Call Her Daddy - 108- Pick me, Choose me, Love me.

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Father Cooper is BACK AT IT AGAIN detailing her violent interaction with her former New York neighbor and the recent incident where she almost killed her new LA neighbors. Classic. Then, Alex turns into a full ASMR Erotica Performer and details the skull fucking rendezvous that ended with her bodily chunks on the floor. Alex’s roommate, Lauren, is back and Alex calls her out for her Corona Dating App 101 fails. BUT, Lauren’s messaging style gets revamped before your eyes as she allows Alex to take over her phone and message the men herself. Lastly, but most important... Alex leaves the episode announcing a huge bomb Mr. Sexy Zoom man dropped on her before he left for London and a decision she must face and make by Monday. ENJOY

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your single father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Howdy ho! What's up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, back at it again! For another episode of Call Her Daddy. As you all know, I moved from New York City to Los Angeles, California. And I said in the past, listen, guys, I know a lot of you are scared. Alex, Alex, I dare you to go to the hype house. I dare you to engage in influencer activity and I dare you to sign a bang energy sponsorship I'm here to tell you that I am dating a guy in the hype house I fully signed my bang energy deal and I just got ass injections what's up motherfuckers I'm just kidding none of that happened but can you imagine would you guys still hang out with

me be honest I would love to get ass injections really put this thing right where it needs to be. The point that I was bringing up is not that I am dating Bryce Hall or Griffin Johnson. Really, I just wanted to give you guys, I realized I haven't exactly given an update on like, do I like LA? How is it? What a good question. You know, I love it. And yet it's a bit of an adjustment. As I think back to my days in New York City, I always knew this, but it's definitely like different being here and living it compared to just knowing it. New York City, you have to be a full psycho to live there. Not really, but kind of. New York City, everyone that lives there, you are programmed for stress. Fight or flight is our resting state, bitches. And I think we all know there's definitely

a little something off about that being normal. But I think it's because we take an enormous amount of pride in what we endure and how we survive every single day, day in and day out in New York City. And now living in Los Angeles, California, I'm starting to realize that everyone doesn't actually live in fight or flight mode 24 seven and look at it as normal. What a fucking concept, right? Because a normal day in New York City, sweetheart, you're not walking fast enough on the sidewalk. You're getting body slammed into a garbage truck and you're getting walking fast enough on the sidewalk you're getting body slammed into a garbage truck and you're getting taken away with the garbage because you're a piece of shit that you're not walking fast enough someone's about to miss the subway they're pushing you

onto the rails good night goodbye sorry you weren't on your game today sweetheart I gotta catch the L train like nobody is fucking around in New York and as scary as it is when you first get to New York and like you're a tourist and you go to like Times Square and it's mayhem and it's craziness once you live there it becomes so normal and addicting and then you get to Los Angeles and everyone's asleep everyone is taking a nap that's actually not true at all the pace to me seems like they're all kind of in like zombie mode of sleep but they're they're go-getters too but in such a different way it's the classic it's the basic

shit you get it you know the green juice and the yoga and the fucking meditation and the zen with the earth and you put your feet in the sand and you get yourself reconnected to whatever the fucking body soul mind whatever the fuck it is we don't do that in New York. We don't even have to work out like these humans over here on the West Coast. We don't have to work out because your workout is just going outside and you're doing an obstacle course. Get ready, get set, go open your door and you're in it to win it. Okay. You're going to get tampons. No, you're not. You're going to go through the candy cane forest. You're going to hang with the construction men. You're going to get aons no you're not you're gonna go through the candy cane forest you're gonna hang with the construction men you're gonna get a whiff of a nice fart from a man that's eating his subway the egg farts become normal you you relish in them and you walk right through them

like it's a whiff of nothing it doesn't fucking faze you meanwhile i'm pretty sure la doesn't even have subway it's illegal to eat carbs and then i'm sorry please excuse me but i have to just quickly quickly quickly touch upon something that is such a huge factor and difference between new york city and los angeles california let's quickly talk about the weather being a gal gal, being a bitch. Let's go bitch. I'm not a gal. Being a bitch from the Northeast. It's January. I know you guys know it's January, but I just have to say it.

It's January. I am so mind fucked right now. January for me and all my Northeast bitches. January equals put on the pounds, girlfriend. Stock up. Get that extra chub for winter. We let the leg hair grow to the extent that when you're wearing your sweatpants, it hurts. When I put on leggings, that type of leg hair situation, every girl knows.

It's almost poking through your fucking leggings. That's how long your leg hair is. And it hurts. It genuinely hurts when you're sleeping. It's rustling against the sheets. Your leg hair is and it hurts it genuinely hurts when you're sleeping it's rustling against the sheets your leg hair is like crinkling it starts to knot like we are Chewbacca my pussy hair can't even explain the bush it hurts also when I'm wearing a thong I'm like ow the friction is so hard and deep but it hurts so good and then I'm here in LA it just there can't even be cuffing season in LA right there nobody's

fucking hibernating 24 7 it's beautiful outside and I'm not complaining it's just it's just a readjustment it's a realignment of my backbone my back muscles I'm just trying to figure it out okay and I think maybe the best way a perfect example to really conclude the way that I'm looking at the difference between LA and New York is the difference in the humans. Okay, quick story time. Back when I had just gotten my new apartment in New York City, I had never met my neighbor. Heard about him, but never met him. Saw his rap sheet, but again,

never met him, thankfully. One day, I'm getting out of the elevator to go to my apartment, and this is the first interaction I have with this man in my entire life. I get out of the elevator heading towards my apartment and I see him gunning towards me in the dark hallway. And this man charging towards me looks at me and says, There she fucking is. The fucking bitch herself in that moment usually any girl would be very scared but i just realized you know what it's new york baby it could be a homeless man in the fucking alleyway or a psycho man in your apartment

building but as you guys can now assume, fight or flight, baby, you just handle it. That's all you do. That's all you know how to do. I diverted my eyes, tried to not make eye contact, put my head down and raced to my apartment door, fidgeted, got my keys in, immediately closed, locked the door and bunkered in my apartment,

as one would do. And then I turned on the TV, A classic day in New York City. Now let's compare my first interaction with my Los Angeles neighbors. Ah, I'm three weeks into living here, guys. I never met my neighbors. I'm peeling out of my driveway in my car, and I almost single-handedly in one swipe wipe out an entire family of five who lives next to me. It's not funny. It's terrifying. Hence why I immediately screech, stopped, put down my window. And I'm like, I am so sorry. I'm like embarrassed.

