Business Innovators Radio - When Love Isn’t Enough: Why You Need a Will with Tamryn E. Valenzuela, Esq., the NJ Legacy Lawyer

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Thought Leaders Show: Legal Edition | Guest: Tamryn E. Valenzuela, Esq., the NJ Legacy LawyerTamryn Valenzuela grew up in a two-cop household in Jersey City and spent the better part of two decades on the criminal side of the law: civilian clerk for the Jersey City Police Department, the Hudson County prosecutor’s office, six years with the public defender in Sussex County. In 2021, two things happened at once. She recognized a defendant in a Hudson County courtroom as the same man she’d been typing arrest reports on in 1997, and she was living through the aftermath of her father’s death without a will. He had been her stepfather from infancy, and she had never once called him that while he was alive. After he died, one sibling made sure she was reminded, over and over, that legally he wasn’t her father.In this conversation with Dr. Tamara Patzer, Tamryn explains why the fight was never about money (what she wanted was a t-shirt from his drawer that smelled like him), why 98 percent of families sit in her office and say “we all love each other,” and why the law makes it hard to honor even the clearest verbal wishes. She lays out the three documents every adult should have from their 18th birthday on, and why she puts the will last. She tells the story of a client who inherited an entire IRA because a sibling wasn’t born yet when the beneficiary form was filled out, and now files a gift-tax return every year to split it. And she describes a 2026 case in which a child went months without health insurance after her father’s death because no guardian was named, while four sets of loving relatives fought in court over who should raise her.Questions this episode answersWhy would a lawyer leave criminal law after twenty years for estate planning?What happens to a blended family when there’s no will?Is a handwritten letter enough? Why do verbal wishes fail even when the family wants to honor them?What are the three documents every adult needs at 18, and what does each one actually do?Should a power of attorney take effect immediately or only on disability?Why does an out-of-date beneficiary form cause a gift-tax problem for the survivors?Why can an accident settlement sit for years when there’s no executor?What happens to a minor child when no guardian is named in a will?Do you need a trust, or is a will enough?Why is estate planning not just for rich people?About Tamryn ValenzuelaTamryn E. Valenzuela, Esq. is Chair of the Trusts & Estates Practice Group at Laddey, Clark & Ryan LLP, with offices in Sparta, Morristown, and Phillipsburg, New Jersey. With more than two decades of legal experience, her practice covers estate planning, administration and litigation, guardianships, and long-term-care planning through individualized asset protection strategies. She previously served as judicial law clerk to the Hon. Angelo Servidio, J.S.C., Hudson County Vicinage, and as a court-appointed advocate for foster children and incapacitated individuals. She was named to the 2026 New Jersey Super Lawyers Rising Stars list and serves as Secretary and Executive Board Member of the Sussex County Bar Association (2026–2027). She is a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, the Estate Planning Council of Northern New Jersey, and the New Jersey State Bar Association. Her community work includes hosting Wills for Heroes, coaching the Vincent J. Apruzzese High School Mock Trial Competition, and chairing a committee for the Patriot’s Path Council, Boy Scouts of America. She holds a J.D. from Seton Hall University School of Law and a B.A. from Montclair State University. She is licensed in New Jersey and the U.S. District Court for the District of New Jersey.Connect with Tamryn@njlegacylawyer on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook. She says she’s responsive to DMs.Laddey, Clark & Ryan: https://www.lcrlaw.com/about/tamryn-e-valenzuela-esq/ | 973-313-8605LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tamrynvalenzuelaThis episode is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. Tamryn Valenzuela is licensed to practice in New Jersey; laws vary by state. Figures mentioned are current as of the recording date. Consult an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction about your own situation.The Thought Leaders Showhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/the-thought-leaders-show/Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/when-love-isnt-enough-why-you-need-a-will-with-tamryn-e-valenzuela-esq-the-nj-legacy-lawyer

You are listening to The Thought Leaders Show with the world's cutting edge hottest innovators, influencers, and impact makers today. If you are looking for inspiration and motivation, listen in. Welcome to The Thought Leader Show. Now, here's your host. Hi, everyone. This is Dr. Tamara Patser, and this is the Thought Leader Show Legal Edition. and I'm really excited because I have a 2026 New Jersey super lawyers rising star with me today.

