Busy, Yet Pretty - How To Cope With Loss & Grief: Losing A Loved One, Pet, Job Or A Breakup

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Grief can show up from many different situations such as loss of a family member, friend, pet, your past, a breakup or even a job. Grieving can feel very lonely, but to understand grief and how to cope can be a lifesaver, in your healing journey. In honor of Jadyn's recent loss of her childhood cat, Jadyn shares the stages of Grief and how to cope with Grief. Tune into this episodes with an iced matcha latte as you receive a warm hug from this episode.   Current Obsessions: - work dates - smoothies!! tropical ones to be exact! - tv hehe - For my gals with businesses!! love Shopify - my fav fav way to hire someone for jobs easily!! easy hiring     Become your own dream girl with me!! : - Instagram: Jadyn's Instagram & Busy, Yet Pretty Instagram - Busy, Yet Pretty Groupchat  - NEW!!!! Productive Day In My Life: WATCH - Tiktok: @Fairyjadyn - My Amazon Storefront: Jadyn's Storefront - Outfit Details: My Closet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, my love. Welcome back to the Busy at Pudy Podcast. I'm your host, Jaden Haley. If you're new here, welcome, and you are at the perfect place because here we talk all about becoming the best version of yourself, self-love, and how to achieve your dream life. As you can see from today's episode, this episode is going to be on grief and you may be thinking, well, I haven't experienced somebody dying. It doesn't necessarily mean that you've experienced grief from someone dying. You You can have grief in so many different ways that don't necessarily stem from somebody dying. So this episode can really just be applied to anybody's life and I'm really excited to talk about that today. But first, let's get into our weekly review. I post every Mondays, as you guys know for the show, but the past month or two, I've been posting about every other week because things has just been so hectic and crazy, especially with Kitty just passing. But this past week, I went to Hawaii, had a little Hawaii trip, and it was really nice to just go with the girls from my family. And I also have just been really trying to heal this week from Kitty. But other than that, this week, I have just really been trying to get back on to routine.

And I'm honestly getting really excited for the future and this summer. Who doesn't love a good summer? Now on to my current obsessions. My current obsessions right now are swimsuits. I just love getting swimsuits right now. This is your sign to go get some swimsuits that you feel confident, sexy, and happy in. Beach days and laying by the pool is not fun when you don't love your swimsuits. So I really recommend you get at least one swimsuit that really makes you feel good about yourself.

And remember, you're not supposed to fit the swimsuit. It's supposed to fit you. Another current session at the moment is sweat sets. At the airport, I lived in sweat sets. I feel like they're so comfortable, so cute. So that's another thing that you should really invest in if you don't have one already. Another current obsession at the moment is heatless curlers. I did them on the plane where it was a little cushion rod that I rolled up and I pinned my hair back

and they just came out so beyond cute. And my last current obsession at the moment is blueberries. I am a blueberry girl and I feel like many of us are. But especially laying by the pool with some fruit in the summer, nothing is better. Now on to the goal of the week. My goal of the week at the moment is to catch up and have a really deep, thorough reset. I want to finally get organized once and for all and continue being organized. Once you do a really deep thorough reset and organization, it's easy to continue it while having those healthy habits of constantly picking up and straightening up every morning.

Another current obsession is incorporating more yoga into my daily movement. I love yoga, but I'm more of a Pilates girl, or, lightweight exercise girl but yoga is something that I definitely want to experience more of to really build that core strength and be really at peace when doing a movement now onto your affirmation your affirmation of the week is you are meant for the life you desire now onto your self-love question who are you behind closed doors are you more vulnerable do you realize that you perform for others really ask yourself those questions and that allows you to help bring

things back into reality and see it in a different lens. You should not be performing for others and you should be truly yourself. And that'll help you realize who is your real friends, who are the real people that you do enjoy being around, and who do you feel like you have to show up as somebody else. Now for your challenge of the week, text your loved ones and ask them how they really are. I love that challenge so much because sometimes we say, oh yeah, we're doing good when we're asked how we're doing, but sometimes we really, really need to go beyond the surface and see how are you really? And not only ask others and your loved ones, but ask yourself, how are you doing really? Now let's get into the podcast review. If you want to be featured on next week's episode, please feel free to leave a podcast review over Apple Podcasts.

