Call Her Daddy - 121- The Season Finale

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

Is a season finale ever dull... ;)

what is up daddy gang it is your single father alex cooper with call her daddy holy fucking shit what the fuck is up daddy gang it is your founding father for another episode of call her daddy there is no one and seriously i mean no one other than laurie cooper no no that i would be rather sitting with on this last episode than my best friend lauren mcmullen lauren to you it is the motherfucking season finale what the fuck is a season finale in a podcast no idea i made it up no daddy gang obviously there i don't think people do seasons in podcasting maybe they do but i'm more so saying it's a season finale because every single person listening to this podcast you know about the drama a year ago and you know about the infamous three year deal. This is the last episode of that three year deal.

So as I'm sitting here on the couch with my best friend, I'm like, all right, we need to go back. I owe it to you guys. We owe it to the show. We got to go back. We got to go back to the very beginning of the single father era and i want to spill some fucking tea you're like as if we couldn't spill enough tea some tea that i probably could have sold to page six back in the day and like erase some student loans for a lot of fucking yeah literally lauren thank you for not doing that um so i want to go back to the beginning because i think there's one tidbit. Well, I know there's one tidbit.

I never shared with the daddy gang or the internet. There was a time period right before I released the YouTube video. That lovely purple sweatshirt. Whoa. Iconic. That I considered having a co-host. To the point where like you had one person lined up, teed up, ready to go. And I will never forget the day.

At the time I was shitting my fucking pants, honestly, to give you insight. Like I had done 80 plus episodes with a co-host. I didn't know how to fucking podcast on my own. And I will never forget. I'm sitting in my parents' bedroom. My mom and my dad and I are sitting on their mattress and I call my brother I conference him in and I tell my parents like hey I think I made the decision I think I'm gonna go with this person honestly shout out Grant I fucking love you my brother screamed into the phone and was like, Alex, what the fuck are you doing?

I'm like, I don't know. I'm freaking out. He was like, you're out of your fucking mind. Get down into the fucking basement. You can do this on your own and you're doing it on your own. Like that's so fucking wild that like you were that close to having a co-host. It wouldn't have been the single father era. I didn't even think about it.

Right. The show. And you're so right. It's crazy. It wouldn't have been the single father era. It was literally going to be Call Her Daddy featuring Alex Cooper and. Oh, don't give them credit. No.

But that person, everyone knew who that person was. And I'm sure obviously now you're extremely happy that you ended up doing it alone. Absolutely. knew who that person was and I'm sure obviously now you're extremely happy that you ended up doing it alone absolutely I can say that now a year later but I definitely had my doubts for a few months because it was like oh my god like what if I can't do this what if like what if the world thinks I'm not fucking good what if everyone's like the old show was better what if what if I say something that doesn't resonate and then people like think that I'm not a good person because the only person that they know is through the the microphone that they hear every week so trying to like integrate like being authentic slash trying to create a new show slash trying to keep everyone entertained slash me trying

to rewrite what the what this new narrative is going to be and try to not erase the past. I don't want to erase the past. Those 80 episodes are fucking crazy and unbelievable. The old show was unbelievable, but it was like, it was time to move on. I think it was hard for people to be like, wait,

don't move on. But I had to, the show went from a two person show to a one person show, basically overnight. Do you want to be honest and tell people like what that was like? Oh, sweetie, sweetie. I'm so glad you asked daddy game to give you insight back in the day when we first like go back a year with me. Okay. You remember that the beginning of this whole thing was the YouTube video. I uploaded the YouTube video, the truth about call her daddy. Like we're getting the ball rolling and then it's like okay boom time to put out the first episode the funeral and right after I put

out the funeral it was like now what like literally that's it like it was like okay great Wednesday okay what's next Wednesday and then it was Dave and then it was you and it was like during that time I just remember fully feeling like I was scrambling. Yeah. And that lasted for months after I released the funeral episode. The Savannah thing. Why you had Savannah on for two episodes. The real reason.

Savannah was great. Love you. Shout out Savannah. But the real reason behind why I had her on for a two-part series, and this happened a lot in the first few months was I had no idea who my next guest was gonna be it was we're in the middle of a pandemic and not only was it hard to get guests that was one but also it was like who do I want to have on what is the show like I didn't have a moment to pause and think like where I wanted the direction of show so I was just

constantly hail marrying fucking episodes and like praying to god it fucking worked which thank god it did but like again thank you all for listening and like sticking fucking with me because I had a lot of moments where I was uploading that shit at like 1 a.m being like oh fuck I really hope they like this let's kind of like talk about like these 1 a.m uploads like talk about like your process a little bit, because like, although this is like a top chart show, it never ceases to amaze me that you could easily run this podcast like a Fortune 500 company, but you choose the more mom and pop route.

