Call Her Daddy - 20- Butt Stuff

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

The girls talk about everything butt related (including ass eating), the best way to pick up a guy at the bar, and finally explain what the hell happened when they were stood up by celebrity guest- Tana Mongeau. They also address some #daddygang grievances, models turned DJs, and the ridiculousness of name dropping

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy hi daddies daddies is that you we're here we're alive the fathers are here the fathers are here um today we're mourning the loss of a guest that was a supposed to be a should have been a would have been it could have been tana mojo will not be joining us but we are gonna get into it yeah if you guys follow us on social media you know that we announced that we were supposed to have tana mojo on our show as a guest. Her people reached out to us, etc. And now she's not coming on. And it's a fucking story. It is a story.

So stay tuned because we're going to get into all of it. We're going to tell you guys every single thing that happened because we are fucking raw and real with the daddy game. And we're not going to leave anything to the imagination. We're going to bring you guys all the tea. But for now, we're just going to accept that we got ditched. Yep. Okay. Okay, we have a couple other things that we want to address

before we get into all of our normal nasty shit. Yes, we have some housekeeping. You guys, the fucking khakis. Dude, it's like we've said it and we keep saying it and people still have questions. So we're just going to keep answering them. So when we say khaki pants, they are the baggy, tan pants that have pockets all over them. It's a certain type of pant.

Okay, there's two different type of khakis also that are no-nos. The ones that are like cargo khakis with all those pockets you're talking about. And then there are the ones that like the prep school kids have to wear to like boarding schools that I went to. It's like either of those are no-goes. Yes. If you're wearing pants that are tan or cream or whatever. Totally fine. Like the chinos. Yes.

Fine. That is totally fine, you guys. You guys know what we mean by khakis. Okay, can I say? What? The fucking khaki shorts. For some reason, people are literally tweeting us, DMing us, being like, okay, we get what you're saying about the khakis.

Like, I hear you guys. But what about the shorts? Khaki pants, khaki shorts are the same fucking thing. Like, I will not have it. It's like, I don't know why people are just so offended about the khaki pants. They're not willing to let them go. No, there's other shit you can wear i promise knock it the fuck off guys anyways guys it's just a particular type of pants

like not all of them are like that another housekeeping you guys freaked out when we said that men don't jack off to nudes okay i understand i totally understand if you are you know in the sixth grade that you might go to a nude to jack off or if you're traveling through like a bermuda triangle situation you don't have high speed internet you're gonna go sailing the seas and you can't get your porn up on your phone then you go back to the new right i mean there were guys that like wrote in that they were like on a military base. Oh, yeah. And they were like, you know, we don't have access to internet.

And they were like, you know, Sophia, send me a picture of your pussy. Which, yeah, Daddy Gang, if you ever are starting to hook up with a military guy, send the military men nudes. Yes. They need our nudes. They're serving our country. Like, fucking act accordingly. Yeah.

So send them nudes. But besides those situations, I just just if you have access to porn and you have access to watching like a girl get dp'd and then girl on girl and all this shit you're not gonna be like oh my god her nipple is in this i'm going to town it's true i think guys like they obviously in at one point in their life are jacking off to a nude but we're not saying that we're saying if they have access to fucking porn right they're not gonna watch a standstill photo and be trying to imagine what she can do with popping that pussy as opposed to watching porn watching them actually pop the pussy what guys do is if they're like kind of talking to a girl they will

find porn that looks that looks like her yeah that's what every guy does that's their go-to yeah so trust and believe they're not yeah doing it to your new they're gonna find porn of someone that looks like you right so everyone shut the fuck up also i want to bring something up that i saw this morning that i got so fucking annoyed and it goes with social media i wish we brought it up last week but the lip singing to a song on your fucking story girls with with a filter on i am so done with girls trying to sing to a song and post it while they look hot post a hot video of yourself looking hot i don't need you singing to bruno fucking mars like looking out the window and then looking

back they like look around and like look sexily at the camera while they're like like lightly lip singing it's what kylie jenner does and you're not fucking kylie jenner any singing usually in any capacity it's true also guys don't think it's hot like one guys don't think the fucking filters are cute when you do it every time they don't think the fucking filters are cute when you do it every time. They don't think the fucking singing is hot. If you're going to post a fucking thirst trap video, post it. I totally agree. And then move on with your life. The singing in the car needs to stop.

What is that meme? It's like, I'm literally going to report you to the police because that cannot be safe. Driving conditions. Oh, there we go. Yeah. All right. So let's get into the episode. First of all, the whole Instagram model becoming DJ.

I want to just say all of these hot models out there need to stop attempting and trying to swish the beats. Is that how the young kids say it these days? Did you just say swish the beats? Swish the beats. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Before we get into this topic, because I agree, like, they need to knock it off. Alex, there is something you guys need to know about this girl. She does not know about music.

We were talking about, like, house music, EDM music, and she was talking about the people that, like, make EDM. She was like, oh, yeah, like, the EDMers. And I about died. He's an EDM music. And she was talking about the people that like make EDM. She's like, oh yeah, like the EDMers. And I about died. He's an EDMer. Dude, I just, I know. I have to admit, it is truly my biggest fear when I go on a date, when I start talking to a new guy, him asking me, what kind of music do you like slash listen to? I just about die inside.

I don't know what it is. Like I make you play all the music. Oh my gosh. When we're at home, I'm constantly connected to the Bluetooth because let me just put it into perspective. Alex will attempt it sometimes and it will be a playlist from, I swear to God,

like 2009. Like I, what you did it the other day and you played Katy Perry's California girls. You played it like bat, like you played it seven times. And I was like, you know, that song was released a while ago. I am the girl that still has the U2 album that we were all forced to have on our phones. Like that's what just auto plays. I'm like, Oh, then what's this jam?

