Call Her Daddy - 25- Post D*ck Appointment Flashbacks

Episode Date: March 6, 2019

The girls discuss their crazy weekend, as Alex traveled to see a man and Sofia headed back to her hometown. They also give men brilliant pointers regarding their Instagram picture game (including some huge instagram DONT'S) and introduce the rotisserie chicken move that all freaks needs to be using in the bedroom. Finally, Sofia tells a horror story of a past relationship as well as her complicated relationship with Kid Cudi.

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy it is call her daddy it's charlevaine and charlene back at it again. With another episode of Call Her Daddy. It's episode 25. So we were both away this weekend. So you went to Utah. Tell us about it. I went home. There is this phenomenon, you guys, in Utah. Oh?

Muppet faces. Like there is a look that some people in Utah have where they literally look like a Muppet. What? No. They have like a Muppet. It's like they have these. What? No. They have like these super wide mouths. Wait, why?

I think it's from like inbreeding. Hold on. No, it's a thing. It's like from the polygamists that like live there or used to live there. And it's like from inbreeding. And it's like this look. I mean, if you're in Salt Lake City, Utah, it's not a big deal. But if you're going down to the valley, like, it is a look for sure. A look.

I did not even know that was a thing. I think our listeners will be interested here because I think we're most East Coast. So I went to Florida to visit a man. Woo! Woo! Oh! Woo! And I was just, like, double dipping this weekend because if you guys follow me on Instagram, I met a guy on the plane.

Oh my God. And then I was going to story. I've never met someone who can document. People were so invested in my story. So guys, to clarify, the guy was super hot. And so I told him about the podcast and I naturally told him to start. He was like, what episode should I start on? And I was like, episode three.

And then I realized like, episode three. And then I realized like a fucking idiot that this guy is sitting next to me listening to me talk about fucking gluck glucking up on a dick. And I'm like, oh, I would not tell a guy about my podcast. But dude, I was wearing the Call Her Daddy hoodie. And he was like, what is that? I'm like, it's my show. And he's like, let me listen to it. So he downloaded every episode before we took off. I would have felt so awkward. And then you just had to sit next to him. And he's like, let me listen to it. So he downloaded every episode before we took off. I would have felt so awkward.

Then you just had to sit next to him. And he started episode three. So that's when we're like, it's like you're in the Sahara Desert. And his dick is a bottle of Poland Spring. And you're going to gluck, gluck it up. I'm like, fuck me. Was there like a movement in his pants? I said on my story, I'm like, he went to the bathroom like 10 times.

I'm pretty sure he was touching his wiener. And I was like, god damn. We're so immature. But he ended up giving me his number and he invited me out like on a boat and shit but i i was like oh i'm going to visit my grandma meanwhile i was going to the guy so it's just like a little dipping little double that is what a daddy is it is so i had a really good time and that was fun but now we're back and our issues are back yes no the issues are here guys you're all like what the fuck are you guys talking about they're here and they're here to stay we have issues guys and i want to lay it out for you because sophia and i were sitting in our

living room yesterday staring at each other and we're like i already have anxiety we have this issue guys where sophia and i our roster is extremely full right now. It's quite overflowing. Yeah, it really is. And so with that, we have taken on a team of men and these teams, that sounds gang, gang, central. So we've taken on a team of men. And so we love to entertain all of them by text, but there is this thing that happens. That they want to hang out. Oh, I mean, how dare they? How dare they they want to hang out oh i mean how dare they how dare they actually want to see you in the flesh i just want to be a pen pal and then i want to hang out with you like once every couple weeks it's one thing to say can you hang out tonight that already

puts us over the edge but when they say um on the night of fucking like march 4th what are you doing and i'm like i don't know. How could I know? How could I know? How would I know if my hair looks good that night? Something could come up. That's the thing. Alex and I, when we hang out with the opposite sex, it has to be like the stars aligned. Yes.

We've got to be in the mood. Like the parting of the Red Sea. Yes. I have to make sure you're busy because if you're not busy and you're in your bed watching Netflix, I can't fucking leave. No. I'm not going to abandon you like that. And that that that's the issue yeah we are an old married couple that's what it is it's really like unhealthy Alex and I spend every waking second of the day

and so I think it's it we dude we come up so this is our problem guys we start to come up with the biggest lies oh my gosh it's not fun because Sophia you say it all the time you can't just say I'm sorry like I'm too busy no because when you say it all the time you can't just say I'm sorry like I'm too busy no because when you say that you know what they say they're like okay well I'm very busy too and I can make time and you're like so then you need to come up with you need to come up with something so you gotta ramp it up a notch that they cannot doubt you and they cannot be angry with you for example I people People are not going to believe me. I tried to get Alex to come with me to the New York Presbyterian Hospital

to just go in there and grab a wristband. People are going to lose us. So I could just take a picture of Alex with the hospital wristband, like the inpatient thing. She was trying to convince this guy that I was in the hospital. So it feels like I'm going to have to be here overnight because that's so much easier than being like i'm sorry you know i can't like but is it easier it kind of is we're trucking down to the hospital you pop in you get an uber you pop in the hospital you get a wristband you're

good to go and you can literally use that excuse for like a week you could use that for a week and you're golden so i mean guys i would actually love to hear if like any other girls or guys do this because sophia and i just cannot seem to commit and stick to plans and then guys get pissed off at us and it doesn't mean that we don't like them no no that's what i know people are gonna be like so why the fuck are you entertaining i like them a lot i'm talking this one guy specifically and i great but once a week you guys are like fucking and then he's like do you want to hang out tomorrow and you're like oh my god like it's the audacity so yeah sophia and i have crippling anxiety i'm sorry if you guys lost us on that one that's just with men though the lies

