Call Her Daddy - 110- Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

A week into being in a relationship and shit has already hit the fan for Father Cooper. Although on a journey to health and wellness, when times get tough sometimes a little toxicity just slips out like an unexpected shart. This week, Father Cooper takes a back seat to the daddy gang and shifts the spotlight. Get ready for questions of the week like you’ve never heard before... CUE HER RAP DEBUT. Father Cooper tackles a plethora of topics ranging from how to approach pegging a guy to how to approach a boyfriend who refuses to celebrate valentines day. Oh, and is it fucked up to date your best friends ex? Most importantly...will the real slim shady please stand up?

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your single father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Zippity-doo-dah, zippity-yay, my oh my, what a shitty fucking day. Daddy Gang, what is up? It is your founding father, Beckett and again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. Hello, everyone. How are you doing today? I am just glorious. And let me tell you why. It is about over a little over one week into officially having a boyfriend, dating Mr. Sexy Zoo Man, and it is going fucking terrible. Cue the breakup. No, I'm just kidding. I'm going to bring you guys through a little journey that I went through this past weekend, and I'm going to explain why it's so terrible, okay? What were you all doing this past Friday night?

I'm going to tell you, as you can assume, what I was doing this past Friday night. It was about to be date night. Bitches, I told you, Mr. Sexy Zoo Man got home and we went right into the baby shower rave. And that was three's a company, you know, it was nice having Lauren there. But then we decided maybe, just maybe maybe we should do a personal date night. And Lauren wasn't even upset about it. She said, listen, guys, I'm still recovering from DJing and I'm getting a lot of increase to schedule me for DJ. So we said, Lauren, you go spin your beats.

We're going to go on a nice date night. So Mr. Sexy Zoo Man and I plan our date night. He doesn't tell me where we're going. He just says, get dressed, put on some heels. I'm taking you out. And I am thrilled. I am so excited so far. The relationship has popped off a week in no fights. We love to see it. So I'm getting ready at his house, feeling great. And then we go to leave. We get in the car, we're in his garage and I am like, oh fuck, I forgot my mask. I run back inside, turn off his alarm, grab my mask and leave for the night. We have the best date night.

It was so amazing. So fun. Such good times. Laughs, cries, all the fucking things. And then we get home and we weren't even hammered. We had a couple of drinks. We were feeling good, but we knew we wanted to rage on Super Bowl Sunday, so we weren't getting too litty-titty, as one would say on Hinge.

So we get home and we're just going to go right up to bed, maybe watch a movie, have sex, go to sleep. We walk upstairs and Mr. Sexy Zoom Man walks into his closet. I'm sitting on the bed taking off my shoes and I hear him say, babe, did you leave my closet like this when you ran back inside? I say, what? I walk into his closet and there's just like a pile of sweaters on the ground. And I'm like, no, I don't wear sweaters. Tits out for the fucking boys, you stupid bitch. I'm like, no don't wear sweaters tits out for the fucking boys you stupid bitch I'm like no I didn't touch that maybe you like didn't realize you like knocked your sweaters off because this man is clean as fuck he is a neat freak he like likes his shit to stay organized so he's like I

didn't leave my fucking closet like that but you slob I could see you doing that I'm like no I didn't do that and then we kind of both just stare at each other and then I go back out into the bedroom and I notice that the nightstand on my side of the bed that I sleep on the drawer is open I turn around and he's standing in the closet doorway facing out to me staring at me in the bedroom and he looks at me and he goes someone has been in this house mr sexy zoo man then proceeds to go to the corner of his bedroom pick up his metal bat says stay here right now and starts running around his house going through every single bathroom every

single closet and is looking to see if someone is still in the fucking house he goes downstairs and all of a sudden as I'm sitting in the bedroom I hear him say holy fucking shit immediately I want to see what the fuck is going on I get off the bed I run downstairs and I see him standing in front of a window completely broken in and shattered I'm standing there paralyzed realizing you fucking idiot you didn't turn back on the fucking alarm and I'm realizing this whole thing is happening because of me I turned off the alarm grabbed my fucking mask and he had literally said just turn back on he literally tells me every single time just turn back on the alarm every time i forget my fucking chapstick my tampon whatever my fucking life my sanity my brain and i forgot this time and i ran back out in a rush i completely forgot and there

we are his house got fucking robbed and so i'm standing in the kitchen and he pulls up the security footage and he starts going fucking in he finally backs it up far enough to 10 minutes after mr sexy zoo man and i got in the car and left for dinner three men jumped his back fence and broke into his home 10 minutes after we left for dinner So clearly these men were fully watching us. Now, right now, you are probably wondering why I am telling you this story on Call Her Daddy. This sucks. This is scary. This is not a crime podcast, okay? You're not crime junkie, bitch. You're Call Her Daddy. And I sure as hell am not turned on right now.

I'm shaking in my boots. You guys have more faith in me. You guys know there is going to be a nice Call Her Daddy twist to this story. And really only the Daddy Gang will see the true depth behind what I'm about to unveil. After the initial shock, Mr. Sexy Zoo Man was making calls to everyone. And in between one of the phone calls he was making to his lawyer, his dad, whoever the fuck, he walked into one of the spare bedrooms. He goes in and he starts sifting through a bunch of the drawers. And I follow him and I'm like, what are you doing? Like,

we never go in this room like what are you looking for and he stops and he goes damn they took your valentine's day gift too now listen in that moment yes I was upset the burglary was awful and I am sorry about your missing Rolexes and I am sorry for the invasion but I'm not gonna lie my ears definitely perked up a little bit more when I realized there was a gift there was a gift a gift you said a gift right not a gif or a jif or jiffy lube what the fuck there's a gift hold on back up Bruno and he looks at me and he goes yeah I went and I got you a Valentine's Day gift and I hid it in this room knowing your snooping ass would's gone in this moment my mind immediately goes to thinking