I'm like, I've never met these people. I almost just killed them. And these parents look at me and literally go, oh my God, it's so nice to finally meet you. We've heard that you have a lovely podcast. I'm like, you've heard? Through the grapevine. You haven't actually heard it.

And they're so nice. And they're like, come over whenever you want. Like, if you need anything, feel free to come for dinner. Like, you're welcome in this community, blah, blah, blah, blah. Lovely, lovely people. Shout out, Nabesies. You guys are the real ones. New York Nabesy, you're also a real one.

They're all real ones. They're just very fucking different and that is what I'm learning right now listen you can see the difference in lifestyle and it's gonna take me a minute to thin my fucking blood I had thick blood in New York I was used to getting verbally harassed pummeled on the fucking streets and I was fine with it and now I've got daisies and daffodils and I'm also okay with that I think really though like when I look at it I think they're both amazing places and I love New York I love LA I don't know where I'm gonna end up in life but I do feel like overall I'm so happy that

I made this decision to move here I was reading an Elton John quote. The way that this episode is going so far, it's like the subway farts and the Elton John quotes. You can't you can't beat the combo. Listen to me for five seconds. Elton John has a quote about Los Angeles, California, my good friend Elton. And he says this. But if you didn't keep your wits about you, if you took a wrong turn or kept the wrong company, L.A. could just as easily swallow you up. Thank you all in. Thank you all in. Love the comparison to swallow. The point is, is I get what Elton is saying. It's like L.A. can swallow you up, but it's more of like a change who who the fuck you are type bitch like you can change what you believe in and like the way you see the world and then New York like physically swallows you up and you're like on the fucking side of the road and they're just two different places anywhere you live can change you but I do have to say

right now I'm very happy and I feel like I am so happy I lived in New York City I didn't get swallowed up by that and now I'm in LA and hopefully I don't get swallowed up and start wearing crystals on my fucking necks and looking up my zodiac sign instead of reading the New York fucking times I'm enjoying myself I'm fine I'm zen before I get into this week's episode just warning you later on in the episode I'm going to be giving you an emotional update um something is currently going on with Mr. Sexy Zoo Man and I so I'm going to get into that but I'm going to try to keep this episode upbeat first and let's really kick it off with maybe I don't know Alex maybe you hit us with something fucking sexual you whore you do remember it's called her daddy i do i do i do daddy gang have you missed me talking about blowjobs ah yes it'll be on my tombstone one day

gluck glucking her way through life alex Cooper. A friend, a sister, a daughter, hopefully a wife one day. Oh, well, regardless, dick sucker, one for the ages. Okay, anyways, Alex, you really don't have to put yourself down like that. It's not. See, I don't see it as a negative. I see it as a positive. If you guys know me, I love sucking dick. And it's not because it really coats the back of my throat and does a little massage I like sucking a wiener because there is a thing that comes with it and it is control and power

when you can suck the living shit out of a man's dick in the right way and you look up at him you own that man for that time being and afterwards if you do it right and that's what I've always talked about on this podcast and I am so happy that so many girls are out there sucking and sucking and fucking however at the beginning of 2021 I christened not only my Los Angeles house for the first time but my bed and my throat, I had yet to give a blow job in 2021. And the blow job situation that I kicked 2021 off with was so different than anything I've ever done. Because for the first time in my life, when I was sucking this dick, I was not in control. And I can say that I have never had a man do this to me. Story time after this break.

Let's jump right into it and let me set the scene, Daddy Gang. The other week, I am in a bathtub with a man. You guys can use your imagination as to who you think the man is, but I'm in this bathtub. There are candles. The lights are off. We're drinking tequila, and we are 10 minutes into slow foreplay. His dick is hard. Half of it's out of the water. Half of it's still in the water. I'm taking my hand and I'm stroking the base of his cock super slowly. And then my mouth is taking care of the top of his dick that's out of the water. I'm slowly slurping it, going in circular motions with my tongue. And then slowly I start to ramp up and I'm going faster with jerking him off.

And my head starts to slap down onto the water. My face is fucked at this point. Mascara is running down, trying not to waterboard myself, but trying to suck his dick as best as I can in that tub. He then stops me and he tells me, go to the bed. He comes into the bedroom and he then instructs me to get on my back and dangle my head off the side of the bed and immediately starts thrusting his cock into my mouth. I am holding the back of his thighs while he's pushing in and out of my mouth, slowly progressing faster and deeper. And then he stops, pulls his dick out, and he says, put your fucking hands under your ass. You're not allowed to use them anymore. For the next 10 straight minutes, he is fucking my face in a repetitive cycle where he goes so far down my throat farther than

I have ever deep throated a dick his cock is in my neck and then he stops stands over me and stares down onto me with his cock jammed down my throat and then he holds it there until he sees I physically can't take it anymore to which he then starts to pull out slow as fuck taking his dick out of my throat out of my mouth inch by inch finally releases me and I'm able to get air. And just as I begin to catch my breath, every time, gasping, he looks down at me. And he says, my little slut, you're such a good girl. Are you ready? Another mouthful. Here we go.

