Call Her Daddy - 27- Our First Foursome.

Episode Date: March 20, 2019

Attn: This episode is crazier than usual. Alex and Sofia recap Cabo, where they had Kylie Jenner's smoking hot body guard in tow…the one rumored to be Stormi's dad. They get into fingering the crazy out of a crazy girl and awkward sex (farts, pets, and death threats). They also talk missionary sex- which most of you are doing wrong, the New York slasher, and first date DONT'S for men. Lastly, Sofia gives us a personal story of a vengeful STD rumor. Yay! 

Do you call him daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. Merry Christmas, bitches. Merry Christmas. And a happy new year. Oh, it's New Year's. Yes.

Okay, great. That's going to confuse the fuck out of people. They're like, wait, what am I listening to? It's Call Her Daddy daddy back at it again well well well well well cabini cabo cabochando cabo san lucas we told you guys maybe i don't know if you follow us on the gram maybe you saw some of our bikini pictures i don't know tits out ass out for the gram you have to you gotta respect it you have to do it the thirst trap is all you can rely on in this life that we live right so guys we went to cabo um which i think

a lot of people don't know we went to cabo for work we weren't just like going no to rage and party we went for work let's just get into it let's just tell them kylie jenner's bodyguard we had kylie jenner's bodyguard he is a 10 out of 10 out of 10 smoke show. So fucking hot. So hot. We tried to seduce him on numerous occasions. That's not a joke. It's not.

I would literally answer the door topless and be like, hi. Hi. Hi. How are you? The amount of times I. Alex would be like, oh my gosh, like, just, can you just tell me like if my tits fall out or my nipple pokes out and he's like my nipples are completely out he's like i don't see anything

i don't see he's like i'm actually here trying to like i'm here for your safety but sure i'm like please hit watch my tit second so obviously i don't know if you guys know but it's the one that um like they thought that he was stormy's dad or whatever right so that just got our dicks hard like we were so into it. I didn't look at any other man because I was so into him. I mean, and he did not give us the time of day. Nope, he was extremely professional. Fuck that.

He wasn't into it. It kind of sucked. It did. It humbled us. It really did. So, I mean, there was a lot of nipples on this trip. There, I mean, I've gone to Vegas. We've all done it.

The day clubs, the night night clubs it gets wild this particular club situation there at one point were like three girls with areola showing just popping out and they're all on top of each other it was like a threesome grinding

making out and then there was like the nipple and she would pop up and her nipples would poke out. There maybe have been labia poking out. I don't remember. Honestly, yeah, a couple flaps hanging out

of the bikini. It was a good look. We only went for two days. Yeah, it kind of sucked. We wish we had done longer. It did suck and then we were working both of the days.

Usually I think Alex and I, I mean we were ratchet. We were hammered, ratchet, disgusting. Yeah, but usually we would have even multiplied that. Oh.

We will, we will we will we're gonna do an upcoming trip for sure we're gonna do a trip just for call her daddy and like give you guys feedback yeah so the men in cabo you know there were some yeah we grinded a little but by the time we got home there were none it was like a choice that we made and then we kind of regret it we're like why didn't we just bring those guys back to our place yeah but you know what we saved ourselves because what did we do sophia well we reached out to home base we called the men in new york that's from mexico that's what we did god they must have felt we got an international calling card and we did what we needed to do so and mind you we stayed in a suite where there were multiple places for me to sleep alone and for Alex to sleep alone.

But in call her daddy fashion, we picked the bed to sleep together right next to each other. We had to. Cool. So, 3 a.m. rolls around. It's 3 a.m. And I decide to call my honey bunny. Shut the fuck up. You call the guy that you're fucking in New York and I call my guy.

The guy in New York. And I call him and things turn sexual. Yep. And that should have been the cue for me to stand up and go to another room. Yep. But Alex and I are so incestual that it didn't even occur to me. I was drunk. I was lazy.

And I was like, you know what? I'm going to do it right next to Alex. And so naturally, what do I do? I fucking pick up the phone and I call my guy. So Sophia and I just cut to the chase. For some. It was a goddamn for some. A goddamn fucking for some.

No, so Sophia had phone sex and I had phone sex. Right. In the same fucking, why? Why? I don't know. Why? And it wasn't like Alex and I were like rubbing up on each other. Maybe we were.

A little bit. Towards the end we were a little bit. You know, I mean, we came at the same time. I was about to say, I'm pretty sure we fucking owed at the same time. Tense stuff. You were tensing. I felt that. Yeah.

And the thing that I think was truly a blessing is we're i think we don't give ourselves enough credit we're really generous yeah it was guys wet dream legit like if a guy was like okay you either gonna have alex or sophia or you're gonna have both of them i'm gonna say 10 out of 10 times they're gonna be like let's go both thank you all right so basically we had our first foursome together virtually um i definitely i definitely think like we could have taken it to separate bedrooms but i don't regret it yeah i mean why though you know it's for research purposes mom if you're listening there was no need there was no need but again for close enough at this point i think it got us closer yeah and i And I think the guys are more in love. And then I could hear what you were saying.

Tell me those guys aren't so fucking in love. Obsessed. But the great thing is you could say something, I would just repeat what you said and then you could say something of mine. When I was like blanking on the, yeah, oh my. You know what I mean? Oh, let's do it again. Teamwork.

Teamwork. Teamwork makes the dream work, baby. Oh, fuck me. Hi, mom. Okay, so. Yeah, Cabo was fun. It was ratchet. It was disgusting it was disgusting but you know what was more ratchet and more disgusting is coming home to our apartment okay okay we've talked about

our apartment yeah we talk about it all the time um there's this thing and he's called the slasher okay do you want to explain it to them Sophia so Alex and I were getting back from a trip yeah so the news is on on the plane and there's a story and it says Lower East Side, New York. And Alex and I are like, oh, we live there. And we look a little bit closer and they mention the coordinates. And lo and behold, our apartment complex is literally right there on that very corner. And they say that there is a man with a sword slashing people's faces. And we're like, oh, I can't wait to be home.

Truly a blessing. Touchdown in fucking New York City. New York City. Straight to the slasher. So now not only do we live in a bug infested, shit infested. But there's a man, a crazy man running around so now Sophia and I've been walking around and every time we come close to a man we kind of just like dip and move and twirl and quarrel it's just like a weird situation it's like we are just really trying to fight for

our lives at this very moment we're really just trying to stay alive take one day at a time, baby. Our apartment is something that I would never in a million years let someone see. Fuck no. I have dated guys that are like, oh, I want to see where you live. You will see the inside of my asshole before you see the apartment. Fuck off. Will never happen. Fuck out. You'll meet my parents before you see my apartment, and that's saying a fucking lot.

Yeah. Guys, it's just, again again we don't have sugar daddies So let's get into it Let's get into it So in every relationship You know you take that step of the first date The first dates can be awkward Or they can be amazing

But today guys daddying We are here to bring you First dates we want to talk about them Like we say on Color Daddy We get you know, we get right to anal. We get to butt fucking. But there is this thing and it is called dating. And there is this thing and it is called a first date. Oh, my God.

So, let's talk. Let's go. So, Sophia, what is the one thing that if a guy was to want to take you on a first date, what could he ask you that you'd be like, I'm actually not going, never mind? Okay. If he said, what do you want to do? Oh, blocked. Get the fuck out of my face.

