Call Her Daddy - 38- Welcome to Slut Camp

Episode Date: June 5, 2019

The girls are discussing shower sex, panic boners, and Slut Camp. Yes, you heard that right. Welcome to Slut Camp, where you will learn how to conceal the slut and trick your man into thinking you are wifey material. Everyone deserves a slut phase with no repercussions! They also talk poop fetishes and where they originated (army bases?), embarrassing things bitches are doing on instagram, and last but not least, Alex tells a tragic tale involving her a** hole, a penis, and a cheating scandal. 

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy hello daddy daddy if call her daddy we're back at it again again i'm recording this in like a very horny state so i just want everyone to get in the mood you're horny right now kind of well you just had porn on your computer playing before we started so well that's for research purposes that's not oh i love this job what's up guys we're back at it again it's fucking wednesday who's pumped i'm fucking pumped humpty pumpty up in this bitch i'm hungover but what's new but what's new uh i wanted to before we get into the episode talk about the shit that is happening around new york city new york city is buzzing it's buzzing around Alex and I were on our way to work yep and you cannot

make this shit up nope we us going to work or the shit that we're about to see I get it we never go to work okay um we were walking to work and I turned to Alex and this actually came out of my mouth I had to be like Alex um I think that we're gonna have to take um another street because there's a huge giant ball of yarn rolling down the sidewalk i'm like yeah let's take a different road let's take a very different road guys this is the shit you see in new york there was an actual ginormous ball of yarn taking up the entire sidewalk so we couldn't take it and no one was with the yarn it's like are we it was sitting in the middle of the fucking side i felt like i was in like a video game or like a fairy tale like storybook we'll cross the bridge to avoid the

fire breathing dragon and go over here and cross the moat and get to the castle like why is there a giant underground and go upstairs and to the castle like why is there a giant underground and go upstairs and go to the castle why is there a giant ball of yarn on this side unattended unattended just sitting i'm like does anyone want to take care of the yarn exactly so i can walk my normal route to work yes someone grab your yarn please someone come pick up your yarn guys anyways dude new york is such a fucking crazy place to live i mean i fucking love it you you never know what to expect but alex and i were talking about this the other day there is this thing and i want to know if the daddy gang has

ever heard of this before because our friend brought it up to us and i was like there's no fucking way men get boners when they're in a fight or flight situation oh fuck i forgot like that it's like a phenomenon it's like this thing that happens like a panic boner like literally a panic have you ever heard of that it is no honestly honestly panic bonus honestly leave it up to men to get sexually aroused in the face of danger like why why if you guys are wondering if guys are actually horny all day long here's your proof that's so fucking true like a bear shows up on their on their camping trip and they quickly get a hard on dude i yeah imagine if like you got in like a really bad like you got fucking shot and your guy friend comes over like so upset and he's trying to like hold your wound

down with his hand a huge bone and he's got like a boner and you feel his boner on your leg as he's like holding your wound i thought you're gonna say his friend comes over and holds his boner down no that's not what i was gonna say but okay no that's crazy it i mean i don't think it happens every fucking time but like it's a thing that can happen so if something scary or startling happens there are times when guys get hot fucking and i don't think that the penis grows i think it just gets hard if that makes any sense oh wait I actually completely made that up if you guys were wondering I have a day we do not do any research and we just come in here and say whatever the fuck we just black out and make sure wait that's kind of fucking crazy I would actually

like um all of our daddy guys to write in do do do do do do sluts listen up we have slut camp welcome to slut camp i'm fucking amped today at camp we are teaching sluts how to pretend that they are prude slut this is not a joke slut camp commence um okay slut camp slut camp every girl has had a fucking slutty phase yep you've had the biggest fucking slut i mean i haven't come out of it hello my life my life is one big slutty well you need to go to like just stop like throwing yourself all the time you know i'm i'm in my slutty phase too don't worry sweetheart or okay the slut phase or the slutty reputation every girl maybe has has it or maybe if you're an angel good for you good for you girls can have a slutty reputation for a number of reasons party girls yeah like if you if you're

a girl and you like to party even if you're not fucking people assume like you're a slut you're a slut so every slut though through their slut phase or after their slut phase has that moment where she's like robert she's like robert could be the one i found him i'm ready to let it go my fucking slutty days her prince charming she thinks she meets her prince charming and she probably does and then a lot of times it's like i'm sorry becky that's fucking great for you but robert absolutely is not ready to settle down with your fucking host slinky ass bitch ass loose ass so pretty much what we're trying to tell you is this is how you're going to make the guy take you seriously yeah we are training you to give the guy you're

interested in just the amount right amount of signs to paint the picture that you're a wholesome ass bitch it's a balancing act look i have been there before yeah i remember in college i really liked this guy but i had this reputation as like a party girl of course you did sweetheart a slut right and he just did not want to go there with me. So do I wish I had slut camp back then? Absolutely. Oh, I love that. So I could trick this bitch. Trick them. So I think we should get right into just like addressing sex.

Yeah. Because the sluts are going to have that sex. I mean, Alex and I have a fucking sex podcast. So you can imagine the pretending that we have to do. We got to downplay it. All right. I don't know how to do. If there's anyone that should be teaching this course at downplay it all right i don't know how to if there's anyone

that should be teaching this course at camp it's us camp sluts okay so basically all my hoes out there i know obviously your immediate reaction when you're going in to have sex with this guy it's to fucking flip upside down fucking take his dick straight to the back of your throat hit your what is it a larynx throw up swallow it keep sucking like you're gonna go ham on his dick there needs to be a strategy when it comes to fucking a guy if you're like a huge crazy slut in bed yep i completely agree okay milf hunter was in this situation recently he had this girl he says that he was about to hook up with she was coming off very convincing saying she was like i haven't really done this a lot like i'm not really good at this stuff

she starts hooking up with him went straight down to give him fucking head and oh my god and didn't she like perform like a gluck gluck turbo, turbo charge, horsepower, vacuum seal, sucking. Turbo charge. Dude, she was going in there probably with a fucking three hand twist. This bitch starts jacking him off with two hands. All of a sudden her fucking foot lifts up. It goes in three. Her feet get involved somehow.