And then he shoves it even further down my throat than the last time. And then the next time it goes farther. And then the next time. And the next time. And it progressively goes farther and farther down my throat and stays in there longer until my body physically rejects him and I am simultaneously forcing his dick out of my throat gasping for air and vomiting off of the side of the bed. He doesn't flinch. He reaches down. He picks up my face by my chin.

He looks at me and he says, good girl, now get on your knees. We're not done. He puts me on all fours on the mattress and he fucks me from behind as he's watching his cock go in and out of my pussy from the mirror beside my bed. Once I start coming, it becomes so intense.

I'm sweating. My body is becoming weak. My vision is becoming blurry. And he feels this. He fully feels me physically pulling away from him as I'm having my orgasm. And he responds by just fucking me harder, which intensifies my orgasm even further I'm soaked after coming all in one motion he flips me over onto my back jams his cock back into my mouth and fills it up with cum and looks me in the eyes, grabs my cheeks and says, swallow it. Okay. I'm assuming right now some of you may be scared and some of you may be turned on and that

is okay. I think it's normal to feel either. If you're into Dom and sub shit, this is your wet fucking dream. If you're not not you're freaking out you're like alex this actually sounds like um not consensual and this happened to you no this was fully my wet dream and i think that that's okay to admit and i've said on the podcast before like i love being in bed with a guy that's super dominant i'm very dominant in my life with work etc and so for me what get what gets me off is a guy fully taking control of me in the bedroom. And this specific position I've talked about in the past is a fucking nightmare if you don't have control. And the biggest point for me, the climax

of this story, well, maybe the climax of this entire sexual experience for me was the minute he told me to put my hands under my ass it was fucking game over in the best and the worst way I was like holy fuck because to anyone that doesn't get skull fucked on a normal basis or you've never done this it's it's a game changer because it gives you the ability to I always fake and joke like oh yeah I'm gonna hold your thighs and you're thrusting it into your face no the point is as much as you're quote-unquote thrusting his dick harder by using his legs it's a fucking facade the whole thing is I'm using also his legs to push him away when the dick is way too far down my fucking throat and in this moment when he took that ability away,

I felt like I was being like fucking tied up and it was hot and it was steamy and it was sexual. My orgasm, I don't know if I've ever had a better orgasm. I think to my surprise was in that moment when he went to fuck me from behind, I was so shocked by how wet I was. He wasn't fingering me. I wasn't touching myself when this was going down.

The whole concept of this was obviously not physically satisfying for me. I'm not a fucking masochist being like, there was something about choking and not being able to breathe. Like, no, it's not the physical aspect. It's the mental aspect of him being masculine and telling me what the fuck to do for the first time in my fucking life. And I'm like fully letting him have it. That was fucking hot. So I know that I always come on here and I give dick sucking tips of when you're in control. But if you are into Dom and sub shit, again, if you're listening to this and

you're not into this stuff, I wouldn't try it because I could see this really upsetting you actually. But in a fucked up way, when I threw up, I was like, whoa, like I was like, exhilarated by the like rush of Oh, I just he just fully pushed me to my fucking limits. And so I don't know, I just think it's fun. Like I want to have nasty ass sex. I want to try different things. And I hope you guys can too. Like just think it's fun like I want to have nasty ass sex I want to try different things and I hope you guys can too like I think it's way more common than not that girls love to feel dominated so to anyone who appreciates it there you go to anyone who doesn't don't worry the next segment won't scare you daddy gang let's fucking talk about dating apps. Oh, how the world has changed. And oh, therefore, how dating apps have changed. Every single person listening, you're either on a dating app

or you're in a relationship and you're still on a fucking dating app. Everyone has been on a dating app in their life, except for the person sitting to my fucking left. Guys, Lauren's back and this poor, poor, poor child. Actually, no, it's exciting, but poor, poor child actually no it's exciting but poor poor child lauren has never been on a dating app in her entire life never and she's finally dipping her toes in and it's it and it's a good it's good it's a disaster disaster daddy gang before we get into the horrors of disaster that is me yes um we're gonna i just want to quickly address that it's

been so fun to watch la Lauren getting on these dating apps because I forgot how much corona has changed specifically dating apps I'll take your word for it I have no oh yeah you're like I actually have no idea but I believe you and what I mean by that guys is think back to normal normal days no corona ah it's as if I can't even remember it no you can't right but think back normal dating okay you match with 20 guys on hinge oh oh 20 guys oh wow you're looking through you're looking through and you think you have your potential suitors that you would be interested in so it's thursday night okay thirsty fucking thursday oh i miss that oh god oh god my bones are jittering i'm like oh god give me alcohol

okay thirsty thursday rebecca this is how you're fucking doing your weekend ready tell me you have never fucking facetime dated this guy you've really not had many conversations with this dude you just like his fucking picture so what are you gonna do thirsty thursday comes happy hour you get out of fucking work what are you doing you're texting that one hinge guy being like hey want to meet for happy hour boom you get one hinge man under your belt during happy hour then you ditch him you go get ready with your girlfriends and you go to the you go to the bar you're at the bar you text two hinge dudes two whoa now we're at three in a weekend three in a weekend just in

thursday daddy gang you're at the bar say okay fine say one dude shows up you meet him you fucking hate him you tell your girlfriends let's oh my god we have to go to the bathroom sorry johnny we'll be right back you fucking dip you go to another bar you get another hinge man wow come meet you you have three hinge men in a thursday you wake up on friday you go to work you go back out another hinge man saturday you wake up another hinge man for brunch you have almost you eat him for brunch you eat him for brunch no you see him for brunch that used to be the norm maybe not that many but i'm just trying to like damn i'm really missing out the point is is you never had to really do background checks that much you didn't give a fuck if he ended up being a fucking weirdo serial killer who gives a fuck you're meeting

him at a bar a brunch who cares a party now Now flash forward to where we are right now in the world. Now I can contribute. Now I have some insight. Here we go, here we go. You can't go to the bar to meet him. You can't dip out and pretend you're going to the bathroom with Stephanie and then run out and get into an Uber and go to the next bar and then get the next hinge man.