that i used to come up with when i used to work like a nine to five at like oh yeah this goes way past just guys i mean so i know you're about to say i the okay the worst is when you are actually across the country and there's no way that you physically could guys this is what happened to me okay i went to coachella last year another sofia crazy story here we go my this guy was dating he was like i have an artist pass for you come fly here now i had two hours to get to the airport and i was like oh like i'm just i have to go okay beyonce was playing like we have to go what are you yeah so without even talking to my manager anything i get on the plane classic

monday rolls around and i should be you know walking into work I'm in a car in Palm Springs living across the country and the email that I sent my manager well you're actually gonna die right now okay guys this is what my this is the email I'm crying and I say I will not be able to make it into work today I am unwell that's all I wrote that's it I didn't put a hi I didn't say it was from Sophia I have the email it's the funniest I will not be coming and say I am unwell I am unwell and you didn't sign it you didn't even say hi I'm so sorry she didn't even respond to the email don't you feel like usually in those situations people come up with the biggest elaborate lie like you and I were going to a hospital meanwhile in your drunken fucked up state you're like I'm unwell bye can you imagine if my manager was like no Sophia we really need

you to come we've got a huge meeting I'm sorry but you need to come in I don't care if you're throwing up and you're like ah you see the thing is that I'm actually across the country no that's when lying like just it'll get you why do I put myself in situations why do we say we're going to a hospital you're like Alex you're in the hospital'm like, oh, I guess you're ditching another date. Fuck me. It's a classic one. A classic. Common. Very common.

Parents are getting divorced. Got hit by. You said that last night. You're like, maybe I could just tell him I got hit by a car. Tapped. I got tapped by a car. I just got tapped by a car and I just needed to take it easy. You literally said that last night.

The guy was trying to hang out with Sophia and she's like, I'm just going to say I got tapped by a car. I'm going to be fine, but I need a couple of days to recover. That way you don't need the hospital bracelet. So you just say like, I need to lay down. I just am in bed for a little bit. There's no sexual activity I could go on. My limbs are too weak. Yeah.

What the fuck? Okay. Okay. So, you know, in previous episodes, you and I have talked about the post-nut clarity and it's been a smash. I mean, every guy is like, holy shit, couldn't be more accurate. Yes. But the thing is, is that there's always two sides to something. Daddy gang, today we are bringing you the girl version, basically. Yes.

Of the post-nut clarity. And there is a girl version. Oh, there is a fucking girl version. And it is called the post-dick appointment flashback. The post-dick appointment flashback. And it is a real thing it is real and alive yes i want to just point out some differences between that and the post-nut yes let's explain it men after they ejaculate they have the post-nut clarity instantly yes okay

yes they lay there and for the next two to three minutes they're like what the hell just happened on my dick what happens like right after you watch porn they're like what the fuck just happened yes for women for women this can occur like three four days weeks months after the date appointment and what happens is you're sitting at the stoplight and all of a sudden you have a flashback to the insanely ridiculous, crazy psycho sex that you had with a guy, your dick appointment. And it's tell me that hasn't happened to you before. Oh, I know the worst. Yeah. The worst is when you are with your fucking family.

I'm with my fucking parents and all of a sudden I have a flashback to his wiener going in my vagina but it missed my vagina and it went in my butthole and I'm like, grandma! That's the worst is when you're at brunch with family members and then you have the flashback and you're like, what? And you're staring at your lord and savior up there

and then all of a sudden his foot looks like the guy's wiener and you're like, oh my god, Trevor in eighth grade when i was it's like it just you just have these flashbacks and you just go on these tangents and you don't mean to it's like you're tripping it's like it's literally like an ls you know people say like you take lsc and then if you crack your back like incorrectly or something all the chemicals like go rushing back to your brain it's like that no i didn't know that so okay you have like a full-on flashback of what happened it's truly insane it's you know what i just thought about it's literally like that's so raven from the disney channel you obviously remember that show and raven like stops in her track and her eyes like go all crazy she makes the ugliest face and she like sees the vision

yeah that's what she's like no it's literally that's so raaving. It hits you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. The post-dick appointment flashback, we can shorten it to PDF. The post, the, what would that be? The post-dick flashback. There we go. The PDF. When you have the PDF, it's like usually a little cringy. I feel like it's a little like, oh, but it depends on the situation.

No, I think sometimes it like turns you on. Yeah. It's like, oh, it can be both. It's just startling. I'll be honest, I still have those moments when I think about like my disgusting high school hookup.

Oh, you have flashbacks from high school. Sometimes like if I see someone on Facebook or something and it triggers me and if I ever saw him in a picture, I actually just want to like die

and I have a quick flash. Right. It's like a quick little picture of his wiener and I'm like damn so ladies post take appointment flashback I mean it's a it's a fucking thing last week we talked about ways to catch a cheater or to cheat uh one of my favorite topics there's like a hundred applications on your phone, 100 different ways to do it. Yeah. What we didn't talk about is how you're going to get into your partner's phone. It's like so many people write in and are like, guys, I love the ideas.

But what if you actually just can't get into their fucking phone? I couldn't get into my ex's phone. It's not an easy flea. It's not an easy flea. So we were trying to think about ways that you could get access to their phone and i had a different type of flashback it wasn't a post-dig appointment flashback it was a traumatic um recollection of a very scary relationship i was in all right okay i was in a very tumultuous relationship.

Love that for you. And he got access to my phone in a very interesting way that I want to bring up to you. Bring it to the people. Okay. Please imagine this. Okay. I was not being very forthright with him. Oh my God.

I was cheating on him. That's what I did. I wasn't being very forthright in our talk so fuck i was talking to another guy nothing had happened though i had not yeah and honestly if something had none of this fucking business all right none of this business okay that's not the point our relationship was like a shit show right i'm sitting on my phone minding my own business in the living room love that and all of a sudden i feel something creeping up behind me and this guy ripped my phone out of my hands did a triple axle 180 front flip spin sprinted to his car, locked the car doors and sped away with my phone unlocked. I completely forgot that this happened to me. I have tears running down my face right now.

