Business Innovators Radio - The Inspired Impact Podcast with Judy Carlson-Interview with Janine Valentine, Author, Both Things Are True

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Janine Valentine is an award-winning author, poet, and entrepreneur, currently living in Colorado. She loves to travel, carrying with her a sense of humor and curiosity. Experiencing her surroundings with a soul-level sensory awareness, Janine expresses these perspectives and insights through her deeply relatable writing. She believes that by vulnerably sharing our personal journeys we light a path inviting others to also engage with their fears, release constraints, and find genuine community.Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/057836705XInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/janine.valentine.author/Website: https://www.janinevalentine.com/*************************************************************Judy is the CEO & Founder of the Judy Carlson Financial Group. She helps her clients design, build, and implement fully integrated and coordinated financial plans from today through life expectancy and legacy.She is an Independent Fiduciary and Comprehensive Financial Planner who specializes in Wealth Decumulation Strategies. Judy is a CPA, Investment Advisor Representative, Life and Health Insurance Licensed, and Long-Term Care Certified.Judy’s mission is to educate and empower her clients with an all-inclusive financial plan that encourages and motivates them to pursue their lifetime financial goals and dreams.Learn More: https://judycarlson.com/Investment Adviser Representative of and advisory services offered through Royal Fund Management, LLC, an SEC Registered Adviser.The Inspired Impact Podcasthttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/the-inspired-impact-podcast/Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/the-inspired-impact-podcast-with-judy-carlson-interview-with-janine-valentine-author-both-things-are-true

Welcome to the Inspired Impact Podcast, where dedicated female professionals share how they inspire impact every day. Authentic stories, passionate commitment, lives transformed. I'm your host, Judy Carlson. Welcome to today's episode of the Inspired Impact Podcast. I have such a special guest to share with you today who's had quite an experience. in her life and we've all learned lessons from her. So I'm excited to introduce you to Janine Valentine. Welcome, Janine. Thank you, Judy. It's so fun to be here. Yeah. So let's start with your journey to go on vacation a few years ago, yes? Yes. Yes. So we were just coming out of the pandemic in terms of

ability to travel again. So it was September of 2021. And as long as you took a COVID test and tested negative, you could fly internationally. And then the same thing would be required on return. Okay. So my friends and I were a little restless, ready to go take another trip. And so someone had this idea to go on this dive boat in the Maldives. And so we booked a trip to the Maldives.

And it ended up, it was such a contagious. There was only a few of us going at first. And as we talked about it with our friends, more people joined us. So we ended up with 12 total, myself included, going on this trip. And there were three of us that were non-divers, myself included. And then everybody else were divers. So this was a dive boat, but it was a luxury diver. boat and it had a spa on board so the non-divers could snorkel during one of the dives and we could

get a spa treatment during the other. Okay. I felt like I was winning, getting a massage almost every day. So we left. Everything was fabulous. It was a very long trip to get there. And then we got taken aboard. We had this incredible time, just an incredible, incredible, incredible trip until the bottom

dropped out. It was the day before we were to get off the boat to travel home. And as required, they brought someone on board the boat to administer COVID test to everyone on board. This was an international boat. So there were about 40 passengers on the boat. And so we all got tested and, you know, had our last day. And then the next morning, we got up and we were packing and everything. And I was having my coffee out on the deck.

And the manager of the boat came out and put a piece of paper in front of me on the bar and pointed to it. And I looked at it. And he goes, you've tested positive for COVID. Yeah. I don't know how it happened because I'd only been on the boat, right? All of us. We got off to get in the water, but we weren't getting off to go to restaurants or interact with people off of the boat. We were just with each other and the crew.

One other woman had tested positive. She was from Russia. And nobody else had tested positive. And she and I had had zero contact. And she was there with her husband, who was negative. And I was there with my best friend who was also negative. And we had shared a room, right? So, but the scary thing about that, first of all, I hadn't had COVID yet.

