Call Her Daddy - 3 - The Gluck Gluck 9000

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Alex and Sofia touch on making money from guys' foot fetishes (hey dirty coachella sandals!), secret sugar daddys, and the ultimate blow job technique that is guaranteed to be every man's krytopnite. Introducing- The Gluck Gluck 3000 vs 9000. LADIES AND GENTS, listen up!

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy good morning everyone it's alex and sophia back at it again, making Mondays great again with another episode of Call Her Daddy. Oh yeah, baby. Oh yeah. All in our fields today. So hello, Sophia. Hi. How was your weekend?

How are you doing? Oh, wow. My weekend, I'm tan. I've lost four pounds. But how was my weekend, Alex? You fucker. You were attached to my hip, so you know was my weekend, Alex? You fucker. You were attached to my hip so you know how my weekend was. Stop playing around.

We were together all week. Now, last week I said I was going on three dates, though. Give me my minute. Like, let me have a moment to just, like, talk about my shit. Moment of silence. One, two, three, go. So last week I went on three dates. One of them I canceled and he'll never

talk to me again one of them I regret more than anything in my life and one of them I loved I had an amazing date it was the last one so I guess save the best for last it was an awesome date and we really just hit it off to be honest we ended up going on a lunch date the next day but it wasn't like a morning after kind of lunch date like I slept in my own bed we didn't do anything sure and and then um we met up for lunch the next day and it was very like we're in love like hi I'm in love let's do the damn thing so that's amazing i think you and i before we clear we move forward i have something i want to say last week i try to not listen to what i record so i don't you know cry myself to sleep but i realize that i keep calling women bitches and i just want everybody to know I mean it in the most endearing way. I call myself a bitch.

I call Alex a bitch's bitch. Everyone's a bitch. Let's go. It's fine. Own it. Own it. Love it. Live it.

Feel it. I agree. I know. I'm like, wow. Are we putting girls down? I'm like, no. We love you all. We support you.

Let's do the damn thing all together. So shout out to all the women. This is honestly for you. I love you all. I love all i love you so first okay so we called people bitches second of all sophia yeah we got invited to the motherfucking hamptons this week baby this is like a rite of passage if you live in new york you're like how how do I get there? How do I get there? What do I do? What do I do? Oh, my God. Everyone that's anyone is in the Hamptons.

Bougie as fuck. Okay, so we got the invite. And you know who we got the invite from? So the guy that I had a successful date with, boom, he actually invited us out that weekend. But ironically, I mean, you think New York isn't a small town? It's a goddamn small town because the guy I went on the date with, his best friend is actually someone Sophia used to hook up with for quite some time. And he invited us to the Hamptons and we knew he was going to be there. So we're like, oh, I don't know if we want to go, if we don't want to go.

I don't want this to get too insular, but I used to hook up with a guy and now his best friend is somewhat talking to Alex and he's the one that invited us and the best friend was gonna be there this week and I'm like what did the four of us just do like we're gonna have a nice foursome guys not a foursome I know I have a reputation I'm at four-way happy family boom boom boom just hanging out all together it is funny because when you were hooking up with him, you wanted me to hook up with his friend. And now I finally found his friend, but not through you. And I want you to go back and hook up with the friend. So it's a big fat foursome.

Let's do it. Let's get it right. Okay. So, so, so. So that's our update. We had three dates, whatever. Well, I had. I.

We. But we. As we discussed last podcast. I was your. Okay. So anyways, I want to just say we set up the callherdaddy.com website. Shit's popping. I mean, fire.

Fire. Oh my God. You guys are the shit, the tits, lickety lick. Thank you so much. I actually don't know what just came out of my mouth. Disregard that. Cut that. Cut that.

Okay, so thank you guys so much because your shit's awesome. You guys sent in stories. You sent in advice. You sent in everything that we could actually come up with content for days with your questions and your advice. So entertaining. So relatable. I'm like, fuck, I want to live on this page. Can I say my favorite, my all-time favorite questions are the foot fetish questions.

