Business Innovators Radio - Dr. John Gray – Best-Selling Author – Mark Stephen Pooler

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Dr. John Gray is the author of one of the most trusted and iconic relationship books in history, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Listed by USA Today as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter-century and ranked as the number one bestselling book of the 1990s, Dr. Gray’s groundbreaking work has sold tens of millions of copies and has been translated into roughly 45 languages across more than 100 countries.​With over 20 books to his name—including his modern follow-up, Beyond Mars and Venus—Dr. Gray has transformed how the world understands personal and professional communication. His unique framework bridges gender differences, behavioral psychology, and the underlying brain and hormonal chemistry that drives stress, connection, and peak vitality. A frequent guest on Oprah, TODAY, Good Morning America, and profiled in Time and Forbes, Dr. Gray continues to equip leaders, couples, and entrepreneurs with practical tools to thrive in fast-changing modern environments.https://www.marsvenus.comSource: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/URL Slugdr-john-gray-best-selling-author-mark-stephen-pooler

Welcome to Business Innovators Radio, featuring industry influencers and trendsetters, sharing proven strategies to help you build a better life right now. TV, Conversations with Leading Experts in Business. I am your host, Mark Steven Pula. We have an incredible guest on the show today, John Gray. I'm really, really looking forward to a conversation today. Such as such a great topic as well. really, really looking forward to a really interesting conversation today. We're streaming live on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube. We're on the E360 TV network. We're on business innovators radio network, USA Global, Radio and Television Network, MSPNewsGlobal.com, and many, many more.

Let's bring in our incredible guest, the incredible John Gray. John, welcome to Brilliant Business TV. Well, thank you, Mark. Happy to be with you. The pleasure really is all mine, John. Firstly, I was a huge fan of the secret movie. I know you were in that too. I've worked with many, many of your colleagues from the movie as well. But also, your book really, really has made such an impact on the world, John.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I was just telling one of my work colleagues a couple of days ago, I was interviewing you and straight away he said, yes, I know that book. So it's definitely, definitely had an impact on the world, John. So I'm honoured to have you my guest today. So let's get started with the conversation. John, for decades, you have been the world's leading authority on the dynamics between men and women. As we move further into 2026, what is the most significant shift you've observed in how these masculine and feminine energies are

playing out in the high pressure world of modern entrepreneurship. Well, I think that the big change which has occurred and actually started in the 60s with feminism, there was a freedom for women to leave dysfunctional relationships. Not all relationships are functional. And the way the world was set up is that when women could not earn money for themselves, you were kind of stuck with a man. And if you feel stuck with a man, that just makes it really worse because both men and women and need to feel loved and accepted the way they are. So we created this movement towards and support for women to move it over to what I call their male side, the more independent side.

And the challenge now is that when women do that, there's an imbalance where it's difficult for her to come back to experiencing her female side. And when I say that, I'm going to just give biology. There's a simple biology that now my most recent books, I all explain the biology of this and the research that shows that whenever a woman is unhappy, a man is unhappy. We all know that. It's an old saying, if mama's happy, everybody's happy. Nobody says if dad is happy, everybody's happy. It's like, we all want to make mom happy because then we can make mom happy, she's happy. So it's a very important thing that men can feel successful and providing the support a woman needs in this world.

And what I've identified is the primary support that women need in this world is new communication skills, new romantic skills that don't require a lot of effort to change for a man to understand how to provide the new kind of support for women that she needs to lower her stress and for women to know to ask for that kind of support that she needs because men really don't know just because he loves her doesn't mean he's going to know what to do he typically knows what to do which men used to do but they don't have these skills that women need today and often women don't know how to ask for that support so when I talk about male side female side let's understand it in terms of biology because people are like thinking today very commonly that we're all the same and yes so many qualities were the same and never am i saying that one is better than the other i'm not saying that at all we equal we all deserve equal respect equal opportunity i'm all for

equality but to achieve equality by saying we're all the same is nonsense and when you can respect someone's differences then you can see their virtues their values and most importantly you can give them what they need most. So let me summarize how men and women are different biologically, because then we have evidence. It's not just my idea. This is research that shows that whenever someone is unhappy, not feeling love, they're producing stress hormones. You can't feel love when you're producing stress hormones. The stress hormone I'm talking about is cortisol. Whenever a man experiences cortisol, his testosterone levels will be too low according to the standard. And as estrogen levels, the female hormone will be too high. That's known.

