Bussin' With The Boys - Our IVF Struggles With Parenthood & Marriage + Everything We Did To Have Our Daughter

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Recorded: May 7th 2025 | To celebrate Mother’s Day, we’re dropping a bonus episode. Will Compton sat down with his wife, Charo Compton, to talk through the raw, emotional, and honest journey that brought them to parenthood — through IVF. From the moment they realized getting pregnant wouldn’t be easy, to the hormone shots, the heartbreaks, the hope, and finally holding their second daughter — this conversation dives into the real highs and lows that so many couples go through in silence. They talk about how IVF impacted their marriage, what it taught them about patience, communication, and showing up for each other when nothing feels certain. This episode is for the couples still in the thick of it, the moms who fought to become moms, and anyone who’s ever had to battle for their family. You’re not alone — and you’re stronger than you think. TIMESTAMP CHAPTERS 0:00 Intro3:09 Pregnancy With Rue15:31 Struggle With Of The Second Pregnancy 21:21 Inside The IVF Process39:52 Highs And Lows Of Pregnancy Journey52:46 Getting The Call - "You're Pregnant"1:01:40 Scottie Delivery Day1:06:23 What We Learned From Each Other1:11:54 Advice For People Going Through IVF1:14:55 Fun Parenting QuestionsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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All right. Another special episode, a bonus episode of Bustin with the Boys, we have Mother's Day weekend ahead of us. First of all, happy Mother's Day. Shout out to all the wonderful mothers out there. For this special episode, I have my wife, Charles Compton on, the backbone of our family, the MVP. My wife is a badass. I thought it'd be fun to have her on. We've been wanting to do this podcast for a while to kind of talk about the fertility journey.

Our second child, Scotty. she went through IVF and everything else and it feels very taboo to talk about IVF and we thought it'd be fun. I had to drag her, get her on the bus. I know we're both nervous about doing this episode. We got our boy Mitch in the back, swinging the camera,

so Mitchie, we'll be talking to you a lot. But yeah, my wife, again, a badass. She is a business owner. She owns the Bar 3 studios here in local Nashville. So if you're somebody in the fitness, you want to sweat a little bit. My wife runs the Bar 3 studios here. So she's a business owner.

she is a full-time mother of course um we have two beautiful girls serulian bell and scotty joly rue she is three years old currently scotty she is going on um on six months and uh we thought this episode would be fun would be important i thought it'd be cool to highlight um my wife and her the ivf journey that we you went through um because i know there are a lot of couples out there that kind of struggle in silence. I know there are a lot of women that love to gravitate towards podcasts and listen to other women on other shows, kind of talk about the journey. And even men out there, like, you know, I know women go through the brunt and everything, but trying to be a supportive dad, trying to be a supportive husband. I know there's lonely feelings of time and struggles that

everybody kind of has in the process. So this episode is a lot different. Not a lot of football talk, not a lot of ball talk. Yeah, did I miss anything in that introduction? I don't think so. You covered it. That was great. Why for you do you feel like this episode would be important for women? Because I know gravitating towards pods was something that was gravitating towards pods was something that you kind of did in the IVF process.

Yeah, exactly. When I was kind of the height of everything, and we'll talk more about this later, I feel like a lot. But I was just so in my head about all of it, I had so many questions. and I really just wanted to like understand what was about to happen and what we were choosing and this whole thing. And I really turned to podcasts to listen to to, um, to make me feel less lonely. And it's just so interesting because I didn't really know a lot about IVF and infertility until it started happening to me.

And I do find that that is probably similar for most people who have not gone through it or about to go through it. It's like you just don't know what you don't know. So listening to conversations and people's real experiences, not only do they give you information and they also make you feel less alone, but, you just don't know, but but they also kind of provide a lot of hope. So maybe this podcast is falling for someone right now at a place or a time where they need hope

in going through this journey because it can be a long one, it can be a hard one. Yeah, I'm pumped. Yeah. Thanks, babe. Let's brief people on our fertility process thus far like becoming parents. Like Rue, she was dialed in, honeymoon baby.

Your boy was out there hitting the homer right out of the gate. we had Rue easy the pregnancy delivery I know I've talked about it on whenever Rue was born and I became a dad like you having to go through

40 plus hours of of labor having a birth plan all of it basically going to shit not wanting what's the the epidural you ended up having to get

you ended up having to get three epidurals on the second one they miss the first one I'm snoozing on the couch during one we had our dula with us umps snooze on the couch and kind of wake up to you were screaming and yelling i'm like what happened i thought we had the epidural we were going to fall asleep we're going to kind of take a nap it's so fun and to look

back on now yeah and you're at what like you were dilated like four no i mean i never really got past six yeah six or seven that was the farthest i got after like 46 hours so and eventually yeah eventually we had a C-section after 40-something hours yeah i know like a little recap of Bruce's birth or Ruth's pregnancy. I feel like it was yeah really quick easy like honeymoon again like I think we both went into it like this could take a while and lo and behold it took no time at all so like that's like we're just so lucky and then the pregnancy was a lot because I guess this is important too for like the infertility talk like during my first pregnancy I had this cyst and it was a benign cyst and I've had it since I was born. It's called a dermoid, but it essentially grew and got

kind of twisted around my fallopian tube as my ovary during my pregnancy because like everything's changing around in there. So right at about 12 or 13 weeks, I started having this really terrible pain and I would just be like buckled over and I like couldn't breathe or move and I was like, are you good? I'm like, no, I'm not okay. It would start to act up like right war. And he's like downplaying my pain and I'm like, okay, maybe. We'd be like starting to clean up the house or do the dishes and all of a sudden she wants to get sideline. I'm like, let's get you to the couch. And I'm thinking to myself, like, are you hurt or are you injured?

I would literally have a very low tolerance for pain. Like, I do. I'm going to say that from the beginning. So, but this really hurt a lot. She does. She does. This really hurt a lot. And I actually texted my friends about it.

I'm like, is this normal? Like, what is this? Like, oh, maybe it's round ligament pain. It's could be gas. I'm like, yeah, we might have some TMI moments in this podcast. And that's cool, right? Yeah, yeah, of course. But I'm like, I don't really think it's either of those things.

So I ended up going in for my second, like one of my scheduled appointments anyway. And she's like, oh, yeah, you have a cyst. It's wrapped. I would suggest surgery. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I've literally never had surgery in my whole life. Yeah. So we kind of weigh our option. She's like, you could just let it grow and let it be there.

It would continue to cause you pain. It could potentially result in torsion, which is like when it gets like even more wrapped and causes like a rupture of the ovary. And like that's even worse. That's like, you know, an emergent surgery. So Will and I went home Or like should we have the surgery like while Rue or sorry while our baby

Is like in there and you had an opportunity to go play for The Falcons That was when yeah no No this Rue was born in April But you went to Atlanta And they But this is this is October September of 2021

And you kind of decline Arthur's ass to come play right You're like I'll come next week because my wife's going to have the surgery. Do you remember that? Yeah, that was Atlanta. Yeah. That was that year.

Yeah, yeah, Atlanta. And then end up not working out of Atlanta. Because that was, and then I ended up going to Vegas that year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was pregnant with Rue when I was in Vegas. That's right. Yeah, you're right.

I had to push off that. Yeah, because you're like, I think I really need to be home for my wife for this surgery she's going to have. Right. Because they were like, you've got to be bedside for a certain amount of time. Yeah, so they end up doing this laparoscopic surgery. And laparoscopic is when they, like, go in, like, two little tiny ones as like cameras and bigger one to like remove the cyst and they ended up having to take out my cyst and my ovary

and my fallopian tube so you know when i like emerged from surgery and i'm like so groggy and they kind of gave me the update i'm like oh my gosh will this affect my ability to get pregnant in the future and right away her answer was no so like i didn't think anything of it because you know she was like no she's like this ovary probably hasn't been working for a long time anyway um so you're going to be great you're fine. And so I'm like, okay, great. Love that answer for me. Obviously, like, you know, knowing what I know now, like it's just, I guess it's kind of 50-50 shot, like both ovaries firing equally, but even when it comes to like retrievals and all the things with IVF, like, the more you get, the more eggs you get, like the better chances you are because there's so much

attrition. So anyway, it clearly affected our ability to get pregnant in addition to like tons of other things. But that was like during my first pregnancy, I had this surgery at 15 weeks. The baby was fine, but I like, you know, was pretty immobile. Couldn't. It was like recovery. It was really like a week or two. But then I had that terrible. What was it? It was like a UTI that sent me to the ER. And you also weren't there. Shout out, Dobson's wife. Yeah, that was when I was out of town. She like couldn't walk. Yeah, it was really bad. And I'm out of town doing something for buss and I remember hitting up Dobson. I'm like, hey, bro, like could you or your wife like go help Charo, like pick her up and take her to the ER?

because it was it was kind of like a panic mode well because UTIs can result in kidney infections so also I did not know that but it was from the surgery and like the catheter and like all this crazy crazy stuff um so like finally eventually made it past that and then we lost your mom and then you went to Vegas or all kind of in the same moment and then I also had like a big thing happen with my family that was really hard um around Thanksgiving so that was like an emotional and then we moved and then Rue was born so what a pregnancy yeah

and then it was yeah 46 hours of labor elective C-section and then Rue was in the NICU remember when I was trying to keep you in the trenches before you went to the C-section honestly

like shout out there was a bad L a bad husband L on my phone I feel like but you thought it was a W and you thought you were doing the right thing like you said birth plan it really was more like a birth

like I don't know a guide Yeah, it's like you want to learn about the birth. It's like, you like for us, I know we're both kind of like type A. You like having planes in place, but you also understand that a plan can go to shit. And if it does, it's like, okay, well, at least we know that we're trying to do these options first before we have to go to, before we have to pivot to the next thing. And legitimately, the entire birth plane basically like went to shit because it was like 40-something hours, 40-something hours of labor. I want to say she sat at like four centimeters for hours.

Like it would never move and we're doing all these different things to like, like, you know, accelerate the delivery. And then it got to like... Because I really wanted a natural birth. I really wanted for the most part, like, you know, I was trying to be like really connected to my body and have this like magical moment. And we got none of that. Yeah.

And then the, yeah. And then after the three epidurals and everything else, it's like we're in there. And then the idea. Oh my gosh, yes. The thought of C-section comes up. We've been in the hospital at this point for, we're going on two days. Like people had like, you were texting my friend Susan. You were texting all of my girlfriends, which I feel like is so unusual.

Will had a group chat with all of my girlfriends going, like literally updating them, like a play-by-play. I'm like, I don't think I've ever received this from any of my friends, husbands or partners in my life. But they're literally like on a weekend trip. They left for the trip. I'm in the hospital. They get back from their trip and I'm still in the hospital. So it was a very long. Taylor leaves to him and Taylor and go like to Arizona and they're like, oh, we're going to get to come back.