Think about how terrifying that is. No, no, no, no, no. The scariest thing that ever happened to me. Truly, this is, I think this is like one of my biggest nightmares it oh my god someone having your phone yeah no even if it's your boyfriend your mom a co-worker anyone having your phone unlocked leaves you at the house gets in a car and drives away i remember he ripped the phone from my hands and i ran after his car i had to sit there in the living room for hours without a cell phone without any way to contact anyone just sitting there thinking about all of the shit that he was about to find on my phone dude i mean did i deserve it no absolutely not but did i kind of

maybe a little bit yeah maybe but not you but not me not when i did it to him yes he did it to you fucked up how terrifying i i really that is just something that it's like in that very moment we always talk about games and stuff like your entire plan yeah is just ruined i know all he gets everything he has everything in front of him we're always trying to talk about sneaky little manipulative ways and like little hacker kind of tendencies to get into a phone and it's like you can just do the good old-fashioned rip it out of their freaking hands and get in your car because even when it's there's a difference between if someone goes and locks themselves in a room i was about to ask you if a guy took your

phone and locked himself in his room would you like try to bang down the door yes you would dude the shit on my phone would you like go get like an axe from the garage i think i would say i would start saying some crazy fucking shit oh and the police are on their way you'd threaten i'm about to say you're fucking yeah i don't even know what you're doing to me but i'm calling them i would probably i think i would i think i would go get shit and start trying to knock the door down i think i would too i would start painting if it was his place i would start ruining his shit right like i would be like i'm chucking shit out i'm gonna chuck your fucking tv out there i'm gonna fucking smash everything in this fucking kitchen until i get what's rightfully mine no it's it is a situation that is true i'm so sorry like i'm so but the thing is i guess you technically

could have just been like deleting your text with that guy but you know you were in the middle of a convo that's rude you're talking to the guy you didn't need to delete anything it's not his place that's pretty fucking crazy yeah i i love that i actually have a story okay now that we're talking about iphones um i when i was visiting the guy this weekend he told me this story and i i was like i have to tell this on my podcast i hope you don't mind he was like yeah just don't fucking mention my name classic so this is a pretty unbelievable story okay this 13 year old boy has facetime sex with his girlfriend all the time and so this um the guy that i was seeing he knows this because he's friends with the kid's parents okay the kid's parents one time caught him after the act of

facetime sex and were so pissed off at him because let me explain to you what this kid does when he has FaceTime sex. Oh my God. When he is about to finish during FaceTime sex with his girlfriend, he proceeds to put the iPhone on the ground. His girlfriend puts her face very close up on the screen. No. puts her face very close up on the screen no and he jacks off and comes and finishes on his iphone stop like he is coming on her face like virtual reality face time sex this 13 year old is like pioneering face time Virtual reality. I wouldn't even think to do that. Dude, I told Milf Hunter and he screamed.

He was like, who is this child? He needs to be in a position of power. He's a genius. Dude. He's 13. Imagine the shit he's going to be doing when he's 23. Right? How is he?

Dude, I've never thought of that. Wow. The girlfriend has her face up on the screen and comes all over his phone like i truly the parents okay yeah wait okay yeah back up that's what milf hunter asked he was like hold on hold on how did they find out so i guess they walked in and his phone was covered in fucking cum and they were freaking out at him like we fucking pay for this phone like how dare you what are you doing and guess what his response was what mom i have the waterproof otter box no what the fuck of course oh my god so i just think the world truly underestimates the horniness of humans in

general but specifically the 13 year old male for sure like seriously wow he has pioneering ideas no one's doing this what person is getting a waterproof otter box so they can come on their girlfriend's face and pretend it's real wow honestly i mean the point of view the pov shot i mean my god wow so if i am very impressed if any daddy gang members out there want to try it go get yourself a waterproof case right Get after it. Get insurance. Get the iPhone X and make sure you get insurance on that thing. Start getting facials to your fucking iPhone. My God. The world we live in today.

I love it. Me too. Instagram. Instagram, Instagram, Instagram. What a lovely place to be. It's the only place people hang out pretty much. The thing is. There are people that you follow cringe follow the

cringe follow on instagram it's a thing you literally follow these people and freak the fuck out like you watching what yeah you can't unfollow you want to unfollow you're like this shit is so ridiculous you can't bring yourself to do it because you love to hate on it so much. You love it. Yes. For example, I think one of the biggest cringe follows on the internet right now is Britney Spears. I mean. What happened?

What's going on? I don't know. Is she well in the head? She's not. She's lost. She's literally lost her mind. She has lost her mind. The thing she posts, like let's explain.

Guys, she will put on outfits and just like walk towards the camera. It's the way she dances. And then she'll like on outfits and just, like, walk towards the camera. It's the way she dances. And then she'll, like, turn around and walk away and then put on another outfit. Well, and then she loves to do the filter that we talked about. It's horrible. Oh, my God. The filter. The filter.

Let's have a conversation really quick. Someone brought something to my attention that really disturbed me. Okay. And they told me that there are men, grown-ass men the filter knock it off knock it there is no way i have never seen that have you seen that i now that i'm thinking i mean i've seen like like james charles i don't know are they doing the dog filter the heart it's like what filter are these men using okay psa to the daddy gang men. If you ever fucking dare use a Snapchat filter, you are not fuckable. You are no longer fuckable.

I'm sorry, but what are you fucking doing? No, I really couldn't believe my ears. I don't want to go off on filters again, but the guy that I was just with this weekend, I think he made a great point and I just want to reiterate it to all the daddy gang females. He said, when I see a girl posting the actual filtered pictures of her with the dog or the heart on her actual instagram i immediately think this bitch is ugly in person because if she's not confident enough to post her you get to post your best pictures on instagram so if she's deciding to post a filtered picture with the dog shit, he was like, you obviously

think you're ugly. So bitch, I'm going to think you're ugly. Like, why would I want to fuck you if you don't even want to fuck yourself? I totally agree. We got to stop, girl. You know what? I had a girl reach out and say, OK, well, we're not all hot. And you know what I say to that is learn how to Photoshop.