Oh, like your studio is your bed and your team is your 60 year old mother and me the shade to laurie laurie's like lauren stop no and the thing is i don't want anyone to get it twisted like that is by choice also lauren please stop the corporate life has never been for me you know this yeah you took a lot of sick days back in the 301 yes but the truth is is like I think keeping it it's all I know it's like call her daddy's team Alex Cooper her mom and her childhood best friend but I think doing it that way has I don't know I feel like it just allows it to stay cozy cozy yeah and it's like it literally does feel like I know you always talk about it like it feels like a school project still literally like all right the deadlines come in let's go here we go what are we putting out this does feel like i know you always talk about it like it feels like a school project still literally

like all right the deadlines come in let's go here we go what are we putting out this all nighters tonight yes and i feel like it's like as big as it is out in the world it stays so small between my fucking mother and my friend and i like that to me has allowed me to still continue to fucking say shit even you think that's why i say half the shit that i say because it fully does not register that this is going out to like millions of people yes all jokes aside um as much as we joke about this scramble and mom and pop business there was a clear progression where you found your footing i know what that moment was tell them what was the turning point oh yeah the fucking life-changing moment Miley fucking Cyrus dude like because we were in her fan club when we were little it was childhood me was diarrhea in the pants I had to

wear a diaper to the internet no but like I was shitting my pants yes and I was so proud of what that interview was I look back now and I'm like oh fuck I should have asked these things but like in the heat of the moment I'm happy with how it went but really aside from that it was more like first of all up until that point I was trying to understand how to interview I remember your dad bought you a book how to interview for dummies yes I'm like thank you dad what are you trying to say but no like that's literally to like spell it out for everyone in college I studied film and television I wasn't taking journalism classes see I wasn't taking journalism classes see I didn't realize they were different but so different because then I'm like sitting

down doing an interview and I'm like huh so it was it's been a learning experience for me for sure but that shift that we're talking about was when I left that Miley interview I was so proud of that and I also realized this is an opportunity to level the fuck up and elevate the show and then in terms of ratings that episode Miley fucking Cyrus broke every single call her daddy download record in the history of the show the show had never done numbers like that and the coolest part about that moment was after that episode the new audience and the new numbers stayed and that changed the entire trajectory of the show you kind of like shook off this like previous baggage this previous tie you had and like yeah broke through and like this is you and your show now exactly yes and it was like holy fuck now what and instead of me being scared like I was

in the past few months of like oh my god who's the next guest now it was like like damn I can do this on my own and that feeling and that confidence I got from the daddy gang that support seriously every single person listening whether you're a new listener or an og listener i wouldn't be sitting here at the end of this now three-year contract of podcasting if it wasn't for you guys and your constant constructive criticism support constructive criticism that's a nice way to put it yeah like no but you guys you guys hold like keep me accountable and it's been it's been fucking surreal honestly so thank you guys so much for supporting me through all this and riding with me since day one okay daddy gang so So, not only is this episode the season finale of the single father era, it is also the season finale of Lauren and I living together. Whoa. Okay.

Daddy gang, on June 1st, I'm making another big move and this time big al is not coming with me i am moving to chicago how fucking dare you it's not it's like it's one thing for you to leave me what about litty titty man what about country club man what no but really what about me um yeah this fucking sucks i mean we're we've who's gonna do the fucking dishes now thank you who's gonna do the dishes who's gonna get me out of bed in the morning who's gonna wipe my ass like i need you lair um it's been yeah it's been pretty fucking emotional over here in the uh california region in which lauren and i live in this house together. It's been a little wet.

Yes. Wet. Oh, yeah. Because we're crying. Oh, what do you think? Meanwhile, last episode, I'm like, I haven't gotten fucked in a fucking month. And like, you haven't had sex. Yeah, you haven't had sex in a month either. Nope.

Same. Maybe two and a half, actually. Wow. Let me clarify, though. It's not for lack of trying. Last weekend, I was pursuing my surf instructor and uh broke my fucking foot so i think that's an omen that california wants me out you pursued a little too hard hard for the dick you gotta respect it this is call her daddy but back to everyone's

like why the fuck are you moving lauren take it away so basically um i got a job offer and i'm in absolutely no position to turn down a job offer I have a crippling amount of debt to the federal government um and I'm pretty sure Lauren literally sent me a screenshot of like her student loans and she was like look at that number I was like oh my god I gotta go get that cash money you gotta get that fucking dough bitch yeah I'm so happy for you honestly I think like at first I was in shock and naturally I was like fuck yes and like we've had time to cry but like overall fuck yes you deserve this this is fucking amazing for your career but I'm not gonna lie I'm I'm a little nervous I nip really easily when it's cold and like Chicago's cold very often

a lot of Jennifer Aniston vibes over here. I'm over here talking about your career getting sappy and you're over here talking about your frozen nipples. You know who I'm really feeling bad for in all of this? Who? Your boyfriend. Why? He's going to fucking miss my third wheeling.

Dude, literally he's like, I have two girlfriends. Every time he makes a dinner reservation in LA, it's for three. He's like, he doesn't even ask. He's like, hey, like, where do you want to go to dinner tonight? It's like, it is the move. I know. I think he has like, ask permission. Like, is it okay if like, we have like a date night?