No, for real though. Like wasn't. So she went in there and she was like, I've never done this before. And then didn't she end up being like, give me a fucking facial or she was like, drench me and come or something like that. Dude, she was straight up gagging so hard on his goddamn fucking dick. Her mouth was at the base of his penis, like deep throating as if it was like the easiest thing in the world.

Her air passage was seconds away from closing. Her face is fucking bright red, flooding out tears. She's like, okay, I can do this. Okay, we've given them the fucking picture. The point, I think they get it. Okay. So this is the problem though, is when a girl tries to go in there and act innocent or inexperienced

and they're clearly not, you end up looking like a liar. Yes, that is what we're trying to explain by this very graphic story You guys need us to Fucking do that one again Let us know So Milf Hunter ended up saying

That this girl Basically came off As an even bigger slut Than if she had just not said anything Or if she had more so just been like Even upfront about her past If it was even brought up When you go in there

and you act too innocent and then all of a sudden you are fucking swirling mctwirling on his goddamn fucking dick pulling out your goddamn acrobatics that he's never even seen lisa and do or sucking dick nastier than fucking riley reed he's gonna be like uh i see right fucking through this becky so transparent you little so transparent okay so what she should have done is what should she have done so baby what she should have done is she shouldn't have even addressed her past yeah like why don't be like i just like i've never really done yeah like don't bring a fucking attention to it if you know you have A reputation You need to go in there And you are not giving

Your grade A Plus plus plus Stripper game On his dick I think a lot of hoes Go in there thinking Like oh my god If I want him to see me again

I need to impress him And pull out all the stops As long as you're giving him Decent sex And you're not fucking Biting on his dick Don't be bad No no no Please We're just saying You don't need to put're not fucking biting on his dick, don't be bad. No, no, no.

Please. We're just saying you don't need to put this man in a coma. Thank you. You don't need to. Like, give him a great performance. Yes. Enjoy yourself. Yes.

Enjoy your time there. Yeah. But don't be doing, like, this seriously slutty stuff right away. Don't be like, you know, cream pie my pussy my pussy and like let's invite a girl over here so you can cream pie her and then i can lick it out of her and then spit it back into her mouth and then we make out with your cum and like stop so i just blacked out i want you to cream by my pussy and i want to lick it out of your pussy wait your dick my pussy her pussy somehow there's a third girl in here and all of a sudden it's an orgy.

But that's what I'm saying. You can give him great sex, but just don't bring out the fucking cum savage that we've talked about in the past. The fucking cum slut you are. I agree. That's a great one. I think. Cream pie my fucking pussy. Listen, girls.

This is the biggest tip i have for you guys the key is to be like we just said good in bed not crazy yet but good in bed but you're the allure is from your eagerness and your willingness to learn from him and i know all of you sluts are like i don't need to fucking learn shit from this bitch let me explain milf hunter said right eagerness to learn milf hunter said it's the hottest thing when a girl who will come off as like inexperienced wants him to teach her how to give head etc so like being like babe like i want to suck your dick for you and make you feel so good but like be patient with me i'm not that good at it like tell me what you want me to do like i want you to teach me he said it's so fucking hot when like i'm getting a pretty average ass blow job but when i'm like

suck harder go down go faster go slower and she's doing everything i'm doing yeah meanwhile this bitch could be the biggest fucking freak right but what she's doing is she's like just teach me and what milf hunter said is looking down at her I'm like well fuck she's saying teach me that means that she's asking me and no other guy I was about to say like it gives him like an ego boost yes and it's hot it is hot and it's like oh wait she needs to be taught eager to please me exactly and i'm gonna take this bitch's innocence away i'm gonna fucking strip this bitch of her goddamn innocent it's really the little things you can do to paint the suzy homemaker vibes okay so play play cool if you

have an obvious reputation as a sloot as a slore as a flong okay okay let's give them a scenario oh goddamn love scenarios okay scenario number one okay whoo the old you the old you so this guy invites you up to his apartment okay you guys just finished your date you go up to his place and he asks you if you would like tea or wine or if you'd like anything to drink the old you would be like um you know double shot of jaeger meister like where's the shotski and like the shotski she like takes it by herself who the fuck asked for a jaeger but actually a slut yes and a cum shot to the face like she's like can I have like a yeager shot like a cum shot on the side of that for dessert on my face that's what the old you would do the old you okay what's the new you like he like goes to plug in his phone and turns around

and you've like somehow taken off all articles of clothing and snuck past him into his room he's like how'd you do that so i'm physically possible how are you naked in my room i turned around to plug my phone in and this bitch is naked she's like ready he's like no what whoa okay so the new you the new and improve what's the new you gonna do this is an opportunity this is a goddamn opportunity for you to prove yourself right this is where you can show your strength in the face of temptation okay we sound like we're quoting a verse from the bible dude you're eve you are oh yeah and there is the apple and the serpent is like please have a bite of this and you're gonna be like not today his dick is the

serpent his dick and you're like this not today motherfucker and the head of his dick is the apple and you will not put your mouth on it okay so oh my god okay so you yes the new you make him work for it a little bit okay you don't be the one making the first move like grabbing his face and like instantly like let him be the aggressor because if you initiate it it kind of gives the vibe that you're like kind of down to fuck already if he goes straight for like the zipper on your pants slow it down a little yeah kind of pull away kind of giggle a little bit and be like okay like give me a second like just act coy coy bitch okay lots of like sex with clothes on dry humping dry humping just make him work i love some good