Photoshop and Facetune, sweetheart. Photoshop and Facetune. The second you have a filter, people automatically are like, that's not what you look like. Guys don't fucking know Facetime, Facetune, sweetheart. Photoshop and Facetune. The second you have a filter, people automatically are like, that's not what you look like. Guys don't fucking know Facetune. No. But they do know when you've got dog ears. Are you going to show up on the date with fucking two ears and a nose? Fuck no.

Yeah. Back to the cringe follow. That was just a tangent. We got off on a tangent. Girls, you got to go through and delete every single one of those. I'm sorry. The cringe follow. The cringe follow.

Let's talk about it. I just want to describe it a little bit better yeah it's when people completely lack any self-awareness it's gone at all at all it's the people that have like 500 followers which is completely fine yeah okay completely fine but it's when they announce things like hey everybody um everyone has been asking me where I got these Forever 21 little sandals I'm gonna post a swipe It's like no one asked you Your grandma asked you where you got your Forever 21 sandals Text her

It's like that you know when people do that It's like your group chat asked you and then you took to your story Just answer it in your group chat Which listen I get there are some people That are trying to curate their Instagram and they're trying to, that's how you build it. But there's just a lack of self-awareness some of these people have when they act as though they're speaking to millions and they're speaking to 200.

I'm probably just being a hater because I actually am the worst person with Instagram ever. Like I cannot post for the life of me. But it's like the self-indulgence. Yeah. Yeah. for life of me but it's like the self-indulgence yeah yeah people filming every single thing that has gone down and they're like hi world i went and got this coffee from joe and the juice or whatever yeah well i think that's what we're saying it's like i'm not shitting on people that have not that many followers i didn't have fucking followers at one point in my life i didn't

know what the fuck i was doing but you have to be self-aware that the people that are following you are people you probably see on a day-to-day fucking basis. And they don't need to know that you're getting a fucking Starbucks every fucking day. Or the people that post inside jokes on their story. It's an inside joke between the one person and maybe two or three of their friends and they put it on their story and nobody gets it. Not one person gets it except the two or three people. Right. It's like a cryptic message. And it's like you want attention, not bad. Right. A lot of times people will do it to like show that they're talking to certain people. You know what I mean? Like if a guy's in their group chat, they want to put it on their story. So people know that like, Oh, I'm in a

group chat with this guy. Yes. It's like, don't do that. The only time I will ever post pictures of a conversation is when it relates to the masses. Like if it's about like, I'm talking to MILF Hunter about like side hoes, for example. Anyone, I've seen what you post. Right. Anyone could see conversations you post and understand immediately what the joke is.

And guys, listen, we are not shitting on people. I feel like people are going to be like, okay, we can't all follow. No, we are gonna be like okay we can't all follow guys we're just talking shit stop being so fucking sensitive but people need to stop doing this shit the people that have a lot of followers for example i'm gonna call this girl rocky barnes oh what is she doing i didn't i point this out to you yes i love and now it pisses me off her her pictures like everything is so amazing yeah she hashtags her photos talking in third person and when someone talks in third person i'm done with you i want to punch you in the face i'm actually done it's like rocky takes london rocky takes china rocky takes dunkin donutsuts for the first time. Shut up. Do not talk about yourself in third person.

That's so self-indulgent. I loved her until I started seeing that. It's just annoying. Rocky takes Mykonos. Shut up. Can you imagine? Alex takes Mykonos. No, Sophia takes Mykonos.

I would have 70 people DM me of my family and friends and be like, don't. Are you well? Yeah. Guys, I think it's just having self-awareness on the internet listen i have posted some cringy fucking stupid shit and then i have someone like sophia be like delete and i do the same for you right but it's just be self-aware be self-aware on the fucking internet also don't because i also love following it and no same it's so good i want to go back because you brought up the guys using the filters and we need to address men now. We've got our cringe follows for girls because

girls have way more leeway to do this shit because we're always posting whatever. I know it's kind of unfair for guys. I know it is. They can't really be a cringe follow. However, yes, they can because hello, we're back at it again. Daddy gang, men, listen the fuck up. We told you if you use a filter, you're unfuckableable Let's talk about their poses Sophia in their pictures Alex and I were sitting in our living room Slash kitchen slash family room Slash you know

All purpose room Because we are poor as shit We were sitting in there And we started talking about the poses And I'm going to try to explain this one as best as I can Yes It's a man he's standing there chin up eyes looking down feet like a little bit spread apart spread apart arms down and the one hand is holding his wrist yeah the hands together in like a clasp and like In like a clasp situation.

I think it would be near his genitalia. Yes. Okay. And his shoulders are broad and back. So it's like a power stance. Yes. And you know, sometimes they'll get really crazy and there will be like five of them and they're all doing it.

Oh my God. Don't. To that, I say. I hope that I just explained that correctly because it's shocking. You know what we're going to do? We're going to take a picture tonight and we're going to post it on our Instagram tomorrow. Guys, go look at our Instagram by now. We will post a picture.

We're going to do it. Knock it the fuck off. Alex, what was the one you brought up? I brought up the one. No, it's true. That one is so fucking bad. I hope we explained it well. Oh my God.

This one is the fucking one finger like sideways pointed up. It's like bless up. Yeah. Or like number one. No, it's like they're pointing to like the sky like heaven. Hey, like bless up. Yeah. Like number one.

