BudPod with Phil Wang & Pierre Novellie - S2E70 | Log Dogs

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

This week the buds discuss Glenn’s upsetting meal, eBaum's World, Love Island, 'Grandpa and baby' and Cast Away.This week's sketch: 'Typing Wizard'Email or Dm us your correspondence to [e-mail] or @budpodofficial on Instagram. KOJI!BudPod Live is back! November 3rd, 2026 - Tickets available https://komediabath.co.uk/events/128649554-budpod-live-2026-11-03-19-00-00/Stream Glenn's tour show 'Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me, Glenn I’m Sixty Moore' on Sky Comedy and NowTVVote here for BudPod for this year's Golden Lobes, Listeners' Lobe award! Thank you guys! KOJI Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Attention Podbuds. We've got a double plug for you. If you missed my new show, okay, one more than bedtime at the Edinburgh fringe, then do not worry it is coming to London and it is in London from the 21st of September. So that's really soon. The 21st of September all the way to the 1st of October. And speaking of October, Budpod Live is on the 14th of October in Brighton. another Budpod Live to add to your list. So we have the 10th of October, that's London. Midday, Clapham, be there. This is the new one we're adding, 14th of October. That's in Brighton. South Coast, come on in from your little swim in the horrible cold sea and check us out. And then if you are in Bath, we will also climb into the Bath with you on the 3rd of November. So there are three Budpod lives scattered around the foot of England And hopefully we'll see you at all of them And if I don't see you at them, I would love to see you at

Okay, one more than bedtime, 21st of September to the 1st of October at Soho Theatre. So that's soon, soon, soon. It's Budpod 70. Pee Wee Herman, Kim Jong-il, Lemmy. All died at 70. we've lasted as long as them. Is that true? Yeah?

I did my research. Did you? Nina Simone as well, yeah. Nina Simone, okay, fair enough. We need to talk about what you've done. We don't have to. We don't have to. But we don't have to. Maybe I don't want to.

Maybe I don't want to. It's so worth talking about. It's an insight into you. We were recording something else. We made a break for lunch, but for me the first meal of the day. You wake up and sprint out of bed like a fire drill. Every morning. No, no, no.

When I was working in breakfast radio, I'd often not have breakfast because you were up at such an insane time that you'd otherwise just end up having four meals a day. If you've been at 5 a.m., then you'll be hungry again at, like, half nine. That's true. And then that doesn't mean you then won't be hungry at lunch. Yeah, that's true. So some days I just don't have breakfast.

And this morning, I just didn't have time. Yeah. And once I'm on the tube to yours, I'm on the tube to yours. I'm on the tube to yours and it's about an hour and an hour and ten minutes. Yeah. So, um, uh, we went out to get just some sustenance. And I think we can leave it there.

I don't think it's important. I suggested some bog standard old meal deals. Mm. One of God's meal deals. Yeah. That's God. Desco. This bar does God's meal deal.

God's meal deals. And you go, is that, is it because there's like fish and wine? And they go, no. No. It's just divinely or inspired. Yeah, yeah. It's a sort of feta wrap. And you can have some, like, little chicken poppers, you know?

Yeah. And an orange juice. Yeah, like God. God. God's meal. God on the 11th day, which we just had to stop talking about by then. God stopped keeping track of the days after 70. I've got most of the stuff done.

Entirely fair enough. Yeah, because it wasn't on, you know, on day 18, he created fax machines. It wasn't important. You don't put have a shower on your to-do list. Yes, absolutely. You know. I suggested one of God's meal deals Yeah

If you look from outside the UK A meal deal Is a baffling system Whereby you may have You may have Some kind of pre-packed sandwich A packet of potato chips And a 750 mil

Bottle Of fizzy drink or an orange juice It's the closest you get to the McDonald's meal In shop form really isn't it? Because you can have apple slices In a bag if you so wish Yes yes yes that's true But each individual I think

him added together, it should be costing you £6, £7, but for some reason that through the meal deal, through God, it is transmuted, like lead into gold, into £3.50. Yeah, it doesn't make... Any sense. Economic sense doesn't make any.

I got a meal deal. I got a naturally, quite wet, and never that nice Southern fried chicken wrap, a packet of crisps, and this bottle of Coke Zero. What did you get, Glenn? I didn't engage in any deal. I got this bottle of Pepsi Max,

which would have been part of a deal. I then got a cup of noodles. Now, I'm not a pot noodle person, never have been. But actually, I'm really... But all they needed to do was just put a few Japanese letters on the front. And suddenly I'm like, I'm in now. This is cultural. Exotic.

Yes. I'm at a museum. I've got some spicy chicken noodles. Yep. And the rest is history. No. I got a tin, like bait bean can size tin. Metal can.

Metal can. of chili conkani, beef, chili. Yep. Which I ate. How did you eat it? Well, outdoors following your demands, because you didn't want to see it. And I did ask you not to look at this. It's true.

I had it room temperature and from the can outdoors. God. And I felt like a cowboy. I've only done it a few times in my life. But sometimes, you're a bit hungry. And you just see a can of just meat, ready to eat meat. And it's not going to be dry or anything like that, because it's in, it's in the, it's like chitikonkani. And actually, it's meat in every mouth all pierre.