Like, this was going to be my first time to have COVID. And it was back when, you know, none of us knew how we would respond to that, terrifying. But also, he looked at me and he goes, we haven't had this happen yet. And I know that you're required to quarantine for 14 days. That's the Maldivian government's law rule. But I don't know what happens to you when you leave this boat. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

It is not something you want to hear someone in charge say, right? I'm already scared. And now it's like, I don't know what happens to you. And so I was sent back to Mali, which is the main island. It's where the airport is. It is not a touristy island. People land there and then go on their vacation to one of the, I think it's something like 1,100 or 1,500 islands in the Maldives. So you typically go to another island or out onto a boat, right?

So it is, Mali is like where the people who are Maldivian live and where people who are serving the tourist industry stay and live. right, in between gigs or whatever. So it is a very conservative Islamic culture. The women there wear full burqas, gloves, everything, like just their eyes showing, always black. And it has a closed currency, meaning that you can't take currency from that country. and that means that they're very suspicious of other currencies because they revere their money in a way that it is pristine because they don't print like we do. They just don't have a constant new supply of bills.

So when they see a wrinkled up bill or a bill that is torn or has ink on it, they automatically assume it's not good. So all of those things will come into play here. So he, and there's not a lot of English spoken on the island, not a lot of English. So the captain sent one of his crew members with me and allowed my best friend to leave with me and she opted to do it. Oh, I was so grateful. I was so grateful that I didn't have to do. I knew she would be leaving me, but she could at least go there with me and see that I got somewhere safe and be able to report to our other friends where I was. where I was and everything and get on her flight.

So she left with me. We were taken by speedboat to the main island, and he led us and the Russian couple to what I referred to as our holding cell. It was literally a room. We each had our own room side by side, the Russian couple and myself and my friend, no windows, a bed, barely enough room to maneuver around it, a little onsuit toilet area.

It was very, very job. And it was a very hard room to sit and wait in. And then he had made an appointment for us to be retested. And he came back for us in a little while. And we walked through the city, which was actually kind of a cool experience in hindsight, but it was hard when you're in that much fear. It was really overwhelming. But we went into this little clinic and we got retested.

And then we got taken back. to the holding cell. Okay. And we waited hours, hours and hours. And we were running out of time to where my friend was going to have to go to the airport to make her flight. And it came just in time. But the, our interpreter guy, so it came back.

We both still tested positive. It had not been a false positive. So we definitely had COVID. And he had something like 20 minutes, 15, 20 minutes. before he had to be back on the boat for their next. They had a turnover. They had new guests coming. And so his advice to me was to book a hotel.

He said the government doesn't have a place for you to stay. And so you need to find a hotel, but not a tourist hotel, because they would require a negative COVID test for you to stay. And if they ask you at the front desk, you need to lie because they will not let you stay. Oh, wow. Yeah. So he recommended a part of the island that would be less touristy. They're not going to have amenities.

There's not going to be a pool that, you know, I didn't need any of those things. I'm in quarantine, right? So what I looked for was a place that would have room service because I knew I would be quarantined to my room and a place that had a balcony of some sorts. I could at least get some fresh air, right? And I found it online. I booked, and someplace that had two weeks availability, right? I needed to be able to book for 14 nights. Yeah. And so, I booked it, paid in full. He put us in a cab and my friend insisted on

coming with me to see the place. And then she immediately left. So we got there. The young man at the desk did not ask any questions and carried my suitcase up. What I later learned was 52. stairs, a spiral staircase. There was no elevator and checked me into this room that had a fairly large balcony on it. It turned out the balcony was shared with one other room. So there were just two of us up there, but we had this big shared. So anytime that room had a guest in it, I couldn't be on my balcony. Oh. Yeah. So that was hard. Anyway, she quickly pulled what cash she had out for me because I didn't have a lot of cash left. We were at the end of our trip. We just tipped out the whole staff, right? And I was headed home. I didn't know. I didn't know yet when I

was making those choices. And then she actually pulled some clothes out of her bag because we had both completely packed to be on this boat. It was swimsuits, sun dresses, nothing that covered us well, right? And I needed to fully cover. And we had both put on like several things that we own just to cover different, like it was like wrapping a, you know, we were just wrapping things around our shoulders, like an extra shirt or whatever just to try to cover to be appropriate during that whole time. So she left me a couple pieces of clothing that would help me layer up if I needed to leave my room. Okay. And then she went back to the airport.