I've been following Jaded on Instagram for the longest. Saying her move and create a dream life of her own has always been so inspiring. I'm currently in school, working, starting a business, and trying to stay as healthy as I can. Her podcast always calm me and help me refocus on all my goals when I get overwhelmed with my busy schedule. This podcast is great to listen to if you're trying to become the best version of you. Thank you so much my love for this sweet review. I appreciate it so much and I love how you said it's so calming and I'm so glad that my life has been inspiring to you and you inspire me with your hard work. Thank you so beyond much and I appreciate you.

With that being said, it is now time to get into today's episode. This episode was requested by Lorona and thank you guys always for sending your episode request in the Busy Yet Pretty Broadcast channel. You can join that over my Instagram and click broadcast channel and you'll get all the podcast updates behind the scenes and lots of inspo. But as I was saying, today's episode is how to cope with grief. Everybody experiences grief in their life. And as we know, most commonly grief can be from losing a loved one or a pet or a friend. or even breakups, divorces. But grief can also show up from moving cities, moving homes, losing a job, losing a really good opportunity, or a big change in your life.

I recently lost my cat, my sweet kitty. He was my childhood cat, and it has been so hard. Like, I can't imagine what people feel like to lose a parent or a family member with how hard it's been just losing a pet. First off, my heart goes out to any of those grieving. to a loss with a loved one, a divorce, job loss, or any circumstances that are currently grieving or have grieved because grief can feel so unbelievably lonely. It really can feel like the world is just closing down on you and you feel so isolated from everything else. A really weird thing I noticed when I was grieving is every single thing. It felt like it was moving and continuing

forward and I was just there. Like I would see people at the grocery store live in. a regular life and I was like nobody is understanding how I'm feeling and how is everybody continuing life when my pet just died. But nobody knows that my cat just died when I'm walking around Trader Joe's. But that's just an example of it can feel so isolating and feels so confusing why nobody feels like they're understanding you or feels like the world is just closing down on you. Whether you lost your job, a significant other or a loved one, let's talk about how to cope with loss and grief. It's important to understand the stages of grief. Number one, being denial. You will protect yourself from reality of the situation and truly does not allow yourself to come with terms

with what happened in your reality. It truly is a numbing mechanism to get away from the situation to not fully understand what has just happened. Number two, being anger. This could be you being mad towards the situation, a person, the event, or even to yourself. If you lost somebody to cancer, you may feel so much anger towards a cancer for doing that to them, and you may be mad at yourself for not giving them enough time when they were alive. Or if you lost the job, you may be so mad at yourself that you didn't work hard enough. Then it comes to number three, which is bargaining. That is the attempt to minimize your sadness by keep creating what-if scenarios,

replaying what happened in your head and dwelling on it. It's so easy to just want to go back in time. and to change something that you did or change something that you thought would have prevented it. Regardless if there was something you could have or could have not done to prevent it, what has happened happened and you need to heal from what has happened because you can't go back and change time. But what you can do is move forward healing. Number four is depression. It's coming to terms with reality, understanding what actually happened.

And with doing that, you're being present with loss, being present and having those intense sadness feelings. and also could be regretfulness. Within your journey of grief, many times regretfulness will come up because we feel like, what if we just did something different? What if they did something different? What if things could have been prevented?

And number five is acceptance. That's when you've accepted what has happened. That could be you starting your healing journey. Maybe you tried going to therapy, have come to peace with what has happened. And again, I said acceptance, not healed. You don't necessarily ever have to be fully healed. healed from what has happened, but healing is what you do need to do. For yourself and for if there was

another person involved for them too. Everyone processes grief differently and healing is the hardest process which is why you should never ever set a due date to heal. Saying, okay, I just need three months and I'll be fully healed is the worst thing you could say because one, you're rushing your healing journey. Two, it just does not work like that. You're just not all of a sudden going to be Okay, I'm good. And number three is you may never fully be healed, but a little is better than nothing. Whatever you may be personally grieving, think about the joy it brought you to your life. And for some of you, there may be no joy at all. A lot of people don't understand is you can still grieve a negative experience or a negative person that you didn't necessarily love or you were grieving a toxic relationship or job that you didn't like. Grieving doesn't necessarily have to be something that you loved or you had a connection.