And her name is Tamron Balenzuela and she is an attorney in New Jersey. And let me just talk a little bit more about her. She spent 20 years as a criminal lawyer. before a personal loss redirected her entirely. And we'll get more into that. And I always like stories like this because sometimes we're on a path, we think we're on the path to our purpose,

then something happens, and we get that major wake-up call. So we're going to take a little bit deeper dive into that. Her stepfather passed away without a will. So she watched her blended family fracture over something that could have been prevented. So just think about that. The whole family fractured. So that experience is why she is now the chair at the Trusts and Estates Practice of Laddie, Clark, and Ryan in New Jersey.

and her community knows her as the New Jersey legacy lawyer. Sounds like a TV show. So welcome. Thank you, Tammy. I'm happy to be here. So let's just get right into the nitty-gritty of it. So you were 20 years in criminal law, then what happened? So I was working criminal law.

for a long time. Both of my parents, my mother and my stepfather actually were police officers. So I was raised in a two-cop household in Jersey City, New Jersey. My first job after high school was with the Jersey City Police Department as a civilian clerk. I had been on that side for many years. I worked with prosecutor's office in Hudson County. I spent six years working for the public defender in Sussex County, New Jersey. And then in 2021, I was working in the Hudson County Courthouse. And I recognized one of the defendants, actually, in a case, who was the same person I had been typing up arrest records for in about 1997. So almost 20 years later, still kind of up to the same things, experiencing the same struggles.

and I was feeling a little bit deflated about the criminal justice system in our country, in our state. And at the same time that that was happening, I was dealing with the aftermath of my stepfather's death and the friction and the loss of certain family members who's still alive. But, you know, effectively I lost them from my life. And so I was learning a little bit about trusts and estates. And so since I was at a point in my career where I was wrapping up a contractual employment opportunity, looking towards what my next employment would be, it seemed like a good time to try something different. And I thought I could take a different approach to estate planning and come at it with the heart of a civil servant, which is I think I come from a long line of that type of personality. and just approach it in a more family-centric way. And once I learned the basics and I learned the ground floor of how the protections work,

how what the tools are in estate planning, I think when I started to apply that to my own clients rather than working under someone else, it just took off for me. I mean, the practice is flourishing, but I am flourishing because I am excited to go to work every day. and I feel that what I'm giving people is really rewarding. And for the most part, my clients are very grateful. So I think it was a good choice for me to switch. So I'm going to take you back to that time when.

So you grew up in a, I guess a step family or something like that where you, it was a multi, like his. blended family. Yes. Blended family. Yes. Okay. So when your stepfather passed away without a will, what changed? What happened to the dynamics of the family?

What were the frictions? So he was my stepfather from infancy. So I really, during his life, and it feels uncomfortable to call him my stepfather, actually. If we're having a formal conversation and with, for technicalities, matter. I have to do that. But never in my life, I refer to him while he was alive as my stepfather. Never did I think of him as my stepfather. He was my father and he died. And then suddenly, one of my siblings was very keen to remind me that he was not my father. And in the legal context, it came up over and over again. It mattered in that because he was divorced from my mother at the time that he

passed. It meant that I did not stand to inherit anything from him, which is something in and of itself, but wasn't the upsetting part for me. But the feeling that to other people, it's really important to make sure that you don't inherit something is hurtful. And when it came time to apply the surrogate's office for who would be the administrator of his estate, I mean, I was the most highly educated of the siblings. I was the eldest of the siblings. I am significantly older than them because it's from a second marriage for my mother. So I didn't raise them, but I was very involved as a sister who's eight years old at the time that you're born, right?

