Business Innovators Radio - Vismaya Rubin: The Transformative Power of Gratitude – An Inspiring Story

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

Vismaya Rubin Shares the Transformative Power of GratitudeIn this episode, Dr. Tami Patzer talks with Vismaya Rubin, the founder of Living in Gratitude Today, a platform dedicated to helping people find something to be grateful for no matter what their circumstances. Vismaya shares her profound insights into how gratitude can coexist with grief and how this practice can lead to a more fulfilling life.Vismaya Rubin is an expert in the transformative power of gratitude. She has been practicing and teaching gratitude for years, and has seen firsthand how it can shift perspectives and create more joy, even in the midst of life’s challenges. Vismaya’s own life experiences, including the loss of her father, cousin’s husband, aunt, and mother, have deepened her understanding of how gratitude and grief can coexist.During the interview, Vismaya discusses the main points of her gratitude practice, including the importance of looking for “gratitude wins” throughout the day, rather than just listing generic things you’re thankful for. She encourages listeners to set reminders on their phones to pause and reflect on who or what made a difference, how they nourished their mind/body/spirit, and what made them smile or laugh. Vismaya also shares powerful stories of how gratitude helped her navigate difficult situations, such as clearing out her stepfather’s home and caring for her mother in her final days.This episode is a must-listen for anyone who is struggling with grief, overwhelm, or a general sense of dissatisfaction with life. Vismaya’s wisdom and vulnerability will inspire you to cultivate more gratitude, even in your darkest moments. By shifting your mindset and making gratitude a daily practice, you can unlock a newfound sense of joy, purpose, and resilience.To learn more about Vismaya Rubin and her work, visit LivinginGratitudeToday.com. There, you can also download her Gratitude Wins Bingo card, a fun and interactive way to track your daily gratitude practice. Follow Vismaya on social media @LivinginGratitudeToday for more inspiring content and tips.Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/vismaya-rubin-the-transformative-power-of-gratitude-an-inspiring-story

Welcome to Business Innovators Radio, featuring industry influencers and trendsetters, sharing proven strategies to help you build a better life right now. Hi, everyone. This is Dr. Tammy Patzer, and welcome to the show, where we bring you inspiring stories and expert insights to help you achieve success in your personal and professional life. Today, we have a very special guest, Ishma Rubin, an expert. in the transformative power of gratitude. Vishmaya is the founder of living in gratitude today, a platform dedicated to helping people find something to be grateful for, no matter what their circumstances. She is here to share her profound insights in how gratitude can co-exist with grief

and how this practice can lead to a more fulfilling life. join us as we explore the magic of gratitude. Welcome. So great to see you. So great to be here. I've been following you for a long time and I always love to be part of whatever you're doing. So you share so many great tips and tricks for people and I am a big fan.

Thank you. And I'm a big fan of yours as well. I often think about you in some of our adventures. like when we were out in California and you're selling your T-shirts and your bracelets and how I was running around trying to find people and I'd bring them back to your booth. And I remember, I remember. I think she bought bracelets and T-shirts because she was going to a wedding. And I think it was a cruise or something.

So she was buying all kinds of cool stuff. So I always think about all those fun times. And then, of course, all of the different live events that we've been to together. And I was just realizing, like, after 2020 with COVID, a lot of the live events have now gone online or some people are having live events again. But I'm always want to talk about gratitude because sometimes in our daily lives, we just forget. about the fact that we have so much to be grateful for despite all of the other things. So I want to just start with a little recap of your journey and how you came to focus on gratitude. So when it all, I think my whole life I haven't practiced gratitude but didn't realize it until one day somebody asked a question, when did it all start?

