Call Her Daddy - 26- Drunk Sex: Blackout Edition

Episode Date: March 12, 2019

Alex and Sofia reminisce on the days when they worked corporate jobs and somehow didn't get fired for their inappropriate behavior. They also break down a new strategy for men on how-to successfully transition from liking a girl's pics on IG to sliding into her (DMs). Lastly, they get into the horrors of drunk sex, Instagram famous frauds, and an amazing iPhone technology hack that will elevate and spice up your sexting game.

are you kidding we have to literally we have to take down at least five bodies in the same bed in the same bed we have to eiffel tower guy we have to we have to like do eiffel tower guy i'm gonna down for it'll be an experience we can talk about on the research purposes it's not even us being whorish it It's just research. Okay, let's go. Are we ready? Mm-hmm. Do you call him daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. Oh, baby.

I'm already annoyed. Woo! Oh. Call her daddy daddy back at it again for another episode baby oh man we're in here i think it was funny because the other day sophia we were talking about our old life the reminiscing on the days okay so sophia worked at a finance firm dude I think it's so crazy people daddy gang Sophia does not work at a finance firm anymore people still think he works I'm like trust and believe I would be fired by now there's no way that I could yeah you're an HR nightmare but actually in the beginning i would go to work at the finance

firm and then i would like go and meet up with you and then we would record yeah we did four episodes outside of barstool and those four episodes sophia was had like a little side job and she's trying to keep it a secret and i was like okay well this is i'm probably gonna come in one day and my manager is gonna be like so i the Gluck 9000, get the fuck out. So we were talking about how we were actual degenerates at nine to five jobs. I remember that there were days that I would literally get an Uber and go home because I was either so hungover,

I just wasn't in the mood. I would chill at the apartment for like two or three hours and then go back to work as if nothing had happened. Guys, I did the same thing. was working for um like a luxury magazine and so you would have to go out and you're trying to like pitch people in new york to advertise in the magazine i'd be like i'm going out i would go home make myself a fat ass sandwich i would take a fat nap i would set my alarm for four o'clock and then i would stroll back into work and be like oh an amazing day of prospecting and my boss would be like alex you're so dedicated i'm like sweetheart i am rejuvenated you would go home and take a nap nap set my alarm

for four o'clock and then go back to the office i don't know if people do this shit or is that just us no maybe that's why we okay so then sophia and i finally left our jobs and now we're our own bosses yeah i think it's kind of comes with its own struggles it does we live together we work together we play together and so therefore we don't need to do shit in the office we never come to the fucking office well that and then we can technically work at 3 a.m if we want right since we're in charge and we make our schedule, Alex and I will be like, oh man, I don't really feel like working. And then the other one is like totally. Totally, let's take a nap.

Yeah, so we won't work Monday and then we're like, oh, we actually have a ton of shit to do. Oh, we have to drop an episode tomorrow. So let's just put in 48 hours straight without sleeping. We are, our editor is actually always so annoyed with us because we're like, hey, Tom, we're coming in at 11 p.m. tonight to record. We'll be there till like 4 a.m. Is that good with you? And he's like, why? We need to get a little more structured.

I also just realized if we ever wanted to get a job in the real world, nine to five again, they're going to pull up these podcasts and hear us talk about how we went home and took naps. I think they'd be probably worried about a couple other things other than us taking naps during the day, Sophia. How we're like DPing, scissoring Eiffel Tower up on that dick. But no, you're right. You're right. Focus on the nap. Focus on the nap. Yeah.

Great point. Great point. Okay. So last week we talked about guys posing on their Instagram and there was a little bit of an uproar. A little bit of a pushback And we're just trying to help We're just keeping everyone accountable

That's really what we're doing here We are keeping ourselves accountable And therefore you need to be doing the same We want the daddy gang to get laid That's literally the goal here Everyone listening to this podcast, we want you to fuck Right, we're telling you how to clean it up a little bit So, the poses

So we talked about the pose where the guy does the power stance with his hands down clasped like right near his dick and then his head is up but his eyes are looking down. It's the worst pose. Your feet are spread apart. Guys don't know what to do with their fucking hands. Yeah. So what I say is like put your hands together like you do in that power stance. Close your fucking legs.

Close your legs. I don't need to see your shalong dangling. And just have your head facing the camera. Right. And like smile like a normal person. Don't like up and then bow down to the camera. So that's what we were trying to clarify. We are not picking on guys though.

No, we're not. We're not. We're just telling you guys that is just ugly and it's not cute and just don't do it. On that note. We're not picking on you. It's fucking hideous. On that note, this goes for men and women. Yeah.

You should not take a group pic where you are all doing the exact same pose. It's not prom. It's not prom. No, that's when it looks ridiculous. Knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it off with the prom poses unless you're actually at prom. No.

Okay? You guys should not all be doing the exact same thing. No, it's fucking gross. Guys and girls do that. Dude, that's what we said. Guys look like they're about to drop a mixtape You guys should not all be doing the exact same thing. No, it's fucking gross. Guys and girls do that. that's what we said. Guys look like they're about to drop a mixtape when they're just like all doing the same pose. And girls,

if you're all, let's talk about girls. If they all have the hand on the hip. Jesus, God, Mary and Joseph. Act natural people. People.

Act natural. God. So I just brought this up to Sophia. I'm sorry guys. I know this may be for, like, the younger crowd. It really irks me when the girl's on the beach with her one fucking hand up and her ass, like, her hip broken out to the side. I thought you were going to say. Woo!

I thought you were going to say, like, when girls write shit in the sand. Oh, well, that's fucking too. That's too. That needs to stop. Like, spring break 2019. Like, no. Unless you guys are writing Daddy Gang, then it's fine. Yeah, that's fucking too that's too that means like spring break 2019 like no unless you guys are writing daddy gang then yeah yeah that's okay but yeah the whole like hands up in the sky like knock it off i also saw a guy write in i thought this was a great one he was like girls sometimes

on their instagram they only show one side of their face that's their best side and then their tits so it's like tits right side of the face. Tits right side. Every selfie. Yep. And you got to mix it up. Guilty. Guilty as charged.