Knock it off. Blocked. Why? Get out of my face. Guys, everybody listening, you have to understand when you see all the memes on Instagram of how indecisive girls are. It's not a fucking joke. I don't know what I'm eating for dinner.

Do not sit here and think that i'm going to plan this fucking date the second a guy is like what do you want to do i'm like not you not you and i'm not coming and i won't go on that date so guys make sure you don't ask her what she wants to do now i do think that there is so guys are like okay so i just fucking pick a place i do think it is appropriate to say do you have any preferences if not i can plan the night for us you have to follow it up with if not i can but yeah do you have any preferences? If not, I can plan the night for us. You have to follow it up with, if not, I can plan. Yeah. Do you have any preferences? And she's going to be like, no.

Yes. My bed, Netflix, and not you. So that's the first advice we're giving you is don't fucking ask a girl where she wants to go. Second thing, don't ask her what type of food she likes. Jesus. Just really? Why?

Really? Do you want me to write a a list of like my food allergies? Is that what you're asking me? Isn't that hard? No. Is it really that hard? No, no, no. Guys, just unless you're taking her to like go get fucking Ethiopian food or something,

take her to American, Italian, even take her to go get sushi. And if she needs to, she can order the fucking chicken teriyaki, like the little uncultured slut she is. Oh my God. Oh my God. No, it's true though. But really. Don't ask her like, oh, what's your, what food?

Shut up. No, no, no. Usually people eat everything and bring her to a place with a big ass menu and she'll get whatever the fuck she wants. Okay, Alex, what about getting to the date? Okay. The driving situation. This is how I feel. I think you're on the same page as me.

Let me know. Okay. In at least in New York City right I fucking hate for at least the first date if he offers this actually sounds fucked up but just bear with me I hate when he offers to pick me up in the uber and go with me to the place now let me explain why okay I hate it because when you get into an uber on the first date you're you know how that you have that awkward small talk that you try to make before you get to the real talk at dinner right it's like it's like you're just kind of sitting there waiting to get to the destination yeah it's like white noise you're just trying to be like so like the weather today like you're not gonna get in the back of the uber and be like all right so

back in the day got my heart broken no it, all right, so. Back in the day, got my heart broken. No, it's like, hold on. So you make stupid conversations. So my go-to, I think, is I think every guy should offer to get her an Uber to the place. And I know there are guys listening. I know there are guys on here being like, why the fuck do the guys have to do that? Just be a man. I'm sorry.

It is what it is. So many people are like up in arms because it's like equality in 2019. Yeah. Yeah. No. Men. I'm sorry. Get her a fucking Uber.

That's how I feel. Don't you. Maybe there's girls who think differently. Yeah. I want you to pay for dinner and I want you to get me the car. I agree. Don't you kind of think it's like hot when they offer you an Uber. So I'm like, oh my.

When he's like, let me know when you're ready and I'll call you. Right. I'm like, I just came. I don't even. We don't even have a sex night. I literally just came. Yeah. So guys take, I think the whole part is take charge. Like that's so hot. Take charge. Yes. That's what it is. That's when it's really, really hot. So offer her an Uber. Yes. And wait, let me just also say for all the people listening

in college or in high school, um, I get it. It's a little bit different in college. So if I was in college, yeah. If you have a car, you pick her up and then college so if i was in college yeah if you have a car yeah you pick her up and then you go which i get but when you get a little older if you're in the city etc just meet each other there you said something very interesting you were like it looks so hot when guys drive dude and i was like what are you talking about everybody listening i'm like i told sophia this the other day and she looked at me like i was a psycho and i i feel like it's such a thing i feel like when i see a guy driving, I feel like he's so hot. Wait, like when you're sitting next to him.

We're like, can he just be in the car? You just see a man driving on the highway. I'm like, hotness factor. I'm like, okay, so pretty much you just drive around aroused because everyone's driving. No. I mean when you're in the car with him. Okay. Like I remember the first time that my boyfriend in high school picked me up.

He looked so hot driving his car. You already gave him road hat. No, but then I found out he was like driving really slow. And I was like, why are you driving so slow? He's like, I have a DUI. I don't have my license. I'm like, oh, I picked the good ones. Classic.

I know. You don't think guys look hot when they're driving? I mean, I've never really thought about it, but. Daddy gang DM me and let me know. I'll check out my Uber driver when we're leaving here. Okay. Okay. So I just want to my Uber driver when we're leaving here. Okay. Okay. So I just want to say something about where to go.

I always think dinner's great. Yep. You mentioned like a comedy club. Oh, I had a guy take me to a comedy club and we got like appetizers and drinks before and then they like serve drinks at comedy clubs and you can still talk during them. It's not like a fucking movie. Well, okay. That's what i was gonna say if you are taking someone to a movie die die die roll over and just i i mean if you're in middle school because that's what i used to do in middle school i would do that if

you're 13 go for it if you're older than the age of 13 and you're trying to do that then you're a virgin legit okay so so just i'm hope i hope we're all on the same page daddy gang you're older than the age of 13 and you're trying to do that, then you're a virgin. Knock it the fuck off. Legit. Okay. So I hope we're all on the same page, Daddy Gang. You're not inviting girls to the fucking movies. Okay?

That's what you do when you're an older couple and you're like, okay, what do you want to do now? Right. Another thing for first dates that I wanted to bring up. Okay. Don't go in there with a list of questions. Jesus Christ. You know when you go there and it's like-

You can tell. It's like they are first date veterans and they like do a first date every single day and they're like, hi, so are you new to this whole thing? Like, yeah. Like how many? No, no, no, no, no, no. You just cringed up.

I wish you guys could see Sophia right now. There is a question that people ask and I've had to answer it thousands of times. I'm like on the edge of my seat. If I ever fucking hear it again, I'm going to freak out. What are your hobbies? Oh my God. When someone asks me what my hobbies are, I want to tell them to suck my dick. Get the fuck out of here. Sucking dick is my hobby. Yeah, get the fuck out of my face. I like to twirl around on that dick and go up and down. What do you do for a living? Shut the fuck up. I just can't. Dude, that is one of the, okay, what do you want is a living shut the fuck up i just can't dude that is one of the okay what do you want is i knit and i eat i really really hate that yeah yeah guys i think you have to just try to be organic with it and don't have a question after a question after

a question this okay let's talk about oh i want to give guys this okay let's talk about you get to dinner okay ordering this is a big fucking thing for me. I think it's appropriate for a guy to take about 80% charge on a date. I think it's really hot and manly. I do not like when a guy says, I'll order for you. However, I think it is so hot. First of all, guys, you should bring her somewhere you've been before. So you know the atmosphere and you know and then you can say like um you know i know like what's good here yes so you guys can basically be like hey i have we should definitely get these these

these appetizers and then let me know order whatever you want yeah i think it's so hot when a guy says order whatever you want but then also takes charge and share shit yes i think it's so hot when a guy says order whatever you want, but then also takes charge and share shit. Yes. I think it makes it so much more fun. I know. There's something like kind of awkward when the guys like all have the steak and the girls like all get the salad. Right. And it's like, it's just more fun when you're just like sharing stuff.