Yeah, I know. Fuck me. Anyway. So I just have to say about the Instagram DMs, Instagram DJs. Jesus. Whoa. Instagram DJs. Nobody judge me also for playing that Katy Perry song.

Okay, it's a good song. Okay, these girls are hot as shit. Instagram models. It's like, I wish that they would stay in their lane. Stay in their fucking lane. They're hot. They have incredible bodies, beautiful faces. People want to see stay in their lane stay in their fucking lane hot they have incredible bodies beautiful faces people want to see them in their swimsuits they want to see them frolicking around the world and posting shit why do you need to pretend you're a dj they need to just embrace

and work with what the lord gave them and not try to like I just said swish beats okay okay you watch they'll post clips of their dj set and they are behind the DJ booth. Just not even touching the buttons. Just like jumping up and down. Dude, their headphones are around their neck. I'm like, you're not doing anything. You are, you are literally jumping up and down. You're a hype man.

They're hype men. Oh my God. That's exactly what it is. They're hype men. And it's like, well, fuck. If that's what a DJ is, Alex, you would blow people like well fuck if that's what a dj is alex you would blow people out of the water because you are a hype man essentially oh my god but no when i think of a dj i think of someone that is producing music and then when they're there to do

a dj set they're like cutting music in you know dropping a beat oh and they're not just jumping around pretending to like do it it just needs to stop this is something that is like i think listen people shit on instagram models and i'm not going to because i would love that i would quit this podcast right now no offense to everyone that i love bye bye if all i had to do was post my body on a like a picture on instagram every single week but when you're trying to now segue into djing it needs to stop for example what comes to mind chantelle jeffries right charlie jordan yep that there's brooke evers brooke evers these girls you are all beautiful you're hot as

shit love you all to death stop standing on the fucking stage and jumping around and acting like you were born and destined to be like diplo is Chantel Jeffries is dating Diplo, right? Yes. Okay. Chantel is dating Diplo right now, and I don't know if that made her truly believe like this is my passion and calling. I see him doing it.

Now I can do it. She just thinks like through osmosis. Right. No, no, no. Just because he's fucking you and entering you doesn't mean now that because he entered you, now you somehow have his power to be a fucking DJ. Look, I am all for a girl using a guy to further her career. Totally. I mean, because he entered you, now you somehow have his power to be a fucking DJ. Look, I am all for a girl using a guy to further her career.

Totally. I mean, Lana Del Rey fucked my way up to the top. I love it. Boom. But that she's using him to become a DJ, girlfriend. You could do way more. No, no, no. Way more.

It's just, I think, that makes me think of the whole name dropping thing. Oh. Like. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh God.

If you weren't listening, I need you to listen. Nothing will compare to the name dropping that this guy did with Alex. You, I'm sorry. I don't want you to out him, but you have to out him because it was fucking insane. He's going to like sue us. I don't care. to out him, but you have to out him because it was fucking insane. He's going to like sue us. I don't care. All right, guys. I think all of you remember.

So a few months ago. Yeah, let's tell them the background. A few months ago, the Call Her Daddy Instagram was taken down. You know why? It may have been because Sophia and I were soliciting nudes. I don't know. That's neither here nor there. We don't need to get into that. We don't need to get into that.

That's not the point of the story. The point of the story is the Instagram was taken down and we were freaking out. And let us just say that love Barstool, love everyone we work with. Everyone was trying so hard to get it back up. I was reaching out to people I hadn't talked to in like seven years. And I remember that night I sat Sophia down once we were like four days deep of not having an Instagram. And I looked at Sophia and I said, listen, Barstool is not going to be able to get this done. Nobody that we're reaching out to is going to be able to get this done. We need to get slutty and we need to get slutty quick. Sophia, the amount of things that can be accomplished by just throwing out some cleavage or just, you know, tempting with the voodoo clam.

It's insane. It is. We can talk about that more. So this is what I did. I had met this guy and he had a very prestigious job high up somewhere in tech. Okay, let's just say that. I reached out to him and I told him. He had some serious connections.

Very serious connections. I reached out to him and I told him that our Instagram was down. Now, of course, I flaunted the idea like, oh yeah, I'll come visit you and I told him that our Instagram was down now of course I flaunted the idea like oh yeah I'll come visit you and we can hang out soon blah blah but first I can't do that if I don't get the Instagram back so we start talking and I'm just asking him to connect me with someone that through Instagram that could get me to the top and he goes I'll connect you with my boy Bob let's say I'm like great let me read the text he says i'll hook you up with bob i connected him with drake a few weeks ago he helped him with his account he was having issues i can also reach

out to zuck he can make it happen no no and for all of you listening, Zuck, you don't need to abbreviate Mark Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook, with a Zuck. Spell out Mark Zuckerberg, you fucking douche. Mark Zuckerberg turned Zuck. And the fact that Drake and Zuck were both name dropped within a sentence of each other. Out of nowhere. In one paragraph. Like, dude, I literally had to reread it because, guys, him saying I connected him with Drake a few weeks ago. He could have just said I connected him with someone a few weeks ago and it worked out. He's like, Drake. And then, zuck. And, like, we're just tangling and mangling with all these celebrities.

And I'm like, I don't give a fuck. It was that amount of name dropping. Like, I am sorry to out this guy, but that is the douchiest, most embarrassing thing I've ever read. It really is like one of those things where it's like he is in his own right so successful and I'm like, but you don't need to drop Drake and Zuck. Oh my God. Zuck.