Or like when they're with someone like famous, they'll like kind of point at him, like point up. Knock it the fuck off. Knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it the fuck off. We're done. It's truly like, it really to girls, I think that's just like the weirdest pose. None of us know what you're doing. No. You guys think it's like it the fuck off it's truly like it really to girls i think that's just like

the weirdest pose none of us know what you're doing no you guys think it's like for the boys and girls think it's disgusting problem though is when they get their friends involved and they're all doing this dear god it's like they're about to drop a mixtape literally okay guys it's just you need to be self-aware you're doing it ironically as a joke yeah fine okay so i was talking to sophia about this and we brought milf hunter into we were having like a big conversation last night because it is something huge so first and foremost i want to say to the daddy gang that we always talk about like getting people to double text it's like you win if you double text or that you get the double text but i do want to make it clear that if you

don't get a text back from them it's not the end of the world to double text okay i've i've definitely absolutely like i need everyone that's listening to this podcast no matter what fucking age you are or what game you're playing you gotta have fucking confidence that you fake it till you make it baby. This is something that I want to bring to you guys that I use in almost every time I'm dating a guy. So it's basically I like to say it's having an inside joke before you leave a hangout. This is what I mean by that. If it's your first hangout, if it's your first few hangouts, everyone's always freaking out saying, holy shit, what am I going to text him if he doesn't text me?

Or what should I text her once she leaves, et cetera? Yeah. If you can find some type of common ground with someone, like if you can find something you both love or you both hate or even just in the moment. Just something that you guys have discussed. Yes. Something in the moment something that you guys have discussed yes something in the moment food whatever when you leave that hangout then when you're struggling for something to strike up conversation with you go to one of those things right it's the best yeah it's easiest

it's so much better than you saying hey how was your day oh hey how are you doing i fucking hate those texts those are the words how is yours and then you have this this is the thing people fear that like blank awkward conversation because it's like after we talk about our day what is there left to talk about so basically this makes it easier for you to just continue conversations if you're worried you don't want to say you're gonna hit them with an inside joke or a topic and you're fucking in basically finding pet peeves or shit they love so and i think it's brilliant yeah and i think if you don't have an inside joke like if you guys didn't really connect on anything make something up make do i am the queen oh we just talked about we were gonna go to the hospital yeah

to get out of something i'd be like i just saw the craziest thing on the street and i'm like i live in new york so it's believable. And nothing fucking happened. I just make it up and I text him about it. And then we start a conversation. Nothing wrong with a little white lie. So this is what Milt Hunter has been recently doing with one of his recent conquests. And I want to share it with you all. So he said right now he's talking to this girl who hates little dogs.

Like hates. So what he does is he will send her pictures of little dogs all the time like whenever he's out walking around if he sees a little dog he will take a picture of it already so funny already so funny okay then what he will do is he will follow up that picture or video with a video of himself he takes the camera and he points it down at his feet and he will take a video of himself punting the air to make it look like he's punting the dog okay that's hilarious right so he's like basically because they had a joke it's like if you can punt a dog then it's not a dog that's so funny so he said she fucking loves it he said she thinks it's so funny she'll joke with him and be

like wait no no like i like that one like don't punt that one or like, wait, no, that one's cute. Or like, yeah, punt that one. It's too small. So, and then milf hunter said, imagine me Cooper. He's like, imagine me in public when I'm sending these videos, people are fucking staring at me as I'm just punting the air. And then he can bring that up. He literally said, she thinks it's so goofy and cute that he does that in public yeah and risks looking like an idiot to send it to her milf hunter he just doesn't stop he said honestly i don't give a fuck if it's goofy and it looks stupid to people i want to fuck her so i'm gonna fucking do whatever it takes to fuck her and if she wants me to fucking pump the goddamn air i'll pump the goddamn air so i think little dude that for me i would fucking i would love that because yes guys listen up

right there is immediately he can honestly he has no limit to how much he can text her he can continue the minute he sees a dog he can text her he can double text if she wasn't that into him that right there would make me want to talk to someone. This is what Milt Hunter called, he says, this is the funny flirting. Okay, he said, there is a problem with men that they think flirting is just by telling a girl she's beautiful a hundred times. No. He said, I'm not a 10, I'm not rich, so I have to be funny. And he said, all of these girls he said it took me so long to realize it in high school he's like all these girls are that are fucking tens

are dating these guys that look like they're about to be fucking accountants and he's like what the fuck is it and he realized it's because they're fucking funny if you can make a girl laugh on the phone over text in person you're fucking in it sounds so cliche but it's personality especially for men can get you so fucking far it's so true so far it is i swear to god i think that's more important to me than if a guy's hot i do too so guys i think find this type of inside joke with a girl because you're fucking in yeah boom and the same goes for girls you can do the same fucking thing so we're gonna talk about sex guys honestly before we talk about sex we just gotta we have a quick psa yeah because girls have been writing and saying my man literally will not switch positions like it's either missionary the whole time it's either

doggy the whole time it's two positions the entire time no you're falling asleep no no no men you gotta switch it up and don't do it so much because then it's so annoying and then you can't have an orgasm. But guys, it can be so simple. Yes. You're doing a missionary and then you can kind of flip her on her side. Love that. And then you can flip her onto her tummy. Oh.

And it's like this rotating fun situation. Yes. It's like the rotisserie chicken. Oh. Okay. This is a new. The rotisserie chicken move. Oh! Okay, this is a new... The rotisserie chicken! Who doesn't love a good rotisserie chicken move? Like, whoa!

Guys, the rotisserie chicken move... A classic. A banger. And if you are a woman who likes to have the warm embrace of not one but two men, this is a beautiful move. Are you saying this is how you ease into a dp sophia that was your subtle way of being like well no no this is a little different because dp we just love talking we do dp is one in the butt one in the vagina yep yes

this is a little bit different okay where um his dick is in your mouth. Oh, and then the other dick. The other dick could be in either the vagina or the butt. So it's really up to you. Oh, variety. And they spin you around. Sometimes you're giving him a head on your back. Sometimes on your side. Sometimes on your belly.

