Business Innovators Radio - Episode 44: Building a Family While Raising a Business with Kaila Sachse

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

Part of The Construction Executives Live Program In this episode, we explore how to successfully build a family while growing a business. We’ll share practical ideas for balancing parenting and marriage and entrepreneurship, discuss finding harmony between business commitments and family life, and inspire you to take ownership of both motherhood, fatherhood and your entrepreneurial journey.Join us as we design a fulfilling life that integrates the joys of parenting and marriage with the passions of building a thriving business. In The Zonehttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/in-the-zone/Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/episode-44-building-a-family-while-raising-a-business-with-kaila-sachse

Welcome to In The Zone and Construction Executives Live, brought to you by U.S. Construction Zone, bringing you strategies for success with construction innovators and change makers, including In The Zone peer-nominated national award winners. Here's your host, Jeremy Owens. Welcome back to Construction Executives Live. I'm your host, Jeremy Owens, owner and founder of three generations improvements and U.S. Construction Zone in, of course, sunny California. Yeah. Welcome back to another great show. I appreciate you guys all be in here. A couple of quick notes. If you want to chat with us, go ahead and put anything in the chat there, and we will try to answer those questions as we go. A couple sponsors today. We have, of course, the great and powerful build12.com. Automate your construction business into a revenue generating machine. Check out build12.com. Contact less. Tell them I sent you. He'll hook. you up, give you a free demo. It's a CRM, but it's marketing all together. So I've been using it for like about two years now, and I've loved how efficient it's made me. Automations, if you're trying to replace yourself with automations and tools and technology, give it a shot. We are also sponsored by BuilderPaypro.com, the construction payment platform that saves you time,

money and gets you paid fast. It's an invoicing tool. You can send an invoice right to a client. They pay the credit card fees themselves. You don't pay a dime. They can also pay with ACH as well. Stop driving to chase checks. Stop having the mail. The worst is bill pay that it'll take two weeks. Let's stop doing that. Let's just have them pay online, which is what everybody's doing anyways. All right. And thinking about today's show, it's one of my favorite subject. I'm a proud father of three. I'm on the tail end of my parenthood with my youngest being 14. So it's starting to kind of, you know, my time with with them is getting less. Me being a parent is being less.

But I think that this topic has really struck a chord with a lot of you. I know that, you know, high achievers, performers, business owners, we struggle with this. This is a difficult juggling act that we do. We, you know, we have a business that we have that provides for our families in a lot of ways and provides for a lot of families in a lot of ways. So there's a lot of pressure on you to make sure that that performs well. And then you've got this home life that you also want to perform well. And sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. Sometimes you feel like a failure.

Hey, I get it. We're not perfect. Just want to congratulate you guys for being here because it is a. step in the right direction if you are trying to improve in this area. The show today, it's a great one. It's called, I don't know what it's called. No, it's called building a family while raising a business. In this episode, we will explore how to successfully build a family while growing a

business. We'll share practical ideas for balancing parenting and marriage and entrepreneurship. We're going to discuss finding harmony between business commitments and family life and inspire you to take ownership of both motherhood, fatherhood, and your journey in business. Join us as we design a fulfilling life that integrates the joys of parenting and marriage with the passions of building a thriving business. We have a great guest who is an expert in this area. Kayla Sashay is the founder and owner of Yomari Digital, a creative marketing firm with a focus on helping businesses establish new ideas and grow. She is also a mom to a

right and Spunky Toddler. We'll have to get into that a little bit. Super funny. And she hosts a podcast called Bringing Up the Business, which discusses the balance of business leadership with parenting. She has had an honored opportunity to work with big box retailers, award, award businesses, and she herself is an award-winning graphic designer. Please help me welcome Kayla Sashay. Kayla, thank you for being here. Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it, Jeremy. Yeah, yeah, thanks for being here. I mean, like I said, you are the expert in this. area and the cool thing is you've had the experience of talking with a lot of different business

owners and different industries to find out how they're making this work. And there's a lot of people who are here because we're all in a similar boat where we're like, I don't know how to do this. So thank you for being here to discuss this. Yeah, happy too. I hope I can provide value and inspiration ideas. I want to make it really clear. I don't think anybody could be a parent. We're just, we're just doing our best. That's it. I mean, it's a good point. It's impossible.

And like I said in the beginning, no one's perfect in this area. It's all about like, for me, it's like learning from other people and like, oh, that's a good idea. I should try that. And like, there's no way I can implement that more than like probably one thing at a time. Or like, if I can just do that and then try to habit stack eventually, it's great. But like to take all of them and be like, I'm doing that tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. That's like across the board, right, from parenting to business. If you try to implement all of the things all at the same time, you're just going to explode and burn out. We don't want that. Yeah. Totally. So tell me a little bit about, you know, kind of your experience of business, how you got to Yamari Digital and then podcasting as well. Oh, man. It's such a fun journey. So I started off. I'll start with my freelance career because we don't, we don't need to talk about the nine to five life. I worked as a nine to five graphic designer, but I went.

freelance in 2016. That took off. I received referral after referral. I think I think it's just the way that I cared so much about the work that I was producing helped with that. And also networking. I mean, there's so much power in networking and getting out there, putting yourself out there. It's scary, but it's necessary. So I worked as a freelancer for, I think it was eight years before I decided to hire a business mentor, upgrade the business, and get to the next level. And what that entailed was niching down because as a freelancer, I was offering all of the services that I was ever capable of. It was a lot. It was too much.