And I know it's stupid, but like it's good when you're like, ooh, like that was so good. Like taste this, et cetera. Totally. It just makes it more inclusive as opposed to like sitting across the table like fucking stick figures i mean okay for conversation oh people like always freak out about like what to talk about yeah i don't think what's your go-to you talk about butt stuff first i actually ask really inappropriate i do too but i think it's like funny it's like a twitch i have i'm like do you like gas play oh what i know who said that where's the tequila sorry he's like what did you say i'm like do you like gas play oh what i know who said that where's the tequila sorry he's like what did you say i'm like sorry i just blacked out i suffer from rage blackout sorry what right i think um keep it light-hearted let's talk about that because there is this thing and i think sometimes

people get nervous and like they divulge like super serious shit dude like don't hit him with like the you know i was like abandoned by my father and i was seven and my mom's in jail and my dad's in jail and you know right right right keep that for like maybe like the third day yeah yeah the first day yeah i think also talking about past relationships is never a go-to yes because don't you feel oh my god if a guy mentions his girlfriend if a guy mentions his girlfriend more ex-girlfriend I'm like, he's still in love with her. 100%. A thousand percent.

And I think it works both ways. Like if a girl's talking about her ex. And you know what? I think a lot of times, even if you aren't in love with that person still, what happens is when you get nervous on a first date, your natural go-to is like, even if you're going to shit on your ex or something but it comes off like you're still in love yeah i also want to bring up the people that talk about themselves and have a monologue on the first fucking date i the oyster guy you know it well i already know the guy that i got oysters with i swear to fucking god he ended up talking to me about his fucking recital in fourth grade before he even asked you if you had a family and he's like all the way back in middle school he's gone through college high school he's back in

middle school and you're like so my last name's franklin if you wanted to know you fucking asshole you wanted to know like go suck your own dick yeah no no no jesus christ that did not happen either yeah guys i think make sure even again guys if you're just there to fuck act like you give a shit about your life we always say it yeah and i actually i said keep it light-hearted i think you kind of should but i mean like especially when you're older like you do kind of get into more serious conversation. Just don't hit him with like the big shit. Yeah. Yeah.

I agree. The heavy hitters. Don't have word vomit. And then last but not least, when you are finishing the date, the guy, you need to pick up the bill. Yep. You should not even. No.

It should not even be a question. No. The girl shouldn't feel awkward. It's just the way it is. If a guy went Dutch with me, I've like heard of people doing that. I've never had it happen. I think it's just the way it is if a guy went dutch with me i've like i've never had it happen i think it's just like an urban legend i think it's a myth but i've heard it does oh my god yeah i i have heard of some of my friends and they're like yep let's do you want to split it and you're like what in the fuck i would actually you will never see the inside

walls of my pussy like no you know what i'm up the bill. Yep. And you can go masturbate into your sock and I will see you never. Like the little bitch boy that you are. Bitch boy. It's so true. So guys, pick up the bill. Okay, we sound like angry, romantic women. And fuck this. I'm sorry.

Men, no, this is because we fucking love you and we want you to do the best first date ever. Pick up the bill. Yes. Open the door for her. Chivalry is not fucking dead. I think it's so hot when he like puts his arm on the back of your back when he opens the door he leads you in he has appetizers ready to go yes

just take charge yes but don't be an asshole and obviously offer her whatever she wants right okay boom so i have a thing i want to bring up a girl dm'd me this past week and she goes, I just want to clarify that your whole shtick about guys love the crazy, you two are so off. That is not the case. And you know what I want to say? Shut the fuck up.

They love the crazy. I'm sorry. People keep trying to tell us like, no, they don't. They do. Suck my dick. Guys, I'm sorry. You know exactly who I'm about. The crazy. People keep trying to tell us, like, no, they don't. They do. Suck my dick. Guys, fuck him. I'm sorry. You know exactly who I'm about to bring up. You know exactly who I'm about to bring up. I wish you guys could see.

We just made eye contact. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was scary. No, no, no. I wasn't even going to get into this, but. Here we go. Okay. I don't care.

Sophia's going off. Let's go. No. Let's go. This can come off offensive, and i am doing a psa right now people mental illness not a joke no we don't fuck around it's not but this is also a comedy podcast and it just happens to deal with the story right and this girl happens to be fucking nuts yeah schizophrenic so no but you say schizophrenic people are are like, ha ha. No. No. There this we we've talked about these people in previous episodes.

Oh, yeah. We've talked about this guy. He's like a millionaire and he was fucking around. Super attractive. He is hooking up with this girl. I'm going to call her Stacy. Okay. That's a good one.

Stacy like went on Facebook and was like his company is taking over my brain and like did all of this crazy casual shit. She's an actual crazy person so they actually went on a tropical vacation it was the millionaire stacy and then the millionaire went with a bunch of his friends which was the guy that i like talked to he went on the trip okay usually people that suffer from schizophrenia they think the government's after them right they think there's there was like their people are being tapped there's like a microchip underneath their tooth listening to all of their shit you know what i mean yeah like yeah fbi is after normal shit right right right this girl um

they were on their way to the beach and they were in a car and she said i need to fuck his friends i need to fuck his friends i need to fuck his friends She kept saying it over and over and over again And he was like what the hell are you talking about And she was like the voices in my head Are telling me I need to fuck your friends Like please fuck me Like looking at his friends saying that I just like am sitting here in shock

And people don't believe me I'm not making this up No I know you're not So she and the voices in her head Were telling her to fuck all of these friends. People are like, what's going on? What the fuck is going on? What friend? What do you need to fix?

What's going on? What drugs were put in her dreams? What the fuck? Okay. Okay. He takes her outside and my friend was there and he said that he proceeded to finger the crazy out of her. She was having an episode and he put his fingers in her underwear and started fingering her to calm her down. Hold on.

What would you do if you were freaking out and a guy just went right up in the V and is like, I'm going to finger the fucking crazy out of this bitch. Okay. Hold on. That happened the other weekend. And you know what? And you know what? The whole point of this story is that it's the best sex he said he's ever fucking had.

Shut the fuck up. And you know what? Usually someone would be turned off by the fact that little voices in their girlfriend's head are telling her to fuck his friends. And make up with the sex. So good on this bitch that he can't. He can't let go of her. Crazy is as crazy fucks.

Guys love the crazy and that's it. And this story is a testimonial to that. OK. I am so happy that you brought this because it's like people still to this day do not believe us when we say crazy girls are fucking crazy in bed they like it men we isn't and he is the guy that also he was dating a really hot girl from vegas this guy i have seen i've hung out with him and i have seen the girls that he like brings home and they are 10 out of 10 the hottest fucking chicks and the schizophrenic girl is his best and yeah the best fuck okay can you imagine someone in a van with all of you they're telling me to

fuck his friends they're telling me to fuck his friends it's like bitch but he it's a great sex best sex ever you know what this actually brought up a really random point. I'm going to segue here. I went on a date with a guy and he was very vocal about his sexual past. He's like, I have fucked a lot of women. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay, this is cool. And he ended up telling me that. I said, who of all the girls you fucked? Because he's fucked every nationality.