I will never get over that. Let's talk about sex. All right. Yeah. Let's get into sex um finger in the butt oh oh wow finger in the butt I want to address because a lot of girls are like Alex you know you give us your blowjob tips but what do we do do we put a finger up the butt and the answer ladies is yes of course of course we flirt and we tickle up the butt? And the answer, ladies, is yes. Of course.

Of course we flirt and we tickle up the butthole. The butt doesn't need to be off limits. Absolutely not. Don't neglect the butt. However, I do have to say, when you are giving a guy a blowjob, I am making this a rule unless, again, I mean, you don't have to follow this, but never do it on the first hookup because that is also a secret weapon ladies you can like i said you cannot use all of your ammo in your first hookup the butt is such a lead-up it's such a build-up it's such an opportunity to spice fucking things right guys i mean you just got to be careful what you're throwing out the first time for sure so girls absolutely blow jobs need butt action but i do have to say i'm looking at my

fingers we've talked about it dude your nails i'm like looking at your acrylic nails right now and you could straight murder someone's straight up straight murder an asshole murder an asshole with one finger girls if you wear long nails you have to fucking cut that shit dude i'm not kidding you when i know i'm going for a dick appointment at some point, if I'm like going to see a guy that weekend, I literally you will see me and my nails will be short. If you see Alex with short nails, I just got dick after it. But when I have long nails, I'm like in a little period where I know I'm not going to see a guy. So no, but finger in the butt. I would.

OK, I totally get that finger in the butt. I mean, it depends on the guy still. Well, and also, I mean, we can get more in detail of actual details, but the whole, like, come hither thing with your finger once you get in there, it's true because girls, guys have prostates. You're stimulating the prostate. When you're giving him a blowjob, he can come ten times faster if you're stimulating his prostate, his balls, and his dick.

Hold on. So you stick your entire finger up his butthole. Okay, so this is what we do. First, you're going to maneuver your way down to the taint area, which is in between the butt. Guys, the taint and the butt are completely different, and I think that stimulating them separately is great. Totally. Your finger massaging the taint is such a different experience than the booty hole. So I think, I do think, yeah, you should be putting a finger in and making a motion.

It shouldn't just be like sticking in a little. What the fuck is the fun in that? Wait, wait. There is a prostate to be found and I, Alex Cooper, find it. This is like blowing my mind. So you put your entire finger in. It doesn't have to be found and i alex cooper find this is like blowing my mind so you put your entire finger it doesn't have to be the whole thing and then you do the come hither motion like when a guy is fearing you it's more it's like a tapping light motion but you have to be fucking comfortable with the guy and he needs to be comfortable with you some guys may be like hold

on hold what are you doing you've got to ease into it and see his body language and then you like kind of just fish around for that prostate with that being said i do think there's something to say like why are girls neglected of the butt okay i a finger it's like i swear to god the only thing people talk about is like doing shit to a guy's ass right girls like that we have an ass too i mean girls totally like that i We have an ass too. I mean, girls totally like that. I think the best position if you want to try it out with your girl is when she's on top. Yeah, that's a pretty good one. And I think with girls, and I don't know if this is similar like when you're doing with a guy, like you should just try kind of just putting pressure on her booty hole

and just kind of playing around there like before you just stick a finger in. Yeah, I think totally easing into it. Because she's going to be like, what the hell? Totally easing into it is key, guys. You can't just go right for it. It's like if you fucking go for anal, no lube, nothing, and you shove it in there. Yeah. Recipe for fucking disaster.

Also, if you are like most guys out there, I'm not going to say most guys, but a lot of guys, you're wanting to try anal with your girl. This is like the perfect segue and like getting her comfortable with stuff going in there you know what i mean i love that so stuff going in there right so i think that's kind of like how you start segueing and start letting her know that you're comfortable with it she should be comfortable with it it can feel good sofia i'm a fucking genius genius Genius. Can I bring up pegging? All right. Now, we just literally brought this up to our editor.

And he was like, what? And he didn't even know what it was. So for anyone listening that doesn't know what pegging is, it's when a girl puts a strap on and fucks her boyfriend in the ass. We have a lot of people asking, is this weird? One, from the guy's perspective, guys guys are like is it weird if i ask my girlfriend and two girls are asking does it make him gay if he's asking me to fuck him in the ass no no no no no it does not make your man gay at all if anything it does the opposite because he's that fucking comfortable with his sexuality that he's like let's give it a try dude it's like we said he has a fucking prostate and guys it's like it is not fucking

weird no have i ever done it no have you done it i haven't but i've had a guy ask you yeah and honestly i'm kind of down to try anything once yeah i think we were like a little bit more like into the relationship like maybe i would try it i don't know i was gonna say so for pegging for me i think that i would probably need to be in a relationship with the guy because first of all obviously some girls may get freaked out by this and obviously we're getting no pleasure out of this you know it's not like we're like he's looking back at it and like it's like we're fucking him from behind and it's like hot we're looking at his ass like it's obviously all for the guy so i think i would want to do it if i was in a relationship yeah um but then again if you're a real freak and you want to just try it one time do it for one night i think it's kind of like the

most call her daddy thing you can do it kind of is and i think like that's gonna be something we do this year alex we're gonna bench out we're gonna try to peg someone i'm that's the thing let's do it that is like you and me at the same time that is let's dp someone together we both have strap-ons on and we peg a guy oh i guess we couldn't do that no we could we could do two in his ass or one in his mouth oh i would be so down guys listening to this like please stop it's this whole thing it's like reverse gender roles and it's fucking awesome and i I'm here for it. Call him daddy. No.