And I'm like, absolutely not. Like, and especially this past week, I'm like, Lauren is sleeping in bed with us. And that is what's up. No, it's, it's going to be, yeah, I'm like Lauren is sleeping in bed with us and that is what's that no it's it's gonna be yeah I'm gonna fucking miss you and I think getting personal and getting deep for a second we've cried a lot the past couple or only two I've only known for a week um we've cried the past week and it's been a lot um and I I genuinely would just want to say like one I love you so much and having you around I think like makes my life better like I think you're an amazing person I think you're like my oh my god um I think you're like my you're my best friend and so I think like having you having you next to me and like trusting you and like getting to talk to you every day and like

know what's going on in your life like it I feel like you make me a better person I don't know you're just a constant reminder of like who I want to always be. I love you. I love you. This is like hurting me more than my breakup. Dude, we like my heart hurts. We've been literally sobbing like babies. And it's like, OK, like I was leaving. I was getting in an Uber to go somewhere the other night.

And you started crying because you're like, I'm imagining this is what it's going to be like when you move out. I'm like, Alex, I'm going like, oh, I'll be be home in like an hour i'm like watching her pour her cup of coffee i'm like this may be the last time i see you pour your coffee in this kitchen and she like it's like okay you're moving like it's gonna be fine it's not a goodbye al it's a see you later it's a see you later but it's also honestly a pretty see you fucking soon big lair is planning on coming back, but I'm also planning on coming to Chicago many a times. Yes. Daddy gang, get ready to see that blonde bitch bopping around the city. Hair blowing in the wind in the windy city.

Tits out for the boys or the daddies. No, it's going to be amazing. Like one of my other best, best friends from childhood lives there. And I'm just like, this now is the perfect excuse to be in chicago 24 fucking 7 and you bet when winter hits in chicago i'm migrating west i'm not even moving my furniture my furniture is staying here you know the thing is when you buy your furniture from from walmart and amazon it actually costs more to move it than it does just to buy new furniture. We love to see that, Lauren.

We love a cost-effective bitch. Design on a dime, that's me. And I'm sorry, but as your best friend, I gotta look out for your best interests. I can't help but wonder, on a scale of one to 10, how good is that Midwest dick? Oh well i hope better than la because i'm just gonna take that my dating scene here is like a fat l every single penis that you've encountered

in los angeles california has been significantly small no shade to small dicks but like we need you to get that like we need you to maybe Lake Michigan, there's something in Lake Michigan. Woo! I'm getting excited. Midwest dick, big Lair is coming for you. And I've heard Lair. The big west dick. The big west dick. The big west dick.

The Midwest dick, that's some polite dick. That's that hold the door for you in a polo type fucking dick I thought you canceled polos and khakis I did but if they've got a big dick it's a fucking star over the LA men oh god Lauren we're excited we're excited Chicago daddies if you're in the area get hard daddy motherfucking gang if you live in chicago or you're in the mood to just be in chicago get fucking ready because now it's like when i visit it is going to be all hell breaking loose we'll rent the boats we'll get we'll we'll see you at the bars it'll be a fucking that's all you know you're like we'll rent the boats uh i don't really know anything else about chicago but we'll be there and we'll be doing it oh fuck i'm excited it's honestly gonna be great

hi daddy gang um before we begin this next segment i want to provide a trigger warning that this segment does contain references to self-harm and if that is a topic that might be at all sensitive for you you can skip forward to this time code 32 minutes and 30 seconds i love you guys last week we had on orna who was unbelievable and Daddy Gang, I just want to give a quick shout out to everyone that DM'd me afterwards. I'm so grateful that that episode helped so many people, touched so many people. The amount of people that were like, holy shit, Alex, that episode literally gave me the courage now, whether it was to get into therapy or re-engage in therapy.

I'm so happy that episode could be a tool for you to begin that journey. I think it's interesting because throughout Call Her Daddy in this year, I have started to be open about my therapy journey. But in reflection, I realize I've been open about it a year in. So when I'm talking about my therapy journey, I'm comfortable now in therapy. I'm comfortable now in therapy. I'm comfortable with my therapist and I have some answers finally as to why I'm the way I am and why I make the decisions I do. And after last week, I thought, why not also have someone explain their journey at the beginning of therapy? Because Lauren, you're in that beginning stage where you're almost getting broken down to

be built back up. And that is a hard place to be. Yeah. So I have been in therapy now for about two months. Um, and I'm assuming that people probably think that I'm in therapy to kind of process the seven year breakup, trying to self-discovery figure out who I really am and about to share a very personal part of my life and I only feel comfortable and confident doing so because of the absolutely supportive and amazing response I got to sharing my breakup story I still get people DMing me saying that changed their life which is wild to hear and I think this story will be a lot more impactful. When I was a sophomore in college, my father committed suicide.