You kind of think of them in a very nurturing and parentified way. So when then now these other people who I changed their diapers, are casting me aside because they're the more appropriate person to do the work, that was hurtful to me. When the sibling who insisted she should do it was not able to manage to take care of it, because I was in a point of time where I was raising older children. She gave birth to her first child in the months after, in the year after my father passed. You know, so her life was busy.

She couldn't handle it. And then she just took it upon herself to pass the torch, the responsibility on to a non-blood relative, a child of my father's former partner on the police force. And so to me, that was what cut the most deeply because she decided that this other person who is also not his child, right? he was, but the child of another person doesn't even share a mother with you, wasn't even raised in our home, you feel that that person is more the closest relative aside from yourself. And so that just, you know, each of these things happen. It makes it more difficult to enjoy holidays together, I think, like a normal family who's loving because you really do feel kind of kicked in the teeth by other people.

And nobody, I don't think, sees it coming. I deal with a lot of families. and everyone when they're planning sits in front of you, 99, 98% say, everyone loves each other. We all get along great. No one would do anything to hurt one another. You know, my father didn't write a will, but he did write a letter to each of us that said, your sisters love each other, love each other forever, always have each other's back. But then, you know, it does happen.

And it happens, 98% of the people don't see it happening. most of the time it doesn't happen, but it's incredibly rare that you have a person who is not shocked by the actions or position that one person is taking, right? I don't know why it's not always that it's a lot of money. It just somehow seems that death entitlement and grief and feelings cause us to act in ways we would not otherwise expect.

Well, first, thank you for sharing that because I think for our listeners, it puts it into perspective and you said it. We do not expect that the people we grew up with, our sisters, because they're your sisters. I mean, just because you have a different father or a different mother or whatever the situation is, there's still your relatives,

they're still related to you. And even if you're not blood relative, if you grew up in the same household, you know, that's how I would feel. But I think that for, like you said, most people don't even see it coming. And I think that's why it's so important that people start looking at this.

In your experience, what is the main reason why, like, you know, using your dad as an example, your father, and he didn't have a will, but he did take the time to write a letter, right? But he didn't do a formal will. Why do you think he avoided that? Because I think a lot of people, it's like, they think, well, if I write a will, I'm inviting death.

I mean, is that what the problem is? I think a lot of people do feel that way, although that's not true. I mean, you can't convince people who are superstitious not to be superstitious. But I think for a time he may have felt that way. had a long battle with cancer. So he did know it was coming. And I think that when he couldn't deny it was coming anymore, that's why he decided to, you know, start to write these things down. But I think because he assumed that not just that we loved each other, but that we loved and respected him enough that we would not dishonor his memory by going against his wishes. And,

you know, that that happens more often than not. And he may not have recognized that, um, even if like I said, when it comes to the inheritance to the money, which was really not the point in my case for me, even if my sister had wanted to, um, even if my sister had wanted to, give me a third of a bazillion dollars that he could have had. Legally, the law would have said it did not come to me. And it would have been more complicated. I'm actually working with a family right now that didn't have a will and it was a second marriage.

And the widow and the daughter from the first marriage are working together to split things 50-50, but it involves the wife disclaiming certain things, which could have negative consequences to her. She needs to get long-term care or something in the next five years. There are tax implications. If someone inherents everything, I have another person who inherited an entire IRA and wants to transfer 50% of the value to their sibling every year because that sibling was born after dad filled out the beneficiary forms. So not meant to be disinherited, just simply not alive yet to be listed. So update your beneficiary forms, people. But now there has to be a gift tax return filed every year because it's going to be in excess of that $19,000 amount that you're allowed to give.

So even if your family tries to honor what you've told them verbally, the law makes it hard. So why not just take a couple hours, spend a couple bucks and make it formal, you know, so that they can do exactly what you want. They have very clear instructions and they have the proper legal authority. it doesn't need to be an emotional thing. It is, it's just a document. It's just like a contract with your future self. It's a contract with your loved ones who you're leaving things. That's one way to approach it if you think it's inviting death.