And whenever a woman is experiencing cortisol, her estrogen is too low, and her testosterone is too high according to the standard. And what is the standard? When we're not stressed, you can measure what is the difference between men and women's hormones. When we're not stressed and we're feeling loving, a woman's estrogen levels will be 10 to 20 times higher than a man's. And when a man is loving and he's not stressed, his testosterone will be 10 to 20 times higher than a woman. So it behooves us, once we understand the simple biological difference, which is universal to 99% of people on the planet, when you have that difference and you're in a love relationship and you're not feeling the love, you're arguing, you're fighting, you're not getting support, bewildered, what can I do? Why is my partner

not the way they used to be? We don't know how to love in this new situation. So once we understand biology, now I can learn communication skills as a man that will help raise estrogen and a woman. She can learn communication skills with a man that will raise his testosterone. Then you have a very magical formula of keeping your heart open. And more than that, you have the formula for being able to sustain attraction in a marriage over a long period of time. Because when couples lose attraction, once again, you can measure the hormones. Men's testosterone levels are low, women's estrogen levels are low, the attraction goes away. And this happens as we age. men's testosterone levels naturally go down, but not in all cases. I'm 74 years old. Mine are 50%

higher than what was a young man because I understand what men need to produce testosterone. And women, on the other hand, they go through menopause. They stop making estrodial the hormone that lowers their stress. Women then make another hormone called estrone. It doesn't raise her stress, estrone, but it keeps her from feeling the romantic feelings. The spark is gone. So my techniques that I teach is how to create estradiol the hormone of attraction for women and how a woman can build a man's testosterone, which is what allows him to stay attracted to his partner. Really, really interesting stuff, John. And a big word that stood out for me there is communication. I think having great communication is really, really important in dynamics,

in relationships. And I actually do agree with you there. about all the biology of things. Especially like I give up vaping. I used to vape and I didn't realize vaping spikes your cortisol. So I was getting all sorts of like intrusive thoughts and things like that because my cortisol levels was spiked. I give up vaping quite a while ago now. And I take supplements of like a functional mushroom like Rashi and Lions May.

mushroom and I take a saffron abstract and they're really, really good for cortisol and all sorts of things for the mind function and things like that. So I do agree that the biology is so so important, John, and you're much more of an expert than me on these things. Now, you often speak about how our hormones dictate our happiness and success. What is the one biological blind spot that most high achieving leaders miss when they are trying to balance a massive global mission with a fulfilling personal life. That's a beautiful question. When we don't understand the opposite sex, we don't intuitively understand what they need

that might be different from what I need. And let me give another biological reason for that. It's fun for me to now have the science. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I, I wrote men are from Mars, women are from Venus, over 35, 40 years ago. Okay, so this is, so it's been updated many times. As women have changed, they have new challenges and relationships. Men experience new challenges.

So the differences are still there. I agree with everything I wrote in that book, because I just describe how men and women are different. But now we have different problems, and so how to deal with those different problems. And what I see to be the case is that, generally speaking more, way more women buy these books on relationship than men. It's not that men don't care about relationship. We just buy the books on how to make money so that we can have a happy wife, you know.

But what we need is money will not do the trick anymore. And yet men don't know that, so they're not motivated yet to learn these relationship skills. But my experience of over 40 years being a counselor, marriage counselor, 90% of the time, I'm only talking to the woman. And as she learns to understand men, learns how to communicate to a man, learns how to communicate the language that he can understand without feeling blamed or criticized,

are she attempting to change him, but learning how to ask for help, for example, learning how to share her feelings in a way where he doesn't feel blamed. These are key factors that will raise her estrogen levels when women today have a crisis of not being able to produce enough estrogen. We see on a practical level so much infertility, but we also see depression and anxiety. We also see high stress levels in women more than men. Not that men don't have it.

Men is from low testosterone. For women, it's low estrogen. So what can I do to help a woman? Well, if a man are not reading the book and a woman is not cooperating with what the man does, nothing's going to happen. Women have the power. They buy the books. They're caring about the relationships.

Their complaints are way more than a man's. Women will often complain of 15 things as a problem in a relationship. A man will complain of one. He'll say if she was only happy, everything would be fine. So she goes, if he would listen to me, if he would help me, if he remember to do things, it would be more affectionate. He was more romantic. If he had more intimate, it just the list goes down and down and down and then gets more specialized.

And that's appropriate. That's who women are. They have to be aware of what they want and need, but they have to learn how to communicate that to a man without blame. And that's a new skill. My mother didn't have to ask for more because she already pre-new. Her requirements primarily was a husband who made money, a husband who didn't get angry, and a husband had a few gentleman skills.