He's had every skin color. He doesn't discriminate. He does not fucking discriminate. Pussy is pussy and so he told me he said i will tell you right now the best girls in bed are jewish girls i know right what i know i said the same thing i was like wait what no i don't have anything against jewish girls no no i was just i don't get it so he told me that Jewish girls okay know how to make themselves come and they know what they want in the bedroom so he said when and also he said they usually come off very unassuming and they're like kind of innocent and he said when I

get a Jewish girl in the bedroom she is like put it here put this there fuck me like this and she gets herself off in it and she knows how to make herself come like he was like she's never gonna leave there okay but faking an orgasm she every jewish girl will oh i am dying right now like what i'm like first of all that's insane like i never knew that i didn't know that either i like want you to keep dating this guy he literally goes like to be honest um because he clearly hasn't heard the podcast he was like i'm like for someone like you like when i see a blonde american girl that's like decently good looking i would think that you're gonna be all talk and you're gonna suck in bed and i was like little do you know motherfucker i invented this thing called the

clock 9000 no that's that is so interesting but that just goes to show that like men if you go in there with girls listen if you go in there, girls, listen, if you go in there and you're selfish as shit and you're like, I need to get in here and get off. Yes. Men, that is the biggest turn on. It's so fucking hot. That is what it is.

I think there's this thing where girls think in their mind, like, I gotta get him off and put on a show. No. Guys can see through the fucking show. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, they can see through it most of the time. And so that's why it's like if you go in there right fucking touching yourself when he's fucking you and you're rubbing your own clit and you're getting yourself off

and you tell him where to put it boom okay we're just gonna like start going down this little rabbit the jewish girls the blonde girls suck apparently okay i was talking to my friend and he has a serious asian fetish okay love that i love it too our bodyguard this past weekend was asian i have one he was so fucking a thousand percent okay he did say that they come like sailor moon like an anime can you give us a noise i think it kind of was it was a little like wait so what so what would happen wait so does everyone come to like what about like english people with like accents they're like or like or like people from the south they're like

so everyone has like an accented calm face an o face okay Okay. Holy fuck. Let's move on. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Okay. So last week we talked about crazy drunk sex and then we kind of segued for a second because

you mentioned yourself falling off the bed. Yeah. I'm more excited to talk about this. Me too. Awkward sex. Awkward fucking sexual shit. Okay. So a ton of people wrote in and said of course we've fallen

off the bed yeah of course of course it's like people that haven't they're probably like what the fuck are those people doing like acrobatics like what's happening yeah so this is what i want to talk about in this segment okay what what has to happen that makes it so awkward that you cannot continue because nine times out of ten for men they are going to soldier on and keep going it's true i feel like girls stop more than guys for sure but i actually just thought really quickly a daddy gang member wrote in and said yeah this guy was fucking her like holding her like carrying her yeah and he got a cramp in his leg and he dropped her on her head he like flipped her and dropped her on her head she was like i literally landed on my head okay does sex stop there no i if you're a man no you just pick her back up i feel like guys are like

it takes a lot but she's like low-key unconscious and she's like i'm kind of here i'm kind of not no i i agree with you so let's get into it i i want to first ask you okay okay you get your period do you stop having sex it depends how bad if it's like is it a crime scene is it like i kind of soaking okay first of all obviously if it's just a little bit of blood anyone out there is a fucking pussy if you stop if it's a murder scene yeah it blood, anyone out there is a fucking pussy if you stop. If it's a murder scene, yeah, it's definitely, that's a little scary. But I kind of think, like, fucking extra lube, baby. Extra lube! Extra lube!

That's always the go-to. But I do feel like take it to the shower and just keep fucking, right? I mean, you know, if I'm really comfortable with a guy, I don't care. If it was, like, my first time hooking up with a guy and I started really bleeding i'd probably kind of like freak out i agree i don't know i yeah i think i would kind of keep keep on soldiering on keep on keeping on keep on keeping on okay i have one okay this is a good one you're fucking your guy and you are on vacation your mom opens the door walks in and then hurries and slams it and leaves so you're allowed to be fucking right you know what i mean it's not like you're in your mom's house right and she's like

what the fuck are you yeah yeah yeah like she's like oh sorry like basically like right right you're you're mid fuck your mom opens the door and says sorry slams the door and runs away do you stop fucking or do you keep going you know honestly i would probably just like pick up my phone and text my mom and be like those jeans baby you see how flexible my legs can go mom you're like yeah yeah i probably just text my mom be like impressive right did you see the size of that thing mom you see that no no no no okay in real talk i think with my mom i would probably stop because i'd be like fuck like she just saw some shit and I'd run out and apologize. Yeah.

If it was his parents, though, if he was down to keep fucking after they ran out, I think I would keep fucking. Well, okay. This also, like, it also plays into, like, were you guys just getting started or, like, are you literally about to come? Oh! Because if you're literally about to come. Like, just kind of keep going.

Like, you just got to hurry and just kind of keep going like you just gotta hurry and just finish it out if it just started i mean not like don't just like if your mom walks in and she's sitting there staring at you like hold on you're like i'm really i'm yeah don't do that but okay no i agree with you i think also i think it depends who it is so okay you said mom what if it was just a rando keep oh my god they're probably outside oh my god a random could literally go into the room and take a seat yeah let's take a seat yeah watch the performance thank you thanks for coming thanks for coming um yeah no i agree um i'm bringing this up because it actually fucking happens

what if mid fuck one of you farts and it's like is it is it an out loud or is it just yeah it smells it fucking smells that dude dude that's so fucking awkward i'm sorry but like and i i think it sucks okay it being out loud is better than it's smelling we've talked about it on call her daddy if anything comes out of your body that sounds fucking weird you blame it on a queef and you're like oh oh my God, that's how I know you're fucking me right. Or you just, you ignore it and it's like, whatever. Yeah, you ignore it. But dude, when that shit reeks and like you are- Like you have to just fuck in it.

You're fucking in your fart. Like, what do you do? What the fuck do you do? I, I think you keep going. Would you be like, let's move to the other side of the bed. Come on, come on, hurry. No, what? That makes it worse.

I'm like, come on, let's go. I'm like, come on, come on, let's go to the other side come on that makes it look even more disgusting and it looks like you're like you've been there before i'm like not again not again it's like you know you're like this happens let's just move on over here buddy okay okay this is this is an actual phenomenon pets in the room i feel like everyone that's such a basic concept like their dog or their cat which is kind of like creepy as fuck is like staring at you while you're having sex i don't love it but it's not gonna stop me from having sex i have a personal story about this one oh and this happened like in the last so Sophia let a dog go down on her and eat it. No. Peanut butter.

You guys know the drill. Geez. Okay. I was hooking up with this guy. He was going down on me. Okay. And I was like laying on my back and like my legs were spread. Oh.

Okay. No shit. All right. My legs were crossed. My legs were crossed and he shoved his head in there. Okay. His dog was on the bed already. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. That alone dog was on the bed already i don't like it that alone was just kind of you know annoying but i was just like ignoring it okay the dog put his

little paw on my inner thigh nope and that's not a joke and that do you know what i call that sophia i call that a fucking threesome with two humans and an animal. You sick fuck. Why didn't you shut him off the bed? No, no, no. You dirty whore. No, I did. No, you didn't.

Yes, I did. You freaked. I obviously freaked out. No, you tried to move him off. No, I obviously scooted him off. But it's also awkward because he's eating you out. You don't want to distract him, right? Oh, that's awkward.

But for that brief moment, the perversion that I felt. Like the disgustingness that I felt. I was going to say, I remember one time a guy's dog was at the edge of the bed, how they sit there. And it was kind of like touching my foot. See, no. No. Nothing.