Call her daddy. I was just thinking, you know how there's always those horror stories of a guy or a girl shitting from anal? I wonder if there's any horror stories of a guy shitting from getting pegged. I want to know. Daddy gang, let us know if you know. Right in. I need to know. Because that would low-key be an amazing story.

Also, I know a lot of people are always asking like how the hell do we spice things up this is a really good one yeah it could really because you know what even if it doesn't work out for you guys it's a fucking experience that you tried together it's gonna bring you guys closer and it's gonna be fun boom i like want to try it um before we move on from butt stuff, there is a trend. I don't know if the male population is like fucking starving, but the amount of guys talking about eating ass, I'm like, what, what is going on? It is like they're famished and they need ass and they need it now. Right.

What is going on? Like hunger pains. Let me see your asshole. I don't know. I remember I was hooking up. I, it was the first time I actually ever hooked up with this guy and he went down and I thought he was just going to be eating me out and he was eating me out. And then he straight up like scooped my body up a little bit more so he could get to my ass and he started eating out my ass. And I was like, so taken aback cause I just

was not expecting it. I'm like, this is first hookup. i don't even know this guy yeah and um i kind of like pulled away and he grabbed my thigh so hard like i had marks on it the next day and he just looked up at me and he said i want it and i was just kind of really hot it isn't but i was kind of scared i was like oh okay that's like guys fucking love it yeah they love eating ass i don't i actually dated a guy and it was he it was his favorite thing it was his cup of tea in the morning okay but guys i think some guys like to have their ass let me tell you a little story eight eight yeah little little lickety splickety up in that asshole um i agree and this is another thing that pisses me the fuck off because some of my guy friends, I'll

ask them, I'll be like, do you like getting your ass eaten? And they're like, what the fuck? No. I'm like, this does not make you fucking gay. Right. Shut up. Like if it feels good, daddy gang. If something feels good to you, you do it.

You do it. I don't give a fuck. That just means you are a freak. Yes. And there's nothing to aspire to be that's better't give a fuck. That just means you are a freak and there's nothing to aspire to be that's better than being a freak. Absolutely. So with regard to eating a guy's ass, I guess we can kind of circle back around on this because it can be incorporated into a blowjob. So ladies, listen, it takes a certain mentality and it takes a certain girl. There are some girls I know that

are like, i would never do that and that's totally fine but i'm just presenting it to you if you want it so i remember i was hooking up in college with this guy he was older and you know i thought i was gonna lose him i thought i was gonna lose him and i needed to come up with some i i needed to throw a hail mary in there you licked his butthole to try and salvage the relationship. Well, let me tell you, it fucking worked. You fell in love. Guys, don't fucking listen to Alex.

Don't try and save your relationship with some sex shit. Dude, no, this worked. So, all right. So, I had given him the great blowjobs that I give. And so, I knew at this point,, like we were kind of, there was just something going on. So I was like, you know what, this night I'm really going to try to step it up. So I'm giving him head. He's loving it, but I'm like, Ooh, you have no idea what's coming for you. So no idea what's coming for you. So this is what I did. I'm first of all dick in one hand balls in the other mouth on the dick the trifecta

the next thing I did was I got off my mouth came off the dick and I went down a level what I did was I started licking and sucking his balls with my mouth and then my hands were now free free falling okay so my one my thumb went onto his taint and I started like kind of pressure rubbing with my thumb on his taint area and I had had I had made sure that my thumb was like a little wet so it was like nice and wet lubed up and I was just kind of rubbing pressure then I got off of the balls and i went down and with my left hand i was jacking him off and i went down and i start slowly licking his taint while i'm also kind of rubbing it still okay and slowly but surely alex is making her way down south towards to the bum hole to the bum skis okay and when i tell you because you had told me you know you've maybe like you flirted you've

licked a guy's ass before right yeah yeah well i fucking went and ate ass okay like i wasn't really anticipating it dude dude dude you need to be careful careful down there that you just like said it to me and it like brought it to my attention like that is pink eye in the making like you better throw some sunglasses on goggles goggles what would a guy do if you literally just whipped out goggles you're like i'm going in and you just start eating ass i would low-key love that i'm gonna do that next time so anyway so yeah girls make sure you wear sunglasses when you're eating ass it's the moral of the story dude people are gonna start doing that throw your hair in a ponytail throw some sunglasses on like let Like, let's go. Go to town on that ass.

I am jacking him off with my left hand, which I don't know why. I just realized I do use my left hand, even though I'm a righty. Anyways, side note. So I'm going down and I start licking his ass. And what happened to me was I wasn't anticipating to fully be like going to town on it. But his fucking reaction when I started using my tongue and doing like kind of like it was like suction cup tongue swirls in and out like it was a lot. And my face was just plummeted down there like I was kind of low key getting suffocated.

You're jacking him off while you're just like focused on the ass. Yes. Like I was basically eating out his asshole and I couldn't really breathe. I was low key suffocating because he was on his back and my head was just down under. But he came from me jacking him off and eating out his ass. And it was like the first. And then I tried to quickly like come up and swallow it and like catch it in the air. And whoa, acrobatics up in this bitch. But he did not. Like a dolphin.