Yeah. Every time I go to take a selfie, I'm going to do the exact same angle. What's your good side? I think mine's my right side. Mine's the right if I'm doing a selfie. But you like the left. But if I'm on camera, the left. Oh my God.

Technical up in this bitch. But so girls, we get it. We all have that one really good side. My advice to you is you it up you gotta switch it up throw a little fucking photoshop or facetune on that shit and you'll be fine yeah how bad is it when you see guys facetune or like make their teeth whiter oh my god it is or when girlfriends edit their boyfriends pictures when they're like the two of them in a picture and she puts it on her page and she fixes her boyfriend and his skin. I don't think guys can use Facetune is that fucked up to say. I just maybe if they had like a huge crater they can be like babe can you like put like one thing on that pimple.

But the girls that are literally actually airbrushing their boyfriend's cheeks and like fuck off. All right. Whatever. So Sophia. Yeah. This morning. All right. Whatever. So, Sophia. Yeah. This morning. Mm-hmm. We were on our way to work and you were looking at a video of a girl on Instagram who was

putting on, you know, in her mind what she thought was the choreography of a lifetime. Yeah. She was. On Dancing with the Stars. She was on Dancing with the Stars. But she was in her living room. She was in her living room. Alone. She was on Dancing with the Stars. But she was in her living room. She was alone.

There is something going on that's an epidemic on Instagram where these girls who are not on Dancing with the Stars, who are not performing on a stage, are dancing in their living rooms. What's worse, the dancing or the singing? Oh my God. Because they both kind of make me cringy. Guys, can you just explain it? Okay, the dancing. It's like these girls, they either have their friend recording them or they set up their phone. Okay, in their fucking dungy little dungy living room.

And they back up from the camera. In Minnesota, they like walk backwards sexily. They put on a rendition of like Lose Control by Missy Elliott. And then they like walk. They're like splitting and dipping and twirling. And they're. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's like I just it's it's when they take themselves too seriously on Instagram.

That is what we're trying to get across these past two episodes I think. Yes. It's the lack of self-awareness but also taking yourself too seriously on Instagram. If I'm going to post a video of myself dancing. Oh. I don't know how to fucking dance. You're going to be're gonna be dabbing right i'm gonna be dabbing like a fucking loser because it's a joke girls specific i mean girls are doing this more obviously than guys i haven't seen guys doing dancing in their living room but girls you have to understand like what is the point if you like to dance dance and film yourself and then watch it over and over again and show your grandma and your mom at dinner and And they'll be like, sweetie, that's great.

No one on Instagram wants to see a normal ass chick doing a fucking dance with her friends. Oh, my God. What is that? Let's transition here because we're going to stay on social media for a bit. But this is going to be a different topic. Yes. All right. Real phenomenon here with Instagram is the guys going and liking 70 pictures of a girl they want to potentially fuck. Please, Alex, what is that?

I was talking to Milf Hunter, and he was like, I see my guy friends do this all the fucking time. He was like, I will see my friend. He will follow a girl and then when she follows him back he said it's so obvious i see him he's like oh my god she's so hot she just followed me now i gotta go like like like like like ravenous and it's like rapid fire likes he's like liking eight of her pictures and mil Milt Hunter is like, what are you doing? You're playing your hand. Why are you doing that? There is an Instagram etiquette, guys. There's Instagram etiquette.

You know what's worse than that is when they go and you maybe have one or two bikini pictures. Yes. And those are the one or two that they go and like. They completely bypass or surpass. Here we go. Guys, my vote has. But they literally, they like go past any picture of your family with you not showing cleavage. Yep.

And they're like, titties. What about when they go back like two years and they like a picture. Two years creep. Creepo mode. Creep. So let me tell you guys, this is what you're supposed to be doing. Well, Alex, can I just go off? Yeah, go off.

Keep going. Keep going. to be doing well alex can i just go off keep going keep going the guy going back two years to like your bikini picture from two years ago it's like what's that knock it off knock it the fuck off not only are you creeping back like why to 2016 to go do a bikini picture to find my tits or my ass that to a girl lets her know you're just trying to fuck and immediately i'm like kind of like what the fuck if a guy does that to me dead to me listen you can occasionally like the bikini picture but not on the first round and so i'm we're gonna give this to you guys straight every guy out there this is what you're supposed to be doing you are not

going to go on a liking spree the minute she follows you back or even just when you're going to like her pictures for the first time okay you are going to dabble with liking about two to maybe three pictures now the pictures you are going to be liking this is so important and i think this just goes way over guys head sometimes because they're clouded by sex you need to fake it till you fucking make it all right and i'm sorry girls but this is I'm just helping guys out here. If you want to trick them into believing you're not there for sex. Trick them into thinking you care. Trick them into thinking you give a shit about what their actual life is.

So what you're going to do is you're going to look for what they are interested in. Act like you give a shit about their life. Have they traveled? Have they played a sport? Do they have a dog? Do they like animals? Find that thing that they show a sport do they have a dog do they like animals find that thing that they show a little bit of interest in and you are going to go and like that picture of her traveling abroad through italy and then you're gonna like one of her smiling pictures where it's just showing

literally her face no tit because this is what this is the whole point of it this allows men to segue right into the dms in the least creepy way and let me give you an example yeah this is from milf hunter he said this is this is his bread and butter okay it works every time he finds the thing he finds the girl and milf hunter fucks so everyone listen up he said i found a girl that went abroad to italy okay he has never been to fucking italy okay and he started liking her italy pictures and used that as a way to slide in and told her no way i just went there with my family love that part of italy oh my gosh like that's so amazing you've traveled there what was your favorite part or something acting this girl's gonna be like shit like this guy is like pretty much low-key

into my life and not my fucking tit and then he said he will take it so far and she'll be like no way like you went and he'll go on fucking google and he'll get an inconspicuous picture of italy and he'll send it to her and be like that was me last summer blah blah blah if you're gonna be doing that you better be like scrolling through google and get to the seventh page. I was going to say, I was going to say Milt Hunter is definitely way very well versed in this. But the point is, is he said when you allow them to see that your first interactions have nothing to do with sex and with her tits and her ass. She is immediately her walls are going to come down and be like this guy. He said every girl's always like, wow, I thought you were going to be a douche. And you're interested.

