BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E62 | Dark Web Ribs | BudPod LIVE!

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Youtube Version Here!Welcome Podbuds! This week it's BudPod LIVE! from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2026! Part 2 coming on Friday! (Patreon members only)The buds discuss royal pictures, infinite Instagram, South African memes, Glenn’s budpod quiz, Hiroo Onoda and we welcome the return of Marjorie!This week's sketches: Dirty Fries & MarjorieTo hear the full show (out on Friday) sign up to our Patreon here! Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back!Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival - October 10, 2026 - Tickets available hereBath Komedia - November 3rd, 2026 - Tickets available here Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVVote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ladies and gentlemen, by which I mean pot birds, thank you very much for coming to Budpot Live. Please welcome to the stage. It's been in the air. But that's okay. Go back and get it. It's not too late. Yeah, right to back hands. I've got nothing to say.

All right. How you all doing? Thank you very much for coming. It's such a pleasure to see you here in the fully air-conditioned MB3. Those of you who were here last year for Budpot Live will remember that we both looked like We were being held hostage. Yeah. Or maybe Tim and Eric characters.

Yeah, it looked like I've gone to a fancy dress party as the devil. We both looked like Nixon v. Kennedy. Yeah. This time, like, oops all Nixon's. Yeah. And I've gone too far the other way. Jeans and a cardigan. I'm taking the piss.

You do. What I like is... Let's test the boundary. Glenn chose jeans and a cardigan before he was fully sure the venue was air-conditioned. Let's give it a go. Front row you will get wet. Back row you'll get even wetter.

We haven't worked out how that's going to happen, but it is going to happen. You're done with the fringe now. Yes. Thank you so much. I have my last show this morning because some stuff's going to come out about me in the papers tomorrow.

Yeah. We've pulled the plug pretty early on that one. I just hope he doesn't squeal. Is that why I saw that long-lens picture of you and Prince Andrew having a lamb roast together? We're having a lamb roast, but leading backwards like all those pictures of the royals in a car. My tummy hurts.

It doesn't go down well that way. Both so full. Yeah. Like Greeks being fed grapes, but just of a big lobster bisque, just being poured into your mouth like a chocolate fountain. Scolting, scalding lobster bishops. That's that dreadful last photo of Prince Philip was just immediately post-Bisk. This image is post-Bisk. Oh, that's why I see all those memes.

T-F-W, you have a lobster bisque. Or captioned on that photo, Prince Philip looking like, let's face it, a revenant. Not a zombie. I've been screenshoting so many out of context, comedy Instagram videos from like Armenian teenagers. It's so specific. It's always like, that feeling when your dad comes over to relax.

What? I think that would change our relationship for the rest of my life. If I had already made the two-hour journey to my house without warning, just thought I'd come over and relax. Right, as mum died, what's going on? If my dad texted me,

I'm just going to come over to yours to relax. I'd think, A, he's gone mad. Yeah. But B, it's because he's dying. He's going to tell me... He's dying. Or, will it be followed by the sound of...

of many sirens behind you. I just need somewhere to relax for a few days. He's doing a full O.J. Car chase. Just to your house. It is amazing. I've started referring to, I don't know if I've mentioned this,

but I've only let myself look at the infinite Instagram within the last month. I never let myself do it because I knew what it would do to me. And unwisely, I've now just gone, well, Pandora's box can't be that bad. And I've just opened it

and dunk my head into it like a cow trough. Just blanel. And it's ruining my life, obviously. Is there a part of you that still thinks, well, it's got to end at some point? Yeah. Because I swear like Twitter and stuff. There's only so many Warhammer painting guides.

I swear to God. Stuff like Twitter used to have a little message at a button and went, you're all up to date, as if I was the president. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I've seen all the gymnast's asses I needed to see to go about my day and run the country.

Yeah. Yeah, it was like a barman. You've had enough. Yeah, yeah. It's time to go home. Time to go to sleep now. Instagram doesn't do that. It's just infinite Warhammer painting guides,

cat screaming and a human voice. It's horrible. It's like a portal to hell. It's less loud than TikTok is, which I'm also not on, and I really shouldn't open that door. I won't, because that is worse.

