Business Innovators Radio - Riana Milne: How to Overcome Childhood Traumas for Life, Love, and Business Success

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Riana Milne was featured in FORBES, NY Weekly, Disrupt, Influencer Daily & Wealth Insider Magazine and was selected as “One of The 100 Most Successful Women Around the World” She’s a Certified, Life, Love Trauma Recovery & Mindset Coach, an Advanced Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, #1 Bestselling author, the Host of her Podcast called Lessons in Life & Love™, and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for over 25 years living in Palm Beach Co, FLA. She Specializes in Helping Adults overcome Trauma to live the Life They Desire & Have the Love They Deserve using her “Mindset for Success System.”Learn more at: https://RianaMilne.comRebelpreneur Radio with Ralph Brogdenhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/rebelpreneur-radio-with-ralph-brogden/Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/riana-milne-how-to-overcome-childhood-traumas-for-life-love-and-business-success

You're La Blah Blah Planet. Resistance is futile. The revolution has begun. You're listening to Revopreneur Radio,

helping you break the rules and build the business you need for the life you want. And now, broadcasting his pirate signal from somewhere beyond the status quo. Here's your host, best-selling author,

marketing and media strategist, Ralph Brogden. Hello and welcome to rebelpreneur radio. It's the show that helps you build the business you need so you can live the life you want. I'm Ralph Brogden. You may or may not realize it, but your childhood experiences have a lot to do with your current love and life and business that you're trying to build. It's not so much a question of motivation and of know-how and of skill set as it is those hidden things in your mind and in your past that if you don't deal with them, they become

real obstacles in your road and path to success. And a lot of people don't even realize the extent to which those childhood traumas can have an impact on their life today. So not a lot of people talk about this. We tend to focus more on the marketing end of things or the financial end of things and things that are in the present moment. But you bring all of your past into the present. And if you don't deal with it and address those issues, it can really have a negative impact on your present and therefore on your future success. Now, this is way over my head. I brought in an expert who can help us to navigate this.

So I am really happy to welcome Rihanna Milne to the program. She is a certified life, love, trauma, recovery. and mindset coach, an advanced certified clinical trauma professional. She is a number one bestselling author and the host of her own podcast called Lessons in Life and Love. She's also a licensed mental health counselor for over 25 years and living in Palm Beach County, Florida. Rihanna, welcome to Raplepreneur Radio. Hey, Ralph.

It's nice to be here. Thank you so much. And hello, everyone. I hope you're all having a great day. Well, it's going to get even better because I feel like there are some of those things in the background, right? Lurking around. And it's like, why do I react to things the way I do? And it makes no sense unless you consider the possibility that there are things lurking in the past that we haven't dealt with.

And that's your, that's your speciality. Tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, and how you got into this area of. of expertise. Okay, well, you gave a nice background. I have been featured in Forbes magazine, New York Weekly, Disrupt, and others, Influencer Daily, on this work. And I went into the deep psychological journals after I had a second love trauma. And I've always been very successful in business, starting businesses with just mindset. You know, never getting a business loan.

I see a need for this in this market. I'm going to go and do it, and I was very good in, you know, creating businesses throughout my lifetime. Luckily for me, I was able to, I did, study the Masters of Psychology since my teen years. Actually, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, the Dalai Lama, Tony Robbins, Marianne Williamson, and so on in spiritual psychology in the course of miracles. So I've been doing mindset work for over 40 years. but this second love trauma that I experienced by then I was a licensed mental health counselor. I'm like, what is it that he has? Because what my partner had was not in the psychological books.

So I went to seven therapist friends and they're like, I have no idea what he's doing, why he's doing it. And it was a mystery. So I said, well, I got to figure it out for me. And if I can figure it out, then I can help my clients more. and I just named a childhood trauma. And I came out with a list in 2012, the top 10 childhood traumas. And there's been a lot more research on this since. And I've been talking about it for many years.