And the mentor was like, look, like, just focus on a few key areas. And so for me, that was graphics and marketing. If I could do design, I'll specify design and marketing, right? And design includes graphics, design includes websites, and marketing includes websites, marketing includes emails, advertisements. So it's a lot of things, Kayla. That's still a lot of things you just rambled off there. I know, I know.

I don't want to overwhelm. But it's like that is the stuff that I care about, right? That is the stuff that moves the needle for businesses, right? So that's why I decided to niche down, focus on. another part of upgrading my business was relying on my team, hiring, getting help, not doing everything DIY by myself. It just didn't make sense. You can only grow so much when you're working by yourself. So it was that two, two part, two step series that helped to get me into the next level. That next level was rebranded as UMari Digital. So you

Mari Digital is the name for that. Okay. Still like still say me working, right? But now I've got the backing of a team. Now I've got a very specified set of things that I do. But what's crazy is like a month, a month after I started that agency, rebranded, you know, upgraded. I realized that I was pregnant. Of course.

Yeah, right. So I'm like, okay, great. Like speak about, talk about like doing all the things all the same time. Yeah. Like, okay, great. I know I have to figure out parenthood. And on top of parenthood, I have to figure out how to be pregnant because that's like a big part of the journey. Yeah.

It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot for dads too. But, you know, the childbearing person, we go through a lot of changes that are very different from how we're used to our bodies being and our habits and, you know, all the things. So, yeah, all at the same time, I had to learn how to be pregnant, eventually, like, give birth, become a mom. And then also, because I still had this goal, raise the business. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot at one time.

I didn't realize that all happened at once there. That's, yeah, because, like, a business is a child, too. It really is. It's like, you take it from the beginning, you know, you're kind of like doing things on the fly. You're making mistakes. you're dropping it on its head. Like all of those things are happening in business too. Exactly.

Exactly. It's a lot. It's a lot. But, you know, I have noticed a lot of similarities to, between business and parenting. They, you know,

it's like what you say, like a lot of, I can I say this, like stuff will happen and you just got to roll with it. Just got to figure it out on the fly. There's no way that you could possibly know everything in advance and fully prepare yourself. You know,

all you have to do is just, prepare yourself for like the next level, the next thing. Learned like the current stage. Right. Yeah, no doubt. So what what inspired you, you know, on the podcast, bringing up a business, you know, you bridge that gap between the world of parenting and entrepreneurship. How did you come up with that? What inspired you to do it and are you enjoying it? Yeah. So the, yes, definitely enjoying it. Let's answer that question first. I love, I absolutely love getting to connect with other business owners, other parents. Even I'm looking into the opportunity to work with a parenting quote unquote expert, right, who focuses on helping new parents with

certain things. So it's just, it's so much fun to get to learn from other people and to also connect with them on a human level and feel like I'm a little less crazy for like feeling overwhelmed sometimes or feeling whatever, you know, whatever comes up. So yeah, I absolutely love the podcast. The idea was, I want to say conceptualized because that came later, but I got inspired to start it when after I started the business and a month later, I found out I was pregnant, I wanted answers and I wanted advice and help. So I went out into the interwebs and tried to look for, for other people like me who were trying to balance both. And it just did not exist. That information was not out there. I don't know, I don't know why it's not really talked about. It doesn't

make sense to me because there are so many people who are balancing both and doing it. So I told myself like, okay, when I have the bandwidth, because it's obviously not now, I am going to talk about this subject. And so, later, Later on, you know, flash forward a few years, I finally felt, I'll say like half ready, right? I don't think you could ever feel like fully ready to do something. But I was like, okay, now's the time. I'm inspired. I'm motivated.

Let's get this thing off the ground. And that's when it started. Very cool. I mean, it's so similar to me because like it's a curious mind, right? Podcasting in general, like whether you do it or listen to it, you typically have a curious mind. And for me, the networking piece is critical because it was like, I don't have all this figured out. I'm going to might as well learn and do a podcast at the same time, right? Yeah.

If I were going to get on a call with this person. Uh-oh, lost her. All right, no worries, guys. Live TV. This is what happens. She'll be back. What happened there? I don't know.

I don't know. The conversation got too good. It was the parenting, you know, just slapping us in the face. See, and that's, that is exhibit A, right? Things will happen. You just got to roll with it. Totally, totally. Yeah. So, I mean, kind of back to what I was saying is like we're very similar in that the networking piece is really what kind of spurred it, right? It's like, yeah, I want to learn too. And so that's interesting. I like your niche, too, because, you know, I think there's a lot of very general things. And that can be, it's just too much. So a lot of times listeners are like, well, they want to hone in on something. I like the idea of parenting. Because, you know, I like the idea of parenting. there's so many of us out there and we all need help, right? Yeah. Yeah.

No, exactly. And it's, you know, it's niching down to parenting, but also niching down to people who want to explore the entrepreneurial lifestyle or who are entrepreneurs or business leaders. And it just need those answers. Yeah.

So what did you learn those early days? Like, so you said you, you know, you started it and you started the podcast, but what did you learn in those early days about your business and about being a parent? Like, was there anything that kind of like, oh, wow, I didn't, that's a surprise or anything like that? Oh, my gosh. So many surprises.