to. It could be something that was toxic, but it was in your life because something in that person or that job gave you some sense of security, safety, or company. So maybe you broke things off with your toxic boyfriend, but you're grieving for some reason. It could be because you had that sort of company and that security, having them add to your life for that. Their personality, their actions may have not been adding to your life because they were toxic, but their sense of security was. So you may not actually be grieving that person, but instead grieving the feelings that it gave you having that person in your life. But let's say whatever you were grieving, that person, job, or thing did bring you positivity in your life. I want you to begin reflecting and begin appreciating all that you had with that person or job with no regrets to anything.

The past can be so hard to look back at, but the thing is you have to look at it with positivity. remind yourself of all the good times that you had with them. Think about all your funny memories. You may be feeling like you'll never be happy again when you're grieving or you feel you'll never be normal again, but I promise you, you will. If you have lost a loved one, you may feel selfish to continue on with life without them,

but I promise you, you living and continuing to enjoy your life for them would make them much happier than you dwelling for the rest of your life. You don't need to forget about them or continue on, with life and fully push the situation to the back of your head, but rather live life for them and continue to talk highly of them to acknowledge and to carry out their legacy, talking about their name, remembering the good times, acknowledging them, thinking about them. That is a great way to honor them through a positive lens in light rather than just feeling selfish that you're

continuing life without them and just dwelling on what happened. And now back to if you have lost a job or a opportunity, you need to understand that this did not happen to you, this happened for you. As bad and as wrong as it may feel right now, experiencing these feelings in the moment, this door closed for you for another one to be opened. Many people experienced this and I promise you when something negative happens to you, it's opening something good up for you. Years ago when I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, I was so confused how something so great could happen to me.

How could he have cheated on me? How could he have hurt me this bad? We were planning to move to New York or to L.A. together. But I kid you not. It was within days, new opportunities started coming to me with work. I had the opportunity to go record my podcast episodes at Spotify. All these events started coming to me. All of a sudden, I moved to L.A.

What I was doing became my full-time job, and I moved myself from San Diego to Beverly Hills, and things have only gotten better from here. So if you are grieving a loss, a job, or an opportunity, yes, you may be extremely disappointed because you loved your job. You had financial security and you didn't want things to change because you loved how everything was. But if you take a second to be grateful for what you do have will really change the perspective of your life. You have good health. You have healthy loved ones.

You have a roof over your head. Some people who want to change their life around and start a new life are starting from the bare minimum. They are living on the streets, sick as could be, and they want to just get a job. Think about this. You have so many opportunities. You are set up to have a perfect opportunity. So be grateful for what you do have and you don't have to focus on those other things because you already have them. So as hard as it is, when something bad happens to you, be grateful for what you do have currently in your life. If you're grieving a breakup, a divorce, or a friendship breakup, it can be so hard because you do not only lose what you loved,

but knowing that person is still alive but no longer in your life can be so hurtful. Even if you were the person to cut things off and end things, it can still feel so haunting knowing that this person is living your life and soon enough after separation, you may begin to want to go back and just go back to how things used to be. And that could look like you begging to have them back or you made a mistake or asking if things can just go back to normal. But if you were the one to end things,

you need to remind yourself the reason why you made that decision and stay with it. Your guilt and feelings will pass and are temporary at this moment, but you need to ultimately remain with your decision that you know what's best for you. And not just what you're wanting temporarily at this moment. If you were the one broken up with,

there is no need to run back unless you know and acknowledge that somehow you did wrong. If you truthfully know that you gave all your effort and showed up appropriately in your relationship, you should not go run back to mend something that you did not break. Nor should you go back and beg for answers because it is so easy to want to understand why. Why did this happen? Why did you do this? Why did you hurt me? Or just why? But sometimes if they don't give an answer, you have to remember, no answer is an answer as itself. Let's get into ways that you can cope with loss and grief.