Okay, that was it. My mother was so happy. Women today would never be happy with just a man making money and not managing anger, although that would be a good point. But see, today, men are taught by psychology to express feelings, to express emotions. So what you'll see is that my boy, books all explain, teach men how to listen to a woman. But women, if they don't understand men, they think, well, he should talk about his feelings too. Well, when a man, and he should,

if his feelings are positive, his love, his affection, is warm, we can talk about this. But when a man is experiencing stress, he can't feel love. And at that time, if he was to talk, talking about feelings raises estrogen. Now, what is it that makes men feel stressed? Always, if your estrogen's too high and you're a man and your testosterone is low, you're experiencing cortisol. So if you're already experiencing cortisol, because you're not feeling confident, you're not feeling safe, your cortisol levels are going up, the worst thing you can do is talk about your feelings, because that's going to raise your estrogen even more. But women don't understand men. So when you see a man a little angry, a little irritable, women want him to talk. What you need to do is not ask him what's wrong,

not get him to talk about his feelings, realize that you're having feelings, you're feeling insecure, afraid he's mad at you, afraid he's upset with you, feel like neglected or whatever. You need to deal with your feelings. And in my book, I teach women how when you're unhappy, how to lower your stress by exploring your feelings, sharing it with another woman, sharing it with a coach, but never sharing negative feelings to a man about him. Because immediately, and I have the science to back this up, anytime of me, man feels blamed, his mirror neurons will close. If a woman feels blamed, her mirror anons don't close.

Mirror neurons is our ability to feel what somebody feels. And women will complain, I don't feel connected to him. Well, that's because he feels blamed. If you take away the blame, men feel connected. When men can connect to you, then they want to do things for you and he becomes the man you fell in love with instead of the man who's shut down, which happens inevitably when a woman gives messages negative feelings about him. So there's communication skills so you can ask for what you want without having to use negative feelings, except that if you take a psychology class,

they will all teach you. Everybody teaches women to do this to justify a request by saying, I feel hurt. When you do this, I feel hurt. What I like you to do is when you do ABC, what I feel hurt, what I'd like is you to do X, Y, Z, right? So it's a simple formula that everybody's taught. It's the worst formula in the world. You don't have to justify with a man who loves you by saying you hurt me. All you have to do is when

you do ABC, what I would like is XYZ. We already are motivated to help you. But if you use your hurt to justify what you want, you've just shut him down. The most blaming thing you can say to a man is you've hurt me. He's your hero. Make a man. Make a man. and your hero, he will die for you. He will kneel before you. You will be the center of his life. Powerful stuff, John, and it's great that you're helping people

with these dynamic issues because some people can find these really challenging and giving those people those tours. It's so important. Now, many leaders believe that hustle is the only way to win, but your work suggests a different path through alignment. Can you explain

the biology of business, specifically how a man or woman can stay in their peak performance zone without crushing their testosterone or oxytocin levels. Yes, which is, I will mention the whole oxytocin thing, which is there's a lot of research showing oxytocin lowers a woman's stress. There's no doubt about it. But oxytocin doesn't lower a woman's stress if her estrogen levels are too low. Let's just, the research, backs that up, but nobody seems to recognize the importance of estrogen for women because they want to sell women estrogen injections or creams in order to help her cope with stress. Sometimes they can help, sometimes it has the opposite effect. Better to just understand how to create estrogen. And to know that

in the workplace, it's not a world that provides a lot of estrogen stimulation. So for women in the workplace, they can be great men. Okay, this is testosterone. As soon as you have to make money, it's risk in danger. Because if you don't perform, you don't get. So there's always a level of stress when you take risk. But for men, when you take a risk, testosterone goes up as long as you feel confident. If men don't feel confident, their stress goes way up because their testosterone goes down. For men, confidence, the anticipation of success is what keeps a man's stress level and

motivated in the workplace. So the workplace has to create opportunities for men to feel successful. And often now we have a workplace where women are in managerial positions, for example, and I've written a whole book on this, so I'm only going to give a short answer. But when you have women in managerial positions, they will tend to want the men to agree with them. Sort of, I want us to do this. And he says, well, I don't think that's a good idea. And she tries to talk him into thinking it's a good idea because we should all be thinking the same.

the way a man operates is if I've got a boss, we have hierarchy. So what if I disagree with you? You're the boss, so I'll do what you say. And so it's respecting me to not try to convince and change me to agree with me. I'm happy to do what you say, even if I don't, I'm happy to do what you say because you pay me. And therefore, I'll do it without complaint. Whereas men, under their hand, when they're dealing with women, they just sort of think that a man should, a woman. is like a guy, tell them what to do and get them done, pay them enough, and that should be enough.