I would, so start with like, start with the parenting aspect. I was shocked by how, this is going to sound really silly. I was shocked by how tired I was, like how much energy goes into being a parent. And obviously, like early days of postpartum, that's amplified because. a little tiny human being does take more energy to care for. I was also feeding my son. I was the primary, like, food source for him. So that takes a lot of,

takes a lot of calories too, right? So just so, so tired. But then also, I was surprised by how lonely it was. It's like, it's like all of our friends. We were the first in our friend group to have kids. And so they didn't know how lonely this would be for us because they they haven't experienced that, right? They haven't been parents. So, you know, they didn't come around.

They didn't offer help because they didn't know. Right. I can't fault them for that. But then also, like, I don't know. Like, like the family didn't really like show up in the way that I was hoping, I would say. So there's that. So it was just like a lot of like physical. actual, literal being aloneness.

That's a good one. I definitely felt that, especially when like a big life change happens, which having a kid or business, it's like you, people don't realize how much you're struggling. And like you just need people to show up. Like that's what we had a great parents for us.

It would be like they just would come and swoop them up. And it would be like, you guys need a break. And we're like, oh my God. So like just stuff like that. like just showing up or you know phone calls or what can I do to help is like and then you saying okay here's what I need you do you know not just like I can to respond no you actually do need help

so that's great but it's also kind of sad too because I felt that in my big life moments as well is like you're waiting for the people to show up and there's usually not the people you think it's yeah yeah that shocked me too. because I had a lot of people texting me sometimes calling just to check in. And they were people who were like, you know, they weren't in my inner circle. So that was interesting to me. And usually they were moms. So they had been there.

They understood it. But you know what? I did get to pay it forward with our friend Matt just had a baby. So guess what? We showed up to his house over the weekend with. lots of food and a willingness to do whatever they needed. This house was like scary clean. I was actually a little confused on how that was.

Yeah. He's got some outside help. He had some outside help. I think so. There's no way he's doing that by himself. I don't understand. But yeah. Yeah.

That's cool. It's like when you join the club, that's usually the ones that show up. Right. It's like death in the family, right? Losing a parent. Those types of things are the ones. Those are the ones that show up first.

Like, hey, I get it. Yep. So, yeah, that's interesting. So my other thing that I'm really curious with all the guests you've had, this mysterious thing of work-life balance, you know, I mean, I think it may be an overused term or I don't know. I just got really upset with it at times in my life because it, I don't know that it's

ever really a balance. I think it's more of a given, like a tug-of-war, right? So it's like, at times, I'm sorry, I have to work my butt off right? right now. There are things that deadlines, payroll, whatever that could be. And other times I'm going to be more present. Like having a family understand that was so hard for me. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely something that I'd say I struggle with verbalizing with with the people around me. But luckily, so I married my best friend. He and I are just like in lockstep with things. That helps a lot. And a huge part of that is communication, right? You can't be in locks up with

your spouse or with anybody without being able to communicate with them. It would be pretty cool if you could, though. I know. I'm like, just read my mind. Nearly. Right? Yeah. But so a lot of that is like the practice, me sharing with him what I need and also me being receptive to what he needs because it's really easy for me to get caught up into like, I'm doing everything. How could you possibly need anything? No, like, he still has needs to. Like, we all, like, we all need help. But so I think like with him and I, it's like a united front in parenting, in marriage,

tackling these things together, you know, for he's also a business owner. So we understand each other in that way too. Thankfully, that's huge. It's huge. It's, it's a big deal. And I recognize my privilege in that, you know, being able to. Yeah. Just to kind of dive down a little bit on that.

I think most of us who are business owners, we have or had spouses that are more like nine to fivers, right? Where like they come back and they check out and they kind of are expecting you to check out or at all times to be checked out. And it's like, boy, that doesn't. It's hard. It's not a switch. It wasn't a switch for me. I mean, I even had a hard time sometimes on vacation, right? It'd be like, you know, the kids are, you know, all sleeping and I'm going down at the coffee shop on my laptop, just staying caught up.

You know, visually, that's a bad look, right? It's like, you can't check out. I'm like, no, I'm actually just up and I'm just staying afloat. But also, there are times when if there's a problem or a problem customer or whatever it may be, that's not a switch. you can just be like, all right, it just stays, it stays in your somewhere in your mind and it kind of, you know, and sometimes your spouse or your kid may look at you like you're kind of not there. Yeah, yeah, like you're in the room, but you're not in the room. Yeah. And I definitely, definitely struggle with that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's definitely, it's not something that is coming naturally to me. It's, it's a practice. And that's something that I've, I've learned to accept, you know, it's, because Because I can easily go down the road of berating myself. Why can't I just like turn off the switch, right? As soon as I step in the living room to be with my son, why can't I leave work behind or vice versa, right? Like how come I like hear him upset in the distance and like, why do I want to go out there and help him?

That's just natural. That just is make peace with that. And my making peace with that just helps me move through my day and better enjoy it. Because that's for me. that's the intention of life. Like, I just want to enjoy my time here while I still can, as well as, like, leave something, leave something good, make a positive impact, leave a little bit of legacy, you know, like, do the good things.

But, yeah, like, while we're here, we might as well enjoy it. Yeah, definitely. So, so I kind of cut you off a little bit on the work life balance. So do you, you kind of feel like me that it's kind of a, maybe an overused term or maybe it's just, obviously, it's customized to, like, your own family situation. Like you got to figure that out as a family. Like you said, communication is number one.

