Business Innovators Radio - Kendra Capalbo of Concierge Couples Counseling on Working on Relationships

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

In this episode, Luana Ribeira interviews the founder of Concierge Couples Counseling and Licensed Couples Therapist Kendra Capalbo.Kendra Capalbo is a licensed couples therapist and founder of Concierge Couples Counseling. She offers unique marital counseling and therapy services, Infidelity & Affair Recovery Therapy and Couples Sex & Intimacy Therapy. Kendra is a firm believer that our romantic relationships are the nucleus of our lives, Kendra believes in the power of investing in those relationships as a key to overall success in life.Learn more here:https://www.conciergecouplescounseling.com/[e-mail]://www.facebook.com/thepathbacktoeachotherIG: @kendracapalbo_couplestherapistSource: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/kendra-capalbo-of-concierge-couples-counseling-on-working-on-relationships

Welcome to Business Innovators Radio, featuring industry influencers and trendsetters, sharing proven strategies to help you build a better life right now. Hello and welcome to Business Innovators Radio. I have Kendra Kapalpa with me today. She is an incredible woman. She's a sex and relationship expert. And she's here with us today to talk about what she is. experiences in her line of work and to give advice to anybody listening today. Hi, Kendra. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to have you on. So tell us more about who you are and what you do. So I am a couples therapist. I have training specifically in couples therapy as well as in sex therapy. So, you know, in my sort of day-to-day work, I do therapy. I meet with couples and really kind of look at, you know, the issues that maybe are going on in their lives.

It is usually kind of crisis-oriented. And now I'm sort of branching into a new venture of trying to help couples before they're at the point of needing a therapist, a little bit more relationship coaching with more of a proactive versus reactive field to. it. I really like that and it makes so much sense because why wait until something's broken to be able to enhance it? What was your idea behind that? So I just started noticing that, you know, especially with my particular clientele, I see a lot of infidelity. And over and over and over again, I would hear from these couples how, you know, they thought their relationship was solid, they thought it was good. But then when we start to kind of dig a little bit deeper, you know, there were little

cracks. You know, they were drifting apart. They weren't prioritizing the relationship. And it really just got me thinking, like, is there a way of trying to reach people before they're at that point? I think that there's often like a stigma attached to therapy that people don't want to admit that there's a problem. And so they don't go to therapy. And I take that relationship coaching and relationship courses and things along those lines are are less daunting for people. And my hope is that, you know, people will recognize like, okay, it doesn't have to be broken to work on it. And that the couples that work the most on their relationships that don't like sleep on them are the ones that have their relationships that don't end up in crisis.

So that's kind of what it was born out of. It's just what I see on a day-to-day basis and try to find a way to avoid having to recover from that pain before working on the relationship. That makes so much sense. So who are your clientele? Like, who are your people? Well, honestly, the clientele I see are the people that everyone else sees and thinks their lives are perfect, right? So they're the like white picket fence family, the successful, you know, wealthy couple that's stunningly beautiful and, you know, have the 2.5 kids and the dog and You know, everything looks wonderful from the outside. Yeah, on the, you know, behind the closed doors, there are these, like, cracks that are forming and distance that's occurring and it's not being addressed.

So by the time they end up as my clients, they've already, you know, discovered infidelity or there are issues around alcohol or other sort of betrayals that happen in relationships. And so they're really trying to, like, heal and then try to work backwards and feel. figure out, you know, what was wrong that needed, you know, they could have worked on earlier. And then my, you know, what I perceive as my new clients of the, you know, the ones that I'm hoping to work with in the future, it's really everyone. I don't know that there's a specific demographic. It's just kind of emotionally intelligent people that recognize that, you know, relationships take work and that that's not a negative. It's not, you know, a sign that your relationship is unhealthy if you're putting effort and work into it. It's really like the way to

make it the best it can be and are willing to put the time and effort into it. Completely. And understanding somebody else and navigating a relationship does take work, doesn't it? Do you think that people are too quick into ending a relationship or, you know, becoming unfaithful and all of those things? Yeah, I definitely think that more and more people enter into, you know, committed relationships or marriage with the idea that if it doesn't work out, they could just get a divorce. So I think that that's a little bit in the background. Obviously, sometimes relationships don't work out and people need to get divorced and, you know, there's no judgment on that. But I do think that, you know, if that's part of your mindset

entering into it, that might be a red flag. But I think that, you know, the way often we view infidelity is maybe too much based on what we see in the movies. And I think that often it's this really like very like subtle, like slivers of lines being crossed that the person is able to kind of rationalize. They don't even really see them as doing anything wrong because each, each one is really not anything. Oh, it's just a friend from work. Oh, it's just a colleague. Oh, we were just like, you know, we both had lunch at the same time. So we had lunch. It's these like little ways that we rationalize behavior and then, you know, before the person knows that they've crossed that line. And I think a lot of times it's because they're not, not that their relationship is

bad, but more that their relationship isn't fully, you know, fulfilling and that there's issues that aren't being talked about. Yeah, because after that, you know, after that initial excitement and joy when somebody gets together, it quickly changes, doesn't it? And And then, you know, we need more to be able to continue. So how does somebody know when the right time is to end the relationship or when to work on it? I mean, I obviously am sort of by nature, maybe an eternal, like, optimist. So I always think that there's hope to work on a relationship if both parties feel that there's something they want to save. Right. So if, you know, two people are, or actually even if one person is like, I definitively don't want this relationship, then that's really the time to move on. But if both people are saying, you know, mistakes were made, but I can see my role in it and I can see where maybe we could get back on track or I want this to work. I still want to be with you for the right reasons. And when I say the right reasons, I mean, not just the I don't want a divorce or I don't, you know, want to do it to the kids, but really something about their connection.