dry humping yes with a guy that you're just starting to hook up with that is so key because you you can get a little freaky with the dry oh yeah but then when it actually comes to the humping you're a little reserved yeah okay just his dick should not be in your mouth within like 30 seconds of getting into his apartment and then when you go into that bedroom girls and you're a little reserved yeah okay just his dick should not be in your mouth within like 30 seconds of getting into his apartment and then when you go into that bedroom girls and you're going to fuck you're easing into this motherfucker and his wiener okay just hide your sluttiness yes what about be a slut let's just don't let him know you know if you're really trying to play the fucking wholesome bitch card you show up to his goddamn apartment and what is the background on your phone you change that fucking thing to a

background picture of your goddamn family i don't care if it's your goddamn rescue dog or a goddamn symbol of the non-profit you don't work for but you're gonna pretend to work for tonight and he's like oh what's that similar like you're like unicef i mean i live breathe and die by it oh god i barely have time to have sex because i'm always helping kids out i'm helping the last fortune like yeah like the dick is not on a rosary with you everywhere dude that's what they can do fucking pull the born again christian car oh be like that was in my past that was that was the old me that was then this is now like you were so slow like shut the fuck up dude that's a good one that's a good one how else could you get really crazy oh i mean this is call her daddy so get a artificial

hymen kit thing excuse me you know those you can like put it in your vagina so it makes it seem like you're a virgin because like blood will come out and he'll like think he like popped your cherry so tell him you're a virgin put that in there and hold on no no people just crash their car you don't use that on a regular basis so if he's like wait you've never like made him thank you you've made every single guy you sleep with thinks you were a virgin you're like oh my god i just popped my cherry i don't even know if that's even a turn wait but like low-key do it slut camp is a beautiful place yeah we did our research and some of you have been fucked from the womb. Fucked right. You have been having sex right out of the vagina. Literally, you came out and you were a slut.

You came out your name. This is what it is. Your name fucked you forever is what we're trying to say. There are some slutty fucking names. Slutty, slutty McSlutterson. Yes. We like got carried away with talking about this slut situation. And like, who are the real hoes and

there was actually like research and it was like these names have the most sex or something our names weren't on it um vanessa amber diana oh fuck that tiffany wait my one of my really good friends is named diana love you love you love you slut love you megan stacy crystal renee veronica jessica veronica veronica my mother's name but wait didn't she change it though she just goes by her middle name i wonder i wonder why shout out lola love you yeah um How about Cindy? Ooh. Cindy. I do not trust a Cindy. And I am sorry if that's your name, but. Cindy twirls around and flops down on two dicks at a time.

Cindy is licking the cum out of another girl's pussy. What about Angel? Angel. Jezebel. Becky. Jezebel. Jade. Carmen.

Crystal. Now, okay, now you're just.'re just horina no these weren't even alex is just saying names now these aren't even on the way tell me you haven't met a jade that's a little fucking oh a jade skirt yeah jade well i just know the porn star jade so yeah yeah yeah guys we're just telling you this because hori not being a slut is fun oh okay we are not saying to change your ways fuck no just you just gotta be able to have your picking of all the bitch boys you want so you gotta be able to conceal the sluttiness sometimes guys don't you agree with this your slutty past will only bother like a bitch boy dude it's so like a mature adult doesn't give a fuck if you used to like have a lot of sex

oh my god a little fucking loser ass bitch it's like yeah but maybe robert is a bitch boy and you know what love is a crazy thing so we're gonna help you okay we want you to have the pick of the litter we want you to infiltrate the wholesome boys because by teaching the sluts how to not come off slutty you we can't be stopped i think the born again christian thing is like really the way to go people that are born again get really upset just call her daddy podcast i heard her telling all these fucking whores to pretend they're born again christians my mom is not happy right now honestly if it gets the job done all right so slut camp you guys have all graduated with flying colors we're gonna be doing a crowd out there let's do a slut camp segment once every month

we should because i feel like we have so much more we could go into detail we can talk about our personal fucking experiences with trying to tell people like um you don't understand a sex podcast does not mean i'm like that's not me they give me lines the producer was popping off this week he was crazy we literally have no producer no one produces this except you and i know nobody even checks before we release this podcast guys i don't know what we're saying yeah it's like okay to be on the internet people don't realize that nobody gives us the okay for this podcast we could low-key release something and release it to however many people and get

fucked over fucked over yeah so there you go if you're a lawyer hit us up okay all right shower sex shower sex bitches so many people have been writing in yeah wanting to talk about it so let's fucking talk about it okay shower sex is listen obviously the immediate go-to everyone thinks of for shower sex is when that bitch is on her period and she's fucking bleeding out of every canal and she's like i don't want to ruin your sheets let's hit the shower that's a great time to do it shower sex can be hot because it can you have the water like coming down cascading around you you feel liberated because you're nakey you're totally clean like there it can be hot you know what i mean cascading and just being wet yeah no i feel you i think shower sex can be

really hot so i want to talk about some of the positions because i mean there's a lot there's a fucking lot yes i personally usually do the standing up like dog standing up doggy is i feel like the biggest go-to for a shower okay so you agree yeah i kind of so if you guys obviously know what we're saying is like the girl you have your hands up against the wall kind of bent over and he's fucking you from behind i kind of think one of that position i'm having a i'm having a post-dick appointment flashback oh i just thought she just looked like that so raven i was like her eyes glazed over um okay so this has to have happened to you when you're fucking having a shower i'm sorry you look like

the kid from game of thrones the blind kid that sits in the chair all day long when you have your post-take appointment flashback i thought you were just in general saying like you kind of look like this kid from game of thrones i'm like okay thanks um okay when you're getting fucked in the shower and you're leaning over um a lot of times maybe like you're leaning forward underneath the shower head tell me this hasn't fucking happened to you you're getting fucking pounded to town you're going to fucking the hardest you've ever gotten real love alex making love yes you're making love and then all of a sudden the water when the water gets in your fucking eye you're like blind splotchy oh oh you

can't really see right dude you're like i am i am literally the three blind mice and i'm having shower sex i can't see anything nothing nothing you Gone. You are blind. Nothing. Oh my God. The amount of times that I was having shower sex and the water was in my eyes and I was blinded. It's so rough. I'm sure that the guy probably handed me off to like three other guys and I would just have no clue. I probably had a fucking train wreck on me. You're literally like, oh my God, David, that feels so good.