You now are literally having to be way more exclusive and thoughtful about the men that you are potentially going to connect with what i mean by that is when you are on this dating app you're gonna have to meet up and it's gonna be a solo hang it's gonna be a sober hang sober mostly unless you're really getting after it and like you're going somewhere and like drinking in a park but for the most part people are doing i propose that to someone i said do you want to go drink in the park and they were like are you an alcoholic yeah i'm from new york what can i say so daddy gang now it's like hold on the game has fucking changed the stakes are higher so much fucking higher because so they say so they say i don't know because you're messaging this

person and the build-up and the texting and the pre-face time date to the actual date has never been more important because you're essentially weeding out the people and trying to find a gem that's worth breaking your bubble risking corona for and going on a one socially distanced walk can i walk with this person for five miles while drinking coffee that's what laura did and she blocked him like awful so you almost have to really do your research or you're putting yourself in a situation where one you're potentially risking corona for what a dude that you didn't even like all right listen if brad pitt has corona and you're going out on a date with him i volunteer as tribute right thank you like you're i'm going but if you find out this dude's a fucking weirdo and you

don't do your research prior and you don't have a pre-face time date with him you're a fucking idiot if you're showing up to that walk and you really don't even know if you're vibing with this person so what i'm telling you daddy gang is you need to do your fucking homework before putting yourself in a situation where you're meeting up with dudes or girls on the dating app insert lauren okay lauren gets on the dating app tell them a little bit background about how you really try to take things into your own hands well i wanted to be a strong independent woman who don't need no alex cooper you know so i didn't even tell you when i first downloaded the no you didn't hinge and i was like laying in my

bed and i'm like i got this i can do this and i put my phone down i thought it was like christmas morning i was gonna wake up the next day and have all of these men in my inbox no no one really responded to me you're like it seemed a bit um dry dry sahara looking is our wi-fi working i think we have a wi-fi problem i feel like this is so crazy hinges down like it's actually never been stronger there's so many users on it it's working perfectly so lauren and i are on a walk around our neighborhood and Lauren kind of is like hey um I I have a question I'm like yeah like can we talk you can we talk like what's going on like you're like I downloaded a dating app meanwhile me I start freaking out I'm like fuck yes like show me your profile like what have you put on it like how's it going oh my god have you matched with anyone and what happens lauren i was like i don't really know what's going wrong like i made a profile and

i've been like matching and just like shooting shooting the shot shooting the shot and i'm like great okay lauren like show me what you've been sliding in with like i'm so curious like you're saying because lauren basically came to me it's like i'm not having success like can you help me and i'm like sweetheart of course give me your fucking phone well in my mind i was like i'm 26 i want to be mature like no games no right no like stupid little one-liners i'm gonna come in with like a nice mature respectable response slide in slide in slide in and what do you say lauren hey comma how are you in that moment when she showed me that i looked at her and i said you're a fake friend you clearly don't fucking listen to call her daddy lauren i just about died a little inside but i said it's okay you're a new incomer you don't know that that is a cardinal fucking sin lauren

mcmullen i have said to the daddy gang listen if you're kendall jenner you can slide in with a dot literally a dot and send it off leonardo dicaprio boom unless we are goddamn supermodels we have to put in a little bit of work and unfortunately on top of that right now i think that dating apps are so saturated with a bunch of people that have been on the shit for so long you gotta fucking stand out because i bet a lot of people are idle on this app they're like oh another fucking chick asking me how the fuck i am i'm shit this week like nobody really wants to fucking hey how are you it's starting so slow so finally i'm like lauren it's totally fine this is literally what i'm here for like i'm so happy to help you and i take her phone and i just start

messaging all of them going fucking ham for her changing my password putting your face on my face id denying me access yeah i'm like lauren you're out i'm in let's go and but like this is it was crazy because like i didn't i haven't interacted with you in like many of these types of settings before because i was never like coming to you for advice guys yeah like i wasn't like walking down the street and be like oh fuck he's hot how do i get him alex right um so you know like i didn't have like i didn't i don't want to say i doubted you but like you know like i hadn't really seen you in action full full force right i gave you my phone for 15 minutes you handed it back every single person had responded now i was like fuck i'm overwhelmed

lauren's like this is too much and then what no thank you i it just takes practice you're gonna get there too even now i see you oh you believe me i do believe in you and if not i'll just take your phone i'll do it for you the point also is like who gives a fuck if your friend is messaging for you at the end of the day it's just how you show up once you're fucking in person i know you're gonna kill it it's just a different mindset of texting and being savvy with it and you have literally been out of the game for seven fucking years i would be shocked if you're like slinging one-liners and like learning like knowing exactly how to like go to the facetime date and transition it's like whoa but the facetime date was a bit shocking let's talk about that so lauren finally

gets the point i get her we're about to facetime like a couple guys i've got her a few dates ready lined up i'm super excited mom literally and the day of her first facetime date comes up this is how the progression went lauren is going to do her first facetime date and she facetimes you weren't home i wasn't home and she facetimes me to like check her lighting and i'm like what the fuck are you doing okay when i say what the fuck are you doing it's because lauren is sitting i can tell she's facetiming me off of her computer because the quality was so bad you hadn't like wiped your camera off for me so bad she's working my poor students who like look at me like literally she's working at this desk that she works out for work

