Bussin' With The Boys - Bert Kreischer's Final Podcast Appearance + Moving To Nashville

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Description: Welcome to the 300th episode of Bussin’ with the Boys! For this massive milestone, hosts Will Compton and Taylor Lewan are joined by stand-up comedian, actor, and producer, Bert Kreischer! In what could be Bert's last podcast for a year, The Machine brings unforgettable stories, his famous laugh, and an empty gut that's ready to SLUG some Twisted Teas! Bert opens up about his journey in stand-up, and how his material is always changing. Touching on his multiple specials Hey Big Boy & Razzle Dazzle and what's coming next! Finally The Boys hit Dad Talk (Bert being a father of two girls) and discuss the Kreischer's MOVE TO NASHVILLE! Thank You to Our Incredible Fans! As we celebrate 300 episodes, we couldn’t have reached this point without YOU — our amazing tier 1's and all listeners alike. Your support, comments, and loyalty to The Boys is what made Bussin’ with the Boys what it is today, and we’re beyond grateful. Thank you for tuning in week after week, sharing the laughs, and being part of The Boys chopping it up on the bus. This milestone is as much yours as it is ours! 🎉 Hit play, and don’t forget to like, subscribe, and drop a pumpkin in the comments. Big Hugs and Tiny Kisses! 0:00 Intro 3:01 Episode 300/Spooktober Finale 6:52 Will Is Not A Big Fan Of Hosting Holidays 9:51 NFL Recap 18:31 CFB Recap 27:34 Taylor Missed The Dodgers Grand Slam 30:45 BERT KREISCHER INTERVIEW STARTS 31:05 So Wild That We Had Trump 32:17 How Do You Want To Die? 40:04 Moments Bert Realized He “Made It” 43:10 He Doesn’t Believe In Death Or Alcoholism 44:24 Bert Is Moving To Nashville 45:48 Bert Saved Beer Olympics  46:54 Wanting To Believe In Religion  51:49 The Bert Kreischer Business Model 55:34 Two Bears 5k 56:54 His And Fall Of Dane Cook  59:50 Why Does Everyone Want People To Fail? 1:04:29 The Comedy World + Fully Loaded 1:08:49 Bert’s Friendship With Jelly Roll 1:14:57 “I Love Watching People Succeed” 1:19:53 The Machine Movie 1:29:01 Internest Loves To Hate 1:37:00 Friendship With Bill Burr 1:41:38 Theo Is Absolutely Dialed 1:47:06 The Rise Of Comedy Podcasts + Joe Rogan Podcast  1:51:31 Bert And Tom’s Relationship 2:05:31 Bert Is A Big Cryer On Podcasts 2:12:41 The Last Podcast Bert Is Doing For A While 2:17:44 Would The Boys Have Gone To A Diddy Party? 2:18:41 Bert On The Casting Couch?? 2:28:54 Hurricane Relief Fund 2:35:05 Trans-Women Look Good Nowadays 2:41:31 The Boys Want To Go On Rogan 2:48:19 Free Things Turn Into Work Things 3:00:16 Caleb Pressley Has Weird Energy 3:02:05 “The Barstool Universe Is Wild”  3:12:43 The CRAZY Things Bert Has Done 3:21:00 Surprising Your Wife With A Trip 3:23:41 Bert Wants To Buy Bussin?? 3:29:49 Twisted QOTW 3:42:12 Tier Talk - Best HolidaysFor more, visit barstool.link/bussinwtbSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHeart Women's Sports. All right, we're good. Be like, busing with the boys. Hanging with the Fetting on a game. Gonna tell us what you do. Just drinking with the fella. Bussing with the boys.

Bro. Ready to go? We're ready to go. Rolling? We're rolling? You're rolling. Welcome to another episode of Bustin with the boys. Not just another episode.

The Spooktober episode 300. Happy Halloween. Another episode of Bustle with the Boys. We embrace the spook around here. I'm Steve Rinella from Meat Eater. I'm a plague doctor. Taylor's a plague doctor. And then we got the boys in the back.

We got Cat in the Hat. We got one of the witches from, uh... What's that great one? Oh, nope. Don't help him. Don't help him. We're losing the audience. Focus, focus.

Focus, focus. Focus, focus. We got... Focus, focus. We got Fat Man in the back. Mitch Carsley. And we got Mitch. We got Mitch.

We got Batman. We got the Cookie Monster. Is that the Cookie Monster? Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, no. And then we got your grandma. Na, nah, nah, nah. This episode is,

brought to you by the one, the only the Chevy Silverado. There's a reason we've never done a tear talk for best pickup trucks, and that's because for busing with the boys, there is only one pickup truck in our lives, and that is the Chevy Silverado. Why is that, you might ask? Why? We've all spent time driving and using the Silverado for all kinds of adventures and other spooky shenanigans.

Silverado was a partner with us on the spring tour, and they have been on the fall tour. They are for spooktober. Silverado brings us grit, true grit, legendary grins. Grid. Legendary grit. Paired with modern truck tech inside and out. Massive screens up to eight cameras of 14 different views. We love the bold blacked out look of the new Silverado HD Trail Boss.

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from 2022 to 2024, U.S. initial quality studies. Visit jd.pour.com slash awards for more details. Again, those awards are based from 22 to 24 models. Fellas, episode 300, Taylor's favorite episode, which we were back. We're spooky it up. Happy Halloween, everybody.

Taylor, would you like to have, would you like to have a moment? Would you like to take a moment? I would. We've had 300 episodes here on Bus and the Boys and it's very fitting that it comes on a special day like today. When Spooktober, more of it is behind us than it is in front of us. I think the boys, I want to give a thank you to all the boys in the back of the bus for taking Spooktober so serious this year. I think for the last 299 episodes, every time a Spooktober has come up, we've talked about it more than we've been about it. This year, the boys bought in.

We had seasonal beverages. I want to give a shout out. I want to give a shout to JP. Not a seasonal beverage guy. However, when the seasonal beverage option came up, he did it not for himself, not for the name on the back, but the name on the front and that name is bustling with the boys.

I want to thank everybody here who is watching or listening to this show, who puts up with the bullshit weekend and week out. And every 11 months, we go through Spooktober, and we just get crazy about it. We have fun with it. And I want to thank all of you for buying into it because it's just something about a bunch of people getting together, buying into something that we should all be too old for is no more.

Gee, I love your outfit. You look great. Jack, you're the hot girl in hocus pocus. Congratulations. Sherm. Hell yeah. Where's Rachel? Where is she?

Where is she? Thank you, brother. And then Mitch, you went for more of a lounge technique than a true costume technique, but you still put a costume on nonetheless. And I love that. But the thought of going and diving into the archive of people that have been guests on this bus and done things with them didn't cross anybody else's mind but Will Compton for him to come in and think about spook toper so much and buy in so much that he had a guy that we've done work with

on a vlog series, not yet on the bus, and chose to be. be the greatest maybe out mountain man of all time of this generation at least Steve Ronell. Let's give Will Compton round applause for taking spooktover so seriously. That's a duck call. That's a duck call for those of you that are wondering. But episode 300, dude, we did it again. This is our third go around a century.

It's nice. Yeah. I don't know if that even made sense, but that feels nice. No, it was a hell of a speech. Thanks, dude. It was a hell of a speech. I really had anything planned to say. Yeah.

I was excited. Shout out the tier ones who've been rocking with the boys for 300 episodes. Three hundy. We have a banger of an interview coming with Burt Kreischer. As you know, it's like a three-hour interview. Yeah, you look down at the time. You're thinking, how are we going to get through this? Trust me.

This is a great, this is a great sit down with the one and only Burt Kreisher. And the cool thing about this episode is we've all seen Burt Crescher on 10, 24-7, just ramping up over and over again. I would love to, if anybody feels any differently. I feel like this episode, Bert was calm. He was more present than I think I've ever seen Burt before. It was a very fun and unique conversation that I haven't seen from a Burt, a podcaster interview in a very long time. He said it not us.

This is probably going to be his last interview for the next year or so. Allegedly. Allegedly. Let's see if that holds up. But this is supposed to be his next one, his last long form one. He's going to slow down a lot. He's going to vacation with the fam. He's going to take a break.

Allegedly. He does have a special that he just worked on. That's going to come out soon. But yeah, this was an all-time episode. It was fun hanging out with Bert. It was fun hanging out with Bert as a friend. Yes. Boy was looking at some houses too in Nashville, Tennessee.

He might himself a new neighbor. I know. I know. We were trying to sell him on the holidays. He wants to own a holiday. I won't ruin the surprise. He wants to own a party in Nashville. You know, all that stuff.

He had a great choice too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Phenomenal choice. What's the holiday that you want to own? What's the Compton holiday you guys are going to own? I don't want to own any holiday.

I want to just go to whatever parties that might be out there, have the option of going to the parties. Yeah. And just approach it from that angle. Yeah, yeah. A lot of pressure when you know. You want to be a guest, not a host. On holiday.

Because you never know. The holiday could come up and I might not want to do said party. So I'd rather just be a person that gets to pick and choose where I go. That is. You know what I mean? Yep. That's on brand. Yeah.

That's exactly the will come from we know now. I don't want to fucking have all the people in my house. All the people in my house. Sitting on my couch. Use my toilet paper. Like, hey, we ate food. When's everybody going to leave? Right.

So and so looks like they're going to stick around for a while. They're really getting into the stories. I didn't want them to get in. into. I don't want to, I hate that. Okay. I just want to be the guy. I go to the party. You know, maybe enjoy the entire day, but also have the opportunity like, hey, let's go. Let's show face for a good hour or so. Let's get out of there. As always, boys, the next holiday coming up, I will be hosting that. So if you guys don't know a place to go, Mitch, you've been there the last three years, yeah? Two years. Last two years. Last two years. You've really enjoyed it, haven't you?

Oh, it's the best. The food is unreal. We don't want to say the holiday right now, though. But yeah, that was good. I liked how you kind of went around that moved around. But yeah, all the boys very welcome we're having a game this year we have a trophy way ins and way outs who can gain the most weight on this particular holiday coming up next how much weight can you put on for this particular holiday i really think i'll be able to handle business you think so yeah i've spent a lot of time getting weight yeah spent a lot of time being too low and then having to get on a scale i have to gain eight pounds in an hour and i've done it yeah i i know i'm gonna put some food down now i kind of love having this little stick gain some weight

Yeah. Yeah. You can put it down a little bit, huh? I had in the ring for that one. I know, but it's unfortunate. You won't be there. I'll do it from afar. I'll take video.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Just the day in the life of you eating. I'll be in the trenches. We'll be in the trenches. You'll be in the trenches. We'll be in the jubon number two coming around this holiday. Around this holiday. Here in a couple weeks.

Yeah. Yep. And it's one of those deals. I'm not holding it against you. I know what it is. I know what it is. I know you would be there if you could. Yeah.

Now, actually hearing what you just said, maybe day of you would not want to go, but in this particular instance where it's multiple weeks away, right now it sounds really good to you. I've been to the holidays. Every one of them. You've been great about it. It's been phenomenal. I've made them. I know. You're going to make Christmas this year, yeah? Yeah, I'll be there for Christmas. Hey, you're going to be there? I was there for Easter. I was there for his own party on Easter. I wasn't there for my own party on Easter. There's me out there. There's video evidence of me with the... Beating Randall Cobb. Yeah. Yeah.

Beating Randall Cobb and a sack race, whatever the fuck. Should we talk about football or should we get into the episode? Let's see. We got to make this one quick. Let's recap some ball. If you want our previews for the weekend, that will be on the locker room this week. Yeah, let's die right on in. Where should we start? Should we start with the Hail Maryland? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should definitely start with that. Washington versus the Bears. I'm going to keep it short and sweet of my end. Washington seemed like they had that game in hand all day. They were up. They were moving the ball down the field, kicking field goals over and over again, get stalled out in the red zone. They had the opportunity to be up in, you know,

four or five scores in that game in a big way. Caleb Williams didn't come around until the second half. They had very little yards in the second half. Made some very elite throws, questionable calls by giving it to a backup offensive lineman. Yeah. On the goal line. Yeah. Ends up fumbling.

That actually that stat goes down as a Caleb Williams fumble, not that cat's fumble. So that's a good thing for that cat, because I know I probably felt pretty guilty with the situation. Yeah, I would say Jade and Daniels out-duled Caleb Williams. And I know Bears fans are bummed that they lost on a hellmary, but ultimately they were only leading the game for 23 seconds. Right. And by the way, 29, celebrating.

Was it Tyreek, whatever was it? Syracieck Stevenson. It's going to be a hot pod. That is. It's going to be a hot pod over here. Look at this belly. I'm already sweating. Yeah.

I don't know how you do it, Steve. Every day. Every day. He's at the office. We're in all your gear. All right. To go hunt. 100%.

Yeah, dude, that Tyreek Stevenson kid, like that is the dumbest thing you could possibly do in football. That is so, stupid. It's the last play of the game and they have a, obviously they had a throwing shot at the whole thing,

but you're sitting there taunting the sideline, you're taunting the fans. The play's going on and you're still taunting and you're realize, okay, let me scrap, let me strap up and get in this thing. Only to be the guy who tips the ball to the receiver. Literally, he could have... It's the worst way to go. And he came out with an apology

that before they even got on the plane. That's how you know it was that. That's how you know it was bad. That's how you know it was bad. If he would have just taunting. It would have probably been fine. I know. I know. That's the crazy thing of this whole deal. Hey, second year guy came out of Miami.

A lot of talent. Hard to come back from that one. For the rest of his life, he's going to be known as that guy. But hey, solid ball player. Solid ball player. Solid ball player. And I hate to say it because he's a friend of the show. He's one of the boys.

But K.B. Kevin Byard was on 85. And then starts to partake in the fun. Went up. Don't know. Again, don't know everybody's rules. but there's always somebody who's supposed to be the blockout guy. There's one guy who goes up for the ball.

Everybody else you're trying to block out everywhere else. And nobody was blocking out. It just gets tipped. I'm sitting there watching in the house. And I see him, I see Jaden running around. I see him just throw a bomb. And I'm like, I wonder how this is going to go.

Like he's got the arm. It seems like it's coming up short. And then just where to get tipped and the one guy, 85 just standing back there. Perfectly, dude. Butter right in his basket. And everybody just going nuts. I'm so happy for the dish.

right now. I'm so happy for all of those fans, fans of Washington, the commanders, HDTR till I die. But, uh, dude, they're, they're so hype right now, and they should be. They have a good team. They deserve it. It's been a long time since people have gotten hyped up in Washington. Yeah. About their ball club. Yeah. And I love to go more into it because you know what it's like playing over there and how the media system works at. If they want to hear more, the locker room. The locker room. The lock room this Thursday drops at 6 a.m. Dallas falls to a beat up 49ers. Listen, we kind of said in the locker room this week. 49ers are still going to pull that out.

Dallas is in a really bad spot. They competed more than I thought they would. Dallas is a really bad spot. Then I thought they would. Browns. I took the Ravens against the Browns. I took them eight and a half. I wasn't thinking about James Winston.

I thought there would be a little bit more of an, like, I don't know. I knew there'd be some Jews that came from James, James, James Winston, but not like that. Right, because the Ravens have been rolling. Firing. Articles coming out basically saying, Ultimate belief.

Ultimate. Hey, the focus he had in all of his interviews was so fun to watch. Bro, how about his pregame speech talking about play for the decal on the side of the helmet then realizing they don't have a decal? And stuck with it. Just like, you know, there's no decal. But hey, fellas, one play at a time. Bring it up.

Yeah. Like, he is getting crafty with his wordsmanship. Yeah. He is getting absolutely crafty. Three touchdowns over 300 yards passing. Like, I had the Browns plus eight and a half. Big shout out for that pick. I didn't think that they would win the game.

but, yo, it is James Winston's season. I like that little noise you had there. Can we go back up to the sheet? I'm just going to, we're going to keep funneling through it for these beautiful people that want to see episode 300. Two is a turn. Ah. Sucks.

But he did run and he slid and he didn't get hit. So it might be back. Miami has let me down two weeks in a row, bro. Yeah. Because it should have beat the Colts. And the fact that they lost, I mean, Kyler's playing his balls off. 26 for 36, 370 yards, two touchdowns. Kyle's playing well.

Kyle is playing good ball. Playing good ball. It's getting fun out there in Arizona. Yeah. It's getting fun in Arizona and that's exciting. Another embarrassing situation that happened last this weekend. Anthony Richardson pulling himself out because he was tired. I'll say this.

Go ahead. I don't mind it. Coach always says, hey, if you're tired, tap your helmet. We'll get somebody in there that could play. He felt he was, he said, hey, I was tired. Have you ever seen that in your long, decade long career? I've never seen it, but I've thought about it. On a long drive, I'm like, I really want to tap my home.

Yeah, but linebackers can't kind of tap, can't you? Yeah, we can't. I mean, quarterback is crazy. But if we got the insurance policy there, coach does say, if you get tired during the game, you need a breather, tap your helmet. Tap your helmet. Yeah, tap your helmet.

Tap your absolute helmet. It's Hardy. Titans, you guys suck. I hate saying it like that. I hate saying it like that. We suck. We suck. We're bad.

We're really fucking bad. It's not good. Lions are tickly put by Sherman in our pre-production meeting, Lions put a 50 burger on us. It's abysmal over there. 3514. They're talking about firing cats already. Yes.

I mean, maybe the special teams coach might have to go. Consider it. That was horrible. I will say the only silver lining, Calvin Ridley first quarter, six receptions, like 120-something yards.

That's it. That's literally the only positive I can bring from the whole game. Right. If you just play the first 15 minutes, good-looking ball club. We still lose the game, but it's still positive. Hey, the hair whip out of Jack. Hey, Paul Garcia, shout out P.K.

He's in his season. He's right where Paul Carson was. This is where Pauls. This is where Paul is like, yes. Really all the Titans meteor thriving. Buck's been taking, but Buck is usually like, hey, let's find the silver lining here. Buck is like, fuck this shit, dude. We're done.

We're cooking them. Which sucks, but hey, here's a deal. Who is the worst team in the NFL? We might be. We're either 32, 31, or 30. Panthers. Panthers got to be the worst. I don't even think we're 29 anymore.

I don't know, though. We're a bad ball club. Jets are pretty bad. Jets are pretty bad. Jets are pretty bad. But I'm so much closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jets be the tights.

You gotta get the head to head. I guess, yeah, there's proof that they're better than us. It's tough, dude. It's tough slend out there. What it's not tough for switching over for college football. Once again, Michigan owns Michigan State. Let's give a round of applause for the boys in blue. Do we not want to talk about the Chiefs at all?

Go ahead. Yeah, they just did his win. I know, but I tell you what, the Broncos and the Chargers are looking spicy. They look spicy. Especially the Broncos. Bo Nix, he's starting to come and do his own. I know in the fantasy world,

I'm big fantasy football guy. He's averaging like north to 20 points a game. Yeah. And Denver's got a defense. Denver's got a defense. Chargers bounce back this week and the one question they're always asked. Who's got it better than us?

Nobody. It's crazy. You guys didn't pick up on that right away. Jack actually didn't say anything until the buddy part. But yeah, shout out Harbaal, dude. Getting the boys right. Dropping one, then coming back and wiggling one out the next week. Yeah.

Chiefs are going to be tough to beat, but I do think if teams got a shot in that division, obviously the Raiders are, you know, it's tough for the Raiders right now. Six and O though. Seven and O'O? Six and O. The Broncos in Chargers are tough. They look good. Dude, also a quick shout out to the Packers. Jordan Love goes down.

Malique Willis game winning drive. Once again, bro. LaFleur is crazy, bro. How do you get that much separation on that throw, that rollout pass? Like, who's got the tight end? That is crazy. Yeah. Big shots at LaFleur just always having a plan.

Good coaching will take you far. Great coaching, man. Absolutely far. Speaking of good coaching, Michigan beats Michigan State. Yeah. We're back. Who's got it better than us? Listen, we know what they are.

We know, we understand. Dan, we don't, we're playing a one-dimensional game right now. And did I text Dan Lending yesterday afternoon? Yes, I did. And I said, you guys have had a great, great season. It's awesome to be at number one. It's unfortunate you have to walk into a one-dimensional buzz saw in Ann Arbor, Michigan next week. He laughed at my text.

Put the Haas. And no other response. He said, we had a good run. As he should. Oregon is a great fucking ball club, man. But you know what they said? They said, Ohio State's a good ball club. And Nebraska took him down to the wire.

And Nebraska had every opportunity to win that. that game. So who's to say we can't shock the world and beat the ducks? I know it's a fuck it's a we were so fucking

fuck you chatting the hat so close. We were so close to beat Nohasa and we did we had every fucking opportunity to be down what was it

149 at half our kicker all of a sudden just becomes Adam Ventarian shout out Brett Maher who got officially signed on as like the kicking coach but

fuck I mean, we were getting worked by the refs. That OPI was insane. We were getting horrendous calls, but we still had the opportunity. The ball was in our hands for the game-winning drive to beat Ohio State. We come up short 21-17. And the problem too, like even coming out of the second half, bro, we owned them. Black shirts were coming to play.

We had them backed up. We were winning field position, even when they stopped us on fourth and short. I love the call to go for it on fourth and short. all we get it. But to come up short, we still have field position the entire time, and we just,

we couldn't, fuck it. But I will say this, what did I say last week? After the Indiana game. You got a shot. The score wasn't as bad as what the tape showed. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Everybody's like, all, Nebraska's dead. Nebraska sucks. We're five and three right now. Yes, it's brutal. I had us pegged, what, seven and O'O going into Ohio State,

not knowing what was going to happen. But we lost, we barely lost Ohio State. We did. We got our ass kick. by Indiana. Indiana is spicy. Indiana is a good football team. Down to the wire with Illinois. Yeah, down on the wire, O.T. with Illinois.

Like, we've lost to, you know, outside of Indiana, you lose to a team who, Ohio State is still a good team. Like, they're a top 10 team. They're just not who everybody pegged them at the beginning of the year to be. And then you lose, like, an O.T. lost Illinois, who Illinois did just get their ass with by Oregon. But Illinois is a tough team. Oregon's a great ball club. Still optimism. We got UCLA. We better beat the shit. Again, save it, Save it for the locker room. We'll talk. We'll preview the weekend for the locker room.

Finish that sentence. But we're not dead. No. We're not dead. We're not dead. The ground level successful season is one game away. Yeah. Ground level.

Just hey. No, no, no, no, no. You said, yeah, clip that. Sure, make sure you clip that. Well, yeah. Clip in. Yeah. Put the entire clip in there.

Yeah. No. It's not a six-win season is a successful season. But it is a better. since 20 years. Sure, we improved from last year, but it's not a, it would be a successful season.

I understand. And listen, I've said this multiple times on this podcast during this football season. We're going to look back at the Nebraska cornersters of this year, three, four years from now and be like,

can you believe that Matt Rule did all that with that team? Unbelievable. What do you mean? Okay. We can agree that Dylan Royola is special, right? Yeah. Running backs.

Really good. Good. Okay. Other than that. Hines of line. Good. Solid. Other than...

Defense. Hold on. Listen. All the... Stop. I'm saying you were insinuating with that team. Like we're... Yeah.

They got a bad roster. No. No, no. I'm saying you don't have a lot of football, like, known names outside of the Nebraska fan base. However, all of those guys, Matt Ruhl, has all of them playing as a football team and making them just 11 guys, playing as one.

And that's beautiful. And once you guys... get more raeolas in different positions and you still have guys playing like teams, talking about legit contenders in a couple of years. That's what I'm saying. That's a compliment. I could see, hey, I can see the cackles up right now. A couple of, a... Not that cackles up. You're the one climbing out of the hole. You're the one saying, climbing up. No, if you let me finish the sentence, I would have got there. What are you insinuating saying, hey, look what Matt Ruhle did with that kind of team.

I don't understand what you're saying with that kind of team. You know what I mean? Do you see where the discrepancy... Have we had this conversation? Does anybody see what the discrepancy is there? Yeah. Not a lot of impact player stars on the bottom. For sure. Every team would love that superstars are in a position. And if I'm saying if they did have superstars, like a lot of these other teams do, I think Nebraska is an undefeated ball club right now.

I think Nebraska is in the top 10 right now. Because Matt Ruhl is that good of a coach. Yeah, we have a great head coach. I'm going to get out the subject as fast as possible. You guys went to the Texas game, Texas Vanderbilt game this week. Yeah. How was it? It was awesome, man.

I mean, the stadium was filled. it was half Texas, but it was like a great time. And Pavia, those boys are, those boys play, man. They say what's up to you? Who? The boys. No, no, no, no. I didn't get to see the boys like that.

Okay, okay. I didn't get to see the boys like that. We were club level, having a good little family time. Respect, Rus, roos, waving the palm, palm around, yelling go big red. Oh, really? Yeah. She's getting it. She's understanding.

She's understanding. Not knowing that I was just so sad that we should have beat, could have beat, had a beat Ohio State. But, you know, it is what it is. the next one on the next one you gotta you know build on the good keep it pushing yeah correct the bad and eliminate the shit to get you beat there's no doubt about it brother no dad about hey how about about dion i will say this too the colorado buffalo they're playing well they're playing well contenders in the big 12 they have one loss right yeah you're right they have one lost Mitch nice setup right

they got their ass beat by nebraska just saying that win is starting to carry a little bit more weight because the buffalo are playing good yeah do you think Ohio state should have fallen farther in the polls being that close to Nebraska? Where'd they fall? They went to four. They went from three to four. Yeah, I mean, it's all going to sort itself out. You got the college football playoff. The rankings drop next week. Like, this is the greatest year that college football is going to have. I mean, the parody across the board, one to 12, the playoffs going to be awesome. Like, yeah, I mean, Nebraska's not ranked. So the fact that they just eked it out after losing to Oregon, having a by week coming out at home and just only beating Nebraska by four points, I could,

And the line was 25. I see the argument to where they should be falling farther. What was the line? 25? Yeah. 21. 21? Yeah.

You see where they could fall. The line was 25 and a half, Mitch. Oh, okay. I think it worked its way up to 26. Get wrecked. Hey, Miami cracks the top five. Top five in the AP first time since 2017. Big time.

The U, the U's coming. They have a schedule that should place them very well in the college football rankings. Penn State, Ohio State again. we will preview that game on the locker room, the locker room that drops every Thursday at 6 a.m. That is a juggernaut matchup. I like Penn State.

However, anytime Penn State sees red or blue across from them on the field, it doesn't usually go well. Maybe they turn it around this year, but you'll find that out on the locker room this week. Should we talk Michigan has Oregon? Or again, preview that on the locker room. We'll preview that in the locker room.

We talked about a little bit. Yeah, Michigan's got a big little deal coming up. We got a big little deal. Oregon's a good ball club. But I'm going to find a way to figure out how we win that game. Yeah, you, yeah. I'll be ready by the locker room. I'll be ready.

