Busy, Yet Pretty - Friendships: Let Toxicity Go & How To Make New Friends

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Whether you're in middle school looking to make friends or in your 50s and trying to navigate friendships, you are NOT alone. In this episode your host, Jadyn Hailey shares how you can recognize toxic friends + how to drop them, and most importantly how to make NEW friends that ADD to your life! It's all about quality friends over quantity. Tune into this episode with an almond milk matcha latte as you begin your journey to navigating healthy friendships.   Current Obsessions: - taking more time for personal hobbies - early bed time!!! goodnight! - For my gals with businesses!! love shopify   Become your own dream girl with me!! : - Instagram: Jadyn's Instagram & Busy, Yet Pretty Instagram - Busy, Yet Pretty Groupchat  - Productive Day In My Life: WATCH - Tiktok: @Fairyjadyn - My Amazon Storefront: Jadyn's Storefront - Outfit Details: My Closet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the Busy Yet Pretty Podcast. I'm your host, Jaden Haley. If you are new here, we talk all about becoming the best version of yourself, how to improve your life, how to be your own dream girl, morning routines, style, everything. Honestly, a dream girl's world. So I'm really excited to talk about today's episode because I was going to actually shout out for the person who requested this, but it's not just one person. I've gotten hundreds of requests to do this episode. This is a very common topic which we all experience in our lives, which is friendships. And I feel like getting older. And I know most of you guys who are listening to this are either just graduating college or are graduating to be high school. And I have a lot of listeners who are in their 40s and 50s and also looking to make friends. It is a worldwide issue that we all have of not knowing how to make friends and how to drop toxic friends and navigating friendships. And in this episode, I primarily want to focus on toxic friendships and dropping them, getting them out of your life, and letting and just allowing that space to open to bring in new friendships that are going to serve you right, make you happy, have that reciprocation, all of that. But before getting into this episode, let's do our weekly review.

This week, I have been doing a lot more personal, fun activities aside from work. I have been just such in a slump the past few months and let me tell you, I am the happiest I've ever been in probably a good while. And I feel like it just is a good reminder that the actions that you're taking in your life will really affect how you feel. So me not taking time to go do personal activities

or workout and stuff, all that will make you feel unhappy. And I feel like my problem was I wasn't consistent in the positive things I would do for myself. so really just trying to maintain that and it's been feeling great. Another thing this week is I've just been trying to soak in the sun every day. What I love to do is go outside and just lay in the sun with sunscreen on. I know it's not good to lay out in the sun, but I am someone who is not afraid of the sun.

I think the sun is very good for you. In moderation, of course, not laying out every single day for all hours of the day. But I think it's really healthy to get out in the sun. and I just love laying out in the sun and reading a book, sipping some water or an iced tea, so divine my dream summer day. And honestly, this week I have just been trying to do all my best effort to get all in the most out of my life.

And honestly, it's working. I'm feeling great, feeling happy, also got back into YouTube, just posted a new YouTube video that I will link in the description. And I'm so grateful for all the kind of messages that I received and I'm definitely going to start doing vlogs and home decor videos, all of that very soon. So feel free to go subscribe to that. Okay, now on to the current obsessions.

My current obsession right now is beauty of Joseph's sunscreen. And let me tell you, my skin has not broken out. I have not worn sunscreen in like two years. I know I'm just saying this. Sounds awful. But I really haven't worn sunscreen for so many years because it always broke me out. but I finally found a sunscreen that is not breaking me out. And best of all, it's clean ingredients.

So very happy about that. Another current obsession right now is iced coffee and of course iced matchas. And I love a good iced matcha. I just cannot have it all the time because my kidneys. I can't believe that my favorite drink, my favorite food in the world, I know it's a drink, but my favorite thing in the world, which is macha, causes me kidney stones. Why?