No, women need extra in the workplace to feel valued. I feel valued particularly because you give me freedom to make decisions, you give me my own freedom, make decision, and you pay me. Those are two great things for men. For women, what they need is a lot more than that. Women need to feel valued by you knowing what they do. See, I don't need to know, I don't need my boss to know what I do. I just need them to look at what I produce and pay me for it. I'm a happy camper. When women are treated like men, what happens is they start feeling unappreciated. When men do appreciate them, we've taught this in corporations over 100,000, 100,000 forms and one of the biggest discrepancies in the workplace, and I've written two whole books on the workplace and Mars Venus. But when you have the questioneers,

you say, men, do you appreciate women? 80 to 90 percent of men all appreciate the women. They will say that. 50% of the women will say, I don't feel appreciated in the workplace. It's a common thing that women will say is I don't feel appreciated. Why don't they feel appreciated? What I found is how you communicate to a woman that she has value is to hear what she says and hear what she does. The same thing with your wife, but in a different context. The concept is the same. Women need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need you to offer help. You need any help with this. How can I help you with this makes a huge difference. I see what you did or help me understand what you went through to do this. Let me know what's going on in your life. This was my first insight and beginning to develop

over 45 years ago the idea of men and women are different. And understanding those differences was first in the workplace. When my assistant, I was a therapist working eight hours a day, counseling women primarily, and she did everything. She scheduled them. She took the payment. She handle my bank account. She handled my workshop. She handled my interview schedules. She handled it all. I couldn't have dreamed of a better person. I totally appreciated her. She wanted to leave after many, many years. She said, I feel like it's time to move on. I said, why? I pay you a lot. Is that not enough? And she says, no, you're very generous. And I am very generous because as a man, I know you pay a man for what he does. He'll do more. So I appreciated her greatly. So I paid her more. So having said that,

I said, so what is it? And she says, well, I think it's just moving on. I said, no, help me understand it better. Another skill that every man can learn is practice saying, help me understand that more. Because women need to feel seen, heard, and helped, very important. So to hear her, I said, well, help me understand that better. And she said, I just don't feel appreciated. And I was shocked because, as you know, I totally appreciated her.

I couldn't imagine a better person, but she didn't feel appreciated. So I asked her, I said, well, help me understand what it would look like if you felt appreciated. And she said, which to many women is obvious, not to men, you would know everything I do. And I thought, I don't care if anybody knows what I do. I just wanted them to know the result. But she wanted me to know when I called this hotel to schedule something, they wouldn't get back to me or they had a problem. I had to talk last night about it. And I'm dealing with this.

And so-and-so was supposed to pay us. And they didn't pay us. And so she just needed to vent maybe five minutes a day, because she's my personal assistant, just to be seen, to be heard of what she's going through and to take credit for what, you know, see what I go through. I don't talk about as a man, I don't need to tell you what I go through. I just want you to see, look at the result and pay me for it. So I didn't have that awareness.

So all I had to do, and she stayed with me for years until she got married and went and had a husband who supported her. So in that case, all I had to do is spend an extra five minutes a day. Really, just I'd say, how did it go talking to so-and-so? And what's our program here? What's the schedule? Were they easy to work with? Just something a little personal about how life might be a little difficult for her, some of the trials she went through.

So she could share with me what's going on inside of her rather than just being like a robot doing the job. She needed to have more of a personal interaction. So where the workplace is really good today is we're creating inclusiveness where women and men are working together so women can feel heard and seen. But even in that case, and I have a team of women and men that work with me, there's my customer service woman, and she's all about listening, right? She's really good at listening to people and caring for them. It's a person temperament really good for customer service. She's very patient with them.

But in our meetings, we're all like, okay, how should we market, what should we do, how we can handle this? and she has a slower pace. It's her temperament. So she'll feel left out unless I become aware if a woman is not giving her two cents, she's going to feel left out. So I need to be able to say, Carol, tell me your experience with this. Tell me your insight because you're busy talking to people. Give me what you think. Then she has something to say, but she's such a good listener that she'll just let everybody talk and she can't access her point of view. Now, if a man is not talking, in a meeting. I'm not going to say, hey, Tom, you haven't said anything. What's going on? Tom doesn't want to be noticed. He said, because he doesn't have anything to say.