but was there ever even a gift and I start to be like all right hold on I'm trying to be healthy here I'm not trying to jump to any conclusions. I have to just do some investigative work, put on my inspector gadget pants and just ask him. As I'm about to pop a few questions, easy breezy, clear my mind of any concern that he's lying, clear the air, his contractor calls him and they And they engage in a 45 minute meeting to essentially remodel and up the security tenfold on this man's home. Meanwhile, I'm over here now just sitting here twiddling my thumbs, going down a full rabbit hole, convincing myself my boyfriend's a full liar. There was never a gift. There couldn't have been so cue me sitting 45 minutes i essentially have to listen to this man building a moat around his

home i am now going to be partially living in king's motherfucking landing this man is like i want 98 cameras i want men on the grounds i want the stakes that go up 17 feet high i want no onlookers driving by my fucking house to even see the beauty of my house no one will penetrate this compound and i'm over there like i'm so happy that you're so excited to be like raising snapping turtles and build a fucking pond in your backyard you you psycho. Unfortunately for you and me, I am fully regressing over here. And what I mean by regression, you have to just picture as he morphed into Bob the Builder, I began to turn in to motherfucking Maleficent

or whatever the fuck is the evilest, psychotic, most unwell character in a fucking Disney movie that's me the poor man had no idea that him building his dream home was essentially also crushing his own life because when he got off that phone he was going to look across the room and make eye contact with a beautiful, beautiful Alex Cooper version of a Chucky doll. Hi, babe. Come on over. Welcome to the fucking psych ward.

And I don't want to be committed to that psych ward. I want out. I don't want this life for me. So I'm like, okay, breathe, breathe, breathe. And I'm channeling timing, tone, and turf. You guys remember back sex with Emily, God bless you. She was like, when you address your partner in a healthy way, you have to keep in mind timing, tone, turf. And I'm just singing. Imagine me singing in the corner, timing, tone, turf. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, timing, tone, turf.

I'm losing my fucking mind, but I'm trying to keep this in mind. I'm about to be approaching this man, post his house just getting broken into because of my dumb ass. I need to be very, very smart about how I go about this. So back to timing and toning and turfing and all the fucking things. Set the mood. I decide, all right, he's about to get off the phone. Go over, crack two beers. Set the mood. Put some music he's about to get off the phone go over crack two beers set the mood put some music on put a candle on get ready calm him down and then infiltrate so he finalizes the shipment of the snapping turtles and he ends the conversation

with his contractor he sits down on the couch it's time. I slip my tiny little hand down onto his ginormous cock and I look up at him and I say, baby, let's talk about that gift because I want to see the receipt. In that moment, really trying to give you guys a full image, he almost spits out his entire beer onto my face. And the penis definitely goes a little soft. He says, what? I say, listen, now, baby, listen, listen. This isn't about you. And this isn't even about me.

This is about the Dottie gang. He literally gets like angry like his face turns red he goes alex what the fuck why are we talking about your show right now i say listen hear me out i cannot be a hypocrite if this was roles reversed and daddy gang told me this story i would make them go right back in there and not come out until they had receipts and you have to understand I have to practice what I preach can you guys tell now when I say the show really affects my fucking life so like the goddamn mcdreamy mcsteamy perfect man that he is. He picks up his phone, opens the Gmail app, and hands me his phone showing me a nice chunky receipt for some beautiful jewelry that had been purchased that week. I look up at him. I say, well, look how easy that was. He's like, get out of my house. No, I'm like, look how easy that was. See, I always knew. And that's the thing, baby. I knew,

I knew that was, I knew you did. I, it's just the daddy gang. They just needed a little bit of reassurance and they just wanted their proof. You know, the proof is in the pudding and the pudding and the proof is the receipt. And that's all we needed's go to bed come on he's like you're a psycho i'm like i know but that's why you love me daddy king it honestly was one of those moments that i was happy i was elated definitely that he did actually have a receipt but i think in that moment lesson learned was like trust you know what a concept i'm in a relationship trust is huge and I'm gonna have to trust moving forward jokes aside because whatever I was fucking psycho but he forgave me the the point was though like it was a pretty fucking terrifying situation seeing that footage and then on top of that I felt

so terrible and guilty that I had left his alarm off um It was pretty amazing having him as a partner just be like, Alex, it's fine. Like they took material shit. We can replace all of that. I'm just happy that we weren't home and like we're safe and it's fine. And like, I love you and it's going to be fine. And I just started crying because I'm like, I'm a piece of shit. But I'm not going to lie, after that entire situation, he was like, please don't skip therapy again this week. I was like, Julie noted, totally fair. And goodbye. Okay. Daddy gang. Here's the thing. Last week I canceled therapy. That's why Mr. Sexy zoom in. I was like, please don't cancel again. I canceled my therapy session. Cause I straight up was like, I did a therapy session last week in that episode. It was the

deepest I've probably ever been on a Call Her Daddy episode about my life. But also, I talked so much about myself in that episode. And then I did this fucking intro. I'm going to shut the fuck up about myself. And now the rest of this episode is about to be about you. May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're going to have a problem here.

Y'all act like you never heard of questions before. Jaws on the floor like me and Zoom just burst through the door. I started sucking his dick way worse than before. They first were divorced, throwing her overboard. It's a return. Oh, wait. No, wait. You're kidding.