It happened during winter break between semesters, and my parents were divorced at the time um so I was actually the one who got the phone call um I remember I was in my driveway in the car and I got a call from a number I didn't know and it was the coroner telling me the news and I had to tell and I had to tell my mother and my brother go inside and tell them what phone call I just had received. I hadn't spoken to you as frequently as we were in college. I hadn't spoken to your mom in a few years. And the first person I called to be like, what, what the fuck do I do right now? Was your mom. The funeral was the day before Christmas Eve. I went to the funeral. I gave my father's eulogy. And then I went back to school two weeks later and got a 4.0. I never stopped to mourn him.

I never stopped to let myself grieve or even feel. I threw myself into school. I have always had two jobs since high school. I continue to have two jobs all through college. And I kept that two job mentality basically going until we got here. That's what this house means to me. This is the first time in my life that like, I've, I've not had two jobs. I've had a moment where I'm not wondering how am I going to survive. That's been my go-to, just survival, keeping my head afloat, like constantly treading just to keep my head above water and not feeling anything.

And now I'm in this house. I have this sense of security. I'm by myself. I'm trying to start fresh and like figure out myself but I have this fucking massive thing on my back that I have never dealt with before I went on as if literally nothing ever happened like I can firmly and confidently say like I never once cried and like now being in therapy I realize that's up. And like there is so much in my life I have never dealt with. But like that's what I was doing.

I was just going and going and going and trying everything I possibly could not to feel anything. Thank you for sharing this, Lauren, because I can imagine how many people listening will be able to connect with the story in some way. And it's a lot to fucking carry. When you decided to get into therapy, like you were saying to me, holy fuck, Alex, I feel like I've been asleep for seven years. Like getting into therapy almost like, well, I'm dealing with like death that I've never dealt with before. And like it definitely was easier and was working for me to kind of just package that up and like dissociate and not accept that reality and not, not. Feel.

Yeah, not feel, not engage with that reality. Like some days I feel like I like don't know up from down left from right and like it's like really made me like look at myself and like evaluate myself am I a good friend am I a good daughter am I a good sister and I don't necessarily like love everything it's made me see about myself but like I'm able to see the big picture that like I'm learning so much about myself and like with all this knowledge about myself like I know it's gonna help me be a better person and like I think Orna said like therapy's not a selfish act like I recognize that like me bettering myself I'm just gonna be a better person for everyone um but it's it's tough like I there are days after therapy where I still have like a mile long to-do list and like I'm like a little debilitated after like I can't

like I'm just sitting there and like I need to like aimlessly walk around the block I need to call someone debrief that therapy session call you be like hey like can you drop everything for a moment like I feel like a hot mess yep such a powerful moment Lauren that you are what you're talking about and it's also fucking terrifying for someone to hear you you're debilitated for a day okay nope I don't want to go into therapy and I think you saying to me I remember you were like if I hadn't done this though what was I going to keep doing it's where it's worked for me in the past and it's gotten me and like allowed me to like get all these degrees and survive and stay afloat but if I were to continue to live that way I'm not going to fully live I think my therapist told me last week you could survive in a desert but that's

not a life you want to build for yourself I think now people knowing my story recognize why it was so hard, what I knew I was going to have to start dealing with to get into therapy, getting into therapy. And I just urge anyone who has stuff they want to deal with, trauma or just life stuff they want to deal with, it's not easy. I'm not going to sugarcoat it but I would not look back for a second and I feel like every session is like life changing for me

at this moment and this move and this time together in LA I feel like I'll look back at like as like a turning point in my life like going through this together and like you being that constant reminder of my childhood and you making that valid point to you remember more of my childhood than I do which is wild um but you making that constant remind like effort to like keep my father's like memory alive and like talk to me about him and like bring him up and I'm just so grateful and I love you I love you oh my god no it's um oh it's been like such a journey oh my god it's been such a journey watching you already oh my god I can't talk it has been unbelievable watching already in the months that you've gotten into therapy

I already can see a difference and I remember saying to you the other night um like I've been waiting for you to be ready for this because there's moments where I can tell like that disconnect like you can't go places emotionally because if you do then it's all gonna fucking flood through and you can't just begin that as a journey of like a friend to friend like let's talk about it and so it's been so amazing that you finally have that support through a therapist to now we can like sort of begin to unpack it but what I will say is like I am so proud of you Lauren and I know the daddy gang is so thankful for you sharing this story you're so fucking brave but also inspiring someone is going to listen to this and have the strength now to ask for the help that they need.

I'm just scratching the surface. I don't have answers yet. I think it might even get harder from here. But I'm ready. I'm ready to get to know myself. I'm ready to start living life. I think people like that, my breakup episode breakup episode were like how are you so okay or like was that a lie i thought i was okay right but i wasn't dealing with things i wasn't like

allowing myself to deal with things um reflecting back on this journey and looking back at that last episode that we did dude together where i was the fucking lady titty thing yeah like it was a lot of drinking and the dating and the sex and all of it was like whoa i'm mortified and yet lauren like to your credit i was seeing you day in day out getting up at 5 a.m for work getting a 4-0 at Columbia like you're you that's exactly what you're so good at like you mobilize and you survive and now what we're seeing is like now we got to focus on the emotional shit and you working on yourself and taking care of yourself and putting yourself first and I think that's like phase five of this therapy journey like