And all of a sudden it's like, oh, that feels a little different. But like whatever. David just grew a little bit more as he was inside of me and it was greg david josh steven and sam all of them a fucking train is getting ran on you but you wouldn't know no no clue that's how blind it's fucked up fuck as long as you don't have your goggles on we're all fucked we're getting trains no but it's shower sex equals train ran on you be careful like only we would come to that explanation we're like trains no but it's shower sex equals train ran on you be careful like only we would come to that explanation we're like dear god i think another good one for it is and this is my favorite one is when there's a seat in the shower let me like a chair okay so a lot like in

the corner okay so a lot of showers dude like when the old yeah when the old people have like chairs in there my god dude listen to this so one of um way back when this guy was um dating he his roommate had a um a chair in his bathroom and he had like a big ass bathroom shower it was one of those with like the glass door it was like a room basically and his roommate had a chair so every time his roommate left or like was on a trip we would go fuck in that shower and so the point is that okay i've talked about in the past how i think one of the hottest positions to fuck a guy in is when he's sitting on a chair with no arms so you can basically straddle him and like fuck him maybe yeah so hot so what i what we used to do is i would um we would put the chair like up against one of the walls in the

shower and i would get on top of him and i would just start like bouncing up and down and riding him that sounds great tell me how fucking hot that is when you're drenched wet there's literally water spraying all down my body and you're bouncing up and down and your tits are right in his face yeah and then what i would do is i would turn around and the um the shower door had like a handle on it so i would hold on to the handle for stability and then i would fuck him with like my ass in his face like bend over a little forward oh that sounds really hot and it was so fucking hot and when he would like slap my ass you got the water it's hot like that's so fucking hot this okay so shower sex has so much to do with what fucking shower you're in it's so true you know what I mean people have fucking bathtub showers yeah

actually though a bathtub shower if it's you got to be careful you're not slipping and sliding but the guy can put his one leg up on the side of the bathtub so to like basically fuck you from behind with that like extra leverage of having like your foot up the thing about having sex standing up is like the fucking height difference between you and your guy that's actually true like because that can also fuck you you know what i mean that's a good point i think someone actually wrote in and was like my guy is so much taller than me like it's impossible to do that's so interesting because i was thinking about this then just pick her up pick her up okay a position in

the shower that's really hot is if they pick you up yeah and that i was thinking about that the other night i was gonna say um when i was in my bed my late night thoughts like every single nba player oh my god is has never in his life been like bitch get on your knees because if she's on her knees she's fucking sucking his kneecap because deep deep thoughts from fucking aristotle socrates over here you let you're up at your up late at night thinking about the poor nba players getting head from shorter girls okay but think about them doing 69 oh they can't because then the girl's sucking on his belly button she can't get down if her pussy's on his face and she goes 69ing she's literally sucking his belly button

wait i haven't i haven't even so the best place for a really really tall guy to get head is when he's laying down unless you can somehow put a little chair like a little stool and you can kneel on it side note okay another side here here we go here we go people are gonna be mad but sorry okay i am so sick and tired of of short girls saying that they only will fuck around with guys that are like six feet or taller bitch six foot excuse me like that's annoying stop it yeah why i have a friend she is like 4 11 okay tiny don't tell me and she is like i just cannot deal with a guy that's shorter than six foot and i'm like why yeah and i'm sure he doesn't want to deal with a girl that's 4 11 so fucking take what you can get i don't i don't i think that's so stupid it's so annoying i get if a girl's a little bit taller and she's like i can only date a guy that's six

foot because she has that like masculine thing she wants him to be taller but like get the fuck out of here if you're a midget if you get the fuck out of here if you're short no i think is you can say it's small person as if you're small dude my friend is like legally could probably be considered she can't ride the roller coaster at six flags yes knock it off yeah if you want him to be taller than you that's one thing feel that um i need to just reel that back anyways back to shower sex um the seat sex i have laid down like in the tub before yes yes yes okay that's actually just him he was like on his back i oh yes queen slay queen fuck queen this is i think that's a good one if they're laying again depends on the shower but i think that a really hot one is if you guys are just getting so horny and you just want to fucking

fuck it out yeah he can sit down and have his back up against the the shower wall and then you sit on top of him with like your knees bent yeah i that's where i'm thinking like guys maybe invest in a little pad for your shower so your knees don't get bruised when you're fucking bruce baby yeah actually have you ever had a guy just try to like shove the shower head up your fucking pussy you know the detachable ones that's something you could absolutely do that's how so many girls masturbate i i love how i just said shove i don't mean actually like shove it well i guess you could kind of shove it up but like rub it on your clit well you just hold the shower head on. Yeah, yeah.

Don't like use it as a dildo. No, no, no. Okay. And I don't think you need to rub it. The water's coming out. Yeah. Ooh. I mean, I think in general, any type of like water sex is hot.

I know my boyfriend. Alex, you do not have a boyfriend. No one wants to fucking date you, you piece of shit. What did you say? One of my boyfriends in the past, we were like fucking in a pool dude fucking in a pool can be hard what happened was like even though i was so turned on you can't get wet underneath a pool easily so like he was shoving his fucking large ginormous cock up up inside of my vagina and it was hurting because literally his dick felt like rubber because the pool water was going in my vagina and it was hurting because literally his dick felt like rubber because the pool water

was going in my vagina yeah it was like worth it and you can't get pregnant in a hot tub side dude remember people used to say what was that like when you're middle school i don't even know i have a psa that i want to bring up i know we're always focusing on social media and shit but this is just getting a little out of hand pretty much instagram is annoying us again it's just fucking getting annoying again but i like low-key also love it all because like i do this shit so anyways this is something that i really want to bring up and it's it's the the girls that are like posting with their friend posting on their story and they title it back on our bullshit oh we're back on our bullshit this weekend back on our bullshit what is your bullshit what is your bullshit and what