It's the vodka to Instagram's beer, I think. Well, it's just telling you what's made teenagers upset, and I don't care. I don't care, I don't care. I want them to be okay. I don't care what's concerning them. No, no, no, no.

I remember what I liked as a teenager and I don't stand by it. No, no, no. Muse and Hitler. Those are the two big things, and I don't... Both of them change their sound too much. Both massive on TikTok now, man.

They're having a real renaissance. I never let myself look at the end. I've called it the infinity mirror. And it's really taught me a lesson because I used to think like, I imagine scrolling instead of watching a long film. But now that I've tasted the infinity mirror, I understand just how tempting an evil

sort of demons whisper it is in your ear because it's like saying, do you want to concentrate on a film from Venezuela? Would you like to look into the infinity mirror? The one that reflects your dreams. The one that knows you as a child. And you go, well, of course, the infinity mirror. Of course I would.

And then it's four in the morning. Yeah. And I'm watching a man with 400 followers singing an auto-tuned song about Po. Yeah, you've reached the stuff that your parents send you. That's when you know when to stop. But stuff I get in like COVID, I'd be like, I couldn't find these fucking videos if I tried.

There was a video my dad sent me of a guy in like a Rastafarian cap, and he was singing along to Bob Marley's with Jammin, this is during COVID. And it said, and I hope you like coronavirus too. And it was like, do we want to try and fit any more syllables in the line? Can we dream? The fucking boomer COVID memes were just... Oh, yeah, yeah.

So unwieldy. Yeah, I've always wanted to hear my dad say those three magic words to me. Forwarded many times. I'm a member of a very special group because I get forwarded many times. Oh, right, yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah. No, it's less special at the fridge. Yeah, yeah.

We're all pretending at the fringe. You know, we need the good reviews, yeah. This is our town. Yeah. Wow, this one guy focused only on juggling and Dutch mime for the ego. Yeah, autism. Not to presume, but, you know, 50-50, let's be honest. This is our town this month.

The rest of the month is down to the NTs, spent for one month a year. All the lump and freaks come in and do that. do their special interest in front of all the neurotypical people. An enormous... An enormous pageant of difference. Yeah.

What's your new group? My special group, I mean, I get WhatsApp group forwarded many times from specifically Southern African memes and things. So during COVID, I would get sent it was forwarded many times and it was a video of a guy filming himself in his car

saying you don't have COVID the humor of it was like is a black South African guy with I think a suitu accent but I'm not sure but he's saying like check that out in the future because yeah I will

yeah I know we have a lot of suitu speakers you know and he was doing like a funny rant to the camera in his parked car like the whole world does now about how like you don't have fucking COVID you're not rich enough to go skiing in Italy

like making fun of people for thinking they had COVID really early on in the pandemic, obviously, before, you know, the fucking resident evil hospitals. And it was very funny. He was making some very funny riffs. He reminded me of the term rumourama, which is a kind of margarine.

It's too long to explain what that's about. It's a sort of marjorie of me. All right. Yeah, but I get forwarded many times videos of like animals on safari doing crazy things, some of which may be AI now, which upsets me. A hippo shitting all over a leopard's face. That's not a good one.

And the caption in Afrikaans was, someone out there's always having a worse day than you. That's funny. It's funny. And it does look real. And when hippo shit, they spray everywhere. Oh, everyone's seen that one hippo video where it's like, it's the loudest fight.

And the tail is just going crazy. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's... That's real. That's my watched many times. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's your homepage. Yeah, my parents' version afforded many times

is when Katie sends them videos of like the wretch and the sod on a daily basis just to keep them updated. But my parents for some reason will fill the need to reply sort of providing sort of like audio subtitles for what has happened in the video. The boy fell down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The detective squint's mistrust.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I spy a banana. It's always like saying. what they're saying or whatever. And it makes me wonder whether they have a favorite because when you hear it in person it'll be sort of like ice by a banana, then that sort of larger it comes along. I see a fucking bit.

Well, no, he doesn't sound like that, doesn't he? Leave him alone. Don't do that voice. Yeah, he's very self-conscious about that. Yeah. I think I have a child disease because I'm living with my... Your urge.