learning how to like be alone but like I need to first figure out like who is this person I'm about to be alone with who am I even just like listening to myself share this story right now in this podcast and like going through my therapy journey out loud with you right now I even had like a hard time comprehending like how much I've realized and recognized and felt in the past two months and I feel so cliche to say but like if that can inspire other people to ask for help if they need it because it's so hard to even admit it to yourself but it's like the most rewarding thing in the entire world all right daddy gang now the thing is is you don't think that I would allow for a season finale to go down without taking a little trip, a little trip, a little class trip, as they would say, okay? Get on the magic motherfucking school bus, daddy gang. Guess where the fucking class trip

is? We're going to go to a really actually quite expensive motherfucking class trip. Oh, you fucking missed it. Didn't you? Introducing a little thing that I like to go. Questions of Zyweco son, baby, questions of the motherfucking white baby, questions of the motherfucking white baby, we're fucking back I could not allow to release this 40th episode without going to fucking France bitches welcome to questions of the motherfucking week I missed it and I'm honestly so glad to know that you guys missed it too I'm

not gonna lie I think sometimes it's good to take some things away. So you really appreciate them. Now everyone's going to be like, we actually didn't miss it now. Okay. The silent sufferers are quaking, but you know what? I don't give a fuck. So daddy gang, let's get right into it here. We fucking. Hello father. Can we please talk to curve penises? Penile. I'm freaking the fuck out over here. I want to hook up with this guy. We've been talking for a while, but word around campus is that he has a curved penis. How the fuck do I go about approaching a curved penis? I have never encountered one, nor have I really had that much experience with the dick in itself. Love you, daddy. Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, you have come to the right fucking place.

Ah, I remember it just like it was yesterday. I was, I believe I was a sophomore in college when I saw my first curved penis. And the mission, it was only a blow job we didn't fuck but I did end up at one point in my life also fucking a curved penis but I do remember this number one if you are sucking a dick that is curved you have to be so aware of your teeth because of that because of that fucking curvature it's really easy to nick a tooth in there it's not just a straight up and down sweet art we're going we're going roundabout options and so my first bit of advice is don't get too drunk when you're first hooking up with

the curved penis because angles are involved and when angles are involved and you're fucking drunk angles go out the fucking window and you're just lucky if your mouth hits the fucking dick just like you're lucky if your mouth hits the fucking straw when you're hammered now if we're talking about fucking a curved penis this is an amazing opportunity seriously although it may seem scary and you kind of look at it with like that tilted head like what am i supposed to do with that have no fear there's some great fucking quick little tips I can give you the minute you see that curved penis and honestly we would love to get a dick pic if anything if you can before so you can really understand the trajectory and which angles we're working with but in the heat of the

moment when you see that fucking curved dick, you need to go into hyper-focused mode. Which way is the curve going? Everybody close your eyes. If you're driving, maybe not so much. But think of this. If he's laying on the bed and you're like crawling up towards him and the penis is out, is the dick curving up and then towards you like a big nose kind of vibe or is the dick curving towards him?

OK, if the dick is curved towards front for you, reverse cowgirl. OK, and what I mean by that is like a curved penis has the most unbelievable opportunity to hit your G spot. Think about that. OK, sorry to straight penises, but that's something you can't fucking do. So this is a pro of a curved penis. It can edge forward. Like you almost use your like your curved vibrators and that can edge up to your G spot. So you get on him, you do reverse cowgirl, and then that edge will be rubbing up against your G spot. If you're doing reverse cowgirl, obviously if it's leaning towards him though, you can then be doing, what are you going to do? Everybody thinks yourself, what would that be? If the curve leaning towards him, though, you can then be doing, what are you going to do?

Everybody thinks yourself, what would that be? If the curve goes towards him, missionary. Woo! Great work, everyone. So you have to just understand the angles because it can be so advantageous. The curved penis can be so fucking advantageous for your G-spot. You just have to really quickly assess the angle and know what is the best sex position. Hey, big Al. So you always rave about feeling this fullness that you feel when you put a butt plug in and I was inspired and bought one for myself.

Cheers, daddy. Super exciting, right? Curious if you've had any tips for a first timer and if you recommend trying them with your partner or by yourself for a first timer and if you recommend trying them with your partner or by yourself for the first time. Anyways, hope to hear from you soon. Love the podcast. Love you. Love you, bitch. Okay. The thing about butt plugs is they're fucking terrifying. And I will admit like I, in the beginning was like, why the fuck am I going to put something up my asshole? I don't want to put something up my asshole. You put something up your fucking asshole. And then as time went on and I started to really experiment more with toys and like started to go from using a vibrator on the outside of my clit to then using a vibrator going inside

