Busy, Yet Pretty - How To Heal The Unhealed Parts Of You: Relationships, Trauma & Forgiveness

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Whether you are carrying the weight of a past relationship, childhood trauma or grief, you are not alone. In this episode your host, Jadyn Hailey discusses how you can begin your journey to heal the unhealed parts of you, whatever that may look like for you. As we unfortunately are unable to change the past, we gratefully have the ability to create our future. Tune into this episode with a matcha latte, as you begin your healing journey.   Current Obsessions: - english muffins and jam - blue hydrangeas  - focus on growing your business Shopify     Become your own dream girl with me!! : - 7AM MORNING ROUTINE | hot pilates, healthy breakfast & working from home - Instagram: Jadyn's Instagram & Busy, Yet Pretty Instagram - Busy, Yet Pretty Groupchat  - Tiktok: @Fairyjadyn - My Amazon Storefront: Jadyn's Storefront - Outfit Details: My Closet     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

my love, welcome back to the Busy Yet Pretty Podcast. I'm your host, Jane and Haley. I hope you were having a great start to your week so far. I can't believe we're already a month into January yet it's felt like the longest year ever so far. Time is just crazy how it can fly by yet it can feel so long and this is your reminder to really just use your time wisely and never let time slip through your hands and really just be grateful for all your life and all your experiencing. Not to put this thought and throw this on you right away in the beginning of the episode, but I want you to remember that life is something that should not be taken for granted for and really enjoy every second of it, even though your life may not look like the influencer you follow or your favorite celebrity

or your friend's life and you wish you always had someone else's life. I promise you someone would do anything to have your own life. Someone always has it worse than you and it's always good to remember that life is precious. You are precious and there's always something to be grateful for. You don't know when your last day is, God forbid, but you don't know when your last day is. So you want to remember that this and every single day you're living is a day and it's a day to be grateful for no matter what happened in your day, there's always something to be grateful for. I just thought I'd say that in honor of the recent unfortunate plane crash that happened and of course the victims of the fires earlier this year. And I don't know.

It's something to really just be grateful for his life and all that you have in your life and all your loved ones. Anyways, I just thought I'd say that. But without further ado, today's episode, we are going to be talking all about how to heal the unheeled parts of you. I feel like something that we hold on to a lot is past experiences from relationships or our child. child to trauma or school or co-workers or whatever it is, something we really just need to do is kind of dive into what's uncomfortable for us and that may be our past. So we're going to talk all about that today, but without further ado, let's get into our weekly review.

This week, I have just spent a lot of time with my parents and it just is so nice to catch up with your loved ones and spend time with them. Another thing this week is I've been trying to finish my book off that I absolutely love. I just feel like it's taken me forever to finish it because I've been so busy, but I'm still reading a Christmas book at the moment. But after this book is done, I'm going straight into summer and spring books. Another thing this week is I have been posting a lot more over Instagram. So if you don't follow me over there, feel free to because I always try to post every single thing you guys requests, especially from the broadcast channel.

I love chatting with you guys. It's so nice to be our own little community over there. Now to the current obsessions of the week. My current obsession is chair and bed skirts. I think it's so pretty and just elevates a piece of furniture so much. Another obsession at the moment is chia seed pudding. I make it every single day and I have been loving it. It just, one, tastes so good to have in the morning and it's really good to have that fiber in the morning.

And two, it can be made as the perfect dessert as well. I feel like a mastered chia seed pudding. You need to try adding vanilla into a vanilla extract, maple syrup. maple syrup, Greek yogurt or coconut yogurt. I like Greek yogurt because I like it tart tasting. And if you want it kind of like chocolate-y tasting, you can add in cacao powder or cocoa powder. And I promise you, you're going to love it. And my last current obsession right now is sage green. I feel like sage green is such a gorgeous color in rooms, homes, kitchens. I just think it is so unbelievably beautiful. Now for your affirmation of the week. I am healthy and happy as I entered my