Because typically speaking, a man will always have something to say. A woman may have something to say if she's on her male side, but many women are still more on their female side, which they're going to be more into the receptive mode and not have this sort of testosterone that jump in there with her ideas. So there's a couple of the ideas that I put forth in terms of understanding differences between men and women. But the good news is we're becoming more aware in the workplace of the importance of valuing people on a personal level and not treating them just like robots. I think it's so, so important. And the word that keeps on standing out to me is communication. I think the world needs more communication. In the hustle of modern business, men and women

often experience stress differently at a biological level, how does understanding these masculine and feminine stress responses allow a leader to scale their employer without burning out their nervous system, John? Well, we are burning out people's nervous systems. There's no question about it. It's happening. There's research on it. And women will have the higher stress levels.

Men burn out as well. There's no doubt about that at all. A big part of that is women management. which where men feel controlled by women. It's just not a comfort zone for men unless women know how to manage men. And I talked a little bit about that. I'll give one little tip. You know, there's so many tips that I give in my books.

And I should mention that I have a new book here, which is this is 45 years later, a lot of improvements on how to deal with things, and it's particularly for women. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus for women only. Why is it for women only? because men don't necessarily read all these books, and then women think, well, unless he reads it,

nothing's going to change. And I've been counseling women for over 40 years, and men don't come into the office. I tell her the information, and the man changes. Because when women make a change within themselves, men will tend to mirror that. When men make a change, it may help, may not. But for women, absolutely.

When you change your inner world, a man who you're in a relationship will reflect that. Now, in the workplace, what we see is the stress, levels are going higher and higher. In some cases, women will have twice the stress level of a man, and when she returns home, it goes up even more. Whereas for men, it goes down after work, and they don't experience as much if they're somewhat successful. Remember that for men, if they don't have healthy testosterone levels, they will be stressed. But work is what allows you to build your testosterone. So you're not just depending on your wife's appreciation and acceptance and love for you to build your

testosterone. You have to first take care of yourself. So in the workplace, when you're a woman in a place of power over a man, or even working with a man or with a boss who's a man, how do you want to bring out the best in that man? You make him your ally. You make him his, not your enemy. If you make a man your enemy, it doesn't work. It's so easy to make a man your ally because we are designed to take care of women. We're designed to provide for women. So you use your feminine energy in order to bring out the best in a man. So when a man says something, he does something, good job. That was so helpful.

When he says something, what a good idea. I hadn't thought of that. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, you're right about that. These are little expressions in communication that will actually give, they like percommence testosterone up, percumance testosterone levels up. And he'll think about you more.

He'll do more for you. But for women to be able to feel that, this is where work-life balance comes into the play. If women are just working all the time, they're not going to be able to feel those positive feelings towards the men she works with. She won't be able to ask men to do things. She'll want to order men to do things, and then men will push back on that. So asking is the power of femininity. It's the quality of femininity is, would you do this for me?

Help me with this. What I would like is this, as opposed to, you didn't do this, you should do that. What I like is this. So we have to learn how to give critical feedback to a man pointing out what he did. wrong and what he should do, you should do this, you didn't do that. It's like a scolding mother. It's not going to work. What can work is this is what happened. This is how I like it next time. And help me understand why you thought to do it this way. He'll say that. And then you say to him, well, that makes sense. I hear you. Is there anything I can do to help? You can always offer help. And that's a key

factor for men in giving feedback to women. This isn't working for me. I want to be able to make this work for you and for me. When, when? It's very feminine concept. How can I be helpful to you? So always asking to help is a key message you want to give to women. Key message to men is messages that sound to him of success. And I gave you three. I want to give you three what a man can say to the women on his team when they're talking. Help me understand that better. Tell me more.

What else? Be patient before you speak. Men are like, in a sense, we're kind of like firemen. When the bell rings, you've got to get on that pole and get to that fire and put it out. And you're not going to say when somebody calls the fire department, we have a fire, well, tell me how that feels. What's going on? And is it hot? How hot is it? You're not going to ask questions as a fireman. But when you're working with women side by side, you want to create a more personal experience for her, which raises her estrogen and helps her to keep her stress levels from rising so high. Now, I can't look at just the workplace as the answer. You have to look at where we all cope with stress the best. It's our personal

life. Workplace has to create opportunity and the support for women particularly to have a personal life. Why do I say women particularly? Because men will take it anyway. Okay. It's like I don't hear men saying I have no time for myself. Men will take time for themselves. That's how we're built. We know that we can't give to others until we take care of ourselves. And we're motivated to take care of others, but we have to take care of ourselves first. For women, on the other hand, they have this nurturing tendency. The genes of nurturing are very strong in her body, much stronger than a man. And that's a process of giving unconditionally, just continuing to give and give and give.