She's got to control the line of scrimmage. Control the line of scrimmage. And have the ball. Keep the ball. Time of possession. Have efficient runs. Don't snap the ball until there's four seconds left in the clock. Yeah.

Time of possession. Yeah. Time of possession. Yeah. T-O-P, baby. Yeah. You've got to have that T-O-P. Yeah.

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What are you waiting for? I'm going to buy those UCLA and Nebraska tickets this weekend with GameTime picks. Download the Game Time app today and use code Bussin to easily score great deals with the new GameTime picks. What time is that? Ten time! Somebody use Game Time, Miss Captain. Yeah, you use Game Time to go to a World Series game. See that, yep.

Dude, you did go to the World Series game. You saw the home run? You saw the Grand Slam? You saw the home run? No. You left. No, I'm not really. I remember when Taylor told me.

I used game time. He's like, bro, that is so high. Playoff baseball is fucking awesome. Yes. I will say this. And then I saw the home run. I'm like, oh my God. He got to see the fucking home run.

It was the first ever grand slam in World Series history. Arguably the greatest baseball game ever played in a world series. Like, can I tell you something? The first three-ending sucked. It was so boring. I said that, I was like, why do people watch baseball? This is crazy. Hold on.

Then I went to go get myself a snack, got myself a churro, walked down 15 flights of stairs as I was up in the nosebleeds. Last second tickets. It is what it is, but I'm happy I got them. Shut out at game time. I go down there. I didn't get to see any of the runs. All the runs that were scored, I was out getting churros.

So then I go back and I'm with Nathan Worksman, my lawyer for the whole deposition. We did a deposition this past week in LA. Shout out Nate. And Nate was the one that was like, we should go. We should leave. We should beat the traffic. And kind of like the week before that, Knoxville, Alabama was like, listen, yeah, beat the traffic's always a good move.

I ended up folding. We listened to it on the car ride home. Dude, I know. I'm so fucking dumb. Literally the announcer in the car was like, if you left the game early, I have a question for you. What is wrong with you? And that is rhetorical. And I was like, he's literally just talking to us.

He's only talking to us. Dodger Stadium. Dodger Stadium. And by the way, Dodger Stadium is beautiful. That was the first baseball game I've been to since I was eight years old. I mean, it's, you know, it's. It was wild. Riches teams in the league.

Yeah. It was. East and West Coast. It was cool. Shadow Walker Bueller as well, dude. He had a little elbow deal when I was getting my ACL redone in 2020. or 2020, whenever that was. And boys pitching on tonight, Monday.

It's Monday right now. He's pitching tonight in New York. And they're up to O, correct? Yeah. So let's give a little shout out to Walker Bueller, do it. Hopefully, those himself a nice little perfect game. Wouldn't that be something? My God, that'd be insane.

Vanderbilt kid as well. Grew up in Kentucky, Vanderbilt Boy. So he knows all about Nashville, Tennessee. All right, guys. Let's get to the episode. This is a long-ass episode. You guys will enjoy this. This is phenomenal.

We still got the Spook-Tober merch up right now. Go buy it. It's not over till it's over. It's not over till it's over. Tis the season for a reason. Tis the reason for a season. Whatever. All those phrases.

All of them. All of them. For the... This is our last episode of Spook-Tober. Please put a pumpkin in the chat. Never forget. Never forget how this holiday season started because this might be the greatest holiday seasons we have.

2024 could be the greatest of all time. and it's starting off that way. We're like Ashton Genty getting after a record right now. If you could possibly pull it off, boys. Yeah, all right. Big hugs, tiny kisses. Lockroom comes out Thursday.

Thursday, 6 a.m. We're rolling. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome. This is your fourth time on the bus? No, it's my second. Yeah, well, you did the Super Bowl, but it's his second time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sitting on the bus. Let's give a round of applause for Bert Kreischer. Hey, episode, episode 300. Episode 300. Congratulations, gentlemen. Did you ever think you'd be where you are today? interviewing the fucking president of the United States. Isn't that fucking crazy?

Oh. Hey, how insane was that? Fucking. It's wild. It's wild that that's where this is. Yeah. It's wild. It's fucking.

Congratulations, gentlemen. That was a truly intense experience. One of the most wild experiences was when we got to Trump Tower, they had these bulletproof. Obviously, there's been like, I don't know how many assassinations. attempts now. God, you could have killed him. I heard there was a third in California. You were so close. So close. You should have killed him. You were right there. We could have. I mean, we could have, if anybody was going to do it, we could have easily, easily killed them. Dude, you want to talk about numbers. I mean, look, go about. Right. And they didn't. Jack, turn the camera on for this one.

But dude, they had, they had like two giant panes of a bulletproof glass, but they had like two more that didn't come in. So when we were doing the episode, it was Trump, who was covered, will who was covered. And then a perfect, no covering. If anybody, was going to get murdered in this thing. It would have been me. I would have been the guy. That would have been great for the show. It would have been a fantastic for the show. And I did say before we started the show, if I am killed in this process, make sure the show still runs. God to do the interview with a bull and absolutely. I'd like to be killed. Like, I don't want to be killed. I don't want to be killed. There's a, you always see. I'm with

you. Yeah. You don't want to just die. You want to be killed. There's always this thing on Instagram that's like, women are like, oh, I really want to die peacefully in my sleep. And then it's just men and it's like the gladiator scene where he's dying or something like a guy in a fighter jet. Would you want it to be an Apex predator? I don't know. It seems a little too gruesome. I would like the most honorable way possible. Like maybe like some sort of home invasion where I am able to kill the guy also.

Like he stabs me and then I kind of grab him by the throat and bring him in real close and then just slowly slit his throat. And then I also pass in the process, but I get the last laugh. I'd like to win, then lose. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you want to, if I'm going to die, I want to die in a way that I get whoever got me also just before I get God. See, death for me is more about the legacy.

Like, you want to die in a way that everyone goes, preach. Damn it. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. Like, fuck. Yeah. Oh, God damn it. I was just texting with him last week. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like Liam Payne. Right. And Payne, you see there like, this was his Instagram story from an hour before he died. and he was like, oh, I'm having lunch or whatever. That's another one you bring up is like being somebody's last form of communication. That's a good one.

It's being like, hey, you're about Will. And then just be like, yeah, dude, I texted him. And you know that was like two minutes before you actually died, right? That was two men. And like you were the last four. What was his last text to you? It was Huskers plus six and a half. It's Indiana.

Yeah. Lock of the week. Yeah, I swore to God. You see that final score? He was wrong. He was done. What is your perfect scenario of dying? It would be rescuing people.

So, like, putting my life on the line for someone in front of people. I need people to see it so that everyone's like, oh, my God, he ran in the building. And I want to die in front of people. I want people to see me die. And I want it to be out of nowhere. I really want it to be a surprise. Like, I'll be, when I die, I hope that I go, shut the fuck up. Get it.

This was it? This was it. Are you kidding? A fucking rattlesnake? Oh, that would be the worst. Did you hear? And then all of a sudden, like, oh, what was that?

Dude, I knew a dude who was almost died. He was cutting his toenails on a glass. I've talked about this so much. He was cutting his toenails on a glass, out of the shower, naked, on a glass table. And the table shattered, and it cut his femoral artery. And he almost died cutting his fucking toenails.

That'd be, that's probably the top five of worst ways to go. Yeah, that'd be a brutal way to go out. That or fucking auto erotic fixation. That would be a bad way. Yeah, like the one guy, one cup video. I don't think he died. Oh, the jar? Yeah, the jar that breaks in his asshole.

Dude. Just imagine being unconscious and the doctor's being like, what do you do? Like, that's how it fucking happened. There's a video called one guy, one jar, one man, one jar. It was during the time of like two girls, one cup, all those like gory videos that everyone would kind of watch in high school. Very popular branding about people named their podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Very popular branding. Very popular branding. A twisted team. for Mr. Christ. Thank you very much. But yeah, so the video starts

it's a, you just see a guy's legs and then a jar and the jar's between his legs and then he sits down and the jar goes in his ass and then he leans back in here and the jar pops in his ass and he kind of does it the half squat and he takes glass shards

and pulls it out of his ass as blood. You haven't seen this? No, bro. God, what a sheltered life you've had. That, yeah, I mean, that's, what is that? You know, that used to be Rogan. Chess cavity.

That used to be what his, his thing was all those videos. Before we got into, like, being smart. Substance. And learning. Like, he was just to, like, you guys see this guy get fucked by a horse? Yeah, you know. Mr. Hans. That video, yes.

That was out in Seattle, right? I don't know. I mean, that sounds like a Pacific Northwest thing. That sounds like a geographically. I believe the Northwest would be the best spot. Against the fence, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Against the fence. I saw that one. Yeah. And, oh. Oh my God. Dude, the piece, the beast touched his heart.

That is, why in the fuck would you do that? You're just horny. Like the ultimate, dog, it's got to be a sense of, is that the horse? Dude, I've been horny. It was Seattle, yeah.

It was Seattle. Look in that. How did you guys know that? Hey, look how happy that horse looks too in that photo. That horse looks way too content with what it's done to another man. That is wild. One last thing on the dying thing. Peak dying.

Those guys on the United 93 flight. Oh, yeah. Yeah, when they call their wives and they say, hey, blah, we're going to have to do some things. I love you. And then their last quote is, let's roll boys. And then they go and take it down and put the plane down. That is the most honorable way to go. Those guys.

Shout out that. Let's give a round of applause for those gentlemen right there. Yeah, a way to go out to a movie that perfectly describes the way I want to go out is the gray with Liam. With the wolves? Yeah, where they're plane crashes and then they have to survive. because there's a pack of wolves kind of hunting them. And then he just goes one-on-one, just wrapping broken glass around his fist.

Jack, the little poem going out. Jack showed me that ending scene where he breaks it and he tapes it to him and just the scene of the wolf's face gives you goosebumps. Yeah. I can't have the recipe of cowardice involved in my death because I will go to cowardice first.

See, I worry about that too. It's like, would you run back in the building? Here's what, I'll tell you what happened one time. You would for family. Oh, you would for family. One time. No, no, no. We went on a safari and, uh, and it was a travel channel, so I was with a bunch of people.

And like, you know, film crew and everything. And we got like within 20 feet from a lion. And it was just laying under a tree. It was just laying there. And the lion popped up and like looked at us. And it, I mean, everyone's assholes clinched. And in that moment, I thought to myself, I just need to push the girl in front of the lion. And I was like, and I had a knife on me.

And I was like. And they're like, oh, you're going to use that knife to fight the lion? And I was like, no, I was going to stab the girl to debilitate her. And then the lion, because you know she's got to run faster than the slowest burst. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I can't have cowardice. I'm afraid I'd go to cowardice. Yeah, the fight of flight.

Like when you say those guys in 9-11, I would hate to be, I would hate to be in that moment because I might be the guy going, guys, guys, guys, just let them fly us where they want to fly us, you know? You know, you don't want to be that guy. No. Hey, guys. Listen, listen, listen. You guys are being racist, okay? And just because they're brown and they all have box cutters doesn't mean, why do I do

like a whiter voice? Yeah. You're white. Like you just can do your regular voice. You can just do it exactly what you are. Hey, fellas, fellas. Yeah. You'd be sitting in first and I was just relax for a second.

I'm trying to get some sleep here. A couple of double jack with rocks. I don't want to have no plane crash, no plane crash. I got last yesterday I got on the plane and it was early and I wanted to drink. And usually, uh, because I that thing I said with, uh, Glennie Ball is about drinking. Double Jack of Rocks, lots of rocks. And I heard the two pilots go, fucking the machine is in 2A.

And I went, we'll be drinking at A, boys. Yeah. And they came back, the flight attendants were like, we're so excited to have you. Do you mind when we land if we get a picture? And I was like, absolutely.

And like, can we get you anything? And I just winked. And he went, I got you. No way. On the rocks. Double Jack on the rocks. I didn't even finish it. I fell asleep before I could even finish it.

Is that the epitome of my, like, I've made it? Yeah. That's it. Yeah. When you're sitting in first class and the flight attendant knows exactly. what your drink is.

Knows exactly what my name is. Has there been another moment that's top that one? Oh, I've had so many moments. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've had, my life is insane. I never, it was never, it was never supposed to be like this. Mm-hmm. It really wasn't. And I'm like, uh, every, every, every, I got a fucking FaceTime from Baker the other day.

Mm-hmm. He's in the pool. What's up? I didn't know you're in Tampa. I was like, oh, fuck. Like that, I know, like, he's younger than me and I know, and I, you're supposed to be. Quarterback. Yeah, but, but still, it's like a football player knows where I am.

Yeah. Like that's like, I'm always like that. But I'm very, um, I'm still very much burnt in like every sense. Like everything I really get starstrucked. I really like I lose my shit over celebrities all the time. I did it with Chris Robinson from the fucking Black Rose made a fool of myself. I make fools. I make a fool of myself all the time.

So yeah. Have you ever tried to rewrite that in your head? Like maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I am now the celebrity that people get excited about. Uh, no. I can't. I don't, I don't know how to do it. I don't know.

I don't know how to shut my fucking mouth. Like you, I'll tell you how much money I make. Like I'm like, I'm just like, I'm a fool. Like I, I,

I watch Rogan and Tom just sit there and not talk to people and like, be cool. And I just fucking jabber jaw. I'm like, yeah, I can't. I just, you got to be cool with who the fuck you are,

I guess. That's what makes you and Tom such a great pair. The yin yang of the both of you. Yeah. It is beautiful. And one thing, you guys,

you were on two bears with them. And there was a lot of talk about, uh, Ryan Holiday. and the views of everything. Have you changed your opinion? Oh, yeah. Have you dove into any stoicism,

or is it still kind of like? I don't know. I get... I'm just, I'm always anti what everyone thinks is good. Right. Like, I always go, like, is it though? Yeah. Like, I don't know.

It's always been my thing. You're anti when somebody says, hey, this could be good for you. You're like, no, that's gay. Yeah. I have a really hot take about alcoholism that is not popular online right now. Well, go ahead.

I just, no, I'm not going to get into it again. It made sense when I was talking to two black guys about it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Great start. Yeah. We were like, maybe you're the problem.

Maybe it's not alcohol. Maybe it's you. Like, we're all partying hard. We don't drink and drive. We don't hit our wives. We don't like to have a good time. Maybe it's you. Maybe you're the fucking problem.

But alcoholics don't like hearing that. Yeah, that's his bad take. It's a tough take. It's a tough one for the internet. But it made sense when we were fucking lit. Yeah. Watching the sunset. Yeah.

Hammered. being like, you know what? This isn't bad at all. For people to think that it's bad, they're wrong. Dude, because alcoholics only have one answer. It's, you have to quit drinking. I go, no, no, you have to quit drinking. I'm doing absolutely, I had an alcoholic tell me, I wish I could say his name.

He goes, you think, you think. And by the way, I was with the smartest people in the world at this party. The smartest individuals in the world. Legit. And he was like, you think because you are successful and you make a lot of money and you do like a arena tour and you're happily married. You got a good relationship with your kids that you don't have a drinking problem. And I was like, yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Like you just hit it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And he was like, no, you got a problem. I was like, no, you got a problem. I'm fucking killing it. And then in front of a room full of geniuses proceeded to say, I don't believe in alcoholism.

But I also don't believe in death. I don't believe in a lot of stuff. Let's unpack the only other thing you said. You don't believe in dying? I don't. What hadn't happened to me. Okay. Yeah, what's the take on not believing in death?

I don't know. I think it happens to other people, but just not me. It's kind of that is... Oh, you think you're invincible. I kind of, because it hasn't happened. Go play some football. You'll find out real quick. You'll find out real quick how invincible you are.

But I just... How another man put his hands on you and control where you go? That's when you know that you are not invincible. I don't believe... Well, I just like, it's like you ever go to a funeral? And then you're like, yeah, got another one. Not me. Just dodged it again.

It seems like it's always happening other people. It doesn't believe it until it happens. Until it happens. Then you can't believe in it. Then I'll be like, well, fuck. I guess I was wrong. Got me. Got me.

Yeah, you're great son. I was wrong. Yeah. Guess they were right. Yeah. Looks like it does exist. It looks like it does exist. Well, all right.

Well, we've jumped into a lot of different categories. What's your take on religion? Uh, I would love to be religious. You know, you guys, yeah, my plan is to move to Nashville and find the Lord. Yeah, you know, that's why we're here. We're looking at houses. And I texted your wife and I told her that the house next door to me is for sale. You guys fucked her up.

She came to fucking Beer Olympics and got in the car that day and said, we are moving to Nashville. And I went, what? She said, this is, these are real people. This is, I miss the South. We're coming back and we're looking at houses. And so you guys hit me up about doing this. and she was like, let's do it. And then we'll, we're going to look at our houses today.

Oh, let's go, bro. Lance here. Yeah, Lance here. Why isn't she here on the bus? Because I don't want to fucking deal with her. Dude, I'm fucking, I'm with her 100% of the time. We have no kids anymore. The kids are at school.

It's me and her up our fucking asses. I mean, if I had known I was going to spend this much time with someone, I would have married a dude. Happily married. Halfily married, as you said before. Happily married. I'm just, it's like you just, man, when you don't have kids, you spend all your time with that person.

You fuck them. You eat with them. You sleep with them. You shower with them. You have everything. Everything. Everything. Everything.

Everything. And then I'm sitting next to one of fucking plane. And we're just, we're up each other's asses. If you said this to her, she would say the same thing. She will laugh at times and go, I can't believe I'm still looking at you. Like, we just are with each other nonstop. It's crazy. How have you guys been married?

20 years, 20 years. Nice, bro. And by the way, you did save beer Olympics. Yeah. The beer games. She. And thank you for that. No,

I didn't. I didn't. The boys were taking bullets out there. And you making your video, like, I'm going to make it happen. It fired us up. It's still, it's like, it's like Fight Club. It's so needed. I love it.

I love it so much. I have, that energy. And Leanne saw the energy. The energy is like, I mean, she still's like, she's obsessed with Michael Chandler. She's never seen him fight. She doesn't know what. does. Right. She got a little guy. I love that little guy. Let's not say that out loud.

Yeah, yeah. Don't say it a little guy out loud. He is. She fucking, she follows these two girls online. Look at how much higher their tits are than her. Yeah. She crushed it. I mean, she was obliterated, but it was absolutely hammered. It's her, it's her feather and her cap is that she hung,

she hung with the boys. Yeah. She killed three beer. She, I drank the three beers out of the boot. I did. It took me a little bit, but I got it. She got it done. Going. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So we're down here looking at houses. But when it comes to religion, I think I would love, I would love to believe and be just, and then look at you because you don't and go, I guess you're going to hell. That would be so cool. Yeah. Dude, you had to believe it. You got to believe it. Right. You got to believe it. And I would love that. But I just, I'm too, I'm too skeptical. Like I just, I started researching about Islam and Hinduism. So I'm looking for something. Yeah. Catholicism is my thing. And I don't know. It tweaks my OCD too much. So I get like into, I work all the Jesus pieces.

But yeah. Kanye. Hinduism sounds like the coolest one so far. What about Hinduism is like, okay, I can get down with this. Karma makes total sense. Yeah. Karma is like a big deal. And the fact that you come back, life is energy and you come back in a reincarnation.

Yeah. I think that's cool. Like we've had lives before this life. Yeah. I'll tell you what, man. Islam is for me I think if they could just get rid of the pork and booze

I'd be cool with Islam yeah yeah like I love the idea that you got to take a trip to Mecca everyone one time you gotta go to Mecca I love that that that's in the religion that's so cool that yo it's like fucking bachelor party you gotta check this box yeah you gotta you gotta go to Mecca you know that's what's cool things about Muslims is that usually if you run into

other Muslims they treat them with a lot of love because they assume they're going to Mecca. Really? Yeah, I thought that was cool. You pray five times a day. I just did all the research on these. I was looking for religion the other day.

Yeah, the rules part is really hard like praying five times a day for me. I just feel like I'm not good with time management. That would make it very difficult for me. Can't fit this in. Yeah, like in the morning, I got a routine down. Let me get the cold tub. Then do I pray or do I pray before?

Like what's a deal? You hung out with other Muslims. You all do it together. The community. It's like a sin. The community. Like a sin. Yeah, or a Lucy on this podcast.

A lucy. The community aspect. Yeah. It's so cool. Seems like the Jewish people have the community thing down in a big way. We live in a really big Jewish neighborhood. And the other day was like, is there a new year?

Yeah. And they were all walking on the streets. And I was just like, it seems cool as fuck. It seems cool to be religious. Like, I don't know why. I don't know how it got to be not believing in God was the cool thing. Because it just seems like you got a community. Like, I would love.

I love. I would love. You know what we should do? I want to go see Joel Osteen. Who's that? He's like the mega preacher. You would know if you saw him. Would I?

Yeah. Is this like a righteous gemstone type of guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like a famous type speaker like does, has all the arena. He'd be somebody that was like on TV when you were young. Yeah.

On Sunday. Yeah. He looks like Martin Short and that. I still have seen that picture. I have no clue who that is. His net worth is through the roof. He does like mega churches. Dude, that was the rub.

When we started comedy, there's a guy telling you like, yo, if you work clean, you can do churches. I never wanted to do that shit. There's a guy, John Chris, that did that. Oh, yeah. He lives in Nashville. Dude, he would do like a fucking Sunday 6 o'clock show in a mega church, in a mega church. There's like, they're like arenas. Yeah.

And just clean up. He made so much fucking money. He's a great guy. He got canceled. Did you hear this story? This is wild. I apologize. John, if I'm if I'm perpetuating something

and I love you, you know that. Fan of the show? Oh, friend of the show. He got soft canceled. I'll say soft canceled because when you hear this, you're going to go, huh? Because he took a girl rollerblading and he tried to kiss her. He got canceled for that. He got canceled.

But in their community, if you say that you're like a Christian and I think he had like vodka and a water bottle or something. Yeah. It's like, it really is like not that. Number one high school move. Yeah.

And he got, but when you're in it, you got to be in it. When you say you're Christian, you can't fuck around. That's the thing, that's the hard part is like, that is a hard part.

That I could do the Christian, like, believe in it and, but I, I'm gonna fuck up. I'm gonna fuck up. Yeah, that's my,

that's the hard thing, like with, with football for me, I always thought it was better to have your public perspective, whoa, perception. How good is that?

There's no alcohol in this, right? Oh, there's 5%. Oh, I'm kidding. But the public perception for me of having having people think less of you, I always thought was a bigger win than trying to be this like all-American kid. And then one or two things happen. And they're like, oh, you're a piece of shit.

I'd rather people think, oh, this guy's a piece of shit. And then when you meet me or whoever the person is, it's like, oh, they're actually, you, you, you just come off way better to them. And I just think that's a bigger win. You are explaining my business model to a T. Okay. So I go to college. So I play baseball in high school, get recruited to play.

Duke, Citadel, going to walk on at Florida State. I go to walk on very first day. He was having a great football season, by the way, Florida State. You're killing it right now. Jesus, Christ. Yeah, well, I'll tell you a secret a second. So I go to walk on at Florida State. I literally do the first practice and walk off the field.

I'm like, sports are no longer for me. I gave up baseball. But I remember going to my fraternity. I was in a fraternity and they were doing intermurals. And they were like football and everyone's like, dude, I'm a dog. And you're like, really? And they're like, fucking, dude, get me on the field. Get me on the field.

And so I got intimidated. That's young Bert. God, Obie was fat. And so, um, so, and by the way, that guy on the left, Scott O'Brien, fucking amazing baseball player. Really? Yeah, yeah. He can sling it.

Dude. He, well, he ended up walking on at Florida State. He had a full ride to Alabama, too. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, um, so he's a great actor now, too. It's an interesting dude. He's a very interesting dude.

But, uh, so, I didn't go out for football intermereals because everyone was so good. And then I watched them play and I was like, oh, they suck. Everyone talks shit. And I was like, because the way I played sports was you didn't talk shit unless, you didn't talk shit. You just didn't talk shit. You just played the sport. And then that talked the shit for you.

Yeah. So then intermereal softball comes up and everyone's like, oh, I'm a fucking dog. And I was like, okay, I'm going to go out. I'm not going to tell anyone I can play. I'm going to go out and play. And I'm just not going to say anything. I remember catching fly balls in the outfield behind my back. And everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing?

And then you go and I hit fucking bombs and they're like, dude, you didn't tell us you can play. So I looked at that from that day forward as I was like, I will never talk shit about like I'm going to always undersell my performance and over deliver. So a stand-up, I always, I'm, dude, I've said this and I mean it now. I think I've said it so much. I mean, the only reason people think I'm a great stand-up is I hang out with the best stand-ups in the world. I mean, look at that. You surround yourself in great white sharks. You're good in the storytelling realm too.

Yeah, the storytelling is incredible. Yeah, no, I know, but that's the game plan. That's the business plan. You basically just did it for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like, I like that. I'd rather people go like, yeah, he takes his shirt off, whatever. And then they go, wow, he's a really good storyteller.

Like I, as opposed to. Oh, this is way better than I thought. Yeah. Yeah, because I look at, I mean, when I got into stand-up, I remember going to the Boston Comedy Club and dudes would walk off stage and like, I just ripped that room. And you're like, did you? And I remember also thinking, so that's your version of the, the best you got.

I was like, all right. And so I just never, I never really talk shit about stand-up. Now look, when we talk about fucking sports or anything now, I talk wild shit. Like,

fucking ran the L.A. marathon with no training at all. Told you I'd fucking bench press more than you. I mean, I love that. I love that. Like, that's fun. And if you're,

and if you don't get it, it's like, that's the point of comedy is just to fuck around. Yeah. But, but yeah, I've always,

that underperform, undersell, overperform. That's always been my thing. I think. Fells, we know we interrupt this episode. with a question. You know what we all need to get more of? Off of our asses with bold

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five k two bears five k so nice you ran it a couple times yeah ran it twice Tommy's like he fucking trained for it and he had his coach pacing him. He had headsets in. He didn't talk to anybody and he still fucked. He ran in 34 minutes. He was like, I'm trying to break 30 minutes. I was like, dude,

fucking, there's like people in the Paralympics that break fucking 30 minutes. What the fuck are you doing? He was so serious about this fucking race. I got hit by a golf car. Yeah, what happened there? That's a great question, Pete. Would the P hit you?

Pete. He stopped in front of the car. You go Pete. I love that Pete cannot just... You weren't trying to stop anything. You stopped right in front of the cart. Nothing I could do about it. I didn't even stop, I was just walking.

There's nothing I could do about it. You stopped right in front of the cart. That is fucking... Imagine if he just broke your leg. Oh, I... You saw the lunge. You was trying to get out of it. It's crazy.

Fucking brutal. I came out of my shoes. I came out of my shoes. Shout out Dan Cook, dude. He's had a great bit about that back in the day. Yeah. That was, uh, yeah. The shoes, the shoes coming off, seeing a man get hit by a car.