It's like, it's quite fulfilling. It's dog food. Yeah. I didn't realize until I was halfway through that the cat that's often in your garden started looking at me hungry, being like, well, that's traditionally for me, isn't it? It's not dog food. It was, it's for human food. If I, if I'd heated it up and put some rice around it, you'd have gone like, oh, okay, it's a bit of you. student, but it's a meal.

I cut out the middleman, it was nice. Oh, God. It was nice and filling. Tinned meat is... Honestly, I've seen videos of like American food influencers showing what it looks like. A whole chicken in a can, and it is one of the most vile things ever because it comes out in a sort of ectoplasm.

Yeah, it's got jelly on it. Yeah. This is just like, no, no, this is... You can pull this out, it's normal. But you'll find this more revolting. I have, in the past, had Colby it beans out the tin. No. You feel like a homeless guy in America

warming his fingerless gloves, gloved hands over a roaring bin. The fucking special chemicals they put in stuff in cans to stop it tasting like cardboard. Like, it's not... It's not good.

I don't do this all the time. Part of me did it to rile you because I was like, you will hate this so much. And I've just done it before. I've done it before an acts of desperation. I thought you were buying them sarcastically. Yeah, because I... I think you thought I was going to do it to sort of mix it together.

I just... I was so reluctant to want to talk about this because I was like, it would just make people go, oh, what is wrong with you? And then you just get awful messages, so why would I want it? Why would I invite this? Well, we just won't clip it up. Yeah, okay. We won't clip it up.

Okay, thanks. No, it's really kind of you. I can't believe you did it. What did you have? So you had a chicken map. Okay, fine. Rapp and some criss. Yeah, I just think that...

I would have found that... too bready and beige. This red meat flowing through my veins. Which isn't how it's meant to work. No. Just dog food. Yeah, the cat... A random cat was watching you, like, fully neck and body stretched out.

Like, what are you doing eating my food? That's in a tin. I know that's mine. But I just had it with a teaspoon, and it was... But it was so substantial. It's a full tin. Pure protein. Oh, God.

I'm telling myself. All your ways of justifying it off. But it makes you feel like a homeless person in a different country. You go, oh, yum. Doesn't that sound appealing, though? No. Don't you think, oh, it would be so good to be like homeless in the Caribbean. I'm a tropical island.

Lie on the beach like you would on holiday. It's such a specific fantasy that you've said there because you're not saying you want to be a castaway. You're saying you want to be homeless. Yeah, yeah. I've been rejected by the community. Yeah, on an actual Caribbean island that is habited. It would be very funny if that is what had happened to Tom Hanks in Castaway.

He'd just been kicked out the community because he kept talking to his ball. Kept fucking his ball. So, like, that weird tramp who keeps having sex with the football has to go live on the edge of the island now. Yeah. Is the implication Wilson's talking back to him? Because he does have arguments with Wilson. I was like, I understand the idea of having eventually a face painted on a ball for companionship.

Yes. But it's a one-way thing. It's just, you know, it's just saying it into the ether. It's Wallace and Grammond. Yeah, or it's like when people would post on Facebook, day 12 of the council tax saga. I mean, just explaining everything that's happened to him in a long letter. And you're like, I think you've just needed to get this.

You needed to hear yourself say it. You should have written this in a letter and posted it into the fire. Yes. Whereas in Castaway, he'll be like, no, I do not. And it's like, hang on, wait, so Wilson's yelled at you. Yeah, it's Wallace and Gromit though, isn't it? Because Gromit doesn't talk. But Gromit is sentient.

Yes, but... So he's become... If you interpret... Yes. The silent looks of the ball. Then that just means you've got a constantly hostile, disapproving companion. Then I'd throw Walton into the sea. Well...

If I knew you were going to talk... If I knew you were going to look at me like this, Wilson... That's on Tom Hanks for painting Wilson's face like that in the first place. That's true. He should have done a big nice smile and gone, thank you for supporting all my decisions. That's not a good companion, though, in an emergency. A yes, man. You don't want a yes ball.

You don't want a yes ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to be surrounded by balls you can trust. Yeah, you want a ball that follies you at all time saying, you're just a man. You're just a cast away. Remember, you're just a cast away. Yeah, it's the most...

It's the... Yeah, I just... I can't believe it. I'm amazed. Are we still on the Chili Hong Kong County? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm going to be thinking about that for a long time. Yeah, I got to test it. I caught it just like Tom Hanks with his spear when he catches a fish.

If you had done what I first feared you would do, once I realized you weren't joking. You thought I was going to mix it in with the noodles. That would have been discussed. I thought you were going to plop. Let's face it, plop a tin of cold chili kankani into a pot noodle overflowing and not filling. Oh, yeah, no. I use that as the water. Yeah, I cook it in the...

I cook it in the... In the... No, don't say juice. The meat juices. Don't say it in this context. No different to a steak. I've had an evening at Hawksmore as far as I'm concerned. Absolutely.

Oh, eating like a king, we are? It's weirdly something I find quite... I do enjoy eating like a cowboy, I do. You could so easily just be like... You could so easily be like Charlie or Danny DeVito. from fucking always sunny, just like sleeping in big... Boiling our denim and...