i had my full like where i sit where i teach like it was my zoom background zoom background and she's like hurting i'm not fucking joking notebook out pen open like ready and your hands are crossed i know and i'm like lauren i'm uncomfortable and i'm getting nervous like are we is there an interview like what are you doing and she was like oh my god I'm like you need to first of all you need to FaceTime him on your fucking phone second of all get up out of that chair you are going to scare this man because you look like you've been planning this FaceTime date your entire fucking life I've been planning it for the past five hours but it's fine you know that literally okay exactly we need to make it look fluid and if anything I have like a quick thing that i usually do daddy gang and i told lauren and it sounds

fucking like very minuscule and weird but i promise it works a lot of times when i like open when i answer first facetime date i'm always standing and i'm walking somewhere in my house wild it's wild concept isn't it weird when i told you that lauren you were like huh but there's something about it that like makes it less awkward. Like I'm not sitting here waiting at the desk like Lauren, like hello, Benjamin, let us begin. We are in session. It's more like, oh, like you're walking to your kitchen.

Oh, hey, like what's up? Oh my God. And then you can quickly do the joke of like, oh my God. And then you pause as you're walking. You're like, this is the best moment. You're not a catfish. We're good to go. And then you pause as you're walking you're like this is the best moment you're not a catfish we're good to go and then you like keep walking you go you get yourself a water and it just makes it less awkward and like pressure of like literally like sitting and waiting for a facetime date make it

fluid boom do you agree no i did change it right he told me that and i wish i knew that because i full-on had an interview my first um FaceTime and then you also told me like you need to have an out like you need to like yes you need to make a subtle comment in the beginning whether you know you're gonna like him or not that like you have something coming up even if it's the best conversation you don't need to FaceTime for more than like 20-25 fucking minutes do you want to know how long my first FaceTime was I was about to say Lauren let them know how long your first FaceTime was it was two and a half hours and it only stopped because my phone died lauren didn't know how to be like i didn't know how to be like well i think this is good like we should stop we don't

need to just keep making endless conversation that is so so fucked. It's so common, though. The amount of people that are like, how do I end this? This is so awkward. You guys just have to go into it. And I told you, you always just have to have an out. And you say it in the beginning of the conversation, not the end where he gets insecure. And you're like, oh, I forgot to tell you, like, I have this doctor's appointment. He's like, right.

You just start in the beginning and be like, oh, like, what's up? And you're like, good. Like, I have to go to a doctor's up and you're like good like i have to go to a fate i have to go to a doctor's appointment or like oh i have to go pick my friend up from like work and like a little bit like what are you up to boom immediately you establish you're out so then the minute that you're ready to get out of there you just reference back and it's not fucking awkward noted and noted and that way you won't be two hours deep in a long conversation with a man that you ended up blocking now the

thing is moving off from the facetime dates and hopefully after the facetime date you guys can like decide like okay i like him or not but you're not in the fucking clear post facetime from facetime to actually meeting in person there's so much room to fuck up okay and thankfully lauren it wasn't you that fucked up for once for once daddy gang this is like so fucking sad but basically lauren matched with this guy and this dude again lauren is looking to just hook up with people so we're really and i think it's good sometimes like i don't think there's anything wrong with go on a dating app and know your goal like what is your end game like lauren's not looking for a boyfriend so obviously we're looking at fucking sorry man of la i know you want to marry me but not yet if it's not happening but i think it's okay to like it's be superficial

and be like you're just looking to hook up and fuck like so then we're looking i'm listening sorry you're just looking to have a nice have a nice nighttime kiss yeah um you're looking to get fucked and so naturally we're we're gonna look at people's features like we're looking at does the dude look like he has a good fucking body i can't tell you the amount of dudes girls everyone gets it the amount of fucking dudes that put too many pictures of them surfing hiking skiing and you can't see their photo you can't see that is nothing for me and you can't see their photo you can't see that that's nothing for me and you can't see their face and then the one photo that is of their face they have sunglasses thank you absolute pass that means his face is fucking busted sorry dude but no seriously show your

fucking face this is a dating app what are you trying to hide eventually i'm gonna find out if i fucking meet you and then the second one i already talked about this on my social media but a quick thing is like don't put fucking five nine in as your height if you actually are five nine we are this is the thing from girls when a guy puts five nine we think you're five seven yeah everyone rounds up two inches two exactly and so if you are five nine i've had guys message me be like wait i am five nine and i put five nine you're a rare breed buddy round the fuck up say you're at least five ten five eleven say you're five eleven five ten and a half because then we think you're five nine and if that and that's just the rule so anyway so laurence hurts blocking guys when we realize he's five nine because we immediately think he's five seven and she wants a tall hot

guy okay men men literally objectify us here we go fuck you guys you want big tits and a nice ass and a perfect little hourglass go fuck yourselves i want a big dick abs and above six foot goodness sorry i'm uncomfortable so lauren finds this guy and we're like he totally looks like a little fratty right yeah he like had that like douche vibe but we only were fucking with him because he was hot had abs and he was 30 if he was in his 20s i'd say he was like no so lauren and i start messaging him and i'm fully having a conversation with him on this app and we are hitting it off one-liners back and forth we're joking god we're in love at this point lauren's like in the bathroom showering and i'm fully sexting this dude so we start hitting it off at like four o'clock and lauren

and i are having so much fun with this shit we we start doing stalking, and we see, like, all of his friends follow Call Her Daddy or follow me. His ex-girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend follows me, so we're like, okay, this dude obviously knows about the show. And, like, I guess our mindset was just, like, if you know about Call Her Daddy and, like, I'm your roommate, you would think that this dude would be more suave,