She didn't say what I just think she did, did she? And Brunette said, nothing, you idiot. Brunette's dead. She's locked in my basement. Feminist love colored ad. Chicka, chicka, chicka chicka slim shady i'm sick of him looking him walking around grabbing you know what flipping that you know who fuck you it's time for questions welcome back mother that sounded very very very different than france i just i just wanted to get a little tricky with it this week i was really feeling ambitious and i just had lauren sit in

the room with me and video record me so i will post that one to social media if you're interested in what my face looked like as I started to pursue my rap career. Anyways, Daddy Gang, let us get into because there are some great and I mean great ones this week. So we are first kicking it off. Here we go. Hi, Father Cooper. Another Valentine's Day will be passing with my boyfriend of a few years and he refuses to celebrate it. I really wanted to celebrate in some aspect this year due to a long, hard year of COVID and a lack of romance in our relationship within that year. I asked him if he could go out to eat or if we could order in something special. I even laid out options of places and prefix menus

for Valentine's Day to dine in or to take out. His excuse started, money, hate of the holidays, doesn't feel like it. I'm feeling really down about him not wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day and has not wanted to since our first year of dating when he sent me flowers and we went out to eat. Since that Valentine's Day, there there has been nothing even when i gave him a gift or something special for him he didn't reciprocate i'm hoping you can give some of your toxic birth health outlook suggestions on this thank you love you guys that's what this is because i just fucking hit the microphone right on my head concussed here we go not from the dick from the mic um i love that this is becoming like give us your health and then you're toxic

one I think this is sad like I don't know I just feel like it's so fucked that when people have a partner that just goes flatline in a relationship and I don't mean they fucking die that's morbid I'm not saying that I mean like flatline like they just give up they lose their spunk they lose the spark they stop trying they stop putting in effort. And I mean, call me crazy. Actually don't because I already know I am. But I think that's grounds for a breakup. Like if my partner stopped fucking with me, like fucking with me, please never stop fucking

with me. Fuck me up. No, if my partner stopped fucking me all the time and I had multiple conversations or he stopped wine and dining me and stop being romantic, like that's a part of a relationship and if you're not even married yet like my mom always says like what are you fucking doing it's only gonna get worse when you get married so if I were you I think you should take things into your own hands uh I would probably do this it's almost like a last call last call for my boyfriend to wake the fuck up or I'm walking out the door, buddy. And this is what I would do. I would go buy yourself some bomb ass lingerie.

Okay. And it's going to be for you and it could be for him, but you know what? Take it or leave it, buddy. Cause if you don't want it, I'm still fucking putting it on and I'm still fucking myself tonight. So you decide who's having fun. Is it just me or you want to fucking tango too? And I would put on lingerie and I would order yourself the nicest fucking meal there is to order. Okay. Splurge. Okay. And you order yourself. I was going to say, I don't know. Now I'm getting a little unhealthy here. I was going to say order just for one, maybe order for two, given the benefit of the doubt like maybe he'll indulge once he like smells the mashed patatis but like fuck maybe maybe ask him one more time and if he doesn't say yes before valentine's day order yourself oh here we go order yourself meal try

to go fucking michelin star like if you need money text your mom text whoever to fucking text me i'll venmo you a couple hundred bucks. Ball the fuck out. All right. And when it shows up and he's like, what are you doing? Be like, I'm enjoying my fucking Valentine's Day. And you're going to sit at the table. You're going to play some fucking music, light yourself a candle and have your dildo on the

motherfucking table ready to go. And if he's like, babe babe you look at him and you go go sit down go what go play your video games what are you doing this is me time it's not you time and then you're gonna walk into your bedroom and you're gonna leave the door open and you're gonna fuck yourself so loud and then when he tries to come in he's no sorry baby i'm having valentine's day you don't celebrate valentine's day This pussy is currently celebrating Valentine's Day. You can maybe get it later, like tomorrow or like next week. I'm in Valentine's Day mode. I don't know about you, but I'm doing me and I'm having a great fucking time. Go fuck yourself. Seriously. But again, before you take to the extreme,

bring it up to him one more time and really just have a healthy conversation of like, babe, like I this means a lot to me and I know it's not about valentine's day like I know it's corny it's just more like this has been a hard fucking year and any excuse to do anything fun and different and spice it up like I think we're all craving that right now are you kidding me like it's everyone is craving anything that just makes us feel a little bit alive again and a little bit of normalcy because then every other day feels like groundhog day so i don't fucking blame anyone i i have always shit on valentine's day and this year i'm like fuck yeah mr sexy zoo man's like we're gonna do something really romantic and i'm like absolutely let's fucking go as opposed to me

usually being like that that's pretty disgusting please stop mayday mayday alex so here we go this is a quick one my boyfriend wants me to peg him and i am all fucking for it we got a strap on and all the fixings that go with it i'm from the south don't judge me we haven't used it yet but i've tried it on my problem is i cannot stop laughing with this dong on me i mean he's laughing too but how the fuck am i supposed to fucking with this thing while i'm cracking he's laughing too but how the fuck am I supposed to fuck him with this thing while I'm cracking the fuck up how do I make a strap on look sexy please please please help I'm wanting to do this for him for b-day thank you so much baby girl alcohol or weed and I don't know if it's smart to be no who cares I don't I'm not condoning like blackout

put the dildo on and fuck him in the asshole till he passes out but I'm not gonna lie like I think that I get what you're saying it's so fucking awkward and I kind of talked about this another episode recently I think there was a difference between like really intimate sex versus kinky sex and then I've had guys that like I could almost not talk dirty to because we had such a sarcastic relationship like there's different relationships that if it's too goofy you almost can't talk dirty to a certain point so I get what you're saying about the pegging also this is another topic Laura and I were talking about like her relationship for so long they'd been dating for so long they never