best year yet. I love that affirmation so much and I feel like that's the perfect affirmation for this new year. Now on to your self-love question. How can I start my mornings on a positive note? I love that question so much because it's good to be aware and think how can we start our mornings off on a positive note, whether that be maybe a morning drink like a matcha or a coffee or maybe that's journaling or doing some yoga. Whatever may be best for you, I really encourage that you reflect and do it. Now, on to your challenge of the week. Start a nonfiction or self-improvement book that you can pick up at any time. I love doing this so much because I feel like it's so nice to have a self-improvement book started and it doesn't have to be your main book. You can read a fiction book like I do

as your main book, but it's nice to have a nonfiction or a self-improvement book to pick up at any time. Now on to the podcast review. If you want to be featured on next week's episode, make sure you leave a podcast review over Apple Podcasts and rate over Spotify. This review is from Marin and she said, I listen to a lot of motivational podcasts, but yours is my favorite of those I discovered. A lot of podcasts give me loads of ideas on how to make myself better. However, I found that I forget to implicate it into my life. With your podcast, I found that I actually feel motivated to improve.

I especially love the last episode for the New Year's episodes. Right now I'm listening to your episode on FOMO, which is really helping me because I always have anxiety, that I didn't do enough meaningful things during the holidays while everyone around me is having fun. Thank you for this, and I love the pod and you. Thank you so much, Marin, for your beautiful review. I am so beyond grateful, and I love how you said that

the show actually helps you incorporate this into your life rather than just hearing it and going in one ear out the other. I'm so beyond proud of you and so grateful for all of you, and now without further ado, it is time to get into today's episode. Today, let's talk about how you can heal the unheeled parts of you. For you, this may be relationship experiences, childhood trauma, feeling guilt, feeling weary of the unknown, because you know there's sometimes things where we can't even pinpoint what is bothering us, but it's kind of like the unknown.

And of course, we're going to talk about forgiveness. Of course, I'm going to preface by saying that I am not a therapist, but these are all my personal advice how to heal. Whether you're young or older or experienced or not in life, we all carry some sort of trauma that could be stemming from childhood, school, work, relationships, or anything. And of course, let me highlight that none of our trauma may look the same. I was bullied in school. I had school trauma. You may not have had a single problem in school, but you had really bad trauma that occurred in your childhood.

And maybe you don't have any trauma, let's say, but more of unfortunate situations that have happened in the past that still bothered you. healed parts of you also may not be as clear where you may not be able to pinpoint a specific day or experience that caused this pain, but rather just something that sort of relates to that. Maybe a relationship leaves you with a bad feeling and they didn't do a specific thing that hurt you, but that relationship just gives you that down feeling. So in the back of your mind, you may be feeling a bothered feeling that just doesn't feel resolved and sometimes uncertainty and the unknown can cause us an immense amount of pain and worry without us having a clear pinpoint of knowing what is causing that. But these unhealed

parts of you, whether they are big or small, may be from last week a year ago or it could be all the way from your childhood. Regardless of when those instances occurred, those feelings that you have are both valid and they're present. And what I mean by present is they are still being thought about and it doesn't mean you have to think about it every single day to count that as present, but they may come in every other week, every other month, every other year, or every other few years, you may be reminded of it and it kind of just feels unresolved. Most often, this feeling could be described as unfinished business or like an unfinished book, or it feels like you didn't close the case.

And that may be from you never receiving the answers to why someone did something to you, or it could be a situation long ago where you still carry maybe a physical pain from, what someone did to you or other way around where maybe you hurt someone in the past and they resent you for it but in result the past is the past you need to understand that you cannot change the past you can only move forward from here healing looks different on everyone so let me just get that out of here so someone your friends the way they heal could be completely different than the way you heal the way your parents heal from something may be different than how you heal from something Healing looks different on everyone and you may think that you'll never be healed from something and that's okay.