Yeah, God, man. People don't remember how great. I mean, Dan's still a very talented stand-of-comedian. But when he did it at that moment, you know, there was nothing like it. There was nothing like it. You remember, people used to bomb on stage. Dane never pumped. He murdered in the worst scenario you could imagine.

Dane Cook would fucking destroy. He went on that run of, I mean, Vicious Circle. He had those three. His three stand-ups, his three specials were incredible. But then he was doing movies. He was doing all that stuff. That's what's so fascinating to me.

I feel like I bring it up every time a comedian is on our bus. It's like, what happened to Dave? Because we did with Adam. Yeah, we did with Adam, who came out last week now for people that are listening to this episode. But it just seems like he's got this like people are not a fan of him in the comedic world. Like people say he stole jokes and all these other things. I don't know. I'm always trying to figure out.

I think what happened to Dane Cook because I personally was a massive fan of him. Yeah, we all were. I think here's the one thing I'll think that, and this is maybe just a stupid thought, but he got famous by himself. Like we all got famous together. Like this generation of comics, we all got famous at the same time. Like me, Tommy, Joe, Ari, Shane Gillette. Like we all, and so we kind of have people to bounce things off of.

It was just Dane. I mean, it was just Dane. There was not another comic. There was not one comic at Dane's level. It's like, it's like, can you imagine getting rich by yourself and like, like, like, and going like, I don't know, how do I get watches? Like, what kind of car do I want? Yeah, everyone's got a guy for something.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, when you're on a football team and everyone's making money, you're like, yo, how did you? Oh, I got a guy that he'll take care of that. And, you know, so like, we all got wealthy together. Like all of our friends. So, like, I mean, I don't, I don't want to get into the. weeds on stuff, but like, you know, I'm trying to, because some people kind of manipulate their

persona a little bit. Yeah. So you don't want to blow someone's bubble. But, but Dane got rich by himself, did arenas by himself. He was the only one doing arenas. Dude, when I did arenas, I remember reaching out to, I remember talking to Schultz going, this is how you do arenas. You got to get a stage. You need a sound system, bring your own sound system. It's got to feel like, I mean, we got to talk to each other about it, about how to do these things. Dane did it by himself. And so in a weird way, and I've been the victim of this, the only thing people want is to watch you fail. Like, they love taking shots of people on the top. And I've, it's happened to me, guys that were like, good friends, just the second you pass them, they're like, fuck that guy.

And you're like, I thought we were, I cheered you when you succeeded. You couldn't cheer me when I succeeded. Yeah. And it's crazy. It's like, you know, and so, but Dane did it all by himself and so everyone just wanted him to fail. Why do you think human nature is that way? Where this is like everybody wants to be on top and the minute somebody surpasses them, they start talking shit. It's weird, man. I'll tell you, like, this is the closest I can get to it.

And you'll understand this. So I took Shane Gillis to on tour with me a couple times, right? And I took him to Celebrity Theater in, in Arizona. It's in the round. And he opened for me. He did 10 minutes, 15 maybe. and he got a standing ovation a standing ovation.

That was the Super Bowl, right? No, that was another time. Okay. He got a standing ovation there too. But he got a standing ovation. He didn't know what to do with it. He really didn't know what to do with it. Like he kind of stopped and, you know,

he's uncomfortable as he is, but stopped and we're all sitting. We're like, take it, stay out there. And then he comes off stage and I was like, wow, this is changing for him. I got a text from, him or maybe one of our managers. You know, I hold booze records everywhere. They were like, Shane Gillis broke your booze record at the celebrity theater.

And like, you want your boys to succeed, but there is a party going, hold on. Like, we're not talking money. We're not talking, like, he's breaking records everywhere right now. That was the first one. He broke my booze record. My booze. I'm the booze. Like, and so there is a thing where you got to decide what kind of man you are.

Do you want your boys to blow up? Do you want your boys to succeed? or do you need to be the guy? You know? I don't need to be the guy. I've always wanted, I've always surrounded myself by the best people.

I don't need to be the guy. But I am watching people watch Shane and go, well, I'm the guy. And you're like, no, no, anymore. No, no. He just broke the record at Wells Fargo. God, for most booze. No, no, for most attendants.

Hold on, hold on. But the booze thing was most booze bought or how does one measure the booze record? The places, the that's how I used to get on that's how I used to tour was I'd break alcohol sales at all the clubs I guess I was like they're not gonna know if I'm funny or not but what they will know is if they have to fucking restock on Monday they're gonna like fucking bring birth back and so I used to do I used to a show called calling sick to work where I'd go in I'd do a show

at noon and we'd drink them out of booze before their evening shows we do I mean we'd I'd kill it on booze but that's uh yeah Shane's destroying it right now and I'm And you hear people talk shit. And you're like, oh, that's interesting. Because you didn't say that when he was opening for you. You didn't say that when he was younger. Now you're saying it. I've watched it happen to a lot of people.

I can just tell you who it doesn't happen to. Doesn't happen to Tom, doesn't happen to Joe. Joe Rogan wants you to be more famous than him the second he fucking meets you. Joe was the most selfless individual. When we, he'd put us on his podcast just to get us fans. I remember I had a special out. He put me on, we did a end of the world podcast that night at the store, and then I did his podcast first thing in the morning.

That guy's wanted your success since day one. He is the most selfless individual. But it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that before. Damn. It does feel like it happens in the comedy realm, because I feel like it's more of like that individualized sport. Yeah.

If you're in individual sports and athletics and everything else, I feel like, you know, people want whoever is at the top. like they want to be better then, right? And people cheer on you. It's like when you're low enough and they feel like your dream is also their dream, you're more relatable. You come off more relatable. But the moment you do get kind of like to the top or surpass whatever,

their level of like them wanting you to be in their world is like once it gets beyond that, I feel like it's when the shots kind of come. Yeah. Because then people are, you know, they want to say you forgot who you are, you're blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And comedy's so opinion based too. Like it's some comics who are on top of the world,

people don't think are funny because it's just not their humor. So I'm sure when some comics go above others, those comics are like, well, you know, he's not that funny. Like, why does he be able to have so much success and not me? Yeah. It's wild, too. And we're at a stage now where it's like, you got to realize, like, not everyone did arenas. And now everyone's doing arenas. And like, so like you look at some guys that are a little older and they're like, like, they were like at the top of their games doing theaters.

Like that was all that was all that the opportunity offered. Now it's like, I mean, kill Tony's in arenas. there are kids that have been doing stand-up for one year that are doing stand-up in arenas. Like, it's wild where comedy is right now. It's insane to me. But yeah, it's like the opportunities are so different. It's like now a lot of people are doing arenas. Do you think the people are doing arenas more because of how much exposure there's

a social media or comedy is that much better than it used to be? I think it's a perfect storm of everything. I think it is social media. I do think it has to do with, I think this fucking cancer culture was like great business. It's like people want to hear you say the wildest shit now. I mean, there are, some comics, I think that there are some people that I don't even think they know what comedy is. They just know how to say wild shit. Like I go, wow. Like, and, uh, but I think it's a perfect storm of all of that. And I think, you know, I mean, look at, I mean, when you say,

you guys sat down with the fucking former president of the United States, possibly the next current future president of the United States. That's where the world is. Yeah. People don't give a fuck about the today show and and the late night talk shows and the this is where it's connecting and and our fans i say our fans because i think we probably share overlapping concentric circles but they they know you they that they like they like root for you and they love you and then and then that turned into comedy it's like i go on stage and i take my shirt off and people lose their mind and i go it's like it's insane to me it's insane i mean there was a time when i took my shirt off where people went, what the fuck is this?

Yeah. You know? I mean, the first seven years of my career. I take my shirt off and then be like, but it's just bizarre where everything is, I think. I think people do. Everybody's doing a good job to like a rising tide lifts all ships. Like you're fully loaded tours essentially like that. I know when we have comics aren't, we talk to comics who have been on that thing.

They talk about how much that just event and that tour kind of like puts you on because, again, you're in front of so many people. entertaining in such a way that involves a partying together like you you are accessible you feel way more accessible to people yeah I think so I mean I've always been I've always been a firm believer in like it's not fun if you're doing it by yourself

like I mean I my favorite memories are like taking I was just thinking of this the other day because I told you I'm going fluffy to the sphere and I said to Leanne I go how cool would this be able to do like to take your because fluffy got a box for us and he got us all hood hotel rooms and he put us up and it was like fucking sick and he got a party bus for us and we're on

the party bus we're laughing our asses off and I said to liana I was like dude this would be so sick if we could do something like this and she goes you've done this every year you do red rocks and I went that's right and I remember I wish I had the fucking video me and Shane got so fucked up me Shane and Mark got so fucked up on this party bus that we were singing songs without the words trying to guess the songs. So we're like, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah! Like, just screaming and we're crying, laughing.

Do you remember that, Pete? Yeah, playing music. We were crying, crying, crying, laughing. He's behind everything. Yeah. And I look back, I look back at, like, all the things I've done, those are my favorite moments, is, uh, is, is like, all the people I've partied with, all my friends and all the, they're all the greatest

comics in the world. They're the funniest human beings. One of my favorite memories, Georgia is on fully loaded with her friend Daisy and, uh, Shane comes up last night and he goes up to him. He goes, you guys sneaking beers? Georgia goes, no. He goes, come on. You don't have to lie to me.

She's like, no. He's like, I'm not going to tell your dad. She's like, yeah, we're sneaking beers. And Shane just sits down next to me. He was Georgia sneaking beers. Like these are, I mean, these are like the greatest fucking memories of my life. And you think, you know, like, I didn't pay that much to hang out with them. I did.

Dude, that is fucking wild to be able to get all your boys. be like, hey, we all have a certain set of skills. Let's just all go and do this together. Dude, fully loaded last year, it's me, Jellyroll, Dave Attell, Big J. O'Kerson, Dan Soder, Mark Norman. I mean, it's the perfect smoke tent. And we're laughing hysterically. And Jelly Roll just happens to be the biggest artist in the country.

Yeah. And we laughed so hard. He had just found out who Mitch Headberg was. And within finding out, within finding out that he is now favorite comic he then learns he's dead and we could not stop laughing he goes this Mitch headberg guy's great and David tell goes I got some bad news for you buddy we are crying laughing but like those are the moments like where you go this is night life doesn't get better yeah yeah talk about your relationship with jelly roll a little bit because you guys

do you guys have one two bears has he been on I don't know but I know he did the 5k with y'all you guys have done done shows together stuff like that where that relationship start I don't know. Honestly, I started following Jelly a long time ago. I started following him online. I think I saw him on Chelsea show originally and found him. And then we started DMing.

And we just became friends over through the internet. Then he came out and did my podcast and we just connected immediately. There's something of, we have, we're very similar men in that I think we're very, we feel, we feel very lucky to be in the position we're in, as opposed to some guys are like,

this was, I was destined for this. Yeah. I think both Jelly and I are like, man, we just feel like the luckiest dudes in the world. And we just kept, we just kept in touch. And then probably the biggest thing, I mean, it's like crazy. I don't think much of it.

But like if we were ever in the same city, we always hit up, he found each other. Like, if he was on tour near me, he'd come and have lunch at my, where we were at the arena. And then, like, he came in Nashville. He came out to the show, I was here. And we've always just kept in touch and been close. And then, but the crazy thing was, and this is probably the best moment of our friendship. He was on Nelk boys, and he was saying, you know, the two bears are doing a 5K, I think I'm going to get in shape for it. And all of a sudden, it fucking took off.

Like, People magazine wrote us about it and it was crazy. So he came out to do this, and then me, Bunny, Leanne, and Jelly are running the 5K together. And we're getting done. We're like about to pass the finish line. And Jelly starts crying. I'm gonna get emotional. I'm not gonna cry, don't worry, I'm done crying. You can cry.

I'm not crying. Jelly gets emotional. You're safe here. Jelly gets emotional and he goes, and he's like, I think you might have just changed my life. And Bunny starts crying and she's holding the hand. The four of us are like sobbing, crossing the finish line. And it's true.

It's like, I mean, you guys have never really, like, been, you know, had like health issues or had gotten, your life's never gotten away from you with your bodies. But guys like me and jelly, I mean, I was 2.85 last time, the, the, fucking time before at Beer Olympics. And jellies had weight issues and just the little spark of getting your health back together and getting in control of it. And just getting into a place where you are moving every day. It's so fucking big.

And, uh, but that, that moment was crazy. And then immediately, it's like, we're doing half a marathon. And I was like, yeah. And so I was like, all right, I'm in if you're in. But he, uh, I love him to death, man. I'm so happy for success. He's the sweetest guy in the world. Dude, he really does have that.

I mean, you know, you don't understand. He went and did fully loaded this year. He did the first week. I didn't pay him. I didn't cover his tour bus. I didn't cover his private jets. He did it on his own. Like he came and did it.

And I was like, dude, I got to get, I got to pay you back somehow. He's like, no, I just want to be with you. That's like, that's like a real friend. I love him. I love him to death. Yeah. He is the kindest soul. But yes.

And you just know like life, like, I think to myself like, man, what was? he like when he was in prison and was wrapped up in the wrong stuff to where he has such a perspective now and he's able to talk to absolutely everybody and have this perspective that you just you want to do nothing but root for him yeah yeah the level of purity is a second and not especially when he tells stories about watching the music city miracle from like juvenile detention center yeah and knowing that he's done things wrong and yet he's still this pure like how does somebody go through that much adversity in life, get to the other side of this level of fame and fortune, and have, you know, the ability to still be as sweet as he possibly as not be jaded,

not have, you know, a chip on his shoulder about anything. He just wants to do the best he can with what he has and it just continues to be better and better. That's him meeting with the Titans. He spoke to Congress about fentanyl issues, which is... And eloquently, too. Yeah, beautiful. I was like, wow. And he's like, I used to sell drugs. And now I'm sitting here saying, well, there's a problem with drugs. in this country. Yeah. He's,

he's also someone, you know, when we talk about, like, people root for your downfall. And I, I assume it's a natural thing. I mean,

I feel like, you know, I feel like, you know, when you, people hate me, I go, okay,

I think it's just normal, I guess. But then it really means a lot when people don't, when people, like, root for your success and, like, still love you.

It means a lot. And like, and like, and like, jelly came out, I did Bridgestone. And he came out to, like,

like, like, be there, for me and like, celebrate it with me. And I did. I think I brought him on stage. I think we sang a song at Bridgestone.

And then the next time I'm in Nashville, he's like, hey, man, would you bring me on stage tonight? And I was like, I was like, yeah, sure, yeah. I was like, you know what?

I think I have a thing. I have a show. I wish I could. Were you performing? And he was like, Titan Stadium. I went, I could cancel.

I would have canceled. What the fuck? Yeah. You mean 75,000 people? Are you shitting me? But like, he's just very regular. Like he, I mean, he's just so, and he really wants you to win. He wants you to succeed.

I love him to death. And bringing along the people that before he reaches his level of fame, like, bringing them to it and being like, hey, I'm doing this. I would love for you guys to be there type of mentality is just, it's just awesome. What's crazy is like Leanne and Bonnie are really close. They text all the time. And don't, I do not know how that relationship happened. I don't, like, because they're very different women.

They really are different women. But man, they're like fucking sisters. They text. He's part of the reason, because, you know, we're looking at properties and jelly just goes, hey, why don't I just give you a hundred of my acres or whatever? You guys can live on our land. And the man's like, I could live with bunny. And I was like, hang on, wait.

What fucking world are we living in? He did buy a crazy piece of land. He bought crazy. He's like, I got a good place up on a mountain. And I was like, so, yeah, we're looking at everything today. But I love him to death. I love watching people succeed. It's funny shit to watch people succeed.

It's fun. Like, Shane's the easiest one for me to put, because we all were there for it, right? We all watched it. But I remember being it, one of my favorite things in the world to do is bully Shane. I love bullying Shane. I love texting him and saying, hey man, you want to meet up for a drink this morning? And he goes, no. And then I always write back, this is my favorite part.

the unrelenting until I get him to break his spirit to break it's so fucking fun yeah it's so fun to watch him crumble oh so I text him one time and I go yo I'm at rogan's club at noon partying you meet me there and he's like no I was like cool do you want me to send a car to get you he's like I'm not going I go hey man I'm just I want to make sure I have the right drink for you like you still drink a bud light he's like bert I'm not coming and I go oh lian can't wait to see you I'm so excited you're coming. And then he's like, fuck, I'm on my way. So he just eventually breaks.

He comes over and it's like things are happening for shame. But, you know, it's like we know it. But he comes and he goes, hey, man, can I tell you a secret? I was like, yeah. So we'd go away from everyone, go back to a bar. And he's like, I just got offered S&L. And I was like, dude, that moment for me, like, I love that shit. I, I started crying.

And he was like, stop fucking crying, bitch. Come on. And he was like, and he was like, and he got. excited but like watching your boys blow up it's fucking awesome I just texted I just texted Matt McCusker Matt McCusker did two nights in Boston at

Wilbur I texted him I was like dude congratulations this is fucking awesome that it's fun yeah more people should enjoy watching people succeed because it's fun as fuck and it's he did two nights at fucking the Wilbur do you know how hard that is he's funny too I love how he like promos he is fucking hysterical

was where he's at like on Instagram like he'll like play the piano he's I saw a video the one video that sticks with me he was holding his child reading a book I was like you're reading a book words are that interesting to you that you could like he was like holding his child reading like I was like what the fuck I never read a book like yeah look he's reading a book he's reading he's in it too he's focused he's reading that's so fucking weird like that I've never not not Not in a million years of I ever read like that where I was like, taking care of my child and reading? Yeah, I mean, just reading in general,

sitting down and being like, I'll make the decision to read is a very difficult thing to do. Something we should all do. Yeah. But a very difficult thing to just go and do it and put a child on your lapses. It's a whole different ballgame. He's awesome, man.

But yeah, like watching your friends pop, like Adam, man. I've hit up Adam and we were in... Bro, he was so fun on the pod, too. He's amazing. He's so fun. Yeah, but the thing is, it's like almost like you get... It's almost like you're pretty.

You get proven right. Because you get behind these guys, like Adam Ray, I hit him up. I was like, yo, you're from Seattle. I'm doing the arena in Seattle. Would you like to come and do it and bring your family out or whatever? And he's like, dude, that would be, I was like, cool. And then I get excited. I go, I'm going to make it about Adam this weekend.

So I got us out to go meet Coach Carroll and go hang out with the Seahawks. Yeah, he was talking about that. Yeah. And he was like, this is fucking, I did it for Shane. When we went and did the first fully loaded, he, we, I said, our first show was it, Notre Dame. And I said, I got, we're going to go into the practice field. We're going to go see the stadium. We're going to do everything. I love doing that. I fucking love that more than anything. But Adam is fucking hysterical and he's smart and he's funny and he's quick and he's really just a

brilliant comic. So then to watch him blow up in a weird way, it's like, yeah, I knew it. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Like I said, dude, I said it to stobby the other day. I go, if anything, I'm good at two things. Introducing people and picking. out talent. Like, I am really good at picking out talent. Like, I can tell you who the meeting the next guy is going to be always, always, I think. Who's the next guy? I think it's going to be me again. Dude, Davy is fucking hilarious. He's got a new movie called Let's Start a Cult, and it is fucking hysterical. It is fucking hysterical. Is that out now?

It's out in theaters October 25th. Okay. And I'm And we went to the screening and we were crying. It is all Stavi. He carries the whole fucking movie. The other people in it are just as fucking funny. But it is, if you like Stavi's sense of humor, he wrote the movie. Within the first fucking minute of the movie, someone's playing with his nuts. I mean, it's fucking hysterical.

Dude, that is crazy to me the level of talent that people have of just writing and being able to see their vision and just put it, whether it's in a movie or on a stage or anything like that. that shit is incredible. How much, obviously, you're the whole machine movie, you play yourself. But like, did you write that script? Because you obviously wrote the OG one when you actually robbed a train station or a train. I was a juvenile. You remember juvenile? The rapper?

Yeah. Yeah. I was a juvenile in Mani Fresh the other day. And I was telling him about the Russian mafia. And Juvies like, I got to hear this story. I was like, buddy, no one wants to hear it but you. You're the only one. No, I was very, I was very hands-on in the, in writing the script, I would take, I mean, the very first day of writing, I rewrote the entire opening scene.

And so I rewrote a lot of it. Yeah, I was very hands-on. It's also, it's a little tricky because I, when we got in there, I didn't really have to memorize anything. So I was also so a part of writing it. And then, but I would rewrite scenes and then bring them in and then Mark Hamill would lose his fucking mind. Why do you lose mind? Because you're not supposed to just rewrite a scene and they're bringing in that day and go, all right, guys, new sides.

Everyone, let's all get up to speed. He would get pissed off. He was like, I was up all night learning this fucking scene for our job today. He goes, you can't rewrite shit. I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah, this is happening anyway. What was it like working with Jimmy Tatro? I fucking love that.

Dude, he's the man. He's awesome, isn't he? I fucking love him. He makes me laugh. So, like, there's a couple people in this world that see me the way my sisters see me. Like, I'm ridiculous. I am ridiculous. But certain people just, I don't know, Jimmy Tatro and Nate Bargotsie are two people who see me the way my sisters see me.

And Jimmy is, he made me laugh so fucking much. He just, I'm just a ridiculous person. And he told me a secret. He goes, hey, can I tell you a secret? And I was like, yeah. I go, I'm not good with secrets. He goes, well, I got to tell you this. He tells me a secret.

And then I picked up my phone and I called someone and told them his secret in front of him. And he goes, what are you doing? I said what? He goes, I just told you not to tell anyone. And I was like, now I know, but I'm telling Kale.

And he goes, no, that was a whole idea of me telling you. But like, and I, I just, he,

he, he, he gets me. Him and Nate Bargazzi, for whatever reason, if they ever meet each other, they will get along so well. But yeah,

Jimmy, I fucking love him like a brother. Nate crushed it on SNL. Dude. Murdered. Crushed it on SNL. Nate's, man,

Nate's funny in a way that like, I don't know. It's so effortless. It's like he, I think Nate's one of the funniest human beings alive. He is fucking funny, man. That George Washington's get was hilarious. Hilarious.

His tone, his timing, he is. He's really funny. I was at the Riemann last night. And me and Nate and Ari Shafir were at the Riemann probably 10 years ago. We were watching Angela Johnson perform. None of us were selling any tickets anywhere. and Nate was like, one day that'll be us. And I was like, no, fucking way.

And he was like, no, what will I get here? And Nate's like, I'll get here. And I was like, I'll never get here. And I remember saying out loud, I was like, because Angela Johnson has the nail salon. I said, give me one nail salon bit. I'll tell for the rest of my fucking life. It'd get me on my stage. And then that was the machine.

And the machine happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Were you surprised at how much the fans loved your movie? Or did you know it was going to be awesome? No, I thought, um, I'll tell you, no, I, I knew it was a good movie.

I knew it wasn't going to be what people expected. I knew it was an action movie and it was like fun. It was fast-paced. I knew all that. I knew people would like it. I didn't know it was going to do as well as it did on Netflix. What I was not prepared for was any sort of negative stuff. I just was like, oh my God, they hated it.

And I, and I, and I, and I, I, talking about hanging with a golf cart and they're running you over. Hey, there might be a situation where people don't like the movie. they're going to say negative things. I was so blindsided by that. I was so blindsided. I was like, I was like, I was like, well, yeah, I made a movie. I'm not supposed to make movies. Just like, what, what wouldn't you like about it?

And they're like, it bombed in the box office. And I was like, well, yeah, everything's bombing. Like, I literally, I was so oblivious that Tommy said to me, he's like, how, how are you doing with the release of the movie? I was like, great. He was like, really? I was like, fucking amazing. He was like, Tom's like, check out this Reddit page. Yeah.

Yeah. And Tommy showed it to me and I go. He hates a burst your bubble, but there's all this. I was like, why would they say that? And he was like, you put out a movie, man. People aren't going to like it. And I was like, hold on. Wait, because, you know, no one ever says shit about your specials.

Like, your specials just either just do well. Yeah. I remember, dude, this is how oblivious I am to things. I remember, I will say his name, but there was a comic. I'll say his name, just edited it out. He put out, don't pull up the rotten tomatoes now. Give me another fucking twisted tea. You got that up on the thing.

So, uh, the, uh, he, he had put out a trailer for a special and it was getting slammed in the comments. And I remember going, I remember, I was traumatized by it. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This can happen. I was like, what do you mean? Why would people not like your standup? Like, just don't watch it. It's not for you.

I, I was so caught off guard because like negativity wasn't like, I just, you never saw negativity. Like, you just didn't. It's like, you did a podcast and like, yeah, you got backlash. if you said something bad, but like everyone was always on your side. When that movie came out, man, people fucking, there were people that hated me.

And I was like, what? How are they going to hate you for it, though? I don't know. Not like in the movie's one thing. I think a lot, I think, what were they hating about it? Just me,

I think. I don't know. I think the fact that I was like, I think that I, probably the promotion of it, um, I don't know. I was so oblivious.

I had such blinders on in that whole period of my life that I was just moving as fast as I could forward in everything. Like in this time, I had a special come out. I had this come out. I had a European tour. I had an Australian tour. I had so much going on that I just was like, I don't know, everything was in front of me. It's like driving in New York. I just looked in front of me.

I never looked behind me. And then when this came out and razzle dazzle did well, I had an arena tour. Like I had all this shit going on. That was the first time. I mean, I was oblivious to it too. I remember having breakfast with Christy Mack and her boyfriend in Beverly Hills in a beautiful hotel getting drunk that morning, being, smoking a cigar on my car, being like, fucking, the world's my oyster. Yeah. And then I saw Tommy and Austin.

I was still on cloud nine. He was like, he's like, how are you doing? I said, great. He's like, how's the movie? I said, fucking awesome. It's great. And he was like, you sure? I was like, what?

He's like, you know, some people don't like it. And I was like, who? He was like, I don't know. People. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like, I don't know. Like, take a look at this. And I was like, what the fuck, Tom?

Why would you show that to me? He was like, I don't know. You should know. And I was like, no, I was better being not knowing. Yeah. And but then it came out on Netflix and it was like trended as number one movie for like a month. And people love it. I've never had anyone.

That's the weird thing. It's like people say stuff online. But like in person, people just give you love. Like I really am not online at all these days. Like I don't read any. comments I don't read anything you just interact with people I'm never I I take pictures everywhere I go I was at the Riemann last night I took pictures all the way up until the show started all anyone did was give me love and Nashville I get love

so I just I kind of go by that you know it's like it's like COVID do you remember it's like the internet's the swab it's uncomfortable it goes up your nose it hurts and yeah it goes you have COVID or you could not take the test and just go I don't believe in COVID yeah that's a nice that's a nice one hey you don't recall comments? I don't. You read comments? Uh-uh.