I love it so much. Out of all things in the world, why can't like McDonald's cause me kidney stones? I'm sure that can also, but why can't something that I'm not very fond of cause me kidney stones instead? Because why does it have to be my favorite thing ever? Anyways, my other current obsession at the moment is eight plus hours of sleep. It is so healthy to get enough sleep. If you are feeling just tired throughout the day, maybe you're not getting enough sleep. Try to regulate your sleep schedule and have a really good night and more night.

routine and I'm telling you that can help drastically. Okay, my last current obsession is my Tori Birch bracelets. My mom got me the most gorgeous Tori Birch bracelets for my birthday. And I love nothing more than a bracelet stack. You guys know what is in the summer is bracelet stacks. They are gorgeous, so simple, so dainty, and just so classy. Braclet stacks are in the summer. Okay, now moving on to the goal of the week. My goal of the week right, now is to bake more from scratch. If you guys have any good baking recipes, share them out because I want to see them. I think baking is such a great way to be off your phone, do a hands-on activity, and it's fun to just learn something new. And then, of course, the reward of trying it

and eating your dessert is the main star of the show. Another gold week right now is to complete organizing my place. I am getting there. I cannot believe all I've done in one week. It really just goes to show when you are putting yourself in the mindset of being productive, you actually can get things done. And this isn't a goal for the week, but more for the goal of the upcoming months, but I really want to start setting monthly goals. I think I'm going to do an episode soon on starting every single month off on a positive note and almost like a monthly reset. An episode you can always just come back to if you need some spark of motivation and inspiration on how to start the new month. Now onto your self-love question.

Your question of the week is, how can I show myself gratitude every morning? I love that question. I really recommend asking yourself that. Now onto the quote, I am the one person who will be there for me from start to finish. I love that quote so much and I really, really hope you think about that because it is so true. You are the person who has been there for the start and finish of your life, which is why it is just so important to support yourself every step of the way. Now onto your challenge of the week, start your mornings off with putting on relaxing and happy music. I love this because I've been doing this and let me tell you, it just makes the entire feeling of your home and your motivation so much better.

So I really recommend this. Now onto a podcast review. This review is from Lib. She said, thank you so much, Shaden, for this podcast. And never fails to instantly give me a boost of confidence, motivation, and inspiration. I absolutely love that review because that is all about what the podcast is here for to give you that inspiration, confidence, motivation that you need. Honestly, I'm sometimes guilty of listening to my own podcast when I'm in a slump and I need that just little boost of motivation. So I am so glad you're loving the podcast.

And if you want to be featured on next week's episode, please feel free to leave a podcast review over Apple Podcasts. And of course, leave a rating over Spotify. Now, without further ado, let's get into today's hot topic of the day, which is friendships. Raise your hand if you are looking to make new friends. Okay, now raise your hand if you have toxic friends. Raise your hands if you feel like you have no friends at all. Let me just tell you, every single one of your guys' hands has to have been raised at least once. So let's get into how you can recognize toxic friends and how to let go of them

and how to make new friends. Sometimes it feels like everyone has their right or die best friend or have their set friend groups, and it feels like you're just an outsider and you're just there. Like you're just existing. Let me tell you, I've been there more times than I can even tell you. Throughout my school journey, I've always felt like a loner. And honestly, like, I love L.A. And I have definitely great friends here,

but I also sometimes feel like not necessarily a loner, because I'm really fulfilled with how my social life is, but I also feel like an outsider because I'm not necessarily having the same interest as everyone else. I don't care to go out drinking and clubbing at night. I prefer staying in. And when sometimes you don't align with the same interest, and that is kind of the main social point what people do, maybe like going out, drinking, and you don't align to that.

It can be hard to keep up those friendships because there's kind of like a breaking barrier. where you don't have that common factor in interest to go do that. So I feel like a lot is just trial and error, where I've then met people who are very similar to me, have the same interest, and, you know, I'll find those people who rather go to a coffee shop and have a little coffee or match a day and work. Those people have the same interest as me.

So it's an easier common denominator, if that makes sense. But back to you, it can feel very lonely sometimes. If you like you have no friends, you don't have that ride or die, you don't have any friends and everyone has their set friend groups and you just feel like you are alone and just existing. You can be in a room full of people yet feel so alone. And do not worry, this episode will not preach the whole time of me saying, you have to be your own best friend because as much as I believe that is essential in your life, it is really necessary for you to still include socialness and to have a healthy social life for you for both

your mental health and your social life. But I will say relationships you have with others all begin with the relationship you have with yourself. So to make a brief statement without getting deep into it, it is essential for you to take time to value yourself and know your worth because when you know your worth, you'll choose and attract the right people for you. If you see yourself as worthless, you will not attract or choose the right people and choose the people who will not add value to your life. If you're struggling with toxic friendships, whether that be them bringing unneeded problems or drama into your life, you are a golden class girl. You do not have time for that. You do not need that in your life.