That's a threesome. No living being can be touching your body or it's a threesome no that's weird can be touching your body or it's a threesome i agree i think if there's a dog or an animal or a cat whatever it is on the bed i think you got to get rid of it right but obviously we don't so who are we okay but that didn't stop me kate we're disgusting i just shoot him away yeah, so far, nothing has stopped us. Poop, farts, pets. What about hair extensions? This is such a good one. Like, he is fucking you from behind. And he goes to grab your hair, as you should, and give it a little tug.

And your entire track is ripped out of your goddamn head. And he literally looks like he's holding like a wig yeah i think you turn around and you look at him and you snatch it away and you chuck it across the room and then you just keep like what do you do i do not know what i would do in that situation i think you're gonna keep fucking like i know you well i know a hundred percent you're like alex please i know i'm gonna keep fucking i'm just trying to act like there are some things you know that would deter me well no i actually think this is a great that's a great topic uh to bring up what would deter you we've kind of talked about physical stuff like what would stop us and clearly nothing has yet

yeah so let let us talk about um vocal shit i think there's a lot of times in the bedroom that when you're fucking there is room for some awkward fucking things to be said dirty talk can fuck you especially if you're like me and i literally never stop talking oh yeah you're like i want you to fuck me like you're a little school boy and you're like i mean girl girl i mean girl like the second you say school boy like like, he's going to look at you weird and be like, Wait, have you said that accidentally before? And a guy's like, excuse. I could see guys being kind of freaked out by that one.

Or even if you just fuck up a word. Like, if you say hoe and slut and you're like, fuck me, like, you're a little slow. And he's like, oh. And he's like, what? You're what? But you keep fucking. You keep on chugging. That's not even enough.

Let me tell you vocally how i fucked up once because it like pains my heart for me and him so i was fucking around with this guy and you know when you're in that stage of like you're talking you really like each other but you have not said i love you yet so it's always on the mind you're like kind of wanting to say it so we're fucking and i went to say i love you inside of me. Oh, and we were in missionary. So we were making eye contact and I look up at him and I say, and I was fucked up and I go, I love you. Oh, my God.

Smash me in the head with a wine bottle. Like, why? I'm like, it was so fucking awkward. And he ended up just fucking me harder and like kissing me because he thought that I like actually fucking meant it. I think I may have done something similar. It just fucking me harder and like kissing me because he thought that I like actually fucking meant it. I think I may have done something similar. It just fucking sucks. It's fucking sucks.

Didn't you tell me that a guy said he was going to kill you? You know, Sophia, I didn't want to bring it up, but I guess we can bring it up. Yeah. Guys, I was hooking up with this guy he came to new york to visit me and we like smoked weed and so i was like a little paranoid because he was making jokes like oh my god like none of your friends know you're here like i could be a serial killer and kill you and no one would ever know and i was like funny and then we started fucking and it was like pretty kinky sex and then he took it to a level where

like and think of this when you're high so everything is heightened anxiety wise he started like choking me which i think is so hot and then all of a sudden he literally was just like i could fucking kill you right now and his hands were around my neck and i was like you know sometimes i love sexual intercourse but right right now I don't want one. What the fuck? Okay. That's scary. Wait, I've actually had a guy tell me that too.

I don't know. We're like, oh yes, the classic when they strangle you and say they're going to kill you mid-fuck. All the good old days. No, no, no. Actually, my ex-boyfriend. Because we would sometimes kind of play around with that stuff. And it was when he'd be choking me, like, I could kill you.

Like, oh! Actually, quickly, let me just segue I just remembered had I had a post-dick appointment flashback but not a good one in college I um I actually drunkenly peed all over a guy so just fuck me now no dude it's coming no you didn't like and I don't mean just like a little pee like i sat there and actually marinated him in his thighs and his dick with my pee no dude we were fucking i was on top of him i was sitting on top of him on the couch and i remember being so fucked up and i was saying to myself damn like i really feel like i'm gonna pee but you know how you have that feeling sometimes when you're gonna come so i ended up in my blackout having a full stream p just come out

while i was on top of him and i remember i think i tried to play it off like i squirted and then i fucking knew the next morning because he was like disgusting and i was like who was that that wasn't me golden showers alex i didn't know you had that little king. No. Yeah, you do. Fuck you. Wow. I know. I learn something new about you every day. Yeah, fuck me. I just really am ruining my life on this podcast. But, dude, I mean.

That's so crazy. That's so disgusting. That's so rough. But, honestly, it's not really. I'm pretty sure guys are into it. Yeah, whatever. He fucking loves me. Donald Trump.

Whatever. Donald Trump. Missionary. Missionary. So, you know what i think this is a world phenomenon that a lot of women sadly don't know it's it's equivalent to actually it's probably worse but when we talk about girls getting it from behind and when they have the hunchback of notre dame and they don't like stick out their ass disgusting horrible all wrong we're talking missionary really quickly with you guys

love me some missionary. I actually do too. I think in the past episode I said no, but I really do. Just with the right kind of guy that knows how to fuck a missionary. So the point of this topic is to talk about all of our dead fishes out there. Give them a round of applause. Girls, girls, girls. Sometimes girls.

It's an epidemic. They take the whole missionary position and they think they can be lazy they think it's time for a nap like they can catch a quick nap before round two in a different position yes so this is a little psa any female that is listening to call her daddy if you are laying in missionary yeah and you are not talking, thrusting, grabbing, and doing things with your hands, you are doing sex wrong. And just a side note, because it might sound like we're picking on girls. Guys do this too. I know guys that don't ever want to be a missionary, don't want to be on top, and they just want the girl to ride them.

Fuck out, little bitch boy. Both genders can be lazy but so we're gonna talk about girls missionary girls i will never forget so i i think it was my freshman year of high school and this kid was dating the hottest girl and we were at a party and he got drunk and he ended up saying guys she's hot as shit yeah but she fucks like a dead fish. And I had never heard the term dead fish before, so I was like, wait, what the fuck? I literally feel like I'm fucking a dead person. Well, guess what? The hotter the girl, the worse she is in bed. Right, great.

Okay, so. Okay, five or six, die for that dick. Five or six, die for that dick. If you're a five or a six out of ten on a scale of hotness, you're going to fuck like a crazy slut. If you're a nine or a ten you got you got to put in times are a dead fish it's true and that's why if any nines or tens are listening listen up yeah so girls first and foremost Sophia let's just talk about basics yeah you should be talking when you are in missionary can you talk to us a little bit about that if

there's one thing that I do is I don't shut the fuck up. I think in fact I've had guys put a hand over my mouth. Please. Shove a sock in my mouth. And they're like be quiet. I can so see that. I love that. I talk the entire time.

Guys talking in missionary is so fucking important because it's your opportunity. Like he's in. He's going to pound town. You are. You are, you have that eye contact moment. You should be saying, fuck baby. That feels so good.

Keep fucking me. Just like that. You like that. Secondly, while you're doing that dirty talk, you are not fucking laying there with your hands down. Just like laying like you're taking it. That's the thing.

You should not be acting like you're just taking it. So what are you going to do with your hands? You can mix it up. I'll wait. Okay okay i think let's start with the grabbing well the grabbing okay grab his inner thigh grab his inner thigh grab his arm grab his bicep grab his fucking back and the back of his thigh that is if you take the back of his legs or thighs or his ass girls and you start pushing it towards yourself, thrusting it, it kind of indicates to him, I want you more. I want you deeper. That to a guy is fucking hot because he's like, God damn, she wants more of me.