Big soiled long johns in a kind of bed in a living room. Honestly, I'd say it's my only truly... Like, let's make this very clear. This isn't how I'm regularly eating. It's just, I think, my strangest food vice. What about today, made you think today is that one of those tin can of disgusting meat days? I just didn't want a sandwich.

Is that a crime? No, but what you did feels like a crime. And I hadn't had breakfast, I wanted to say something substantial, and I wanted to wait till the boiling water if the noodles had cooled down. You're saying it like it's 2 plus 2 is 4, and then 4, divided by... You're saying it like it's maths, but... I'm gonna... sorry, Pierre, I'm gonna have to do the meme.

The meme of, shh, let people eat cold canned meat. I'm so horrified. And you mean, shh, let people touch your lips. As you were describing, oh, I'll eat it from the can with a spoon cold. I had my wrap in my mouth, and I was so close to spitting it out. I was in disbelief. Even when I was like, I'm in the garden, and you're indoors, and my back is turned to you, and you were still like, no, I need to be further away.

I would love to just not be present at all, yeah. Crazy. It was like Death Row. But I also just think, like... Also, you need to just eat. I was doing this. This is a bit, by the way. This is so... I was like...

I've been watching you. You do that? Like, what is happening? I've just taken. What I think is my 15th little bite of one marshmallow? Have you ever seen someone take a bite out of a marshmallow? There's a really annoying tricklew.

To eat a marshmallow like it's fucking James and the Giant Peach. It's so... Picking at it, you know, just... Just, you know... Get a single marshmallow and just, you know, pick out of it. I was having it like a cup of tea, just going through the occasional sip of marshmallow. Just...

So hateful. a hateful experience. Like, cheating it, like the sumptuous. Like a full roast chicken, this fucking marshmallow. Oh, I'm going to be good.

The way someone picks at, the turkey after Christmas dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just taking another bit of marshmallow. Another huge, a marshmallow the size of a roast turkey. Yeah. Slicing with the long prongs.

Yes. Oh, look at that. Yeah, like when, um, when, um, when Bart steals from the, store and Marge says, well, you can, he doesn't get marshmallows in his hot chocolate, and Marge's like, you can do it yourself. And he goes, how hard can it be? Yes. And when it becomes hugely has to eat it with a knife and fork. I wanted that as a kid to be real. That's my favorite episode of The Simpsons. Bonestorm. It's, isn't it? Yes, there's three elements of that

episode that have my favorite Jokes and the Simpsons of the marshmallow. Yeah. The foreign Santa in prison. And when Bart's told he's going to go back to the store and the steam comes out of his ears and Marge goes, both my kettles are boiled. Like, perfect. Love the episode so much. Is that, would that also then be?

Thrill ho? Thrill ho? We talked about this. Millhouse's name. Yes. Thrill house. Yes. But there's not enough space to type it, so it's thrill ho. And doesn't the episode end with Power Drive?

Isn't it the golf? Oh, my God. What an episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pudding challenge. Yes. Lee Carvallo's putting challenge. That's fine.

You have it. Ball is a parking lot. Oh, man. This homework's taking forever. I'll never pass my regional qualification for the country I'm in. It's because I can't type quickly enough. I wish I'd played PC games instead of Xbox. I could type quickly if they were a bunch of knobbly buttons and maybe an R1.

But instead, it's this keyboard, and my fingers are all hooked like a witcher's nose. or maybe a wizard's nose. Did somebody say wizard? Wow, where did you come from? Hell. But that doesn't matter. If you're struggling to type quickly enough, simply use a fallow field to summon a typing familiar.

Or if you don't have any fallow fields nearby, use this Eldridge wand available now. If you dial 555-724-724, Hell. Using the Eldridge wand, as so, As so. Ugh. Is it wet? It looks wet. It is wet. It's a typing familiar.

Look how quickly it's typing for you. Wow, that's loads of typing. My homework will be done in no time. What? Oh, it's not typing that. It's typing something else. And we can't really stop it now. But it is faster than you. So that's something, isn't it? I guess so. Thanks, typing wizard. That's not my name. I can't imagine playing a golf game.

I mean, I must have done in the past. I own a golf game on Switch. Huge Davies told me to get a game called Golf Story. It's been sat in my library for about two years now, and I'm like, I don't know when the day will come where I'm going to play Golf Story. Golf Story makes it sound like a sort of Korean anime romance. Yes, absolutely. Golf Story, like...

It's like an RPG, apparently. apparently that's just split up with bits of golf. So I guess what it must be like to be a retired warrior in like a country club. A warrior who somehow made it big in business. Yeah. I realized that skeletons need bows and arrows. So I started selling them bows and arrows. It's one of those.

Yeah. And then replies are always sort of like, Jason and the Argonauts. You've just invented Jason and the Argonauts. Yeah, yeah. Or like, well, boomers, you know, back when no one new skeletons needed bows and arrows. And now they just get them off Amazon. So where's the gap for me?

It's all Diary of a CEO stuff. Yeah. That'd be good, Diary of a CEO, but for like fantastical creatures. Wait, who's it from the perspective of? Still Stephen Bartlett. It's Stephen Bartlett, but he's interviewing Dracula the Mummy. Does each chapter start with, Dear Diary. Dear Diary, I'm out of more money today at doing my business.