I don't read any fucking comments. Pete it out of re-comments? Every now and then you want to get a post on something? No, no, no. I'm never on, I am off comments. I am off comments. Are you off social media?

Like, are you running your social media or somebody else running your social media? This is how, this is how. Then when you do to get on a post, you might like check it all. No, no. No,

I look at likes. I look at likes and I look at number of comments. So like I'll go, like I'll go into Instagram. Let's see. I'll show exactly what I do. So I go on to Instagram. I go to my page.

Right. And then I'll look at like this is a thing with Judd. So we just had Judd on, or I had Judd on for two bears. 10,000 views, 10,000, 246,000 views, three likes, whatever. And I go, that's odd. A lot of people watching and a lot of people liking it. It's because Judd's a little.

It's what's a little. It's because it's Judd and, you know, podcast. Podcast fans are like anyone who ever stood up for wokeness, they just hate them. And so Judd's a little bit of a volatile character online. Jimmy Kimmel on. They fucking hated Jimmy. And Jimmy's a sweet guy. Really?

Yeah. Dude, you can predict what the internet's going to like. You can just go, like, I was shocked that you guys thought you'd get any pushback about having Trump on. Like, when I heard you guys talk about, like, some people aren't going to like you, I was like, who? The internet loves. Trump. Yeah, but there was still some pushback. I mean, there were text messages too.

Yeah, we got some long. Grownups probably didn't like you. Like, you got a, you got phone calls from people's parents. But like, the internet loves Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The internet had Trump on and the internet got erect immediately. Yeah. And you're like, yeah.

Do you think, but like 2020, the internet hated Trump. But then Elon Musk buys Twitter. And now it seems like everywhere you go, people are loving Trump. Yeah. Like, why do you think? think that's a massive difference maker is Elon or somebody else owning Twitter? I think, I mean,

I haven't been on Twitter. I haven't been on Twitter since it can't turn into X. Really? Anti-Musk. No, I just, I hate Elon Musk. It was such a fucking negative place that it's like, it. Twitter is or X is where probably the most negativity is. Yeah, I can't, I don't,

I don't want that in my life. Like, I don't want you to be able to affect my day. Meaning, if you're listening and you're like, God damn, I fucking hatebert. I'm cool with that. I get that. That's part of the job. However, I don't need you getting into my day, fucking my day up. Like, I want to be able to walk to the office, have a great fucking day, have a cocktail and smile. In your opinion of me, as valid as it may be, I don't need to know it. I don't need to know it. Also, if you love me, I can't allow that to affect

me either. I've got to make sure that my day is controlled within my parameters and I can have a beautiful day with no exterior. I don't, you know? So, like, that's why I don't fuck around with comments. That's why I don't fuck around online. Have you always had that conclusion? No, no. Yeah.

What was the thing that was like, all right, I got to, I can realize that this is affecting me way more than it should, good or bad. Oh, the, there was, um, I mean, there was a period, I think probably right when the movie came out that I was, I would, I would read. There was a, after, after Tom, yeah, just definitely Tom. Yeah. Tom lives in. Do they really feel this way?

He reads comments, Shane reads comments, Mark Norman reads comments. They all read everyone, there are people that read their own Reddit pages of themselves. Oh my God. I just was like, I was like, dude, there's a kid. I remember telling someone this. There's a kid who doesn't have a great life. He's fucking miserable. He works at fucking Walmart.

And he maybe stock stuff in the back. His dad left his mom and him a long time ago. He lives in an apartment in Nashville. I don't know this kid, but this is a kid. It's got to be. He's losing his hair. He's skinny. He's never really had any muscle structure.

Women have never really taken to him. He doesn't have a lot of friends. What he does have is podcasting. And God damn it, he hates Burt Kreischer. Well, I don't, in real life, I don't care about this person. However, if this person leaves a negative comment and I read it, all of a sudden, this person owns my fucking day. Yeah.

And I was like, that's impossible. I can't allow that to be a real thing. I can't allow this kid who works at Walmart, shelving stuff. His employees don't respect him. His dad left his mom when he was young. He's got nothing going on. But God damn it, he is in the fucking head of this comedian. And I'm fucking sitting there and I can't enjoy my polar blunge because this fucking kid at Walmart, I get this kid's, I'm in my sauna.

Yeah. I'm fucking. It's wild that that was a real scenario in my life, that there would be someone that would. And, you know, there was like, what's even crazier. I'm going to give this kid a shout out because there's a kid. Oh, fuck is. I forgot his name. crack de miko okay

crack de miko shout out to the kid he's very talented crack amico crack amico crack amico crack amico crack amico i think is his name uh i got and look it's we have a weird history because he wrote a really hateful song about me and tom that rie was like you gotta why people love the negativity but rye's like you got to watch it you got to watch it so i watch it and i'm like i didn't enjoy it and i mean it's horrible don't pull it i don't want to see it and uh Sure, you were about to, too, weren't you?

Oh, it's bad. It's bad. It's bad. I mean, it hurts my, it hurt my feelings. Like, it, and it fucked a weekend up for me. A weekend, I could, I was just really bothered by it. They called me on Legion of Skanks and they were like, what did you think of it? And I was like, it sucked.

I was like, I wish I hadn't seen it. I wish I hadn't seen it. And I wish it was about someone else. What are you looking for? And then he, and then he said, and then he did an apology video. He sent me a DM, this guy. He was like, man, I'm sorry. I'm a huge.

fucking fan. And it's clear when you watch this song, this guy has to be a massive fan of mine to have the amount of information about me that he does. It's impossible not to. He knew who my dad's old clients were. Like, he knew shit that only a mega fan would know. And he said, I'm so sorry. I am a massive fan. And I got caught up in the hate to get views. And he put out a huge apology video. And then I realized like, and then he got attacked. He got attacked really bad. And then he had to double back and be like, it was all joke. I was just trying to get burnt. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. It's tough. You get into that little spin zone. It's hard.

Yeah. But I remember thinking, poor, I've seen him in person. He's a smaller statured dude. He's a nice guy. I saw him at Skanksfest recently. He was terrified of me. Like he didn't, I wanted to say hi to him and he ran away. I know. But you go, why would you ever let that guy affect your fucking life? Why would you ever allow someone who's, who is online saying something negative, ruin your parents, with your daughter like I got one weekend to spend with my daughter I'm gonna get on a comment and let it fuck my day up right like it just didn't it didn't none of that that's why I don't fuck with comments and in the negative the positive ones are you don't they don't it's like

how can a negative one do so much damage to me but a positive one I just go glance past yeah oh that was nice move on dude you're legend whatever right next next next dude I fucking fucking you're my favorite coming okay whatever oh you're fat fuck who tells the same story over and over again god damn it like what I'm Let me spend some time on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like, live for the cheers, died by the booze.

Dude, think about it with athletes. I think about it with athletes way more. Oh, brother, that, trust me. Will and I had that conversation a bunch of times. Who's the, because it's so fucked because you're doing your best. It's not like you're not doing your best. And then you fail. And then your whole city hates you.

And then the next week, you got to go out and try to win again for the people that fucking hate you. Right. Fuck off. Yeah. Fuck off. This great, great photo to pull up, Deshawn Watson, this weekend tore his Achilles and people are cheering about it.

Happy about it. Like, this guy tore his Achilles might never be the same ever again. Could, you know, who knows? Surgery could go wrong. Could be done playing football forever. And people are like stoked that he's done. Can you imagine having to do comedy for people that hated you? And what, like, that's the thing that fucks me up.

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That's code bus for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets when you bet just five bucks only on Draft Kings. The crown is yours. Do you ever see Bill Burr in Philly? No. It's the greatest. Philly hated him? Hold on.

And I apologize to Bill if I'm retelling something that he, you know, he didn't care about. He doesn't. It's just one of the most epic things. I mean, it's like he goes in and does a show in Philly. I'm paraphrasing. I would say anyone should go out and watch the video. It's that fucking better. I'm going to paraphrase.

He goes out and does the Opie and Anthony tour in Philly. And they booed the comic before him. And the second he gets up, he tries some material and they start booing Bill. And Bill goes, no, fuck you. You know what? I got 14 minutes left and I'm going to take every bit of that time to tell you while your city sucks

and he starts roasting the city of Philadelphia and it's brilliant in all of it because he's really picking, he's a sports guy so he knows everything about Philly right? And he grew up in Boston so he really can take apart Philly but he keeps going back to the clock. He goes, five

minutes left, five fucking minutes. And the room turns and they start cheering him on and he wins the room. It is the most epic fucking rain. It is quintessential Bill Burr. If you know Bill, this is how his brain works, and he fucking turns an arena to cheering for him

about him making fun of them. It's fucking brilliant. He is incredible. Dude, he is. He is, he is, uh, I love him. I love him to death. Yeah.

You get emotional? No, no, not at all. Okay. No. We had a period where we weren't talking. Hard pause there. I got nervous. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. And it was, it sucked for both of them. us, I think, you know, but it's like, you know, we're in comedy world. We're all like brothers, you know, like, especially, like, how does it get to a point to where you guys aren't talking? Yeah. It's easy, actually, because we don't see each other unless you're at the clubs. We didn't see each other at the clubs.

You know, it's like I could very easily get into a point where I'm not talking with a lot of people because it's like, we're living our own lives. And we're reaching out and, you know, we had a podcast together. And, and, you know, it was like the day that we kind of. Reconnected was that I'm sharing this and I know this would bother Bill I know it would So I'll shut up

Fair enough Yeah yeah yeah Right now right now Bill's bird is going Shut the fuck up Yeah How did he shut his goddamn mouth? Yeah I love him He's uh dude he's

He's got a beautiful mind The way he's able to dissect things And who was the guy who used to do Daily show that he sat on his show And they just made fun of him the whole time It was a recent episode of something that came up. It was a whole year-year-than-now type of situation. I forget who it was.

And if you can't pull it up, that's perfectly fine because I don't have a whole lot of stuff. He's just, he is just fucking masterful. Yeah. And honestly, generous and I love him to death. I love, it's the coolest thing is I'm in a job where the greatest minds in the world are my friends. Like the, like, the fact that like, thank you for saying that about us, man. Yeah. But you know I love you guys more than anything.

The feeling is definitely mutual. Yeah. I'm sitting outside listening to you guys talk about sports. And I'm like, God damn it. That's like, it's crazy. It's crazy now that like you guys, it was never going to be this way. Football was supposed to be the highlight of your life. That's it.

That was the mountaintop. You did it. It's over. And you guys have created a paradigm within which the biggest moments of your life are still ahead of you. It's fucking insane. I mean, look at, look at Pat McAfee. That fucking guy. Yeah.

Is epic. I mean, fucking insane. Could you imagine if Pat McAfee decided to listen to everybody that was like, hey, you're a punter, just be a punter. Right, right,

right, right. I mean, yep, every, every move he's made, there's been criticism. Yeah. Right.

The biggest, like, what is it? The biggest boundary you have is your own imagination or what you believe you're allowed to do and not allowed to do? Because it really is, you're absolutely right. Like,

Pat is a guy that in the sports world especially, in general, just on top of the absolute world. Yeah. And called him nuts, crazy. helmet back on him. Why is he retiring?

I thought he was a little out of his mind when he started his podcast and I saw how much he was investing in it. Because I remember we were all doing like, we all just had like a Zoom and a couple mics. Right. And then we went to, I remember going to pass going like, you have a building? Like you have a building? You have a building?

I'm employees. Like, who the fuck? What? And I was like, I was like, okay. And then in my head I was like, is this the future? And he was, and he was just, I think he's just, he's just fucking dialed in. Can I tell you? Someone else who's sneaky dialed in that you'd never think it, I think, is fucking Theo.

Oh, yeah. Theo is like, you know, it's like talk about under promise overperform. Theo fucking Vaughn, man. That guy, I was texting with the last night. This made me feel so fucking in my feelings about it. It goes, I was like, heaven town. You want to hang out or something? He's like, yeah, he's like, I can't tonight.

I'm preparing for a podcast. And I went, we're supposed to be preparing for these? he's done an incredible when we did Trump so I went I listened to a couple of podcasts wrote some notes down but when I got to like Chicago to do the episode I was like all right we got it I know I got Will I know there's always like anytime things aren't doing like there's something you can always just turn to Will we can just talk for a little bit and then find our way to a new question yeah so in my mind I'm feeling very confident very comfortable it's like 30 minutes before he comes on and Will is writing notes looking at something I'm be sure you had headphones in. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my God. Like, what is there something I'm not doing right now that I should absolutely be doing?

The panic that ensued in my body. I literally got the piece of paper out and I started just writing things on a piece of paper that didn't even fucking make sense. Because I feel like I should just be doing this also because he's doing this when I feel a whole lot better when I do a little bit less actually. But because he was so prepared

and we sat there for six hours before the episode. That's what was brutal. Yeah, because if you go and you're like, all right, we have this big guest coming on. The first time you came on before we're familiar with you, it's like, yo, we got fucking burnt on the episode. Your whole goal is the minute you walk here is like get him on the bus as soon as possible because you don't want to have like the small talk where you're like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we sit there with this for six hours with a couple of Secret Service guys, all the conversations you could have are already done. And now it's just like, now we have an hour and a half. Now we got there at three to do all the Secret Service stuff. And we were supposed to be there at three. We were probably going to sit down an interview at like six. and then there was a little hope that we might get him on a little earlier.

I don't think we sat down with him until like 9 p.m. at night. Right. So we are for a legitimate, we're like tracks in that little conference room. Unless you go, unless you go potty and then the Secret Service guy's got to escort you go. Oh, because, oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't even think about it.

I'm like, why the fuck? Yeah, it was, and that's, yeah. I'm preparing for my Putin interview. You do a Putin? I'm getting Putin. I know everything about that guy. He's playing in Austin, Texas? Yeah, I'm fucking, I'll fly that, right?

I told, I was, I was going to go to Russia to promote the movie. And apparently they're kidnapping. journalists and so I was like well maybe it's a bad time I mean you make it it out of that's a whole new special you got that motherfucker now that's a nice little thing I'd definitely bring a bait pen in the uh yeah that's a way

yeah whatever happened to Britney Greyer is she still playing she's still she's still hooping nice she's doing it hey but on your point with Theo yeah I feel like he is like reaching insane new stratosphere is because his his pot like the way he started because I've I followed Theo

like since he's been pot Yeah, out in LA and everything else, the Rat King. And now it feels like he's becoming like a Rogan-S-style podcast where he has all these massive names and all these massive people, but he does it his style and his way. And making the change, I believe it was during COVID or around that time where he was like, I'm leaving L.A., I'm going to go to Nashville.

Right. When he was doing a whole bunch of stuff with Shab and DeLia and all that, and it's like, this guy's kind of taking away his lifeline a little bit because he was always kind of in a group of people as opposed to being solo. Right. And taking that by the balls and rolling. is extremely impressive.

I mean, Trump on them, Bernie Sanders. Like, yeah. Just wow. And then he has a plumber. Yeah. Yeah. And the numbers are just as well. Yeah.

People are really there for Theo. I will tell you this. And I think Theo would even attest to this. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, really. reality show called a reality bites back on Comedy Central. Probably like 12 years ago. Mm-hmm.

And Theo Vaughn was. was without question on the final episode of that show, the funniest individual anyone's ever witnessed speak aloud. We were crying, laughing from the, for the whole, Amy Schumer and I were like, he is going to be the best comic ever. If it, and this was a thing, I was like, if he can figure out how to do what he's doing right now on stage, that, and he, and I'm, I'm being for real.

he didn't for a while. Like, because this was like probably 15 years ago, 12 years ago. That's it. Is that the episode? That fucking, that person right there made me and Amy Schumer laugh harder than any. I've never laughed that hard.

Mike William Black was like, dude, this guy's a genius. Everyone, Donnell Rollins, Theo's the funniest man alive. And he figured out, just, he just cut some of the bullshit out. And he is today, that guy, man, we saw it, that we got the first taste of it that. night and we were like this is this man will be unstoppable yeah and he's and he's the sweetest fucking guy you know how sweet this motherfucker is i'm gonna i love little secret stuff you land did the podcast with your ladies fucking you know theo showed up to like give her love he pulled up to say hey leanne first live show i just want to say hi and congratulations that's who the fuck

that guy is that's awesome you don't ever like that shit goes down on my book forever like that's like he's a real dude. That's all time. When it comes to the podcast stuff, like you, with Rogan, him starting, did you guys ever imagine that that would be? I mean, is that the craziest shit in the world?

No, dude. Because you see, you see the clip of him. He was on somebody else's show that kind of gave him the brainchild to make the Joe Rogan experience. And we all, I mean, you're obviously friends with him,

but everybody who listens to podcasts has come across Rogan one way or another and most of the time become fans. Yeah. And he's got the largest podcast in the entire world. Like, did you guys ever think that was going to be? No. Such a massive opportunity for views and everything.

And getting to say your specials and your movie coming on, all that. Dude, it's why I have a hard time understanding the way people see Joe today. Because I just know that Joe. Like, I just know the Joe, like, like, it's funny. I like to go back and listen to old episodes of his. and because that's the Joe I remember. This, I mean, he's, he's brilliant. He's always been a brilliant dude.

He's always been ahead of the curb. And I'll say that I knew something was up with the podcast the first time I did it and I got like 6,000 followers on Twitter immediately. And I was like, whoa. And then the next time I did it, I put out the machine shirt. And I sold like 25 grand in shirts by the weekend. And I was like, whoa. And we did six figures in shirts in the first month.

And I was like, whoa, this is like, I mean, you kind of. knew, then there's like a moment where, and, and, and, and, and then when we did like sober October and, and, and you just, the grounds swell around it. And that's why I also say, like, that's why negative stuff caught me off guard, because you only, like, it was overwhelmingly positive. You went on Rogan, it was overwhelmingly positive. It was like, dude, you guys are losing weight. Bert got his beard shaved and everyone, Tom's fat, pray for Joe. And, and, and it was like crazy. I think the time I started noticing negativity really honestly was when I got drugged by Ari and and not everyone thought it was bad.

And I remember going like, oh, there are people that call me a bitch because I got upset by it. And I was like, oh, this is weird. It was crazy because it was our friendship and it was our friends. It was like, you know, I might talk to Joe every day, probably an hour, that whole October, probably every day for an hour. And I talked to him because I was really upset by it. but I don't think any of us ever

ever thought it was going to be what it is. I don't think any of us ever saw this for him. I mean, and I still to this day, like, I was with him the other day and I was like, I was like, what? Like, he's signed that new deal or whatever. And I was like, what's it? Like, what's it like to be like that rich?

Like, I never thought I'd know someone had that much money. And he was just like, oh, no. Like, he's, I mean, he's still Joe to me. Like, he's still, I feel like, you know, and he's like, I don't know, man. Like he's like, he's like, like my favorite Joe moment is we were high and he was like, how many fish do you think we'd have if, if you could throw a fish 10 feet in the air and it grew wings and it would fly, how many fish do you think we'd have on this earth?

And I was like, the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that even mean? But that's Joe Rogan. Like, that's who he is. He's a silly, like you backstore at the, at the, at the, mother ship, that's Joe Rogan. Like, when I see him interview some of these fucking people, I go, well, I don't know that. guy at all. I don't really, like, I don't understand.

I hate you, he read the guy's book before the fucking thing. Right. Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? Ultimate curiosity. Dude, ultimate, ultimate curiosity. But the rogue and I know is the one that you get there. I mean, this is like the, this, anyone that's done that's good friends with Joe would know this Joe. The Joe that you do the podcast with and then you play pool with for an hour, smoking weed and talking shit. That's the Joe I know. Like, that's the fucking. But he's, I mean, he's, he's, he saw it early. Like, he was, he was told all of us.

Get podcasts. He's like, get a podcast. Immediately. Get a podcast. I was like, I'm better as a guest. And he's like, no, get a podcast. Get a podcast. You got to have a podcast.

Dude, I'm telling you this is going to change the fucking world. Dude, thank God I listen to him. Thank fucking God. Thank God for Joey Diaz and Thompson Girl. They came over to my house on a Sunday when my dad, we were having Easter Sunday. They came over. Tom hit record. Gave us all mics.

And I did my first podcast. Tom said, don't edit it. Just put it up. And now you got to do it every week. And thank God he does. did that because it changed my life. I mean, Tom, it's amazing all the people that affect you in certain ways that have a positive effect in your life. And it's funny to see who people see Tom as. I just know Tom as a guy who counts your burps in a car, you know? Like, that's Tommy.

Like, he's just, he's, I know him as the fat Tom. I don't, I don't think of him as having money ever. I know that he has money, but all I remember is poor Tom, who would plug his phone in across the room because he only had one charger and then he'd just walk across the room to get his fucking phone like i only know like i remember when he got addicted to uh piquan pies and and he started eating like two or three pecan pies a day a day oh he used to travel with hot sauce in his pocket he had hot sauce on him all the time dude i my i i love my fucking favorite moment of tommy is and this is worthy of someone googling and watching for yourself we went to hawaii me and tom and with Russell Peters

and the very first day Tom's hairy is fuck and I go dude let me shave your back and he goes, you sure? I said yeah, let me shave your back

so I shave his back and he's shaving his back I realized there's so much hair on him that like I was like dude your your armpit hair connects with your chest hair

that shouldn't happen I go let me hollow that out for you and he goes what do you mean I said I'll just clean it up I'm gonna clean it up so it looks to fine it looks to fine it looks like you have muscles. And he's like, you sure? And I was like, yeah, I'm drunk, he's drunk. And I shave his

one tit, like to hollow it out. And as I pull back, as I pull back, I realize it looks like his tits are wearing sunglasses. And he gets fucking livid because it's our first day in Hawaii. And he looks ridiculous. And I can't stop fucking laughing. I am crying laughing. It's the hardest I've ever laughed because it looks insane and now he has to walk around Hawaii looking like this all fucking week. Oh my god. I didn't know he was that fat. Oh, bro. Oh, bro. Oh, hold on. Look up some of his earlier special. If there's ever been, if there's ever been an ad for a Zempick, let me tell you, this fucking guy, he was so fucking fat. He was, type in, just have fun and Google Fat Tom. And it is fucking insane how fat he was. Massive. Yeah, I did not know that. Massive.

Oh my God. And you know, he was like a stud growing up. Like recruited to play football places. Jawline. Chin. Look at, that's not him. That's not him. Sherm's out there grabbing another tweet.

He'll come back and be able to dial it all. I'll tell you the one thing. That's him, bro. That's him, bro. That's him. Or is that photo show? That's him. That's him.

That's him. That's him. That's Tom. That's Tom, Sagura. That's Tom's Tom's Gora. That's fucking Tom'sigura. Big. boy big boy big boy if there is one thing four stairs tired at a breath boy if if there is one

thing you admire him that you wish you had and if there's one thing you admire in him that you wish you had what would it be say say that say that again so like i look at tommy and i go the one thing i wish i had that Tommy has because he doesn't care what people think about him like really that is beautiful it's insane it's insane when he went after pro wrestling I was like you have Tom we have friends that like professional wrestlers like I don't care I go yeah but I think a lot of people are going to get upset and you'll see I don't give a fuck he really

doesn't care at all it's insane you know he doesn't care on such a fucking level like he doesn't like when we go do rogan he's like no I got a heart out I can only do an hour today and you're like dude it's rogan let's do three hours he's like no I'm leaving he just doesn't care he can sit silently in a car

and not talk for a fucking six hour car ride just not speak to you. He's insane. I wish I could not. I wish I could not. So like what's one thing that you see him do that you go, I wish I had more of that? And what's one thing you see him have that you go, I wish I could be more like that. Probably Taylor's obsessive discipline with his health.

Okay. Really? Well, thank you. Yeah, like when Taylor wants to get something done health-wise, he stays dialed in. Now, obviously, like, we'll have our times where we splurge and do all that kind of car ride back from Knoxville this weekend. I'm not talking about that stuff. The boys went nasty on that gas station, didn't we?

You know what I'm talking about? Like, when he gets dialed in on something health-wise that he wants to get done and accomplished, like it gets accomplished. Really? Are you working out right now? Yeah, yeah. Can't tell you that. That's all, dude.

I mean, you look amazing. No, I literally, it's funny you say that, and I do appreciate that because literally for the last two months, I've been traveling and moving around so much that I've just treated my body like a sewer. I know it pisses you off too. I know, because I just, I, I do love, I found myself loving routine

and enjoying routine and figuring out, okay, I'm going to get up in the morning, I'm going to do this. And then I'm going to go and as soon as work is done, I'm going to immediately get home as fast as possible.

Spend as much time my family is possible. Don't pull this shit up. I did a thing for a real. Oh, that's a thing with that. Redwood outdoor. No free shoutouts. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was that way in football too.

Yeah, very, but yeah, you were, you, I think you've got that. I would have loved. You've been not like, as intense. Yeah. One thing I love about Will that I wish I had more of is how truly intentional he is with things.

Like if we, like when we do our locker room that comes out on Wednesdays, he's so intentional about what he's going to say and what his picks are and how he's going to say it to where I, I really enjoy going somewhere and then figuring out what I'm going to say there. I think there's a lot of fun in that for my brain to be like, okay, like, let me try to maneuver and figure out my best way to make. my friend smile, laugh, or ask a good question.

What I see Will do, kind of like the Trump thing, is like the ability to prepare in a way that is extremely effective and extremely intentional about the way he does it, that I just don't have that. The best part of that interview was the last two questions. Yeah, and they were all by going. That was really smart. That was really smart. Because you ended up getting like 10 more minutes out of him because he was done.

Oh, yeah. And then you were like, actually, I have one more question and go, and I actually have one. It's a follow-up. And that was the best part of that interview. Yeah. It was. It's a special thing. And that was nice.

You made us do that. Yeah. I wish Tommy, if I was going to say, now as I'm talking to you two, if I was like, I wish Tommy had more of the thing you guys have. Like Tommy and I are close, but we're close in a weird way. Like, we're really close, but not like publicly, if that makes sense. Like, you guys team up really well together. Like, when you guys do stuff like Beer Olympics,

Like you could never get Tommy to do beer Olympics You could never get him to do that. He did promise when he was at the Super Bowl He did break that promise He broke that promise. Like even this, now I'm gonna fucking tell a secret And but Tommy wasn't gonna come to the premiere of my movie I know, yeah.

Oh, you knew that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, I think like that Because he just doesn't give a fuck Like he just really doesn't give a fuck about a lot of things And so he goes, yeah, I'm not gonna make it. I'm just coming in, I'm gonna be on the road And it really fucked me up

And I was like, I was like, I would go anywhere for him Like, right? But he's like, yeah, I just, I can't do it. And you're like, what? I mean, I got emotional. And then he showed up and surprised me and I cried on the fucking red carpet. But I was like, like, I love like if, and maybe it's because we live in different cities, though, now is that we're, you know, we're so, what seems like we're so distant.

