Business Innovators Radio - Carol Pilkington: Unlocking the Power of Self-Awareness and Responsibility

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Carol Pilkington Reveals How Conflict Begins and Ends Within OurselvesIn this episode, Dr. Tami Patzer talks with Carol Pilkington, a minister, spiritual counselor, and transpersonal astrologer who has dedicated her life to exploring the intricacies of inner and outer conflicts.Carol Pilkington is a seasoned expert in the field of self-awareness and personal transformation. As a minister and spiritual counselor, she has helped countless individuals navigate the complex terrain of their inner and outer lives. Her extensive background in transpersonal astrology has also provided her with a unique perspective on how our beliefs, perceptions, and patterns shape the conflicts we experience.During their conversation, Carol and Dr. Patzer delve into the profound concept that conflict, whether internal or external, begins and ends with us. They explore how self-awareness and understanding can be transformative tools in our lives, allowing us to take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Carol shares her insights on how words and language can trigger deep-seated beliefs and past experiences, and how learning to navigate these triggers can lead to greater self-compassion and improved relationships.This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has ever found themselves caught in the web of conflict, whether with others or within themselves. Carol’s approach to conflict resolution emphasizes the importance of self-examination, personal responsibility, and the willingness to let go of the need to control how others perceive us. By shifting our focus inward and understanding the root causes of our reactions, we can begin to break free from the patterns that have been holding us back.Listeners will come away from this episode with a renewed sense of empowerment and a toolbox of strategies for navigating the challenges of life with greater clarity and compassion. Whether you’re struggling with personal relationships, workplace dynamics, or internal battles, Carol’s insights will inspire you to embrace the journey of self-discovery and to see conflict as an opportunity for growth and transformation.To learn more about Carol Pilkington and her work, visit her website at CarolPilkington.com or explore the Soul-Filled Living Quiz at SoulFilledLivingQuiz.com. Discover the transformative power of self-awareness and take the first step towards a more fulfilling and harmonious life.Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/carol-pilkington-unlocking-the-power-of-self-awareness-and-responsibility

Welcome to Business Innovators Radio, featuring industry influencers and trendsetters, sharing proven strategies to help you build a better life right now. Hi, everyone. This is Dr. Tammy Patser, and today we're joined by Carol Pilkington. She is a minister, spiritual counselor, and transpersonal astrologer who has decided to dedicate her life to experience. the intricacies of inner and outer conflicts. Carol is here to help us understand the profound concept, that conflict, rather it's internal or external, that it begins and ends with us. So let's uncover how self-awareness and understanding can be transformative tools in our lives. Carol, it's wonderful to have you here today. Thank you so much, Tammy. Thank you for having me. Do you prefer Tammy or Tamara?

Tammy's fine. My mom used to call me Tam. So Tammy or Tamara, it's fine. So Carol, your work focuses on this compelling idea about conflict. That conflict begins and ends with us. Can you explain this concept to us? and how it applies to both the inner and the outer conflicts? Absolutely. So if we think about it, we are the one common denominator in every scenario of our lives. And that be it, social, personal, or business when we relate to others. And so we are responsible for how we perceive and how we receive information, any interaction that we have with another and what they say, what they do. So, for instance, Sally and Jane might have a discussion.

And Jane might get triggered by something that Sally says. said. Sally goes about her business, isn't aware of anything that she might have said that might have caused Jane to become upset or disturbed. But Jane is still dealing with these feelings and emotions that are coming up. So it's Jane's responsibility to resolve the conflict within herself, whether she feels she needs to have a conversation with Sally or whether she has to really take a real good look at what got triggered. Oftentimes we get triggered by things that happened to us in the past. Something arises from the past that we aren't even aware of. So it's important for us to first examine what got triggered and then go from there.

So that's why I say that all conflict begins and ends with ourselves. You know, even when you're in a situation where you can't resolve something with another, they pass away or they move on, they're no longer in your life, we have to take responsibility for how we feel and what to do about that so that we don't carry it from one situation to another, which ordinarily we actually do it. It's interesting when you're talking about Sally and I'm going probably whatever Sally said had absolutely nothing to do with their reaction that she got from the other person. It was probably some random comment. That actually happened to me the other day with my granddaughter when I used informal language and called the stuff on her cell phone crap

instead of information or stuff. You know, I said you should get help to transfer your crap instead of to transfer your information. And she just went ballistic on me. And I was just like, whoa, you know, what's that all about? So I understand exactly what you're talking about because it was just a very informal term that I had attached nothing, no emotion to it all. It was just an easy word to pull out of the air at that moment in time. So with these, I guess, their internal battles that were constantly.

with ourselves because they obviously impact not only us, but all of our interactions with other people. So I guess the big question is, how do you get to the root of these issues? Yeah. The important thing is to recognize that we're triggered in the first place and then to take on the task of literally examining and understanding what the nature of the trigger is. So for instance, in the situation that you talked about, what you said, what seemed totally innocuous and, you know, your words didn't have any meaning to you. But to her, they did.