We walked past Argos, but he had burnt down. Yeah. If you like. I'm just thinking, what were the child write about her? We want those Argos but they've burnt down.

Is this a big chapter in your childhood? The burning of Argos. The sacking of Argos. The sack of Argos does sound like a chapter from the near near. It sounds good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, the sack of Argos where they got all that cheap furniture. Yes, yeah, yeah. The cheap self-assembly furniture, the backyard pool, inflated walls. Yeah, all the stuff is out of the back. Got to be one of the most crap games you'd ever play as a kid.

The little computer screens in Argos where you could type in the number of what you wanted and it said if it was in stock. So it would be like, oh, every item had a code. Oh, yeah. So it'd be like, oh, this spade is code 3-1-4-2. Yeah. And you'd type it in and it would be like two in stock.

It was like a pager. It wasn't really much of an interface. What's the game here? So my sister and I would type in random numbers and see if it led to a product. Okay. Never did, because it was four digits. Yeah.

That's a lot to get right. Yeah. That's a lot to get right. And the products weren't listed one to two to three. It was all random. No Argos on the Outer Men. Oh. Another thing that I just never...

I mean, it's not special, Argos. No, but I think... There was index as well. That was the other big one. I've heard of that. They were exactly the same. And for some reason, Argos just got... It was...

It was like Dandy Warholz and Brian Jones Town Mass. It was like one of them just got big. we couldn't really justify why. I think this is another reason why I found I couldn't engage with the kids TV I mentioned last week. Because all this stuff that was like, you know, when you, and the answer was always, no, I don't know, I live on the Isle of Man. Yeah.

Where we don't have chains or big chops or. Sorry, I heard chains as meaning. We never had chains. Yeah, yeah. We live free. I am of the free from. Yeah, yeah. No shackles or manacles for us.

Well, I know not the struggles of the struggle. slave or captive? We do not have chain. And look at me now. Working at Argos. Chained. Chained to the little electric counter. Helping people who don't know how to type numbers.

If Argos was like Timson's, but for really serious criminals. So chain to the floor. Hannibal Lecter. They go out to the back and they're like, I have to go out to the back and you just have this clanking chain. But they don't extend far enough. So they're sort of like, sorry, can you go? Because I can't go to that aisle. Like Jacob Marley's ghost.

Yes, yeah. Cannibal Lecter. I'll just go check in the back for you. Yeah, and everyone in Argos is up. Won't be a tick. God, I wonder what that Argos employee did. Yeah, he's got a mask on covering his mouth. He's been shackled to like a board.

It's like a man in the eye on mask. Yeah. Yeah. Was that a cannibal when they transport him around? Yeah. Just go up to him and you say, oh, 2715. And he goes, there's three in stock

yes one's available today of a garden table umbrella the inflatable the inflatable beach we only have it in silver rainbow you'll have to wait yes

you can order for collection tomorrow I think it would be good I think he'd be a good employee it's not August isn't better than a shop I don't I don't know why it exists in that format. It's not more efficient.

Is it that they don't have to bother making it look nice? It's just a big industrial warehouse with like a shop coming out of the front. It looks like Raiders of a Lost Ark if you go out of the back. Yeah. Tough. Yeah. It's next to top man. Top man.

Man. The guy saying it's got like a green checkered long sleeve t-shirt underneath a white t-shirt. Yes. And a little black earring and a swoop. Yeah. Top man. I mean, in terms of Stor's being...

Emo Indiana Jones, and he just gets his long sleeve with the thumb through. Yeah, yeah. Under the thing as it shuts. He pulls his wallet back in the chain. Emoan Dianna Jail. Yeah, that's his whip is the chain with a wallet at the end. He's whacking someone of leather. Yeah.

Who are the Nazis in this? Who are his enemies? The Nazis, I guess, would just be the cool kits, right? The Jocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is traditionally, you know, beefy guys in blonde hair blue eyes. That's true. There's a crossover here. So in Raiders of the Lost Ark, of the three people whose faces melt, you get Glasses guy who's like face properly melts.

The Dr. Jones, that guy, Bellar, or whatever his name is, his head explodes. The other one is like a Just a Nazi common out in a sort of desert gear And his face shrivels up him He looks more like He looks like a diehard terrorist Biff. You know? Biff, exactly Biff. He's got Biff face.

Yeah, Biffus. So in terms of shots being chaotically organized I mentioned last week the The fancy dress party of it, Katie and I went to And she was going as Old Lady. Yes. And she'd ordered like a knightie

but also it was like it wasn't see-through as such but I think she wanted like more cover underneath it really What's a day? What? A day ye I wear my 90. It would be like a moo-moon like what Homer has when he goes. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

90 and a day-y Yes I was going around like sports shops and stuff to get like a pair of shorts and I went to TK Max it's so hilariously organised as TK Max It's one of everything There'll be like a blazer that's too big for me next to a football alarm clock. Yeah, a series of crap ornaments.

Really crap, like ceramic, white ceramic dog. And then like a photo frame where you can put six photos in, but they have to be wildly different sizes. On the size of a stamp, passport photo size, one that's like bigger than a landscape photo. Yeah. It's like an A2 poster. And then the big caption across the photo frame will say something like happy birthday.