It doesn't mean you're going to fully heal from something and you don't have to. No one's forcing you to. I can't be the only one who has this like dream item of theirs that they always see whether it's a bag, a sweater, a top and you're like, I just need that but it's like sold out everywhere. That's me with this one vintage Duny and Burke bag. I literally was looking everywhere for it and I somehow found one on a posh mark. But not just one. I found multiple of them at such a good price and I was like, wait, this is just too good to be true. So if you know me, you know I am a Poshmark girl. Poshmark is a marketplace where you can list and sell, as well as buy new items, vintage pieces, gently used, luxury pieces. They really just have it all. And I feel like there's no better time to go on Poshmark now. Everyone's cleaning out their closet and listing good things.

Get in bed, get cozy and go on Pashmark to add to your new spring wardrobe, new deals and sales. are listed every day so don't wait. Download the Poshmark app and use code busy when you sign up to get $10 off your first purchase or shop now at Pashmark.com slash busy and get $10 off your first purchase. That's P-O-S-H-M-A-R-K dot com slash busy. I can't be the only one who has this like dream item of theirs that they always see whether it's a bag, a sweater, a top and you're like, I just need that but it's like sold out everywhere. That's me with this one vintage Duny and Burke bag. I literally was looking everywhere for it and I somehow found one on a Poshmark.

But not just one. I found multiple of them at such a good price and I was like, wait, this is just too good to be true. So if you know me, you know I am a Poshmark girl. Poshmark is a marketplace where you can list and sell as well as buy new items, vintage pieces, gently used, luxury pieces. They really just have it all. And I feel like there's no better time to go on Poshmark now. Everyone's cleaning out their closet and listing good things.

get in bed, get cozy, and go in Pashmark to add to your new spring wardrobe. New deals and sales are listed every day, so don't wait. Download the Poshmark app and use code Bizzy when you sign up to get $10 off your first purchase. Or shop now at Pashmark.com slash busy and get $10 off your first purchase. That's P-O-S-H-M-A-R-K.com slash busy. That being said, let me remind you that progress to heal is better than no progress at all. I really encourage you to sit with yourself and try your best depend. point the best you can what you are still grieving from or what you still are not healed from and my love

i promise you i understand that it is hard to take that thought from the back of your head and push it to the front and try to think about that because it may be really traumatic for you or it may be something where just gives you such a down feeling and it gives you flashbacks and just brings you back so it's easier for you just not to think about it or to talk about it and just push it to the back of your mind. But in order to heal, you have to come to terms with it, even if it's uncomfortable. You have a better chance of healing from something when you actually are able to pinpoint what it is that you need to heal from. Maybe it's something that you've been in denial for so many years and it's, you don't want to have to come to terms that that really happened to you. But continuing to be in

denial and pushing it to the back of your head is only prolonging the time that you could be feeling better and healed. So once you take time to try to pinpoint that, if you are, you are, you are thinking of a scenario from something from your past where it's a person who caused trauma to you and you grieve them such as them maybe passed away or they're no longer in your life. In other words, this is not a self-inflicted situation. I want you to rewrite the experience and thought about any embarrassment that you may have for yourself. Never feel embarrassed by what someone did to you. Even if you think, oh, I could have stopped what they did or I could have stood up for myself or I could have been more confident and defended myself.

Regardless of what the situation was, they shouldn't have done that in the first place. I assume there's one of the three situations that you may be thinking of. One may being you losing someone, such as them dying, or they're no longer in your life who has caused you trauma. Two, where you've got trauma caused by someone that you love. A loved one, a friend, or a family member. Three, it's self-inflicted trauma or guilt that you may. have hurt someone that you loved or or maybe you lied to them or haven't been truthful

and self-inflicted trauma could count as you being disrespectful to yourself. Maybe you gave into some temptations and didn't set yourself up for success. Or you did something that hurt yourself or hurt somebody else. Let me start off by saying. One, losing someone, whether you lose someone who you loved or hated, it can be so hard to overcome that grief. By losing someone, I don't mean just by losing someone to death. I mean, losing someone can be them leaving your life and you never speaking to them again.