I mean, it's inevitable for everyone. So whether you invite it or not, it's coming for you. And I think one of the things, you know, as I'm listening to you talk, it's like you're reading my mind about the, questions because actually my question was tell me a real story about somebody who didn't fill out the beneficiary for so I'm laughing but at the same time I'm thinking about um you know obviously I've put myself in other people's shoes and I think about how long it took me to finally get a formal will and and all of those little documents um that people they don't think about you know

Maybe they have adult children. Maybe they have younger children. Like a will versus a trust. What is, or maybe not even that. What are the documents and the things that everyone should have, like the minimum paperwork that you really should have to protect not only your assets, Because everybody always seems to be worried about money, money, money. But in the long run, like you said, it really wasn't for you.

It wasn't about money. It was that feeling of, you're my family. And we're not, you know, I was there when you were born. I changed your diapers. You're my baby. When you're eight years old, you would have, I know my sister, I was seven years younger. She treated me like I was her little baby doll. Right?

Yeah. And my brothers and sisters are all quite a bit older than me. So I was like the baby, but they treated me like I was, they needed to protect me, right? Because I was the baby. So what do people really need? Like, do they need a trust? Do they need a will? And then I'm going to add something on to that.

People, I've heard a lot of people go, oh. that's only for rich people, you know, to have this stuff. I hear that all the time. And it's very much not true. Again, my father was a very regular blue collar guy and he died in his 60s. So he was still in his like working and accumulating and saving for retirement, not in his, I have this big pile of things to share. And what I would have wanted most was just a T-shirt from his drawer that smelled like him.

That would have meant the world to me. and those are the types of things that I wasn't able to receive. But for everyone, the general public, from actually your 18th birthday on, you should have at minimum of a will, a power of attorney, and an advanced directive for health care. Of course, I'm going to say the will's incredibly important, but I'll talk about that one last because I think that the other two are more pressing needs. The power of attorney goes into effect either when you sign it or upon your disability.

My personal professional recommendation is make it go into effect immediately. You should pick someone you trust no matter what. And if you don't trust them not to steal from you while you're competent, I don't know that giving them the keys to the kingdom once you're incapacitated is in your best interest. But you should get maybe more thorough legal advice to your own situation for that. But the power of attorney let someone help manager fails while you're alive and you can't do it for yourself. So perhaps someone with Alzheimer's dementia or has a stroke and can no longer sign documents, sure, it can let them manage all of your finances, make long-term care arrangements for you in those situations. But also if you're 19 years old in a horrible car wreck and you're in a coma or in a hospital recovering from severe injuries for

four months. It lets your parents or your partner or whomever you choose, make sure your rent gets paid, you know, pause subscriptions, pause certain utilities, right? Take care, just pay your bills so that your cell phone doesn't get turned off while you're home alone or at the hospital alone. Make sure your Netflix subscription keeps going. Apply for unemployment or disability on your behalf, right? That happens to 19-year-old people all the time. And when there's not an already recognized person in place, the first step your family has to do is try to get authority. So I think a power of attorney is incredibly important. And advanced directive for health care allows someone after that accident to help the doctors decide if, you know, are they going to try to save the leg or should they

amputate? Do we pull the plug or do we wait 30 days? You know, in the case of we saw that young woman down in, I think it was Georgia last year, and she had an accident, it was discovered that she was about eight weeks pregnant at the time, right? If there's a health care directive in place, it can help give instructions what to do as far as that pregnancy, what to do in terms of staying on life support or taking you off of that. And all of those things happen before the will is even an issue because you're still alive. But finally, having a will lets you choose who's going to be the person. If your family starts to argue about what color flowers to have at your funeral, your will says who's the tiebreaker.