And I think, like I said, I think I've always practiced it. but I called myself lucky. And then as I started to understand more about gratitude, I'm like, you know what, I wasn't lucky. I had made, maybe it wasn't a conscious decision at that time, but I had made some sort of unconscious decision to practice gratitude regardless of what was going on. But it really started to blow up when I was teaching,

and I was teaching writing, and I had my kids keeping gratitude charts. And what I started to notice is that, you know, ninth graders who thought they know everything when they walked into my class and I said, all right, guys, we're keeping a gratitude chart. You need to come up with 20 things you're grateful for every month and they have to be different things each month. And when they first saw me, they were like, this lady has lost her mind. You could hear them murmuring under their breath. She's crazy. She doesn't know my life.

I'm going to make stuff up. And he said, do all that you have to do. Make it up as long as I have a list of 20. And then slowly but surely what started to happen is they would leave me little minutes, thanking me for having them to these gratitude charts. And the insights that they realized that they came up with were amazing. Like their whole paradigms of their life shifted just by simply practicing gratitude. They realized that they had better relationships with their siblings.

They realized that they had so much to be grateful for. They realized that, wow, I'm so lucky that I get to spend all this time with my family or, you know, I'll never forget one girl came up to me. She said, you know what I realize when I'm having a bad day, all I have to do is go out and do something nice for somebody else and it ships it for me. And it really was impactful because if ninth graders can understand the power of a single practice, adults should be able to do it as well.

I would hope so, but sometimes we need to be reminded about all of the things. that we need to be grateful for. You talk about that you can experience gratitude and grief all at the same time. Explain that because they seem to be exact opposites. Right. So we always say that when we practice gratitude, it's the highest elevation. It's the highest feeling that we can possibly,

vibration. which is true. But when we experience loss, their sadness. When we experience a trauma, their sadness, you know, and looking at all this rain that happened in the last couple of days in South Florida, I was thinking about going back to Hurricane Andrew. And I don't know how it came up the other day, but someone was talking about it.

We lost everything in Hurricane Andrew. So it was sad. It was devastating. You know, we didn't have running water. My mom, it was bipolar. the time. She completely freaked out on me. I was sleeping on this chair, this like lazy boy chair in the heat because the air conditioning wasn't working. The windows were cracked, so there was mosquitoes. It was pitch black at night. We lived behind a Girl Scout camp, so there was a lot of

woods. We didn't know if there was going to be animals coming in. It was scary. And at the same time, there were the most magical moments that happened. My uncle and cousin from Maryland packed up their truck and drove down with generators and food and bottled water for my cousin and I. Strangers would drive down our street and say, oh, there's a tent or there's a hole in the roof, and they would get on top of the roof and they would patch it so that we wouldn't have more water coming in.

Those were magical moments. I didn't realize it at the time that I was practicing gratitude, but I remember feeling this immense, joy, this immense relief, happiness, even in those moments that were like devastating. You know, people would come by, there was support from the community.

So we all have experienced those moments where we're feeling very sad and wonderful things happen. But if we're not honed in on the fact that those are gratitude wins, those are moments that we can look back on and go, wow, even in my dark is most difficult times, there's always a glimmering light. And sometimes we have to train ourselves to look for them. I think you're right what you just said. Sometimes we have to train ourselves to look for them

because like, again, life gets hard. The hurricanes, like for example, in the last, what, four or five years we've had a pandemic, COVID-19, two or three hurricanes have blown through, again, that were devastating to different parts. Flooding, of course, is always something, you know, that happens to us yet at the same time when you look at the renewal that happens after certain disasters or just like with rain, my little granddaughter today, we were talking about the rain and how it helps the flowers grow and the trees grow, even though sometimes it's, you know, makes it so we can't leave the house because it's a deluge of getting wet, but getting wet is just part of the process of having a renewal of positive things. So you often,

will say there's always something to be grateful for. And with that, I have two questions connected to this. Why do people think practicing gratitude is what we would call woo-woo. So if there's always something to be grateful for, but why do people think it's woo-woo? So there's two things. I'm going to start with the lulu part. I think what happens is that when we talk about having, when we talk about practicing gratitude, most people think that it's this, this blanket thing that I'm ignoring everything else because, oh, everything is wonderful and fabulous. It's almost like toxic positivity where we believe that we can never feel bad, that we always have these, that life is perfect and wonderful. So they're like, oh, that's not for me other than the real world. Practicing gratitude doesn't mean ignoring,