do you mean you're back on it back on your why why are you back on the bullshit saying of like the most basic ass girls on instagram trying to flex and pretend they've like got this like cool little yeah i don't know yeah you're right what is the bullshit i would like to know what the bullshit is and i would like to know if you really should be back on it you probably shouldn't there's a reason why you got off of the bullshit why are you back on dude the book please stop that's okay the um the i'm sorry go ahead q might delete later oh might delete later cute but like then why are you posting it dude that's so for attention i think that everyone's starting to make fun of that thing now i'm pretty sure i saw like they're posting it sarcastic yeah yeah i've like seen guys now posting as

their caption if you are writing cute but might delete later as like a serious thing knock it the fuck off that needs to stop the other thing that girls are doing keep going is they're posting shit either on their story their page where their body looks fucking incredible okay okay and then they're captioning captioning it or writing something being like guys like this is me like at a bad angle not looking my best like i was out of the gym for a while like i'm not proud of this like i'm just showing this picture so like to show you all that like none of us are perfect and it's like you look your body looks like a victoria's secret angel your body looks like what mine looks like after i photoshopped it for seven hours

so just stop i know what you're talking about. Unless, if you're going to write that, it better be the most unflattering goddamn picture I've ever seen. No, there are so many girls online, especially public figures, that want to draw attention to what they're pretending is a bad picture.

But you know goddamn well, one, it's not a bad picture. And they're almost trying to get attention so that people are like, wait, no, you still look amazing at that angle they want people to say oh my god if that's you not looking your best then like what am i shut the fuck up that's embarrassing oh my god i also oh my god we're going on a ramp but hold on i saw a girl on her social media the other day and she was bitching about like i really don't get like like getting my makeup professionally done because like it's just so crazy how much makeup they put on i don't like

when they like outline my lips like i like my little lips and then she was like and i don't like when they contour my nose because like i have this like baby nose and so when they do the contour it already makes it look even smaller baby nose and then she goes i just like love my nakey face my nakey face and this bitch posts on her instagram every single time she writes nakey face she has her full-blown makeup they always do upper eyeliner they either have they either have the full face of makeup or they have a filter and i like or they have full-blown like eyelash extensions right botox fillers everything done so i'm like well that basically is not your fucking Nakey face, bitch. Right.

That's your nice ass doctor in Beverly Hills making you look 100% not Nakey. Your spray tan fake eyelashes face. So I think what we're just saying is like, again, we always say keep yourself accountable. Obviously here and there it's okay. But when these girls are going around being like Nakey face, I'm like, I literally see the contour on your cheekbone. Why? Why did that just say Nakey face like nakey face i'm like i literally see the contour on your cheekbone why why do they have to say nakey nakey face i'm like well you're not say what it is say i'm not wearing makeup and i think i'm so beautiful naturally even though um this isn't even me

naturally and there's and there's also dog years but this this is me natural. This is me natural. Literally, she has the halo above her head. She's like, natural. I'm like, no. You are not an angel sent from above, bitch. Her eyes are hearts, and she's like, natural. Natural. Nakey face. Like, okay.

Why? It's, oh my God. I, this is going to be super quick. Okay. Poppers. Like for 4th of July. I was talking, no. I was talking to my gay friend about this there is like

a poppers phenomenon that i have no clue about and i just want to tell the daddy what are poppers so they sell them at sex shops okay and so you we could literally go out and buy them alex i know what we're doing tonight they come in like a little vial it relaxes like your asshole so like if you're gonna try anal this is the way to go it like relaxes your butt i think it relaxes your whole body but my friend was like i don't understand why like straight people aren't doing it he was like it is a feeling that i cannot describe it is most amazing thing it makes sex so fun this is probably extremely illegal i'm not saying to do it i'm just relaying information every girl that's trying to have butt sex if you are nervous about being

clenched and nervous maybe take a popper i don't know how you take it but you take it are we gonna get in trouble for telling people to take stuff it's not illegal though they sell it at sex shops you usually sniff it it's like a liquid chemical thing you sniff it you snort it oh that's kind of cool sniffly dickly snuffle wow i wish i had that in college that's cool okay why do you wish you had that in college were you wanting your butt to be relaxed all the time for all my poops capades um wow anal loving out no anally no anally analects what what something happened in my butt okay so basically so guys back in the day when i was in college i really had some of my whorish moments back in college, but you know who doesn't? I was kind of dating this guy.

I was being shady because, because like what, what, you know what I mean? Cheat or be cheated on. Exactly. So I was cheating on him. So that day I had been shady.

I told him I was napping. I was really on a date with another guy. He found out it was horrible, whatever. He came over later that night, my boyfriend, and I was like, I need to salvage this relationship.

I don't know what to do. This is like a saving grace. Cause he had caught me being shady like many my god you are not about to tell me that you were gonna offer up anal for this guy to not be mad at you for cheating i swear people people don't judge sex okay sex sexual favors of any kind actually that's not true probably you honestly probably can salvage a relationship well here you go sweetheart i'm about to tell you what happened yeah so i was trying to salvage this relationship he had been wanting to do anal for so long so moral of the story is if you're planning on cheating um also be ready to do anal because you're relaxed that's how he's gonna forgive you okay fuck you so i knew he had wanted to do anal we had talked about it a couple times

i really just wasn't into the whole situation and him so i was like all right this could be my saving grace i'm in my room i'm crying he's crying i'm like please like forgive me i love you we start having like pretend like makeup sex possibly and in my mind i'm like please like forgive me I love you we start having like pretend like makeup sex possibly and in my mind I'm like this is the moment fucking get your asshole ready Alex you're about to take it and you're about to get this guy back in your life I am proud of you proud to be a daddy so I dude okay I turn around we're uh I tell him I'm ready to do it he was like i know vagina's off limits get in the asshole is open for business ass is a go ass green light let's go so he goes to fuck me in my butthole and this motherfucking idiot does not use lube oh he does not use spit bitch boy bitch boy and i'm late i'm