And ironically, the more stressed a woman is, the more she'll go into giving more, imagining that she'll get more in return. No, you have to take the time for yourself. You have to find that balance. And so what I explain in my books, and it's a whole lesson, which is to write these books primarily for women, because the world is not taught women how to be a feminist, how to go to your male side, how to be more independent, and be happy, how to come back to the hormones of happiness. And in short, what those hormones are is coming back to an environment, into a context, be a man

or have friends where you're able to talk about your feelings so that you can anticipate when you're suppressing feelings in the workplace, and that's what women do, is they have to push down their feelings in the workplace by making testosterone. Testosterone goes up, estrogen goes down. Pushing down feelings, you need to be able to talk about them with somebody else. You need to learn the art of how to restore your estrogen levels and it's learning to talk about your feelings. For men, it's not learning how to talk about your feelings. It's learning how to contain your feelings and do something to produce testosterone. And if you are stressed, it goes away. We know that to be the case. I'm not saying men you never talk about their feelings.

I'm saying I'm going to talk about your positive feelings, but practice the discipline of never complaining to your partner and talking about how bad your day is and how bad things are and feeling sorry for yourself. This just weakens testosterone way more than you can imagine. And for women, you can do this with your partner because it raises estrogen as long as you're not blaming your partner, as long as you limit the time you're doing it.

You always say, I don't need to talk about 10 minutes. I need to share my feelings and I'll feel better. And you don't have to say anything. I prefer you say nothing. Just listen to me, hear me, then give me a hug, about an eight-second hug, and we're done. You could say, I hear you, and that's all you need to do. Now, there's a lot of reasons why this powerful technique, I call it a Venus Talk, works. But primarily, I have science to back it up.

Is it simply, if you talk about a problem and you don't tell the man, you don't need to solve it, then when you're talking, his mirror neurons close and he starts analyzing the problem, and you will feel disconnection. And women don't understand that because they have mirror neurons. That's the part of the brain system that allows you to feel somebody, to connect with them. Women stay open all the time unless they're really, really angry with you, then they close down. But for a man, as soon as you have a problem, he's going to, his mirror neurons close. This is proven.

And he'll feel disconnected from you. And you'll feel disconnected. And you'll think he's mad at you. He's not mad at you at all. And you'll feel isolated. So the key here is learn to communicate in a way that doesn't make a man feel. blamed and it's an art there's a lot to it but that's the goal some real great tips here and great life skills as well john now great leadership requires a balance of drive and connection

how can an entrepreneur or a coach intentionally harmonize masculine action with feminine intuition to create a business culture that is both highly profitable and deeply support to you. I think that was beautiful what you said is that we need to have our drive and our logic and we need our intuition. And for men to be able to access intuition and creativity, it's a very important. Intuition tends to lead towards creativity. And if we look at when a person is in that creative state, they will also have a balance of masculine energies and feminine energy. Just think about sex for a moment, which is the masculine and feminine coming together. Now, what people don't actually know is that when a man is aroused, wanting to connect with a woman, actually testosterone's going up and estrogen's going up.

This is the ultimate of life, which is being able to access your inner creativity, your logic and your intuition and your drive and your motivation, and you're willing to pick yourself back up when you crash, because that's always a part of life too. So these are all the skills that help you to restore balance to your hormones, put you in that peak state, put you in that flow state, put you in that creative state. and it's particularly as men are putting themselves in a context where they're helping others. And the more they can help females, ironically, are those in need when you're able to feel compassion. And that's why your action, that produces the highest level of testosterone for a man.

And it's coupled with estrogen. So when a man feels I'm helping you because you need my help, this is the irony of it. This creates the balance of hormones for him. The same thing for a woman. when she wants to help, but she also feels she's receiving help. See, this is the challenge women get into that disconnects them from their intuition, which causes them to overwork and be stressed rather than balance with their estrogen and testosterone, their male side and their female side.

It's when women learn how to ask for help and then appreciate the help, have people in her life that she can trust, people that she can depend on, and also trusting and depending on herself. these are all aspects of finding the balance for women. One of the biggest challenges for women, as I point out, the success of women in terms of happiness and being able to perform from a place of happiness instead of chaos, is to regulate time. The most important, what you'll see is whenever a woman is stress, she will tend to feel there's not enough time. That's just a symptom on the surface level.

Behind that is there's not enough support. Behind that is not enough love. behind that is not enough appreciation. It's not enough money. Everything she creates in her life from a place of not enough starts with easy to understand, not enough time. Because when you look at enough time, there's always enough time. The time doesn't change.