And it's literally like a rotisserie chicken. Oh, my God. And tell me that's not the cutest thing you've ever heard. That is so cute sophia the rotisserie chicken rotisserie chicken you see when you like go to get a kebab right just kind of like floating around yeah rotating around yeah well every girl's gonna want to be a rotisserie chicken this weekend i know i do yeah i know i do sign me right up come on down for a big rotisserie i mean that's great yeah guys the point is switch positions okay yeah i mean you can do it solo you don't need two men in her but if you

want to add two you can but just just rotate her around now i want to transition to something called a blow job what i know it's kind of crazy i don't even really know how to give blowjobs but i think maybe i'll give i'll give a whack i want to just hear what you have to say for yourself all right motherfuckers so in the past we have obviously taught you the gluck luck alex i don't even know what the hell could come out of your mouth right now to like actually make a blow job even better and more intense like what are you about to say i told sophia today i was like hey like i just want to add like a little segment about like blow job just i have like a little thing and she was like alex what could you possibly add i'm like oh my god there's so much but like this is just a little

thing it will only take me like 15 minutes she's's like, what? No, I promise I'll keep it short. So basically, I want to talk about blowjobs featuring saliva really quickly. And now in the Gluck Gluck, if you guys didn't listen to it, episode three, you know, religiously study that one. But we're actually on Urban Dictionary. Someone submitted the Gluck Gluck definition to Urban Dictionary, which is so dope. So savage. So if you guys. Our parents are going to be really proud.

Oh, so proud we made it baby so basically in the gluck gluck we talk about how it needs to have a level of saliva that is second to none like this thing needs to be lubed the fuck up with your spit but today i want to talk to you guys about something because i don't think that i really emphasize it enough so god thank god thank god because i was like what kind of bullshit blowjob this think that I really emphasized it enough. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Because I was like, what kind of bullshit blowjob have we been talking about? So when you're giving head, if you want to be sloppy, that thing is not staying in your mouth the whole time. Right.

Okay. The wise words of Milt's punter. If she does not smack my dick on her cheek, lips or face it isn't a top-notch blowjob okay i actually knew that trick so like this thing okay so i'm gonna call this it's this is like we're we're talking about like a little band here okay so his dick is the drumstick your face is the drums. And you slap it all around. And here comes your rock band solo. Okay, girls, here we go. So when you are going to pull his dick out of your mouth mid-blowjob, you are going to try to pull out and have gathered up so much saliva in your mouth

that when you're pulling off on the tip, the spit from your mouth is going to stay connected to the tip of his dick. So it's like a string of saliva coming off. It is literally like a, we're calling this the jump rope. Okay. Oh. The long strand of saliva is the rope held by his dick in your lips. Okay.

This is a veteran move, guys. And I want every fucking daddy gang girl to add this. And guys, you have your tongue out while you're doing this. So once you get off his dick, your tongue is out of your mouth. The saliva is connected to your tongue and to the top of his dick. Okay. How much eye contact should you be doing? The whole time?

No, not the whole time, but for this specific move, you are looking up at him like you are fucking fiending. You are degraded. You are degraded. It's like like what's the fucking lady and the tramp movie when they're doing the spaghetti leave it to cooper to make a fucking disney movie sexualized but yes you want that string to be as long literally as long as it can go okay okay so now that you have that spit and it's disconnected you are going to basically take his dick now and you should be rubbing it on the sides

of your cheek tapping it on your um your tongue okay like i know this sounds like weird to girls and you're like is this gonna look hot to a guy yeah like you're basically what are the fucking instagram ads that you get like the face cleaner massager his dick is one of those yeah i'm imagining like a big like marker when i was little and just like putting it all around and what you're going to be doing is the whole time you're doing this guys you have your mouth wide open with your tongue still out and occasionally you're still licking it and then you're putting it on the side of your cheek you You're rubbing it on both cheeks. But this spit move, I'm promising you girls, if you can get it so nasty and wet and there is a strand of saliva that is literally hanging off of his dick in your tongue, he is going to be like, this girl is a fucking savage. We've said it a million times. It's true.

The nastier, the better. The uglier you look legit the messier the better better milf hunter said i love when my balls and like gooch area are drowning in a puddle of saliva that has accumulated while she's going to work it's the sexiest fucking thing it's just it has to be so sloppy that like your mascara is running. You're drenched. You have to look like you got hit by a car. You do. Or you took a fucking shower.

Waterboarding is a form of torture in the United States, but we fucking, we condone it on Call Her Daddy with the dick. Try to perfect the saliva detaching literally once you're like fucking five, six inches away. Yeah. Or more. You like run across the room. You're like, it's still, it's still there.

But girls, this is so key. I just, I think it's just fucking hot too. Like guys are like, what the fuck? So the jump rope. The jump rope. The saliva attached to his dick from your mouth. Yes. I mean, we're just.

It's like the Gluck Gluck 9000 fucking elevated. Elevated. I love it. It's just each thing, you just can keep ramping it up to a gross. I mean, there's a lot more. There's a lot more. It's all coming. Woo!

So blowjobs, guys. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. We have it all. All right. I just have a little tiny story that I want to tell. My favorite time of day time because we were listening to Kanye West and Kid Cudi yesterday memories and I casually said I'm Kid Cudi's arch nemesis

and Alex was like what the hell are you talking about I was like Alex I told you this fucking story Kid Cudi wants me to die you know sometimes, sometimes, Sophia, when you say things, it takes me a minute. Because some shit is just so outrageous. Let me just explain it to you. Break it down. Kid Cudi is not my biggest fan. In fact, I really bother him. I irk him.

Okay. When I was a young lady. A young thug. A young, ratchet, ridiculous, party fiend, psychopath. I was at a Kid Cudi concert in Utah. Great. And naturally, my clip and extensions had fallen out of my head. And after the concert was over, I was searching the ground for them.

