah Panic attack In a shopping more on a school trip or something.

You're like, oh, I think I know why. But these other kids, man, just like elite athletes of trouble causing, just slap drink, throw drink, discombobulate, get footballs from machine, throw, just like slow motion Sherlock Holmes fight scene attitude to being a complete menace. It's so funny if they'd shown a sex scene in that Sherlock series. He talks about it in exactly the same way.

As a London sex worker with both hands just bashed his dick in, discombnobulate. Smaste. Wake dick. Remove bra. Come in alley. Insert. Avoid police. Yeah.

And waving at a consulable. And like flicking a coin. Yeah. If I was a Victorian police. and someone with a smile flipped a corner in my direction I'd be like, oh Jack the Ripper Jack the Ripper has asked me to sell a blind eye

Solved it! Yeah, it's him. Solved it's him. It's him. It's him. Letter, post, message, email, notes, text, dispatches, SMS,

and randoms, correspondence. We have some correspondence from Adam. Hello, Adam. To his reverence and the professor. You can decide which you are. Oh, I like that. Which would you like to be?

I think you know more about religion. Interesting. I can be his reverence. And also you're the leader of the pod. Oh. Professor isn't necessarily like the highest up in any, you know, it's the dean. Yes, the pro-vice chancellor. Interesting.

And I'm very provice. I did have to go to church a lot. As in school. Right, yeah, yeah. But like five times a week. Are you sick? Yeah, four or five times a week. It's more than I did maths.

That's crazy. I know every hymn. Wow. I know the Bible really well given that. I'm not even baptized. I'm nothing, blank religiously. Wow, I'm a full pagan. You're more religious than me.

Yeah, yeah. To be a pilgrim. That is a one-season, 1980s British sitcom title. To be a pilgrim. To be a pilgrim. And each sting in between scenes It's just a voice going

To be a pilgrim As a sighing vicar sees how messy the shrine is Yes, yeah, and someone walks in, I've got the cakes for later And that I want to draw on, yeah, ding-ding in the door Yeah, the door dings as it opens Created by John Winterbarrow or whatever at a bottom From now on that's the name of every creator

of British said John Winterbarrow Yeah, John Winterbarra. Yeah, John Winterbarrow. It's one of John Winterbarrow's 14 season shows that you've never heard of. Oh, the image of everywhere is so shit. Shop door digging as someone walks in with two cakes under their arms. I managed to get these for later. Oh, God.

And it's about a vicar who is, like, in charge of a site that used to be like a pilgrimage site, but it's like no one really does it anymore. Yes, he's having to reluctantly turn away. pilgrims, to say there's nothing there. And like, it's now just like a... It's a skateboarding center. Or is it... Oh, no, it's like a faulty towers thing

where he's trying to, like... Run a site of heritage. Like Barry St. Edmonds. Yes. Where it's like, in the medieval times, it was like 10,000 people a month would go and try and touch the relic of the... And he's like,

no reason it can't go back to that. Hmm. Well, they are... They cancelled the motorway extension, didn't they? and no one can play you're like, ha. Because it's really current in the 70s are they extending all the motorways.

Yeah, but actually the title, sorry, the theme tune would be to be a pilgrim. But the show would be called, and there's two characters, Barry and Edmund, and everything Barry's got is like better, it's like even appearances. Barry's done a lot better than Edmund,

and it's called like Barry's ain't Edmonds. You know most horrible titles of sitcoms? Romans Empire, Or, do you? Okay, right. Royal family, Britass Empire. Yeah, yes. Yes. Yuck. Yuck.

The seriousness of which you locked eyes from him. Yuck. Hadrian's Hall. John Winterbarrow. Yeah. So, Adam continues. Listening to Budpot 56 hot banana this morning, as Glenn was asking,

as Pierre was asking Glenn what he thought bog bodies tasted like, I was just shouting, Bog butter into the void. Because as well as occasionally people, delicious buttery goodness was also deposited into peat bogs for reasons. It's probably later in date than most people, but if you wanted to taste the history on a slice of sourd, this is surely the way.

Wow. Yeah. I was told an anecdote by my colleague Andy. Side note, he was a PhD student at Cambridge when Pierre was an undergrad and remembers hosting him in some seminars on Vikings, in which case, please apologize to your friend Andy Woods for me, presumably not being a good student. Not compared to the other students.

Always ring paper airplanes. Catapult on your pocket. Pea shooter on my lips. So teach gets a drenching. Yeah, a bucket of water on the top of the door. Yeah, which just falls down straight immediately and kills whoever else. Why would it tip? Doesn't make any sense.