So, so yeah, so this is where it was like in this room, it was a very basic hotel room. I did have an on-sweet bathroom. There was no fridge microwave. There were no, like, kitcheny utensils. There was something, there was, like, something to make hot water, I think, which I never used. I couldn't drink their water, right? So I could only do bottled water. And, like, instant coffee and, like, a little spoon, a little, like, a little, like, a little

spoon like you would use to start like yeah so um but it had a little desk area and so um i had a place to be that wasn't just on the bed you know oh nice yeah yeah yeah so um it was infested with bugs there were bugs literally visible all over the floor there was a real big beetle that first night that crawled across the wall on the headboard oh no and it disappeared and i was like i don't know where it went and I have to sleep in here. Gosh. And so when I woke up the next morning, I was

symptomatic. And like I was pretty scared. So my dad had died the year before from what was a lung, a genetic lung disease.

That I do know I'm a carrier for. It doesn't mean I'm going to get it, but I carry that genetic And so I was pretty scared about how COVID might impact my body and my lungs specifically. And what I had learned overnight, well, first of all, was covered in bug bites. My biggest symptom was dizziness. I was so dizzy. I wasn't sure I was going to be okay to get down those stairs.

And I had learned the night before I was hungry. We hadn't really eaten all day because of that whole thing. And so I had tried to order a room service. And when the young man who worked at the front desk, we became good friends, by the way. It was always him helping me. There was only two guys that worked there. He, we had a language barrier. So we had to kind of figure things out.

And once we figured out food, like he brought it to me. I ordered something. I asked for something and he explained what things were as best we could. And he brought it to me. But then he wouldn't put it on my room and he wouldn't take my credit card. And I was able to finally figure out after about 10 minutes of working with him that they wouldn't, they would only take cash. And I only had $38 of usable cash between what I had and what my friend had left me. That is all we could scrounge up. that we knew was usable. And I tried handing him some bills that I thought might not be usable just in case.

And he's like, nope, nope, nope. And so I had to use some of that last cash just to get that one meal. So I knew when I woke up in the morning room service was not an option. What I figured out was that it was a restaurant next door. And so they would provide that. He would provide that service by going and picking up my order and running it up to me. But they weren't affiliated. Okay.

And so I was like, I have no food. I have no water. I have nothing. And I am sick and I'm contagious. And I am not supposed to leave this room, but I have to leave this room. Right. I don't have any. I had very little medication.

I won't say I don't have any. I had a few, like a few little things. Like I had ibuprofen and I had some little like lozenges. It was just like I had to ration them out. This is how many things I have. A friend of mine had on the trip had Mucineck. I think it was Mucinex. Now I can't remember,

but had suggested to all of us that maybe we would bring that just in case because we were flying in COVID times. You know, we had ironically all talked about this. What if someone tests positive, you know, before the trip, we had had this conversation. So we did things like I brought my laptop with me because I am an entrepreneur. And for me to be gone and out of pocket for 10 days was already hard. But if something happened, I would need to be able to access my business.

Right. And so I had bought a thing of Mucinex, but it was just like a few. It wasn't enough, you know. So I could only take one a day. I had to really pick and choose. So I double-masked. I put on a bunch of clothes. I went downstairs.

That was a job. I took my, I emptied my backpack and I took that with me and proceeded to try to have this conversation looking for food. But he was thinking I wanted the restaurant. It was like that whole communication thing. But once we figured that out, he walked with me to where this little grocery store was. and it was just about a block and a half away. It was very close. And it was, I liken it to shopping in a gas station here in the United States.