Like, you're interesting. This is very similar to the inside joke. Yes. Because if a guy slides into my DMs and he's like, hey, like, what's up? How are you doing? No. No. I'm not going to answer that.

If he's going to say something about, you know, somewhere I've been or something like that, then I'm like, like okay like I'm open to conversation yes it warrants a conversation so I think I do have pics in Thailand etc this is not me saying oh no but guys this is huge and I promise you it will work in a way that then what happens is because the girls walls come down later on is when you'll like a bikini picture. And even you could send it to her in the DMs once you guys have started talking and flirting and being like, you look so good in this, babe. I love that. Et cetera.

And then you're like, damn. Because then what happens with girls is we do like when they like the bikini pictures just at the right time. Because then we're like, oh, he thinks I'm kind of cute. He wants to fuck. And then I'm like, oh, he likes how I look in a bikini. So now I'm going to be a freaking bat. Boom.

Beautiful. All right. So guys, get on that shit. Don't go on a liking spree. Be strategic. The whole world of Instagram is just something really crazy. It's definitely something crazy. I mean, Instagram has completely taken over.

It has. We've all heard of people purchasing fake followers. And fake likes. Yes. Everyone knows that. Which is like sad but it was brought to my attention that people will actually buy accounts instagram accounts yep go in delete all the photos and completely change the username and upload all of their shit

and so they're starting with like 100k a million yeah i didn't know that was a thing alex did you well sweetheart i kind of did and that i mean it's the whole summer ray thing we know summer yeah summer is that summer did i say summer summer summer summer i don't know so summer ray if you guys know her she's like really famous on instagram for like how many followers like 20 uh maybe 20 million something 12 million i don't know it's in the millions and so summer ray is i mean it's like a lot of people in la talk about it she supposedly her mother purchased um i think it was a porn stars account no i think it was it was either an old porn stars account or just like a hot girl.

A sex account? Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. So it was one of those. And so naturally, you know, her mother. A sex account, a porn account. Right, a porn account. And so her mother was just so generous.

And I guess she bought Summer this account. They deleted all the pictures. And she started with like a couple million followers. Yeah. And her first post, she was like, guys, my account got hacked like I'm back yeah now the brilliance of that brilliance is that you I mean these people are trying to follow a porn star and see ass and tits etc right so when you go in there and you're uploading pics of your ass people are gonna be like oh oh love it I feel like she looks a little different today, but I'm down for it.

Like Stacy turned into summer and I'm here for it. Cause her ass is still fat. It is pretty crazy. And listen, I'm not shitting on her. Do what you got to do, girl. Good for your fucking mother getting in on that shit.

I kind of want my mom not buying me. They're not that expensive. We were looking the other day and it was like, I think cause we were doing research for this specific topic, the $100,000 was like $3,000. $3,000? Okay, but then think about $12,000,000.

It could be about like $20,000,000. $20,000,000 plus something grand or more. But you know what? Get a sugar daddy and go. No, but think about that. $20,000,000 to buy the account. And then you make that money

millions. Quickly. Yeah. So, I mean, I think... Everyone go grand to buy the account. And then you make that money. Millions. Quickly. Yeah. So I mean, I think. Everyone go buy a fake Instagram account. And listen, we're not shitting on Summer. I'm like, do you girl. That's fucking brilliant.

I need to start. She's a fucking business woman. Yeah, she's a business woman. And now she's making a shit ton of money and her glow up. She didn't even need to work. She just swiped that credit card. Here she is. She's here to stay. You you know good old drunk sex we are gonna preface this by saying we never fuck around

with consent fuck no no this we're gonna talk about comedic podcast yeah and i'm sorry to break it to the world but people have had drunk sex. Women have had drunk sex. And we're going to talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it on the podcast. However we want. All right. So let's talk about it.

Call her Daddy Fashion. So, oh, I'm excited. Drunk sex. Who doesn't love a good little drunk sex moment? I don't love it. Yeah, I don't either sometimes. It's a slippery slope. Very slippery slope.

The drunk sex, there obviously um different levels there's a lot of ways it can go drunk well a lot of ways it can go and then there's there's different levels there's you know you wake up and you're like why am i completely naked yeah and there's a poster of like farrah faucet on here and like did I go home with a 19 year old like where am I who is this yeah it's yeah it's definitely a slippery slope and sometimes you do just have little glimpses of like what went down yes it's like when you get in the uber okay there is something about getting in a car after you've been drinking yeah why does no one ever remember it no one ever remembers the car ride ever why you're at the bar you're hammered you remember it you somehow get into

an uber that you have no recollection of the drive and then you're like starting to sound a little sketchy no and then you're back no it's true yeah and then you're back to reality like how many times have you said alex how the fuck did we get home? I always say that. Because I don't know. Maybe it's because your guard is down once you sit down in the car. I don't fucking know. I think it's like maybe the motion.

You know how airplanes put people to sleep? I think sometimes the car kind of knocks you out. Same with sex. Same. I swear to God. I'm like, what happened last night? There are times where I'm completely fine. Yeah. And then something about the where I'm completely fine. Yeah.

And then something about the sex made me black out. Yeah. Guys, drunk sex is one of those things that it can be great and frisky and gross and nasty. But you're like, oh, I want to fuck him drunk tonight. It's going to be fun. And then all of a sudden you take that one extra tequila shot and instead of having great drunk sex you are now waking up wondering was i a dead fish yeah or was i a fucking freak on his dick and if i was a fucking freak how big of a freak like was i swinging from the fucking ceilings right was i doing a headstand on the bed? Uh-huh. Or was I just laying there like a dead body for him to fuck?

Dead body. It's a scary, scary thing. Isn't it so annoying too? Because guys, if they get whiskey dick, if they're too fucked up, they can't really sometimes fuck. Girls can always perform. It's just at what fucking level are we doing it? Exactly. It's horrifying.

It's terrifying. And I think this is extremely prevalent when you're younger and you're like in the hookup culture. Yes. Because half the time I want to hook up with guys when I'm drunk. Yeah. And you're going to the bar and that's like how you're socializing. So let's get into drunk sex.

Drunk sex. Let's first talk about your body. You wake up the next morning. Girls have this thing. We've talked about it. Like when you're getting railed from behind, we tell girls, make sure your back is arched and so like your ass looks good. Don't be a hunchback of Notre Dame up in this bitch.