you know, the roof is falling in. It doesn't mean anything like that. And I think that's where the disconnect comes in because practicing gratitude is about finding the magic even when life is falling apart. Practicing gratitude is about training our brain to find those moments that bring us joy,

that bring us happiness, that bring us one glimpse of sunshine in the midst of everything else. And, you know, when we talk about it, people are like, oh,

well, if I think that, you know, everything, I'm grateful for everything. I can't push myself to change. I can't push myself to advance. I can't push myself to go to the next level. And quite the opposite is true, because when you practice gratitude the way I teach it, you're looking consciously at those things that you did well every day and you get to see how you're making progress and moving forward in your goals and your dreams or what having, even if there's chaos in the background or even if you've

kind of take a few steps back, you're focusing on the steps that you've taken forward. So that's why they think it's which you woo sometimes because they believe that it doesn't allow us to, it leaves us complacent and this idea that everything is perfect. And the second part is there's always something to be grateful for. Quite honestly, when I used to hear people say that, I'd want to poke them in the eye. Because it would really aggravate me. I'm like, I'm in the middle of all this craziness. And you're telling me there's always something to be grateful for.

And it really hit home recently. I was giving a, I was at an event and we were doing something for women who were homeless on Mother's Day. And a friend of mine told the founder of the organization, you should have this Maya talk about gratitude for the past, you know, for the last five minutes or something. I said, okay. So she said, you know, do your thing.

So I got up and I said, in my head in the beginning, I'm like, how are going to talk about gratitude to women who are living on the streets, who may or may not have a relationship with their mother or their children, and that's Mother's Day, in a couple of days? So after being part of this whole beautiful tea party, because showering love puts together a tea party every year for Mother's Day, and it was spectacular. It was like absolutely beautiful, down to the china, to the food.

It was magical. And I'm listening to these women talk and they weren't complaining. They weren't depressed. They weren't down on themselves. They were talking about how they survive, but in a really positive way. So when I started to talk to them about this whole idea of gratitude and looking for those, our gratitude wins on a daily basis, I will tell you, every one of them was sitting down, writing notes, looking at, you know, seeing how they could practice it, how they could, you know, how they could

actually add more granted to the into their life. And it really dawned on me at that moment that I made a judgment when I went in there. Like, how am I going to offer them something? Because in my opinion, or in my belief, when you're homeless, you've hit rock bottom. How am I going to offer them something to, without patronizing them, without, you know, really without patriotism, and how are I going to make them feel like they have the power to do something? And the truth is that I walked out with the biggest lesson. Like, even when you're rock bottom living on the streets, you always have something to be grateful for. Because that's what these women were talking about.

That's what these women were sharing. And it goes back to the same thing about grief and gratitude. As I was thinking about, you know, some of the stories I was going to share with you today, there have been so many times in my life where I was at some of my lowest moments, but because I had been practicing gratitude, I could see the things that happen, different things that happen with a little bit more light. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does because like you said, you had a preconceived judgment about those people, yet they were there at this event, and then you show up and give them something positive so that they could apply it to their situation. And then, of course, like always, guess who learns something? You. Sometimes I think that's why we show up in different places. It's not about what we can provide to someone. It's what they might help you to see and open you up to whatever it is that's going to help you to become better at what you're actually offering to people. So you talked a lot about gratitude and practicing gratitude in your daily life. So what were some of the tips that you

shared with those women that day? So there's two. things. One is we're always told, you know, most people when they talk about practicing gratitude, they say, come up with a list of three things you're grateful for every morning. Or write down 10 things you're grateful for and people say, okay, I'm grateful for my house. I'm grateful for my car. I'm grateful I have my hair looks good today. I'm grateful I have food on the table. I'm grateful I have coffee. I'm grateful I have family. I'm grateful I have a phone that I can use. I'm grateful I have a car. Well, all of those are wonderful, but it's a really. It's a road gratitude list. And when you repeat the