used like names like they would never call each other like babe or anything like endearing and cute and she was like it was so awkward to me because I wanted to I wanted to be like hey like baby let's go to a dinner but the relationship was so far deep sorry I'm like kind of going in a circle here but I'll get to your question in a second um the relationship was almost so too deep into one day she wake up and be like hey babe and he'd be like are you okay are you good like I don't know girls write in tell me if you've ever experienced this because I have I've had a relationship where the pet names weren't and I hate saying pet names that makes sounds fucking corny but like you guys

get what I'm saying it's almost like when it's too far gone whether you've never dirty talk so now it's like awkward how do I one day wake up on a fucking Tuesday and like tell him to fuck me in the ass and treat me like a whore when I've only had like silent sex or like even as down to pet names like how do I call him babe one day when I've only ever used his real name Gerald like that's it's gonna it's gonna cause a little riff in like awkwardness um so with the pegging sorry to get back to this the pegging I I agree with you like yeah fuck because you guys didn't just put it on one night and fuck and you already had put it on and it was a laughing situation I think that one you could start by maybe like sucking it like it's a dick and be like fuck baby like I love taking your dick to the back of my throat let me put this on and like I want you to feel how good you feel in the back of my throat

and then put it in his ass I think with dildos before you you peg a guy is to like i would personally do a little blow job like get it wet obviously then you put the lube on put lube on his asshole then i do think though alcohol fucking alcohol doesn't solve all i really do i suggest get a little fucking tipsy and be like baby let's go because that that solves all like then there's like no your inhibitions are gone it's like fucking go sober as fuck sorry or what you could do and i could kind of see this being hot um put on some porn of a girl pegging a guy and you guys start watching it and then slowly start putting it on do a little blow job on it then start sucking his dick then put him on all fours and like get in there alex i was wondering if you have any advice for being the duff i don don't say this to put myself down. It's just simple facts.

I'm relatively confident. However, my best friend is just flat out gorgeous. And anytime we meet guys, they all gravitate to her and try to get with her. And I get ignored. She's basically my only girlfriend in college. So we do everything together. And I love her to death. But sometimes it makes me feel insecure to be around her.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel like any guy I talk to ends up asking about her or being very dry with me and talking her up instead. Advice? Girlfriend. That is the fucking worst. I remember my best friend in fucking middle school. I was busted as fuck.

I was so fucking ugly. And every time I went out with her, all I did was I wanted to look like her. But also I knew I'm not going to fucking stand out for shit. I can have my personality. I can try to be fucking funny. But at the end of the day, like I don't look like her, but also I knew I'm not going to fucking stand out for shit. I can have my personality. I can try to be fucking funny, but at the end of the day, like I don't look like her. And what I would say is like, it's fucked up. Like you got to throw in a few nights that she's not there. You got to get more girlfriends because your self-esteem is important. And it doesn't mean that you don't love your friend. It's just, you have to literally take care of your mental health. Like I get what you're saying. There's no way that when every, like every like every girl think about this I've had fucking girls I don't care if I'm like oh I

feel pretty tonight then you have that one friend that walks in and immediately you're like oh like I look shorter and like a stumpier like oh like my boobs don't look good or like my butt is so flat compared to hers like oh like my skin doesn't look you have those insecurities and they drive you insane and it's the worst I've had so many of those nights where you can I don't give a fuck people like when you looked fine no you know how you feel confidence wise and I've had so many nights I remember I would go out with whoever if you've had one girlfriend that's super hot and you go out and everything then you just kind of feel like shit about yourself the confidence goes down you're not loving how you look and meanwhile if you weren't around her maybe you would feel better

and it's not to say that all of a sudden it's like your your pretty friend is all of a sudden has no friend it's just dabble in some nights like maybe meet some girls in your class like maybe try to find and gravitate towards girls that you're like oh like this person like it's kind of on my level and maybe that sounds fucked up to some girls but i don't think it is you it's your one fucking life and like if you're feeling super unconfident around this person just with regard to guys you gotta branch out and and your girlfriend may be a little confused about it but i think there is a conversation that she you could eventually have that doesn't need to be around that like you'll say i met this

one girl from class like i'm gonna try to like obviously like she has friends i'm just gonna try to go and then if it works out like obviously you're invited next time but try to almost plan it too like if she goes and does something on her own then go meet up with those other girls it doesn't have to be a big drama thing but for you like that's a big deal so like I think fully make make accommodations for yourself so that you get the attention that you want you don't want to live in your friend's shadow your whole fucking life. That's not fun. And I think that's totally fine to say. Hi, Father Cooper. Is it normal that I get upset when I see my boyfriend is following his ex on Instagram? We have lived together for about two months now. And one time I was typing in the search bar of his phone to try and find something from our text log and a

conversation with another girl that said pinky promise babe popped up in his phone and since I trust him I just looked at him and asked was this recent he said no I didn't think any more of it or get tripped up about it because I trust him and that part of the conversation was dated back to 2019 but then weeks later he was in the shower and I was so tempted to go on his phone and see the text conversations with her because it was nothing. And I was curious. So like a Daddy Gang member, I know the healthy thing to do would be to ask him to go through it together.

But I couldn't resist. I didn't think I would get hurt because he said there was nothing he was hiding, and he was so casual about having about me having his phone anyways I opened up the text log and tears were brought up to my eyes when I saw they were flirting texting facetiming and and talking at the same time that we were exclusive when I confronted him about it he said that they were just really good friends and she was crazy he was her first and she couldn't get over him. Oh, fuck you. Fuck him.