You don't have time to entertain that. You can choose to entertain that or choose to let go and allow space for those who will actually bring you positivity and happiness. If you are not being treated by your friends the way that you would treat them, they are not the one. They are not the right friend for you. Healthy friendships and relationships will always last and you'll both feel fulfilled if the relationship puts effort on both ends. Reciprocation is key to friendships, relationships, any type of relationship. It is key.

If you are showing all the effort, making plans all the time to your friend and they are not trying to make any of the plans back or not even answering your texts, that's a one-way's friendship. you are not getting the reciprocation that you deserve. The people you hang around is what you become. And that is the honest truth. I love this quote that I had seen a while back that said, if you hang around five confident people, you'll become the six. If you hang around five intelligent people, you become the six.

If you hang around five millionaires, you become the six. If you hang around five idiots, you will become the six. Just like the importance of your work and school decisions that you make in life, the people you allow in your life is just as important of a decision or more. You may have friends that you've had for a while or even friends that you've had your entire life so you feel obligated to stay in those friendships. And this is your reminder that you do not have to stay in what does not serve you anymore. You don't have to necessarily cut them off completely by unfollowing them or telling them

that you cannot be friends with them anymore. But instead, you can allow yourself to take a step back and take initiative in letting that friendship fade off. That means don't entertain their negative comments. Don't be defensive. If they come at you with something rude or picking at you, whatever it is, don't reply. Just literally ignore it because that friendship in your head is done and this friendship is nothing anymore. So you don't have to entertain that person anymore. You will grow and you will learn.

by experience the people who are right for you and not right for you. And honestly, that's the beauty of trial and error. I don't have a childhood bestie, and that's okay. You may not have a childhood bestie, and that's okay. I feel like it's so cool when people have a childhood best friend, and the majority of people don't have a childhood best friend. So when something exciting happens to you in your life or you're happy and you want to tell someone something,

don't feel disappointed when you feel excited to go tell someone something. but you have no best friend to run to or to text right away. And when you're in the state of feeling lonely, like you have no go-to person, but maybe you have some acquaintances. Personally, to me, I have good friends, and I have acquaintances who are also just like outside friends. I didn't grow up with that ride or die best friend,

and that is okay. And I've learned, you know, I don't need that. It's okay. On another note, my mom is my best friend, so I feel like she is my ride or die. But I wasn't like a baby and met a best friend where now we're still going strong. And society can make us feel like we should have many people in our life. And to be filled with joy is to have more and more and more people.

That's when I go back to is you could be in a room full of people and feel so alone. And you could be alone, but never lonely. It's all about the quality people and friendships that you allow in your life. Everything in your life should be quality over quantity. It's not about how many friends can I get and gather and say are my friends. How many can I feel that I have? Instead, when you're looking to make new friends, it's who can I rely on and who can I trust?

And even if that's one person, two people, that's okay. You don't need so many friends. And when you're feeling alone, this is why it's so essential you know your worth because you should not ever accept the bare minimum. Never lower your standards to prevent you from being alone or quote, friendless. Friendships don't happen overnight.

And if you continue to stay with your worth and know your value and not allow people to treat you with less respect than you deserve is when you'll find quality people and quality friends. People don't have to be in your bubble. It's if you allow them into your bubble. So if they're not treating you right, don't allow them in. Think about how many people there are in the world

and think about how many people that you actually have liked in the world who are your friends maybe or people that you used to be friends with. The ratio from people in the entire world to people that you actually like is so unbelievably small, which is where you have to realize you will most likely not love every single person that you meet. It's good to remember nobody's perfect. Nobody will be your perfect friend. Nobody is going to be exactly like you.