road gratitude list every day, it has no value. So the way I teach gratitude is we all walk around on our cell phones, have your cell phone go off every three to four hours, and ask yourself these questions. So that phone goes off, you take a deep breath, and you pause and you look around and you say,

who or what made a difference for me today? So what's the acronym is wins. Who or what made a difference for me today? How did I make the world a little bit brighter. How did I nourish my mind, body, or spirit? And what made me smile or laugh until my sides hurt? Now, you don't have to be stuck in that framework, but those are just ways that you can start taking a look at your world and seeing if something small fit into one of those

categories. And I think it's really important that we start to pay attention to what we did well and how we made the world brighter because then we start to, you know, when we're having a bad day or we're down on ourselves, we get to notice, well, you know what? Look at what I do to make somebody's world brighter. And it's not about, not coming from a space of ego, but it's coming from a space of self-love, like acknowledging what I do well in the world, what I bring to the world. And I think that's really important. And the other part is the end is how did I nourish my mind, body, or spirit? When we keep a running log of the, all of our wings, when we're, having a bad day or when we're beating ourselves up or we're having those, you know,

voices in the head who are just not very nice or are creeping out, we open up those gratitude bags or gratitude lists and we start to look at, wow, you know what? I did this. I did that. People really do love me. Look at how this one showed up. Look at how that one showed up. Look at all these magical things. And we have an opportunity to go back and to reflect. So again, look for things that happen today is the main part of it. Look for your wings that happen today. Don't repeat a root gratitude list. So look for your wins.

And I'll make sure that the show notes have what the W-I-N-S stands for so that people can apply this. So I know, I've known you for probably what, since 2016 or so, what, what has? what happened in 2013 that was crazy for you in your life? So my dad and part of his long we moved on Valentine's Day. Two days later, my cousin's husband was killed. Three weeks later, my aunt went into the hospital and we knew she was not coming out. And then three weeks after that, my mother had a stroke. So I was being I thought like I was being tested I was like okay so you started you know making

gratitude bags and now you're talking about gratitude practice what you preach lady and um in the middle of everything you know I remember sharing up with a friend of mine all the things that were happening and she's like the smile I love you but I'm staying away from you like what you mean and she goes you have like you know a bad luck charm on your shoulder or something because all these things are happening to you. And I said, you know, you have not heard one thing I've said because I've shared with you how grateful I was that I had time off of work that I was able to drop everything I was doing to go be with my cousin when her husband died.

I shared with you that, you know, when my aunt was in the hospital, I had this magical moment where I told my husband, my uncle to go home and sleep in his bed. Now my uncle had Parkinson's at the time and was taking care of my aunt in the hospital and he was dying of cancer and to give him that break to go home and sleep in your bed. And the next morning when he walked into the hospital and he's like, oh my God, I feel so good. You know, that was joyful and I got to do that for him. And, you know, being by his side and then my aunt, my other aunt said to me when I said, when I asked and say, you know, well, you sing at Beverly's funeral, my other aunt said to me, Of course, but why can't I sing to her when she's alive? So she came to my other aunt's house and she gave a mini concert and everybody was singing and laughing and joyful.