When you're drunk, all that goes out the fucking window. What did I look like? When you are sober, you have control over your body. You can position your body in a way to like make it look hot. I'm not going to lie. Do I suck my tummy in a little bit? Absolutely. Arch my back when he's doing that behind booty absolutely you're drunk forget about it you are sitting there with like your little pot belly out and you're like scooting on his dick and you're

letting everything hang out and you think you're so hot in the moment probably oh yeah this is hot meanwhile it's like you look like a beached whale you've been drinking beer all night so you're so hot in the moment probably. You're like, this is hot. Meanwhile, it's like you look like a beached whale. You've been drinking beer all night so you're bloated as shit. It's like, fuck, man. Like, you're like, what did I look like while I was riding this guy? And what, okay, what was I saying? What the fuck did I say last night? Dude. Did I take it to the freak level where you're like, I want you to fuck me so hard till I'm in the hospital in a fucking coma.

Right. Or were you a dead fish crying about your ex-boyfriend? Yeah. And you just don't remember. That's the thing. Terrifying. Sometimes the guy the next day looks at you terrified and you're like, what did I tell this poor unfortunate soul? Because think about was I like screaming like bloody murder and he had to

like fucking put his hand over my mouth like was i and all his roommates hate me yeah right like how loud was i or like did i tell him screw me and then i'm gonna screw your dad and then i want you to watch me it's just like the level the level there are levels you have no clue it really is kind of terrifying i think the talking part is terrifying. And also, I think there's something with girls we have talked about. Faking orgasms. And you are so good at faking them. That goes out the fucking window when you're drunk, baby.

Can you imagine? You are dry humping the pillow. And you are screaming. You're screaming like I'm going to come. And he's literally like standing in the bathroom. He's like, wait, no, I left. I had to pee. I'm over here. You're like, babe, I'm going to come. And he's like, I'm literally not even on the bed.

And you think the pillow is his dick. Baby, that feels so good. Like keep doing that. And he's like, my dick is flaccid and i'm across the room so you're fucking lying or you're on top of him you haven't he hasn't even been able to get it up yet and you're halfway through and you're like i'm ready to go and he's like i'm not even inside of you that's literally the remote control you just picked up off the ground it is no it's it is no easy feat to fake an orgasm so i can only imagine oh i'm cringing the production

oh my god i'm coming i'm coming oh my god he's like no you're not no you're not he's like i just put it in i just put it shut the fuck up and you're like oh it's really quite embarrassing how embarrassing now that i'm thinking about it because i'm thinking about my college day yeah and i know i've done this before when you lay there in the morning you also think how did it start how did i initiate it did he initiate it did i i have had boyfriends in the past that were like we got home oh we said we were gonna watch netflix and chill and cuddle and i went to the bathroom and i came back and you were completely naked with your leg spread and you were like hey babe, babe, what's up?

Where have you been? Here's my vagina. There's your dick. Dude, think about yourself in your drunken state. The belly out. The belly. Like the ugly smirk. You're like so creepy.

You have like drool coming out your mascara. You're like, babe, I want to fuck you. You're like, hey. Hey, what's up, boy? What are you doing tonight? You look a lot fucking different the way you're laying and your your titties are like in your armpits and you're like come fuck me babe and he's like this is nasty but whatever i have a dick i'll fuck you it's not cute for girls it's not fair

i think also something really rough is we just talked about briefly like the morning that you wake up yeah i think it's one of those things that every girl's had it you kind of try to get a sense you look at him and you're like so and you feel bad having to ask and you don't want him to think you forgot about all of it so you're like so like i kind of like browned out a little bit like was it good like how was it and when he gives you that like awkward like yeah no it's good like um i gotta like get up today and you that like awkward, like, yeah, no, it's good. Like, um, I got to like get up today. And you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck. It went south. It went south.

Or when he kind of looks at you and he's like, you were wild last night. And you're like, how wild? How wild? No. You're like, please just give me a blame. I blame every single thing I did. And you're like, no, it's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. That is honestly pretty horrible. Or if you text them after because you don't have the balls to do it in person and they don't answer for a certain amount of time and you're freaking out. Was it horrible? What did I do? Right. It is so cringy.

I remember I had an ex-boyfriend that said I fell off the bed while we were fucking. Oh. When I was drunk. You fell off i fell off and i was just imagining how my body looked sprawled out completely naked on the ground i think that hands down one of the most disgusting things a girl can do during sex in our mind a guy may not think it is but girls every girl knows if you fall off the bed naked as fuck, sprawled out, limbs everywhere, tummy out, tits on the floor, you're like, whoa,

it's not cute. No. That's disgusting. It really is so embarrassing. Thinking of myself naked falling off the bed. You've fallen off the bed before. Horrible. It's so bad.

And like hit my head on the way down. I'm like, I'm good. Let's keep going. I'm concussed. I know. It's disgusting. Yeah. And it's embarrassing.

But the morning after, it is a little bit tricky. Drunk sex. You want to ask the guy, but then you don't want to ask him. But you're like, I have to know. And then he gets uncomfortable about it. Because everything goes. I'm thinking even like from a blowjob standpoint, it's like you in your mind when you're sober, you're like, I make sure I'm not using teeth.

It makes it. When you're fucking drunk, you're like, this is going to be disgusting. Meanwhile, you're probably fucking grinding your teeth on that thing. Possibly. That's a dangerous one. It's horrible. Don't drink and suck a dick. Don't drink and suck a dick.

Don't drink and drive. Don't drink and suck a dick. For real. Holy shit. Yeah. Drunk sex, guys. I would love to hear people's drunk sex stories if you have any. I think next week we should talk about like just awkward shit that happens during sex

because you bringing up the falling off the bed yes how awkward is it when a guy falls off the bed no no this is what it is it's when something awkward happens it's making the decision to either keep fucking or like it's too awkward to stop now it's just gotta end well we should talk about that we should we should because i'm, I think it's so awkward. I've had a guy fall off the bed before. And I'm looking at him and it's like his wieners kind of like flopped over now on his tummy. And he's like, oh. And he's emasculated.