We're like, we only see each other to do the podcast, you know? Like, I wish, I wish it was, I wish we could go back to COVID. Do you guys miss COVID at all? I miss going for the late night risk games we would play. dude and it was like a weekday too like a Tuesday night because we do like that's one thing that i was interested in as your guys relationship being in different cities like you probably cherish the times you together a lot more we dump we emotionally dump on each other when we see each other like just everything comes out and then uh and then we pod and what's it's it's only this sucks a little

bit is like because we don't really like um we don't really get to hang out as much you know because if we hang out we're like we might as well monetize it let's that's that's that's the only we're fucking do a podcast. That's kind of, I mean, that's kind of where we said a little bit too. Like there's been a couple times where Taylor's been out of town

or Charles been out of town and one of us is like, hey, this weekend, let's get the boys together. Yeah. Let's do X, Y, and Z.

And then you just spend every single day with each other and it's kind of like the weekend comes and goes. And you're like, oh yeah, we didn't hang out, did we?

Because you're just together all the time. I'll tell you something crazy. All of the time ago. Uh, I remember talking to Rogan on the phone. This is bizarre. And he was like, we got,

a really good conversation. He's like, yo, yo, yo, yo, save it. Why don't you come over? Let's podcast. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, good caller. Hung up. Drove out podcast.

Had the same conversation. Because you're like, yo, it's such a good conversation. That's how most of our Mondays are. We'll show up. We'll start talking about things. Let's just wait. We'll just wait until we get on the bus. Oh, it's, and you know what's crazy is like the conversations Tommy and I do have

that aren't on the podcast are so, would be such great podcasts. Like, it's just gossip and like drama and like, I mean like a couple of gals spilling tea. Yeah. Oh, I remember when, you know, you're not thinking about what you say.

You're just having a conversation. Yeah. The good thing with us too, though, is like we do this, uh, the fall tour. We, we do,

we do different tours where we're traveling around going to games together. So we get to do like fun shit like that that gets considered. Like we're working, but ultimately we're having to blast together. We can't, we cannot tour together. We are very different tour people. Yeah.

Oh. Like it would not go well or go too well. to the point where it would not be good. No, it would never go well. He is, I mean, am I right in assessing this? Tom, when we did the Super, we did the Super Bowl just recently. Yeah, me and him did with Shane and we brought Shane and then Bobby Lee with us. My green room was fucking awesome.

Nate Diaz, Guy Fietti, Jimmy Kimmel, fucking a bunch of pro athletes, fucking Shane and Bobby and fucking, Everyone's having cocktails. Tom had his own green room where there was a red light and Tom sitting in a chair. I'm making this up. Tom sits by himself in his green room with a red light. He changes all the rest of the red and he just sits there. Why?

Because he's a fucking lunatic. I went to his show at the forum and he just is sitting in a red and I go, what are you doing? And he doesn't drink. He doesn't really party. He's just relaxing, you know. He had too short at his fucking. his show with the forum. I went to go see his,

what's so crazy is I was at his show on the forum and some guy was like, you guys are really friends? And I was like, yeah. He's like, you came to support your friend. I was like, yeah,

like we're regular. But Tom's in his room with a red light by himself. I went into two shorts room and got fucking lit. I was like, why would you fucking sit in Tom's room? He is such a drip. He like just sits like,

and like he gets done the show and he's like, well, would you like to get a steak maybe or go to bed? You're like, I'm like, no, man, we're going to get fucking loose. And he's like, no.

Yeah, he had too short. I saw too short. I got fucking freaked out. I call him Todd Shaw. Do you ever get, do you ever get Tom to, like, truly bask in what he's done with his life? He just seems like a guy that is just like,

like you said, doesn't give a fuck and just kind of move forward. Do you ever get him to sit there and be like, hey, look how much you've accomplished. Look how much you've done. And him be like, oh, my God, that's so cool. Yeah. You think he ever pinches himself being like,

I can't believe this. We're getting to do this stuff? No. If it all went away, he wouldn't give a fuck. Like, he doesn't, Like he doesn't, none of it. Tom is very disconnected from his ego. Like he doesn't,

standing ovation doesn't mean anything to him. It doesn't affect him the way it affects me. If I get a standing ovation, sometimes I'll cry. I'll get emotional. I'll be like, because I feel it. I feel it. Like, look at him. He's just like this.

Head down like this. Like, don't please, you know? That's fucking, he looks like he's getting arrested. They're on their feet in a fucking. Chearing on the words you said, which is the craziest thing about being a comic. Yeah. Like you just said words in a,

a way that made people go, that's fucking, that's funny. Yeah. And people like it so much that they're standing up and clapping for you. And his effect. And Burr's this way a little bit. Like they're both like the praise and the adulation, maybe, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if they, if they find it gross, you know, to bask in it.

Or, and I don't know, but they're very similar men where they're just like, yeah, thank you. And they just walk off. Dude. I fucking. I mean, there was a period of time where I could get a standing ovation if I wanted one. Like, I knew how to do it. Like I would, I'd be like, thank you. And then turn my back and go three, two, one.

Oh, here we go. Oh, shit. I did it to Ari one time, and I've never seen Ari lose his mind more. I told him, like, Ari's like, I've never had a standing ovation. I said, you can get one if you want one. He's like, what? And I said, oh, yeah, yeah. I'll show you this.

If I want one. I can show you how I do it. I just, what I do is I go, thank you. And then I go to get my shirt. And as I grab my shirt, I turn around and then you see one person.

Oh, no, thank you so much. And then, no, no, no. Oh, guys, please don't. Please don't. And then everyone stands up. And Ari was like,

are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, yeah, yeah. But like guys like Tom and Ari and Joe, they would never think about that. But I don't know, I'm fucking broken. I'm fucking broken.

Dude, if you give me a standing ovation, I will get emotional. I love it. It's fucking awesome. I love. love and when people say hey man I love your podcast or I love you I mean something to me I go oh thank you you know so yeah I've cried so much on podcasts the one of the ugly cry too

all my cries are ugly yeah oh my god which one's that one I love how it's just subtitles balling yeah Krista christa kris Stephano yes oh I cried at the fucking hold on this is not fair everyone should cry at the end of fucking of mice and men bawling. I get to feed the rabbits. This was Tom saying he was like, I was like Lenny and he was like George. Yeah.

I don't think I've seen this movie. Are you fucking kidding me? What's the movie called? Of mice and men? No. Do I get to feed the rabbits, George? I've never seen it either. Tell me like it's gonna be.

Tell me like it's gonna be with the alfalfa? You've never seen it? No. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you, we had to read the book. Oh my God. And then we, this is not. We were breaking down mentally disabled.

The one of you and DeStefano, when the Stefano starts crying about him not being around his kid and stuff like that. I mean, obviously having a kid in traveling as much as I do just hit different. I shocked everybody at that point in time. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

So I get, I'll get shit on sometimes when I get emotional and, like, people just say, enough, I'm tired of it. But like, there's certain, look, that's my cancel thing. It's like, I overshare about, like, you have a video. I got emotional on a video you had about telling your daughter you loved her when you dropped off to school. I think I texted you right after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, you can, you can take it or leave it.

I don't give a fuck. I'm going to be 100% of me 100% of the time. And if I get emotional in moments like this, I don't give a fuck if you go unfollowed. This isn't what I signed up for. Why aren't you being funny? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I really genuinely don't give a fuck. Yeah. But this moment, it's so hard, man. it's so hard to leave your kids. And, you know, what's crazy about this generation, like DeStefano is younger than me, he's very cognizant of it. Like, we weren't cognizant.

We were, we just, I just did what I had to do. Like, I just, I went on the road. Georgia was born. We induced labor because I had to work. That's, like, that's, that's how we started her life. We brought her in three days early so I could work with Dave Attell. And so I went on the road,

her, for the first year of her life, I was on the road every single weekend. I'd have an option. I'd have a choice. We were poor. Like, that's, if every, I don't know, didn't have any money. Like I made $700 a weekend.

I had to pay for my flights and my hotel. We had no money. But I had to do that in order to have a little money. And Leanne had a job. Leanne worked 20, you know, 40 hours a week. And, uh, and, and I worked every fucking, I leveraged these children's childhood for work.

I worked. And, and if we did stuff like this, This was a family vacation. I definitely put it online because I needed to sell tickets the next week in Omaha, you know? And so I did all that. And I fucking told every story about their life on stage because I just didn't know any better. Look, if I had the hindsight to go back and do it different, I would definitely do it differently. Like if I could do what the Stephano did and take some time off and be with my family, absolutely.

He's got a unique rule. We had him on the show over a year ago now where he said, I won't leave. I'll like stay in this region. I won't leave for more than like 24 hours at a time. It's great, man. It's like, listen, what, it, you know. But you, your wife had a, your wife had a, a story. I don't know where it was, like, what show was on, whether it was hers, yours, or just a post on Instagram.

But she tells a story about when you guys were broke the way you said you were and you were like, had like a 40 in your hand and a bag and you were skateboarding home. And she's like, that's, don't ever lose that. So I'll tell you the, God, I miss that sweatshirt. I thought you were to say somebody. I love that sweatshirt. That's a great sweatshirt. That's a nice one. Yeah.

It's heavy. It's heavy. I was, I had, I've had many careers within my career. Like when I was 26, I got picked by Will Smith to do a development deal. Six figures. Got a TV show right after that. And I remember being on Franklin and Vine. And it's right when the, uh, when the seasons are changing in L.A., which is really kind of cool.

It's cold, but not cold, but very windy. Really windy. and I was in an expedition, Eddie Bauer expedition. I had more money than I ever thought I'd make. I was in a Jason Williams jersey. I was listening to Jarlal, the one he did with Ashanti, you know,

and I was on the corner. I was going to work. And I was like, oh, man, I thought I'd be happier. Like, I thought life would be, like, I got everything I wanted. Like, every, I got it all. I thought I'd be happier. I was like, it just doesn't,

the sparkle isn't there. I was like, it's nice, but I don't know. No. So then cut to probably four or five years later. I'm married to Leanne. We have Georgia and Ila. We're broke. We're broke. We're pissed broke. I mean, honestly, I remember Daniel Tosh coming over to pick me up. We're going to go play poker. What a legend. And he and I said, I needed $100 from Leanne. She said, no, we don't have it. She said, no, we don't have a hundred dollars. She goes, honey, we don't have. I can't find $100 to give you. And Daniel Tosh was like, I'll give you $100 to end this conversation. We were broke, right? And she sent me to Rouse to go get milk for the girls. And I skateboarded to Rouse. And with whatever money she had given me,

I bought myself a 40 of fosters, like a big oil can. And I was skating home listening to modest mouse. And I was just skateboarding. And I was fucking. And I literally said to myself, in that moment, I was on Detroit Street. I went, this, I'm happy as fuck. right now. Like, I am really happy. And she was watching me from the balcony. And she's, as I got

up there, she goes, don't ever lose that boy. That guy that just killing a 40, just skateboarding just smile and ear to fucking ear. And I said, I swear to God, and I'm, I'm, you know, I talk in hyperbole, but like, every day I get with that chick is like, fucking that. It's like fun as fuck, man. I never thought that chick would be the one to give me all that. Like, I thought she'd have to have way bigger tits, bronze skin, blonde hair, six feet. Like, I thought that was the chick. But this little fucking redneck

midget, this little fucking fucking barefoot just, I just, it's like crazy that the chick, you know, and yeah, I'm the happiest guy in the fucking world. I got everything I ever wanted in life, ever wanted. And no one's telling me to quit drinking. That's the best.

She's never once said to you, hey, listen. She says, yeah. She's, She's told me reeled in, Big Boy. Yeah. A couple times. What a beautiful one-80 from the start. Yeah, I've reeled in.

I reeled in. I like, look, I like, I like to have a good time. And it's like, we're not, tomorrow's not guaranteed for anybody. So what the fuck are we doing? Well, according to you, it is guaranteed. You don't believe it. I'll be here tomorrow.

Yeah, you'll be here. I can't tell you. I think I'm losing my fucking mind. You know, this is the last podcast I'm going to do for like a year. Why? Yeah, what's going on? Tell us what's in the works with you. I'm done.

I think I'm taking a year off of the road. And I want to think more before I talk. You ever get to the place where you're talking so much. You're not putting thought into anything. Every day. Yeah, right? I'm a podcasting straight. Every week straight for like 15 years, which is crazy.

And I think this, I think, it gets convoluted with stand-up, and I think it's, I don't know if it's made my stand-up better. I think earlier on it did. But when I did this special, I was like, I just shot it in Florida recently. Comes out soon. I can't say yet. But I was like, this is the best one I've done. And I was like, and I can't think to do another one.

I have another one due in like a year or two. I was like, I need to take time off and, like, live. the life. Like I need to live. My girls are both in college. I don't have them to write about anymore. It was just such a fucking well to go to is those fucking idiots were so funny. They were so fucking funny. And I was like, I need to take time off. I need to stop. And then I started thinking about podcasting. I was like, you know, I go on so many podcasts and it's weird with comic. It's like, if I say something funny, sometimes I'll say, hey, can you take that out? I'm going to put it on stage. And then I was like, I should take all my funny thoughts and really start

writing them down. So I've been, I've never done this. before but I'm like anytime I have a good thought I write it down and I try to explore it it and write it out I just would work it out on stage so I'm like I'm like I was laying in bed today I was like I'm doing this podcast I think this is the last one I'm going to do for a year and I was like I don't think I'm going to do anyone else's podcast like not even Rogans who you know what about your own I I was I got to be honestly I was toying with the idea of getting rid of mine really I was toying of getting rid of everything and just the burrcast everything but I here's the problem

is I love, like I love two bears. Two bears is, I'll do that for the rest of my life. I love it. It's a very light lift because of who I do it with. Bertcast sometimes can be a pain in the ass, and then sometimes it's just a gift. Like I sat with juvenile the other day. Like I fucking was obsessed with juvenile.

And then I sat and me, him and Mani Fresh, smoked weed and drank vodka, and I fucking laughed forever, forever. And then I got to do it with, with Maynard Keyman, Mayor James Keenan, the lead singer tool. It's a gift.

I'm not going to get opportunities like that unless I have that podcast. So that's the only reason I don't want to get rid of it is just it's selfish. I mean, yes, I make money from it, but it's selfishly I get to sit with these people that I fucking idolize

because like Jimmy Kimmel comes over, fucking Judd Appetal and I get to pick their brains. Fucking, that's the only reason I wouldn't get rid of it. But I would, I do think there's something to be said when I look at like, when I look at like like like Stavey and and DeStefano and that generation of comics those are guys that are cool with walking away from everything

I know I'm god I fucking love that guy but like I you know I wish I had the balls to do more of that but I don't I feel like you know I'm like so yeah so I'm not going to do other people's podcast for a year and I'm not going to do stand-up for a year and take some like big trips and uh we've been seeing a lot of shows lately like going to do see music i'm thinking about staying here uh an extra day and going to see goose have you ever seen goose they've even heard a goose oh my god it's my favorite band they're in Nashville they're in there in Thursday I might I might stay in town if I stay in town I'm bringing you guys to goose it's fucking insane all right yeah but I'm seeing music and then yeah sounds like a little stoicism in your life the ability to say

No. No. I don't believe in that shit. Stepping out of the light. You know, he's cool as fuck, too. He hit me up. He hit me up. And he was like, you know, he said, I wish I could call him. Because you know, he backed me up privately. In what way? Who's this? Holiday? Yeah, Ryan Holiday. He was like. Holiday backed you up on saying, I don't believe. No, he said, I know what you're trying to say. Okay. He goes, I know what you're trying to say. Because I understand what you're trying to say. He was like, there's wallflower stoics that don't really believe in it, but they quote it like it's there. He goes, I know, I know.

what you were trying to say, but he goes, here, can I send you some books? And I was like, please. I think Ryan Holiday is a badass motherfucker. Dude, he is, bro. He's a bad. to have him on the show. But here's the other thing is if you're a comic, why not, why not challenge everything? Like, immediately I go stoicism. Everyone's fucking, a second everyone believes in it, come on. The second everyone's. But everybody doesn't. Yeah, not me. Ryan Holiday's a cool motherfucker. I want to read exactly what he said. But you know what's so funny is we would love to have you on too right if you're happen to be watching this we would love to have you got

I got I'm gonna well I'll wrap this up soon I know you guys we probably should leave but that we got invited to a party and uh it's the craziest party I've ever been to everyone's there fucking his house no air at uh who's Diddy Diddy? No no by the way do you think you would have Do you think When we talk about the cowardness is close right? Yeah yeah yeah

Do you think you could have gone to Diddy's party and not been a part of of it. Oh, absolutely. Oh, okay. Do you, were you ever invited to a ditty party? No, no, no, no. Never. No, but I've always, I've done, I've done, I've gone, I've gone out to eat with men that I thought were gay.

Like, like, every guy that ever in Hollywood I thought wanted to fuck me. Everyone. Elliot Gould, I thought he wanted to fuck me. He was like, let me give you my number. We'll go out to dinner sometime. And I was like, cool, he wants to fuck me. I always expected anyone. Will Smith, you know, I thought Will Smith wanted to fuck me in the ass.

Yeah? Oh, you ever heard that story? No. No, no. Is this legit? Swear to God. So, Will Smith, I'm 26. One of his boys sees me to stand up.

I like, well, would like you. Can I, you know, maybe do a deal? I said, great. So like, let me introduce you. So I go to the hit factory, I think, is where he was recording his album, Millennium. And, uh, I meet him in a dance studio. It's a dance studio, like two folding chairs. And we sit and we talk.

And I'm like, dude, I love hip hop. I love, you know, I'm like trying to sell him because I want to do a deal with him. And he's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm fucking, you know, just everything. Hell of a selling point. Dude, Juvie was big then. So I was like talking about juvenile and Mating Fresh and everything. And so he's like, cool man. He was like, uh,

he's like what do you doing tonight i was like nothing he was like let's go to the movies i was like okay so i i leave i remember calling my dad and he was like how to go i said good we're going to the movies my dad's like on a date i go no he was like what do you mean you're going to the fucking movies with him i go i don't know he said he wanted to go to the movies and so we're going to the movies my dad's like oh buddy i'm sorry i was like what and he goes this is they call the casting couch in hollywood these men they're so tired of of having sex with women that the only human really turns him on is fuck young guys and to turn them out. It's called the casting couch.

I was like, Dad, that's impossible. He goes, what's more possible? The fact that you're so talented that within doing stand-up for six months, the biggest movie star in the world

wants to do a TV show about you or that he's tired of pussy and he wants to fuck you. I was like, oh my God, I'm getting fucked. And he goes, I go, what do I do? And he goes, no, I'm just, like, I'm giving you a heads up.

Like, go, but, you know. Oh, your dad's like, essentially you're going to get, you're going to catch hands. and that's okay. Yeah, he's like, I'm giving you a heads up. That's why he's bringing you there.

But, you know, I'm just doing my only son going in, not knowing what he's ready for. So I go, we were supposed to do it at Planet Hollywood, which is, and even still sounds weird to see a movie at Planet Hollywood.

I go in, I'm like, is Will Smith here? And they're like, no, movie stars don't hang out here. So I'm sitting in the lobby going like, what the fuck? And then this dude, probably 6, 7 comes out of a corner.

His name's Charlie Mack, and he goes, you bert? And I was like, yeah, and he goes downstairs. I was like, motherfucker. I'm going to have to fuck this guy too.

Like he's 6-7. I know who Charlie Mac is too. It's got a song about him. I go downstairs. There's 10 black dudes sitting in a room, like probably a little bit bigger than this bus with a curtain and a folding table in the center. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to fuck these 10 black guys.

Charlie Mac, I'm sure he's bringing Jazzy Jeff. Plus, that's 13 dudes. I'm going to have to fuck tonight. I'm like, this is getting, scenarios getting worse. Will Smith comes in with, I swear to God, Jazzy Jeff. I swear to God, he walks in with Jazzy Jeff. and he's like

guys this is the guy and everyone looks at me and they're like yeah and they're like this is Bert I was like oh my god this is how it goes down and then the curtains And you're probably thinking

there's no way I can get away from these guys Oh the door's locked It's down the flight of stairs It's down the flight of stairs In a small room Red curtains all around it folding table in the center

I'm like it's going down right now curtains open up to reveal a private movie theater and me and 10 13 black dudes watch American Pie I sat next to Will the whole time, me him and Jazzy Jeff, laughed hysterically.

And at the end of the movie, I go, he was like, hey, what did you think? And I was like, what do you mean? What did I think? I said, it was a good movie. He goes, no, about the room. Like, what do you mean? He's like, the guys. I was like, I don't know.

They're black dudes? And he goes, no, you said you were a hip-hop fan. He's like, that's Biz Marquis. That's Cool Mo D. That's Big Daddy King. He's like, I brought all the legends so you could meet them. And I was like, I could have fucked Cool Mo D? Jesus Christ.

Yeah. fucking, uh... So how did that end? That was it. I did the deal with him. I saw his dick like a week later at ABC. It's a hog. Really?

Yeah, it's a hog. He was pissing next to me. He's, we went into ABC to sell a sitcom. Jamie Tarsis, I think who's passed away. She was running ABC at the time. And I had to piss really bad. I went to the bathroom and take a piss. And Will goes, I'm going to come with you.

I got a piss too. And he sat right next to me, stood right next to me. He started pissing. And his, you know how you can hear someone's stream and know their dick's big? Oh, yeah, yeah. His was like a fucking. fire hose. You heard German Shepherds barking.

Like it was fucking wild. And he gave me the keys to the business. He was like, this is how, this is everything you need to know in Hollywood. This is the short, and I couldn't hear any of it because I had to piss. I just, and I couldn't piss. I was gun shy. And I just sat there trying to piss, trying to piss, trying to piss. And he was done.

And then he walked over. And all I heard him say, right as I started to piss, he goes, just be yourself. That's all I heard out of the whole thing. Yeah. He was, I liked Will. I had a great time with him. But you had me on the edge. my seat thinking something was about to go down. Yeah, I thought this was going to be the podcast

you told you got fucked by 13 years. No, no, I thought Ellie Gould wanted to fuck me too and he just took me to dinner. Really? So it sounds like everybody in LA is actually nice. Everyone in LA is really good. Yeah, not a lot of pedophiles. I haven't met a pedophile that you know of. Yeah, not yet. Right. Like these lists haven't came out yet. Did you ever meet him? Talk to him? No. So what are they saying he did? Because I'm, I definitely would have gotten into a sex party. Yeah. Those things, pedophilia, little sex rings. Pedophilia. Have you heard the audios that have came out?

No. Apparently of him like fucking dudes. Hard grunted. He fucking milk? Make mill? Yeah. And this is all allegedly. We don't want to get sued.

Allegedly. Allegedly he fucking mill? Allegedly. 50 cent. You ever see the clip of 50 cents? Was it bad bunny or something like that? You see the comment 50 cent put on P.D.D. When he's riding a bicycle.

No. So he comments on the, it's a P.D. he's on a bicycle, he's smiling. He goes, 50 Cent goes, the only reason why P. Diddy is smiling is there's no seat on that bicycle. Like, he, apparently 50 cents known about it for a while.

Do you ever see the clip on Bro, he, drink champs? Put it like this, it's very dark. It's very bad. P. Diddy said a 50 cent. You got to see, you got to find the clip. It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed. P. Diddy was like,

yo man, man, to 50s, like, you want to hang out? I'll take you shopping. You don't have to buy anything. I'll pay for it. Right. 50 cents, like, what? What the fuck are we talking about here? Dude, have you guys got to do drink champs.

Have you ever watched drink champs? No, what's that? Oh, shut the fuck up. Dude, it is fucking amazing. What's drink champs? It's out of Miami is Nori and DJFN and they fucking, you just drink with them. And they talk, it's such a great interview. But if you're into hip-hop, the interviews they have are fucking insane.

DMX interviews are the best interviews on here. the DMX ones are insane I did it because I'm a huge I'm a huge hip hop fan but I'm friends with Nori Nori's a badass motherfucker he gets after it and he's like running a ton right now

we were gonna have him hopefully come out and do maybe the next 5K we do but he's like they're awesome dude drink champs is fucking awesome but their interviews are wild I'll be down I don't know anything about hip hop at all

at all no I'm like Blinklin 82 good Charlotte some 41 guy I'm a late 90s, early 2000, stuck there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not these ones today, but the ones I usually wear every day. How about country music? Love it. Red Clay Strays?

Love them. Marcus King. Marcus King band, yes, bro. Pull one of their songs up. Goodbye, Carolina. Oh, my God. Delilah, Marcus King's new album, Delilah, that song. Marcus King.

You would love it. Yeah, I mean, I did a crazy interview with Marcus that I got a lot of shit for. Why? Yeah, why? He, uh, I understand it. Like, I know, I joke about alcoholism, you know, I joke about it. You don't believe in it. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. Here's the deal. If you have an eating disorder, they don't tell you, don't worry, no food for you for the rest of your life. You have to figure out a way to manage it.

Right. I think that we can do the same. Anyway, here's my point. So Marcus comes over to my house. I apologize, Marcus, if I'm oversharing. But he comes over. And, uh, I wasn't drinking at the time. I was just on one of those benders where I was just on one of those benders where I

I wasn't drinking. And he comes over and he was like, I was like, hey, what's up? He's like, I had a rough night last night. I said, okay, can I get you something? I got every soda you could ever imagine. He goes, I fell off the wagon last night. And I said, okay.

I said, how long? He's like, in a couple years, I think. I was like, ooh. I said, well, what are you looking for? And he said, I'm looking for something to maybe get me through the day. I was like, yeah, I'm in there. I'll do it with you. Like, I'm, I'll fucking, if you're having a moment,

I'll have a moment with you. I don't give a fuck. So we did a very drunken podcast where he had fallen off the wagon. This is the guy? There's Marcus. Oh, okay, yes. I have seen this guy before. He's extremely talented.

He's, I would argue he's a prodigy. I mean, he's fucking the best. You know, guy likes to get loose every now and then. And right now he's sober. I think he's sober right now. But the day he came over, he fell off the wagon. And I just wasn't, I'm not the guy that's going to go, hey, man, I don't know. I'm not that guy.

I'm the guy that goes, yeah, I'll drink with you. So we got hammered. We talked about him falling off the wagon. We talked about his wife wasn't talking to him at the time because he had fallen off the wagon. And so many people have so many fucking opinions of how I should have, how I should have dealt with that. And I was like, no, man, I'm your friend. If something goes down, I'm just going to stand next to you and not ask questions. I'm not going to make it a more difficult day for you.

I'm going to be your boy. And so we've stayed close. He came out. He ended up doing fully loaded with us. Sober, sober, didn't drink. We did Florida Bama. We went out to the Florida Bama bar, got on stage together. I was fucking lit.