So it really was, you know, that that blend of extreme sadness, but also those moments that were moments that I'll never forget. And part of the reason I don't forget them is because I've written them down. Yeah, sometimes writing things down, I find is difficult, and I don't know why, because I used to be someone who wrote everything down. I know that you've lost your stepdad, you've lost your mother recently. I remember when my mother passed away going through her things and I don't remember, but making different. decisions about it. And what happened, and it's a moment that I can't ever forget, but on top of this random cardboard box was a piece of paper. And it was actually a poem my mother had written about what she had hoped to leave behind, you know, her legacy. And it was all about, you know,

her books and her children and different things. And I actually ended up reading that poem at her memorial service. So you packed up your stepdad stuff and that was really challenging for you. Can you talk about what gratitude you found in that moment or in those moments? Absolutely. But I want to pin a picture first. Imagine a three-bedroom, two-bathouse, two-car garage, that looks like Samford and Son from the sitcom back in the 70s packed with stuff packed with paper

packed with everything you can imagine so my step-down went in the hospital February 1st of 2021 and then I get a call that said there were two calls I got one the landlord called and said listen by the way he needs to be out by ma'am selling the house and number two the doctor called

and said listen he's he's being being not discharged. What's the one when you released from the hospital? He's being sent home. But he has to have a caregiver. And I'm like, okay, he can't be on his own. I live 45 minutes from him. 30 minutes, 45 minutes.

So I basically had to drop everything I was doing, leave my house, leave everything in goodness health. And my step down and I had a great relationship. We were thickest thieves. We adored each other. So I moved in and I start releasing stuff. I start shredding papers and going. Now I'm telling you there was 80 years worth of papers.

I have to go shred. I have to make sure that they're not important papers. I have to go through every document. Now he's got tools like you've never seen before. I have to start packing up his tools and selling his tools. And I don't know anything about tools. And then I would throw something away and he would go in the garbage and pick it back out. So that was kind of the scenario.

So that's setting the stage. And I remember waking up one morning and just, I was washing dishes. And thank God he slept like a teenager. So he didn't wake up super early in the morning. And I was washing dishes and I was crying. I mean, I was like ugly crying. And I was, I was pissed. I was, I was angry.

I was angry at everybody that I have to do this by myself. I was frustrated. I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't understand like how am I going to manage all of this because I don't know how to do any of this. I don't know how to I don't know how to I don't know how to sell tools. I don't, you know. And then something clicked and it was like, you know, put on your big girl pants and just start to figure it out. You're going to either feel sorry for yourself or you're going to figure it out.

And I started talking to God and remarkably, the most perfect people would show up. I remember I had put something on Facebook, and this was a couple months even before that happened. Somebody came and he's like, listen, I don't know anything about tools, but I've sold a lot on eBay and on marketplace. I'm going to come down and help me price it out.

He came. Another person came, and he's like, listen, you know, after we had been selling things for a couple weeks and time was crunching, he goes, you're doing it the wrong way. This is what I want you to do. I want you to group everything together. I want you to sell it for this price and this for this price and not for this price and this for this price and this for this price.

And what was starting to happen is like these most perfect people would just show up. And it was like the moment I realized that I wasn't going to focus on what wasn't working, I was going to start focusing on what was. All of these things started to happen. And then one day, you know, it was tragic, but it was hysterical. We had sold most of his tools, but we remember to keep a socket set for his wheelchair. So he was sitting in his wheelchair. He could walk, but on long distances I would put him in the wheelchair. So he was sitting in the wheelchair and all of a sudden, the wheel popped off and he's kind of off-sighted.

And I lost it. I think I must have laughed for 10 minutes. I took this Facebook live of it because it was so funny that in the middle of all of this chaos and tragedy and my hair was like, sticking on top of my head and I was sweating and I was disgusting. I mean, I laugh like a belly laugh because out of everything that we sold, we still had that one socket wrench. And here you have this old man who's lopsider now who's getting out of his wheelchair, putting his wheelchair back together.

And it was just, there were moments of reminding myself to look for those magical moments and treat him as such. You know, he would sit in a chair all day and he's like, look at the butterfly. And I remember saying, get up. We're going for a break. We're taking a break right now. And we would go sit outside underneath the avocado tree. And we'd watch the butterflies and we watched the birds.