Like Roo is going to be here and we get to meet Roo. And they come back and we're still in it. So they just come and deliver some food for us and give us some. dinner and it's like, hey, we're still in it. I don't know, I don't know when this is going to happen. Because I mean, I wanted like, you know, no induction, no epidural, no, like, real assistance other than like, we did break my water, which I think was really glad. I'm glad that we did because then we could see there was maconium in the amniotic fluid, which is like, if you don't know mokonium is, it's like the poop that the baby has when they're in the womb, which is crazy. I mean,

Roo was 41 weeks, so she was like past term already. But that was like why the nurses were on standby. she did end up having to go to the NICU for the maconium in her lungs, which was also kind of scary because why is our baby not here anymore? Why do they take her away? But yeah, it's like, finally we get to this point where I'm like, I don't know if I can do this anymore because I like have the labor shakes. I'm like getting pumped up with like not only like the drugs of the epidural and the like potocin to like keep the contractions going, but also now I have like antibiotics because I have

all these like white blood cell high, is it red blood cells or white blood cells? I think it's white. Okay. High white blood stuff. Yeah, either one. All these things in my body that I don't want. I haven't eaten. I haven't slept.

It's like exhausting. And it's like, I don't know. I'm like, could I have done this differently? Could I have just like, I don't know what I could have done really. But in the end, I was like, I think I need to have a C-section. And so like all of the nurses and doctors leave and Will and I are like, should we deliver this baby by C-section? Will's like, this is not what you wanted. You don't want this.

I don't think you should do it. He kind of, he goes, he goes, it kind of feels like you're giving up. And I was like. Hey, gentlemen. Don't ever say that when your wife is in the process of delivering a baby. 40 sex hours in, he's like, kind of feels like a good giving up. And I'm like, you know what? I don't give a fuck.

I am giving up. And we are going to get this baby out in 45 minutes, which is what we did. And I was like crying. I was like so sad. I was like really sad that you were disappointed in me in that in that moment. And I hate reliving this. Because this is true. I felt like shit.

I thought in my brain I was doing the right thing. I'm trying to give her like these football-ass style speeches. And you know, we were trying to have like a code word with the dula. You know what I mean? Like code word like deviate code word. I actually don't want this anymore.

This is the code word. And I think I'd said it like 65 times at that point. Yeah. Not by mess more. I mean, are you disappointed at me? No. No, no, no, no. Okay, great.

Once I come out of it again, Hey, listen, I know you're laboring for 40 plus hours. I'm also on the couch for 40-something hours. Shout out the men who have to lay on that couch and sleep on that couch. So I'm sure I was getting a little delusional. I was like letting my emotions get the best of me. But your reaction, zooming out of it, I fucked up by saying that. And no, I did not think that.

Like, again, you see all this shit happening. And it's you doing it. Like, I'm fucking, I'm subbing in with the doula. I'm like, okay, I'll do the pressing. I'll do the hand holding. I'll do all this. I fall asleep, taking nap. You took like a few naps.

You're right. Hang on, let's not, you know, let's not fool with the audience now. Like maybe one nap. I mean, maybe a couple. I did try to close my eyes a couple times. Anytime the duel, it was the duel is turning to go up. I'm like, let me see if I could sneak on here. As long as nothing's not, you know, nothing's not elevated to the height of the pain that she was going through.

That was fun. We survived. We survived. Roo, she's a, she's a champ. She is a stud. She was healthy. All of that stuff. Yeah, we were in the NICU for what a week.

Dude, that was a really hard week. Yeah. For me personally, I don't know if it was hard for you, but it was hard for me. Yeah. I mean, you know, the fellas, we go through it too. I think you're literally just here at work. Just hanging out, doing podcasts. And I'm like literally like in this like useless state.

And I'd already taken my maternity leave. I'm sitting at home. I have nothing to do. I've just given birth. I'm recovering from a C-section. And I have no baby. I have no purpose. I have like, it was really hard.

However, I will say that that was like shitty and we got to sleep and we got to sleep and you're almost preparing for your baby to come home versus like that's true you have the baby and you basically leave the hospital whenever you're allowed to leave the hospital because that's kind of how it was with Scotty. So we did get to sleep. Silver lining. There was silver lining. Yeah. And then you just take we just take visits to the hospital. And then it just make her like when she got to come home like that much more special which was like a moment for sure. Yeah, so jumping ahead now, like getting to the second one, whenever we figured out, like, we wanted to have a second child, we're ready to have a second child, you know, we're, as a male out there, you're kind of just used, like how your wife wants to use you to you. Like, hey, ovulation's happening. I need you now.

It is kind of sad how, like, when you're trying to get pregnant, it, like, is, it's not like, like, what it used to be. It, like, turns into this, like, more. System and goal. It's kind of sucks. Like I don't really obviously not the first you able to feel that but yeah like I definitely felt that like the far that we got along too like we weren't getting pregnant and it just was like Right in the second time it's emolulating it's time it's time and it's yeah and the second time We're going through we think it's gonna you know kind of we're very aware that it's how hard it is to get pregnant because a lot of people do have different journeys and it takes a while and it's not as easy as As it seems like it's going to be but for us kind of having Rue you did have that cyst you did have that surgery to remove the cysts but

I would say that we still felt optimistic going, hey, we're ready to have a second child. You know, I'm in there. I'm dropping Seaman Team 6 over and over. Just thinking like, this is going to land. I'm hunting for the boy. I'm trying to go after and get the boy this time. I love all your metaphors. Because also you're like saying these things and it's like none of this is in our control.

Yeah. It's like we think we're doing things that are like making our odds better. But like, are we? Like I felt like I was like doing all the right stuff with the prenatals when I was eating and how I was moving. And none of that stuff really mattered. I don't know. Yeah, because I stopped doing like the sauna because I'm starting to look into things like what could be hurting my sperm. And so I'm like getting off everything that can kind of like hurt your sperm with like heat and whatever it is.

And at what point do you feel like, hey, we need to start working with like a fertility doctor? Because you started to get pretty stressed. Like again, not talking about like how old you are. We can talk about my age. Being 35, you started to get a little impatient and stressed out over the female time. clock of like having a kid to where I'm sitting there maybe a little bit more optimistic like okay hey we got lucky on the first one we just got to keep trying like month after month like we'll just keep we'll just keep kind of chugging along we'll keep doing our thing and then you started

to get stressed out to where then it's like hey let's go get tested like maybe it's me like maybe it's like I don't know how many tests you even had to do I got a lot of blood work done yeah yeah you got blood work done but we had the the cyst and ovary thing and I'm thinking what if it's me and my sperm so I'm going in and getting tests and jerking off in a cup, which is a wild experience. Are there magazines in there? Or they just give you like a porn website? I mean, I just, truth be told, I just pulled out my phone and just did my own work.

And they give you, they give you some lube, but I'm a no gear type of guy. I don't want to use gear. I like going after it. Just me in my hand. Yeah. And then you kind of just, you kind of do your thing in the cup. You put the cup in this little mailbox. It's built in the wall.

And then I leave the room and you're kind of like walking around. on the halls and then you come across one of the one of the nurses and you kind of have like hey so do I just do I am I good to go do I leave do I got to check in with anybody I think you literally just left and didn't say anything to anybody the second third time I did do that because I had to do it a few different times um which we'll get into the IVF process but I'm getting tested we're all testing blood work sperm count I see my volume's great my guys are they're they're hunters yeah I got some dogs in the A gap that are working I think we're both surprised but but by like the quality of your sperm. Yes. Because you had always talked about like your testosterone being low. Yeah. So we're like, okay, maybe the problem is you.

But then we learn that it's all normal. And it still wasn't, it wasn't working. So then we start working with the fertility doctor. Well, kind of. Yeah. I mean, if we like back up a little bit, you know how that like maybe women, anyone, women who's listening, a mom who's listening,

at the, like, you're a six week post birth checkup. They're like, make sure, they're like asking you about abstinence. You're like, are you, like, how are you going to protect from having a baby? going forward. Are you going to do condoms? Are you going to get on birth control? And it's like, whoa. And then they're like, make sure if you're going to get pregnant again, you wait a year. So they tell you, they say you wait a year. So that is kind of what we had in our minds. We're like, well, let's wait a year.

Rue was born in April. So I think we started kind of trying again like February, March. And, you know, at this point, I'm 35. Rue was born when I was 33. And I'm 35. So like biological 80, you like literally just do a Google search. They're like, if you're under the age of 30, wait a year of trying before reaching out for help. And if you're like over the age of 30 or maybe like 32, then only wait six months before reaching out for help. So we started trying in like, I don't know, March. And then we eventually reached a point where we reached out for help in like October or November.

Because our first fertility at the fertility clinic appointment was that wasn't like end of November. And that's when they're like, okay, let's do some testing. Let's try to figure out what's going on. And essentially all of our results came back unexplained. unexplained infertility unexplained infertility and I mean again coming back to like the education piece like 50% of all infertility is like secondary and by secondary it's like after the first kid so a lot of people are struggling to have their very first kid which I feel like that's a whole another like ball game and like journey that I'm not like accustomed like I've not been through

but secondary fertility is 50% of all cases so I'm like wow that's like very common like how come I didn't know this. So it's like we're trying to have our second kid and it's so much harder. We thought it'd be really easy because Rue was so easy. Yeah. And then we did an IUI first. So we tried an IUI like right around Christmas. The IUI is like the turkey basing.

Yeah. Yeah. They used to call it artificial insemination, but I think they changed it for some reason. I'm not sure why. Maybe artificial insemination sounded. Yeah. So that's when we started to learn about the options like IUI, IVF, you know, this is a where like the stress was in and we're trying to like figure out what the decisions are and we were

kind of saying hey let's do iUI for what the first couple months and we'll try it yeah they recommend doing like three iuIs before jumping to IVF um just kind of based on your history like there's a lot of factors that go into like how a fertility like doctor will like recommend a plan for you which like everyone is different so like with my biological age i was still under 37 i learned that like 37 is like this point where like quality actually begins to decline like scientifically there's data that says like egg quality has like a steeper decline at age 37 which is like okay great I'm only 35 I'm turning 36 in like a month what can we do now to like preserve this like quote unquote higher egg quality before it starts to decline in a year and also I'd had no previous miscarriages I think that's another factor

people all the time as miscarriages happen because you know the the quality of the embryo it's like maybe abnormal or it won't implant because it's it's like the quality the DNA like the chromosomes there's like too many or not enough um so that's why like miscarriages happen a lot of times sometimes it's that there's other factors as well but because i've had none of those they're like okay maybe it's just like not lining up um so they thought i was like a good candidate to like skip straight to IVF because i want to get the good egg quality like you know um i could do like a fresh transfer there's just all these factors like I was turning 37 in a year like let's get these good quality there was a it was like you did not want to be having you wanted to have the you wanted to have our second

baby before you turn 37 because it was like we didn't do the third time of iUI and then also what goes into IVF it takes like it's a certain period of time before you get to the fresh transfer which would add up these months to where it's like I want to be having this baby sooner rather than going through the process I think yeah it's just tough but like I think I think Everyone who goes a fertility clinic wants to have a baby yesterday, right? Like for me personally, I know I'm like, holy shit, we've been trying now for almost a year and I still don't have a baby. I'm not even pregnant.