We ended up making up after that argument. And then today I went to show him something on his on Instagram, on his phone. And that girl popped up under recently searched and was following her. He was sitting right next to me and I looked at him and he said, you're just looking for things to get upset about and we've been following each other for years and we're still on each other's close friends what the fuck daddy should I be rightfully upset about this or pissed but to him he's saying it's nothing am I crazy for being upset girl fuck no I think the fact that you have brought up to him

multiple times that this makes you extremely uncomfortable you're not being unreasonable you're literally just finding shit being like uh wait you guys are texting and facetiming i don't give a fuck i truly believe when you are in a relationship with a dude that person cannot be casual friends with someone that they have fucked not only that they have fucked this is his ex-girlfriend this is his ex-girlfriend that he's so casually texting and FaceTiming. What are they, what do they have to talk about? What, what, what are they so busy doing over there that he can't just do with, I don't know, his current girlfriend? That's so inappropriate. I remember in one of my relationships, I've briefly talked about this on Call Her Daddy. It was the most manipulative thing I ever went through my boyfriend at the time would

had a nutritionist and he would take photos in front of my face and be like oh my gosh like I want to send this to my nutritionist because I'm like trying to eat healthy like I like I'm gonna ask her if this is like what I should be eating and at the time I thought nothing of it because I'm like this is your career Like you take your body seriously. You pay this woman. And I never thought anything of it because I knew that she had a husband and a child. Fast forward to me going through his iPad when I asked him to open it for me. And lo and behold, him and this woman who he was so had so involved in our relationship

every day, he would like literally verbally say to me oh my god like i'm gonna send this to my nutritionist like and sometimes when they're so open about it you can't help but be like there's no way anything's going on like why would they be that dumb to be so open he was fully having a full texting sexting relationship with this woman when he was down at in spring training in Florida he texted me now looking in hindsight like men don't ever do this when guys send full nudes like in a mirror like holding their dick and like your your body is big your dick isn't as big like just don't just don't just do more of a dick pic like you're laying down make it look big he sends me this mirror selfie

of his hard dick and him just like smiling and i'm like k you're a serial killer and when i go through the ipad he had sent her the same exact photo and they were sexting back and forth like so many nudes almost as if they like he like he had a problem like it was like wait this woman is fully married so she is a problem you're fully in a relationship you have a problem like it was sick shit and she was older and it was just weird and i know that may sound confusing like you're like okay alex like they were just like sending nudes that's not that weird they were just cheating there was there was an exorbitant amount of dick pics like it was an obsession almost like that's how they were both getting off i'm like how many nudes how many nudes can we rank out and then on top of that there were

times i'm literally would see i was laying in bed with him we're like watching a movie or something i was able to see that the correspondence was literally at times when i knew i was with him and it's so fucking weird to see that shit because it's also a mind fuck of like dudes are weird it's like what you're sexing that person you didn't go jack off if anything you just fucked me right after it like how dirty and grimy and and violating and so hurtful to see like it was such a gross feeling like ew we fucked right after you're sexting this married woman like and a woman on top of it that you have so normalized in our relationship and so it took me a really long time to trust another man because of how invasive those moments were and how crossed and fucked up it became of sex and the cheating.

And it wasn't even though it wasn't physical, it was emotional. And it was just crazy for me. And I just remember right before I had asked about the iPad, I started asking questions about the nutritionist. Like, is she married, et cetera, because I had a note. And he made me feel so dumb for asking, just like this guy's making you feel dumb. If they try to make you feel dumb about something, half the time that means they're fully lying about it. Because what they do is they're trying to belittle you and make you feel dumb because they're freaking and insecure. And the only way that they know how to turn it is to just turn it on you.

And they're trying to deflect. But really, the deflection is a clear case of they're fucking lying to you. So instead of being in a healthy relationship and him being like, baby, I will literally block this girl. I love you so fucking much. This means nothing. Why isn't he doing that? You live with this dude.

I lived with that dude and now that's why I said last week like it's crazy to me to be in a situation now where like Mr. Sexy Zoo Man anytime I just like ask him a question he's almost overly too honest that I'm like okay I didn't know he's know that many details but like he tells me everything and I look back on then that type of relationship I had where the nutritionist and the gaslighting and you're like whoa the minute you step out of the toxicity you start to be like why I was so not okay in the head that the way he flipped it on me somehow I truly believed that I was in the wrong for even asking the fact that you're saying

am I crazy no why is your boyfriend FaceTime his ex-girlfriend because he's literally inside of her every time you go to work I think you either end it or you give him an ultimatum and I don't like to be a crazy girlfriend but you've had so many situations with this guy my opinion would be listen I'm not trying to be a crazy girlfriend but for right now to show that like I don't trust you why are you i need you to just block her and just like unfollow her on instagram because it makes me uncomfortable and clearly it makes me feel like you're picking her over me like that's it's one thing if it's like a girlfriend then that's like we got to take it in different steps and strides and i have to really understand like

the big picture because that's a tricky situation i've had a boyfriend that has a close girlfriend it's not easy but that is way fucking different than this being his ex-fucking girlfriend that he was inside of multiple times a day. I don't think so. Alex, I love this show and I need explanation. Why does it take me 45 seconds to finish with my vibrator, but 45 minutes to come when he's eating me out? I know it's not an issue with the guy.