And one day I said, you know, I needed a massage. My body was killing me. I'm like, let's go get a massage. So I said, you want to come with me? He says, yes, I do. We would go get massages. So we found ways to create our gratitude wings. I had to consciously create some of them because if not it would have been tragically

taking a break and sitting outside underneath the avocado tree or sitting in front of the house and it was crazy. There was this big beehide that would come out and the bees would come out every day and then they would go back in every night and nobody got stung. They didn't bother any of us. They just were hanging out with us or these crazy, beautiful, weird lizards, not iguanas, because we kind of walk by us and just finding ways to focus on those things that we're working and tackling everything one bite at a time.

Like the old adage, you know, how to lead an elephant, do it one bite at a time. And it was really creating those systems because if I did not have the tools of practicing gratitude, looking for those magical moments, looking for those things that brought me a little bit of joy in the middle of the day and then finding ways to create them, we would have been would not have been very pretty at all, you know? So it turned out to be one of the biggest blessings because I got to spend three months with him. And then we finally moved him into an assisted living facility and two months after that, he passed away. So I'm very grateful for the time that I got to be with him.

Yeah, I would say that it was really good that you were able to do that, go actually stay with him and that you helped him with that entire process. Like, yeah, I can imagine, if you've ever watched the hoarder show, you know, I can imagine when you have all 80 years worth of stuff in a house. I can imagine that. So you also, you lost your mother and how did you manage that with gratitude? Because that would have to be losing my mother. I was probably the hardest loss I ever had to endure because I was only 27 at the time.

So I was, you know, the baby. And it was like I lost the, you know, my mother, the only person who ever really loved me. you know, that's how I felt, you know. Absolutely. So that must have been really hard. How did you deal with that? It's not about how I dealt with it. I think it's about, I think it was, again,

how I was able to notice certain things that happened and look at them as gifts rather than as tragedies. And the ones that stick out the most are, you know, my mom went into the hospital. she had emergency surgery the first of September. And then a couple days later, I had to do a show. And it was like one of the biggest shows that I do a year. And I was like, I cannot miss it because it was talking about, you know,

quite a bit of money that I'd have to miss out on it. And I was like, but if I leave her an ICU all day and they don't think she has anyone visiting her, maybe they're not going to treat her well. And the voices started to go. And one of my friends said to me, I got you. I'll go spend a couple hours with her at night. That way they know that somebody's here, somebody is visiting her. I would go in the morning, my friend would go at night.

That was a win. So even though I was my, you know, I felt guilty in some ways that I had to leave her there all day by herself, somebody came in and took over for me. So it's about putting again some of those plans in place and being able to recognize that sometimes when things don't go the way we want them to go, then it doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. It also could be something great. And I'll fast forward. This is the Thursday before my mom passed away.

Sunday so now it's Thursday before she passed away. And they're like, have you talked to hospice? We're not telling you to sign hospice papers, but have you had a conversation with them? And I said, I haven't, but I'm open to having a conversation. I said, okay, I said, but I also want to speak with a rabbi. So I want to talk to a rabbi before I sign anything. Great. So Friday comes, the doctor comes in at night to do his checkup, he goes, well, haven't heard from hospice. I said, I haven't heard from anybody. I haven't heard from a rabbi. I haven't heard from a rabbi. haven't heard from hospice. Don't worry, we'll get somebody here.

And I'm like, well, it's Friday night. So Shabbat's going to happen. I don't know how you're going to get a rabbi here. Haven't heard from hospice. Okay. Saturday morning hospice calls and they said, we've been trying to call you all day Friday, but it went straight.

You know, the call wouldn't go through. And I'm thinking to myself, how interesting, because every other call went through. And I had left the hospital for a short period of time come and came back. So the only call that didn't go through that day was hospice. That was a blessing. So Saturday morning, the doctor comes back in and I said, you know, hospice said, finally call me. They're going to come in today to talk to me. I said, but I haven't talked to a rabbi and today's Shabbat. I don't know how I'm going to find a rabbi.