Like, how old, how long will this take? So it's like I go in with this timeline. And honestly, that is what I would tell someone if I wasn't given advice, like ditch the timeline. But as I'm going with this timeline, like how can I get pregnant as fast as possible? Like IUI leaves so much more to chance. IVF, like you have a little bit more control. So that I think is another reason why we skipped right to it Because there's so much preparation work

Like we're like okay let's do IVF I think we said that like the very end of December or maybe early January And we didn't start it for another month plus Because there's like time they have to do like testing They have to get like your follicles like back down to like baseline And they all have to be at baseline It's kind of a lot of like scientific stuff that happens in your body With like the hormones and everything

To prepare you to start the process for like retrieval. And if you don't know, like, what IVF is, it's essentially, I mean, do we talk about it? Yeah. Yeah. It's like they're extra, what they're trying to do, like your body, like a woman's body, it's going to drop down one egg every single month. That's your period, right? Like it drops down the egg and then when it flushes the egg out, that is like the blood coming out. I mean, again, maybe this is like, everyone knows this, right? This is like a fifth grade family life. Yeah, we all learn about this. I think Mitch knows about that. You knew that women had periods, right?

Periods and stuff, but... I'm glad he's clarifying that he did know about periods. But like the IVF stuff, like, I'm not entirely sure how that entire process works or anything like that. Let's, it's like a few steps, right? So it's like you to prep your body for this thing that's called the retrieval. And IVF is two, it's two procedures, essentially, in essence. The first procedure is what's called a retrieval. So your body's dropping down one all by itself, no matter what, every mind.

for the most part if you have like a regular cycle. What IVF does is it like kind of hyperstimulates your ovaries and the follicles in there that produce the eggs to get as many eggs as possible from ovaries. And for me it's only one ovary, right? But for other most people, they're stimulating the ovaries to get as many follicles as possible to have this egg that's like the perfect size has to be like the perfect size for release down like but they don't want to raise this. So they go in once the eggs are the perfect size, they go in they kind of give you you this like, I mean, remember the shot's called, but they'll go in and they'll retrieve the eggs. So that, like I went under, I went under for that, right? Like, I was asleep. I think so.

I mean, you know how my memory is shaky. I'm pretty sure, yeah, I went under. They retrieved the eggs. And they also have Will's sperm. So that same morning of my retrieval, Will goes in, he gives us sperm. And then what they do is they like, they look for like the fastest swimming sperm. and they will just kind of match up the eggs with the sperm. And there's different ways you can do it. You can kind of like let them, like put them in a petri dish and let them like hang out and like match up by chance. Or you can also do this thing called, gosh, what's it called? I forget.

But they basically inject the sperm into the egg to ensure that they like, what's that called? It's a weird acronym. We can look it up. But is that when we were in the room and they're, putting the sperm. Yeah, I mean, we didn't see it happen. But they're trying to make embryos. So they're taking little sperm and they're taking my eggs and they're like, you know,

trying to make as many embryos as possible. Yeah. So then they like let the embryos sit and like hatch. They have to get to like blastocyst stage. So there's like three day, five day. And they make it to a five day blastocyst. You can either freeze them or you can transfer them. So a lot of people will freeze them if they want them for the future or you can freeze

them if you want to like test them first. They call it PGTA testing. And that basically tests like for abnormal chromosomes to see like how likely it is if you transfer this embryo. Will it implant and will it become like a baby and a live birth? We chose to do a fresh transfer. And we did that because the fertility doctor said it would be okay. Yeah.

Great candidate for it. And it's like a month faster, right? And it's much faster because you don't have to wait for the PGTA results. Like those can often take six to eight weeks. So some people do retrieval. And then they'll freeze their eggs or send them off for testing. And then they won't do their transfer for another like two to three months. Right.

We did it so that as soon as that embryo, the best ones will kind of grade them. So they're like, tell you how many eggs or tell me how, tell you how many eggs they got, how many embryos made it to day five blast assist. And from them, they can like grade them. Like this is graded X. This is graded Y. There's like different grading scales. And now for our fresh transfer, they chose the best one, the best graded one, the one that like

looked the best. like based on like their microscope it's kind of crazy like this is what we're looking for I'm like oh cool like I have no idea what that is and then for a fresh transfer they literally transfer it into your body so that's another procedure that's procedure number two um for like trying to implant it so they're trying to like mimic what happens when like the egg is like traveling down the Philippian tube and then the sperm meets it and then they like mate and then it like implants in the uterus so that is what they're like kind of manufacturing scientifically and that I was not under I was awake and I'm just like kind of laying there and it's really cold.

And I remember being really stiff and I was just trying to relax. That was crazy. And I'm in there kind of watching the entire process. Yeah, you can like see it. Yeah, they're guiding it to the right spot because it has to stick, right? They have to be insanely accurate.

It's incredible. And I'm just like hoping that they got the right sperm. I'm like, I hope it's Wilcompton's. Yeah. And then you hope it like, and then you hope it implants and it sticks to where, you know, it doesn't. you don't you know like it's not even like really a miscarriage at that point it's yeah the egg breaks

yeah or like it doesn't stick it kind of like yeah I mean like is the embryo like a good embryo like are the at like the chromosomes right right how's your uterus like some people have like uterum polyps or like all the different things that like happen or maybe like it's the problem like the problem but like something is going on in your body that you haven't tested for so I will say like in general I feel like our process was like overall smooth like we didn't have to do like a lot of extra testing. I talk to so many people where they like go through this and like, wow, we found this out about myself. And now I have to like do this stuff for my hormones or I have to like fix this or like try and make this a little better. And then like the process gets elongated

and lengthened even more so than, you know, again, you wanted the baby yesterday. Yeah. And there's so much unknown too to where it's like you're trying to have patience and be ready for if a pivot has to happen because we also have so many friends that had to go through many different cycles or. Oh my gosh. Aviv fails. Tons of retrievals. Yeah, tons of retrievals. And that's the thing with the retrievals, like the attrition rate and IVF is crazy. Like, I won't say how many eggs we got, but in general, the attrition is like up to 80% from like the number of eggs you get in terms of how many healthy, like day five blastocystis like embryos you have.

So there's like so much drop off. Like let's say you get 25 eggs. Only 10 of those might fertilize. And then maybe only five of those make it to day five blastocystis. and maybe only two of those are actually chromosomally normal. So it's like you're going from like 25 to 2. So that's why some people with the retrieval, they end up with zero. And like then you just don't have any eggs to transfer at all.

I mean, I guess you could always try to transfer it abnormal if you have one. I've always also heard like data about that. Like you have to do like genetic counseling. But sometimes the women's body will literally fix an abnormal implantation, like an abnormal embryo in the uterus. And just it becomes like a live birth like a chromosome. normally normal baby, which is crazy. Like there's just so much that happens like within our bodies that's not in our control. And there's so many things that we can do like with IVF too to like it's just like yeah.

So we got so lucky that we did one retrieval, one transfer and thankfully it stuck. And now it's got it. Yeah, because backup talk about all the hormone shots. Oh my gosh. Because there's such a process to even get to that point of, you know, getting the embryos and the egg retrieval and everything else. You have to go through pretty, them needles ain't a walk in the park. Yeah, I mean, yeah, so it's like retrieval and transfer.

I feel like leading up to the transfer, there's not like a lot of things different. Really, it's like leading up to the retrieval where you're trying to like get as many follicles active and like these egg size is perfect. That's when all like the shots come in. So when you like hear people talk about shots and IVF, that's what it is. So essentially, which another thing that kind of comes into play was like birth control, which I was like so annoyed by. but sometimes they'll prescribe you birth control to like kind of control the start date of the IVF cycle and I didn't want that. I was like please I do not want that at all. I don't want any extra hormones. I don't have to have but this whole thing happened where it's just like the timing of like when the

fertility clinic closed and when they could get results and when my period had started that I had to like push it off by a week and I was so frustrated by this because the birth can I mean I didn't know it at the time but the birth control gave me these terrible headaches. I literally like couldn't work and I don't really get headaches a lot. So that was like a whole other factor. So they like suppressed my follicles with birth control, which again, don't recommend if you don't have to. But sometimes it's like it actually got it done sooner. Otherwise it would have had to wait a whole other month.

So birth control step one. And then they're like, okay, your follicles look good. Everything's baseline. Let's start the shots. So they like give you these dosages of like these hormones that you have to put into your belly. And I think there were three for the retrieval process. and you gave them to me for the most part. All the ones in my belly.

Maybe, yeah, I think you gave me all of those because you were in town. Leading up to afterwards, sometimes, Audrey, our nanny gave them to me. Shout out, Audrey. Huge shout out to Audrey. Oh my gosh, she's the best. But yeah, so leading up to their retrieval,

my husband, Will, you're giving me these shots in my belly. Usually morning and night. And I'm going into the fertility clinic every few days to get checked. Like, how's the follicle looking? How's the growth looking? okay do we need to like pump up this hormone do we need to timber down a little bit on this one like they're trying to adjust the dosages to get the follicles to grow at the right rate they don't want them

to go too fast because if they grow too fast then the eggs will release but they don't want them to slow either and they also want them to all grow at the same time so it's like a lot of things happening that they're like trying to like pinpoint and get correct um so then when they you know I'm going in every few days and those shots were not terrible I mean it's like really just like pinching my belly fat putting it in there they're relatively small shots it's just like tons of them. And also they just like send you everything at your house and you're like, oh, am I like a doctor now? Like, am I a nurse? Like, do I just have to figure this out? There's some videos to watch. Yeah, no, yeah. There's they're like, oh, this is how you do with this video. Anyway, so you did it.

But you gives yourself shots all the time. So I feel like you were so. What's so funny, Mitch? Everybody knows I do some peptides. Yeah, but also you said that it was like different giving me. me shots and giving you shots. Oh, for sure, because yeah, you're like in control. You know how it feels and everything else. And again, your pain tolerance. It's like you're trying to do everything you can to make it as comfortable as possible. Yeah. So those belly shots were, I mean, comparatively, they're really not that bad. No, not compared to the asses. Oh, my gosh. So then you go in, they're like, okay, your follicles look great. Let's do the retrieval. They schedule it. They have to do this

little, like, I forget what it's called, but they give you one final one that like gets you in the right spot and they'll do the retrieval. And then as soon as a retrieval is done, I think a lot of people think IVF is like, once you do the retrieval and or transfer, you're done. It's not. The shots continue. So then they're trying to get kind of like getting your body ready to like implant an embryo. So they're trying to get more progesterone in there. So progesterone in oil, like PIO is what you're injecting literally into your butt. So it's, it's crazy. So as soon as the retrieval shots end, the progesterone starts begin and they're like big needles and you have to I mean typically they'll like if you end up getting pregnant you'll do them during the two week wait you'll do them like as soon as

the transfer is done and then like until you find out if you're pregnant or not and then if you are pregnant and you have to continue them through 12 weeks of pregnancy so it's not done when you get pregnant you keep giving yourself progesterone and oil shots in your butt every night until you get pregnant or sorry until 12 weeks yeah buddy these these these these data's now. Yeah, give us like a size. Oh, man,

can I kid? Can you pull it up? Pull it up on Google? What would you type in, sweetheart? P-I-O shots. But yeah, they're like a big needle.

Yeah. And it's like a lot of oil. Like what? Like this? Yeah. And they're like kind of thick. Yeah. And I do remember like I was in the park.