Like it kind of started coming on his thigh. When they throw the fish to the dolphins. And I quickly leave back. No, I just tried to. Some got on his thigh and then I quickly got the rest. I get that because I think the bigger the freak, the sloppier you're being in any capacity. Guys fucking. He said after he was like, have never experienced something yeah i think

like if a guy does want a girl to do this you he can kind of initiate it by kind of thrusting his hips up or it's like in an upward motion like lifting his butt up i think that's huge so she like kind of she gets you know she gets the hint that she he wants her to like go down there guys i think sofia just made a brilliant point. Any guy that's listening. I know. Any guy that's listening. I think that's a great move. You literally just kind of thrust your hips up just a tiny bit.

Yeah. And then she'll go to town. Put your ass in her face. And if she doesn't. Then she's not a daddy. Then she's not a daddy. No. Girls, if you don't want to get assed, don't eat ass.

But what I'm telling you is you need to eat ass. So go fucking eat ass this weekend. Okay. Guys. The dating apps has been such a fucking success. I know. I wish we could just have a separate segment where we just start reading testimonials. I know because it's so insane. Like you putting call her daddy in her bio or daddy gang.

If this is again your first episode you've listened to, you should be listening from episode one on. But we told basically daddy gang, every fucking guy and every girl is like, how the goddamn F do I slide into a girl's or a guy's DM? You should have call her daddy in your bio. People are straight up having sex. Dude. People are like getting into relationships.

People are getting married. People are just getting married because, no, I had a guy and he messaged me and he was like, hey, I just wanted to thank you guys so much because I put call her daddy in my Hinge bio and I literally have fucked two girls this week that were part of the daddy game it's so crazy like goddamn movement many people are like it's insane with that said yes we still are humans and we're not all simulations acting online so we do go to bars and we do go out so I'm still a huge fan of meeting organically. I am though. I'm on dating. I like it the most, I think.

So I was out the other weekend with Sophia and this has kind of become like my go to thing. And Sophia was like, you have to just tell the daddy gang because this shit works. So this is I think would be mostly for girls. The napkin with your number on it. Yeah. And let me just tell you guys quickly how i do this because i just wanted to share it with you guys if you're struggling because i know a lot of girls are like fuck how do i just go up to a guy it avoids conversation

it doesn't make you confrontational and you just leave and it's on him so basically what i do no one feels pressure exactly at all and that's the most important thing because at a bar when someone's lingering and you're like i don't want to talk to you right now. Yeah. I put my name and my number on a napkin. Mm-hmm. And I go up to the guy and I'll walk up to him and I will literally take his hand.

Yeah. And he'll look at me and I'll put the napkin in his hand and I'll look up at him and I'll say, I think you're so hot. You can do with this as you please and walk away oh my god telling a guy he's hot I know they love it they die so the fact that you give him the napkin with your number and then on top of that you're like you're so hot guys yeah I'm like you're so hot love it do with this as you please and then you walk away I do think it's genius because like girls he then has to just make the move, but you already sort of made the move for him. So he knows you're going to be open to talking to him. Yeah. Boom. I love it. Boom. Boom. Boom. Okay. I am forcing Alex to say this story. I don't want to. And she was so pissed and she's like,

I cannot do this. It's so embarrassing. And I'm like, we've all done it, Alex. Girls go number two and you just, we need to talk about it. Guys, Daddy Gang,

this is how much we love you. We couldn't fucking have Tana here so we're about to hit you with a story that is even better than having her on. Jesus Christ. Okay. Yeah, let me just ruin my life.

Just tell us. All right. It's a poop story. Here we go. Everyone, buckle up. So I was in college. I was dating this guy, and I was hanging out at his apartment with all of his friends. And there was one bathroom, and the one bathroom was in the living room where everyone was

hanging out. That in itself is an issue. It's terrifying. An issue. Terrifying. was hanging out that in itself is an issue an issue terrifying so i am sitting there and all of a sudden all of a sudden a wave of an explosion hits me okay let's just put it that way and i am like oh my shit and you know how you kind of just are hoping like oh this too shall pass like right this one may actually just breeze past me. If I just

totally sit and clench and sweat it out, you feel a bowel movement and you're like, I'm going to sit this one out, honey. I will meet you later. You will not be coming out of me anytime soon. So I'm sitting there sweating, sweating, clenching. And then within about, I think it was 15 minutes, like this one was a rocket. This was an explosion of a rocket. Like this was not going to be cute. And I was like, you know what? This is not going to be able to wait till later. Right.

So what I did is I did what I do best. I texted the guy. Let's call him Josh. I texted Josh and I proceeded to begin to fake a fight. Alex Cooper, you are a fucking psycho. You gotta poop fake a fight. Like what? This is the story I can't.

I can't. So I text him. He was sitting across the room and I was like, bring me home now. And he was like, he texted me. He looked up. He's like, what's wrong? Anyways, we go back and forth a little bit. Finally, I stand up and I say, meet me outside.

He comes and he meets me outside. I'm standing next to his car. At this point, I am shivering, like shivering from the chills of having to shit. Like this is not going down well. So he comes out and he's like, babe, what the fuck is going on? And I say, get in the car. I'm like, get in the car, open the door. So I get in the car.

I'm sitting there he starts driving he's freaking out because as far as he's concerned we had a great day together he's driving down the freeway i'm like get me fucking home right now he finally i get it he's like what is going on he needs an explanation i start you did this i saw you looking at the girl at the mall today on April 25th. You were like what? I made up everything. The level of psycho. I am living for it. But you know what I mean?

You just start. I just had to make shit up. I'm like, and I know this about you. And I literally, literally, you don't even know what I'm talking about. How? Okay. Okay. Real cute.