Wait, that already in itself is fucking funny. I, like, want to die. When I think about who I was in itself is fucking funny i like want to die like that did i think about who i was in the past i'm like we have to post a picture of you sofia's hair was like blonde i was a complete blonde the extensions were i think i was holding two of the clips and then the rest were on the ground okay i don't know why i thought i could salvage them yeah but i just did okay so you got you went to find your clip and extension so I was perusing the ground for my clip and extensions I couldn't find them I had a man approach me and he was like kid Cuddy wants you backstage

and I was like you're like does he have my extensions I was like lol no see what I look like right now and um at that point I had actually lost my friends and I was actually a little bit scared and I didn't know where to go. So I was like, you know what? Sure. I'm going to go backstage. Classic. I went backstage. I was heavily intoxicated. I don't know if I had to like clarify that. I'm sure you guys already knew. You already expected Sophia's hammer, but why not just say it? But I sat, I made myself at at home let's just put it that way i sat in a chair that already had like a drink that someone had been drinking out of did i care no i started sipping on that drink as if it was my own didn't even know if there were roofies in

it you just went didn't care okay didn't care probably at that stage of my life, I wanted there to be roofies in there because I was a self-destructive, psychotic person. Oh, young Sophia. So then Kid Cudi comes up to me. Oh. Okay. And he was like, he said something about how I was drinking his drink, but he was very nice about it and he was smiling and he was funny about it. Okay.

And he was like, can I make you one? And I said, yeah, that would be great. Okay. He was wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt. He was wearing a shirt with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it right I thought I would make a little joke I thought I would just open up some conversation and your sarcasm baby sometimes goes right over people's heads sometimes people don't appreciate right you know yep but you do oh yeah I get it now but sometimes people really don't get it off a little okay so i said why are you wearing a mickey mouse shirt are you like 12 which you

know in hindsight that's not really that funny that's actually not funny at all i'm thinking about it no that's not funny that's like low-key like you're a fucking loser why are you wearing that shirt you might as well have said i don't know what i was thinking right right but you thought it was funny at the time intoxicated on some shit okay so uh kid cuddy looked at me in a way that made me feel like there was some disdain on his end he was not he didn't love it he didn't laugh he didn't appreciate it so he turns around and walks away and i'm like oh my god he's like going to make me a drink like totally fine two security guards run up to me pull me out of the chair like bitch and tell me to get the fuck out you and your ratchet ass weave

can get the fuck out so i'm escorted out you're like wait no no kid cuddy's about to get me a drink guys guys stop come on i'm escorted out the reason i know that this affected him dearly is because my friend several years later found herself in a hotel room with him and she knew this story she's like one of my best friends okay and she was speaking to kid cuddy and she said oh my gosh i think you had like an altercation or an interesting interaction with my friend sophia she said this about your shirt he turned around and looked at her and said i remember that girl vividly and i think that it is so messed up to make fun of people's clothing and was like dead serious and was like, I do not like that girl. And I'm like, just stop.

I do not like that. What does this bitch have with Mickey Mouse? There's something up with him and his shirt. Are him and Mickey Mouse like best friends? Hold on. Why is he getting so protective over Mickey? I do not like that girl so kid cuddy if he ever saw you gonna be like get the fuck out he thought it was the most

disrespectful thing like get over yourself kid cuddy i get it you're an incredible amazing artist right right right stop right i i just love like you in your prime with your ratchet hair and you're like watching you walk into backstage holding two strands of hair strands i was probably holding my shoes i had been crying i know that scares everywhere why i was invited backstage i cannot tell you and then you got fucking kicked out and then as quick as i was invited i was quickly kicked out and kate cuddy fucking hates me you know guys just a little mini story for your day i think though that's a great story i think everyone can agree we're team sofia here we are team we're always team sofia you could do no wrong baby i'm talking in third person which i said i would never do but here we are in this case i also think that's just something like

everyone has their ratchet moments and they're like in the moment you feel like, fuck me. But look at us. We're telling this story. It's great. If you guys have a shitty fucking night, look at that. Look how you turned it around. And guys, I've grown up. You've grown up.

You don't have hair extensions. Question. Question. Oh, questions all the way. Oh, wee wee. Some girl wrote in and said she does like it. So I'm going to keep doing it until you guys tell me otherwise. Okay.

Lego. So, okay. I feel like my sex life with my boyfriend was getting a little stale. So we were watching TV and, oh, this is something, sorry to cut myself off, but this is something that is a very simple thing I want every daddy girl or guy to just listen to of just how the fuck to just like be spontaneous and spice shit up. So she's with her boyfriend. They're in sweats.

They're watching TV one night. And after an episode was over, they've been drinking a little bit. I got up, handed him a shot and said, meet me in the bathroom in five minutes. He was totally interested. I went upstairs, put on the best lingerie I had and started using my vibrator on myself. So when he came upstairs, I was lying on the bed already getting ready to go. it was a great night of sex after i just thought of my thought to myself this is a daddy move guys it's that simple right legit being a little spontaneous meet me upstairs throw on the laundry shot right and then take the initiative that's a good girlfriend a shot get your vibrator

and go to fucking town on my pussy babe he's gonna be like i want to fucking marry this girl oh my god every girl i know we talk about how we want you guys to initiate 50 50 but like that's a perfect example of just like being spontaneous you guys are in sweats watching tv hand him a shot get upstairs get after it okay daddies please i need your help i've been hooking up with this guy for about a month now. Every time we have sex and I've given him head. But he has yet to return the favor by going down on me. I really don't know if I should say something because he is a thousand percent leaving me satisfied in other ways. He makes me finish every time.