So much. I remember seeing and I kind of took it out. And I was like, oh, hey, sweetheart. Don't, don't look back. here. I'm looking at you have the dock pulled up. Scroll up, I can see it. Yeah, we can not really see it. Mitch. I'm working blind here. Right there. Yeah. Can you see it? Oh wow. Yeah, that's a big

needle. You can't see it on your screen. Yeah, those, uh, that one on the left there. It's a beast. It's a beast. It's like, really not your butt. It's like your hip. Um, if anyone's looking for tips on like best ways to manage PIO and Jackson. What did I do? I did, I rolled out. I rolled out the butt sheet. Yeah, yeah, you'd roll out. For like two or three minutes, I would do some air squats.

Then when you're ready, you would warm, you would heat. No, I did heating after. Okay, you would do heating after. And then I would like prepare the PIO injection into this huge ass needle. And there's like two needles. So you have to make sure you're not doing like the retrieving needle because that one's even bigger. And I've heard people like accidentally use that one, which is like terrible.

Yeah. So then I'm like, well, choose the spot. I'm alternating. butts. So like let's say, you know, one I do my right cheek, next night you do my left cheek. You want to make sure. And then I find a spot that's like not like holy and there's not tons of bruise on. Like do this spot. So like clean it off. And then our trick was that you would slap trow in the ass. Like how big, all right, is this a spot? Again, you're trying to avoid the bruising because there's bruising that occurs throughout the process that you just like,

you just feel bad for. You're like, now I have to put this needle in her again. But I, she would, she would be there kind of bent over the kitchen counter. Yeah, bent over the kitchen counter. I beg, all right, are you ready? And she'd be like, yeah, and I would just, I'll be like, okay. And I'd slap her on the ass and then slip the needle in. And then as the needles in, it's like probably at eight to eight to ten second, like as it has to like slowly go in. Because you don't want to go too fast. Yeah, you can't go too fast. So you're going like eight to ten seconds where you're just

pushing it in. You're just like telling me to breathe. You really good countdown. Yeah. And some were fine and some were like really bad. Right. It really just kind of like depending on the spot and the day. And then right after the injection, you would like heat your... Right after the injection, I'd apply pressure, and then I'd sit on a heating pad for a little bit. Yeah. But it got to a point over like two weeks or two to three weeks of these.

I'm like, I can't walk. Like I was so, like, frustrated because I like, not only am I like fucking going through IVF, but I'm also like in pain. And so I did go in. I was like, hey, any chance I get a smaller needle? And they're like, yeah, sure. I'm like, why did you give me this huge needle to begin with? So I'm really glad I asked for a smaller needle again,

And if your needle's looking a little too big, maybe you get a smaller one. You can see what they say. And those felt a little bit better. Another option is that you can take progesterone and oil. This is again, TMI. There's these little tablets. And they don't like using those since it's not as effective. Like using this shot, like it'll get it directly into your bloodstream.

It's like quick works right away. But you can also do like this kind of like area one where you like literally insert this little tablet into your uterus. So that's fun. I'm so glad Mitch is here. So yeah, that's lots of the shots and stuff. If everybody listening, I feel like they just learned about the IVS process. Mitch, do you feel like you got? Yeah, no, that definitely helps clear it.

That was true. He said, no, that definitely helps clear it up. Talk about the highs and lows throughout the process. I don't even know if there were highs, but obviously the highs when we find out that it's happening for us. But there were definitely quite a few lows throughout due to the stress, the hormones, the impatience, hoping everything goes well. It's, you know, it's obviously a very stressful, a stressful journey. Because even again, it's like, were you, did you become the owner yet of Bar 3? No.

But at that point, you were in the process of. She had called me and said, hey, would you want to do this? And I was saying, like with work and career, I know there was one time where you had to kind of move stuff around or you couldn't go to something for work. that you would really want to go to where I think you were going to be speaking or you were going to be doing something that you were really excited about. Yeah. It took kind of an emotional toll on you at that point to where it felt kind of like a like a breaking point because I think we were out in, I think Vegas for the Super Bowl. This might have been in February, so it was kind of early. But yeah, take us through the emotional roller coaster.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I feel like I could just talk for hours and I'll try not to. but yeah I think I know that I'm like a person who likes to be in control I think you're very similar like we like to control the controllables and IVF is very much a process where you're not in control but it's also very odd because I did feel like if you're talking highs like the one high was that like we are finally doing something together that like gives us a higher likelihood of having our second baby so like we knew long term that this was like hopefully the right move. But in it, like in this thick of it, like this terrible,

I think a lot of it had to do with like timelines and expectation and the process because during the IVF process, like retrieval transfer, they recommend not traveling. I mean, in general, like don't go too far away. Obviously during the whole retrieval process, you have to be the fertility clinic every couple days anyway, so you can't go anywhere. And even after the transfer, like, you're waiting to see if you're pregnant. It's like, don't exert too much. Like, physical activity does not actually affect an embryo's ability to implant, but in some ways, like, a woman will never forgive herself. If she, like, went for a run and then didn't get pregnant, so it's more like a mental thing.

Like, anyway, so it's like, they restrict you. They say, like, don't do all these things. And at this point, you know, of course, I wish I was pregnant six months ago. And I had all these the cool things plan for work. Like I was really pumped to lead this training in DC at my old studio that I used to work at and managed there. And I had to cancel it. And I had to like kind of tell my team members, like, can someone step in to do this training for me that I was like so pumped for the opportunity to do because I'm like in the middle of this procedure that should have already been done or that I didn't know what's going to happen and like all the timing doesn't work out where I like couldn't go. And I just remember feeling so mad. I was like really angry because I think internally like I was felt like I was

missing out on this opportunity for work, which I love my job. I, you know, I'm about like in the middle of like going through this with my body, obviously after like months and months of trying to get pregnant where you get these negative pregnancy tests or I would get them. And I just, every time it was just like, I just felt so hopeless like looking at these negative pregnancy tests where it's like, or I would get my period and I would just like start crying because we just wanted a second kid so badly. So it's like we're already at this point where I'm so vulnerable, so emotional and now I can't do these like cool things I want to do for work. And then I think we were supposed to go on vacation. We were supposed to do it in Mexico.

We canceled that also because we knew we'd be in the middle of the fertility stuff with the IVF. And I also like, I'm like, oh, I have to cancel this work training that I've like been pumped about. I've been working on for months. and, you know, I'm sitting here at home on the phone with the fertility doctor and Will is literally in Vegas living his, like, best life, like his, like working and like his life is normal.

He's like with his, the boys and he's doing football and he's like having fun. Like I know he like is thinking of me. I'm not like, it's not like resentment, but it's almost like this comparison where I'm the one like in it and I'm the one who has to like give up all these things that I wanted to do.

and he doesn't have to, which, I mean, it just sucks. So it's like that feels really lonely in and of itself when it's like my partner is not actually experiencing this with me, even though we're going through it together. It's not like we're not actually. He's like not in my body. Yeah. So that was like that's fair. That's natural.

I think it's like it's one of those things too that every couple who's whether they're going through the IVF process, you know, whatever the fertility pregnancy journey that people are on, it's like these moments happen naturally, I think, no matter what. And it's obviously important that you're like staying connected with your partner because again, it's like, you know, we'd be on a phone call and I'm thinking of my head, do, you know, I'm trying to let her talk and feel her emotions. Like, do I just let her feel her emotions and empathize? Does she want me to try and give a solution to like, you know, like, what is she needing out of me? And if, you know, if you're, if you're the guy and, you know, you could obviously say the wrong thing and it's

something as simple as, oh, it's easy for you to say. And then all of a sudden, the may, like, we're triggered because we're trying our best. And you just, there's a lot of stuff going on just in the, in the relationship that you have to navigate and stay connected on because if not, you kind of lose sight of it. Then you can kind of get resentful. Um, because again, it's just like talking from the male perspective, which again, we're not going through it. And I think we're very aware of or we try to be as aware as we can of how hard it is. Because a lot of this stuff too, it's like we're traveling and I know that I'm getting to kind of like live my best life and do all these things with my career and you're stuck at home and you're going through all this stuff. It's like there's this guilt and shame that kind of builds up inside of you that if it's not communicated the right way, if you don't have the right communication with your spouse, your wife, your girlfriend,

whatever it is, like it can go sideways. And so I don't know exactly where I'm going with all that word salad, but I think like staying connected and knowing that there are going to be times where there's going to be arguments being had. But as long as you can kind of like find your way back to that connection and get out of it, whether you're sleeping on it for a night and or learning how to, hey, how do you want me to help you right now? Or, and even that might, you know, fellas all the time.

It's like, you don't even know what question to ask. Yeah. I mean, I think you're like, oh, you're expected to know. You got to know. Like, why you ask me this, you shouldn't know what's going on. You just get such a mental frenzy that it's just super important that you got that everybody communicates and you try to find the ways to communicate best. I know Charles and I were big proponents and we'll hit couples therapy and try to have

that third party perspective, navigate like differences and how we see things and how to communicate better and more effectively. what kind of stirs up in your mind whenever, you know, hey, why aren't you cleaning this up? Why aren't you doing this? But, no, it's, it's important because that stuff is. I think no matter what it happens naturally, because again, you're kind of fighting this fight, which feels like alone a lot of the times, even though that, you know, you do have a partner, but it's tough.

It sounds like it's like it's very tough to juggle. Because, again, I'm not going through it, actually the way you are. Yeah, yeah. I mean, overall, like, looking back, though, I feel like you handled it well. Like, you did a lot of listening. And then sometimes I felt like you were like doing all this listening and there were things like maybe you wanted to say or like wanted to offer up and you just kind of didn't. And maybe that was the right thing. Maybe that wasn't. I don't know. But like I honestly kind of like sometimes left was feeling like like, like, what's will need? Like what's he feeling in this moment that he's not saying that he's like protecting me from or he's like just trying to like kind of silence his own emotions. because mine are so big right now. So like, what did you need going through IVF? I don't know. I don't know. Again, there's like more.

It's like, it's like guilt and shame that would build up in me versus like, like, because you don't want to like, I don't want to like let you down. I do want to try and say the right things. A lot of times, like when you're just doing the whole listening thing and empathizing, the phone conversational kind of like end with you being like, oh, you know, if we're on the phone, like, okay, I'll let you. you go and you feel like, all right, did, did I provide enough? Because when you're just listening, you're not like providing a solution or you're not like,

you know. But that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's, dude, it's just, it's a, it's a puzzle. It's a puzzle that's hard to navigate at times. And I feel it's a puzzle. Like, I don't have the answers either.

Yeah. Like if you leave the conversation or you're sitting at home and whether you continue to watch a TV show, I know in my mind, it's like, am I doing, am I being the support that she needs right now? Or should I have said this or should I have said this? or should I have said that? Well, really, it's like, you know, intimacy can be a lot different when you're going through this journey to where, like, you know,

we'll be talking with the therapist. I'm like, you know, sometimes I'm just laying there. Like, could I just, you know, could we get a little, could we get a little action? But I'm feeling bad about even thinking about that because I'm not going through what's going on. But then I'm like, okay, but I also need to, I need to create space for my needs. What am I needing right now? Like, it's like, that's what tells me what I'm needing right now.