I'm obsessed with him. And this happens to me with every guy, no matter how sexy or how good he is in bed. It takes me forever to finish while getting eaten out. My BFF and I are trying to figure out this one, this one out as she experiences the same thing. We're kind of saying how once he moves his tongue, the slightest bit, it feels like we have to start all over again towards a new orgasm. And it makes finishing so hard. Would love to hear what you think xoxo okay here you go i am going to be very honest i was saying this to lauren and mr sexy zoom man the other day not in the same conversation but i would have if they were in the same room um prior to mr sexy Sexy Zoom Man I will gladly admit I never really enjoyed a guy eating me out I

I mean I don't know if I would say I would never enjoyed it but like it was always more of just like a oh like okay and then kind of like okay and then pull them up and be like okay fuck me it was hot for foreplay but I wasn't having intense orgasms from a guy eating me out personally I felt like it was a little bit of them kind of being down there floundering around like hey like um you're kind of like just like licking my hole like I need to move up north okay the north star is really where we're supposed to focus aka my fucking clit and i wanted to knee him in the head multiple times but then it's also like fuck and it's gonna fuck with their confidence so a lot of times i think whatever fuck it like i am turned on but like i'm fully not

gonna have an orgasm from them eating me out and then how i usually would have orgasms is while we're fucking i use a vibrator or my finger and I've gotten really good at being able to make myself cum during sex with a vibrator or rubbing my clit and then I met Mr. Sexy Zoo Man and I remember it was one of the first it was so weird because it was one of the first times he had ever eaten me out and I felt comfortable with him but I wouldn't say I was like as comfortable with him as door number three at the time but there was something about it because I was hungover as shit okay stay with me here I was so hungover and it was early in the morning it was like 8 a.m and we're in bed together and he started going down on me and there was something about me being hungover like just not really being I'm like oh

I'm fucking tired of shit like I'm not in the mood for this like I was almost annoyed I was yeah I was annoyed I wasn't almost I was fully annoyed I was like okay dude like I kind of don't want you to eat my pussy and all of a sudden because I wasn't really thinking like okay I have to look so hot and like I have to move my body this way I'm like I have to moan and be so oh fuck baby like I wasn't trying to put on a performance I was actually like almost about to straight up like if this doesn't feel good I'm like I'm so sorry I'm really hungover all of a sudden because I was so relaxed I'm pretty sure my legs were like spread out flat like not trying to tuck in my tummy like not doing anything fucking hot and he was under the covers so I didn't have to make eye contact with him I just had my eyes closed I was like I'm actually going back to sleep and if something happens it happens and oh boy did it fucking happen it was literally about less than 10 to 15 seconds in

all of a sudden he was stimulating my clit in a way with his tongue that I had never had a man like really get on point like that and the consistent pressure on the clit I was like oh fuck and you know that feeling when all of a sudden like my whole body starts to kind of tingle and like I got a little like warm and I'm like okay now I'm like getting hot and oh my god and it starts to like pulsate and I was like oh fuck I have never had a dude hit that spot so good that I was like that that literally feels like how when I masturbate with my vibrator and I never really had that that great with a guy before it's like oh it's lighter it's not this was like oh fuck and so for the first time that Mr. Sexy Zoo Man ever ate me out

I fully just leaned into it and I kept relaxing and I kept my body so focused on how it felt closing my eyes not caring about what I felt and I fully had an orgasm the first time he ever ate me out and ever since that day I'm so happy to say I now am obsessed and crave him eating me out and I have never said that before with a guy like I've never been like oh my god can you eat me out I'd rather them finger me because maybe the guy knows how to like fuck my clit and finger me in a good way that's gonna do g-spot and clit but he's the first guy so what I would say to your answer is my biggest advice is you have to like relax in a way that is so you don't even girls you don't notice it like we don't notice it you are not as relaxed obviously when you're with the

guy versus when you're alone it's just natural you know what I mean obviously when you're alone like you could have your fucking belly out like you can be in the weirdest positions and you're not gonna do that with a guy unless you're so fucking relaxed and you don't feel like you have to look down at him and be like oh yeah keep going like close your fucking eyes put your face mask on basically it's all about feeling comfortable with the person and literally girls like try to pretend like he is your personal toy down there like a lot of times with guys what I do when they're eating me out is like I will I will kind of control my vagina in a way that I'm like I'm

grinding on his face and when he gets in a specific rhythm like I'll go I move my pelvic like into him and like I will do circular motions or whatever feels good and I almost use his head and I just start moving my my clit on that specific part of his tongue in the way that I want it it's almost like taking control but also relinquishing control at the same time, if that makes any fucking sense. I could really go step by step if you guys want, because it's been a journey for me. I'm not going to pretend like I come every time. No, it's not at all. Like I've had some serious fucking issues being like, what's wrong with me at times? Like some guys, I just can't like I can't come like it wasn't bad sex. I just didn't. Oh, and I'm happy that specifically with Mr. Sexy Zoo Man I'm

like fuck like I masturbate thinking about him eating me out and I've never had that with a guy so to you and your friend start by just trying to really envision you're alone even though the fucking idiot is down there okay I found myself in somewhat of a situation admittedly a situation that I caused myself I am currently engaged to my high school sweetheart of 10 years I'm 25 she's 24 we met when I was 15 and she was 14 I was a little sophomore she was a little freshman in high school fast forward 10 years and we are currently engaged. Holy shit. That sounds like a fucking nightmare. I'm sorry to judge, but okay. Now, here is where things get interesting.

See, I already knew it's going to get fucking interesting because it sucks probably. You're miserable. Okay, sorry. Anyone that's like happy high school sweethearts, I commend you for being able to sell your adolescent soul to someone. Okay, I also have to someone. Okay. I also have a girlfriend. Okay. Oh, no.

A girlfriend who is relatively in the same situation. Okay. So this is just a friend. She has a boyfriend of four years, maybe five, and she just got engaged this last month. Just for background, I know my girlfriend, we'll call her girlfriend number two for longer basically since i was 14 years old and we have sexual history okay so this they went to the same they all went to the same fucking high school he's known this girl both of these girls since high school okay now the situation i found myself is is I've fallen in love with girl number two and she has fallen in love with me.