So it was very small. It literally was the same size as going into like, you know, a gas station and seeing their aisles of food. And I held up a credit card in the door and the guy nodded and held up his credit card machine. Oh. Okay. they're going to take my credit card. But then I had to buy stuff that didn't need to be heated, didn't need a knife to cut it open, didn't need to be refrigerated, right? I was really, really limited on what was available for me and also what I could carry back. And the young man didn't

stay with me. He pointed to it across the street when we got there and went back because he had to stay at the front desk. I didn't have help carrying. No. And so I bought some provisions and it was just what what I could carry. So I was able to get some, you know, tuna and some bottles of water and, you know, just some little things. And so I took it back and barely, barely made it up those stairs and collapsed into the bed. And when I woke up, realized I was that I wasn't going to be able to leave again until I felt better. I was glad I went right away that morning. So I had a ration. I had a ration. I had a washing my food, ration my water, ration my meds, ration everything for the next five days.

And I was thirsty and hungry. Oh, my gosh. Thankfully, I slept through most of it. But I was real, real scared. The phone in my room to the front desk did not work. So if I needed help, I was going to have to get down the stairs. And if I needed help, it meant I was going to be outing myself. right. I wouldn't be able to stay there and I didn't know. I assumed that meant and later found out that it indeed

mean that I would have to stay in that little holding cell room, which is where it turns out they had expected me to stay, but they hadn't communicated that. So there were just all these things. Like I was wanted by the government. I found out from the captain of the boat who contacted me via WhatsApp up because they knew I had tested positive and I had disappeared from that room. Oh my gosh. I didn't know I was supposed to stay in that room. And I am to this day, eternally grateful that I did not know. And my interpreter didn't know.

So it wasn't just a language issue. No one really explained that to him. And no one was talking to me except him. So I had left. And thankfully, I honestly don't know if I could have made it in that room. No. But anyways, through that, I was able to get. what's up connected with a doctor who was who called me his English was good and he was able

to check in with me every day and see if he need if I needed him to ride his motorbike over to me but if he came he would out me yeah I would again not he would have to say what he was doing especially in that culture a man going up to a woman's room right so he would have to have said something So yeah, so I just was like, I don't really have any help. And it was, it was just really, really scary. Really, really scary. During that time, the room next door got rented and a man accidentally walked in my sliding glass door into my room, scared of both.

And he had no ill intent, but it was terrifying, you know. And the door had been locked, but the lock was like went into the ground. ground instead of into the wall. It went into the ground. And that looked like it was locked, but for some reason, it didn't stick. So when he pulled, it just popped open. He immediately backed out. And the front desk, next time I was down there, they did. This was later in the time, but they did. They sprayed for bugs. They, um, they fixed, had someone come fix the lock. My TV hadn't worked at first. Um, so it was like all those things, but I started to feel better. was able to make it down the stairs again.

They took care of this, you know, this young kid took care. He was probably in his 20s. Took care of all that stuff for me. So it got more comfortable. I was able to watch soap operas from India with English subtitles. Past the time a little bit. So let's see. So I guess it was on day five.

day five that I left the room again. Okay. But before I do that, I guess it's important to know also there's an 11-hour time difference. Whoa. 11 hours. Yeah. So I really only had contact with my family and friends real early in the morning and

late at night, right? And I was sick, so I was sleeping weird hours. Oh, sure. Sometimes I would miss those. And so we were using WhatsApp and we were able to communicate. But during the length of my days, when things were happening and I was scared, you know, and I maybe wanted somebody to comfort me or someone to give me some advice or give me ideas to brainstorm, there was no one available to me.

And that ended up being one of the greatest gifts. But in the moment of it, it didn't feel like it. It just made something that was already real scary harder. For sure. Yeah. So that is kind of where I was. But on day five, I felt well enough to make it down those stairs.

So I did the whole thing again. I messed up to my backpack. But I needed water real, real bad. And I needed food. And so I made it back over to the gas station grocery store. They didn't sell gas. I just call it that. Right.

And so I, you know, re-uped on my supplies the best I could. And then when I was coming back, I honestly can't remember. This has been three and a half years now. So, but it was either when I was coming back from that or the next day, but the guy who owned the restaurant next door was standing outside. And I was definitely clearly the person who had ordered. I mean, I was the only person that looked like me there, right? And I'm not, a woman not in a burqa.