He's like, I really don't know. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about how okay okay real cute he's like i really don't know he's like what the fuck are you talking about and i so at this point i'm like a part could leak out of me i'm that close i roll down the fucking window i roll down the window and stick out my head knowing goddamn well something could begin to smell because you're like sweating and you need to make sure that your head is in the game and if dude you look like you know that your head is in the game. And if, dude, you look like, you know how every. Your head is in the game. The girls, they like look out the window and they're like in a pissed off fight. They'll just, you put your head out the window.

I took it to another level. And you know when you're trying to concentrate, you're like, don't make me laugh. When you're with your friends, like and you can say you have to shit. You're like, do not make me laugh. Like I need to concentrate. Like you just said, head was in the game. My head was out the window. I'm focusing. He's like, do not make me laugh. Like I need to concentrate. Like you just said, head was in the game. My head was out the window. I'm focusing.

He's like, I don't understand what's going on. Whatever. You're like, don't you dare. Like nothing even happens. Don't even look at me. And he's like, I'm officially dating a psychopath. So I'm making up this fight. Finally, we are getting to the house.

I am on the road to my house. And you know, when you know you're getting closer, you just start to like unclench a little. So I'm sitting in the car. I'm like, hurry the fuck up. And he's like, I don't even know what to do at this point. and you know when you know you're getting closer you just start to like unclench a little so i'm sitting in the car i'm like hurry the fuck up and he's like i don't even know what to do at this point i feel so bad i'm sitting down and he finally parks the car i realized at that very moment like there's no fucking way that i'm going to be able to walk normally at this point like hold on just really quickly was he, just tell me what I did?

He's like, Alex, you can't get out of the car until you just tell me. And you were like, I am getting out of this car and you'll never see me again. Okay, okay. Meanwhile, I know once I shit, I'll be like, hey babe, what's up? Want to come back over? So I get out of the car. I realize I can't walk straight. So I tell him, you need to leave.

And he's looking at me like a psycho. I'm standing in the middle of the road the road he's like let me just make sure you get in okay I said psycho leave so he finally drives away I look at the house and me and it's like we're five miles apart and I realize all I have to do is make it to the toilet that's all I have to do so I'm walking kind of fast slow you know how you do you're like waddling. Waddle like a penguin. I waddle up to the house and finally it's like victory. Right. I'm walking towards the bathroom. Oh my God. Couldn't have a better feeling.

You literally are basically shitting on your pants already. You're like that toilet is mine for the next hour. My fucking throne. So I go to the bathroom. Uh huh. Walk towards it. The door is locked. No.

All of a sudden. No. I hear moaning. Oh, fuck, Jordan. Oh, my God. My fucking roommate is fucking her boyfriend in the fucking shower.

At this point, shit is coming out of my asshole at that point. Dude, I would have broke down. I would have been like, get the fuck out. No, mind you, I was a freshman at this point

and she was a senior and she was fucking her boyfriend and I was just like, fuck me. Like, what am i supposed to do what am i gonna do shit in front of the senior guy that i thought was so hot so you shit your pants no this is what i did sophia i get back into the game and i waddle my way out the front door around the house into the backyard i literally rush to the back of the house i get up against the fence that separates our house in another house and i literally pull my pants down and i shit i shit up against this like just lava like lava spewing out of me up against the set

i am it doesn't end there um what i am squatting in my backyard literally shitting lava spewing out of my asshole and all of a sudden a bright fucking light shines on my ass from behind i turn around and my neighbors are coming out of the back of their fucking house and you know how garages have the automatic light the automatic light goes on oh my gosh you're like on a spotlight i am literally spewing soup and they see me and me i literally i'm not kidding you like fucking humpty dumpty i just topple over onto my side and i am laying there with my pants on my ankle spewing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

And then I proceeded to wipe with a leaf. I hate my life. I can't. There are so many layers to this story. Like, I can't. The fake fight that you did with your boyfriend is unbelievable. It's unparalleled to anything I've ever heard. No guy in their right mind would do something like that.

Ever. I've done, I've faked a fight for, like, various reasons. But not to shit. Maybe I have. I don't know. I would love to hear because, I mean, you know what I've done is the whole, like, you know what? Like, I just, I need some fresh air. Like, I'm going to go for a walk. I've totally done that. And then you is the whole, like, you know what? Like, I just, I need some fresh air.

Like, I'm going to go for a walk. I've totally done that. And then you're gone for, like, an hour. Yeah, my life fucking sucks. That's fucking insane. I know. And then, like, two seconds later, I've done that. And I'm like, you know what, babe?

Like, I don't even know, like, what that was about. Like, babe. Like, it's fine. Were you like, babe, come pick me up? I was like, babe, want to hang out again? What the fuck? Is wrong with this bitch? That is so amazing.

Guys, girls go number two all right guys i totally get that don't judge me it's just no i can't believe i'm a podcast i told that story honestly you know what there's some fucked up stories of mine that are about to leak pretty soon i know and i i have some other worse stories but there you go so make fun of me i love it all right for sharing questions questions of the week if anyone hates that please write it in time but i'll stop okay this is actually a statement that i just want to read because it made me laugh which is probably fucked up okay you guys have a terrifying lack of morals if guys said any of the shit you say they'd be fired for sexual harassment in an instant fuck off bitch that's a compliment if i've ever heard one i'm so sick

of that shit like women have been repressed and oppressed for fucking years shut up shut the fuck up you have a terrifying lack of morals i know um. Okay, so first question I have is, oh my God, this is a fucking savage and I want every girl to do this. Okay. I went on my boyfriend's Dropbox on his phone and bitch, his ass got busted nudes to the sky of all of these hoes. And you know what I did? I didn't even confront him i deleted that shit for

him and i'm waiting for him to ask me if i deleted his dropbox like i want him to tell on himself by asking me holy shit holy shit the dropbox the delete this is the fact that she didn't even hesitate and she deleted all of his nudes is so savage. I'm wet. This is literally, I could not be more proud in this very moment. Oh my God. First of all, to think of going to the Dropbox app. I want, I'm literally going to look out for that one. Me too.