So words, we have to understand within our own self, what words are triggering us and what they mean to us and what's getting triggered. So it could be a feeling of not being loved, not being appreciated, not being understood. there's a magnitude of feelings that come up around words. And so when we begin to look at what's actually there, what's actually being triggered, then we begin, then we can begin to make things more real and take responsibility for our feelings and our emotions. That is that to me, that is very interesting because you're absolutely right. Those words

meant absolutely nothing to me, but obviously they meant something to her. So it sounds like self-awareness is one of the keys to helping to resolve these conflicts. So how does, how do you develop this self-awareness related to words, to communication? Because doesn't, you know, the more of you're talking about it, the more I'm going to, it kind of boils down to communication and how we communicate ourselves to the world. And then again, how we react, just like what you were saying about. the conflicts are, we're the common denominator in all of these issues. So how do you develop this self-awareness? You know, it's a process. You know, when we are on a journey of becoming

more aware of what's going on within our own psyche. You know, we can't unsee something that we've seen. So the moment that we see something, we can't unsee it. And then and only then can we begin to take responsibility for what we feel and how we go about working with it. And responsibility is not blame. It is really honoring and owning what we feel. and how we have filtered our perceptions based on what we believe about ourselves.

So these first steps can immediately create a shift within ourselves and over time we'll improve our relationships with others. I remember when I was going through my own personal, well, I'm still going through my own personal journey, aren't we all, but in the beginning, I would get so triggered when I felt people were questioning my integrity or questioning my word. And I had to begin to look at what it was within myself that was being triggered. It's got nothing to do with the person that's talking to me or the actions that they're taking.

It has to do everything with me and how I'm perceiving how I want to be seen in the world. So I had to examine that fact about caring so much about how other people saw me. And when I began to break that down and piece it out, my concern for what others thought about me, believed about me, I realized was none of my business. They were going to think about me, whatever they were going to think. And I had no control over that. And so I kind of began to relax about what people thought about my integrity issues.

As long as I felt integrous within myself, I think personal integrity and being authentic to ourselves is the most important thing. And from there, people are going to do with it, whatever they're going to do with it, based on their own belief systems and their own perceptions about what these concepts and principles and ideas mean.

So everybody has their own idea about what integrity looks like for themselves. But as long as we're being true to ourselves, it's none of our business without anybody else thinks. And sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow. Yes. And also, some people, I'll just say narcissistic type people will see that in you that maybe you have a little bit of, that you care about what other people think. And so they'll turn that against you and say, everybody says this about you. Everybody says your

crazy. Everybody in town says this, because I remember that happening to me, and I remember going, who's everybody? You know, it's like, I don't even know everybody in town. And why would they care about what I'm doing? And, you know, but that was a way that this particular person was trying to control me because they had, you know, they knew that I did care about people thinking that I was in integrity and that I had, you know, these issues. So when you work with people, how do you help them on this journey of, I guess, becoming whoever they're supposed to be? Well, I go, I take them through my own process and it really is helpful to

be able to know the right questions to ask a client and to help them through the process of, you know, unraveling the knots, so to speak, of what they're triggered about. And so I take them through a series of inquiries, and they come to their own discoveries about, about what is going on within them. And when they can begin to do that, they take more responsibility. They feel more empowered. And it sticks, you know, what they receive, because it's their own cognitions and own discoveries,

they stick more than if I were, was to say, you need to do this or you should do that or give the many kind of advice or tell them what I think is happening. I always put it back on them so that they can take responsibility and ownership for what's going on so that they can see the bigger picture of what is happening in their lives. It's interesting because I took a class. one, it's called the essence of being. And their definition of responsibility was the ability to respond. And that is very thought-provoking when you start to think about, you know, what is

responsibility and it's your ability to respond? And what would you say when you're working with people and you're trying to help them with these issues. What is their biggest obstacle that they face when trying to take responsibility? It's really hard. You know, we are so programmed in life to do everything ourselves. And there's a lot of shame and blame and guilt when we begin to do. some of this work and we see some of the things that have happened as a result of our belief systems about ourselves and how it's manifested in the world in our relationships. And when we start to take a really deeper look at things, all of that taking responsibility can look

like blame, can look like shame, can look like guilt. And it's really, like I said, just about taking ownership of the feelings and the perceptions that we've had about things, about ourselves, and how all that's manifested. And so when we can observe from a place of neutrality and just see things without judgment, those barriers begin to break down to being able to move forward. and see what has transpired as a result of our belief systems and not taking responsibility has wrought. And it becomes very empowering. And not only do we, are we able to see ourselves much clearer, but we are able to see others better as well. And when we can see ourselves

better, we have more compassion. We can employ self-compassion. And that spills out into the relationships that we have with others. We can give others more compassion as well. So am I right to get that what you're saying is it all starts with us first? and it's kind of like they say, well, you got to love yourself first. And then, of course, you can love others. But again, I think that's a lot easier said than done because you have to recognize that this is all happening.

So what would the initial steps be to if you're like going, oh, my God, they're talking about me. I need to take responsibility. What would the initial steps be to start on that journey through? Yeah. Nothing happens on a wish and a prayer. I wish this didn't happen. I wish I could be more of this. I wish I didn't have this happening.

All that that does is keep us stuck. And so what I would say is first acknowledge that someone, something is profoundly wrong and admit that whatever, you know, whatever they've been doing is not working. That's the first step. And then there's the tendency to minimize and rationalize our problems, hoping that they'll magically go away. And that has to stop. So, number one, we have to acknowledge that something is not right.

something is not what we've been doing is not working any longer and then be committed to being what I call unflinchingly candid with ourselves about what we've been doing and how we've been operating and seeing everything without judgment, without blame and without shame. because when we can begin to do that, then we can really begin to move forward. And swallowing one's pride. You know, pride, I feel, is the mask of fear. And asking for help from someone with experience to guide them through their journey is really, really important. We all need help in this world, and that's another thing that we have been programmed, that we have to pull ourselves, our own selves up by our bootstraps all the time. Well, generally speaking, that's true, but we also have to know when we need support

in reinforcing that. And we have a lot of blind spots, and sometimes it's really helpful to have. someone who isn't invested to be there to shed that light, that flashlight on the, on the things that we can't see. Because the more we make the unconscious conscious, the better off will be. It makes a lot of sense. It's so funny because as you were talking, when you said shine the light, I'm seeing this person's flashlight. It's funny. just tells me how visual I am. So where can people find out more about you?

And you have some self-assessment tools available? Yeah. So they can go to my website at Carol Pilkington.com. And on that website, there's a self-assessment quiz that they can click on to take. and they get the instant results in their inbox. I always preclude that with checking one's junk mail or spam to make sure that they didn't go in there. And it's called, or they can just go directly to soul-filled living quiz. S-O-U-L-F-I-L-L-E-D-L-L-E-D-L-L-E-D-L-F-I-W-N-G-G-G-G-C-S-com.

And basically it's a four-minute assessment of where they are on the journey. And it's about five different segments with four or five statements. It's a sliding scale statement. You know, each one is on a sliding scale. And they can assess themselves. It's completely confidential. I will get the results and they'll get the results.

And then we can have a conversation from there if they want to take it a little bit further. Oh, I like that. I was sitting here going, I'm going to go take that. So it's soul, like S-O-U-L, soul-filled. What was the rest of the living quiz?com? Yeah, soul-filled livingquiz.com. Okay, perfect. So before I let you go, is there anything else that you'd like to add to our conversation?

Yeah, I think it's so important for people. to understand that they're not alone, that we're not given tools when we enter this world of reality called human existence. And everyone is out there doing their own thing, and we're all bumping into one another like molecules. And so when we begin to make ourselves real, we begin to make others real.

And the more that we work on ourselves and give ourselves a break and be kind to ourselves in the process, the better we can be in our relationships. Because the moment we begin to take responsibility for our own perceptions, it will be seen and felt around us. For instance, if I have an argument with someone, I will take a step back, look at what I heard and received and how it affected me.

And then I will either resolve it within myself or ask the person if we could discuss it. And then from that point, I will say, this is what I heard, this is what I perceived. And they can say to me, well, that's not what I meant. This is what I meant. And when we begin to accept one another and just allow one another to be and hear each other and understand one another, life will be a lot better and our relationships will be a lot smoother. So everyone, you heard what Carol said, listen to other people and allow them to listen to you and highly suggest you go take the quiz and see where you are in this world because we all need

someone who can guide us to help us move through this journey. You don't have to do it alone. And I think that's my big takeaway, Carol, is that there are people like you, you are there. And because sometimes we just don't know how to take that first step on our own. And we just need somebody to kind of say, okay, I'll hold your hand a little bit so that you can experience this. and just get a different take on what's going on. So I appreciate that, Carol. Thank you. Thank you.

Appreciate it. Everyone, this is Dr. Tammy Patzer. Go make it a beautiful day. Thanks for listening to Business Innovators Radio. To hear all episodes featuring leading industry influencers and trendsetters, visit us online at businessinnovators radio.com today. Thank you.