Yeah, yeah. I think both, right? I think it's definitely overused. It's over glorified. It's not perfectly attainable. But there are practical things that we can do to better support it. Right. And so, you know,

specifically, I can only speak for myself. My husband and I have worked out a brilliant work schedule, you know, It's hard. I'm tired, but I wake up at 7 a.m. I grind and then we switch, right? So while he's watching the, while he's watching the baby,

I'm working. And then we switch. I go watch the baby. Now he's working. And then we do another switch and another switch again. And we just kind of like do this dance, you know, but it's a very specific set of hours.

That was something that I learned early on. Because at first we were just kind of figuring it out and switching willy-nilly. Right. But how can you schedule anything? How can you schedule clients and, you know, how can you time block? Like it doesn't, that doesn't work. So we had to set up an actual schedule. These are the hours predictable Monday through Friday, very like in stone. And part of that also helps us respect each other's time too. Right. Yeah. I know like, okay, it's, it's his chance to get into the office. So now I've, I've, I've got to go, you know, right, vice versa. Yeah, it's tough for a lot of us, especially in the in construction field, because like, right, and we're getting up early, we go to, you know, do the whole thing. We come back from work, whenever that is, six-ish. And we've got to be a parent, right?

And it's like this switch that, you know, you're supposed to walk on the door and it's supposed to be like this, I don't know, this aura thing of like, now you're a dad and you love it. Oh, that's so. toxic. I know, but it's like it's it's something that a lot of us, you know, we want to do that. It's not that we don't want to be like super present, but yeah, no, of course. There's also an expectation of like, okay, now it's your turn and now you got to go turn it on. And luckily I was able to do in a lot of ways. I typically would like take them to a park or like get them out because like that was my way of being present. but for a lot of dads and mothers, I'm sure that's a difficult task of like that switch of like,

okay, now I'm in parenting mode. Yeah, yeah. No, you know, I find myself, so when I go into my shift with him, it's five hours in the middle of the day. And so picture like two bookends of work and then it's motherhood right in the middle. It's a long day. You know, like if you consider parenting work, which we should,

it is work, right? Absolutely. that's that's a really long day so i find myself i go into to parenting mode but releasing that pressure of having to be like the perfect mom or the perfect parent has helped tremendously you know like listing out all of the things that i think a perfect mom or parent looks like and just saying i can make peace with not having all those things or maybe not even having any of them some days and being totally okay with that. Because at the end of the day,

I know that my son needs to see, see how it is to be a human being modeled for him. Right? So like, if he sees the perfect parent every day, the perfect mom, the perfect dad, he's going to now apply those expectations and standards and pressure

on himself when he goes out into the world. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. Perfection is not. That's not an option. Not even, uh, it's not fair. It's not, totally unfair. Yeah. It's not cool. It's not cool to them. It's also not cool to ourselves. Right. We deserve a lot more, a lot more credit than that. So, you know, I find the, I find the time that I spend with him being like half, not half, but like I'll, I'll dedicate 10, 20 minutes doing only what he wants to do. Yeah. doors open. If you want to play with with blocks or go out into the garden or whatever, that's our time together. It's, it is focused. No form. Right. Right. The rest of the time,

I'm like, I'm trying to pull him in to whatever I'm doing. If I'm doing laundry, he's helping me blow the dryer. He's too. So he's throwing it willy-nilly, but that's okay. You know, that's, that's, that's him being a part of something and feeling like he's bigger, you know? Yeah. Yeah, that's a great, that's a great way of looking at it. I like that. I like that. those blocks of time where you are just whatever you want to do. And I think that there's this thing of like being present and then you know, you're not maybe fully present at the moment, but then something will happen because you're there, because you are literally in the room, like you weren't really present before, but then something happens, whether that's like an activity or whether

that's a memory. Like there's things that kind of can develop because I had some friends to struggle with that where they're like, you know, being present I'm struggling with. But I'm like, but being there is the start, right? If you're gone, if you're like, hey, I'm going to the gym or I'm like, those moments don't happen. So sometimes you just got to be there. Yeah. Something will happen. Absolutely. And there are there are ways that we can rethink about the activities that we want to do. Like, so let me let me just be clear. On one hand, it is very important to have our downtime, our alone time to recharge. So our nervous system doesn't go into overload burnout mode.

So it is important to have that downtime, that at low time. But if there are activities that can be done with your kids, there's the perfect opportunity for both of you to win. Right. So instead of going to the gym, unless that's like your thing, right? But instead of going to the gym, maybe you're working out at home with your kids. Maybe you're figuring out a way to pull them in and play and, you know? Yeah, that's a good point. I think men, I think in general, we have this, I don't know, we need, a lot of us need either guy time or this thing they have, whether that's a golf is one that's just a giant time suck.

Yeah. The gym could be one of them. And like, honestly, a lot of us need, a lot of us need that. Oh, yeah. Physical, whatever, just getting something out. So it's like, I would encourage you to keep that. but how how do you get wrap your family into it? Because I think that's the struggle with the golf thing.

Like, hey, honey, I'm going to go on Saturday. Oh, how long is it? Oh, six to seven hours later. Yeah, a full 18. You're basically gone for the whole day. Yeah. And it's like, it's tough. Like, okay, if you want to keep that.