But he didn't drink. He was being healthy. I love that guy to death, man. He's a legend, bro. He is fucking epic. I've got to listen to some of his music. I've seen some of his clips, but I have not dove into his music just yet. Do we want to hit a twisted question before I let Mr.

Yes. And I'm so sorry, my bladder is so small. I have to pee. Go pee. This is a third pee. How long has this podcast been going on? Huh? Hour 50.

Oh, that's nothing, guys. This is one of the shorter ones. Yeah. Guys, I got another hour in me. Get me another twisted tea. Get him a tweet. Get him a tweet right now. What do you really start breaking down things?

So you texted us about possibly doing some hurricane relief and then you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I'm doing it in Tampa instead. Okay. So it was the, I don't want to shit on the relief people that, you know, the different ones. Yeah. Hey, sure.

Grab me your water too, please. Go ahead. But I was going to do one tonight at the Ryman. And, and I, I'm just going anyway. I'm just going. Yeah. Yeah. and just doing stuff there.

I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing stuff. You know, it's, it gets really tricky. What the fuck? Tall boy. Oh my God. It gets really tricky, um, giving money. I've gotten fucked a number of times. It's tough to give money, especially when you don't know where it's going.

So, so I'll tell you that this. And I, I mean, I wish it wasn't. So like, I did something for the bucks, right? The bucks were trying to build a house for habitat for humanity. They needed like $100,000. I'm with Doug Williams, right? Epic quarterback for the bucks. I'm with Doug Williams.

I do a video. I go, all we're asking is for $2.46. I'm Bert Kreiser. I'm donating $2,0.46. I'm with Doug Williams. Just put it in $2. And I get destroyed online. I'm oblivious to it because I'm not reading comments.

Tommy comes to me and he's like, dude, you look like a fucking ass. You're asking everyone to donate $2. You donated $2.000. He's like, the comment online is, Bert, you could have just bought the house yourself. I was like, but that's not how charity works. It's like we group fund things. Right, right, right, right. I ended up buying a house.

I had to buy a house. Out of guilt. I've got $100,000. I bought a fucking house for Habitat of Humanity. Tom bought a house too. We both bought houses. And so I'm like, I'm like, I'm never going to fucking help anyone again because it comes back to me.

Yeah. And then it's like, it's like, I was like, also $2,000 is like a solid. Why can't you just donate $2,000? So then I learned you just, you cannot try to get credit for, helping people. No. You've got to do it silently. Right. So that's where... JPU's on the bus. He's big on that. Like if you're going to do something for somebody, you don't, you don't want to do it at all in the public guy. Dude, I did, I did, I'm the kind of guy that if I send, if I give you money for GoFundMe, like I put my name on it. Yeah. So, and I donate the most so that I'm at the top of the list.

Just to win. Oh yeah. I've fucking, I've dropped 10,000 dollars a number of times into GoFundMe is just to see my name above everyone else is. Some of the GoFundMe's out there, man. There's a, there's a buddy of mine who did a go fund me for surgery on his dog.

That's where I draw the line. I believe I know this person too. Yeah, like that's right. He was doing well. He's doing, he does well. Yeah, does, does well. It's not like he's just living in a cardboard box.

He's like, my dog has to get brain surgery. Please help fund this. Oh, cancer, family emergency. Like, it's stuff like, obviously. But you're talking about surgery for a dog. Like, yeah. you got to have a line somewhere. You know, it's, uh...

Oh, I'm done, I'm done trying to help. I use to... I go, I'll help you, and you'll never know about it. Like, I'm doing a show in Tampa, and I'm giving the proceeds to what you will call it. And then obviously, we will donate money. It'll be silent. You won't know how much went. Right.

But you just can't, you can't... Like, I was going to try to do something here, and then all of a sudden, it just got so convoluted. And I was like, I'm out. I don't even want to be associated with it. Because the second you say, I'd like to do something, all of a sudden, everyone just attacks you. I mean, the fucking fires in Maui. Like, I was, I was Tony.

Dude, look at my fucking phone. All it is is people Venmoing me asking for $1,000. It's, um, it's, and one chick's hot as fuck. Dude, she's like, a single mom. Look, I want you to see her. She has fucking smoking. Venmo.

God damn it. Do you guys have, have you guys have to wear readers yet? Dude, my eyes are so bad. I need to. I need to. to get on that train. Maybe a little LASIC. Justine Adams. Yeah.

Yeah. Justine. Looks like she's got a good personality. Yeah. Dog lover. Yeah. She said, big fan, super weird request. Just seeing if any celebrities are willing to help, single mom trying to recover from Helene, having a rough time, never done anything like this for far, regardless, big fan. So I'm such a fucking lunatic. I was like, I wonder if she follows me on Instagram. She don't even follow me on Instagram. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not going to.

So yeah, big fan of ears don't follow you. Yeah, big fan of years. Yeah, dude, the whole, see, here's a problem with what you just told me about the whole giving thing is if you're asking for people to give $2.46 and you're going to give $2,460 or whatever. It's like, okay, yeah, you could buy a house for habitat for humanity, but you're also giving. And the gesture of just giving should be good enough to be like, wow, good for Burt to give, regardless if it's $1 or a million dollars. like giving and helping should be seen blanketly as great jobs so here's the thing that okay i'm being real right now and i understand this is going to get pushed back i've really enjoyed this episode by the oh dude i'm having such a blast i'm bummed that this is the last one i'll ever do and the reason you

think the reason you think too he's been on four times because the first time we had him all we split in in two weeks that's right oh for real yeah because remember the first thing you came out was like three or four hours no yeah dude this is such a great hang and this but this is also the first podcasts of all the podcasts we've done whether you doing two bears and at the Super Bowl with you and Tom or the first time you were on where this is like the most casual of a conversation I think the three of us have had yeah yeah yeah but it's very nice it's very organic I appreciate that thank you I think what were we just talking about uh giving giving back oh so there's oh I'm gonna tell you what fucking drives me nuts I know this gonna tell shitty you're gonna be honest for a second

so like okay there's an organization I'm not but I oh man like I know I'm not going to talk about giving but like okay I give a fucking cuntload of money to this organization BLM? No that's what I was thinking too

I was thinking the same thing No it's for it's for a trans drag queens to read books to kids in Florida anyway No is that a real thing I don't know people say it is I mean if it is real it's wild

that they have drag queens read books to fucking kindergartners that can't be fucking real. It's like frogs are gay kind of thing. Yeah. It's like shut the fuck up. Mine as well. How great do you think it would be

if you and your boys you're like first graders and you're just learning how to make fun of gay people and then all of a sudden like, you're like, whoa, shut the fuck up. Imagine if you had,

okay, anyway. A couple of those drag queens pull it off though. Dude, drag queens are awesome. I'm saying they pull it off. Like you look at it and you're like, oh, she's kind of, and then they pull the wake off.

Oh my God, I had no idea. Dude. Yeah, pull up. You don't know what to believe anymore. Pull up, Bert Chrysier Drag Queen. Like, bro, come on. Dude, I mean, you get caught. Right?

That's him? You get caught. Slip in. For real, for real. Slipping hard core. I would. Thank God we're all married now. Oh, yeah.

Because there's different kind of bullets flying out there that would, I know I'd get got. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I know Will's ass who'd get got. No question. question about it. A little horny boy out there. He doesn't have nothing out. I follow a trans woman who's in a trans woman, right? Yeah, trans woman who's in Nashville right now. Bro. So the way is so fucking hot. She is so fucking hot. I think we might, I don't know how many trans women are in the

greater Nashville area, but my second year in the league, I had a buddy who was a high school friend of mine and we were out at the bars and he was kissing. Hold on. Hang on. on are those girls or boys? You tell me. Yeah, what's going on, Sharm? That's girls, that's girls. I'll tell you right now. Ready?

I'm gonna put my dick on it. Those are girls. I'd put my dick in those mouths. Those are girls. Those are girls. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Technically girls?

Right? By standards? I don't know. The next morning I'd have to go technically girls. Right. The next morning I'd be like, don't worry, bird. It was a girl.

Technically. But there was a got mine. Those were, come on, man. This is not fair. Yeah, Sherm, get out of here. They're hotter than my wife. Yeah.

But I had a buddy who we were at the bar, and he was making out with a girl. And a guy pulled me the side. He's like, you got to tell your friend, that is not a girl. That's not a girl. That's a guy. Okay. Okay. So what if, okay, what if they said?

What if Trump gets elected? And he's like, all right, new rules. Okay. You can legally, and no one can get upset. You can cheat on your girl if it's with a trans woman. Okay. Okay. What's the question,

would you No Just kiss No, no, no, no, you're allowed to And your wife can't say anything about it She goes, no, no, no, no, that's the law He made it the law. They're trans.

So you want my wife to all of a sudden Just take all the laws And if I could be like, good, I agree with them all? They're just going to say, yeah, you're right. Okay, Trump said it that's how it's gonna go. It would be fun because they look like girls. That's AI. That's AI.

That's AI. That's AI. That's not AI. Is that it? Is that? Sherm. Get this. Listen, I had two daughters at home

at a one. I need you to pull out of this as fast as possible. I'm out. Trans. You're not. I still see it on the screen. Hold on. That's better.

Do you want your debt? Do you want your tax dollars going towards six changes in prisons? Dude. Okay. We'll get to that. We'll get to that a second. Quick answer. Blanket,

it's like one of Mitch's twisted questions. No. Will, do you want to answer the question? Absolutely not. Okay. Done. Dude.

We were watching. How fun would it be if that was the last. law though. For who? I just said no, my life wouldn't change a bit. No, no, we could, but we could just and just make out of the trans, they're so hot. Bird, they're so fucking hot. I love you. They do women better than my wife and she was christening the woman. Listen, listen, listen. I fully can agree with you that there are some trans women out there that make you go, damn, for real. Like, that's crazy. And I would support you like I support your alcoholism. Okay. Is it. I love it. If you ignore, it's not real. Yeah. I don't believe in COVID. I don't believe in, by the way,

I've had COVID eight times. Dude, tell me you're from Florida without telling me your from Florida. All the things that come out of bird's fucking mouth today. Bro. He's like this.

Trump's elected. By the way, congrats on the Trump wing. And then... All right. Now let's pull up trans dudes. Can they do dude

as well as those dudes can do women? Well, we do have to go down. No. No. Not at all. Yeah, because he gets in a sports. It's so much easier

to be a woman. That's not... No. That's a dude. That's a girl that was a dude. That's a trans dude. We got to get out of this. We've got to draw the line

somewhere that's like the go-fund me for your dog. Yeah, we got to go. Dude, so we were driving back. Time out, time out. He had the story about giving money to an organization. That's when we got off track.

As soon as you said that I remembered, I got out of it. That's not. That was a born, a black woman? No, she was white too. Hey, Shirm, I don't want to say it again. Hey, hold on. For real, for real, for real. I don't want to say it again, Shirm. Hey, we are muddying some waters out here.

And literally, this is like two weeks after the Trump thing. They were exactly who we thought they were. We don't want We don't fucking need this right now We got storytelling coming And then you just pull up another one Dude That's they're hard not to

I mean that's like crazy Sherman's job is on the line For the rest of this episode If you pull up another trans person On this podcast No disrespect We respect everybody who wants to be Whoever they want to be

But just right now Can you Can you identify as Asian If you can identify as a woman You should be able to identify as Asian Right Yeah I think I'm sure I forget what my 20th

three of me was i think african is everybody right best joke i ever heard about that so i don't know who the guy is and i just i know he's an older dude and he was a genius i think he's a genius like autistic genius he said i'm 99% uh ashti

and uh 1% sub-Saharian african and he goes and i'll just tell you i don't think it was a date dude uh rogan has a one too with the 23 and me. He brought up the whole the montage of him saying the N-word and when he got canceled and everything else

and he wrapped it into a 23-me. It was hilarious. It was when we were in Vegas watching us. Oh, for real? We were watching Shane his stand-up and Rogan came out to surprise everybody. We got to meet him. That was fucking talking about it.

You guys haven't done Rogan yet. Dog, come on. No, we haven't. Hang on. If there's one takeaway. If there's one takeaway. Everyone on, every fan of this podcast should just start,

just get in the comments, when are you going to have boys on? God, that would be something. But we also hear if you press, like that makes it for your farther removed. We've been told. I've heard some bad ones. I've heard some bad ones. We've been told there's like, like, uh, like we're cool. We're cool.

We met Joe. We met him. He follows us. We did the gambling thing. He's told that story 10 times. Yeah. On his show. Jamie loves college football.

Jamie loves it. We feel like we're. Every time he talks about, he mispronounces my name and talks about gambling with Dana White. I have all my friends from Cave. They send me the video like, listen, we had our toe in the door. That's the, if we were to be asked, we would come on. If we were to be asked, we would check our schedule and then come on.

And then come on. That's going to be the episode. You're right about that. And as I said that, everyone should get in the comments. Don't get in the comments. It's a corinous way to get off again. We did an episode, I think it stayed in the show where me and Ari talked to Joe about how we got people on his show. because we always were we always work behind the scenes to get people on and it would work oh yeah

Shane Gillis yeah shame we talk I I think we talk about it I mean I know for a fact Theo was one where I was like because Theo wanted to get on and I was like uh I was like it doesn't work that way like like I can't I can't if I push it Joe Joe won't like it right right he'll say yes because he'll go yeah of course but like I tried to do it with Warren's app Warren wanted to do it a long time ago, long time ago. And I was like, yo, hey, Warren Sap wants to get on your, uh, is that fat Tom or fat Shane? Holy shit.

That's a bad angle. The old, the old couch was really hard. He looks good these days. That's all I said. So I said, and so I was, I was just like, I'll have Warren Saple and he goes, I just don't know him. I don't know anything about him. So like, you have to come on with him.

And I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not a great, I'm not a great go-between. And so I remember saying, With Theo, I was like, dude, when he sees you, he'll want you on. And that's when you want to be on is when he's excited about you. And Gillis, Gillis was like one, Ari and I would, we would send Gillian Keeves videos to our group thread. Like, dude, have you seen this? And then you're like, all you're waiting for is Joe to reply. And then I'd be like, no.

And then Ari would text me, said it again. And then I sent it again. And this is fucking awesome, dude. Shane Gillis is fucking hysterical. And then Joe would be like, who is this guy? I'm like, oh, he's the guy that got fired from S&L for that. And he's like, Joe's like, that's fucking bullshit. I mean, it's, it was like, we talked about it on an episode.

I can't remember if we shared all of it. But, you know, it's, we did it with Nate Bargazzi. We've done it with a bunch of people. No shit. Yeah, because Joe's, you know, so many people come at Joe. Of course. That's the one. Like, everyone's begging for him to sit down with the presidential candidates for Kamla and

Trump. It sounds like they're going to happen. The Trump one sounds like it's going to happen. Yeah, I just don't. I don't know how it's going to work out. But yeah, to your point. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's bombarded on...

I've sat in the room with people who were like... Who are like, Joe, hey man, if you ever need a guest for your podcast, and I go, wow, you just got yourself never on the show. Yeah. You know, Joe's really... I think he'd be cool with me saying this. He's very comfortable with confrontation. Comfortable with confrontation?

Oh, man. I mean, there's receipts out there. Even old videos, like, fear factor, like... So, like, people that think... You know, hey, what's the saying they say? It never hurts to try. It does. It does.

It totally does. Literally. Completely does. So when we, when we met Joe, Shane was like, hey, Joe's going to come in. Do not talk about the podcast. Do not bring up anything about the podcast. Do you, isn't, is this a little crazy that like we have a way? It's like, it's like, it's like if they brought a chimp in and they were like,

hey, man, don't look in the light in the eyes. Yeah. He'll bite off your fingers, he'll bite your nose. Don't look him in the eyes. But it's right. He just, don't talk about the podcast. Just be a regular person. Hang with him.

Joe just wants to, Joe just doesn't want to feel like he's being leveraged. That's it. Yeah. I mean, I feel like everybody wants to feel that way. If you are a person of celebrity status in any shape or form. Dude,

you just want to hang out. I, I'm always shocked at like people who hit up Joe for tickets to UFC. Like I, one time, one time I was at, I was doing Madison Square Garden. UFC was in Madison Square Garden

I was doing the theater Joe isn't doing the what you'll call it And I that morning I texted him I said dude are you at UFC And he said yes do you need tickets I said that would be great And immediately I regretted it And I was like man

I've never asked anything from that guy Like I've never said and he is so goddamn generous He sent me a treadmill one time He sent me grills He sent me stuff that you He sees you talking about He just goes hey man I got you And I regret it immediately

And I immediately said Hey man, I don't need the tickets. I will buy tickets. I want to go. I'm going to buy my own tickets. But I'm always shocked at, like, people who are completely comfortable. I'm like, Joe, can you hook me up for UFC? I'm like, why wouldn't you just be his friend?

Right. Like, just be his friend. You get your own fucking tickets. Let me ask you this, though, if you, if Joe was not Joe Rogan of like the stature he is, and he was just a regular friend and you guys were in college and they had the ability to get tickets to something, would you not ask that person for tickets? No, I still won't. Really?

Yeah, I don't, but I'm weird about, I'm weird about owing stuff to people. Yeah, but I'm, I, I've tried to put myself in a situation, like, uh, like if I was in, whatever, the podcast, the process no longer exists, bustling with the boys. I'm in Lincoln. They're playing somebody. And I, I would not feel uncomfortable at all about texting, and be like, yo, hey, I'm, here in town, like, I know they're playing tonight. Do you have anybody that hoop me up with some tickets?

Oh, I can't do that. So, like, I'm going to parents weekend. And it'd be a no-brainer. I'm going to Paris weekend this weekend. You locked in no matter what. But I do understand the discomfort of asking somebody for tickets. The second, hang on the second. Here's, and this is going to sound very broken.

The second I ask you for something, I owe you something. I don't want to owe anyone anything. I feel like that only goes, I feel like that's like, there's like levels, tears of friendship. And like you and you are great friends. Will and I are great friends? I'm going to, I'm going to trump your celebrity for two seconds and tell you this is, this is the for your future. Hey man,

we'd love for you to go to the, uh, fucking, what's the minor league team here? It's a great team. Sounds. We'd love you to go to the sounds. Oh,

I love that. Hey, can we take care of you and your family? Absolutely. Cool. Hey, when you get there, we're going to bring you down the field.

We want you to do some pictures. You're like, oh, all right, great. And then, and then on the seventh inning, we're going to have you stand up. You're going to sing for the whole group.

Is that cool? I need some pictures of you. Can we get your wife out of them, though? The second you give them anything, you owe them, it's a work day. Everything I've ever done where I've gotten like a privilege. I can't get into too great details. I don't want to fucking sound like an ungrateful asshole.

But like, hey, Bert, we'd love to have you this. All of a sudden, I'm being walked around like a fucking show pony for the entire time and it's a work event. And if I want to go to UFC, if I want to go to the bucks, if I want to go to something, I want to go. I don't want to have to work. I want to be able to party and not be responsible. I'll give you a perfect example.

This is a perfect example. I feel like you can paint those. boundaries before you go to it. And you're also talking about a company versus a friendship. I'll tell you a great example. I went to, every year I like to get a box at the Rams game for all my friends and family and bring them all to one Rams game. We did it last year for Thursday night football.

It's me. I paid for the box. I paid for the box. I brought everyone and I got a party bus. Everyone, my parents are there. My kids are there. All our friends and family. It's awesome.

I think that's it. That's actually it. It's a beautiful time. And Andrew Whitworth comes back and he's like, hey, can you come on the show at the end? And I was like, ugh. I was like, yes, because I'm big fan of Andrew Whitworth because, you know, we were Rams family. He's the man. And he's the fucking man.

And it's fucking Fitzpatrick. And they want me to just rip my shirt off and fuck around. And I go, yes, absolutely I want to. However, it means I got to stop drinking because I don't want to get, I don't want to go drunk on TV, you know? So everything turns into a work event. I'm so grateful I did it. I had so much fun and I didn't technically stop drinking. It was so awesome.

It was such a great experience. But like when I go to something, I want to just go and I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't want to deal with like the, hey, can we get you to go up and do that? And you're like, oh, like every baseball game we go to, we went to the Dodgers opening ceremony, opening day. And they were like, yeah, we can get you tickets. And my daughters were like, don't pay for them. So we don't have to work. Because if you get the tickets for free, you're going to go down.

You're going to say hi to everyone. They're going to just, you're theirs. They own you for the day. So I don't want to fucking. I still think you can say no. Yeah. It's like if we had that same, if you were like, hey, comp, I'm in Lincoln. Like I'm trying to go to a Husker game.

Could you hook it up? And I would say absolutely. Absolutely. I want you to see a Husker atmosphere. I would, I would text, get the hookup going. And I would tell them, I would say he just wants to go and see and watch the game. Yeah. I'm not ask him to do anything.

Like I would almost do that for you. So I do feel like there's a. I don't know. don't think you would say that without this conversation taking place. If he told me he didn't want to do any like no, no extra wit that, I would absolutely say that. But the blanket, the person, basic text that's like, hey, man, I would love to go to watch a Nebraska football game.

You would just take that, send it to whoever and be like, hey, Burke, Burcher was looking for a couple tickets. You guys mind hooking him up. That's without any context of this conversation or him saying, I don't want to do anything. The person that got you the tickets that you had to go through, they did something. They're going to want something. I've been to too many of these things where they go where you think it's all for free

and then all of a sudden you're working the entire day so that's why... I think it's different with sports. If we were to go to a Titans game and say like, hey, you know, so and so we don't want to do X, Y, and Z, like we just want to... Okay, I'll tell you, I'll give you a perfect example. That's a perfect example. I took my...

It was a Packers game. I took my kids and my wife, not that was this year. I took my kids and my wife and I texted Nate Bain, the social media guy and I was like, hey, want to take my kids to do it. a game. My daughter's been talking about it would love to go and he's like, oh yeah, no problem. I said, hey, one more

thing. I don't want to be on the big screen. I don't want to chug the beer. I don't want to do any of that. I just want to watch the game. And he's like, no problem. Went, watch the game, left. Dude. I knew, but I did the beer chug last year. I'm talking about this season, the 2024 season. The big screen gives me so much anxiety.

Like, I went to the Knicks and then the Rangers. It's like the first experience I have where they gave you tickets and like, you know, they're going to put you on the big screen. I thought it was a gift that you get to be on the big screen. And it is, but what I didn't realize is the whole fucking game, I'm nervous going like, when are they coming to me? When are they coming to me? I hope I can do it well.

I should I take my hat off and didn't take the shirt off. And then we went to the Rangers. They're like, yo, kill a beer, but you can't take your shirt off. And I was like, the Yankees game. God damn it, I was fucking fat. That's you on the left? Wow. Bro, you look so different.

You don't look like the same human being. Holy, can I tell you what's crazy about that picture is I had gotten a wardrobe. for the Today show and on the flight I put it on the next day and it didn't fit I gained weight on the flight God damn but I am fat as fucking shit I was past tense past tense

You don't look anything like that right now You look anything like that I'm the best shape of my life Pete you look the same Consistent Yeah But you said the Yankees game Yankees game

There you go hey we got great seats for you Everything's free and you're like Oh cool and they're like Real quick can you come back and do that And you're like, but you didn't, when you agreed to the ticket, you didn't set the set, paint the expectation. Set the, you got to set it. I got, I, uh, like I do feel what you're saying, but I do, I also at the, in the same

breath, feel like you can go and do these things by being like up front at the very beginning. Yeah. Yeah. But there is, so add a layer to it. Asking. I would never ask Joe for anything. I would never, I will never, as long as he, he, he, he, he offered his friendship one night.

Who's this? Who we talking about? Rogan. Rogan. Okay. Yeah. He said, he goes, he goes, I want him. be your friend. I'm trying to be your friend. And at that moment, I realized I can't ever ask

this man of anything other than just friendship and just advice. I talked to him. The only reason I recall him bullshit about comedy, bullshit about like gossip, or just ask his advice about life. I mean, he's giving me the best advice. And he said to you, I'm trying to be your friend. Yeah. I think you've actually heard you tell that story report. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've definitely heard you've only had like five stories. I tell them all over again. The discomfort of asking, which you've already said you don't do. But like asking someone you're kind of friends with, you know well you would consider a friend for something is much more difficult to me than asking someone who you consider a very, like a great friend. So Riley Green, love Riley Green, awesome guy.

Would I say that we're best friends? No, but I would consider us friends enough for me to text and call him and feel comfortable doing both of those things. my head football coach at my senior of high school he is now at asu and riley green was playing a concert my head football coach text me is like can you please ask riley green for tickets or i want to meet him blah blah blah i love that coach but that was a man like so uncomfortable sending that text to riley to where it was like instead of just asking for it it was this long of a text being like i know this you could tell me to fuck off i am so sorry blah blah hits me back no problem is like absolutely But those are the situations to me where I'm like...

Amazing you said that. Very uncomfortable. Jellyroll was the same way with the high school buddy in St. Louis, but I knew... You know Jelly Roll and he was... He came to the night of their life. Okay, that's crazy. I asked that. I think to myself, like, Jelly is so nice and so kind and loves everybody.

There's a feeling of like, I don't want to take advantage of this guy. Because I know he's going to do it. Right, right, right. Oh, I've asked Jelly to bring people backstage for his shows. I've done that. But you're there. No, no. A great comedian.

Steve Trevino hit me up. He's like, dude, Jelly's in town. My son's the biggest fan. Can you get me backstage? I went absolutely. And I don't think I reached out to Steve's amazing. And I don't think I reached out to Jelly, but I had my team reach out and they're like, yo, Jelly's sick.

He's not doing meet and greets. And I was like, oh, I felt bad. I was like, sorry, buddy. I didn't make it happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you we were friends. We're not really that close, I guess. No, but I would, I would, the crazy thing is I want you to ask me to come backstage.

Like, I want you to, If I'm in your town, I want you to leverage your friendship to get your friends backstage. I'd love that. I'd love when people come backstage. Our backstage in Tampa was so fucking thick. I mean, you know, I grew up in Tampa, but the Tampa was like, first and foremost, it's, it's, it's, uh, Derek Brooks is like runs up town. Derek Brooks is the dog, man. It's the only time my dad's ever been legit outwardly proud of me is Derek Brooks comes backstage.

I just did Amelie. Amelie. It's the 19,000 people. It's fucking crazy. It's the big, one of the biggest shows I've ever done. Derek Brooks comes backstage with me and he's talking to me and my dad. And he says to my dad, can you believe his career? And my dad goes to me in front of him.