So one, the doctor that was talking to me went and told the head nurse. The head nurse happened to, you know, as they were speaking, another resident doctor walked by and said, I got somebody, don't worry, the rabbi will be here. And I didn't know that conversation was happening. All of a sudden, it had to be within 10 minutes. Here comes a rabbi. And I'm like, how? He says, they called me. I'm like, but it's Shabbat and you're not allowed to answer the phone. He says, he's a, he's a rabbi who specifically works at the hospitals. And because it's a matter of life and death, he's able to, you know, The rule of saving somebody's life in Judaism is more important than any other law. So he was able to pick up his phone on Shabbat.

And he came in and he said, and I said, here's the deal. Haskis is coming and talk to me. They want me to sign the papers and I'm not really sure what to do. And we have this beautiful conversation and he said, what would your mom want you to do? I said, she want me to sign the papers and not have her come back and be barely able to move. He goes, we didn't know what to do. So the rabbi showing up, there's a lot more of that story, but the fact that he showed up 10 minutes after on Shabbat was a gratitude wins.

The fact that the hospice didn't call me until that Saturday and I got to speak to the rabbi first was a win. Another one is super simple. Now mind you, I had been in the hospital for gays. I felt like I smelled like an elephant. So my idea was she was going to go to hospice. I was going to run home, take a shower fast, change my clothes, and neutered hospice. Well, in comes the ambulance driver who's going to, she was going to. transport her. He's like, you want to come with us? I'm like, I can ride on the ambulance. He's

like, absolutely. All right, perfect. So now I'm going to the hospice. At that new hospital, you only were allowed to have three people in the room. They didn't know I was there. So I'm in the room hanging out with my mother and three of my best friends from childhood show up. Here's another win. If they would have known I was there, they wouldn't have allowed my three friends to come in. So my three friends come in and I called the rabbi. He says, call me at night after Shabbat. I called him up and he said, I'm going to share, he says, I'm not a man of many words. He says, but I want you to live with her tonight. Live with her. My mom is dying. It's imminent. She's dying. It's a matter of when we unplug all the machines and and take out the two, but,

you know, extubate her, she's going. But I kept hearing him say live with her, live with her, live with her. with her. So my three friends show up and I tell them the story and we're like, we're living with her. And this is the first time that my mom was kind of cognizant because she had been heavily sedated. She had been intubated. But because they switched hospitals, they were waiting for the new orders to get the medicine to kind of sedate her and calm her. She was lucid for the first time in 12 days. She looked around and saw my friends. She smiled at them. We listened to music. We reminisce. We talked about all of these beautiful things. Now, on one hand, I'm devastated because I know any day my mom is not going to be here. And on the other hand, I am extremely grateful for these moments that you know, live with her kept going in my mind. Like I could spend the last 24 to 48 hours with her

crying and sobbing and being heartbroken or I can find ways to celebrate one last time. So my friends leave, my mother, you know, I fall asleep next to her. I don't really sleep because I keep waking up and hearing sounds. And my brother came to be with me the next day, and that was Sunday. And a couple of other people came and went, no, my brother is not my mother's son. So, but he didn't want me to be alone. So now it's almost 10.30 at night. Everybody had left.

He stayed with me. And I said, if you make me laugh when my mother dies, I said, I'm going to kill you. because my brother and I have this horrible ability to make each other laugh in the most inopportune situations, like funerals or when something horrible happens to somebody. The two of us look at each other and we're like, so long story short, we're of course when I said that to him, we start cackling and we're going back and forth and back and forth and laughing. but something happened in the morning or a little bit earlier that day. And this is the last two things that were just the most amazing. So when my brother got there, my head was in my mother's hand. And I was sobbing.

And he looks at me and he's like, boo, your mom just said she loved you. Because his face was by her head. He was, you know, rubbing her hair. And I said, what? He goes, yeah. And I looked at her and I go, Ma, you just tell me you love me. And she shook her head, yes. She nodded yes.