or just, like, on his game. I thought he was going to be down for the mindset of, like, let's just, like, have a good time fuck around right right and like come off like cool mature yeah it's going great we literally get to the point it's thursday we're planning to literally meet up with him and his friends and do a social socially distance beach sunset wine night and just like all hang i was gonna go with lauren he killed it he literally in six hours we're like boom also because we're just like we just want to fucking see a guy with abs like let's just go and he had friends we wanted to yeah we wanted to infiltrate the friend group yeah at 12 o'clock lauren and i

are like all right sayonara go to bed go into our rooms i get a text from lauren lauren what do you text me i think he just drunk texted me and i'm like oh like wait really and you're like oh wait no he absolutely did and his drunk text what he drunk texted lard again they have we have literally corresponded with this man maybe for 14 texts 20 texts back and forth and we have plans on saturday bro all you had to do was turn your phone off and we'll see you Saturday. What is his text? The vino is really flowing with the boys tonight. I'm feeling quite litty titty. Oh, that made me uncomfortable. Dude, Lauren's like this 30 year old man just texted me that he is quote unquote litty titty.

Litty titty. I've never said litty titty to anyone in my life litty titty and immediately in that moment the guy just fucked himself over we blocked him less is more guys like i was like holy shit like this dude completely just fumbled the bag he had you and i both showing up on a fucking saturday to go hang with him and he drunk texted you and i think in that moment like we're not assholes. We're just trimming the weeds. Trimming the fat. Yeah.

We were like the weeds, trimming the fat. Bottom line, we got to be selective. This is the one person we're seeing this weekend. I'm not trying to meet up with someone who's going to be sloppy on the beach and can't handle their liquor. Exactly. We're not being assholes. It's more just like we he showed his true colors so early on that it was like if he's

acting like this before we even meet, was like, if he's acting like this before we even meet, this isn't a, he's going to be blackout falling into the ocean and we're going to be rescuing him, giving him CPR and he's going to be too fucked up to fuck you. And the goal is to get fucked. And if he's fucked up, he can't fuck. So therefore roasted, sorry guy, but therefore you block. Thank you.

Next. sorry guy but therefore you block thank you next during corona you're if you are on active on dating apps you're the rate of blocking people needs to fucking increase and i know that sounds like i'm joking but i'm not i was scared to block them like i feel too bad that's too mean i can't block anyone and what did i say to you lauren you owe this person nothing nothing you've never met them i think people got to get a little bit more ruthless on dating apps like daddy gang you don't have fucking time we have all the time in the world we're in quarantine but you don't have time aka time because you have so many people to weed through to find that one to go on the fucking date with and and risk getting fucked with like you want to have good sex you got to work work to get there this is like my second job now it

literally is dude it's literally a fucking second job so anybody that's feeling down in the dating app game you haven't had much success all i can say is the process you're probably doing better than me no that's a great way to wrap it up no you're doing great lauren here quickly just great sweetie quick tip is from what i've been trying what I've been seeing from success with when I'm messaging on Lauren's app is getting off the app as fast as possible leaves you the biggest success rate to have success with someone aka the minute you get on there you're not asking hey how are you the first step is getting a witty slide in get these people to answer you then you need to get off the app give them your number start texting the oh hold on i'm taking notes okay get your notebook out i'll just do it for you

and then after you get you give them the number and you basically tell them i'm down like would you want to like do like a socially distance hang like let's like get wine let's get lady titty let's get lady titty baby immediately that makes you stand out because the amount of girls or guys marinating in their fucking dms that hasn't slid in with their number yet because they're waiting to see if he's the right one no get the fucking number then you can block them if you don't like them transition to texting then you're in their fucking text messages okay then once you're in their text messages the next step is get on a facetime date joke about let me double check that you're not a catfish and then we can have an actual date you get on the facetime you give yourself an out in the beginning you go on the facetime boom we hate him block boom we like him schedule the date

show up to the fucking date close are you putting the spark notes online putting spark notes on daddy gang and the last and final point to all of that if you are in the situation you know i was gonna say even if you're in the situation that lauren's in where you just want to hook up but even fuck that if you're looking for a relationship either or when you have a successful date off of the dating app aka you lauren you just had a good one you like this guy i don't care it doesn't matter i don't know you're looking me in the soul right now i don't care no getting closer it doesn't matter you have to continue to engage on the dating app after having a successful date and look for more guys look for more girls because god forbid all of a sudden that dude decides to ghost you or that girl goes to you or falls mia is gone

gets covid whatever all of a sudden or or you have sex with this dude and all of a sudden the sex fucking sucks and then it's like oh go get another guy and then i look at you i'm like we'll ask answer another dude and you're like well i haven't been interacting with any new men you have to constantly at least have two that's my one rule because then also if you don't have two at least in your playbook right now what happens lauren i'm gonna like fall into the trap where i'm like having cheese with him on wednesday playing tennis with him on thursday going on a hike with him on saturday these are all dates oh my god you're like tennis hikes i'm like holy shit but exactly you ladies and gentlemen daddy gang please remember never ever ever put yourself in a situation where there's one person that you're fully focused on

in the dating game because you will get fucked and also that energy will translate and they will feel that and it's so much better when you have a multiple spread the love spread the fucking i think i'm gonna be serious here for for a few minutes. Please, bring it. So last week, I obviously gave a very detailed explanation of my breakup and how that was not an easy thing for me to do at all. And thank you so, so much to all the messages I got of people saying that, like, that changed the course of their life. Like, that means so much for me to hear. Yeah.