Right. It's over. Emasculated. He's just laying there. He's like this big, burly man. And he like sprawled out on the ground. And I'm like, do I offer him a hand? Like, what do I do?

I just kind of lay there and just. We should talk about it. All right. Oh, Charlemagne. Charlene. Charlemagne. Charlene. If you guys didn't, we introduced ourselves like that last week.

We just want to let you know, those are our alter egos. And it's really funny because they're just interchangeable. Like sometimes I'm Charlemagne, sometimes I'm Charlene. Yeah, it is kind of interesting. So anyway, Charlemagne. What's up, Charlene. Yeah, it is kind of interesting. So anyway, Charlemagne. What's up, Charlene? Some crazy, not crazy stuff, but crazy stuff. Yeah, crazy us.

Crazy Charlemagne and Charlene shit went down. We were back at it again this week on our bullshit. We definitely pulled some crazy shit to men. Yeah. And we're just here to hold ourselves accountable. Alex and I both fucked up this past week. But we didn't because we never fuck up. We never fuck up. And it really was his fault. Like it was a fuck up but then it ended up coming out on top.

So if you tell yours. What did you do this week that was fucking nuts? And I'm keeping myself accountable for what I did. But not to him but to the rest of the world. This is like my therapy. I'm just letting it out. Right, right, right. Therapy session. Here we go. And I want to know if this has happened to people. So I was on Instagram, scrolling through Instagram, looking at people's stories.

And this guy I'm talking to calls me. Love that. We were kind of having like a finicky, fickle day in terms of talking. A finicky, fickle day, folks. He wasn't like really responding to me as quickly. Little bitch boy. I was feeling a little insecure. Little bitch boy. Yeah. I was feeling a little insecure. Ooh. Little bitch boy.

Yeah. I was feeling a little insecure. He calls me. I'm so excited to talk to him. Let's call him Steven. Steven. Steven. I hear a girl very loudly, very clearly.

She had to have been standing right next to him. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. So immediately I'm like, you are dead to me. Dead. And like your apartment will be burned down. Okay. Classic.

Classic. Right. So then we keep talking and I keep hearing this girl. And finally I was like, yo, Steven, do you just want to call me back? Like you obviously seem busy. And he goes silent and he's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, you just seem like you're a little busy you know what you want to call me later and he's like no i don't want to call you later so

i'm like whatever we keep talking finally i'm like there is a bitch right next to you she's still talking that keeps talking steven call me later steven this is fucking rude and i'm gone steven it was the most annoying thing. And he had no idea what you were talking about. He's pretending he has no idea. He's pretending he has no idea. He's like you are psycho.

I don't know what you're talking about. I was like honestly Yeah well you'll see psycho bitch. Honestly if you are hanging out with a girl why don't you just be a little bit smarter about it and tell her to shut the fuck up.

Right. Right. Have a little decency. When you're calling me. Put the fucking duct tape on your side hoe while you're speaking to your main. Duct tape. God damn. So you're calling me. Put the fucking duct tape on your side hoe while you're speaking to your main. Duct tape.

God damn. So you hang up. I hang up. And the Instagram story that I was previously watching is playing. Or it might have been the story after, but I realized at that moment that my that the Instagram story was playing while I was on the phone call with the guy so the voice you heard voices in my head oh shit oh okay from Instagram so Cassandra cooking in the kitchen on Instagram story was then transferred onto the phone and she was with Steven. Can you imagine how psychotic?

Can you imagine how crazy? He's like, what is she talking about? He's like, I'm dating a full schizophrenic person. Literally. You are on the phone. I can hear her and he's like, I'm alone in my apartment. You're hearing things. So he's only in his bed laying there.

So it's so crazy. You guys, you guys need to be careful. The other day my mom called me and I could still hear the story, like the Instagram story. And you're like, mom? Has that ever happened to you? That's never happened. Dude, your phone's fucked. Your phone is fucked.

It's so annoying. But I could see how that would fuck with me. And I could also see how that makes you look really fucking schizo. I mean, did I ever confess to him? No. No, fuck no. Fuck no. You were just like, it's-

I'd rather him think of me as a crazy bitch than an idiot. I know how to work my phone, bitch. Bitch! Maybe there was someone there. My phone works just fine my iphone 4 yeah so did you ever acknowledge it or you're just like hi babe you call them back and i call him i was like sorry about that little outburst i'm fine now let's hang out yeah i had a similar situation i was a little, I was involved in this one, Alex. You brought me in. So I was hanging out with a guy that I am on and off with. And I got a glimpse of a name that texted him on his phone. And I saw that like, it was a girl. It looked like the name Michaela. And how much of the

name did you see? I saw like, M-I-K, because she spells her name weird. But I was like, you saw three letters of a name. I was like, Mikayla! Because I have stalked every single girl that he follows. And I know he follows a Mikayla with an M-I-K. So I naturally was like, that has to be the blonde girl on Instagram. Okay, so I saw that she texted him. And immediately I go into bitch mode. I'm ignoring him.

We're laying on the couch. He's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? I'm like, I'm just like, I just need mode. I'm ignoring him. We're laying on the couch. He's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? I'm like, I'm just like, I just need space. I'm just annoyed. I get up. I go to the bedroom. Yeah.

I text Sophia. I mean. I text her immediately and I tell her. You had her Instagram pulled up within minutes. I sent you her Instagram immediately. Screenshot and through Instagram. Within 60 seconds. I was like, hi, this is the girl.

He's texting her. What do you think I should do? Yeah. And you were like, he is married. He's married. She's pregnant with his child. They're married, clearly. And meanwhile, you're like, see, the thing is, Alex, you were like, keep yourself accountable.

I gave you some advice. Yeah. What was that advice? The advice was actually really great, you guys. Sometimes I can really pull through. Pull through. I kind of just had to bring you back down to earth and remind you that you had a dick in your mouth literally probably the day before you left oh fuck and you're like so you know I don't really know if I'm like still freak out

right oh freak out yeah it's a therapeutic experience but um so but yeah you did keep me accountable and so finally I confronted him and I was like like, I took the whole, because you know what? When you're not dating the person, you can't be like, why the fuck are you texting her? So I took the route of, I just think it's so rude that you're going to in front of me just be texting other girls when I'm here. Like my time is valuable. So if you want to fuck around with your hoes, do it while I'm gone. And he looked at me like i actually had five heads

and he was like and what happened alex tell them um tell them after a lot of debating back and forth i found out that it was his cousin and she was sending him family photos and he literally for proof opened his phone and just handed it to me. And there he was. Because we're not idiots. We're the cousin on his lap. And the good old family was back together. We're not idiots.