But, you know, maybe when you go practice, you're bringing your kids in there and they're putting with you or whatever. Like, how do you wrap it in together? I think that's a lot of guys struggle. with that too. Yeah. And I will like appraise men for being so good at that though. Men are so good at knowing like, okay, I got to get out of here. I got to like recharge. That's that that's okay. And men have that societal permission to be able to do so too. That's huge. Right? Because because women, moms, we are taught to like shrink, cater to everybody. If there are some crumbs left, maybe we can

help ourselves, you know? So that's definitely something that like moms have to be on aware, I have to be aware of, which is taking care of themselves more, right? So, you know, it's all a balance. That's stupid balance word. Yeah, I mean, but that's a good point you made. Like, I think if you look at my, like our parents generation, they're more traditional roles.

Like, they do struggle with the moms of this generation and younger, like taking time for themselves. Oh, yeah. And it's like looked down as like a negative thing. Like, wow. And she's not cooking or, you know, whatever that may be. It's like such a gross thing that's happened in my life too where it's like they don't fit into that box. And that's such a, such a bad look.

It is. It is. It's, you know, it's frustrating to like go out into the world as a woman, as a mom. And have somebody asked me, oh, like, who's, is, is Adrian babysitting your kid? Is he watching your kid? Right. And I'm like, yes, the father of my child is fathering right now. He is, right?

But, you know, like, I'm sure Adrian does not get that, right? Like, who's watching Ollie? Never. Never. Never. Yeah, yeah. That's funny. I've heard it too, like, where dads never really did that.

And then, yeah, they want to go, like, the mom wants to go out with their friends. And, like, she's super nervous about. the dad taking care of the kids. And actually sometimes the dad's nervous too. It's like, holy crap. Like, wow, you guys got that thing sideways. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And I think that's a two-way letting go, right? That's a two-way letting go. That's the, hopefully the dad can tell himself, like, look, I'm going to do my best. Like, the main goal is to keep the kid alive. If I can achieve that, then we're golden, right? Right. And same for the mom. Right.

Stepping away and just saying, look, I got to let go of control. I'm not going to call to check in. I'm not going to try to control this whole situation. But instead, just trust that the father of my kid can keep the kid alive for however many hours will be. Yeah. Because I've seen it both ways where the mom's like doesn't trust. And then like he's checking in. And then so he feels like a failure all the time because the house is messy and whatever it may be.

So it is like a slippery, pricking slope. What is this parent? this parenting thing's impossible. What are we doing? Yeah, yeah, it's definitely disempowering, right? When you're constantly giving or receiving the messages that something can't be done, well, that turns into a belief. So we just have to trust. Yeah, and back to that support system thing, like you've mentioned that maybe it's a little

bit difficult in the beginning for your people showing up. So how does that evolve? And how important is it for us to have a support system? system. And then to kind of, the last part of that question would be for those who don't have their parents in town, that's a lot more difficult, right? They don't have the built-in babysitters. So wrap that in a bow for us. Oh, boy. Okay. So for the for the people who, well, let's let's zoom out. Having a support system is huge, right? Because we cannot parent 24-7 always be on. need to be able to rely on other people. We, we as humans did not start off this way. We lived in

villages. We had, we had built in support systems. We basically lived on like communes, right? And we could just like tag in somebody at any given point. Or they would tag themselves in, right? So first, having support system is very important. Second, so for our evolution of, going from nobody showing up or hardly, I'll say hardly showing up, to now we have people to call. They might not be on call and available 24-7, but at least we can call and hope that they can say yes. Right. Right. That evolution, that didn't happen overnight. And that took a lot of practice. And what we were able to take control of and empower ourselves with was the ability to ask for help. that was a huge missing component for us because I'm a firstborn.

My husband's a firstborn. We are so used to just doing all the things for everybody. Right? I'm the baby. I'm the baby. You lucky, Doug. Yeah, totally. Oh, man.

Well, yeah. And that's not like saying all firstborns have this struggle and babies don't have this struggle, right? Asking for help can be hard no matter who you are. But that was definitely something that we, we ran into. And so we had to practice that picking up the phone, texting, calling, whatever, and just saying, hey, can you come over or can we go over there, drop them off for a few hours so we could just like breathe. Yeah. Yeah. And like, so if you don't, so if you don't have so like I said,

I'd both sets of family in town, which is, was giant for us. Like honestly, we're able to get away on little mini trips and dates were common. All those things are really, really important. So if you don't have it, whether you lost your parents or whether they're not in your city, like, is it important, like just to glob on to another family in a similar situation and like have a little sit down and say, hey, look, I'd like to be there for you guys. We're looking for support network. Like, you've got to find them, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. If you don't have it built in already, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to build it. It's really up to you. Right. You can't just lay on your back and say,

I'll never have support and then never, never have it. Right. You have to do something. So lean into your network. Parents swaps are, are getting popular, right? Reaching out to other parents, other moms, other dads and saying exactly what you just said, hey, I'd like to support you. I would also like somebody to be able to call who I can trust with my kid. And I believe that's you. I believe I can trust you with with my kid. Right. You know, and be able to rely on each other. Build that village for yourself.

Yeah, and that wouldn't have happened 20 years ago, 30 years ago. Again, back to our parents' generation, you're not asking another family. It has to be within the family, it seemed like. Mm-hmm. You know? And also, like, to lend credit to the time 30 years ago, we were all latchkey. Like, we were out till dusk. Like, our parents didn't have to hover over us the same way that we have to watch our kids now.