This is Derek fucking Brooks. And I went, yeah. My dad goes, buddy. Does he know who you are? And I went, yeah, dad. it's all and Derek Brooke goes I absolutely know who he is and Derek Brooks says I was at his first show ever and my dad goes what he's like I saw his first stand-up show ever my buddy Miles Mosley took him to see my first stand-up show ever and he goes and now I'll see him today he was can you believe the career your son's had and my dad's like he can't keep doing Derek Brooks knows who you are I go yet I know but that fucking backstage at Tampa Derek Brooks Wade Boggs Mike Allstott every kid I ever grew up with. I mean, I'm maybe, maybe 400 people backstage and I want that. At my shows, I want everyone backstage. Dude, Nashville was like a crazy backstage. But so like as I say this, I go,

please leverage me because I want you to ask for the favorites. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I was going to say like I feel like I have a good enough relationship with you to where if I had a really good bit or somebody I cared about that wanted to go to your show and I'm just happening not being in town, I would almost expect you to tell me if you don't want that to happen because I would call and be like, hey, so-and-so wants to come to your show. You can absolutely tell me to fuck off. I promise you, it's no big deal to me. He's asked me.

I don't want to say, hey, I try to ask him. Or if I felt like, hey, bro, you know, I don't do those things. I don't ask for those favors. But I would feel like I have a relationship enough with you to where if you didn't want to happen, I would just expect you to tell me because I feel like we would have that relationship. You know what I mean? No, no.

No, no. Hey, Taylor, you're about to do stand up here like, hey, I promise you, bro. If it's too big of a show and shit's going on, just tell me. Okay, that's interesting. That's interesting. But I'll know what to tell him and be like, listen, he's got way too much going on. It's interesting you say that because I would, I would, if you said to me, if anyone said to me, can I get backstage and meet Shane? I go, yeah, I don't have a problem with that.

Tommy, sure. Rogan, I say no. See, Shane. Right. Yeah. Because there's, yeah. Yeah. I feel you there.

I do understand that. With Shane, I did the same thing with some Michigan office alignment. I know he loves office alignment, those types of things. His dick gets hard. I gave the same, hey, you can tell me to fuck off. And he's like, yes, FaceTams me with the boys. And he's like,

we went out till at three in the morning. Yeah. Shane, you don't feel uncomfortable with. Like, let's just be clear. He also has a type. Offensive linemen are his type.

Yes. 100%. I remember the Notre Dame Offensive line wanted to come to our show. And Shane had all their phone numbers. And he's like, I've got everyone taking care of. And then he had pictures of him doing this show.

with them. Yes. He was, he and then he was like introducing my daughter and her friend to all the, he's like, you got, meet these guys. These guys are like the fucking best. This guy's the man right here. Let me tell you where we went to high school. He was like, he loves those guys. Dude, he loves the big boys. Yeah, he loves him. He does love the big boys.

I remember when he was, uh, he was doing in Indianapolis and he wanted Quentin. Does Vince Fawn Yeah, Quentin come? Yeah, Quigin can come. Does Vince Fawn know who Caleb is? I think they did. They actually, they didn't know each other. they did i have no clue

so i mean that cal's got fucking interesting energy you oh yeah dude he's i'm telling you man very uh very feo vonsk i i i'm being very real and i love calum i absolutely did not want to do his podcast the sunday conversation i did not want to do it where you had the clip that talking about drinking i was like i was like i'm not good i'm not good in these things like i don't know how to i never know how to i can do this like we're just talking right right right but like those kind of things they make me nervous And so he was down in in Fort Lauderdale and we were supposed to do it and I was so uncomfortable.

I didn't know what to do. And I was like- He's got like a weird humoric genius to himself. But then you sit with him. He really does. He really does. He's so normal. Like he really is. But his energy is like, you know he's got like he's got like big dick energy.

Like he's very funny without trying to be funny. Yeah. Yeah. He really isn't like I watched him on here with you guys. Hysterical. and he's not trying he's not trying yeah he's just being him yeah i think i think i think caleb's fucking fasting i mean out of the two obviously you know i gravitate to glennie balls that's my energy glennie balls at the beer living this year was fucking hysterical he's got

fucking juice man he killed three beers out of that boot and he goes and i'm watching him over by the grass i go what's going on he goes oh sampick i said he is something special but yeah some guys are just different it's i would they just have a mind for you meet him you're like ed that's it's impressive to be around him Caleb's one of those guys yeah like his interview here he was so funny he was talking about a guy he doesn't talk to anymore i can't remember who it was a guy from barstool a guy they fired from barstool or whatever stephen cha yeah and he was like i don't talk to him and they it was whatever he probably listened to the clip recently when he was on the yak talking about it where he's talking about

the energy being sucked out of him fucking hold on let's break down barstool for a second it's fucking fascinating this company is fucking fascinating. It really is, when you look at it so many different personalities, led by one bizarrely fascinating man who honestly should not be successful. He, Dave Portnoy, should not be successful. He is just, he is, he is, he is, he's, he is the guy fucking pounding his head against the system going, fuck him, fuck him. He's the guy, like he just, he, he's doing everything that you're not supposed to do and it's winning. Like it's fucking, I find Dave Portnoy would be fucking fascinating. He makes trophies for people he has vendettas against. Champagne bottles.

It's incredible. You're not supposed to say that out loud. Right. He says it out loud and I root for him. Like I'm, I'm, honestly, he's a man of the people. He really, he really is a man to people. There's very few people that have recognized me that where I got starstruck when they recognized me. Dave Portnoy, I did Big Katz podcast in L.A. when the, something, was in LA. I don't forget it was in LA and I was walking down and Portna was having lunch by himself at the hotel and he was like Bert what's up and I went shut the fuck up up like I find that guy fascinating he is a fascinating individual he says exactly what he wants to say and like look we all do that but kinda like I do kinda you like I bite my tongue

apologetically yeah yeah yeah I know what you mean yeah he's like the intrusive thoughts you have like the good wolf and the bad wolf the story like which one are you gonna feed yeah He is essentially everyone's inner bad wolf that is just saying what they want. Dude. And people being like, yeah, I've thought that before too. I got to get behind this guy. And going against the man. If I could go back in time, I'd invest all my money in Barstool.

I don't think Barstool is where it's going to be. I really sincerely think Barstool is going to be something that's going to be so... I invest money right now in Barstool. There's... The way this is, the energy this has is so fascinating to me. because it's not like you know we implode when we try to team up you know like when we when everyone like egos get involved with comics and it's and it's not healthy man like for barstil it's like have a camera on that we're breaking down the implosion right yes it's like instead of like hushing up like

hey we had an issue between bert and will this weekend let's just make sure we're sensitive people's feelings are like oh there's conflict going on make sure that's filmed dude i find and then everyone pick sides and then duke it out. But in a weird way, everyone picks sides, and I've picked sides on watching Barstool feuds and then also not cared. Like, I, the only thing I ever, I got really drunk one night and watched a documentary on Pete Rose, and I started to, I think I might have texted you guys, I started DMing everyone about like, we need to get on, we need to get Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame.

The only person that was a passionate snuff about that was Big Cat. He was the only one that replied. He was like, I'm fucking, he definitely deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. It's such a unique thing. There should be a class taught about it. And why doesn't, why isn't there? They're like the WWU media. Yeah.

Like all the storylines that go on, all the feuds, all the successes. And Dave Portnoy has a beautiful left-handed swing. He does. He legit. Good ball playoff. Yeah. I think a lot of left-handed swings are beautiful. But he's like legit, a good baseball player.

I find Dave Portnoy fascinating. I also find a fascinating that he guys, is so rich but he got rich by himself yeah that's that's stuff in newspapers and he did it by himself like he doesn't he also doesn't have rich friends look nice I have a much better swing okay Dave that's young guy right there yeah we what what year is this this is a long time this is this is how long this is how long this is how long I was just gonna say he's got a really bad shoulder even the follow through looks pretty yeah no the follow through the follow through is what makes a swing.

Yeah. And by the way, he's also skinny. So, like, when you're skinny, you can, all swings is a lot better. Yeah. When you swing as a fat guy, pull up Burt Kreiser swing. When you swing as a fat guy,

your fucking rotations. That wasn't beautiful. No, I mean, I don't know why we slow-moed that one, but who's his picture? He hit him with an off-seat, yeah. I made, I made one mistake in my career

that I can highlight, and that was not being a part of the Barstor family. I was offered, I was offered, I was offered it. And I looked. You were offered a P. I know, I know that right now, there's a couple people going, Bert, let's just drop this. But look at this swing.

But it was, this fat Bert too. When was this? This was 275, Bert. No, when was the bar still offer? It was a while ago. It was, uh... Just panics, takes a shirt off. Yeah.

It was a while ago. But it was like, it was like, the writing was on the wall that, like, what you guys are doing is cool as fuck. And I knew it. I could tell it. And I was looking at, like, numbers of podcasts, And none of the numbers were like skyrocketing, but I was like, dude, this is the future. This is the future.

This is what, really, what Barstall's doing is what Rogan kind of started, but he just never put a brand on it. He just was like, yo, we'll keep our drama internal. Right. We're, we're putting our drama internal. Right. What was called Desquot at the time was all our podcasts. And it was, you know, loose-fitting network of friends. But Barstool just monetized it on a better, like, I put everybody in the same building.

Twisted tea. I look at, oh, dude, I remember going to the offices of Barstool being like, dude, I would excel in this fucking place. Like, creativity just spills everywhere. I mean, they'd walk you in, you'd do KFC radio, and then you'd go in and you'd eat a bunch of different foods. And then you'd walk into another room and do sit down and talk about sports with Big Cat. And then you walk into another room and they'd go ask the internet questions. It was like, dude, this is what it's supposed to be. This is the fucking thing.

And then you look at like, what's the hard seltzer? What is it? High noon. Leanne loves fucking high noon. These twisted teas are fucking amazing. You guys brand partnerships are through the fucking next level. You know, I think that was a, I'm glad I'm dead. No regrets.

But I think that would have been, I should have been smart. Maybe after next year when you take a year off. Maybe I retire. A, when you moved in Nashville. There's definitely a piece of you that seems like, you're ready to. Huh? I know, yeah.

Feel a little chill up your spine? What area is you and Leon looking at? South. Okay, so Franklin area, Leipers Fort here. South. Yeah. Okay. She wants a lot of land.

Here's what I'm going to do. You need a Leapers Fort. I'm going to, oh, I already know. I got my life. Oh, let me drink. It feels so good when you have alcohol in you. Oh, okay. Okay.

How much space do we? have 30 minutes okay we have we we have the hard cap it at 30 minutes is our memory cards are losing um first thing i'm going to do we're going to buy a lot of land and i'm going to build a running track through the woods i'm going to build it i'm going to i'm going to dig it out with like a digger and go through and build a running track one and a half mile loop that's number one okay all right number two no one will be able to see or hear me i can walk around naked everywhere we're going to be on top of the mountain overlooking a beautiful sunset there's going to be a lake on this property.

My tour bus will be there. That's where I'll sleep. But we're going to have a barn dominium. That's where Leanne's going to live. I can't fucking wait. We're going to have, Leon just fell in love with this assault rifles. We're going to have assault rifles out there.

Okay. Yeah. I'm getting for Christmas. Animals are no animals. Dude. I'm taking animals to the next level. Don't. Listen.

I'm buying endangered species. I'm buying. I'm going to have links. I'm going to have big cats. Big cats are going to roam my fucking property. And I'm going to have a litter of fucking doggo Argentinos. Pull up Dargo Argentino. Yeah, they're insane, bro. I'm going to have

a fucking litter of those bitches. Let me see those things. Let me see them little boys. Pull up dogo Argentino and then Savannah cats. Look at that fucking beast. All right. I'm going to have all those ears cropped. Can I be honest with you? Yes. Don't like the cropped ears. Don't crop the ears. Whatever.

Hey, hey, your life. Your choice. Yeah, yeah. I'll circumcise them then. Then, and then pull up Savannah cat. Pull up Savannah cat. Look at that. A butterfly on his fucking nose. Now, wait a see these cats. I'm going to have fucking running around my property. Savannah cat. These things are fucking huge.

Looks like a... They're fucking massive. They're like 70 pounds. Looks like little bobcats. Yeah, I'm going to have a ton of those. I'm a few parrots. I'm going to have some macaws. I'm going to really just have a fucking wild kingdom.

I'm never coming over. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. Get up there again. Let me see that. Oh, God. Get up.

Oh, my God. Right? They know how to open doors. They know probably a lot more. Here's my question, though. Now, here's my thing. And I'm going to lean on you guys for this. For real.

And we did this when we moved to L.A., when we moved to the Valley. I want to make friends. Like, I want to have regular friends. Okay? All right. So, like, and I'm going to, like, because, like, I can't just move here

and then just be friends with you guys and jelly roll and earnest and, like, celebrities, you know? Like, I want to have also regular friends. be friends. Better than you guys. But like, no, but like, a step above.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. But no, but no, but I know. People that are, people that are in town not on the road all the time. Yeah, like, I want to, like, I want to, because we're gonna,

I think we're spent half our year here and then half our year in L.A. And I was like, I was like, yeah, but we move here. We're like, we should like, like hang out with people. Community. Yeah, be a part of the community.

Like, here's my big thing. I want to throw a party every year. Like one party. Okay, let me tell you about national parties. in groups of people, people lay claims to parties. Like, oh, so-and-so does the Halloween party. The Rhett family, they, along with Talen,

do the Halloween party at their farm. We do the Luans. We do the Easter party. Okay. And so there's always... Time out. There's a Halloween party coming alive this year. At our house.

Yeah, but that's actually Wynn Brainstild. My oldest daughter, Winreve-Lawain. She has a little brainchild. Christmas? Thanksgiving. You got to go obscure. Pull up holidays. Pull up holidays.

Flag Day, President's Day. Arbor Day. Yeah, Arbor Day. Oh, just Monday night football. Dude, have you been to Oregon? Of course you've been to Oregon. How amazing is the trees in Oregon? Are they fucking unbelievable or what?

They're fucking next level. Yes. Do you know? Do you know? Here's what's wrong with me. This is why I'm insufferable, okay? This is why I'm insufferable. All right.

Everything you say, I've done it times. 10. Yeah. Do you know I, I, I climbed to the top of the redwoods and hung out for roughly two hours at the top of the redwood. Like a tree? A tree. You climbed up a tree.

I jugged up a redwood. Jugging is when you get the rope and you do this. Okay. I jogged to the top of a redwood and hung out for two hours. Do you smoke? Uh, no. I was stone sober and terrified. It is wild how quiet it is and how the wind talks to you.

And the trees move and you can feel, you can see the wind coming by the trees moving. and then it hits you, it is surreal. Everything you've ever talked about in anything in life. I think that's me at the top of the redwood. We bungee jumped off it. God, that is so cool. Dude, I... When we were in Eugene, we like went and walked through, sober.

I haven't smoked or anything. And me, JP, and Garrett were kind of walking through. Will was coming to meet us. And we just find these trees. And it was like, I'm like touching the trees and feeling the texture of the trees. Someone felt like foam. Some of them felt hard. And I was like, this is like the most incredible vegetation I've ever seen in my life.

One day I'll do a podcast where I tell you all the stuff I've done that you'd never believe. Like slept in the world's largest cave in Vietnam, six hour hike in, six hour hike out. The cave's so big the Empire State Building could fit inside the cave. Stayed in there for a night. When I was on Travel Channel, I did the craziest things. Someone said to me the day, have you ever swam with sharks? I was talking to a surfer. He's like, you've ever swam of sharks.

I said, I've swam with great white sharks out of the cage. I'm same with Great White Sharks in the cage. That's the cave. It's fucking insane. Does it really look like that? You know what I did? Yeah. Or is it like a filter?

Uh-uh. Because that's always. And type in Bert Kreiser in this cave. Type Burke Chrysher in Vietnam Cave. And you'll see. First type in Bert Chrysracher in this cave. Just type in that. I want to see what comes up.

It's two bears, one cave. Yeah, two bears. Fair enough. Fair enough. That is a fair thing. But it's, it's, I swam. I've swam with sharks probably 10 times. I've swam with whale sharks.

I've swam with... Have you swam with orcas? I almost did. Do you remember? I want that so bad. So they do that in our buddy John Manns, one of my best buddies. He does that in Norway every year.

They go out. Really? Norway. Yeah, Norway's a stop. That's where you do it? And you can actually swim with them there? You swim with them and you go out and they fucking...

They're cool as shit. Is it true that no one has ever been killed? There's never been a recorded kill of a Great White Shark outside of captivity. Okay, once again, we're going into a Burk Treasure rabbit hole. Okay.

I believe the second we released, we stopped having SeaWorld with the Great Killer Whales, they started retaliating against us. Have you noticed that they're attacking boats like crazy now? There was a whole thing about that. Weren't you and Jack talking about that one time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big orca individuals here. I'm also a fan. It never happened before. I'm a big fan too. I'm a big SeaWorld fan. But the second we didn't have Shammu anymore, that's me with Great White Sharks right there.

It's me in the cage. You see the picture? Yeah, To the right. To the right. That's my daughter's in the cage of great way. Have you ever seen my sharks? No.

Oh my God. The black, like black tip? Is that, is that something right? That's me inside the cage. That's a great way shark. We, I've swam with those. Yeah. Did you?

Hawaii. Yeah. No, out in, um, Borah for the honeymoon. Nice. Motorcycle. You know what? You know what? You know what's so crazy?

I was listening to a podcast the other day about, this is when I feel like I'm spinning out of control. I was listening a podcast about, uh, about, uh, sitting bowl. Right? And Custard's last stand. Okay. Custard's Last Stand was in in Dallas. No, no. Clue?

The library? San Clemente. The revolver? Omaha. It was in the Dakotas. It was in North Dakota. Got you. Sturges.

Near Sturgis. It's near Sturgis. It is. I only know that because I was, I reenacted Custer's Last Stand with those, with Lakotas. I think it's Lakotas. At the actual place, we had hunted Buffalo with the Crow Nation. that evening we hunted buffalo one of the most beautiful motorcycles are you a motorcycle guy i like i enjoy motorcycles quite a bit i'm not a harley guy but i grew up on dirt bikes freestyle motorcross is my like

first love of my life we hunt buffalo at sunset we land a helicopter on top of a mountain i get on my motorcycle it's an indian chief i get on my no no no it's a victory judge and i get on the motorcycle and i start riding through the hills of montana gorgeous gorgeous and a pack of wild horses catches up with me on top of a fucking mountain. And I'm listening to Wilco. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, don. And I'm going fucking 30 miles an hour with horses racing next to me going like, what fucking world am I living in?

Then we take it over to where Sitting Bull had his last, customer at his last stand, and they reenacted the thing. The kids, they do this thing if they touch you, it's more insulting than if they kill you. The idea that an Indian could get, a Native American, could get it close enough to touch you, but not hurt you, was more insulting than dying. itself and they did that to me nonstop. They put me on a horse and they just came up just screaming, fucking all painted yellow, naked on fucking horses, a little loincloth just touching me and just, it was fucking

insane. Yeah, dude, I lived a crazy fucking life. The travel channel stuff I did, or one day I'll talk about it on something, but it's like for fucking seven years, I traveled around the world over and over again, just around the world. You'd pick a map and you'd get a map and you go, where do you want to go? And I'd go, I've heard of Tanzania. What is that like?

And then you'd be like, well, you can also go to Zanzibar. You're like, is that a real place? And then we just travel the fucking world. It was insane. Carve- Fucking. You've lived a good life, bro. It's a fantastic life. I really have.

Sounds like you're ready for the calm a little bit. It feels like you're ready for the calm. You'll be having more stories after this next year. Nope. Yeah, you will because you'll be traveling. Just be quiet. I'm thinking about here. So real quick, when we wrap up.

So I'm thinking of places. We got a twist. Yeah, we had two things. also but go ahead what's one thing so i'm thinking of like things that leanne leanne wants going safari she wants going to go on safari so i'm going to take her to i'm going to take her to africa but then i was like yo you're in africa right i want to go down the nile right i want to see the pyramids yeah right so then you go okay so let's take a month let's do africa let's do let's do africa let's go to the maldives let's go like if i'm not just going to go to fucking do one thing we don't have kids

anymore they're in fucking college let's go do the thing it's like it's a national it's like this we're here in Nashville. She's like, you know, spend the week here. Yeah, let's look at houses. Then we go to Oregon on Thursday and spend the weekend in Oregon and then we're home. And so Africa, what's one thing you want to do? One thing you want to see really badly in this world. We'll go first. Oh, Orcas. I would love to swim with Orca whales. I think that's the top of my bucket list. And I do think doing a safari, I hear South Africa is incredible. Yeah. Doing like, you know, up early in the morning, like getting close to some lions, like close enough to death. But I think those two things would be sick. Or get maybe in the jungle.

and be amongst some gorillas. I think that would be really fun. Oh, where they charge you? And they go, yeah, where you're a little nervous, but you got the guide with you telling you how to be and how to act,

but you're scared enough. You're like, I literally might have to pick up a go right here. Yeah. God, that sounds actually terrifying. But lions, gorillas and orcas. Lions, gorillas. So you're a big animal guy.

That'd be my big three. Or amongst a wolves. Oh, yeah. But you've done that. You've done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done that. Yeah, yeah.

You've done that. Yeah. Really? There's like this sanctuary of wolves. Oh, I worked with wolves. Yeah. I'm sure you have. That's amazing.

For me... They smell like shit. Like, just giving you heads up. They weren't terrible. But wolves don't... No one washes a wolf. It's one thing I learned. The, uh...

My wife, when we first met, she told me, she's like, the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, I'm going to go to Iceland with. And we still, to this day, have not been to Iceland. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. You ready? So, hold on. I'm sorry.

Leanne will not listen to this podcast. So I'm surprising her with a trip. Okay. Okay. And we're going to, she's always wanted to go to Paris. And so she won't hear this. And by the way,

don't fucking be a dick and text or this. Just let this happen. I was going to say, I'm already thinking about clipping it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're doing a two bears, porososos signing in San Francisco. And I was like, yo,

I was like, the next one's a week later in Tampa. I go, why don't we just, go to Paris for the fucking week. And so I don't know whether, and I'm curious what you would do in your relationship, do I legit fucking surprise her and go like, I grab her passport, I bring no clothes, just go like, we're in San Francisco and go, yo, get on the next flight, we're going. And she's like, wait, this is on our flight. And we're going to Paris.

Do I do that? Or do I tell her a week ahead of time and let her get ready for it and bring clothes? Oh, for sure, don't tell her. Don't tell her. That's personally me. How's your wife? Is she a planner? Oh, are you going to shop in San Francisco?

You know what I mean? Because I know I know Charles she would like to whatever spots would go do to eat dinner. Like she would have to, she would enjoy having her outfits picked out. So if you do surprise her, it might be one of those things where you land. You take her shopping in Paris to get set outfit for dinner. I think that's way better than being like, hey, go pick out some outfits. Right. If you want to spend that kind of money.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm surprised would be good. But I do think keep in mind how they want to be for dinner and having everything kind of like having some type of, hey, we're going to hit this. round we're going to hit that one yeah I'm thinking about a bunch I'm thinking about a bunch of those trips that's those trips going like last minute going hey we're going because she's been really good about that like she's been good about not telling me where we're going and they're all always concerts we've into pearl jam we've been to like eagles and it's been awesome but like I like the surprise but also I don't know like it's kind of a bro move be like I would say I would

say my wife would love the surprise and she would be even more surprise and more excited knowing that I had some things planned out. Being like, oh, you did this on your own type of thing? Like, you pulled all this shit off and you're like, yeah, I got everything taken care of. See, Taylor knows I'm not capable of like planning that much. She would be so incredibly excited if I was like, hey, guess where we're going? We're going to Iceland.

We're going to Paris. Dude, you got to tell her. She said, well, what am I about close? I don't even know what the game. I don't even worry about. We're going to get close when we get there. We get close when we get there. To me, and for Talent, Talon, talent, love surprises. She's all fucking about surprises. I'm terrible at doing surprises. So that, personally, I think that's fucking awesome.

I just stole this surprise on the podcast. Yeah. But like, she won't listen to it. And don't, and just be cool, everyone. Don't send it to her. Don't be like that.

We're not going to do it. We're not going to clip anything. We're not going to clip any of this. We're going to even have clips for the show now. This is been. We're not even going to release it now. No. How much would you sell this podcast for?

I don't think we can even do that. Okay. If I said, I'll give you $30 million for the podcast right now. Would you sell? To have everything? No, but I get it. I get it.

I get it. I buy it for $30 million. I bet I get it I give you 30 million dollars and then I get to you guys keep doing it but now I'm like a 50 50 partner with you oh 50 50 50 so no you guys get 25 each and then I get 50% each and then would you do that to a company no okay maybe 100 million dollars yes 100 million dollars oh yeah 100 million dollars you have 80% keep your IP but you you am I calling the shots create a freedom for us no No. I mean, yes, yes, but no.

Meaning like... Yeah, but it's somebody to call us and be like, we want you to say this on the show. Hey, man. I'm all thinking is my sponsors right now. Hey, uh... Twissety. NASCAR has got an event.

You're like, oh, I'm, yeah, well, we need you to do this NASCAR event. You're going to have to fly down to Daytona. That's a bad example because they were a sponsor of two bears. And I like NASCAR a lot. I was going to say, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right? That's a bad one. Yeah, 30 million, though.

Well, so what's the end game? What's the end game? I don't think we're not. That's a great question. That's where I'm at, where I'm like, what's my end game? Like, do I do stand up forever? Do I do the podcast forever? Do I, do I, is there a chance that I retire?

I will, I'll tell you this about my personal end game. If you asked me this a year ago, there was no end game. Yeah. Now, I literally, I talked about this in the podcast a few times. I spent, for the first time in my adult life was in Canada for a week and sat there and was like, oh, fuck, I really am enjoying doing nothing and just being with, my family. And it's really fucked me up since then to where now I'm like, okay, how does, how do I eventually just do nothing or do only the things that I really enjoy? How do I become

as involved as a dad as possible and around the family 90% of time as opposed to what about this? Does something having something does that keep you healthy? Yes. Because something keeps me healthy. Nothing keeps me very unhealthy because I love to like expand the brand like I love to make this more of a locker room other athletes just other other other influencers entertainers were you doing you're moving to nashville yeah inside the walls at all times yeah i sold my soul of that fucking past fat guy to will smith in hollywood god i'm fucking in bed with tommy so deep right now you have no idea we have so much money together yeah but if there was a way for busson to not just like obviously will and i being the faces of it but having other people part of it part of it like delaney

Walker he's been a person that's been embedded into the fall for us that's awesome he's a great personality he's great to have around like having more people like that to kind of like lift the load of the in front of camera stuff would be awesome yeah it's just such a great fucking thing you guys have built how real is this 30 million dollar offer I don't know I think that's where the future is part of me busting no part of me goes like okay oh man I'm fucking you already know when he gets off here he's gonna call Tom like I was feeling him out of a little bit. Sounds like we're going to buy them for,

they said for sure, 100 million. So we have between 30 and 100 to really figure out. 30 is the working number. 30's the working number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't know.