But how do I even communicate that? It makes like, that's funny. I promise that that. was a conversation that I basically tried walking through like in front of our therapist one time. And it's just like, well, how do I even go about that? Because again, I feel like a, I feel like an asshole to even like want that during this time. So there's, there's a lot of stuff. I feel like, you know. Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. I'm trying to live, I'm trying to live in that emotion. And I'm trying to live in that, you know, it's like all this shame and guilt. And then, of course,

if I knew this and I'm going to feel shame and guilt about you feeling shame and guilt. So it's like this like circle and cycle that it's like, is this even productive? And then it's like, is this even productive. Like maybe we can just both understand that we're like on the same team. Yeah. And because I'll be telling the doc, bitch, I'll be like, and doc, it's like the moment like maybe I try and she just says like. And of course, why you're going through this, they don't really, they don't want you to

have any penetration. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. But again, it's like, okay, a roller coaster shut down. It doesn't mean we got to shut down the entire theme park.

And I'm just like on this like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like hormonal emotional journey. And I'm like a doc. And then when she says like, sweetheart, this isn't about you right now. And then I'm thinking, that's, that's like, that's kind of like my trigger. I'm like, all right. Yeah, I know it's not about me. I'm trying to.

But we've learned that those are not the right words for me to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've learned that. Yeah. Lots of couples therapy. Not too much. Just the right amount. Yeah, just the right.

I think good check-ins. But it's obviously been very helpful for us just because, again, it's like learning how to communicate and navigate those situations and, you know, what could be rising in your mind. You like keep on talking about, like, the ways that you're like listening. and like face to face and like talking and like that type of communication but i do honestly feel like a lot of the times where i felt like most supported by you and even now is truly like when you like i don't know you like squeeze my ass while i'm doing the dinner doing the dishes or you like come up and you give me a hug or you like hold my hand while we're like driving to the fertility

clinic so it's just like these little things where it's like i know my partner is with me and they don't even have to be like words or like anything profound it's just like those are those little things matter too so if you, if you're like a dad or husband, you're like, I'm not sure what to do. It's like maybe just start there. Yeah. I don't know. Like it's really just about making her feel seen and heard and understood.

Yeah. You ultimately have to know that times are going to be rocky. It's going to be hard. And you're just going to have to, there's no way to prepare for it other than like planning to know that, you know, shit like this is going to happen. And I don't know, like removing yourself and getting out of your own head and trying to zoom out. Enter the tunnel of chaos. Yeah, enter the tunnel of chaos.

When Mitch says that, it's like trying to have like effective communication with the right tone, right time, right place. Not in the moment because obviously that's when things can kind of go off the rails because everybody's at their peak or whatever's going on. And again, that is still going to happen. Yeah, it's weird. It's all about just trying to get back to and being getting reconnected because again, you're both on the same team. You both want the same thing. Yeah, it was a lot more like emotional needs for sure for sure but then like once we found out we did get pregnant that was like an emotional moment that was exciting yeah talk about paint the picture when you finally get the call well yeah I mean this is what so I remember being so committed I was like okay once I do my transfer there's essentially the two week weight which is like if you're trying if you're trying to conceive you know that like you essentially your egg comes down you're like ovulating the sperm connects so that's like been manufactured with the IVF process.

So then you wait. You wait to see if the egg implants and then your body starts producing, what's the chemical that your body produces? You have no idea. Then I just looked at me. I looked at, can you Google like pregnancy test hormone or chemical or something? So that's what pregnancy tests will pick up.

Is it one that starts with a pee? No, you're pregnant. I forgot. I should have my research. Yeah. So you're essentially waiting. And I will say the day after my transfer, I went and got acupuncture. And I'm not like an acupuncture person.

Again, I hate pain. Acupuncture is too painful for me. Is it? HCG? HCG. That's it. Human? Oh, geez.

Human. You got it, buddy. Corionic gondotropin. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, so you're waiting for the HCG to show up in your blood or in your body. And that's what the pregnancy test will detect. So if you're pregnant, it starts producing like small amounts. And like the farther long you get, the more it produces.

So you take a pregnancy test early on, it might not show up, but by day 14, day 10, it might show up because by that time your body has produced enough HCG for it to be detectable by a pregnancy test. And I just remember being like, I'm not going to take any pregnancy test. I'm just going to wait for the blood test of fertility clinic. I'm not going to go down any rabbit holes. I'm just going to chill. I'm just going to wait. And I did not do that at all. I don't even know if I told you this.

But I literally, I'm not a Reddit person, but I learned about Reddit. And I was on the Infertility Reddit threads. Every night and day, like all the time. So like it was, and then I started taking pregnancy tests. I think I started taking pregnancy tests like a day five. I couldn't wait. I just couldn't do it. It was really, it was probably unhealthy.

I like had this like obsession or like, am I pregnant or not? Because I remember the first one I took no line. And then I think the second one I took super faint line. Third one, it's like the line kept getting a little bit darker and a little bit darker. So it like was giving me hope. But you still don't actually know for sure until you like go and do the blood test. And then, of course, they want your levels to, like, double by, like, five days later or whatever. So you're not, like, out of the clear, even if you get a positive pregnancy test.

But I just, I was, like, so, I couldn't really think about anything else other than, like, am I pregnant? And that goes on for, like, 10 to 14 days. So that was really unhealthy. Don't recommend it. I'm sure if you're going through it, you might end up doing that as well. But Reddit's a crazy place. There's lots of stories on there that can be really hopeful. I think a lot of them are hopeful, but then a lot of them are really not helpful.

All anyway, so got the call, officially got the blood tests. They called me and said, Charo, you're pregnant. And I broke down in tears. That was a really exciting moment. And then at that point, I'm like, okay, still nervous, still nervous. And I think I just know a lot of people who've had miscarriages or, like, things have happened, like, not even first trimester, second trimester of miscarriages, like, things that are, like, really hard.

You're, like, you know, really set on having this baby. And we got some more embryos that we sent off for 10. testing. So we're like, okay, we're going to transfer this one and then we'll send away the other ones to test to keep them for later. Just in case we want more kids. And we got those tests back. It was maybe like, I don't know, six to seven weeks into the pregnancy. And both that we said, or not both, the eggs that we had sent, the embryos, they were all at chromosomely abnormal. Yeah. So this is when we were in the middle of the spring tour, because I remember we just got done with the... Of course, you're out of town again. Yeah, Florida State. And, and, and, and,

And I called well and I was like told you that they were both abnormal. So in my mind, I'm like, if those are abnormal, there's absolutely no way that this one that implanted is also isn't abnormal. So I like am freaking about out miscarriage like every day. And there's like this, this is like trigger warning. Like if anyone listening. But it's like there's miscarriages where you don't even know that your body miscarries and you just like go in.

There's no heartbeat. So there's like all these different things that can happen. So I was just terrified of having a miscarriage. the whole first trimester because I'm like, surely this one that implanted is also abnormal and we're going to lose it. And I don't think I've ever been so anxious in my life. Like just thinking back to that time, I'm like, my skin is like tingling and I'm just like having like a full body like reaction. Because we didn't wait how long to know. Well, you're never really, I mean, the percentage of miscarriage goes down like with every day of pregnancy. But I would like be on

that like that website to give you the stats like you have 3.4% chance of miscarrying. You have 3.2% chance of miscarrying. And it was just like, again, super unhealthy. But I was the high, like, again, most anxious I've ever been my whole life. Yeah. So I ended up going to fertility clinic like pretty much once a week to get an ultrasound just to check that the baby was still there and heart was beating, which was like not a healthy place to be in either. So the emotional roller coaster continued after, even after I got pregnant, which I like, I feel like I remember telling you about this, but like you didn't feel these feelings. Did you? I don't. know with abnormal chromosome yeah with like the abnormal embryos that we got tested yeah i mean you're just

personally it's like i'm just stressed like hoping everything goes smooth i think you're somebody who um you're very sensitive and hyper aware to all the things that can kind of go on and how hard it is to get pregnant stay pregnant be pregnant all that stuff with all your friends and stories that we've heard and again you're very like uh you're very in tune with that and very sensitive about it to where hey will don't talk about this don't don't say too much now blah blah blah blah and So I think for me, it's like, I'm just hoping for the best because, again, I'm not going through all this stuff. Like, I'm not on the Reddit. So I'm not clean to podcast to do all that stuff.

I'm just thinking like, you know, how can I, I guess help? How can I support? Like, what do you need out of me? And some things, it's like you feel like you can't help with certain situations outside of just like listening to you. You like try to have the conversations and talk and it's like, you know, there's, there's, you do. you feel like, you feel helpless. Like you can't, I don't know, you can't like. I did, I felt really helpless.

Yeah. And it's like there's really nothing that I would feel at times there's just like nothing that I can do other than try and stay optimistic. So I think for me, it was like my stress was more of like feeling yours and like wanting to wear yours and trying to be like a solid foundation or be optimistic and all these, you know, if it hits this day, it goes down to this percentage. Like you hear about the abnormal chromosomes. It's like, well, maybe ours is.

maybe ours stuck. Like maybe ours didn't have an abnormal chromosome. Like you're just trying to talk more optimistically than like live in the, live in the fear of what could could happen. Yeah, which is like a much more healthy place to be. Right. But you still get off the phone and it's just like, man, I hope this goes,

I hope this goes smooth because again, it's like I would come across dads or I would come across friends that maybe their wife was pregnant. And then you learn that they're going through IVF2. And that's where it was kind of like, oh, snap, like you're going through this process too. And you feel like it's something that's not. necessarily talked about. But then when I would come across friends who were currently going through it,

you're kind of like vibing with them over the storytelling. And again, you just become more sensitive and aware that some people are on like different cycles. They've tried X amount of times. Like out of buddy, it's like, hey, this is our eighth time trying. I had another buddy. It's like, they went through five. And you go through all of these things to where, you know, you're more of just like, you're more just connecting with somebody over the process. And then you realize, okay, we're in our first one. And we have a lot of fears that. going on with us right now, but it could be way worse. So then you're, again, it's like, you know, again, you're thinking to yourself like, oh, this could be way worse in our situation. We're going

through for the first time. I'm still going to be hopeful. And if it does go well, you're just like, we're very lucky that it goes well the first time because Scotty was, we were able to have Scottie the first time around on IVF. And again, you're aware that there's so many other stories that go on to where they're way worse than your situation. So when you're like feeling down or you're feeling stressed out and you're kind of talking to, talking to one of your boys about them going to the process and you're learning about theirs and it's like you know your heart you're just like you're just like you start to root for them hoping that you know we stay on track with our thing so yeah it's just a lot of different a lot of different emotions a lot of different feelings a lot of different stresses and um

in so much uncertainty yeah so much uncertainty that you just try and work through in the moment yeah yeah yeah it is and it's life because again it's like we were lucky enough to um now looking back we understand how lucky we are that we were able to you were able to conceive um our second child with scotty yeah and then yeah obviously she's healthy and she's here yeah then we get the delivery day right so the after again we we we briefed on the the first pregnancy with what happened with rue so we kind of which was weird to kind of schedule out scotty's birthday i know you always had a problem with which day should she come on i'm just like well as long as it's not as long as it's not on Monday or Or the weekend.

You didn't want her to come on the weekend because football. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, if we can plan this out. And I was like, Rub was born on a Sunday. Maybe we should have Scotty put on Sunday. And you're like, no, no. Football. You get the pod the next day.