Like, I just stood out, like really hardcore. So he asked me in broken English, but he had better English than I'd come across from most people. And he asked why I wasn't ordering any more food. He thought maybe I hadn't liked the food or something, you know. And I just told him the truth. Like, not the truth that I was sick, but the truth that he wouldn't take a credit card and I didn't have enough cash. And he asked how long I was staying and I told him, you know, nine more days. And his eyebrows went up and I thought, oh, no, he's just figured it out.

But that isn't what happened. He was like, I will take your credit card. Really? And so he walked with me back to Shaheen, the young man that worked in the home. hotel and told him that to accept my credit card. And so for the rest of my stay, I was able to order two meals a day delivered. And it was good food when I could finally taste again. I couldn't taste the first, you know, that was definitely something that went for me. Okay. But just I felt in love with like the enjoying food through the texture and I could feel it. I could feel when something was spicy.

I could feel it like burning a little in there and like ginger and just the the warmth or the coolness. Like I was like I couldn't taste anything, but I was so grateful for the food and the nourishment, but it was pretty and it felt interesting in my mouth. And so it was kind of a whole new way to explore enjoying your meal, right? So I just was so well. sourced, you know, by things like this. So I had noticed from my balcony, so I was directly across from the beach, but it was a public beach and the locals used it. And I had noticed,

paid attention that the locals did not use the beach at all during the day. It was too hot for the women to be out there fully covered, right? Sure. So they would come out in the evenings. It was lovely to watch them. Whole families, they would play and they would play cards under the trees on the beach and just have these big gatherings. It was really fun to watch, but I knew it was empty. So somewhere around days six or seven, somewhere around there, I made the decision to break quarantine and go across the street. I needed it. I needed to get out of that room. for my mental health. And I knew I was not going to be exposing anyone.

It was actually better than the two trips I'd had to make to the grocery store. So I did mask up and went across the street. And as soon as I was on the beach, I unmasked. I had to still cover. And I wasn't, so I wasn't able to swim because those were all the clothes I had. So I couldn't, you know, get them saltwatery. No. But on that very first time across, this became integral, across to the beach, there was a couple rows of trees that you walk through and then it opened up to an open beach.

And as I stepped through the trees onto the beach, there was this gorgeous big piece of log that was like just big enough to be like a two-person bench, you know? But it was really, really pretty wood. And it was just sitting there like an invitation to sit on it. And there literally was a sun ray highlighting it like it was under a spotlight. And I just felt it. I was like, that is my spot. That is going to be my spot. Because it was not very far.

I didn't have to walk. And so I sat there. And this did become my spot. This is where I just. really kind of worked through my emotions. This was a place that was safe for me. I had conversations with the sea. I had conversations with my higher power.

I ranted and railed and screamed and cried and asked questions and just really, really went through it there. And so at some point in my trip, after I had found this bench, I was on WhatsApp with my mom and my sister and my sister had told me, you know, she was saying goodnight to me. We were about to get off the app. We were texting. And she texted that she was really proud of me and that I was a warrior.

You're a warrior, right? And then my mom timed in. She goes, good night from the warrior's mom. Oh. Which is probably my favorite text ever to her recent. Yeah. So the next day. when I went to the beach, I just looked at it.

And in my head, I was like, there's my warrior bench. There you go. And the name stuck. And from then on, that was my warrior bench. And that's how I wrote about it. I was journaling, you know, the whole time I was there, keeping myself sane and keeping track of what was happening and what the days were. And so I would call it my warriors bench then from then on. And I began writing.

I wrote some poems while I was sitting there. It just wasn't incredible. I think that was the turning point. One day from the Warrior Bench, I saw this was like day eight or nine, I saw a group of women swimming, but they were, they left everything on. So socks, gloves, like full, everything. So they had those foam noodles and their arms were wrapped over them. and they were not going out far. Some were laying in the surf with their,

like their torso is still on the sand. And just their legs in the water, just kind of splashing and kicking. They were having a blast. I could not tell how old any of them were. They were adult-ish. They could have been teenagers, but the size, the height of them, you know.