If a guy tells you that, Daddy Gang, you need to see the proof. You got to see the proof. Because I texted Sophia. I said, it's his cousin. I was like, Alex, I was invested in this and spent an hour of my day giving you advice. And Alex goes, LOL, false alarm. Ha, ha, ha. We're all good to go.

Oh, good. And then the craziest thing is, and this is how the crazy always fucking wins. Yeah. He started yelling. He walked out and slammed the door. I win in that very moment. I was like, I win. Because what happened, Sophia?

He came back to you and he was like, I just wanted to apologize for slamming the door i'm walking out and reacting that way that's what you gotta do is when you are like about to get in trouble and when you're in the wrong you gotta wrap it up you gotta ramp it up to make them do something and then they apologize so girls when you get caught being psycho you gotta make them get angry. And then you got to turn it around on them. Yep. I feel like we always bring the knowledge. And today we are spinning another knowledge hack at the daddy game.

Get out your pencils. Get out your pens. Stop your car. Get out of the car. Get on top of the car. Do a Chinese fire drill. Run around. Please don't get hit by a car um all right i

think this is really underrated i think it's so underrated it's it reminds me of when we brought the double tap and the double tap has like changed people's lives this one's fucking savage i think it's so amazing in fact i think it's so underrated that i sent this to my friend and she was like what the hell is that what i didn't even know what it was i've never seen that before and i was like where have you been girlfriend girlfriend you gotta use this so men and women can both use this whole hack yep invisible ink invisible ink oh my god it sounds like we're like doing some harry potter invisible ink and i'm pretty sure you have to have a fucking iphone for this so all of you galaxy users i'm sorry but you gotta have an iphone yeah the invisible ink option is when you're sending a text to someone, you can hold the arrow

down to send and you get options. And the invisible ink one allows you to send the text message. And when they see the text message, it's just like a bunch of fuzzy stuff. It's blurred. It's blurred. You have to press down on the text message and the blurring will go away and then you can see what they wrote. Yeah.

And then once you release your finger off of it, it goes back to blur. This is brilliant. This works for so many different things. For me personally. Yep. My mom, when I go home, my phone is her phone. Yep. She will literally actually talk to guys and text them.

She's like, oh, what is he up to? Oh, my mom does the same fucking thing. I'm like, mom, they're living through us. We're at that age where it's like high school, you hate your mom sometimes. College, you're disconnected. When you're at this age, my mom's like, wait, what is he up to? What is he doing? What is he doing?

Right. This is just a tiny little story. My mom messaged this guy on Raya the dating app off your phone off of my phone pretending to be me they're living through messaged him and now i'm like low-key dating him but not dating but like kind of dating no no like dating like like uh having sexual everybody i'm still fucking everybody i'm sorry if you guys saw it so if it was in a relationship holy shit literally this morning. DT this morning.

Eiffel Tower on her way to work with the Uber driver. We're fine. Sophia does not have a boyfriend. She's dating as in sleeping with people. Okay. So your mom messaged a guy. That was such a fucking tangent. I'm sorry.

No, it's fine. But it's true. My mom does the same thing. And so basically the invisible ink allows you when you're, even if you're with your boys, if you're with your girlfriends and people are kind of lurking looking over your shoulder so yeah so my whole point was that when i go home or anytime with a family member specifically my mom she is always being such a creeper and looking at my phone and being like who texted you blah blah when i'm sitting there at breakfast with my younger brother and my mom trying to fucking get a little sex on a guy

wants to send me a dick pic or say like oh my god i want to reel you from behind and then stuff your muffin with a nice cucumber i was little things like that i would like that to be sent with invisible ink yes okay this is this is the thing daddy gang what we're telling you is sophia and i have started to do this and guys think it's so hot. And so guys and girls can do this. First and foremost, invisible ink can be used for sexting. And I think it's so hot because what happens is Sophia is talking to this new guy and she'll send him like he's at work and she'll send him like, oh my God, I'm thinking about your like hard dick. I want you to fuck me later tonight.

Whatever, simple shit. And she'll send it in invisible ink. And now because she's been sending things that are sex in invisible ink, he knows when he gets an invisible ink, he gets all excited downstairs because he's like, oh shit, she's talking dirty. Like it kind of tips you off like damn. It's practical and it's sexy. It's fun. And it's fun. Like if a guy sent me.

I get excited now when I see that. I think it's really hot. If a guy sent me an invisible ink all the time when he was trying to like, and it doesn't have to be all the time, but when you're starting a sex maybe or it's during the day, send him invisible ink. It's fun. It spices shit up and it's also like, I like it. Or you know what? If you're a dude and you're hanging out with your boys and you want to send your girl like

a mushy lovey dovey yes and you know your boys are like looking over your shoulder what the fuck are you saying today pussy you're like you can't catch me now boys that's another great time that is i also think it would be really fucking funny now i'm thinking about it if an ex texted you and he was like i miss you if you sent invisible ink back and the message just said fuck off so he like pressed it he's like oh what's up no fuck off it is really it is really funny because whatever you send it seems more dramatic yes yeah so he's like oh she's not the answer people don't use those features on the iphone at all no at all and we need to yeah we need to start using them i forget to use them and it makes conversation so much so much more fun yeah millennials man, man. Double taps, invisible ink, we're out here.

You can hit him with the slam one. Ooh, yeah. You're like, fuck you. Fuck you, boom. Boom. Oh my God, boom. Love it. All right.

Questions of the week. Questions of the week. Questions de bon fond. Questions de bon fond. De fond. De fond. De fond. Questions of the week. Here we go.

I'm going to get it fucking popping with a little drama. Y'all, I fucked a husband of the real housewives of Dallas. Savage up in this bitch. So I met him and his friend at happy hour right down the street from where I work. He talked about his wife. His friend claimed to be divorced. Showed me pictures of their kids, everything. The night goes on and they basically became my sugar daddies.