Of fucking course. Of fucking course. Okay. I have never felt a sexual connection with anyone as I have felt with her. Then why the fuck are you engaged? Okay. Sorry. Not only that, but we have a connection on a personal level as well.

Shut the fuck up. We are 100% open and honest with each other oh but not to your fucking fiance and we help each other get through hard times what like being both engaged now with fiance number one i obviously love her but recently i felt as if the love has faded from loving like a spouse to almost family love i mean i've been with her for so long that i care and genuinely want the best for her but also her family has basically accepted me as their own okay i get that like you've been there for so fucking long it's like holy shit like what do i do now like their family is my family i started sleeping with girl number two strictly for selfish reasons.

I just wasn't enjoying sex. And I was, okay, this is, I, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm trying not to be judged. But like, I started sleeping with her for selfish reasons. Oh, as if there's a different reason for generosity reasons. Like what? I started sleeping with her for selfish reasons as i wasn't enjoying the sex i was

getting and thought it would be just be sex with her three years later and it's turned into a lot more we both have come to the understanding and realization that it's time to make a decision with both having huge life choices marriage coming up in the near future we both know that we are in major crossroads and we have a decision it's either time to go left with girl two or right with my fiance i can't help but i think i make a mistake no matter what i choose i feel like if i choose to go the route that i've already accepted aka marriage that i'm going to make a mistake because if i wanted to marry this girl would i really be messing around and having such strong feelings for another girl and if i go for girl two am i throwing away something that i've built for the last 10 years but if it doesn't work out with and having such strong feelings for another girl? And if I go for girl two,

am I throwing away something that I've built for the last 10 years? But if it doesn't work out with her and I just threw away this great relationship that I have, I know all this sounds like sleazebag. Maybe I am, but I'm genuinely in a troubled headspace and now found myself in love with two girls. Please advise sincerely, deeply confused, but madly in love.

Okay, sorry for being a dick but i'm just like whoa honey here's my personal advice you need to leave your fiancee okay and i'm gonna tell you why because this is so un-fucking-fair to this girl. You are about to ruin this girl's fucking life. Number one, if you get married to this girl, I want to ask you, do you think she would marry you if she knew this was happening? Okay, so this is unfair that you're about to marry a girl that doesn't know who you actually are. And number two, if you do marry her, you are going to continue to cheat

on her and you are going to continue to lie to her. And she is signing up for a life that is not fucking fair. You're taking her. You're literally stripping her of her an opportunity to be fucking happy and be in an honest, healthy relationship. So stop being selfish for a minute and think about her. She's done nothing to you, but be with you since high school. Why the fuck are you going to do this to her? If you have enough respect for her, you should let her go. Be like, I've been such a dick to this person. She has no idea what I've been doing behind her back. Let her go. Let her find happiness. Let her find someone that's not going to cheat on her because she hasn't been cheating on you that's the first part the second part is not to be angry with you it's like listen

if you're sleeping with someone else before you're married like dude what are you doing and unfortunately I have sympathy for you because it's like people that get in relationships when they're in high school and expect to get married. What I went through in high school, the guys that I dated, and then going to college, every year of college, my freshman year, sophomore year, junior, senior, I can pinpoint how many different men I started dating and how different those relationships were. And by the end of college, what I learned about myself was so necessary to develop and get me to where I am today. And then even out of college, from 22 to 25, those years of dating for me were so different. And the sex I was having and the

guys I was dating, it's like the developmental years of your adolescent life and trying different things. I get there are some people that believe no sex before marriage totally understand like if that's your belief system. But even to only talk to one guy, what if you can't talk to more than one guy? You can talk to them at least, right? You can make out with a few men. Like I just think that you're putting yourself in a situation where of course you may have love for this person, but not you're not able to grow as individuals you're literally marking it like here we go we're 13 we're 14 and we're gonna go on for the rest of our fucking life no wonder you're cheating you're like holy shit this is the best and I'm not gonna lie bro you're probably gonna fuck if you end it with your fiance I guarantee you you're not gonna get married to this other

chick because once you break it off with that fiance you're not thinking the repercussions that are going to come from ending it with that girl like you said there's family involved they are like your family this is years and years of history with a family and a girl so you're about to end an entire fucking relationship and family you're gonna have you're not gonna just go and quickly get married to this other woman there's gonna be repercussions you're gonna have to emotionally go through that you're gonna have to explain to her why is are we not getting married and i bet in that come to jesus moment as you end that and it's gonna be hard you're gonna be with probably the girl number two for a bit but then you're gonna also realize well now I'm free. Why don't I see what's out there? And then all of a sudden you're going to be dating. And

honestly, that's probably more fucking healthy. I would urge anyone that feels stuck in a relationship and you're so fucking young. What are you doing? What are you doing? Why are you about to get fucking married to someone that you don't? I don't like i think so but i've invested so many years like where would i even start you are you have what are you gonna do 70 plus more years with someone you don't fucking like and if you know that you're already doing this prior to marriage hurry up and get out before you go one step farther and then that means you have that more thing oh then you have to get a divorce and then you have to go through all the paperwork don't put yourself in that situation get the fuck out hey father so this is a long story but i'm going to try to make it as short as possible

my boyfriend and i have been together for almost three years now we have never seen or touched his penis. Whoa. Whoa. He has seen me naked and has used my vibrators on me. We have had many conversations about sex and he just says he isn't ready. I've tried just about everything and I can think of, but he really will not let me see his dick. I'm on birth control and I have been since we've been together. He hasn't done anything to me for almost three months now. I've tried seducing him. I've straight up just sat on him and asking him to do shit to me and he won't. I've looked through his phone, laptop, even PS4 and he doesn't talk to any girls. I know he loves me, but sex is a big factor for me. I've had sex with other people before but he's a virgin help daddy please I don't know what to do okay that's a huge part that he's virgin okay