There was a man that sat on the beach, keeping an eye on them that was with them. And some of them, you know, floated a little further up, but not ever far enough. you know, to get past the breakers. But I realized that they, I'm assuming they needed the flotation device because of the weight of all that fabric. Oh my gosh.

Like if that got wet, I mean, they'd be at risk of that pulling them under. And it was such a metaphor. It just hit me in my gut. Like all the ways we cloak ourselves, just into. general, humanity, right? The ways we cover up so that we can be more like everyone else, right, so that we don't stand out too much so we can be more anonymous, invisible, but also homogenous, right? And how that weighs us down covering ourselves in that way. And that was a big, big turning point for me during this experience. And this is when I really

came face to face with what my fear, you know, the role being afraid of things, you know, and living in fear had played in my life up to this point, all the ways that had kept me small, kept me from having experiences or sharing myself. I had already come face to face with my, I had never realized I didn't trust myself. But that's kind of what it was. I was so alone. So, so alone. I'd lived alone for years at this point, but I, and I thought I liked being alone, but there's a difference when you're alone and can access people when you want or need to.

Sure. Yeah. But this, I just didn't, the language barrier meant even locals were not an option. Plus, I was hiding something pretty critical, you know. And so just the, the aloneness made me realize how often I would like, pull my friends even like you know we do that i think women do that more than men but it's like well what do you think i was thinking it's like you just kind of want reassurance or validation that you're going down the right path and i couldn't even do that and um and so i just really realized that i had some trust issues with myself that i but i'm very capable i'm very very capable but i just

didn't yet know that so i think that so that's so i ended up I guess I didn't really start with. I wrote a book about this experience. I took my journals. When I got home and so spoiler, I made it home. When I got home, I took my journals and then I turned those into a book. So everything that was in my journals, nothing was edited out, every single thing. And there are things in there that are humiliating.

There are things in there that are, there were moments when I was out. of integrity with myself. I put it all in there because that is how we behave when we're in fear, right? That's how our mind works when we're in fear. And so I just did not edit anything. All I did was add. I added more detail. I added background information, you know, that kind of stuff. And I ended up titling this book, Both Things Are True, A Journey from Fearing Trust to Trusting Fear. Wow, fearing trust to trusting fear. Wow, that is profound. Yeah.

That takes a lot of thought to digest. Yeah. Wow. So that's your journey, huh? Yeah. So, I mean, there was, you know, all sorts of things that happened all the way up. And I don't want to, like, tell the entire story. You can, you know, read the end, I guess.

You know I get home. was not it was hard all the way up till literally 15 minutes before I was to board a flight home there just were things that were complicated all the way up and I wasn't sure I did end up completely running out of money and so it just yeah there was just a lot of really really hard stuff um but I did you know I did get home and we joked um like I was boarding the flight literally like at the very, very last second. And I was like, I don't even care. Like, I'll serve the drinks.

I don't need a seat, you know? It's a 38 hour flight time. It's several flights and lay over overs and stuff. And I was, I don't care. I'm so grateful. And I will tell you this. So I had, I had not heard English, really. I mean, I'd been texting.

And I just had felt so, I had felt so immersed in this cold. that I wasn't allowed to really participate in or join, I'm pretty well-traveled. And I'm used to being in other cultures, but I'm not used to not being able to engage in some way with it, you know? And so it was like when we went, I flew through Qatar and then into Chicago and then on to Denver. And when we were coming in for a landing in Chicago, the flight attendant made an announcement Spain, English. The first English I had heard. And he said, welcome to the United States.

And I started crying so hard. It was just so emotional for me. And I thought, oh, my gosh, the person next to me probably wonders, like, who is this patriotic person? So excited to be. But it's just like, oh, my gosh, I just felt like I was like, I could drive home from here. If anything happens, like that was the first time I felt like, I'm okay. from here. If anything else happens, I've got it. But up until then, I didn't feel safe ever. For sure.

Fully safe. I didn't feel like I was in danger specifically, but, you know, just not secure. Right. Yeah. So that was a big deal. And then I did keep writing after getting home because I did. I didn't, I wasn't the same person anymore. So much had changed for me.