Now, let me just say, a lot of times guys slide into my dms are like baby girl what can i pay you to get a pic of the feet and i'm like dear god oh my god what the hell and and literally in our forum girls is it okay if a guy has a foot fetish what the fuck, you're saying what the fuck. I'm saying I had a guy, and I can pull it up right now, in my DM. And he said, hey, send me a pair of your used shoes. I'm not making this up. For 500 bucks. What? A pair of used shoes.

I think I maybe showed Lauren before our roommate. I don't know. And, you know, at that moment, I don't know how I was doing with money, but I looked at the corner of my room and I saw these disgusting cheetah forever 21 flats. No. Literally, maybe $19. I don't know. And I was like. Money signs are in your eyes.

I could just send these nasty things for 500 bucks. Like, does that make me a bad person? Is that brilliant? Should we start a business? Should we start a business should we start a business hold the fucking phone you were you looked at a 12 pair of shoes and you're like babe this guy wants to lick in and around my toe holes let's get it popping okay and i it just occurred to me you know what he said he said the more used the better and guys with a foot fetish that's what they they want. They want the sweaty. They want

to know that you've been walking around New York in those for like 10 days. Wait, did he want a picture of just your feet? Well, no, he wanted the actual shoe. And then he was like, so I know it's your feet. Like I need to see like a picture with you and the shoe and then the shoe arrives. It's basically a nude just way, way down south. I wonder if I put like a little floss in between my toes and had my feet wear a thong and that would just get him the fuck off. He's like, that's basically her vagina at this point. Honestly, to end this little story of foot fetishes, let me just say, Sophia, all I'm getting from this conversation is let's start a fucking foot fetish line.

We could be millionaires. Dude, let's do this for our listeners yeah let's see how many guys we can sell pictures of our feet to and let's fucking count as much money we make and then we can donate to charity any guy with a foot fetish out there we are about to send you our favorite 21 flats fucking dm babe i have so many dirty ass shoes. They're coming your way now. I have Coachella shoes. Oh my God. I just came in my pants. Okay.

So thank you guys so much for writing in though to the callherdaddy.com. Let's move away from the feet and let's get to the real fucking content. So I took down a couple questions that people wrote in and I have to admit I didn't tell Sophia beforehand. So I'm just going to.'t tell Sophia beforehand so I'm just going to Whoa! So I'm just going to rattle some off. Here we go. A guy wrote in. He put his gender. He just said male. I'm like okay.

He wrote in and he said on a scale of 1 to 10 how stalkerish is it if I keep watching my snap map on Snapchat to see where someone is so I accidentally run into her um that's fucking brilliant it's romance it's dedication and that's all it fucking is

i go for it i'm so confused why we haven't thought about that i have people on snapchat are you kidding me do you know me i should probably not know but thanks for the ideas one crazy person to another brilliant genius so romantic okay next one i matched with this guy on pof everything was going well until he suggested he wanted to watch me fuck another guy in front of him i honestly didn't know how to react so i just ended up blocking him well i know you can tell her how to react, but also, what the fuck is POF? She said, I met a guy on POF.

Are we old as shit? What the hell is POF? Is that a high school thing? Someone help me. It's a high school dating app, and now I'm 15. Poff? Is that how you say it?

Hi, Poff. Oh, wow. Someone said, is it bad? Oh, shit. This is actually kind of a funny one. No. Is it bad? I'm trying to get back with my ex but i'm also looking for a sugar daddy because i'm broke as fuck i don't have any romantic

feelings for the daddies i'm just trying to live a debt-free life oh my god i don't even have to like hesitate on this one oh your boyfriend and your sugar daddy are two different entities one is a relationship. One is a business. Your boyfriend doesn't need to know anything. Just keep your Chanel bags and your Louboutins, you know, a little secret or else he might ask questions. But besides that, go for it, baby. Done. Okay. I love that answer. I couldn't feel more confident about that. Holy shit. Okay. Someone said, oh, I love this one one every guy in america listen up baby what are your thoughts on coming too fast is it a deal breaker what if it's the first time you

have sex with them and you're really interested oh i kind of feel bad you know every time a guy says i'm like close your eyes imagine your mom eating out your grandma and if you can come after that then you have problems if not you should be able to hold it in boom oh my god i'm getting arrested bye no but seriously you gotta think of shit like that hold it in think of anything that just you know takes it from a midnight to whatever what would okay i love that. Sophia, I really appreciate that. And yes, guys, it does kind of matter. So really do your work and think of grandma and mom. Okay, two.