I mean, you can say not enough money, but that's only because you spend too much. So your expectations are trying. We create our problems. And I know you're a big fan of the secret. And in the secret, what's beautiful about that is for people to realize that what your frequency is is what you're going to attract into your life. And, you know, I'm in the secret as well, but I had a big section in there and they took it out because I also talk about

you can't just have the frequency inside, which allows you to attract that from the environment, but you also have to recognize how you short-circuit that frequency inside. And that's by wanting more, which is important, you have to want more and you have to trust that you're going to get it. That's the key. and you have to live in a state that is on its way. Very simple concept. Everybody's got it today, but they can't do it. Because in order to live in that state, you have to also be in reality,

which is, but I don't have enough money, and I'm not getting the love I want, and I'm not getting the support I have. And if you push down those feelings, you just go numb and disconnect with your authentic power to create in your life. Creation comes when you want more, and you're aware that when I don't get it,

I'm angry, I'm stressed, Anytime you're stressed, you're angry, you're sad, you're afraid, and you feel bad. It's all in there. And so you have to explore your negative emotions and then come back to restoring what you want and then feeling grateful for what you have after you look at what you don't have. You can't just walk around looking, pretending like you have everything because you never have everything you need. This is a point of life.

Life is like a glass that's half full. And if you're always looking at half empty, that's not good. If you're looking at half full, as if it's full, that's a lie. So you have to address, it's not full, process the negative emotions that get produced. This is called Emotional Intelligence. I even have an app called the Mars, Venus, Heart Space app to teach you how to look at your dark side, how to process your negative emotions so that your positive emotions will be authentic. They would just come forth. And it's that positive emotion that knows that you can have what you want, that you're in the process of getting it and you deserve it.

And it will also correct your desires to things that are more realistic. always within desire is the seed of knowing how to get it and my worthiness to receive it. But you've got to feel the soul's desire. And you get back to your soul when you first connect with the negative emotions and let them go. Pretending like you have no negative emotions is not going to manifest anything. Oh, that was powerful, John, actually. Yes. So asking for help is really important.

Well, I'm really glad you did mention that, John, because I think sometimes in the personal development world in especially manifestation which I'm really really a big fan of as well. Sometimes they can talk a lot about positivity, thinking positive and it isn't until you embrace your negative emotions and sit with those feelings and emotions, accept them, feel them, let them go, that you can attract better in your life. So I'm really, really happy that you shared that because I think sometimes people can be trying to be too positive, like you say, focusing on the glass full without actually looking at the bit that's half full. So that makes a lot of sense to people out there and myself as well,

John. I'm coming to my last question now of this incredible conversation. As we look towards the future of global leadership, why is it essential for the modern entrepreneur to move beyond competition and into alignment with their natural biological strengths to create a lasting legacy. Well, first of all, even in the question, I will point out that competition is one of the most important testosterone sources, is that if we want to have testosterone in our life, we need to compete. Now, as we grow in competition, we try to compete in areas where we have the potential to be successful. As we experience greater success, then our stress goes down. And when our dress goes down, then we learn a higher lesson, which is we're always competing with ourselves

rather than others, meaning that I'm wanting to do my best, I'm wanting to do better. For example, for me, the way that shows up is I give talks on YouTube every week for one hour or two hours at John Gray, Mars, Venus, and then I watch them in the evening, okay, two hours of my evening is listening to me talk. Why do I do that? I want to do it better. I want to do it better. So I'm competing with myself all the time. even if you ask me, you know, John, tell me what you, you know, what your, what your vast knowledge is. I say, well, it's the last year. It's what I put in this book, okay? This is my most important information, not any of my other books. I'm always evolving, always getting better. The solutions get better.

And I put myself to that. Same thing in my marriage. I want my marriage to get better. You know, often people are mediocre. They just get into a rut of comfort zone. Comfort zone. How can I make the relationship better. Women, by the way, do still want to make the relationship better, but the problem for women is they always think he has to become better. All you have to do, women, is become better within yourself, and men will always mirror that. Why do men mirror that? Because we all know the truth, which is when mama's happy, everybody's happy. Nobody says when dad's happy, everybody's happy. I even know that if I'm really happy one day and my wife's not happy, my happiness does not make her happy. My happiness actually makes her more unhappy. You know,

You know, I came home from one trip and I was just feeling so glorious and great. It was like, I used to have the biggest selling Broadway show in history. And I would fly to New York. I'd come back. I'd meet famous people. It's fun. It's exciting for, oh, this is exciting. And I'd come home one time, and I came home, and she says, how was your trip?