But regardless, you have to realize how important it is to value your worth. to only allow quality people into your bubble. Of course, as I just said, no friendship, no person will ever be perfect. But don't find yourself excusing actions and behavior from, quote, friends, by taking their directly rude comment to you as, oh, they're just joking or they're just being rude now, but they'll be nice tomorrow.

By doing this, you are wasting your time with toxic friends by waiting for the final straw, when instead you could be honoring and respecting yourself by not taking the disrespect from them anymore. Be your own advocate. Another thing to keep in mind is if friendships are not necessarily toxic but have began to spark more conflict, maybe from different interests or realizing more about their character, it's okay to not actively entertain those friendships as well. You do not owe anyone time and effort but yourself.

And let's say maybe you did have a friend that you've had for a while, or maybe you had a friend that you didn't have for too long, but you're realizing they've been rude to you lately or just trying to cause more problems, but you feel like you know their character and how they're truly sweet and something just seemed to shift, it's also good to confront them about it. If you truly do want to try to continue a relationship

because you feel deep down that this person is a good person and we do work well together, but there just is a bump in the road, then just text them, ask them in person, say, hey, I feel like things have been a little rocky lately. You've been saying these things and I truly love and value you as my friend. So I don't want this friendship to fall off when we had such a good friendship going. Is there a reason you've been treating me this way? Is there a reason for this?

It is important to reach out to that person if you truly do want to continue the friendship. I know it can be kind of scary to be confrontational, but confrontation sometimes is the solution because, you know, sometimes they're like, wait, I can't believe I've been doing this to my best friend and I've been projecting with my own problems. Maybe they're going to say, hey, I'm so unbelievably sorry I didn't even realize

I was taking it out on you. I feel like I've been bottling up my own emotions and going through things lately. You never know what they're going to come back with. So take time maybe to reach out to that person, There is nothing wrong with it. And if anything, it shows that you so much care about continuing the friendship. Now let's talk about how to make new friends.

Since you kind of already got the feeling of thinking about your current friends and past friends, if are they toxic, are they the ones you want to keep in your bubble, and are they quality people who are adding to your life? Now it's time to talk about how to make new friends. And if you have a ton of friends already, you can always still make new ones. If you have no friends, you can make new friends. Regardless, you can always make new friends. You can never have too many people in your life.

But let me get the straight, quality people. You can never have too many quality people in your life. So let's dive into it. It's time for you to put yourself out there and go get yourself into some activities or events that you personally enjoy so you can meet people with common interest. If you like pickleball, go be social at a pickleball court. If you like baking, go do you. a baking class. If you like books, go to a book club. It's simple as that. You will meet people

with your common interest and honestly to me, that's the best way to meet someone because you are putting yourself in the position knowing I will meet someone who likes the same thing as me. Sometimes it can be hard to make friends if you're shy, but it is so good to remember that you have to make effort to put yourself out there. When you appear closed off and unapproachable, nobody will care to try to develop a friendship. Everyone can't always be coming to you and making the first step to you. Be the first person to say hi. Ask them questions.

Make the first plans. Shamelessly ask for their phone number and Instagram after meeting them. Sometimes I'll be at a cafe and I start a little talking to a girl a little bit and then soon enough we're already making plans for the next week. Let your guard down if it feels right and feels right to open up. Sometimes the deepest conversation right off the bat of meeting someone can be the start of a meaningful friendship. And this is another way how to make new friends, but I don't want to encourage too much online friendships for your safety, of course, but cautiously, look for people your age and your area that have the same common interest. That could be finding the Instagram to your local book club center, scrolling through the comments and saying what girls are commenting and maybe shoot them a message.

I know we all, us girls have just the natural nature of being a detective and internet snooper. So I have no doubt you guys will be able to find girls or people in your area, your age of course, that have the same common interest as you. And when it comes to internet BFFs, I'm not necessarily recommending that because you can't physically be with them and hang out with them. But honestly, I feel like internet best friends are a part of growing up. And honestly, I had some really good internet best friends from Instagram that I still know to this day and have met in person. One time, I forgot how old I was. I think I was like 15 or 16. I was just trying to become a content creator and began liking all the tag photos to Brandy Malfield because I was super into Brandy at the time.