My urge, yeah. Yeah, we got a word for it. Do you know what they do to people with child diseases like me and people? We call it abyssal thoughts, don't we? Yeah? I'm living with my... I'm living with my...

Do you like abyssal? He has the thoughts of the abyss about him. I'm afraid your son has the thoughts of the abyss. What do you mean? He is servant of Belsabove. I see. Oh, that's the guy who... fuck's kids, right?

Will, if you want to be crude. No, I'm living with my sister for the fringe of my brother-in-law and my niece and my new nephew, and like all children, they're a fucking disease factory. They are just a hive of germs. And they're ill, and I think I've got their illness. I think I've got a kind of general kind of malaise about me. It's so embarrassing when you catch an illness from a toddler,

because I'm like, how did you get that before me? You're new. Yeah. I've been around the block a few times. I should have had this. I'm level 35. Yeah, exactly. You're level two.

How have you afflicted me with poison? That should bounce off me. You shouldn't, you can't wield that. I'm gonna use a fucking antidote now. You can't wield that? Yeah. It does feel offensive. Bullshit.

Yeah. But they are, they have a terrible. So, so my niece is very cute. She does an almost... What a 1950s? So my niece is very cute. How cute is she? What of it?

Well, I'll tell you what of it. I was genuinely going to test the audience on that later. Yeah, I was going to do. I've had difficulty on public. Well, actually, I've written a Budpot quiz for you. Oh, yeah, yeah. To test your knowledge on how well do you know the podcast. Well, I've got a film pitch for you.

Okay. So my niece is very cute. She does that, like, almost like to an almost fake-seeming degree, like miss speaking in a funny, childlike way. She's two, you know. And she was requesting... Keep talking. Okay.

Don't know how much lead you have. I'm still listening, I'm still listening. You hear a car engine. I'm still, yeah, I'm still listening. You get a text from you an hour later. Keep going. Room. Selfie of you in hospital for some reason.

She doesn't know what films are called. She just knows what she thinks films are about. Oh yeah, for the wretch, Spy Kids is a boy and a girl. Yeah. That is so vague. We've narrowed it down. Oh, Notting Hill.

No. Harold and Maud. No. Romeo and Juliet? Yeah, yeah. Spike kids. Spike kids. Robert Rodriguez's Spy kids.

That other classic. There are so many interpretations of Spy Kids as well, especially at the fringe this year. Do check them out. Yeah. Every student drama society. The musical version, the Acapella version. and set in the Bronx.

Because he is accurate. He is technically true when he says boy and a girl. That isn't right. In the same way he was describing Emerald Fennell's Wuthering Heights as the Margo Robbie Martin Cloons film. Very adorable.

It is accurate, but it's not, you know. You're raising your kids as clunists, aren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Flat cluners. They believe Martin Clunes' face is fully flat. He's just, he's like a pixel. isolated image, he's filmed the angles that make him look like he has a 3D face. Yes, Neil Morrissey is round.

Martin News is flat. We've always taught him that. Yeah, boy and a girl. Similarly, my niece describes a bug's life as the wee beasties. Which is pretty poetic for a kid. That's pretty nice. I describe it as the Kevin Spacey animated ants. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas I describe ants as the Woody Allen-based ants. Which sex predator do you want playing your aunt? That's why you have those. two DVD shelves. One for one. One for the other. And never the twain shall meet. No, you've got that solid gold divider you put between them.

And my niece's description of Rattatooey is, confusingly, the mouse. So today she was saying, I want the mouse. And you go, Mickey Mouse. She's saying, no. Like, you're the idiot. For naming the most famous mouse.

Who made Ratatooey. under it's all in his jurisdiction is Disney Pixar She meant Rattitoui So we're watching Rattitoui today Which is an excellent film Which the wretch couldn't handle by the way Said it was too violent

A boy who every morning watches And I cannot stress this enough, WWE That's more of a slam on WWE Yeah Yeah Yeah But Ray Mysterio's under Kane's hair

Just like He's controlling him It is quite a frightening film we're watching it today. This is the origin of my film pitch for you. So it's a version of Ratatouille. Right. But it's about a guy

who really wants to be a porn star. Oh no. Yeah. He really wants to be a porn star. He's no good at sex at all. And he meets a really sexy rat who's got all the moves. And he puts him.

puts him under his baseball hat. So the guy's naked, but shag's in a baseball cat. Yeah. Okay. It's backwards. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. He's not a monster. Like, like, like, that Ricky Swoleg up, the guy does all his, uh, front-facing videos in the car criticizing people's gym videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very similar vibes.