Oh, unbelievable. You know who I met, and I did this, and I ate here, and I stayed there. And I just watched her, having stayed home with the kids and the toilet had broken, and the babysitter was sick, and she had to do it. So she had a bunch of problems with life as problems. I could just see her just a black cloud coming into the room. Oh, he has all the fun. Oh, he gets to go there.

He gets to do that. Made her more unhappy. So I tell men, be careful not to be too much happier than your wife. Instead, connect with her wherever she is. And it's not that women don't want their men to be happy. They just don't want him to be happy when she's unhappy. She wants you to connect with her feelings. Because for women, connection is the major source of estrogen.

And estrogen is what activates her oxytocin that will lower. her stress levels. When a man, he doesn't need the connection. Connection is the whipped cream on the cake for him. What man needs is testosterone. That's by feeling independent. Look what I can do. Look what I've accomplished. What can I achieve? That's why when a man is stressed, his tendency, if he hasn't been feminized, as he needs some time for himself. That was one of the classic ideas of men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Thousands of women, wherever I travel the world for 40 years, women said, thank you for teaching you about the cave, the cave, the cave. Because when a man is working all day, he runs out of testosterone,

particularly if he was producing adrenaline or cortisol during the day. And we are. So that will actually deplete him of testosterone. What rebuilds testosterone is not connecting with a woman. What rebuilds testosterone is doing something on my own that doesn't involve my children, my wife, because that makes love. Love raises estrogen in a man.

So first, I have to rebuild my testosterone. then I can come out of my cave and go higher testosterone by connecting with them, by providing for them from a place of love. So there's a cycle for men. The cycle for men is serve everybody, take care of yourself, give to your family. For women, it's giving to others and receiving from her spouse. But she doesn't have to just receive from her spouse. She can receive from her friends as well. Don't put the whole job on him. That's why the subtitle of this newest book, after this just came out, be happy. The subtitle is be happy with or without a man.

Now, I'm not saying don't be happy with a man. I'm just saying for the single women, first learn how to be happy and then how to be happier with a man by learning these skills of how to bring out the best in a man. And for women who are in relationships, you already have a man in your life, how to do the same thing,

how to bring back to passion, how to bring back to magic. And that happens by using these new skills and insights will tend to draw out the best in a man. And then when you had menopause, you no longer have the hormones in your body. They say, I need a man. I need help.

You make estrone, which says, I don't need help. And people think you have to take hormones at that time or just get a divorce. Okay, a lot of divorces happen at 49. What can change that is when you practice the skills in my book, you can actually continue to make young women's estradiol your whole life. And you still make estrone, which is good. It's like when your partner's not available,

then you can take care of yourself. But if he is available and how to make him available, that comes from estradiol. And then you don't get wrinkles on your face even. Rinkles on your face happen after women stop making estradiol. And a lot of other things go on in your body that don't have to happen that will create lasting romance and passion. John, I really, really enjoyed your wisdom today.

Thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed your tips, the dynamics that you've shared. I think it's so, so important. you've brought a lot of things into my awareness that people go and get this new book. People can connect with John at John Gray. Let me just get your correct website to address. That's marsvenus.com. That's marsvenus.com, Marsvenus.com. Marsvenus.com.

John, who should connect with you? Who would you love to reach out to you? Come to the website. Who would that be? Oh, I like women listening to this talk. That most important thing is for women to learn how to get what they need in relationships, and that will save the men on the planet because the men's testosterone is going down, their motivations are going down, women's stress levels are going up,

stress is happening for women, relationships are falling apart, we're not making enough babies. We need to save the world, and women can do it by learning how to empower men to serve you or to help you is a better way of putting it. Sometimes when you say for men to serve a woman, it's kind of like he's a woman. one down positions, so not all men relate to that, although the truth is, the higher you go, you can't be happy unless you're of service to the world. And that's the way our leaders should be, rather than being of service to themselves, they should be of service to others. And of course,

we've lost that as well. So it all starts at home, and it all starts with mom. And when you raise little boys and you love your father, already that little boy has a leg up from all the other boys, because when you love a man, your partner, a boy feels, his male side feels loved. Marsvenus.com. That's marsvenous.com. John, thank you so, so much for giving us your wisdom, your time. I thoroughly enjoyed having a conversation with you. Thank you so much. Yeah, it's been great. The pleasure's been all ours. Thank you everyone for joining us. Thanks for listening to Business Innovators Radio. To hear all episodes featuring leading industry influencers and trendsetters, visit us online at business innovators radio.com today.