sitting there i'm pretty sure it's not physically possible well it guys if you guys saw alex i'm like clenching my butthole i'm having ptsd what i did is i'm sitting there i'm waiting he tries to get it in it's not going obviously there's no fuck he spits on it a tiny bit okay he takes like a big fucking roundabout big thrust and just tries to shove it in the whole no fucking no penis goes shooting inside my fucking anus like a huge fucking dick just goes no right on no no i'm imagining like a fucking like subway going in the tunnel the way that what you're doing your hand motions right now so i'm i get it in and sophie the the minute i'm sorry about start crying the minute it goes in i get so fucking lightheaded i say get the

fuck out get the fuck out like fucking abort abort oh my god get out no he pulls it out so fast oh my god you know how that feels it's like you poo i didn't poo i pass oh my god no i pass out all i remember is waking up to a stream of water being poured all over my fucking face and this motherfucker is standing above me crying Alex Alex pouring water on my face I can't breathe right now on his fucking on his phone he googled what to do when girlfriend passes out from anal sex no like why okay you like huh and i'm sitting there with water all over my face i'm like get the fuck away from me okay so your first experience that's my first experience passed out had this bitch fucking pouring water on me imagine he was freaking the fuck out all of this and you like pass out quite a bit i pass out more

than anyone i've ever met i have the biggest fear of this and you like pass out quite a bit i pass out more than anyone i've ever met i have the biggest fear of needles and blood and anything invasive so like when this fucking went down i fell onto the hardwood floor he probably thought he like killed you dude he was crying i hope your relationship was salvaged sweetheart sweetheart now let me tell you the best part okay he gave me a big fat hug he took me out to a nice dinner that you're like you almost killed me you almost killed me you almost took me you're like i'm gonna fucking take you to the police just kidding that's not funny the relationship was solved solved solid better than ever wow the moral of the story of the story take it in the ass get in a relationship cheat on him and then just be ready to have anal but if you're going to do anal make sure that you pass out so

that he thinks that he almost killed you so then he feels bad about it and then your relationship is good to go hide the lube get it in shove it in take one for the team pass out wake up wow and all is happy happy family happy wife happy life wow alex i mean the tricks i can just imagine him he was probably terrified dude he still talks about it to this day like shout out baby so much for sharing that guys and then i went on and cheated on him again so so yeah that was i mean that was kind of scarring but i do have to say to everyone that has a really bad first anal experience like i then went on to date another guy and he was like why the fuck they get annoyed because he was like why won't you have anal with

me i'm like you have to understand oh my god i need time to recover from the goddamn fucking subway sausage piece of ginormous sandwich that was shoved up my fucking asshole sorry i sorry lost me sorry full-on talking about food i have no idea what you just said i'm really hungry seriously we haven't really gotten into anal i can tell you right fucking now that your dick needs to be as slippery as a seal yes okay and you don't shove it in no ease into it please just there if you're listening to call her daddy and you're not drenching your dick in lube you're a fucking easing in yeah then you know nothing jumps now you know nothing you know nothing a lot of game of thrones fucking popping off up in this way yeah guys when you're fucking and you're doing it in the ass be fucking careful

and i don't know maybe first start with a goddamn fucking finger start with the pinky then the index in the middle then the pointer then the thumb then the dick it's a slow and steady race okay questions questions of the week Do you want to go first? Oh, I do. Okay. Okay, sorry. Okay, we were just talking about cheating. Yep, of course.

And we talked about cheating. Well, we talk about cheating every single day. Yeah, we talk about it all the time. So this girl wrote in and she said, cheating blurred lines i've always heard different zip code no problem no issue oh i like that we didn't even so if they live in a different state it doesn't matter oh hoes in different area code oh well my issue is i'm in an in a committed relationship but love a thrill so naturally i turn the hoe on during a girl's trip

long story short i had a dick in my mouth that wasn't my boyfriend's i love him this is why people get upset with us i'm sorry we're like yeah girl i love him sex is great but there's just nothing that compares to a thrill i love this girl my god i keep thinking when you say thrill she's gonna say threesome this is the first time i've been in this situation it's usually been a shit relationship but who cares but this time i see a future with this guy fucking help me founding fathers i think that we've talked about this before and once again i know feathers are getting ruffled and people are people are upset yep but if you fuck up one time on a girl's trip okay yeah i think you take that shit to the grave girlfriend take it to the grave you bury it and you never revisit it never um i listen sweetheart if you like a dick in your mouth and you like the thrill until you

will know when you no longer like the thrill because you the love is greater than the thrill until you will know when you no longer like the thrill because you the love is greater than the thrill oh my i mean talk about healthy advice dude i loved i want someone to like take that quote and put it somewhere right that's so not us people know but no that's so true so true if you're obsessed with the thrill and dicks in your mouth then keep doing it until you feel then i mean you're gonna keep doing mouth. Then. Keep doing it until you feel. Then. I mean. You're going to keep doing it. Yeah. Keep going.

So. Keep going until you really. Because if he is the one. Maybe give it a little bit more time. Maybe like a couple more months. And you'll be like. Oof. I'm not really in the mood.

To take that huge slong in my mouth this weekend. And I'm sure this girl is like a young girl. You guys. Young and getting it. Cheating is not okay. But it's a little more understandable. When you're not fucking married with kids well situation i've i that transitions right into my it's actually you did it's a story and it's about

cheating this shit is fucking fucked up and if you ever do this to me i'll slice your titties actually i would be okay with you if you did this to me but so my boyfriend now x went on a trip to miami and you know us girls in our sixth sense i knew something went wrong of course like the crazy call her daddy addict i am i changed my friend's contact name and faked a little little convo about how some girl knew a girl who had hooked up with my boyfriend during the trip i sent it to my boyfriend and accidentally to my best friend who also lives in miami but forgot to mention it was fake so i just sent it to my boyfriend and accidentally to my best friend who also lives in Miami, but forgot to mention it was fake. So I just sent it to both of them.

I only sent the screenshot of the fake convo. When I get back to my phone from the gym, I see my best friend apologizing for having sex with my boyfriend in the bathroom of a club. She thought I caught her and my boyfriend. Well, the whole time, really, everything was fake. I wasn't even trying to inform her about it. I accidentally it to her just him fake texts go a long way love the podcast all the way from no fucking way dude no way so she sent the fake conversation to the friend and the friend confessed to fucking her boyfriend she was like wait oh no i was my because

i think i think she literally only meant to send it to her boyfriend her you know how it is like your friends are on your top text messages so she accidentally sent it to her friend too can you fucking imagine she was just planning on like elaborating and telling her what she's doing can you fucking imagine this girl's best friend confessed to fucking her boyfriend if i was that girl dude i would form a fake conversation another one boyfriend and i would fake it so that it looked like the boyfriend confessed to fucking the best friend hopefully this is making sense okay and i hope and like make it look like he was like she had the stinkiest nastiest grossest vagina like it was fucking huge like she smelled bad she sucked at sex like i fucking hate her

she's fucking hideous she's disgusting trash bag dumpster fire then send that to the friend and be like also by the way he said this about you so there you go stupid bitch and then to the boyfriend you said the same thing of the best friend being like he was fucking horrible in the sack he fucking sucks and then you fucking lasted two seconds yeah little bitch boy that's insane that you can just have a full-blown fake dude it is crazy i've done that before where all you have to do is have your friend go along with it be on the phone with them and be like okay now say this say this and then you literally change the contact name text yourself yeah you can text yourself and then you have to like go and delete yeah yeah i've done it before wow psycho shit works bitch next okay this is a very basic question alex but i'm want to hear

your opinion is it bad if i get insecure when my boyfriend checks out other girls do you think guys imagine what it's like banging them what if they have a girlfriend no i don't think they imagine banging them like they want to bang them well no they also can't like stare at them for that long to be like and then the dick goes here and then this is her oh face it's like you're walking past them in the mall no they're not imagining what it would be like to bang them they're like damn she's hot yeah this is the thing i think this is kind of fucked up but i do think when i was a little bit younger i would get insecure maybe.

And I get that because like, if there's a such a hot, we've talked about on the podcast, if there's a girl that walks in looking like Megan Fox, you're like, mother, fuck me. Like, come on, bitch. Leave, please. You're like, you are cheating on me. Yeah. Go fuck. Go have fun with Megan.

Fine. Fuck you. Go have fun with her. He's like, I'm literally not even looking at her you you brought my attention to her i didn't even know do you know how many times i've done that and you're you you look at him and you're like honestly just take a fucking picture and he was like i didn't even know there was a girl in the room and there's like a sports game on behind the girl's head he's like i'm watching the rams yeah okay so what i do usually is um and this is

i don't do it all the time but sometimes when i'm comfortable with aams yeah okay so what i do usually is um and this is i don't do it all the time but sometimes when i'm comfortable with a guy i sometimes will point out hot girls and be like oh my wait she's so hot i do that all the time because i think that exudes confidence and it makes it less awkward and then and then he can be like yeah she's cute and be like wait no she's like so fucking hot what the fuck that's such i actually do the same thing and i'm thinking about it now and i think it's because it makes it worse that he's trying to like do it without noticing. I've I've literally seen a girl like wait her ass is fucking amazing. What the fuck.

And then it's like you guys can just both be like yeah she's hot and it makes it it doesn't make you as insecure because he's not having to like this little secret. Yes. You know I think that's good. Yeah. girls start doing that girls girls girls girls i am always looking out for you guys this guy wrote in and he said can you please talk about high-waisted bikinis because as a guy no matter how in shape the girl is i'm just going to assume she put on the freshman 15 oh look i know people are like we don't dress for guys like who cares just wear a full piece the high-waisted thing is not a good look i'm sorry the thing is is that and i'm not trying to be an asshole but like the

high-waisted bikini it's not flattering it's not flattering on anyone i get it if you're a little if you're feeling a little overweight you're feeling a little bloated that day you are like okay i want to cover my stomach totally fine oh my god i have my moments on the beach too i'm like i look disgusting however wear a fucking one piece yeah girls just fuck guys a one piece is way fucking cuter than this like high-waisted diaper ass looking fucking shawl that you've got in front of your vagina 100 it's not cute i totally agree and you know what so what so we're not supposed to dress for guys well i know a lot of girls hitting up the beach want guys to fucking be like oh who is that or we've got our

girls who are on the beach with their girls and they're taking instagram pictures to put on the grim that they want men to like and no fucking guys like oh that high-waisted cinched up diaper is looking fine today on you stacy no such a good point guys yeah i would just reel it in and just wear fucking one pieces yeah go to our fucking merch store and go get the daddy gang fucking one piece cute boom done when you're feeling a little big boom a little bloated go for it um this person wrote in and said hi daddies so we know facetune has gone too far it just went even farther i want to bring to sophia's attention that people are facetuning their children's faces just saw on my instagram feed a mom post a pic of her daughter and it only

took me two seconds to see that the mom had whitened the teeth on her kid this needs to stop is this a joke okay shut the fuck up there was like some famous housewife what's her name kim kolziak oh yeah and she like photoshopped her daughters that like her butt looked perkier or some shit and her daughter's like i don't even know how old under the age of 10 knock it the fuck off wait that's so fucking weird really making your two year old's teeth whiter yeah wait what do they even have teeth are you good to say that what the fuck that is so bizarre also the i'm sure like actually kim kardashian and shit they probably do that all the time like actually that's that that's that's fucking weird that is so i just stop please fucking facetune yourself all you want but your kids don't fucking need to be included in your delusional and you got and most of you

fucking suck at face yeah fucking why are you trying to make your kids look bad they they don't deserve that take an adobe photoshop if you're going to fucking change your baby to look like they have a fucking perky ass butt in their diaper. Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. Abby, we shouldn't talk. I mean, you've seen the picture of our podcast.