Amazing. On a basic level, I think before you even start grabbing him, you can clench the bed sheet or put your arm up and clench the headboard. Fuck yes. Because that visual is so hot. Because it shows that you're so into it and it feels good. Also, hi, girls.

There's a thing called titties. We have boobs. You should be grabbing your tits. Yeah. Even grab his hand and put them on your tits. Yeah. Okay. Here is something that a lot of girls are just not

doing in missionary so bear with us if you do this i already know what you're gonna you already know you have a clit girls go to town on your fucking touch clit yourself this position could not be better to touch your clit like seriously yes you are gonna go down girls and you're gonna start massaging your clit do your thing go to work yeah and while you're doing that you are gonna go down girls and you're gonna start massaging your clit do your thing go to work yeah and while you're doing that you're gonna be looking up at him and you're gonna be like fuck baby that feels so good i want all of you keep fucking me like that oh my god i'm so wet do you want me to come you're saying all the right things and you're making eye contact with him 100 this is something that i also do in missionary that I want to be careful

because there is a certain like level you should be doing it and the amount you do it. So when a guy starts going at a pretty specific rate, like when he's like pounding the pussy and he's going at a certain rate, what I try to do is i pay attention to that speed and i lift my hips up off the bed and i start okay yeah it the next morning i swear to god girls your hips are gonna be so fucking sore but you get a little bit off and you stay off the bed the whole time and you just go up and then back to that like off the bed position right and you try to get in exact unison with him so what ends up happening is you are like slamming hit him at the same time that he's contacting you yeah and usually what happens is it will make a sound and like his balls will be like hitting the

back of your like ass area yeah and guys i swear to god i already know two guys in my mind that actually come every time i do this yeah if you can put in work with your hips for like almost 30 seconds to a minute and you keep just going to fucking pound town with him he will be like holy fuck sounds sounds are huge like hearing how wet yes hearing how sloppy and hearing just like the slapping motion so fucking hot and i think girls also what i just told you don't do that too much and too long because he may want to change his pace and then you also if you get out of rhythm you're kind of fucked it's like a little awkward so just make sure you do it for a little bit and then stop yeah but the whole grabbing also

the clip thing fucking lick your fingers after you come back from touching yourself. Totally. Tell him to fucking choke you if you're into that. Or after you're done, like, touching your clip, put your fingers in his mouth. Yes. So, girls, that's just, like, a little missionary, okay? A little bit of a reminder for all of our homies out there that are the daddy gang. Get fucking moving when you're down there.

All right. We've talked about scorned women in the past well there is such a thing as a scorned man oh there fucking and i have witnessed it firsthand and i've been a part of it and that would be my ex-boyfriend shout out what he did to me i would never say that i deserved it. Of course you did not. I mean, it was crazy. It was a little crazy. So I'm just going to get into it. I think everybody loves Sophia crazy stories. Let's go. I don't.

I do. Alex just makes me sell my soul to make herself some money. For the podcast. Okay. Okay. So I was dating this guy. This is the guy that ripped my phone out of my hands, if you've listened in previous episodes. Yeah, that was episode 25, I believe.

Yeah. Let me start from the beginning. I was talking to another guy. I was cheating. Ha. I was talking to another guy, and this guy lived in New York. I was living in Utah. I made plans to meet up with this guy in New York. I was living in Utah. I made plans to meet up with this guy

in New York. Okay. Let's call him John. John. Okay. So John was blowing up my phone and my boyfriend at the time started to notice. So I changed John's name in my phone to mom because i didn't want it to be a parent and they kept calling me and texting me and i just knew that like my boyfriend at the time would think it's weird if all of a sudden i have a random joanna calling a random girl calling me and texting me we were varying each other's lives and each other's yeah like he would know he would have no got it so you had to hit it with the mom that's smart i i call my mom thinking i'm calling my actual mother okay a man answers the phone bastard and i'm like hi is my mom there and they're like what are you talking about and i'm like i would like to talk to my mom like please put her on the phone i don't

know why you have her phone and they're like what is what like what is wrong with you and i'm like seriously hand the phone to my mom they're like what i hang up the phone okay i realized that that was john who i was about to go see in new york so out of fucking nowhere you have a girl coming to visit you and she calls you and she's like where the fuck is my mom so immediately this guy thinks you're already crazy yeah yeah this is great he thinks i'm crazy great start to the relationship cheating and calling him schizo okay so my boyfriend thinks that there's something up but he's like i know you're gonna go to new york i guess do your thing okay mind you here he's seen texts between me and this guy and he had like some idea that maybe something could go down, but he was still going to let me go to New York anyways.

I have family here. Okay. So I just said I was going to stay with family. Okay. I, uh, touched down in New York and I get to the airport, turn my phone on right off the bat. My boyfriend is like, who is picking you up from the airport? So, you know, I knew knew i wasn't gonna get away with

no it's like touchdown and you're already getting tracked yeah it's scary it's a scary feeling so i'm at the airport i'm trying to hurry and get ready in the bathroom and look hot for john who i haven't seen in like over a year to come pick and then i have my boyfriend calling me being like all right like hello can you call me i'd like to talk to you like blah blah freaking out because he has an idea so i fuck up almost immediately oh god i say i'm getting in an uber and then 30 minutes later i'm like oh hey like just waiting for my uber oh god just because i was so distracted yeah you're like john's picking me up i gotta look hot what am i doing okay so you're already fucking up i'm already god cheating is hard sometimes cheating is so hard it's not fucking easy so i get in the car and um my

boyfriend's like oh if you're in the back of an uber go ahead and facetime me you're like well my uber's name is john i was not about, John, sorry, let me in the backseat and FaceTime this guy. Yeah, no, no. So it's already just go, it's spiraling. It's going downhill quickly. So did you just ignore? You were just ignoring? I was texting and I was just like, just relax.

I just like, I'm like trying to talk to my aunt on the phone and like I'm busy doing shit and I'm trying to figure out her address, whatever. Got it. I get to John's apartment. Okay. And at this moment in time, my boyfriend is blowing up my phone and he's like, that's fine. You didn't want to call me from the Uber, but you will be FaceTiming me from your aunt's

apartment. And I try and do the whole like, wow, do you want my aunt to think you're crazy? Oh yeah. Try to pull that shit. Yeah, I love that one. You know, you bring your family in. You're like, my aunt to think you're crazy oh yeah i love that one you bring your family oh my god you're being so crazy my aunt's gonna think you're crazy yeah he's like i don't fucking care bitch he's like don't care facetime me now alex i hit him with a block no i hit my no i hit my own boyfriend with a block while you were with your side piece so he was just hitting you up so much you just had no other option there was no other option

i'm with this john guy and this john guy is like why the hell is this girl here in new york and she's just on her phone and you guys are thinking like why the fuck did you even like stay with your boyfriend right you know if you're traveling across the country to see another guy. Oh, yeah. We had an extremely tumultuous relationship. There was a lot. You don't need to explain it to me. So I support it.