internally and then just doing a bunch of dual action on my fucking vagina and then shoving lampposts of my fucking pussy. Then I got really comfortable with putting stuff down there. And I, I knew what a finger in my butthole felt like during sex, but I kind of didn't like that feeling of him having the control in the beginning. Cause I wasn't comfortable with the asshole play because you guys know my fucking anal experience. So I got a butt plug and I got a literally a little baby one. If anything, I can take a picture of you guys, DM me and tell me to take a picture of it and I can show you it. It's literally like a little bullet thing. anything I can take a picture you guys DM me and tell me to take a picture of it and I can show you it it's literally like a little bullet thing it's this metal bullet and I got this butt plug and it changed my life because I started using it solo to answer your question I did not start with a partner I did it solo and what I did and I'm not gonna lie to you like it literally

took about I would say five to ten masturbation sessions for me to slowly like edge this thing into my fucking asshole and I shit you not like I started to have to try different techniques because this is me coming off of the anal scare and me fainting from it and I was like nobody come near this asshole god forbid something fucking comes near I'll just pass out so I really needed to like spend time with myself in the bedroom and like work the angles and understand pressure points and so slowly I started to just literally any advice is like lightly just like put the tiniest bit of it in your butt it could basically be like this is you could almost be like okay this is pathetic it's not even in there I have to like hold it because it's so not even in there that's fine it's just getting your butt like comfortable with even having something in it and then slowly throughout

my masturbation sessions I would get more and more into it and like lightly start like pushing it in lighter lighter and then once I got it in there it kind of like pops in and then you just stop okay and then you just let it sit there and And that once I felt that feeling, it feels like kind of like, holy fuck for a second. And then you're like, whoa. And then you have that literally just sitting in there while you then are masturbating and you can be putting your toy in and out. But the butt plug just literally sits there. It doesn't move in and out.

Just keep it in there. And it feels fucking incredible. So I honestly listen like I know this is call her daddy, but I'm not going to lie. Like if I was listening to a podcast, had I not tried this, I'd be like, that's fucking cute. And you can have your sex podcast and you're probably even fucking lying about this shit. Maybe like nobody puts that shit in their ass. I promise you give it a go. But I agree.

You have to ease into it or you're going to fucking traumatize yourself. Daddy, go back to your teenage years you're 15 you're in love you snuck out had sex with him your parents found out won't let you see him and literally locked you in the house and now you're homeschooled oh my god i'm so sorry would you run away and go live with him you only have to be 16 to move out of your parents house please help help listen listen daddy I remember I was a fucking nightmare and I don't say that lightly like I seriously mean a fucking nightmare in high school to my parents god bless my mother because she was way more involved in trying to like really hold it down my dad was like a little bit more chill but like and I hated her honestly like I despised my mom at times in high school. We went through like a really bad rough patch.

And that was because I was dating this guy. I went to a private school. He was at the public school. He was doing drugs. He was a senior. I was a freshman. And it was a fucking disaster. And like I started to get into things that I shouldn't have been getting into.

And I remember my parents putting their foot down. I got caught so many times sneaking out. Pretty sure I told you guys in one episode, I went onto the internet, tried to buy the retractable fucking ladder to throw down in case of a quote unquote fire. I'm like, dad, what if there's a fire? I have to have a fucking ladder just in case he's like, you're literally trying to sneak out, you stupid bitch. I'm like, oh, facts. Anyways, I had so many bad moments and that relationship was maybe one of the most tumultuous relationships. But at the time, I truly believed like I loved this person so much and he was a good guy.

He was just really he was sick and he was lost and he ended up getting addicted to drugs. And there was a whole I can't believe I haven't even told this whole fucking story. The whole thing happened. He went into a coma. I had to sneak around to get to the hospital to see him. I was like writing him letters. Like it was fucking psychotic. And my mother was like, Alex, do not fucking waste your life for someone else. Like he's on his own track. Like you've got a scholarship, like you're going to college, like don't let this all go. And she was so in my asshole that I wanted to almost go more towards him. And I'm so thankful now looking back that my parents were so strict on me during that relationship. And, and I even look back thinking in the time,

oh my God, I wish my parents were more chilled. Like my other friends, like I, they can sneak out so easily. Their parents don even care meanwhile I'm like thank fucking god so although now I'm reading like your situation the fact that they're homeschooling you um that seems a bit extreme but what I can say is like at that age most of the time and I know you're gonna hate this answer but like literally having now the wisdom of being older and looking back like thank you to my parents and I know it doesn't you won't be able to see it right now but seriously half the time most of the time in those situations where your parents are pulling you away from like a romance at that age like it's usually for the best it's usually because they see something could get out of control and you can't see it you're too young and you're too close to it so I know it sucks and maybe you can start like

opening that boundary with your parents like listen I'm sorry I snuck out I'm sorry that I went and had sex with him you guys found out what if I have him over and like I have him at the house and so you guys can meet him and like even if you just hang out like in public so they can see you etc like start there for your parents to make them more comfortable but i wish you the best of luck also tell them to fuck off and like let you back and go to school okay so i matched with this guy on hint and i thought he was really attractive so i was excited when he messaged me but right away he asked if i would be interested in paying him to humiliate him and boss him around or at least at least using him financially sweetie what's the fucking question um I've never done anything like