But I do still feel like, hello. It's just the principle of it, right? Should I bring it up? Please help. I say bring it up. I think you bring it up. I think you could try to bring it up please help i say bring it up i think you bring it up i think you could try to bring it up in a sexual way first like i like i want you to taste me yeah like exactly

right say it in some sexual way it would really turn me on it would turn me on so much so wet yeah like if i want you to taste me and then even if you like start if you're laying in bed together and you start fingering yourself and you like take your um fingers out and you put it in his mouth and you're like i want you to taste me like grab him and kind of like push him towards you just honestly push his fucking head push his head down suffocate him and make him go to tell your pussy no but or when he's laying on his back literally straddle his face and just suffocate him and then there you go and then you're done but honestly i think it's something she could bring up absolutely in a sexual way for sure in a sexual way and then if that's not working i think she could be like babe i really want you to go down on me like i think it would be so hot i know you're

so good like i want you to go down on me okay this one is short and sweet and i fucking love it my best friend's date showed up in khakis to our formal so she photoshopped navy pants on him to match his jacket for her instapick a real fucking savage daddy dude that is a genius she was like i give no fucks this fucking loser showed up like this and i'm just gonna photoshop it and make it look like i didn't go on a date with a loser that's incredible that is a dad like a true daddy. Wow. Amazing. I love it. I love it too. Okay, this girl wrote in and she said, LMFAO, you guys. So I broke up with my ex like two months ago, but we still hook up once in a while.

He really wants me to get back with him. So he's been doing anything and everything to get me back. I told him we were never going to get back together and he was so upset he called me out for asking him to buy me a call her daddy's swimsuit and a hat daddy fast forward to me giving him the best sex of his life and making him press complete order while i rode him like an equestrian daddy moves only okay so this girl fucked for merch and i'm here i'm here for it. Can you imagine? What a power move.

Literally, press complete order. Press complete order, bitch. And then I'll fuck your brains out. Right. She got a daddy hat and a daddy swimsuit, and I think it's incredible, and I love her. I'm in shock. I'm like, you truly, truly are a daddy out here. Yeah.

Making your own dreams come true. Yeah. By the click of a button from a little bitch boy good for you yes all right here we go I've had a mega crush on this guy I met randomly a year ago he had a girlfriend so I waited they broke up and he hit me up instantly a few days later he was railing me it was great he was in this past relationship for over a few years and before that he was only single for a few months. So pretty much this girl is wondering, should I start dating him right off the bat?

Or should I give him some time to be single? Do I keep hooking up with him? Or do I let him have time to enjoy singlehood for the first time in years and come back to me when he's ready to settle down? 100%. So let him do his thing i think i think this is how i always play it even if you know he really likes you and even if you really want to start dating there's something about a man and his fucking freedom and it's just it's a thing and so if you are that chill girl that's like down to just let him experience shit and

then he keeps coming back to you if he really does like you then he'll be down to get in a relationship but if what will happen is he will look at you and spitefully if for some reason you guys get in a relationship and you start fighting he's going to be like well I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship this soon etc

let him live it out for a minute I agree with that but don't you also think that it would be kind of um it would like it wouldn't make sense for her to actually be like okay like we can't talk anymore like you need to like no no for sure i do mean to just for them to not rush into yeah yeah i think she just says like listen like you just got out of relationship like like let's be casual let's just let's just keep let's just take this slow yeah let's be casual i don't want you to rush into anything we don't want to rush into anything let's just like chill like let's just let's just keep let's just take this slow yeah let's be casual i don't want you to rush into anything we don't want to rush into anything let's just like chill like let's just

be chill let's hang out obviously everything can stay the same but like i don't want to put any labels on anything yeah and then he's gonna be like damn this girl's dope and then don't get freaked out when he goes to parties or if he hooks up with someone and then eventually you guys will come together for sure boom totally agree someone just asked does doing anal with someone count towards their body count nope nope no nope nope anal doesn't even count and if you use the condom your mouth doesn't count um can you guys please address the dad bod do girls seriously prefer a guy that has a beer gut over a guy that puts time and effort into working out and eating right to look good i swear i see girls all the time that

are solid eights with their boyfriends who look like they just slammed a case of beer what is the point of putting all this effort into looking fit if a beer gut is held to the same level of value listen up buddy this is what i have to say to this one we talked about it in this episode most of the time they're with that guy because one i bet he fucks i bet he knows how to fuck regardless of what his body looks like. And two, that guy is making her fucking laugh. He's got a personality of a 10. I was about to say that. So I don't want a gym rat that can't make me laugh and is fucking a two in the sack. Like, I don't want that.

You know what I mean? No, I am telling you a guy's physical attractiveness is not as important as people make it out to be. And I mean, obviously, some girls may not think that way. But for me, it's like, if a guy can make me laugh and is so fucking good at sex, that way trumps a guy and what he looks like. Obviously, I need to be physically attracted to him. Well, the other thing is their personality can also make you sexually attracted to them. So, we talk about it all the time. Guys don't understand it.

Girls are like, I know he's not that hot, but you just have to meet him and when you talk to him. If a guy can command a room. Oh my god. If he can make you laugh. That is hot. It is so hot. That's way hotter to me than a fucking guy with an insane body and a six pack. And he's boring as fuck.

Alright, daddies. Guys, we brought you the jump rope. The jump rope, the drum solo. We brought you the PDF, the post-dick appointment flashback. The flashback of the year. That I know all girls have had. We also brought you guys the inside joke move, the friendly flirting. You got to have it, and then you're in.

Yes. And just, you know, daddies, have some confidence out there. Yes. Don't be afraid to send the double text. No. Fuck it. No. I do it all the goddamn time.

Woo. All the time. And I have 12 boyfriends. So, you know. Here we go. So, I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. Get after it. Be savages.

Yes. Subscribe. Oh, yeah, guys. Make sure if you're staring at your phone right now, quickly just go and press we sound so annoying we sound like a broken record but it helps us please do it please just press subscribe and then unsubscribe and then press subscribe again and we'll love you forever honestly we're hacking the system up in this bitch every fucking wednesday guys love you daddy game we'll see you next wednesday