Wait, did you not try to just like pop out for a minute and like FaceTime him? I went into the hallway and I tried and I think it just looked so sketchy. Like, why are you sitting on the stairs like in the hallway like that was even worse and then that didn't work and so you blocked him so he he just was relentless he wasn't stopping I hit him with a block and I was like I'm fucked I'm you're literally fucked there's he knows what's happening yeah there's no way I can get out of this lie I'm screwed so you just I spend the rest of that weekend kind of taking him off block okay sending him stuff like you're being crazy and then he's like you're fucking cheating you're

literally a slut you're like what so I think it was the third night I was there and I go to acne with John okay that's a restaurant for anyone that doesn't yeah and john says john pulls up his facebook and shows me a picture of my boyfriend and he was like taking a turn he was like is this um like is this your ex or something and i'm like you're like oh my current boyfriend how the fuck did you find my ex? Yeah, my ex, my current boyfriend.

I'm like, how the hell? And I actually think that I had made comments throughout that weekend, kind of saying my boyfriend, ex boyfriend. Like, I think I did screw up a couple of times. It's beautiful.

Whatever. So I'm like, yeah, actually, I did date that person. What's up? He shows me a Facebook message. Nope.

Nope. From my ex. Nope. And it says, just so you know, Sophia Franklin is a huge whore and she gave me herpes. No. Good luck with that. No. I wanted to die. Because this guy kind of already thinks you're crazy

you fucking called him be like mom i'm crazy um we've been fucking without a condom oh and he's like and he doesn't know me that well he's like hi so do you have herpes if you don't know someone that well and you get a message like that, you're like, get me out of this situation with this girl. I wanted to die. I wanted to die. Would you ever do something like that? If your man was full-blown cheating, would you like try and like spread a STD rumor?

You know what? I'm going to say never say never. But I do think there's something about STDs and lying because at the end of the day, you just look fucking stupid if you're lying about it because obviously those people are going to get tested and when they don't have herpes, one, you're spreading lie and two,

bitch, then that means you have herpes too. Yeah. That's like embarrassing. I don't think I would ever do the STD route, but that's fucked up. It was, it was so, what did you end up doing

were you just like what the fuck you know what interestingly enough and i like had so much respect for john what did you because i was like i am so sorry can you like screenshot that and send it to me because you know i obviously wanted to have it right and he was like no he was like i'm an adult and i'm not gonna like be in the middle of like this immaturity and like these games yeah wow and he was just like i'm gonna delete it oh my god he didn't care and we did fuck later that night without a condom oh my god which he so he just believed that you didn't have herpes yeah that's actually a really stand-up guy what a great guy john was because your ex-boyfriend you know or boyfriend

it doesn't even matter the scorned woman there's such thing as a scorned man i that's pretty fucking shitty for me if someone is going to fuck me over if someone's gonna cheat on me i just hit him with a block and you're dead yeah you know the length that he went is kind of like i don't i don't get really vengeful right Right, right, right, right. So, I don't know. I think that's kind of crazy. Dude. But my next relationship, Ally, it's going to be healthy.

No cheating. I promise. I promise this time. No cheating. No blocking. Listen. None of that shit. Condoms.

The whole fucking thing. Condoms. The whole fucking thing. Hold on. Condoms. Regular STD testing. No cheating. the whole fucking thing hold on regular std testing no cheating faithful therapy stand up here we go holy shit okay oh my god you should let your mom listen to that one part of the podcast mom listen to this part i should holy fuck well that's just another sophia story guys i also have a drug dealing story that's coming your way. Oh, it's fucking coming.

And we're releasing the fucking mugshot t-shirts too. Yes. Can you guys DM us and let us know if you want them on a t-shirt, a long sleeve, or a hoodie? Let us know. Because that thing needs to be on everyone's chest. It's the ugliest mugshot. It's the best fucking mugshot.

Oh my god. We're releasing it. So Sophia, thank you for always being so honest with us. Thank you. Thank you. Holy fuck. Okay. Okay. mugshot oh my god we're releasing it so sofia thank you for always just being so honest thank you thank you holy fuck okay all right questions of the week questions of the week okay okay i have one go i've been trying to spice up my nude game but i'm not sure how any suggestions for new poses or ideas i have an idea okay a very interesting idea okay someone wrote in a man and he said that implied nudes are hotter than actual nudes meaning the girl is just wearing lingerie or just kind of like just a bit like a covered up nude i am like thinking of one of my no no i'm actually envisioning one of my nudes

right now that's like a not a full nude i wish i could release it i you can i'm thinking you absolutely can okay fine help our career here so yeah fuck so i was like i don't know how to explain it but i was laying on the bed i i don't know how to explain it but i was laying on the bed i don't even know how to explain it okay i i just i just know that i had a little tank top on like very very baby so it's like basically just covering my nipples oh yeah it's like a little tank top thing and it like stops at my belly button and then i had a thong on oh i could see and so my tits were basically out and like my nips were hard so it looked hot as shit and then like my thong was on i could see how that would be and then were basically out and like my nips were hard. So it looked hot as shit.

And then like my thong was on. I could see how that would be. And then I had like my hand in my thong and it was hot. So I think I agree with you. I think sometimes if you have something on, it's almost hotter. I just thought that was so interesting because my first reaction to that, I was like, you are a bitch boy and a virgin. And like, why? I actually just thought of this one thing.

My hairdresser accidentally sent or not sent me um showed me a nude on his phone he was showing me pictures of hairstyles and the next thing was like a woman she was an older woman and the pose she was doing she was in front of a mirror you told me about this crazy she's in front of a mirror she had heels on and nothing else on yeah and she squatted down yeah so like she was in a squat position with her but her legs like spread open spread open and she had the phone up so i mean that's like straight vagina straight vagina everything out in and taking the mirror so it was a full-length mirror and she was just squatting and legs open that's like really savage savage so we can talk about nudes in another episode we should we should i just though i mean that's really just maybe add a little yeah yeah okay okay i was walking to class

and this guy i had hooked up with saw me and started walking towards me i hadn't made eye contact yet but i had been ignoring him for two weeks he came up to me and I took my headphones out and looked at him like I didn't know who he was. And he was like, how are you? And said my name. I looked at him and I said, oh, I'm actually her sister. But no, no worries. We can we look a lot alike. It happens all the time. He looked at me with his mouth open and I said, I'll tell my sister you said hi though and walked away we have not spoken since hold on oh this girl's a genius wait because what can you say you're like well no i i thought and you're like no that's my sister but like we we always look like dude that's fucking genius if you really don't want to talk to someone and you just lie i love that me too because what are they gonna say no you're lying no i'm not and then you just go back and forth with an identity thing i like take some balls that

dot i kind of want to try it yeah i'm basically just fake that you're you have a twin or whatever fuck okay go okay how do you stay wetter for longer when you don't have lube like sometimes you're turned on and everything but it's going on for so long that you can't stay wet, especially when you're drunk. Okay. A, you should always have lube. Yeah, you should. We need to talk about that in an episode. We do.

Yeah. B, spit. Spit. There you go. It's so true. And everything can be lube. It really can. And for this particular situation, spit.