And you go, well, I can't have a simple, all year, can I? I just like to remember the birthday of these many different tiny-faced people. Every, I can't understand the attitude of going into TK. Max. Or if you're American, T.J. Max. I don't know why they're different. Ks are only in Europe. But the idea that you'd go in just being like, I just need any clothes for... You're just going through, just coat hanger of coat hanger.

Every individual item of clothing is different, and they're not arranged by size, they're arranged by gender and that's it, and sometimes by like lower half or upper half of your body. Yeah. Then if you see then a T-shirt that you like, you go, okay, well, there's one of it. So let's hope it's one of the four sizes they have.

Let's hope it's the one that's me. Do they get stuff from places that close, or how do they even get there? It's less organized than a charity shop is way better organized and TKMAX. But they must be buying it through some indirect method. They're not going to a factory in China. Just one place.

It feels it's very markety. It's very only fools and ors is the shop. So was your wife looking for double 90s? More 90s. No. Like sports shorts basically. And I didn't realize

where our shopping had like a JD Sports and a sports director. So that's just to where I end up going. But before that, I was like, nowhere selling shorts at the moment because they're all, it's autumn ranges. Yeah. So it's impossible. They're selling traditional autumn clothes.

It's traditional autumn clothes. Leaf trousers. Leaf trousers. Pumpkin shoulder pads. Yeah. Newfoundland mama hoods. Newfoundland mummer hoods. Those, I've seen videos of the Newfoundland mummers

and it's like, it's like your house has been invaded by Tuscan Raiders from Star. It's like a home invasion. It's like... It's like... It's like... It's like the strangers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was going to say. It's like a Hanukkah film. We should say that's mummers, M-U-M-M-E-R-A-S. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think some parts of Europe still have mummers, but... They're married to Daddars. There's Mummerers and Daddard. Newfoundland Dadders.

Newfoundland Dadders. And that's just like a Man-Kini. Yes. A datter. A d' d'-d-Hood. But I'm right thinking it's... It's over Christmas and they just come into your house and harass you. Like the kissy-kissy, telly-tubby thing.

Oh, God. The flailers. I have to, if I ever get to properly talk to Charlie Brook, I'm going to ask him about the flailers. I cannot wait to see him again, so I can ask him. Do you even remember the flailers? Yeah, and I say, like, you're fucking better because it's what I see when I close my eyes. I see it when I blink. What was the first horrible thing you saw

That was like bad media or whatever Because obviously like two girls one cup Everyone's like showing each other at school Can you remember Bad media? Well like something like that Like tub girl Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Goatsy look at this people say Do you remember what the first one was? I saw Goatsy by mistake Because a friend of mine sent me like a check out this Cool link or whatever And it was a virus Basically a virus But it went

You are an idiot God. I remember this. And it would just open window after window after window of goatsay. And it was just horrified. Absolutely horrifying. Are you familiar my favorite thing about goat? Your favorite.

Well, who can choose? Is it always got a wedding ring on? I don't know. I just thought it's quite sweet. It's such a... It's such a great bit of character development. It's such a... If you don't know what goat's here, is look it up, by the way.

Yeah, enjoy. Yeah. It's such an artist's detail. Yes. You are a... an idiot. Ha ha ha ha ha. I remember that fake comedy voice.

Awful. Awful, awful, awful. Yeah, it was such a, it was such a peculiar voice. I remember once we had a... Go to his voice. We played a song in like year four once. And it was about coffee. And it sounded like it was such a weirdly...

I've typed in the lyrics to Google and nothing comes up. But it was like it was being sung by a chorus of dogs. The song must be like barked out. It went, it went. C-O-F-F-E, coffee is much stronger than tea. Children must leave it alone. Otherwise, they'll end up scared of bone better by far to drink a cup of teas. C-O-F-E.

This is not real. It fucking is. You, your hands over your ears, rocking your time. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Better by far. That's the part that makes me believe it.

Because that kind of fucking boomer phrasing. Yes. Is exactly. Drink. Oh, tea. But like the idea of trying to inspire like at seven-year-olds. To please drink.

Have a cup. To avoid coffee. Is that avoid things? Yeah, I will. Yeah, I drink too much of it. Kids remember, like, sitting on the chair backwards, don't do coffee. Stay in school kids. Stay in school kids. It was.

The way. The way it was being sung was like how people in movies have corsets done up. You know, I will marry Mr. Thomas to go, Yes, mother. It was like, I can't find this fucking anywhere online. Someone had to sit and go, okay, we're just got to train the dogs to sing to the children

to stop them drinking fucking coffee. It's a national emergency. Bring a coffee dog. Right, play the coffee dog. Right, the anti-coffee dogs. Like the PG-Tips monkeys. Yeah, yeah. They're just known as the coffee dogs.

The coffee dogs. Somebody called me. There's all those nostalgia accounts on Instagram where it's like, who remembers the coffee dogs? Oh, they didn't want you to have, they made sure you had a cup of tea, didn't they? They didn't they? The coffee dogs.

He couldn't have them now, not with today's nambi-pambi dogs. You can't even have a coffee dog scream at a song about coffee at children anymore because of woke. The PG-Tits monkeys. Everyone remembers the mashed potato aliens. but everyone remembers coffee dogs. Better by far. Better by far. You'll end up skin and bone.