Yeah. Very similar vibes. See, he doesn't actually do those videos. A rat is under his hat and tell... The rat's got a real sense of, uh, yeah, form. So the rat pulls this guy's hair. teaches him

makes him good at banging and some good at fucking and the... How does he find out they have that sort of relationship? Well, because he sees the rat I guess banging some cheese really well and...

Because I guess if a rat started pulling my hair and it had an instant reaction my first thought would be oh no, that's what I'm into. Wouldn't it, wouldn't it? Because that's what's happened. Your first reaction wouldn't be

I can use this. Yeah. Yeah, that's what every man says after their first experience of premature ejaculation. I can use it. I can harness this power. Like Batman with the bats? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to be what you fear. Yeah.

Obviously, yeah, like if Batman's parents got killed in, A Rat made me come alley. They shouldn't have walked down that road. They knew what's... There are enough weird names in Edinburgh that that's probably an alley's name. I had that made me come Yes yeah yeah That's part of town

Yeah yeah you go to Gleeffray's rat and you jack that rat It's a theme of the dress And the brass is of a different colour around the town Grey Freyer's rat is a horrible And you know every day The rat would be eating that dead man's face

Every day And we commemorate that horrible Face eating rat This charming Bruns statue. On my first day in Edinburgh at the fringe I saw six fully robed up in orange

Tibetan Buddhist monks taking photos of Greyfrize Bobby. And I thought, what do they think it is? Do they know about it? Why do they like it so much? Pagan deity. No, like Buddha nature is supposed to be in animals as well, so maybe they thought, yeah, there you go, that's a good dog.

I just thought it was a good dog. The only statue, but doesn't have a cone on its head. It doesn't have a cone on its head. The Scottish respected too much to cone the grape fries body. He's like William Wallace. He's one of the national figures of great note. William Wallace, Robert the Bruce, probably some of the Stuarts,

but it's not very exciting when they get to... Once you get to the Stuets, it's just like, our guy in a wig is better than your wigged man. It's not as good as William Wallace. With William Wallace, you're like, he's got a kilt and a claymore and big long hand. You're like a little guy of puffy pants. visually there's nice differentiation there

but once it gets to like the Stuarts and things and the 1600s you just go our Norman descended truffle eating wigged boy is more delicate than yours yeah who cares you're describing the Premier League yeah yeah that's what it is

my wigged pep guadiola is better than his famous powdered wig would you like your quiz I'd love my quiz alright so this is going to test everyone's knowledge actually on how well you know Budpot. I've got three questions for you.

These are all based on season two. Okay. Okay. Season two canon quiz. Yes. Okay. On the 7th of January this year, all right. We had an episode called Beef Impact where we spoke about New Year's Eve.

But on the 7th of January, what was number one in the UK? How well do you know Budpot, Pierre? I know this is a reference to something that we discussed. Fuck, come on. Olivia Rodriguez. No, it was Ray, where is my husband? You cunt, you cunt, you stupid.

On the 25th of February, we did an episode called Illness Cheese where we spoke about the Robot Paddington. How well do you remember, do you remember the Robot Paddington? Yeah, I see him every night. My question to you is what was the UK's number one single on the 25th of February? Was it where is my husband? No, you were close with your first guess. Olivia Rodriguez?

No, you were correct with the first part of that first guess. Her name, the first name. Olivia. Yeah, it's not Newton John. That's my only other one I know. Go on. Olivia. A university.

Hmm? Yeah, we weren't opening it up to the audience, but you are... We were trying to keep it secret to the people listening to the podcast, but this is a live show. So we were trying to... Yeah, you've all really... fucked it up from the start, to be honest. Who is Olivia Dean?