And then it's now 10.30 and I told him, you know, don't make you laugh when my mother dies. And we're saying the most inappropriate things to each other back and forth, cracking up, saying, you know, whatever. And all of a sudden I hear, and I look at him and we rush to my mom's side and she takes one more breath. And then she was gone. And the only thing that kept coming to my head was the last words my mother said, where I love you and the last sound she heard was me

laughing. How grateful am I? That's so beautiful. So in my experience we can have the saddest moments and practicing gratitude doesn't mean you're not going to be sad. But we're able to see

those magical moments even in the middle of these heart-wrenching devastating moments that are probably the worst moments we have. We're still able to see glimmers of joy. And there are so many moments. There are so many more parts to that story, but I do believe that we can have both. You know, why are we so sad when people die?

Like, every time, you know, an anniversary of my stepdad's death comes up or his birthday and I can't be with him or my mother, I spend a lot of time just allowing myself to cry. And I just keep saying, thank you, God, because I know these tears are reminders that we had such a delicious relationship, especially my stepdad. And my mom and I were a little bit like oil and water, that if I did not love so hard, I would not be in as much pain. And I'm grateful for both. Wow. What a beautiful message to share with everyone about that because, well, obviously, I'm sitting here, tears are just running on my case. But with that, can you tell me if someone wants to learn more about you and your work, how can people reach out to you?

on all social media either at Living and Gratitude Today or Bismayah underscore Rubin, you can find on all social media platforms, and you can email me at info at living ingratitude today.com. You have a bingo card or a gift that people can get. How can they get a hold of that? What is it exactly? The gratitude wins? So it's a bingo. It's gratitude wins bingo. So basically it's like a, you play it like you do regular bingo, but the difference is that you don't have a caller yelling out numbers. And you only win if you put your little square where they call out the numbers. You win every

time you fill out a square. So it's another way to keep track of your gratitude wins. But what's very interesting about it is that you start to, when you have them in that format, you get to notice, am I spending most of my time looking at who or what made a difference for me? Am I spending all of my time thinking about how did I nourish my mind, body, or spirit? And it gives you the opportunities to start to pay attention. If you notice that none of your eyes are filled out, like, how did I make the world a little bit brighter? If you haven't felt anything out, you start to be calm as in the fact of, hey, you know, how did I make the world brighter today? What did I do to make somebody's world brighter?

and you start to focus in and hone in on those aspects. And it's been really amazing because what most people see is the last time I did it with a very small group, they said, we realized that we don't laugh enough. I said, well, how do we remedy that? You know, go on to social media and find a pet channel or one of the little kids or I crack up every time Steve Harvey or Ellen they interview these children. I laugh out loud because they're so funny. So find something to add a little bit of laughter.

And it's pretty fun. You get to see where you spend your time and what you're focusing on, and then you get to also be cognizant of looking at the other aspects that you're missing. I'm really lucky because I have two little grandchildren, three and four, and they laugh at anything and everything. And so most nights before we go to sleep, it is a lot of laughter of just silly things that they find amusing, you know, before bedtime. So I want to give you a chance. One piece of advice that you could give someone who may be struggling right now in their life.

What would you say? My favorite quote by Dr. Robert Menn's gratitude is an effortful. state to create and maintain. It is not for the intellectually lethargic. If you're feeling sad, feel sad. And at the same time, look for your gratitude wins. I love it. Don't, yeah, don't pretend you have to be happy if you're feeling sad.

So allow yourself to feel whatever. Yes. Feel what you feel because then otherwise you feel bad for feeling bad, which makes you feel worse and that's ridiculous. Well, everyone... It's a cycle. Livinging Gratitude Today.com. Go check it out.

Thank you so much. You've told some fabulous stories that I think really can help people to understand the role that gratitude can play in your life to just make your life a much more robust thing. really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for having me. It's always a pleasure to be with you and see you. Thank you. Everyone, this is Dr. Tammy Passer.

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