Isn't that crazy? That's not a side effect. As if the main problem with coffee is that it hasn't got enough fat in it. What does that mean? You get you into cigarettes and you'll be shitting all the time. So you'll just end up scrawny. Why are you spelling it? Is this educational?

Spelling. A chorus of dogs at gunpoint. The coffee dogs. A chorus of terrified dogs. Denouncing coffee on camera. So they can see their families again. Yeah. The coffee dogs.

Write in if you remember the coffee dogs. I hope it's not just me. I know a few people who listen to his pot. I did go to like primary school with. So you must remember this. Please. It can't have just been me. If they don't remember it.

If they let me in a room on my own to make me listen to it like plot work, all right? This is some kind of tinned meat to listen. Toothpics to keep my ears open Toothpicks Yeah Just stop your ears from going Like horrible

Yeah Horrible flowers Well kids don't like to listen to the coffee dogs We know that But they have to Right first bad media Do you mean like evil No I mean like go-se and stuff

Yeah I think mine was probably It must be something Like go to a lemon party or tub girl Oh lemon party of course There was a website called Like I'm Curiousgeorge.com Which had like a couple of naked people on

It was like, it was, because it was called I'm Curious George. You could just go on it on like a school computer. There were no restrictions. Remember that. No, nothing, it was nothing like evil, like Newgrounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Like, what was the first decapitation video you saw?

I never saw anything really horrible. I think that it must have been Goatsy or Tub Girl. I think I must have been a tub girl. Wonder what she's up to? Still tubbing it. Still there. Still there, still shitting. It's like a Sisyphian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed by the gods to shoot on your own face and never run out of diarrhea. And never run out? No. Never. Perpetual supply. Not until the sun itself runs out. D, I, A, R, O, H, O, J, O, J, O, E.

You can hear the dog starting to get confused. Yeah. And then. Shooting as they get the spelling wrong. Again. We'll end up skin and bone. Better by far to do solid logs. The log dogs.

We all remember the log dogs? Log dog, yeah. Was that like a forest fire thing? No. Log dog. They were there to convince children to do solid shits. As if it was up to them. Well, I mean like the Andrex puppies.

The log dogs, the original log dogs. the original log dog. Andrex would get rid of the puppies if people start in vitamins, the log dogs. If you very pleasantly said to the Andrex CEO, oh, you have a log dog, oh, an adorable little log dogs.

Beautiful, the log dogs running around. The dogs for the logs, right? You do a log, you wipe it with a dog. Big soft dog. So I can imagine wiping my ass with a baby Labrador or a bear. You know, the softest things on the world Log dogs or bears

There's nothing really that rhymes with bears That's kind of... Hang on a second. Hang on a second. I don't think so. Like, how about like, you know, like, ne'er do well. A bear do smell. It's going to bear to smells. Be it.

A poultry. A bear. A bear. Bear. Bear. A bear. A brooch. Yeah.

Like a really good person being described as an air do well. It ever does well. He ever does well. No coffee in all logs. Better buy fuck. That's going to be in my head for the rest of the fucking day. Do you know what worst case scenario is? Is someone confirms that yes, they heard that song.

I mean, they play it and we hear it, and it doesn't sound like my memory. It's just like a kindly. Lullaby. Yeah, yeah. Better by far to drink a cup of tea. Skin and food. It's real like sound of music type singing. Yeah, or like...

And you've demonified it in your memory. Because we're going to Disney in a few weeks. Oh, fucking hell. We're trying to... We're getting the rest to do as, you know, is revision. You know, watch all the, like, the primary colors of Disney. You're making him go... It's like the training flashbacks from the...

born identity. Yes, absolutely. Goofy. Mickey Mouse. Mini Mouse. Skyfall. Done. Yes, that word association with... Yeah. Or the Blade Runner resetting the replica. Yes. Mickey Mouse lives with Minnie Mouse. Bass. Bassline. Goofy. Baseline. Goofy is a dog. Baseline. Pluto is also a dog. Baseline. Your way off base. But it's very strange. Show you like, say, Cinderella or and you just, people just sang differently then, didn't they? Yeah. They sound like someone tickling the bum of an aunt.

Everyone sounds like being chased by a hose. There's a kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were they doing this? Turkey tongues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone was gobble-gobling. Do you remember the guy we made up

who was... Guy meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. We made this up when we were living at the fringe together one year, and I don't know why. It was, it's guy who just, like, off-key, just, like, as a slip of tongue, lies that he's been to Disney World and he's a big fan of Disney World. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the father really starts interrogating on it because they really know their Disney stuff.

The dad is, like, into Disney the way that someone would be into having, been in the Marines. Yeah, it's kind of like Robert De Niro meet the parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now the son is doing the equivalent of saying, I was in the Marines, and I fought in the war as well. And the way he's asking would be like questions you'd ask in the German oral exam.

And presumably, you saw many famous characters at the theme park. Yeah. And the guy's like, um, yes, so many. And it's someone who's never seen any Disney film. So it's full making it up. There was Mickey, Mickey Moose. Mickey Moose was there. Such a large, um, sort of dog.

speak hair. So many big rats who were there. And presumably his companions were there as well, weren't they? So many friends. Old and new from over the years. Gary Goose.