Well, she collaborates with Sam Fender, of course. Say no more. She had a big, big debut album out this year. Good old Sam Fender, who is from Newcastle. Yes, yeah, yeah. If you can't tell from his music, yeah, he's very... I can't stress enough how I just read about archaeology.

You only listen to digging sounds to relax and study, too. Or bone brushing? Yeah. Delicate bone brushing. Pot shards to relax too. I had a friend. No, you didn't.

I had a friend who, even when we graduated from uni, because I'm always fascinated by those, I can't listen to those lo-fi beats to study relax too. Because I'm like, well, I don't study, and I feel silly. It makes me feel silly. But obviously is for a revision, this music. Yeah, yeah. But a friend of mine, when we graduated from uni,

he still spoke about like studying. And I was like, what do you mean? You've got a job. And he was like, yeah, but you still study though, don't you? What? Yeah, no one's checking. He was still just like doing maths and stuff like that at home. He was like, but you still study, you still study, right?

It was like if it was a Bible story called Noah's exam, and only he knows, and you go, what have you heard from God? What? What exam are we meant to sit? So he was like, Hero Onoda, the last Japanese soldier to surrender. A hundred percent that. Yeah. But with AQA.

Yeah. He said he held out against dead Excel for more than 50 years. I'll finally submit my exam paper. Yeah. Well, it's overdue. It should be ineligible. But you shot all those Filipino farmers, so... Yeah.

People forget that about Hero Onada. Yeah, I don't know who Olivia Dina is, but I know the full name of the last Japanese soldier to surrender. But she shot the same number of Filipino. Like, it's a similar thing. It is weird, isn't it? Yeah. It is weird.

You mentioned earlier about the cinema. I can't remember under what context, but I went to the cinema yesterday. I've been to the cinema twice as fringe. Yeah. Once to see Ice Cream Man, which was humiliating ticket to buy. One ticket to Ice Cream Man, please. You didn't say, I'm here to see the Ice Cream Man.

That's the worst thing. The film isn't called The, it's just Ice Cream Man. Like he's a Marvel for Supero. Oh, yeah. Ice creamman. I can see them bringing back a golden age character at this point just going, you know what? Fuck it.

Yeah, what does he do? Yeah. Well, this is what happens in, so in Spidey's Amazing Adventures, which is a Disney Plus show. It's an animated... It's such a, what a humiliating title to have to say out loud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spidey.

I know him, so I can call him now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Peter. It's Peter's Amazing Adventures. So, there's like a Disney Plus show, and it's a way to introduce, like, very young kids under the context of Spider-Man, but the idea is it's like Spider-Miles and Gwen, I think.

Yes, Gwen. Or who's the white Spider-Man? I speak to Parker. Who's the, what, but the girl? It's a girl. She's like a white Spider-Man girl. That is Gwen. It is Gwen.

That is Gwen, all right, thank you. Sorry, thank you. And they're always, every episode is like 10 minutes. Full-up boy do the soundtrack. It's really cool. What a signal that's not for the young. Yeah. What an incredible flare up into the sky going,

Yeah, but it's not like, oh, it's Nick Cave doing... So, yeah. Tom, Tom, Wayne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The opening theme is Candle in the Wind Diana version. Spidey's version. Goodbye, Mary Jane. So, so every episode, it's always like the Green Goblin or Rhino.

And it's always, Green Goblin's always like, I've stolen the whole town supply of ice cream. And then they get the ice cream back and then they may redistribute it and they even let Green Goblin have some ice cream. Exhausting, absolutely. Yeah, it's hard work.

Brain numbing gibberish. But what I mean is, that's the ice cream and the eponymous ice cream. So yesterday I watched the end of Oak Street, which is, it's like the guy who directed and wrote it follows. So I was very excited to see it. And Hathaway, you and McGregor. For people who don't know,

Glenn is genuinely immune. to horror. Kill and cannot be made afraid by anything. You've watched stuff that's made me... Try me. It's genuinely... Name a spooky Halloween sort of thing like her vampire or something of that, just like...

One of the, like a Frankenstein werewolf, name something supernatural and spooky. Ghost, not afraid. See what I mean? So like that... Didn't work. Even just hearing you bring up ghosts, I felt really bad. I felt horrible. So yeah, it's fine. Give us another one.