Then we kind of, you kind of schedule out to C-section. Because again, it's like, well, let's not change it. Well, yeah. I mean, she gave me the opportunity to V-back. V-back is vaginal birth after Caesarean. So it's like, but I'm like, do I really want that? I don't know. why open both doors right so we schedule the C-section and I like I'm still not like super

pumped about that decision but it happened and it's over so it's like you know part of my story with that situation you kind of just going like it's a doctor's yeah it was crazy it was like kind of clinical yeah and then I do remember that intern was trying to like watch in and they asked my permission to see if like she could just like not an intern but yeah yeah yeah yeah PA Yeah. She was trying to just like watch and learn and they asked my permission and I said no. And I was like, why'd you say no? And I'm like, this is my birth. I get to choose who's going to be there. And you very much did not like understand that. You're kind of like mad. I mean I, no, no, no, no. I didn't like get mad. I did get like, trust me, I feel you. But they're like trying to like learn on the job and all they're doing is like sitting in to observe. But you're right. It is your birth. I know. Like. Every time I get on the OR I just like basically like start crying because I like am just so overcome with like it's like fear Anyway like something could go wrong like now I have a daughter like I'm sitting on this operating table anything can happen And this is like I don't know it's like birth is scary like people like birth is insane

It can be really dangerous so regardless I would feel like I was not very much in control of roosbirth It like lasted forever nothing what his plan so I'm like okay I'm gonna at least control who's in this room with us. Yeah, yeah. Which I felt like, you know, if they ask you, then you can say no. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know, sometimes. I almost felt like I should have said yes.

Like I felt a little bit like, oh, I should just let her. But I didn't. I was like, no, I don't want you here. And you're like, you're like, giving me shit for it. But I'm like, I made the right choice. It's cool. But yeah, pretty clinical. I'm sorry to all the PA's out there trying to learn.

I just felt bad for the PA. Like, they're standing there. And Charles, like, no. I know she's like just literally standing right there. Like, could you at least ask her when she's like outside of the room? Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, she was born. No, Nick you.

Yeah, no Nick you. We got to like hang out with her afterwards. It was like, so calm. It was just like, yeah. I only had, no, they did have to do my IV more than once. With Rue, I had six IV pokes. It was awful. I hate IVs.

Yeah. And then with Scotty was only two. Right? Yeah. Just something like that. Just little wins. Yeah. But then I had all these like I had some complications afterwards where I was in crazy pain with Rue.

Yeah, you had the, the nurse stuff going on. It was like in my shoulder. Dude, it's like we talk forever and ever about birth stories. Shout out women. Shout out mothers. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to the heads too.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Shout out the moms. Yeah, this is a Mother's Day podcast. Yeah, for sure. Shout out the mouse.

I'm a selfish asshole. because when the nerve stuff was going on that's when that clip was going viral about me talking about my stats yeah what I learned about myself there was the gas pain and then there was the nerve pain yeah the gas pain was crazy because it's like in my shoulder and like in my rib

it was wild it was crazy like hitting the button I'm like yelling for I'm like hey hey something's happening I remember you coming into the shop you like Charles just doubled over in pain right now and I have no idea what to do Yeah. What?

Yeah, I got to lean on my boys in times of crisis. Yeah, man, you need your support network too. Yeah. Yeah. What do we hit on? Let me see here. We talked about the impact on the relationship, how we feel IV affected the communication, intimacy, and stress.

I love your outline, babe. Here's one. Oh, okay. What do you feel like, what do we feel like we learned about each other in the process. I really, I understand how and why infertility can tear couples apart. I do. It's like, it's such as like pressure filled, like, it's just so much pressure, right? Like, we like, you want so badly to expand your family or to have your, whatever it is. And you're like both feel like accountable. And there's also like easy ways to make, you have to make it feel like

about blame. So like there's not the right communication or if you're not on the, same page to begin with and you don't have this like strong foundation which i i think we have um i feel like it's so easy for this to truly tear people apart or like maybe this is like the only thing we have in common and we realize we have nothing in common anymore all we want is a baby and we can't it's like we're having a such a hard time getting one and i don't know um so like i get why it's so hard on couples. And I'm very, like, thankful that we were able to, like, figure it out somehow. Like, I don't think we have any, like, magic answers, but, like, we navigated it. Yeah, there's not, like, awareness. There's not a formula. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like, like, looking back on that process, like, I know you were in it and you were stressing out a lot and you were going through it because you were very, you know, you had a lot of pressure on yourself because when you have to go to the alternatives for fertility, you're like, you're like frustrated and and you feel guilty that your your body's not working the way that it should naturally. So that's like a pressure. But it's like watching you go through it all like you just, I don't know. I admire it. I admire like how you handled a lot of the stuff.

And again, there were tough times. There were hard times. But again, like I know you're somebody who like as a working woman, you take your career and everything that you do very seriously. So seeing you have to pivot like in those hard times like when you had to cancel stuff. or we didn't get to do things. I know that that stuff was really hard on you. But just like watching it from afar, I feel like you did a really good job handling it.

And even when there was pressure on us at times, I feel like we always did a good job of finding our way back to communicating well because you would do a great job of calling out. It's like, you know, I might have my own stuff going on to where I think to myself I could handle that differently. But I also feel like you were very aware of when your like emotions are getting the best of you. Or you can point the figure out to hormones

and you just, you were able to come back and like the communication aspect I thought was, I thought you handled it well. I thought you were a stud throughout the entire journey because there were a lot of hard times, a lot of hard moments. Yeah, I do remember very specifically though

when the nurse was like, hey, if you want to go in this work trip, then we can just push another month. Like we can just start next month. They just make it so nonchalant. They're like, oh, we'll just start next month. And in my mind, I'm like, that's the last thing I want.

But she did give me a choice. She's like if you want to go on this work trip and it's important to you then go on it and we'll just do it when you get back So I remember I came home and I was like oh, I'm really torn on what to do because like I really value my career I feel like I've been working on this like one thing for a while and I was pumped to do it And I remember like going for a walk and I listen to a podcast and I And then I took root of the playground and I kind of like digested the podcast and I like really sat with it. I'm like do I want to go on this work trip or do I want to prioritize doing IVF sooner.

And I landed on prioritizing IVF sooner. And I think that was like a hard like moment for me where it's like I had to, I truly had to sit with myself and make a choice. Like what is most important to me in this exact moment in time? Because it felt like it's like a tradeoff, right? Like you couldn't, I couldn't have both things. So kind of like what you're saying, like thank you for like maybe noticing that like in saying you admire it.

but like you, I feel like as a woman, I really had to like choose. And it's unfair, but it's just how it is. So it's getting clear on my priorities. I think it was hard to be honest with myself. Like if I'm choosing this, does that mean I value career any less? Does this mean I love my job any less? And I don't think I do. But in that moment, that was like what was needed for me.

So it's, and I just had to like sit with myself for a second and like understand. There's so many factors happening right now. I don't know what's going to happen, but you, thanks. Because it just, I don't know, like, you, I feel like you were like kind of like recognizing that, that it was really hard. I don't know I was going like that, but it was tough. Yeah. And you also did a good job too.

Like, again, I talk about like the guilt of like doing all the stuff that we get to do, like travel and you do all these things to where like, man, should I opt out of doing this? Because I should be home and I should be doing, you know, these things. in some options, it's like when it came to it, it's like, hey, what's more important? It'd be like, I was staying home at this point. But I just feel like with the stuff that we get to do, you're always very like, you're always as level-headed as you can be and as grace as you could be about a tour. You never put me in a spot to where I'm like choosing between two things or you never put me

a spot to where I should feel guilty for going to do this. Because I feel like that could be, again, easy to do. Like, it's unfair. I recognize that it's not going to be just between the two of us. and I can like resent that and like take it out on you or I could like try to really like dig deep. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But I was just impressed with we were strong. We got this. We did it. What do you wish someone had told you at the start before IVF?

It's funny because I actually looked back to, I reached out to this girl I know. I'm not going to say her name, but she's in Oregon and she had gone through IVF and I knew that she had gone through it. And I reached out to her before I started the process and it was just like anything you can give me. And one of the first things she told me was like essentially whatever timeline you have in your head, let go of it. And easier said than done clearly because in my mind I still had a timeline. But I can like looking back now, I can like see why that is like the most helpful advice. It's like yes, you want to be pregnant yesterday. And okay, you're taking this step in the right direction or in this like direction where there's something.

some type of semblance of control and like education and hope, it's gonna, it's not over, right? So like, let go with a timeline in your brain and that'll just kind of like make everything feel a little bit less pressure cooker. Which I did try to do actively in the moment. Didn't always work, but that's what I would say to anyone. And that's what I would, not that I wish someone said to me

because they did. It was helpful. I need a quick break to go to the bathroom. Before we get into the parenting things, say one more thing? Yes, please, before we get into the parenting, fun questions. You didn't ask me this, but I feel like if I were to like try to give advice to someone who's like in this right now, not again, not that I know all the answers, only speaking

from my experience, just like celebrate the small, the little victories, like the little wins. Like Ivy F is a long process. And I just remember having there, there were two people, two girlfriends I reached out to, like two like people outside of your partner who you can like celebrate the little things with who like know what you're going through and you can support you in like really tiny ways but I remember after we got a retriever results and we got X number of eggs I message this person I'm like hey we got this number of eggs little win and then she would celebrate with me and then when we found out how many embers we got I like sent her that number so just like these little things

they're not actually you having a baby but they are like little steps along the the way to acknowledge, like to find like the light and the hope in the process that I feel like that was such a like helpful. Those were like little moments that I like look back on. I'm like, wow, that was a, I'm so happy I celebrated that in that moment. Because again, it can potentially be really long and it can be really hard. So taking the little wins along the way. Yeah, it's like just figuring out how to externally communicate stuff. Yeah. And then with your partner just like totally communicate yeah if you keep it all inside it's like yeah it's it's useless yeah you just it sits inside and you stir on and everything else um I love that shall we get into the

mother's day I say I have fun parenting questions of spotlight Mother's Day but they are still just about you I'll read a I'll read a few and then our boy Mitch in the back he can take over how has being a mom changed you it's so funny i feel i try to like think about the answers to these on the way here and maybe i should ask you how to change me babe uh great question sweetheart um i think similarly and we've touched on it we're very much people who like to be in control and when you have little ones like that's you ultimately have to let that go like you can structure you can do all the things where you want them to you want to raise them to be great human beings and um but sometimes a lot of moments just call for like feeling in those moments and just

being present in those moments i feel like you're somebody who's very intentional as a mother and um maybe you know it maybe you don't know it but you challenge me to be a better dad like when you you know you'll like lose your phone all the time like you've become somebody who will like set your phone down because you want to intentionally be present with the kids like when you're playing with Rue or you want to take Rue. Like yesterday, you knew Rue that Rue was struggling when you left, when you left to go to work yesterday. And so when I was on my way home, you're like, hey, how far out are you?

I kind of want to take Rue to the park and get in some quality time because she had, you know, she had a little moment this morning. It seems like she's missing mom a little bit. But you are somebody who you love to control and have timelines and be very tidy. It doesn't. Very tidy, which I love and appreciate about you, even though sometimes it drives me nuts. So knowing that there are a lot of elements that you can't control. And just being patient, I think you do a really good job being patient when Rue is getting pissed off.