Jesus Christ, this one's kind of bad. Okay, 2am. Okay, so he said a really long story about this crazy girl he met. And I was like, oh my god. But the moral of the story is at the end, he said, 2am, she fucks me with no condom. Should I be worried that I'm going to have a kid in nine months with the most crazy girl on the planet? To that I say, dear God, you're in our prayers and Godspeed. Honestly, you're dumb.

Honestly, you're dumb. But at the same time, like, I would love an invitation to the baby shower. And like, you know, if you you're gonna fuck with no condom with a crazy bitch you better get ready for 12 kids cheaper by the dozen up in this bitch what are we talking about i'm sorry i'm just saying it so i just want to say thanks guys so much writing in we have so many stories and there's going to be more on each episode but whatever every episode yes i'm ready so with that being said let's talk about last week because sophia talked about cheating yeah that story was.

It was fun. But let me just say, I kind of feel like people may be like, damn, she cheated. But what if you're the person that gets cheated on? I've been cheated on before. Hi. And that's what I was going to say. So I had I think I think I got cheated on. I think so.

I think you don't know. We're. You think so. We don't know. We're still, you know, detective mode. We're still debating. But okay, so let me quickly say, it was a guy I was talking to way back when. And, you know, I was just trying to keep it light and tight and bright. And I think we were exclusive. Like it was very kind of like in between. I don't really, really fuck with the word exclusive, but we tried it.

And well, here you go. Here's what happened. So I felt like he was being shady now everybody listening this am i a bad person i feel kind of like you okay so okay so this is what i felt i was being shady as fuck so i knew he was being oh a little twist okay but you know what i'm saying sometimes if you're being fucking shady and you see him pulling out the same tendencies of the shadiness i'm like hold the fucking phone motherfucker i just did that to you last week when i was xyz i said i was at burger king god knows i wasn't and i'm just gonna i'm sorry it's hard to like interject yeah

when you're acting the most paranoid crazy a lot of times it's because you're being fucking shady and crazy. Whatever. Go on. Okay. So I admit I was being sketchy as fuck. I'm sorry. Anyways.

So I'm being sketchy. And you know, I'm like, okay, I do like to play a little bit of games. He comes home and I'm like, every guy thinks they're... Every girl too, because I do the same fucking thing. You're so smart. Ooh. My phone is clean. You'll never find anything on me, motherfucker. every guy thinks there's every girl too because i do the same fucking thing you're so smart oh my phone is clean you'll never find anything on me motherfucker the ipad or the fucking computer they never because the iphone is so much to worry about already and honestly you don't think like

gotta babysit the ipad gotta babysit the laptop. Apple is fucking everyone left and right. So I go for the iPad. He comes home and I admit, like, I did care. I really did care about the relationship. I was in it, but I kind of just wanted to see him squirm. So you were talking. I'm like, you're being shady as fuck, whatever, blah, blah. Pull out the iPad right in front of him.

And I didn't even need him to swipe it open because his face turned casper the friendly motherfucking ghost he was so fucking white i'm like okay so yep i'm gonna find mad shit on here i could have walked out of the room but i'm like no i need to pain him even more i said open this in front of me right now and he's just like oh yeah of course i got you right now babe let me just i forget my password hold on let me just and i'm like bitch the fucking thumb put that shit on and activate it and he's like he's like oh okay okay that's but you know some girls kind of do that at night they're like here babe and you put the phone and they put their thumb on it and it's open that's a side note okay so he opens

the ipad and i look and of course ass t like, yeah, yeah, I expected all this shit. But I'm trying to like watch him while he sweats. And then I found the most brilliant girl ever. She sends him a video of herself sucking another guy's dick. Oh, hairy as fuck. Guys, you know, keep it a little bit like cleaned up. Go see bruno at the barbershop so then i'm like okay holy shit she's down on this dick and filming it with her