Talking hell! Don't do that. that. You found the one. Don't do that. The one. Fucking hell. He's one weakness. He's not here.

If we say it another two times, then he will be like, so this is the second time this has happened to me in the cinema, and I think this really sums up how how much I wasn't engaged with the film. It's the second time this has ever happened to me.

That I got maybe 20 minutes of a film and was like, sound quality on this film is terrible. Wow. And for the second time of my life, it's because I have my headphones in. Wow. Wow.

It was my turn to be the one with autism. It calms him. You have to filter it out. I'm no idea. Nothing was playing. Just, yeah. But everything was just a bit underwater. You just thought, pause and then...

Yeah, yeah. Why can't I hear the dinosaurs? Why does this film feel like there's something in my ears? Your pheromone yourself. Actually, to know, because I felt a bit underwater, which meant it was the most satisfying. Because remember when you're at a swimming pool, and if, say, like, you then go to sleep in the evening

and the water still wasn't left your ears, and you're on the pillow, and then the wonderful trickling comes out, and you tap the side of your head when it comes out. Yeah. Well, imagine how satisfying it is to slap the side of your house and a fucking headphone comes out. Beefy. That's really.

Wow. It was meaty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Suddenly you can hear the film. I could hear the film and it wasn't very good. No, it wasn't very good. Now, we have a, so a good friend of mine is here watching us tonight, my friend, my friend Adam,

and before the show, he told me something about the pheromone. Oh. And he said that something he'd like to confess. I don't know if you can think of any... Adam, did you think of any specific examples? Okay, that's all right. So Adam can't remember any specific examples, listener at home,

but Adam told me that listening to the podcast and listening to us discussing the pheromone in general, that a couple of times he has felt the tug of the pheromone. And he has felt... Sorry, sorry, what you're saying is, I've got a friend in the room who doesn't like you. No, no, no. What I'm saying is something far more eldritch and strange,

which is I've got a friend in the room who is a very reasonable and kind-hearted man who nevertheless, at a couple of points, listening to the podcast, is just thought, I'm going to bully, Glenn. Yeah. And you thought I'd reactivist news howl. But someone in the room, and I don't know who it is.

I'm not expecting you to be delighted, but I am expecting you to be pleased that we're advancing knowledge of the pheromone day by day. Yeah. So he's felt a compulsion to hit me. This is the first time we've captured a live specimen. Right. Could you give one of it, regardless of how much it hurts my feelings?

He can't remember any examples. It's just a... Yeah, that's that checks out. He's both not memorable and I hate him. No, no, no. It's something more insidious because the second, even a millisecond of it, flick it up, it was immediately...

No, no, no, I'm being ridiculous. Why would I think that? So it's something like, you can almost have psychic defenses to it. I think it's not a chemical. I think it's psychic. I think there's a kind of... I've been watching a lot of Warhammer Instagram videos.

Yeah. I think it's like a warp field. A friend of mine sent me an Apple, an Apple review that we got. Oh, no. Yeah, I know. I was like, why are you looking at our fucking Apple? I don't look at them.

Why are you fucking of them? Apple Review? Yeah. And it was like, I can't believe they replaced Phil with some posh entitled guy. Yeah. Yay! You're right, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's so funny. Bring back working class Wang as far as I can say. I can't believe they've replaced ditch-digger Phil. who Pierre met at Cambridge with this entitled upper class pig from Croydon That's so funny You do radiate a kind of incredibly

unfortunate Eaton field And it's so unfair Because you're from Croydon You're the first if not one of the first In your family to go to uni You're not partially in any way Apart from having a newsreader's voice Which was your job

But even as a child, I was sort of like four people have died in my playground. That's how I told my mum the news. But we've got a friend, a friend of ours, Tom is exactly the same thing, incredibly posh voice, was brought up in a council estate in the southwest of England. And I remember going with him to visit Friend Unshould should not be named in Dublin when our friend was at Dublin. And we went to buy a crow nut at a bakery. Sure. And my friends went to the bakery and he sort of went, I'm terribly sure.

I'd love to order, if possible, if you wouldn't mind awfully, a cronut would be an absolute delight, please. And the baker went, you think you're better than me? That was so interesting to watch in real time. Because it came across as patronising. How does this happen?