Gary Goose and his big hook. His hook. He had a big hook. A big hook. The girlfriend is almost miming behind the dad. Yeah, she was saying to him, don't lie to impress him.

He'll know. He'll know. He'll know. He'll know. really funny about this. Yeah, and he was trying to mime like the Mickey Mouse here. It's like, oh, and they had such big tits on their head. Wigs.

Don't he serve 10 years at Eppcom? He was a full colonel by the time he left the the Mouseketeers. Leitnant General Goofy. Yeah, Goofy is just short for Gifimson. Yeah. Yeah, Donald Duck does sound a bit like a Nuremberg.

Donald. Donald Duck. Yeah, yeah. The umlout above the U. Yeah, Duke, D-U with an umlout, C-K-E. Yes, with all his medals. Does he have medals? When did he sound?

He's in uniform. Was he at Pearl Harbor? He does look. Because he's had to get out of his bunk. very quickly indeed. Because they're being bombing, he's got his trousers on. No pants, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But he's pre-World War II, so I think he served on some kind of like American battleship or something. Because his uniform's quite old-fashioned. Submarine? Yeah, submarine. You wouldn't want to hear that every day, though. Yeah, because also we go, you can fucking swim.

Not fair. And fly. So get out? Join the Air Force. Yeah. Is that when a pigeon gets on the tube? This isn't for you. I'm trying to think, what was the...

I remember kind of wanting to... When you're a kid and you see some horrible shit from the internet, like Tubgirl... Yeah, can have another marshmallow, please? Thank you so much. As long as you don't do what you did before. No, just a whole one, just half. Fuck, oh. When you're a kid and you see your first piece of horrible media on the internet,

and I don't know, I would be interested to know from anyone who's young. How do the horrible things get to you now? if at all, because things are actually more censored now than before in lots of ways. TikTok will take things down like that. I mean, not on Twitter. Twitter's like... Well, no. We couldn't help but notice in your comedy reel there wasn't a dead body.

Now, sorry. Twitter's reopened the naughty's internet. It's like Hellraiser. Yes. Yes. But that's new. If you're young, how is it really... Like, I don't know how it would work in the same way. I mean, I'm talking pre- YouTube.

like eBam's world was pre- YouTube I never went on e-baum's world What was it? Like a just a... Like a sort of funny or horrible video Imagine the wacky story section of a lad's mag but a website So it would be a video of

A funny prank Or a firework genuinely going off in someone's hand Or A joke video sketch that someone made Yeah Or you know like Bertie bots every flavor of video It's...

Unless, snuff! ISIS beheading! Pre-IS! Old school! Al-Qaeda beheadings. Yeah, Mary Internet. There's a video of Mary Internet being executed. Mary Internet lively.

Yeah, like, ugh. But it's really old-school CCTV, so it's just like entire frames missing. So it's like being led there, she's there. Body taken away with that head. Look, I hate to say this, but that would be such a good... art piece in an installation.

Recreate the guillotining of Marie Antoinette and film it using a CCTV camera from an upper corner. I did this with one. That would be great art. Do you remember the first AI before everyone was like, oh, this is wrong? When it was maybe about three years ago. It was all swirly. It was really swirly, yeah.

And I was just typing in whatever. I was like, um, uh, wobble one trenches deliveroo. And it would be like a guy. Because it all looks like a Raymond Briggs cartoon. But it would be like a guy in delivery, like, just you riding a bicycle through the trenches. Captain Tom Netflix special. But what I did was... Julius Caesar Assassination CCTV.

And it looked so strange. Because it was like in the corners and it was people like running in togas, like away. And this guy like lying down. That's so good. Really strange. It would be good art. I'm not saying if it was AI generated, but I mean just conceptually, it would be so interesting to be like, Imagine if great moments in history

were recorded like this. It fucked me up because it made me think that angle did exist. Do you know what I mean? No one was there and it wasn't a camera there, but that angle did exist, technically. There was a corner of that room. Someone could have seen it from that angle.

That's kind of hurt my head, right? Isn't that weird? I don't know why. Something about that's really hurt my head. The space where the cameras would have been A fly would have been on the wall documentary. A fly would have been on the wall. Oh, my God. Some toothless revolutionary jeering,

but for this phone camera out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a selfie stick, but it's got like a tapestry on the air. Is that like a... That feels like a real dog shit spam you'd get from a boomer where it's sort of like a modern prison and it's got someone holding like an iPhone with a handcuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's sort of like, oh, if the Titanic sank these days, Jack and Rose probably be taking a selfie. Yeah, okay, yeah. What do you mean by this? Yeah. What of it? What of it?

I'll tell you what of it. I don't know. Someone in a prison and the bars are made of internet cables, yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Pretty, makes you... Mac, you think. M-A-K-U-space-U-space-think.

Yeah, he posted from his iPhone made by capitalism. Mac, you think? Mac, you think. Cog? Cog? Cog? Well, that cartoon, people, I've never even seen the original, and it's two guys sat at desks, and one desk has a huge queue, and one desk is the guys, like, no one's queuing up.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And people just label, like, the one with the huge queue, like, you know, TikTok videos, and the other guy's desk is labeled library books. But the best of the original was. It was like Star Wars and Book. Book. A person at front of going, one ticket to book. One ticket to book.