And at first I was told, you're crazy, you're making this up, this does not exist. And I said, oh, yes, it does. It's just a matter of time before people understand what it is. So also in 2021, more research came out that 100% of us have. childhood trauma. I already knew that it did go through three generations. So you have to really just kind of figure out what are the top 10 traumas that's on the childhood trauma list, checklists do I have, and then how are they impacting me? And the other thing that's important to know is there's seven life areas that this past unconscious trauma impacts. So I'll name those

briefly first. The first is physical health. So sleep disorders, eating disorders, poor immune functioning, and a shorter lifespan. So these are just a few. Emotional difficulties like quick anger, trouble recognizing your emotions, limited coping skills if you are upset, shame and guilt, excess wary, rumination of your mind. Like, what could I have done differently? If you didn't get that job, you're obsessing over it or the partner that you lost. And that leads the feelings of helplessness and low.

self-esteem. The third area is relationship issues, reattracting toxic partners or narcissistic partners, codependencies, cycles of abuse and neglect you find yourself in some attachment problems like low trust or jealousy are, to name a few. Then there's a mental health category, ongoing anxiety, bouts of depression, low self-esteem. Under the behavioral category, it could be social withdrawal and loneliness, poor impulse control, risk taking, leading to illegal activity, sexually acting out. And then there's another one, brain development. This is more towards the younger child, smaller brain size, less efficiency and processing, impaired stress response. So if a mother was pregnant and going through an abusive relationship, very often the baby is highly agitated and high startle response.

And then the last category of the seven is cognition. So if you're going under stressful time and your childhood trauma was not healed, you could have just problem solving issues or low focus and concentration. And if you're going through school, poor academic achievement. you know, just struggling to remember your facts. The bottom line, scientifically in the body, if cortisol is up, which is your fight, flight, or freeze response, memory and focus is down. So, of course, you don't have to be a school student to be impacted by this.

If you're in the career field, you know, in the job circuit and you're highly stressed due to finances, then you may not be your best at your job interviews or on the job. So what is my job to do when people come to me and they're like, yes, I recognize myself on the childhood trauma checklist and it is impacting me in my love relationship, my relationship with my kids or parents, my friends, or I have very little friends, I don't know how to make friends, there could be social anxiety as well. So I look at the whole picture and that's what I do as a life coach.

And then I have a mental health capacity. to help them through the mental health and behavioral issues, as well as being a certified coach helping them move forward in life to create the life they desire and then have the love and career that they deserve. Yeah. And so this. And so this also would affect, if it's affecting all of these areas of life, it's going to affect someone in wanting to be an entrepreneur to start their own business or

to work with clients or to start new ventures and work with new people. And so you're saying that 100% of people have some sort of trauma in their life that's affecting them right now. Yes. And I can go through what the top 10 traumas are if you'd like. Sure. So people can identify. Okay. So these are childhood experiences.

They could have happened in the home, in the community. even from a coach, you know, a community basketball team or a teacher, and it could have happened with your peer group or in school. So we're talking from age birth through to young college years. Okay, this is the childhood age group that we're looking at. So the top 10 traumas are, number one, any addiction in the family. We're not just talking drugs and alcohol. We're talking sex, meaning you knew your parent was a cheater, porn use, gambling, hoarding. spending, eating, gaming, TV watching, social media, computer addiction. These are all, you know, they took prevalence in the house versus time with your child,

then the child could feel neglected. Okay, number two is verbal messaging. Did you hear the words, I love you? Did you hear compliments? Were you, you know, often, you know, praised by your family, or instead did you hear a lot of put-downs or you're not good enough messages? Also, how did your parents work through an issue? Did they yell and scream or were they loving and kind as they work through issues?

Number three is emotional abuse or neglect. Number four is any physical abuse, rape or molestation. Number five is around abandonment. I named two types, false and no-fault abandonment. So I know fault abandonment as a parent happened to die early. if they're deployed and fighting in wars, or they traveled a lot for work. Therefore, they weren't home often,

but they were supporting the family in this way. And then a false abandonment is never seeing your child or being with a child so the couple breaks up, and then you rarely see the child or break a lot of promises. And then the last one would be you are physically present, but emotionally not attached. You don't go to this kid's school's events or the games or that type of thing. Then the next one is did you need to live in another home other than your parents?