And she's like hyperventilating and you just sit there and hug her and you're just there for where I can get like frustrated. And you'll just tell me like, hey, she just doesn't know how to control her big emotion. She just she almost just need you to sit with her and not like say anything or do anything You had some like being patient the short term or whatever you said like last week where you're talking about Rue having a big moment or you doing I forget what it was but You being like you You wanting to do a better job of being patient with her in like moments where she's not as Frustrated or mad versus like you felt like you you you got a good grip on when she's like really struggling or really having like a big emotion and like sitting with

her. Mm. Like the distinction? Yeah. Yeah. You're talking about like working on the one that's like a more in the shorter term where you get a little impatient where we everybody kind of gets a little impatient. Yeah. I mean, I definitely get impatient with her sometimes.

But I would say that's how I've seen you kind of changed since motherhood is like, you know, letting go. You're much more fluid. You're, um, you know, it's like I know we read the book, which I'd highly recommend to to parents if you're looking into any type of sleep training, but 12 weeks and 12 hours. I forget who it's by, but it's a phenomenal. It's a great book, but it's like introducing your kids into your world versus you changing everything around our world to kind of fit the need of the child.

Like you're somebody, whether it's, hey, we're at the farmer's market or we're going to go here and it's during a nap time. They can just nap on you and you'll just be out there ripping around, whether they needed a nap, and it's like you kind of just bring them with you versus like, I'm going to keep myself home because they need to be on this structure, this timeline throughout the day at all times. You'll just like, we'll take them with us. You'll take them with you if it's just you doing something. So yeah, I would say that's how I've seen you change since becoming a mom is more of just

your fluidity and your patience. And you didn't answer the question. I kind of answered it. But honestly, yes, the thing I would say most is like kind of like being okay with not being in control. and not necessarily okay I don't know if that'll ever change about me like fundamentally I like to have things

structured as much as I can and like control be in control but I'm just not in control when you have children you're just not in control because they're their own little person and they are going through all these things developmentally

so thank you because that's something I feel it can be of strength and also weakness and I've let it go a little which is good what is the biggest mom L that you've taken? Yeah, I mean, I was thinking about this, it's like,

clearly there's so many things that happen that, and I'm thinking more with like Rue, because we've had her for longer, like we've known her for longer. And Scotty is like relatively new to the fam. But I don't necessarily think about L's like things that she's doing. Like if she's having a tantrum or she's having a hard time or she is yelling at me or whatever it is.

like those are those are not ls for me those are just like those are like challenges for me right like i can figure out a way to meet her at meet her where she is and adapt improvise overcome like if there's poop all over me i don't know um those are things that like happen to me that are not else so i would say like elves personally would be when i lose my cool so i do remember there was do not recommend this but i actually listened to this podcast recently about um like picky eaters because you know, we're a big eater. But, I mean, generally. Yeah.

Anyway, you were not home. You were, like, traveling somewhere because that's, like, a common theme in this conversation. I was sitting there. She was probably, like, I don't know, 16, 18 months. And I was trying her to get her to eat this, like, chicken. I was trying to get her to eat the meal that I made her. And it was just the two of us were sitting there at home.

And she probably had, like, none of it. And I knew it was a good food she liked. And I were getting so frustrated with her that I, like, eventually would, like, shoved the food down her mouth and she started choking and like vomited everywhere. I told you about this. I don't know if you did. I did. Yeah, I did.

And I was like, that was the wrong decision. That was the wrong call. That was on me. And she's like in tears. Like she's so upset. And I'm like just like trying to be like, it's almost like out of spite and like pride and like eat this food that I made for you. Don't recommend.

That was like a clear moment. I'm like, that was on me. And then of course, I haven't done that again. but it's like your kid knows listen to them yeah i tell you what it is like negotiating with a little terrorist when she's eating dinner sometimes and but sometimes it's so it's like roses and sunshine she'll knock it all down clean plate club we always talk about joining the clean play club to make it like a you know you're trying to get in this tribe yeah but we don't necessarily want to be competitive yeah but yeah i mean it's like when i lose my patience we do want to be competitive

Yeah, for sure. We're competitive, both of us. And I walk away, I walk away feeling like I had an L if I, like, lost my patience, if I ever yelled at her. And that's, and then I'll walk away, I'm like, I'm a bad mom. And that those are like opportunities to apologize, I think. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, apologizing is a big one. I've started to do that. You have, I've noticed. It's, like, I think it's pretty powerful, honestly. Yeah. I hope so. I'm not being, I'm not joking. I'm being serious.

Like, that's empowering. powerful shit right there. You said, I'm sorry. Wow. I admit, you got you want to run through some? Yeah. What is, we do this with players about their coaches. What is your guys' biggest pet peeve about each other? Go ahead. It's, it is Mother's Day. It is Mother's Day weekend so you can go first. Pet peeve that we've learned to live with or just pet peeve in general. We can do one that you've learned to live with. We like, this is not going to change, but one, it's like, bro, pick it up. I think my biggest pet peeve with Will is how frequently you lose things.

That's our pet peeve. That reaction, Mitch. I'm not alone. You lose your wallet. We have to give you your wallet. And he's not like sometimes I do think he's like trying. Like he's trying. Sometimes he's trying his best.

But there are other times when you're not trying your best. Okay. That was the that was the learning. to live with? No, that was, yeah. The one I've learned to live with is like lights on. Lights on. You just leave the lights on everywhere.

Go listen to Ney Bargazzi's recent stand-up. Hey, those three cents of energy matter. And I care about our earth. Yeah. Oh, did you turn the light? Did you turn those lights off? Again, it Ney-Bargazzi crushes this big. I did laugh.

But I'm like thinking the same thing. It's like, dude, we can't even see what's going on outside, out there in the living room. We're like, maybe I left the pantry light on, but what's it matter? We're laying in bed right now. Just go to sleep. I can see the light from our bedroom. Yeah, but it's like so minimal. I can feel it on.

It's so minimal to where Charles will have to get up out of the bed and go. It's like, it's like kind of like fundamentally, it's wasteful. Whatever. Or that. Like it takes like negative. seconds. But if you're walking out, that's just something you do. I didn't know Mitch is going to be on my team.

I'm sorry. No, because that's a pet peeve I have of my roommates is they leave their lights on everywhere too. But throughout the day, to me, that doesn't matter. You're going to go back in the room at some point. It's like, so what if the lights on? That point fair. And that's not how you live your life.

You live the light on and then you leave the house. Or you leave the light on and then it's night time. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, that's not always a fair argument. Well, if I leave the house, I'm going to come back to the house. I want lights. on in case you know people see there's lights on that house. That's your biggest up you about me.

Man, where do I start? I don't know how to put it into one particular thing, but it's your like, uh, what? I just feel like I know what you're going to say. What am I going to say? Embracing myself for impact. Go ahead and say it. No, no, no, you go. I was just going to say like, like how things have to be.

a certain way. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm laughing because you just were complimenting the fact that I had gotten more fluid as a parent. Yeah. It just feels like

you can get like impatient and stressed over the smallest things. And you don't, here's a thing though, Mitch. You don't know it's a big thing until the big thing just happens. Like you think you're like, hey, you know, we're in a good little rhythm here. I'm kind of crushing it.

I've developed. Baltimore as a husband and a dad. And you know, you're like challenging yourself to be better in certain areas. And you think it's going well and then something happens. And then all of a sudden it's not going well. And then they make you feel like you've made no progress whatsoever. I'm right here. Sorry.

So it's like, you know, whatever that is. That seems like more than a pet peeve, but it's cool. We've talked about therapy. We have. Yeah. We've talked about how to communicate with each other. And we've learned that you are an athlete and what you require is positive affirmation. More positive affirmation than negative, potentially perceived negative.

Yeah, bro. And when Doc was breaking it down and talking about any athlete she's worked with, sorry if you guys heard that in the background, any athlete she's worked with, like they need more positive affirmation. Like you're doing this well. Yeah. Keep it up.

Than anything. Because we've lived our life of such, like a performance base. Like we need our coaches to be proud. We need our coaches to kind of, you know, tell us we're doing a good job. Because when you get negative comments, it just feeds this psyche in you because you feel like whether it's good, you're going to be cut, whether you're not doing good enough. You want to do all these things to where it's like you need these positive words of affirmation

a lot more than anything else. When she broke it down, it's like there's like, damn. And both of us were just like. Yeah. And I'm thinking, yeah, because when I want her to like land stuff with me, it's like through a joke or through something else. versus like a moment happening and it's like, hey, what are you going to do with this mail? It's like, can we not watch this show right now

or can I not just get to it tomorrow? Like, set it right there in the pile. She's like, this pile builds up over time. All these boxes you have. It's like Christmas here every day. When are you going to take the, when are you going to open these boxes? Oh, yeah, I need to get to those. Feel me?

Yeah, I'm doing my best to not respond. I'm going to not respond. I'm just going to take it. No. I say it out loud and I hear myself say it. get it but it's like that what we're gonna do this right now on a Sunday night we're trying to watch a show right now like severance is on like can you just relax and calm down like you know that um what's another pet beef oh we're doing multiple cool I was gonna ask the next

question go ahead yeah let's just we'll get out of that one you can ask the next question what is the dumbest argument you guys have gotten into whether it's when you first started dating early in a marriage when you first moved in together dumbest argument what are you thinking of Our honeymoon. Yeah. Will and I got on one fight on our honeymoon. One fight on our honeymoon. And it was so dumb.

It was so dumb. But also not. Will say it wasn't dumb. I'll say it was dumb. Okay. It's over coffee. Clearly I love ice lattes. I honestly, I'm going to take some credit.

I got you on lattes back in the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Victory lattes. Yes. Anyway. Go on. I have my latte every morning. morning with simple syrup in it, which is sugar. Simple syrup is sugar and water. And Will doesn't

like that. Will does not like that I start my day with sugar. So we got into a fight on our honeymoon. You said dumbest argument. I get dumb argument. dumb argument. We just finished our bore bore. We were in California, like wine country. And we're like pulling into this coffee shop and I was driving. And we just got in our lattes and I had sugar in my lot. And I had sugar in my And I think I maybe had to go back and get a little more. Yeah, she needs him like a very certain way. I don't like it like artificially sweet, but I like it like sweet enough so that like it just like tastes nice. Like I'm like, oh, this is my latte.

It's like my, my, my, what I look forward to in the morning. And I think he was like pissed that I like went back and got more sugar. And he let me let me know. We got in the car and we started, he would have gotten a fight. We like got in like a heated debate where we're like, we're not talking to each other for like maybe like six hours. Yeah, like went on a walk. I had to go on a walk. I also went on a walk with the cow

Yeah, yeah, out in California. Yeah, and I almost like wrecked the car because we were like fighting so like kind of heatedly. Yeah. It's like one of those things, Mitch, like. I can't wait to hear him explain this. I'll try and make sense of this. He wants me to take care of myself.