quick my quick answer immediately would be I think my go-to if I immediately had to like be like this is what I think it is I'm gonna assume that he may have and I'm not even being I'm not trying to make you laugh I I would assume he has a really small penis and he's embarrassed I would say or he's gay but I don't think so like if he's a virgin again you should try to figure out what porn he's watching that's always the go-to but for the most part I think it's because he's embarrassed of his penis size because if you are trying to even see it like if he's gay like he's make fine fuck like he's gonna even try if he's so insecure about his penis size he's straight up

trying to hide the weenie and he's trying to protect himself from embarrassment and if you love him like and maybe it's not even that small maybe he just has no comparison and since he's a virgin maybe you should literally be like baby baby, we've been together for three years, three fucking years. You're aging, bitch. You're already 70. Like, whoa, three years. You've never seen your boyfriend's dick. That's some shit. Or again, and you should maybe, again, you would know better, but maybe he has trauma. Like you got to kind of peel back the layers. But if anything, I would all the way back to timing, tone and turf, like sex with Emilyily said but in a different way than i approached it i would have a genuine conversation with him at like lunch one

day like can we have a serious conversation almost to the point of like it would end your relationship how long can you go for three years not even knowing it's one thing to not have sex because they're three years and you don't even know what your boy's friend's dicks looks like girl how are you surviving i said dicks dick hopefully he doesn't have maybe he does have multiple penises we don't know but the point is you gotta have a conversation if i personally would if not you try everything be there for them emotionally but then at some point you gotta take care of yourself and you gotta fucking get your own baby girl daddy motherfucking cooper first of all you give me ceo vibes and you are a little and you are are a little guy. I said little, you are a literal goddess. Thank you, bitch. Second, I need an

opinion as I've dug myself a pretty deep hole. Do you lean more to girl code or it didn't work for me? It might for you, but don't complain to me if it doesn't type shit. Huh? Recently I broke up with my long-term boyfriend after finding out that he cheated and he kept belittling me over my sexual abuse trauma. The same night, I hooked up with my guy best friend who also happens to be my girl best friend's ex. They dated for about five months and broke up about seven months ago after she moved 500 miles away with her family. She claims to be over him and has had a new boyfriend since and has been with that new boyfriend almost the entire time since she's moved. But she's fairly mad at me and has brought

it down to it's a him or me situation over this. I've known her for almost four years and I've known him for for the last year and a half and actually introduced them together and both of them have always been there for me and acted as my mental rocks I don't want to have to choose one or the other but I'm leaning towards him because he's physically here do you think I crossed the line or that she might get over it also I love the show and the single father era I'm so proud of with how far you've come. Okay, this is so, so, so drama. And I was actually talking to Lauren about this before I read this one because here's the thing. I think it's hard because a part of me is like, I personally can, could never picture

myself hooking up with a friend's ex ever. I just feel like if it's your friend, you've clearly had intimate conversations with your girl while they were dating. Like what for five months, did you just never ask your friend? Like how's the sex? Like what are the issues? Like when she went through the breakup, didn't you talk to her about it? So in a fucked up way, I feel that being a close girlfriend to another girl to then go and date a guy that they've dated I think it's a little slimy just from the standpoint of like the motives seem off like now that girl's gonna be like were you thinking the whole time that I was dating this dude like were you into him did you want us to break up like it's a shitty friend

move to make I also think for you to say like you may pick him because he's closer and he's there do you know how fucking fast dicks disappear do you know how fast dicks are gone because all of a sudden one day he wakes up and he found a better pussy in his mind to him and he's gone from you like to waste a badass good friendship for a dick is never the right move I truly believe leaving a girl because you think the dick is good or you think that I love this like it's usually never the case I think another point to think about is he's the type of person that's going to hook up with his ex's best friend I don't really think that's someone I would want to personally end up with like that's fucking weird I don't know I get it and again I don't know your that's someone I would want to personally end up with like that's fucking weird I don't know. I get it. And again, I don't know your trauma and you're saying they were both there for you

But they were both there for you You've known this girl longer like have loyalty to your friend Like are you saying are you not writing into me saying this is the love of your life like Be smart about your girl relationships when it comes to fucking girls over for a dude that like you're probably gonna end it with and then what regret losing the girl always pick chicks over dicks i know it's fucking corny but like it's low-key true daddy gang thank you guys so much for listening to this episode i hope you enjoyed i feel i hope you get a little bit of toxic a little bit of health we're just we're just doing a little dabble game up in this bitch. And honestly, let me know how you guys like my first little mini hit single. I'm pretty sure a lot of you are going to cringe. I'm expecting a

lot of hate in my DMs. But what is life without trying, putting yourself out there and then getting shut the fuck down? Guys, as I told you, there will not be an episode of Call Her Daddy next week. I have off. So I will be back the next Wednesday and I will update you guys on where Mr. Sexy Zuman takes me for Valentine's Day and what we're doing and what's happening and what ends up happening to my vagina and what ends up happening to him because I have some very, very, very, very sexual things planned for him. But I don't want to say it on the podcast because he listens to the podcast. I don't want to give it away. And I'm so excited because as much as February is coming to an end, this year of Call Her Daddy is only ramping the fuck up. I'm glad you guys are loving the content.

Thank you so much for the positive DMs. It keeps me going. It keeps me alive. You know the motherfucking drill, Daddy Gang. I will see you fuckers in two Wednesdays. Bye.