And let me just remind you that coping with loss and grief can show up in many different shapes and forms. But something that no one should ever do is try to numb your pain, but instead try to heal and cope. Pushing the pain to the back of your head and just trying to forget about it and numbing it by doing something temporarily does not get rid of your pain and does not allow you to forget forever. It's still there in the back of your mind. to get it head on, see it, accept it, and move forward with healing. Number one, try a new hobby, and I'm recommending a hands-on hobby. This could be pottery, gardening, walking, anything that is honestly away from your phone. How easy is it to just numb our pain and go on TikTok and scroll for hours and just keep trying to forget about what we're thinking about by doing that?

but instead I want you to do a new hobby that is hands-on and be present. Number two is journaling. Don't attack me through the phone. I know what you're thinking? What do you mean journaling? I hear that in all the episodes, every single person ever says journaling. No. What you need to do is journal what you wish to say to that loss.

That could be a letter to the person you lost, a letter to the pet that you lost, or a letter to the manager that fired you. Write it out, write what you wish to say to them because I promise you, getting those words out but not necessarily being able to tell them can feel so nice and just letting a big weight off your chest. Number three is therapy and this is your reminder that the first therapist that you get may not be the right match. I have tried different therapists out and I just found one that I liked. So do not give up on the first try. But a therapist can honestly just be a really nice safe space for you just to talk things out, help you realize things because even if you're the one talking, just talking things out can help you realize,

oh wait, you're right about that. You're thinking something through that you wouldn't have been able to thought unless you said it out loud. I know I have so many business listeners in here. And I've seen some of your guys's work. You guys are insane with your own little shop. And since I started my podcast, I know the feeling of putting it. putting so much time to something and wanting the recognition that you deserve. So when it comes to your own shop and selling, of course you want the recognition, which is why I love Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps sell at every stage of your business.

From the launch or online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the we did it, we hit a million orders stage. Shopify's here to help you grow. This platform I truly trust and what I love is you can sell anything, whether it's a Macha or Pilates equipment, Shopify is there to help you grow your business and reach your target audience. I also love how it can allow you to put less effort into selling and allow you to be more creative with your shop because now you can sell with less effort thanks to Shopify magic, your AI-powered All-Star. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's

best converting checkout, 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms. I know you guys have so much potential and if you have a business it's time to take it to the next level sign up for one dollar per month trial at shopify.com slash busy yet pretty all lowercase go to shopify.com slash busy yet pretty now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in shopify. dot com slash busy yet pretty i promise you guys will not regret using shopify number four is allow yourself time to relax and recharge there is no need whatsoever to rush to get back into things. It is okay to get back on routine slowly. Sometimes when something drastic and hard happens to us, we want to change everything in our life and start new routines, start new

everything. But as great as that is and I do recommend starting new routines and starting a new lifestyle when something hard happens to you. But you also have to do that slowly because getting back into something so quick and trying to change everything so fast is not allowing you time to process what did happen to you already, which is the initial loss that you're grieving. When Kitty passed, I just cried and I cuddled myself and cradled myself practically every single day after Kitty passed. And I cried with my mom. We would look back at photos of him and try to laugh at videos of old videos of him being so sweet and cute. But let me just say, we bawled our eyes out every single time. And that is okay. Get some of your comfort snacks.

watch a movie, go think of everything that you loved about that person, and go cuddle up with your favorite stuff animal. Don't feel bad about cradling yourself and just trading yourself like a baby. Because my love, you need that at this moment. Number six is still enjoy the same activities and still the same things you shared enjoyment with that person or pet or things that you did at the time. What I mean by that is let's say you and your mom who passed away, you You guys at the time love to go to the carnival together. You don't ever not go to the carnival again because it makes you feel sad. You need to do things to celebrate their life and continue doing those fun and exciting things

to live for you and live for her. With Kitty passing, he always loved to lay in the sun in one room of my parents' house. And at first, when it happened, I just wanted to avoid that room because I knew how sad it would make me knowing that when I look in there, he's not going to be living. laying inside the bed having the sun on him. So I avoided it for a few days after it happened. But then I actually one day just went in the room and I laid in the sun for him. I laid and I just felt exactly what he would have loved.