So grandma, aunt's family friend, foster care, where you adopted, any of these types of things have an impact. Trauma 7 is one that most people relate to most, we call a personal trauma, where you ever bullied as a kid or felt different. might have been from a different culture in a primarily Caucasian school or race, African-American, the only, you know, black student in an all-white Caucasian school. Did you come out LGBTQ and kids were teasing you or your parents that accept you? So this personal trauma, a lot of people can relate to. Number eight is sibling trauma. Did your sibling bully you is one? Was your sibling born with a medical condition that commanded more of moms and dads time, making you kind of feel left out, or most often you perceive that sibling to be the golden child, the favored one of the family,

the star athlete, more handsome, more beautiful, or the smartest student. Okay, number nine has two. There's actually more than 10 traumas, but for a checklist, I suggest the top 10 childhood traumas, but I brought down number 11 because it had to be. When I did this list, in 2011 and 2012, number 11 with community trauma. Now it's one of the biggest ones, especially COVID would fit in there, impacts communities at large. Our mother nature events, floods, fires, hurricanes, wipe out communities at large. Our mass shootings, school shootings are community traumas.

So you can see how prevalent they had become in the past 10 years. And then also there's first. family trauma tied to that. So if a parent was incarcerated or in the U.S. our military families move every two to four years, making the child, the new kid in school all the time, growing up with lack messages. Like, we don't have the money for food or to pay the gas bill. When you hear that, it's very hard to succeed in business because you're always worried about investing in your growth. And I'm a coach. And people, if they're not willing to invest in themselves, and their growth, they will never grow their business. For example, my business coach that I took on,

I paid $85,000 for a year, Lisa Satchavich, and people say, Rihana, you can buy two cars. I'm like, I don't need two cars. I need to take this message globally to help more people, and I don't know how to do it. So I'm investing in a coach to meet my deadlines and get my message out there. And with coaching, it's fully tax deductible. So I got to have the career I love. I'm passionate. passionate about, invested in one of the top coaches that I could find. And they're, you know, and you grow a business. So, you know, you have to get out of that lack mindset mentality to grow as an entrepreneur or to take the leap of faith and say, I'm not happy at this job. I'm going to go and get another one. You know, so it does impact you in business or freaking out if you're in

sales and you're not meeting your quota. So you take that anger and frustration home to your wife and kids. You know, so you'll have to really, you know, have what I call the mindset for success, which I've been teaching over 40 years, to deal with the ups and downs, which are typical in life. Yeah. So that's one of the things that I do to help heal this, plus a lot of trauma recovery skills, because I'm an advanced CCTV, which is certified clinical trauma professional. So combining the coaching skills with the mental health skills. We get to the bottom of the issues, identify what's going on on the top 10 list. And I didn't do number 10, so let me finish that one, which is mental health issues and mom and dad. And the two most difficult is bipolar and borderline personality

disorder. Borderline is fast trigger anger. When they're good, they're great, when they're bad, they're horrid, and they're real erratic moods that kids don't know how to navigate through. And bipolar is manic depressive. You know, the anger can show up as fatigue, checking out emotionally. And the manic phase, a lot of people think that's a high and happy stage. Well, it could lead to a shopping spree. And then the next month you get your bills and you're depressed for three bills, three months because you can't pay your bills, right?

So those are the top 10 traumas that I named through my research. and they're pretty easy to identify, although when I meet with people for like a discovery session, they usually miss two of them or three. And the reason is because they're so normalized as kids, as kids will say, I didn't have trauma. You know, there's a few issues going on, but no big deal. Right. And the reason is the child's mind to be able to cope just normalizes everything. but the truth is that it does impact your mindset. It leads to fear-based negative thinking, you know, ongoing depression, anxiety.

Like I said, I named some of these mental health issues and even physical issues. So it's really important that you heal this in your life to be the most successful you can be in life, love, and career. When you're working with business owners, especially self-employed entrepreneur-type people, what would you say is the biggest obstacle that they seem to have to deal with in terms of childhood trauma? Everybody is their own personal story, of course, but I find trauma two and trauma seven are very influential. Trauma two is the verbal messaging where you told, great job, you always try your best, I believe in you, or like, I'm not sending you to college, why waste my money? You know, huge messaging difference there, you know. Yeah, your swimming time was okay, but it's your best, but it's still not as good as so-and-so.