Yeah, that is, that's a good point. So I've had that conversation with friends where it's like, why are we at the park right now with our kids? You know, like when they're at that certain age and you're like sitting there on the bench and you're like, this is a disaster. Why am I here right now? Like we're just afraid, but we're also like, but I don't want to leave them. You know, I can't leave them right now. Like, so you're actually doing it too, like where you're, you're feeling like that they're unsafe. You know, but you're like, I'd roll my bike to school when I was like five years old.

Like what happened there to make us feel like everyone's so unsafe? Right, right. Yeah. You know, I wish I could, I have ideas and theories for how I want to parent my kid in 10, 15 years. I can't speak to that right now. He's two. But what I hope, my intention for parenting him, starting now, starting two years ago, was to empower him to be able to do things on his own,

stick up for himself, be a strong, ready, capable kid who can eventually turn into a strong, ready, capable adult. I am like preparing him to leave the nest now. And it sounds like crazy. He's too.

But I think by believing in him to be able to do those things is helping in his development. Now, I'm not an expert in child development. I don't have a teenager. So I don't. I don't know what that's like. Yeah.

I can't speak to it. Yeah. It'll be a wild ride. Trust me. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. Worse in childhood. This is crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Oh my gosh. So one quick thing. So I was on your podcast not too long ago. I did put the podcast in the LinkedIn notes. If you guys want a double dose of this, you can go right to that.

But we had a lot of conversation about open communication with, with Mike. kids and how that was an important thing for me to do. So talk about with your son, like, how are you, like you said, you're starting these habits. How do you kind of see that playing out in your family? Oh, man. So what we, what we, what we, what we're practicing doing, right, is so if, if husband and I have something to talk about like in terms of like how we want to parent him, that's behind

closed doors because we want to present. as a united front. Yes. Right? I don't want my kid to think that he can go around me to daddy or vice versa. That's just, that's not going to happen. That's not good. Yeah, that's what stays behind closed doors.

But what does happen in front of our son is conflict resolution. So it's, hey, I'm not feeling good about XYZ, whatever the like situation is, non-parenting related, right? How can we, what, how can we solve this? I want him to see those conversations so he can understand how to do it for himself and how to approach it and also not be afraid to bring up hard stuff. Life can be hard. We need to be able to deal with it and have the tools to be able to deal with it.

So there's that component. I am also practicing how to give him space. It's really hard to do when he's in the middle of a tantrum because I feel. my body flood with defense mode and all the negative thoughts. Oh my God, I'm a terrible mom. He's upset right now. What could I have done better? Like, I have to flick those away. Those, those thoughts aren't serving any of us. And just be like, look, he's just having a moment right now. And so I'm like, I do my best to be physically present. I do my best to relay back to him. Like, hey, you're upset that I took the cookie away or that I said no to you having another orange at

5 p.m. So much, so much sugar. And that's it. And that's it. Not giving in to what he wants because he needs to learn how he's behaving is not okay. He's got to go out to the world and behave well. Right. If you have that charisma, you can get further in life, I believe.

That's how our society is designed. But just, but also letting him know, like, how he's feeling is okay. It's normal. it's understandable, it's okay. So that's the foundation that I'm laying. Definitely. I mean, it's funny when you hear that tantrum thing and it's fathers and me and me included, like we wax poetic with logic in that moment.

Oh my gosh. So funny. It's hilarious, but it's true. Like, why are you, wait, why are you upset about that? You know, it's just like we'd like try to give them logic and they're like, what? And their little brains, when they're in the middle of a breakdown, they are, incapable of taking in anything, anything at all. They have the brain of an aunt at that moment.

There's no chance that they're going to get your feedback at that moment. It's so funny. We can't help it. We can't help it. You can. Yeah, I do the same thing. I do the same thing. My brain goes there too.

I'm like, what is the issue? You're like, why? Yeah. But we have to just like quell that and realize this little person is learning the world, having a moment, probably overwhelmed by feelings that they've never felt before. They're feeling so strongly. So just empathizing. Yeah, no, definitely.

I'd like to switch a little bit to marriage for a second. So obviously we can't be good parents if we're fighting or if we're having a difficulty in our marriage, it's going to obviously show in your parenting. You can't, it's going to be very difficult to be a great parent with a crappy marriage unless you're like just somehow found these boundaries that are magical. But a lot of us business owners were, you know, we're high achievers, we're moving and shaking, we're sometimes workaholics. You know, sometimes the marriage is the one that goes to the wayside because we have to parent,

right? Like, we have to. And if we want to be a good parent, sometimes the marriage is what falters. And obviously, this is a big problem in America, you know, where it's like you've given to your kids and then they graduate high school and you're like, shit, what are we got left? So it's like, it's a constant battle and you got to nurture it. So you have any advice on how you guys are doing right now and like some, you know, some tips and tricks for us. Oh, we're always, we're all struggling with it.

Oh, yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's very real. It's, let's first validate that, like going through marital struggles after having a kid, or even just in general, it's normal. Yeah. You know, you have two. humans who are constantly evolving individually and evolving with each other in a relationship, there are going to be bumps along the road. Yeah.

Period. That's just life. Right. So just validating that for a second. Now, my husband, I definitely struggled after having our kid. And I would say 99% of that was due to expectations. Hmm. You know, I expected him to help me.

certain ways. He expected from me to help him in certain ways. Like we just, we were just missing each other and not communicating. So that is, that is the biggest solve is communication. But it's the how of communication where we can get stuck, right? Like, we don't know how to verbalize that we're upset about XYZ. So we don't verbalize it. We, we start to stone wall. and we don't even let the person in. Like, it just, we build resentment. Resentment, by the way, is a silent killer of relationships. That was a giant for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think for guys, too, like, we, we want to just, you know, sit, let it sit in there and not verbalize it. We can handle it. You know, all those, like, typical guy cliches that just never work out. Yeah.

You handle it. You're not actually, you're not actually handling anything. Nope. Right? And that's, and that's something. to remember when we decide not to speak with our partner and communicate with them about something, we're making a decision. Right.

Right. Like, or us, when we would choose not to, it's going to come up no matter what. Would you rather it come up in a controlled environment where you can speak your truth? Or would you rather come up later on down the road as a giant snowball of issues? Oh, yes. Yes. Pick one. Yeah. And to start with all of this, you're already tired. So like, you're already at 50%. You wake up and your body battery is, it's 10. You know, like, that's not enough to get to the day anyway. So like, you're already not sharp. You're already quick to judge and quick to anger. So it's like, it's just a recipe for a difficult start with your family life when that's, I mean, I don't know how we're, how we're, how we're, how we're.

able to do this. Like when you think of it that way, like, it really does come down to communication and being like, hey, tell me everything. Obviously, tell me in a way that I can ingest it, right? Yes. And I think that's where we struggle is like, we go to this like arguing thing and both of you aren't listening. That's not going to help anything. It becomes an argument and you want to win. Yes. Yes. The how of communication is, is so important. If you haven't already, had the opportunity to Google, most effective ways to communicate issues with my, with my partner. That's a great place to start. Couples therapy is fantastic. You can have somebody who's in both of your corner helping to lead you to success and practicing the how-toes

of communication. For us, like our biggest is I state this, right? So I struggle personally with the you, you, why didn't you do the XYZ? Did it up? Yeah. Yeah, real blamey and shamy. It's ugly. And it pushes people into the defense quickly, right? So before, you know, at jump, you're not even able to communicate anything because the other person's already shut down, understandably.

Right. So, you know, for my husband and I, I've given him permission to call me out. I say to my, like, hey, if I'm communicating in a way that isn't working for you, let me know. I want to I want to honor our intentionality, which is the foundation of connection. Right. If we can't connect right now, then we've got to work on that. We've got to change something up. So he'll tell me like, hey, I'm not able to hear you right now.

I either can't hear you because I need a moment and I have to respect that. Right. Or I need you to rephrase that. Yeah. That's a good one. No, I like the I statement thing. And the other thing I would encourage folks is, you know, when you're validating your spouse, like, I think that is a good thing. But what I've seen is like the fake validation.

Like I hear what you're saying. But like so like you get, it's like a quick fake, you know, it's just like a fake apology, right? It's like I hear what you're saying. But no, you actually have to actually try to validate their concern. And that takes a moment of like, wait, okay, so you're saying like, so sometimes that's a, that's a harder thing and let it be hard as opposed to like, I hear what you're saying. And then you go right into like it. Right. It's funny.

It's so funny. Right. It's a practice of listening to listen. Mm-hmm. Right? Just like you say, like if you, if you say anything and then follow it with the word but, the word. the word but instantly invalidates everything you've just said. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. That's a bad word. So just stay away from the word but. We don't like butts. Yeah, yeah, totally. Well, great. So, I mean, also the bound setting boundaries, you kind of talked a little bit about that. But, I mean, that's got the importance for both the marriage and the parenting.

And like, like you said, you're time blocking. There's very, there's very, I don't know what the word. it is, but it's like there are no wishy-washiness about what your expectations are. Here are my time blocks here, your time blocks. So what other boundaries have you guys created, whether it's that's in business or in your personal life there that's helped? Ooh, that's a good one. One boundary that we're practicing is no phones at the table. When we are, and first of all, just sitting down at the table to eat together. We are focusing on connection, right?

How was, tell me about your day. What was the highlight? What was the low light? What's something that I can support you with? You know, asking those questions often. That helps in being present. Another thing that we are practicing is a weekly check-in. So it's similar to, it's similar to the daily, like, check-ins.

Yeah. And these aren't like set in stone like at 7 p.m. This is what we're going to do. Right. Right. But it is like the overall intentionality of again, like I mentioned it before, connection, right? As long as we are intentioned in trying to connect together,

it's going to encourage that. We also are practicing more regular together time, date nights. So bare minimum once a month, like get out for a few hours. Right. Yeah. I think that's a bare minimum. We tried to take the biweekly thing, which I think was doable for a lot of folks, especially with the built-in support system.

Yes. You know, and sometimes even once a week, and sometimes you just go and you just sit there and it would be just like a, that's okay, too. Yep. Absolutely. Just like, yeah, just zanning out. The importance of, let me zoom out, like when we do, have that together time. It is very intentionally together time. It's less about passive activities and

more about activities that encourage conversation and overall connection. So there's a big difference there. You know, it's super easy to like veg out in front of the TV for hours and not talk to each other. Yeah. You know? Yeah, TV and movies were not my favorite. I'd rather be for me, it's like, And the other thing for guys is like we like to be moving a lot of times. So if you take us for a walk or if you take us to mini golfing or like you'd be shocked at how much we'll talk. If you just sit across the dinner table and expect us to spill our life guts, it's just, it's difficult for us.