fucking head no way he's not filming it no she's filming it you don't fucking love that is my ex more than another girl sucking another so i'm watching this and like mind you he's sitting with me watching my reactions and I'm like smiling and he's like okay so she did she not find the ass and tits and I'm like I'm enjoying every second of this because this girl dude this is art she's filming herself sucking

another guy's dick and then she sends it to him and in quotes she literally says practicing for you babe. I'm like hold on how is the practice okay so before i get into how the practicing was because that's a whole nother story poor girl he i don't think he was into it because there's a lot of hair whatever but she literally i go to her instagram because i'm like who is this you know maybe she's a nice girl i see her instagram mother fucking theresa country girl oh my god i'm

never saying a dick in my life mama i'm like hold on like sunday posts at church yes you know what i have to say about that anytime a girl looks like a fucking angel acts like an angel if you have those friends or best friends that they never talk to you about getting dick once again i sound like a truck driver but about getting dick those are the ones you have to fucking worry about the girl that never talks to you about getting down and then you hear from someone else that she you know got a train ran on her i'm like i can't trust you we see right i hate that that's what i said so i see instagram i'm like lies this is all lies i'm watching you and your at-home videos yeah with this guy's dick as you're sending it to another guy and then i'm like wow she's got a little cute

dress on and she's with the family and the little brother and the dog with the golden retriever and i'm like you are a liar so i was like shit but back to it yes though i think it made me feel a little bit confident because the dick sucking was a grade c minus d average i'm going to tell anyone listening i can't describe it but there's something called the fucking cooper special and i know that's why you're about to start talking about sucking dick cooper special you heard it here first dad talent talented okay so you want to talk about blowjobs i will let's just do it let's get into the fucking blowjob topic i would appreciate it if the Cooper Special is put on hold. And let's talk about the motherfucking Gluck Gluck 3000 slash 9000. Boom! Sophia's face is like, here you go, Alex.

You take this segment because I don't know what the fuck. How did you take it? It just came out of your mouth. All right. Every man listening, you may honestly think you have no idea what this is. You, however, I pray to God you have experienced this, but you just didn't know how to name. Ladies listening, let me just say, I promise focus is key right now, girls, because this will change your sex life. So a little birdie a male

birdie told me and i want to call him something because when i say a little male birdie this guy is maybe the most experienced guy i know in sex birdie no let's call him male x male x is the most well-versed man he has had sex with every Every kind of girl, every nationality, every age. He's doing MILFs, younger girls, older, you name it, he's done it. So I trust his opinion because he fucks, okay? Hi. So he basically told me, and girls, I know you're all like, Alex, what is it he claims and i quote the gluck gluck three thousand nine thousand is every man's kryptonite now every guy on here is like oh my god oh my god wait wait wait every guy in the

room is like all right bitch tell us tell us what is it what is it all right so i will give you the little definition of this gluck gluck it is a vacuum seal, double hand twist, gawk gawk combo. Sophia just fell out of her chair. She's like, vacuum seal, double hand twist, gawk gawk combo. Can we talk about a blowjob now and not a vacuum cleaner? No. Let me tell you. Listen, any girl can give a blow job it is the accessories that you bring with that

blow job that make america great again i swear to god i'm not a trump supporter fuck me huh okay so let me just say you're like okay what's the vacuum seal the vacuum seal let's just everybody close your eyes and picture you're in you're in the Sahara Desert and you are parched. You need water. She's been trapped in the Sahara. It's been three days and she needs water. And his wiener, his wiener is a big fat gallon of Poland spring water. Okay.

Sophia's like, okay, okay, here we go. So naturally, naturally, anybody that is parched, they will die to get to that water. They would die for dick at that point. I would die for dick at that point in the Sahara Desert. You will die for that motherfucking dick. So you're saying blowjob has to be you acting like you are about to die for that day listen if a guy looks down and he sees a girl that's like okay i wonder i'm gonna have for like dinner tonight like oh my god when is this gonna be over like why hasn't he come yet he's like okay well then

here we go i'm getting soft and so okay it's over you need to look like i am starving i am going to die until he literally gives me that oh Oh, God, I'm sorry. No. He gives me that gallon of water. Oh, shit. The white. The white. It's a little bit white.