And I remember spam liking so many girls things and I came across one girl's account who I also ended up. spamming a ton of likes to and she ended up liking a ton of my photos back and then we both started following each other and then we both started messaging each other we became best friends we face-timed morning and night knew everything about each other we lived in different states our mom started following each other and then soon enough a few years later we end up getting to meet in person and we have this funny video of us running to each other and jumping on each other so excited to meet. So that goes to say you can actually become friends with and meet people who are your internet best friends. But again, I'm really recommending to kind of shy away from internet

best friends and more look towards trying to find people who are in your area already. So you can nurture and entertain those friendships in person. But back really quick to the internet best friends, you can also meet people who have fellow followers of creators that you like. I know a few followers who have met each other from my account and have become really good friends. And that makes me so happy that you guys have been able to develop some friendships with each other. Okay, now on to another thing that I really love about making new friends. You can host a coffee date, a study session, a dinner party. I love those ideas and it's a great way to gather new friends,

people you haven't really taken the time to hang out with them yet, or people that you just met. It's really nice to gather all those people together and everyone can mingle and become friends. I think a coffee date is a great start. You can gather like a few girls and say, hey, do you want to go to this coffee place? We're going to have a coffee session just to meet some new girls and hang out. That's a great idea. Another thing is the dinner party, like I said.

If you want to be fancy, invite some people over. That's also a really nice way to meet new people, meet new friends. and let me tell you if you're so welcoming to the person when you're inviting them over and always at dinners you get to just talk beyond the surface and really get to meet somebody. If you have a boyfriend or a husband or significant other, see if their friends have a girlfriend or a wife who would also want to grab coffee or hang out. I think it's really good to sometimes connect with the fellow significant others' friends' wife or girlfriend because who knows, be your best friend and it's another easy way to meet somebody because you have that connection.

I know I have so many business listeners in here and I know the feeling of putting so much time into something and nothing is better than getting recognition from things that you put out and create. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell every stage of your business. For those who have a business who put so much time into their own work, you want your items to be bought and sold and found by the right audience, which is why I love Shopify to do just that. And you're not having to go source people out and find people for you. Shopify helps you do that so easily. It's truly no hassle when working with Shopify. And that allows you to sit back, relax, and focus on your own craft rather than just trying to sell your items for your business.

Shopify just makes it so, so much easier. Whether you're selling Pilates equipment or even Macha, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. Shopify helps turn browsers into buyers with internet's best converting checkout. What I love about Shopify is how no matter big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level. For my gals who have a business in trying to take it to the next level, try Shopify. Because businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial. At Shopify.com slash busy yet pretty, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash busy yet pretty, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash busy at pretty to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com

slash busy at pretty. Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Another thing I really think is important is whenever you were out and see someone you feel would have common interest as you or you feel you would mesh with them really well. It is not weird at all to just go up to them and say, hey, I absolutely love your top. I have been loved your top. I have been loving mu mu recently and I love your style. That topic of mu mu because she likes it and you like it, you both are now able to relate and start talking about a common interest. And that conversation can flourish into meeting each other and starting to get to know each other. And you could even ask, oh, hey, do you want to hang out next weekend?

I feel like we're pretty alike. And I guarantee you they will say yes. Ask for their Instagram or their phone number and I promise you, sometimes going up to a girl that you've never met in your life who was a complete stranger could become your new best friend i completely understand how navigating friendships in your early life your midlife and your later life could be hard we have all been there and i feel like we're all still trying to get that best friend or understand how friendships work and it's so good to remember that it is a trial and error process but the minute you start loving your self and you're

I know I'm going to bring this back, but the minute you start loving yourself and valuing yourself, you're going to stop trying to seek so much more friendships rather than attract more because you know what you're wanting. When you know what you want and you give off the energy to people of showing what you want, those people will begin to attract to you. I promise it is a process. Make new friends. Put yourself out there and I promise you you could meet your own new best friend. I love you guys so much and I hope you guys enjoyed this new episode as much as I did recording it. I appreciate it more than ever when you guys share the podcast over TikTok. I'm always reposting it so make sure to tag me.

Also, when you guys share it over Instagram stories, I am so beyond grateful. I love you guys with all my heart. It's time to let your toxic friends go to let in new friends and do not forget to stay busy yet pretty.