this and it kind of feels out of my comfort zone but at the same time it doesn't really seem like a bad idea and it could be kind of fun like extra cash and sex I need help because I don't know if these are things that I should be considering or what questions to ask like should i go all 50 shades of gray on this motherfucker do i need a contract please help okay so this is obviously a more like intense conversation as much as i know in the past we would joke like yeah bitch like fucking humiliate that man like i understand everyone has their fucking limits and some girls are going to be like how the fuck do I even begin to do that like I've personally never done it I've never humiliated well I've definitely humiliated men before but not in the bedroom no in the bedroom too but like not in that way um but so I think for you I know this sounds weird

but if you feel like you're like how do I even start this number one and I'm just gonna go for it and like I don't care people judge me if there's something that I want to try sexually in the bedroom of like vocally to say like sometimes you can say it in your head but it doesn't have the same fucking oomph and it's like I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to get those words out in the bedroom like it is nerve-wracking to speak up in the bedroom and so I think that the best place to start having conversations with yourself just so people don't think you have like issues hit the showers and I know it sounds weird but like literally in the shower just start saying some of the lines like

oh like your dick is so fucking small like oh yeah you want me to fuck you because you can't fuck me like you're like go through that and like start just like saying shit out loud like and saying that out loud and like kind of staring into your shampoo bottle i'm not kidding you you'll start to feel like oh do i have this in me and honestly girlfriend maybe got some fucking anger in there we all got some anger like maybe let it out let it on this guy knowing it's not going to hurt his feelings he likes this shit so again everyone has boundaries some girls and some men may be listening to this being like, that's not for me. Other people may love that. And to each his own.

It's totally fine. Whatever sexually gets you off. When I read that you're saying it kind of is something you may be interested in, or at least you'd want to try, then try it. Obviously, make sure he's not a fucking creeper first. Meet him in a public place first. And then if you guys are hitting it off like fucking go for it and write me back in and let me know like some of the lines that you figured out that work for

you but I think sexually if something is is calling to you I think you go for it daddy I'm in desperate need of some big sister advice so I went out last night and hooked up with this guy we all know alcohol is that liquid courage. We all need to give us that extra push. But now I have to face the guy sober because he goes to my gym and hangs out with the people that I hang out with. Do I play it off like it never happened? I want to play it off like a true daddy. Help. P.S. Since listening to your podcast, I've become the most confident daddy I could have ever imagined. So thank you. Oh my God. Okay. Love you, bitch. There's a question though I have for this. Number one, what is your agenda? Because you have to think about it. Like, do you want to hook up with him

again or do you not want to? And you never want to see this dude again, basically, but you're like, fuck, we're in the same group. Cause it's like, if you don't want to hook up with him or you do, that completely changes your approach. So my opinion is number one, if you do that completely changes your approach so my opinion is number one if you do want to hook up with this guy again and you're in the same circle I think it's best to always read the room read the fucking room bitch read the vibe feel the energy what I mean by that is like say you're all randomly at the bar and you run into him don't run over him don't trip over everyone be like I see Gerald and then you're like booking it to Gerald and he's like Becky back the fuck up that pussy wasn't even good and you're like oh

fuck like read the room so say you're at the bar and you want to hook up with him again you're just chill and you talk to him almost in your mind as if you guys have never hooked up just be casual obviously say hi don't like hide behind your fucking friend and be like a creeper eating your hair. Say hi, but immediately we'll see what's reciprocated. Is he flirting back or is he giving standoffish vibes like, oh, that was a one-time thing and it's never happening again. So again, you be nice and flirtatious, but again, don't take it past the point if he's not reciprocating. it's all about reading the fucking energy hey father appreciate you through the roller coaster of the past few

years and man has it been a ride sweetie yes can you talk more about what shifts you felt internally on your road to your current relationship i've had my fuck girl stage and I'm in a position to begin to prioritize a partner in my life. In your most recent episode, you talked about your independence and how it shaped you and the importance from your parents. My parents did the same. You don't need a man. How have you strived to let someone in and also be vulnerable to let them do things for you? I've had exes in the past and I know you didn't want to label it this but it was they felt emasculated by super small things will you talk more about your current internal shift thank you so much i fully appreciate your vulnerability through the past journey through this journey p.s got told i gave a 12 out of 10 blow job last night thanks

for the og gluck gluck 9 000 oh my god. Okay. Wow. Um, that's a really good question. I think I remember all the way back to meeting my boyfriend for the first time. And I mean, I documented it on a fucking episode and I remember at the time being so just like googly eyed over just like the sexual connection and I also was obviously turned on by like what he was doing for a living and his success and it's like hot to see a guy like thriving and making money and all that shit but then as I got to know him and his personality I think the biggest thing for me was like finding that balance of not feeling like I was being held down or like trapped. And I felt like that in some of my past relationships where it was like the put downs of my career were so significant because of the insecurity on their end. Like I had a boyfriend that was so insecure about the pictures on my Instagram.