So those messages are always, I'm not good enough. So the entrepreneur has to have a lot of strong mindset, positive messaging going on in their life to continue to grow. And the root of an entrepreneur, which I've been one for 40 years, at age of 26, I had a model and talent agency and school that I was told up in Erie, Pennsylvania, it'll never go. This is a blue-collar town. You're crazy for opening this. And my response was, watch me. And within six months, I won this international Model and Talent Association Award for

Educational Excellence. Within the year, I won the International Award for the Model and Talent School of the year. How about that? So I made that go just by mindset and creativity. creativity because I couldn't get alone. You know, at that time I was married, and this was a love trauma, number one. My ex stole a lot of money from my mother, $200,000. So here I am, 25 years old, a single mom of two girls,

and I have to pick them up from school every day at 3 o'clock. So what 9 to 5 job was I going to get? Well, my mindset was strong, and I'm like, I'll create my own job and something I love that I can close the door at 2.30. and open at night when the nights I don't have the kids, you know. So creativity is huge, thinking outside of the box, saying yes to opportunities, being creative. There's going to be up and down cycles in every business if you're an owner. So being able to navigate through those tougher times and still stay positive and focused on what you do,

you do need to do and what you can do. You know, that's a big question. What can you do? Don't look at the negative things. Look at the positive things that you are able to do to create new business. So, because, yeah, you know, I mean, I had to go through a bankruptcy of three quarters a million dollars at 26. I opened up my school, my modeling school, and my first month's rent.

Four students within six months, 25 students in a waiting list. So how did I get those clients? You know, so when people also come to me and they want to be coaches in different niches, this is a lot of what I teach, how you get leads, how do you become more creative, how do you think outside of the box or at a new service, you know, what makes you different from everybody else? So there's a lot that you have to know in business. And I would say entrepreneurship is always a learning curve.

You know, you're always learning. you're always being creative. It's never like, okay, it's great now, and it's always going to stay great. No, you've got to roll with the punches. Like AI is new. How many people, I just took on an AI coach in January. I have this amazing chat bot on my website.

You know, you can ask it any questions and answers just like me. I'm on there welcoming people to my website in German and in French, and I don't speak those languages, but I do on my website. You know, so. Amazing, isn't it? You know, keep learning. It's crazy, but it's fun for me. I enjoy learning.

Keep learning, keep growing, keep thinking outside the box. But if you don't have that internal confidence and the mindset for success, you're always going to struggle. So it all goes back to the original childhood traumas. And when we clear that up, it's amazing how successful your life is. That's why I love what I do. It's really cool work. So when we talk about childhood traumas that just talking about it can be triggering for people who are listening. If someone listening right now recognizes this as a problem, what is a self-help thing you could teach them right now until they get the help that they need?

But something that they could take and apply right now to help them navigate this and get to the, to, the next step of getting help if they need it? Well, the first thing is education. So I always say go to my website, which is my name, riana milm.com, and there's four free tests at the top. One of them is the childhood trauma checklist. So it will go a lot deeper into that, the quick explanation I got. But you can do those for free.

Analyze your relationships. Analyze, you know, if you're single or a couple. Are you really ready? for a relationship or not. My podcast, Lessons in Life and Love with Coach Rihanna Milne, I have 125 shows out and 350 on my YouTube channel. So education is essential. And then when you're ready to step and set up and say, I want to fix this, I want to heal

this, I can see where these are getting in my way, then I offer a very, very reasonable discovery session where you meet with me for two hours. It's offered right now at a fraction of the price on my website. So you can do that where we get to the bottom of what's going on for you. Because as I was doing this for myself, I felt I can't change what I don't know or understand. So nobody understood what childhood trauma was. I have a triple master's in psychology. That term wasn't even mentioned once.

So, you know, it was a huge learning curve. But once I got it, that's when I said, oh, my God, I'm going to take this to the world because everybody's suffering with this and nobody knows why do I keep getting a toxic partner or why do I not excel in work when I try my best? You know, it can be very frustrating. So when you get to, okay, I get what's happening, now we can change it. And I have all kinds of coaching programs available that people can enroll in. So that's how we heal it.