I literally was handed a wine glass after wine glass at this super nice restaurant. And get this shit. I'm in the middle of them and they are both touching different legs under the table at this point. I was like, holy fuck, this is about to be a fucking three-way. Are you kidding? The night goes on more and more. The divorce guy is showing more interest than the husband of the housewife so I was like okay I'm here for it finally we ended up at a club and then all of a sudden somehow it's just me and the housewife's husband he hands me his phone I pick a hotel put his credit card number in it and

I have the best fuck of my life pressed up against a window with a skyline view of downtown Austin. Thanks, Real Housewives. Okay, did she say who? No, what the fuck? I want to know. God damn. And this is Real Housewives of Dallas? Yeah, Real Housewives of Dallas.

Your husbands are being shady. I think they all are, right? I think we know specifically Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yep. We know one of their husbands. Can we just say who? Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yep. Someone's, we know one of their husbands. Can we just say who? Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Her husband's like 70 years old. That's, should we just say it? And has a sugar baby. Should we just say him?

Okay. Go ahead. Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Vanderpump husband. Is he not 90? He's literally 90. Ken is about to conk out and we know from a reliable source because she's one of them, that he has multiple girls that he pays for their rent in New York, L.A., etc., and he's fucking around on Lisa.

Goddamn. The Real Housewives, everyone, all their husbands are doing it, so I hope they're also fucking guys. All those reality shows. All right, Sophia, you go. Daddy gang, I was just listening to the episode where you discussed getting into your partner's phone when you don't have the password. I have a solution that works every time.

When they are just about to enter their password on the phone, laptop or iPad, you pretend you are on your phone so they don't think you are looking, but you are actually filming them enter their password. Shut the fuck up. Then you have a recording of it. Oh my God. If they type fast, then you have a recording of it oh my god if they type fast then you can slow mo the video i had my ex-boyfriend's passwords to everything for a year and he never knew hold oh my god who is this woman and she needs to come on the dude that is brilliant work for the cia where is she holy fuck i'm lucky really excited right now you pretend you're on your phone but you're really recording them putting in their password that that is so genius why have we never

thought of doing something like that i've never thought of it although i did my friend was in town okay and we randomly popped into the spy museum ah. And the shit that they had in there, I was like, the ways, if you really wanted to catch someone cheating, we just said basic ass shit like on your phone applications. They have like little lipstick devices that are cameras, pens that are cameras. Trackers you can put up their butthole when you're fingering them. Like if you really wanted to catch someone being shady. You could get crazy. Yeah.

Dude, that, honestly guys, that is. That's dude that honestly guys that is spyware that is some that is some brilliant shit i appreciate that one i'm gonna use that one next time all right talk about genius i know a lot of girls including myself that have felt insecure about how they taste when a guy eats them out one night before initiating sex with my man i decided to open a splenda packet and put the smallest amount on my two fingers i then proceeded to rub it in on my inner vagine and make sure it dissolved while eating me out my man could not stop saying sexy things about how sweet i tasted my god he loved it Now I do it every time and he always talks about how good I taste afterwards and tells all of his friends how good I taste.

Best part is I have never told him about my little trick. So he thinks my pussy is bomb. Holy shit. Dude. So it literally tastes so sweet. Wait, this is like kind of genius. Okay. Or is it a little dangerous?

It could definitely be a little dangerous. You could definitely maybe get like a little infection down there. But if it's just like a tiny bit and he's immediately licking it out. Yeah. That girls. I mean, I love how we're over here saying like it could be dangerous. Yeah. Three weeks over.

Yeah. Put some cocaine. Yeah. On your clit and lick it off. Yeah. No, I think that's brilliant. That is brilliant. Girls, daddies fucking put that shit on there.

I'm into it. I'm going to try that, actually. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Yeah. This is more of a serious question. Okay. I am with this boy, but I really want to break up with him. He is super attached, though, and I am afraid of hurting his feelings, even though I know

I should do what is best for me. In the meantime, though, do I cheat on him? What easy breakup phrases, reasons can you you give me i've never broken up with someone so this is uncharted territory okay honestly if you want to break up with him just break up with him i think we should do an entire like big fat segment in on breaking up and how to break up because it's really hard it's hard this is the thing i understand where she's coming from i've had that where the guy is so nice. He's not doing anything wrong, but you just like actually just can't. It's just not there for you.

I think breaking up with someone is arguably harder than someone breaking up with you. It is. Especially, it just depends on the situation. My advice for the situation would be you have to also think about him. And as much as you think that you're going to be hurting him at the end of the day the longer you string him along to believe that there's a future the more it's going to hurt him in the long run once you finally break up with him so the sooner the better you don't drag it on what i was going to say yeah and i also think that there's something

to be said about doing it in a way that you can't be around the bush there's a lot of girls if it's a nice guy like listen like maybe in the future you can't ever give them hope you have to say I thought about it a lot and I know this is going to blindside you but where I'm at in my life right now this relationship just isn't working for me I love you dearly, but I think we're just at two different places in our life, and I need to kind of do my own thing. Yes, I completely agree. You need to remind yourself that it is just more damaging to waste his time as well as yours in the long run.

Yeah, it fucking sucks, man. It's hard. It's not easy, but I do suggest don't give them hope when you're trying to be nice and then they think that they have a chance and then you move on. Yep. And then, I mean, if you want to cheat, obviously you cheat, but like. If you want to break up anyway. But I think then you'll also feel shittier if you're cheating because he's such a nice

guy. If he's a douche, fucking cheat. But if he's nice. Well, and then also if he finds out that you cheated. Yeah, that's true. Then you're going to end up having an enemy. Yep. That's true.

Great. Great point, Sophia. Okay. Daddy gang SOS, SOS, please help. gonna end up having an enemy yep that's true great great point sophia okay daddy gang sos sos please help so my sister has had this fishy and sometimes bloody vagina smell that has been going on for about three to four months it's going it's getting to the point where other people are beginning to notice and she has yet to realize it. She says there has been some discharge, but thinks it's totally normal. How do I tell her that she has a smelly vag? Is there a nice way to say it?