then I really do think most relationships can be improved and potentially safe. Yes. And I mean, do you think that generally, our society, we're conditioned towards the happy ever after? So when challenges do arise in relationships, people often jump to the extreme. I mean, is that something that you experience? Yeah, for sure. I think that we're, you know, especially, you know, with social media, we're fed these kind of constant images of perfection. And, you know, we see what we think are these other people's relationships

who, you know, look perfect. And so it's easy to look at your own relationship and think, you know, wow, it's not good because it doesn't look like so-and-so's. But again, as I see behind closed doors, a lot of times what looks beautiful and pristine on the outside is falling apart behind closed doors. And so it's really trying to remember that, you know, what you see in other people might not be accurate, first of all. And there is no such thing as perfect.

It's always like a work in progress. You're never going to get there. You're always trying to like go towards. You don't arise. And so I think that if people viewed it differently and really recognize that relationships take work and that it's constantly trying to keep the spark alive and constantly, you know, trying to step up in the relationship on your side, not just waiting for your part. partner to do that, not just reacting to, but taking the initiative. If people did that more and had a different philosophy about it, there'd be, you know, longer, healthy relationships and probably less divorce. That is so true. Yeah. So what kind of results do your clients get? Like, say the minute they

come through the door to when they've, you know, when they've completed their sessions, what kind of transformations would they expect? Well, with the therapy, I mean, and these are not my words, these are the client's words. A lot of clients have said that their relationship is in a better place after therapy than it was at any other time in their relationship, including before the affair. There's a little bias to that in the sense that obviously the couples I'm seeing are couples that have already decided once the affairs happened that they want to work on the relationship. otherwise they wouldn't be in therapy.

So there's a whole other group of people that an affair happens and they just split up and never go to therapy. So there's already like kind of a, you're working with a group of people that are already a little bit committed to trying to make it work. They already have that eagerness to them. In terms of with the coaching, what I would hope that clients would get out of it

is just a feeling of a stronger relationship, feeling more connected and feeling like they have, the skill set to be able to bring things up as they arise so that they don't create resentments, really to learn how to communicate their needs better, our needs to change over time. And sometimes we, you know, have those conversations in the beginning of relationships and then just kind of like play by those rules and then things change and we don't talk about it. Yes, because we're constantly evolving, aren't we? Yep.

Yeah. We have to keep talking, right? Like you, if you're changing and evolving and you're not like kind of queuing the other person in and, you know, the beginning of a relationship, we ask so many questions and we're so curious about our partner. And then, you know, we're seven years, 10 years, 15 years in. And you stop asking questions because you think you already know. And I think that that's a disservice to the relationship. And it allows that sort of new, exciting energy that can sometimes happen with someone outside of the relationship. to create that spark and you want to be creating that spark in your relationship. I'm constantly dating your partner. We don't date our partners or not. Oh, I love it. I love it. That gives me chills. Fantastic. So on a practical level, how can people work with you? So where are you based or do you do sessions over Zoom? Do you do offer any other ways to work with you? Let us know how people can work with you.

Sure. So currently I am licensed in Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Connecticut in the United States. So I can see clients in those states for therapy and everything is done virtually via Zoom. I am working on hoping to release within the next few months a relationship course that will be self-paced and virtual as well, you know, just to kind of go through. some of the things that I see in, like I said, a proactive way to try to get people just thinking and a little more mindful and give them the still set so that they don't end up in my office as a therapy client instead. And then, you know, in addition to that for clients that might need maybe a little bit more handholding or one-on-one attention, there would be a coaching option, personalized coaching option. And then the thing that I'm most excited about is I'm offering couples retreats. So the idea behind them is that, you know, you would go away with your partner, either at a group format or just you and your partner and work with me as a relationship coach kind of to the extent that you'd want to. So it would be very bespoke and designed for the individual couple to work on the particular issues that they want to focus on. And it would be as much or as little of their time that they would like to kind of invest towards that. And then I would create some activities around their vacation so that they're, you know, I think we relax on vacation. We don't have the stresses of the world. So it's like the ideal time to really enhance your relationship and work on it.

So it's trying to kind of combine those two things. What an incredible concept. So how can people find out more about you? So I, my, my therapy website is concierge couples counseling.com. The coaching website, which is still being worked on, but will be up shortly is concierge couplescoaching.com. And then the retreats website, so there's lots of websites, is exclusiva couplesretreats.com. So that's E-S-C-L-U-S-V-I-A couplesretreats.com. It's Italian word for exclusive.

Yeah. So those are the best places. Links included below. Go and check them out. Kendra, you have been absolutely phenomenal. Thank you for coming on today and sharing all of that. Love your insights. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thanks again. Thanks for listening to Business Innovators Radio. To hear all episodes featuring leading industry influencers and trendsetters,

visit us online at businessinnovatorsradio.com today. Thank you.