We like sometimes a lot of us need movement at the same time. And I don't know what that is about us, but it was really important for me to have that. Yeah, that's, you bring up a good point. I mean, movement is a natural stress reliever. It helps us complete the stress cycles so that we don't get stuck in them and burn out. So movement, I love how you've acknowledged that because that is really important. And incorporating that into your date time is totally doable. Whether you're walking around the block or going for a hike if that's your thing, you know, hitting the lake and going kayaking or something.

I don't know, whatever's available to you. Of options. Come on. There's all sorts of options. There's so much. Yes. And it can be fun together. It can actually be enjoyable. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, there's one thing. A couple other things I wanted to hit on. One of them is we talk a lot about mental health on my show. Obviously, our industry struggles with it a lot. So I wanted to acknowledge us that none of these things really can be accomplished well without prioritizing your own personal mental health. And I think that for a lot of us, you know, business owners, we, you know, we carry the stress. all day, we come home and we don't have an ounce left to give. And that is, that's happening.

And I just want to say you have to prioritize getting help in that case because you can't show up for your spouse or your kid if you are not capable in that moment. And that's okay that you're not. But that has to be that communication with your spouse that, hey, I'm not doing good. Yeah. And, you know, any other things that you can kind of say to that, I, you've spoken to so many business owners regarding this? I would say it's it's not only important for your family to speak up, right? And just say, hey, I'm struggling right now. It's important for yourself.

You know, you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself. And part of taking care of yourself, like, you know, I feel like we tend to think of self-care as like a very physical thing, right? Like, am I, do I have all the physical things in order? Right. But what's happening between our ears and our precious brains is a huge part of self-care. If anything, I think that's the bulk of it. That's probably 90% of it.

So acknowledging how important that is. And then also thinking of it, when you bring up that you're struggling to your spouse or to anyone, really, you're offering an opportunity for connection too. Yeah. Right. Vulnerable, yeah. Yes. you are communicating to the other person. I trust you with this really heavy thing.

And that is, that's, that's beautiful. And obviously, like, you want to only talk to people who are going to be supportive of you. That's a huge part of it,

too, is being able to discern in your circle who, who can hold this information and who just isn't available. Yeah. And if that's not your spouse, that's a tough sled and you got to go find somebody else. But you can't, you can't,

you can't let it lie. It's just not going to get better. It's only going to get worse. And then all your relationships are going to suffer, including your business. So, you know, definitely make that priority, numero, uno, whatever that looks like to you. But, you know, don't be afraid to seek help. So I just wanted to make sure that was that was out there today. So another thing, you know, you talk a lot, you know, you're on this mission with your podcast about you want to, you want your listeners to gain confidence in both their business and family. And so what does success look like for you in these areas and how do you

help kind of you're hoping to inspire others to do the same? I love it. I love, I love like thinking about success. It's a word that is usually tied to monetary gains, right? And material items. And I just, I love the idea of rebranding it into something that just feels peaceful and enjoyable. To me, success is when I can go through my day and not just go through it, but savor it. I'd be like, wow. Oh, that was a cool moment. Ooh, that was serendipitous. Oh, do you see the magic that happened there?

And in being able to do so, I can be more present. Right. So for me, success is presence. It's also freedom. And that is why I like to empower parents and business owners, because when you can do your own thing. Oh man. The world just unlocks for you. And that can be in different forms, right? It doesn't have to be owning your own business, but it can be choosing how you spend your downtime. Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. Definitely. You know, in all those conversations you've had with these folks,

is there one universal piece of advice or insight that you think, obviously everyone's going to have a little bit of different take, but maybe not universal. But what's one thing that you think is being pretty common in a successful business owner, but also a good parent? I think the universal takeaway is to live in integrity. If something feels off, figure out a way to shift that so that it's either no longer in your life or it's revamped to feel like it's in alignment for you. And that takes a lot of like a lot of internal work, right?

You first have to understand yourself and understand what makes you tick. But man, once you're able to like get to the point where you can discern what is for you and what is not for you, you can move forward in making decisions that that makes sense that are in alignment, right? And that could be for your business, for example. If you know something's not working with your marketing, right, you can shift to that because you know it's not working, right? In your business, if you or in your family, if you feel like you're off with your spouse, you can address it, right? Or if you feel like something's off with your kid, again, you can address it. You can dive into that and actually shift things. Right. If there's

one person here that's feeling inspired to kind of take their motherhood and fatherhood to the next level, what is one actionable step you think they could take? Obviously, everyone's different, but what's a common one that they can actually start doing today? Oh, therapy. Therapy. If you haven't done therapy before, now is the best day to start it. Dive into, I really like cognitive behavioral therapy. You can dive into your past, understand how you tick.

Okay. You know, with business, there are business therapists, but there are mentors and coaches. Sure. So pulling somebody into your business to help you get a different, vantage point, that's really helpful for your business. Yeah, great advice. Kayla, I appreciate you being here. Tons of sweet little nuggets in there. I enjoyed the conversation. I think we should do it again sometime. If listeners want to connect with you, learn more about your products and services, where do they go? So if you want to listen to the podcast and learn more about that, it's,

you can find us on Instagram at bub.pod.podcast. You can also go to bringing up business.com. If you want to learn more about web design and marketing and nerd out with me, you can go to www.w.w.umari.org. That's Y-U-M-A-R-I. And you can contact me there. If you go to the contact page, I am the one who receives that message. Okay. Great. Well, thanks again for being here. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Jeremy. Yep. Thank you guys for being here for another episode of Construction Executive's Lies. We'll see you guys next month. And thank you so much for being here. Bye.

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