I let the sun hit my face. I did that for him. And when I'm not there, my mom will put his beautiful box of ashes in the sun for him to be able to get that soaking in the sun. Same type of thing he did and same type of thing he loved. when he was alive. So do those things that made you happy in honor of your loss.

I sort of already touched on this, but number seven, don't make any too big of changes in your life so you have the time to actually process what you just did lose without the urgency to non-stop do the next thing. Like I had said, it's so easy to want to jump to the next thing and start everything new when something drastic and hard happens for you,

but it's really good to slow down and process what has happened so you can start new things in a rational mindset later on down the road. Number eight is in your grieving time, I want you to always have comfort in your life. And that could be relaxing music at home, buying yourself flowers to give some liveliness to your space. Give things to you that are going to bring you comfort and joy and to soothe your soul. And that really will help your healing process. Number nine is reach out and connect with someone who may be start. with the same type of grief as you to comfort each other. It's really nice when someone is able to share the same grief as you

because you guys are able to be there for each other and help share with each other what has helped work for you for your healing process and what has helped work for them. Number 10 is be excited and plan for the future. Of course, it is so hard to imagine living life without whatever or whoever you lost. But as we said, we are living for them. So it is time for you to have a fresh start. As you have slowly began to allow yourself to process those emotions and you feel ready for a new start,

you will know because your emotions have just drained you and your spirit and your energy. And you just know that it is time for a refresh and you have to just get it all out and get all those emotions out to be able to start new. Loss can really put things into perspective, whether that being life is short or that, job wasn't meant for you. As I always say, I am preaching for you to have the best in life. We're driven by the search for better, but when it comes to hiring, the best way to search for a candidate isn't to search at all. Don't search match with Indeed. If you ever need to hire, you need Indeed. Indeed is your matching and hiring platform with over 350 million global monthly visitors according to Indeed's data in a matching engine that helps you find

quality candidates fast. Ditch the busy work. Use Indeed for scheduling, screening, and messaging so you can connect with a candidate faster. And Indeed doesn't just help you hire faster. 93% of employees agree Indeed delivers the highest quality matches compared to other job sites. According to a recent Indeed survey, I can't tell you how many times I have just had a little busy work that I need to get done,

whether that's with editing the podcast or helping edit YouTube videos. I swear I have tried so many times to find someone to hire, and I swear I needed Indeed at that time because it would have saved me so much work. Leveraging over 140 million qualifications and preferences every day, Indeed's matching engine is constantly learning from your preferences, so the more you use Indeed, the better it gets. Join over 3.5 million businesses worldwide that use Indeed to hire great talent fast.

And Busy Yet Pretty listeners get a $75-sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash busy yet pretty. Go to Indeed.com slash busy yet pretty right now and support the show by saying you heard about Indeed on Busy Yet Pretty. Indeed.com slash busy yet pretty. Terms and conditions apply. But regardless of what you are grieving or have grieved, grief is grief. And no matter what the situation is, we all feel emotion. I want you to remember that life goes by so beyond quick. You need to stop caring about the opinions of others and begin caring about what really matters. stop giving those who are not serving you a key in access to your life. You need to just have the people who bring you happiness.

You need to have the activities that bring you happiness. You need to have self-discipline. You need to give yourself the life that you deserve and begin caring about what really matters. That being what makes you happy and getting the most out of your life. I love you so beyond much and I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I feel like this is an episode that I have been waiting to me. make because I was always requested to make an episode on grief, but I personally have never lost

something enough where I felt like, you know, I feel like this is, I'm ready to make an episode on this. And when I lost Kitty, I knew it was time. And when I saw it was requested, I felt like there was no better timing. And I just really hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And it felt like a big hug to you. Please share this episode over TikTok, over Instagram stories, over anywhere you can to help spread the word of the show. and it helps the show so unbelievably much. I've seen some of you guys share Busy Yet Pretty over TikTok

and your videos get hundreds of thousands of views and I'm so beyond grateful for you guys doing that. And of course, never forget to tag me. And if you also enjoyed this episode, please leave a review over Apple Podcast to be featured on next week's episode and leave a rating over Spotify. I love you guys so much.

Time goes by fast and you just have to stop and smell the flowers. And don't forget to stay busy at pretty.