And so I just really didn't, I didn't like slide easily back into my life. It was just that life changing. Wow. And now what did you say two and a half years have gone by or three and a half? Three and a half. This was happened in September and October. Uh-huh. I ended up being in the Maldives.

for 26 days. Oh, wow. And that includes the vacation time. Yeah, for sure. But still. Yeah. So it's gone a month. Oh, wow.

And September of 21. So three, almost three and a half years now since. And my book came out exactly a year after the, it occurred. So I got it out real, real fast. Yeah. And it was, we had my launch party. on the anniversary. Oh.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. So it was very, very powerful. Very powerful. So it was a 26 days of a life-changing journey. And now you've had three and a half years since then to process it all. And what have you learned about fear and trust?

Yeah, I'm sure you're never going to be through your full journey. none of us ever are. Yeah. Yeah. We can never completely get rid of fear, right? And so we have to learn to work with it. And I think that that's really our challenge. Do we have time?

I can read a passage from the book and then share where it's gone from there about fear. Oh, I would love that. Yes. Let me do that. Okay. So this is from day eight in my book. Okay. After about a week.

of marinating in dark fear, I was grateful, deeply grateful. Quarantined in this room in the Maldives, I could now see the stark reality of the fear I had lived with my whole life and how it had constricted me. I had covered myself in layer after layer of fear as if it were a heavy dark burqa, shrouding my possibilities behind layers that both protected and limited me. As long as my fear was the dominant force, the protection had mattered more than the limitations that came alongside it. I had made myself smaller and less than to avoid being seen out of fear of the consequences of disapproval and rejection. Over the past year or two, I had practiced choosing to move through some of my fears, dropping the protective layers to practice vulnerability. I had become

willing to be seen by others, no more safe, and anonymity. And now the universe had decided I was ready to face my big fear of being truly alone, of having only myself to lean on and trust, of fearing that I would not be capable or be enough. Coming out and being seen as I truly am to myself had been harder than it was to do with others. I hadn't minded sharing my insecurity or weakness with friends who could then help me or do that thing with me or even for me. Being vulnerable in that way served a purpose. There on that island, I was just with me. I could not rely on anyone else to help me, reflect back to me, define me, set boundaries for me, or make choices for me. My raw vulnerability just sat there with me.

No rescue was on its way. I had to be enough because I was all I was going to get. Going deep inside the sphere was setting me free. It was that uncomfortable kind of freedom where the animal that has known only its cage steps outside and then turns back toward the cage thinking it holds comfort. But my cage had been stolen unceremoniously from this beach as soon as I had stepped out of it to explore. The sea sent a series of gentle waves to quietly pull it out to the deep beyond retrieval. just as the weight of my figurative layers of burqa cloth had felt familiar while also weighing me down, that cage had felt comfortable while keeping me small. I looked out across the sea in front of me and imagined that I saw one last glint of sunlight off the metal bars.

Just before my cage went under, never to be seen again. The things that had hidden me from the world and myself had been buried at sea. I was free. It was time to find my new edges. Oh, my God. I'm still emotional for me. Beautiful. Thank you.

Yeah. It's amazing when we have to revisit some of those hard things. Yeah. It's just another level of healing that happens inside of us. For sure. And that's emotional for me. Not in a scary, sad way anymore. Those are actual like tears of gratitude.

Now I just can feel that old version of me experiencing that. and then how far I've come. So using that fear, like that's where I was at there to where I am now. So I published this book. I started going, I visit book clubs and have incredible conversations with people. I've been on quite a few podcasts. I have gone to and spoken at different groups and things. And what I've learned that I didn't realize then, which has now

become my message when I do speak with people is we have got to normalize fear. I think it's like the last thing. We as a society, as a culture, we didn't used to be comfortable talking about sex, politics, religion, finances, right? Right. But to some degree, we're comfortable sharing most of those things within certain groups, right? At least you have somebody you can talk to about most of those things. Right. Not fear. Not fear.

And we are doing ourselves this huge disservice. We avoid fear. We deny we have fear. We push through fear. Like all these words that we use. It's like there's so much shame around being afraid. And the thing is, is if we were teaching our children that fear is normal. Yeah.