It's like, it's like you can tell what's going to be good. Like, I could never have, I could never have predicted where Pat McAfee is. Because when he was doing it, it was just, there wasn't a, there wasn't a system in place

to show you what was going to happen. But now that you've seen what Pack McAfee has done, you see the future of everything. thing a little bit. Now he he laid fucking I mean that it's amazing even still look at Rogan once you saw what Rogan did you're like wow. That's what I'm saying between the Rogan, the McAfee, the bar school.

We look at we look at Theo and we all go we know where this is going. Right. Right. Yeah. So you know they're doing smarter than us going they know where this is going. Right. So then then that's what I find really fascinating. And then you look at the kids that are I say kids, but like.

You know, Dan Soder. You know Dan Soder at all? Yes. Dan Soder just started doing his own podcast. And his podcast is killing it. Very easily you could go. I know where that's going. Like that's where I go like, okay.

So then what's the price point? And if you know where it's going, the fucking Soder's podcast is a miss. So Dan Soder is going to be. So you said who's the next guy? For real? Dan Soder. Dan Soder is fucking brilliant.

Legit, he will be doing an arena tour next in two years. 2026. He'll be doing Arena Tour. He's so fucking talented. He's so goddamn talented. I mean, that's awesome. You know what I'm saying, though? Like, once you see that, like, that's why you got to hats off the back fees.

Like, he saw where it was going before anyone saw where it was going. And you guys kind of did too. But, like, he had this, like, crazy vision of like, like. Right. He's a lot like Tommy in respects of him going, like, I don't care what people think. I'll do whatever I think. And it's badass. He even watched college game day.

He's changed that. show and made it 10 times back it was already a fantastic show it's a great show i watch it every my daughter hit me up she was like yeah we're going to college game day yeah the the atmosphere is electric she's like you know these guys and i was like i know i know one of them yeah yeah but like it's it's crazy my daughter doesn't give a fuck about football she goes to college game day right it's crazy yeah best drink for college game day twisted tea no question twist the question let's do it let's do it all right twist the question is brought to twist by Twisted tea.

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watching at a bar or watching with friends at home, Twisted tea is there to turn up your game tape, keep it twisted. Grab a refreshing twisty today. Mitch Carlsie, what is a twist a question? That's your best read ever by it. You do it enough time. I swear to God, I was almost like, hey, can I do this read?

Because I've been drinking them all day. And I feel every, I go, no carbonation makes sense. Right. It's great, right? Yeah. Goes down smooth. They're very smooth. And by the way, I'm going to be fair.

I don't even feel buzzed. Waits he stand up. Yeah. They should make that a shirt. Twisted tea. Waiter you stand up. Oh my God. That is a nice one.

Go ahead. Bitch. Cut in anytime. All right, our twisted question this week, if you could travel to any moment in sports history to help that team win a game, what game is it, what team is it, and what would you do differently to help them win? I think that's easy for me. What is it? 2012, Big Ten Championship Nebraska versus Wisconsin. I was there, but it did say how well will we do to help in what circumstance it would be stopping the speed sweep or the belly or any run that they threw at us that day with Melvin Gordon, James White.

fighting Monty Ball, that would be the game I would change. Yeah, but you would have to have, like, you're not, you can't just, you're not change, you're not just, you're not just going to change the game. It's, you have to now play out the game also. And it's just like that run game, that offensive line. But it says, what would you do, what would you do to help that team win? So ultimately, we win the game. So we win the Big Ten Championship. I'm a Big Ten championship. Yeah, but do you, and I'm going to the Rose Bowl. Do you believe, and we're beating Stanford. Do you believe you're able to, do you believe you're able to change?

You were there, right? Oh, my God. You could have changed it then. Right. In hindsight, hindsight, now this twisted question comes to a whole different perspective. What would you do differently? It'd be adjusting to the speed sweep. So I am looking at this as like, how could I go back and actually help that team win?

Will your example, you were in that game. You were there at the ability. Mine would be the Super Bowl between the Falcons and the Patriots. And I would just go in at halftime when the Falcons are up 283 and be like, and the coaches are talking, hey, if we throw this, I'd say, don't fucking throw it. Just run the football. Yeah.

Just run the football. Now I know, like, time is going to be a factor. You guys are in four minute now. Stop worrying about it. Only throw it on obvious passing downs. Now you're going to run the clock. Congratulations, you won the Super Bowl. I have no dog in that fight at all.

I just think to myself, what is the... We're just hand up all off to Marshawn Lynch in that Super Bowl. Yeah. Dude. Marcha Lidge is a fucking dude. A dude. I cried in front of him. Did you?

Of course. It made him so uncomfortable. How did he? I was going to say. He said to me, he goes, he goes, he came up to me and he goes, hey man, people say you can cry, like on command. I said, yeah. He goes, how's that work? And I was like, I just think of a sad thing.

He goes, let me see it. And so I did it. And he went, oh, wow. And then we became friends. Yeah, we were working together. We were working on Netflix as a joke. I'm sure you can find me crying in front of him. I've cried a lot.

I'm not done. What game would I change and how would I change it? So when I was a kid, we were... Oh, I want to change in mine, but go ahead. Georgia last year? Georgia last year? Florida State? No, no, no, no, no.

There's only one game where I saw something wrong and I wished that people had seen it the way I saw it. And I bet you can find the picture of this. The Rams played the Bucks in 1981, 1980. Oh, wow, I wasn't even born yet. Are you serious? Yeah, 81? bro.

I was 10 years before I was born. My dad graduated 82. Oh, that's right. You guys are athletes. 33. Oh, yeah, you guys are kids. This boy right here is 35. So how old are you?

I'm 51. No fucking way. Yeah. It's a good number. Yeah. So the last play. By the way, I'm 51 and I don't feel it like at all. Like, I still feel like a child.

Like, I still call my dad. I call my dad and I go, hey, should I get wet age or dry age? It's this play, I think. It's this play. No, it wasn't that play. So one of the last plays, the bucks were down, they were against the Rams, and from the shot they had as a kid, it was a wide open field and Doug Williams was trying to throw it. And I wanted at that moment to say, run it up the middle. Just run.

You have the ball. You're the only one we promise can do great. Just run it up the middle. It was a picture. And I remember it so vividly. And I've thought my whole life, I wonder if my life would be different. if the Bucks had won and gone to the Super Bowl that year. Like, I just wonder what things would have changed.

What things would have changed in the world? You know, I get really into the weeds about, like, Charlie Murphy is the most important man in stand-up comedy ever, ever. I would argue Charlie Murphy is the reason we're all talking about the Chappelle show to this day. That Eddie Murphy, that Rick James sketch was fucking. Brilliant. Epic. It was epic.

And that was the thing that pushed over the Chappelle show. Chappelle's a genius. You'll never hear. anything but me say that. He was a goddamn, he is a goddamn genius. But that one sketch pushed it over. Think about this.

Charlie Murphy protected Eddie Murphy, a comic genius in a tough neighborhood. Charlie Murphy knew how to fight. Eddie Murphy had him as a big brother. Charlie Murphy's so integral to like what we got out of comedy in this world. I think it's underappreciated.

But that moment, if the bucks had won the Super Bowl, Florida would be looked differently for the rest of this fucking, every joke. So Florida is a joke to everyone. But if we won the goddamn Super Bowl, Super Bowl.

That might have been different. That might have been different. I'm changing my. I'm changing my. I'm putting myself in a game that I played in. 2013, Ohio State versus Michigan. 42, 41. We score and we go for two for the win and we don't get it.

We throw a pick. We try to throw the ball to Drew Dehielia. If I went back, I would say run left. How crazy would it be if you could go back? And you were like, hey, guys, run left. And they're like, hold on, hold on. They'd be like, Taylor, you said that the entire game. Taylor, Taylor, you need to stop.

say that. That's what they would say to me. Like, hey, we need more calls than just Miami in 22 speed because they're going to live in this personnel all game. All right. Go back then. Let's make it real for us. Is there one podcast that you'd do differently? One podcast? Because there was one time when we first did sober October with Joe, he asked me how much I drank and I told him the truth. And I got in bed that night and I said, I think I might have just ruined my career. And I remember going like, I wish I could have never done that podcast. That turns out it worked out fine. Everything works out.

line but I look back at like those times where I go I wish I hadn't been so honest I wish I hadn't shared all of it I wish I shared half of the truth and just gone like you know but I don't know in another way is there a podcast that we've done that you go like I could have done that differently not really who is a guy that we had on Zoom in 2020 oh um the band old dominion old Dominion. Lead singer bowl dominion. Yeah, but it's not like, uh, yeah, that wasn't his fault at all. It was just, it was just a tough pod.

Yeah. It was on Zoom. Oh. That was like during COVID. But that's the one I always look back to me. Everyone's over like, do you have a bad podcast? Because I feel like no, no podcasts are bad. Matthew Ramsey.

Yeah. Look at you. You see the Compton and the Staley jerseys in the background. Yeah. That one, that one, it was like one of the first ones we ever did over Zoom. And there was just like lag and Will and I would talk. over each other. Something masoned it. Look at that hair.

Yeah, I don't think so. Me and Bill did one with, uh, who's the, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm flaking on his name. Sports broadcaster out of Miami. Sports broadcaster. Levitard, we did one with Levitard. Danny. Yeah, that I wish wasn't out there. Yeah. You wish was not out there?

Yeah. What's the most fun podcast you've ever done where you were like, man, I really had, I had no idea was gonna be that good of a time, but fuck, that was so much fun. I'll tell you, honestly, the first podcast I ever did with Bill was like the first time we started doing Bill Burt,

those first three ones we did, I mean, like, and I'm a fan of his, but like, I was fucking blown away. I was like, because you forget how funny someone is and like that, and then, and then honestly, I don't think I was doing two bears yet. I think me and Tom had done one,

but, and then when I started doing the first, The first two bears ones when the pandemic was kicking and we started doing every week. Dude, Tommy just had me every, he just knew me so well. He had me rolling. Those were the, if I could go back, I'd erase all my podcasts I've ever done. And I just have those first two bears and the first Bill Burtz were like, I was just like, I mean, I remember the first one I did with Bill was like, I walked off and I was like,

I was like confidently going, someone by a new house. This is going to make so much fucking money. I was like, this is, I was like he's fucking brilliant. I mean, he just would like, I didn't say anything. And I got shit on. I talk over everyone. And I got shit on on that podcast. I would not talk.

I swear to God, on Bill Burt. I would just sit and listen and laugh hysterically the whole time. Same with like the beginning of two bears was like, was like that. Those were fucking great. I'll tell you what, the best podcast I've ever been a part of, end of the world with Joe, Stan Hope. me, Bill was the, I mean, it was fucking insane. It was insane.

It was like Marilyn Manson was there. It was like the craziest fucking night of our lives. I didn't think you do with Joe, the first, I mean, the hardest I've ever laughed on a podcast without a doubt is when Tom shaved my beard on, Tom shaved my beard on Rogan for the weight loss challenge. He shaved it and he, as he was shaving and I said, does it look good?

And he looked in his eyes and he's like, no. And I couldn't, the two of us laughing, It's the closest I've ever had to having sex with a man. Like me and him laughing in each other's eyes in that moment was like such a pure joy. Like I fucking was crying. And he's just laughing, shaving me, making me look like a Puerto Rican guy. Look at this. Look at that Tommy was.

God. Look at this. This is the moment. You ready? This is Joe recording it, by the way. This is how long ago Joe was. God, those are the good laugh. Dude, play that at my funeral.

Played at my funeral if I even have one. I don't know if that's real. The whole death thing. If I ever have one. It's like 500 years from there. You're like, see? It doesn't exist. I hung up with a dude that was 93 the other day.

That's like major main character syndrome. Oh, I got main characters. Oh, yeah. But I'm saying like just not believe in death is like, okay. Everyone dies. Has it happened to you? No. But I'm on the main character.

Well, okay. You've been to a funeral? Wasn't you, was it? Was it? You, was it? All right. Gentlemen. Hey,

this is awesome. Thank you. We have to do tear talk. We can hold Tier Talk for the intro. What's Tier Talk? Tier Talk is you're just evaluating your top three favorite things of that category. Of tears? Okay.

Of tears? We have time. We got it. Back up. We got it. Cool. All right. Five minutes.

Is she out there? Knock it out. Oh, they're back at the hotel. Oh, great. Which one are we doing? Teer talk. Holiday parties. We interrupt this episode to bring you can.

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Head to drinkcan.com and use code bus 30 for 30% off your order of can and a free rody six-pack sampler. Again, drinkcan.com and use our code bus 30 and you'll get 30% off. Back to this episode. This is awesome for me because I'm moving to Nashville and I need to own a holiday. You got to own a holiday party. Okay, so Tear Talk works like this. You can give an honorable mention if you'd like.

If you, if there's like four of them and you just can. Are we done with these? Twisted teas, I mean, I thought they'd be right there. Okay, perfect. Keep going. All right. And then, uh... These are pretty fucking good, man.

They're delicious. They're tasty. No carbonation. Way do you stand up? Yeah. Yeah. Where do you stand up? Hey, guys, my name is Berg-Cryzer.

And I enjoy Twisted Tea. Do you guys own this company? Twisted tea? Yeah. No, no, no. A Boston Brewing Company on Swisted Tea. You guys need to get a piece of this. We need some bust light.

Yeah, dude. This is what we want to do. Oh. B-U-S-S-S-A-L-T. If I said, what if I said, said what if I said I would what if I said hey would you guys like to be a part of porosos it would be like we would say we're interested in any conversation you want okay absolutely I was just saying to Tommy I was like yeah never mind keep going yeah

well Sean Patton what's this uh for the bears for the boys yeah yeah yeah okay so holiday party you you're hang on you know I you know that's where I got it for yeah yeah but yeah for the bears for the bears you know that I said that to you guys like It's the coolest thing for the boys It's like the coolest thing It's beautiful And when we were doing Lososos was taken

Dososos was taken And they said poor osos And I was like oh I love it And then Tommy's like Yeah we'll make it for our bears And I went I was like for the bears For the bears

It's an homage to like It's like universal It's universal It's for the boys It really is Branding's outstanding Taste delicious Who was the guy that came up

With Saturday for the boys It was He was He's Fidelberg It's fight He came up with that Yeah Do you know what I said The other day? Oh yeah

Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I said the other day? I swear to God, I'm, I'm drunk on a plane and I thought to myself, I flew those motherfuckers to Amsterdam. Yeah, I totally forgot about that. I totally forgot about that. We're still waiting on that text. Buddy, it's happening. It's happening. Hey, you guys, want to go see the Nile with your wives. Oh, how fucking gangster would that be? That would be sick. That would be sick. Imagine seeing like a 20-foot crocodile and just being like, that thing could rip us apart if it wanted to. And it probably does want to. Hold on. Keep it to yourself right now. No, okay. Surprise. Surprise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, Tiergob. You're going to start at three.

You're going to tell us why three is your third favorite. Then tier two. Okay. Then you're going to finish with Tier 1, which is your absolute favorite. Okay? So who wants to go first? Will, go ahead. What I hate about this is I don't know if Halloween is in my top three.

I think my tier two. No, no, no, no. Question. Is Thanksgiving? Is that a party? Is that, is that? Oh, my God. Yeah.

Thanksgiving, yeah, I would argue Thanksgiving is, is nothing but an entire day party. And my, and you got, you got football on. Dude,

Thanksgiving. I would say number two, my tier three is going to be a Christmas party. Okay, the Christmas party that we do a few days before Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, make the gingerbread houses.

Oh, you guys got to come to that if you live in Nashville. I can't wait. We're building some good traditional stuff in our, in our, in our Christmas party, some really good traditional stuff

in our Christmas party. But that would be my tier three, my tier two would be Thanksgiving. I feel like you have Thanksgiving, you have NFL football, you're eating, you're eating leftovers, you're eating pies, like everybody comes over together. Somebody's usually bringing a dish. I absolutely love Thanksgiving. If that's, if that fits into our holiday parties, then Thanksgiving is my tier two. My tier one, nearest and dearest to my heart, I love the Fourth of July.

I think Fourth of July is celebrating America, getting together. You're making me so glad I'm American right now. Yeah, getting together with your families. Can you believe they just have Ramadan? What is it? Like in like if you live in like Egypt, you just get like Ramadan where you don't eat. You see, I don't know. Like they don't have Fourth of July.

They don't have New Year's Eve or maybe they do, but it's like whatever. Not as exciting. They don't have Christmas. Right. They don't even have Hanukkah. They don't even have Hanukkah. They don't have like all the shit. We have the best fucking parties.

We have a great roster. We have a great roster of holiday parties. If you were selling a country, meaning like if you're like, you'll come to America, I just want to start off by telling you all the days we party. You'd be like, why would I go in any country? I'm not going to Iraq. Yeah, well, let's sit down. Yeah, definitely not Iraq.

Well, it's like I'm not going to go to, I'm not going to Russia. No. What about Amsterdam? I think Amsterdam is a place that. I wonder what the roster holidays are. Yeah. I don't know what the roster of holidays are. They celebrate everything.

They're like, oh, we celebrate like French Independence Day. Like, they're, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like they get out of school. By the way, I'm, they get out of school for it. I don't even think they go. We have some good holidays where we get out of school.

I think they're all homeschooled. Really? All the French are Amsterdam kids, they don't even, like, they just sell weed in their hookers, I think. Two crew pass? I don't know much. There's no trade there. There's no trade.

I'll tell you what. Hot chicks ride bikes there. That's the crazy thing. That is wild. Hot chicks ride fuck. Probably not even 10 speeds either. The ones you really have to pedal through. I'd argue.

Oh, yeah. They're the ones with handles like this. Yeah. And a basket. Beach cruisers. The hottest women in the world are in Amsterdam. I've heard Israel is up there. Dude, I slept on Indian chicks for a long time.

Indian chicks, without a doubt. You got you woke up now. Oh my God. That's my one regret. I never had sex with an Indian chick. It's like, I think they're absolutely stunning. Yeah. I mean, Indian chicks are like, and what's crazy is I say that every time I meet an Indian person, I tell them I never fucked it.

You got to let them know. Yeah, got to let them know. Yeah. So the last one's, fourth of July. Tier one. Okay. That concludes my tier talk. I'm going to give, fuck, dude.

I'm going to give an honorable mention. to college Halloween parties. There is a special place for that. I just think as an adult, yes. Yeah, I do agree that like Halloween parties as an adult is a little bit more difficult. We're trying to cook one of this year to kind of get it, you know, pumpkin carving competition, kind of do all the things you do. But, uh, you lose the sluttiness. There is nothing.

Yes. There's nothing like being a horny 19 year old going to a Halloween house party. Oh, everyone's a whore. Yes. Everyone. It is. It's really something special. I've never seen a slutty tactician before.

Yeah. Like they're just everyone's dressed as a slut, whatever it is. Oh, it's awesome. My tier three is going to go to. Nice. My tier three is going to go to Fourth of July. The barbecues, the summertime, the tank tops, the twisted teas. Okay.

It is a, it's just a great time. It's the peak of summer. And it's just, you know, people love it. It's like almost cool. Like you said, it's like cool not to have a religion. It's like, not to be about America, but that's not cool to me. When you get to Fourth of July and you see the flags flying, people about it, playing bags, all those things like that, to me is just, it's fucking, it's beautiful.

My tier two, and you guys, it probably wouldn't have been my tier two until my eyes were open to the idea of Thanksgiving being a full day. Oh. Because it really is. I, so as I'm getting older, I enjoy party so much for a couple of reasons. I enjoy it one, because I want my kids when, when, when, you know, I'm getting older, I do, I enjoy party so much. I grew up and if I do die if that really exists, if I die, my kids are like yo, my dad, I want them to talk about how

psychotic I was about holidays. Something about bringing the cheer in and every single thing, Spooktober, Thanksgiving, Christmas, but like Thanksgiving last year we have 30 people at the house. There's endless supply of food. We're adding this year, I want to do a prize for weigh-ins

and way-outs, who gains the most during Thanksgiving. Gameify life. Yes, yes. And it's just like, I just love like how it's like, yeah, People's got their diet, they have their ideas of what they want to look like. But on that day, it doesn't fucking matter at all. You can drink as much as you want. You have the entire weekend to eat the same food for the entire weekend, if not bleeding into the next week.

So I think that's awesome. My tier one is Christmas parties, dude. I think when you get to that like 23rd of December, when you have a whole bunch of people coming over and you have full grown adults making gingerbread houses and having a competition who can make the best gingerbread houses and everyone kind of voting on it. And there's an endless supply of the, the, the, and most intense, uh, eggnog on top of it. And knowing that like, no one's got work tomorrow. No one's got anything to do the next, the next few days. And you're going to make it like a, a full weekend out of like, drinking a little too much. Pinky's swinging to start your diets come the new year.

You know at that point, like all the things I was going to achieve this year, that's done now. Because I know 2025 is a week away. And that's when I'll restart everything. So it's like really throwing your inhibitions to the way. and being like, dude, fuck it. Like, we're going to do whatever we want here. It's just there's something about darkness with all your friends around. And the only thing lighting up the outside are Christmas lights.

And just giving you that like, oh, fuck, dude. It really is here. Dude, the music is going. You got Elvis on. You got Mariah Carey going. You got all the different kinds of music. And it's got this like peppermint Christmas tree smell. that just is an aura throughout everybody.

Everyone's a little bit fucking happier. You can be having the worst week of your life. But on those couple of days, that week, it's like, what are we all upset about? Dude, you got me so fucking five-up right now. Have a sit, dude. Have a sit at a twist of you right now. It's that fucking good.

And it bums me out that, because I'm obviously a huge sputober guy, but that... Dude, I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing when I moved to Nashville. What's that? All right, let's work through my tear. Coming to these bars.

Oh, no, I got my party. I got my party. I got my party. I got my party. I know how I'm going to own Nashville. I got my party. Okay. Let's work it backwards. Thanksgiving is awesome. Tier three. It gives you a whole day of partying. The whole day is about one event. No one has to give a present, which is perfect. There's no anxiety about presents. That's what makes this beautiful. It's just telling somebody what they mean to you. Yes. Why I'm thankful that you're in my life. Oh, you get the big house. Everyone. Everyone's there. Everyone comes in, brings a little something, nothing but love. Football's on all fucking day. So important in a holiday is what do we have playing in the background. Oh, I love Thanksgiving. Number two, I'm going to say St. Patrick's Day. Okay. Now, I want you to know that I have not unveiled what will be my Nashville holiday that I will own. Bert Kreissel will come to Nashville and I will own this day. Marty girl? Nope, no, buddy, you're so far off. But let's celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Okay.

Best St. Patrick's Day I ever had. 1995. My buddy Hutch called me and said I have a Vespa and a pocket full of mushrooms. Do you want to go on a ride? And I sat backwards on a Vespa, high on mushrooms, St. Patrick's Day, drunk as fuck, tripping my balls off, driving through Tallahassee. St. Patrick's Day, it brings the champion out of all of us. We get up early.

We get to the bar early. kill beers early. We fucking stay up late. If you got to do Coke, we get it. It's St. Patrick's Day. And it's all about luck. I mean, luck is, I believe more in luck than I do hard work. I think luck is so more important than hard work. How many people did you play baseball with that were like so fucking good, but then just never got to the next play. And they just never had that one thing, the one coach that just saw them. The one time they didn't, they just didn't, they fumbled in the one time. Luck is so fucking important. And that is why my number one. And my name's Burke Christcher, I'll be moving into Nashville, and I will be celebrating this every year, and I will be

throwing this party. And I can't wait to you guys come. Chinese New Year's. Oh, shit. It's all about luck. It's all about luck. You dress all in red. You bring fresh ones crisp from the bank.

It's all about gambling, making noise. Pull up Chinese New Year's. Pull up Bert Chrysier Chinese New Year's. I've celebrated it every year. I love it. It's my favorite holiday. You eat a ton, you drink a ton, you yell. You bring an Asian cultural center in.

dressed as dragons. That's me and Oliver Stone at Chinese New Year's. This I fucking love Chinese New Year's more than anything. And when I moved God, look how fucking fat I am. He looks better than me.

How's that possible? When I moved to Nashville, I will be throwing the most epic Chinese New Year's parties every fucking year in January. Everyone's dressed in red. That's us in Amsterdam. That's when I flew those guys out

for Chinese New Year's, all dressed in red, gambling, eating mushrooms, partying our balls off, but without a doubt, and it's cultural appropriation, Chinese New Year's is my favorite. Bad question,

when is Chinese New Year's? I don't know. But you're going to own it. It's like sometimes in January, sometimes in January. We'll be here in January. January 29th. Late January.

And it's always the year of something, too. The dog, the dragon, the snake. Last year was the monkey, I think. Or the rat. What year is it this year? But it's so fucking fun. I would take a $100 in fresh ones. Put them in a, put in a Ziploc bag, put a rock in it, put it at the bottom of the pool.

And then in the middle of the party, I'd go, $100 to the bottom of the pool. And all the kids would jump in the pool, try to get the $100. Dude, I honestly, I get so wild at Chinese New Year's. That year I was with Oliver Stone, there was, uh, Oh, it's my year, 1989. Oh, wow. You're the snake, though. You're the snake.

Last year, I was making it rain on these Asian kids. I was on top of a ladder. And I was, like, just throwing ones on them. Just making it rain on them. And Oliver Stone saw that. And he's like, who the fuck is this guy? I was like, buddy, you bought the rights to my life. He was like, what?

I was like, dude, you're the reason I'm here. You're the reason I have all this. If you had none that, I wouldn't be here. He was like, I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Yeah, see, he's wearing red. Chinese New Year's, man. It's fucking dope.

It is the coolest fucking party. Oh, Chinese New Year's. I'm gonna own Chinese New Year's in Nashville. I love that. Yeah, fuck you out. Bert, thank you for coming on. I love you guys. I love you guys.

Honestly, you've changed my lives in so many ways. My friendship with both of you means a great deal. And I'm telling you, you guys welcoming Leanne to the Beer Olympics last year, it was the coolest thing that that woman's ever done. She does not stop talking about it. She is a ride or die for both you motherfuckers, like hard. and Michael Chandler. She's one of the boys, man. She is, man.

She's unbelievable. And then you've become an awesome friend to both of us. You've given us amazing experiences, letting us come to your movie premiere. Just being a part of your life is special, man. I just, I can't wait till you guys do Rogan.

Love you, bro. I love you guys. Love you, brother. Joe. So, Trevor 5 stars. Hey, guys, it's us. The Jonas Brothers. I'm Joe.

I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called, Hey, Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it.

We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it, but, you know, tired and sick. Tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to D. David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, S&L's Mikey Day and headwriter, Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Winning on Clay is an art. The rallies are relentless, and at the French Open, only the toughest survive. I'd know. I competed there for decades. Join me, Renee Stubbs, on the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast for no nonsense breakdowns of the biggest matches, the toughest players, and the moments that define Roland Garris.

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