So you're dying. You're dying to get that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The emphasis. Okay. The emphasis on the Glock Glock 3000 is this.

It's the noises. It's the volume at which the saliva and the sloppiness comes on his penis. And then it's the hand usage. And when I say hand usage, and every guy in this room, just close your eyes because you're all going to show me which one is going to be so happy to hear this. The double hand lets him know that piece is ginormous. You got to hit him with the double hand because he's like God damn my shit's big. You have to. So what I'm saying though is for a $3,000 to a $9,000

there's very different levels at which how sloppy are you getting? How crazy are you getting with your hands? Are your hands going in the same motion? Or are they going in different motions? Left hand's going right right hand's going left and we're switching that shit up and we're going on the merry-go-round motherfuckers. Lefty righty.

Wow. Sloppy. I feel like I want to text that to a guy right now. Can I give you a sloppy blowjob? I feel like he's going to go from 6 to midnight. Wow. There is no thing that is considered a blowjob unless it is the sloppiest, wettest, nastiest thing you've ever seen in your life. That's so hot.

You, if you, okay, and this is what he claims. Research shows, he said, within 24 hours, you will know my girlfriend. No, no. Well, kind of actually within 24 hours, if you do the gluck gluck, which I mean, you're double hand twisting your vacuum sealing. You are the sloppiest girl in the room. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I swear I'm not degrading women. I'm just giving you guys tips here because i swear it works okay in 24 hours post blowjob you will know if you are a 9 000 performer or if you're a 3 000 performer 9 000 is like you ramp everything the fuck up it's like if you're on a treadmill and you're at speed three i'm like me and my grandma are chilling and nine no bitch is fucking catching you to the finish line because i'm about to make this guy come faster than life. Oh, I feel like I must be a 3000 because I didn't know about the hand motion. Well, you know, we have bananas in our apartment and we know we're going to get to the 9000 level real fucking quick. I genuinely thought it was all about the deep throat.

Is that not a thing anymore? Am I living in the past? When I tell you, when I tell you, I don't know anymore. Fucking cobweb down there. When I tell you noise takes a guy from a zero to a hundred. You like we said, you are dying for that dick. Put on a soundtrack of your mouth. Oh, my God.

Like what I did. No, no, no. Like, like, oh, make noise and he will actually come. So, like I said, guaranteed if you are at the 9,000 level, and ladies, I'll let you research a little bit. And if you guys want to write in and let me know if you want me to actually go into more detail, you can let me know. But I know my dad listens, so hi, dad, whatever.

Okay, guaranteed. He will start texting you back faster. Yeah. He will randomly hit you with the FaceTimes. He may start to send you little cute animal emojis in the DMs. And, you know, the guy is literally gonna be like babe have you eaten today and send you that i just don't know if bds are that important what okay okay let me just say this okay are they this is beginning episode whatever of the alex cooper testimony on blowjobs. Here we go. If you are not sucking your man's dick, that's fine.

100% your decision. I respect it. I understand it. However, if you are not, somebody else is. I'm sorry. It's the truth. Let me just say, no guy is in a committed,

faithful, serious relationship and he is abstaining from oral sex. I'm sorry. Every girl can hate me in America, but I'm telling you the truth.

I swear to God, you can have great sex. Absolutely. Get down and do your damn thing. But a blowjob and sex are completely

different experiences and you can't just satisfy one you need to satisfy both what just came out of your mouth i'm still confident i sound like i sucked dick for a living my god i'm like whoa i just know i wish i had a dick so you could suck it at this point i'm excited i know you're getting like oh god alex no i i'm just telling you that's that's my experience and that's what i know. Well, and I understand and I agree slash disagree. Okay. You know, the guy, my ex, who I obviously, you know, refer to frequently.