Maybe your mom, who you love because it's your mom, decided to never speak to you again and leave you. That grief, even though she didn't die, can be almost even worse than a death because you know she's alive and living her life and she chooses to not be in your life and she doesn't want to be in your life. Or maybe your situation could be an ex where they may have hurt you and you made the conscious, this is. to break up with them and leave them. And maybe you're still content with your decision to leave them because they hurt you, but you have to leave them because you love yourself. But letting someone go that you loved, even though they hurt you, can feel as such big immense grief as someone died. Whatever your case may be, forgiveness can be something to work towards. And you're thinking, this person would never be sorry for what they did. They are not sorry and they hurt me so deeply.

they should never have forgiveness. Let me tell you, forgiveness is not for them. That person may have never been sorry for what they did, nor will they ever even ever be. But forgive them for yourself. Forgiving someone isn't letting someone off the hook or being desperate to take them back, nor is it for them. Forgiveness is for you and to heal you. Of course in life, we all make mistakes and there are mistakes that are made that are unexcusable that should never have been done nor be tolerated. But again, you cannot change the past and you deserve to live with a peace of mind. And you have every single right to wallow on that pain and you have every single right to feel as the victim of whatever you may have experienced.

But I want you to remember that the past is the past and as much as we wish we could change it, we can't. And you only can move forward from here. When forgiving someone, you never need to let that person know that you forgave them either. You do not need to go out of their way and message them or see them and say, I forgive you by the way for how bad that you hurt me. Let alone tell them that you forgive them if they've never even said sorry. But it's your choice if they are sorry and you want to forgive them that you can tell them that you forgive them.

But even if no one said sorry and they've never been sorry, forgive them for yourself and peace of mind. moving forward and that forgiveness can just be between you and yourself. To forgive does not mean that you would have to know answers to why they did something or why they hurt you or why they did this or why they left you. Something to understand is receiving no answer from someone is an answer itself. As hard as that may be, trust me you can go years or even an entire lifetime. I'm just wanting to know why and you may never get that why. You may never know the answer. You may never know the So stop wasting your precious life that you could be enjoying life, waiting and wondering why in waiting for the answer for them to tell you why. Not only is grieving hard when someone is not alive who has hurt you, or maybe it has nothing to do with trauma, but grieving someone who have passed in general that you loved.

Grief is grief and it is okay to grieve. Grieving is a process. It is not an overnight thing, a week thing, a month thing. it could take a year, years, or in your entire life, which is why the relationship with yourself is so unbelievably important. If you love somebody and you lose them and you didn't love yourself, let me tell you, you're going to fall apart and that's going to be it. You want to love yourself.

You want to enjoy your life. And of course, as hard as it may be to see someone you love so dearly pass or someone you loved who maybe you weren't close to anymore right before they passed, past, whatever that situation may be, you have to love yourself and be there for yourself for in case situations like that occur. Be the person that you can fall back on for yourself. If that person that you usually fall back on when you need something is gone, what are you going to do?

You need to also, for yourself, be that person for you. But moral of the story of what I was trying to say earlier is don't wait on receiving a why or an answer from someone who has caused you pain. rather do internal work with yourself to forgive them for you. Another way to look at grief of someone who is still alive, maybe they hurt you and you broke up with them or they broke up with you and they're still alive living their life, just not in your life. This could be a significant other, a relationship with your friend, a best friend,

a relationship with your family members. Whatever it may be, in this case, let's say your bestie, you and your bestie had a fight years ago. It was just devastating because one of the people that you love the most, it just ended in a blink. Whoever that person may be for you, you can always reach out after that happens. It doesn't matter how many years later it may have been. You can always reach out if you haven't and clear the air. Maybe you both can set up a lunch date to meet up, rekindle, and discuss where things went wrong.

Because let me remind you that you were only seeing a situation from your point of view. In their point of view, you may have been the person and the wrong. In her eyes, you may have been the person who hurt her. Being able to talk it out with those who are willing to and brave enough to are people who are wanting to have a relationship with you and are wanting to work things out. Because that shows strength and courage of being able to be uncomfortable, meet someone to talk at lunch, and see where things went wrong. Another way to really help, of course, your journey to heal is therapy.