Girls, check the Dropbox app. Secondly, the fact that this girl had enough control to be like you know what what's better to confront him or to do it and make him wonder right make him ask he's having a fucking panic attack right now he is like where are my news he cannot ask dude that's literally probably like how milf hunter always talks about how there's a vault the guys have always have a vault where all the nudes are that's probably his fucking vault and it's gone oh that is so amazing and i want to be you goodbye i want to be you what is that an avril lavigne song to every nude that you have so wow girlfriend fuck your boyfriend that's amazing wow amazing all right my question my boyfriend who has

been broken up with his ex-girlfriend for about three months accidentally called me by her name what does this mean and what should i do this is a classic mistake this is i think this is very common very common i mean i've done it i've done i've been in the middle of having sex and called the guy by a different guy's name yeah it is a complete accident don't look into it don't try and make it into a fight because like it's just a little slip i agree i think people i listen i know that can be like rattle you if you're on the other end of it like hold on wait what the fuck did you say but seriously i really do think it's just like a mishap i do too i mean come on you've spent years calling someone's name yeah like it's my accent i think you should

be more scared if they're saying a name that you've never heard that's true you're like whoa like if it's an ex-girlfriend that's only a good sign if it's like stephanie and they've never had a stephanie in their life fuck yeah good one sophie i like that okay this fucking story scared me like it gave me the creepy crawlies and i need everyone to hear oh that's saying a lot okay i know here we go hey daddy so a guy from my school has been wanting me to come over to his house for a while now and give him that sloppy toppy of course i was gonna hit him with a gluck gluck until he texted me and said when you come over would you mind doing this one thing for me of course me being a dumb bitch, I was like, I'll do anything.

And then he goes and tells me that after I suck his dick and he comes in my mouth, he wants me to hold it in my mouth while he gets an empty water bottle for me to spit it into. So he can label it with my name and put it on a shelf in his closet with all of the other water bottles filled with saliva and cum from past blowjobs. At first I thought this was insane. It was totally against it. But now I almost want to do it just for the experience. Should I go over there?

Blah, blah, blah. This guy. I wish we could show my face right now. This guy is collecting his own cum from blowjobs he's received from girls. So there, he just has all these water bottles with a bunch of girls names with their spit and his cum in his closet. That is, that is some serial killer shit that is like he is going

to end up in prison for some crazy shit in a few years what is that not like the most disgusting and creepiest thing you've ever heard i'm like sitting here visualizing a closet with a shit i'm literally drinking a poland spring bottle right. I know. And I'm looking at it. I'm like, imagine at the bottom just a bunch of cum. Like, how many are there? I don't know. It's like dead bodies. But what the fuck?

Right? Dude, and that girl literally said that she was. Dude, and then she's like, should I go do it for the experience? No. And I'm like, you won't be coming out of that house alive. No fucking way. No. That is so.

Girls, we love if you're a crazy freak daddy but that no that's like your safety dude that may be one of the craziest like like creepy stories we've ever been yeah imagine open a fucking closet and seeing that what is that guy doing with it it's like one thing like guys always could have like a like a notebook filled with all the girls they fucked that's his way of keeping track i need to see what this guy looks like and what he's up to daddy if this was your story please send us who this guy is yeah send us his instagram because i want to do some fucking rabbit hole stuff me too oh that made me feel weird i know all right all right this question is short and sweet what should i say if i come too quick

first of all i want you to address it because i think it's more weird if we just pretend like it didn't happen yeah i don't like when guys come and then they just like roll over yeah i'm like i want to like punch him it's awkward it's so i think you can just address it and just say fuck like it's been a while yeah or like fuck that was just like so hot yeah and then and then i don't know how many times i just say it you're gonna follow up by saying don't move i'm going to i'm gonna go down on you till you come right you are just as long as you are willing to tell her you now you're gonna make her come and make sure that you both are getting yours, it's fine. Act like you fucking care.

Right. And be like, let me go down on you. Or, you know, if you don't want to because you're a little bitch boy, then I guess you can say, like, just give me a minute and, like, we're going to go around, too. We've had guys write in and be like, I feel like I came way too fast. Like, now I don't know if she's going to hook up with me again. This can prevent you from leaving and going home be like wait did I just fuck that up say it in the moment yeah I think now it's time let's talk about Tana okay let's guys the I don't even know where to begin I think we begin with prefacing this with Tana's team reached out to barstool and said that they wanted to see if we would have her

on our podcast yes so right then and there you understand that we did not go right asking this girl begging her to come on our show i want to reiterate that too alex and i wanted tana she was our dream guest but we genuinely genuinely thought, like, you know what? Like, I don't know if we're ready for that. Like, our podcast is still kind of getting off the ground. We never reached out. We never reached out. Her team went out of her way to say, Tana would love to go on Call Her Daddy.