I just thank you. It's amazing. It is such a cool thing, Daddy Gang, I feel the same way. like that means so much for me to hear yeah it makes i just i know it's amazing yeah it's so it is such a cool thing daddy gang i feel the same way whenever you are vulnerable on this show to then have people be like oh shit that helped me yeah it's awesome yeah i love that um but people were asking me in my dms like how are you going to be able ready to date again or like i bet people are sitting here right now like how is she after saying that talking about this now but you have to like remember leading up to the relationship it

like i said it was not an overnight decision for me like i had started to mourn the relationship almost in my mind a little bit before the relationship was over and i think we also said last week too like how you have to be really okay feeling uncomfortable and like welcome it and like welcome it with like open arms literally the moment that i broke up with him like you leaned the fuck in i didn't try to delay this mourning process i didn't try to push away the sadness i fully embraced it and i grieved yeah for months yep i didn't try to push away the sadness. I fully embraced it. And I grieved. Yeah. For months. Yep.

I didn't. The whole time I was in New York, I didn't even think about. Honestly, I haven't even thought about like guys in this way until a week and a half ago when I downloaded this app. Right. And I think that's why I'm coming across so like like a fucking middle schooler because I haven't thought about guys in this way since you were 18 years old since a week and a half ago right for seven years like

this is like my sexual awakening literally and I will know Lauren I appreciate you bringing that up because daddy gang I've I've done like some breakup episodes but not to go so deep here but I admired you so much in that grieving process because i do think and i've done it myself there are times where you go through a breakup girls we've all been there guys are known for this notorious you break up and you black it out you try to numb it alcohol going out drinking whatever i did do some of that but like people sometimes immediately go and have sex and you try it's it's almost denial but i agree your lead-up time to the breakup allowed you to fully embrace and grieve and mourn and that way you've now i mean we have talked each

other's ears off yeah i've let you sit there for hours not let you happily allowed you to sit with me and be like let's talk about it again let's talk about it again let's go over it let's go over it so that you're right a week and a half ago you finally were like I'm ready and to backtrack a minute the few months before my move you were out of New York City um I was nannying a ton and I'm so gracious and so grateful and thankful because i was homeless um because my name is currently still on a lease i don't even know if we've discussed that right you guys were in a lease together and then you guys you you left but you're still paying there yeah so i so i i couldn't pay two rents so i got so lucky the family i nannied for um has a shit

ton of money and they've i had like worked my ass off for them so they're like go stay in our empty house in brooklyn so for the month leading up to my move here i was living in a five-story mansion alone in brooklyn that had no furniture besides a bed i was alone with my thoughts for a fucking long time dude that is dark yeah and i had so many moments of like i want to text him i wanted to go see him i definitely did one or two times i'm not gonna lie there but i sat alone in this giant ass house and every single thought that i was feeling led you to now be able to be where you are right now on the dating app exactly i lauren and i were having a conversation about it if anyone's listening that is either going through a breakup or is considering going through a breakup in quarantine i think a lot of people's thoughts immediately go to there is no worse time than to go through a breakup in quarantine because there's no distractions oh

my god how am i ever going to go through this breakup I can't go out to the bar with my friends. I can't go to school. Good. Good. Good. Everyone listened to me. All of the distractions that you think are going to help you get not pay attention to how much you're hurting. Distractions just prolong the process of moving on. Preach it the longer you distract yourself then it's six months down the line that you're finally addressing it and then that's also six months of you drunk calling him and crying to him and all of those emotions mean you're still not over it if you do what lauren did and you force yourself into like basically sit in solitary confinement with your own thoughts then you're gonna feel like months exactly months feel like years and so in his fucked up way i would almost say quarantine is the best time to go through a breakup lean the fuck into how you're feeling and go full force because when you go full force then you are able

to fully grieve fully get over it fully mourn and move on. I can like very happily say like, I'm not in LA sending drunk texts to my ex right now because I leaned into it so much and we were talking and like, I think that's because when you're sending drunk texts, that's a sober thought you haven't explored yet. Totally. Lauren, do you think that there was just to help anyone listening? Was there a specific moment that you knew you were ready to get on the dating apps? I think like when I felt like whole, I didn't want to jump onto a dating app because I felt lonely because I hadn't urged to text my ex and I'm like, oh, let me just text a random guy in this dating app. I wanted to handle all those things myself and like resolve all those things internally before getting on a dating app i didn't want to start this new

dating journey projecting all these unsolved issues onto all these new people that is just a full statement of maturity right there i'm so impressed and i will be the first to admit i have absolutely failed in doing that myself at times i I admit I definitely have not been proud of myself sometimes when I get out of talking to door number three or when I did break up with Slim Shady. Sometimes I have been immediately throw myself into another talking relationship, texting, etc. Because it's fun. Boys are fun. Like you want to talk to them. But then all of a sudden you're right. All of a sudden those underlying issues arise when you're talking to that guy and then you can't

even fully be present because no i just i like you talk not for yourself and i threw myself onto my friends yeah you i've through i have i have like face slammed and body checked you to the floor fully fully body checked and i'm okay with it because i'm in a place too in my life where i'm like you were there for me first through a breakup and you watched me go to maybe the darkest place i've ever been in my life and you picked me up from that that's just what friends do so when you came to me i'm like here we go yeah pick it back up doesn't mean i'm not fucking terrified totally when you were driving me to my first date shitting your pants shaking i was physically shaking and how did the date go

well i got in the car at first and i was like i i think it went well like we talked non-stop for two and a half hours and like you were like asking me questions and pushing me and you were like well was there an intimate connection did you flirt with him did you feel like you wanted to like kiss this guy and i was like well no like it was the first date like you know maybe i'm not gonna feel those things yet and like you're so good about like calling me out and you're like lauren like we've just you've discussed to me what you were lacking in your last relationship and i don't want you to just continue you're pushing me out of my comfort yeah i basically said to you listen you have expressed to me that you want an more intimacy like you want to get into a relationship or like not a relationship but you want to hook up with