If you could bring it. If you could find it in your heart to make me a fucking pastry, you can. That's how it came across. Ones you've already made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, if you're selling a cronet, you're not a salt of the earth,

baker, are you? We only make humble, dry, riber, stones from the grinding mill. What Lundorpe cronuts have been ham? My father's father, cronuts. That's so incredibly unfair. It's very funny to me that by virtue of being a kind of hulking, filthy colonial, I can just dodge this stuff

largely. My record for someone in comedy who I've like known and hung out with, for them not knowing that I went to Cambridge is nine years. Wow. Stuart Goldsmith. That must have been like the end of reservoir dogs when they felt like... He was a posh nerd all along. Yeah. The bottom of the mug just says

you know, bog bodies or something. Yeah. Yeah. It's just all Latin. Wow. So how was... What was their reaction? Kind of a noise. mind at me. It was when I did comedians, comedians, two Goldsmith was like, oh, I quickly, like, Googled you before we recorded and,

you're in footlights. And I went, yeah. And he went, well, I didn't know that. Yeah. I'm sorry, I forgot to get to show you my, like, pirate branding. Like an F burned, you know, forehead. You've done sketches. Was he like, like, Tim Key, you pretended, you pretended to...

You broke in there. Or me, I got into one of the plays. Yes. I got into the pantomime by lying. I thought I was doing a Tim Key. I thought it was charming. I went to visit a friend of mine who lived in Cambridge and I auditioned for the Footlights

Pantam and I got in. And then there was sort of like, can you start rehearsals? And I was like, you're gonna find this very funny. I am, I'm 400 miles away. And they were like, why have you wasted our time?

And I had to be like, sorry, you're breaking, breaking up. Yeah. It isn't charming to do that. And it's very annoying to people. You need to go all in on the scam. If Catch Me if you can has taught me anything.

You need to follow through with multiple surgeries, full flights. It's how Tim Kee became a pilot. Yeah. That's why he's always wearing that uniform everywhere. People don't stop him. Yeah. We spoke about food earlier.

Should we do a sketch? We should do a sketch. We should do a little live sketch for you. First ever live sketch. Here we go. This is... I've written this. Pierre has got two lines.

I have two lines in it. Most lines I've ever had. Okay. This sketch is called Dirty Fries. Hi, sorry, this is going to be a massive order. I do apologize. We get 10 dirty burgers, please. Four hot dogs, one nachos,

fries for all the adults at the table, and for four kids as well. And just some tap water, please. Yeah, if you could just read it off the menu. Okay, could I get, please, the dirty burger, the slutty fries. Yeah. with wet, slippery cock dip,

gaping ass nachos, the gang bang smash tower, the fisting burger with extra knuckle grease, and the balls-deep tater tots. I guess the dirty load meatball sub with spit-roasted chicken tenders, could we also get the cream pie milkshake, the dark web ribs with dead sex worker sauce, daddy's pussy hot dog with...

But 9-11 cheese. Could I also get that I'm going to hurt your uncle fries with the donkey dick chicken tenders and a couple of jugs of tap water, sorry, a couple of jugs of the paedophile tap water. Again, if you could just read it off the menu. Oh, sorry, yeah, it's just some popadoms to start, chicken madras and some pill, all right, so be great,

so thank you so much. Thank you very much. Thank you. You know what? We're on time. We're on time and everything's fine. That's what I'd say. So...

So you kept saying during your wedding day, wasn't it? We're on time, and everything's fine. Is this the happiest day? We're on time and everything's fine. Both nostril nosebleed. Yeah. But going up and into, that was the... Yeah, sucking up.

Snorting the blood. Only getting stronger. Let's do a Marjorie. I've had a few people say, it's been a long time since we heard from Marjorie. We'll do a Marjorie as well. Why not? We'll double up, and then we'll do some correspondence.

Also, for the Patreon members, and for all of you for coming, I think we should do, in the bonus, your harrowing story. Oh, good. Yeah, I said to Pierre, I was like, what? Because we get nervous about doing live shows

because you never know how it's going to go. And I said to Pierre, the most pathetic sentence, which is, what if they're all angry and hate us? You've never heard the podcast before. It's just a bunch of Terrys and Lenders who are just apopleptic with rage. This better be good!