It gets so bad that even though it's been really cold in California, I have to drive with the AC on to avoid the smell. Am I a bad sister for not telling her? By the way, she's only 26. Fucking tell her! Wait, it's her sister? It's her sister!

Dude, if you had a problem, I would be like would be like get that fucking shit cleaned up bitch you smell like a bloody fish that's weird that she doesn't want to tell her i also it truly to this day blows my mind when girls do not know that their vagina smells bad you i know immediately if something's off i know immediately immediately so listen i think this is one of the things girls we need to stop being so fucking sensitive i think that's something that you and i are pretty good at it's like i don't get i'm gonna tell you the truth because i care about you more and i don't want people you to be embarrassed in front of people and it means there's something wrong exactly you need to take care of your body like a tampon still up there well you need to take care of your body i know it's like a delicate

ecosystem down there. Shit goes wrong all the time. So I would, if I were you, I'd be like, make it casual. Be like, wait, dude. And act like it's the first time you're smelling it. Be like, wait, hold on. I like smelled it the other day and I didn't know. But like, I think you need to get it checked out because it's like actually bad.

Like, I love you, but it's like pretty bad. Yeah. And then she'll, and even if her feelings are hurt, there's obviously something wrong. Yeah. Okay, next. I love having rough, kinky sex, but my boyfriend would rather have slow and very passionate sex. Lame. What are some things I can go to to keep it hot yet still romantic?

I appreciate any of your feedback. Love your podcast. Listening. All the way from Kauai, Hawaii. Okay. Ooh. That's a good one. So this is what I want to say. Okay. Ooh. That's a good one. So this is what I want to say. Okay. I know that Alex and I talk about sex like it is a fucking sport.

Like it is like a fuck fest. It's like a porn. Rabbits. Like. Yes. Exactly. We talk about it like it's like a porno. Yeah, we do.

It's fine if you want to have romantic sex. Yeah, I've had romantic sex before i think you can have both i think what i would do is i would just start saying nastier shit to him while you're in the heat of the romantic me too like i fucking love you baby like feel how wet i am start going on that shit and don't go overboard don't go overboard don't be like i'm a little whore right no no don't say the whore and slut shit but be like talk talk yeah so dirty to him about the details like I feel your cock I want that cock and say I love when you like call me this right I love like I love when you yeah exactly start being nastier with your words

because maybe then it could escalate and I also think that you can take a little bit more charge if you're in missionary style you don't have to just lay there and be sensual like you could spice it up grabbing his back pulling his thighs like making him go deeper into you yeah and let him know that you like both yeah like you're like oh like i only want to fuck like a psycho i mean i think it's hard if you're in love then some guys get like really mushy i think also that's when you can role play i think you can go back and forth I literally I literally had sex it started as like us being like total free yeah and then like midway like it kind of transitioned and it ended up being like yeah I would fucking hate if I was stuck in the love phase because it's like I get it's like hot sometimes I want you to fuck me like

I'm a whore so like please please for the love of god I just wanted to answer that question because I know Alex and I talk about sex like we're like no that's fucking degrade me and dump my body in an alleyway afterwards no i think it's good all right this one is uh interesting i have this friend who is in between jobs and needed to make some cash to keep her afloat until she got hired by her current place of employment well she turned to finding a sugar daddy she didn't find the sugar daddy on the typical seeking arrangements website she found him on plenty of fish so the arrangement that they agreed upon is that she would get two thousand dollars bi-weekly if she would send a photo to him once a week now here's the kicker the photo it has to deal with the fetish called coprophilia the poo

the poo poo he wanted her to send pictures of her poo after she took a shit in the toilet so she kept up with this for a while for a month and a half and she would send him pictures of her poop and then he asked her to take a video of her shitting with her asshole and poop in the frame as she took a shit she politely declined because at this point it was getting too real not getting the hint he then asked her to come over and take a shit in his personal toilet and leave immediately after. Who the fuck is this person and is this shit real? Um. Damn.

Damn. Damn. Damn, daddy. What the fuck did I just hear? Hold on. There's so many layers. First of all, all right, you're taking pictures of your shit in the toilet. Then he ramps it up to he wants a video of the shit coming out of your bum hole and then he instead now wants you to show up at his house take a massive dump

and then leave immediately because what then he's gonna take the pictures probably then she goes is he gonna eat that shit that's what she wrote is he gonna eat that i don't know okay did he want to watch her poo i don't know he just wanted her to take a shit, end his toilet, and leave. I have a question for you, Alex. Would you rather have sex with a man for money or just send him a video of you taking a shit

for money? Is the guy hot? What does he look like? I fucking sound like a prostitute. No, that's a really good point. If he's 30 and he's just a sugar daddy, then I'm like, oh. If he's fucking 80, I'm like, here's my shit, bitch. Enjoy. Yeah.

Now I'm going back to my everyday life. I mean, it's kind of like. Wait, that's kind of like easy. They're both degrading in different ways. But like also, if he's so into that shit, who gives a, sure, here's a picture of my poop. I just let one out this morning. There you go

right have a have at it big boy that's very interesting i don't think he eats them i think the point of her going to the apartment and immediately leaving is because if she won't send him a picture then she when he leaves when she leaves he'll take the picture i want to start talking about more fetishes because there are so many out there it really is truly kind of like interesting it is i love it um we don't have enough time this week but that again we went to cabo yeah we were gonna do like a lot on it and we were like there's just too much right now we're fucking still just dead some shit went down some shit went down and we need to fucking talk to you we're gonna talk're going to talk to you guys about Cabo. I'm just dead.

We had an episode ready to go. So next week, we will be bringing to you what Cabo was, what went down. There were some men involved. You best believe my nails are short this week. Oh, God. All right, daddies. I guess that's it. Make sure you guys, again, we always say it to you guys, but please, if you have a second, look down at your phone.

If you guys are subscribed to the podcast, press unsubscribe and then resubscribe. I honestly have no idea if it helps, but I read it on Google, so we're going to go with it. So just try it. Do it a couple times. Yes. And obviously, if you haven't, leave us a rating and review. Or I think you can leave multiple.

Yeah. We love you. And like, why not? A plethora. We love you, Daddy Game. We love you guys so much. Have a good weekend. I hope you're all getting it in

as we will be talk to you next week every fucking Wednesday