A bucket of fire escape sand. Big knife on the moon. Yes, I do remember that a former director of the National Museum of Ireland may have occasionally hosted behind the scenes tasting sessions of bog butter from their collection. I want to eat the bog butter. Yeah, this is like the lettuce eat of the sarcophagus red liquid.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it turned out it was nothing exciting. It was genuinely like rusty water that had made its way through from like a factory. But people wanted to drink the forbidden red, fluid. The mummy. Bog butter.

So I'm struggling to wrap my head around what's in it. So it's an ancient waxy substance found buried in peat bogs. It's likely an old method of making and preserving butter. So like you churn it and then wrap it in something and then because the bogs... Have some rope and then you can pull it out when you need it. And the bogs are a completely perfect seal airtight, hence the preservation of the bodies. Yeah. Some tested lumps of bog butter were made of dairy while others were made of animal fat.

So it might, it could, you don't know maybe until you try it. Yeah. If you're getting a kind of ancient butter or an ancient like dripping. Yeah. You know, there's a good way of preserving it. It's very smart. They must have figured it out. But how?

And why would you go, was food that bad in general back then they go, that bog looks like. But then they had the same thought process we did have. Bobbodies looking delicious. Maybe someone dropped. Well, if that's what Nana looked like, then just imagine it on a piece of bread. Nana was falling off the bone when we did. Got it back out of that bog? Boggy Nana.

Boggy Nana. Well, we'll have a traditional Christmas dinner. We'll have spotted dick and boogie Nana. We always had boogie Nana. Boggy Nana is absolutely... Yeah, it was a 70s dish. It was banana wrapped in ham. And it was a baking hot mane.

Tray after tray of it. Heavily peppered. Like, covered in black pepper because it's from that merchant sort of time. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Or Boggy Nana would be one of those... If you haven't got a banana, you can use water.

A water wrapped in the hand. Boggy Nana or it's one of those meals that comes up on QI. Yeah. Of course, it was only eaten in Kint. Yeah. But everyone used to say, Now, who would sit down to a big dish

of boggy Nana? Yes. Do you call it? Alan Davies. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. Carlton. Harold Shipman?

You're fucking sick. Woo! Alarm goes off. Would you call it a cop, a bum or a boogie nana? Boggy nana where I was from, yeah. People have been getting in touch in their drones. Yeah, there's a big north-south divide of people saying cobbomb, but a lot of people saying boggy nana.

Yuck. Yeah, that sounds like someone with a head injury trying to say banana. Boganana. Could you peel a bogianna for me? Boggy nanas in Poggyjamas have coming on my stairs Bogganana crumbai Boganana crumbai

Sorry, what do you want? Boganana crumbai I think he's hit his head on the way into this diner Yeah, when he finally recovers I was asking for an ambulance Bogi nanacrombi Ambulance. I obviously needed help.

Yes. I didn't know I was asking for pudding. I have no memory of this. Bog butter is found buried inside some sort of wooden container generally, like buckets, kegs, barrels, dishes and buttercherns. It's also known as butterolite. Butterolite. Okay.

They're trying to give it a science. Yeah, yeah. For a laugh. Some of the motella, some of them are dairies. Yeah, like thousands of years. old, man, I want some. Yeah, do you know what? To relate it back to last week's episode, some things don't have to have a name. Hmm. Hmm. It's true.

Experiments conducted on the bog butter found that pathogen and bacterial counts of meat buried in peat bogs were, for up to two years, were about the same level as control samples stored in a modern freezer. Oh, okay. So it's as good as a freezer? Yeah. Wow. I do want to try a bit. Would you eat some of the bog butter, the forbidden butter? Yes, there's no food I wouldn't try.

That's true. And any food I think I, actual food that I wouldn't want to try, would be based on the visuals of it. I would struggle with, like, while eating a brain out of a fucking head. Do you know what I mean? Like, I would. Yeah. A big roasted skull. Ivo was on John Richardson's TV show and he had to eat.

It was just, he was like eating something out of. a skull and it was just, it looked so wretched. And just that's something straight from dark magic Mark. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Turning to master eat her brain out of a skull of one of his enemies. Yes, of course, it's for dominance. For dominance and summoning.

One of the other. That's a fun way to end in you, for dominance and summoning. Yeah, like to protect and serve. Yeah, or like what you'd have on like a bottle of sun cream. Yeah. Yeah. And summoning.

Because the sun cream we've got says to protect and moisturise And I always think that's the LAPDs So Orange County To protect and moisturise It's Orange County, it's a bit more obscure Yeah, yeah, yeah That's all the time we have, guys It's time for the bonus pod to be recorded

And for you guys to listen to it in either two days Or not at all if you're not a patron And if you're not a patron, you're crazy Because you get an extra episode a week and a George Potter month And you keep this indie podcast going From my shed where we are currently. So think about that.

Okay, and I'll see you next week. Bye-bye.