Your will says who can clean out your apartment. Your will says who gets the drawer full of T-shirts and the money in the bank accounts and the gold bars you've hidden. All of the things, right? Whatever you have, special earrings to your goddaughter. Simple or highly valuable, sentimental, or transactional. Just naming the person who makes the actual transfers happen is incredibly helpful. And if you do have any type of money, you can waive the requirement for a bond, which is like an insurance policy, and that can cost money to your family to get one.

and I have actually several cases I've worked on where someone died as the result of an accident, whether at work or in an automobile. And sometimes the settlements are held up for as long as years, because if there was no will in place with no executor appointed, maybe no one in the family has credit so they can qualify for a bond to cover a $5 million settlement being distributed. Whoa, there's a lot of little details in all of that. I mean, because I think about most 19-year-olds or 18-year-olds, and I think that's the point because you're in New Jersey, right?

And in most states, isn't 18 when someone is considered an adult now? Is that why it is that age? And then it's just like you send your kid. off to college and if you don't have all of that information ready to go and something happens, you can't even help them. Or again, situations where people aren't married, that might be another situation, where you're not married, but you're the significant other, or you're just, you know, a good friend that they want you to be the one to help them if something were to ever happen. It just sounds like there's so many life scenarios that you need that really advice, because

every, in my experience, I've been talking to different attorneys all over the country, and there's little teeny tweaky laws in each one that may be a little bit different, just like probate, and the length of time it takes for probate, and how do you protect, like, you protect like your family home, for example, from that? Or what if I was listening to Grant Cardone? He's talking about that his father passed away when he was 10 years old. And his mother, even though the house was paid off, the mom sold it and bought a smaller house because she, in her grief, could not see how she could even afford to do the

maintenance of keeping up this house. And he talked about that. And I was just like going, wow, you know, the house was paid off. I mean, you know, logically, like me, I would go, well, I would just keep the house. But, you know, think about it. This was a long time ago. And she, you know, obviously had four children, I think, and he was 10. And so she had to make those decisions, but those are real-life scenarios that people might go through. What about you work with, obviously, different family members, and I think about it because I have a, my daughter, she's actually in her late 40s, and she has teenagers, and then I have a niece who actually has, she's in her same age about late 40s, but she had a child in her 40s who is now like seven. What types of

protection should you be looking at when you have children under the age of 18? When you have children under the age of 18, you should definitely have a will that names a guardian for your children because we had actually this, I had this happen also in 2026. A mother had pre-deceased a while prior due to illness, and the father was killed this year in an accident and did not have a will. And then the wife's parents, the mother's parents, maternal grandparents, the paternal grandparents, and two aunts, all four individuals stepped forward, wanted to take in this child. I mean, that's a wonderful blessing, shows a lot of love.

of, but even if only one had come forward, there would have had to have been a whole court proceeding, a complaint filed several thousand dollars worth of work, and depending on where you live and what legal fees are in your region, it could have been a real lot of money, just to have someone named. But in this case, because we had four different parties vying for the position, it took even longer. And this child went without health insurance for several months. because there was no formal guardian. So none of these people who were willing to take her in were able to add her to their insurance, their health insurance.

All of the companies said, well, you have to get the court order. You have to get official custody. You have to get official guardianship. So just one document that can mean the day after something has happened to you, it's clear to everyone who's in charge of the rest of your child's life. And then your child gets health insurance right away. they can get registered for school right away. They don't miss a deadline or if they're off to college, you know, miss an acceptance letter or a deposit because there was no person to sign forms officially.

Wow. It is just so complicated. So just thinking about the guardian for your children who are under 18 would make a huge difference. So during that time, did the child go live with one of the four of those? Yes. She was staying with the maternal grandparents, excuse me, the paternal grandparents because that's where she was living prior. And they said, let's have continuity here.

The other parents said we're younger. The siblings lived out of state, but said, hey, we are much younger. And we have children of our own around the same age. And the lifestyle would be more. but one lived in Colorado, and this is a child who was currently living in New Jersey. That would be a very dramatic shift after an already traumatic time. You know, I don't know what would be best for that child. It's not my job to say.