He wants me to live a long healthy life, right? Yes. But also it's like say you got your partner or one of your boys and, you know, you see that the habits that they have. Charles, like, her day starts with a simple syrup ice latte or with a bagel, like bread, like something like that. My turn is up. And you know, like, they've made comments about, like, you know, they're in the health. You know, they're in all these things. And so you try and drop hints of, hey, you start your day with sugar. There's a lot of, like negative, you know, negative things that kind of can like domino effect with like your blood

glucose. I'm not going to get in all the Huberman. All the Huberman stuff, the data that backs all of this. But so it's like then you might have a common ground conversation that's like, oh yeah, maybe I'll start tapering off. And then it gets to where they're going back up for more sugar. And you're just like, hey, when are you going to start tapering down the sugar? Or get it to where, hey, you know if you just go a little a bit at a time next thing you know you're drinking black coffee that's kind of how we all start I was a sugary guy you know I make a I make a coffee pour a creamer in it a couple sweet and lows a couple sugar packets sweet and low is not okay I agree and got that out of my life got that on my system it was a

journey but I got there so you're like wanting the same thing for them because you know they're conscious about like they're wanting to be healthy and all these things it's like maybe we start from the first hour of our day and so that's kind of you know I'm I probably made an offhand comment and it just, it's steamrolled from there. But that's where it was coming from for myself. It wasn't like, you know, hey, why are you drinking sugar and coffee like this thing, however doing marriage.

Like you're going to change this shit right now. It was more of like I know she's made comments before about stuff. And it's like, hey, this is a simple thing that you could start to work on, cut out, whatever it is. Again, mistake. Went about it the wrong way. Would you say that we live relatively healthy lives? Sure. I guess it depends on your expectation of healthy.

Okay. So that's a no for me. Yeah, like for me, like I would say, I guess overall, like, you know, relatively speaking, I would say, yeah, I live a healthier life. But I fall short of like what my, I want my expectation to be for myself. So I'll get in like a bad mood. But sure, yeah. Yeah. Are we getting in another favorite now? No, no, no. I'm just trying to explain my side because I know the audience is out there. Listen, like, damn, what was at her throat over a couple of a coffee. I still have the same latte every morning. Yeah, she does.

And it is tasty. It's a tasty little treat. Next question. Will, this one's not on your sheet, but Will talks to us as like communicating and being better at communication. How has Will gotten better at communication since you guys have been married from when the time you first started dating to now, like we first started getting to now with kids? This is a Mitch question.

Wow. This is also kind of like deeper. He's been like me and Will have had our conversations about communication and stuff. Like within a relationship or just like in general? Well work relationship, personal relationship stuff like that. So how is he because he's like teaching me. I'm like I wonder how he's gotten better himself. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean great question Mitch. Thank you. Wow. I know why you work here. Paying big bucks. Um, yeah. Overall, I think our communication has improved exponentially.

I think for me personally, my personal journey, I was not a good communicator. I never really had a lot of exposure to it. It wasn't really talked about. This kind of longer term relationship I was in, I feel like our communication was very bad. Sorry, I've been talking so much. You just talk all day like this and your voice just goes. And I remember a close friend of mine kind of just, for me, she was in this really great relationship. She's not married to him is Susan.

Shout out Susan. And she kind of like emphasized the importance of the communication. I was like, oh, cool. Like, what's that about? Let me give that a shot. So I think when you and I first started dating, it was kind of like when I was like, this is important to me. I see that this healthy relationship is modeled by communication.

So I'm going to try and emulate that, whatever that means, however uncomfortable it is. Let's do this. And you are not really a good community. I don't think you're a good communicator. Like I would say overall, you were not one. You probably had a similar story. Like, you guys, like your upbringing, not, no fault to any. but it's like we just didn't have that exposure overall.

Yeah, you just don't know how to, just don't know how to communicate. Yeah, especially like kind of like talking about feelings. Yeah. And talking about like what's going on inside of you and like how certain things or words like how you're responding to them internally. Like just vocalizing what's happening. So I think I kind of like had to like pull that out of you a little bit,

especially in the beginning when we were not like official for a while. That was tough. And then even just like dating. it was like a practice. It was just like, all right, that didn't work. We'll try it again, you know. And not sure like how it stuck, but overall, I think right now, like now we look at us currently with two kids married for four years.

Shout out anniversary. I would say like our, we're like overall, we communicate well with each other. Like there's times where we'll mess up and things won't land or we like let our emotions get the best of us, but we have, like, a lot of awareness about it. And we just, like, recognize it as being important. So we can always kind of, like, fall back on it. Yeah. Yeah, you're answering Mitch's question.

So great job, Will. Yeah. Great job. Great job. Positive affirmation. You're doing great. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, I feel like for a lot for most men, it's like learning how to communicate. I do think it's like a- and like there's a vulnerability. Yeah. Aspect. Yeah, you feel like if you're being vulnerable when you talk about your emotions, you're, like, weak. you see it as like weakness and we do such a job like we try and navigate how to internalize it

and then how to kind of harness it whether it's motivation or doing something different you just try and it's like you're trying to solve these problems on your own because you don't you don't want to like you don't want to be the external and verbal about how you're feeling because again it's it's it almost like you know as a man you feel it as like a sign of weakness yeah or like leverage or like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i just feel like over time whether it's been through therapy or through any books that i've picked up that's on like communication you just see the entire world of how to communicate and what it looks like and how to like label emotions and then go from that emotion or you know just learning about like asking asking questions asking yourself questions and how to externalize you know what's going on inside i feel like it's been like super helpful for myself um because yeah i it's like i look back and i see how that's like a uh um oh that was a weak spot of mine for sure Because again, it's you, you grow up, you play sports, you do all these things.

And it's like you're just like you're a lot of your stuff is through performance and not like, you know, taking a moment through each thing. And then how obstacle that happens to sit there and be vulnerable and talk about like how you're feeling. It's like you don't have time to think about your feelings. The only thing you have time for is to get back out there and like, you know, work harder, do better, figure it out. I mean, I think there's a place for that too. Like, yeah, it's both. Absolutely. Absolutely.

It's like just growing up in that like model and always wanting to be. be, you know, like go after football and just being at being an athlete. It's like it just kind of like calluses you. Mm-hmm. Or you think it does until it's like, oh yeah, if you were to say something like, yeah, yeah, I might like, someone might think less of me. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like on training. Yeah. Next question. It might be my last one. I don't know. Kind of up to you guys. We've been going for an hour 40. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What is something that Rood does now that makes you excited both of you for who she will become and like kind of going off of that what's something down the road that you're excited for both rue and scotty like when they're older or like their

next milestone like what is that i scottie's just about to be six months old so i think it's kind of hard like right now she sleeps really well knock on wood and um she's always smiling she's she's like an easier baby than what roo was but i don't really know like what her personality is that like excites me. With Rue, I, I, it's hard to, like, you know, be like, oh, I got high hopes or I have these expectations, but just like, I don't know, man, she's very independent. She's got a little sass to her. She's like, her spirit is awesome. She loves to play. It seems like she's going to, like, be into sports. I don't know if it's ballet. Whatever that stuff is. I'm excited about that stuff. Let's be honest. You're excited about her being an athlete. I'm excited. I'm

excited about her potentially being an athlete. So I don't want to like put that expectation on her, but I am excited about it. I do think she has it in her and I do think it excites her when she does stuff outside. She's very, she's very good with Scotty and like ruse of her emotions and she's vocal. I feel like she knows how to talk through things. She like, you know, loves to teach. Like when she learns something in ballet or whatever she learns, she seems like love to be a teacher, which is something you're going to have to like also real in,

but I feel like she could be like a leader of some sort one day. You just hope that she's going to be, you know, a confident woman, somebody who's somebody who feels confident in any room they walk into, somebody who wants to bring value in any room they walk into. And I feel like she has some of those, some of those intangible qualities. And again, I'm her dad, so I am biased, but I do feel like, I don't know, I'm excited to like watch her grow up

and just to like be her dad because I feel like she's very receptive. to talking with us and communicating and thinking. Like she's somebody who's very aware and observant and asks a lot of questions. And she can recite these bedtime stories. She can recite these books. Her memory is insane.

You know I'm not her dad and I sound biased. She's like no songs after listening like two or three times. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same with the books. Yeah, it's like I'm just, I'm excited to see. I'm excited to see all those things. But she's such a performer.

She like loves an audience and she loves to like perform. Yeah. Which, I mean, where did she get that from? Both of us. I guess more you, yeah. She loves when we do the tunnel and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, when you guys do the tunnel, she's having everybody do things.

Jack go outside. You know, she's. Hide and seek. Yeah, hide and seek. Yeah, so. She is a little performer, though. She does love it. Which is cool.

I mean, not every kid is like that. Yeah. So I think I'm excited to watch that balloon. But with Scotty and Root together, like, because, like you said, Scotty just kind of, she just truly the happiest, baby, which I hope plays into her personality overall. Like, she'll just be like chill and... Yeah, who knows. Who knows?

Who knows? But I just can't wait to see them kind of like play together and like talk to each other. And like Scotty, I think is already learning from Roe. So like the way their relationship will kind of like unfold more as Scotty like gets bigger and can do more things other than like... Play around. Right. Because you notice now like Scotty is just so fascinated by Rue and you can just tell she's super

into Rue and watches her a lot. like Rue won't notice, but I'll be sitting there watching Scottie. She's like watching Roo and smiling and Roo entertains her. So it is going to be really cool. And like those are like two separate beings that are like not us. Yeah. Like they'll have like their own relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is really crazy. It's fucking nuts. I thought of one last one. Go ahead. This is a, this is more of a question kind of for me. What made you catch what caught your eye about Will with those teeth? Great question.

Because I mean. It's a question for you. Shit. No. No, it was tough. It's like, you look back. I think all the rest of it just like evened it out. You look back and it's like, yeah, I was a ball player.

Like that was not a factor for me. I'm sure it was a little bit. Maybe like really super deep subconsciously. It's not like an intentional factor, but yeah, subconsciously it's like. Like that comes with ambition and drive and like athleticism and I don't know. What else? How excited were you when you got the new teeth? I told well.

She was telling me not to get them. I didn't tell you not to get them. I told you do what's going to make you happy. I said, I'll be happy either way. And I truly mean that. I still mean it. Yeah. It's got to feel good.

It does feel good. It does feel good. You know that. She loves the investment of the new teeth. There's no question about it. Yeah, obviously he looks great. It's like you look back at old photos and we're both kind of like, Jesus, man. I mean, yeah.

I'm like, oh my God, was that us? Was that you? Your neck is like, you. Huge. Bigger neck and. And like your haircuts a little, sometimes your haircuts are a little debatable. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And you just didn't smile. So I think what I love most about Will's new teeth is that he smiles, his real smile now. Or you used to hide your smile. And you kind of like had to, you were like almost like a little bit of ashamed of like who you were and like what you looked like. Oh, for sure. I was definitely insecure about them little chicklets. I had gone in my mouth. Yeah.

So it's like this is giving you like some confidence. Yeah. Well, sweetheart, thank you for... You believe we did this. Yeah, I know. Appreciate you for coming on. I do hope people, couples, men, women, got something out of this, whether you're going through something right now in fertility or you're thinking about it or you're just

curious on meeting my wife and getting to know us. Shout out everybody for tuning in. And again, happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day to you, sweetheart. Thanks. Yeah. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you are. subscribe to the channel, uh, drop a comment. Big hugs, tiny kisses. We love you. We appreciate you.

Hey guys. It's us. The Jonas brothers. I'm Joe. I'm Kevin. And I'm Nick. And guess what? We created our own podcast called, Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast. Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to us. We're the first people to do podcasts. We get to ask other people questions because we're sick and tired of being asked questions. Well, sick and tired is a strong way to put it. But, you know, tired and sick. Tired and sick. Listen to Hey Jonas on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

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