Can you guys please have her? So with that being said, we scheduled that this Wednesday would be for Tana. We're like, you know what? Yes, she can come on our show. We would love to have her. She seems like a daddy. Yeah. So that initially is what we planned. Yeah. So let's start from the very beginning. Okay. We, um, confirm this with Tana. Yes. Like last month. And Alex and I are beyond excited. Yes. Beyond the amount of preparation we preparation that we put in to this interview

that we were going to do with her was insane. Guys, we knew, like, listen, we know Sophia and I, we're comfortable with you guys. It's us and the Daddy Gang. We are trying very hard

to make sure that if we have guests on, that you guys are going to be interested in what they're saying. Yeah. The day of the interview. First of all,

we went, we don't fucking do shit for anyone. No. We went and got Taco Bell for this bitch. We watched her videos of what she eats, what's her order. Alex and I spent hours watching her YouTube shit so we could get an idea of what this girl likes, like favorite candy, like drinks, whatever. We got this bitch.

Taco Bell. We had the merch team order her merch in, like expedite it. Like we had this girl hooked up. We get here the day the interview was scheduled for 12. So finally 12 o'clock comes around and we were notified that Tana would be texting us when she was five minutes out, her PR team. Yeah. So we don't get a text.

And they keep saying she'll be here any minute. She'll be here any minute. And we're like, okay. And so we've got our camera crew is all set up so that when she gets here, we can be filming it. The production team, the camera crew, like there were teams of people. PR team, the guest coordinators here, service people were cleaning the bath. Everyone was ready to go. So Alex and I are standing around.

It's 12, it's 1230, it's 1245. And we say, you know, like she must just be running late like we get it like do you guys know where she could be like so finally our team reaches out to her team yet again and her pr person and i quote says hi guys i think tana went on a bender last night We can't get a hold of her or find her. Guys, her own PR person. Literally outed her and said she went on a bender. Outed her and could not get a hold of her or her assistant. Okay, so at this moment in time, Tana has something scheduled for an hour ago.

And neither her or her assistant are like. They can't even find her. They can't even find them. We check out her story on Instagram. Yep. They can't even find her. They can't even find them. We check out her story on Instagram and all the people she was with and these people are on a fucking bender binger raging

It was like five hours ago she was seen at a club which was like She's like half naked which is totally fine I totally support that but she's half naked like looks trash, like laying. Like, I mean, it was just so obvious that like they had been partying. Yeah, it was obvious she died the night before. And so we knew.

We knew she was fucked up. So finally, two o'clock comes around and we're like, she's not coming. And they still can't even find her. Finally, they call us and they tell us that they found her. Thank God. They found her and they were going in and shaking her oh thank god they found her and they were going in and shaking her and gonna try to wake her up try to wake her up try to wake her up like what yeah like what is she dead they were sitting there saying you know what like how long can you

guys be there we'll get her up like she'll get there i mean Alex and I are sitting here waiting and waiting and like hoping and like fine yeah I it was it was kind of it's shitty guys too because I have been watching YouTube my fucking entire life and I have been the biggest fan of Tana's have you heard people say like I don't want to meet the people I idolize I don't want to meet the celebrities I love because you run the risk of being let down for sure and like the veil is gone and like you know sometimes you'll be disappointed for sure so finally guys it got to the point where we Sophia and I were freaking out because usually we record episodes on Mondays so that audio levels and everything can be fixed by

Tuesdays and released on Wednesday Sophia and I didn't have an episode. So we were fucked, guys. We're recording this on Tuesday right now, hoping it gets out on Wednesday, and we're going to make it happen. But we finally were like, let's go write an episode. Then they tell us, you know, she might be able to come, actually. How long can you be at the office? And it was this back and forth. Maybe she can do a phone interview.

Maybe she can make... She never showed up finally she has an audacity to go to twitter and say she is strep throat i mean guys i have been deathly hung over before where i'm throwing up dry heaving etc fucking got my ass to work i got my ass to work so we have not heard from her no apology nothing nothing nothing not one we we waited we had till seven we waited kept rebooking studio time people at our office couldn't record because we were holding it for her yeah and then we went to reddit afterwards and we realized we saw so many people have issues with her dude i was like kind of like what and then i started looking into it and i guess like she's just known in the youtube community for like pulling this shit yeah so i

do you know she's 20 she's making a shit ton of money a lot of money and you know when i was 20 like i was out of control but it still really fucking sucks and all i have to say is if you're not reliable and you know that you're not reliable don't go out of your way to try and schedule things with people because it really fucks up their day. Super disappointed. And also I'm pissed off because you know what? Every week we try to put out fucking content for the daddy gang that is high end, good shit, entertaining. And she, our episode, who knows?

I was, you know, it could have been better or this or that, but I was really, really excited to meet her. Like that's the other thing. Me too. We were both like, you know, it could have been better or this or that, but. I was really, really excited to meet her. Like, that's the other thing. Me too. We were both like, you know. I'm pissed. We were going to try to get a kissing picture with her. We were like, let's break the internet.

Three-way kiss. So guys, I'm sorry if you were excited about Tara. But you know what? We are going to have guests. Oh, yeah. But we are just holding out for someone that's fucking worth it. Yeah, fuck that. We don't want to just bring on like, you know. know yeah i feel like we're in this little exclusive thing we've

got the daddy gang we've got you and me and i think until we find alex as long as i have you babe we're good we're good we're golden we're gucci baby and we got the daddy gang and we're gonna still have fun all right guys that's it for this week again we are so sorry that we didn't have a guest but i hope alex's poop story made up for it i hope you guys are going to buy strap-ons and you're gonna fuck your boyfriend this weekend call her daddy i hope you're about to eat ass when you give head call her daddy style i hope you're shoving a finger up there call her daddy style yes so every single wednesday you guys we love you so much thank you for listening yes we guys. We love you so much. Thank you for listening. Yes.

We'll see you guys next week. Love you, daddy.