I don't know what those parents would have wanted because they didn't write it down. So just write it down. Right. So the right there. Officially write it down, not unofficially. Right. But right there, that really does tell you about these little details. again, because you're just living your life.

You're not thinking that you might not be there that day. So if somebody wants to reach out to you, you practice in New Jersey, and is that your jurisdiction? Yeah, so I'm licensed to practice in New Jersey. My admission is pending in New York. And I, you know, I may expand to other areas as I continue to practice longer because, you know, I just enjoy what I do and I want to be able

to help as many people as possible. But I physically live in New Jersey. New Jersey and New York are very close and, you know, depending on who you talk to, we're kind of incestuous states. We just share the World Cup together. So why not share the legacy lawyer, right? Right. Yeah, I like that. The legacy lawyer, of course, because of the Lincoln lawyer, but I actually think legacy lawyer flows much better. So if somebody wants to reach out to you to have a conversation or to ask questions, what's the best way to do it? So right now I'm working for Laddie Clark and Ryan.

I love it here. It's my hometown law firm. So you can certainly look them up and call them. But you can also follow me across all of the social media platforms. I am at NJ Legacy lawyer. and that is Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook. So you can see more of my videos there. I try to get tips and tricks whenever possible.

I tell tragic stories when they come up as a learning lesson. And you can always DM me. I am pretty responsive. Okay. So NJ Legacy lawyer across social media. And I'll date this, but the information is good. This happens to be what is, Is it right your will month?

Is that? Yes, we are filming this during the month of August, 2026, which, and every August, it's make a will month. So in particular. Make a will month. Make a will month. But we can make a will month any month. Tell me about make a will month. What is the most important, like, like, of making a will.

and somebody saying, well, why really should I do it? What is the true value of making a will besides whatever? Sorry about that. The true value of making a will is peace of mind for your loved ones. It's a job for you to do. You can rest easy then knowing that you've made it easier for the people you care about after they're gone. You've made the process of grieving you less burden. some because they will have less paperwork to do. And you can leave clear instructions for what you

want your legacy to be, whether that is charitable giving or just indicating what your priorities are through what you say and set forth in your will. And planning can involve things other than a will. I just, that is one of the three basics that everybody should have regardless of where you live. but some states do have a more complex and time-consuming probate process. So you might need a trust if you live in one of those states. You might want to set up a trust if you have circumstances such as a blended family and you have more complex distribution plans. So if it's your first marriage and you had two children and you say,

I just want everything to go 50-50, then, well, that's pretty easy and straightforward. and having that as a public record as the surrogate probably wouldn't matter to you because it's what everyone would expect. But if you're leaving things to people unequally, either because you've given money during the lifetime or their circumstances are different, maybe you don't want that business to become everybody else's knowledge. So you can use a trust in those situations. And if you meet with an attorney and talk to them, they can talk to you about what you can best accomplish through just doing a will and what you can best accomplish through setting up different types of trusts that are either for these disposatory purposes or for asset

protection purposes while you're alive. That's really good information. I'll invite you back another time and we can have a deeper conversation about trusts and obviously this is a very deep subject. Yes. There's so much to say. There's like an endless variety. So thank you so much. I really appreciate your time today. And I learned a lot. And every time I listen to somebody explain the value of this,

you know, I learned one more little tidbit about the importance of protecting your family and about, for example, about having wills, no matter how old you are, and the value. and the value of if you, you know, protecting your loved ones. And that loved one might be your children. It could be your spouse. It could be your significant other. But it just really points that it is not difficult to protect people if you have the right team, you know, the attorneys helping you to understand the complexities of that.

I think that's what, again, it scares off a lot of people, is it's just the complexities, even though it might not really be complex. It feels and seems complex. So I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. So everyone, this has been the Thought Leaders show, Legal Edition, and check out the show notes.

And remember, this is not any legal. representation and I'll put the official disclaimers in this show notes. Thank you so much. You've been listening to The Thought Leaders Show. To get all past shows and to get all future shows, go to Thoughtleadershow.com.