He's a time. Maybe actually because he's having fucking foursomes and another girl sucks his dick for him. You don't have to worry about it. No. I just feel like sometimes a blowjob is not the most important thing to a guy. My ex would tell me. I feel like every guy on the subway that's listening to this morning is like rolling their eyes like, oh my God, Sophia, come on, suck my dick. No, they know better.

They know that sometimes it's nowhere near as important as having great sex. No, you know what? I swear to God, my ex would tell me. I would be like, I want to suck your dick more. Okay. And he would be like, I, you know i swear to god my ex would tell me i would be like i want to suck your dick more okay and he would be like i you know that's great but like i just sex for me and like our sex is so much more important so much hotter blah blah and that wasn't just because i sucked a giving head which i know everyone's thinking oh my god he genuinely was like that and i could tell and you know what with that so'm going to say something more important. Because we're fucking talking about how to get a guy off this entire podcast.

How about if you're dying for that dick and giving him the Gluck Gluck 3000, you better be suffocating his fucking face with your labia. Boom! And that's it. And this is serious. And that's what should be happening. If you're you're gonna do that and even if you're not he should be going down on you for 45 minutes hopefully knowing how to do it giving you the whole treatment i agree wait a second hold on my mom will be so proud i want to clarify to this podcast is not just about like you know

please your man and make him come. No, this is also about guys. We're going to get to you. Don't worry. I know you're sitting out there like, yo, Alex and Sophie are giving us the shit. No, no, no. We're about to. Apparently, I'm not giving anyone shit.

We're about to roast you. What I'm saying is you guys, I pray to God. Tom Brady does not watch film. He is the best. Why does he still watch film? You can be the best at something. Tom Brady does not watch film. He's the best. Why does he still watch film? You can be the best at something. There's always room for improvement. I swear it's so imperative.

Some people think porn is the craziest thing. Watch porn together. What do you want your man to do to you? Send him a video of it. What do you want your guy to do to you? Show him. Because at the end of the day, it kind of makes it more fun. Babe, let's try this tonight.

Babe, let's do this tonight. That's a great way to go about it is showing. I know. And I feel like, you know, some people. That's why I have great successful relationships. Fuck. It's just always playing in a room. I'm like, can you turn foreign hub off?

What? Oh, my God. Okay, but listen. So what I think we want to make sure is everybody knows, women, we're going to get to you. Don't worry. We will roast the men. We will teach them how to go downtown and really get suffocated by your vagine in the pristine way. However, I'm just going at guys right now because it's easy.

But, well, actually, wait. Do we kind of sound like dudes? I'm like, yo, the gluck gluck, it'll blow your fucking mind. Like, I have a penis. We definitely sound like dudes, but, you know, whatever. The moral of the story is women, we're coming for you. I just taught you about the Gluck Gluck and I want all of you to research it. Even if, well, we actually kind of just found out that an 11 year old listens to our podcast.

So I want to give you a shout out because baby girl, please don't do anything we're talking about. I know you're just getting ready. You're preparing preparing for the race that's gonna come in 20 years yeah once you're 18 listen we're like 17 year olds don't listen and then we just found out 11 year old listen so i love you and you're honestly the shit but just you know like abstain a little bit longer anyways the point is girls we love you guys find out what the fucking gluck-luck is. Girls, find out and make it happen. Absolutely. Next week, we're going to teach men.

I was about to say, we're going to teach men how to go down south on your woman. Oh, my God. We're going to teach men how to do the gluck-luck 3000 on a girl, okay? Because that's more important. Tell me every guy's not going to be like,

okay, got to schedule the date. And I'm about to listen to that shit because I need to make my girl. Because I know guys get embarrassed if they come first before a girl. So we're about to talk about all that next week. Also next week, let's just talk about butt stuff because you know that gets the crowd wild. Butt stuff could mean workout. It could mean anal. It could mean King Kardashian's butt.

The butthole. All right. Thank you guys so freaking much for listening don't forget to write in any questions advice you guys need or any stories you want us to tell on call her daddy at callherdaddy.com appreciate you guys for listening i hope you learned a thing or two and we'll see you guys next week. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye.