Call Her Daddy - 35- Professional Athletes

Episode Date: May 15, 2019

Alex and Sofia are getting into how to make your girl and/or guy jealous, especially out at the bar/in social settings. It's unhealthy but it works! They also discuss a little black (manipulative) book a guy left behind that got his d*** sucked, their embarrassing makeup moments- when a guy walks in on the foundation/eyebrow/contour phase, and a PSA from milf hunter on how he likes girls to ride it on top. Lastly, they finally begin to touch on Professional Athletes with a personal testimonial from Alex, a side bitch, and a cum rag. Enjoy. 

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy guys it's us it's call her daddy the dolphin oh my god it is the daddy gang bitches the fathers the hoes the hoedingers why back at it again what's up guys it is we're popping today we're getting after it we are um should we just tell them about the review yeah so, we had so much fun. Sounds fucked up, but we had so much fun. We were going through on iTunes and reading the one star reviews that people left us. Yeah. Honestly, we probably shouldn't be promoting this, but some of them were just so good. Yeah.

And don't go leave us one star reviews. We're not going to read these anymore. OK, let me read my first one. OK, go. OK. The subject line is, are the girls OK? And this is what they said. we're not going to read these anymore okay let me read my first one okay go okay the girl the subject line is are the girls okay and this is what they said basically this is a podcast by two girls who are originally unpopular in high school and then discovered that they could actually

be popular with guys if they slutted it up and they've been writing that narrative ever since embarrassing advice and stories that a normal person would take to the grave grave news flash it's not that hard to get guys to sleep with you they'll literally have sex with anything but good luck having meaningful relationships in life girls don't want to be friends with you just frenemies and guys don't want to date you they just want to bang you okay for the record i was always popular in high school and when i started sucking dick i just got more popular so that's that's what's wrong with that one first of all right I'm like shut the fuck up and by the time that we're 30 we won't have relationships why do we have to aspire to be in relationships yeah why can't we just be single

our whole life yeah we're getting married to each other exactly this one is titled mean girls podcast oh I like that I guess we're mean girls, Alex. Who knew? I don't think so. It says, the hosts are kind of entertaining, but their personalities are not my type. Then it just says,

they seem to be very into their looks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But this is what I loved about it. It says, also, they advocated to charging drinks

to an unactivated or zeroed out credit card on an airplane to get free drinks with the intent of not paying no this bitch was upset that we fucking gave them that tip is she a pilot for delta hold on do you know that delta makes billions of dollars a year and i think it's okay if we decide we want a few extra Svedka bottles here and there. Honestly, we're doing charity work.

We're getting people fucked up for free. Go suck a dick. Okay, what about this one? This woman wrote in. This can be one of our last ones. But she was just like, I was really excited to listen to a woman for women podcast until I listened to their sex toys and how to not catch feelings episodes. The speakers encouraged young women to think of themselves as merely holes just a hole they said

this is horrible to think of yourself as just a sexual organ yo dude we have an episode called just a hole that is fucking amazing do people not get that we're saying shit sarcastically and if it's not sarcastic it's like we're telling girls to think of themselves that way so they can get some fucking thicker skin out here wait this one says that shoot they were like the host promotes some really toxic sex relationship behavior um also bad gender stereotypes and controlling slash paranoid behavior fuck yeah we do fuck yeah be paranoid as fuck you're always gonna get cheated cheated on and so you should cheat first. Controlling and paranoid is my middle name.

And that was before the podcast. Guys, this shit's popping. This is the last one. Okay. I'm ready. It says, girls don't drink in podcast. Not trying to listen to two drunk girls talk over each other. Do what you did in the first 10 podcasts.

You know what's funny about that one oh i already know alex and i were hammered the first 10 podcasts we recorded yeah and have been completely sober in like the most recent ones yeah guys when we first started this we had no fucking idea what we doing we were doing we still don't know what we're doing but in the beginning we would get fucking hammered hammered down and just close our eyes and talk yeah me too i think next episode will be wasted i feel like people already think we're always fucked up though that's true okay guys let's get into this so okay maybe we should tell them to go leave a five-star rating and review if you are daddy gang and leave us a nicer let's battle these fucking trolls old ass saggy ass losers disgustingers. Disgusting.

Gross. No fun. They're no fun. Prudes. Prudes. You know the people that write give us one stars are prudes and have not had sex in the last three and a half years.

Or sometimes I think they're the biggest freaks and they don't want to embrace their inner freaks so they shit on us because they don't want people letting out their secrets. We know you're getting

fucking railed from five guys at a time, Judy. We know. Yeah. Sit the fuck down and listen up. And Jay, we'll love you for it yeah we fucking embrace your inner fucking prostitute let's get fucking into this episode we got a quick tip a little tippity tippity on your dickily dickily this is for men every single guy home out there if you're a fuck boy or even if you're just like a little slutty not even

slutty what are they what what could we just say any single guy any guy that wants a girl to be obsessed with you and want to suck your dick until the sunset oh that's a good way to put it listen the fuck up sophia has a little tip for you guys okay holy shit okay holy shit this is ammo men someone wrote in the best fucking daddy play a dude has ever achieved to get the v so i have a friend who is newly interested in this dude he had a work trip and invited her along he planned this shit they're in the hotel and he had to go to work so she stayed behind in the room he accidentally in quotation marks left a non-suspicious journal looking book behind and she being a fucking female could not help and investigate further to see what kind of fucked up scumbag shit was inside classic i'd do the same i would too thinking it would be a

black book of girls he's fucked numbers etc she opened it it was a book of goals work goals being closer to his family get his pilot's license buy a plane and a shitload about all of that nothing about girls or friends or anything of the sort. Moral of the story, he left this out on purpose and got his dick sucked probably 50 times. This girl's uterus was screaming his name by the end of the journal. Fucking brilliant. Tell the gang this is the fucking play for you fuckboys who want a mature girl to fuck you and not look further into anything else suspicious left in the room. Book closed, panties off spread

the strategy shit worked let me i don't really know personally if i was in a guy's room and i saw a little black book i would immediately go through it no shame nope and if i saw that it was a list of goals financial goals career goals family oriented goals when he got back to that room i would be completely naked with my legs spread waiting for him on the bed sophia it's i would be right there with you dude you reading this to me like okay it's so brilliant it's so manipulative and it's so gonna work and every girl approaching that book thinks she knows exactly what's gonna be in there so you're you're in your mind you're thinking oh my god i'm gonna be disappointed this is gonna be so weird and then it's the complete opposite yes every single guy that shit would work you don't have to do this on a trip guys have it in your fucking college dorm room

have it in your apartment next to your bed in your door in your dresser get on google and fucking type in like goals right what goals should i be i don't give a fuck and just write down in your book yeah a bunch of random shit. Because listen, I know, guys, every obviously your fucking goal is to pound her pussy to town. Yes. However, this is going to allow you to fuck. This is genius.

It is. Every single guy that listens to Call Her Daddy, you should be going and buying a fucking black book. Absolutely. And I don't care if you have no goals. I don't care if your goal is to fuck 100 girls that semester. I don't give a fuck. You keep that goal to yourself and you put your fake ones in the book and put it right

next to your bed. This, this will work. It will. I would fuck a guy because of this. Call her daddy is saying this will work. This is call her daddy approved. Yeah. Get your black book.

Can I just please get something off my chest? Sweetheart, you've got the hottest chest in the game. Go for it. There have been girls that have written in saying, I want to make my jealous how do i do it how do i perfect it it's a craft i was hanging out with this guy last weekend my boyfriend i was hanging out with someone okay and he was talking about how he was super into this girl and they had gone on about four or five dates and he was like i was super into her but things didn't work out and i was like why because i'm always out here trying

to get the deets get the deets for the daddy game of course the rest of the world and what did he tell you and i was like why did this man lose interest in this girl and he was like she tried to make me jealous okay and i was like how did this said girl try to make you jealous okay and he said that she would make little comments here and there and i was like like what he said that she texted him at one point and was like drake wants to invite me to a party should i go i just clenched my vagina drake wants to invite me to a party should i go i just clenched my vagina drake wants to invite me to a party should i go get the fuck out of here knock it off that was one comment then he told me another he told me another comment he said that this girl taught yoga and that she texted him and was like

she said some celebrity like leonCaprio, let's say. She was like, Leonardo DiCaprio wrote me and said he wants me to teach him like a private lesson at his house. Should I do it? Oh, this bitch is out here fucking dropping celebs. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Listen, Linda, listen. Linda, that was probably her fucking name.

Linda. If I had to guess. Listen up, Linda. Linda, there was probably her fucking name. Linda. If I had to guess. Listen up, Linda. Linda. There's a couple things. A, you do not try to make a man jealous after you've been on three or four dates. Is this bitch dumb? Is she dumb?

In the first three to four dates, the first fucking four months, you don't need to be making him jealous. You are still single. You are allowed to be doing whatever the fuck you want you can be fucking leonardo you don't need to be telling him yes no that's you save the jealousy you save it for when he's your boyfriend and you want to spice things up come on you save it for a boyfriend and marriage yes then you fucking make them jealous girls that are out here trying to get guys jealous in the first couple months, get the fuck out of here.

So that's A. Okay. B is when you are trying to make a man jealous, it is a thin line and it needs to be so subtle. Alex, the second you're saying

Drake wants to invite me to a party, should I go? Knock it off. You're name dropping to this man? It needs to be the knock it off you're name dropping to this man it needs to be the most subtle thing we will we will explain to people how to do it but girls you look so fucking try hard when you're just like oh my god like alesso or like diplo or like skrillex

or like martin garrick marshmallow whatever the fuck i don't fucking care whatever spinner dipper whatever they do whatever fucking it's called a dj whatever dj is trying to slide the fuck in and invite you to a party you're not fucking telling the guy you're talking to oh my god okay they invited me no one cares a guy can see right through that it's so transparent why do you think this guy lost interest he saw right through it it's embarrassing and he told me he was like when she was writing that stuff i literally would just respond i think you should do whatever you want yeah go ahead because also that doesn't really make sense as to why she'd be asking that question listen he literally doesn't fucking care about that shit yet so like stop forcing it on him it's just so brilliant it's just a very bizarre question

can you imagine the roles are reversed and a guy was like hey blah blah blah invited me to a party should i go i would be like i don't care i don't really fucking know you and i don't really know your schedule i don't really know your life like do you have a mother have her tell you if you can go to the party or not why Why am I fucking playing parent here? Right. Sure, sweetie. Be home by 12. What?

I don't give a fuck. I don't care. Does it involve me? Am I going to the party? Well, then I don't care. Should I go get a dress? Am I coming? Go to the party.

Yeah. Guys, girls, you got to be really careful when you're trying to make a guy jealous, especially when you're in the beginning stages. The jealousy comes with just not knowing what you're doing the next day after he takes you on a date. There you go. You don't need to fucking be name dropping on Drake, you little fucking hoe. Fucking Linda.

Leave Drake out of it. Honestly, leave. It probably wasn't Drake. It definitely wasn't. It was Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. It was Drake from Drake and Josh. No one fucking likes. Are we?

So stupid. All right. So let's just tell them. Okay. I wasn't planning on getting into it, but. I want to get into it. Let's talk. Okay.

So girls, how you successfully can make a guy jealous. And then I think we should also just tell guys how to make girls jealous. But we got to start with girls. Okay. I think we should talk about social settings jealousy. Because that's where like, I mean, obviously guys, it's 2019. We can make everybody jealous with the phone but i do think no matter what to the core the in public shit is the best i think social settings going to parties to a bar i have the most fun oh my god the most the most like

that's when i know like i am about to pull out all the stops and make this man fucking he's gonna be crying he's gonna to be crying. He's going to go home crying. You guys might instinctively be like, okay, so you go to the party and you get super drunk and you hang all over another guy. Fuck no. No, no, no. Girls always do that and they fuck it up and they're like, oh my God, he's flirting and all this.

No, you got to be so fucking coy with it. Okay. Like we said, subtle. Don't be like the girl that we just talked about yes sending the fucking texts that are ridiculous yes no no no that's something she would do that she was that bitch would go to the bar and she would get shit faced and she would try and like fondle a guy's dick and give him a hand job in front of her boyfriend her boyfriend or her date that's not what we're doing let's talk about the like party bar setting so i

think one of the best ways to make a guy jealous that you're without is engage with other guys but i have to stress that you're not doing it in a flirty slutty way no in a fun way so i did this all the time in college i would fuck with the guy i was dating i would either okay one challenge a guy to chug a beer with me be another guy's beer pong partner or be the ultimate wing woman to that guy's friends so like you know that one girl that's so cool and it's like yeah like okay fine i'll be your beer pong partner i do that every time and then that guy's having so much fun with you and the guy you're supposed to be there with is like yo what the fuck totally you go you show up and like i'll just be like okay like let's take shots and

like i'll just say that to like another guy besides the guy i'm there with i would always look at the guys and be like let's go butt chug excuse me why did you just look at me like oh my god i've never talked about okay wait guys did you just say butt butt chug wait guys listen this is what i used to do in college i swear to god it's fucking hilarious and all the guys liked it girls is this a sexual thing oh i guess kind of okay okay so what i would do is i would always joke with guys that i either had like a funnel or a straw in my purse and i would straight up be like yo do you guys want to go butt chug in the bathroom and they were like what and i'm like you basically we're gonna pour beer down this funnel and connect it into our buttholes and we're gonna get fucked up.

And every single guy looked at me like they wanted to fucking marry me. Now granted, I know that sounds a little fucked up, but they thought it was hilarious. I actually think that is so fucking funny. No, like that's fucking great, right? I wanna like use that tonight when we go out. Like let's go fucking butt chug

and they always look at you and you're like, well, fuck, I forgot a straw. Do you have a straw? Let's go. Girls, moral of the story is if you wanna to make your man jealous you take a funnel and you take another guy to the bath and you have him pour beer up your asshole i mean honestly brilliant that brilliant pdr pbr pbr pbr got it so okay yes in person shit i think also another thing is when you're out just in in general girls be fucking independent. Disappear for a little bit.

If he brings you out, don't be on his arm. Right. No, no, no. I think like you can disappear. So like and leave him alone for like five or 10 minutes so that he's like, wait, where is she? And she doesn't need to be hanging. And then all of a sudden he turns around and talk to other people at the party.

Have him see you talking to like a group of guys and girls. Yeah. You're getting attention. He's going to be like, yo, what the fuck? yeah that immediately stirs up jealousy yeah for sure also another one is this is so fucked up but i've done this before i went out on a date with this guy okay he was so fucking hot do you guys want to hear how hot he was i can like give you a full thank you just keep going here so anyways i'm just reminiscing literally like touching herself i just had a real time post dick appointment flashback but you got real excited all right so we went out on a date and he went up to the bar to like get me some a glass of wine

okay and i was sitting there and i was like i want a guy to come up to me so that the guy i'm on the date with will turn around and like see that i'm wanted. You know, so natural and like healthy. And this is the way to do it. When you go on a date with a guy, spread your legs, take your pants off. So he like turned around, went up to the bar. I sat at the table and instead of just getting on my phone and looking down and vigorously typing away, I sat there. I like made eye contact with every single guy that was in that fucking restaurant.

I sat there. I looked so approachable twirling my hair. I was in that fucking restaurant. I sat there. I looked so approachable twirling my hair. I was probably licking my lips at one point. I probably put an ice cube on my nipple to like make it hard. I just smashed myself into this microphone. I'm sorry, guys. I just literally smashed my tooth into the microphone laughing. Okay, keep going okay okay so

you're rubbing an ice cube on your nipple anyways anyways so um i was doing that okay and this guy came up to me and he started to hit on me and right as he came up to me and was like asking for my number the guy was on the date with turned around with the glass of wine and saw it go down and he automatically like got territorial and like came over and was like what was that and i was just like oh my god like no like nobody no big deal let me just say he wanted to rip my clothes off and he got jealous i was just gonna say first and foremost i commend you because everybody take a page out of sophia's book here because you just saying that when he came back, he's like, yo, what was that about?

Most girls would be like, oh, my God, it was so crazy. Like, he was literally asked me for my number. And, like, he was, like, flirting with me. And it was so weird. But, like, whatever you just said, you were like, oh, nothing. I don't know. Whatever. Do you know how many girls would take a situation like that and try and do the damsel in distress

card and be like i don't know oh my god like he was like harassing me he was like asking for my number and like it was so like he just said like i was really hot and like he saw me shut the fuck up just stop that's what i'm saying if you are subtle about it and you keep it to yourself you're like oh yeah like and that's exactly what i did i was like oh it was just like he was just saying hi and then he's immediately like yo what the fuck wait hold on he's like immediately he's like i saw you put your number in his phone you're like no no it's fine i was texting his mother what are you talking about you've had too much to drink okay i think also another one that goes hand in hand if you can't get a guy like that to come up to you

i think it's so good to just lightly lightly flirt with the bartender or the waiter. Oh, yeah. If you're on a date with a guy, just like a little bit of flirtatious. If it's a guy, girl, whatever. Honestly, it doesn't even matter. I think that's really good. What else? Bigger picture.

Okay. Having a guy friend. If you have a guy friend, that in itself is just like a term for jealousy. I had that in one of my last relationships because I have milf hunters, best friends i can really grind some gears and i would talk about him all the time and a guy does not want his girl yeah with any other men doesn't matter if you're calling it a friend if he's say you're straight and he's straight then like okay do you know what i mean and i think just mentioning something like you share with the guy friend like oh my god me and blah blah blah like we had this crazy thing happen it was so fun it was so amazing once again this is call her daddy and this is not the healthy shit no fuck all right so with

that said i'm going to continue with my unhealthy stuff please with that said here that's where i thrive get your pen and paper that's where i thrive what else talking about your ex oh my god obviously that's unhealthy so obviously you shouldn't do it does it work in making a guy jealous 100 what would you say if you were gonna bring up your ex to a guy that you were dating or just like casually fucking so i did this either because you did either either because my subconscious is so fucked that's okay and i will talk to my therapist this coming thursday about it but the thing is is like i remember i was talking about my ex-boyfriend okay with the guy i'm dating yep and i was like you know the relationship was like complete shit like it was like really

really bad it wasn't great but like the sex is like what kept me in it a dagger to the heart that man is like that man is like i don't want to hear that that man is like fuck now he's like holy fuck i got how subtle that is because i because i prefaced it with it was a horrible relationship but i had to slide in there like but the sex the sex was like so fucking good i honestly don't even know if i did that on purpose dude i think that came out of me i also think another no i think that's fucking brilliant i also think i've done this with um a guy i was talking to i brought up my ex in a way that was just like yeah like you know what i'm actually like on pretty good terms with him there's no hard feelings we've actually like managed to stay friends uh the guy you're talking to is gonna be like his body the soul

just left his body he's like you managed to stay friends and he's been inside of you and seen the inside walls of your vagina before i have he's gonna freak the fuck out so i think like what we're trying to say to girls less less is more less is always more but when we say less we mean take the examples we just gave you and you dabble in them you're not doing this every fucking day you're not talking about your ex every day it's casual and little thing okay let's talk about how guys can make girls jealous can i please sure please you can always whatever you're asking you can do it sweetheart a man doesn't really need to make a girl jealous no in fact i would say men try to instead of make her jealous try to not make her jealous and see if you can

pull that off. This is an example. You're sitting in a room with your boyfriend. Another hot girl walks in. Jealous. You're jealous. Jealous. You're jealous.

Fuck her. Slut. Fuck you. You're too hot. Fuck you. Your boyfriend didn't do anything. No. And you're automatically like, wow, I'm so fucking mad at you.

He's like, why? And you're like, megan fox just walked in the room that's why dude it's like what you guys you go into a public setting with decently hot girls around and there you go your girl's jealous boom men you try not to try not to make them jealous you see bitches at parties with their man like latching arms with him she's like all of a sudden she's sitting on top of his lap all of a sudden there's no music playing but she's like giving him a lap dance and it's like let me give you a quickie hurry hurry hurry let me give you like let me give you a hand job or like he tries to go to the bathroom and she's like i'll come with you

no i'm coming with you and he's like babe i just gotta pee like no no you put like sunglasses over his eyes actually let's not use the restroom here i I saw like some cute girls. Let's just, there's a restroom outside. Let's go pee outside. Put these sunglasses on. Blinders, bitch. Dude, girls are naturally, we get so jealous. We can't help it. I don't know why, but it's just a thing.

It ain't easy being green. I don't know what that means. I say that around the apartment all the time. I just want to give though one real concrete example I think of guys, as much as we joke, is I do think if you are in the talking stages with this girl you're not fully dating if you go out to a bar guys what you can do is be that guy that's like oh offering to get a bunch of people drinks handing them to other girls talk talk to other girls not in the craziest flirtatious way that you're coming off like an

asshole but be like a man of the people type of thing yeah yeah yeah and it's super like in a friendly way this has worked on me because then i look at him talking to these other girls and i know he's not being like super skeezy but then it turns me on and i get jealous i'm like wait no i want his attention yeah so guys if you just don't stay by her side the whole night and she'll want to jump your fucking bones and suck your dick which is like always kind of the goal do you know what i mean little suckage of the dickage i agree with that okay there's a good balance you have to have when you're making people jealous again like you said it's not the healthy thing but what are what is call her daddy mind manipulation finesse till you die okay something so embarrassing happened to me and i started to tell Alex and she was like, you need to tell the daddy.

Because it's so fucking relatable. Getting ready with your man. I went and stayed at this Airbnb last weekend. I was getting ready and I was in the makeup stage where I was doing my eyebrows. Men, don't stop. Just relax. We're going to talk about this for 30 seconds and we're also talking about pussy and vagina this has nothing to do with really yeah we're getting

into sex in a minute yeah relax jesus god just stroke it for a minute start jacking off to our voices anyways so i was doing the eyebrow okay and all the girls listening your eyebrows you draw on the fucking eyebrows you know what i mean like if you're going out you're putting shit on that so he walked in and saw me with like a dark pencil and i had my eyebrows like outlined with the arch all this shit it looked like cruella deville no dude arch to the sky and it looked as if i was painting my face on. And he, Alex, he looked like the soul had left his body. He looked mortified. He was scared.

I think he literally opened the door and was like, and then like shut it and left. You're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was just testing out a theory. Can we talk about this? Guys, getting ready. No. And your man is around.

This is putting your makeup on. This is the thing. There are going to be some bitches that are like, what do you mean? I get embarrassed shut the fuck up let me set the scene yeah because you can't tell me you're not embarrassed when i call i call it the crescent moon face when you are in the stages when girls start putting on the foundation oh and all you have on your face is one perfect shade of foundation covering your entire face. Your lips are covered. Your lips are white. Your eyebrows are gone.

Your eyebrows are gone. Your eyelashes are white. You're looking up, blinking at him, and it just looks like a white slate with two little beady black holes for your eyes. And he walks in. Like Coraline. Yes. Coraline.

It's so scary in the middle of you doing your foundation and you look at him and you want to fucking die every girl has been so embarrassing terrifying i think you lose all features on your face i think number one the foundation stage of makeup is the scariest i agree contour holy fuck i've had a guy walk in on me the kardashian shit everyone's contouring you look like you have dirt on your face and it looks like you're actually drawing on your bones you're you're you're painting a canvas yes on your head and he walks in mid artwork and you're like it's not done he's like i don't want to buy it bitch it looks like fucking shit and you have all this shit all over you it's the outline of your nose and he's like are you drawing on your face have i ever seen the real sofia you're like please please you slowly close the door you're like

leave me alone i think contours bad what about um when you wake up in the morning after a one night stand or even just like a hookup whatever a lot of times also if you went out drinking and then you come back and you guys fuck and then you wake up like your shit's rocked i okay your fake eyelashes if you wore them out one's like on your eyebrow rip it off rip it off okay rip it off but like there are girls and i've seen this that they like get to the guy's house and they're way too comfortable and they're like oh like what a crazy night they whip out their weave like put it on a hanger hang it up take their eyelashes off like set them on the nightstand and i'm okay

like brushing their weave in front of him but like that's the type of shit guys are scared of that stuff terrified so scared and you gotta you got to ease them into it. I actually when I was living with this guy, I he left our apartment and I took off all my makeup and I was like exfoliating like popping shit and just like really getting into it. And I swear to God, all of a sudden I hear the door open again because he forgot something and I'm like no like my face is fucked up yeah and he walks in because he's like oh my god babe i just had

to get something comes in to fucking kiss me i can know i knew he was gonna come in what did i do i i just pulled the classic i put a fucking face mask immediately all over blotched all over my face it was like a black charcoal that's brilliant dude i got it from the stupid fucking hannah montana show i watched when i was younger she hits her head into a whoopee pie and there's like fucking cream cheese all over her head so they don't find out her identity yes so you hurried and threw a face mask on so he like wouldn't know yes and then i kissed him guy i'm like oh have a good day baby i love you i wouldn't even think to do that genius i would not think to do that i think the have you ever had a guy come back when you were like fucked up don't you didn't what do you mean fucked up like no makeup on like the next day or just like he left and then he had

to come back i mean i've hung out with guys with looking like an absolute dumpster fire numerous but didn't your ex have an issue with that oh my god okay i remember my ex-boyfriend told me that he used to fuck this girl and he literally had to stop fucking her and like could not get to the next level with her even though he liked her so much because of the makeup situation he said that one time it was like the next day he had accidentally left his keys in her room okay so he like came back and like knocked on her door and was like hey sweetie like so sorry like can i get can i grab the keys she opened the door open like a tiny little crack chucked the keys through the

crack slammed the door shut so he couldn't see her face without makeup. No. Yes. No. That's you guys. That is. You guys have to own it. Do I look like a fucking troll? Super disgusting golem adjacent motherfucker. Yes, she does. Absolutely. But I would rather do that than in.

I would rather that. And I think men would rather that than they wake up the next morning and you come out of the bathroom with a full face of makeup and they're like Jesus Christ what's under there literally what's Jesus Christ I know that's what we always have said we always we always tell guys if you really want to know what your bitch looks like the first date where are they taking them Sophia you take them swimming you take them swimming on the first date so you see what the fuck you're actually working with and then she lies and it's like oh i don't want to go you push that bitch in the fucking pool and when she arises you will see what that bitch is working accidentally drop a glass of water on

her face at dinner watch her melt see what you're working with anyways what did milf hunter tell us about makeup oh my god milf hunter said that when girls wear highlighter it's the scariest thing he's ever seen he said that girls when they over they look like a strobe light a strobe light no he said they look like a melting wax figure when they have a bunch of highlighter on he said like nikki heaton always that girl that singer she blocked me on instagram too but everyone blocks why i don't know i like said something rude when i was in college or some shit about like okay i don't know but her and adriana lima please unblock me yeah anyways but she but um you can see their profile from mine or my fake account i always talk to my fake accounts don't worry but um girls be so careful with highlighter

guys are like what is happening why is her her cheek and her nose and her upper lip glistening into the goddamn sun it's a little i could see highlighter being a little a little much so i just i mean girls we feel for you guys just be supportive don't fucking barge in when she's trying to do her makeup give her her fucking personal space yes okay this is i just want to quickly get into this because i'm from utah oh my god are you mormon lol that's the first question i always get that's like when people ask me i'm actually very conservative so there was an instagram page created called honor code stories okay okay the bio says we support the church and we support byu and we created this platform to promote positive change within byu's honor code office byu's brigham young university

if you go there you're lds which alex didn't know what that was church of latter-day saints which means you're mormon okay okay glad you clarified for all of us east coasters yes so there's a bunch of students that are releasing these stories on this instagram account talking about how the honor code system is extremely corrupt the honor code system is pretty much like there's a board there and if you are doing anything outside of the honor code they like encourage people to tattle tell and when i say outside of the honor code i mean having a guy in your dorm room i mean like listening to certain types of music like crazy shit okay so i just want to read this is all so foreign i feel like to so many of

us like i i'm always so interested when you talk about the shit i don't get it so this girl wrote i was home visiting for the holidays one Christmas when the honor code office called and left me a message. They called to ask if I still wore my garments. Does everyone know what garments are? What? So if you're part of the Mormon faith, you have to wear these garments underneath all of your clothing.

They like cover your shoulders. They cover. They like go down all the way to your knees blah blah blah because they want you to be covered up wait so what if you're wearing like jeans you wear them underneath your jeans so they're like pants but they go to like your knees so if a girl sees a super cute tank top okay and she's mormon she's putting that tank top over a white t-shirt wait why over the garment oh my god you can't show your shoulders you can't show your belly you can't show your thighs like shoulders yes so this girl ran in

i was home visiting for the holidays one christmas when the honor code office called and left me a message they called to ask me if i still wore my garments apparently someone had seen my instagram and reported me i didn't even know that underwear questions from your university were legal as soon as i returned returned home from the holidays i i was asked to come into their office and was put on probation this girl posted a picture on her instagram not wearing her garments which is essentially your underwear and bra okay okay and so this bitch could have just been wearing like jeans and a t-shirt yes or like a tank top yes someone saw her instagram went and tattled to the honor code people which is encouraged and then they had

to question her about what kind of underwear she's wearing this is her school what and now she's put on probation for it how is that legal there's can you imagine if we got called into barstool and dave was like what underwear were you wearing yesterday exactly it's it's actually insane let me read like another one okay someone saw that i liked one of alexis ren's bikini pictures. So hot. Alexis Wren. She's so fucking hot. Like the hottest Instagram model. So hot. And they screenshotted it and sent it in to the Honor Code office. The Honor Code office called me in to ask if I was addicted to pornography. Shut the fuck up.

And they threatened to take away my elders quorum calling, which is just like a really high up position within the church. Hold on. God help that office he liked a bikini picture on a social media platform and they're like are you addicted to pornography the fact that someone saw it and screenshotted it it's like get the fuck out and then the fact that they had to ask him he's addicted to pornography i don't really understand any of this you guys this shit on this instagram page is insane i just

had like a random thought okay about the garments and the shoulders okay i went to private catholic school so i wasn't really exposed to that much mormon stuff so people at the catholic schools like you no one was not really there were maybe like three mormons in my school which also meant that if you went to a private school every single person there was a fucking party animal oh my god that's so weird because like i went there and everyone on the east coast if you go to catholic school you're considered like less crazy than the public school kids okay and this is completely opposite because it's like a counterculture and like it's like my school was wild like people were doing shit in the bathroom

whatever oh okay okay so you were selling your drugs in there yeah so this guy um invited me to his prom he went to public school which means like the majority of people there would be mormon okay and i didn't know that it would be different necessarily so i went in with a strapless dress and when i tell you that i walked into that prom it was as if the dj had like cut the music every single person turned around to look at me and they like looked at me like i was an alien wait because your shoulders were showing just because i was wearing a strapless dress shut the fuck up every single girl had their shoulders covered and like a dress to the floor and like my my shoulders were showing every single one of those guys a boner because you could see your shoulder it was so crazy did you did you you know did you suck his wiener no he probably was like

sucking on your fucking shoulder he's like this is so hot oh i'm gonna gnaw on that shoulder all night i mean alex he was mormon so poophole loophole you get it you did anal no i'm just kidding wait what the fuck is that loophole oral is moral shut the fuck dude down in the valley of utah yeah wait soaking haven't i talked about soaking on this podcast you literally stick it in and you just park it you park you don't move when when they do they really believe if if if you do anal it doesn't count as sex there's hoop hole loop there are like some people that are stuck in that but you didn't do that because you were like put it in my vagina and said virgin you're a virgin and that's all i have to say back the fuck up anyways if you

guys want to hear more about some mormon shit i'll tell you that's fucking wild that's so fucking nuts dear god you must go home and this this is nothing against that religion i have like family that's right and they're great people but this honor code system at byu like it's it's correct it's fucked up wow okay let's move on i want to quickly tell girls i was talking to some guy friends recently doing journalism you know journalistic research on i want to quickly tell girls i was talking to some guy friends recently doing journalism you know journalistic research and i want to announce this to girls girls that hop onto a guy's dick get on top it's like rabbit-esque when you're like grinding your hips back and forth it's much easier for you to get off in that position, but it kind of sucks for a guy. So like, do you know what I'm saying?

When you literally are. Yeah, they're scooting in a chair. Scooting in a chair. And we've told them to do it in the past. They're like humping. They're going back and forth, not up and down. Right, right. Riding on.

Yeah, their dick. All these guys are like most guys. Some guys like it. But I would much rather a girl bounce up and down and then occasionally just like go back and forth riding it. Because what happens is when you're just sitting basically on his stomach grinding back and forth for a guy especially if you have like a little bit of pubic hair it legit like hurts them because does it like pull their hair it's no it's it's like they're getting rug burn oh like it feels like rug burn either if they have

hair they don't have hair there and the one of the guys was like so a chick will be like fucking fervishly grinding on my fucking stomach basically and the skin to skin friction eventually starts to hurt it's nothing crazy but it's just not the most enjoyable position for us so girls i i then i asked milf hunter and he was like listen he was like listen the work i put girls through when i'm fucking them i usually don't mind especially if she put in work for me i don't mind if she gets on top of me and if like that's what's gonna get her off i'll suck it up but in no way shape or form am i ever like oh my god yes sit down and like scoop back and forth on my dick on top of me i would much rather see a girl with the bottom of her feet on the bed going

up and down doing the squats it just doesn't feel great to a guy it feels great to a girl and that's why i think so when you're in that position you can do it but like we said last or two weeks ago or something if you lean back a little bit get a little bit of distance off his dick and arch yourself tiny bit back and you rub your clit that is better girls if this is gonna get you off and you're gonna have an orgasm fucking do it right but like mix it up and it also does feel good for a girl to go up and down totally and if you're gonna bounce up and down get on the feet get on your if feet get on your knees child sweetheart get up there fucking go so high you hit your head on the fucking ceiling and then you bounce out right back down on your dick yes athletes athletes i want a fucking athlete how many girls okay i want an athlete's dick in please stop like kind of keep going but

actually i've never had sex with an athlete oh i'll get you hooked up don't worry this segment we are talking about professional athletes i mean yeah thank you for clarifying professional athletes people think i'm talking about like the fucking high school lacrosse coach that was once an athlete okay guys so we're talking about the big leagues the big mlb the nfl the nhl oh my god i'm so proud of you for knowing that so sophia doesn't know much about sports but she does know about dick so this works i know about soccer okay great well we're not know about soccer. Okay, great. Well, we're not talking about soccer today. Okay.

I just want to give a big public service announcement to all these girls that are trying to fuck athletes. I'm going to just try to quickly break it down for you guys because we've had so many people writing and asking. So I'm going to give it to you. First and foremost, they're going to cheat on you. They're going to cheat on you. Second fault.

No. Yeah. So I want to tell every girl a little inside information because I've been there and i've i know a lot of these people i like this so in each state um the athletes usually have a girl so what they call they have like a chicago girl a florida girl detroit girl california girl and so what they call these girls is they call them road beef yes you heard that right folks hold on road hold on they call them road b road beefy and like i guess it's better than like road kill no yeah road beef so like when they show up to let's say maryland or whatever okay um and their boys will just be like yo you got any road beefy coming in and so what that means and

then they describe the beef by oh is she like prime rib or like um is she like a filet or do you've got like some like sloppy joe meat coming in oh like ground i should be offended i like this i think we should start talking about guys like that dude literally i have been in a room with a few athletes hanging out and one of them looked at a guy and was like yo it may be ground beef but it's thick beef and i'm into it like yo i want to start being like was he like an italian sausage or like a mini dog yeah that's great that's actually really let's do that so basically girls that's a deal so every state they usually have a new girl and if they don't have a girl in that state a lot of times then they'll be flying in a girl to that state because they're on the road how they how are they finding the girl okay so

what they do like how do they just like walk out of their hotel room and they're like who wants to suck this dick i just won that's the game last night won the game no that's the thing so a lot of these guys if you're especially if you're high profile you can't be going out and doing that so what they do is um they will look up tagged locations so a lot of guys say you're high profile you can't be going out and doing that so what they do is um they will look up tagged locations so a lot of guys say you're at in chicago i don't know why we're using chicago but whatever um you're in chicago and you will look up like university of chicago tags and you go through and you just start scrolling and what they do is they just find a hot girl and then go to her friends and then a lot of time exactly okay and what they do is all these guys have the blue check so all

they have to do is slide into the dm they don't even usually slide in what they do is they just press follow and then the girl sees the blue check mark and she already has her pants off she's ready to go so basically each date new girl the thing that's really fucked up that i just want to put into perspective and listen i'm not trying to like fuck anyone over here i'm just trying to like give people put it in perspective so a lot of married guys i know this one guy when his wife will come to town he will hand his single his single teammate his second cell phone and say okay i need you he's like a burner phone and he he's like i need you to keep this for the week and my my guy friend that's single he would be like this fucking phone is going off all fucking weekend.

I want to answer the God and be like, hi, he's not available. Want to come service me? But so there I mean, dude, it's fun. I mean, there are these husbands that are athletes and they have fucking second cell phones. I mean, we've talked about trying to be shady before. I kind of get a second. I know that's fucking genius.

You know what I mean? OK, so and then this is where it's just crazy because I remember when I was dating an athlete, I was down. I was down in Miami and I was sitting in the stand a game and there were these like really, really, really hot girls sitting behind home plate. I'm pissed. I'm so pissed. I'm upset

right now you're so hot okay so there were these like four girls like hair and makeup done tits out sitting behind home plate and after the game i was talking to my boyfriend and he was like oh my god it's so like so fucking crazy i'm like what happened one of the guys in the dugout decided he really thought one of the blondes was super cute put his phone number on a baseball and had the ball boy go and hand it to her and be like blah blah blah is interested text him what i get back to the hotel that night guess who i see walking through the lobby the blonde girl i didn't even think they would notice girls in the stand well i think it depends like for example when you're in the dugout like baseball's slow

as fuck so it's easy like it's really it's really quite crazy so pretty much what you're telling me is athletes are shady and cheaters which everyone already fucking knew that obviously there's exceptions to everything 100 exceptions absolutely i'm not saying this is everyone i'm just i get it i'm just trying to very common yeah is there like a particular sport that's worse like is is a baseball player more likely to do it than like a soccer player like a hockey player a football player i don't think we i mean that's like saying like oh can is an accountant more likely to cheat than a lawyer but i don't know they're definitely not a lawyer's way more likely to cheat stop actually but so for example like the nfl players you cannot have a girl even if it's your wife you can't have

a girl in your room 48 hours before a game so like and they only have like what 16 games a season so they're way less likely during the season maybe but still they're doing it if they want to do it of course because you get suspended if you get caught with a girl in your room wow i think all this insider info i know i think that um i think hockey guys are a bit more normal than baseball guys baseball is the worst schedule in all of sports professional sports there's a lot of fucking money in baseball there's a lot of road beef there's a lot of road and they have about one to two off days a month so every single day they're playing a game and so it's almost like groundhog day every day so it's just like if you lose a game then it's like whatever i have a game tomorrow type thing so like they're fucking

flying in girls they've got the money like why not so it's kind of crazy that is really crazy dude i have i mean i'll just keep going but gossip gossip gossip give it to us spill the tea the and listen i'm not throwing shade because i have some really good friends that i made but like the wives and the girlfriends okay the wags the wags what does that even stand for wives and girlfriends of sportsmen no i'm not kidding that's what it is wives and girlfriends of sports maybe i don't fucking know okay so okay so like there is a family slash wives section for everywhere you go yeah and oh my god wives will sit in the stands and it's the funniest thing because sometimes one of the guys will invite one of their like side pieces to

the game and their wife is there well yeah that's the fucked up thing so what happens is i've been in a situation okay so all the wives and girlfriends they're too good to talk to the girls that are coming in i was gonna say like just from watching the show wags like the married women frown upon the girlfriends because like they don't have a ring on their finger so i can only imagine like if you're not even a girlfriend you're just like fucking the guy or dating the guy like they probably look at you like you're dog shit dude you you they do not even look at them they just like give them dirty looks and so i've been there where okay so this one girl like huge amazing fake tits like this blonde bitch sits down

yeah and every single wife and girlfriend is just staring at this girl trying to figure out who the fuck whose girl is this who and there weren't that many single guys on the team and they're looking and they're looking and then later it was his side bitch yeah i found out his wife was in the sand stands and he invited his side bitch also to the game because he knows that there's no fucking way that his wife is gonna go up like hi who are you here with that is so right well first of all she's not talking to her because she's the fucking no right no she's like they don't talk to anyone what ends up happening is they'll lie and be like oh i just babe i gotta go i have like a dinner with my agent and then i'll be back and what he does is he gets his side piece a hotel

room goes and fucks her and then goes back to his wife in the hotel probably like a hotel room like down the hall right right she's like waiting so i've actually i've actually gone to a game when i was um and i brought one of my like single girlfriends just because i wanted to go to the game with her and the wives made a point to talk to my boyfriend and say, Alex should not be bringing her single friends to the set. That that screams insecurity and self-esteem issues so loudly. And that's so embarrassing. It's so crazy how protective these girls are over their man where I'm like, listen, if

he's going to fucking cheat if he's gonna fucking cheat he's gonna cheat i so many women don't understand that and they spend so much of their time it's one thing to try to catch a guy being shady because you think he's up to no good and he's done certain things to make you think that it is a completely different thing to try to prevent oh my god a man from cheating too and vice versa you can't if a guy wants to cheat oh he's cheating he will he will have the girl crawl in through the bathroom window suck his dick and crawl out that's just what it is it's true and especially if it's a fucking professional athlete you can like pay to fly a girl in and like you know it definitely it sucks because i think listen i have met some athletes where i'm like i am like holy fuck like this is this is a

unicorn like he is very different didn't you tell me that like because you were dating this guy and girls would send him videos on snapchat of themselves like oh my god it's hilarious putting a toy in their vagina and then like his jersey on or something okay okay so he in his instagram bio like a little slut will put his snapchat oh my god if that in itself is so smart i've made him let me go to hit on his snapchat and watch this shit so you open his snapchat and it's literally just free fucking amateur porn these girls will add him on snapchat and they will be fucking themselves with a toy or masturbating or sending nudes and they will caption it say his number is like 25 they'll be like all like this could be all yours number 25 like invite me over babe i'll fuck your brains out who are

these girls it's no judgment no no it's insane it's crazy puck bunnies cleat chasers that's okay it's crazy so that is really insane i think what i oh my i just thought of something okay we can wrap it up here because i know i'm rambling but okay so this is like a definition of and listen i'm not like i'm not even trying to throw shade on this girl. I'm trying to. But like, let's throw some fucking shade. I'm bored. Let's go. So the point of this story is.

I'll throw the shade. Okay, fine. It's on me. Okay. So the point of the story is like, girls get like, um, heart eyes when they get invited or to get flown somewhere by these guys. I mean, it sounds like girls just get wet. Yeah.

And get heart eyes when they just see professional athletes yeah yeah i don't get it but okay so okay so um one of the okay so during one of my relationships dating one of these guys it was this like joke so every time me and my boyfriend would fuck he had this like really ugly robe that was made like a shower robe okay that was made for him and it had like the his name on the back with his number and it was like a team okay so it kind of looked like a jersey but it was a robe okay so throughout our relationship we started using it as our comrade oh my god so i would always wipe myself down wipe him off yeah or him wipe off whatever and so it was our joke

and we were like i'm so cute honestly so romantic babe you guys should frame it so it was our ongoing joke like we're never gonna wash this thing because it's like a joke and he's like i'll never wash it whatever fast forward we broke up whatever um and i get start getting dms of this girl this girl fucked him after we were broken up she goes she fucks him and she posted a selfie on her instagram story turned around wearing the robe no mirror selfie posted on and I'm sitting here looking at that thing literally being like you are wearing my comrade you are covered in my cum in my cum and his most desperado moves i've ever heard and the thing that's fucked up is i know it too well i know that she blocked him probably from her story so he couldn't see but the whole point was basically to show everyone hi i just fucked

insert last name and you're showing his name is on the back his number and she just like fucked him and i'm like meanwhile i'm sitting over there i'm like you literally have my cum my crusty ass cum and his cum all over you i basically just had a threesome with them pretty much there you go oh my god that's like so crazy the point of that is like i think don't go in there and be naive and think that you're gonna be the one there's a hundred of you a hundred of you you just you just don't be naive okay fucking chloe kardashian should have reached out to us before i could have told her chloe sweetheart he's gonna fucking cheat on you i was gonna say that sounds so fucked up but like i was gonna say ladies if you this is the moral of the story ladies if you're listening okay if you want to go the athlete route you're gonna get

cheated on and i hope that if you're going to go the professional athlete route you're just in it for the money and you're poking a hole in the condom and you're getting pregnant so you can fucking be set financially that's all i have to say what's wrong with that it's true that's so funny if i'm fucking a professional athlete we're going raw dog no no i think that's actually so funny he's gonna come in my arm i'm spitting the cum out into a turkey baster and putting it up inside of me dude that's actually a thing i've i've seen that a lot of girls will try to keep the cum and then insert it later and make themselves pregnant listen it this is ambitious there are athletes

could fucking marry you one day but you have to understand that a majority of them are basically 21 years old yeah with an unlimited amount of money right and they go and play a sport every day maybe and they go into this career and every guy that's older than them in the business is like yeah fly her here fly her there and it's just the culture and it's totally fine i mean i fucking wish i was doing that for a living so you know guys gotta love it listen athletes are a great time go dabble if you're interested girls but when you are like oh my god like i want to go to his game i can't believe he's inviting me there's probably two other girls in the stand that he invited as well so just be cautious gotta love it cautious questions questions of the week questions out the way i don't like that one someone dm me and said they like it i like the french one well what other accent what's like just french okay let's

just go all right okay okay i have one so oh this is like fucking brilliant dude okay okay i have a great password tip if your boyfriend or girlfriend won't give you their laptop password when i spent a week at my ex's apartment he was at work and i called him and said his netflix logged out and i needed the password he told me a password and I said, nope, it's not working. That can't be it. He proceeded to list eight different passwords over the phone as I was writing all of them down,

all of them down. His Netflix never fucking logged out in the first place. And now I'm able to get into all of his social medias. Thanks, daddies. Holy shit. So you just call a guy and pretend that you're locked out of something. I can just keep asking for passwords.

Babe, I'm so bored. Like if you're at his house, you're like, I can't get into the Netflix. And then he tells you not working. He's like, well, try this one. Try this one. And then by the time he's gone through like fucking five, this bitch has writing down all of your passwords and she has all your passwords. Potential passwords.

Dude, that's really fucking smart because Netflixflix is harmless but little does he fucking know so if you have your girl calling and asking that you better say sweetie sit tight i will get back to you with the password sit tight i will be home in five hours and we will binge together yes okay exactly bitch stop wow genius this guy wrote in and he said y'all had a rant about relationships and how someone shares locations etc yeah well i fucked up and shared my location with this girl i'm talking to back in february during mardi gras so if she gets lost etc never turned it off so sometimes i don't feel like telling her what i'm doing we live in different cities and so i literally once again use my old phone change my location to be shared on my old

phone and not my new phone and tell her i'm going to bed i'm free to do whatever the fuck i want it's almost better than not sharing your location it's a fucking hack so she sees i'm home and i'm not lol good stuff let me know if y'all like this shit oh i had a friend my god when i lived in utah who set it up so that the ipad was where the location would be yep and every single night we did the same thing we would we would set it up on her ipad leave her ipad at like whatever destination and then we would fucking go bounce out, and her boyfriend would think she was at home. And he's like, oh, she's being such a little cute little bitch.

Wait, didn't you tell me that you did this in high school? Guys, let's talk. Tell, please tell us. When I was dating this guy, he was, like, a drug dealer slash, like, just degenerate. Oh, my God, me and him could have gotten along. Wait, right? Okay, he was, like, sniffing aerosol cans and him could have gotten along right okay he was like he

was like sniffing aerosol cans and like just doing drugs like whippets yeah he was like so cool and like had a dui the first night i met him it was like amazing anyways so my parents obviously were like no you're not gonna date him no they didn't love him yeah so what i would do is i would be like oh my god i'm going to anna's house because my friend in um high school anna she was like so responsible and they trusted me in anna's house so what I would do is and it sucked because I didn't have the iPad shit at the time so this is like years ago so what I did is I would leave my phone in Anna's mailbox oh and I would go to parties and I would use all of my friends phones to like text people and stuff like I would give anna all of the phone numbers we needed for the night because i usually was getting

us places and then my mother would check on me because she was like this bitch and she'd be like oh she's sound asleep bananas and it was in the i don't know why i left it in the mailbox but like that is actually really really smart the fact that people you can share your location now i was gonna say this guy that you just read that whole thing, the guy that changed with the two phones, that is fucking genius. Oh, yeah. He is right by saying that. I would be way more calm if I saw my boyfriends at home rather than he doesn't have a location.

A thousand percent. That puts a girlfriend's mind at ease. Every single girl or guy, you should start doing that if you've got kind of like a crazy person that you're dating. One hundred percent. And they want to know your location. Yes. Get like a separate phone that has Wi-Fi and then just set it up.

Okay. I have a really good one. These questions are good this week. Okay. So the guy I'm seeing and hooking up with is really into BDSM. He likes to toss me around, tie me up, all that dirty, slutty stuff. So one night I walk up to the front door and he made me drop all of my clothes before entering his house. We walk, he walked inside with me and

started, we started fooling around foreplay and such. It's dark. And I had been drinking prior to meeting up this time. He tells me to go to his junk drawer and grab a marker out of it and demands I go to the bathroom and write words all over me, essentially words that I want him to do to me. So, of course, I write lick me in between my legs. I mean, I go all out. I write daddy's little kumsla under my belly button. I write fuck me on my ass all out, all over my body, over my tits, on my neck, etc. However, when I shamefully went to crawl into the shower after hours of fucking, I realized I had grabbed a fucking permanent blue Sharpie marker. No.

Instead of just a normal marker. So I am fucking scrubbing with nail polish remover, Germ-X, germ x alcohol you name it i was trying it because here's the kicker i was going immediately to a fucking family beach trip the next morning needless to say it was a complete loss and i actually ended up lying and saying i came down with the fucking flu in may dude i don't know why but i think this is like such a good idea i have never heard of this no i'm never obviously not the sharpie part but i've heard of a lot of kinky stuff and like writing shit all over my body i've never heard of that i like it it sounds hot imagine like writing on your tits like one it's like bite me like like suck me and then like your ass dude right it's like a game but the fact that she was about to go on a beach trip can you imagine her walking in her parents are like she puts on her bikini it says daddy's little cumsled on her

ass her father is like what the fuck dude daddies i kind of think that's a really good idea like you could text your man and be like i want to play later tonight i want to play a game with you and then you show up with that for sure that's fucking hot okay this was a very interesting question so this girl said hey call her daddy i got a fucked up question for y'all i love i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and i'm having doubts about whether or not i should stay this guy is what dreams are made up okay surprises me with little gifts takes me out for dinners buy me buys me clothes 10 out of 10 treats me like a great partner the problem is i want to be fucking spoiled like i'm talking not paying for a single damn thing have him at my beck and call and be treated like a fucking princess that's one part of it okay okay this is the second part so what does my stupid mind do to solve the

issue i make him think i'm cheating on him so that i make him insecure and get even better treatment so far i contoured my body and gave myself boob hickeys stomach hickeys learned some new sex positions and now i do not know how to follow through how else do i make this guy give me what i want or should i just look for better this guy is pretty good to me already i just have high fucking expectations and i want more power this is a level of psycho that i am here for kind of i'm always here for i'm always gonna support the daddy totally totally yeah but whoa the hickeys to on her own body this girl wants a guy that's gonna spoil her i don't i don't get how cheating on a guy is gonna make girlfriend i think i think you gotta um if he's

really good to you and you like your sex keep it and you gotta just get on seeking arrangements and get a sugar daddy and then you don't tell the boyfriend about the sugar dad yes that's the plan two separate entity you know what this is what you're gonna do okay you are gonna be going down on him okay we're fucking him yep and you know he's about to come right and you have about five to ten seconds and he's literally about to have an explosion. Blow his load all over. Yep. And you're going to say, please buy me a Chanel bag. And he's going to say, yes, yes, yes, because he's about to come.

And that's where you get them and that's how you get the bag. It's true. They can't really say anything. No. They can't say no right before they're about to come. No. What you should really do if you want to take it to another level is you're going to get his credit card.

You're going to put all of his info in on your online Chanel bag purchase purchase you're going to hand him the phone right when he's about to come here say press confirm press confirm fuck i want you to come right when you press confirm and then he presses confirm because he just wants to come in your mouth that's really great done you got yourself a chanel bag so easy okay this one get ready for the craziest fucking story ever the girls were clubbing bongs were were smoked, drinks were passed. And the next thing we knew, this crazy fucking dude was like, hey, can I rip my jewel out of your coochie? And my friends were like, hell no. And I was drunk off my ass. So anything sounded good to me. And so I was on board. We went to the dirtiest bathroom I've ever been in. I spread my

legs on the toilet seat. And the next thing I knew knew this guy was fingering me with his silver jewel thank god it wasn't mango because that makes me nauseous that sweet mint filled the air and god damn it who knew a jewel could feel so fucking good god damn he fingered her with a jewel or was he blowing smoke in her vagina or smoking out of her vagina first he took a hit out of her vagina so he put the jewel halfway in and took a hit then he started fucking her with the jewel which kind of felt like a finger i guess i guess that whip is about the finger and then i love how she's like thank god it wasn't mango like yeah i hate mango that was a whole different level this is like these motherfuckers with these jewels he's

just puff puffing out of her fucking badge oh my god i know what you're saying i think that could be kind of fun i wonder if yeah i know what you're saying if he took the hit and then he blew it in her vagina that could be fun okay go ahead okay this girl wrote in and she said i've been spending time with a guy for over two months dinners movie nights pool walks but we are completely platonic i'm into him but i have no idea if he's into me. Am I friend zoned? How do I find out without embarrassing myself? Sweetie, listen to me. Listen to her.

Listen to the father. Listen to her. If you're hanging out with a guy all the time, and you're getting in the pool, and you're going to movies, and you're going to dinners, and you're doing all of this shit, and he's not trying to make a move on you,'s probably gay or you're a beard or he doesn't find you attractive at all well but no because why would he spend that much a guy's not gonna spend that much time and energy with a girl unless you're like really rich are you like paying for shit for him i was under the impression he was paying for it if he's paying for it you're

yeah you're a beard he's gay there's no way especially even i mean i've talked to milf hunter and he's like i have girls that i don't really find attractive but if i'm hanging out with them and i'm horny i'm gonna fuck them yeah and it's like if he at one night a man after two months of hanging out like that is going to try to fuck you even even if he doesn't find you attractive all that attractive there's a good chance he will yeah his dick works and you have a vagina and he's gonna want to try to pork you at some point so he's definitely he's probably gay and yeah you're his beard yeah which is totally fine okay i have this i met a guy over the weekend we were texting for like two hours and then all of a sudden he texts me and tells me that when we exchanged phone numbers his phone was dying so he had been using

his friend's phone so then he texts me from a different number claiming it's his real phone which i found kind of sketchy but ignored it whatever we've been talking every day pretty much non-stop now but i noticed whenever he sends me a video it comes in as a link i looked at the url and i finally googled it to see that he's been texting me from a free number generating app oh my god how do i call this motherfucker out that is so insane generating wait so basically he used his friend's phone number his friend's phone texted her and then switched to a free generate okay this is the thing first of all i'm assuming that it wasn't his friend's phone number. I bet it was his phone number. But he's got a girlfriend.

Quickly, he switched, transitioned over to a new number. Yeah. And now he's using this. If I were you, I would call him out in like a funny way. Yeah. Where it's like one day you send him the link to the site and you're like, I know you use this to be shady. i'm trying to be shady too how do you set this up i can't figure it out oh that could be hilarious and he like

almost shits himself because you're literally like oh i obviously know you use it because i don't know who you're being shady to but i'm trying to do it how do i set it up like what's the best free number generator right because i know there's multiple like which app should i but do you actually like this one like what's your preference I love that and then he's gonna shit himself and like yeah so awkward I love you have to act so chill about it but like by confronting him so chill he's gonna actually die yeah that's that's so fucking crazy that he's doing that yes this is this is just a closing remark okay it's a question but it's. Okay. Is it cheating if I'm just lining things up in case a relationship goes down? Oh my God.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. No. Dude, do you know how many times I've done that? Oh. Have you done that? 100%. That's my thing.

Dude, how fucked up. What we mean by that, guys, if you don't understand what we're saying, it's like when you're in a relationship and then you kind of think it may end soon. You kind of string some other guys along like lightly just so when the breakup maybe happens you're like ready to go or you like hit the ground running what i did um in one of my relationships is like right when i knew it was kind of ending yeah um i felt it i started reaching out to old people and even new people and you just kind of start getting your roster ready to be filled again just in case i

mean i think if i was dating someone that could potentially be my husband that's not going to happen but like you know how many relationships i've been like this is not going anywhere you can't ever totally cancel out your roster even when you're dating gotta always have them occasionally answer their snaps you know keep it rolling yes i love that one sophia yes okay daddy gang i think that's it what a wednesday i know hump day i hope all you girls hump it out i hope all you girls out there are gonna start being strategic with your athletes start playing games don't fuck them on the first night that's always a good thought and be subtle when you're trying to make a guy jealous absolutely and guys if you don't go out and buy a black book this weekend and fucking fake your goals till you can fucking make give it to your goddamn mom and have her write what she wants your goals to be for 2019 and then hand it back to you and you put it

in your fucking room yes so guys if you could while we're all sitting here let's take a moment don't leave us a one-star review yeah if you guys we're never gonna read it again we would really appreciate if you guys could go and give us five star review and just write something nice about you know anything about us anything just find it in your heart oh god just one thing so thanks for hanging out with us daddy gang we love you we are closer and closer each day to a meetup yeah maybe a live show we are talking about a live show. Finally. We are. Like actually talking about it.

So start getting, booking your fucking flights and come to New York and hang out with us. Yeah, baby. Because it's going to be a fucking party. A party.

It's not a live podcast. It's a party. Everyone's going to be fucking naked. It's going to be a big orgy. It is. All right. So we'll keep you guys

updated on the date. But for now, every fucking Wednesday, guys, hump day. Yes, Daddy Gang, we love you so much. See you, Daddy. keep you guys updated on the date but for now every fucking wednesday guys yes daddy gang we love you so much see you guys next week