We've come up on a bus from Rickman's worth for this. But no. All our Max are beige. So, but we're in there and I was like, Pierre was like, we need to tell you a harrowing story. We promised that ages ago, and I was like, let's make sure this is going well. So it's testament to you guys.

we're already teasing it as a potential prospect. That's if... By the way, give me a cheer if you're a patron subscriber. Hey, give me sure if you're not a patron subscriber. Can somebody get these beggars out of here? I hate that I only know that reference from a billion Instagram rooms. I've seen so many memes about it. Every film is meme to death before I can watch it now.

He says it was such a venom. I feel like, oh, that's kind of their work. I don't think you can really say that. I like, I... The hard B. Yeah, so... Let's do Marjorie. Let's do a Marjorie.

Oh, hello. I'm calling because I'm... So I was doing it in a number of fringe show. It was a tribute to the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. I was doing a collage, a visual collage, of his most memorable characters and roles and clips. And as part of it, that it was advertised as

Fizzing Hoffman. Fizzing Hoffman is Marjorie's attempt to attribute to the life and career, Philipsimo Hoffman, while putting baroccas in her anus. Because it's very hard to stay healthy at the fringe and I thought I'd double up and it would make the barackas tax deductible.

As long as they were visibly in my anus for the duration of the show and I didn't put any baroccas in my anus outside of the hours of the show 7 to 8 p.m. And I put all the Baroquez in my anus and I forgot on opening night that I also I drink a traditional pint of Diet Coke

before every show. And the reaction was awful, awful. It only, it took long, it took some minutes for the Diet Coke to reach the Baroccas, but reach it, it did. And it fizzed. While I was in the middle of,

my tribute to Philipsymore Hoffman as, um, um, uh, uh, the chap who wrote in cold blood. Um, Truman Capote, that's it. And I was, at that point I was dressed in a 1950s suit, speaking in a silly high voice. And it fired out of me like a rocket ship, and I left Edinburgh vertically on a pinnacle of foam.

And the next thing I knew, I smacked into the side of an oil rig in the North Sea. I was headed northeast, and I landed on the oil rig in my suit covered in orange foam. But I can't convince any of the rigors that I'm not a collective. of hallucination because they think I'm not real they won't call a helicopter to take me back

so if you could arrange for a helicopter to take me back to Edinburgh so I can finish the show with the bit from where he's the scam guy and he's in Italy and he's all camp

and he jumps out the car that should I'm about 17 hours late for that but if the seas are not too rough I should be able to make it back in time for day three

thank you very much There you go. There you go. Right on. Now, um... I obviously wasn't involved in Bobpot in series one. Uh... Yeah.

Who was that? Oh, don't you worry. I'm fully aware of it. So hard to explain. So hard to explain. We're going to have a little interval. The bars opened the whole time, by the way. I think we forgot to say.

Yeah, you could have been getting up and getting more... You could have been getting fucking wrecked! There was... time now. The bar's going to be open the whole time in the second chunk, which is going to be for Patreon only, unless you're in the room. Lucky you, we're going to hear

Glenn's absolutely haunting story. Are we sure? Yeah. All right. Do you guys want to hear it? I'm not promising it's funny. It really isn't. I'm promising that it'll make you go oh, what?

But why? And we'll go, I know. And that'll be the end of it, because there's no answers and I would wish they were for ten years I've wished there was so it's kind of a true crime aspect to it I think there could be sorry I'm not the perpetrator

let's make that let's make that element clear sorry yeah yeah yeah it's about yeah it's not about how or why Glenn did what he did we already know we put the PDF your manifesto up on the Patreon only subscribers can read

the Glenn's reasons for everyone else 11 pages and a lot in Latin um yeah You're like a posh unabomber, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kaikilio est in 9-11 Laborat. You can sort of see where it is.

I don't even know enough Latin to fully understand that. You went to Eden, so what do I know? That's the end of the first half. Thank you very much for you in 10 minutes. Go to the bar. Grab me drinks. Thank you so much, everybody.