I cannot stress this enough that it may take years, to find a therapist and it may go through a ton of different therapists to finally find one that actually you click with it is so crucial that you discuss and be open with those who you trust and are supportive some of the trauma or experiences you may have been holding on or unheeled parts of you that have just been stored in your heart can just eat you up alive and just can feel so unbelievably hard and diminishing where it's so important to have someone who's supportive and you trust Maybe that's not your friend or your significant other or your family member who you feel comfortable talking to. That's where a therapist can kick in.

Something that you need to be cautious of when having those unheeled parts of you is be conscious and aware to see if you find yourself temporarily numbing your pain or your sadness by using temporary distractions such as endless scrolling on your phone or laying in bed all day, going out all night every single night and getting drunk. Sometimes us being humans, we can just reach for quick fixes and outlets to numb our pain rather than touching base with what we are feeling and starting our healing journey. So a great way to start your healing journey may be finding a support group that you want to join. Because as alone and as original and independent, your past hard trauma may feel, you are not alone. I promise you when you talk to some other people, you will realize that so many other people have the exact or very similar experience to you. And then you realize that you're not alone. The many people that you pass on the street today have experienced something very similar. The many people that you pass at the grocery store have experienced something similar.

Something else that you can do that can be really therapeutic to begin healing any unheeled parts of you is journaling. get any of your thoughts out on a piece of paper and that can be so therapeutic and a great way that you can do a sort of forgiveness type of journaling is pretend that you're writing the person who hurt you a letter. So whatever that person did, you can write to them. You can write to them how you're feeling and just write this in your journal as if you were going to mail this note off to them. Or in your journal you could write to your past or your future self. Maybe to your past self. you want to say how sorry you are and how brave you were to experience that.

Or maybe you want to write to your future self saying how you feel right now, but what are you going to become in the future? Something else that is really good is to practice self-improvement and growth. As hard as this is to realize, but you cannot live stuck in the past. My love. You deserve to heal and move forward. And that does not mean that you have to be fully healed or have to forgive someone or have to fully forget about that memory or have all the answers.

But you have to begin having progress to move forward for yourself and your future self. You don't want to waste your life for them, okay? You don't want to waste your life for whatever grieving pain that you may be feeling. If you have any self-inflicted grief, maybe that you've done things in your past that you're not proud of, own up to it. You need to own up to it to yourself or work through it with someone that you trust. by owning up to it and just talking it out. Things you have done in the past, whether that hurt yourself or someone else,

can make you feel guilt as much as if someone hurt you. Talk it out, own it up to yourself, and pinpoint it. See, what caused you to do that and take that action of doing that? Maybe reach out to the person that you hurt and say, I'm so sorry for doing this. I saw where I went wrong and I did this because of this and whatever you may feel, tell them. That is bravery and coming out and being clean about something is so important for your journey to heal.

And most importantly, forgive yourself because, again, we all make mistakes in life. Even if they are unexcusable, we make mistakes and is so important to forgive yourself because, again, you cannot change the past. You can only change the future ahead of you. If we live constantly in the past, we'll never have a future. We will never have a future. Think about that because we're always going to be stuck in the past. You deserve to be happy and to become content with your past even if it was a hard one. Whether you cause that yourself or whether someone else caused that for you,

you need to be okay with letting the past go and moving forward and creating the future that you want for you. Do this for nobody else but for you because you deserve it and you deserve to be happy. I love you so unbelievably much and I hope you enjoyed this episode. maybe share this episode to a friend because you never know what they've been going through or what they've gone through in the past. Maybe share it to your family member over your story, over TikTok because it is so important that we all choose to heal. And there's no better time to do that than now. I love you guys so much. And truly, it is time for you to have the best, most productive and joyful week ever.

I love you with all my heart. It's time to create the life that you always wanted and most importantly heal. do not forget to stay busy yet pretty.