I know. Fucking Photoshop up the asshole, but whatever. We'll get a new one. We'll get a new one soon. No, we won't. Okay. New. Okay.

Next one. So I received a random nude from a phone number I do not recognize. And it's a pretty fucking good nude. Do I pretend to be the person they think I am or do I come clean? What do you think? Sophie B? I don't know. That's kind of hard.

I think that. I think I would address it being like, okay, say she sent it and was like, oh, Derek, thinking of you. My question is, what are they trying to get out of it? Like a sexting situation? Yeah. So like this girl thought that she was sending a nude to like this guy let's say it's derrick and we have bruce over here that just got this fucking popping off fire

nude spread lip let's go and i think you could almost respond and be like you got to be not creepy right but i think i would almost take an approach like hey like just want to give you a heads up like this isn't Derek but dude I honestly would you go fucked up I would just respond and be like that's so fucking sexy babe like are there more where that came from fucking load up get all the pictures and then honest and then I would come clean and then maybe honestly do that and then send her your instagram be like i'm dude i don't think it would be that crazy if her face isn't in it i don't think it'd be that crazy for the guy to be like oh my god this is the craziest thing i thought that you were blah blah like why not play it off like you thought it was another

oh so get as much as you can fucking sexed with her fucking jack off get all the nudes you can and then be like this is the craziest thing but i think i just realized that like you're like wait this isn't megan and she's like no this isn't steven and then you know what be like and i also have these pictures now so you gotta do what i want so you gotta do what and you gotta hang out with me and we gotta fuck okay that's so fucked up okay next daddies i need your help the guy i've been casually hooking up with found a girl to join us for a three-way i'm totally into it but that this will be my first one i'm worried that it's going to be i'm going to be the weirdo sitting in the corner of the bed watching them fuck i need tips for how to make sure all three of us are having a pleasurable time together. Please help. Love you, daddies. Love that.

Great question. I don't know from personal experience, but I've heard. I've heard too. That enjoy your time with her. Yep. You know what I mean? Yep. And a lot of this is going to have to do with the guy.

It is. Like you should have a conversation with your boyfriend beforehand and be like, you really got to like do a balancing act and like give both of us the same amount of attention. And then you go in there and don't just go in there and like ignore the girl and just do your routine that you do with your boyfriend. Like make out with the girl. Like if anything, have fun with her. Start with her.

If anything, ignore the boyfriend. But actually, that's really what you should be doing. I think that's so smart and i think like the boyfriend needs to make sure he takes care of you so go in and fucking have fun with that bitch eat her out yeah him out and if we're gonna if we're gonna be super specific like if he is in the middle fucking the girl and you're like i don't know what to do you can lay there and like touch yourself and watch them 100 and be like this is so hot yeah or you can like depending on the position you can like kneel over her face and have her eat you out you can like do a bunch of shit make

out with her while he's doing dude a threesome is beautiful because there's always room is beautiful shit is beautiful and there's always room for Shit is beautiful. Shit is beautiful. And there's always room for everyone to be involved. So you never really have to be on your own. Yes. You know what I mean? And if you want to be on your own for a second, just like masturbate. Yeah. Masturbate.

Boom. Done. Okay. You don't have to be like rocking back and forth. You're like, this was a bad idea. You're like, David, did you forget about me? Yeah. Okay.

This is an interesting one. So this is related to the poop fetish and how it starts. Oh. The only people I've personally ever met with shit fetishes are from the military. And here's how it happens. For two years, you are deployed. And the only time you get to ejaculate for two entire years is in the port-a-johns on base after two years straight when every single time you ejaculate you're in the presence of feces and urine that has

to be marinating in a port-a-john in the desert sun it gets to the point where these guys have conditioned themselves to only come when the smell of poop is around no it's like the pav pavlov's dog except for people who jack off in porta potty support the troops though obviously hold on i want to know if this is real wait a porta john that's a porta potty yeah yeah yeah that is kind of the craziest thing i've ever heard do you think it's real daddies we want to hear because i i mean now it kind of makes sense if every fucking time you're jacking off and you're smelling something and seeing something that's how that's how a lot of fetishes start right like from well sometimes it's like when people are were younger and like

right right they would like something masturbate there was like right something there but isn't that fucking crazy that is really crazy i don't even know what to say to that listen we have said it in the past we love our military daddies mean, we encourage all of our girls, female daddies to send nudes to the military men. If poo is what's going to make you cum, go for it. I'm pretty sure there are worse things in the world. You're serving our fucking country. You do whatever the fuck you want to do. Shit.

Get blumpkins all day. All day long. All I do is blumpkins. Okay. That should be on a shirt. All I do is blumpkins. All I do is blump, blump, blump, blump, blump, blumpkin. Okay. That should be on a shirt. All I do is Blumpkins. All I do is Blump, Blump, Blump, Blump, Blump, Blumpkins. Okay.

Gotta go. Anyways. Daddy gang, we love you so much. Daddies, this was a fucking popping week. I hope you guys don't judge me for passing out on a penis. That was Ben and Alex is a different lady today. Woo! Guys, thank you for going through slut camp with us

I think it's going to be really good for all you hoes I think it's going to be exciting Don't turn out on that dick Well do Don't stop being a slut Just cover it up for a little bit Conceal to reveal later down the line Finesse them all

Finesse or die Daddy gang we love you so much if you guys could give us a rating and review that would be bomb ski forever we love you guys make sure you're subscribed yeah guys a lot of times people write in and they're like confused as to why the episode isn't downloading right away when it hits midnight on wednesdays that's because you guys are not subscribed to the podcast if you're subscribed it automatically goes into your itunes so hit that subscribe button motherfuckers also make sure you guys follow us on instagram um at sophia with an f franklin with a y and then alexandra cooper and then call her

daddy of course boom boom baby boom let's go get hammered it's fucking wednesday let's go baby daddy day we love you guys see you next week