Spit. Throw up on his dick and then take that. Like anything. Right. And either you can put like his hand in your mouth or you put your own hand in your mouth and like just suck just you spit like straight up his fingers boom i don't know why people don't use that enough yeah spit all the time yeah okay i'm a 26 year old male male and i'm getting married in a couple months

i've always wanted to sleep with a grandma and not like a 50 year old granny but like a saggy 67 plus granny one am i really fucking weird two could i ever bring this up to my fiance and three should i go for it thanks hashtag degrade me wait so wait i like loving this so he wants to fuck a saggy old grandma what would you do if your boyfriend she can like tie her tits in a bow she's like yeah baby what would you do if your boyfriend said that he wanted to fuck an old grandma i honestly would be like go for it that is what's gonna make you happy that's what's gonna get you off if that's the fucking hall pass that you want is the fucking going to the geriatric route go for it hit up the nursing home then go for it and report back to me go for

it then i'm sure you would look great when he comes back to you well i don't know it sounds like he kind of is into you know he's into some shit yeah i i think that's kind of funny i support it go for it we love kinks 100 guys fucking come up with some crazy kinks they do they're horny but i'm here for it yeah oh this was a good one is it okay to leave someone you are seeing over rumors that you hear for example you hear that they're hooking up with other people, but you don't have proof. Do you walk away or believe his big dicked ass? Shit. That's actually such a good question.

This is a really tough one because I don't think you can break up with someone over rumors. I, this is, I mean, I. There's obviously levels. Okay, so let me like like, paint a picture. Okay. You're dating a guy and, like, you have had not one, not two, but multiple, multiple people approach you and say he is cheating on you. Yeah.

I mean, if you're having, like, five different people who have no ulterior motives. Yeah, then I kind of think you got to you gotta like listen a little bit and do some investigation but i mean she's like i guess she like can't find anything like i'm assuming she's tried to find stuff and can't well i think she needs to listen to this podcast a little bit harder right literally trying all of our hacks like girlfriend you gotta get in there wait that's true yes so don't don't leave him until you have proof but But you got to get into the iPad. And if you're sitting there saying, oh, I, like, can't figure it out, you are a woman and you can't. Yeah, I think it's really hard sometimes, especially, like, in college settings. People are going to talk.

And I think that I would never leave someone over a rumor. What if, like, what if his friends, his own friends were going up to you and saying, look, like Mike is. Yeah. Then I think then I think I would I would have to. I think I would believe that. I don't know. What if the friends are just trying to fuck you or they're like trying to get him out of a relationship? Yeah.

I think I kind of feel like I'm at that stage. What if his mom? Oh, you know what? I've had some fucking crazy mothers of guys like I'm at that stage in my life. What if his mom calls you? No, you know what? I've had some fucking crazy mothers of guys that I've dated, so no. Saying that they're cheating on you? No, but they've been so crazy. I can't even get into it, but I wouldn't trust them.

So I really think you kind of need a little bit of proof. I do, too. I think you've got to hold out. I do, too. Just in the off chance that he wasn't doing anything and you like ruined a relationship. I agree. You know what I mean? Totally.

Okay. This is an interesting one. Hey, do y'all have name deal breakers? Like if someone had this name, you could not date slash fuck them no matter how hot. Wait, that's actually such a good fucking question. You know why? It's because you are imagining saying their name during sex. Yes.

That's what it is yes you don't want to be laying there and be like fucking fuck me ernie fuck gary hello ernie gary i think ernie's worse what about like angus angus don't stop i actually would be fine with barney you're hitting it right there dick dick just straight up dick hit it there dick dude ernie barney i know it's it i do that is your name i think you should just kind of just people have asked me people someone dm'd me and asked me have you ever fucked an alex and was it weird that you were both alex and alex and the answer is i have but yes you have was it weird no do girls who say that they're on their period are really on it or they just don't want to fuck that is so such a good question i have absolutely i will totally admit in my days

i have lied that i'm on my period to get out of fucking a guy everyone everyone has everyone has the thing that is so fucking funny is when you like go into it you're like i'm sorry like i have my period and then you're like halfway through the hangout you start getting horny and you're like wait i actually kind of down to fuck this guy and then there's actually no blood at all and you're like oh my god it was on the last day oh my god like all of a sudden it disappeared like what the fuck yeah guys just so you know but then but then i've also been on my period no i've had like a guy in college that would make girls show him their um tampon string because he wouldn't believe them he's like show me your tampon string you fuck like liar how fucking scary is that oh what have

you done that is terrifying you're like i don't need to show you that you psycho no yeah that it is kind of crazy i think girls lie about it all the time just for different reasons so ask to see their tampon string no i'm just kidding don't do that i am currently studying abroad and i have a boyfriend back home i don't want to cheat on him but i also kind of do i don't necessarily want to break things off because it's not that i don't love him but meeting so many different people here makes me realize i have next to nothing in common with him compared to the people i've met here am i an asshole for feeling this way and for literally wanting to cheat on my boyfriend but not wanting to end things with him no you are not an asshole i feel like that happens all the time i'm assuming that

you are in your 20s or younger and to that i say sweetie this is probably fucked up advice but like you should be you should find things out you should live your life i think that happens so much when um like people go study abroad or if you move and your boyfriend's back in your hometown. It's like that always happens where that person is experiencing new things and you're integrating yourself. And it's like when people go to college and then their other significant other goes to a different. Well, and it's such like going abroad. And yeah, it's such like an incredible experience and you're forming like super intense. Right. Right.

And you're enjoying yourself and you're forming like super intense right right and you're enjoying yourself and you're kind of just like in a fuck it i want to do everything mood i honestly think like enjoy yourself and whatever stays in that country stays in that country yeah like don't say anything legit she like doesn't want to break up with him so i'm like well i think i would just like do whatever you want to do oh my god are we so horrible i don't know except for the fact that they're so fucking young i'm sorry if you're getting married it's different if you're in your fucking 20s and you're in school i fucking do whatever you want to do if you love the kid back home that's fine but enjoy yourself and go home and you're never going to probably see those people again so unless you're planning

on having a relationship with someone you meet then just fuck it happens in vegas stays in vegas happens in fucking prague stays in prague okay fucking a um okay this is like a kind of daddy situation so I figured out how to basically get past my girlfriend that sounds normal so I will go or at least stop my car at a friend's place or a neutral spot that she wouldn't get mad at if she saw my location. So once I'm there, I will open Snapchat. So my location updates and it shows her that I'm there. And then once I'm there, I'll go to my settings and I will change the Snapchat location to use never. That way I can use my Snapchat and other social media and go wherever I want. And it won't change the location of my Bitmoji. And I can go my Snapchat and other social media and go wherever I want and it won't change the location of my bitmoji and I can go back to snapping other girls and hanging

out with other girls. So basically the last place that the girlfriend will see he was was like at his friend's place or like his house or something. Not even his house, whatever. But I think that's like pretty brilliant because girlfriends can be crazy. And so if they at least just see that you're somewhere, she's like, OK, he's fine. And then he's fucking fucking around. Yeah, I know plenty of girls that would fall for that.

Oh, my God. Girls should do that, too. I mean, I think that's great because I think it's crazy how, like, we have all these social media platforms and it shows when you're active and where you are. And so with Snapchat, you got to cover your ass so your girlfriend doesn't know where the fuck you are. Woo! I want to hear all of your awkward sex stories.

I also would really like for you guys to just like DM the call her daddy Instagram and let us know like what would be your limit? Because I know Sophia and I are not fucking right in the head and nothing is weird for us, but I want to hear. I'm interested. Me too. Me too, daddies. And also, as always, if you guys can please subscribe or grab a random person's phone and

subscribe i know like we sound annoying but like it helps us so much so much also if you're reading in a review that's true baby baby we love you we love you we love you we love you guys we'll see you next week every fucking wednesday