And meanwhile, like it's like the classic you see it on TikTok. And meanwhile, every single girl that he likes on Instagram was wearing a fucking bikini, tits out, ass out. And it's like, hold on. But now that I'm your girlfriend, I can't post that. Like it was that whole drama. Now I think number one for me. That's the number one of like finding someone when I realized past the sexual aspect of

he's such a confident person and he's so secure within himself and he's so secure within his job status and and his relationships in his life that that really was that was so apparent to me the way he treated me since the very beginning he treated me like an equal he was like your job is so fucking cool I remember back in the day that I was like um he was like can you stop talking about our sex life but like now as we've gotten more intense and our relationship is pretty serious he's kind of like do whatever you got to do like I love you and I think you're amazing and like now I'm past that because I know this is what I want and so I support you so it's been like a journey of one I think trust just between the two of us at first not even knowing if it was going to last and then I think building that

respect for one another but it's not easy I'm not going to lie like I definitely have moments of wow like I'm so young and and he is older than me and he has been so vocal about like I know that this is what I want like I I love you and like I'm good like I'm good I'm here like here we go and I'm like whoa and I remember at first when he used to tell me that it was like usually that would make me run if a guy's basically being being like, I fucking love you. Like I'm in this, like I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I'm like, that is so unbelievable. Oh my God. I actually am going to go fake my death and disappear off the face of the earth.

Now I feel more comfortable in boundaries. And I think that's something if you're feeling like you're emasculating men, the respect and the trust. And then on top of that is boundaries. You don't need to move as fast as they move. And if you are, if they make it a comfortable space for you to articulate that and communicate that, like my boyfriend has been so amazing with me being like, I'm getting there, but like, I'm not there yet. Like I'm, I'm still so focused on my career and I am so happy with

this relationship, but like, I really need to also make sure like I'm good and I'm good on my career and I am so happy with this relationship but like I really need to also make sure like I'm good and I'm good on my own and he was like I totally get that when I was fucking 26 I was doing the same thing so like that boundary and respect and also him being man enough and confident enough in himself to tell me these things and me not say them back at times and him still be okay and still love and nurture the relationship and support it. That's been fucking crazy. So guys, am I in therapy? But no. So I just, I think it really takes the right kind of person. And I will admit, like, I wouldn't have been ready for everyone. It wasn't just because I was like, I'm in therapy now.

And like, I've been single for a second and I'm ready for a relationship it was like he made me want to be vulnerable he made me want to be close with him and he made me want to be in this relationship because it makes me genuinely a better person being with him and it's not codependent it's like we're each other's number one supporters and that is something I've never had in my life. And that's where I think you'll feel that because I do have that like it's not like a masculine energy, but it's it's almost like you need their masculine energy to just be a little bit above yours so that you don't feel like you're emasculating them. And I need a guy that's able to fucking see that. So nothing is more unattractive to me than someone that's like insecure and uncomfortable in themselves and like I and so that's where I kind of am able to kind of like gauge what works for me so I hope that helped a little bit sorry

that was like a fucking hot ramp but I don't know I think like it's also everyone's different like there are some people that may be like I don't want that person to like be as intense about career. Maybe you're more interested in X, Y, Z, like whatever it is. Everyone is going to be different. And I think for your question, if you're relating to me in this individual independent mentality, and it's been hard for you to partner up, I was kind of just outlining for you, like you need to find the things that are so important for you in a relationship in order for you to feel attracted to that person and want to be with that person. Like it's hard, but it's the truth. Like if you're not attracted to your partner, and I don't mean physically, but by the way that they treat you or by the way that they live your life, it's really hard to be with someone and you shouldn't be with someone that you're not attracted to. So I've had a journey of figuring that out for me because a lot of it was just about the physical appearance and the job status at first. And I was like, okay, that's cool. You can fucking throw a baseball or that's cool that you can fucking crunch numbers or whatever it is. I love all my crunch numbers,

whoever ever fucking dated at crunch numbers, but you guys don't get what I'm saying. It's like, I figured out that there's way more to life than just looks that can turn me off. And that is almost more of a turnoff if it's not looks, but it's more of what's inside and it's more of the dynamic. That's what doesn't work for me. And that's when I run towards my independence and I need someone that's going to make me feel like, damn, you get me and you're not trying to change me. You accept me. And it's not just acceptance. It's respect and recognition of, damn, you're great. And I'm not trying to dim your light.

I want you to be exactly how you are. And I just want to fit into your life and be partners. Okay, daddy, motherfucking gang what a fucking week what a fucking year man that's what it is not a fucking week it's been a hell of a fucking year I cannot thank you guys I know I keep saying it but I have to just say it again I cannot thank you guys enough for listening every single week, tuning in on Wednesdays, getting excited for Wednesdays. It's just really cool to be a part of something like this with you guys. So thank you. Daddy gang, that is it for this week's episode.

And I would just like to clarify, this is a season finale. It's not a series finale. You bitches know I will never fucking leave you. We are only ramping this thing the fuck up from here. You're going to be getting a whole lot more of call her fucking daddy. You know, the motherfucking drill daddy gang. Sadly, I will see you fuckers in a couple weeks