I'd love to queue up for the Star Wars desk. What is that? Darth Vader as Luke Skywark's father, changed my mind. Campus desk, debate. Star War Desk. Star War Desk. I love to queue for Star Wars desk. I'd never queue for book desk.

Yeah. It was one of sort of like, isn't it depressing that everyone can name all these? and it was like Nighttick, Coca-Cola, symbol, whatever. But no one could name these. And it was like outlines of leaves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so what should I do then?

Wouldn't you be more alarmed if I could name every leaf and I'd never heard of Coca-Cola? You just think I'd been abused. Raised in the woods. I'm in Room. Mowgli. Yeah. I tried to put a joke in that about my radio series.

They got cut in the end. But it was saying, like, oh, they can understand all the Nike symbols and stuff, but they don't know what an oak tree, an oak leaf looks like and you go, do you understand how quickly you'd be beaten up if you were saying

why, that's a hawthorn tree at school? Also, why do I need to? Are we preparing for the big exam? The big tree exam. Dan Walker, the presenter posted years ago, he said, like, obviously this is a depressing state of affairs and it was a stat he posted where he said,

more people applied to be on Love Island than applied for Oxbridge. And it was like, not instead of, not instead of also like also there's no limit on the number of people who can apply to love like like like

it doesn't yeah yeah yeah oh you got rejected at interview stage at love island these are not analogous it was so like well obviously you've got six choices you can only have one Oxford you can't apply both and Love Island obviously

then means he can't it's either Oxford Cambridge or Love Island it's only those It doesn't matter More people Have done a big poo Than have read books about World War II In human history

Also you go The people applying for Oxbridge A 17 Yeah So That's a limiting factor Yes There's only so many 17 girls

Everyone's applying for Love Island Everyone, 56 year olds Also 80 year olds What do you Like are you saying What's the problem here Like what's a solution to this?

Yes, yeah, yeah. More people have to be forced to apply to Oxbridge for some reason. Okay, well, then what's going to... There's not more places. What do you mean? What does it mean? Not clever, sadly. More of them, though.

More of them, though, is what we'd like. What? Yeah, more of them, though. More people have applied to bad thing than to good college. Then Mac, Mac, you think. Mac, you think. I wish people had as much respect as I to. for book

for book for good more of them though mac you think mac you think you see so much of that kind of slop have you seen the new AI slop of Grandpa and Baby No No it's not good

Oh oh isn't it No What's Grandpa and Baby What's Grandpa and Baby? What's Grandpa and Baby? Well Grandpa and Baby AI videos Alice the Green

Yes The community Yes Has done good work Sharing these Yeah It will be very very realistic Like it's really getting very good

Yeah yeah yeah A grandpa Yeah Struggling to get out of his chair Yeah Like oh oh I'm I'm frail And then like a toddler Yeah

We'll be there like dicking around Like oh And we'll see our grandpa's Feeling frail Yeah And the toddler goes and like Picks up its stethoscope Like it's kid's stethoscope

Right Yeah. And like, oh, like, puts it on the grandpa's chest. Yeah. And, like, the toddler, two-year-old, and grandpa share like a laugh. And it's all very heartwarming. Right. Because, oh, the baby knows that grandpa's...

Stage five, by the way. Yeah, murmurs, yeah. But in the video, it's... Oh, you riddled. It's not quite right. As the kid lifts up the thing, the stethoscope kind of, like, prehensile moves. Oh, yeah, it's an elephant's trunk. Yeah, yeah.

It moves into the right position because AI can't make that happen. Yes, yeah. And there's all the... these comments saying, like, I don't care of this is AI. It's so charming. It's a kind of beautiful thing that does happen. So it doesn't matter that it's AI. And like, loads of comments not even realizing it's AI saying like, wow, so touching, so brilliant. Like millions of views. Yeah. Millions on Instagram. And it's, we're doomed. Yeah, the only thing I see on...

Baby nice to Grandpa. The anything on Facebook is a really grubby AI people in the street. Like, covered of actual bits of dirt on their coats. And they, I've paid my taxes for years, and now there's boats. Share of you agree. And people being like, well, the fact I believed it is relevant. You know, it doesn't matter if it's AI, the important thing is I agreed. Every bit of the AI is the maximum 10 second limit on the free version.

Yes, and then it cuts halfway through. Yeah, and they speak really quickly. Like, yeah. I pay my taxes for 10 years, and it's an outrage. Yeah. And on George Part, George and I discussed the patriotic-bting flags. Ordinary. Ordinary.

We'll discuss more slop on the Patreon. Discussed slop, but not produce it. Because this podcast, as we know, anti-murder, and it's about milk. Anti-murder, that's about milk. Everything is boss baby, and it was all on a leaf. Gibberish. Absolute gibberish, once you put it in order. Yeah, yeah.

Well, if you want more on that gibberish, sign up to the Patreon. You get a George Pod once a month as well, and then I experience pods, like us going to Weatherspins for the whole day. and also Fulting town's downing experience By the time you hear this I think we are just days away from going to weather spurs

Oh my God, okay All right It's a sorry state of affairs Strap in everyone Koji, see you next week See you next week Blah blah bye