And it's amazing the transfer animation that people get. and I work with ages 16. I would take a 15-year-old, but totally by computer, all the way up my oldest client was 80. So all age groups, male, female, straight, LGBTQ, because childhood trauma has no prejudice, and neither do I. So it's a great training, and when you learn these skills, you will use them forever. And I often hear from my clients, how could I go back and I look at how. I was, like, I could never go back to that person.

You know, they just totally change and love who they become. Transformation, that's what it's all about. Now, you are also a number one bestselling author. Tell us about your book. Okay, well, I have 13 of them out. Two for my curriculum are available on every online site and in bookstore. It's called Love Beyond Your Dreams. break free of toxic relationships to have the love you deserve.

That I wrote in six months, and it's 400 pages, about 350 professional sources, and it's everyday language. Just as I speak to you, people say they hear my voice in the book. So it's a very easy and fast read, and it's full of great information. That was the number one bestseller on Amazon. And the partner book or the sister book is called Live Beyond Your Dreams, from Fear and out to personal power, purpose, and success. And that is all about the mindset for success that I've been teaching many, many years to, even my model, singers, actors, and dancers. Like, I had an

auto mechanic in Erie PA. And he goes, I really want to be a model. And he was a muscular guy, long, blonde hair, big white, smile, blue eyes. I'm like, I see him more as like a TV actor, like a Baywatch guy. Do you remember that show, Baywatch? And he goes, oh, my God, that would be my dream. let's make your dream happen. So I was called The Dream Maker, and he ended up on Baywatch. And then I had a dancer. She wanted to be a rockette. She ended up being a rockette in New York.

A singer, a couple of singers. My own daughter wanted to sing. She's on three multi-platinum CDs. So we have so many great testimonials of let's define what your goals and dreams are, and let's make it happen. And the only thing between the desire and the result is your mind. Right? and the perseverance and the goal setting.

So when we get rid of the old stuff, that doesn't serve you, I do the goal setting system and, you know, get the education that you need. And the 8Ds for success, the lesson my dad told me, he said, kiddo, if you got the 8Ds, you can do anything in life. And their desire, dedication, determination, devotion, which is the spiritual part. Like, God's got my back. I believe in myself. That's the faith-based.

Dream, dare to dream and dream big baby, he always said. Discipline and drive. So if you got them, you know, and when I always say, you know, invests in coaching because A, it's a tax deduction, and B, it will keep you on point. There's no room for procrastination. And that's why to grow my career, I've had 14 coaches with my AI coach being the last one and current one. So, you know, keep growing, keep learning, keep thinking outside of the box. You know, what can you bring to your clients that's new, different, exciting that you believe in and just go for it.

Wonderful. So if you're listening to this and you're struggling right now with childhood traumas or anything else, there is hope and there is help. And I encourage you to reach out to Rihanna Mill.com to get in touch with Rihanna. and, boy, she's got lots of resources, lots of education, a lot of tools in her toolbots that she's collected over many years of working with clients successfully. And so I encourage you to go check that out and get the help that you need. Rihanna, you've been full of information and practical wisdom and advice. Any final thoughts or words of wisdom that you'd like to leave with our listeners? Absolutely. I just really want to encourage everyone, you know, don't freak out if you say, oh my God, I have some of these traumas because child of trauma absolutely can be healed.

Like I said, it usually goes through three generations and everybody has a few of them. So it's important just to heal it and you can. And in the process, you're going to grow to be your very best self you could possibly be. And, you know, this is no dress rehearsal. And I just had a friend pass away last night, 50 years old, stage four cancer. And he's been sick for a while. And it's always a wake-up call like, do what you love, live a life you love that you're proud of, go for your dreams, and don't be afraid, you know, to try because life is too short.

So indeed, you know, you can create that life you desire and have the love you deserve Do it today. Don't wait. Do it today. Words of wisdom from Rihanna Milne. Rianna Milne.com. We'll have that link on the Rebelpreneur website as well so you can check that out. Rihanna, thank you so much for being on the show today.

I really appreciate it. Thank you, Ralph, for having me on. And thank you, everyone, for listening. And go out and live your best life. We've been listening to Rebelpreneur Radio with Ralph Brogden. Download the show. and much more at rebelpreneur.com.