someone that the physical specifically physically right now is huge for you and you were more in the friend situation with your ex and i'm trying to be like lauren you've got to start literally flirting like you've got to get better at like pushing yourself i gotta get better flirting no but like pushing yourself to be like make some sexual comments not you don't have to be full call her daddy on these guys i get it like this show sometimes is crazy but you need to push yourself out you tend to friend zone guys and you can talk about work for 24 7 but then it almost gets to a point girls can you relate i've done this to guys sometimes but i do it in the more joking sarcastic way where we joke almost too much that then it's like wait how do we even be serious around each other like i hate when i do that with guys i would when i was younger i would take it too far that i'm like how do i even have a serious

car i did that with the canadian all we did i forgot about him it was just like constant banter like let's dig on each other and how then are we gonna have an emotional conversation so i'm proud of you though because then after you really sat and you realized this first date this guy was great but i didn't feel a spark with regard to like I didn't want him to rip my clothes off like I wasn't really like oh like I want to like hook up with this dude yeah and so you blocked him and so you blocked him and that's been a journey for you too I think you're kind of like we're the devil and the angel here I think and but in a good way I think we have such different dating styles and that is fine but

I do think we can kind of give each other both good things like you're helping me be in what i'm trying to deal with right now which i'll talk about in a little bit guys um with mr sexy zoo man but then you i think are you need a little bit of like uh lauren you your time is valuable you can block these people you owe them nothing that concept yeah that's like really foreign to me no i think it speaks to like we have such different lives and then we're sitting here. And I hope that people can appreciate like Lauren has a different perspective on dating. And I have a very different perspective on dating. And I'm going to have to talk to them about what's going on with me in a little bit. But I appreciate you coming on, Lauren, and being super vulnerable.

I think people are really liking to hear your side of things because I know my stories are super crazy. And I try to make them as relatable as possible but i think you're in a very very relatable stage of your life and people are really appreciating hearing from you thank you for all the love and the support and now i'm gonna pass the mic and big al what's going on with you all right mr sexy zoom man update there's something about telling a few million people that really forces you to face reality. Basically, Daddy Gang, I've been avoiding thinking about something huge. And I'm finally like, okay, I need to confront this. Before Mr. Sexy Zoom Man left for London, we had a conversation.

And in that conversation, he told me he's all in but more importantly he told me that he is in love with me and he asked me to take this month while he's gone in London and figure out what I want and he told me we can discuss when he gets back, AKA February 1st, AKA on Monday. As you can probably hear, I'm having a bit of an internal crisis. There's a lot going through my head right now. There's a lot of emotions because I care about this person so much and i and i want to make sure that i'm making the right decision i don't want to screw this person

over he's literally everything i've ever explained wanting in a guy for me for the daddy gang and for some fucking reason i'm terrified i'm freaking the fuck out and and i don't know why so he didn't give me an ultimatum but he did ask me to have some type of answer when he gets back. And I respect him. I don't want to be an asshole and act like I didn't fucking think about this once. But the truth is, I've been blocking it out.

Like I said, I haven't let my mind go there. I've been avoiding it. And I haven't really faced reality at all. And now I feel like everything is just crashing down and slapping me in the face. I have five fucking days till he's back. And I'm so excited. Having this man look at me and tell me he's in love with me it was amazing but I didn't even know what to fucking say I don't know what to do why and I'm

frustrated with myself I feel like I have something so perfect in front of me and I'm so fucking terrified that I'm gonna fuck this up if I go for it I'm gonna fuck it up and I'm so fucking terrified that I'm going to fuck this up. If I go for it, I'm going to fuck it up. If I don't go for it, I'm going to fuck it up. And I'm just, I'm just, I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I don't know what I'm going to do. Okay. We are not done this episode. Quickly before we close this out. Daddy gang. Is this on?

Yeah. Daddy gang. We need to give an update on Litty Titty Man. Why is it so funny right now? L titty man like we just said fully got blocked fully did the cardinal sin fully fucked up okay lauren blocked his phone number he clearly saw we did a vlog if you guys don't watch the vlogs watch the vlogs we did a vlog where we called him out we're like this dude clearly doesn't fuck like why did he send that okay he just slid into lauren's hinge and he fully just because he's locked on my phone yes fully just resurrected his reputation he just rose from the fucking dead and i think you're absolutely now about to text him and

potentially fuck please read what he just slid in with because as a man to recover from what he did and also to recover from the public humiliation we just put him through and literally just roast him on a vlog lauren read what he just slid in with using the term litty titty was a pretty egregious offense there has to be a psychology term for turning completely socially illiterate due to a complete lack of social interactions during a global timeout. Anyway, regrettable? Undoubtedly. Recoverable? Unlikely. We're shooting my shot to see if I can get a rain check for the wine night? Absolutely.

I'm heading away this weekend but would love to find a night for some vino, a sunset, and good vibes when I get back. If not, totally appreciate that too too but figured it was worth a shot oh damn damn we won the vocabulary that man just threw the fuck in there i'm wet i'm wet egregious offense love that he's got a brain okay immediately he just resurrected and lauren was like do you want to text him right now no no no you didn't say that you said can you answer him for me and then i said no we'll answer him in the morning daddy gang that is it for this week's episode look at that you can resurrect from

the fucking dead and i will be resurrecting from the fucking dead and telling you what the fuck is going on in my life and what the fuck i decide and what the fuck happens and i'm gonna shit my pants and next week is going to be what is next week gonna be it's gonna pop the fuck off yeah there's gonna be a lot of emotional shit potentially happening i have no idea where i'll be but what i do know is when i release this i will be in therapy for a two-hour session doubled the fuck up so litty titty man great work I hope you all get Litty Titty tonight. Good night. Daddy get you to the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.