The fear is healthy. Fear is actually here to help us. It is either keeping you safe or if it's holding you back. But if it's holding you back, it's telling you what your next thing to work on is. Like this, you're afraid of this because what's underneath that. What are you afraid of? Let's look at that. How could how could we provide support for that? Is there a way we could give you a skill set that will help you feel less afraid? Is there a community? we could be in, that you could do it with people. Right. And if we were teaching our children that this is normal, giving them tools to normalize it, to talk about it, to ask for help to, you know, I just think it would be a massive game changer in our culture. Yeah. All of us walking around, we are afraid, I would argue, 100% of the time.

Because our self-talk is fear, right? It's like, oh, did I dress appropriately for this networking meeting? I'm about to walk into you. Am I going to know anybody? Am I like every moment of every day? It's like we're asking ourselves if we measure up, if we're enough, if we're going to be able to handle something, if we forgot something. If we, you know, just all, it's petty little things that they trigger fear.

So, um, I just think if we were like able to be candid about that and talk about it. And that's what I find in these groups is that when incredible things have been shared in these groups because I go first, right? You know, in women, especially when we're in a group and someone shares something vulnerable, other members of the group are more apt to share something vulnerable. And I have learned that this book does that. I'm going first and making the room safe. And then they're sharing. So I've had women in book clubs who were in these book clubs before I came in, right? It's their book club. And they were opening up and sharing stuff with their fellow members that they had not shared big stuff, big life stuff that they were not talking about. And they got that

support, you know, and I just, it's like, and it doesn't matter the age of people, young to old. I've had just such a spectrum, men, women, all commenting like, oh my gosh, I realize I have had this fear my whole life and I never let myself go do this thing, you know, I'm going to go do that. So it's just been an incredible journey and my own relationship with my fear has shifted. I actually personified it in the book and I have kept that. So it's fear with a capital F and for me it's a girl. So I refer to her as she. But we have conversations and I'm like, okay, like what do you need? What do you need to calm down? And is this real? Is this based on something that happened, you know, decades ago and that's not what's happening now and I have respect for her. I appreciate the alarm bells

and I also will not allow her autonomy, right? She doesn't get to make the decision. She gets to be heard. Yep. Yeah. So I just now I kind of am like, oh, okay, I'm afraid of that. All right. Well, I guess that's what I'm signing up to do, you know? So I don't do that 100% of the time, but I try to like lean in that direction with things. And I feel myself opening up and being more, more fully me, more fully expressed. Yeah. Right. Wow. What an incredible journey that of your entire life that this experience took you on, that you would have had no idea was part of who you are or what most of us are. You are an incredible inspiration. I've had tears and joy and laughter and all the same emotions.

And it's like, wow, this is really powerful. I'm just so grateful for your time and to spend with me to share your story. I just can't wait for people to hear it that haven't. So thank you. Thank you. I'm grateful too. I just, I knew while I was there that this needed to be shared. I didn't know what that would look like yet.

I'm just grateful I was able to get it out there and whatever ripples it's doing. Right. Well, I feel like you've shared it with a lot of grace and beauty, and that's a beautiful story. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. So people can order your book on Amazon. Both things are true. Janine Valentine, I would definitely suggest grabbing a copy and enjoying it for what it's worth and for what you can learn from it.

Thank you. It's also an audible. I recorded it myself. So if you're more of a audiobook person, it's also available there. It's interesting. What I noticed when you read that section, it was like fully you. And your words were just like piercing. So I'm glad you're the one who read it because everything you read, those words were so clear and so, powerful. So to have you read your book, that's really amazing. Good job. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I felt I needed to. It was my story and I knew where it was supposed to be funny and where it was not. Exactly. Yeah. And humor in there. So that's also me, right? That's also me. Yeah. Oh, boy. Well, thank you so much for your time and sharing today, Janine. I'm sure that those who

listen will really be blessed. So thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. Thanks so much for joining us for the Inspired Impact Podcast. To listen to past episodes, please visit theinspiredimpactpodcast.com.